Original subtitles

Father!

Father!

Oh, my father. It is so wonderful.

San Francisco.

Yes, but how do we know what kind of city it is?

It is named after a Saint, so it must be a very holy place.

I have the weary feet of a wanderer.

Oh, my back.

Here is madam fong's address, my father.

I will ask someone how to find it.

Be careful with strangers. We are illegal.

It is unlucky to start in a new country by breaking the law.

I will only break it a little bit.

Pardon me, venerable sir.

Can you direct me to this address?

Sorry, sister, I can't read Chinese.

He does not understand. I will ask a policeman.

No, no, no. Never a policeman.

My daughter, we should not draw attention to ourselves.

But if I faint on the sidewalk from hunger,

it will draw even more attention, my father.

Yes, we have no money left.

I know.

I will make some with the flower drum, as I did in Hong Kong.

Good. But do not sing too loud.

Kind-hearted and distinguished friends,

my daughter and I are going to give a show.

A flower drum show from the north.

Songs of filial piety. Songs of loyal officials.

Songs of ghosts, songs of love, and songs of misery.

Kind-hearted and distinguished friends,

if the song is good...

Give me a little applause when I am through.

If the song is bad...

Give me applause, too.

J“ my father says j“

j' that children keep growing j“

j“ rivers keep flowing, too j'

j“ my father says j“

j' he doesn't know why j“

j“ but somehow or other, they do j”

j' they do j'

j“ somehow or other, they do j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ are happening every day j“

j“ and those who say they don't agree j“

j“ are those who do not hear or see j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ are happening every day j“

Miracle of changing weather.

J“ when a dark blue curtain j“

j“ ls pinned by the stars j“

j“ pinned by the stars to the sky j“

j“ every flower and tree j“

j“ is a treat to see j“

j“ the air is very clean and dry j“

j“ then a wind comes blowing j“

j“ the pins all away j“

j“ night is confused and upset j“

j“ the sky falls down j“

j“ like a clumsy clown j“

j“ the flowers and the trees get wet j“

Very wet.

J“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ are happening every day j“

j“ a swallow in tasmania j“

j“ is sitting on her eggs j“

j“ and suddenly those eggs have wings j“

j“ and eyes and beaks and legs j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a Swede is getting sunburned j“

j“ the sun from overhead j“

j“ a hundred million miles away j“

j“ will make him brown or red j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a little girl in Chongqing j“

j“ just 30 inches tall j“

j“ decides that she will try to walk j“

j“ and nearly doesn't fall j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ are happening every day. J“

Hey, you. Let's see your license.

License?

Yeah, to beg in the streets.

Please, we are looking for someone.

I guess I should've taken lessons in Chinese.

Anybody here read this?

I think I can.

It's the address of Sammy fong.

He's at the celestial gardens.

Yes, yes.

- Sammy fong? - Yes.

Okay, kid, come with me. You, too, pop.

All right, folks. Break it up.

Let's go.

Where are you folks from?

The east.

New York, huh?

- Further east. - Oh.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Tonight you're gonna meet some beautiful chicks.

And you know what? They're all college grads.

One of them is even an lld.

A long-legged dame.

And now we're going to make the hills

of San Francisco rock with gaiety.

The star of our show, Linda low,

and the celestial garden lulus, in fan tan fannie.

J“ fan tan fannie was leaving her man j“

j“ fan tan fannie kept waving her fan j“

j“ said, "good-bye, Danny, you two-timing Dan j“

j“ "some other man loves your little fannie" j“

j“ bye-bye j“

j“ in the icebox, you'll find in a can j“

j“ some leftovers of moo goo gai pan j“

j“ fan tan fannie has found a new guy j“

j“ his name is Manny j“

j“ he's good for Fanny j“

j“ so good-bye, Danny, good-bye j“

j“ bye-bye j“

j“ bye-bye j“

j“ bye-bye. J“

What's the matter, officer? Anything wrong?

I don't know yet. I want to see Sammy.

- Sammy? - Yeah. Will you get him, please?

There's an officer and two characters outside

waiting for you.

- Hello, Mac. - Hi, Sammy.

These folks are looking for you.

Who are they? Never saw them before in my life.

Honored sir, surely you recognize my daughter?

Oh, sure. That's right. I've been expecting them.

Welcome, venerable sir.

It is a most unexpected pleasure.

Okay, Sammy, but you better get them a license

if they're gonna sing in the streets.

Oh, sure, sure, Mac. This way, please.

Okay, folks.

I was just keeping it warm.

Okay, kid.

Okay, I'll get you all you can eat.

Right this way. Come on in.

I like American cooking.

American? That's the best Chinese food in San Francisco.

Clever people, these Americans.

The American cuisine is over 2,000 years old.

Why didn't you let me know you were coming?

We were unable to let anyone know.

We were smuggled ashore tonight.

Smuggled? You mean you got in illegally?

If we came here under the quota,

it would take 10 years,

and I would be too old to get married.

I'm a dead duck, Peking-style.

Listen, folks, you can't go roaming around San Francisco.

You're hot.

I gotta keep you on ice until I think up an angle.

I do not understand, Mr. Fong.

It is very simple, my father.

We are hot, so he must keep us on ice.

- What is wrong, Mr. Fong? - There's nothing wrong.

You just caught me at a bad time.

Are you sick?

Something went down the wrong way.

You mean you are not prepared to honor your proposal of marriage?

Who said anything like that?

Sure, I'm gonna honor it.

I just want to settle some old business first.

Sit tight. I'll be back in a minute, folks.

Wait, baby. Hold it.

Baby, what's going on?

You and your picture bride!

Good-bye, Sammy, you two-timing Sam!

Oh, that. Is that all?

All? As soon as you get rid of that "old business"?

That's me, huh? The old business.

It's a lie! Whoever said anything like that?

- You did! - I did?

Why would I say a stupid thing like that?

- I'll tell you why! - Never mind.

Oh, Linda, let me handle this.

I know a family that's looking for a bride,

and this kid's exactly the type.

I'll unload her tomorrow.

Keep away from me! I'm gonna unload you tonight!

Baby, you remember that new convertible

you've been drooling over?

Well, it's yours.

I don't want it.

Don't think you can bribe me with expensive presents.

What?

Okay, I'll take it. When do I get it?

I'll make the down payment tomorrow... morning.

Oh, Sammy!

You're the most considerate friend a girl ever had.

Hello? Is this the ping wah supermarket?

This is madam liang, I would like to place my order.

How is your octopus today?

Oh, it isn't?

Then send me four pounds of seahorse,

two pounds of dried snake meat, and a box of longevity noodles.

Oh, yes, and a dozen thousand-year eggs.

And be sure they're fresh.

Right.

Excuse me, ladies.

I had to place my order before the store closes.

Whose turn is it?

Hello, madam liang.

Can I talk to you for a minute? It's very important.

Pardon me, I'll be right back.

You wanna see a real doll?

- Who is she? - She's my picture bride.

- She is? You're lucky. - You're even luckier.

Your brother-in-law, old master wang,

wants a bride for his son, doesn't he?

Yes, but she's yours, Sammy.

Mom picked her out for me. I got another kumquat on the fire.

I got this kid on ice, but the ice is melting fast.

But what will the family association say?

The elders would never permit it.

Besides, you have a contract with her father.

I'll turn it over to you. They'll never know.

- I'll talk to my brother-in-law. - Good.

I'll show him this picture the first thing in the morning.

Good!

My sister's husband.

Now what have I failed to do?

You sit here idling while I must arrange

for a bride for your son.

You have done what?

A wonderful girl. And she's right here in San Francisco.

Now where did I put...

I will not choose from these local Chinese girls.

They are without reverence or filial devotion.

My son's wife must be born in a suitable month,

from a house with a high door.

Exactly. A girl from the old country.

Fine, respected, well-educated.

And here she is.

She looks right.

- Where did you get this? - Sammy fong.

He will present her this afternoon for your inspection.

Good morning, my father. Auntie.

Did you sleep well, my father?

Yes. Thank you, my son.

Good. I need some money.

Money. That is nothing unusual.

How much this time?

25 bucks.

- Bucks? - Dollars.

Hi, pop. Hi, auntie.

Sit! Only cannibals eat standing up.

- Okay. - And you sit down, too.

Now, what do you need those $25 for?

He probably got himself a new tomato.

Tomato?

For $25 you could fill this room with tomatoes.

Father, I must hurry or I'll be late for class.

I shall go to the bank and change a bill.

I will give you the money later.

I'll advance it for you, ta.

If you kept your money in the bank,

you could give him a check.

Do I tell you where to keep your money?

Here you are, ta.

Thanks, auntie. Well, I've gotta run.

My son, your aunt has been talking to me

about choosing a bride for you.

What are you doing?

I can't wait to have a lot of little nephews and nieces

running around the house.

Quiet!

Your aunt is right.

Father, they don't do things like that over here.

Here a man picks his own wife.

Ta! While you are still my son, you will do as I tell you!

There. You have given me a coughing spell.

I'm sorry, my father.

Strange how your cough comes over you

when you do not get your own way.

But every time I speak to the boy about...

We can discuss that later, my father. I've got to go.

Ta! Ta!

I gotta go, too.

So long, pop. Don't take any wooden chopsticks.

You! You go right back and finish your breakfast!

What language is he using?

I have a feeling he has been disrespectful,

but I am not sure.

No, no, that is American-style slang.

And I suppose it's American-style, too,

when a boy can do anything without his father's consent.

Yes, but this is the usa.

In my citizenship class, I have learned,

"we, the people of the United States,

"are entitled to life, Liberty and the pursuit of happy times."

And the parents are entitled to pay the bills!

Where are you going, my sister's husband?

I'm going to the bank to change my old-fashioned $100 bill.

Bucks? Tomatoes? Wooden chopsticks?

J“ what are we going to do about the other generation? J“

j“ how will we ever communicate without communication? J“

j“ you can't account for what they say or do j“

j“ and what peculiar thoughts they think j“

j“ they never reveal to you j“

j“ a very discouraging problem is the other generation j“

j“ and soon there'll be another one as well j“

j“ and when our out-of—hand sons j“

j“ are bringing up our grandsons j“

j“ I hope our grandsons give their fathers hell j“

j“ can't wait to see it j“

j“ I hope our grandsons give their fathers hell j“

Hi, San. Are we going to play baseball?

Hey, what's the matter with you?

J“ the more I see of grownups, the less I want to grow j“

j“ the more I see what they have learned j“

j“ the less I want to know j“

j“ and yet we've got to all grow up j“

j“ there's no place else to go j“

j“ I wonder why we're all so poor j“

j“ and they've got all the dough j“

j“ what are we going to do about the other generation? J“

j“ how will we ever communicate without communication? J“

j“ when we are using words the modern way j“

j“ they're much too big j“

j“to try to dig j“

j“ the colorful things we say j“

j“ if we could take over the training j“

j“ of the other generation j“

j“ we know we could improve them quite a lot j“

j“ but they will never let us j“

j“ they stay the way they met us j“

j“ and so we're simply stuck with what we've got j“

j“ we can't improve them j“

j“ the kids are simply stuck with what they've got j“

j“ what are we going to do about the other generation? J“

j“ how are we going to stop them when they start an explanation j“

j“ of what it used to mean to be a kid j“

j“ the clean and wholesome fun they had j“

j“ the innocent things they did j“

j“ they all had a wonderful childhood j“

j“ in the other generation j“

j“ the games they played were bright and gay and loud j“

j“ they used to shout "red rover "red rover, please come over" j“

j“ they must have been an awful droopy crowd j“

j“ when they were younger j“

j“ they must have been an awful droopy crowd. J“

Oh, your papers, master wang.

Thank you.

Did you notice whether my letter to the editor has been printed?

I have not read the papers, master.

This week it is a good letter. You must read it.

Stick 'em up.

Don't turn around or I'll plug you.

And keep your hands up.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- I have been robbed. - Robbed?

The $100 I changed are gone.

All my new bills.

Where were you robbed?

Right there. In my own vestibule.

A bandit put a gun in my back.

Calm down before you get another coughing spell.

How many times have I told you,

you should keep your money in a bank?

It has always been safe under my bed!

Your bedroom may be safe for everything else, but not money.

I want you to report this to the American government.

I want two soldiers to guard my house day and night.

You are not a feudal lord. This is not China.

For five years, you have gone to that citizenship school,

and all you have learned is, "this is not China."

What did he look like?

- Who? - The robber.

Don't ask me what he looked like! All white men look alike!

How many times have I told you,

you should keep your money in a bank?

Money is like a man's wife.

Strangers should not get their hands on it.

- Come in, Sammy. - Madam liang.

You know Sammy fong, my sister's husband?

How's the old master?

Mr. Fong, I am honored by your presence. Be seated.

Thank you.

Tea.

Let me lay it on the line.

Madam liang tells me you're in the market

for a bride for your son.

You have an unfortunate way of expressing yourself.

You want something for immediate delivery, and I've got it.

She's got skin like white Jade.

She's built like a ming vase.

She'd be the daughter-in-law of the year.

Her family. Is she from a house with a high door?

You could ride through it on a camel

without knocking your hat off.

I would like to have this young person meet me.

That's what I figured. I have her right outside.

Come on in, folks.

Master wang chi-Yang and his good sister-in-law madam liang,

Dr. Li and his daughter Mei li.

You honor my house, Dr. Li.

Your distinguished name

has been rumbling in my ears like thunder.

Ten thousand benedictions, sir.

And to you, madam.

You don't get them like that over here anymore.

Come here, my child. Let me look at you.

I see no outside blemishes.

Right off the assembly line. Not a scratch on her.

She has a good chin.

The blessing of longevity.

She is strong as a cow, and just as amiable.

Thank you, my father.

And when she eats regularly, she's inclined to be plump.

A sign of fertility.

I was born in the year of the rabbit.

Rabbit?

If your son gets on the ball,

you could have a grandchild by October.

She also sings flower drum songs.

It has been a long time since I heard one.

Come, my daughter, quick. Get the drum.

Miracle of making music.

J“ an idle poet j“

j“ makes words on a page j“

j“ writes on a page with his brush j“

j“ a musical friend j“

j“ makes the notes to blend j“

j“ suggested by an idle thrush j“

j“ then a young soprano j“

j“ who reads what they wrote j“

j“ learns every note, every word j“

j“ puts all they wrote j“

j“ in her lovely throat j“

j“ and suddenly a song is heard j“

- very pretty. - Very pretty.

J“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ are happening every day. J“

liu mai!

Send my son to me.

No, no. That is not the way to do it.

You must let them fall in love naturally, American-style.

Very well.

I will give him just one week to fall in love American-style.

Then I take over.

Well, there he goes again.

Who does he think he's kidding?

Hey, ta, ask her if she's got a friend.

Outside.

Don't you know that's his private office?

Hello.

Hello. Is this miss Linda low?

Yes. Who is this?

This is wang ta. Remember me?

We were on a double date last week.

I was the one with the wrong girl.

Oh, yes, I remember.

I was the one with the wrong boy.

I'd love to take you out sometime, miss low.

Just give me 20 minutes to pull myself together.

I'll meet you in front of my place. Got a pencil?

Yeah. Just a minute.

821 Jefferson street. Got it?

- Oka y. - Bye.

Good-bye.

J“ I'm a girl and by me that's only great j“

j“ I am proud that my silhouette is curvy j“

j“ that I walk with a sweet and girlish gait j“

j“ with my hips kind of swively and swervy j“

j“ I adore being dressed in something frilly j“

j“ when my date comes to get me at my place j“

j“ out I go with my Joe or John or Billy j“

j“ like a filly who is ready for the race j“

j“ when I have a brand-new hairdo j“

j“ with my eyelashes all in curl j“

j“ I float as the clouds on air do j“

j“ I enjoy being a girl j“

j“ when men say I'm cute and funny j“

j“ and my teeth aren't teeth but Pearl j“

j“ I just lap it up like honey j“

j“ I enjoy being a girl j“

j“ I flip when a fellow sends me flowers j“

j“ I drool over dresses made of lace j“

j“ I talk on the telephone for hours j“

j“ with a pound and a half of cream upon my face j“

j“ I'm strictly a female, female j“

j“ and my future I hope will be j“

j“ in the home of a brave and free male j“

j“ who'll enjoy being a guy j“

j“ having a girl j“

j“ like me j“

J“ I enjoy being a girl j“

J“ I enjoy being a girl j“

J“ when I hear the complimentary whistle j“

j“ that greets my bikini by the sea j“

j“ I turn and I glower and I bristle j“

j“ but I'm happy to know the whistle's meant for me j“

j“ I'm strictly a female, female j“

j“ and my future I hope will be j“

j“ in the home of a brave and free male j“

j“ who'll enjoy being a guy j“

j“ having a girl j“

j“ like me. J“

You know something?

I had a feeling you were going to call me.

You did? How?

Well, I was concentrating on it all week,

and I always get what I concentrate on.

I can understand that.

That's how I got this car.

Just by concentrating?

Uh-huh. I always wanted one,

and my brother bought it for me, you know, to save carfare.

Your brother?

Oh, yes. He's an officer on an ocean liner.

He's very strict with me.

Doesn't like me to go out with boys at all.

He sounds more like a jealous lover to me.

Mm-hmm. He likes me to stay home and study my singing.

Are you serious about a career?

No, not particularly.

I want to be a success as a girl.

Oh, it's nice to have outside accomplishments,

like singing, cooking or first aid.

But the main thing is for a woman

to be successful in her gender.

Yeah, but don't you think it's important

to do one thing very well?

Well, sure, that's what I mean.

What are your ambitions?

Well, I'll be graduating from college pretty soon.

Then I guess I'll study law, 'cause then I won't have

to look for a job for another three years.

What will you do for money?

- My father. - Is he rich?

Very, and he doesn't care what I do

as long as I marry and give him grandchildren.

Cigarette?

Oh, no, thanks. I don't smoke.

Your father sounds very Chinese.

He is completely Chinese. And that's good.

It's good for my brother, 'cause he's completely American.

And I'm both,

and sometimes the American half shocks the oriental half,

and sometimes the oriental half

keeps me from showing a girl what's on my mind.

Well, let's start working on the American half.

Oh, what's that, with the Chinese letters?

Oh, that's not Chinese, it's Greek. It's my fraternity pin.

Oh, it's sweet. The tiniest pearls I've ever seen.

Is it true that when a fellow pins a girl,

that means they're going steady?

Yeah. Haven't you ever been pinned?

No, but I wouldn't mind going steady with you.

Would you wear it for me, Linda?

- I'd love to. - Oh, boy.

What's the matter?

- Oh, it's late. - What time is it?

Oh, I'd better go.

I promised brother I'd always be home early.

I'll be seeing you soon, won't I?

We're going steady, aren't we?

Good evening. I'm wang ta.

You are the first-born.

I am Mei li from Hong Kong.

My father and I are guests of your esteemed parent.

Oh, I see.

You remove your shoes Japanese-fashion?

No, it's just that my father is a very light sleeper.

How long have you been here?

Only for two days ago.

Then you haven't seen anything much?

No, only a little of anything much.

Do you like it here?

Oh, yes, I like it.

Especially I like quaker oats.

Quaker...

You are so tall.

You must have been growing a long time.

Steadily, ever since I was born.

Tell me, miss li,

what do you expect to do here in San Francisco?

I came here to get married.

Married?

Oh, I see.

Well, I hope you'll be very happy.

- I hope you will be happy, too. - Thanks.

I must say one thing for my father. He's got good taste.

Oh, yes.

Good night, miss li.

I hope you're going to like it here.

Good night, Mr. Wang ta.

J“ I am going to like it here j“

j“ there is something about the place j“

j“ an encouraging atmosphere j“

j“ like a smile on a friendly face j“

j“ there is something about the place j“

j“ so caressing and warm it is j“

j“ like a smile on a friendly face j“

j“ like a port in a storm it is j“

j“ so caressing and warm it is j“

j“ all the people are so sincere j“

j“ like a port in a storm it is j“

j“ I am going to like it here j“

j“ all the people are so sincere j“

j“ there's especially one I like j“

j“ I am going to like it here j“

j“ it's the father's first son I like j“

j“ there's especially one I like j“

j“ there is something about his face j“

j“ it's the father's first son I like j“

j“ he's the reason I love the place j“

j“ there is something about his face j“

j“ I would follow him anywhere j“

j“ if he goes to another place j“

j“ I am going to like it there. J“

son of a turtle!

He calls himself an editor?!

Why did he not print my letter?

Who is it?

It is Mei li, master wang.

I bring your breakfast.

Come in, Mei li.

Good morning, master wang.

I have cleaned your water pipe.

You are a good, thoughtful girl, Mei li.

Personally, I never fully approved of

the old custom of drowning daughters.

Thank you, master wang.

Today you will meet my first-born, wang ta.

But I have already met him.

You have? Where?

Last night, in the garden.

He is a very good son.

He had his shoes off so as not to awaken you.

He had his shoes off so I would not know what time he came in.

And how did you respond to each other?

I responded good.

I have not spoken to him about you yet.

I'm giving him one week on the American plan.

My sister's husband, are you not dressed yet?

Your knock is getting very weak, my wife's sister.

It is too late to knock. We are going to the bank.

No, no, no bank!

Last time you were very lucky. You only lost $100.

Next time, who knows?

Mei li, help me with this chest.

Has a man no privacy even in his own bedroom?!

At your age, privacy in your bedroom

is the last thing you should complain about.

It is indeed a sad widower who inherits his wife's sister.

My sister's husband wishes to open an account in your bank.

That can be arranged.

Have you any references?

References?

Here are my references.

Where are yours?

Why, we are members of the federal reserve bank,

and we have assets of over $3 billion.

And what happens to those assets if you should fail?

Fail? Did you say fail?

Must you insult the bank?

They have not even accepted you as yet.

Where do you keep your money?

Come with me, please.

See that safe? That door weighs 50 tons.

It looks solid enough.

But I have read of bank robbers.

What if they should hold you up?

Come with me, sir.

Excuse me.

You see that button?

There is one in every teller's cage.

It is the best alarm system ever devised.

The teller presses that and every alarm in the bank,

and in police headquarters, is set off.

Is that so?

No, no, no, no, no!

False alarm! False alarm! It's a mistake!

Everybody, everybody! Back, back!

The gentleman made a mistake.

- Mister. - My sister's husband!

My congratulations.

This is indeed an excellent system.

You look splendid. Splendid. An excellent fit.

Regular ivory league.

Three buttons, pop. You're swingin'.

I am in torture.

It hurts my arms and itches my neck.

Can you not do something about this, Helen chao?

I'm afraid not, master wang. You must get used to the itch.

That is a bad cough. I must get some herbs to cure it.

Pound his back gently.

This is good for your cough, master wang.

My cough gave me the authority I need in this household.

But where is my authority now?

I put my money in the bank,

and I'm being measured for a foreign suit that is unbearable.

I know you'll wear this suit with great distinction, sir.

Have you finished the graduation robe, Helen?

Yes, madam. I worked late last night.

You must give me the bill.

Please, master wang, would you mind?

I'd like this to be a gift, for ta's graduation.

That is very good of you. Why don't you give it to him?

He is in his room.

Thank you, sir.

She is very kind to your brother.

She's got a yen for him.

A yen?

That's when someone sends you. And ta sends her.

Sends her where?

Oh, pop, that's bop.

Bop!

Come in.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - Helen, come in.

- Have you got it? - Yes.

- Wow. - Try it on and see how it fits.

Boy, I've been waiting for this.

I copied it from a supreme courtjudge.

Thanks.

How do I look?

If you had a pigeon on your head, you'd look like a statue.

It's a little loose.

Oh, no. With my coat on, it'll be just right. Here.

Oh, I forgot.

You didn't think I was going to graduate like this, did you?

You could.

Helen, you're coming to my graduation, aren't you?

Do you want me to, ta?

Well, sure I want you to.

That's very nice of you.

After all, you're like one of the family.

Oh, I see.

And you'll be coming to the party aftenivards, too,

won't you?

- Party? - Mm-hmm.

We're celebrating two great events in the family.

I'm graduating from college and auntie from citizenship school.

I'll make her a happy coat.

It fits fine.

Know something?

I never realized it was such fun going steady.

Well, I'm afraid we won't be seeing

much of each other anymore, ta.

Why not?

My brother's ship's coming in.

You know how he feels about me and boys.

I couldn't tell him I've been going steady

unless I told him it was sefious.

Well, I have been pretty serious so far, haven't I?

Not serious enough.

You see, my brother wants me to get married.

I can't get married yet.

My father's putting me through college.

Well, two can be put through college as cheaply as one.

I'd have to have my father's consent.

Aren't I good enough? Don't you think he'll give it?

Sure. It's not that. It's just that...

I've got an idea, ta.

Why don't I bring my brother to your graduation party?

Then we can settle everything.

What's the matter? You don't look very happy.

It's not that. It's just that it all happened so suddenly.

Well, can I help it if you're such a fast worker?

What do you think of it?

It is beautiful.

Mei li has never had anything like it before.

What will she say?

She will like it.

It cost 92 bucks.

Bucks?

Bucks is the American word for dollars.

What are these things for?

All of the women over here have them.

At home, our daughters are taught to strap themselves in.

Here they let themselves out.

Out?

Oh, maybe they serve to keep people away from them in crowds.

Whatever they're for, they all wear them in the United States.

Here it is a symbol, like the American eagle.

Come in.

- Did you send for me, my father? - Yes.

Daughter, you may not wear that dress for the party tonight.

But, father, this is the best dress I have. I tried it...

Look. This is for you.

No...

Oh, it is beautiful.

And very outspoken.

How can I thank you?

Put it on. See if it fits.

Yes.

Wow!

Wang ta, why do you stare at me?

I didn't know you.

Do I look like a tomato?

What?

Wang San said you like American tomatoes.

Don't let him teach you any English.

Oh, I like wang San. He's a cold cat.

I mean a cool cat.

Oh, wang San told me American joke.

Would you like to hear it?

Yes, please.

The first...

The first space ship landed on the moon

and found people there.

And people in the moon are so small, like a bean,

they fit on your hand.

And spaceman fell in love with a girl and asked her to marry.

"I love you. I want to marry you.

"I want to take you back to the earth.

"Ask your father.

"Sir, I would..." Shh.

"I would like to marry with your daughter.

"May I? Oh, thank you.

That's wonderful."

I like.

Very good.

Before I make my final award,

I wish to thank master wang chi-Yang

for so graciously permitting us to use his beautiful garden

for our commencement exercises.

And now I proudly announce

the winner of the medal of excellence

of the Marino school for citizenship,

madam liang.

Oh, my!

Oh, thank you, professor.

Don't thank me. You were the best in the class.

As Lincoln said,

"you can only fool half of the people at a time."

Right.

Wonderful speech you made today, ta.

Thank you, Helen.

My son, today is the first time

since you lost your baby teeth that I have been proud of you.

Thank you, my father.

It's been a long time between compliments.

Aren't you also proud

of this fine American citizen in your family, master wang?

To become an American citizen, it took her five years.

She was Chinese in nine months.

I am happy to be both Chinese and American.

You are like the Chinese dish the Americans invented.

What do they call it?

- Chop suey. - That is it.

Everything is in it, all mixed up.

I like that.

J“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ living here is very much like chop suey j“

j“ hula-hoops and nuclear war j“

j“ doctor salk and zsa zsa Gabor j“

j“ Bobby Darin, Sandra Dee and Dewey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ stars are drifting overhead j“

j“ birds and worms have gone to bed j“

j“ men work late in laboratories j“

j“ others read detective stories j“

j“ some are roaming round the country j“

j“ others sit beneath just one tree j“

j“ tonight on TV's late, late show j“

j“ you can look at Clara bow j“

j“ who? J“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ good and bad, intelligent, mad and screwy j“

j“ violins and trumpets and drums j“

j“ take it all the way that it comes j“

j“ sad and funny, sour and honeydewy j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ ball point pens and filter tips j“

j“ lipsticks and potato chips j“

j“ in the dampest kind of heat wave j“

j“ you can give your hair a neat wave j“

j“ hear that lovely la Paloma j“

j“ lullaby by Perry como j“

j“ dreaming in my maidenform bra j“

j“ dreamed I danced the cha-cha-cha j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ cha cha cha cha j“

-j“ chop suey j“ -j“ cha cha cha cha j“

j“ mixed with all the hokum and ballyhooey j“

j“ something real and glowing and grand j“

j“ sheds a light all over the land j“

j“ Boston, Austin, Wichita and Saint Louis j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ chop suey j“

j“ meet your partner with a bow j“

j“ two by two, kowtow j“

J“ allemande with an elbow swing j“

J“ promenade round the ring j“

J“ right and left grand, chop-chop j“

J“ with a do-si-do j“

j“ promenade j“

J“ go, go, go j“

j“ waltz the hall j“

J“ everybody have a ball j“

J“ chop suey. J“

You know, it's amazing.

For a broken-down comic, you almost look like a sea captain.

Thanks.

If Sammy hears about this,

I'll be captain of the good ship up the creek.

Well, come on.

Well, Mei li, how are you and the boy barrister getting along?

- Wang ta? - Yeah.

- Oh, I like him very much. - Good.

But he is a puzzle.

Sometimes I am not sure he likes me very much,

and sometimes I think maybe he likes me a little much.

How could he help himself, baby? You're a bunch of stuff.

Excuse me.

- Linda? - Hello, ta.

This is my brother, commodore low.

Glad to meet you, commodore.

I told brother about us and he would like to meet your father.

Ooh:

Aye-aye. We ought to have a little talk

and get you two launched.

You know how we sailors are.

We like to have everything tied down in shipshape.

Sure, sure.

Would you come with me, please?

Excuse me, my father.

I present my father.

Madam liang, Dr. Li and his daughter.

This is miss Linda low and her brother, commodore low.

I'm happy to meet all the esteemed

and honored wang chi-Yang family.

Glad to be aboard.

Sweet incense. You smell good.

You wear incense to keep evil spirits away?

Oh, no, to attract them.

You live with your family, miss low?

Well, no. I have a little apartment on Grant Avenue.

Near my music teacher.

- You are a student? - Well, I...

Hey, you drive that crazy car.

I saw you drive up the other night.

- That's me. - You sing rock 'n' roll?

I dig that the most.

Do you know "you be the rock, I'll be the roll?"

Sure.

-J“ you be the rock j“ -j“ I'll be the roll j“

-j“ you be the soup j“ -j“ I'll be the bowl j“

-j“ you be the furnace j“ -j“ I'll be the coal j“

j“ rock, rock, rock j“

j“ roll, roll, roll. J“

wang San!

Strictly.

Master wang?

Venerable master wang.

I wish to say I've been considering

your son's proposal to my honorable sister.

Proposal?

As her guardian and her loving brother,

I hereby give my consent.

Father!

Please. I would like to speak to my son.

Alone.

Have something to eat, drink. I'll be right back.

I am going to my room, my father.

I think I want to go to bed.

I understand.

Mei li, I've known ta for a long time.

And I know Linda low.

I do not believe he's in love with her.

The old man sure left you with egg foo Yung on your face.

Give the old boy time.

He's got to get used to the idea.

Well, well, well. Hello there.

Hi, commodore. Glad to have you aboard.

Who's taking tickets down at the theater?

Well, I... she...

What did you say the name of your ship was?

The 88... the ss...

Well, you got the initials right, anyway.

Now I know where you've been sneaking off to every night.

What is it with you? You don't love thatjerk.

He's a very sweet boy.

Besides, you and I have been keeping company for five years,

and I'm just where I started.

I want a little social security.

What do you know of marriage?

What do you know of women?

Sir, what did you know of marriage and women

when you married my mother?

Nothing. That is why I obeyed my father

and married the woman he chose for me.

This is not China. This is a different world.

And here a man has a right to choose his own wife.

And here he also has the right

to get divorced every year and pick a new one.

After all, I am over 21.

Do you think you were born over 21?!

Almost everything you are up to now has come from me!

Ta, do you really want to marry that girl?

- Sure I do. - Aha! I knew it!

You do not even know your own mind!

That's not the point!

Here, a man is supposed to think for himself!

When that day come when you can think for yourself,

I will let you know!

My trusted servants, friends and merchants.

In observance of our ancient tradition,

we must all start the new year with a clean body

and a clean conscience and all our debts paid.

Thank you, honored sir.

I wish all our customers observed

the ancient laws the way you do.

My son!

How did you hurt yourself?

Paul revere's horse kicked me.

Paul who?

San should see a doctor.

No, he's all right.

He's in the new year's day parade.

The spirit of 1776, when we won the Boston tea party.

What happened to your western suit?

I burned a hole in it while smoking my water pipe.

Accidentally.

- Accidentally? - Throw it away.

You cannot throw away an expensive suit like this.

I will send it to Helen chao. She will mend it for you.

Good morning, madam liang. Master wang.

I regret that we can no longer accept your kind hospitality.

Please, do not leave yet.

I would like to speak to Mei li.

Come in.

Mei li, I understand what you feel.

My son has behaved badly.

But it is not altogether his fault.

Ta does not accept my authority.

In his rebellion, he does many foolish things to defy me.

But I do not believe he really loves that girl.

I do not understand.

It is difficult for me, too, in america.

Mei li, I do not want to lose you for my son...

Or for myself.

Please, please, trust me. Do not go.

Ta will realize that he loves you.

He has not yet opened his eyes.

Just give him a little more time.

I will do as you ask, master wang.

In other words, "happy new year."

Happy new year to you, Sammy.

Yes, happy new year for those that are happy.

Venerable master wang,

I came here to invite you and your family

to be my guests tonight at the celestial gardens.

Thank you, but I never go out.

One of the virtues of growing old is learning

that if you do not go out, you do not miss anything.

Master wang,

if you want to break up your son's romance,

you'd better break that rule tonight.

- What did you say? - I can do it.

Just make sure you're there,

and I'll make you a new year's present you'll never forget.

So long, folks. See you later.

Mr. Fong.

J“ western street with eastern manners j“

j“ tall pagodas and golden banners j“

j“ throw their shadows through the lantern glow j“

j“ you can shop for precious Jade j“

j“ or teakwood tables or silk brocade j“

j“ or see a bold and brassy nightclub show j“

j“ on the most exciting thoroughfare I know j“

j“ Grant Avenue, San Francisco, California, usa j“

j“ looks down from Chinatown j“

j“ over a foggy bay j“

j“ you travel there in a trolley j“

j“ in a trolley, up you climb j“

j“ dong, dong, you're in Hong Kong j“

j“ having yourself a time j“

j“ you can eat if you are in the mood j“

-j“ shark fin soup j“ -j“ bean cake fish j“

j“ the girl who serves you all your food j“

j“ is another tasty dish j“

j“ you know that j“

j“ you can't have a new way of living j“

j“ till you're living all the way j“

j“ on Grant Avenue j“

-j“ where is that? J“ -j“ San Francisco j“

j“ that's where's that j“

j“ California, usa. J“

- Didn't she get back yet? - No, Mr. Fong.

Say, you're always around here.

I bet you knew where she was going out every night.

No, Mr. Fong.

But I do know the man she's engaged to marry.

Man? He's a jerk.

I'll break his rice bowl.

Frankie said you were looking for me, Mr. Fong.

Keep that floor table for a party of five.

No check. It's on the house.

Under what name, sir?

Master wang chi-Yang and family. I'll be out there.

Yes, sir.

- Oh, I see. - Oh, you see...

But you didn't hear anything, you understand?

What were you doing in my dressing room?

Well, that's a nice greeting for the new year.

Baby, I've been thinking it over,

and I've decided I was a bum sport.

I want to wish you and ta lots of luck.

Okay, what's the pitch?

For the first time that I'm sincere,

you think I got an angle.

Well, I mean it, whether you believe me or not.

So be happy. Take it or leave it.

I'm sorry, Sammy. How was I to know?

You were never sincere before.

He's a nice kid, even if he's still in college.

- He's a little young. - He'll age.

Sammy, would you mind if I quit tonight?

Sure, kid. I know how you feel.

But this is new year's.

I got them stacked out there like sardines.

I'll make a deal with you.

Go on for just the first show,

and I'll keep up the payments on the car.

- It's a deal. - That's my girl.

Let's just be pals.

I'll be out there waiting for your entrance.

I wish it was diamonds.

So do I, pal.

Has wang ta ever seen your act, miss low?

Of course not. He doesn't even know I work here.

That's the reason I'm quitting tonight.

Sammy fong's going to be heartbroken.

You see this finger?

For five years it's been naked as a jaybird.

But now I am going to warm it up with a ring.

Ah, good evening, master wang. Step this way, please.

We have a wonderful table for you. Excuse me, sir.

It's a pleasure to have you and your guests here tonight.

Joe. Joe, please.

Welcome to the celestial gardens.

I know you're going to enjoy the show.

Jimmy, bring a Magnum of champagne to this table.

- Yes, sir. - May I join you?

Happy new year.

Oh, thank you, Mei li.

Would you like to dance?

I do not know how,

but I will walk around with you while you dance.

Come on, I'll show you.

What happened?

We're too late.

I am always too late.

Hiya, folks.

Happy new year and welcome to the celestial gardens.

You know, a funny thing happened to me on my way here tonight.

I, uh...

It's commodore low.

Aye yi yi.

I can't think of what it was,

but it struck me funny at the time. Ha!

Maestro, please.

J“ I am a vagabond sailor j“

j“ all my friends call me sport j“

j“ I am a fellow for action j“

j“ any storm in a port j“

any storm in a port! Get it?

Back to the laundry.

J“ now that I'm home and I'm resting j“

j“ home from over the sea j“

j“ all of the girls who adored me j“

j“ go gliding through my memory j“

j“ a sweet Colleen from Ireland j“

j“ her hair was fiery red j“

j“ her eyes gave out a green light j“

j“ that said I could go ahead j“

say something in Irish.

- Ellin go blah! - Ooh!

J“ I met a girl in Sweden j“

j“ of whom I grew quite fond j“

j“ a stately Scandinavian type j“

j“ a buxom, blue-eyed blond j“

j“ and then in merry england j“

j“ a girl who worshipped me j“

j“ gliding through my memory j“

j“ that's how I see them j“

j“ gliding through my memory j“

j“ in sunny Barcelona j“

j“ a dancing chick I picked j“

j“ her castanets were clicking j“

j“ like nothing ever clicked j“

- olé! - You can say that again.

J“ a very friendly mademoiselle j“

j“ in ooh-ia-ia Paris j“

j“ she was a girl who couldn't say j“

j“ anything but j“

oui.

J“ ring-a-ding-ding j“

j“ was fun to cast an anchor j“

j“ in lovely Casablanca j“

j“ I loved a grecian doll and j“

j“ another doll in Holland j“

j“ but of all the girls in every hemisphere j“

j“ there is no one like the girl I have right here. J“

I guess you didn't know she was loaded with all that talent,

did you, kid?

Hey, ta! Happy new year!

- Have some tiger bone wine. - Happy new year.

Have some tiger bone wine.

Hey!

Ta!

Listen to me.

Please, Helen, just leave me alone.

- Where are you going? - I don't know.

To the rickshaw bar, I guess.

Then I'm going with you.

We'll drink the new year in together...

With tiger bone wine.

All right now.

J“ I'm just a vagabond sailor j“

here we are.

Just stand here. Don't move.

J“ just stand there, don't move j“

you're gonna be just fine, ta.

All you need is a little rest and a little sleep.

J“ all you need is some rest j“

Helen will take care of you.

Oh! Not over there. Come on. Up we go.

J“ all of the girls who adore me j“

sit over here.

Sit down. Right over here.

J“ all of the girls who adore me go gliding j“

let me have your shoes.

J“ let me have your shoes. J“

you know what year this is?

The year of the ox.

That dumb ox.

Yeah. And that's me.

Her brother gave her the convertible to save carfare.

She has no brother.

Sammy fong gave her everything she's got.

She's been his girl for five years.

Sammy fong's girl?

That's right.

The worst of it is it proves my father was right.

My father was right.

You'll get over it, ta.

Just rest a while.

Close your eyes.

You're here with me, Helen.

Don't leave me.

Don't leave me.

Don't leave me.

J“ I have wished before j“

j“ I will wish no more j“

j“ love, look away j“

j“ love, look away from me j“

j“ fly when you pass my door j“

j“ fly and get lost at sea j“

j“ call it a day j“

j“ love, let us say we're through j“

j“ no good are you for me j“

j“ no good am I for you j“

j“ wanting you so j“

j“ I try too much j“

j“ after you go j“

j“ I cry too much j“

j“ love, look away j“

j“ lonely though I may be j“

j“ leave me and set me free j“

j“ look away, look away j“

j“ look away j“

j“ from me. J“

Good morning, miss Helen chao.

Good morning, miss Mei li.

Thank you.

Madam liang asked me to bring the old master's western coat.

It is damaged.

How did he ever do that?

Oh, the old master does everything in a big way.

Excuse me a minute.

I'll tell madam liang when it's ready

and you can come and get it.

Good-bye.

- Who was that? - A customer.

I'm preparing breakfast for you.

Breakfast?

What time is it?

It's past noon.

My father's probably called the police

and every hospital in town.

Please, ta. Stay and eat something.

Thanks, Helen. Some other time. I've got to get home.

- When will you come again? - Soon.

Ta, please. Don't go yet.

Please.

Helen, I'd like to stay.

But you know my father, he'll...

Really, Helen, I'm sorry.

Maybe some other time.

Ta.

Look. He didn't come home.

This is the first time he's stayed out all night.

What could he be doing?

If this was a quiz program, I could win a trip to Europe.

I want you to call the police department

to close down that nightclub.

It is destroying public morals.

They cannot. It is a free enterprise.

It is that dancing girl's fault!

Throwing her evil spirits in my face!

That is American folk dance.

- Uh-0h. - Wait!

- Why are you not in school? - It's Saturday.

Always some excuse!

I was going to mess up your bed, but the folks beat me to it.

Father?

Where have you been to this hour?

Spending the night...

Stop! Not in front of your aunt!

I beg your forgiveness, my father.

You were right. I should've listened.

I was a fool.

Knowing you are a fool is the beginning of wisdom.

Now I have my son back.

Send Mei li to me.

Finding the right woman

is a responsibility that rests on my shoulders.

And I'm happy to say that I have found her.

I have spoken to Dr. Li.

True, wang ta.

I would be honored to have you for my son-in-law.

Come, we will drink to the happiness of our children

with tiger bone wine.

Ah, my child. I'm glad you are here.

We must all drink to my grandchildren.

Leave them alone. Let them settle it themselves.

What is it, Mei li?

Look at me, Mei li.

I want to tell you a story.

Along the hwang ho valley

where young men walk and dream,

a flower boat with singing girls

came drifting down the stream.

J“ I saw the face of only one j“

j“ come drifting down the stream j“

j“ you are beautiful j“

j“ small and shy j“

j“ you are the girl whose eyes met mine j“

j“ just as your boat sailed by j“

j“ this I know of you j“

j“ nothing more j“

j“ you are the girl whose eyes met mine j“

j“ passing the river shore j“

j“ you are the girl whose laugh I heard j“

j“ silver and soft and bright j“

j“ soft as the fall of lotus leaves j“

j“ brushing the air of night j“

j“ while your flower boat j“

j“ sailed away j“

j“ gently your eyes looked back on mine j“

j“ clearly you heard me say j“

j“ you are the girl I will love j“

j“ some day. J“

Yesterday I would have been very happy if you loved me.

But last night I learned it was another girl you wanted.

No, that was all a mistake.

My engagement to Linda low is broken.

I am not speaking of miss low.

This morning I took...

I took your father's coat to Helen chao's to be mended.

I saw another coat on a chair.

And this flower...

You will not understand how I feel

unless I tell you something.

It will be hard to say.

When you came into this garden the first time I saw you,

I knew I loved you.

I knew I wanted to be your wife.

Oh, Mei li.

It is necessary for me to tell you this strange thing

so that you will understand how I feel now.

It is because I loved you on that first day

that my heart is so hurt today.

I do not love you anymore.

I'm grateful for your hospitality, master wang,

but the time has come for us to leave you.

Please believe that our reasons are good ones.

There he goes again.

- I'm clean. - Me, too.

Hey, what's the matter?

Don't you enjoy winning a fortune?

Oh, Sammy's carrying a torch for Linda.

You some kind of nut or something?

Sammy fong don't carry a torch for any dame.

I'll get it.

Hello, Mrs. Fong.

- Hello. - Hello, mama.

Hello, uncle. Sit down, mom. Sit down.

Why didn't you let me know you were coming?

We just finished dinner. Having our tea.

Sammy cooked us a wonderful goose.

My son is a very fine host.

Sit down, gentlemen.

They were just leaving.

You must give us a revenge some time, Sammy.

Sure, any time. Glad you enjoyed yourselves.

- Thanks a lot for the dinner. - Thank you, Sammy.

- See you later. - See you.

- Thanks for the tea, Sammy. - Yeah.

Sammy, that's just the crowd

I don't wish you to go around with.

Gamblers. They'll take all your money away from you.

Right now they're having a little trouble.

It's living alone like this.

Oh, I don't mind living alone, not the way I do it.

Oh! Excuse me.

Oh, good evening, miss low.

This is my mother and my uncle.

This young lady is an employee at the celestial gardens.

- How do you do? - How do you...

I came to see Mr. Fong on business.

Oh, I see.

Mama, why don't you and uncle go on ahead

to the family association?

I'll meet you there.

Very well, my son.

Business first.

- An interesting business. - Yeah.

What's the idea of barging in like that?

I never rang the bell before.

I came to pick up my umbrella.

Listen, baby, I did you a favor.

You and that guy would never be happy.

Baby, deep down in that plastic heart of yours,

you know we belong together.

We were both born in the year of the horse.

This horse is scratched.

But, baby, you know the spot I'm in with my mom.

A grown man afraid of his mother.

But, sweetie, pop left her the business.

If I cross her, she'll cut me off without a fried noodle.

Talk is cheap.

This time I'll prove it to you.

Now don't blow this.

I'm in the money and the mood at the same time.

It may never fall that way again.

Linda, will you marry me?

Yes!

There you are, baby. We're as good as married.

Nothing's as good as married.

J“ now that we're going to be married j“

j“ I keep imagining things j“

j“ things that can happen to people j“

j“ when they are wearing gold rings j“

j“ being together each morning j“

j“ sharing our coffee and toast j“

j“ that's only one of the pictures j“

j“ here's what I picture most j“

j“ Sunday, sweet Sunday j“

j“ with nothing to do j“

j“ lazy and lovely j“

j“ my one day with you j“

j“ hazy and happy j“

j“ we'll drift through the day j“

j“ dreaming the hours away j“

j“ while all the funny papers j“

j“ lie or fly around the place j“

j“ I will try my kisses on your funny face j“

j“ dozing then waking j“

j“ on Sunday you'll see j“

j“ only me j“

j“ Sunday, sweet Sunday j“

j“ on Sunday you'll see j“

j“ only me j“

J“ dozing or waking j“

j“ on Sunday you'll see j“

j“ only j“

j“me. j“

Venerable elders of the three family association,

I am honored to stand before you.

I have here a contract entered into by madam fong

for the marriage of her son, Sammy, to my daughter, Mei li.

She is the girl I chose for Sammy.

Is that so? You don't tell me?

Isn't that lucky, the very girl?

My daughter is exactly as the picture represented her.

And if the elders wish to examine her, they may do so.

That will not be necessary, Dr. Li.

Your contract is valid and it will be honored.

But can you not reconsider your decision?

It is not my decision.

It is my daughter's wish.

And it is my wish, also.

Madam fong.

Dr. Li and his daughter.

I didn't know you had arrived.

We didn't expect you for another five years.

I must tell Sammy. He will be so happy.

You look exactly like your picture.

And just the kind of daughter-in-law I had in mind.

Thank you, madam fong.

- Isn't she adorable? - Yes, delightful.

If opposites attract, she should be very happy with your son.

You are so right.

You must stay at my home until the marriage,

and Sammy can come there to see you.

I insist.

And now, we'll have dinner

and drink to the future of my children.

Tell me, what would you like to have to eat?

We can have bird's nest soup, shark's fin...

It is all your fault.

My fault? What have I done?

"Let them fall in love naturally," you said.

You see what happens when you leave it to young people

to fall in love naturally?

You and your American plan!

Sammy, my little Sammy.

Hello, mom.

Boy, mom, have I got great news for you.

I finally decided to settle down and raise prize children,

just like you wanted me to.

She's a fine girl, from a distinguished family.

What's the matter?

Don't you think I can get a girl like that?

Well, I'm having her to dinner tonight,

and I know you're gonna take her to your heart

and love her as I do, as I will.

Sammy, stop surprising me. She's here already.

Come in, my dear.

- Oh, it's you! - Hi, honey.

You are the lowest, the sneakiest, the slimiest...

Now, don'tjump the gun. I was framed.

Just give me a chance to explain.

Explain? You couldn't wait to marry me!

You had to marry me!

Oh, you couldn't live without me!

And nothing's changed.

Nothing's changed?

You're going to marry her!

That's the only thing that's changed.

Well, I'm off to my canasta game.

Why don't you two talk?

Go on. Find out what you have in common.

Well...

Yes, Mr. Fong?

Let's see. What have we got in common?

I don't know, Mr. Fong.

Call me Sammy, as long as we're gonna be married.

Sammy?

How would you like to go out on the town with me

so you can see how I spend my nights?

That would be nice.

Come with me.

Let me give you a free demonstration.

How about a little action?

Eleven!

Boxcars!

You sure are lucky, baby. Let's get out of here.

I always lose. I'm just unlucky.

Maybe you're lucky in love.

And how! Come with me. I'll show you.

Hello, honey.

Sammy, how are you?

Hi, Sammy. Where have you been?

- Hello, baby, how are you? - Hi, cutie pie.

Hello, sweetheart. You see that? I know them all.

I can't keep away from women,

and they can't keep their hands off of me.

It would be nice to have a husband

who is so popular with everybody.

Yeah.

Am I the man that you love?

If that is true, I am more.

Something beyond and above

the man I was before.

Like a god with my head above the trees,

I can walk with a god-like stride.

It sounds like the music back home in Peking.

This joint doesn't start to groove until 4:00 am.

I'm here every night,

but I'll always be home before dawn, so don't wait up for me.

You'd have a red Mark from here to here

leaning out of windows, watching for me to get back home.

I won't mind.

I will still be your wife no matter what happens.

J“ you are young and beautiful j“

j“ sweet as the breath of may j“

j“ earnestly I speak to you j“

j“ weigh every word I say j“

j“ if you want to have a rosy future j“

j“ and be happy as a honey bee j“

j“ with a husband who will always love you j“

j“ baby, don't marry me j“

j“ if you want a man you can depend on j“

j“ I can absolutely guarantee j“

j“ I will never fail to disappoint you j“

j“ baby, don't marry me j“

j“ I eat litchi nuts and cookies in bed j“

j“ and I fill the bed with nutshells and crumbs j“

j“ I have irritating habits you'll dread j“

j“ like the way I have of cracking my thumbs j“

J“ my grandpa was a big game hunter j“

j“ he met grandma swinging on a tree j“

j“ if you want to have attractive children j“

j“ baby, don't marry me j“

J“ don't marry me j“

j“ I would like to see my sons and daughters j“

j“ sliding up and down their father's knee j“

j“ they'll get splinters in their little fannies j“

j“ cookie... j“

J“ I'm devoted to my dear old mama j“

j“ and if you and mama disagree j“

j“ I would always side with her against you j“

j“ schnookie, don't marry me j“

j“ I would always like to know where you go j“

j“ I don't like a man to keep me in doubt j“

j“ honey, that's a thing that's easy to know j“

j“ you will always know where I am, I'm out j“

j“ I am talking like a Chinese uncle j“

j“ I'm as serious as I can be j“

j“ I am saying this because I love you j“

j“ darling, don't marry me. J“

it's too late, Sammy fong.

The invitations have been sent. All is arranged.

Yeah, I guess we're both hooked pretty good.

Yeah.

Rosalyn, come away with me.

You don't belong with him.

I'll make a new life for you.

No, Eric.

He may be a coward, but you mustn't kiss me.

We haven't the right.

Rosalyn.

- Hello, Mei li. - Hello, too, wang ta.

May I come in?

Please.

Madam fong and Sammy are out, but I can ask my father...

Oh, please don't disturb him.

I just came to bring you a wedding present.

They were my mother's.

She wanted them to go to the girl my father selected.

I do not think I should accept.

Please, I want you to have them.

Oh!

They are so pretty, ta.

My mother wore them when she was married.

Oh, ta.

What are you doing here, wang ta?

He brought me a wedding present.

A gift from wang chi-Yang family.

You have brought a very beautiful gift.

I was watching a late movie, and beautiful music, too.

J“ filter, flavor, flip-top box. J“

- do you like American movies? - Oh, yes.

In the movies, every American has a beautiful automobile

and a beautiful golden girl in a car who wears wonderful clothes.

They all seem so happy.

But I do not understand

why they all go around killing each other.

They have to do something exciting late at night

or people would fall asleep.

He's asleep.

He falls asleep on front of television,

even when it isn't on.

Maybe I'd better go.

Wang ta...

Will I see you at the wedding?

No, I couldn't face that.

Oh, it is very pretty.

It will be a real Chinese ceremony.

It is the wish of my mother-in-law.

The bride is carried through the street in a sedan chair,

and at the ceremony we drink from a double goblet,

and then the bridegroom lifts the veil

and looks at his bride's face.

You have a beautiful face, Mei li.

Same face.

Doesn't he even kiss the bride?

Why should he? They are already married.

Here, they're not really married until they seal it with a kiss.

Everything in america ends with a kiss.

What does it mean? Why do they do it?

It expresses how you feel.

When you do it with the right person, you light up inside.

It's difficult to explain.

Maybe it would be easier if you show me.

Yes, it would.

Then do it.

Come here.

What's that for?

It is the kiss position. I saw on the television.

No, relax. Not that much.

You've got... You've got two noses.

Close your eyes.

It's better if you don't stare at me.

Can I open my eyes now?

Mm-hmm.

Is that the kiss that makes you light up inside?

No. Compared to the kisses you see in the movies,

this was only half done.

Only half done?

Do a well done, please.

I like it well done.

Oh, ta, your heart is beating.

Can you feel mine?

I love you, Mei li.

Oh, ta, what can we do?

I don't know, but I'll think of something.

I won't go home tonight.

I'll walk the streets until I get an idea.

Oh, I will not sleep, too.

Good night, my darling.

Good night, my darling, too.

Try to think of something.

Good night. Try to think of something.

I have not been asleep, my daughter.

I heard everything.

Father, please help me.

There's nothing we can do.

The marriage contract is signed and sealed.

Senor sheriff, I must give myself up.

Well, now, don't tell me that you held up

the Wells Fargo stage at eagle rock.

No, no. I came into this country illegally

across the rio grande.

I am a wetback.

I cannot marry with Rodriguez.

He is in love with another woman,

and he is a wetback, too!

I must give myself up.

I am a wetback.

Honorable sirs, and my future mother-in-law,

I must confess something.

I came into this country illegally.

Across the pacific ocean.

It is for that reason, I cannot marry your son.

My back is wet.

Did you hear that, momma?

My son cannot marry a wetback.

She has broken the law and can be deported.

The contract is not valid. The contract is not valid.

Sir, I would be happy to marry your daughter,

even if we are both deported.

You are a brave man, ta.

Oh, Mei li, you're wonderful. You thought of something.

Ta, tomorrow we must go to the temple of tin how

and thank the goddess of heaven for television.

Yes.

- Linda. - Sammy.

Come with me, Linda.

Mom, I want to make it a double wedding.

She's okay. She came into this country

the regular way, through her mother.

Mother.

J“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ a hundred million miracles j“

j“ are happening every day. J“