Original subtitles

He's at it again!

Good evening.

This is the last show of my tour.

I want to dedicate the last song...

to a specia! someone.

No...

Think I don't exist? I'm your fiancee!

On Stage ... On Stage!

You all right?

CD...

This is for you.

What's your name?

Mini

Mini

I've seen you in every show.

Thanks for your support.

Thank you.

I had a girlfriend with the same name.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Good evening!

Excuse me!

Sorry to bother you!

Can someone help me?

Good morning!

Excuse me!

Good morning!

What's going on?

Excuse me!

What a mess!

She's better off dead.

Your wife died a long time ago.

It's time to find a new love.

Mini is from Hong Kong.

She's sweet. She's gorgeous.

She may be a little fat,

but can be attractive after losing some weight

What a beauty!

Here are the kitchen knives.

They're made of top-quality stainless steel.

Please buy them.

Smile...

Isn't she beautiful?

I'll let you two chat.

I have to go to the toilet.

No!

Don't touch his things!

I have to go to the toilet

Hello? Yes...

I'm busy right now.

What is it?

I'm back.

Welcome back.

Room 18.

Yes.

Here's your key.

--Thanks. --Don't worry.

The delivery boy's lunch box is still here.

He really went to bathroom.

Don't worry!

Wait.

Yes?

Sorry to bother you.

Being single can be lonely.

You should find a companion.

Mini is from Hong Kong.

She's sweet and gorgeous.

She can be attractive after losing some weight.

Use your imagination!

Isn't she beautiful?

Smile...

What a beauty!

I'll let you two chat.

Say something.

Can ! have a piece?

Sorry, just finished it.

I'll eat the bits.

You're helpless!

Forget it! I'll call the police,

if you don't pay the rent!

Wait.

Mini is cute.

You think so?

She owes me 5 days of rent.

If you'll pay for her,

she's yours.

Here I have kitchen knives.

They're made of stainless steel.

Top quality!

Told you I don't want them.

If you buy 2 pairs,

I'll pay for her rent.

That's no fair.

Please buy them!

Fine.

Thanks!

Thanks!

Thanks!

Thanks!

Let's go!

I'm from Hong Kong too!

Good-bye.

Have a nice life!

This station will take you to anywhere.

You decide where to go.

Bye!

I helped you because you're from Hong Kong.

I'm not interested in you.

I got it.

You can't afford train fare.

Here.

Take it.

It's yours.

Listen. I'm a gangster.

I'll sell you to the brothels!

Scared?

Go now!

I beg you.

I'm a deadbeat. I can't afford you.

We'll both be dead if you stay with me.

Understand?

Please leave!

Come on.

Fine. You win!

I'll give you money.

I'll give you everything. Enough?

Get out.

Get out!

I'm leaving.

I'm leaving your things here.

Are you getting off?

Stay in there if you want.

You can eat and sleep in the car!

I need a room.

Thank you!

Excuse me.

Give way.

Good night.

What the hell?

Good night.

Good night.

Bye-bye.

Delicious...

Delicious...

Delicious...

What the hell?

You almost ran me over!

Sorry.

I don't blame you.

It's his fault!

What's with your attitude?

Sorry.

It's his fault!

Sorry.

I have nowhere else to go.

Easy to see why!

How long have you been out of work?

Kurokawa toured the country.

You followed him the whole time,

and spent everything on the tickets!

No ...

Admit it!

You're a grown-up.

Stop acting like a fan.

You don't understand.

Kurokawa is my boyfriend!

And Drew Barrymore is my wife!

Angelina Jolie is my girlfriend!

Cameron Diaz is my nanny!

She bathes me everyday!

What?

Look.

What is this?

Just look.

Are you serious?

10 years ago I came to Japan to study.

I met Kurokawa under the tower.

We were happy together.

He wrote a song for me.

But because of this song,

he won a scholarship to study abroad.

Then, the nightmare began.

Maybe it was loneliness,

maybe it was hormonal imbalance,

I couldn't stop eating.

And my body grew...

Until I became a 300 lbs. fatty!

Kurokawa became a famous musician.

I could only admire him from afar...

Until a few days ago.

I had a girlfriend with the same name.

He didn't recognize me!

Take it easy.

How can I help?

Can I have a bite?

Sure!

Thanks.

I feel better now.

Good. Go to bed.

Good night.

You're a nice guy.

Good morning!

Good morning!

Good morning!

Don't eat everything. Leave some for me.

I'm missing 4 pairs of knives.

5 pairs!

5?

Yes.

You took them?

I sold them.

What?

You must've sold them cheaply.

Each pair is worth 15,000 Yen.

How much did you sell them for?

18,000

For all 5 pairs? You crazy?

I lost big!

No. For each pair.

Give me.

Go...

Get in!

I'm on a diet.

You? Why torture yourself?

I finally found a job.

My boss is sweet.

I've decided to start a new life.

Congratulations! What's the job?

Selling knives for you.

For me? You crazy?

When do I get my salary?

Yeah right!

Welcome!

Let's go.

Why?

It smells good.

That's why we're here!

Bon appetite!

Beef Teriyaki

170 calories.

Pork Chop.

Green pepper.

Ready!

Don't tempt me.

I'm trying to lose weight!

If I lose control it won't be pretty.

You'll regret it.

Delicious.

My appetite is huge.

Once I start I can't stop

Don't tempt me!

Or else I'll start ordering!

Delicious.

Still won't stop?

I'll get everything in the menu!

Sorry.

I'm just kidding.

Stop that!

What?

Stop making sounds!

I'm not!

You are!

Close your eyes!

You're doing it again!

Fine.

One sake please.

How many cups?

Two.

Delicious!

I'm so happy, fatso!

You have to let it out!

How?

You have to stick your stomach out.

I'm so happy!

I'm so happy!

That's it!

Yell as loud as you want.

Let yourself go!

I want to forget the past!

I want to be happy!

I don't love you, Kurokawa!

I'm over with you!

I'm over with you, Angelina Jolie!

Good-bye!

"Superstar Kurokawa to wed Kudo in October"

Pull over!

Stop making circles.

Stop! You're wasting gas!

I didn't mean to go straight!

You lost your mind?

You did it yesterday.

You put him behind you!

Who cares if he's getting married?

It's bound to happen.

Let it go!

Where are you going?

There's no road!

There's no road!

"Let it go" doesn't mean killing yourself!

The ocean!

I'm innocent!

My car is innocent!

I can't forget him.

I really really...

really love my boyfriend.

Take it easy.

It'll go away.

What we had was a lie.

He's getting married. He forgot me.

He doesn't know better.

Come on.

Look at me.

Take a deep breath.

Feeling better?

Your nose is running.

Clean it up.

Keep it.

Let's hear the radio.

"My guest today is musician Mr. Kurokawa."

"Thank you."

I'll turn it off.

--No... --Fine.

"Congratulations on the good news."

Congratulations!

Thanks.

All my listeners want to ask the same question.

I'm one of them.

Tell me...

Who's the love of your life?

It has to be Ms. Kudo.

Mr. Kurokawa?

He's at it again...

The love of my life...

is a girl I knew 10 years ago.

I'm your fiancee. How dare you!

On air...On air...

Mr. Kurokawa.

Mr. Kurokawa?

Mini, I hope you can hear this.

I want you to know,

the vow we made at the tower...

I never forgot it.

I worry that after you go to the States,

I'll never see you again.

If we ever become lost,

10 years from now on Sept. 30th 2001,

let's meet again here.

I'm dead!

What's wrong?

He still loves me.

What should I do?

Just go see him.

How can I go with the way I look?

I messed up!

I'd rather die!

Again?

No!

Calm down!

No...

I got an idea...

Go on a diet!

You'll help me?

Sure.

You'll keep your words?

Of course.

Promise?

Deal!

Sorry I can't help you.

Losing 100 lbs. in 6 months is difficult.

Losing 200 lbs. is "Mission lmpossible"!

lt's "Mission lmpossible". Let's go.

You won't get thin just by staring!

Troublemaker!

You're gonna break it!

Let's go! Come on!

Won't quit?

I can't afford any damage!

I beg you.

Let's go!

Forget everything.

Pretend they never happened.

Come.

We're out side.

Everyone's watching!

Let's go!

Will you stop?

I want to help you.

But you heard the expert.

Why are you doing this to me?

So what if we had a deal?

Give me the car key.

Give me!

Come on!

I'll break your teeth if you eat it.

Are you coming?

Damn!

Fatty!

Fatty!

Fatty!

Fatty!

Fatty!

Good morning!

Get out...

You're back!

Fatsol

You're not dead?

Come...

Here...

This is the problem.

How can she lose 200 lbs. in 6 months?

I know.

Don't say drugs, Cocaine Ken.

Then I pass.

How about you?

She can swallow a tapeworm.

lt'll absorb whatever she eats.

She'll lose weight fast.

How much?

Based on my experience,

at least 40 lbs.

40 lbs.

Any ideas?

Try getting an enema. She'll lose 35 lbs.

But that'll kill my worm!

Your worm can survive it.

Your turn.

I know a secret medicine.

lt helps digestion,

and cleans up the intestine.

Take it 5 times a day and she'll lose 35 lbs.

35 lbs...

But that'll kill my worml

Told you the worm will live.

Stop worrying about the worm.

Total is 110 lbs. 90lbs. Left...

Can you each adopt more?

20 lbs.l

25 lbs. for mel

How nice.

I'll match that.

Cooll

Still 20 lbs. left.

Can you each adopt 10 more?

I'll find a bigger worm...

and make her swallow it.

I'll increase the dosage.

But my worm...

Told you it'll livel

Give me my chopsticks.

lf you're fine with this we'll call it a day.

All donel

Let's go.

There's no time left...

Don't get too excited.

There's no time left...

Drink it.

lt tastes that bad?

Dump it!

No!

lt'll give me diarrhea?

Yes!

For sure?

Yes!

I have to go!

This is greatl

See? lt works.

Stay still.

lt hurts that much?

Yogal

What people will do for lovel

What did you do to her?

Where's your common sense?

Don't worry, fatso.

We can help Mini ourselves.

He knows foot massage.

He knows Yoga.

I know acupuncture!

I have a secret medicine.

lt cures everythingl

Go play your Mahjongl

Why notl

Think of ways to help Mini.

Don't touch her stuff.

Let's get a poster.

A sexy centerfold.

That'll motivate her.

How about Angelina Jolie?

I like Drew Barrymore.

But she has baby fat.

I have a good one.

How about this?

lt's Minil

Yeah.

Here.

Blow it up.

Quick.

What's wrong with you?

Me?

Why are you helping her?

We're all from Hong Kong.

I'm too. I want Character.

Herel

Pongl

9 tiles.

Help your own people. I want Circle.

Pongl

9 tiles.

Help your own people. I want Bamboo.

Chow! 9 tiles.

Ever heard of Kurokawa's songs?

Beethoven's more talented.

Pongl

12 tiles.

ls he rich?

Bill Gate makes more money.

6 Dots.

Pong! 12 tiles!

ls he a nice guy?

Mother Teresa is a better role model.

6 Dots.

Chow! 12 tiles!

ls he popular?

He's more like a national treasure.

You mean like pandas?

Red! The Four Happiness!

You think I'll help you?

Of course notl

Pay up...

Why did you come back?

Doctor said I have malnutrition.

He put me on l.V.,

told me to eat more,

and stop taking diarrhea pills.

He even tried to kill the tapeworm!

You told him you're losing weight?

3 times! He didn't care.

Dry your hair.

Not the floor!

This is a curse!

Faster!

--That's not enough... --Faster!

Louder! You're now my trainer!

Faster!

Louder!

Faster!

Louder!

That's perfect!

Then run faster!

Faster! Faster!

That feels good!

--I like it! --Faster!

1, 2, 3, 4

2, 2, 3, 4

Keep it up!

1, 2, 3, 4

I need water.

Slow down.

Quick!

Quick!

What?

What is it?

What?

Look.

I'm thinner!

60 lbs? You're getting there!

I have to tell the guys.

Fatso!

Look!

Fatso!

Look!

Come on!

Don't be shy. lt's good news.

Fatso.

Look!

ls she pregnant?

She lost weight!

Really?

Look, Cocaine Ken.

How many months?

No. She lost 60 lbs.

Fatso!

Congratulations! Keep it up!

Look!

She's not pregnant, but thinner.

Miss.

What's it to you?

She's not yours anyway.

What a fool!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

--No! --Give me!

No!

You're on a diet.

I give up!

I lost 60 lbs. last time.

But I haven't made any progress since.

The first stage was easier.

I'm worn out!

Now you have to stick to it.

Don't stop me!

You can't eat!

You can't give up now!

There's no food there.

Stealing money now?

Give me a bun!

I have money!

Don't do it!

Don't get me upset!

You want to see me upset?

What should I do?

I dare you!

I have a business to run.

Did you hear what I said?

Give her a break!

lt's none of your business!

Listen up.

Anyone helping her will have to answer to me!

Don't swallow it!

Or there's no turning back.

Losing weight is hard!

I know.

How would you know if you eat all the time?

Okay, I'll join you.

We'll all go on a diet!

Why are we involved?

Don't be so sure next time!

I'll help!

See? Everyone wants to help.

You shouldn't give up!

Come on.

Spit it out.

Spit it out.

Come on.

We'll get thinner!

We'll get thinner!

We will succeed!

We will succeed!

We want to be popular!

We want to be popular!

Go for it!

Go for it!

What's the point?

lt's asking for trouble.

I'd rather die.

lt tastes awfull

Let me try it.

Sure.

Mine's worse. Try it.

You serious?

You're right!

Bouncing off the trampoline at night?

This is out of control!

lt's fate!

Good luck!

Thanks, fatso!

Kurokawa!

Mini!

You've lost weight.

Cut!

What?

What are you looking at?

I may get a parking ticket.

This is a rehearsal. Focus!

How? I'm not Kurokawa.

We're not at the tower.

And your lines are cheesy.

Try to get into it.

Do it for me.

Fine. Whatever.

We'll try again.

Let's just do it here.

Can you be more serious?

What?

Fine. Turn your head over.

Action!

Kurokawa.

Mini.

You've lost weight.

I miss you!

Don't ever leave me.

Kurokawa!

Cut!

How was it?

We can do better.

Action!

Kurokawa.

Mini.

You've lost weight.

I miss you!

Don't ever leave me!

Kurokawa!

I love you!

I love you too!

How's this take?

lt's an okay take.

I improvised the line "I love you".

"I love you too" was a good touch

We're like pros.

You got a ticket.

Yeah.

What happened to us?

Must be the full moon effect.

But it's daylight.

Must be the diet food we ate.

The ingredient contains chemicals.

lt causes side effects

So we're okay?

Sure. Don't worry.

Good night

Good night

What's happening to us?

This is serious!

What have I turned into?

I'm having an affair!

Don't blame yourself.

We're only human.

We've been together for months.

Of course there's attraction.

We're made of flesh and blood.

How can we not have feelings for each other ?

I'm dead!

Come on. Here's an idea.

We'll put a bucket here.

You'll wear extra pants.

Then we add a screen.

Don't cry.

Let me think.

Turn around.

Face the wall.

We'll be okay if we don't face each other.

What are you doing?

Why?

I miss you.

Me too.

What should we do?

Then...

You leave.

You don't want me here?

No.

Tomorrow I'll take you to the weight-loss center.

I gave this some thoughts.

lt's hard to lose 80 lbs. in one month

We need professiona! help.

But I've made progress.

I'm fine with the way I am.

Just keep trying.

lf Kurokawa despises me because I'm fat,

then he's not worth it.

The more perfect the better.

We'll leave tomorrow morning.

How about tonight?

We'll stay up.

But I'm tired.

Then you sleep.

Thank you.

This place is a rip-off!

lt's worth it.

Don't use your card.

lt's worth it...

I spent a lot of your money.

lt's nothing.

I can afford it.

Please help her.

Yes!

Try your best!

Remember to visit me!

Sure!

I don't think I can do it.

Why be a human punch bag?

I hear he owes a huge debt.

Where's his dignity?

I'd rather be a gigolo.

--You wish! --I do!

I've seen enough. Let's eat.

1,000 Yen a minute! Everyone's welcome!

1,000 Yen a minute!

1,000 Yen a minute!

There's no business.

Let's close up.

We should go eat.

900 Yen a minute!

800 Yen a minute!

700 Yen a minute!

600 Yen a minute!

500 Yen...for 2 minutes!

I'm in!

I signed many bills.

Everything here costs money!

That's nothing.

What?

A towel costs 800 Yen!

A dish of sashimi costs the same.

Things here are really expensive!

Not for people like us!

It doesn't bother me.

I can afford it.

It's nothing!

Fatso...

Look at the money we made!

That's right...A human punch bag...

What are you doing?

We'd like to shoot a little.

Let's scram!

Did you take it?

Why won't you come, fatso?

I went to Hokkaido to eat crabs.

Again?

You said the same thing last time.

Last time was snow crab.

This time it's baby crab.

I've lost weight.

Come see me this weekend.

But I'm going to...

Hokkaido again?

Are you hiding something from me?

I'll come tomorrow.

Don't wait for me, fatty.

I'm at Hokkaido

Yes.

I'm having soft-shell crab.

The food's here. Bye.

1,000 Yen a minute!

There was this warrior.

His fists are like rocks.

What a man he is!

The bad guys are no matches for him.

They're beaten to the ground.

lt's too late.

Please wrap up.

I'm turning the lights off.

Where's fatso, Cocaine Ken?

He's at the train station.

What for?

Selling knives?

Human punch bag!

He's making money for Mini to lose weight.

1,000 Yen a minute.

Who are you? How do you know me?

Gorgeous!

I'm fine...

Thank you.

Next!

Mr. Sasaki!

Applause for Mr. Sasaki!

It's worth it!

What?

It's fatty!

Fatty?

ls it really her?

Yes!

She's changed completely!

Fabulous!

Welcome home!

Come...

Let me take that.

What?

Yes! Exactly!

Almost forgot.

Put it on.

Take it.

Here...

I don't want to go tomorrow night.

Beautiful!

Going out?

lt's Mahjong night.

I'm leaving tomorrow.

I want to win tonight.

I've been on a winning streak.

lt just won't stop!

What's wrong with your tooth?

Chipped it while eating crabs.

I don't want to go tomorrow night.

Why?

Don't like your boyfriend?

Go to bed.

I'll pick you up tomorrow, fatty.

Guess I can't call you "fatty" anymore.

That's all.

Good luck!

How will I find you?

I'm always on the move.

Too bad we don't have cell phones.

Otherwise we can exchange numbers.

But I know I'll find you.

We're not kids. Go on.

Go on!

I kept calling you fatso. What's your real name?

My name sounds stupid.

People like us are always called fatso.

That's what I go by.

Thanks, fatso.

Kurokawa's girlfriend Mini is finally here!

Don't ever leave me.

I love you!

The most touching moment of the year!

Congratulations!

Jerk!

Jerk!

The fiancee is here!

We wish you love and happiness.

Thanks.

Cut! OK!

Thanks for the interview.

We're editing your TV special.

Take a look and give us your opinion.

Please.

There was this warrior.

His fists are like rocks.

What a man he is!

The bad guys are no matches for him.

They're beaten to the ground.

When he throws punches

Bodies fly...

He shows who's the boss!

Are you okay?

You'll get killed!

You think this is worth it?

Next!

It's worth it!

Next!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Today we have popular author Mini on the show.

Congratulations. "Happy Dieting" is now a best a seller.

Thank you.

ln the book you mentioned swallowing tapeworm. ls it true?

Yes. lt's true.

Sounds scary.

But it works.

Cheater!

Moron!

Where's my dessert?

Excuse me.

Where's my pasta?

Ms. Kudo!

Mr. Kurokawa!

This is yours...

I want this...

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Have you found your boyfriend?

Not yet. But I'll keep trying.

You've lost weight.

I missed you.

Happy Dieting

Don't ever leave me.

Promise?

Promise.

We will lose weight!

We will succeed!

We want to be popular!