All language subtitles for MT Not Mash XXX

Radar, just remember, girls love
musicians.

Yes, Colonel.

I've heard that before, but I'm not much
of a musician.

Come on now.

Don't sell yourself short.

Sir, can't we leave the short jokes to
Captain Pierce and McIntyre? And my

family, you be tallest boy.

Okie dokie, soon she.

Now go ahead, Radar. Play Reveille.

Well, I'm sure those bugle lessons will
finally pay off.

Well, here goes nothing.

Attention.

TV shots will be given out Thursday for
anyone that's been to Rosie's bar in the

last two weeks.

Tonight's movie is Gone with the Wind.

I cried the first time I watched Gone
with the Wind.

Are we disturbing you two lovebirds?

What are you two idiots doing in here?

What are we doing in here?

We get to talk about Franklin.

Prostate exam.

My what?

That's right, big fella. You've been
avoiding this far too long.

Time to quit the grinning and drop the
linen.

Poor Grit.

Oh, Frank. Be a man. Let him have a
look.

All right.

Fellas, be gentle.

Not in my tent, you idiot!

That's right, Frank. You wouldn't want
to get caught with your pants down in

Lips Tent.

Her name is Major Houlihan.

Not that right means anything to you two
clowns. The only thing right, Frank,

might be your prostate.

All right, would you two mind taking
your little traveling butt circus out of

here?

Well,

Margaret, you're next. We'll be back for
your pap smear and rectal exam.

Oh, get out!

Listen, fellas, I know you're all busy
with the Warren stuff, but poor little

Radar's really down in the dumps. He's
at an all -time low. All -time low? I

didn't know he could get any lower.

Yeah, Henry, if he was any shorter, he'd
be too small to see.

All right, fellas, knock off the jokes.

Ever since Radar's been in Korea, he
hasn't had a date with a member of the

female persuasion.

I caught him peeking into the nurse's
shower. That's almost a date.

Yeah, and I saw him crying on Nurse
Daisy while she was masturbating.

Nurse Daisy was masturbating? She's like
clockwork. Every day at 1600 hours, her

pants come flying off.

Why am I always the last to know?

Anywho, Raynard's sex drive is through
the roof.

He's so depressed that he hasn't been
taking care of his work, which is

me extra paperwork.

That sounds like your problem, not ours.

Well, it will be your problem the next
time you request a pass to Tokyo or

Seoul. And we'd run out of paper because
Radar forgot to order it.

I guess it is our problem.

Henry, if you want us to play Cupid to
Radar, just say so. I'll pick up my bow

and arrow from the pawn shop.

Listen, guys.

I don't want to be in Korea any more
than you do.

Just promise me you'll make it happen.

I'll be grateful.

How grateful?

Three days in Tokyo grateful.

Why not set him up with Soon -Shi?

I thought about it.

But I got a bit uncomfortable thinking
of the young lad putting his tiny minnow

where I dock the big yacht.

Are we talking about luxury boats or
sex?

Both, I think.

Say no more, Henry.

Radar here says the Virgin will be
coming to an end.

Do you want me to sucky -fucky radar?

I don't know.

That'll be quite all right, soon she.

You just continue to do what it is you
do.

Wow, Bojack's home already, Henry? It's
not even dark yet.

How soon, she? Not in front of the
company.

Oh, Frank.

I can see it all now.

See what, Margaret?

Your promotion, honey.

My promotion?

To Lieutenant Colonel, silly.

Lieutenant Colonel?

Lieutenant Colonel Frank Burns.

Oh, Frank.

Pearson McIntyre wouldn't be able to get
away with half the crap they do now if

you were a lieutenant colonel.

Do you really think I have a chance of
being promoted?

Oh, why not?

I've worked hard to put you in this
position.

Well, sweet dumpling, you wouldn't be
the same rank anymore, so you'd have to

obey my orders.

Your orders?

Frank, the only order I'll obey is for
you to shut up and pleasure me.

But honey, your rank of major would be
well below my rank of... Lieutenant

Colonel, so you'd have to obey me.

Oh, shut up, Frank. Before I rip your
eyeballs out of their sockets.

Captain Pierce and McIntyre will be
holding the first ever Mass 4077 beauty

pageant. All nurses are encouraged to
apply.

Don't think for one second I don't know
you two are up to something.

Up to what, Frank?

Up to no good.

No good? Frank, that would be against
our code of ethics as doctors.

You call yourself doctor.

Doctors are caring and compassionate.

Well, Frank, you must have been standing
in the wrong line when they handed out

caring and compassion.

Just wait. One day you'll get what you
deserve.

Get what we deserve?

You mean there's more coming than this
all -expenses -paid trip to Korea?

Naughty, high, high, high.

Let's see what Colonel Blake has to say
about this.

Why don't you see what Colonel Sanders
has to say about all this?

And bring us back a bucket of chicken.

Attention! The current time is $1 ,600.

That is all.

You're a daisy!

Thank you.

Come on in.

and Major Hoolan.

Halt! Who goes there?

You're sticking the head. Can I get that
in writing from you, sir?

Get away from me, pervert.

Sorry, sir, but you can't go in there.

Step aside, you little pipsqueak. Might
I remind you, I'm a major.

Yes, sir, but, um, I know you outrank me
in rank and all, but...

The colonel outranks you in, well,
whatever colonels have.

And I have special instructions not to
let anyone interrupt while the colonel's

involved in important international
relations.

Oh.

Colonel, I demand to see you.

Not now, Frank.

I'm busy preparing my preparations.

I have to talk to you about Pearson
McIntyre.

Can't it wait, Frank?

But it's important.

So is this, Frank.

Cooper, do you have any idea what's
going on in there?

Not really, sir. I'm from Iowa.

This is all going down in my report, and
your name will be at the top of the

list. My name, sir?

But, geez.

I only picked once.

Oh, yeah, that's a good baby

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No.

Soon. Oh, soon.

Oh.

I'm so bored, we're going crazy.

Bored? Of course.

Crazy? No way.

I think we need a Radar Falls in Love
special project.

Hawkeye, you got that twinkle in your
eye.

Yeah, I think it's a sty.

I'm having dirty thoughts about one of
the nurses.

But now, instead of having sex with me,
she's having sex with Radar.

Which nurse do you think would do it?

It's for a good cause. I'm sure they all
would.

No way. Go fly a kite.

You've got to be kidding me.

I'd rather fuck Klinger.

I wouldn't fuck either of those guys.

Oh, come on.

What about the morale of the troops?

Think of it as a favorite Uncle Sam.

Uncle Sam's already got my sweet ass and
little tits over here in this

godforsaken war.

One for the Gipa?

I'm not fucking Radar.

I'll do it, sirs. Do what, Klinger? Have
sex with Radar, sir.

Clinger, we're trying to cheer him up.
Let's send him back to Iowa.

I know you can't tell by my exterior,
but I can be a very gentle and generous

lover. Ew.

I think I'm going to be sick.

No, really.

I was voted the best oral sex performer
in all of Toledo.

Remind me to cancel my vacation plans to
Toledo.

Hey, Clinger, if that's true, meet me in
the supply tent, 10 p .m.?

I'll wear an outfit that'll bring you to
tears, Nurse Kelly.

What about you, Jennifer?

You guys are crazy.

There has to be something in it for me
to fuck anybody.

Especially Radar.

I think getting Radar laid is going to
be a little harder than we thought.

Maybe I'll work on Nurse Stevens tonight
and see if I can, uh, convince her to

have sex with Radar. Where'd you plan on
doing your, uh, convincing?

In the swamp.

What about Frank?

Movie night.

He'll be sitting with hot lips, watching
Gone with the Wind.

Ah, Clark Gable, huh?

Tell me how it ends.

I think Lincoln gets shot.

In a theater?

Yeah, after he complained about stale
popcorn.

Would you two pipe downwards for a grind
to operate over here?

Frank, don't tell the patients it's your
first day on the job.

They might not come back.

Colonel Blake, do we have some
professionalism over here?

Frank, I don't know what crackerjack
boxer you got your diploma from, but

actually licensed doctors over here.

Yeah, we got our licenses from the DMV.

All righty, boys and girls.

Let's not get our panties in a bunch.

Colonel, must they be so immature?

As a matter of fact, yes, they must.

Hey, Frank, I like your blue gloves.

Can't a man be stylish at work?

Margaret, you're driving me bonkers. I
just don't have any patience.

I have no patience, said the unemployed
doctor.

Ladies and gentlemen, he'll be here
every night for your comedic pleasure.

Oh, booey -hooey.

Leader.

Kelly Clamp.

Suction, please.

His blood pressure's dropped.

Let me tie that off with 3 -0 silk.

Now! Watch my finger.

Nurse, another pint of plasma, please.

Put it on Major Burns' tab.

Okay, the vitals are stable now.

Great work, guys.

Nice save.

Show -offs.

My husband would definitely not approve
of this.

Your husband?

Hawkeye said you were single.

I just told him that because I was horny
and I wanted to fuck him.

Is that wrong of you?

Depends on how big your husband is.

I have a confession to make, sir.

Wrong pen.

Father Mulcahy is next door. Not that
kind of confession, Claire.

I just want you and Captain Pierce to
know that I am not a homosexual.

Well, neither am I. So scratch.

Hey, Clinger, are you really good at
giving oral sex?

Just ask Nurse Kelly. She's passed out
in the supply tent for my window tongue.

I'll take your word for it.

Trapper, I hope you don't mind, but
Clinger, would you do me?

Clinger, do you mind?

Mind what, sir?

I hate it when people play with my food.

Sorry, sir. Got carried away.

Wow.

You look good.

Really good.

Being on top of that?

Well, I don't know if I want to put my
face down where she's been, but if I do,

will you have sex with Radar?

Well, as long as you're as good as
cleaner.

Piece of cake.

Margaret, the entire 407 -7 is going
kablooey.

Oh, there, there, Frank.

You just relax. I'll make it all better.

I mean, Pierce and McIntyre are insane.

I caught Radar French kissing his
rabbit.

And Colonel Blake's getting blowjobs
from the enemy.

Doesn't seem to like me very much.

Oh, darling, they're all beneath you.
They can't hold a candle to your

authoritarian ways.

You just don't think... What do you mean
the colonel's getting blowjobs from the

enemy? Oh, yeah, I was peeking into his
tent, and soon she was down on her dirty

little knees with her little communist
mouth wrapped around his cock.

Was it big, Frank?

It was what big?

I mean, are you sure, Frank?

Oh, yeah.

I know an actual blowjob when I see one.
I mean...

My wife never ever gave me one before,
but you sure gave me one humdinger for

birthday last year.

Frank, if you mention your wife's name
one more time, I'm going to rip your

balls off with a pair of pliers.

Margaret, you're all the woman I'll ever
need.

We need to report this illicit activity
to the general.

Oh, Sugar Plum, when you talk like that,
I just want to suckle your bosom.

Oh, go ahead and...

Uncle Frank.

She said I wasn't as good as Clinger.
You got out -sexed by a drag queen. Calm

down, will you? You're ruining my
reputation.

Major Burns is really upset with you two
guys for showboating in the O .R. He

wants to take away your still. Take away
the still?

Never. He wants me to secretly place a
call to General Haggerty at Central

Command. He said if I do, I can watch
stag films.

Stag films?

Radar, we can do better than dirty
movies.

Hawkeye's right. Wouldn't you prefer the
real thing?

You mean like a real -life lady person?

Yeah, like a real -life lady person.

Just whatever you do, don't let that
call get through to the General.

I think I'll go watch my rabbits have
sex.

Hey, little buddy.

Little buddy? Frank, are you running a
fever?

Nope.

As a fiddle. What's with the aftershave,
Frank?

Can't a man take pride in his appearance
and his aroma?

Sure, Frank, a man can.

But what about you?

Something smells rotten in Denmark.

Weisenheimers. Korea's nowhere near
Denmark.

Just wait. You two will get what's
coming to you.

Hey, maybe it's a free trip back to the
States this time.

Degenerates.

Attention, 407. Due to the rise of
venereal disease in the Korean theater,

abstinence is being encouraged by
President Truman.

Oh, Margaret. I have to have you now.

Oh, Fred. Oh, Margaret.

Frank. Margaret.

Frank!

What is it, honey bun? Your clusters.

What about my clusters? Your clusters
are pinching my skin.

If you expect me to sit still while you
ravish me, you better remove your

clusters.

Margaret.

Nurse Jennifer, the incomparable beauty
of the 4077 that could only become more

beautiful with some plastic surgery.

Are you talking about some unauthorized
plastic surgery?

Is there any other kind?

What's going on, boys? I can't suck your
cocks because Major Houlihan said she'd

suspend me if she caught me engaging in
any sexual contact with any of the

officers. The war is just no fun with
hot lips around.

Doc, you do know that any non -life
-saving surgery is prohibited by the U

Army.

She's always yearned for bigger boobs.

She's desirous of more gluteus in her
maximus. And it's been her dream for

luscious lippage in those lips.

What about Frank and Margaret?

We'll let them do their own plastic
surgery.

No, I mean they'll go straight to the
general.

We'll have Colonel Blake issue them a
three -day pass to Tokyo. That way

never know what we're up to.

Your madness is inspiring.

Which way to your laboratory?

This way?

No, this way.

You guys are crazy. You want to tell me
what's going on?

Today is your lucky day. What would you
say if we told you we're going to give

you that plastic surgery that every girl
has desired?

Are you kidding me?

I'd do anything.

I'd even fuck radar.

Well, that's exactly what we wanted to
hear.

But there's just one problem.

I'm afraid of going into the night.

Are you sure, Sparky?

All action is north of Wee Jam Boo?

No casualties expected down here?

That's great news. Thanks.

Good news, Radar?

Yes, sir.

All the fighting is taking place well
north of here, and they don't expect any

casualties down here.

Majors, it seems you've picked the
perfect week to take your vacations. Are

sure, Colonel? You won't be needing us.
We can cancel.

Major Hunafan, pick me on the work day.

Yeah, you two have fun. Don't forget to
send a postcard, Ixnay.

The Major and I will be attending
military seminars while in Tokyo.

Yeah, right.

Radar. Have a jeep ready to drive Majors
Houlihan and Burns to Kimpo Air Base

for their flights to Tokyo.

Have a nice time at the seminars.

Announcement! Majors Burns and Houlihan
are now on their way to Tokyo. There

will be a drunken orgy in the mess tent
beginning at 2100 hours.

That's quite the nice little housekeeper
you got, Henry.

Yep. I'm pretty proud of her. She's
almost old enough to be one of your

daughters.

Sir,

am I supposed to be seeing this?

Well, hopefully you're going to be
seeing a lot more than this, Radar.

Pierce?

McIntyre? You want me to sucky -fucky
Radar now?

What's about chopper hot guy?

I licked him, too, and offered apple for
pleasure.

Wow.

Okey -dokey. I think the party's over.

The colonel needs some alone time with
his housekeeper now. Amps great.

But, sir, I don't think I can stand up.

That's normal, son. Just take another
pixie into the women's shower and give

your little buddy some relief.

Just don't let the nurses catch you
jerking off to their cleanliness.

On that note, thanks for stopping by.

Toodle -oo!

You are such a whore.

Attention! Once again, Colonel Blake is
going into conference and is not to be

disturbed.

Ha!

Fuck me.

this is going to work?

If it doesn't, I want my money back.

I've been experimenting with injected
bilateral breast augmentation and Radar

was able to get a sample ship from Tokyo
General Hospital.

How big we going, Huck?

Let's turn our tiny tits into fantastic
fun bags.

Pierce, let's not get too carried away
or we can all wind up in this stockade.

I call dibs on testing out these
puppies.

I thought Radar was getting first crack
at a crack.

Don't worry, fellas.

There'll be plenty of me to go around if
this works.

Remember our deal, Jennifer.

You have to make romance with Radar.

With these new tips, I'm going to fuck
everybody.

Oh, drat.

We have to hurry. The war is headed back
our way and they're expecting

casualties. So Burns and Houlihan will
be coming back earlier than expected.

Let's gas her up and put her under.

Put her down, nurse.

Sweet dreams, you soon -to -be -big
-boobed beauty.

I think I'm going to miss a small tit.
I'll cut them off so you can hang them

over your fireplace.

I don't have a fireplace.

Neither do I. We'll use Frank's.

Nurse, once I make the incision, give me
some suction.

Yes, doctor. I'll give you plenty of
suction.

Don't those guys take any time off.

Why should they? They're paid by the
hour.

Yeah, Henry. They get time and a half on
weekends.

The MPs just called from Checkpoint
Foxtrot. Major Houlihan and Burns will

back in 15 minutes.

Holy horse feathers. Hurry up, Pierce.

Did the Pope brush Michelangelo when he
was spray painting the 15 chapels? Yeah,

Henry. Radar can't be rushed.

Well, I hope great tits can, or we'll
all be on the chain gang at Leavenworth.

Hurry up and stick those fun bags in and
close her up.

Attention! Vegas, Burns, and Ulan are
returning to Tokyo earlier than

All remaining origins have now been
canceled.

Great work, doctors. Her boobs are going
to look great.

When I'm done, I'd like to give you a
full frontal exam.

Are you trying to fuck me, doctor?

He's trying, all right.

I think he's succeeding.

When we're done, I'll take a shower and
slip into something sexy and meet you in

your tent.

have fighting nearby.

The North Koreans are taking territory
and they won't give it back.

General MacArthur is pissed.

Attention! Once the fighting has crossed
the one -half mile point, be prepared

to evacuate immediately.

God bless us all.

Thank you.

Pierce.

Ah!

of my nurses is in the recovery room
covered in bandages.

Yeah, well, that's the $64 ,000

question. Pierce?

McIntyre?

You boys wanted to vote for skinny on
the poop?

Miss Jennifer hit by a bus.

She was hit by a bus?

Actually, it was an ambulance.

Yeah, she didn't hear the siren.

Backed into her and we had to operate on
her chest.

That poor girl.

Radar, notify Central Command
immediately that Nurse Jones is to be

Purple Heart.

Purple Heart?

Don't you think we're jumping the gun a
little bit here?

Jumping the gun? Do you hear those
shells?

One of my nurses was injured in a combat
situation and she deserves full

military honors.

Oh, boy.

notify her family?

Uh, yes, we did.

And they were fine with it.

That's a hot reaction.

Oh, come on, Major Burns.

Holy shit!

Our tits are really in a pinch now.

Good luck at the prom, Walter.

I think I'm getting a cold foot.

I think you mean cold feet.

Just think of the warm pussy. It's going
to be knee -high in. Speaking of knee

-high, let's make a toast.

Wow, you guys found great knee -high?

To Radar O 'Reilly on his big night.

May he penetrate that pussy and squeal
with delight.

Break a leg, Radar.

But sir, I didn't know that was a part
of sex.

Geez. Now I'm really nervous.

Is Radar in there?

I'm going to give you the time of your
life, sweetie.

Here I come, baby.

Yo, Radar. Give her this.

for breakfast in a minute.

John Walter.

You ready for this?

Hi, Nurse Jennifer.

I think so.

It looks like I'm ready.

You are.

Note I found posted in the nurse's
shower.

Since I don't go into the nurse's shower
anymore, can you read it to me?

Attention, nurses.

Free breast enlargement and other
procedures.

Please remove your top and immediately
see Major.

Brianna Blair.

Attention! This movie is a parody and
not from the makers of that TV show.