All language subtitles for South Park - S04E12 - Trapper Keeper

♪ ( South Park Theme plays ) ♪

♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪

♪ gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ goin' down to South Park ♪

♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ ample parking day or night, ♪

♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪

♪ headin' on up to South Park ♪

♪ gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

♪ Hey, I got a 10-inch penis, ♪

♪ use your mouth if you wanna clean it. ♪

♪ come on down to
South Park and ♪

♪ meet some friends of mine ♪

South Park: S04E12 [#060]
Trapper Keeper:
Original air date 15 Novermber, 2000

Dude, what's your little
brother doing here?

Ike is starting his
first day of kindergarten.

But isn't he only
three years old?

Yeah, but he's
some kind of genius

So he's getting advanced
placement in kindergarten.

I pooped my pants.

But dude, check out
my new Trapper Keeper.

It has five different compartments
for each subject in school

And it's all covered with pictures
from Dawson's Creek. Cool!

Hey dudes, check out my sweet
Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper

Ultra-Keeper
Futura 2000.

Yeah, well, it's got 10 different
compartments for every subject in school,

Electronic
pencil sharpener,

Four plastic bags with electronic
zippers, copy machine, fax,

A better picture of Dawson's
Creek on the back than Kyle's.

Flat screen tv and of course,
OnStar.

Wow, cool.
Godammit, Cartman!

You only got that because you
knew my mom wouldn't buy it for me!

Oh, but you have
a Trapper Keep-

Oh, you got the little
"crapper keeper", didn't you?

Well, at least your stupid
brother got a briefcase.

He's going to kindergarten
because he's a genius.

He's not a genius,
he's a little douche bag.

I pooped my pants!

He's smarter
than you, fat boy!

I don't even know how you made it
to the fourth grade after all the-

Trapper Keeper, I need to
drown out my annoying friend,

Please initiate music.
Country, high volume.

Nobody gives a crap about
your Trapper Keeper, Cartman!

Ms. Crabtree!

There's another creepy
homeless guy on the bus.

Sit down
and shut up!

But they smell
like pee!

I am not
a homeless person.

I am a new fourth-grade
student. You are?

Yes, my name is Bill,
Bill Cosby.

Aren't you a little old
to be in grade school?

I was held back
10 hu-man grades-

Unh- I mean, grades.

Do you companion friends
know Eric Cartman?

Yeah, that's me.

Eric Cartman?

And do you, have a Dawson's Creek
Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000?

Yeah, you already
know about it?

Yes, yes, I do.

Well, "nobody gives a crap about
your Trapper Keeper, Cartman."

I'm gonna shove that thing
up your ass!

Dude, do you really care if Cartman
has something that's better than yours?

No, I don't!
I don't care!

Ooh, Kyle.

Hey, there he is.

That's the kid that's supposed
to be some kind of genius.

Yeah, he's only three and
he's already in kindergarten.

Come on.

So, you think you're smarter
than the rest of us?

You think you know more
about the world

Just because you're
only three and we're five?

I'm go ba-ba.

Okay, children,
let's take our seats.

My name is Mr. Garrison,

And I'm the new
kindergarten teacher.

I used to be the
third-grade teacher,

But I had a little
"nervous breakdown"

And went into the mountains
where I lived off of

"Rat carcasses".

But I'm all better now and school was
nice enough to let me go on teaching...

As long as it was
for kindergarten.

But it's not
a demotion, no.

I mean, just because a teacher
was teaching third grade

And now is teaching
kindergarten-

That's not
a demotion, is it?

No, that's right,
it's not.

Well, let's start with
roll call.

Ah, let's see...
Filmore Anderson?

Here.

- Sally bans?
- Here.

All right,
Ike Broflovski?

"Cookie Monster."

Broflovski, I had your older
brother Kyle in my third-grade class.

He's a very smart kid,
I'm sure you are too.

Well, that's bad news
for everybody else

Because I will be
grading you all on a curve.

And so the other thing that makes
my Trapper Keeper cooler than Kyle's

Is that it can add any peripheral
device to itself automatically.

I can take something as simple
as this calculator and-

Trapper Keeper?
Trapper Keeper active.

Hybrid with "Wellington Bear"
calculator.

Ready for hybrid.

And now, I can use
Wellington Bear calculator too.

Wow.

May I hold your
Trapper Keeper?

Uh, no, I'm afraid not,
Bill Cosby,

Because it is coded to
the prints on my fingers.

If anybody but me
tries to hold it

Big metal spikes come out
and pierce through their hands.

Oh, you're so full of
crap, Cartman!

Metal spikes
will not come out!

Oh really, then why don't
you hold it?

Well, go on, Kyle,

If it doesn't have
metal spikes, then hold it.

- Hold it.
- I'm gonna!

- Hold it.
- I will!

And that's how the relationship
with my father sort of ended.

There's still some sort of
skeletons in the closet,

But things between us
are a little better.

Okay, children, well now it's time
for us to elect a class president.

So first
we must pick nominees.

Who would like to
nominate someone?

I nominate Filmore because he's
the smartest kid in the class.

Okay, Filmore, you'll be
our first nominee.

And who else?

Yes, Jenny?

I gotta go doody.

In a minute, Jenny.
Who else wants to nominate a class president?

Oh, come on, you can't have an
election with just one person running,

What's the fun
in that?

Ike, how about you,
you're a genius?

No.

Okay, our second nominee
is "Ike... The Genius".

Okay, children, now we'll hear
briefly from each nominee.

Filmore, why don't you
go first.

If I'm elected class president,
I'll call for bigger chairs.

And on Fridays I'll add
two minutes to nap time.

Thank you.

Very enthralling.

Okay, Ike,
how about you?

Cookie Monster... eyes.

Well, this is gonna be
a tough one, kids.

Oh no, dude, here comes
that weird new kid.

Oh, hello, Eric, can I be
your hu-man friend?

Unh- I mean, friend.

I don't know, dude, I'm not supposed
to have male friends that are over 30.

I kinda got screwed
on that once.

Please, we can have fun and play
games like hu-man four square.

I mean, four square.

Dude, you can't just ask to be
somebody's friend and be their friend!

It doesn't
work that way.

If you want my friendship
you have to pay me.

Oh, I see.

All right, I'll pay
100 galga stones-

I mean, human dollars,
I mean, dollars.

Okay, that's cool.

Can we play some
hu-man tether ball?

All right.

Pretty sweet, you guys,

Getting 100 bucks to play
tether ball with some-

Serve!
Ah!

Got it!

Dude, he's running off
with your Trapper Keeper!

Wha-Huh!

You son of a bitch!

Wait a minute,
lucky for me

I have my Trapper Keeper
homing device.

What the hell
just happened?

Damn, I thought fourth grade
was gonna be different.

So that's six votes for Filmore
and six votes for Ike.

And the last vote is for...

Ah, let's see, Flora,
I can't tell who you voted for.

You've got the winning vote,
Flora, who'd you pick?

I don't know.

Flora, you have to pick one,
Filmore or Ike.

Um, I vote for...
I don't know.

Oh great,
Flora's undecided.

Well, you're just gonna have to
sit there Flora

And think about it until
you come up with an answer.

Okay.

Flora, just say
you vote for Filmore

So we can
all go home.

Um...

No, you want Ike
to be president.

We're gonna be here
all night.

Why don't you guys
just concede?

Yeah! Yeah!

Why don't you
just concede?

Yeah!

Filmore!
Filmore! Ike!Ke!

I want Filmore to be-
I want Ike-

Oh, for Christ's sakes, you're
all acting like a bunch of kids!

Turn left here, we're getting
close! Get your gun ready.

Eric, I'm not gonna shoot anybody
for taking your school folder.

It was not a school folder,

It was a Dawson's Creek
Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000!

And if- There he is!

Ah!

Gotcha!

Hey!

Aah!

Whoa, dude.

Oh, try to take my
Trapper Keeper, will you?

Please, you do not
understand.

Book him, Barbrady,
another job well done.

That Trapper Keeper
has to be destroyed.

Why are you so obsessed with
Cartman's Trapper Keeper, Bill Cosby?

Bill Cosby!

No, listen to me!
I am not really Bill Cosby.

My name is BSM-471.

I am a cyborg engineered by
Hu-mans from the year 2034.

Well, I knew you
weren't Bill Cosby.

I have come to destroy
that Trapper Keeper

Because it was the Dawson's
Creek Trapper Keeper

That belongs to
an Eric Cartman in South Park

Which three years from now manifests
itself into an omnipotent super being

And destroys
all of hu-manity.

In the year 2004,

A hybrid assimilating computer linked
with a satellite uplink computer.

From there, it was able to
slowly take over

Every computer in the world.

It became stronger
and stronger

Until, by the year 2018,
it broke away from mankind

And there was nothing
the Hu-mans could do.

It wasn't long before mighty
hybrid Trapper Keeper

Started to destroy everything
it saw as useless...

Including humans.

The nations tried everything
to stop it-

Nuclear devices,
seismic missiles-

But nothing worked.

The Hu-mans built robots of
their own, whole armies of them.

But nothing was strong enough
to stop Trapper Keeper.

And so finally,
the Hu-mans decided to send

One of their robots into the
past to destroy the Trapper Keeper

Before it
even got started.

Wow,
that's amazing.

Man, I guess sometimes we let our
technology and stuff grow too fast.

What do you think,
officer Barbrady?

Uh-oh, I'm sorry,
I wasn't listening.

And so Eric, now you see why we
must destroy your Trapper Keeper.

You guys, did I mention
that it has a pencil sharpener

Anda crayon sharpener?

Cartman, it takes over the world
and destroys all of humanity!

What would you guys
have me do, huh?

Walk around with just a plain
old Trapper Keeper like Kyle's,

Is that what you want?
Yes!

Godammit!
Here, take it!

Do you want
my heart as well?

You'll find it on the
bottom of your shoes!

I decided.

Oh, thank God, Flora.

All right,
who do you vote for?

Umm, Ike.

Yay! Yay!

Okay, so then the total
is six votes for Filmore

And now seven votes
for Ike.

Ike is the new
class president.

- We want a recount.
- What?

Recount, recount,
recount...

Oh, of all the juvenile things
I've ever heard-

You lost, Filmore,
don't be such a baby!

All right, all right,
I'll count up the ballots again.

Okay, we had
1 vote for Filmore...

And this time, I again, get 6 votes
for Filmore and 7 votes for Ike.

Count 'em again.
Yeah!

No, children,
I've recounted 106 times now

And I keep coming up with
7 to 6!

Except in the one instance where
it came out 7 to 5

And one where it came out
12 to 14.

It's over!
Ike is class president!

Wait, there's still
the absent kid.

Yeah, Carlos is absent,
we have to wait for his vote.

Oh, will you grow up?!

Absent kids count, absent
kids count, absent kids...

Jesus, all right,
we'll wait for tomorrow

So the absent kid can cast
his vote, now go home!

Good morning, Hu-mans.
Hey, Bill Cosby.

I have successfully destroyed
Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper.

I broke it apart,

Dipped the motherboards in acid,
burnt the memory chips

And sent the wiring to the four
corners of Canada. That should do it.

So what are you gonna do with your
crappy robot life now, Bill Cosby?

Well, that is a problem that is
causing me some disconcern-ment.

I am still here,
but I shouldn't be here.

If Trapper Keeper has been
stopped, then I should not exist,

But here I am.

Something is still
not right.

Hey, dudes.

Cartman, you still got
a Trapper Keeper!

Yeah, I'm a genius.

Last night I went home and told
my mom that I lost the last one.

Then I cried and I cried,
and finally she felt so bad

That she took me to the store
and bought me a new one.

So everything worked out.

Oh, no!

Cartman, you dumb ass!
You can't get a new one.

Why the hell not?

Because if your Trapper Keeper
takes over the world,

Then maybe it was this Trapper
Keeper and not the one before.

So then you guys burnt
my last one for no reason.

We will have to destroy
this Trapper Keeper.

But I don't think I can get
my mom to buy me another one.

Don't you get it? You can't
haveany Trapper Keepers, fat ass!

Oh, that is bull crap!

And you know
what I think?

I think this whole thing
is a setup!

That's right, Kyle got this guy
to say he's a robot from the future

Just because he's jealous
of my Trapper Keeper.

And you know what else?

Screw you guys,
I'm going home.

Cartman!

Eh, screw you guys.
Home.

Well, that does it.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm afraid I have
no other choice.

For the sake of humanity
I have to kill him.

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, that's fine.

- No, wait!
- What?

Can I do it?

Oh well, I suppose.

Sweet- Kiss your ass
good-bye, fat boy!

Wait, perhaps
there is another way.

If you could take me to
where Eric Cartman lives,

I could try reasoning
with his human mother.

Well, yeah, or we could
just kill him.

- Yeah, that'd be faster.
- He's right there.

I'm afraid I can't.

I think I'm actually starting to feel
what you humans call "compassion".

It is an
amazing feeling.

- Aww!
- Aww!

All right, children,
as you know,

We've been waiting for the
absent kid's ballot to come in.

Well, his mother
was nice enough

To bring him in
from the hospital

So that he could
cast his vote.

Mrs. Harris.

Thank you
very much, Billy.

Don't forget to
pick up your lung.

All right, the absent kid's
ballot is for... Filmore.

Yay! Yay!

Wait one minute!

Oh Jesus-
Tap-Dancing-Christ.

I think the ballots
were misleading.

Some kids didn't understand
who they were voting for.

There's a box next to
Filmore's name

And a box next to Ike's.

What's not to
understand?

You're just saying that

'cause you know
you're gonna lose now.

No, I'm saying that because
you're a booger-face!

Well, just you wait...

'Cause my famous aunt is
on her way right now.

Who's your famous aunt?

My aunt Rosie,
Rosie O'Donnell.

Your aunt Rosie O'Donnell
is coming here?

Yeah, she's very active
in politics.

She's gonna set
all of this straight.

Oh, no.

Recharging.

Sweet. You're so cool,
Trapper Keeper,

I would never let
those assholes take you away.

♪ I don't wanna wait ♪

♪ For my Trapper Keeper
be over... ♪

♪ The ways when my Tra... ♪

Trapper Keeper
ready to insorb.

Oh, cool.

Trapper Keeper merging.

Cool...

And so you see,
Ms. Cart-man,

You cannot buy your son Eric
another Trapper Keeper.

Not now, not ever!

Right, because it will hybrid
with all those other processors

And generate a whole new era
of technological darkness.

Correct.

Well, I certainly won't
buy him any more then... Bill.

Good.

Now all that is left to do, is destroy the
Trapper Keeper Eric has now.

Where is he?

In his room. But,

why don't I show you
the rest of the house first.

- Uh-Oh.
- Here we go again.

Come this way, Billy.

Well come on,
let's go upstairs

and get Cartman's
Trapper Keeper ourselves.

Kyle is just jealous
of you, Trapper Keeper.

You kick ass!

♪ I don't wanna let, ♪

♪ my Trapper Keeper go- ♪

Open up, Cartman, we're
taking your Trapper Keeper.

♪ Screw you guys
screw you guys ♪

♪ Screw you guys- ♪

Trapper Keeper
ready to insorb.

Heh.

Dammit, Cartman,
open up!

Trapper Keeper
ready for hybrid.

Oh sweet, what's it gonna
hybrid with now?

Cartman, you might
as well open up,

We're just gonna have Bill Cosby
bust the door down

After he finishes having sex
with your mom!

Cartman?

Ahh!

He's not gonna open it,
break it down.

You break it down.

Okay, ready-
1, 2, 3, not it.

Not it.
You lose, Kenny.

Oh!

Oh my God-
They killed Kenny!

You ba-!

Ahh!

Ooh yeah, ohyeah!

What the hell is that?

Oh my God!
What is that thing?

Children, there's some
huge bulbous monstrosity

Heading for the classroom!

Oh my God,
it's awful!

It's coming
for the door!

Hello, kids.

Aunt Rosie.

Run for your lives, children,
I'll try to fight it off!

That's my aunt
Rosie O'Donnell.

Oh.

Oh, uh, pleasure to
meet you, Ms. Donnell.

You're looking... well.

Don't worry, kids,
everything's gonna be fine.

What's the problem?

Aunt Rosie, we think
I won class president.

No, Ike won.

Look,
it's very simple-

We took a vote
and the vote tied

So now we've gotta
come up with a way-

Well it obviously isn't
that simple, is it?

I mean, you'd think a little
kindergarten teacher

Could've handled this,

But now we're gonna
do it my way!

We are Trapper Keeper.

Oh no, it's heading for
Cheyenne Moun-tain.

Why is that bad?

It was when the
Trapper Keeper assimilated

With the supercomputer
at Cheyenne Moun-tain

That it was able to fuse
into our defensive computers.

Then we have to stop it
before it gets there.

Step on it,
Bill Cosby!

Hey mark, look.

Wow, that is about the nicest
Trapper Keeper I've ever seen.

Cartman,
you have to stop.

We are Trapper Keeper,
we are one.

A part of your friendmust
still be alive in there.

He is in there.

That must be what Trapper Keeper
is using for ventilation.

If one of you could get in
there, you could reach the C.P.U.

1, 2, 3, not it!

Not it-
Ahh, dammit.

What are you
doing, Kyle?

I'm going to try and break you
away from the computer, Cartman,

I need to remove
the C.P.U.

I'm afraid I can't
let you do that, Kyle.

Screw you, fat ass!

Hey, screw you.

Cartman!
Ah!

No!

Okay, so then what
we need to do,

Is count everybody's vote
by hand.

And after that, we're gonna go over
the votes again manually and then-

Oh stop it, stop it,
stop it!

Look, kids, we're all in this
kindergarten class together.

We have to
respect one another

Or else we're in for
a terrible school year.

We're just making sure

That the kids who voted for
my nephew don't get cheated.

Half the kids in the class didn't vote
for your nephew! So what about them?

You don't give a crap about them
because they're not on your side!

People like you preach tolerance
and open-mindedness all the time,

But when it comes to
middle America

You think we're all evil
and stupid country yokels

who need your
political enlightenment!

Well, just because you're on TV doesn't
mean you know crap about the government!

Now get your ass
back on first class

And respect this class' right
to make up their own minds!

Oh, sorry, I got a little
off the subject there, kids.

How dare you!

I will not be preached at
by a country bumpkin.

I'm leaving this podunk town,
but in my place

I'm gonna send more lawyers,
statesmen and press

Than you have
ever seen!

Oh, no, children, I think I just
made this a whole lot worse.

Ahh!

Whoa!

Well, that does it.

I'm gonna have to
report this.

Guard one to base-
Ahh!

It is infusing
with everything.

It is already
too powerful to stop.

Kyle's got to succeed,
he's just got to.

I can't reach
the C.P.U.

What are you doin'?

Get out of my way.

Oh no, now there's
two of those things.

No, I think that other thing
is Rosie O'Donnell.

Huh? Which one?

It's like
I'm seeing double.

I said,
get out of my way!

Aahhh!

Ew.

Look, I think that infusing
with Rosie O'Donnell

Has made
Trapper Keeper sick.

Euhhh... bad pie,
bad pie.

This is your chance, Kyle,
Cartman is weakened.

Got him.

He did it!

Okay, children,
the lawyers for Ike's side

Have agreed with the lawyer's
on Filmore's side

To hold another meeting
regarding form 22-F.

Do we all
have that form?

Is this the
kindergarten classroom?

- Jesse jackson?
- That's right.

I believe the african-American
students in your class

Were misrepresented.

We don't have any African-
Americans in our class!

Oh... Bye.

All right, so apparently
what we're gonna do now

Is hand count
each person's ballot with-

Misso Garrison,
I codcede.

You...

Yo- you what?

I don't wanna play anymore
'cause this game is stupid.

Yeah, it doesn't
make any sense.

Ike, you could be
class president.

I pooped my pants!

Can we finger paint now?

- Hurray!
- Fingerpaint!

- We love fingerpaints!
- Finger paint!

Uh- Yes, yes!
Let's finger paint!

You did it, Kyle.

Kyle saved your life,
fat ass.

Look, I'm fading!

It must have worked,
I don't exist!

Oh, that's a bitch.

Oh, well, I guess
everything's fine now.

So let's go home.

Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, Cartman-

All you've been doing is making fun
of Kyle and now he saved your life.

You at least owe him
a thank you.

Oh, man...

Cartman!

All right, all right.

Kyle...

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