All language subtitles for shameless.s11e05.dvdrip.xvid-haggis

Look at me. And look at the Queen.

I was never a fan until it
occurred to me how much

me and Ma'am have in common.

Bringing up kiddies you can't
remember the names of.

And I know she's not
a single parent,

but she might as well be. Plus...

the pair of us,
we've stuck to our guns -

her, literally, sometimes -

and flagshipped a dying breed.

Admired and despised equally.

Not for never lifting a finger.

No - for setting examples
through extremity.

And whether you're a bigwig on her
end or a bigwig on mine,

you've still got all your dickheads
in the middle to deal with - snip,

snip, snipping at your benefits.

I mean, she can't not be
looking at me and thinking -

"What's your secret, Frank?"
I got shot of my kids yonks back.

Whereas she's yet to see
the back of a single one. Fine!

I've had to get
out of bed on occasion

to make ends meet,
whereas she's done

the whole thing from a chair.

Oh, and a drink for the lady.

Oh, sure, there's perks.

But look at her lot.

Brian May prancing about
on her roof.

Now look at my lot...

we know how to throw
a proper fucking paaaarty!

Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.

'Our old Head was never
one for motivational speeches.

'The year I left school, he got us
all in assembly

'and said, "Well, kids, if I could
give you one piece of advice,

"it would be this -
lower your expectations."

'Should've lowered his expectations.

'Maybe then, he wouldn't have
tried it on

'with Clara Bremmer
in the lower sixth.

'Dreams can come true. Look at me.

'When I was ten, all
I wanted to do was see the world.

'And now check me ?
got me own wheels...

'state-of-the-art sat-nav.

'And every other month,
I do a fag run down the Chunnel.

'Then, by the time I was 13,
I wanted to be an action hero.

'Shooting guns, battling bad guys.'

Oi!

'And now that's just an average
fucking Saturday afternoon!

'And of course, by 15, I wanted
one thing and only thing only.

'Sex. A lot of it.
And how did that turn out?

'Well, I reckon my rep
speaks for itself.

'Even ended up fingering Clara
Bremmer day of that stupid assembly.

'And unlike Mr Wainwright, I didn't
lose my job over it.

'Yeah, keep them
expectations sky high, kids,

'and one day,
all this could be yours.'

1.85.

Oh, that's great, that is, Ches.

Ever heard of service with a smile?

Thanks, Lillian, have a nice day.

Oh, cheer up, you miserable git!

If I was you, I'd never stop
smiling.

Running my own business at your age?

- Even if it is a bit...
- A bit what?

Corner shop-y.

If it was mine,
I'd probably brighten things up,

make it the sort of place customers
want to hang out in, you know.

Well, it's not yours, is it?

And if it's such a shithole, how
comes you're always hanging out here?

Whoa! Ches ? what's going on, man?

Fucking motor's gone!

These are free now, mate.

C'mon, dickhead.

Rough day?

You could say that. Staff cutbacks.

They've let me go.

Shit, I'm sorry.

It's not that I'm worried about.
It's telling our Patreesha.

She'll be OK about it, won't she?

She'll be sympathetic.

Very sympathetic.

Yeah, yeah, all right, all right.

Drink it in, ladies!

Fuck me, which one's Mr Pink?

It's called class, Frank.
Some of us are born with it,

and some of us get a slap round
the face for being a cheeky prick.

Big pro-footballers birthday bash.
All VIP, of course.

But if you're a close
friend of, ahem, Joe Hart...

Whit woo! What do you reckon, Karen?

- Scrub up all right these lot, don't they?
- Don't they just?

Can I have this dance?

Of course!

Did you sort the car?

Yeah. Parked out front.

The only way to make
an entrance, Frank.

Well, I hate to break it to you,
what with me being nothing

but an un-hosed proletariat
and all...

but isn't today the 14th?

You what?

The party was yesterday, you dick!

Oh, fuck nuts!

See, you can't buy class like that.

Didn't you look at them?!

Calm down. A setback is just
a new opportunity.

We have a free evening, a five-star
hotel on wheels parked out front,

and none of us has to drive.

If you need someone to make up
the numbers...?

Sorry, Frank. Strict dress code.

Be with you in a second.

Off you go.

Earning their chemical
warfare badges?

Got them at a military
antique store.

Used them as first
prize in the club-house raffle.

Pissed on that junior cricket
set their headmaster donated.

Right. What can I do for you?

Says you're flogging your shop.
How much for that chiller cabinet?

Well, it's difficult to say.

Make me an offer.

I've got 300 on me.

It's 305. Sorry.

What? Well, can't you...

Oh, I'm joking.

God, you're a bit of a serious
one, aren't you? Lighten up a bit.

Look, do you think I want to spend me
evening here haggling over a fridge?

Are you selling it or not?

Well, I might consider it if you
go outside, come back in again

and ask me nicely.

Ask me nicely.

Excuse me.
May I buy your chiller cabinet?

Please.

Ohhhh, you poor thing.

It'll be fine.
Something will come up.

Unemployed... at your age.

Ta.

- What are you going to do about it, Mum?
- Well...

Your mother is a very
determined woman.

There's always work out there
if you're prepared to
lower your standards a little.

Maybe I'll try becoming
a lady of leisure for a bit...

like you.

I'm hardly a lady of leisure.

I'm on the board of directors for
mine and Bernard's business empire,
remember?

Oh, you mean the car wash?

Since when did you have
anything to do with that?

I oversee it all from a distance.

Yeah, on the sofa,
watching Jeremy Kyle.

I could get you a job there.

I don't want to work in a car wash.

I'll have a word tomorrow,
see if I can sort you something out.

I don't know what you'd do
without me sometimes.

Right, here we are.
Got to keep the VAT man happy.

Democracy isn't free, you know?

How comes you're selling up?

I just work here. It's the owner
that's selling it -

him and his partner opening up
some place in Ibiza.

Can't say I'll miss it. I was
getting too comfy here, anyway.

Itchy feet.

I know the feeling.

Oh, please! If I'd have had your
sense, running my own business
at 19,

I'd have owned
half the world by now.

You should tuck your shirt in.

I'm telling you, Cool Britannia...
We had it all then.

You know what fucked it all up?

Tony Blair.
Things Can Only Get Better?

Nah, nah, nah.
It was never about the Government.

Tory, Labour, right?
One man killed it for us all.

26th of June, 1996.

Gareth fucking Southgate!

Gareth Southgate.
Because we believed, you see?

And then some long-faced gimp kicks
left instead of right and BANG.

The greatest single
decade in British history is over.

That was 17 years ago.

Fuuuck!

Right. If you could go back?

To '96, '97, whatever, talk to
yourself...

do things different...

what would you change?

I spent the whole of my late teens
chasing Sarah Laymon...

Remember her? Ended up being best
man at her civil partnership.

Wasted years. Yeah.

Most of mine surrounded by four grey
walls and a fucking slop bucket.

But you make the best,
you pull yourself up again.

But you never get them back.

And you'll always
wonder... What about you?

No, nothing.

Come on,
everyone wants to change something.

No, no, not me.

Been around, seen the world,
found my soulmate

and got the perfect kids
to show for it.

Wouldn't change a thing.

I'll sort it.

No, no, no.
I rented it, let me have a word.

Kassi Blanco?!

Disappointed, Blanco.

Money laundering,
fraud by misrepresentation

and then you hire
this in your own name.

Call Esther.

Refused bail...

and they won't let us see him.

I'll sort this, Esther.
We'll sort this.

Oh, you know Kassi,
par for the course.

Better get back,
whole load of food to prep.

Proper behind sched now.

I couldn't bag a hand
off you, could I?

Big order for Tuesday.

Yeah.

Oh, there you are.

Boys have got it all
cleaned up for you.

Perks of Arkaladom.
I can see how fascism starts.

And what you giving them for their
trouble today? Land mines?

Any one of those boys would walk
through a hail of gunfire for me.

I shan't ask them to, though -
some parent would have a shit-fit!

Right, shall we get this
in your van, then?

So, this cabinet you're buying,

it's part of some refurbishment
you're doing, then?

Nah, just needed a new one.

A big refurbishment?

Well...

I mean, I've been thinking lately

I could probably do a lot more
with the place.

Thinking, eh? Anyone can think,
Chesney. I can think.

Don't you ever
want to just do it?

Are you OK?

Yeah, yeah.

What if I wanted more than just
the chiller cabinet?

Well, it's all up for grabs, Ches.
What you after?

All of it.

Tam?

He's gone out.

God knows what they'll be up to!

Last time he was
on baby-sitting duties

he got our Saul's face painted.

Full-on black-and-white minstrel.

Claims he thought it was a panda,
but I reckon he knew.

Couldn't get it off for days, had
to take him for his jabs like that.

Doctor Abonzo really didn't
see the funny side.

So, what are you going to tell them?
The kids?

About what?

Kassi?

No point fretting 'em.

I'll say he's on business
for a few days.

He'll be back
by the end of the week.

He's been refused bail!

Well, he would be.
Skipped on it before.

I appreciate the concern but it's
nothing to worry about. Honestly.

Start stirring this. Clockwise.
Do you want to help?

No, I don't.

It's because I'll be your
boss, isn't it?

- That's what all the pissing
and moaning's about.
- No.

It's cos I don't want
to work in a car wash.

Have you ever heard the expression,
"Beggars can't be choosers"?

Have you ever heard
the expression, "Fuck off"?

Only looking out for you,
just like I always have.

And, by the way,
it's not a car wash...

it's the car wash -
South Manchester's finest.

We take three times what all
the others make round here.

This place? How?

Because I'm in charge, naturally.

Have you ever actually been inside?

No! Exciting, isn't it?

It's like Mary Portas
marching into Harvey Nicks.

Yeah. That's exactly what it's
like!

Yep... it's a shit-hole.

But it won't be -
I'll take everything from yours.

All your olde-worlde shit.

Mod meets classic.
Local shop and chemist's.

Well, you just might own the world
by time you're 40 after all.

Aren't you clever?

Mind you, if you're going
to open a chemist's

you're going to need someone

with a Pharmacist Practitioner
licence, aren't you?

You need me.

You want to work for me?

Do I fuck?! I want to work
with you - partners.

Just to get you started anyway -

wouldn't want to hang
around too long,

I've still got plans of my own.

Until then, Ches,
let's face it... you need me.

Who was that?

Oh, Remona. She's amazing.
We're going into business together.

Chesco's getting an upgrade!

You never said anything
about this before.

She just got me thinking.

You know, I'm 21, doing all right,
should want a bit more out of life.

That's exactly what
I said, isn't it?

Maybe she just phrased it better?

I'll bet. Knowing Ches,
she phrased it better

with a cleavage you could
park a Harley in.

Fuck off! I don't fancy her!

Yeah, sounds like it.

M-M-Mwah! Whatever.

Patreesha. Patreesha St Rose?

So, er, do you want a car
doing, then, or...?

All right, where's the manager?

'Mr Black Mercedes is in again.'

Manager?

There you go, love.

I can't say I'm surprised.

Could see he was a wrong-un from
the off. Nature versus nurture.

Never had your upbringing, see?

You do realise that all three of
us have been prison at least once?

Yeah, but for proper fucking stuff.

Not signing forms in the wrong
name, or whatever.

Anyway, these days,
we're respectable.

How's the magic mushroom
business going, Mum?

Really good, son.

Oh, good.

Unexpected item in the bagging area.

Lovely.

Oh, here she is! Hey, I missed
my alarm call this morning.

What alarm call?

You and lover boy's
morning delight -

headboard shaking us out of bed.

Aw, soz, Frank. He's away all week.

I'll try and rattle
it for you on my own!

That's the spirit.

Last time.

Did she say anything?

She said loads of stuff.

Like...?

Like, "Dough rises fastest
at 80 degree temperatures."

That's true.

Well, it is!

Husband's looking at ten years
and she's running cookery classes

and pissing about with Gallagher.

I just don't get the woman.

She'll do anything you like,
she's not proud, my sister.

You can get her scrubbing
the toilets if you want.

I'm not hiring anyone until
I've spoken with your, er...

..husband.

Well?

You know what he said?

You can have a job but you'll
be scrubbing the toilets.

I told him no sister of mine
will be doing any such thing.

Right...

Can we go home now, then?
We're missing Jeremy Kyle.

Jeremy Kyle finished two hours ago.

Oh, shut up!

It's a drive through suck shop!

"I'm going to walk in there
like Mary Portas!"

More like Heidi Fleis!

Well, it won't be funny for them.

Not when I call the police
on their nasty little operation.

Er, speak to Dad first, please.

Both your names are on that place,
I'm scared you might get in trouble.

Look at that, they're here too.

You used to love the gays.

Going home. Getting one of my heads.

Er, go easier on her, yeah?

..found his body under a pub
somewhere in Leicestershire.

Eh, Karen, thanks
for helping us out today.

Couldn't twist your arm
tomorrow, could I?

Yeah...

I mean, I figured that you'd want
to go and see Kassi tomorrow.

Oh, no, he's probably glad
of a few days' peace.

I know I would be! Raising three
kids, you take it where you get it.

Am I right, Frank?

Preaching to the choir, sister!

All right, Jamie?

Y'know, we were having a chat
the other night, me and Kas,

about what you'd change
in your life, if you could.

He said he'd change nothing.
Said his life was perfect.

He said that? "Perfect"?

So... what? This was all
he wanted was it?

"Pull on the brakes,

"that's good enough, thank you,
let's just stop here"?!

She said I could have another...

There you go, Frank.

A fresh one, y'know

Boyfriend?

Business acquaintance.
I prefer my men a bit more...

Well, yeah, something like that.

Aw, don't worry about it, Chesney,
happens to all men, now and again!

Go, do your measuring.

Oh, I'm only messing
about, you clot.

I'll fetch the contract.

Whoa, contract?

Yeah, drew one up for us.

Look, Remona...

Don't use that, you idiot!
Use the screwdriver.

Just there, hon.

I don't have a pen.

Be prepared.

Just there, hon.

Fuck me!

Friend of yours?

I want a refund.
It doesn't work and it tastes funny.

No, but...

I thought that...

So you'll speak to our solicitors
and handle it all?

OK. Love you too. Bye!

What you doing?
I wanted to say hello.

Sorry. Signal dropped.

Was that before or after you said
bye?

After. But, anyway, Bernard's going
to take care of everything,

so all we have to do is put the
whole stupid thing out of our minds.

Oh, so he's going to sort it?
Get rid of them all?

Does that mean
I can get a job there now?

What do you want to
work in a car wash for?!

Have a bit of pride in yourself
for once.

"Our own house, one we actually
own,

"preferably a long way from this
arse end cesspit!" No offence.

None taken.

Come in!

Oh, you're just in time!
You'll like this.

I've made a list!

I helped!

Frank helped. Things I want, for me
and Kass.

He says we're perfect?
He's forgotten, that's all.

There's so much more perfect
we still need to be.

Read out number six.
I did number six.

I didn't write that one down, Frank.

Oh.

I'm going to see Kassi.
I thought you might want a lift.

Going to finish my list first.

Oh, Karen! Don't worry about helping
us box that baklava,

going to do it tonight now.

He needs a brief.
Have you spoken to anyone?

Given any thought to doing
anything to help?

Kassi always deals with
that sort of stuff.

Kass can't sort it!
He's in a fucking police cell!

I know where he is, Jamie.

- You've got a funny way of showing it.
- All right, Jamie...

No, it's not all right! If it was me
in there

would you be sat round the
house baking fucking cakes?!

Baklava.

I just don't get you.

No. You don't.

Because if you did, you wouldn't
come marching in here trying to

tell me how I'm supposed to
act over my husband.

He's just worried, Esther.

Why didn't you put down number six?
It was good.

Cub scouts? With gas masks?

Gas masks, chemistry sets

and a great big fucking seating
plan of a commercial jet!

And there was this bloke
she was with, should have seen him.

You couldn't look more terrorist
if you tried. Beard, the works.

Do you know what you sound like?!

Yeah, I do. I was ten when the 9/11
happened,

and I still remember the way people
looked at my dad the day after,

like it was suddenly "us" and
"them".

And now I sound like a "them".

But that doesn't necessarily
make it bollocks.

I've got to go over later.

Come with us, see for yourself,
tell me if I'm being a dick.

Why me?

Cos you're, like...

the only sort of intelligent person
I know.

Yeah, all right, then.

Quite fancy seeing what sort of woman
can get you to sign over half your
shop

by fluttering her eyelashes.

I do not fancy her. It's just
this thing she does

with her mouth.

No, no, no! It's not like that!

OK!

I'm not getting out of this one.

Mate...

All out of karma.

Fuck!

No, no. None of that matters.

She matters.

She'll tell me that she'll be OK,

and I'll say I don't doubt it.

What else can you say?

But we'll both know we're lying.

Jamie, promise me you'll take care
of her.

I need a word with your mum.

Not here.

I'll come back, then.

Actually, Tam...

Do you mind if I come in for five
minutes?

No.

Bernard knew, didn't he?
He lets them use the place.

That's where all the money
comes from.

What?!

Oh, come off it, it's not that big a
deal.

Makes sense, actually.
You did always love your gays!

I did not!

What about your clique
back in the day? Those three lads?

Used to follow you everywhere?

They weren't gay.

People called you The Pink
Ladies!

Two of them wore more mascara
than...

You can't always tell, OK?!
Can't always tell.

You said he were working.

Upstairs.

Why didn't you tell us?

Up. Stairs.

They needed to know.

Who the hell do you think you are?!

Their uncle.

You don't know them, or me.

You don't even know Kassi!

I made him a promise. I'm going to
be there for you and them.

And what if we don't want you there,
Jamie?

Well, then I guess we have a
problem.

Yeah, I guess we do.

You needn't have stopped by.
I've got most of it down.

Figured we could just move it all
tomorrow. I'm just shutting up.

Oh, either of you want a brew or
anything?

No, thanks.

Tell your woman she's allowed to
speak for herself,

we're very anti-oppression
round here.

See? She talks like that all the
time.

With her mouth?

She's not doing that thing today!

I mean, "anti-oppression".

It sounds kind of terroristy,
don't it?

Don't it?

No, no, no! It was all here!

There was beakers, wires and there
was a picture of a plane right
there.

If it makes you feel any better I'm
pretty certain she's not a terrorist.

Well, what's this, then?

That's a flight number, right?
MDD407? What else could it be?

- Sorry!
- Idiot!

What?

I don't...

What is it?

I saw this programme once,
it was about how people make

explosives out of household bits
and...

Well, it was literally
everything in this box.

What?

We were talking, me and
Kassi, about having another kid.

It's what we both wanted, what I
wanted.

You're his brother...

Don't worry, no actual penetration
required.

Just lend us one of your wank rags
to wring out, I'll do the rest.

It's a joke, Jamie. You deserved
that.

They're moving him.

I'm too late to visit.

You reckon you can sort anything,
don't you?

Yeah, I'll handle it.

Good.

And we'll talk about the jizz
donation another time, yeah?

Right. Now.

All right, Mary-Lou?

Er, Mary Mae.

Really? Are you sure? You look like
a Mary-Lou.

Chesney? Tuck your shirt in,
you're on duty.

Right, I want all the bottles from
that shelf putting on the shelf
above,

I want that shelf clear.

Have you done that
freezer like I told you?

So it is a flight number?

Do you think we're just
being stupid?

I don't know, do I?

You see, this is the problem.
What am I supposed to do,

ring up MI5 and say, "She's a Muslim
and she's got hair lacquer"?!

You need to talk to her.
Get her going about Muslim stuff.
Fundamentalism.

And what? Hope she says,
"Allahu Akbar, death to the West!"?

- Don't be stupid!
- Mary Mae!

Sorry to grab you like this. I
wouldn't normally but I'm worried.

It's about your mum and dad...

Auntie Avril, it's fine. I do know
they're not together any more.

- You do?!
- Sure. We all do, don't we?

Mmm. Why don't they just get
divorced?

It would mean Mum having to give
a reason. The reason.

I honestly think it would kill her
if she thought people knew the truth.

Particularly me.

Especially you.

I know.

Oh, Mary Mae?

Your dad's gay, right?

Oh, yeah!

Thanks.

Right, go on.

What?

Go on!

Er...

So, Remona, if you hadn't come to
work for me, what were you planning
on doing?

Well, I was thinking of travelling.

I still might, once we've got this
place all up and running.

Where? The homeland?

The what?! I'm not a fucking druid!

Oi!

What is up with you? You've been in
a right weird mood all day!

I don't know. Middle East, North
Africa, Morocco. Do me bit.

Your bit? For the Caliphate?

Ooh! The Caliphate, eh?
You read the Koran, then, do you?

I had you figured more as the
"waiting for the DVD" type.

Flicked through it.

Never down with the whole spiritual
Islam stuff, though.

Takes more than aggressive
pamphleting to get people
onside, don't it?

Dunno.

Depends how aggressively
you pamphlet, I suppose.

Well? Was that fundamentally?

Don't really know. Don't you?

That flight's in three hours,
right? So as long as she's here...

Right, we're off. We'll finish up
tomorrow.

Where you going?

Scout stuff.

What Scout stuff?

Well, if we told you that,
we'd have to kill you!

Come on, boys!

What you doing?
You said we were going shopping.

Bernard's done nothing.

So you're going to.

March in there like
Mary fucking Portas

and lay down the law,
just like you said.

All right. I will, then.

Did you hear me?

Please. Let's just go home.

OK.

What are you doing here,
Mrs St Rose?

Nothing. We're going.
Let's go, Avril.

Well, I know you've spoke to him,

so we both know where we stand

and as far as you're concerned,
this place carries on as normal.

Normal?! Some nerve
using that word...

Oh. Homophobia now?
Cos you do know who I am?

How this place got started?

How me and your Bernard used to...

I'm so sorry, Patreesha.

Right. You listen to me.

Firstly, yeah,
I know exactly who you are.

Secondly, I am not homophobic,
I just hate you.

And thirdly, I think
we both know that no matter

who signs your cheques,

this whole enterprise will end the
second I sell my half of the lease.

Which I'm not going to do.

Because I've just decided I suddenly
like this business after all.

Especially the having your
balls in the drawer part.

What do you want?

"What do you want... boss?"

You can head off.

I'm going to introduce myself
to my new staff.

Sorry?

You heard him, Avril.
How this whole thing got started.

How him and Bernard took these
poor boys from the streets

and offered them
a fresh chance at life.

Think it's about time
I did my bit too.

You know me, always been
about taking care of others.

Yeah. That's you all over.

This has gone too far.
What are we going to do,

sit and watch her load explosives
into the back of that van?

Follow her to the airport?

I'm going to talk to her.

Chesney! No, you can't!

She might listen to me.

Or she might strap you
up in a suicide vest

and hand you your flight tickets.

I need to talk to her.

Boys. As you were.

How did you know?

I saw it all - the chemistry kit,
the blueprint of the plane.

MDD407?

Adam's flight to Ibiza?

Who's Adam? The guy with the beard?

What beard?

Adam's the owner, I told you that.
He's opening a bar in Ibi...

Oh, hang on.

Are you trying to say
I'm a fucking terrorist?!

Aren't you?

Er, no, Chesney.

I'm a pharmaceutical technician.

And if you saw chemistry sets,

it's because I'm teaching
this lot how to make soap.

We try to fit it in
between model plane making

and planning mass genocide.

And I thought you would've
had more sense, Mary-Lou.

Mary Mae.

What are you doing then?

What does it look like?
I'm burning down the shop.

Burning? Why?

Because I spent 15 years
of my life here,

and just like that
he's making me unemployed

and homeless without so much
as even breaking into a sweat.

Homeless?

Yeah, homeless.
I did live here, you know?

Not that it meant anything to him.

So I'm burning this place
to the ground,

I'm keeping your money
and nobody will be any the wiser.

Well, seeing as you're here,
you might as well give me a hand.

There's a couple more
jerry cans out the back.

Come in.

What's up?

We'll give you some privacy.

Where are you?

South. Nice view of the Riviera.

Scenic. You always did like
the coast. Seven-hour drive.

Five hours on the train.

Have to bring the kids. Nights
in a B&B, half our life here,

half our life there,

whilst we wait for you.

That's how it's going
to be now, isn't it?

Perhaps.

No "perhaps" about it, Kas.

How could we not?

After all, we had
the perfect life, didn't we?

That's got to be worth
waiting for, hasn't it?

We weren't perfect.

No?

You talk in your sleep, you know?

Always the same thing.

"I want big cock."

At first, because of that stupid
accent of yours, I thought you

were talking about yourself,
until you started adding,

"In my mouth."

Oh?

But, you know, you should try not
to think about it too much.

You're an emotional eater, Esther.

Probably glad to be in there -
all those men.

I can't wait.

I don't want you horsing down pies,

jealous of all the action
I'm seeing in here.

How kind.

Not entirely.
I'm being a little selfish.

You know, your visits, you,
bigger and bigger each time.

I won't be able to get it up
in my cell at night.

Visions of your lardy buttocks
and thighs filling my head.

Perhaps it's better
I don't come at all, then?

Perhaps it is.

I will be OK, you know?

I don't doubt it.

Thanks, Jamie. Nice to get
that out of my system.

You must take care of her, Jamie.

She doesn't want taking care of,
you heard her, she's off her...

You promised.

Thank you.

So who's the bloke with the beard?

He's a hairdresser.
Been saving a few bits for him.

Him? He was a hairdresser?

He's very good.

You could do with a trim yourself.

I'm not getting my hair cut.

Right. I say you show me
my new local,

and then we shift my cases
up to your flat.

What you on about? My flat?

Guys, we really need to get going.

Where else am I going to live?

We've just burned my place down,
in case you haven't noticed.

Anyway, it was all in the contract.
You signed it.

Chesney, now!

White wine spritzer, and one
for yourself, love. I'm celebrating.

Why, have you won the lottery?

No. They've gone back up.

Oh, God.

Eh, Charlton, you got a fag, mate?

Ta.

You OK?

I'll survive. It's what I do.

When he makes a promise,
he sticks to it,

whether the rest of us
like it or not.

He does mean well. Even if
he does seem a bit...

Neanderthal.

Emotionally awkward.

I guess nobody's perfect, are they?

And how are you tonight, Frank?

Bit dry.

Last time.

Yeah, course.

It's definitely mine.
Go on. See you in a minute.

So, the pink ladies ride again?

Yeah, they're nice lads
when you get to know them.

Thought I'd bring them down here.
They don't get out much.

You know, if my
husband had lied to me -

about the business, I mean -
I'd have left him there and then.

Seems like a good reason.

Well, I'm not you, am I, Avril?

Which is probably why
I'm still happily married.

Four pina coladas, please.

You're actually OK about this,
aren't you?

More than OK,
you almost seem happy.

What if I am?
She's all right, isn't she?

I've been in that flat
on me own for ages now.

Plus, you heard her,
she reckons she's a good cook.

And she keeps things tidy,
you saw that chemist.

You want a wifey, don't you?
Cooking and cleaning.

Trust me, I'm not
thinking of her as a wife.

Oi! Mind out, knobhead.

Fuck me! They've cloned Yvonne!

Who's Yvonne?

His mum.

Total mentalist.

Fucking mouth on her.

Chesney, tuck your shirt in.

'Oh, I dunno.

'Maybe I got this whole game wrong.

'Maybe lowering your expectations

'isn't such a bad
thing after all.

'Cos if you don't...'

Pencil mark, have you done
your pencil mark?

'..you might actually
start to believe

'you've got everything you want.

'And that's how you miss out
on the really good stuff.'

Come on, do you want your
slave labour badges or not?

'Like finding that certain someone

'who suddenly makes you
rethink it all,

'changes your priorities,
makes you grow,

'gives you a whole new set
of expectations

'to start all over again with.'

'And trust me,

'that beats being an action hero

'any day of the week.'

Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.

What? Even Big Soapy Tit Wank?

Jesus.