Original subtitles

Executive: ...and gross sales

At $13 million in the last fiscal year.

In advertising and promotional expenditures of 2 million,

$845,000 were reported.

These expenditures were primarily...

By primarily, i mean about 96% of these expenditures,

Were for richter's two main retail brands.

These brands made up over 85%

Of the company profits in the last fiscal year,

An increase of some 14% from the previous year.

This increase is based on sales of $16,800,000.

Total sales were up only $200,000

In the last fiscal year,

Even with an increase in advertising expenditures

Of $872,000.

So, while the sales of wh-Whiz bam

And cherry poppie balls ar-Ar-Are up.

Uh, sales for their retail brand, chocorama...

Yeah, smith.

Gumball.

Would you repeat that?

Gumball.

Ok, let's wrap it up for today, gentlemen.

Thank you.

Gumball!

Aah!

Woman: will you take a look at this for me?

Here we go.

Professor: to him who accepts the challenge,

To him who risks all...

Comes the satisfaction of victory

And a sense of physical well-Being

In return for...

I want you to get this...

In return for hardship,

Exhaustion, discomfort.

Ponos.

Thank you very much.

Hi, sam.

Bannon?

It's on. We're a go.

Look. I...i've been giving this matter

A lot of thought,

And you don't have anything to lose.

I mean, to you, this thing is just a stunt.

I've got a position at this university,

I've got a shot at tenure.

All i have to do is stay out of trouble

A couple of more years,

I'll be set for life.

I can't risk that.

It's not a risk.

It's a challenge.

Hey, get out of the way! What's the matter with you?

What are you, deaf, you hippie freak?

I can't eat with all this noise going on.

Come on.

Let's take him.

Dispatcher: car 34, come in.

Uh, this is car 34. Over.

We got a telegram for you clowns.

Does, uh, "gumball" mean anything to you?

Uh, negative. 10-4.

Let's go.

That's beside the point...

I got that chicken in the oven.

Hi, oscar.

The kids' clothes are all laid out.

Ok, don't worry.

Just have a good time.

I will. Bye, osc. See ya.

Have a good time.

You be good. Listen to your daddy.

You would think

She was planning the d-Day invasion

Instead of a weekend in the country.

Woman, on p.A.: Attention, please.

All passengers holding tickets...

Excuse me.

On twa flight number 132 to new york...

Hi. Smoking.

Be careful with the liquor cabinet.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Andy, you know how often my wife

Tried to get me to get rid of this car?

Well, that's german machinery for you.

The car outlasted her.

Sedately, barney...

As befits our years and station in life.

Of course.

Man, on p.A.: Ladies and gentlemen...

Ace preston, mr. "Guts" himself,

Is in the white car revving up.

He'll attempt the death-Defying

Russian t-Bone... a nose-Dive into oblivion.

And there he goes,

And where he stops, nobody knows!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ace preston on the high speed.

Go, ace. Go!

A t-Bone served by mr. "Guts."

Whoo!

Hey. What do you say, buddy?

I didn't have time to change.

Aren't you excited about this?

No. I'll be glad when it's over.

Well, i don't expect to live forever.

Don't worry, kid, you won't.

Excuse me.

May i give you a flower?

I'm a stranger in this country.

And i've never seen such a beautiful woman

In all my life.

You see, i would like to know,

Maybe you could inform me of a hotel.

Here we are, old buddy.

New york, new york.

The big apple!

I feel ready. I'm pumping up.

I've been pumped up.

Yeah.

Ah, franco.

Prego. Come sta?

Fine. Thank you. Good. And you?

How's the bambino?

She's-A full-A gas, she's-A wait for you.

Hey, you make a good italian.

Lieutenant roscoe?

Mike pakows ky, nypd.

How are you?

The car's outside. I'll take you downtown.

I got a brother-In-Law in l.A.

Waitress: two martis and a double man.

Gumball.

They're coming in now.

All of them.

I'm going to stay here on the stakeout.

It's 9:05.

I'll check in again at 10:00.

Graves.

In through there, please.

Uh, right through that door,

There's a banquet room.

Thank you.

Man: it was just a misunderstanding.

Woman: oh, that's what you call it?

I call it a lie!

Well, it's after 9:30.

That's the deadline.

Should we close it up, mr. Banner?

Yeah. Put fred on the door.

I want that room sealed.

Ladies...

Gentlemen...

You have been selected

Because you have the necessary skills.

You are here

Because you have the determination to succeed.

Now, it won't be as easy as last year.

There are some who will use any means to try and stop us.

Some of you won't make it.

For those of you who do,

There'll be no glory,

No headlines...

But just a few magic hours,

Flat out against the red line,

With no catalytic converter,

And no 55-Mile-An-Hour speed limit.

Ladies and gentlemen...

The gumball rally has begun!

Yay! Yeah! Yeah!

Whoo! Bravo!

Now, for those of you who've never done this before,

I think i'd better go over the rules.

Uh, the first thing to remember

Is that there are no rules.

The first vehicle to reach the parking lot

At the queen mary in long beach

Is the winner...

The unofficial winner...

'Cause this is an unofficial race,

And so it follows that none of us are really in this race.

We don't want any, uh, cmlian involvement.

No accidents...

Please?

Remember it's 2,900 miles.

That..

34 hours and 11 minutes... is the record...

Set last year by our dear friend mr. Bannon.

Now, i know we all ought to get some rest tonight.

Uh, but...may i?

I'd like to propose a toast.

To internal combustion...

And wind in the face.

You know, i think roscoe's

Got a grudge against you, smitty,

From last year.

Why do i always get blamed for everything anyway?

Because you're a schemer.

It's going to be a lot different

From last year anyway.

Yeah, i noticed.

You brought a real ringer with you this time.

A what?

You know. Your friend...franco.

What do you mean? What's he ever won?

Le mans, grand prix de monaco?

What does that mean?

He's coming along

'Cause he's a real nice guy.

Don't you think it's a bit like

Trying to kill a butterfly with a hammer?

Oh, stop, will you?

You make me feel ashamed of myself.

Aw, smitty, don't worry.

Sam and i will do our best.

Yeah, but isn't it funny, though, you know?

Sometimes in life when your best just isn't...

Quite good enough, you know?

You're still bitter, huh?

No. No, i'm not.

Oh, yes, you are.

No. I'm... i'm going to win,

That's all.

Don't get overconfident.

Um...

Let's, uh...

Flip to see who takes care of roscoe, hmm?

Oh, yeah. Right.

Tails.

Oop. Wrong.

Oh, no. Why do i always get him?

I'll take care of him the morning of the race.

Mr. Mcallister, mr. Donohue!

Mr. Mcallister.

Mr. Mcallister, mr. Donohue!

Here you are, sirs.

Barney, i'm hungry.

Oh! I'm sorry.

Bull's-Eye!

Hit the trunk, old buddy.

Ah a'. Look'! Here.

Extra uniforms...

All of them for along the way.

Look at this. Police decals.

All you gotta do

Is just stick them on the doors.

Hey, give me a hand with the lights.

Give it a try.

Oh.

Can you imagine?

Do you believe that?

Hey, guys, listen to this.

Look, i been figuring.

With 200 gallons of gas back here,

We don't have to make one damn stop. Not one.

Ever seen anything like this before?

Wait'll you hear it run, man.

I got that computer information on the route...

Weather and traffic and the road conditions.

What's the matter, jose?

Nothing, mr. Bannon. I'm ok.

Hey, don't let all this stuff get you down.

Hey, i'm fine. What do i care?

If i wanted to go, i could go.

It's a free country, right?

This whole race is unofficial,

So i'm as unofficial as you are,

So if i wanted to go, i'd go.

If i had a car.

It's my girlfriend, you see.

She tells me yesterday,

No more dates on the subway.

I tell you something.

In this country, you ain't nothing...

If...if you got no wheels.

Oh, i don't know.

You been on the roads, lately?

I think the age of the motorcar is over.

Hey, mr. Bannon,

Is it ok if i take a few hours off?

Sure, th...

Ok, kill it.

Kill it!

Why don't you hurry up?

I gonna have to redo everything you've done.

Gee, mike, what did you think this was,

A vintage car event?

Well, smitty,

Some things get meaner as they get older.

Well, it's real cute.

Very fast. Very uncomfortable.

That's good, though. That's macho.

That's good for you.

That old smitty.

We've been competing in everything...

Sports, school, girls.

20 years of competition

Can sometimes get out of hand.

Why didn't he buy

The rest of the ferrari team

While he was at it?

I'm not so sure he didn't.

Where's that italian flash, anyway?

Franco? Hasn't showed up all day.

He's probably resting up.

Yeah. Getting his plugs cleaned.

Vrroom. Vrroom, vrroom, vrroom.

I must go now...

My darling.

Will you write?

If i can.

I mean...

I never met anyone who was going to borneo.

It is not a pleasure trip.

Be careful, franco.

I cannot do the work i must

And also be careful.

Then be lucky.

That's better.

* placida e l'onda *

* prospero *

* e il vento *

* venete all'agile *

* berchetta mia *

* santa lucia *

* santa *

* lucia *

This is red fox to barracuda.

Red fox to barracuda.

Now, i figure

They're gonna leave late tonight

Or early tomorrow morning.

As soon as i see them go, i'll let you know,

Then i want roadblocks

On every bridge and tunnel going west.

Do you copy?

Now, as the contract reads,

No driving after 6 p.M.,

Not to exceed 55 miles per hour.

You're bonded?

Of course.

Mr. Blakely is a connoisseur of fine automobiles.

But for california driving,

He's especially fond of this one.

Min ga!

You may go.

Sure.

Gently.

Gently!

Drive carefully.

Jesus, it's a hit.

Man: we still haven't got food.

What are we going to eat?

Oh, franco. Where you been?

Your mother called.

She's been looking for you everywhere.

Now you make-A jokes on my mother, huh?

No, no, no. About your mother.

Not on your mother, franco.

I wouldn't get on your mother.

Just-A like in monte carlo...

Jokes.

You insult-A me.

You insult-A my family.

You insult-A my country, my honor!

My dignity you insult!

I warned you...

But you wouldn't listen!

No more jokes!

You see this-A?

No more jokes!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Very good, franco.

You like?

Yeah.

Where is the... the professor!

Hey, professore in the pee-Pee.

Ah!

Are you always like this?

Franco is ready.

The race-A can begin.

Here we go, andy.

Porsche, 2!

Ha ha ah ha!

6 for the dodge.

All right.

Cobra, 4.

Boo!

Whoo hoo!

Cobra!

3, uh, ferrari.

Jaguar...

10.

Take your number there.

Ah...number 1.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Number 8.

Who's holding 8?

It's lapchik, the lone eagle.

These are your starting positions.

Jose will start every vehicle.

You got something to do?

Your, uh, your starting times

Will be registered here and in long beach,

And your elapsed time will all be verified,

So, uh, that's it. Let's get some rest.

Hmm?

It's done, brother.

Go.

Ok.

Get ready.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

Start your engines!

And now, my friend,

The first-A rule of italian driving.

What's-A behind me is not important.

Well, buddy, here's to us

And that we get there first.

Why don't you give new york

One of those famous rebel yells of yours

Before we hit the street?

You know, just to start my blood.

Whoooo!

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo- Whoo-Whoo!

Camaro.

6:00. Off!

Porsche. 6 and 10.

Go!

It's going down.

Off!

What the hell is the matter with you guys?

Where are you?

Cobra. 6:00 and 30 seconds.

Go!

Bastards!

They're not going to do it again!

Mercedes.

6 and 40. Off!

You animal!

51st street.

Bravo! Times square!

It's going to be a nice day.

Good morning.

Hey, hey, hey!

Good morning to you! Ha ha ha!

A dio!

Sons of bitches.

Miserable son of a bitch!

Hey, fella, can you loan me a dime?

Drop your pants.

Look, i'm a cop on the job.

I'm robin hood!

Drop 'em!

Ok.

Real easy, fella.

Drop 'em.

It's ok. It's ok.

Ok. Just stay calm, huh?

Sss!

Honk if you're horny!

Hit it!

Hit it!

Whoo!

It's fun, ain't it?

You can't go back. It's one way!

What do you want me to do?

Will you calm down?

You should have checked the route.

Wait! You blaming me?

Ah, damn it!

This is one way, too!

I am only going one way.

Radio announcer: wake up, meatheads.

Another great day is starting in new york city,

The big apple.

Get up. Get ready. The giants won 7-Zip,

Believe it or not.

The age of aquarius is really on us.

Now, the eastern standard time is five minutes past 6:00.

You want to go fast?

Naw, it's all right. We got plenty of time.

Hey! Watch where you're going!

Now we take a left over here, right?

We got to go left.

Look out! You'll ruin the car!

What's the matter with you?

Will you take it easy, for god's sakes!

Joey, slow down a minute!

I'm not lost.

Damn it! Make a left over here!

Hey! Did you know there's a hole back there?

No shit.

And a hungry smile.

Can you look hungry for me?

This is uncle bruce.

Hussy, get hungry, hungry...

$150-A-Night hungry for me.

You know the feeling. Good! Good! I like that.

I love that. I love that look.

Fans. Hungry fans. Click.

Thank you.

Thank you. That's the end of the session,

And it's been... it's been all right.

Hey, baby.

How do you like it?

Oh, terrific. You stole it, right?

Come on. I'm in a rush.

Come on, get in.

Let me have it. Here.

So how do you like it, huh?

This is real class...

I mean, real class.

Come on! Turn it on!

What, is this the switch?

That's it!

Hey, maybe we should... wait a minute.

Christ, if this thing works...

Some city you got here.

I didn't know what size to bring.

I said better too big than too little.

Did you get any of them?

We didn't put it out.

We were waiting to hear from you.

They snipped my radio.

How about your car?

The wheels fell off.

Oh, those guys sound mean.

Take me to the airport.

Now?

Hey, you got to learn

To roll with the punches, roscoe.

Llllllll!

Harold, how you been?

Hey, that's crazy harold.

How long do we have to drive anyway?

If we're lucky, about 35 hours.

Where we going, cuba?

No, long beach, california.

Stop.

No, i can't.

No, no. Stop. I mean, you can't.

Pull over to the side. Just stop and let me out.

I forgot to tell you something.

I'm in a race.

I don't care what you're in.

I'm getting out.

Pull over to the side, or i'm jumping.

No, you ain't...

No, wait a minute. Close that door!

Take it easy now. Just take it easy.

We'll get there.

From the garage to the jersey turnpike...

6 minutes, 58 seconds.

That's 15 seconds better than last year.

Terrific!

You got the snooper working?

Get a weather report on the cb.

You got it!

Trucker, on cb: all you truckers out there,

This is big ben in jolly green.

We got a little light snow coming in from pennsylvania.

Roll on

Yellow camaro

Exact change. 25 cents.

Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Well, we're heading south.

We got plenty of open road.

You're a spastic.

I was also all-State in basketball.

That's it. I don't have any more quarters.

So get out of the car.

You got a quarter?

Driver: come on!

Get out of the car.

Aw, shit.

Driver: get that tin can out of the way!

Where do you think it is?

Under the car.

Under the car.

If i was a quarter, where would i be?

Where'd it go?

Pull on through. Park in section "d."

How about explaining that last move, buddy?

What's a smokey the bear?

Highway patrol.

Plain brown wrapper?

Uh...city policeman.

Oh...unmarked car?

Police car.

County mountie?

Uh...county sheriff.

And a local yokel.

City policeman.

You're so smart, the next time out,

I'm going to make sure you get a driver's license.

Well, happy hunting, roscoe.

Sorry about the pants.

And you call yourself new york's finest.

Well, i got you all out of new york.

See you later, sir roscoe.

Taxi!

The crusade is straight ahead!

Our crew is going ahead in a plane.

They got spare parts, everything we're going to need.

I've got all these stops here marked and coordinated.

Beautiful!

What the hell are you doing?

Ah, she is-A magnificent!

This is a race, man!

Some things are more important than winning.

Maybe the float's stuck.

Maybe it's the humidity.

England is humid.

I feel like moses

At the parting of the red sea!

Hey, man. This is no good.

What's the matter, huh?

Well, take a look. It's too easy.

Yeah, yeah.

It's too easy until somebody nails us.

This is flying lasagna coming in to the oven.

Do you copy?

Man, on cb: 10-4. The oven is hot.

See that gas station?

Let's pull off there.

Let's get-A ready. One man...

Brilliant.

Brilliant!

Thank you.

Preston!

What do you want?

I got to take a leak.

No, thank you. I'm not going to stop

So you can take a piss.

There's a bottle in the back.

I can't do that.

I'm not going to stop until we need gas.

I can't hold it.

I'm telling you, use the bottle.

I tried this once going 60. Didn't work then.

Well, if you're coordinated,

Once you start... you won't stop.

Hey! Come on!

I'm getting this all over my hands!

My hands are wet!

You're a dumb son of a bitch sometimes.

Don't know why i even hang around with you or anything.

I wouldn't have done this to you!

Those dirty son of a bitches.

I hope there's tough justice in illinois.

I want to nail them, sheriff,

And this ought to do it.

Then what?

Them i'm going to turn them over to you,

And you can throw away the key.

You'll be doing this country a favor.

That's what!

Now we can start running.

How's our time?

Right on schedule!

I wonder what old roscoe is doing now.

Developing an ulcer.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, steady, huh'?

She is a-Happy.

They're coming!

Goddamn. Was that roscoe?

I wonder if he set us up.

Oh, terrific.

Oh.

I got them now.

Jeez, i'd love to see the look on their faces.

How fast are you going?

Just-A a-100.

Well, let's hit it. Avanti!

Thank you, my dear friend.

Helicopter pilot: jesus! We're going over 100 knots!

Well, come on, step it up, buddy.

Hey, what's the matter?

Sir, we can't catch them.

He must be going 180 miles per hour.

We don't even have a fixed-Wing airplane that could catch that.

Ha ha ha ha!

Now what?

Take me to the airport.

It's a handsome design.

I wish it ran.

I'm going to tell you something, harry,

This thing handles like a pig.

Hey, i think it'll get better.

Wait till we use up some of the gas.

This thing's a bear to handle.

What's u p, harry?

I don't know, but did we break anything?

I don't know. Maybe we'd better stop.

Are you kidding, stop?

I guess we're all right.

Go on.

Hey, look!

What the hell's the matter with him?

I think he's having a nightmare.

You don't see?

Jesus christ!

You can't outrun it, you asshole!

Pull this thing off the road!

Whoa!

Joe: i hope you learn from this experience.

I made this drive once before

In 1946 in a mercury coupe.

Is that so?

Ah, but it's different now.

Yes, newer roads, older bodies.

Yeah, too much too late.

But if i have to die, andy,

I want to die trying.

Good.

Would you say that man lapchik

Has a certain joie de vivre?

I'd say he's possessed

Of a severe case of masochism.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Painter: i think it was a meteor.

That's what it was.

Second painter: you ok? You ok?

Yeah, i think so.

Who's that guy?

Yeah!

Whoa!

Keep your eye on the road.

Just getting my rhythm up.

Keep up the speed, will ya?

Well, i am keeping up the speed.

It's just so boring out here,

My mind's starting to drift.

This is America, gibson, and America's not boring.

Yeah? Well, motel signs, cafe signs,

One-Way signs, do not enter signs,

And every other kind of sign,

It all looks the same to me.

Back there, we saw a reptile farm.

That's more right down my alley.

Get my hands on a boa contractor.

The word is constrictor!

And don't slow down. Move it!

Why did i pick him for a mechanic?

'Cause i'm the best, that's why.

What in the name of farm corn

Did he come from?

I told you to keep your eyes on the road!

How i'm supposed to keep my eyes on the road,

Have a good time,

Think about my girlfriend,

And do all this, huh? Tell me!

You're a product of too much inbreeding.

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

We did it!

It's those damn fake cops.

Ha ha ha ha!

Will you move it now!

Damn it if you can't take a joke.

I want to go home.

You say you want to be a movie star,

That you want to be somebody.

I mean, you take acting classes,

You take dance classes,

You work hard.

Where the hell you think

You're going to be discovered...

Standing on a corner in queens? Huh?

Baby, listen.

Now...

In hollywood.

Do you really think so?

Baby, i...i, i really like you.

You should try to be nice to me.

You know, you should try to...

To understand.

Oh.

Huh?

I do.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Aah!

Just take the wheel!

You're crazy!

Aah!

Man: hey, you guys!

Jesus christ!

Whitey, you ok, boy?

Talk to me!

Trucker: hello out there.

I'm a-Coming in from the cactus patch.

Rolling on to derby city.

Got smokeys all over 40 giving out green stamps

As you ride the cloverleaf into the buckeye.

Just put the hammer down

And watch out for two little beavers

In a black speed boat coming your way,

And they are moving.

Do you copy?

It's that damn smith.

He's the one thinks up all this mess.

He's a damned overaged juvenile delinquent,

And i want him.

I want to suspend his license in perpetuity.

Who's smith?

The thorn in my side, captain.

The cloud over my head.

Baker spotted them about 5 miles back.

They should be here soon. They're flying.

He must be doing over 160.

I've never saw anything so damn fast.

I got them!

Get everybody in position.

See that truck up here?

Pull in behind it,

And blow the horn.

You're fantastic!

I thought you'd like that.

Bravo! Bravo!

Maybe they stopped.

Send a car up the road.

What's up?

Any speeders pass you back there?

Nobody passed me within 15 miles.

Ok, get out of here!

What happened,

Somebody rob a bank or something?

None of your damn business!

Just move it out!

There's no sign of them anywhere.

Well, they couldn't just have vanished into thin air.

I'll be a son of a bitch.

Where are you going?

Follow me!

Open it up.

Open it!

Are you happy?

Get it out of here.

It's so easy on these interstates!

Can you imagine making this trip

At 55 miles an hour?

55 miles an hour is unsafe.

It's boring.

That's why it's unsafe.

It's fast enough to kill you,

But it's slow enough

To make you think you're safe.

What time have you got?

6:00.

Great! 12 hours!

1/3 of the trip!

I think it's terminal.

Radio: this is casey kasem on America's top 40...

Announcer: in colorado springs,

You're listening to casey kasem's America's top 40

On kyfm,

Where the temperature is now 34 degrees and dropping.

* America's top 40 *

Hey, hey, fella? What's the matter?

You cold or something?

Hey, hey.

Take it easy, ok?

Everything's going to be ok.

Stay calm, ok?

Stay calm.

Ok?

Ok, dr. Pepper.

Come on, cha-Cha. Let's go.

Ok, let's make it. Hey, man!

Attaboy. Attaboy.

There's those damn fake cops.

They see us?

Let's not wait around to find out.

Yes! Oklahoma!

Land of the red man. Land of the cowboy.

Land of the cow and the dog.

Singing away. She's singing, buddy.

I don't believe it!

What?

It's those guys.

I think they're going to pull the same stunt!

They must think you're pretty stupid.

Yeah... ha ha ha ha.

Look at that car move!

Put it on 140!

If he catches us, i'll eat my airedale.

Hey, that's a real sheriff, man.

That is a real...

Sheriff.

I'll get you, you mother.

Whoo! Ha ha ha!

He lost his engine!

Whoo!

Go get 'em, fellas!

Get 'em! Go get 'em!

They went that-A-Way!

Catch up to 'em! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

I thought you said you could drive.

What the hell you talking about?

Man, there was oil back there on the road!

Fill it up, please.

Shut it off! Shut it off!

Hello.

Hello.

Where are you going?

Los angeles.

Driving all night-A?

Yes.

Alone?

Yes.

You like me?

Yes.

Excuse-A one moment.

Uh, don't go away.

L...i have a small problem.

Huh?

A small problem.

Oh, yeah, i'm sure you do. Forget it.

She's-A very sweet.

She's-A got breasts like a ripe melon.

Come on. Come on!

She's beautiful. She wants-A me now.

I cannot deny her.

That's impossible.

She's so sweet!

We can make up the time!

It's impossible. Forget it.

Get in the car, will you?

No! No!

I don't get into the car! No!

Ok.

I'll see you later.

Arrivederci, my friend!

Ugh! I hate beer!

Yeah, you hate everything.

I'm getting real bored lately.

What you're getting is real boring lately.

Did you see that?

One of them foreign jobs.

Yeah, and it had two girls in it.

Go! Go!

We got a terrific stretch of road

The next 25 miles.

Don't do anything weird, joe.

Last time they locked us up.

Joe: don't worry about it! These dollies are ready!

Waa-Ah!

Ohh! Waa!

They're kind of cute.

Huh?

Oh, you got to be kidding me.

Yeah. Maybe i'll just tease them a little bit

And have some fun.

Howdy, ma'am!

Howdy, mister.

Hey, where do you wind this thing up?

Hey, you old enough to drink?

I'm old enough to do a lot of things, mister.

Didn't i tell you? Didn't i tell you?

Hey, slow that thing down!

What do you want to do... play doctor?

Ohh! I'm in love!

Sweetheart...

If you catch me...

You can have me.

Are you kidding?

Go!

Go!

This is a dream come true!

Get on it! Go!

That was really dumb.

Oh, they'll never catch up with us.

Drive, earl! Drive!

Well, goddamn.

Franco, you're missing all the fun.

Vroom, vroom.

Mmm.

Bannon: goddamn!

Where's franco?

We must have lost him somewhere.

It's a difficult thing to think about

At 2:00 in the morning.

Well, i guess i can ease up now.

Feeling better?

Oh, my god.

Oh!

Well?

Andy, i need an inspiration.

Yes, it's that time of the morning.

Something to make the blood hot.

What would you say to a bit of henry v?

Oh, you're a mind reader.

Ha ha!

"Once more into the breach, dear friends,

Once more."

"O, follow your spirit.

"And on this charge cry,

"God for harry,

England, and saint george!"

Ice!

I hope lapchik the mad hungarian sees that.

He came off right here!

He's got to be down there.

Man, he's got to be down there.

Hey! Hey, fella, are you all right?

They're going to be leaving nevada on interstate 15.

That's the way they're going to be coming,

And they'll be coming through this junction.

You haven't had too much luck before.

Yeah, but they were forewarned.

They've got cb radios.

They could listen to everything we say.

I mean, there was no way around it.

I can't understand how they did it,

But they did it.

This time, it's going to be planned.

Clearly planned.

Boy, you really want them bad.

This is roscoe's last stand!

Don't let go of the accelerator.

For you, you lovely American animal.

Remember franco.

The quickest man i know.

Bye!

Bye!

Bella! Bella!

What the hell?

She can-A drive, huh?

Yeah. Bannon and graves got by last night.

Let them have their brief moment of glory.

We'll be in nevada pretty soon.

Nevada!

Las vegas! Civilization.

The dancing girls

With the bouncing boom-Booms.

Oh, shut up, will you, with that?

Hey, what's that car?

That's a rolls-Royce, you asshole.

Hey. Ain't she sweet?

She looks lonely.

Wahoo! Yeah!

I love it!

Hey. Come on, angie, come on

Let's go.

Let's get 'em!

Come on. Cut that cleaning crap.

I'm going to get a coke.

Get your ass in the car. Come on, angie.

Look at it! Look at it!

Ya-Ha ha!

Let's go, baby!

Come on, baby!

Angie!

Come on!

Come on, baby.

I ain't going to hurt you.

One little kiss, hey?

I just want to salute your bicentennial flag.

One little kiss for me.

Oh, i can reach out and grab them.

Ehhh!

Come on, baby.

It's going to be you and me and all my friends!

Boo!

Hey, send her out.

Yeah. Come on, brother,

Cut your initials in that truck.

Ha ha ha!

Come on out. We won't hurt you.

Come on!

Come on!

I'll get you, faggot!

Quit stalling.

Go.

Hey! You watch that bike.

I'm warning you.

Look what you did!

You got some nerve

To go and get some coca-Cola.

Come on! Let's go!

Come on! Let's go!

Those pigs!

Oh, shit.

They coming after us.

We're going to get you!

You know what's gonna happen now?

They're gonna rape you,

And they're gonna kill me.

Oh, really?

Maybe they'll kill me and rape you.

Oh, we're going to get you.

Do something!

What do you want me to do?

Christ, i hate this country.

Hey, knock it off!

Whoa!

What the hell do they want?

Hey, baby, want a ride?

Whoa!

Aah!

Oh, shit.

Hey, ol' buddy.

Huh? Hmm?

Wake u p, man.

Look'! Here.

What now?

Oh, jeez.

Uh...

Drop back 6 yards and punt.

You know, you fellas

Were doing just about 90.

Oh. Really?

Um, ok, ok, ok.

Cut, cut, cut.

Hey, man, was it me?

The line was supposed to be,

"Let me explain."

Oh, damn.

Sure is a funny-Looking police car.

Say, uh...

What police department

Are you fellas from anyway?

None.

Impersonating an officer, huh?

Just turn around there,

Stand easy up against the car.

Wait a minute, now.

We, uh...

We're on film right now.

What do you mean, you're on film?

You making a movie?

Yeah, sure. I mean,

The camera's right up there on that mountaintop.

Well, nobody informed me about that.

It's obvious.

I mean, you think we'd be riding around

In this rinky-Dink police car

With chocolate cookies on the dashboard

If it weren't for a movie?

Well, i wouldn't know anything about that.

All i know is the law's still the law.

Listen, officer, i mean, absolutely.

You're right. I mean, we were speeding,

But, uh...

Oh, hey, wait a minute.

This is perfect.

You could help us.

Help you?

Help you do what?

Sure.

The whole mise-En-Scene

That leads into the exposition

And the denouement... and the intention.

It's perfect!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

Are you trying to tell me

That you want me to be in your movie?

Well, uh...

I mean, uh...

That is, if you got five minutes,

And if you'd like to be in a hollywood film, sure.

I don't know.

Heh heh.

Call clint and see if they're ready, ok?

And tell them that we have officer, uh...

Williams.

Officer williams here, and we'd like to use him.

God, you sure got a good-Looking smile.

Hey, ol' buddy.

They want to see his face.

Officer, step down over here by the car for me

For just a second, would you, please?

Sure.

Let's just kind of stand over here.

Posed...something like that, huh?

All right.

This is all preliminary stuff

For the camera folk.

How's that?

Fine. Just...

Just turn the chin around a little.

No, no. Just a...

Just give me the chin

A little bit this way.

I see what you mean.

Yeah. You got it.

God, you got a great profile.

Hey, old buddy, they got it, and they say it's a-Ok.

Yeah?

Right, ok. Now, listen.

This is what we're gonna do.

Avila and i are gonna get in the car,

We're gonna go down the road about 2 miles, ok?

Then we're gonna turn around

And come barrel-Assin' back through this way.

Then you get...

I get in my car and chase you.

You got it. That's it.

Perfect!

Hey, wait a minute.

Don't i got to put on some makeup?

Makeup?

Hey,

Does charlie bronson wear makeup?

Charlie who?

Bronson.

Oh, yeah.

That little guy, right.

All right, old buddy.

Come on, let's go. They're rolling.

Ok.

Scene 14,

Take 2...

Hand mark!

Aw, come on, let me see them pearly whites.

Smile. That's it.

Action!

Gibson: n' oh, goin' down the road h'

* big ol' queen mary *

* can you smell the queen mary's butt'? *

Frrrt. Phew!

Can't you turn off the heater?

Either the engine gets hot,

Or we get hot!

I'm going to have a stroke.

You're going to have a stroke?

I should be so lucky.

Because if you don't stop playing that music...

I'm going to kill you!

I swear to god!

I'm going to kill you!

I'm going to kill you!

I liked joe.

H e was sweet.

Aren't you going to talk to me anymore?

You got to admit he was a good mechanic.

He fixed the car faster than we could.

Furthermore,

We didn't lose much time.

We made time, as a matter of fact.

It was love at first sight.

Are you crazy?

Love at first sight?

Out there in the middle of the night

In the middle of a field under the stars?

A girl can't always find the perfect spot.

Why do i always get the big boy?

Heck. They don't need you.

Yeah. They chew us out for losing the car.

I think roscoe's gonna give it one more try before l.A.

I didn't hear anything on the radio.

Maybe h e's getting smart.

Howdy.

Howdy.

Just couldn't help but overhear your conversation.

Oops. Wrong. Thank you.

I'm gonna get back on the road.

No, no, no, no, no. There's too many police cars

Go down the road this morning.

You see where they went?

Nope, but i could find out.

You got a deal.

Ha ha ha.

You guys seem to need a rabbit.

Are you, uh, volunteering?

Oh, listen, listen, listen.

I play, but i... i play for pay.

You want the road cleared out,

It's going to cost you $500 cash paid in advance.

$500 paid in advance.

Ha ha ha.

Could be worth it.

Yeah, well, uh...

Suit yourselves, ok?

Oh...

They don't make babies like this anymore.

Give me six minutes' lead time, ok?

Bannon: that's the ugliest car i ever saw.

Looks like a jukebox.

Well, i got them.

Right behind me... a ferrari and a cobra.

How far back?

You want to talk about that,

Let's have the money, huh?

That's it.

That's it.

Thanks, uh...

Lieutenant.

Get out of here.

Want one of those?

No, thanks.

You know, uh...

I smell something.

Do you smell something?

Yeah. A weasel in a rabbit suit.

Ol' roscoe.

Maybe we're being too cynical.

We should be more positive,

More trusting.

Oh, get out of here, will ya?

Let's go.

Sam.

We're 27 minutes ahead of last year's schedule,

But franco's driving again.

Well, with a little bit of luck

And some pure yankee guile...

You two up on the hill with the other car.

All right. Everybody hear this.

It's plan "b."

Move out!

Come on, now! Move out!

Number one! Move it!

Come on, you guys. Put them in gear.

Come on!

Get 'em out of here.

Get 'em out of here.

How inadequate.

Ready.

55 miles an hour, roscoe.

No.

Why?

Wh-Why me?

Trooper: you're an asshole, roscoe.

That's why.

* i got the bad western blues *

* i got the bad western blues *

* i got the bad western blues *

Well, good morning to you, too.

How can you fall asleep?

It was easy. You said relax,

And the car's comfortable.

Comfortable? It's a $40,000 car.

Of course it's comfortable.

Well, fine. When we get to hollywood,

If you like it so much, i'll buy you one.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing's the matter with me!

You're so goddamn stupid.

You think you're gonna

Walk down the streets of hollywood,

And you're gonna meet some goddamn producer,

And he's gonna make you a movie star!

You told me that if i went to hollywood...

I told you lots of things

Because you were freaking out on me!

All i wanted was for you to like me.

Well, i like you!

You like me?!

Yes, i like you.

You know, i've been thinking all night,

And i'll tell you what,

You ain't right for me.

You're a goddamn hustler! That's what you are!

You want to know who i am?

I'm the girl

Who's going to punch you right in the nose!

You don't understand anything about me, do you?

What's that?

What the hell is that?

Look at that. What is this?

Slow down.

It could only happen to me.

Do you believe this?

Just slow down!

How am i going to slow down?

I can't see.

Look at...

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that?

Oh, my god.

Oh, this is cute.

Oh, my god.

Look what happened.

Hello, smart-A boy.

You know what we do

To finks and traitors?

It was a joke, man.

A joke?

Sorry.

You're sorry, huh?

After it's too late

To do anything about it!

I am going to mark you

With the gumball gun.

No!

Hee hee hee!

Now you are marked for life!

Arrivederci.

Vitamin c?

Just for good luck.

You really think we got a chance?

Ha ha!

Hey, roscoe.

Don't ask me, clancy.

But what happened?

Look, i'm tired.

All i want to do is go home.

They beat me. You understand?

Didn't you nail any of them?

Just don't ask.

Jesus, roscoe! All that...

Clancy!

Roscoe.

You look terrible.

Arrrgh!

Reporter, on radio: it's one of those los angeles days, gene.

We're hovering over the civic center.

We can see traffic backing up.

We've got a sigalert working now on the santa monica,

And the pasadena is jammed as usual.

Golden state moving, but just barely,

And the long beach is a sea of cars.

Should continue to be like this for another hour.

We advise using surface streets wherever possible,

And try to stay calm and composed.

There must be another way.

Oh, my god.

Oh, christ.

The engine is too hot.

I guess we're just a little bit too smart for them, buddy.

Smooth sailing from here to long beach.

Yep, i think i'll have me a cigar.

My wife is pregnant!

Come on, give me a hand, will ya?

Bug off, jerk!

No.

Oh, no.

Avi la, no way.

I don't want to hear it, avila.

"To serve and to protect."

Huh?

Hey! They're going to stop.

Right here!

Pull in!

Pull in, officer!

Oh, god. Thank you, officer.

Help! My wife is pregnant.

She's going to have a baby.

Her water just broke.

I tried to get these guys to help.

They wouldn't help.

Come on! Help me!

You assholes! Here! Here!

Oh, jesus, you're sent from heaven.

I'm going to make it, clare!

Ok, now just relax.

Just be cool. Be cool.

We'll take care of everything.

Please don't bite my hand.

Hey, you asshole! Yeah, you!

Hey! Wait a minute!

We can use the river.

There's an access road to the right.

It runs all the way to long beach.

No, no, no. West. West.

West?

West.

Look at that!

Look at that! That's bannon.

What the hell? Get off of here.

Get off.

Where's that next one?

It's on your left.

Ok!

Look out, you damn fools!

Get out of the way!

You're not allowed down there!

Up yours!

You can't go down there!

Stop!

Turn right. Hit it!

I never raced in a river before.

Ok, the lights are set for 32 miles per hour.

Just keep going on sepulveda.

Ok, hang on.

Smile.

What are we going now?

32 miles an hour.

Looks like we got some water coming up!

How deep is it in there?

Here goes.

Keep the revs high! Don't stall it out.

I can't see anything.

Smith: come on, come on, take him!

Take him!

Watch out for the slick spaces.

That's what i mean!

Oh!

Oh!

The noise is terrific!

Go! Go!

Bannon: ok, ok, ok, let's go.

There's a real big drain coming up.

Whoo!

Go right!

Go!

Go!

I got him.

Come on, you got him! You got him!

Whoo!

Where do we turn?

Smith: turn into it! Into it!

Turn coming up. Turn coming up!

Bannon: where's franco now?

Bannon: ok, franco, watch out.

Bannon: we're not going to win this turn.

Hang on, sam.

Graves: all right. Ride him.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Ok, second gear!

Move! Move! Move!

Ya-Hoo!

I'll tell you what the trouble is with you, ace,

Is you don't have a sense of humor.

This whole thing is rigged for fun!

Don't talk to me.

Well, come on, buddy. Cheer up.

Hey, we're just about there.

We're just about to smell

The queen mary's butt.

Whoo!

Hey, where the hell do you think you're going?

Gibson: whoo!

Whoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!

How's this for style?

We'll come whippin' in on two wheels!

Whoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!

Gibson!

I seen you do it a hundred times.

Think i can get in the show?

I think you're making a mistake!

No, i got this mother home!

Whoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!

What's the matter with you?

Whoo!

Yee-Hah!

Whoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!

Damn! I almost had it.

What do you think i did wrong?

I think i'm going to be sick.

It's a wreck or something.

It always happens when i'm in a hurry.

Aah! Aah!

It's a suicide!

Look at my car, you jerk!

You dumb jerk! Look at my car.

Where do you think you're going?

You got a driver's license?

You people see what he did to my car?

Jose: i don't care. I have no money.

If you want to put me in jail,

That's ok with me. I could use the sleep.

I was just about to get the car repainted anyway.

Oh, this is my girlfriend angie

From new york.

Are you sure everything's ok, mr. Blakely?

Wouldn't happen to be an actress,

Would you, miss, uh...

Blanche. Why, yes. How'd you guess?

Well, you have what we call...

Presence.

Well, if it bothers you,

I can put on my jacket.

Why don't we go inside?

I have to do a lot of entertaining.

I'm in the movie business, and it's part of the game.

Jose: go, baby!

Aah!

Yee-Hah-Hah!

What's the matter with you?

Ha ha ha ha!

Am i clear?

Yes, you're clear.

Go.

Cut 'em off. Cut 'em off.

Just make it to that parking lot.

It's only 2 miles.

No problem.

Relax, relax.

Clear on the right.

Bannon: there it is.

Let's hope emergency plan alpha works.

Emergency plan alpha?

Go.

God damn it! Oh, that's a cheap move.

Terrific.

Take him.

On the right. On the right.

I got it.

Go! Go!

Get him now!

Ok.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

I've been waiting for you.

What took you so long?

Hey!

Ha ha! It worked! It worked!

She's a trap! Get out of here!

Oh, no.

I'll come back.

Get out of here!

A riga to.

A riga to.

Franco. Wait, franco!

Bellisima!

Man: 33 hours and 57 minutes.

A new record! How's that, mike?

Very good. I thought you were outstanding.

Graves: hey, two more.

Bannon: alice and jane and the cops.

I want to thank my mother,

I want to thank my friends,

I want to thank my loved ones.

I want to thank you...

Hey! Listen, i want to thank you guys

For me and mr. Guts

'Cause if you hadn't picked us up,

We'd have still been back there

On the freeways of America.

Now what do you say we celebrate, huh?

Hey! Shut up.

Shut up.

Um...

Yay! Whoo.

What can i say?

It just, uh...

Just makes me sick.

Angie! Angie baby! Ha ha!

Oh, baby. Ha ha ha!

Bannon: hey, roscoe!

Roscoe.

Come on, have a drink.

Don't add insult to injury, bannon.

Maybe next year.

There isn't going to be any next year.

I'm retiring,

And you're not gonna have roscoe to kick around anymore.

Wouldn't be the same without you.

Someday, ban non,

You and smith.

You know, i was thinking about retiring, too.

Huh.

No, really.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha!

Man: it's a raid!

Come on.

Follow me. Follow me.

Get those trucks over here.

Over here. That's right.

Down the line.

Come on, come on.

I told you i'd win, didn't i?

Come on.

Ok, come on. Move 'em out.

That's the ticket.

Roscoe, what's going on here?

Well, as of 11:00,

You are illegally parked.

That's according

To california vehicle code

Number 2-2-6-5-8.

Huh?

2-2-6-5-8

Give me your name and serial number!

I want your name and serial number!

Get on, man!

At any rate,

The fines will be levied,

And they will be hauled away.

Perfect.

Roscoe: move 'em out!

That's right. Come on.

Let's go.

Let's go. Move it.

Come on, move 'em out.

That's the idea.

Keep that one going.

Come on, come on. Move it along.

Move it along.

Those, too. Get out of here.

Come on.

Hey.

Hey! Hey!

We're a bit late.

Hope we didn't miss the fun.

Roscoe: maybe next year!

Um...

How are you gonna get back to new york?

I hadn't given it much thought.

This is ridiculous.

Where do you get cars around here?

Come on. It's America, babe.

Gumball.

Gumball.

Gumball. Gumball.

Gumball. Gumball.

Look!

What the hell is he doing?

Looks like his throttle is stuck.

Oh, shit!