All language subtitles for The Detour - 04x04 - The B.J..AVS

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,992 --> 00:00:16,131 Help me. 2 00:00:17,306 --> 00:00:18,306 Help me! 3 00:00:18,307 --> 00:00:19,411 What's she saying? 4 00:00:19,446 --> 00:00:21,438 Well, if it's the B.J. from last night, 5 00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,588 she's probably saying, "Hump me, hump me." Right, Dump? 6 00:00:26,022 --> 00:00:27,844 I am not B.J., idiots! 7 00:00:27,845 --> 00:00:29,820 So I suppose you're the missing girl, then? 8 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:32,899 - No. I'm her mother. - You're B.J.'s mom? 9 00:00:32,939 --> 00:00:34,700 Oh my God, no. I'm her sister. 10 00:00:34,728 --> 00:00:36,823 I'm gonna say something that I don't say a lot. 11 00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:38,629 I'm confused. 12 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,906 All right, when I was... I was trying to get B.J. off the stage, 13 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,910 and I guess she tripped me, and I fell and I hit my head. 14 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,119 And the next thing I know, I'm here. 15 00:00:46,153 --> 00:00:47,431 Mm, nice try. 16 00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:48,915 I hear that's how she met Claude. 17 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,047 - Mm-hmm. - Yep. 18 00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,057 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 19 00:00:53,091 --> 00:00:54,092 Listen. 20 00:01:05,552 --> 00:01:07,347 What then? 21 00:01:11,075 --> 00:01:13,353 - What? - Do it again. 22 00:01:23,570 --> 00:01:24,709 What is happening?! 23 00:01:27,586 --> 00:01:29,058 Aaaah! 24 00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:32,190 Oof. 25 00:01:36,859 --> 00:01:38,654 Did they hurt you? 26 00:01:38,689 --> 00:01:39,931 What? 27 00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,795 Did they hurt you? 28 00:01:42,465 --> 00:01:44,591 No. Did you kill them? 29 00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:48,837 No, no. Th-This is a bean-bag gun. They're fine. 30 00:01:48,871 --> 00:01:50,770 Which is better'n me. 31 00:01:50,804 --> 00:01:54,450 I'm pretty sure I broken all the bones in my feet. 32 00:01:54,664 --> 00:01:55,706 Oh. 33 00:01:55,707 --> 00:01:58,131 This is why I shouldn't be a hero. 34 00:01:58,132 --> 00:01:59,356 Ow. 35 00:01:59,357 --> 00:02:00,981 Can you help me, please? 36 00:02:01,016 --> 00:02:03,019 Hey, you know I'm Robin and not B.J., right? 37 00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:05,434 Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. 38 00:02:05,468 --> 00:02:08,300 What kind of man doesn't recognize his own wife? 39 00:02:09,112 --> 00:02:11,598 ♪ Yeah, I'm a country chick ♪ 40 00:02:11,992 --> 00:02:13,235 I don't know what's gotten into you, 41 00:02:13,269 --> 00:02:14,546 but I love it. 42 00:02:14,581 --> 00:02:16,963 You've got some strong bones. Especially this one. 43 00:02:16,997 --> 00:02:18,412 What? 44 00:02:20,311 --> 00:02:21,657 ♪ Give a lick ♪ 45 00:02:21,691 --> 00:02:25,385 ♪ I'm a down and dirty country chick ♪ 46 00:02:25,419 --> 00:02:28,250 ♪ Somewhere between the mountains ♪ 47 00:02:28,284 --> 00:02:30,286 ♪ There is a place I'm thinkin' ♪ 48 00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:39,734 _ 49 00:02:43,023 --> 00:02:45,267 I can't believe you convinced me to stop in Cortland. 50 00:02:45,301 --> 00:02:46,958 It's only a half hour to Syracuse. 51 00:02:46,993 --> 00:02:48,579 Let's just go back to my mom's and wait for Delilah. 52 00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:50,134 The boy just texted. He's on the lookout, okay? 53 00:02:50,168 --> 00:02:51,895 - Don't worry about that. - Did I leave my phone in the car? 54 00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:53,263 - Hey, forget it. Forget it. - Wh... What? 55 00:02:53,264 --> 00:02:54,901 Forget about that. I want fun Nate tonight. 56 00:02:54,902 --> 00:02:56,450 Okay, it's 11:00 in the morning. 57 00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:58,521 I know, but I want the Nate I was promised. 58 00:02:58,589 --> 00:03:00,327 I want the Nate who is into me. Ya heard? 59 00:03:00,328 --> 00:03:02,054 I can't hear anything with your tongue in my ear. 60 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,389 Free sangria? 61 00:03:04,424 --> 00:03:05,755 Yeah. I'm not drinking. 62 00:03:05,756 --> 00:03:07,188 Clearly you are. Are you still drunk? 63 00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:08,256 Mm-hmm. 64 00:03:08,290 --> 00:03:10,490 Oh, hey, let's do something fun we've never done before, like coke. 65 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,854 - You've done coke. - Yeah, but we haven't done coke. 66 00:03:12,855 --> 00:03:14,902 What are you talking about? We did coke the day we met. 67 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,111 Okay, well, sometimes it's fun 68 00:03:16,145 --> 00:03:18,458 to do something we've already done, in a different context. 69 00:03:18,493 --> 00:03:20,702 Yeah, okay, but I'm too old 70 00:03:20,736 --> 00:03:22,151 to develop a cocaine habit, all right? 71 00:03:22,186 --> 00:03:24,050 I've already got post-nasal drip without it. 72 00:03:24,277 --> 00:03:25,674 Let's go check in. 73 00:03:27,743 --> 00:03:29,262 Hey. How are you? Uh... 74 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:31,126 Welcome the Sweet Suites by Swift Stay. 75 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,714 Okay. 76 00:03:32,748 --> 00:03:35,130 Uh, we just made a reservation for Parker-jer. 77 00:03:35,164 --> 00:03:36,338 Remember that? Nope. 78 00:03:36,379 --> 00:03:38,727 Okay, I have a Parker Jr. Is that it? 79 00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:40,253 Yeah. And we're gonna need a room 80 00:03:40,255 --> 00:03:41,665 with thick walls and a sturdy bed. 81 00:03:41,666 --> 00:03:43,656 And I don't care how clean the comforter is. 82 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,589 Because I like it dirty. 83 00:03:45,623 --> 00:03:47,024 I'm sorry, ma'am, but all of our comforters 84 00:03:47,025 --> 00:03:48,868 are eyeballed for freshness on a biannual basis. 85 00:03:48,902 --> 00:03:49,950 - Cool. - Ew. 86 00:03:49,951 --> 00:03:51,499 Okay. Unfortunately, it looks like 87 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:52,837 your room isn't quite ready yet. 88 00:03:52,872 --> 00:03:54,598 Boo! You suck. Shh! 89 00:03:54,632 --> 00:03:57,324 But if you're looking for a little "wayward" fun, 90 00:03:57,359 --> 00:04:00,051 just head outside, and just across the way, there's a... 91 00:04:00,086 --> 00:04:01,639 - Back alley we can in? - What? 92 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:02,882 I was gonna say gentleman's club. 93 00:04:02,916 --> 00:04:04,222 - Ohh! - Exotic dancers. 94 00:04:04,329 --> 00:04:06,331 Yeah, let's do that. We've never done that before. 95 00:04:06,365 --> 00:04:07,711 We have done that. 96 00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:08,749 That's... 97 00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:10,004 She's... 98 00:04:10,991 --> 00:04:12,440 Guaranteed check-in by noon. 99 00:04:12,682 --> 00:04:13,717 I'm a bronze member. 100 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:18,370 Ohh, God! 101 00:04:18,371 --> 00:04:21,514 I bet that smell is making you so wet. 102 00:04:21,515 --> 00:04:24,383 What? The smell of Pine-Sol and broken dreams? Not really. 103 00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:26,144 Whoo! Turn it up! 104 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,091 The Constitution is a living, breathing document. 105 00:04:28,091 --> 00:04:29,157 It has fluidity. 106 00:04:29,158 --> 00:04:31,015 Just like gender... it can and should change. 107 00:04:31,015 --> 00:04:32,112 Change is a good thing. 108 00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:34,255 I was laying in bed with my dog Partisan Hack 109 00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:36,582 and thinking, "Zie changed. Why can't the Constitution?" 110 00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:38,294 It's called document privilege. 111 00:04:38,328 --> 00:04:39,883 It's a privileged white paper 112 00:04:39,884 --> 00:04:42,160 written on by privileged white men... 113 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:43,713 You guys like this podcast, too, huh? 114 00:04:43,747 --> 00:04:45,858 They used to be cater waiters in the Obama administration, 115 00:04:45,859 --> 00:04:47,393 so they really know what they're talking about. 116 00:04:47,394 --> 00:04:49,075 - You closed? - Nope. 117 00:04:51,901 --> 00:04:53,532 Okay, this is sad. Let's go. 118 00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:55,225 Hey, you know what's sad? 119 00:04:55,259 --> 00:04:58,228 You got a tight broad and you force her to come to this dump. 120 00:04:58,262 --> 00:04:59,574 Okay. 121 00:04:59,608 --> 00:05:01,438 Yeah, I just want to be at home waiting for Delilah. 122 00:05:01,472 --> 00:05:02,853 All right, hey, man, why don't we put 123 00:05:02,888 --> 00:05:04,455 this whole "my daughter's missing thing" on hold 124 00:05:04,489 --> 00:05:06,581 for just, like, a day and loosen up? Just a day! 125 00:05:06,615 --> 00:05:08,963 Why don't you line us up some whas-up whas-up shots, girl? 126 00:05:08,997 --> 00:05:10,896 - Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! - You know it! 127 00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:14,106 Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! 128 00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:15,486 Whatever. 129 00:05:15,521 --> 00:05:17,617 God, I haven't had a drink in over a year. 130 00:05:17,661 --> 00:05:19,027 - Oh, my God. - I just feel like... Wha... 131 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:21,522 I didn't say I wasn't gonna drink. 132 00:05:21,527 --> 00:05:24,495 Let's get some titties up on that stage! 133 00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:26,221 Where them girls at? 134 00:05:26,256 --> 00:05:27,636 Most of the dancers are on lunch. 135 00:05:28,191 --> 00:05:29,984 Oh. Well, I guess I have to do it myself. 136 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:31,486 What? What are you doing? 137 00:05:31,528 --> 00:05:33,219 Oh, my God, I love her. 138 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,506 Yeah, I don't really know her. 139 00:05:35,541 --> 00:05:37,094 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 140 00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:39,045 Please welcome to the stage... 141 00:05:39,046 --> 00:05:40,511 Give it up for... 142 00:05:40,546 --> 00:05:42,237 - What's your name? - B.J. 143 00:05:42,272 --> 00:05:44,895 B.J.! 144 00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:46,966 Why would you call yourself your sister's name? 145 00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:49,106 Nobody uses their real name. You gotta use a handle. 146 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:50,383 ♪ Daisy Duke short shorts ♪ 147 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,902 Use Destiny. 148 00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:53,283 ♪ Peel 'em off right ♪ 149 00:05:53,317 --> 00:05:55,285 Ooh, mountain climbers. There ya go. 150 00:05:55,319 --> 00:05:56,527 Yeah, girl. 151 00:05:56,562 --> 00:05:58,391 Yeah. All right. 152 00:05:58,426 --> 00:05:59,945 ♪ Everything about me just feels so right ♪ 153 00:05:59,979 --> 00:06:01,118 Make it rain. 154 00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,224 - I've only got change. - Do it! 155 00:06:04,604 --> 00:06:07,400 ♪ You better get hard 'cause it's time to... ♪ 156 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:08,574 It's more like hail. 157 00:06:11,991 --> 00:06:13,544 ♪ People callin' me a ho ♪ 158 00:06:13,579 --> 00:06:16,382 ♪ I don't give a lick, ridin' all them hicks ♪ 159 00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:17,795 No. Pull up. 160 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:19,516 You're gonna rip your taint wide open. 161 00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:21,725 Mn! Mn! Mn! Mn! 162 00:06:21,759 --> 00:06:22,968 Yeah! Twerk it, girl! 163 00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:24,245 Good choice. 164 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,510 Here... Ohh! Jesus! 165 00:06:26,550 --> 00:06:27,558 Ohh! 166 00:06:27,593 --> 00:06:29,146 Sparks are flyin'. 167 00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:31,114 Geez. I've got glass all over me. 168 00:06:31,148 --> 00:06:32,667 Jealous? Of what? 169 00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:34,117 These bitches. 170 00:06:34,151 --> 00:06:36,464 Don't call them that. That's so reductive. 171 00:06:36,498 --> 00:06:37,983 - They like it. - No, they don't. 172 00:06:38,017 --> 00:06:39,363 We do. 173 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,032 ♪ I'm crazy with the guns and a bloody dead stag ♪ 174 00:06:42,539 --> 00:06:43,643 Careful. What are you... 175 00:06:45,576 --> 00:06:47,371 Eugh. You all right? 176 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:50,650 ♪ That burnin' feeling means you caught my clap ♪ 177 00:06:50,908 --> 00:06:51,931 Ohh. 178 00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:54,466 Babe, just sit down and take it off. 179 00:06:54,627 --> 00:06:56,007 Oh! Jesus Christ! 180 00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:57,595 Yeah. God. 181 00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:59,695 - Put your shoe back on. - Nah! I'm taking clothes off, 182 00:06:59,696 --> 00:07:02,807 not putting them on. That's how strippin' works, ya dumbshit. 183 00:07:02,842 --> 00:07:03,877 Whoo! 184 00:07:03,912 --> 00:07:05,154 Baby, seriously. 185 00:07:05,189 --> 00:07:06,811 Oh! 186 00:07:06,846 --> 00:07:08,468 Holy shit! You okay? 187 00:07:08,503 --> 00:07:09,504 Was it sexy? 188 00:07:09,538 --> 00:07:11,805 - Up until the fall, yeah, sure. - Ah, good. 189 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,694 I think we might need to get you to a hospital. 190 00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:16,648 Whoo! 191 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,574 B.J.'s not answering. 192 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,781 Uh, what's, uh... What's Nate's number? 193 00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,507 I don't know. 194 00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:40,646 How do you not know that? 195 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:41,628 Because when I want to call Nate, 196 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,395 I press the button on the phone that says "Call Nate." 197 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,579 And B.J. stole my phone. 198 00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:46,374 Well, you're better off without a cellphone, anyway. 199 00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:48,575 Now you're not being tracked by the Silicon Nerd Cabal. 200 00:07:48,576 --> 00:07:50,274 - Or NSA. - Or the CIA. 201 00:07:50,275 --> 00:07:51,802 - Or Air Force. - Space Force. 202 00:07:51,803 --> 00:07:53,370 - Or you know who. - Who? 203 00:07:53,522 --> 00:07:54,676 - Obama. - Obama. 204 00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:55,988 Oh.Salam Malakum, Barack. 205 00:07:56,022 --> 00:07:57,445 Hope you're enjoyin' what you're seein'. 206 00:07:57,471 --> 00:07:58,484 Hold up. 207 00:07:58,485 --> 00:07:59,701 You mean to tell me 208 00:07:59,702 --> 00:08:01,485 your husband's not worth the brain space 209 00:08:01,486 --> 00:08:03,118 to remember nine digits? 210 00:08:03,277 --> 00:08:05,313 I mean, no wonder he left you for my wife. 211 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,515 All right, all right. 212 00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:08,241 What's his middle name? 213 00:08:08,276 --> 00:08:10,271 Oh, um, I want to say it's Paul. 214 00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:13,461 But... I... It could very easily be William. 215 00:08:13,462 --> 00:08:14,897 Give me his birth date. 216 00:08:15,493 --> 00:08:18,314 '70... It's '70... 217 00:08:18,349 --> 00:08:21,732 - How old is he? - 40... I don't know. 218 00:08:21,766 --> 00:08:22,905 What do you know about him? 219 00:08:22,940 --> 00:08:26,909 - Credit-card number? - 375489432100. 220 00:08:26,944 --> 00:08:29,613 Expiration 7/22. Security 673. 221 00:08:32,651 --> 00:08:34,307 What? Guys, somebody has to buy the groceries. 222 00:08:34,503 --> 00:08:37,471 Found him. Nathan P. Parker Junior. 223 00:08:37,506 --> 00:08:38,857 Yes! I knew it was Paul! 224 00:08:38,858 --> 00:08:42,476 Uh, looks like he made a reservation at, uh, 225 00:08:42,511 --> 00:08:44,340 Sweet Suites by Swift Stay. 226 00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:46,342 Okay, stop. Stop. 227 00:08:46,377 --> 00:08:48,379 I am so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Parker Jr., 228 00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:49,656 but the room still isn't ready yet. 229 00:08:49,691 --> 00:08:53,039 Okay, I've had enough of this. I'm not paying for my valet. 230 00:08:53,073 --> 00:08:54,540 I'm taking some shampoo and some conditioner, 231 00:08:54,574 --> 00:08:56,774 - and we're going back to my mom's. - Let's go. But I can offer you 232 00:08:56,801 --> 00:08:58,182 a complimentary spa voucher, 233 00:08:58,216 --> 00:09:00,115 featuring our signature Catskill mud bath. 234 00:09:00,149 --> 00:09:01,718 Ooh, yeah. Let's get dirty. 235 00:09:02,151 --> 00:09:03,718 - Haven't you had enough? - Give me another one. 236 00:09:03,719 --> 00:09:04,775 Um, it's really just one per... 237 00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:05,993 Let's go. 238 00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:09,400 There's nothing famous about Catskill mud. 239 00:09:10,015 --> 00:09:11,828 Actually, there is. 240 00:09:13,266 --> 00:09:14,923 You should've taken the mouth wash. 241 00:09:17,235 --> 00:09:19,341 If you two aren't feeling romantic now, 242 00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:21,205 you will after this. 243 00:09:21,239 --> 00:09:24,208 Now, if you'd like to disrobe behind our modesty curtain. 244 00:09:24,242 --> 00:09:27,349 Yeah, no, who needs that. Let's let it fly! 245 00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:28,799 Let's go. Let's get this goin'. 246 00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:30,455 - Let's get this off. - Stop! Stop! Stop! 247 00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,250 What, are you gay? My shit is tight. 248 00:09:32,285 --> 00:09:33,320 What's wrong with you? 249 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,529 I just don't want anyone to see. 250 00:09:35,564 --> 00:09:37,842 Who's gonna see? The place is empty. 251 00:09:40,362 --> 00:09:41,777 Oh, it's like I'm not even here. 252 00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:45,056 - Yeah. - But you are. So... 253 00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:48,840 Babe, what are you...? 254 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,994 Wow, that is tight. Look at that. 255 00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:53,391 Yeah, look at that. 256 00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:56,838 You're still here. And... undressing yourself. 257 00:09:57,828 --> 00:09:58,932 Oh. 258 00:09:58,967 --> 00:10:01,279 Oh, maybe I read the signals wrong. 259 00:10:01,314 --> 00:10:03,419 I thought the three of us... 260 00:10:06,975 --> 00:10:08,493 No. Thank you. 261 00:10:08,528 --> 00:10:10,426 - Ok... Okay. - Yeah. 262 00:10:10,461 --> 00:10:12,325 No problem. 263 00:10:12,359 --> 00:10:13,913 I can take a hint. 264 00:10:14,967 --> 00:10:16,028 I don't think you can. 265 00:10:18,089 --> 00:10:20,231 This is nice. 266 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:24,476 Oh, my God. Mm. 267 00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:27,236 Oh, that's nice. That's almost as nice 268 00:10:27,271 --> 00:10:29,406 as that western Japanese town bath. 269 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,206 Japan was great. 270 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,415 What... are you talking about? 271 00:10:33,449 --> 00:10:35,533 Japan was awful. I'm talking about Alaska. 272 00:10:36,246 --> 00:10:37,805 How can you not remember that? 273 00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:39,628 It was only two summers ago. 274 00:10:40,321 --> 00:10:42,148 I think it was probably the last time we had sex. 275 00:10:42,182 --> 00:10:44,081 The last time you had sex was two summers ago? 276 00:10:44,115 --> 00:10:45,634 Last time we had sex. Last time we... 277 00:10:45,668 --> 00:10:48,016 Of course, I haven't even seen you naked since Tibet. 278 00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:49,155 We were in that tent with Jared. 279 00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:51,088 Oh, God, that was so sexy. 280 00:10:51,122 --> 00:10:52,122 What? 281 00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:55,091 - Did your boobs get bigger? - Maybe they're just excited. 282 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,059 Is that how boobs work? 283 00:10:57,094 --> 00:10:58,164 That's how my boobs works. 284 00:10:58,198 --> 00:10:59,932 Maybe it's just 'cause I haven't seen you in so long, 285 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,490 but you seem like a different person. 286 00:11:01,557 --> 00:11:03,652 Yeah, it's the new-and-improved Robin. 287 00:11:04,005 --> 00:11:06,549 Old Robin was such a bore, right? 288 00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:08,048 I wouldn't say that. 289 00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,368 Mm, you don't have to. I did. 290 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,211 What else did we hate about old Robin? 291 00:11:11,855 --> 00:11:12,937 Nothing, really. I mean... 292 00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:16,078 Oh, come on. Old Robin was bossy as shit. 293 00:11:16,113 --> 00:11:18,184 - Not really. - Yes, she was! Say it! 294 00:11:18,218 --> 00:11:21,083 - Old Robin was bossy as shit! - I guess sometimes, she... 295 00:11:21,118 --> 00:11:23,637 She got this awful "May I speak to the manager?" haircut. 296 00:11:23,672 --> 00:11:25,291 - It's not that bad. - I'm growing it out. 297 00:11:25,292 --> 00:11:26,677 - Thank God. - See? 298 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,954 It feels so good to shit on old Robin. 299 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,176 It makes me horny. 300 00:11:30,177 --> 00:11:32,439 Look at this guy. Ooh, it's so big and thick. 301 00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,238 Why don't you stick that in me right now. 302 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,390 - That's my ankle. - Then what's that? 303 00:11:36,392 --> 00:11:38,273 - My calf. - Why don't you stick this in me. 304 00:11:38,307 --> 00:11:39,619 Not yet, you two. 305 00:11:39,653 --> 00:11:40,877 Ah. You're still here. 306 00:11:40,878 --> 00:11:41,932 The whole time. 307 00:11:41,972 --> 00:11:43,608 And I have to be honest. 308 00:11:43,609 --> 00:11:47,109 I can see that the two of you are completely out of sync. 309 00:11:47,144 --> 00:11:50,250 You don't seem to know anything about one another. 310 00:11:50,285 --> 00:11:51,965 Okay, we do. All right? 311 00:11:51,966 --> 00:11:53,081 It's just been a stressful year. 312 00:11:53,115 --> 00:11:54,945 Yeah, with his job and all. 313 00:11:54,979 --> 00:11:56,498 What? I haven't had a job in three years. 314 00:11:56,532 --> 00:11:58,604 Okay, you know what? You need your bars run. 315 00:11:58,605 --> 00:12:00,640 It'll completely change your whole energy field. 316 00:12:00,674 --> 00:12:02,714 - Okay, out you get. - No, we're fine. 317 00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:04,833 "Fine" is not the F-word I want to hear. 318 00:12:07,755 --> 00:12:08,791 Okay, out, out, out. 319 00:12:08,825 --> 00:12:10,073 I'm getting up and out. 320 00:12:10,075 --> 00:12:12,077 - There we go. - You kinda killed the mood. 321 00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:13,209 Yeah! 322 00:12:13,249 --> 00:12:15,038 Okay, you're going to witness in me 323 00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:17,053 a complete lack of embarrassment, 324 00:12:17,054 --> 00:12:18,621 a lack of shame, 325 00:12:18,622 --> 00:12:21,667 an ownership of my experience. 326 00:12:21,668 --> 00:12:25,415 And it binds two people like nothing else. 327 00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:26,589 Here it comes. 328 00:12:26,624 --> 00:12:28,177 Here what comes? Where is it? 329 00:12:28,212 --> 00:12:29,868 - Oh... What are you doing?! - Ahh! 330 00:12:29,903 --> 00:12:32,595 - It's called reverse totem pole. - What? 331 00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:33,941 Now, I do have crippling vertigo, 332 00:12:33,976 --> 00:12:35,598 so I can't stay up here for too long. 333 00:12:35,633 --> 00:12:37,186 Then why would you do this at all? 334 00:12:37,221 --> 00:12:38,877 Place your tongue across my perineum. 335 00:12:38,912 --> 00:12:41,811 It's the sexual DMZ of erogenous zones. 336 00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:42,881 That sounds amazing. 337 00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:44,676 Now, once you've engorged the area, 338 00:12:44,711 --> 00:12:47,748 let your tongue wander over to heaven's doorbell. 339 00:12:47,783 --> 00:12:51,545 But God's not expecting company, so you gotta ring. 340 00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:54,410 Now, I like a predictable rhythm. 341 00:12:54,445 --> 00:12:56,757 - Have you ever been in a drum circle? - No. Get down. 342 00:12:56,798 --> 00:12:58,631 I like the African djembe beat. 343 00:12:58,765 --> 00:12:59,768 In threes. 344 00:12:59,835 --> 00:13:01,728 Gak-Ga-Ga, gak-Ga-Ga, gak-Ga-Ga. 345 00:13:01,762 --> 00:13:03,592 Gak-Ga-Ga-Ga-get down. Get down. Get down. 346 00:13:03,626 --> 00:13:05,173 - God! - Oh! 347 00:13:05,273 --> 00:13:06,733 Okay, Robin. Your turn. 348 00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:08,666 - Okay. - No. Babe, it's too slippery. 349 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,461 Just stay there. I'm gonna get a towel. 350 00:13:10,495 --> 00:13:12,231 - Just spread 'em for stability. - What? 351 00:13:12,339 --> 00:13:13,746 Then I can better get at your taint. 352 00:13:13,774 --> 00:13:16,260 - Okay, here we go again. - No, no, no... 353 00:13:18,054 --> 00:13:22,024 Ah-ha-aaaaaaaah! 354 00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:23,612 I knew you were flexible. 355 00:13:23,646 --> 00:13:25,476 I tore my taint! 356 00:13:25,510 --> 00:13:26,925 Ow! 357 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,480 I ripped it wide open! 358 00:13:29,514 --> 00:13:30,515 Ow! 359 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,661 Hey. 360 00:13:39,162 --> 00:13:40,241 Good afternoon, 361 00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:41,910 and welcome to the Sweet Suites by Swiff Sway... 362 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,874 Swift Stay. I apologize for that. 363 00:13:44,909 --> 00:13:46,576 That's the first time I've ever mispronounced that. 364 00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:47,874 Nate Parker. What room is he in? 365 00:13:47,946 --> 00:13:48,946 I'm sorry, I'm not at liberty 366 00:13:48,947 --> 00:13:50,363 to give out guest information. 367 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,330 If you'd like to use the courtesy phone 368 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,469 right over there, 369 00:13:53,504 --> 00:13:55,022 an operator may be happy to assist you. 370 00:13:59,855 --> 00:14:01,615 Oh, God. 371 00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:02,892 Sorry about that. 372 00:14:02,927 --> 00:14:04,031 Didn't mean to do that. 373 00:14:14,663 --> 00:14:15,767 You gonna answer that? 374 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,395 Good afternoon. Guest services. How may I direct your call? 375 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,638 Yes, what room is Nate Parker in, please? 376 00:14:24,785 --> 00:14:26,856 - One moment, please. - Give me Nate Parker! 377 00:14:26,904 --> 00:14:28,815 Excuse me, ma'am. I'm on the phone. 378 00:14:30,541 --> 00:14:32,508 I apologize for that outburst, ma'am. 379 00:14:32,543 --> 00:14:34,096 So, it looks like he hasn't checked in yet. 380 00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,753 May I be of service with anything else? 381 00:14:37,099 --> 00:14:38,411 Oh, my God. 382 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,033 Why didn't you call a hospital truck 383 00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:42,145 when you were showering and changing? 384 00:14:43,070 --> 00:14:44,762 Oh, holy shit, 385 00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:48,028 my anus is leaking out of my ass hole. 386 00:14:54,668 --> 00:14:56,774 You suck. 387 00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:59,915 You bitch. 388 00:14:59,949 --> 00:15:02,504 - No, no, no! - Where you going? 389 00:15:02,538 --> 00:15:03,972 Parking garage. Valet's gonna take too long. 390 00:15:03,973 --> 00:15:05,645 - What?! - Hey, get back in your truck 391 00:15:05,679 --> 00:15:07,060 and cut 'em off at the parking garage. 392 00:15:07,094 --> 00:15:08,171 Go. Go! 393 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,615 They usually give out free cookies here. 394 00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:16,423 Where all the cookies at? 395 00:15:17,864 --> 00:15:21,054 Hey, can I get some free cookies? 396 00:15:21,078 --> 00:15:22,734 - Oh! - Oh! 397 00:15:24,486 --> 00:15:25,837 Oh, my God, I knew you guys... 398 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,083 Oh, shit! 399 00:15:30,285 --> 00:15:31,942 We should put her on the cart, too. 400 00:15:34,885 --> 00:15:37,311 All right, now that I'm full, 401 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,422 time to go save B.J. 402 00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:42,255 Oh... Agh. 403 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,558 Well, who put that there? 404 00:15:47,202 --> 00:15:48,410 Shit. Where did we park? 405 00:15:48,445 --> 00:15:50,550 I told you. We valeted. 406 00:15:50,585 --> 00:15:52,157 God, just get us to a hospital. 407 00:15:54,509 --> 00:15:55,590 - What? - I'm just gonna... 408 00:15:55,624 --> 00:15:56,828 - What do you want? - Give me this. 409 00:15:56,886 --> 00:15:58,735 Oh, yeah, yeah, I want to have sex right now. 410 00:15:58,869 --> 00:16:00,940 Oh, I knew you wanted to have sex. 411 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,222 Get him! Get him! 412 00:16:07,256 --> 00:16:08,948 Get him! 413 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,471 Babe? Babe, what are you doin'? 414 00:16:14,505 --> 00:16:15,679 Hey, what you... 415 00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:22,099 Oh, shit! Ahh! Jesus! 416 00:16:26,241 --> 00:16:27,898 I can't believe we're gonna survive this. 417 00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:31,522 Oh, shit. Go! 418 00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:32,661 Out of the way! 419 00:16:32,696 --> 00:16:33,938 Out of the way! Out of the way! 420 00:16:35,699 --> 00:16:37,217 Shit. 421 00:16:37,252 --> 00:16:39,081 - Eugh. - Agh! 422 00:16:39,116 --> 00:16:40,117 God. 423 00:16:40,151 --> 00:16:42,084 - Ah, you okay? - Yeah. 424 00:16:42,119 --> 00:16:44,535 Oh, this is just like that movie "Crash." 425 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,386 We should totally do it right now. 426 00:16:46,387 --> 00:16:48,372 What? No. Get off of me. 427 00:16:50,547 --> 00:16:51,962 Aah! 428 00:16:51,997 --> 00:16:53,032 Shit. 429 00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:54,447 What is happening?! 430 00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,712 - Why are you here? - Babe, are you okay? 431 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:01,941 "Babe"? 432 00:17:01,947 --> 00:17:03,770 Excuse me, you crazy bitch. 433 00:17:03,776 --> 00:17:05,359 Excuse me, you crazy bitch. 434 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:07,659 - Ha-ha! - Whoa! Whoa! 435 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:08,684 What are you doing?! 436 00:17:08,685 --> 00:17:10,413 Gettin' our reward for that B.J. 437 00:17:10,414 --> 00:17:13,094 Moron, B.J.'s standing right beside you, okay? 438 00:17:13,095 --> 00:17:14,614 This is Robin. Put the gun down. 439 00:17:14,615 --> 00:17:17,473 Nate, look at me. I am your wife. 440 00:17:17,474 --> 00:17:19,791 If she were me, she would know that we're not married. 441 00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:22,768 And she would have also known her life partner's phone number. 442 00:17:22,769 --> 00:17:24,831 - And birthday. - And his middle name. 443 00:17:24,832 --> 00:17:26,479 It's Paul. I told you that. 444 00:17:26,514 --> 00:17:27,803 - It's Patrick. - I knew that. 445 00:17:27,804 --> 00:17:28,838 Shut up! You did not! 446 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:29,928 Let me see identification. 447 00:17:29,929 --> 00:17:32,032 I don't have anything! She took it all! 448 00:17:32,033 --> 00:17:33,300 She cut her hair. She took my clothes. 449 00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:34,434 She took everything. 450 00:17:34,452 --> 00:17:36,906 Holy shit, your sister is nuts. 451 00:17:36,907 --> 00:17:37,950 Let's just get out of here. 452 00:17:37,951 --> 00:17:40,081 Nate, look at me. 453 00:17:40,087 --> 00:17:41,362 Ask me anything. 454 00:17:41,391 --> 00:17:43,910 We've been together for a lifetime. Ask me anything only I would know. 455 00:17:43,911 --> 00:17:45,749 - When's your birthday? - We're twins. 456 00:17:46,672 --> 00:17:48,734 I... What's your dad's name? 457 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,111 We have the same dad! What's with the idiot questions? 458 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,235 I'm sorry, my taint is broken, okay? 459 00:17:53,236 --> 00:17:55,332 This lady has third-degree soup burns. 460 00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:57,069 These guys are practically dead. 461 00:17:57,391 --> 00:17:59,122 Sorry I'm not thinking too straight. 462 00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,297 Nate, look at me. 463 00:18:01,802 --> 00:18:03,120 I love you so much. 464 00:18:03,637 --> 00:18:04,989 It's me. Robin. 465 00:18:05,326 --> 00:18:06,326 Nate. 466 00:18:11,693 --> 00:18:14,133 ♪ Don't let us die ♪ 467 00:18:14,662 --> 00:18:19,398 ♪ Or live a lie forever ♪ 468 00:18:20,714 --> 00:18:22,470 ♪ Forever ♪ 469 00:18:23,155 --> 00:18:26,538 ♪ And you can try ♪ 470 00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:31,080 ♪ But you'll never find a love that's better ♪ 471 00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:34,980 ♪ A love that's better ♪ 472 00:18:35,376 --> 00:18:36,386 Shit. 473 00:18:36,924 --> 00:18:38,376 I didn't sleep with her. 474 00:18:39,862 --> 00:18:41,727 I... 475 00:18:41,761 --> 00:18:43,026 - Ohh! - Ooh. 476 00:18:43,027 --> 00:18:44,493 Jesus Christ. 477 00:18:44,787 --> 00:18:47,031 What kind of man doesn't recognize his own wife? 478 00:18:47,079 --> 00:18:48,718 You should be ashamed of yourself. 479 00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:51,832 Yeah, and just for the record, this man has better judgment than you. 480 00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:53,738 Did you just kill her? 481 00:18:53,846 --> 00:18:55,261 No, she's fine. He just bean-bagged her. 482 00:18:55,263 --> 00:18:57,288 Yeah. Trust me. She's done way worse to me. 483 00:18:57,872 --> 00:19:00,185 Hey, did she cut my hair? 484 00:19:00,319 --> 00:19:02,425 Eugh! Shit! Ooh! 485 00:19:02,453 --> 00:19:03,516 Holy shit. 486 00:19:03,611 --> 00:19:05,988 That's your brain. Put the flap down. 487 00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:07,607 No, d... Agh! 488 00:19:08,236 --> 00:19:09,303 What? It's brain. 489 00:19:09,304 --> 00:19:11,750 Oh, nah. I just need my shaping helmet. 490 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,147 We have all got to get to a hospital! 491 00:19:14,148 --> 00:19:16,485 I could walk it off. If I could walk. 492 00:19:16,654 --> 00:19:17,654 What? 493 00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:19,523 - What did he say? - What? 494 00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:24,163 Uh-huh. 495 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,545 No, oh, sure, that all sounds really believable. 496 00:19:26,546 --> 00:19:28,386 A twin sister no one's ever heard of before 497 00:19:28,387 --> 00:19:30,204 kidnapped you and broke your taint? 498 00:19:30,238 --> 00:19:32,855 Look, just 'cause some crazy stuff has happened to our family in the past 499 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,319 doesn't mean you have to lie to me to avoid spending time with me. 500 00:19:35,325 --> 00:19:38,676 You could say you and Mom wanted some time alone to bang or something. 501 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,490 That might believe. 502 00:19:40,525 --> 00:19:41,664 I'm out. 503 00:19:41,677 --> 00:19:43,343 This family's stories are just getting implausible. 504 00:19:43,344 --> 00:19:45,679 I mean, what kind of hijinks are they gonna get us into next? 505 00:19:45,694 --> 00:19:47,955 God, I'm gonna have to shower to rinse all the stupid off of me. 506 00:19:53,745 --> 00:19:56,334 So stupid. 507 00:20:07,862 --> 00:20:09,001 What are you doing here?! 508 00:20:09,036 --> 00:20:10,419 This is where I shower! 509 00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:11,769 - For how long?! - A year! 510 00:20:11,770 --> 00:20:13,211 Did you not see the steam?! 511 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,748 I thought it was Nana's smoke! 512 00:20:14,749 --> 00:20:15,767 What the hell?! 513 00:20:15,768 --> 00:20:17,524 - Wh-What do we do now? - Get out! 514 00:20:17,525 --> 00:20:19,283 Oh, okay. Uh, good idea. 515 00:20:19,591 --> 00:20:21,387 Uh, despite all this, it was still good seeing you. 516 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,769 - Get out! - Okay! I'm sorry! 517 00:20:25,176 --> 00:20:27,831 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 36590

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