All language subtitles for Invaders.from.Proxima.B.2023.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.26

Where's my present?

Where's my kiss?

Ooh, a rose quartz.

In Greek mythology,
this is like giving
the gift of love.

I got you a present, too.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

Where is it?

It's in my bag.
It's chocolate.

Now there
is the gift of love.

- Can I have some?
- No.

You have to be at school
in like three hours.

- You have to go to bed.
- I'm too tired to go to bed.

She got so big
since I went away.

She's like 10 feet tall
and 500 pounds.

Mm-hmm.

- One...
- Two, three.

I'm glad you're home, Dada.

- Love you, baby.
- I got you a gift, too.

- Oh, yeah Where is it?
- In here.

Huh? Huh?

Oh! Aah!

Jane, fire!

Whoa.

No way!

Oh!

- Jane, wake up.
- What? What? What?

- Something crashed
in the backyard.
- What? Is Ruby okay?

- She's fine.
It crashed in the back.
- What crashed?

It was like a bright light
that was flying at the house.

- Like a plane?
- No, it was a small,
round, metal object.

And it was smoking
and hot to the touch.

- But how small was it?
- It was like this big.

It was a drone.
It was just a drone, Howie.

Somebody lost control
of their drone.

I've never seen a drone
like that before.

Fine.
It was a professional drone.
It was a military drone.

- Or it wasn't a drone.
- What was it?

A spaceship from outer space.

Okay, you think
it's more likely
that it's a drone

or that it's a spaceship?

Why don't you just come look
at it and decide for yourself?

I will.
I will do that first thing
in the morning for you.

- How can you sleep right now?
- Because I teach small children

very early
in the morning, Howie.

Okay, I'm gonna
take a video with my camera,

I'm gonna come back up here,
and I'm gonna show you.

No, please don't.
Please.

What? You never farted?

Aah!

Howie?

Howie?

What?

I'm here.

Howard, what are you
doing down there?

Oh, my-- oh, my God.
Is that blood?

You-- stay there.

What about the trail
of green goo?

- What happened to that?
- Well, I don't know.

Maybe it evaporated
or got cleaned up by something.

What? What?
You don't believe me!

This happened to me
last night.

I believe that you
hit your head very hard.

So what? So what? So what?

So I think-- I think that
you confused a drone for a UFO

and probably a raccoon.

Okay, raccoons don't have
blue and purple eyes that glow,

nor do they apologize
for farting.

Okay. Well, whatever it is,

I hope Animal Control
can catch it.

Please, please, promise me

that you will not go down
there until he gets here.

I promise.

They fired Mr. Steve.

- The music teacher?
- Mm-hmm.

- What for?
- Being drunk.

Hmm, can't be drunk.

They're looking
for a replacement.

Jane, I'm a keyboard player,
I'm not a music teacher.

It's two days a week.
You'll have so much more time

to work on your music
'cause you'll be home.

Nobody cares about my music.

Hey, I care about
your music, so there.

Now, they're setting up
interviews with candidates
all next week.

So I'll go ahead and-- what?

- I can't.
- Why?

You're leaving again.

- When?
- First thing
tomorrow morning.

Howie, you just got here.

I know,
but I if I had said no,

then whoever said yes
would take my spot
on the summer tour.

What is the point
of having a house
that you are never at

and a family
you are never with?

Come on, Ruby, we're late.

- Dada?
- Yeah?

- I believe.
- Believe what?

That a spaceship
crashed in our backyard

and you heard an alien fart.

Thank you.

Can we go down
and investigate
the crash site?

You have to go to school.

- After school?
- Sure.

Just don't tell any
of your friends or teachers

about any of this, okay?

Because people will think
you're crazy?

Right.

- Dada?
- Yeah?

Do you have to leave again?

Come on, gonna be late.

Will you miss my birthday?

I will be back
the very day after,

so you get to celebrate
two days in a row.

- How cool is that?
- Not cool.

- I love you.
- Love you, too.

Can we please not be mad
on my one day home?

You choose to be home
for one day.

That's why I'm mad.

- Good morning to you, sir.
- Morning.

My name is Ester.
What's yours?

- Howie.
- Do you live here, Howie?

- Yes, I do.
- And you lived here last night?

Yes, I did.

Did you see what I saw?

What did you see?

Something most unusual?

- Did you?
- See something unusual?

Late last night?

Why won't you
answer me, Howie?

Because you're a total stranger
asking me weird questions.

I'm not a stranger.
I'm Ester.

Greetings, Earthling.

I'm Ester Terrestrial...

...and welcome to my world.

"But, Ester," you say,

"Your world looks just
like my world. What gives?"

Well, I do indeed
live on the same planet as you.

But beyond humans,
my world is inhabited by...

Andromenids and Grays,
Evaborgs and Proximians,

Synthetics and Umites,

and, yes, sometimes even
the dreadful Draconians.

Once you step into the world
of Ester Terrestrial,

your eyes will be open

to all the strange
and wonderful creatures

from across the universe
who live and work

here on Earth amongst us.

So welcome to the world
of Ester Terrestrial.

And if you liked this video,

remember to thumb-up it

and leave a comment below.

It was nice to meet you, Ester.
I gotta go.

Janie?

Ruby?

- Good morning.
- Aah!

I'm sorry to have startled you,
but upon approaching your house,

I discovered these strands
of the most unusual pelage.

- Who are you?
- Nathan Droogal,

Adam's Hill Animal Control,
at your service.

"Banishing vermin
since 1993 A.D."

Ms. Jenkins mentioned
you were having a wee bit
of a critter problem.

Yeah, you might say that.

Where exactly
did this encounter occur?

- Uh, under the house.
- Ah.

At least it wasn't
inside the house.

Interior infestations are
the worst, believe you me.

- I believe you.
- Follow me.

Looks like a slice of heaven.

- It does?
- Sure, if you're
damned vermin.

I apologize for my language.
Hope I didn't offend you.

- No, I wasn't--
- It's just these damn vermin
really boil my blood.

Trespass against us,
feast on our bounty,

and defecate
wherever they so please.

You ever hear of
the bubonic plague,
Mr. Jenkins?

- I have.
- Well, just remember this.

The next great plague
is always lurking,

just waiting to pounce
when humanity least expects it.

Scary thought.

Close the door behind me.

And no matter what you may hear,
dare not ye enter.

Door!

There's no-- no lights.

If you want to use
your flashlight?

Door!

Has a plague beset your house?

Do vile vermin strike terror
in the hearts of those you love?

Fear not,
for Adam's Hill Animal Control

shall be your salvation!

Count on me, Nathan Droogal.

And by the power of my rod,

the beast shall be driven
to eternal destruction!

And ye who call
Adam's Hill Animal Control

shall be saved!

Guy from Animal Control
was already here

and completely bonkers.

I guess this is
your first contact.

Taking that as a yes.

Howie, right?

Um...

My real name
doesn't translate to English,

so just call me
by my nickname-- Chuck.

Howie?

Howie? Come back, Howie.

You can't leave!

Truly sorry I had
to do that, Howie.

Brainjacking is only
a last resort.

Not cool, Howie.

Drop it.
Drop the bug spray.

Oh, shit!

Wh-- what do you want?

To begin, I could use
a nice cup of coffee.

Outstanding.

- So, you're an alien.
- I am.

- From another planet.
- Proxima B from the Alpha
Centauri star system.

- How far away is that?
- Only 4.24 light-years.

- What's that in miles?
- 25 trillion miles.

Why-- why did you
come all this way?

- I need your help.
- My help?

- Doing what?
- Saving planet Earth.

Oh, is that all?

I'm a professional.
We'll save this place,
no problem.

And how exactly
are we gonna save this place?

An auction is taking place
this afternoon

for the exclusive rights
to Earth.

- Earth is up for auction?
- It is.

- And who's bidding on Earth?
- Normal suspects.

Itinerate civilizations
looking for new homes,

planets in need
of natural resources,

militaries expanding domains,
so on and so forth.

Uh, so then
who is selling it?

Wow, it's been
like 6,000 years

and most of you
still have no clue
who your overlords are.

Lookit, I gotta get
to that auction ASAP.

What happens if you don't
get to that auction?

- Worst-case scenario?
- Sure.

- An extinction event.
- For humans?

For all life on Earth.
Even cockroaches.

Mr. Jenkins,
you have to see this.

I have discovered a deposit
of the most unidentifiable scat.

- It reeks of death itself.
- I bet yours don't
smell like roses, pal.

- Vermin?
- What did you call me?

- The pestilence speaks.
- Yeah, several
hundred languages.

What do you got? One?

Before him goes pestilence,

and a plague cometh after him!

The Lord is faithful
and the strength in Him

protects you
from he who is evil!

- Did-- is he gonna be okay?
- He'll be fine.

Hey, you got
a rope or something?

You wanna tie him up?

Just until
we save the world.

What if somebody
drops by unexpectedly?

Who's gonna
drop by unexpectedly?

What we're doing right now
could send me to prison
for a very long time.

Nobody is going to prison.

Though it doesn't matter much
if we fail in our mission.

- You mean your mission?
- Gee, Howie, I'm sorry.

Figured since the fate
of your planet

and your human race
was at stake,

you might want
to take some ownership.

How do I know
any of this is real?

How do I know you're
not just tricking me

to helping enslave mankind?

How could you possibly
help me enslave mankind?

How could I possibly
help you save mankind?

- A form exchange.
- What?

It's where you
exchange bodies with me.

- Well, that's not gonna happen.
- Ever seen those movies

where the kid exchanges
bodies with the parent?

They go through
each other's days
and then hijinks ensue?

- It's gonna be like that?
- Without hijinks.

Just a quick swap
so I can infiltrate
the auction in human form.

- No biggie.
- That's a huge biggie.

There's dozens of licensed
FEDs all over the world.

- What's an FED?
- Form Exchange Depot.

A sanctioned location
where visiting Proximians

rent a human body
during their stay.

Tourists, diplomats,
folks on business,
that kind of thing.

So what happens
to the humans?

They hang out at the depot
in alien bodies.

And that's what
you want me to do.

No time to go
to the Adam's Hill depot,

so we just do it from
the comfort of your own home.

So, what do you say?

No. No. I can't do it.

I can't do it.
I can't do it.

I'm sorry, I can't do it.

You don't have to do anything.

Just sit here
for a while in my body.

- What if something goes wrong?
- It won't.

But even if it does,
you'll be fine.

I believe in you.

That's because
you don't know me.

If you knew me,
you wouldn't believe in me.

Sheesh, Howard,
what's with all the self-doubt?

You can only fail for so long
before it starts to take a toll.

Fail? You have a loving wife,
beautiful child,

all here enjoying
this view of paradise.

How is that failure?

Because I'm never here
to enjoy it, okay?

I'm always
on the road somewhere
in some podunk club.

So what would success
look like?

Sleeping in my own bed
at night with my wife.

Waking up in the morning
and taking my kid to school.

Heaven forbid, recording
an album of my own songs.

- Let's hear one.
- Right now?

Always got time for a song.

Anyway, that's
what I got so far.

Strong stuff, brother.
I felt that.

Yeah, well, I don't know
where it goes from here.

- It's a story, right?
- Sure.

So, how you
want the story to end?

That said, can I assume
that you don't want the story

to end with the utter
destruction of your species?

You promise it doesn't hurt?

Actually,
it's rather relaxing.

And you gotta be back by 3.

I can't be sitting here
in an alien body

when they get
home from school.

- Trust me.
- Can I?

Lookit,
I gotta trust you, too.

You think I want
to get stuck in your body?

Now, come on,
time's a-wasting.

Give me some eye contact.
Eye contact is the key.

- Ready?
- No.

Huh?

Oh, no. No.
No, no, no, no, no, no no.

- This can't be happening.
- Oh, it happened.

And you looking good,
brother.

I changed my mind.

Changing minds, form exchange,
it's just semantics.

The point is, there was
an exchange of consciousness.

- I don't want
to do this anymore.
- Listen--

- I want to swap back.
- That's just fear talking.

Tell your fear
to shut its pie hole.

We got a planet to save.
Car keys.

Do you even
know how to drive?

I just flew a space pod
25 trillion miles

across the universe
through a wormhole.

I think I can handle your
automatic transmission, Howie.

Fine. Left pocket,
gray SUV out front.

Sit loose and hang tight,
brother.

Maybe try to take
a nap or something.

Holy shi...

He's over here somewhere.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Oh, great.

It's Ester. She's here.

Heaven forbid you have
a good-looking young woman
in your life.

Agent Marvin, you copy? Over.

Go for Marvin, over.

Agent Marvin,
your mother wants to know

if you're there yet, over.

Affirmative, Omar, over.

Agent Marvin,
please don't approach target

without helmet and deflectors
in place, over.

Yeah, affirmative,
Omar, over.

Listen up, Omar.

We'll do our job
and you do yours. Over.

- He was doing his job.
- Yeah, and we were doing ours.

All right, where should we park?

- He's in that direction. Yeah.
- This way?

- I'll park right up there.
- Okay.

- Is that okay?
- Yes, it's fine.

Here we go.

The nightmare from which
I cannot wake.

And what is that
incessant beeping?

Huh?

Huh? Hmm. Huh.

Huh?

Greetings.

Default to language
of current galactic ordinance,

yes or no?

Uh, sure. Okay.

- Yes or no?
- Yes. Yes, please.

Warning, vessel detection.
Vessel detection.

Tracing point of origin.
Please stand by.

Wait, so somebody knows
this thing is here?

Vessel detection
point of origin,

Alpha Draconis star system.

Okay, so what
does that mean?

Should I be concerned?

Do you wish to reengage
the shield and cloak?

Yes or no.

Sure, yeah.

Yes or no.

Yes.

Reengaging shield and cloak.

Uh, hello?

Did you engage
that shield thingy?

Somebody dropped by
unexpectedly.

Well, as long as we
didn't enter the house,
we weren't trespassing,

so we don't need clearance.

Ah.

There's something there,
all right. Yes.

...signal in this direction.

- Hey.
- Huh?

Oh, my God.

Oh, what do we have here?

Right here?

Aloha! Pictures.

What the hell?
Did you just selfie?

Yes, I just took a selfie.

- Why?
- To show me being here.

- To who?
- To Omar. And Mom.

Mom and Omar
don't need your selfie.

- Huh?
- What they need is
a clean shot of that crater

to submit for clearance.

- Ugh, what is that stuff?
- Infinity fuel. Sample.

Sample what?

- Sample that.
- "Sample, please."

Do you want to get
clearance or not?

What I want is a little bit
of respect, Dad.

Hey, how many times
do I have to tell you,

never call me that
when we're on the clock.

Oh, please, like anyone's
listening to us anyways, Dad.

Somebody's always listening.

What?

Maybe it was a squirrel
or a bird or something.

Or maybe it was a low-down,
no good, dirty Proximian

trying to get the drop on us.

"Get the drop on us"?
Where did you get that?

He lifted up his eyes

and awoke to a world
so terrible

he could scarcely believe.

No, he didn't want to believe
a place so horrible as this,

surrounded by demons
and ghouls!

He lifted up his eyes
and found himself!

It dawned upon him
that he had been damned!

He was damned, and he knew
all hope was lost.

No begging nor pleading
nor praying

would save his soul!

For he knew
there was no love in hell!

No hope in hell!
No forgiveness in hell!

No salvation in hell,

for the soul that goes to hell
stays in hell!

You and your whole
yellow-bellied generation

better stop before this planet
becomes nothing more

than a breeding ground
for intergalactic criminals,

perverts, and losers.

Thought any more
about retiring?

Shit.

And let you and Omar
be partners?

You two couldn't
catch a cold.

Somebody! Help!

Anybody!

Can anybody hear me?

Hey, it's okay. I'm back.

- It's back.
- It's okay.

Okay, now you have
to be quiet.

They're gonna come back.
Please stop.

Vermin!
Sent from the pits of hell!

I'm not from hell,
I'm from Indiana.

- Somebody help me!
- Please stop that.

- Help me!
- You've got to be quiet.

You've--

I won't hurt you.

I'm actually Howard Jenkins,
the human who lives here.

I just swapped bodies
with the alien.

- Hmm?
- Yeah, not really
reassuring, is it?

You look uncomfortable.

Hmm, here you go.

One pillow, coming right up.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Nice and easy. There you go.

That's much better, right?

Okay. Okay, and that's
still on there. Good.

You must be thirsty.
I'll get you some water.

You'll have some water
and it'll be... nice.

Yeah.

Huh.

Hmm.

Come on.

Almost there.

Come on.

Argh. I guess
that's just not a thing.

- Howie?
- I'll see if he's pooping!

- Howie?
- He's not pooping.

- Can I have a snack?
- Yes, but no sugar.

- That his phone?
- Yeah.

Maybe he went
to get a new one.

- What was that?
- I don't know.

- Well, it came from your room.
- Well, I'm out here.

Howie?

Ruby, did your dad get you
a new stuffed animal?

No. Remember, he got me
the new pink rose quartz?

Mom, I see Dad's car!

- Dada!
- Whoa!

Hey there, Rudy.
How you doing?

Rudy? My name's Ruby, Dad.

I know.
I was just kidding Rud-- Ruby.

Hey. Oh, why you standing
on my paws, kid?

Dad, I always stand
on your feet.

'Cause it's our thing.

Yeah.

- There you are.
- Here I am.

- Did you get a new phone?
- No.

- Well, where'd you go?
- Outside.

- Babe, your car was gone.
- Yeah, I went outside
in my car far away.

What's wrong with your voice?

Yeah, it's fine,
thank you for asking.

So did the Animal Control
guy come?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, what happened?

- Not much. He left.
- Did he catch anything or--

No. Nope.
Just set a trap and he left.

Okay.

Can we go investigate
the crash site now?

- Do what?
- The crash site.

You said we could go
investigate after school.

- I did?
- Sheesh, Dad.

You must've really
donked your head hard.

Yeah. Babe, I think
you have a concussion.

I think we need to go to the ER.

- Nah, I'm good to go.
- Then let's go!

Ooh, not in the garage.

Okay.

So you're telling me

a real life actual UFO

was in this crater
when you first got here?

Lookit, I don't know
exactly what it was.

That's why they're called UFOs.
They're unidentified.

Oh, okay.
Then it was a UFO. Yeah.

Why do you think it crashed?

Tough to say.
Could be a myriad of reasons.

Maybe perhaps it was struck
by a photon blast

flying out of wormhole,

and a heroic,
highly skilled pilot

managed to right it
down successfully

within three clicks
of his intended target.

Or maybe he was just a bad pilot
who lost control of his ship.

Yeah. Maybe.

The diameter of this crater
isn't very big.

- What were you expecting?
- For it to be,
like, way bigger.

What?
A spaceship can't be this size?

It's not that.

It's just that
if an advanced civilization

is gonna send a ship
billions of miles to Earth--

- Or trillions.
- Sure, or trillions,

wouldn't they send
something bigger?

This seems like it would hold
one little alien.

One little alien
isn't impressive enough for you?

Without research equipment or
a team expert alien explorers,

what would be the reason
to come all this way?

- The greatest reason of all.
- What reason is that?

Love.

Say, kid,
we should probably head on up
and see how your mom's doing.

I'm still entering
my scientific observations.

You're rocking quite
the rock collection here.

A few new ones since you left.

You know what
this one is right here?

Excavated it at the beach.

Not sure what kind it is
or anything.

This is a primordial meteorite.

This thing is older
than planet Earth.

I didn't know anything
was older than planet Earth.

Always keep curious, kid.

Dada, when you built this
treehouse, I thought we'd spend
a lot more time up here.

- We don't?
- You're gone too much.

I miss you.
So does Mommy.

I miss you, too.

Check out this crazy rock
I just found.

- That is not a rock.
- Then what is it?

Something you do not
want to touch.

We've got full
clearance, boys,

but I do not like
who we're handing him over to.

There a shipload of Draconians
that are on pursuit.

- Draconians. Damn.
- You boys better be
watching your buns

because there is no condo
in Waikiki

worth spending
my golden years alone

with Omar over here!

10-4, Mom. Over.

Well, I guess it's time
to test your metal,

Agent Marvin,
see what you're really made of.

Gentlemen.

Look who it is, Dad.
It's the internet's one
and only Ester Terrestrial.

You watch my videos?

Only to make sure you blur out
our faces and alter our voices.

Well, still,
remember to thumb up them

and leave a comment below.

You better stay away
from this one, Ester.

You're a lovely young lady,

but things are
about to get really ugly.

Are you implying
that I cannot handle myself

in a dire situation because
I'm an attractive female?

No, no.
I'm not implying that at all.

Well, it sure sounds
like you are.

Just don't get in the way
this time, Ester, okay?

We've got a posse of Draconians
that are in hot pursuit

- of a desperate--
- A desperate what?

It doesn't matter
because they're being
followed by Draconians

who are gonna be really hungry
after a long flight, okay?

So just beat it
before I get Omar to delete
your whole website again.

- Omar deleted my website?
- Secret's out.

Bye, Ester.

I don't see why you always
have to be so rude to her.

She's meddlesome
and a total whack job.

Lucky for you.
Why do you think
she's still single?

I am not asking
Ester out, okay?
She's not my type.

Oh, you're too old
to have a type.

You're almost 40,
and you're still rooming

with your buddy
from the office, Omar.

It's pathetic.
Time you grow up, son.

I'm already grown up.
You should grow up.

- What was that?
- You should grow up.

Janie, honey.
Honey? Janie?

Janie?
Janie, honey, it's me.

Honey?
Hey, hey. It's me.

It's Howie.

- No, you're not. You're me.
- In body but not in mind.

- Huh. I'm furry.
- Yes.

Yes, and I have these.

I don't believe
any of this is real.

And with good reason,
until you understand that

that was in fact
a spaceship that crashed
in our backyard last night.

You are now inhabiting
the he body of the alien that
was flying said spaceship.

I'm still me
but in an alien's body?

Yes, correct.
God, you are handling this
really well, baby.

And how did you get
into my body?

Well, because they already did
a form exchange with Chuck.

Oh, that's the English nickname

for the alien that
you're currently inhabiting.

But he had to go because
he has to go to an auction

'cause he has to
save the world.

Well, you see,
that was me that you found
underneath the bed.

But then I guess
my alien instincts took over

and then I just did
a form exchange with you.

A form exchange
is what they call this?

I just thought about
exchanging forms with you,
and then I did.

And there now you are,

the you with fur
and me with these.

What is it now?

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna take care of this,
but... as you.

Forget it.
Just kick in the door!

Can we give them one minute?
What if they're indisposed?

Yeah, and what if
they're being sodomized
by a Proximian probe?

That happened once,
like, 60 years ago,

and you use it to justify every
overly-aggressive tactic ever.

How did I ever raise
such a tree-hugging hippie?

You didn't. Mom did.

Well, at least this old-timer

still has some mustard
on his hotdog.

Hi-yah!

- May I help you?
- Apologies, ma'am.

Apologies, ma'am.

We attempted a forced entry
because we feared
for your safety.

- My safety?
- You are Mrs. Jenkins, right?

I'm Howie Jenkins--
wife Jane.

Yeah, Jane Jenkins. Yeah.

Mrs. Jenkins,
did you notice an object

descend into your yard
last night?

An object?

- Answer the question, lady.
- No.

No, you won't answer
the question

or, no, you didn't see an object
descend into your yard?

I didn't see
any descending anything.

Well, I don't believe you.

Well, who cares
what you believe?

Who are you buffoons,

and what gives you the right
to barge into my home?

I'm Agent Marvin Felson.
This is Agent Wilson Felson.

We're licensed members
of the IEA.

What is the Intergalactic
Extradition Alliance?

Just a fancy name
for a bunch of lowlife,
thuggish bounty hunters.

Mr. Jenkins, I presume.

Why are you wearing those
funny goggles and helmets?

They're not funny.
They're for protection.

They're definitely funny,
and why do you need protection?

And why do little girls
ask so many questions?

Best go on to your room, kiddo.

Come on, Ruby.
I'll read you a book.

No, ma'am.
You'll be staying
here with us.

You are still here.
Tied up like a Kormak no less.

I will free your mouth,
but we must speak
in hushed tones.

Strange men have arrived
whose intentions I fear.

Mm-hmm.

Ow.

Fear not men,
but the godless beast

- that crawls upon this land.
- What kind of godless beast?

Short of height with brown fur.

The devil controls
its wicked tongue.

With bright eyes
of purple and blue?

Free me so that
I might cage the beast

in the deliver him
for judgment.

Oh, no, we mustn't do that.

Wait!

There is no other way!

Wait!

Huh?

That is absurd.

Why would you ever think that
a UFO crashed in our backyard?

Well, for one,
we found some infinity fuel

in a hole by your treehouse.

That looks like it came
out of your nose.

- Yeah, I'd like
to shove it up--
- Hey.

We received an extradition
request from Proxima B.

- A what from where?
- It's a sister agency

from a planet in
the Centaurus constellation.

It's called Proxima B.

They requested our aid

in returning
a Proximian fugitive.

Wait, are you saying that
this alien is on the run?

Yes, ma'am.
He stole the pod that he crashed
into your backyard.

Well, we don't know.
Maybe he's on
an important mission.

Maybe he needs that
to save mankind.

He's nothing
but a two-bit thief,

- a good for nothing punk
trying to stay out of jail.
- You don't know him.

All you know
is if you hand him over,

you'll get a nice piece
of the action.

You seem to know an awful lot
about our operation.

I know enough to know
I want you out of my house now.

For the safety
of your family, just allow us
to search the premises

to ascertain
if he's no longer here.

This isn't exactly
a big house.

I think we would know
if there was an alien here.

There's an alien here.

I'm itchy.

No!

No!

Act natural.

What's in your sack, boys?

Chuck!

Chuck, it is me.
It's Howie.

Howie?
Then who's in my body?

Jane!

It's not Jane. I'm Jane.

Ruby picked me up,
and I didn't even mean
to think about it, but I did.

- So Ruby is in the alien body?
- Where is the alien body?

We secured the target.
I repeat, we have secured
the target, over.

Are you safe? Over.

Affirmative.
Do we have a rendezvous yet?

Negative. Your mom is still
waiting to hear, over.

Copy that.
We're heading back to base camp.
Over and out.

Why would humans
protect a dirty Proximian
they just met?

They're probably some of those
sickos who like being probed.

As a matter fact, being probed
can be very natural, Dad.

- So where are they taking her?
- I don't know.

How should I know?
You're the human.

Yeah, and you're the Proximian
that got us in this mess.

I didn't tell you
to body-swap with Jane.

I didn't tell Jane
to body-swap with Ruby!

I warned you that this
is what would happen.

I told you
I would mess this up,

and that is exactly
what happened.

It's not your fault, Howie.
It's mine. I'll make it right.

What exactly can you do
to make this right?

What can you do to make sure
our baby gets home

and we all get
our own bodies back?

Howie, give me
that dude's car, huh?

Jane, can I use your phone?

Who's that? Who's it from?

Go for Marvin Felson.

Well, that's just curgle-y.

Well, she started moving
just as soon as we got here.

Mom? What's going on, Mom?

I'm not Mom, honey.
I'm Dad.

Dad, why is Mom
saying she's Dad?

- She is Dad.
- Then where's Mom?

I'm right here, baby.

You're not Mom.
You're me!

No, you are you
just in Chuck's body.

- Who is Chuck?
- I am.

- You're Dad!
- No, that's me.

You see I switched bodies
with Chuck.

Then why are you
in Mom's body?

Because I was in Chuck's body

when I switched
bodies with Mom.

And then I switched
bodies with you.

- So I'm in Chuck's body?
- Correct.

And who is Chuck?

I am an alien from outer space.

So I'm in the body of an alien
from outer space?

Correct.

So can I go to school like this?

Probably not a good idea.

What would be a good idea
is for all of you to get back
into your own bodies.

Well, how do we do that?

It's like having
a staring contest with myself.

Try to focus, dear.

Can we at least get a picture
of me as an alien?

No!

Okay! Okay, sheesh.

Pardon.
Go for Agent Marvin.

- The Draconians just came--
- Not in front of them.

- Outside.
- Okay.

And no funny business,
especially you!

- What are Draconians?
- Reptilian bounty hunters,

expert trackers
through space and time,

vicious ninjas who love
the taste of flesh.

Ugh. What kind of flesh?

All kinds.

So you weren't here
to save our planet?

No, man. I'm sorry.

Then what were you doing
running around town in my body?

- Were you looking for love?
- The love of my life.

There she was,
sitting across the room,

the most beautiful woman
I'd ever seen,

my darling Mabel.

On our very first date,
I vowed we'd escape Proxima B,

take off across the galaxies,

and find a new place
to call home.

- What happened?
- Mabel's dad happened,

Grandmaster Ermahgerd,
overlord of Proxima B,

and the reason
Mabel wanted to run away.

He found out we were dating
and forbade her from seeing me.

He locked her up
in a tall tower.

So at night, I would
sneak into the compound

and we would sing our song.

What does that mean?

Somebody you'll see,
soon we'll be free,

just us in sweet love eternally.

Did you escape together?

Not together.
I was afraid.

Of what?

That I wasn't smart enough
to pull it off,

afraid I'd get us captured
trying to get away

and we'd never
see each other again.

She got tired of waiting for me,

found herself a ship,
and blasted off last week.

I realized what a fool I'd been
and chased after her.

So why are bounty hunters
chasing after you?

Ermahgerd is after me

because I'm the only one
who knew where she was going.

Plus, I stole one of his
crappy space pods to get here.

- Did you find her?
- I knew she made
a reservation here

at the form exchange
in Adam's Hill,

so I went there
in your dad's body.

The concierge told me

after meeting
her would-be human partner,

Mabel bailed,
hopped back into her spaceship,

and blasted off into space.

- To where?
- Nobody knows.

- So what happens now?
- These guys will give me
to the Draconians,

who will take me back
and torture me for information
on Mabel's whereabouts.

Then if I'm lucky,
they'll lock me up
and throw away the key.

Where is Ermahgerd's space pod?

I stashed it under the house.

Great.

I'd like to speak to you both
in private.

If this thingy goes there
and this thingy goes there,

I bet this thingy's the problem!

Will you help me fix this?

- We can't let them take Chuck.
- Ruby, we don't have a choice.

You're right, because friends
help each other, Dad.

He's not your friend.
You just met him.

We already went down
to the treehouse

and he taught me
cool stuff about my rocks.

Ruby, those men out there

scrambled our
entire nervous system

- with the click of a button.
- Oh, I get it.

- You're afraid.
- Yes, Ruby, I am afraid.

Were you not listening to Chuck?

Afraid is no way
to live your life.

Dad, no wonder you never
recorded an album.

Would you help me out here,
please?

He does need our help.

These Draconians,
they're tracking your ship.

- That's their job.
- So if you take off
in your ship,

wouldn't they just follow you
and leave us alone?

- I think so.
- Okay.

Let's get you out of here.

Okay, Mom. Yeah.

I will not let them negotiate.

Of course,
I know how mad he gets.

Mom, we're gonna
hand him over

and just ask
for the cut of the action.

If we don't get it,
we just promise to walk away.

Simple as that.
I love you too, Mom.

And tell Omar I lov--
look forward to having mai tais
with him at sunset, okay?

All right, bye-bye.

Omar is gonna let us know
as soon as the Draconians
enter the atmosphere.

- How long?
- Minutes.

- Well, let's go.
- All right.

All right, tell us where the--
where are your parents?

Now, Ruby! Now!

No, no, no! Stop, stop!

- No, no, no, no.
- Son!

- Son, help me, son!
- I can't, Dad!

I'm brainjacked!

I think he's gonna
have me taze you.

Oh, I called it. Oh, no.

He's gonna have me taze my--

Uh, we need
to tie them up.

- I know, your hip strap.
- Yes, good.

Wait. No!
Wait, no, no, no!

No! No!

- Who is that?
- Animal Control.

- Why is he bound
into that chair?
- He saw too much.

Okay.

We're gonna deal
with aliens first
and then humans.

At least all of our humans
will be safely bound.

And I will break
his yoke bar from upon you,

and I will tear off
your shackles.

- We good?
- We good.

- How's it so light?
- Carbon, kid.
It's all about carbon.

Something's dripping.

- Oh, boy.
- Is that from a photon blast?

Yeah, it pierced the fuselage.

- Is that bad?
- It ain't great.

Fortunately, us Proximians
are mechanically inclined.

I can repair it
if we have time.

I can't get-- I can't get it.

I'm sure me not answering
the phone right there sent Omar
into full on panic mode.

He's probably in his car
on his way here right now.

He sure seems to worry
about you an awful lot.

He cares about me.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

That thing you said earlier,

was that your way of telling me

what I think
you were trying to tell me?

Yeah, Dad, it was.

- You and Omar?
- Me and Omar.

I never did trust him.

Yeah, Dad,
I know you're probably
pretty upset right now,

but, um, if we die today,
I'm glad you're gonna
get to know the real me.

- And if we don't die today?
- Then I hope you come
to our wedding.

Whoa. I was kind of
hoping for-- hey!

- Did you just
cattle prod my dad?
- Where lurks the demon?

Demons are, like,
a completely different
agency, you stupid--

- You got any silicon?
- Like from a caulk gun?

- That and a lighter
would be amazing.
- On it.

Howie, get any
and all cooking oils
from the kitchen, please.

Be right back.

- What about me?
- Do you know any good jokes?

Trillions.

- Oh!
- Take me to the demon.

What do you call a painter
who eats lots of cheese?

- No clue.
- A fartist.

Anywhere you go
in the universe,
farts are funny.

He will make the land
a desolation

and exterminate from it
all the sinners.

Ah, give it a rest
with that fire and brimstone.
You're giving me a headache.

No! Aah!

- Dada!
- Howie!

Step no further.

Retrieve the cage
from beneath the house.

Your sons have fainted
and lie helpless

at the head of every street,
like antelope in a net.

Lay the vermin within.

The sword is outside.

The famine and the plague
are within.

What about above?

Ruby, get over here right now.

Ruby!

I'll set you guys free
if you promise to help me.

If you set us free,
I'll consider

not sending you to prison
for the rest of your life.

Oh, please.
You're not even a cop.

- What do you need help with?
- A rescue mission.

Howard. Howard, I need you
to get up right now.

You have to get up right now.
Ruby's missing.

- Get up!
- Where was she?

She was by the treehouse.

Ruby!

Ruby! Ruby!

I can't find her.

- I don't know.
- I don't know.

Go!

Howie!

No!

Just where are you taking Chuck?

Stand back or I shall
return this child
unto the Earth.

What kind of animal
would threaten a child?

Chuck!

Chuck, are you okay?

Never better, kid.
You gonna get me out of here?

- That's the plan.
- No one agreed to any plan.

Oh, please.
You can't give Chuck
to flesh-eating space lizards.

- He's endangering you
and everyone you hold dear.
- I hold him dear!

Just because he's different
doesn't mean I can't love him.

Draconians.

- Damn.
- What happened, baby?

You okay?
Let me take a look.

- Step away from the humans!
- Ruby!

They're giving them Chuck!

Here is the Proximian you want.

Take him and leave
our planet in peace.

Can't you zap them
with your taser or something?

Their ship could turn all of us,
this entire hillside,

into stardust
at the speed of light.

Leave him alone!

Let him go!
Let him go this instant!

Let him go!

Let him go this instant!

- Good riddance.
- How can you be so heartless?

It was your daughter's idea.

No, you don't go blaming
a little girl.

It's true, Mom.
But to fool them,
we had to fool you, too.

What do you mean
it was your idea?

It worked!

- Chuck?
- In the flesh.

I'd rather be in the fur,
but beats spending

two centuries
in a Proximian prison.

So if they took your body
and your ship,

what are you gonna do now?

Never thought about life
without Mabel.

I guess now I'll have to.

Mabel, baby,
is that really you?

It's really me,
Chucky, love.

- But they told me
you blasted off into space.
- No, that was Ester.

Before I left Proxima,
I contacted her
through her website

and we agreed to do
a forever exchange.

Mabel, baby, that--
that's illegal.

That's why we didn't
tell anybody, silly.

She got my ship
and I got her van.

Oh, Mabel, baby,

I am sorry that it took me
so long to get my act together.

We're both here now.

It's a fresh start
on a new planet,
just like you promised.

Does that mean you're staying?

I'm happy to say, kid,

we have no other choice.

Oh!

- Okay!
- Easy does it.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Safe travels!

Aloha!

All right, you,
it's a school night.

But I wanna hang out
with Chuck and Mabel.

Honey, they're gonna be
at the end of our block
sleeping in a van.

- You will see them tomorrow.
- Okay.

Glad you and Chuck
found each other.

- Me, too.
Sweet dreams, Ruby.
- Night.

Hey, you saved
my hide today, kid,

and I'm not gonna forget it.

- Come here.
- Good night.

- I love you, Dad.
- I adore you, baby girl.

- Will you be gone
when I wake up?
- I'm afraid so.

- Good night, new friends.
- Good night.

You, five minutes.

Do you suppose that
we could have a human child?

There's only one way
to find out.

- Have a good
rock and roll tour, Howie.
- Thanks, Mabel.

We'll see you
when I get back, all right?

I just keep thinking
I'm gonna wake up tomorrow
and this was all a dream.

Nah.

What you have here
with this home

and those ladies,
that's the dream.

Good morning, ladies.

Where's my body?