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1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:03,400
HEY, CAITLIN.
YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE.
2
00:00:03,434 --> 00:00:04,801
I HAD BREAKFAST WITH TIM.
3
00:00:04,834 --> 00:00:06,467
I DON'T THINK THAT'S ALL.
4
00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:07,667
WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?
5
00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:09,834
I'M IMPLYING
YOUR SWEATER'S ON BACKWARDS.
6
00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:21,901
CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN?
7
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,968
I SHOULD'VE GOTTEN A PEEK
AT SOMETHING.
8
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,701
HEY, BABE.
THESE ARE FOR YOU.
9
00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:31,834
VIOLETS! THEY'RE MY FAVORITE.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
10
00:00:31,868 --> 00:00:33,267
WE TOOK THAT DRIVE
11
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,400
AND YOU POINTED TO A FIELD
OF VIOLETS AND SAID,
12
00:00:35,434 --> 00:00:36,868
"THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE."
13
00:00:36,901 --> 00:00:40,200
AND YOU REMEMBERED.
14
00:00:40,234 --> 00:00:42,734
HE GETS THAT
FOR REMEMBERING?
15
00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:45,634
I WENT OUT WITH A GIRL
ON SATURDAY.
16
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,367
I DIDN'T GET ANYTHING
17
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,901
FOR REMEMBERING TO MAIL HER BRA
BACK TO HER.
18
00:00:50,934 --> 00:00:53,601
HOW MANY STAMPS
DID THAT TAKE?
19
00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:55,067
SIX.
20
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:56,934
NICE.
21
00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:24,434
ISN'T CAITLIN'S NEW BOYFRIEND
GREAT?
22
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,467
HE'S WITTY,
CHARMING, WELL-READ.
23
00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:29,133
SOMETHING ABOUT THAT GUY
RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY.
24
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,434
WHAT?
25
00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:32,868
HE'S WITTY,
CHARMING, WELL-READ.
26
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:36,367
HE'S ONE OF THESE ANNOYING
KNOW-IT-ALLS
27
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,501
WHO'S ALWAYS REMINDING YOU
HOW SMART HE IS.
28
00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:41,467
AS TENNYSON ONCE WROTE --
29
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:44,801
KNOWLEDGE COMES,
BUT WISDOM LINGERS.
30
00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:47,868
SEE? ANNOYING.
31
00:01:47,901 --> 00:01:49,200
GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE.
32
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,767
TIM HAS GENEROUSLY COMMISSIONED
AN ARTIST
33
00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:53,234
TO SCULPT A BUST OF ME.
34
00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:55,234
NOW THE CITY
WILL REMEMBER ME
35
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,601
LONG AFTER
I'M CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN.
36
00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:59,133
WE'RE HAVING IT MADE
37
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:01,801
OUT OF THE FINEST ALABASTER
FROM ITALY.
38
00:02:01,834 --> 00:02:04,767
AS LONG AS I DON'T END UP
LOOKING LIKE CHARLTON HESTON.
39
00:02:04,801 --> 00:02:06,300
WHY WOULD THAT HAPPEN?
40
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,834
BECAUSE
I LOOK LIKE CHARLTON HESTON.
41
00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:11,501
I DON'T SEE IT.
42
00:02:11,534 --> 00:02:17,200
PICTURE ME IN A LOINCLOTH
BEING HOSED DOWN BY APES.
43
00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:20,634
I'M SORRY, SIR.
I CAN'T GET PAST THE LOINCLOTH.
44
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,701
THANKS AGAIN, TIM.
45
00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:25,501
I LOOK LIKE CHARLTON HESTON.
46
00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:28,434
WHY WOULDN'T HE GET A PORTRAIT
LIKE EVERY OTHER MAYOR?
47
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:29,934
I, LIKE THE ROMANS,
48
00:02:29,968 --> 00:02:32,334
BELIEVE THAT A BUST
IS THE PERFECT WAY
49
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:34,901
TO IMMORTALIZE
A LEADER'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
50
00:02:34,934 --> 00:02:36,667
AND I, LIKE THE TAXPAYERS,
51
00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:39,067
THINK A BUST
IS A WASTE OF MONEY.
52
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:41,300
ART IS NEVER
A WASTE OF MONEY,
53
00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,701
AND I THINK
PORTRAITS ARE BORING.
54
00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:47,234
I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD
ON WHAT'S BORING.
55
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,467
CHARLIE, CAN I TALK TO YOU?
56
00:02:51,501 --> 00:02:53,567
ONE SECOND, HONEY.
57
00:02:53,601 --> 00:02:56,567
CHARLIE, I'M SENSING
YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH TIM.
58
00:02:56,601 --> 00:02:58,534
ME? NO.
I THINK HE'S GREAT.
59
00:02:58,567 --> 00:02:59,634
OH, COME ON.
60
00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,267
I CAN TELL
SOMETHING'S BOTHERING YOU.
61
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,667
JUST BE HONEST.
I WON'T BE UPSET.
62
00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:07,167
OKAY,
HE'S NOT MY FAVORITE GUY.
63
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,734
HOW COULD HE NOT BE
YOUR FAVORITE GUY?!
64
00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:12,234
WHY DOES THIS MATTER?
65
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:14,567
IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME
THAT YOU GET ALONG.
66
00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:16,601
WHY DON'T YOU COME TO DINNER
WITH US TONIGHT?
67
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:18,467
I DON'T WANT TO BE
THE THIRD WHEEL.
68
00:03:18,501 --> 00:03:21,467
THINK OF US AS A TRICYCLE.
69
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:27,300
THAT'S NOT THE THREESOME ANALOGY
THAT USUALLY GETS ME ON BOARD.
70
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:28,501
I'M SERIOUS.
71
00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:31,234
I HAVEN'T FELT THIS WAY
IN A LONG TIME.
72
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:32,400
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS?
73
00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:33,667
HE MAY BE THE FATHER
74
00:03:33,701 --> 00:03:36,133
OF MY DOUGLAS, DAVID,
DONALD, AND OTIS.
75
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:37,934
YOU'VE ALREADY NAMED
YOUR KIDS?
76
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,000
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I'M A PLANNER.
77
00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:41,267
COME ON.
78
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,634
ONE DINNER.
79
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:49,167
LOOK AT HIM.
HE JUST WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
80
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,267
THAT CHARLIE GUY
RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY.
81
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,267
WHY?
82
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,601
HE'S ONE OF THOSE MACHO GUYS
83
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:57,434
WHO MAKES YOU FEEL BAD
BECAUSE YOU READ BOOKS.
84
00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:00,868
IT'S LIKE EMERSON ONCE WROTE --
85
00:04:00,901 --> 00:04:03,868
KNOWLEDGE IS THE ANTIDOTE
TO FEAR.
86
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,667
THAT IS ANNOYING.
87
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,567
THE JOB TITLE
IS "EFFICIENCY CONSULTANT,"
88
00:04:12,601 --> 00:04:14,501
AND IT'S
A ONE-MONTH ASSIGNMENT.
89
00:04:14,534 --> 00:04:17,334
I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOUR SETTING UP THIS INTERVIEW.
90
00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:19,834
JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE
YOU'RE MY SISTER.
91
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,968
WE WOULDN'T WANT
ANYBODY TO THINK
92
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,100
YOU'RE GETTING
SPECIAL TREATMENT.
93
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,300
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOU'RE A SHOO-IN.
94
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,501
YOU SAID THE SAME THING
95
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,400
WHEN I AUDITIONED
FOR "WEST SIDE STORY."
96
00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:31,901
I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS OUT OF MY HANDS.
97
00:04:31,934 --> 00:04:33,934
YOU WERE THE DIRECTOR.
98
00:04:33,968 --> 00:04:35,234
WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS.
99
00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,634
YOU DIDN'T CAPTURE
MARIA'S INNER TORMENT.
100
00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:41,067
UH, PAUL LASSITER,
STUART BONDEK,
101
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,634
THIS IS SHERRI FIELDS.
102
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:43,901
HOW DO YOU DO?
103
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,601
AND LIKE THE TWO OF YOU,
I ALSO JUST MET HER.
104
00:04:47,834 --> 00:04:49,534
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
105
00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:53,133
SO, SHERRI, TELL US A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT YOURSELF.
106
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,667
WELL, I, UH --
107
00:04:54,701 --> 00:04:57,734
SHERRI SPENT FIVE YEARS
MANAGING A LAW OFFICE.
108
00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:01,434
THANKS...SHERRI.
109
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,701
IT SAYS HERE
THAT YOU'RE FLUENT IN SPANISH.
110
00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:06,400
"IT SAYS"?
DO YOU THINK SHE MADE THAT UP?!
111
00:05:06,434 --> 00:05:07,434
NEXT.
112
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,334
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SKILLS
WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?
113
00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:15,100
HEY! I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN
BY "SPECIAL SKILLS,"
114
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,968
AND YOU ARE
WAY OUT OF LINE!
115
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:19,734
DOES SHE HAVE ANY COMPUTER
SKILLS LIKE QUICKEN OR EXCEL?
116
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:21,467
OH.
117
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:24,100
DO YOU?
118
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,367
YES.
119
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,801
WHAT CAN'T SHE DO?
WELCOME ABOARD.
120
00:05:31,701 --> 00:05:33,033
IRASSHAIMASE!
121
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,734
IRASSHAIMASE!
IRASSHAIMASE!
122
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,701
IRASSHAIMASE!
123
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:39,434
"IRASSHAIMASE"
IS JAPANESE FOR "WELCOME."
124
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:40,934
REALLY?
125
00:05:40,968 --> 00:05:43,734
I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT MEANT
"DON'T EAT THE EEL."
126
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,300
[ LAUGHS ]
ISN'T CHARLIE FUNNY?
127
00:05:46,334 --> 00:05:48,767
HYSTERICAL.
128
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:53,000
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
THANK YOU.
129
00:05:53,033 --> 00:05:54,400
SO, HERE WE ARE.
130
00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:58,033
MY TWO FAVORITE GUYS,
MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT --
131
00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,267
GOOD TIMES.
132
00:06:02,968 --> 00:06:06,400
YEP, GOOD TIMES.
133
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:09,100
SO, YOU BOTH HAVE
A LOT IN COMMON.
134
00:06:09,133 --> 00:06:11,501
YOU -- YOU BOTH GREW UP
HERE IN THE CITY.
135
00:06:11,534 --> 00:06:12,801
WHAT HIGH SCHOOL?
136
00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:14,100
WESTON HIGH.
137
00:06:14,133 --> 00:06:17,834
WESTON -- YOU HAD
AN EXCELLENT SHOP PROGRAM.
138
00:06:17,868 --> 00:06:20,133
I WENT TO FAIRMONT.
139
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:22,267
HMM. DID YOU GET
A LOT OF ACTION?
140
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,334
IT WAS ALL BOYS.
141
00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:25,634
I KNOW.
142
00:06:26,868 --> 00:06:29,767
THE CALIFORNIA ROLL IS GREAT.
143
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,133
IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,
144
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:33,868
WE BEAT YOU IN SOCCER
FIVE YEARS STRAIGHT.
145
00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:37,267
AND WE STOLE THE WHEELS
OFF YOUR TEAM BUS
146
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,767
FIVE YEARS STRAIGHT.
147
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:42,734
OF COURSE, THE SPICY TUNA
HAS ITS MERITS.
148
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,467
CAN I GET
SOME EXTRA WASABI?
149
00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:45,467
ME TOO.
150
00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:46,901
I LOVE SPICY FOOD.
151
00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:49,234
I COULD EAT THIS STUFF
STRAIGHT.
152
00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:50,634
SO CAN I.
153
00:06:51,601 --> 00:06:53,067
BET I CAN DOWN THIS FIRST.
154
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,067
YOU'RE ON.
155
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,167
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN.
156
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,167
NO, WE'RE NOT.
MARK, GET SET, GO.
157
00:07:07,868 --> 00:07:10,200
SHERRI,
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
158
00:07:10,234 --> 00:07:15,100
AS PRESS SECRETARY, I HAVE TO
EXPENSE MY HIGH-PROFILE LUNCHES.
159
00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:17,601
HIGH-PROFILE?
AT TACO TENT?
160
00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:18,968
SORRY, NO SALE.
161
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,234
LOOK, IT'S ALSO COME
TO MY ATTENTION
162
00:07:21,267 --> 00:07:23,701
THAT YOU'VE BEEN HOARDING
OFFICE SUPPLIES.
163
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,434
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED.
164
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:30,067
I CATEGORICALLY DENY
THAT ACCUSATION!
165
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:33,234
THEN HOW
DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?
166
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:39,701
THAT'S NOT MY HOCKEY STICK.
167
00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:42,000
WHY ARE YOU GIVING PAUL
SUCH A HARD TIME?
168
00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:44,701
WHY DO YOU CALL PHONE-SEX
NUMBERS FROM CITY HALL?
169
00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:46,801
CARRY ON.
170
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,234
THIS OFFICE
IS HEMORRHAGING MONEY,
171
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,767
AND IT'S GOING TO STOP.
172
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:55,100
LET'S SAY YOU FORGET
THIS WHOLE OFFICE-SUPPLY THING.
173
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:59,400
A "BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE"
FROZEN-YOGURT COUPON
174
00:07:59,434 --> 00:08:04,367
MIGHT MYSTERIOUSLY FIND ITS WAY
INTO YOUR POSSESSION.
175
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,267
YOU'RE TRYING TO BRIBE ME
WITH A FREE FROZEN YOGURT?
176
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:10,501
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY
FOR THE FIRST ONE.
177
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,334
DONE.
178
00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:26,067
I WIN.
179
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,834
I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS,
BUT I'M THE WINNER.
180
00:08:31,868 --> 00:08:34,601
YES, YOU ARE CLEARLY
A WINNER.
181
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:38,868
CHARLIE, YOU LOOK GREEN.
182
00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:41,334
IT'S COMING OUT OF MY PORES.
183
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:44,200
IRASSHAIMASE!
IRASSHAIMASE!
184
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,100
[ GROANS ]
185
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,834
THIS OBVIOUSLY ISN'T WORKING.
CAN WE PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE?
186
00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:51,000
WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE.
CHARLIE'S SICK.
187
00:08:51,033 --> 00:08:52,634
HE'LL BE FINE.
LET'S GO.
188
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:55,801
I DON'T FEEL RIGHT LEAVING HIM.
WE HAVEN'T EVEN EATEN YET.
189
00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:58,601
I'VE LOST MY APPETITE.
I'LL SEE YOU.
190
00:08:58,634 --> 00:08:59,968
TIM, WAIT.
191
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,601
IRASSHAIMASE!
IRASSHAIMASE!
192
00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:03,868
SHUT UP!
193
00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:06,400
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
194
00:09:06,434 --> 00:09:09,100
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT IF STUART COMES?
195
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,434
900 NUMBERS ARE BLOCKED
STARTING TOMORROW.
196
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,767
HE'S AT THE OFFICE
PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER.
197
00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:18,501
HERE'S A LITTLE THANK YOU
FOR GETTING ME THE JOB.
198
00:09:18,534 --> 00:09:20,968
OH! MILES DAVIS!
OH, MAN, I LOVE THIS.
199
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,067
COME ON, LET'S GO HANG IT
IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW.
200
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,167
OH, THIS IS GREAT.
201
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,067
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SHERRI'S
BLOCKING THE PHONE-SEX LINES.
202
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,033
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE HAS AGAINST US.
203
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,501
SHE GETS ALONG WITH CARTER.
THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS.
204
00:09:32,534 --> 00:09:36,067
Carter: OOH.
OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, SHERRI.
205
00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:39,667
Sherri?!
206
00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:41,834
Carter:
THIS WAS A TERRIFIC SURPRISE.
207
00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:43,234
Sherri: YEAH, WELL...
208
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,133
I'VE WANTED TO
GIVE IT TO YOU FOR A LONG TIME.
209
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:49,234
I don't believe this.
210
00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:51,834
Carter:
YOU SHOULD GET OUT OF HERE
211
00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:54,300
BEFORE STUART COMES HOME.
212
00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:59,300
I HOPE THE NOISE
DIDN'T DISTURB THE NEIGHBORS.
213
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,834
AH, IT ONLY LASTED
A FEW SECONDS.
214
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,567
POOR GUY.
215
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:06,567
THAT'S VERY COMMON.
216
00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:11,000
HOW'S IT GOING, SIR?
217
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:16,234
TAKE YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF ME,
YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!
218
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:19,267
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T SEE IT.
219
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,801
YOU SHOULD GET
YOUR EYES CHECKED.
220
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,167
CAITLIN...
221
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,834
I BROUGHT YOU CUPCAKES
FROM MAGNOLIA BAKERY.
222
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:30,067
GO AWAY.
223
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,100
WITH SPRINKLES.
224
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:35,734
MAKE IT FAST.
225
00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:37,634
I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
226
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:41,133
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TURN IT
INTO A COMPETITION?
227
00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,968
IT'S A GUY THING.
228
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,934
WHY DO WHALES
BEACH THEMSELVES?
229
00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:47,701
WHY?
230
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,367
I DON'T KNOW.
ASK TIM.
231
00:10:53,067 --> 00:10:54,734
HEY, CAITLIN.
232
00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:55,968
CHARLIE.
233
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,133
TIM.
234
00:10:57,167 --> 00:11:00,267
I BROUGHT YOU THESE --
235
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,467
WHO BROUGHT YOU THOSE?
236
00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:06,267
HMM...NO SPRINKLES.
237
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,567
LISTEN...
238
00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:12,067
I'M SORRY.
239
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,868
I LEFT LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I FELT
LIKE I WAS COMPETING FOR YOU,
240
00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:16,367
AND NOW I'M SURE OF IT.
241
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,367
CHARLIE WANTS YOU.
242
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,434
NO, HE DOESN'T.
243
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:24,200
YOU MAY NOT SEE IT BUT I CAN,
AND IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.
244
00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:25,567
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
245
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,601
I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU,
BUT I GOTTA BE HONEST.
246
00:11:28,634 --> 00:11:31,767
I CAN'T BE WITH YOU
IF CHARLIE'S IN THE PICTURE.
247
00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:34,801
TIM!
248
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,033
LET HIM GO.
249
00:11:44,734 --> 00:11:46,267
TRUST ME.
250
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,634
I KNOW.
251
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,534
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
252
00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:57,834
[ DOOR SLAMS ]
253
00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,467
BECAUSE OF HOW YOU ACTED
TIM THINKS YOU'RE INTO ME.
254
00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,167
YOU AND ME?
THAT'S CRAZY.
255
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,567
BUT HE'S REALLY UPSET.
256
00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:05,901
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE
COMPETITIVE?
257
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:09,167
WHEN A FAIRMONT KID
CHALLENGES YOU
258
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,567
TO A WASABI-EATING CONTEST,
259
00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:13,467
YOU DON'T BACK DOWN.
260
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:16,467
AND YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT DRAGGED ME TO THAT DINNER.
261
00:12:16,501 --> 00:12:18,467
NOW I KNOW
THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
262
00:12:18,501 --> 00:12:19,801
[ DOOR SLAMS ]
263
00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:22,067
I CAN'T BELIEVE
CARTER SLEPT WITH A WOMAN.
264
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,734
WHAT COULD HAVE
MADE HIM CHANGE?
265
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:25,200
PAUL, IT'S OBVIOUS.
266
00:12:25,234 --> 00:12:30,267
I'VE BECOME A HETEROSEXUAL
ROLE MODEL FOR CARTER.
267
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,400
HIS GAYNESS WAS NO MATCH
268
00:12:32,434 --> 00:12:35,367
FOR MY AWESOME
CHICK-A-RIFFIC LIFESTYLE.
269
00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:38,801
I'VE TURNED HIM ON
TO WOMEN.
270
00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:40,968
OR TURNED HIM OFF TO MEN.
271
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,634
HEY, GUYS.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
272
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:48,567
PAUL AND I
HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
273
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,234
WE KNOW
ABOUT YOU AND SHERRI.
274
00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:51,667
YOU DO?
WE DO.
275
00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:53,234
AND WE THINK IT'S GREAT.
276
00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:54,501
THAT IS SUCH A RELIEF.
277
00:12:54,534 --> 00:12:57,133
I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT
HOW TO HANDLE THE SITUATION.
278
00:12:57,167 --> 00:13:00,400
OF COURSE.
I MEAN, THIS IS SO NEW TO YOU.
279
00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:01,701
I'VE TRIED THIS BEFORE.
280
00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:03,934
I COULDN'T GET HER
INTO THE RIGHT POSITION.
281
00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:07,300
[ LAUGHS ]
282
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:10,434
WELL, THESE THINGS TAKE TIME,
CARTER.
283
00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:13,100
YOU GOTTA WALK
BEFORE YOU RUN.
284
00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,767
DON'T SAY ANYTHING
TO ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT IT, OKAY?
285
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:17,968
I DON'T WANT TO JEOPARDIZE
SHERRI'S JOB.
286
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,801
YOUR SECRET ABOUT SLEEPING
WITH SHERRI IS SAFE WITH US.
287
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:21,801
THANKS.
288
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,300
WHAT?
289
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:26,501
W-WAIT A MINUTE.
290
00:13:26,534 --> 00:13:29,234
YOU GUYS THINK
I'M SLEEPING WITH SHERRI?
291
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,267
NO, NO, NO.
SHERRI IS MY --
292
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:36,267
YEAH, YEAH, YOU GOT ME.
293
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:39,801
YOU CAN'T PULL ONE OVER ON US,
CARTER.
294
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:43,567
NO, YOU CAN'T.
YOU GUYS ARE WAY TOO SHARP.
295
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,267
HI, I'M NOT SURE
I'M IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
296
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,267
I WAS CONTACTED
BY A CHIP SCARSDALE,
297
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,534
WHO WANTED ME TO LECTURE
298
00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:53,801
ON ROMAN ART
AND ITS CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE.
299
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,300
CHIP'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
300
00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:02,534
TIM, WE HAVE TO TALK.
301
00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:05,834
YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT ME.
SHE'S MY FRIEND, AND THAT'S IT.
302
00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:08,567
HOW COME I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE COMPETING AGAINST ME?
303
00:14:08,601 --> 00:14:10,534
BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE
BEING SHOWN UP.
304
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:13,067
YOU COME INTO CITY HALL
AND YOU IMPRESS EVERYONE
305
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,067
WITH YOUR MONEY
AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE
306
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,200
AND YOUR KNOWLEDGE
OF PORTUGUESE MARBLE.
307
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:20,601
NO, IT'S ITALIAN ALABASTER.
THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE.
308
00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:23,667
YOU JUST CAN'T NOT DO THAT,
CAN YOU?
309
00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:24,968
SORRY.
310
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,100
IT'S JUST THAT
WHEN I FEEL THREATENED,
311
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,634
I TEND TO GET
A LITTLE PEDANTIC.
312
00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:35,133
IT'S JUST NOT EASY FOR ME
TO DATE CAITLIN
313
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:39,133
WHEN SHE'S FRIENDS WITH
THIS COOL GUY WITH GREAT HAIR.
314
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,234
MY SECRET?
315
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:46,334
ALCOHOL-FREE GEL.
316
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,634
IT GIVES ENOUGH HOLD?
317
00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:51,601
YOU TELL ME.
318
00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:52,767
THE POINT IS,
319
00:14:52,801 --> 00:14:55,667
CAITLIN WANTS TO BE WITH YOU
NOT ME.
320
00:14:55,701 --> 00:14:57,400
REALLY?
YES.
321
00:14:57,434 --> 00:14:58,634
I'M NOT THE ONE
322
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,634
SHE WANTS MARRIAGE
AND KIDS WITH.
323
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,000
SHE REALLY SAID THAT?
324
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:04,901
YOU, WITH THE FOUR BOYS,
THE HOUSE IN CONNECTICUT.
325
00:15:04,934 --> 00:15:07,033
[ EXHALES ] WOW.
326
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,667
YEAH, SHE'S A PLANNER.
327
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:17,934
I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S SAYING
WHAT I WANT IT TO SAY.
328
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,968
DECADES FROM NOW, WHEN PEOPLE
LOOK AT THIS SCULPTURE,
329
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,367
I WANT THEM TO SEE A LEADER,
A VISIONARY,
330
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:29,567
A MAN...WHO WOULD TRIUMPH
IN A GRUELING CHARIOT RACE.
331
00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:31,701
I DON'T THINK I FOLLOW.
332
00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:33,167
COME INTO MY OFFICE.
333
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,267
WE'RE GOING TO WATCH
A LITTLE BIBLICAL EPIC.
334
00:15:38,634 --> 00:15:40,868
HEY, CARTER.
IS CAITLIN IN YET?
335
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,300
NO. DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
336
00:15:42,334 --> 00:15:44,167
TIM BROKE UP WITH HER
LAST NIGHT.
337
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,167
WHAT?
338
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,567
THEY WERE
GOING TOO FAST.
339
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:47,767
HOW'S SHE TAKING IT?
340
00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:49,400
I THINK SHE'LL BE OKAY.
341
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:53,100
I TOLD HER TO PUT IT BEHIND HER
AND GET A FRESH START.
342
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:01,901
THAT'S NOT
WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
343
00:16:01,934 --> 00:16:04,100
AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT MY HAIR?
344
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:07,133
WHY, DID YOU DO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH IT?
345
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,601
OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT!
346
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,067
FIRST TIM DUMPS ME,
347
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,734
AND NOW I LOOK LIKE
I SHOULD BE IN AEROSMITH.
348
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,067
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT WENT WRONG.
349
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,234
YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE
WITH YOUR STYLIST.
350
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:21,767
I'M TALKING ABOUT TIM.
351
00:16:21,801 --> 00:16:23,534
HE GOT THIS CRAZY IDEA
352
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,834
THAT I'M DYING TO GET MARRIED
AND HAVE KIDS.
353
00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:27,601
I MEAN,
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
354
00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:30,267
WELL, THIS IS A FUNNY STORY.
355
00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:34,634
LAST NIGHT
TIM AND I WERE HAVING DRINKS,
356
00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:37,801
AND I-I MAY HAVE MENTIONED
MARRIAGE AND KIDS.
357
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,367
WHAT ABOUT THE HOUSE
IN VERMONT?
358
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,634
THAT WASN'T ME.
I SAID CONNECTICUT.
359
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:45,567
YOU CAN'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT
TO A GUY I JUST STARTED DATING!
360
00:16:45,601 --> 00:16:47,634
IT'LL SCARE HIM OFF!
361
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:50,267
CARTER, STOP STARING
AT MY HAIR!
362
00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:57,701
SO...
363
00:16:57,734 --> 00:17:01,200
HOW'D YOU LIKE
YOUR FIRST STRAIGHT EVENING OUT?
364
00:17:01,234 --> 00:17:04,534
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT CHICKEN WINGS
AND A LAP DANCE FOR ONLY $45.
365
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:05,868
WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?
366
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:08,567
[ LAUGHS ]
THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.
367
00:17:08,601 --> 00:17:09,868
TOMORROW NIGHT --
368
00:17:09,901 --> 00:17:13,634
A CALENDAR SIGNING
FOR THE WOMEN OF WRESTLING.
369
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:17,033
THOSE BROADS ARE TOTALLY HOT.
370
00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:18,901
[ LAUGHS ]
371
00:17:18,934 --> 00:17:20,000
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
372
00:17:20,033 --> 00:17:22,200
ABOUT WHAT?
373
00:17:22,234 --> 00:17:23,834
BEING STRAIGHT.
374
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:27,567
THINK YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED
IN SIGNING UP FULL-TIME?
375
00:17:27,601 --> 00:17:29,067
I-I'M NOT SURE.
376
00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:31,300
TELL YOU WHAT...
377
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:33,667
LET'S MAKE A LIST
378
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:38,200
OF THE PROS AND CONS
OF BEING GAY.
379
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:40,133
OKAY.
380
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:42,267
PRO --
381
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:45,734
A KEEN SENSE OF STYLE.
382
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:52,367
CON -- SLEEPING WITH MEN.
383
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,200
PRO --
384
00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:58,033
WOMEN DON'T MIND TAKING CLOTHES
OFF IN FRONT OF YOU.
385
00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,067
CON --
SLEEPING --
386
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,701
OKAY, OKAY, LOOK.
387
00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:03,334
STUART...
388
00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:05,934
I CAN'T TAKE THIS.
389
00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:09,167
THIS IS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.
SHERRI IS MY SISTER.
390
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,334
OH.
391
00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:12,901
PEOPLE DON'T TURN STRAIGHT
OVERNIGHT.
392
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:14,400
I'M A GAY MAN.
393
00:18:14,434 --> 00:18:15,701
THAT'S WHO I AM.
394
00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:17,334
THAT'S WHAT
I'M COMFORTABLE WITH.
395
00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:19,901
LOOK, I KNOW I SHOULD'VE TOLD
YOU ABOUT SHERRI
396
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,167
AT THE VERY BEGINNING,
397
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,033
BUT LET'S TRY TO BE HONEST
WITH EACH OTHER.
398
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,534
OKAY.
399
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,534
OKAY.
OKAY.
400
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:30,033
[ INHALES, EXHALES ]
401
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,968
AND NOW THAT WE'RE
BEING HONEST...
402
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,467
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN CAITLIN
TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF?
403
00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:38,767
YES, I HAVE.
404
00:18:38,801 --> 00:18:41,667
WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE NAKED?
405
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:43,767
HONESTLY?
406
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:48,334
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
407
00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:50,534
[ LAUGHS ]
408
00:18:57,634 --> 00:18:59,667
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
409
00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:01,100
CAITLIN TOLD ME
TO MEET HER.
410
00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:02,434
SAME THING.
411
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:04,267
WHY ARE WOMEN SO CONFUSING?
412
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,501
I DON'T KNOW.
413
00:19:05,534 --> 00:19:08,467
WHY DO WHALES
BEACH THEMSELVES?
414
00:19:08,501 --> 00:19:11,100
ACTUALLY, THERE ARE
TWO COMPETING THEORIES.
415
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,901
NOT NOW.
416
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,567
WHAT'S GOING ON?
417
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:17,834
SIT DOWN.
418
00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:18,834
YES?
419
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:20,734
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?
420
00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:23,000
THE TWO OF YOU HAPPENED
TO MY HAIR,
421
00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:26,067
AND RIGHT NOW WE'RE GONNA
SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.
422
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:29,701
YOU BREAK UP WITH ME BASED ON
INFORMATION FROM THIS IDIOT?
423
00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:36,634
SHE'S GOT A POINT.
424
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:40,200
AND YOU -- WHERE DO YOU GET OFF
PLAYING COUPLES COUNSELOR?
425
00:19:40,234 --> 00:19:41,834
I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP.
426
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:45,167
WHAT IF A GIRLFRIEND STARTED
ABOUT MARRIAGE AND BABIES?
427
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,701
WELL, I'VE ALWAYS HAD GOOD LUCK
WITH FAKING MY OWN DEATH.
428
00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:55,334
SO, CAITLIN, YOU DON'T WANT
ANY OF THOSE THINGS?
429
00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,200
SOMEDAY -- NOT RIGHT NOW.
430
00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:00,167
WE HAVE
SOMETHING SPECIAL,
431
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,334
AND I'D JUST LIKE TO SEE
WHERE IT GOES.
432
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,100
YOU'RE RIGHT.
433
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:08,334
I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LISTENED
TO THIS IDIOT.
434
00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:09,834
HEY.
435
00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,367
SHE CALLED YOU AN IDIOT.
436
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,000
IT'S DIFFERENT.
SHE KNOWS ME.
437
00:20:14,033 --> 00:20:15,601
I'M JUST REPEATING
WHAT SHE --
438
00:20:15,634 --> 00:20:16,601
SHUT UP!
439
00:20:16,634 --> 00:20:18,067
BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!
440
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,234
DO YOU WANT TO BE
MY BOYFRIEND?
441
00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:22,234
YES, PLEASE.
442
00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:24,133
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND.
443
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,601
AND YOU?
YOU'RE MY FRIEND FRIEND.
444
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:27,601
GOT IT?
445
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:28,601
YEAH.
YEAH.
446
00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:29,601
GOT IT.
447
00:20:29,634 --> 00:20:32,000
YOU, COME WITH ME.
448
00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:34,901
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
449
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,300
YOU JUST SIT THERE
450
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,634
AND THINK ABOUT
WHAT YOU DID.
451
00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:48,934
SHE'S NOT THE BOSS OF ME.
452
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:08,868
OH, HEY, CHARLIE.
453
00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,567
[ WHISTLING ]
454
00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:13,868
OH, MY GOD!
LOOK WHO IT IS!
455
00:21:13,901 --> 00:21:16,534
OH! I'VE BEEN A FAN --
456
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:19,901
OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, SIR.
457
00:21:19,934 --> 00:21:23,234
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE CHARLTON HESTON.
458
00:21:23,267 --> 00:21:27,834
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, PAUL.
I GET THAT ALL THE TIME.
459
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,100
- [MAN] SIT, UBU, SIT. GOOD DOG.
- [UBU BARKS]
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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