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♪ ♪
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Arliss (narrating):
For most of us,
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the dream of
becoming a champion,
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00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:18,284
remains a fantasy,
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But for a special few,
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it is very much a reality.
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We cheer them,
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we live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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(water splashes)
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My name is Arliss Michaels,
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I represent athletes,
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These are my stories.
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♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
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♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ It happens to be true ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
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♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ No matter what you do ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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Kirby: Ladies and
gentlemen, welcome to
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the AMM/Children Now
charity fashion show.
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- Our theme today is dress to play resort wear.
- (applause)
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Oh, can you feel
those tropical breezes?
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Let's go, work with me,
work with me people!
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Hey Rita, I'm ready
for the fashion show.
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Cobi, Jones.
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Wait a minute, don't tell me.
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You were expecting Kobe Bryant?
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Oh! No, no, I was expecting you.
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I'm thrilled to have the star
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of the World Cup soccer team.
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And, umm, here is your outfit.
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You know, I was
the first Cobi in LA
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- and my hair's a lot better too.
- Yes, it is.
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Oh, I say, old chap,
tally ho, nice knees!
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Stanley Babson's body is
adorned with linen shorts
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and camp shirt by
Dolce and Gabbana.
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And pit helmet courtesy of
the Bermuda Police Department.
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I need a wipe,
the hem is down...
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No, no, no, not you.
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Here comes Barbie
and fucking Ken.
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Rita, I've wicked butterflies.
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Well, open your mouth
and let them fly out, fly out!
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Sweetheart, help me
with my necklace, quickly.
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I'd rather help you take it off.
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Oh, maybe later.
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Let's go, let's go!
Go, go, go, go!
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(giggles)
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(sighs)
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Here is all-star
shortstop Joe Lansing
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- along with his very lovely wife, Erika.
- (cheers and applause)
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He wears an off white
linen suit by Zegna.
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And she wears a
strapless silk day dress
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designed by Robert Turturice.
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And now before we continue,
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I want to introduce
the person who made
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all of this happen,
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who this year tirelessly
and thanklessly
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worked to help pull
this fashion show off...
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- Arliss: Excuse me.
- (applause)
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Kirby: Ladies and gentlemen,
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please welcome
Mr. Arliss Michaels.
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(cheers and applause)
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Arliss (narrating): People
often ask me, "Arliss,
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what makes a great ballplayer?"
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I tell them behind
every great athlete,
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there's a great
athlete's spouse.
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Great, good show, good show.
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Okay, listen up,
people, listen. Listen up!
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Okay, now, men, give
your clothes to Kirby Carlisle,
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women, give your
clothes to me...
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So, you know, when
there's a long road trip,
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you get kind of lonely
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just blow a whistle and,
(blows whistle) I'll come by.
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You come by,
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and I'll have to
blow a rape whistle.
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You know, the
glacier on her left hand
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is called a wedding ring.
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Yeah, like I don't know that.
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Carlisle, you are
t-h-e man, great show!
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Great show, man.
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Arliss, you owe me, big time.
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I want a vacation,
I'm going to Ojai.
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Oh, you're crazy, you
just had a vacation.
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Suzie, you were great.
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Didn't I just send
you to Hawaii?
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To work the Aloha Bowl.
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I had to take the red-eye
on Christmas Eve.
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Great fares... Thank you.
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Arliss!
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Hey, hey.
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Joe, Erika, you two
were magnifique!
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Oh, gosh, I was so nervous.
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Did you hear my knees knobbing?
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- Nonsense, you looked fabulous.
- (laughs)
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You could make a
living as a runway model.
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Couldn't she, Joe?
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Hey, Kate Moss
eat your heart out.
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(laughs)
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Listen sweetie, could you
get a ride home with Nikki?
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I'll meet you home later. Me and
Arliss, gotta have a little business chat.
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Sure, sure, just
don't take too long.
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I ordered your favorite meal.
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- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
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Bye, take care.
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Bye-bye, Erika.
Good to see you again.
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Joseph, you are
one lucky hombre.
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You get to go home
to that every night.
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Yeah, well, I'm not
going home tonight.
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What are you talking about?
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I'm leaving Erika.
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You're what? Leaving Erika?
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Listen, we've been
together since high school,
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since high school.
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I just... I need my freedom.
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Joe, I've been with
you guys on the road.
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Lack of freedom is not an issue.
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Exactly, exactly.
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See, I want to be
able to fool around
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without feeling
like I'm cheating.
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Joe, I think you're crazy.
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I mean, are you sure about this?
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I mean, isn't there
anything I can do to help?
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Actually, there is.
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I want you to tell her for me.
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You want me to tell your wife
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that you want a separation?
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No way, you're out of your mind.
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You're good with words.
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No, I'm not gonna do this.
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Arliss!
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This is the hardest thing
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that I've ever had
to do in my entire life.
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Let her down easy, huh?
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Arliss (narrating):
When I sign an athlete,
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I'm not only taking
him under my wing,
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(doorbell rings)
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I'm making a personal commitment
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to his wife and family as well.
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Arliss.
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Where's Joe?
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(Erika crying)
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I can't believe him.
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I'm in total shock.
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How could he do this to me?
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Erika, I'm really sorry.
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And he can't even
tell me himself?
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He sends his fucking agent.
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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(sobs)
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Please don't take
that personally.
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No, no, it's okay, it's okay.
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It's someone else, right?
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You can tell me, I can take it.
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I don't know.
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Would you tell me if you did?
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Erika, you know ball players.
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You know, this might be a phase.
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You know, some kind of 24-hour
flu that goes through his system.
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He'll be back.
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No, no.
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I know Joe, it's over.
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(exhales deeply)
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Has anyone ever
left you, Arliss?
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Sure, all the time.
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Mike Piazza left just last week.
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I meant someone that you loved.
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You know?
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Someone that you really
loved with all of your heart.
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Piazza and I were pretty close.
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No, you would never
do that to someone.
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You're a grown-up.
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You're mature and responsible.
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Perhaps I should go.
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Oh, yeah.
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Thanks for coming by.
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I know this wasn't a
picnic for you either.
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You gonna be okay?
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Yeah, yeah.
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(screaming)
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(objects clattering,
glass smashing)
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You motherfuckin'...
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baseball fucking dick head!
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- (screams)
- Watch it! No, no, no, Erika!
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It's okay, it's okay.
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- No, no, no, no.
- It's okay, it's okay.
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No, no, no, no.
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(crying)
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No, I don't think...
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Arliss (narrating):
When I sign an athlete,
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I'm not only taking
him under my wing,
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I'm making a personal commitment
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00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,518
to his wife and family as well.
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So exactly how do I
service a client's wife?
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(passionate moaning)
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Sometimes it's as simple
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as remembering her
birthday and sending flowers.
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Whatever the gesture,
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I try to become familiar
with her inner life,
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- Erika: Faster! Faster!
- Her secrets, her desires.
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Discovering parts of her
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perhaps her husband
doesn't even know.
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If she opens herself up to me,
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I'm almost all the way home.
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Erika: Oh, God!
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I didn't take the suit!
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Ms. Wu, it was
your responsibility
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to make sure all the Zegna suits
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were returned to our store.
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It was not my
responsibility. It was his!
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- Where is it?
- Where's what?
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The $2,000 linen silk
Ermemgildo Zegna white suit.
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Size 41-long... Your size!
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Oh, yeah, linen
and silk, that's me!
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You're barking up
the wrong mannequin.
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Well, that's fine.
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But if you do not find
that suit by noon Monday,
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I expect to be
reimbursed in full.
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00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,333
And that's $2,000.
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00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,003
You know, I don't generally take
things that aren't mine, pooch!
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00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,204
It seems like last night
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00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,315
- you were making off with someone's wife.
- Kirby: What?!
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00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:09,518
Oh, Arliss, did you get a
chance to talk to Erika last night?
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00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:10,593
Erika who?
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00:10:10,594 --> 00:10:11,644
Erika Lansing.
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00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:13,345
The white Zegna
suit is gone, missing.
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00:10:13,412 --> 00:10:15,381
You know ballplayers,
they take everything.
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00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,549
I saw what you did.
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00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:18,884
- It's harmless flirting, tell him.
- Harmless?
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Hitting on a client's
wife is career suicide!
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It sends a message
to all the other clients
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00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,723
that this agency
can't be trusted.
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00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,725
Don't you have a
brain in your head?
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00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,894
You're jeopardizing
all of our jobs.
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00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,229
Right, Arliss?
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00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,831
Is that my phone?
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00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:34,233
You think I'm stupid
enough to fuck a client's wife?
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00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:38,571
Arliss!
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00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:42,208
Joe. What are you doing here?
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00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:44,276
I want to know how it
went last night with Erika.
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00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:48,013
Last night? With... with Erika?
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When you told her I was leaving.
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Well, how'd she take it?
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00:10:54,019 --> 00:10:55,621
Hard.
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00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,056
Actually, she
took it pretty hard.
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00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,924
(groans)
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Of course, she would.
255
00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:04,330
Oh, man, I feel bad.
256
00:11:04,396 --> 00:11:06,031
You tried to comfort her, right?
257
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:07,600
Oh, yeah.
258
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:09,668
I can honestly say
by the time I left,
259
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,504
she was feeling much better.
260
00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:17,943
I knew I picked the
right man for the job.
261
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,045
Ah, I'll tell you, that's
a load off my mind.
262
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:21,981
I was really afraid
263
00:11:22,047 --> 00:11:23,649
that she was gonna
try something stupid.
264
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,451
(both laughing)
265
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,322
Umm, Joe, look,
266
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:32,658
I need you to sign some of
those pictures before you go.
267
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:35,861
That's Shaquille O'Neal.
268
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:38,063
Yeah, right, right, right.
269
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,732
(stammering)
270
00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:46,805
Erika, look, I know
last night was magical
271
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,150
and you want to see
me again and again,
272
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:49,551
but you can't just
drop in here like this.
273
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:50,843
Arliss, Arliss, Arliss.
274
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:53,579
I'm here to see Rita for
the fashion show wrap-up.
275
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,686
Well, why don't you meet
her in the conference room?
276
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,116
I'll send her right in, okay?
277
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,884
I'll get her in a second.
278
00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:00,786
Hey, Arliss.
279
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:01,954
Hey, listen.
280
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,889
Joe, Joe, Joe, keep
your voice down.
281
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:06,091
Rita's sleeping,
it's siesta Tuesday.
282
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,294
- Rita!
- Joe, I didn't know you were coming too.
283
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,739
- I'm supposed to meet your...
- Boss, you're here to see your boss.
284
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:12,274
We gotta go over some
Christmas card stuff.
285
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,733
It's, um, it's
that time of year.
286
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,802
Joe, I can't thank you
enough for coming by.
287
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,470
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Always a pleasure!
288
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:20,148
Don't worry. You can
always ask me for anything.
289
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:21,683
- No, I gotta ask...
- Hey, get away from me!
290
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,076
Cause you the man,
you the man, you the man!
291
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,581
Hey, it's a brand
new Rick Majerus.
292
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,916
This new diet has
got you thin as a rail.
293
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:32,127
How are your players
gonna know you
294
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:33,485
when they look down the bench?
295
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:34,992
You're right, let's
go get some grub.
296
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:36,822
Excellent, oh, hey!
297
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:38,123
Nice car.
298
00:12:39,124 --> 00:12:41,026
Yeah, where's Arliss?
299
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:42,494
I thought he was
gonna go with us.
300
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,496
Uh, I can't find him.
301
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:46,966
I mean, I don't know
where the hell he is.
302
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,635
Let's take my Humvee.
303
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:50,970
You're right.
304
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:53,439
- That way we've got room for dessert.
- Yeah.
305
00:12:53,505 --> 00:12:56,675
Arliss (narrating): My relationship
with a client and his spouse
306
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:57,743
is so intimate
307
00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:00,212
that I feel free to
drop by anytime.
308
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,347
(doorbell ringing)
309
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,616
I involve the wives
as much as I can,
310
00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:06,151
but always keep an
eye out for the husbands.
311
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:09,755
Because of this trust,
312
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:14,159
I feel I know my way
around my clients' homes.
313
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:15,226
Erika!
314
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:16,895
Arliss.
315
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:18,497
I need to tell you something.
316
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,165
Arliss?!
317
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:22,635
Rita?
318
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,737
What are you doing here?
319
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:29,608
I'm here to see you
and to tell all of you
320
00:13:29,675 --> 00:13:33,112
that the fashion show
was a resounding success.
321
00:13:33,178 --> 00:13:34,847
$32,000.
322
00:13:34,913 --> 00:13:36,982
Exactly, $32,000.
323
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:38,951
However, that Zegna
suit is still missing
324
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,819
and if we want to make
this an annual event,
325
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,388
we've got to have
a clean track record
326
00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:44,456
so that suit must be recovered.
327
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:48,694
Okay. Okay!
328
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:50,896
Well, that's all I had to say.
329
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:52,698
- Bye.
- I'll walk you out.
330
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:53,983
Great. We need to talk.
331
00:13:53,984 --> 00:13:55,200
Later.
332
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:57,970
You have a very odd boss.
333
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,171
No shit.
334
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,540
I can't believe that Joe
would do this to Erika.
335
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,043
Never trust a player
who considers not getting
336
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,378
his own hotel suite on
the road, a deal-breaker.
337
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:07,946
I thought they were
perfect together.
338
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,882
Honestly, I don't
know how you women
339
00:14:09,948 --> 00:14:11,559
put up with all the
cheating that goes on.
340
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,094
I mean, aren't they
all batting a thousand
341
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:14,520
with their dicks on the road?
342
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,224
Um...
343
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:21,894
Not all, some of them, a few.
344
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,363
These cucumber
sandwiches, they're so good.
345
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:28,376
Arliss (narrating): Caring
for a client or a wife
346
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,336
is no different from
caring for a dear friend.
347
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:32,037
Knowing when to
be there for them,
348
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:33,872
knowing when to
leave them alone.
349
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,341
Meow!
350
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,742
Oh, my God, Arliss!
351
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,077
You're still here?
352
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:40,079
- Wives gone?
- Yeah, they're gone.
353
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:43,148
Look Erika, I came by
to tell you face to face
354
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,592
that last night was
truly wonderful,
355
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:47,219
but it can't continue.
356
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:51,056
I agree, oh, I agree 200%.
357
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,268
I mean, if this ever got out,
I could lose all my clients.
358
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,027
No, I understand, don't worry.
359
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,628
We're still friends, right?
360
00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:58,197
Oh, of course, of course.
361
00:14:58,263 --> 00:14:59,331
We're gonna be friends.
362
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,800
I mean, you didn't tell any
of the other wives, did you?
363
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,635
Tell them, about us?
364
00:15:03,702 --> 00:15:05,838
No, of course not.
365
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:08,674
(laughing)
366
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,342
Great, great, great, great.
367
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,778
Well, let me help you clean up?
368
00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:16,181
I don't think I've
ever heard a man
369
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,850
say those words before.
370
00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:20,786
Well, what are friends for?
371
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,254
(glass breaking)
372
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,556
(laughing softly)
373
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:26,091
You can put that
down right here.
374
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,713
I just... Whoa, whoa.
375
00:15:30,714 --> 00:15:32,731
(music plays)
376
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,400
Great song, great song.
377
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:35,934
Mel Carter with an "m".
378
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:40,372
Mel Carter, 1965,
before your time,
379
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,708
unfortunately not
before my time.
380
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,210
That would be Joe's
state-of-the-art sound system.
381
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,647
- Come dance with me.
- Oh, no.
382
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,249
I look stupid dancing alone.
383
00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:52,017
Joe doesn't like to dance.
384
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:53,385
I never dance.
385
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,053
Joe's not your friend.
386
00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,759
♪ Thrill me, thrill me ♪
387
00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:04,630
♪ Walk me down the lane
where shadows will be ♪
388
00:16:04,696 --> 00:16:06,298
♪ Will be, will be ♪
389
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:07,466
♪ Will be... ♪
390
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,934
You dance very well.
391
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,335
Thank you.
392
00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:12,137
And where did you learn?
393
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,472
From my mother.
394
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,941
Ooh, and she taught
you how to lead.
395
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,576
It comes in handy
being an agent.
396
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,545
(Erika laughs)
397
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,716
♪ They told me ♪
398
00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:27,953
♪ Be sensible with
your new love ♪
399
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,889
♪ Don't be fooled ♪
400
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:35,093
♪ Thinking this is
the last you'll find ♪
401
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:42,734
♪ But they never stood
in the dark with you, love ♪
402
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,070
♪ When you take
me in your arms ♪
403
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:49,575
♪ And drive me
slowly out of my mind ♪
404
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:52,744
♪ Kiss me, kiss me ♪
405
00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:56,982
♪ And when you do I
know that you will miss me ♪
406
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,418
♪ Miss me, miss me, miss me ♪
407
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:02,988
♪ If we ever say I
do, so kiss me... ♪
408
00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:05,524
Arliss (narrating): Sometimes
my clients lean on their spouses.
409
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:09,127
Sometimes the
spouses lean on me.
410
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,194
Why?
411
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:12,397
They know I won't get emotional,
412
00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,100
that my feet are always
firmly on the ground.
413
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,702
♪ Kiss me ♪
414
00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:18,446
- (loud passionate moaning)
- ♪ Kiss me, kiss me ♪
415
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:22,474
♪ And when you do I
know that you will miss me ♪
416
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,247
I used to chew on my
hair when it was long
417
00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:30,249
and then I cut it all off.
418
00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:34,486
Now I have nothing
left to chew on.
419
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,255
(chuckles)
420
00:17:42,127 --> 00:17:45,030
Arliss, I've made a decision.
421
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:48,133
I can't go on like this anymore.
422
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,669
I was feeling a little
guilty about it myself.
423
00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:01,113
No, what I mean
is, I want a divorce.
424
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,083
A divorce?
425
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:06,351
Yeah.
426
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,121
Are you sure about that?
427
00:18:09,187 --> 00:18:10,656
Yeah, I'm sure.
428
00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:16,828
And I wanted to ask
you one little favor.
429
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:19,998
What favor?
430
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:21,600
She wants a divorce!
431
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,702
I'm afraid so.
432
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,313
And she couldn't
bother to tell me herself?
433
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,605
She had to send you!
434
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,374
Women. (chuckles nervously)
Can't live with them...
435
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,344
Fine, she wants a divorce,
436
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:35,147
she can have her
goddamn divorce.
437
00:18:35,213 --> 00:18:36,748
Look, start the paperwork, huh?
438
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,418
(snickering)
439
00:18:39,484 --> 00:18:42,421
You and I are going
to fuck her royally.
440
00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:45,123
I'm with you all the way, buddy.
441
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,190
What is that?
442
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,060
What? Is that a hickey?
443
00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:51,964
A hickey? Come on! How old am I?
444
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:56,468
No, it's, um, it's a birthmark from
my uh, great aunt's side of the family.
445
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,203
Go take a shower,
man, go take a shower.
446
00:18:58,270 --> 00:18:59,838
Be with you in a second, man.
447
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:04,309
Oh, no, look at that.
448
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,511
I got a hickey the
size of Rhode Island.
449
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:07,913
I look like goddamn Gorbachev!
450
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,214
You won't believe it!
451
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:10,916
- Rita!
- (glass breaks)
452
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,217
Promise you won't tell anyone,
453
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,028
because I promised her
that I wouldn't tell anyone.
454
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,253
You can trust me, what?
455
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,989
Erika's found another man!
456
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:19,891
Another man? Really?
457
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:22,227
Oh, it's probably a ballplayer.
458
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:23,395
Oh, no, no.
459
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:24,997
She didn't tell me his name,
460
00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:26,674
but she did say he's
the complete opposite
461
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:27,833
of a professional athlete.
462
00:19:27,899 --> 00:19:30,402
Meaning he's
intelligent, sensitive?
463
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:32,270
No, that he's old
and out of shape.
464
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,373
But she did say
that he was smart,
465
00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:36,942
sophisticated and a great lover.
466
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,644
Erika gave him a hickey!
467
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,278
Really?
468
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,663
Erika gave who a hickey?
469
00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:42,981
Uh-huh.
470
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,516
Uh, Stanley, do you mind?
471
00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:50,589
Great, now Stanley knows.
472
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,333
Soon it's gonna be
on the internet. (snorts)
473
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,893
Arliss (narrating): Sadly, clients'
marriages do sometimes fail.
474
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,328
On those occasions,
475
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:59,598
I aggressively protect the
interests of my athletes.
476
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,409
- I want the house.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
477
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,201
Giving Mrs. Lansing the house
478
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,870
is absolutely out
of the question.
479
00:20:04,936 --> 00:20:06,705
May I suggest a
sale of the property
480
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,573
with the profits
equally divided?
481
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,609
My client helped
design that house,
482
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:11,777
Mr. Orenstein.
483
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:15,213
What? A .320 lifetime batting
average built that house!
484
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,348
She just decorated it.
485
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:17,549
How dare you!
486
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:19,418
I came up with you
through the minors.
487
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:21,319
I lived with you
in a leaky trailer
488
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,288
when you played in Cedar Rapids!
489
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:24,723
I deserve that house.
490
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,525
No, I'll tell you exactly
what you deserve.
491
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,593
Joe, Joe, give her the house.
492
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,762
- Take the high road, take the high road.
- What?!
493
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:32,373
I'll make you enough
money as a free agent,
494
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,032
you can buy a fucking castle.
495
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,602
- Okay.
- Great, house is hers.
496
00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:38,704
(coughs)
497
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:42,074
You just gave her a
$3 million dollar house!
498
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:43,775
- It's okay.
- But I want the stereo.
499
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:46,545
That's a $70,000
Krell sound system.
500
00:20:46,611 --> 00:20:48,346
Besides she never
listens to music, anyway.
501
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:51,183
That's not true,
she loves music.
502
00:20:51,249 --> 00:20:54,286
Particularly music
she can dance to.
503
00:20:54,352 --> 00:20:55,921
You never danced with me.
504
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,489
You never asked.
505
00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:58,990
But they're my components.
506
00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:00,359
Joe, Joe, it's a stereo.
507
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,660
Come on.
508
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,229
It's a stereo, take
the high road.
509
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:06,498
Buddy, the stereo's fine.
510
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:08,600
Come on, pick your battles.
511
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:10,268
What battles are left?
512
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,436
You know, Arliss,
513
00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:13,872
if this were World
War II, we'd be France.
514
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,608
Moving on to temporary
spousal support.
515
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,478
Yes, Mr. Bordy,
your client's request
516
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:21,413
for $50,000 a month
is a bit excessive.
517
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,982
She has become used
to a certain lifestyle.
518
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:26,051
Look, I make the money.
519
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,352
So if you're not in my life,
520
00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:28,653
you don't get the lifestyle.
521
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,123
Yes, I do, because I want it.
522
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:32,557
So I'm taking it,
523
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,459
and there's nothing
you can do about it!
524
00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:37,166
Oh, is that right? I'll tell you
exactly what I'm gonna do about it.
525
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:40,365
- Joe, Joe, Joe. Try to control yourself.
- Fuck! Me?
526
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:43,535
Don't worry about the
money, pal, give it to her.
527
00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:44,870
We're fine with 50k a month.
528
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:46,204
What, no, wait, I'm not!
529
00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:48,006
High road, buddy, high road.
530
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:50,142
We'll take the high...
531
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:54,079
Um, look I think that
we've accomplished
532
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,915
everything to everyone's
satisfaction. Sure, sure.
533
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:59,217
So are we fine with
everything now?
534
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,652
Meeting adjourned.
535
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:01,720
Huh?
536
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:03,522
Excuse me.
537
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:06,691
(groans)
538
00:22:06,758 --> 00:22:08,193
Come on, come on.
539
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:11,363
Are you out of your mind?
540
00:22:11,429 --> 00:22:12,798
I beg your pardon.
541
00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:15,534
Fucking a client's wife!
542
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,969
You are risking
this entire business
543
00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:19,271
for a sexual fling?
544
00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:22,174
You have got to stop thinking
with your Johnson, man!
545
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,509
Leave my Johnson out of this.
546
00:22:24,576 --> 00:22:27,179
Stanley, I've developed
real feelings for this woman.
547
00:22:27,245 --> 00:22:28,689
And what are your
feelings about bankruptcy?
548
00:22:28,713 --> 00:22:29,824
Because that's
what's gonna happen
549
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:31,950
if any of our other
clients find out.
550
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:34,119
Maybe if they find out
now. But what about later?
551
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,226
I mean, what if we lie low
for six months, you know?
552
00:22:36,254 --> 00:22:38,323
Wait for the divorce
to come through.
553
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,559
I mean, then if we start
dating, who's gonna care?
554
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:43,862
Oh, Joe?
555
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:46,407
Maybe not. I mean Eric Clapton
married George Harrison's ex-wife
556
00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:48,442
- and they're still good friends.
- And look how that turned out.
557
00:22:48,466 --> 00:22:49,866
The Beatles never
got back together.
558
00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:52,204
I don't think that
was the reason.
559
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,440
You have got to stop this!
560
00:22:55,507 --> 00:22:56,708
Why?
561
00:22:56,775 --> 00:22:58,276
She wants it and I want it.
562
00:23:00,145 --> 00:23:02,047
You know what you need?
563
00:23:02,113 --> 00:23:03,348
You need a vacation.
564
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:04,716
A vacation?
565
00:23:04,783 --> 00:23:06,418
Somewhere tropical.
566
00:23:06,484 --> 00:23:09,688
Somewhere by a pool with
a cool drink in your hand,
567
00:23:09,754 --> 00:23:11,156
lots of babes.
568
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,366
I mean maybe
you'll get a little.
569
00:23:12,390 --> 00:23:13,625
I mean, trust me, it helps.
570
00:23:13,692 --> 00:23:14,693
Me on vacation?
571
00:23:14,759 --> 00:23:17,128
You should go today.
572
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,334
So, the other
Beatles didn't mind?
573
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,337
Mm-mm. They
all signed off on it.
574
00:23:25,403 --> 00:23:28,807
Which is why, if we're careful,
575
00:23:28,874 --> 00:23:32,110
I really think we
can make this work.
576
00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:34,179
Oh.
577
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:38,416
Oh, wow, I don't
even know what to say.
578
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:40,485
Oh.
579
00:23:40,552 --> 00:23:41,820
(phone rings)
580
00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:44,289
No, no, no.
581
00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:48,360
Arliss Michaels!
582
00:23:48,426 --> 00:23:49,527
Hey, it's Joe.
583
00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:52,530
Oh. Listen, listen.
About today...
584
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:54,442
Yeah, yeah, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about.
585
00:23:54,466 --> 00:23:56,134
I could not believe Erika.
586
00:23:56,201 --> 00:23:59,371
Well, she's got a
right to be upset.
587
00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:03,608
No, no, no, no. I mean she
was so strong, so assertive.
588
00:24:03,675 --> 00:24:05,343
It was an Erika I've
never seen before.
589
00:24:05,410 --> 00:24:07,812
It was an Erika I want
to see a lot more of.
590
00:24:07,879 --> 00:24:09,180
More of?
591
00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:10,892
Listen, Arliss, I want
you to stop the divorce.
592
00:24:10,916 --> 00:24:15,120
Uh, I don't think
that's a good idea.
593
00:24:15,186 --> 00:24:16,488
I still love my wife.
594
00:24:16,554 --> 00:24:17,756
Right now,
595
00:24:17,822 --> 00:24:19,858
I don't know if she
feels the same way.
596
00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:22,127
No, see, I think she does.
597
00:24:22,193 --> 00:24:23,695
And that's why...
598
00:24:23,762 --> 00:24:25,463
I want to ask you a favor.
599
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:28,066
(breathing heavily)
600
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,468
Right. Later.
601
00:24:30,535 --> 00:24:33,038
(muffled) Mmm. Anybody I know?
602
00:24:33,104 --> 00:24:35,573
Actually, it was Joe.
603
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,342
What did he want?
604
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:39,511
You're not gonna
believe this but
605
00:24:39,577 --> 00:24:43,915
he seems to think
that if he asks you,
606
00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:45,750
you'll want him back.
607
00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:48,987
Joe wants me back?
608
00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:53,858
Arliss (narrating): A good
agent knows when to pull out.
609
00:24:53,925 --> 00:24:57,062
Invariably, honesty pays off.
610
00:24:57,128 --> 00:24:59,097
This is my spa money,
my vacation money.
611
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:03,286
You know, I'd love to find
the player that stole this.
612
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,270
I'd kill him.
613
00:25:07,305 --> 00:25:09,140
That's a beautiful suit.
614
00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:11,710
Oh, thank you, it's a Zegna.
615
00:25:11,776 --> 00:25:13,345
By the way,
616
00:25:13,411 --> 00:25:15,747
someone over there
would like to buy you a drink.
617
00:25:15,814 --> 00:25:19,317
Oh, well...
618
00:25:21,086 --> 00:25:22,287
Thank you, ladies.
619
00:25:28,994 --> 00:25:30,628
So, when you get
back from the road trip,
620
00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:32,340
we'll get into that Creatine
endorsement thing.
621
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:33,865
Sounds cool, thanks...
622
00:25:33,932 --> 00:25:35,133
For everything.
623
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,534
Hey, honey.
624
00:25:37,802 --> 00:25:40,372
♪ Hold me, hold me ♪
625
00:25:40,438 --> 00:25:45,043
Well, it's, uh, great to see you
two kids back together again.
626
00:25:50,081 --> 00:25:51,416
Thank you, Arliss.
627
00:25:54,586 --> 00:25:56,821
I'll never forget
what you did for me.
628
00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:58,390
Joe: Hey, we gotta go.
629
00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:03,461
We're going dancing.
630
00:26:03,528 --> 00:26:04,763
♪ Thrill me ♪
631
00:26:04,829 --> 00:26:07,032
Dancing...
632
00:26:07,098 --> 00:26:09,100
Have a great time.
633
00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:11,336
Bye.
634
00:26:11,403 --> 00:26:13,838
♪ Will be, will be ♪
635
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:16,975
♪ Hiding others
just the same as... ♪
636
00:26:17,042 --> 00:26:19,020
Arliss (narrating): I've learned
when the wives are happy,
637
00:26:19,044 --> 00:26:20,612
their husbands are happy.
638
00:26:20,678 --> 00:26:24,082
And when they're
both happy, so am I.
639
00:26:25,683 --> 00:26:27,485
Hello, Arliss.
640
00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:29,330
Oh, hi Suzie. Hey, your
hubby hit another home run.
641
00:26:29,354 --> 00:26:30,594
He's having one hell of a year.
642
00:26:30,655 --> 00:26:32,857
Yeah, on the field, maybe.
643
00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:34,793
I'm sorry?
644
00:26:34,859 --> 00:26:37,829
Um, I was talking
to Erika today.
645
00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:39,597
Could you do me a favor?
646
00:26:39,664 --> 00:26:41,199
What kind of favor?
647
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:43,134
Our marriage is in trouble.
648
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:45,103
Could you do for me
what you did for her?
649
00:26:48,373 --> 00:26:50,308
My name is Arliss Michaels.
650
00:26:50,375 --> 00:26:52,377
I represent athletes.
651
00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:55,113
These are my stories.
652
00:26:56,381 --> 00:26:59,451
♪ Kiss me, kiss me,
kiss me, kiss me ♪
653
00:26:59,517 --> 00:27:03,688
♪ And when you do, I
know that you will miss me ♪
654
00:27:03,755 --> 00:27:06,191
♪ Miss me, miss me, miss me ♪
655
00:27:06,257 --> 00:27:10,962
♪ If we ever say
I do, so kiss me ♪
656
00:27:11,029 --> 00:27:12,464
♪ Kiss me ♪
657
00:27:12,530 --> 00:27:17,469
♪ Make me tell you
I'm in love with you ♪
658
00:27:22,107 --> 00:27:25,410
♪ Kiss me, kiss me,
kiss me, kiss me, ♪
659
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:29,214
♪ When you do I know
that you will miss me ♪
660
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,516
♪ Miss me, miss me, miss me ♪
661
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:36,621
♪ If we ever say
I do, so kiss me ♪
662
00:27:36,688 --> 00:27:38,089
♪ Kiss me ♪
663
00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:42,627
♪ Make me tell you
I'm in love with you ♪
664
00:27:44,295 --> 00:27:48,967
♪ Never, never,
never let me go ♪
665
00:27:49,033 --> 00:27:50,768
♪ Thrill me ♪
666
00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:54,873
♪ Never, never,
never let me go ♪
667
00:27:56,241 --> 00:27:59,043
♪ ♪
47191
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