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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:03,400 HEY, CAITLIN. YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE. 2 00:00:03,434 --> 00:00:04,801 I HAD BREAKFAST WITH TIM. 3 00:00:04,834 --> 00:00:06,467 I DON'T THINK THAT'S ALL. 4 00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:07,667 WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING? 5 00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:09,834 I'M IMPLYING YOUR SWEATER'S ON BACKWARDS. 6 00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:21,901 CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN? 7 00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,968 I SHOULD'VE GOTTEN A PEEK AT SOMETHING. 8 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,701 HEY, BABE. THESE ARE FOR YOU. 9 00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:31,834 VIOLETS! THEY'RE MY FAVORITE. HOW DID YOU KNOW? 10 00:00:31,868 --> 00:00:33,267 WE TOOK THAT DRIVE 11 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,400 AND YOU POINTED TO A FIELD OF VIOLETS AND SAID, 12 00:00:35,434 --> 00:00:36,868 "THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE." 13 00:00:36,901 --> 00:00:40,200 AND YOU REMEMBERED. 14 00:00:40,234 --> 00:00:42,734 HE GETS THAT FOR REMEMBERING? 15 00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:45,634 I WENT OUT WITH A GIRL ON SATURDAY. 16 00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,367 I DIDN'T GET ANYTHING 17 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,901 FOR REMEMBERING TO MAIL HER BRA BACK TO HER. 18 00:00:50,934 --> 00:00:53,601 HOW MANY STAMPS DID THAT TAKE? 19 00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:55,067 SIX. 20 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:56,934 NICE. 21 00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:24,434 ISN'T CAITLIN'S NEW BOYFRIEND GREAT? 22 00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,467 HE'S WITTY, CHARMING, WELL-READ. 23 00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:29,133 SOMETHING ABOUT THAT GUY RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY. 24 00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,434 WHAT? 25 00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:32,868 HE'S WITTY, CHARMING, WELL-READ. 26 00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:36,367 HE'S ONE OF THESE ANNOYING KNOW-IT-ALLS 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,501 WHO'S ALWAYS REMINDING YOU HOW SMART HE IS. 28 00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:41,467 AS TENNYSON ONCE WROTE -- 29 00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:44,801 KNOWLEDGE COMES, BUT WISDOM LINGERS. 30 00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:47,868 SEE? ANNOYING. 31 00:01:47,901 --> 00:01:49,200 GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. 32 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,767 TIM HAS GENEROUSLY COMMISSIONED AN ARTIST 33 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:53,234 TO SCULPT A BUST OF ME. 34 00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:55,234 NOW THE CITY WILL REMEMBER ME 35 00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,601 LONG AFTER I'M CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN. 36 00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:59,133 WE'RE HAVING IT MADE 37 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:01,801 OUT OF THE FINEST ALABASTER FROM ITALY. 38 00:02:01,834 --> 00:02:04,767 AS LONG AS I DON'T END UP LOOKING LIKE CHARLTON HESTON. 39 00:02:04,801 --> 00:02:06,300 WHY WOULD THAT HAPPEN? 40 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,834 BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE CHARLTON HESTON. 41 00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:11,501 I DON'T SEE IT. 42 00:02:11,534 --> 00:02:17,200 PICTURE ME IN A LOINCLOTH BEING HOSED DOWN BY APES. 43 00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:20,634 I'M SORRY, SIR. I CAN'T GET PAST THE LOINCLOTH. 44 00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,701 THANKS AGAIN, TIM. 45 00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:25,501 I LOOK LIKE CHARLTON HESTON. 46 00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:28,434 WHY WOULDN'T HE GET A PORTRAIT LIKE EVERY OTHER MAYOR? 47 00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:29,934 I, LIKE THE ROMANS, 48 00:02:29,968 --> 00:02:32,334 BELIEVE THAT A BUST IS THE PERFECT WAY 49 00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:34,901 TO IMMORTALIZE A LEADER'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 50 00:02:34,934 --> 00:02:36,667 AND I, LIKE THE TAXPAYERS, 51 00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:39,067 THINK A BUST IS A WASTE OF MONEY. 52 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:41,300 ART IS NEVER A WASTE OF MONEY, 53 00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,701 AND I THINK PORTRAITS ARE BORING. 54 00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:47,234 I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD ON WHAT'S BORING. 55 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,467 CHARLIE, CAN I TALK TO YOU? 56 00:02:51,501 --> 00:02:53,567 ONE SECOND, HONEY. 57 00:02:53,601 --> 00:02:56,567 CHARLIE, I'M SENSING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH TIM. 58 00:02:56,601 --> 00:02:58,534 ME? NO. I THINK HE'S GREAT. 59 00:02:58,567 --> 00:02:59,634 OH, COME ON. 60 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,267 I CAN TELL SOMETHING'S BOTHERING YOU. 61 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,667 JUST BE HONEST. I WON'T BE UPSET. 62 00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:07,167 OKAY, HE'S NOT MY FAVORITE GUY. 63 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,734 HOW COULD HE NOT BE YOUR FAVORITE GUY?! 64 00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:12,234 WHY DOES THIS MATTER? 65 00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:14,567 IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME THAT YOU GET ALONG. 66 00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:16,601 WHY DON'T YOU COME TO DINNER WITH US TONIGHT? 67 00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:18,467 I DON'T WANT TO BE THE THIRD WHEEL. 68 00:03:18,501 --> 00:03:21,467 THINK OF US AS A TRICYCLE. 69 00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:27,300 THAT'S NOT THE THREESOME ANALOGY THAT USUALLY GETS ME ON BOARD. 70 00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:28,501 I'M SERIOUS. 71 00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:31,234 I HAVEN'T FELT THIS WAY IN A LONG TIME. 72 00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:32,400 I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? 73 00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:33,667 HE MAY BE THE FATHER 74 00:03:33,701 --> 00:03:36,133 OF MY DOUGLAS, DAVID, DONALD, AND OTIS. 75 00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:37,934 YOU'VE ALREADY NAMED YOUR KIDS? 76 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,000 WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M A PLANNER. 77 00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:41,267 COME ON. 78 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,634 ONE DINNER. 79 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:49,167 LOOK AT HIM. HE JUST WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND. 80 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,267 THAT CHARLIE GUY RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY. 81 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,267 WHY? 82 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,601 HE'S ONE OF THOSE MACHO GUYS 83 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:57,434 WHO MAKES YOU FEEL BAD BECAUSE YOU READ BOOKS. 84 00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:00,868 IT'S LIKE EMERSON ONCE WROTE -- 85 00:04:00,901 --> 00:04:03,868 KNOWLEDGE IS THE ANTIDOTE TO FEAR. 86 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,667 THAT IS ANNOYING. 87 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,567 THE JOB TITLE IS "EFFICIENCY CONSULTANT," 88 00:04:12,601 --> 00:04:14,501 AND IT'S A ONE-MONTH ASSIGNMENT. 89 00:04:14,534 --> 00:04:17,334 I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SETTING UP THIS INTERVIEW. 90 00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:19,834 JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE YOU'RE MY SISTER. 91 00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,968 WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYBODY TO THINK 92 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,100 YOU'RE GETTING SPECIAL TREATMENT. 93 00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,300 BUT DON'T WORRY. YOU'RE A SHOO-IN. 94 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,501 YOU SAID THE SAME THING 95 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,400 WHEN I AUDITIONED FOR "WEST SIDE STORY." 96 00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:31,901 I'M SORRY. THAT WAS OUT OF MY HANDS. 97 00:04:31,934 --> 00:04:33,934 YOU WERE THE DIRECTOR. 98 00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:35,234 WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS. 99 00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,634 YOU DIDN'T CAPTURE MARIA'S INNER TORMENT. 100 00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:41,067 UH, PAUL LASSITER, STUART BONDEK, 101 00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,634 THIS IS SHERRI FIELDS. 102 00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:43,901 HOW DO YOU DO? 103 00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,601 AND LIKE THE TWO OF YOU, I ALSO JUST MET HER. 104 00:04:47,834 --> 00:04:49,534 IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. 105 00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:53,133 SO, SHERRI, TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF. 106 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,667 WELL, I, UH -- 107 00:04:54,701 --> 00:04:57,734 SHERRI SPENT FIVE YEARS MANAGING A LAW OFFICE. 108 00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:01,434 THANKS...SHERRI. 109 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,701 IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU'RE FLUENT IN SPANISH. 110 00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:06,400 "IT SAYS"? DO YOU THINK SHE MADE THAT UP?! 111 00:05:06,434 --> 00:05:07,434 NEXT. 112 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,334 DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SKILLS WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT? 113 00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:15,100 HEY! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BY "SPECIAL SKILLS," 114 00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,968 AND YOU ARE WAY OUT OF LINE! 115 00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:19,734 DOES SHE HAVE ANY COMPUTER SKILLS LIKE QUICKEN OR EXCEL? 116 00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:21,467 OH. 117 00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:24,100 DO YOU? 118 00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,367 YES. 119 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,801 WHAT CAN'T SHE DO? WELCOME ABOARD. 120 00:05:31,701 --> 00:05:33,033 IRASSHAIMASE! 121 00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,734 IRASSHAIMASE! IRASSHAIMASE! 122 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,701 IRASSHAIMASE! 123 00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:39,434 "IRASSHAIMASE" IS JAPANESE FOR "WELCOME." 124 00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:40,934 REALLY? 125 00:05:40,968 --> 00:05:43,734 I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT MEANT "DON'T EAT THE EEL." 126 00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,300 [ LAUGHS ] ISN'T CHARLIE FUNNY? 127 00:05:46,334 --> 00:05:48,767 HYSTERICAL. 128 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:53,000 [ CLEARS THROAT ] THANK YOU. 129 00:05:53,033 --> 00:05:54,400 SO, HERE WE ARE. 130 00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:58,033 MY TWO FAVORITE GUYS, MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT -- 131 00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,267 GOOD TIMES. 132 00:06:02,968 --> 00:06:06,400 YEP, GOOD TIMES. 133 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:09,100 SO, YOU BOTH HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. 134 00:06:09,133 --> 00:06:11,501 YOU -- YOU BOTH GREW UP HERE IN THE CITY. 135 00:06:11,534 --> 00:06:12,801 WHAT HIGH SCHOOL? 136 00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:14,100 WESTON HIGH. 137 00:06:14,133 --> 00:06:17,834 WESTON -- YOU HAD AN EXCELLENT SHOP PROGRAM. 138 00:06:17,868 --> 00:06:20,133 I WENT TO FAIRMONT. 139 00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:22,267 HMM. DID YOU GET A LOT OF ACTION? 140 00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,334 IT WAS ALL BOYS. 141 00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:25,634 I KNOW. 142 00:06:26,868 --> 00:06:29,767 THE CALIFORNIA ROLL IS GREAT. 143 00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,133 IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, 144 00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:33,868 WE BEAT YOU IN SOCCER FIVE YEARS STRAIGHT. 145 00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:37,267 AND WE STOLE THE WHEELS OFF YOUR TEAM BUS 146 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,767 FIVE YEARS STRAIGHT. 147 00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:42,734 OF COURSE, THE SPICY TUNA HAS ITS MERITS. 148 00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,467 CAN I GET SOME EXTRA WASABI? 149 00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:45,467 ME TOO. 150 00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:46,901 I LOVE SPICY FOOD. 151 00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:49,234 I COULD EAT THIS STUFF STRAIGHT. 152 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:50,634 SO CAN I. 153 00:06:51,601 --> 00:06:53,067 BET I CAN DOWN THIS FIRST. 154 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,067 YOU'RE ON. 155 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,167 YOU'RE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN. 156 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,167 NO, WE'RE NOT. MARK, GET SET, GO. 157 00:07:07,868 --> 00:07:10,200 SHERRI, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 158 00:07:10,234 --> 00:07:15,100 AS PRESS SECRETARY, I HAVE TO EXPENSE MY HIGH-PROFILE LUNCHES. 159 00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:17,601 HIGH-PROFILE? AT TACO TENT? 160 00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:18,968 SORRY, NO SALE. 161 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,234 LOOK, IT'S ALSO COME TO MY ATTENTION 162 00:07:21,267 --> 00:07:23,701 THAT YOU'VE BEEN HOARDING OFFICE SUPPLIES. 163 00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,434 I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED. 164 00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:30,067 I CATEGORICALLY DENY THAT ACCUSATION! 165 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:33,234 THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS? 166 00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:39,701 THAT'S NOT MY HOCKEY STICK. 167 00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:42,000 WHY ARE YOU GIVING PAUL SUCH A HARD TIME? 168 00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:44,701 WHY DO YOU CALL PHONE-SEX NUMBERS FROM CITY HALL? 169 00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:46,801 CARRY ON. 170 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,234 THIS OFFICE IS HEMORRHAGING MONEY, 171 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,767 AND IT'S GOING TO STOP. 172 00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:55,100 LET'S SAY YOU FORGET THIS WHOLE OFFICE-SUPPLY THING. 173 00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:59,400 A "BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE" FROZEN-YOGURT COUPON 174 00:07:59,434 --> 00:08:04,367 MIGHT MYSTERIOUSLY FIND ITS WAY INTO YOUR POSSESSION. 175 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,267 YOU'RE TRYING TO BRIBE ME WITH A FREE FROZEN YOGURT? 176 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:10,501 WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY FOR THE FIRST ONE. 177 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,334 DONE. 178 00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:26,067 I WIN. 179 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,834 I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS, BUT I'M THE WINNER. 180 00:08:31,868 --> 00:08:34,601 YES, YOU ARE CLEARLY A WINNER. 181 00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:38,868 CHARLIE, YOU LOOK GREEN. 182 00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:41,334 IT'S COMING OUT OF MY PORES. 183 00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:44,200 IRASSHAIMASE! IRASSHAIMASE! 184 00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,100 [ GROANS ] 185 00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,834 THIS OBVIOUSLY ISN'T WORKING. CAN WE PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE? 186 00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:51,000 WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE. CHARLIE'S SICK. 187 00:08:51,033 --> 00:08:52,634 HE'LL BE FINE. LET'S GO. 188 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:55,801 I DON'T FEEL RIGHT LEAVING HIM. WE HAVEN'T EVEN EATEN YET. 189 00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:58,601 I'VE LOST MY APPETITE. I'LL SEE YOU. 190 00:08:58,634 --> 00:08:59,968 TIM, WAIT. 191 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,601 IRASSHAIMASE! IRASSHAIMASE! 192 00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:03,868 SHUT UP! 193 00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:06,400 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 194 00:09:06,434 --> 00:09:09,100 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT IF STUART COMES? 195 00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,434 900 NUMBERS ARE BLOCKED STARTING TOMORROW. 196 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,767 HE'S AT THE OFFICE PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER. 197 00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:18,501 HERE'S A LITTLE THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME THE JOB. 198 00:09:18,534 --> 00:09:20,968 OH! MILES DAVIS! OH, MAN, I LOVE THIS. 199 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,067 COME ON, LET'S GO HANG IT IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW. 200 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,167 OH, THIS IS GREAT. 201 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,067 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SHERRI'S BLOCKING THE PHONE-SEX LINES. 202 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,033 I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS AGAINST US. 203 00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,501 SHE GETS ALONG WITH CARTER. THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS. 204 00:09:32,534 --> 00:09:36,067 Carter: OOH. OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, SHERRI. 205 00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:39,667 Sherri?! 206 00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:41,834 Carter: THIS WAS A TERRIFIC SURPRISE. 207 00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:43,234 Sherri: YEAH, WELL... 208 00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,133 I'VE WANTED TO GIVE IT TO YOU FOR A LONG TIME. 209 00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:49,234 I don't believe this. 210 00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:51,834 Carter: YOU SHOULD GET OUT OF HERE 211 00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:54,300 BEFORE STUART COMES HOME. 212 00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:59,300 I HOPE THE NOISE DIDN'T DISTURB THE NEIGHBORS. 213 00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,834 AH, IT ONLY LASTED A FEW SECONDS. 214 00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,567 POOR GUY. 215 00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:06,567 THAT'S VERY COMMON. 216 00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:11,000 HOW'S IT GOING, SIR? 217 00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:16,234 TAKE YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY APE! 218 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:19,267 I'M SORRY. I DON'T SEE IT. 219 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,801 YOU SHOULD GET YOUR EYES CHECKED. 220 00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,167 CAITLIN... 221 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,834 I BROUGHT YOU CUPCAKES FROM MAGNOLIA BAKERY. 222 00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:30,067 GO AWAY. 223 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,100 WITH SPRINKLES. 224 00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:35,734 MAKE IT FAST. 225 00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:37,634 I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT. 226 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:41,133 WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TURN IT INTO A COMPETITION? 227 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,968 IT'S A GUY THING. 228 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,934 WHY DO WHALES BEACH THEMSELVES? 229 00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:47,701 WHY? 230 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,367 I DON'T KNOW. ASK TIM. 231 00:10:53,067 --> 00:10:54,734 HEY, CAITLIN. 232 00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:55,968 CHARLIE. 233 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,133 TIM. 234 00:10:57,167 --> 00:11:00,267 I BROUGHT YOU THESE -- 235 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,467 WHO BROUGHT YOU THOSE? 236 00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:06,267 HMM...NO SPRINKLES. 237 00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,567 LISTEN... 238 00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:12,067 I'M SORRY. 239 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,868 I LEFT LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WAS COMPETING FOR YOU, 240 00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:16,367 AND NOW I'M SURE OF IT. 241 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,367 CHARLIE WANTS YOU. 242 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,434 NO, HE DOESN'T. 243 00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:24,200 YOU MAY NOT SEE IT BUT I CAN, AND IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE. 244 00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:25,567 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 245 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,601 I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU, BUT I GOTTA BE HONEST. 246 00:11:28,634 --> 00:11:31,767 I CAN'T BE WITH YOU IF CHARLIE'S IN THE PICTURE. 247 00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:34,801 TIM! 248 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,033 LET HIM GO. 249 00:11:44,734 --> 00:11:46,267 TRUST ME. 250 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,634 I KNOW. 251 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,534 WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 252 00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:57,834 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 253 00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,467 BECAUSE OF HOW YOU ACTED TIM THINKS YOU'RE INTO ME. 254 00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,167 YOU AND ME? THAT'S CRAZY. 255 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,567 BUT HE'S REALLY UPSET. 256 00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:05,901 WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE COMPETITIVE? 257 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,167 WHEN A FAIRMONT KID CHALLENGES YOU 258 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,567 TO A WASABI-EATING CONTEST, 259 00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:13,467 YOU DON'T BACK DOWN. 260 00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:16,467 AND YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DRAGGED ME TO THAT DINNER. 261 00:12:16,501 --> 00:12:18,467 NOW I KNOW THAT WAS A MISTAKE. 262 00:12:18,501 --> 00:12:19,801 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 263 00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:22,067 I CAN'T BELIEVE CARTER SLEPT WITH A WOMAN. 264 00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,734 WHAT COULD HAVE MADE HIM CHANGE? 265 00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,200 PAUL, IT'S OBVIOUS. 266 00:12:25,234 --> 00:12:30,267 I'VE BECOME A HETEROSEXUAL ROLE MODEL FOR CARTER. 267 00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,400 HIS GAYNESS WAS NO MATCH 268 00:12:32,434 --> 00:12:35,367 FOR MY AWESOME CHICK-A-RIFFIC LIFESTYLE. 269 00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:38,801 I'VE TURNED HIM ON TO WOMEN. 270 00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:40,968 OR TURNED HIM OFF TO MEN. 271 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,634 HEY, GUYS. WHAT'S GOING ON? 272 00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:48,567 PAUL AND I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. 273 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,234 WE KNOW ABOUT YOU AND SHERRI. 274 00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:51,667 YOU DO? WE DO. 275 00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:53,234 AND WE THINK IT'S GREAT. 276 00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:54,501 THAT IS SUCH A RELIEF. 277 00:12:54,534 --> 00:12:57,133 I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT HOW TO HANDLE THE SITUATION. 278 00:12:57,167 --> 00:13:00,400 OF COURSE. I MEAN, THIS IS SO NEW TO YOU. 279 00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:01,701 I'VE TRIED THIS BEFORE. 280 00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:03,934 I COULDN'T GET HER INTO THE RIGHT POSITION. 281 00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:07,300 [ LAUGHS ] 282 00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:10,434 WELL, THESE THINGS TAKE TIME, CARTER. 283 00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:13,100 YOU GOTTA WALK BEFORE YOU RUN. 284 00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,767 DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT, OKAY? 285 00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:17,968 I DON'T WANT TO JEOPARDIZE SHERRI'S JOB. 286 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,801 YOUR SECRET ABOUT SLEEPING WITH SHERRI IS SAFE WITH US. 287 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:21,801 THANKS. 288 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,300 WHAT? 289 00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:26,501 W-WAIT A MINUTE. 290 00:13:26,534 --> 00:13:29,234 YOU GUYS THINK I'M SLEEPING WITH SHERRI? 291 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,267 NO, NO, NO. SHERRI IS MY -- 292 00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:36,267 YEAH, YEAH, YOU GOT ME. 293 00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:39,801 YOU CAN'T PULL ONE OVER ON US, CARTER. 294 00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:43,567 NO, YOU CAN'T. YOU GUYS ARE WAY TOO SHARP. 295 00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,267 HI, I'M NOT SURE I'M IN THE RIGHT PLACE. 296 00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,267 I WAS CONTACTED BY A CHIP SCARSDALE, 297 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,534 WHO WANTED ME TO LECTURE 298 00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:53,801 ON ROMAN ART AND ITS CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE. 299 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,300 CHIP'S RIGHT OVER THERE. 300 00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:02,534 TIM, WE HAVE TO TALK. 301 00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:05,834 YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT ME. SHE'S MY FRIEND, AND THAT'S IT. 302 00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:08,567 HOW COME I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU'RE COMPETING AGAINST ME? 303 00:14:08,601 --> 00:14:10,534 BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE BEING SHOWN UP. 304 00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:13,067 YOU COME INTO CITY HALL AND YOU IMPRESS EVERYONE 305 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,067 WITH YOUR MONEY AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE 306 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,200 AND YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF PORTUGUESE MARBLE. 307 00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:20,601 NO, IT'S ITALIAN ALABASTER. THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE. 308 00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:23,667 YOU JUST CAN'T NOT DO THAT, CAN YOU? 309 00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:24,968 SORRY. 310 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,100 IT'S JUST THAT WHEN I FEEL THREATENED, 311 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,634 I TEND TO GET A LITTLE PEDANTIC. 312 00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:35,133 IT'S JUST NOT EASY FOR ME TO DATE CAITLIN 313 00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:39,133 WHEN SHE'S FRIENDS WITH THIS COOL GUY WITH GREAT HAIR. 314 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,234 MY SECRET? 315 00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:46,334 ALCOHOL-FREE GEL. 316 00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,634 IT GIVES ENOUGH HOLD? 317 00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:51,601 YOU TELL ME. 318 00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:52,767 THE POINT IS, 319 00:14:52,801 --> 00:14:55,667 CAITLIN WANTS TO BE WITH YOU NOT ME. 320 00:14:55,701 --> 00:14:57,400 REALLY? YES. 321 00:14:57,434 --> 00:14:58,634 I'M NOT THE ONE 322 00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,634 SHE WANTS MARRIAGE AND KIDS WITH. 323 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,000 SHE REALLY SAID THAT? 324 00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:04,901 YOU, WITH THE FOUR BOYS, THE HOUSE IN CONNECTICUT. 325 00:15:04,934 --> 00:15:07,033 [ EXHALES ] WOW. 326 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,667 YEAH, SHE'S A PLANNER. 327 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:17,934 I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S SAYING WHAT I WANT IT TO SAY. 328 00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,968 DECADES FROM NOW, WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS SCULPTURE, 329 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,367 I WANT THEM TO SEE A LEADER, A VISIONARY, 330 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:29,567 A MAN...WHO WOULD TRIUMPH IN A GRUELING CHARIOT RACE. 331 00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:31,701 I DON'T THINK I FOLLOW. 332 00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:33,167 COME INTO MY OFFICE. 333 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,267 WE'RE GOING TO WATCH A LITTLE BIBLICAL EPIC. 334 00:15:38,634 --> 00:15:40,868 HEY, CARTER. IS CAITLIN IN YET? 335 00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,300 NO. DIDN'T YOU HEAR? 336 00:15:42,334 --> 00:15:44,167 TIM BROKE UP WITH HER LAST NIGHT. 337 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,167 WHAT? 338 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,567 THEY WERE GOING TOO FAST. 339 00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:47,767 HOW'S SHE TAKING IT? 340 00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:49,400 I THINK SHE'LL BE OKAY. 341 00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:53,100 I TOLD HER TO PUT IT BEHIND HER AND GET A FRESH START. 342 00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:01,901 THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND. 343 00:16:01,934 --> 00:16:04,100 AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY HAIR? 344 00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:07,133 WHY, DID YOU DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH IT? 345 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,601 OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT! 346 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,067 FIRST TIM DUMPS ME, 347 00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,734 AND NOW I LOOK LIKE I SHOULD BE IN AEROSMITH. 348 00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,067 I DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG. 349 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,234 YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR STYLIST. 350 00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:21,767 I'M TALKING ABOUT TIM. 351 00:16:21,801 --> 00:16:23,534 HE GOT THIS CRAZY IDEA 352 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,834 THAT I'M DYING TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS. 353 00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:27,601 I MEAN, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? 354 00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:30,267 WELL, THIS IS A FUNNY STORY. 355 00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:34,634 LAST NIGHT TIM AND I WERE HAVING DRINKS, 356 00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:37,801 AND I-I MAY HAVE MENTIONED MARRIAGE AND KIDS. 357 00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,367 WHAT ABOUT THE HOUSE IN VERMONT? 358 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,634 THAT WASN'T ME. I SAID CONNECTICUT. 359 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:45,567 YOU CAN'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT TO A GUY I JUST STARTED DATING! 360 00:16:45,601 --> 00:16:47,634 IT'LL SCARE HIM OFF! 361 00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:50,267 CARTER, STOP STARING AT MY HAIR! 362 00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:57,701 SO... 363 00:16:57,734 --> 00:17:01,200 HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR FIRST STRAIGHT EVENING OUT? 364 00:17:01,234 --> 00:17:04,534 ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT CHICKEN WINGS AND A LAP DANCE FOR ONLY $45. 365 00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:05,868 WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE? 366 00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:08,567 [ LAUGHS ] THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. 367 00:17:08,601 --> 00:17:09,868 TOMORROW NIGHT -- 368 00:17:09,901 --> 00:17:13,634 A CALENDAR SIGNING FOR THE WOMEN OF WRESTLING. 369 00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:17,033 THOSE BROADS ARE TOTALLY HOT. 370 00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:18,901 [ LAUGHS ] 371 00:17:18,934 --> 00:17:20,000 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 372 00:17:20,033 --> 00:17:22,200 ABOUT WHAT? 373 00:17:22,234 --> 00:17:23,834 BEING STRAIGHT. 374 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:27,567 THINK YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN SIGNING UP FULL-TIME? 375 00:17:27,601 --> 00:17:29,067 I-I'M NOT SURE. 376 00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:31,300 TELL YOU WHAT... 377 00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:33,667 LET'S MAKE A LIST 378 00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:38,200 OF THE PROS AND CONS OF BEING GAY. 379 00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:40,133 OKAY. 380 00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:42,267 PRO -- 381 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:45,734 A KEEN SENSE OF STYLE. 382 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:52,367 CON -- SLEEPING WITH MEN. 383 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,200 PRO -- 384 00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:58,033 WOMEN DON'T MIND TAKING CLOTHES OFF IN FRONT OF YOU. 385 00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,067 CON -- SLEEPING -- 386 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,701 OKAY, OKAY, LOOK. 387 00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:03,334 STUART... 388 00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:05,934 I CAN'T TAKE THIS. 389 00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:09,167 THIS IS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING. SHERRI IS MY SISTER. 390 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,334 OH. 391 00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:12,901 PEOPLE DON'T TURN STRAIGHT OVERNIGHT. 392 00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:14,400 I'M A GAY MAN. 393 00:18:14,434 --> 00:18:15,701 THAT'S WHO I AM. 394 00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:17,334 THAT'S WHAT I'M COMFORTABLE WITH. 395 00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:19,901 LOOK, I KNOW I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT SHERRI 396 00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,167 AT THE VERY BEGINNING, 397 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,033 BUT LET'S TRY TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. 398 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,534 OKAY. 399 00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,534 OKAY. OKAY. 400 00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:30,033 [ INHALES, EXHALES ] 401 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,968 AND NOW THAT WE'RE BEING HONEST... 402 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,467 HAVE YOU EVER SEEN CAITLIN TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF? 403 00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:38,767 YES, I HAVE. 404 00:18:38,801 --> 00:18:41,667 WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE NAKED? 405 00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:43,767 HONESTLY? 406 00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:48,334 YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. 407 00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:50,534 [ LAUGHS ] 408 00:18:57,634 --> 00:18:59,667 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 409 00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:01,100 CAITLIN TOLD ME TO MEET HER. 410 00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:02,434 SAME THING. 411 00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:04,267 WHY ARE WOMEN SO CONFUSING? 412 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,501 I DON'T KNOW. 413 00:19:05,534 --> 00:19:08,467 WHY DO WHALES BEACH THEMSELVES? 414 00:19:08,501 --> 00:19:11,100 ACTUALLY, THERE ARE TWO COMPETING THEORIES. 415 00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,901 NOT NOW. 416 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,567 WHAT'S GOING ON? 417 00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:17,834 SIT DOWN. 418 00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:18,834 YES? 419 00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:20,734 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR? 420 00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:23,000 THE TWO OF YOU HAPPENED TO MY HAIR, 421 00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:26,067 AND RIGHT NOW WE'RE GONNA SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. 422 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:29,701 YOU BREAK UP WITH ME BASED ON INFORMATION FROM THIS IDIOT? 423 00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:36,634 SHE'S GOT A POINT. 424 00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:40,200 AND YOU -- WHERE DO YOU GET OFF PLAYING COUPLES COUNSELOR? 425 00:19:40,234 --> 00:19:41,834 I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP. 426 00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:45,167 WHAT IF A GIRLFRIEND STARTED ABOUT MARRIAGE AND BABIES? 427 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,701 WELL, I'VE ALWAYS HAD GOOD LUCK WITH FAKING MY OWN DEATH. 428 00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:55,334 SO, CAITLIN, YOU DON'T WANT ANY OF THOSE THINGS? 429 00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,200 SOMEDAY -- NOT RIGHT NOW. 430 00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:00,167 WE HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL, 431 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,334 AND I'D JUST LIKE TO SEE WHERE IT GOES. 432 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,100 YOU'RE RIGHT. 433 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:08,334 I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LISTENED TO THIS IDIOT. 434 00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:09,834 HEY. 435 00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,367 SHE CALLED YOU AN IDIOT. 436 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,000 IT'S DIFFERENT. SHE KNOWS ME. 437 00:20:14,033 --> 00:20:15,601 I'M JUST REPEATING WHAT SHE -- 438 00:20:15,634 --> 00:20:16,601 SHUT UP! 439 00:20:16,634 --> 00:20:18,067 BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP! 440 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,234 DO YOU WANT TO BE MY BOYFRIEND? 441 00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:22,234 YES, PLEASE. 442 00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:24,133 ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND. 443 00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,601 AND YOU? YOU'RE MY FRIEND FRIEND. 444 00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:27,601 GOT IT? 445 00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:28,601 YEAH. YEAH. 446 00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:29,601 GOT IT. 447 00:20:29,634 --> 00:20:32,000 YOU, COME WITH ME. 448 00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:34,901 WHAT SHOULD I DO? 449 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,300 YOU JUST SIT THERE 450 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,634 AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID. 451 00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:48,934 SHE'S NOT THE BOSS OF ME. 452 00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:08,868 OH, HEY, CHARLIE. 453 00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,567 [ WHISTLING ] 454 00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:13,868 OH, MY GOD! LOOK WHO IT IS! 455 00:21:13,901 --> 00:21:16,534 OH! I'VE BEEN A FAN -- 456 00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:19,901 OH, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, SIR. 457 00:21:19,934 --> 00:21:23,234 I THOUGHT YOU WERE CHARLTON HESTON. 458 00:21:23,267 --> 00:21:27,834 THAT'S ALL RIGHT, PAUL. I GET THAT ALL THE TIME. 459 00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,100 - [MAN] SIT, UBU, SIT. GOOD DOG. - [UBU BARKS] 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 32808

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