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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:09,500 Stella! 2 00:00:15,340 --> 00:00:16,460 Hold it. 3 00:00:16,580 --> 00:00:17,700 What? 4 00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:22,420 Yes! 5 00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:25,500 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 6 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,620 Hello, I'm Greg Davies. 7 00:00:37,740 --> 00:00:39,660 I am a leggy blonde. 8 00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:42,260 Born in '68 and I am 6ft 8. 9 00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:44,700 Mind-blowing! But enough about me, 10 00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:49,380 let's just get on with the show and meet our five brave warriors. 11 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:50,420 Please welcome them. 12 00:00:50,540 --> 00:00:52,780 David Baddiel, 13 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:54,660 Ed Gamble, 14 00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:56,220 Jo Brand, 15 00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:58,100 Katy Wix, 16 00:00:58,220 --> 00:00:59,820 Rose Matafeo. 17 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,220 And to my left, 18 00:01:04,380 --> 00:01:08,020 a man who Tina Turner once described as simply the PEST. 19 00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:10,140 LAUGHTER 20 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:15,540 And, in a separate conversation, as a complete arsehole. 21 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:18,300 It's little Alex Horne. 22 00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:19,980 Did she? Did she really? 23 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,020 Yeah. 24 00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:22,060 Interesting. 25 00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:26,340 Hey, Alex. Thank you for that. How's things? 26 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,340 I feel like a new man, actually. Oh, yeah? 27 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:30,340 Sort of lifestyle changes recently, 28 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,300 I've...I've always struggled with making decisions, 29 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:36,260 so what I do now, when I'm shopping, is follow someone round 30 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,620 who I think looks quite cool and then when they throw away 31 00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:41,660 their receipt, I take that receipt and then I buy what they've bought. 32 00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:44,540 OK. 33 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:48,900 Tell you what I had this week. Oh, yeah, good. 34 00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:51,580 I followed around a guy who was wearing a vest and he had long hair. 35 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:52,660 Yeah. 36 00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:55,460 And he had a Soreen malt loaf, harissa smoked mackerel 37 00:01:55,580 --> 00:01:56,700 and a large avocado. 38 00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:57,780 Yeah. 39 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,100 There was a...a quite a cool priest. 40 00:02:00,260 --> 00:02:03,780 Didn't have a collar, he might not have been a priest but he was... 41 00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:06,300 He had Mini Cheddars, iced coffee and a mango. 42 00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:07,780 Yeah, what's wrong with you? 43 00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:11,540 On we go, then. 44 00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:13,660 What's the first category this week? 45 00:02:13,780 --> 00:02:15,420 Well, slow down, Mr Keen. 46 00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:18,820 No, you're quite right, it's prize time. 47 00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:22,860 It's prize time, and this week they're bringing in the best bag. 48 00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:24,260 AUDIENCE GASP 49 00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:25,620 Yes, it IS a good category. 50 00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:27,540 You'll simply judge which bag is best. 51 00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:30,140 That person will bag five points and, at the end of the episode, 52 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,540 the winner will bag five bags and bag about it to all their friends. 53 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,020 Right. Katy, hello. 54 00:02:35,140 --> 00:02:36,060 Hello. 55 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:38,140 What's your bag and why is it the best bag? 56 00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:39,860 I think you're going to love this. 57 00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,260 There it is. It's, erm, a... 58 00:02:42,740 --> 00:02:45,180 It's a bagpipe but with no pipes. 59 00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:48,660 So it's the best bit of the bagpipe but no chance of noise. 60 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:53,180 APPLAUSE 61 00:02:55,620 --> 00:02:58,060 It's quite an... I love it but it's quite an intense sound. 62 00:02:58,180 --> 00:02:59,340 It's too good. Intense? 63 00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:00,620 It's too good. 64 00:03:00,740 --> 00:03:01,980 It's too good. 65 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:03,820 It's too good, Scotland. 66 00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:05,500 Maybe stop playing it? 67 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:08,260 Can I just... 68 00:03:08,420 --> 00:03:12,580 I think it looks like a willy warmer and joint testicle cooler. 69 00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:15,820 Well, that's the bonus, isn't it? 70 00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:17,820 I mean, for a very ill man. 71 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,140 David, have you got a lovely bag? 72 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,220 Well, I think I've misunderstood the point of this 73 00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:26,180 because I've chosen this. 74 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,780 Bag of sweets. 75 00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:31,260 I really like sour sweets. Yeah. And that's a bag of them. 76 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:34,260 You see, it hasn't really got any kind of reaction at all. 77 00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:39,140 Have we got them here? 78 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,500 Here we go. There are some. 79 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:41,820 Ooh. 80 00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:43,460 So these are super-sours, are they? 81 00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:44,580 Yes, would you like one? 82 00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,500 So, what's a number between one and ten? 83 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,580 Five. It feels like you should have five. 84 00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:57,300 Ooh, super-sour. 85 00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:58,380 Do I have to drink them? 86 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:01,020 No, I'll pop 'em in for you. Oh, here we go. 87 00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:02,820 One, 88 00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:04,100 two... 89 00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:05,500 I think that's three more. 90 00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:08,500 Oh, God. 91 00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:12,020 Oh, man! 92 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,060 They ARE super-sour. 93 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,380 AUDIENCE GROANS 94 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,540 Ohh. 95 00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:29,580 LAUGHTER 96 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,100 Pop them in your little drawer. 97 00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:32,260 Lovely. 98 00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:33,540 Jo Brand. 99 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:35,820 My bag... Have we got a picture of my bag? 100 00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:38,540 You want to go straight to the bag? There it is. Thank you. 101 00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:40,780 Oh, lovely. 102 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:42,140 Right, in the olden days, 103 00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:45,460 when you had your lady monthly... 104 00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:48,020 ..squirty thing, 105 00:04:48,140 --> 00:04:51,580 you weren't allowed to use tampons 106 00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:54,540 unless you'd lost your virginity to a hobbit. 107 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:59,940 So, erm, everyone else had to wear sort of, like, towel-y things. Yep. 108 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,580 Basically, what you got to dispose of them in was... 109 00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:06,620 I love these bags because, look at that, 110 00:05:06,780 --> 00:05:10,260 it's got a Victorian lady with a crinoline on, 111 00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:13,900 and that's because sanitary towels were so bloody massive, 112 00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:16,020 only a crinoline would cover them up 113 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,500 when you're wearing one. 114 00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:20,860 So I think that tells us how far we've come 115 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:24,140 and how far we haven't come cos, actually, you can still get these. 116 00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:25,620 That woman is still on the front. 117 00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:26,780 Yeah. Really? 118 00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:29,060 Why is she lifting her skirt? Because 119 00:05:29,180 --> 00:05:31,140 she's letting some of it drain. 120 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,420 I don't know. 121 00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:39,460 Rose, what's your bag? Why is it the best one? 122 00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:42,820 I made a bag, crocheted a little bag, 123 00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:46,020 and it's the best bag cos I wrote "best" on it. 124 00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:47,060 Here it is. 125 00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,820 It IS the best bag. 126 00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:55,100 Took me a while. Do you know how many social engagements 127 00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:56,820 I had to deny to make that bag? I don't... 128 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,260 None! 129 00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:00,980 Cos I crochet. 130 00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:04,020 Until tonight I had no respect for the crocheter. 131 00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,460 Really? I do now. 132 00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:06,820 Best bag so far. 133 00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:07,860 Ed. 134 00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:12,140 Erm, my lovely bag is a bag that I like to call the belly bumbag. 135 00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:13,900 Here it is. 136 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:16,300 LAUGHTER AND GROANING 137 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,620 This is the Magnus. They come in different names - 138 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,660 the Bobby, the Derek or the Wolfgang. 139 00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:22,900 Yes, and you can keep anything you like in it. 140 00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:25,980 Not anything you like. It's 40cm by 16cm, it must by within... 141 00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:29,860 It's good for the larger gentleman. 142 00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:31,820 It's good if you're a nudist 143 00:06:31,980 --> 00:06:34,060 and you need something to keep your phone in. 144 00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:37,500 OK. I hate that. 145 00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:41,180 OK, here we go. 146 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,220 OK, from bottom to top. 147 00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:43,860 At one point, David Baddiel. 148 00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:45,580 What? Yeah, I mean, I should... 149 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:47,940 Well, hang on, you LOVED giving him the sour sweets. 150 00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:49,140 Yeah, but that's not the bag. 151 00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:50,260 The bag was shit. 152 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:54,940 Sorry, Ed, I really hate that belly thing cos it reminds me of myself, 153 00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:56,620 you weren't to know that, but I do. 154 00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:57,980 I DID know that. 155 00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:04,020 I'm going to give the period bag three points 156 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:06,500 and I'm going to give four points... 157 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:08,020 Who-o-o-oa. 158 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,620 Yeah, to Katy Wix. Is it? 159 00:07:09,780 --> 00:07:12,260 But you saw it. It had "best bag" written on it. 160 00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:13,420 OK. Rose Matafeo! 161 00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,620 One, two, three, four, five. Rose Matafeo! 162 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:20,620 Let's move on, then. What's first? 163 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,020 A WHEELIE nice one, Greg. 164 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,060 Here it is. 165 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:38,180 Hello. 166 00:07:44,620 --> 00:07:45,860 Where's Alex Horne? 167 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:53,700 Ah, "Correctly identify which bin Alex is in." 168 00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:59,940 "You must adhere to the commandments behind the curtain." 169 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,180 Oh, thank you. 170 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,860 "You may have only one guess. 171 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:08,740 "No bins are to be opened at any point during the task 172 00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,620 "unless authorised. 173 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,140 "Fastest correct guess wins. 174 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:17,820 "Your time starts now, and stops when you have your guess." 175 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:22,620 Right. "You may wheel one bin three metres. 176 00:08:22,780 --> 00:08:26,540 "You may wheel one bin three metres. You may gently shake one bin. 177 00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:29,580 "You may strike... One bin with a frying pan. 178 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,660 "You may push... Push one bin over. 179 00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,900 "You may listen to one bin with a stethoscope. 180 00:08:34,060 --> 00:08:37,220 "You may avert your eyes and drop... And drop one thing into the bin. 181 00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:38,740 "You may phone Alex's phone... 182 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:41,580 "You may phone Alex's phone from the phone in the phone... Alex's phone 183 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,940 "from the phone in the phone box." 184 00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:44,540 I can do any of those? 185 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,260 I don't have to just do one commandment, do I? 186 00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:55,500 So, I will tell you that this is the first 187 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,940 and only task today that Alex has told me he genuinely hated. 188 00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:02,060 Well, I'm quite... As you keep saying, 189 00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:03,780 quite tall, I'm quite a tall person 190 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:06,660 and I was in a bin and then I was just waiting for someone to 191 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,020 whack the bin with a frying pan. 192 00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:09,060 Yeah. 193 00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,700 First to try to find my body in a bin 194 00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:15,420 are the modern-day Rosemary & Thyme, Katy and Jo. 195 00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:20,820 I'm gonna gently shake one. 196 00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:34,460 How does it help striking it with a frying pan? 197 00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:35,900 BIN RATTLES 198 00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:42,740 He's in here. 199 00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:47,700 Oh. 200 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,940 LAUGHTER 201 00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:54,780 Ah, number one! 202 00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:58,100 It's Elaine Paige. 203 00:09:58,220 --> 00:10:00,540 LAUGHTER 204 00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:01,580 Never mind. 205 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,820 Jo, did you use all of your... all of the commandments or did...? 206 00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:16,860 No. 207 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:20,980 OK, bad attempt. 208 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,540 Now, it seemed to me 209 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:25,460 that you just decided to use some Jedi mind trick on the bin. 210 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,420 No, I'll tell you what I was doing. OK. 211 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:30,620 I thought I was being genuinely clever and quite crafty because 212 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:34,540 I was checking the bottoms to see which one was closest to the ground. 213 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:39,780 And to my stupid eyes, the others had little gaps and that one didn't. 214 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,860 So you thought you'd outfoxed the whole system. 215 00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,380 Yeah, I thought I'd just... 216 00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:46,900 I mean, it's breathtaking arrogance. Yeah, yeah. 217 00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:48,260 Yeah, welcome to my world. 218 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,140 Right, break time. 219 00:10:51,260 --> 00:10:52,500 Will anyone find Alex? 220 00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:54,340 Probably not because he's so little. 221 00:10:54,460 --> 00:10:55,820 See you after these adverts. 222 00:11:07,049 --> 00:11:08,209 Hello! 223 00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,489 Welcome back to the second part of Taskmaster. 224 00:11:10,649 --> 00:11:12,449 Alex, you were being rubbish before the break. 225 00:11:12,609 --> 00:11:14,649 Yes, I was. I was portraying the part of rubbish 226 00:11:14,769 --> 00:11:15,969 by hiding in a wheelie bin. 227 00:11:16,129 --> 00:11:18,729 Katy didn't find me and Jo didn't find me. 228 00:11:18,889 --> 00:11:21,209 Next up, we're gonna see Rose Matafeo. 229 00:11:22,329 --> 00:11:23,809 Let's give this a go. 230 00:11:26,969 --> 00:11:27,929 Not that one. 231 00:11:28,049 --> 00:11:29,049 "Gently shake one bin." 232 00:11:49,289 --> 00:11:51,769 I mean, I know he's in that one but I just want to ring. 233 00:11:51,889 --> 00:11:53,289 PHONE RINGS 234 00:11:53,409 --> 00:11:54,329 Hello. 235 00:11:54,449 --> 00:11:56,009 Hi, Alex, which bin are you in? 236 00:11:57,969 --> 00:11:58,929 I think it's five. 237 00:12:04,249 --> 00:12:10,289 ROSE GASPS 238 00:12:13,329 --> 00:12:14,529 No! 239 00:12:16,289 --> 00:12:18,209 "You may wheel one bin three metres." That one. 240 00:12:18,369 --> 00:12:19,769 "You may gently shake one bin." Four. 241 00:12:19,929 --> 00:12:21,889 "How may strike one bin with a frying pan." One. 242 00:12:22,049 --> 00:12:23,969 "You may push one bin over." That was that one. 243 00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:26,209 "You may avert your eyes and drop one thing into the bin." 244 00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:28,929 Then I dropped that in there and then it dropped to the bottom. 245 00:12:30,529 --> 00:12:31,649 Is there a sixth bin? 246 00:12:35,769 --> 00:12:37,409 One or five? One or five? 247 00:12:39,329 --> 00:12:40,289 One. 248 00:12:40,409 --> 00:12:42,569 GROANING 249 00:12:42,689 --> 00:12:44,769 Damn it. 250 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:45,849 Fuck. 251 00:12:53,409 --> 00:12:55,649 Don't look at me! Don't look at me like that! 252 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,569 I just... Don't look at me like that! OK. 253 00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:58,649 Say it. 254 00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:00,529 It was the task. With the task underneath. 255 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:01,689 Oh, I know, David! 256 00:13:03,169 --> 00:13:04,369 I saw that. 257 00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:07,089 Well, you seemed quite forensic in your approach at first. 258 00:13:07,249 --> 00:13:09,009 You did the shake, you went over to the phone, 259 00:13:09,129 --> 00:13:10,809 you dropped the stethoscope in. 260 00:13:10,969 --> 00:13:14,169 You were like a really great Sherlock Holmes-type character 261 00:13:14,289 --> 00:13:15,649 until right at the end. 262 00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:19,529 You think Sherlock Holmes has ever missed a clue that huge 263 00:13:19,649 --> 00:13:21,329 at the very beginning, though? 264 00:13:21,449 --> 00:13:22,929 Not Sherlock. No way. But also, 265 00:13:23,089 --> 00:13:25,569 the stethoscope... No way, I'm writing that down. 266 00:13:25,729 --> 00:13:27,809 Yeah, I'm sorry about throwing the stethoscope at you. 267 00:13:27,969 --> 00:13:30,489 Well, it was very odd. So I was, I thought, taking up all the bin but 268 00:13:30,689 --> 00:13:34,289 she dropped the stethoscope and it It just missed me completely 269 00:13:34,489 --> 00:13:37,249 and struck the bottom of the bin so she thought, "Well, he's not in there." 270 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:40,449 Just wandered off... Is this how you figure out you're a ghost? I think so, yeah. 271 00:13:40,609 --> 00:13:43,529 Is this your Patrick Swayze moment? Oh, that'd be so great. 272 00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,769 Finally, it's two proper blokes' blokes, 273 00:13:45,889 --> 00:13:47,489 real salt-of-the-earth types, 274 00:13:47,649 --> 00:13:51,049 it's Edward Stephenson Gamble and David Lionel Baddiel. 275 00:13:58,609 --> 00:14:00,209 Right, he's not in that one. 276 00:14:04,249 --> 00:14:06,129 PHONE RINGS 277 00:14:08,529 --> 00:14:09,609 Hello. 278 00:14:09,729 --> 00:14:11,529 Hello, can you shout? 279 00:14:11,649 --> 00:14:12,849 Why would I shout? 280 00:14:12,969 --> 00:14:14,769 I can't hear you - can you shout? 281 00:14:14,889 --> 00:14:15,969 I can hear you very clearly. 282 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:17,169 No, I can't hear you. 283 00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,569 Well, you're responding to me. 284 00:14:18,729 --> 00:14:22,169 I have no idea what you're saying. Can you just speak a bit louder? 285 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,689 Oh, I'm losing you. I can't hear what you're saying. 286 00:14:24,809 --> 00:14:26,689 Oh, you've gone. You've gone. 287 00:14:26,809 --> 00:14:27,849 That's just rude. 288 00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:31,489 Not in that one. 289 00:14:37,569 --> 00:14:38,769 BIN RATTLES 290 00:14:40,289 --> 00:14:41,489 You may push one bin over. 291 00:14:45,529 --> 00:14:46,489 This is here. 292 00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:51,089 "Alex is odd." 293 00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:55,969 I'm guessing that means he's in an even one. 294 00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:58,729 Erm, I mean in an odd one. 295 00:14:58,849 --> 00:14:59,809 That's what I mean. 296 00:14:59,929 --> 00:15:01,689 LAUGHTER 297 00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:07,209 PHONE RINGS 298 00:15:07,329 --> 00:15:09,009 Hello? 299 00:15:09,129 --> 00:15:10,689 Hello? 300 00:15:12,569 --> 00:15:13,929 Hmm. 301 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,369 I guess five. 302 00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:26,809 Alex Horne! 303 00:15:26,929 --> 00:15:27,889 APPLAUSE 304 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,169 It's this one, obviously. Can we mark the time? 305 00:15:32,289 --> 00:15:33,769 I'd just like to do this as well. 306 00:15:39,889 --> 00:15:41,209 It's this one. 307 00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:46,089 AUDIENCE: Aw. 308 00:15:46,209 --> 00:15:48,969 LAUGHTER 309 00:15:56,729 --> 00:15:58,489 APPLAUSE 310 00:16:01,369 --> 00:16:03,409 It's almost like watching you being born. 311 00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:04,849 LAUGHTER 312 00:16:04,969 --> 00:16:06,289 Lovely start in life, 313 00:16:06,449 --> 00:16:08,409 better than the grumpy old man smashing you over the head 314 00:16:08,529 --> 00:16:11,009 with a frying pan. 315 00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:13,409 It was an opportunity afforded by one of the commandments 316 00:16:13,569 --> 00:16:15,489 that you could smash him over the head with a bin... 317 00:16:15,609 --> 00:16:16,689 ..with a frying pan. 318 00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:19,969 To determine whether he was in there. No, no. Not to just hurt him. 319 00:16:20,089 --> 00:16:21,129 It didn't say that. 320 00:16:21,289 --> 00:16:23,489 It said at any point you could hit him over the head with a bin. 321 00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:25,369 Frying pan. 322 00:16:25,529 --> 00:16:27,689 Five points. Also, David, here's my question. 323 00:16:27,849 --> 00:16:29,529 When Rose revealed the task, you leant over to me 324 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,329 and said, "I didn't know there was a task under there." 325 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:34,369 LAUGHTER 326 00:16:34,489 --> 00:16:35,889 I know. 327 00:16:36,049 --> 00:16:38,129 I'm having a slight nervous breakdown. 328 00:16:40,049 --> 00:16:42,409 When you pushed over the bin, 329 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,849 was there a part of you thinking he might be in there? Yeah. 330 00:16:45,009 --> 00:16:48,289 Everything I did, I did to bins that I thought he might be in. 331 00:16:48,449 --> 00:16:50,929 Love that song. Is that a version of that Bryan Adams' song? 332 00:16:51,049 --> 00:16:52,289 Bryan Adams... 333 00:16:52,409 --> 00:16:54,329 LAUGHTER 334 00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:57,849 Let's get some scores on the go. The men were the only ones who found me. 335 00:16:57,969 --> 00:17:00,529 David took 6 minutes 53. 336 00:17:00,689 --> 00:17:04,329 Ed found me in 3 minutes 40, so he gets 5 points, 337 00:17:04,449 --> 00:17:05,969 David Baddiel gets 4 points. 338 00:17:09,649 --> 00:17:12,049 Lovely. I think we should see a scoreboard, right? Right. 339 00:17:12,169 --> 00:17:13,249 It's reasonably close. 340 00:17:13,409 --> 00:17:15,809 We have one leader, though, and that leader is Ed Gamble 341 00:17:15,929 --> 00:17:17,089 with seven points. 342 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,769 What have we got lined up next, Alex? 343 00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:23,929 Oh, it's flipping paper puzzle portrait pandemonium. 344 00:17:24,049 --> 00:17:25,049 Here we go. 345 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,729 Hello. Hello, Katy. Hi. 346 00:17:40,409 --> 00:17:41,649 Oh, no. 347 00:17:44,489 --> 00:17:47,689 Is this going to be some kind of sudoku-style bollocks? 348 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:53,009 "Draw a portrait." I like it so far. 349 00:17:53,169 --> 00:17:58,289 "Draw a portrait of the taskmaster using 16 A1 pages. 350 00:17:58,449 --> 00:18:01,329 "You may not remove the A1 pages from the flip chart 351 00:18:01,449 --> 00:18:03,489 "during your drawing. 352 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:07,689 "After the task, the A1 pages will be laid out... 353 00:18:07,849 --> 00:18:10,329 "..in the pattern shown on the front page." 354 00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:14,289 What? 355 00:18:14,449 --> 00:18:17,449 "You may only draw on the flip chart paper. Best portrait wins. 356 00:18:17,609 --> 00:18:19,569 "You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 357 00:18:20,729 --> 00:18:23,089 Am I allowed to use a pencil? 358 00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:26,449 I still don't understand what this is for. 359 00:18:28,129 --> 00:18:29,249 That's the front page of the... 360 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,169 Yeah, but why has it got different numbers on it? 361 00:18:31,329 --> 00:18:33,489 That's how we're going to lay it out afterwards. 362 00:18:33,609 --> 00:18:34,769 Seems a bit ridiculous. 363 00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:40,049 I don't know what to do. I've kind of gone "Eugh!" 364 00:18:40,169 --> 00:18:41,409 What does Greg look like? 365 00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:47,329 That's not very helpful. 366 00:18:47,489 --> 00:18:49,729 The only one that I wanted was too heavy. Oh. 367 00:18:49,889 --> 00:18:52,209 Can you bring that in for me? The main portrait? Yeah. 368 00:18:52,369 --> 00:18:54,289 How long have I got? 11 minutes now. 369 00:18:54,409 --> 00:18:56,209 I've been talking for nine minutes? 370 00:18:56,329 --> 00:18:57,489 Nine minutes. Oh, my God. 371 00:18:58,689 --> 00:18:59,889 That's great. Thank you. 372 00:19:03,889 --> 00:19:05,129 That's gone a bit mental. 373 00:19:05,289 --> 00:19:08,169 Greg's got to be upside down. This is a mind fuck actually. 374 00:19:08,329 --> 00:19:10,129 To be honest, he looks quite bad-tempered. 375 00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,289 He's always angry. 376 00:19:12,729 --> 00:19:14,409 Oh, no. 377 00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:15,689 Hang on. Oh, yeah. 378 00:19:15,809 --> 00:19:17,609 5, 6. 379 00:19:17,729 --> 00:19:18,729 16. 380 00:19:18,889 --> 00:19:21,889 What is that? Paint. Have you got an apron? 381 00:19:22,009 --> 00:19:23,249 KATY SIGHS 382 00:19:24,809 --> 00:19:26,009 PAINT SQUELCHES 383 00:19:26,169 --> 00:19:29,249 Oh, my... Oh. I've really messed this up. 384 00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:31,849 This is going to look absolutely dog shit. 385 00:19:32,009 --> 00:19:34,329 That's going to be a completely different size to the other one. 386 00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:35,969 That's upside down. 387 00:19:36,089 --> 00:19:37,689 Oh, no. 388 00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:41,329 Rather more pubic than I anticipated. 389 00:19:41,489 --> 00:19:44,289 I'm guessing he likes a bit of Dickens. 390 00:19:44,409 --> 00:19:46,289 Tiny bit of bollock. 391 00:19:46,409 --> 00:19:47,809 Stick to the plan! 392 00:19:47,929 --> 00:19:50,529 I hate picturing things upside down. 393 00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:52,089 Here, here, here. 394 00:19:52,249 --> 00:19:55,049 I think there might be too much face, but never mind. 395 00:19:55,169 --> 00:19:57,329 Oh, I've done it. Have I? No. 396 00:20:00,089 --> 00:20:02,049 APPLAUSE 397 00:20:06,209 --> 00:20:08,209 Shall we get David's out the way? We can. 398 00:20:14,329 --> 00:20:16,169 What a terrible thing to say! Oh, David. 399 00:20:16,329 --> 00:20:19,449 This is how it looked when we laid it out according to the grid. 400 00:20:19,569 --> 00:20:21,449 LAUGHTER 401 00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:31,609 That is some kind of sudoku bullshit 402 00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:35,249 You're going to give that no points, 403 00:20:35,409 --> 00:20:37,209 but it's going to win the Turner Prize. 404 00:20:39,009 --> 00:20:40,049 Do you know what? 405 00:20:40,209 --> 00:20:42,849 There comes a point where we have to get medical advice. 406 00:20:42,969 --> 00:20:45,289 LAUGHTER 407 00:20:45,449 --> 00:20:51,489 That's two left halves of a face with a leg growing out of the head. 408 00:20:51,889 --> 00:20:54,089 It's quite simple. 409 00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:55,689 Hair... 410 00:20:55,809 --> 00:20:57,289 LAUGHTER 411 00:20:57,409 --> 00:20:59,329 It's a normal person, all right? 412 00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:03,849 They've got hair on top, eyes, a nose, some knees. 413 00:21:05,009 --> 00:21:07,449 And then some children. What's wrong with that? 414 00:21:12,929 --> 00:21:15,049 And he says normal person, but just below the lip, 415 00:21:15,209 --> 00:21:17,169 right in the middle, that's a little bit of bollock. 416 00:21:17,289 --> 00:21:18,689 LAUGHTER 417 00:21:19,889 --> 00:21:21,529 OK, only two parts to go 418 00:21:21,689 --> 00:21:25,049 until someone wins Katy's useless bagpipes, 419 00:21:25,169 --> 00:21:27,129 but for now, more adverts. 420 00:21:27,249 --> 00:21:28,369 APPLAUSE 421 00:21:35,449 --> 00:21:37,009 APPLAUSE 422 00:21:37,169 --> 00:21:40,369 Hello again. Here we go with part three. 423 00:21:40,529 --> 00:21:43,609 Weren't people struggling to draw me before the break? Sort of. 424 00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:46,969 They had to draw a piece of you on each page of a flip chart pad 425 00:21:47,129 --> 00:21:49,329 according to the number pattern provided. 426 00:21:49,529 --> 00:21:53,129 So far, we've found out that David Baddiel isn't very good at this sort of thing. 427 00:21:53,289 --> 00:21:56,049 Katy Wix had a go and it looked like this... 428 00:21:58,289 --> 00:21:59,689 Oh, Katy, it looks great. 429 00:21:59,809 --> 00:22:01,449 That's got a look of me... 430 00:22:01,569 --> 00:22:02,529 LAUGHTER 431 00:22:02,649 --> 00:22:03,729 It's got your eyebrows. 432 00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:07,249 ..when I was going through my David Bowie phase. 433 00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,009 That's what I was referring to. 434 00:22:09,169 --> 00:22:11,529 You've kind of got an Eddie Munster hairline there as well. 435 00:22:11,689 --> 00:22:14,089 Or like Liza Minnelli. And your dropping nostril. 436 00:22:14,209 --> 00:22:16,289 LAUGHTER 437 00:22:16,449 --> 00:22:17,889 It's something you need to get sorted. 438 00:22:18,049 --> 00:22:19,449 DAVID: There's three eyes. Four pupils. 439 00:22:19,569 --> 00:22:20,889 Well, don't start picking it apart. 440 00:22:21,009 --> 00:22:22,649 You've said it was good. 441 00:22:25,009 --> 00:22:29,769 Now let's look at Rose's attempt. This is how hers turned out. 442 00:22:29,889 --> 00:22:31,809 That's good. AUDIENCE: Ooh. 443 00:22:31,929 --> 00:22:33,409 APPLAUSE 444 00:22:44,209 --> 00:22:46,249 Hairy old guy, isn't he? 445 00:22:46,369 --> 00:22:47,689 I can't remember. 446 00:22:47,849 --> 00:22:49,449 I think that was supposed to be your suit, 447 00:22:49,609 --> 00:22:51,609 but it could be your hair if you want. 448 00:22:53,929 --> 00:22:56,529 I gave you lovely long lashes on the top and bottom. 449 00:22:56,689 --> 00:22:59,249 Yeah, and two lovely lines of barbed wire for hair. 450 00:22:59,369 --> 00:23:00,569 LAUGHTER 451 00:23:06,209 --> 00:23:09,409 OK, I can show you Ed Gamble's if you like. Oh, yes, please. 452 00:23:09,529 --> 00:23:11,289 LAUGHTER 453 00:23:11,409 --> 00:23:12,729 APPLAUSE 454 00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:19,689 It's absolutely ridiculous. 455 00:23:19,809 --> 00:23:21,489 LAUGHTER 456 00:23:23,609 --> 00:23:26,289 I'm not as upset with that as I thought I'd be. 457 00:23:27,569 --> 00:23:30,569 Did you get a primary schoolchild to do the outside bits? 458 00:23:30,689 --> 00:23:32,449 David, why the fuck are you talking? 459 00:23:34,649 --> 00:23:36,569 APPLAUSE 460 00:23:38,609 --> 00:23:40,609 Unbelievable. 461 00:23:40,769 --> 00:23:45,249 Whose next? Slightly different. It's Jo Brand's attempt. 462 00:23:45,369 --> 00:23:48,329 LAUGHTER 463 00:23:48,449 --> 00:23:49,609 Chips! 464 00:23:51,209 --> 00:23:53,969 I thought you liked chips. I mean, you've already won. 465 00:23:55,609 --> 00:23:58,049 Talk us through this set up. 466 00:23:58,209 --> 00:24:00,289 The whole thing doesn't have to be your face. 467 00:24:00,409 --> 00:24:01,649 I know it doesn't look like you, 468 00:24:01,809 --> 00:24:04,009 but I think I flattered you quite a lot there. 469 00:24:04,129 --> 00:24:05,449 LAUGHTER 470 00:24:05,609 --> 00:24:08,609 I just tried to put some things in there that you might like. 471 00:24:08,729 --> 00:24:10,729 Do you like cats? No. OK. 472 00:24:10,889 --> 00:24:12,969 That's your one mistake because I despise them. It's a fox. 473 00:24:13,089 --> 00:24:15,249 And I think... 474 00:24:15,369 --> 00:24:17,529 LAUGHTER 475 00:24:20,889 --> 00:24:23,649 What's that? Was the bottom there? Is that a headless body? 476 00:24:23,769 --> 00:24:26,009 KATY: I thought it was a tampon. 477 00:24:26,169 --> 00:24:29,689 That is, you genuinely said at the time, a nuclear power station. 478 00:24:29,809 --> 00:24:31,449 LAUGHTER 479 00:24:33,809 --> 00:24:36,889 I love nuclear fusion! 480 00:24:37,009 --> 00:24:38,489 I knew you would! 481 00:24:38,649 --> 00:24:40,849 Right, I'm ready to take your scores. 482 00:24:41,009 --> 00:24:44,129 I think that the one that captures my majesty the most is Katy's, 483 00:24:44,289 --> 00:24:46,009 so I'm going to give Katy five points. 484 00:24:46,129 --> 00:24:47,449 OK, five points to Katy. 485 00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:48,769 APPLAUSE 486 00:24:50,409 --> 00:24:52,169 I think that Jo's is such a clever idea 487 00:24:52,329 --> 00:24:54,289 that I'm going to give her four points. 488 00:24:54,409 --> 00:24:55,769 OK, second place to Jo Brand. 489 00:24:55,889 --> 00:24:56,969 Thank you, Gregory. 490 00:24:59,409 --> 00:25:02,129 I don't want to be either of those two people. 491 00:25:02,289 --> 00:25:05,769 I'm going to give them both three points. OK. Ed and Rose. 492 00:25:05,889 --> 00:25:07,169 And how many is David getting? 493 00:25:07,329 --> 00:25:10,009 I mean, David is going to get one point and he can thank me for it. 494 00:25:10,209 --> 00:25:12,969 LAUGHTER OK, there we go. We're done. Katy Wix wins the prize! 495 00:25:13,089 --> 00:25:14,529 There we are! Katy Wix! 496 00:25:18,249 --> 00:25:22,649 What now? It's the first team task of the series. 497 00:25:22,769 --> 00:25:24,449 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 498 00:25:30,969 --> 00:25:31,929 Hello. 499 00:25:32,049 --> 00:25:32,969 Hi, Alex. 500 00:25:37,129 --> 00:25:38,129 Erm... 501 00:25:38,249 --> 00:25:39,609 Hello, mate. 502 00:25:39,729 --> 00:25:43,089 How's it going? Nice to see you. 503 00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:45,609 Oh, good God, it's David Baddiel. 504 00:25:45,729 --> 00:25:46,889 LAUGHTER 505 00:25:47,009 --> 00:25:48,249 They've put us together. 506 00:25:48,369 --> 00:25:50,649 I know. Elderly. Yes, I know. 507 00:25:51,729 --> 00:25:54,409 Ah! Oh, no! 508 00:25:54,529 --> 00:25:57,609 Hello! Hello, mate. Yes! 509 00:25:57,729 --> 00:25:59,209 KATY: Hi, sweetheart. 510 00:26:00,889 --> 00:26:02,009 "Complete this adventure. 511 00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:04,209 "Unless otherwise stated, you must stick together 512 00:26:04,369 --> 00:26:07,929 "and only open one task when you've completed the previous one. 513 00:26:08,049 --> 00:26:09,529 "Fastest wins. 514 00:26:09,689 --> 00:26:13,049 "Now either look in the toaster or go to the shed." 515 00:26:13,209 --> 00:26:16,929 "Now either look in the toaster or go to the shed." What toaster? 516 00:26:17,049 --> 00:26:18,729 It's a Choose Your Own Adventure. 517 00:26:18,889 --> 00:26:21,089 Shall we all go to the shed together, 518 00:26:21,209 --> 00:26:22,569 or to the toaster together? 519 00:26:22,729 --> 00:26:25,289 My instinct is to do the opposite of what they're suggesting. 520 00:26:25,449 --> 00:26:27,969 Of what Alex wants us to do? We could just sit here. 521 00:26:28,129 --> 00:26:30,769 It's quite a nice day. The shed's by far the nearest. Yeah. 522 00:26:30,929 --> 00:26:34,649 And to me, I think let's go to the toaster first. 523 00:26:34,809 --> 00:26:37,489 Are we all together? Yeah, we're all together. We're all together. OK. 524 00:26:37,649 --> 00:26:39,609 It smells like asparagus. Close the door. 525 00:26:41,009 --> 00:26:42,609 Can we go that way to the kitchen? 526 00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:46,089 You can try going that way if you want. OK. Are we going to try? 527 00:26:46,209 --> 00:26:47,649 Oh. It doesn't look right. 528 00:26:48,849 --> 00:26:50,089 "Find the egg in the shed 529 00:26:50,249 --> 00:26:52,689 "then either go to your pigeonhole or the caravan." 530 00:26:52,809 --> 00:26:54,009 Where is the toaster? 531 00:26:54,169 --> 00:26:56,489 There it is. Oh, hang on. Right, OK. So there's two. 532 00:26:56,609 --> 00:26:57,769 That's the left hand. 533 00:26:57,889 --> 00:26:59,369 Sinister. Yeah. 534 00:26:59,529 --> 00:27:02,969 "Put a kitchen implement on one person's head." OK. 535 00:27:03,129 --> 00:27:06,729 "That person must wear the kitchen implement for the rest of the task." 536 00:27:06,889 --> 00:27:08,569 Never watched it. "Now go to the shed." 537 00:27:08,729 --> 00:27:12,609 Got it! Got an egg. Right, OK. So, the pigeonhole or the caravan? 538 00:27:12,729 --> 00:27:14,369 Caravan? Yeah. Caravan. 539 00:27:14,529 --> 00:27:17,089 What about a colander? Yeah, a colander won't fall off. 540 00:27:17,249 --> 00:27:19,129 Do you want to wear it? I don't mind. 541 00:27:19,289 --> 00:27:21,369 You look very First World War suddenly. Do I? 542 00:27:23,209 --> 00:27:25,529 OK, so now we have to go to the shed? "Now go to the shed." OK. 543 00:27:29,169 --> 00:27:31,609 APPLAUSE 544 00:27:36,569 --> 00:27:40,569 Very interesting seeing the difference in the two groups. 545 00:27:40,969 --> 00:27:43,729 I loved seeing the three young people playing Taskmaster 546 00:27:43,889 --> 00:27:48,689 and I also liked watching Jo and David doing Bargain Hunt. 547 00:27:48,809 --> 00:27:50,489 LAUGHTER 548 00:27:54,209 --> 00:27:57,849 Let's have a look, shall we? OK, yes, it's team time. 549 00:27:58,009 --> 00:27:59,969 As always, it's a team of three versus a team of two 550 00:28:00,129 --> 00:28:02,569 because that's definitely fair and no-one ever gets in touch 551 00:28:02,689 --> 00:28:03,769 to say it isn't. 552 00:28:03,889 --> 00:28:05,649 LAUGHTER 553 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,329 We're going to start with Jo and David. Here we go. 554 00:28:08,489 --> 00:28:11,609 "Find the egg in the shed then either go to your pigeonhole 555 00:28:11,729 --> 00:28:13,289 "or the caravan." 556 00:28:13,449 --> 00:28:16,449 There's not much chance of... Oh, here we are. OK. 557 00:28:16,569 --> 00:28:17,569 I gave up so easy. 558 00:28:19,289 --> 00:28:23,569 "Say the meaning of the word umiliante." Is that what it says? 559 00:28:23,689 --> 00:28:24,769 Yeah. 560 00:28:24,929 --> 00:28:27,569 Is that Italian? "..umiliante and then look in the toaster." 561 00:28:27,689 --> 00:28:29,329 Is it humiliate? 562 00:28:29,489 --> 00:28:33,129 That's what it sounds most like, doesn't it? 563 00:28:33,289 --> 00:28:36,249 It's like an arthouse challenge, this one. 564 00:28:36,369 --> 00:28:37,889 I know, I'm quite enjoying it. 565 00:28:38,009 --> 00:28:39,209 Shall we have the right-hand one? 566 00:28:39,369 --> 00:28:41,249 Because we had the left last time, didn't we? Yeah. 567 00:28:41,409 --> 00:28:43,609 "Make and eat a sandwich." OK. Bread. 568 00:28:43,729 --> 00:28:45,449 What do you like? Cheese? 569 00:28:45,569 --> 00:28:47,089 Cheese is fine. Yep. 570 00:28:47,209 --> 00:28:48,569 Egg mayonnaise. 571 00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:51,529 Do you want artichokes in your sandwich? I don't think I do. 572 00:28:51,689 --> 00:28:53,409 Cocktail sausages? I quite like those. Do you? 573 00:28:53,569 --> 00:28:55,129 OK, well, do you want a sausage sandwich? 574 00:28:55,289 --> 00:28:57,329 Do you mind if we put them in the microwave for a little bit? 575 00:28:57,489 --> 00:28:59,289 Because they'll be nicer. I don't mind. 576 00:28:59,409 --> 00:29:01,849 Yeah, let's do that. 577 00:29:02,009 --> 00:29:04,329 Are you all right with a bit of mustard? Yeah. Perfect. 578 00:29:06,529 --> 00:29:09,369 There we go, that's your half. Thank you. 579 00:29:09,529 --> 00:29:11,929 That's delicious. I really would like a cup of tea. 580 00:29:13,089 --> 00:29:14,689 I'll put the kettle on. 581 00:29:14,849 --> 00:29:18,129 Yeah, I'm going to have Earl Grey. What would you like? 582 00:29:18,249 --> 00:29:19,449 Have they got ordinary tea? 583 00:29:19,609 --> 00:29:21,449 I mean, I'll have Earl Grey if they haven't got it, 584 00:29:21,569 --> 00:29:23,009 but I find it a bit perfumed. 585 00:29:29,129 --> 00:29:32,049 "Whisper three words that begin with D and end with G 586 00:29:32,209 --> 00:29:34,809 "and then go to the living room or look under the doormat." 587 00:29:40,129 --> 00:29:41,929 That doesn't begin with D. 588 00:29:42,089 --> 00:29:45,489 With G. No, it has to begin with D and end with G. Oh, sorry. 589 00:29:47,729 --> 00:29:51,089 I didn't whether to tell you. I thought, "Maybe she's illiterate." Please do tell me. 590 00:29:54,409 --> 00:29:57,009 That's two. 591 00:29:57,129 --> 00:29:59,169 LAUGHTER 592 00:29:59,329 --> 00:30:01,809 With the tea, we might be able to sit down in the living room. 593 00:30:01,969 --> 00:30:03,249 Let's go to the living room then. Yeah. 594 00:30:03,409 --> 00:30:06,849 "Without making a mess, get a task out of one of these jars. 595 00:30:07,009 --> 00:30:10,529 "You may not leave the room until you have read out one of the tasks." 596 00:30:12,969 --> 00:30:16,609 I think we should screw it like a cork. That's brilliant. 597 00:30:16,729 --> 00:30:19,449 That is so clever. Thanks, Dave. 598 00:30:19,609 --> 00:30:22,729 "Without discussing, complete Alex's phrase. 599 00:30:22,889 --> 00:30:25,649 "When you succeed, look under the doormat." 600 00:30:25,809 --> 00:30:28,129 The winner of Taskmaster series nine is... 601 00:30:29,449 --> 00:30:31,529 BOTH: ..David Baddiel. 602 00:30:33,689 --> 00:30:35,129 "Say the word 'demeaning'. 603 00:30:35,289 --> 00:30:38,009 "The fastest to say the word 'demeaning'... 604 00:30:38,129 --> 00:30:39,049 Demeaning! Demeaning. 605 00:30:39,249 --> 00:30:42,009 WHISTLE BLASTS Well done, team. You've completed the task. Have we? Oh, OK. 606 00:30:42,169 --> 00:30:44,169 Is that it? You can go and have a sit down now. 607 00:30:44,329 --> 00:30:46,769 Let's go and have a sit down and finish our cup of tea. 608 00:30:53,169 --> 00:30:55,249 Love that! 609 00:30:55,409 --> 00:30:58,689 Were you playing silly old people music? 610 00:30:58,809 --> 00:31:00,849 LAUGHTER 611 00:31:05,129 --> 00:31:07,809 No, we weren't! It was basically Last Of The Summer Wine 612 00:31:07,969 --> 00:31:11,329 being played in the background. We couldn't put an action score on it! 613 00:31:12,689 --> 00:31:16,689 We were essentially watching the Real Marigold Hotel. 614 00:31:16,849 --> 00:31:19,609 You stopped for a fucking sandwich I do believe. 615 00:31:21,169 --> 00:31:23,209 That's what he said! He told us to make a fucking sandwich 616 00:31:23,329 --> 00:31:24,969 He told us to make a sandwich! 617 00:31:25,089 --> 00:31:26,449 Yeah, but he didn't say, 618 00:31:26,609 --> 00:31:29,809 "Then kick back and enjoy it while talking about the good old days." 619 00:31:31,529 --> 00:31:33,689 The whole point of the task was to say the word "demeaning" 620 00:31:33,849 --> 00:31:36,969 and the word umiliante means humiliating or demeaning. 621 00:31:37,089 --> 00:31:38,369 Begins with D, ends in G. 622 00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:40,569 Putting a colander on your head, we thought you might say, 623 00:31:40,729 --> 00:31:42,849 "This is quite demeaning." Oh, sorry, I misunderstood. 624 00:31:43,009 --> 00:31:44,609 I thought the whole point of the task was to, 625 00:31:44,769 --> 00:31:48,689 in the most sinister way possible, whisper "Guantanamo Bay". 626 00:31:51,969 --> 00:31:53,489 I won! 627 00:31:58,689 --> 00:32:01,449 Incredible. Absolutely incredible. 628 00:32:01,609 --> 00:32:04,809 So, I can tell you that the time to beat was 36 minutes and 26 seconds. 629 00:32:04,929 --> 00:32:07,409 LAUGHTER 630 00:32:07,529 --> 00:32:09,129 You're not going to do it. 631 00:32:09,249 --> 00:32:10,529 Can I just tell you something? 632 00:32:10,689 --> 00:32:13,569 I don't think I realised we were doing it against the clock. 633 00:32:15,169 --> 00:32:18,249 Didn't you soften the butter to put on the bread in the microwave? 634 00:32:18,409 --> 00:32:20,569 I did, I softened the butter in the microwave. 635 00:32:24,129 --> 00:32:26,409 And I did know we were doing it against the clock 636 00:32:26,529 --> 00:32:27,649 and I didn't give a fuck. 637 00:32:27,769 --> 00:32:30,129 LAUGHTER 638 00:32:30,249 --> 00:32:31,969 APPLAUSE 639 00:32:34,009 --> 00:32:36,289 Stop it! Stop! Stop it! 640 00:32:36,409 --> 00:32:38,489 Thank you. Here are your adverts. 641 00:32:38,609 --> 00:32:39,809 APPLAUSE 642 00:32:44,729 --> 00:32:46,169 APPLAUSE 643 00:32:49,409 --> 00:32:52,049 There you are. It's the final part of tonight's show. 644 00:32:52,209 --> 00:32:56,409 Bags are soon to be won, but for now, a task needs completing 645 00:32:56,569 --> 00:32:58,729 and we were enjoying our first team task, weren't we, Alex? 646 00:32:58,889 --> 00:33:01,889 Yes, we were and I'm just generally in a really good place right now. 647 00:33:02,009 --> 00:33:05,009 LAUGHTER 648 00:33:05,169 --> 00:33:07,689 So, we've seen David and Jo's pacey endeavour to complete the task, 649 00:33:07,849 --> 00:33:12,369 now it's the turn of the excitable pups, Ed, Rose and Katy. 650 00:33:12,489 --> 00:33:15,209 THEY SHOUT EXCITEDLY 651 00:33:17,329 --> 00:33:22,689 "Say the meaning of the word umiliante then look in the toaster." 652 00:33:22,809 --> 00:33:23,929 Does it mean egg? 653 00:33:24,049 --> 00:33:25,329 Does umi mean egg? 654 00:33:25,489 --> 00:33:27,329 Oh, maybe there's a dictionary in there. 655 00:33:27,449 --> 00:33:29,529 All right, we're going in. No. 656 00:33:29,649 --> 00:33:31,089 Umiliante is to hunt for eggs. 657 00:33:31,249 --> 00:33:33,969 No. Egg hunt? No. Is it three people and an egg? No. 658 00:33:34,129 --> 00:33:36,129 I'm sorry, it's not as fun, but here we go. What? 659 00:33:36,249 --> 00:33:37,889 I didn't know this was allowed. 660 00:33:38,049 --> 00:33:42,169 Humiliation. I honestly nearly said that! 661 00:33:42,289 --> 00:33:44,169 Where are we going next? 662 00:33:44,289 --> 00:33:45,649 All right, there's two tasks. 663 00:33:45,809 --> 00:33:47,649 "Put a kitchen implement on one person's head. 664 00:33:47,809 --> 00:33:50,249 "That person must wear the kitchen implement for the rest of the task. 665 00:33:50,409 --> 00:33:52,649 "If the implement falls off, that person must sit on the bench 666 00:33:52,809 --> 00:33:55,849 and hum the theme tune for at least three minutes." What about this? 667 00:33:56,009 --> 00:33:57,569 This is a kitchen implement. Absolutely! 668 00:33:57,729 --> 00:34:00,049 Are you happy to hold it? Yes. Right, let's go. 669 00:34:00,209 --> 00:34:02,489 Do you think that's quite ominous that it meant humiliation? 670 00:34:02,649 --> 00:34:04,609 "Find the egg in the shed and either go to your pigeonhole 671 00:34:04,729 --> 00:34:05,729 "or the caravan." 672 00:34:05,889 --> 00:34:07,849 Right, here we go. Come on, team. Pigeonhole! 673 00:34:07,969 --> 00:34:09,049 "You must split up. 674 00:34:09,209 --> 00:34:11,689 "One of you go to the phone box, one of you to the mangle..." 675 00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:13,169 What's that? 676 00:34:13,289 --> 00:34:14,369 "One of you behind the caravan." 677 00:34:17,009 --> 00:34:19,609 I'm not going in the phone box! 678 00:34:19,729 --> 00:34:21,529 I'm not going to the phone box. 679 00:34:21,649 --> 00:34:23,769 Don't come to the phone box! 680 00:34:23,929 --> 00:34:26,169 "Each of you must now hold an egg in each of your hands 681 00:34:26,289 --> 00:34:27,329 "for the rest of the task. 682 00:34:27,489 --> 00:34:29,889 "If you break any egg, you must find and hold another. 683 00:34:30,049 --> 00:34:32,489 "Now go to the caravan." There's one. There's two. There's one there. 684 00:34:32,649 --> 00:34:34,409 There's a blue one over there. Got one. 685 00:34:34,569 --> 00:34:38,409 "Now go to the caravan." Caravan. Come on! 686 00:34:38,569 --> 00:34:41,049 "Say the meaning of the word umiliante then look in the toaster." 687 00:34:41,169 --> 00:34:42,569 ALL: Humiliation! 688 00:34:42,729 --> 00:34:44,569 We've opened that one so if you get the other one. 689 00:34:44,689 --> 00:34:46,209 "Make and eat a sandwich." 690 00:34:46,369 --> 00:34:48,769 "The whole team have to have helped in making the sandwich 691 00:34:48,929 --> 00:34:51,529 "and every member must have at least one bite of the sandwich. 692 00:34:51,649 --> 00:34:52,889 The bread bin's here. 693 00:34:53,049 --> 00:34:55,169 Chop the banana. I'd put the butter on the bread. Take a bite! 694 00:34:55,289 --> 00:34:56,889 OK, I'll take a bite. 695 00:34:57,009 --> 00:34:58,889 Come no, guys! Come on, team. 696 00:34:59,049 --> 00:35:01,889 "You have taken a wrong turn and must start again at the bench." 697 00:35:02,049 --> 00:35:04,489 No! Yay! "To complete this adventure you must stick together 698 00:35:04,649 --> 00:35:07,129 "and only open one task when you've completed a previous one. 699 00:35:07,289 --> 00:35:09,769 "Now look in the toaster or go to the shed." Let's go to the shed. 700 00:35:09,929 --> 00:35:12,489 But now we have to find another egg. We've already got two eggs each. 701 00:35:12,649 --> 00:35:14,609 There's an egg there. It's got a pigeonhole. 702 00:35:14,769 --> 00:35:17,049 "You must split up." I'm not going to the phone box! 703 00:35:17,169 --> 00:35:18,969 Come to the phone box! 704 00:35:19,129 --> 00:35:20,729 "Each of you must now hold an egg..." 705 00:35:20,889 --> 00:35:23,089 No, "..an egg in each of your hands for the rest of the task. 706 00:35:23,249 --> 00:35:25,329 "If you break an egg you must find and hold another egg." 707 00:35:25,489 --> 00:35:27,169 There's one there, one there and one there. 708 00:35:27,329 --> 00:35:29,969 Wait, where do we go from now? Erm... Caravan. We were just there. 709 00:35:30,089 --> 00:35:32,489 ALL: Humiliation! 710 00:35:32,609 --> 00:35:33,809 "Make and eat a sandwich. 711 00:35:33,969 --> 00:35:36,609 "The whole team blah, blah, blah, blah... Then now go to the lab." 712 00:35:36,769 --> 00:35:40,409 I'm going to spread. Here you go. Right. Everyone. 713 00:35:40,569 --> 00:35:42,969 OK, now go to the lab. OK, go to the lab. 714 00:35:43,129 --> 00:35:46,009 Whisper three words that begin with D and end with G. 715 00:35:46,129 --> 00:35:47,849 Then go to the living room. 716 00:35:47,969 --> 00:35:49,129 Driving. 717 00:35:49,249 --> 00:35:50,809 Dancing. 718 00:35:50,969 --> 00:35:52,569 Dogging. LAUGHTER 719 00:35:54,089 --> 00:35:56,569 "Without making a mess, get a task out of one of these jars. 720 00:35:56,729 --> 00:35:59,969 "You may not leave the room until you have read out one of the tasks." 721 00:36:00,089 --> 00:36:01,689 SUCKS 722 00:36:02,809 --> 00:36:05,169 SHE SCREAMS 723 00:36:05,329 --> 00:36:07,449 We've all got to go to the bench. 724 00:36:07,569 --> 00:36:10,169 SHE SINGS 725 00:36:12,089 --> 00:36:14,409 Are you timing, Alex? Yes, yes. 726 00:36:16,929 --> 00:36:19,209 WHISTLE Three minutes is up. Right, back. 727 00:36:19,369 --> 00:36:21,849 "One of you must give Alex a kiss on the forehead 728 00:36:21,969 --> 00:36:23,609 "then look in the other jar." 729 00:36:23,729 --> 00:36:25,689 Is that the whole thing? 730 00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:28,049 Time's up, Ed. Sorry. 731 00:36:28,169 --> 00:36:30,009 Come on! 732 00:36:30,169 --> 00:36:34,569 "Without discussing, complete Alex's phrase. 733 00:36:34,689 --> 00:36:36,689 "Then look under the doormat." 734 00:36:36,849 --> 00:36:39,129 The winner of taskmaster Series 9 is... 735 00:36:41,489 --> 00:36:43,449 ALL: Rose Matafeo. 736 00:36:43,649 --> 00:36:47,809 Right. The fastest to say the word demeaning at any point in the task wins. 737 00:36:47,969 --> 00:36:52,489 Demeaning. Thank you, guys. Are we done? Yeah. Wow! 738 00:36:52,609 --> 00:36:54,329 Is that, like, three hours? 739 00:36:56,449 --> 00:36:58,409 APPLAUSE 740 00:37:01,289 --> 00:37:02,809 What's wrong with you guys? 741 00:37:02,969 --> 00:37:05,729 You not fancy kicking back and enjoying a sandwich? 742 00:37:05,929 --> 00:37:09,009 That sandwich was delicious, actually. We had a lovely time with that one. 743 00:37:09,209 --> 00:37:12,409 I'm starting to think that, strangely, we might be in with a chance. 744 00:37:12,609 --> 00:37:16,529 I really think you might be, yeah. It was very long. We got stuck in a loop. Yeah. 745 00:37:16,689 --> 00:37:18,809 I can show you the loop you got stuck on if you like. 746 00:37:18,969 --> 00:37:23,169 The minimum distance is 30m. You guys walked 131m. 747 00:37:23,329 --> 00:37:25,529 This team walked 665m. LAUGHTER 748 00:37:27,289 --> 00:37:29,209 And this is what it looked like. 749 00:37:29,369 --> 00:37:31,769 So, we've Ed, Katie and Rose on the left. 750 00:37:31,889 --> 00:37:33,809 LAUGHTER 751 00:37:34,969 --> 00:37:36,929 Yeah. 752 00:37:39,889 --> 00:37:43,049 It was quite close. I genuinely don't know who's going to win this. 753 00:37:43,169 --> 00:37:45,169 I do. 754 00:37:45,329 --> 00:37:48,489 Right. Well, we know Jo and David took 36 minutes and 26 seconds. 755 00:37:48,609 --> 00:37:50,609 Yeah. The others took... 756 00:37:51,969 --> 00:37:54,169 ..29 minutes. APPLAUSE 757 00:37:56,169 --> 00:37:58,449 That was way closer than it should have been. 758 00:38:01,009 --> 00:38:05,609 I'm going to give the Fast Super Excited Egg Kids five points. 759 00:38:05,729 --> 00:38:06,809 Thank you. Thank you. 760 00:38:06,969 --> 00:38:09,569 And I'll give the Cheese Sandwich Gobbling Old People three. 761 00:38:09,729 --> 00:38:11,569 Five and three. APPLAUSE 762 00:38:15,769 --> 00:38:19,769 Give me the scores. OK. The Gobblers are now tailing off at the bottom. 763 00:38:19,929 --> 00:38:23,369 LAUGHTER That can happen with Gobblers! 764 00:38:26,129 --> 00:38:28,809 And... LAUGHTER CONTINUES 765 00:38:28,969 --> 00:38:32,529 And leading with 15 points, it's little Ed Gamble. 766 00:38:32,649 --> 00:38:34,529 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 767 00:38:37,649 --> 00:38:42,329 OK, everybody, please stand up and make your way to the stage for the final task of the show. 768 00:38:42,449 --> 00:38:44,369 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 769 00:38:51,009 --> 00:38:53,769 Great to see five great people up there. What's the task? 770 00:38:53,929 --> 00:38:56,649 Who's going to read it, Alex? Five great people, yep. 771 00:38:56,809 --> 00:38:58,689 OK, erm... LAUGHTER 772 00:39:00,129 --> 00:39:02,129 Jo Brand is going to read this one. Good. 773 00:39:02,249 --> 00:39:03,969 No rush. 774 00:39:04,089 --> 00:39:05,969 LAUGHTER 775 00:39:10,969 --> 00:39:13,569 "Make a lovely little ball arrangement. 776 00:39:13,689 --> 00:39:16,329 "You have 100 seconds." 777 00:39:17,449 --> 00:39:20,449 What? Make a lovely little ball arrangement. That's it. Yes, please. 778 00:39:20,609 --> 00:39:23,649 What are the buckets for? All the information is on the task. 779 00:39:23,769 --> 00:39:25,569 Your time starts... What? 780 00:39:25,689 --> 00:39:27,729 BLOWS WHISTLE 781 00:39:27,849 --> 00:39:29,809 MUSIC 782 00:39:29,969 --> 00:39:33,009 AUDIENCE SHOUTS ENCOURAGEMENT Come on, Ed! 783 00:39:33,209 --> 00:39:36,609 You can't shout, "Go on, Ed," you don't know what I'm supposed to be doing! 784 00:39:36,729 --> 00:39:38,649 AUDIENCE CHEERS 785 00:39:40,729 --> 00:39:43,889 I don't know what you're cheering about! What are they cheering? 786 00:39:46,689 --> 00:39:48,849 That's a lovely little ball arrangement. 787 00:39:52,249 --> 00:39:54,289 WHISTLE Stop arranging. 788 00:39:54,409 --> 00:39:56,329 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 789 00:40:01,249 --> 00:40:03,969 Feisty! Rose, what have you done? 790 00:40:04,089 --> 00:40:07,449 Like a pyramid stack. Katie? Spiral. 791 00:40:07,609 --> 00:40:09,689 Jo. Mine says "ball". LAUGHTER 792 00:40:11,329 --> 00:40:16,849 Ed? I've done a bunch of flowers with the moon in the sky. OK. 793 00:40:17,009 --> 00:40:21,969 Ambassador, with these plastic balls, you are really spoiling us. 794 00:40:22,089 --> 00:40:24,489 Lovely, lovely. 795 00:40:26,009 --> 00:40:29,329 OK, ready for the second part of the task. Yeah. 796 00:40:29,449 --> 00:40:31,369 CLAPS TWICE 797 00:40:33,689 --> 00:40:35,769 Are you satisfied that they can't see anything? 798 00:40:35,889 --> 00:40:37,609 My God, I'm so satisfied. 799 00:40:38,969 --> 00:40:44,169 I'm surprised by how funny I find David's glasses on his hat. OK. 800 00:40:45,529 --> 00:40:49,529 Flatten all of the yellow balls. Oh, you mother... No! 801 00:40:49,649 --> 00:40:51,809 LAUGHTER 802 00:40:51,969 --> 00:40:54,049 Throw all of the red balls into the bucket. 803 00:40:57,729 --> 00:41:00,769 And turn all the blue balls into one big blue ball. 804 00:41:00,929 --> 00:41:04,129 Most balls in the right shape and place after 100 seconds wins. 805 00:41:04,289 --> 00:41:05,689 Everyone ready? WHISTLE 806 00:41:05,849 --> 00:41:07,889 Flatten the yellows. Flatten the yellows. 807 00:41:08,009 --> 00:41:11,089 AUDIENCE SHOUTS ENCOURAGEMENT 808 00:41:11,209 --> 00:41:13,009 Do they smell? 809 00:41:14,609 --> 00:41:18,529 Smelling them, are you? He's eating them. Don't eat it. Is this red? 810 00:41:18,649 --> 00:41:21,369 AUDIENCE: Yes! Oh! 811 00:41:23,649 --> 00:41:25,969 Red? AUDIENCE: Yellow! 812 00:41:26,129 --> 00:41:28,609 What colour's this? AUDIENCE SHOUTS 813 00:41:28,769 --> 00:41:31,729 What was it? Blue in the bucket? Red in the bucket? Red? 814 00:41:37,089 --> 00:41:38,889 Red? AUDIENCE SHOUTS 815 00:41:39,049 --> 00:41:42,329 I think you need to shout their name before you shout the colour. 816 00:41:44,009 --> 00:41:46,409 AUDIENCE: Red! 817 00:41:46,529 --> 00:41:48,609 Come on, Jo! 818 00:41:51,089 --> 00:41:53,449 THEY CLAP 819 00:41:53,569 --> 00:41:55,249 10 seconds! 820 00:41:55,369 --> 00:41:58,929 AUDIENCE: Red! Yellow! 821 00:42:00,129 --> 00:42:04,889 Five, four, three, two, one. 822 00:42:05,009 --> 00:42:06,449 WHISTLE 823 00:42:06,569 --> 00:42:08,449 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 824 00:42:11,449 --> 00:42:13,209 Perhaps you'd like to join me down here 825 00:42:13,369 --> 00:42:16,209 while we work out how that's affected the final scores. 826 00:42:16,329 --> 00:42:18,209 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 827 00:42:23,289 --> 00:42:24,649 Well, now. Well, now. 828 00:42:24,809 --> 00:42:27,729 That would have put the cat amongst the pigeons, I shouldn't wonder. 829 00:42:27,849 --> 00:42:30,289 I was mainly on David watch, 830 00:42:30,449 --> 00:42:32,569 who was getting very close to the edge of the stage. 831 00:42:32,729 --> 00:42:34,969 I was prepared to die for Task Master. 832 00:42:35,089 --> 00:42:37,089 It didn't work, you came last. 833 00:42:38,689 --> 00:42:41,769 So, David got 12% of his balls in the right place. Hello. 834 00:42:41,929 --> 00:42:44,529 Rose put all of hers in the bucket which meant one third of hers 835 00:42:44,689 --> 00:42:47,529 were in the right place, the rest were all wrong. 33% right. 836 00:42:47,649 --> 00:42:50,689 Katie and Ed both got 45% right. AUDIENCE: Oh! 837 00:42:50,849 --> 00:42:53,369 And get four points each for that reason, 838 00:42:53,529 --> 00:42:55,689 but Jo was the runaway winner and pretty much nailed it. 839 00:42:55,809 --> 00:42:57,369 Pretty much got everything right 840 00:42:57,529 --> 00:42:59,689 except for the ones she threw at the audience. 841 00:42:59,809 --> 00:43:01,809 APPLAUSE 842 00:43:01,929 --> 00:43:03,729 I'm happy now! 843 00:43:03,889 --> 00:43:07,009 So. They've all made it to double figures this time. Oh! 844 00:43:07,169 --> 00:43:10,969 We have a first-time winner, who is Mr Ed Gamble. 845 00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:13,009 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 846 00:43:19,649 --> 00:43:21,609 Lovely Ed Gamble is tonight's winner. 847 00:43:21,769 --> 00:43:25,409 Please go and bag up your bags and big up yourself. 848 00:43:25,529 --> 00:43:27,609 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 849 00:43:31,449 --> 00:43:33,729 So, what have we learnt today? 850 00:43:33,889 --> 00:43:36,369 We've learnt that if you find yourself in an emergency situation 851 00:43:36,529 --> 00:43:39,169 up against the clock with disaster imminent, 852 00:43:39,289 --> 00:43:41,689 every second a crucial second, stop, 853 00:43:41,849 --> 00:43:43,849 pause, make yourself a lovely sandwich. 854 00:43:43,969 --> 00:43:46,089 LAUGHTER 855 00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:48,569 And we've learnt that Ed Gamble won some bags. 856 00:43:48,729 --> 00:43:51,569 This is truly a day he will never forget. Night-night. 857 00:43:51,689 --> 00:43:53,009 See you next time. 858 00:43:53,129 --> 00:43:55,049 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 64755

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