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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:38,864 - Michael? - Oh, God. Dwight, come on... 2 00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,240 - About the downsizing... - There is none. 3 00:00:41,277 --> 00:00:44,110 But if there were, I'd be protected as assistant regional manager? 4 00:00:44,147 --> 00:00:47,275 - Assistant to the regional manager. - So I needn't worry? 5 00:00:47,317 --> 00:00:51,447 Look, I talked to Corporate about protecting sales staff. 6 00:00:51,488 --> 00:00:54,048 They couldn't guarantee it if we downsize. 7 00:00:54,090 --> 00:00:57,082 - But we're not downsizing, so... - Bottom line. 8 00:00:57,127 --> 00:00:58,788 Do I need to be worried? 9 00:00:58,828 --> 00:01:01,092 Mm, mm, mm. Maybe. 10 00:01:01,131 --> 00:01:03,565 It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. 11 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,591 And it's part of my job, but... 12 00:01:06,636 --> 00:01:08,627 I hate it. 13 00:01:08,671 --> 00:01:13,131 I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that... 14 00:01:13,176 --> 00:01:17,545 I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "You're fired." You're foir-ed. 15 00:01:17,580 --> 00:01:19,411 "Uh, you're foir-ed." 16 00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:24,819 It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. "You're foir-ed." 17 00:01:24,854 --> 00:01:28,449 I think if I had a catchphrase, it would be, "You're hired 18 00:01:28,825 --> 00:01:30,986 "and you can work here as long as you want." 19 00:01:31,027 --> 00:01:32,790 But that's unrealistic, so... 20 00:01:36,766 --> 00:01:38,893 It's a real shame, cos studies have shown 21 00:01:38,935 --> 00:01:42,894 that more information gets passed through water-cooler gossip than memos. 22 00:01:42,939 --> 00:01:45,965 Which puts me at a disadvantage, because... 23 00:01:46,943 --> 00:01:49,377 I bring my own water to work. 24 00:01:50,213 --> 00:01:53,774 - Why d'you do this? - I didn't do it. What do you mean? 25 00:01:53,817 --> 00:01:56,445 Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... 26 00:01:56,486 --> 00:01:58,511 maintenance. 27 00:01:58,555 --> 00:02:02,423 So what do you guys hear? What's a scuttlebutt? 28 00:02:05,295 --> 00:02:10,733 Get set for Operation Morale lmprovement, starring Michael Scott. 29 00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:15,602 I think I have had a little stroke of genius in that I have had my assistant Pam... 30 00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:20,337 Smile, Pam. I have had her go out and find out whose birthday is coming up 31 00:02:20,376 --> 00:02:22,970 so we can have a little celebration for it. 32 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:25,105 Not bad. Not bad at all. All right. 33 00:02:25,148 --> 00:02:28,914 And the birthday person is... Drumroll, please. 34 00:02:30,954 --> 00:02:34,321 - Who is the birthday person? - 35 00:02:36,092 --> 00:02:38,322 - Who is it? Who's the birthday? - Um... 36 00:02:38,361 --> 00:02:41,660 Actually, we don't have any staff birthdays coming up. 37 00:02:41,698 --> 00:02:43,131 Next person on the... 38 00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:45,259 - calendar. - OK, um... 39 00:02:45,301 --> 00:02:49,032 - That would be Meredith. - Yes! All right. Come on down, Meredith. 40 00:02:49,072 --> 00:02:51,563 - But it's not until next month. - Um... 41 00:02:51,608 --> 00:02:52,597 Uh, OK. 42 00:02:54,444 --> 00:02:56,935 Great, well, you know, it'll be a surprise. 43 00:02:57,981 --> 00:03:01,178 - You still wanna have a... party? - Yeah, why not? Sure. 44 00:03:01,217 --> 00:03:05,677 Go ahead, live a little. Come on, Pam. Come on, shake it up. Shake it up! 45 00:03:06,523 --> 00:03:08,582 Shake it up! 46 00:03:09,659 --> 00:03:13,595 Brrrp! Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? 47 00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:17,691 Well, let me check, Captain. Eeee! Eeee! 48 00:03:17,734 --> 00:03:19,861 Eeee! Eeee! 49 00:03:19,903 --> 00:03:22,394 No, Captain. No signs of life down here. 50 00:03:22,438 --> 00:03:25,032 Just a wet blanket named Pam. 51 00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:29,601 Brrr-rrrp. 52 00:03:29,646 --> 00:03:31,637 Star Trek... 53 00:03:32,515 --> 00:03:35,211 Well, for decorations, maybe we could... 54 00:03:36,252 --> 00:03:38,345 - It's stupid. Forget it. - What? 55 00:03:38,388 --> 00:03:41,186 I was going to say maybe we could have streamers, 56 00:03:41,224 --> 00:03:43,658 but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. 57 00:03:43,693 --> 00:03:46,685 - Never mind. - No, I think that's a good idea. 58 00:03:46,729 --> 00:03:48,720 What color do you guys think? 59 00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,757 Well, there's green... 60 00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:53,792 blue... 61 00:03:53,836 --> 00:03:55,827 yellow... 62 00:03:55,872 --> 00:03:58,272 - red... - How about green? 63 00:03:58,308 --> 00:04:02,210 - I think green is kind of whoreish. - This was tough. 64 00:04:02,245 --> 00:04:04,236 I suggested we flip a coin 65 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,215 but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. 66 00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:12,620 Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. 67 00:04:12,655 --> 00:04:15,624 These are my party-planning beeyatches. 68 00:04:15,658 --> 00:04:18,627 Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook! 69 00:04:19,662 --> 00:04:22,631 So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake 70 00:04:22,665 --> 00:04:26,260 maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. 71 00:04:26,302 --> 00:04:27,963 "Very good. Very delicious." 72 00:04:28,004 --> 00:04:30,131 Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... 73 00:04:30,173 --> 00:04:33,142 She's not the only one that's gonna be eating it, right? 74 00:04:33,176 --> 00:04:36,373 I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not... 75 00:04:36,412 --> 00:04:38,403 It's not just about her, so... 76 00:04:38,448 --> 00:04:41,645 - It is... her birthday. - Mint chocolate chip! 77 00:04:41,684 --> 00:04:43,948 How about... mint chocolate chip? 78 00:04:45,755 --> 00:04:47,746 Hey, so listen... 79 00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:52,591 I was thinking that it might be a good idea if you and I formed an alliance 80 00:04:53,630 --> 00:04:55,621 because of the downsizing. 81 00:04:55,665 --> 00:05:00,329 I think an alliance might be a good idea, you know. Help each other out. 82 00:05:03,039 --> 00:05:06,805 Do you want to form an alliance with me? 83 00:05:09,679 --> 00:05:13,206 - Absolutely, I do. - Good, good. Excellent. OK. 84 00:05:13,249 --> 00:05:17,242 Now we need to figure out who's vulnerable and who's protected... 85 00:05:17,286 --> 00:05:21,120 At that moment, I was so happy. Everything Dwight does annoys me. 86 00:05:21,157 --> 00:05:23,148 Did you get your tickets? 87 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,751 - To what? - The gun show. 88 00:05:32,669 --> 00:05:36,696 And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him 89 00:05:36,739 --> 00:05:39,230 but only in ways that would get me arrested. 90 00:05:39,275 --> 00:05:44,269 And then here he comes and he says, "Jim, here's a way." 91 00:05:44,313 --> 00:05:47,077 There's one other thing and this is important. 92 00:05:47,116 --> 00:05:49,914 Let's keep this alliance totally secret. 93 00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:52,781 Don't tell anyone. 94 00:05:52,822 --> 00:05:55,518 An alliance? What does that even mean? 95 00:05:55,558 --> 00:05:59,358 I think it has something to do with Survivor, but I'm not sure. 96 00:05:59,395 --> 00:06:04,628 Um... I know that it involves spying on people and we may build a fort. 97 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:06,658 Jim? Hey. Hi, Pam. 98 00:06:06,703 --> 00:06:10,969 Listen, could I talk to you a second about the... paper products. 99 00:06:11,007 --> 00:06:14,738 - Did you tell Pam about the alliance? - What? No? 100 00:06:14,777 --> 00:06:18,508 - Just now? - Dwight, no. I'm using her, for the alliance. 101 00:06:18,548 --> 00:06:21,517 Who knows the most information about this office? Pam. 102 00:06:21,551 --> 00:06:25,009 - That's good. Pursue this. - I'm trying to. See what I'm doing? 103 00:06:25,054 --> 00:06:29,548 I'm going to have to talk to her a lot. There may be chatting, and giggling. 104 00:06:29,592 --> 00:06:32,823 - You gotta just pretend to ignore it. - Done. 105 00:06:32,862 --> 00:06:34,853 All right. 106 00:06:40,369 --> 00:06:45,033 Can you get her? She's right there. That is Meredith, the birthday girl. 107 00:06:45,074 --> 00:06:47,770 And this... is Meredith's card. 108 00:06:47,810 --> 00:06:49,903 "Happy Bird-Day!" 109 00:06:51,447 --> 00:06:53,438 Um, let's see. Jim... 110 00:06:54,484 --> 00:07:00,081 Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46, but, come on, you're an accountant. 111 00:07:00,123 --> 00:07:02,114 "Just fudge the numbers." 112 00:07:02,158 --> 00:07:07,357 Not bad. Pretty funny. I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though. 113 00:07:07,396 --> 00:07:12,026 Here's the thing. Whatever I write here has to be really, really funny 114 00:07:12,068 --> 00:07:15,196 because people out there are expecting it. 115 00:07:15,238 --> 00:07:17,934 I've already set the bar really high. 116 00:07:17,974 --> 00:07:22,570 And they're all worried about their jobs, you know. It's kinda dark out there. 117 00:07:22,612 --> 00:07:25,740 Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh... 118 00:07:25,782 --> 00:07:27,943 "Oh, Meredith. Happy birthday. 119 00:07:27,984 --> 00:07:30,350 "You're great. Love, Michael." 120 00:07:32,421 --> 00:07:34,082 (Groans) 121 00:07:34,123 --> 00:07:35,784 (Retches) 122 00:07:38,227 --> 00:07:41,196 They seem awfully chummy, don't you think? 123 00:07:41,230 --> 00:07:45,132 - What do you think that's about? - Only one way to find out. 124 00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:47,136 I'm on it. 125 00:07:49,772 --> 00:07:52,605 - You are not going to believe this. - I believe it. 126 00:07:52,642 --> 00:07:55,304 - Tensions were high. - It was in the body language. 127 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:58,438 - That looks good. What is it? Turkey? - Italian. 128 00:07:59,315 --> 00:08:01,715 Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow! 129 00:08:01,751 --> 00:08:05,084 You got the works there. Red onion. Provolone... 130 00:08:05,121 --> 00:08:08,284 (Jim) Toby and Kevin are trying to get Angela kicked off. 131 00:08:08,324 --> 00:08:10,383 Good. Let 'em. It helps our cause. 132 00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:15,454 Well, if Kevin's in Accounting and Toby's in Human Resources and they're talking... 133 00:08:15,498 --> 00:08:17,022 They're forming an alliance. 134 00:08:17,066 --> 00:08:19,864 - I love their sandwiches. - I love them too. 135 00:08:19,902 --> 00:08:22,666 - Their bread's really good. - It's very good. 136 00:08:22,705 --> 00:08:24,696 Damn it. Damn it! 137 00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:26,731 God! 138 00:08:26,776 --> 00:08:29,768 (Car alarm) 139 00:08:29,812 --> 00:08:31,871 - (Alarm stops) - OK, listen. 140 00:08:31,914 --> 00:08:37,477 We need to assume that everyone is forming an alliance to get us kicked off. 141 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,511 God damn it! Why us? 142 00:08:39,555 --> 00:08:42,524 Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. 143 00:08:42,558 --> 00:08:44,617 Meredith, Meredith... 144 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:47,288 Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary... 145 00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:51,824 Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor. 146 00:08:51,868 --> 00:08:54,735 - (Knock) - Hey, Oscar! Come on in. What's up? 147 00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:57,898 - I'm sorry to bother you. - Not at all. Come on in. 148 00:08:57,940 --> 00:09:02,639 My nephew is involved with a charity for cerebral palsy 149 00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:06,438 and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to... 150 00:09:06,482 --> 00:09:08,473 you know... 151 00:09:08,517 --> 00:09:10,678 - What? - Donate to the charity. 152 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,711 Oh, God. Of course I would. 153 00:09:12,755 --> 00:09:14,746 Get it over here. 154 00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:16,781 - Get that over here. - Thank you. 155 00:09:16,826 --> 00:09:18,885 No, I'm always good... 156 00:09:19,729 --> 00:09:21,492 for some serious buckage. 157 00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:23,896 Wow. Two dollars, three dollars. 158 00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:26,993 People out here do not care about... 159 00:09:27,036 --> 00:09:28,367 diseases. 160 00:09:28,404 --> 00:09:32,500 I am going to give you... $25. 161 00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:35,533 That's... that's... 162 00:09:35,578 --> 00:09:38,445 - That's very generous. - Oh, my gosh, well... 163 00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:41,507 Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness 164 00:09:41,550 --> 00:09:43,541 and community 165 00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:48,523 all convalescences into... morale. 166 00:09:48,557 --> 00:09:50,582 That's what I say, so... 167 00:09:53,863 --> 00:09:57,629 - Hey, Jim, can I talk to you for a second? - Sure, what's up? 168 00:09:57,667 --> 00:10:03,196 I don't know. I'm going a little crazy cos I keep overhearing all these conversations 169 00:10:03,239 --> 00:10:05,298 between Michael and Corporate 170 00:10:05,341 --> 00:10:07,332 about, like, staff issues. 171 00:10:07,376 --> 00:10:10,174 - Oh, no? - Yeah, he's making me take notes 172 00:10:10,212 --> 00:10:14,546 on these meetings and I'm, like, "These people are my friends." 173 00:10:14,583 --> 00:10:18,451 But he's, like, "This is confidential. You can't tell anybody." 174 00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:21,217 I just feel like I want to... aah... 175 00:10:21,257 --> 00:10:25,284 - Promise me you're not gonna say anything. - No, I won't tell anybody. 176 00:10:25,328 --> 00:10:27,319 - This is between you and me. - OK. Yeah. 177 00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:34,093 - Jackpot. - (Jim) That was beautiful. 178 00:10:34,136 --> 00:10:36,536 All her idea, too. Awesome. 179 00:10:37,373 --> 00:10:39,398 She's so great. 180 00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:44,445 Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath. 181 00:10:45,948 --> 00:10:48,815 - Hey. You wanted to see me? - Yeah. 182 00:10:48,851 --> 00:10:52,343 - What do you know about Meredith? - I don't think she'd be missed. 183 00:10:52,388 --> 00:10:55,221 There's not going to be downsizing, Dwight, OK? 184 00:10:55,257 --> 00:10:59,785 I just... I need to know a little bit more about my friend. 185 00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:04,323 Name, Meredith Palmer. Personal information, divorced twice, two kids. 186 00:11:04,367 --> 00:11:06,995 Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. 187 00:11:07,036 --> 00:11:10,199 - Awards, multiple Dundees. - I know all that. 188 00:11:10,239 --> 00:11:14,005 I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside. 189 00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:15,874 She had a hysterectomy. 190 00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:20,040 - Which one is that again? - They remove the uterus. 191 00:11:20,082 --> 00:11:22,073 Oh, God! Dwight, no. 192 00:11:22,118 --> 00:11:26,384 I'm trying to write something funny. What do I do with a removed uterus? 193 00:11:26,422 --> 00:11:29,653 - It could be kinda funny. - I am on a deadline here. 194 00:11:29,692 --> 00:11:31,387 And just... OK. 195 00:11:31,427 --> 00:11:36,831 Thanks. Thanks for your help. I'll work it out. Thank you, Dwight. 196 00:11:36,866 --> 00:11:38,857 That was a waste of time. 197 00:11:40,102 --> 00:11:42,093 OK, here's the deal. All right. 198 00:11:42,138 --> 00:11:46,666 Pam says one of the alliances is meeting in the warehouse during Meredith's birthday. 199 00:11:46,709 --> 00:11:50,167 - We have to be there. - I know, but there's no place to hide. 200 00:11:50,212 --> 00:11:52,043 Yes, there is. Behind the shelves. 201 00:11:52,081 --> 00:11:53,514 - Oh, my God. - What? What? 202 00:11:53,549 --> 00:11:56,245 - I know. I know exactly what to do. - Great. 203 00:11:56,285 --> 00:11:57,877 (Dwight) I'm a deer hunter. 204 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:03,222 I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. 205 00:12:03,259 --> 00:12:08,287 One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are 206 00:12:08,330 --> 00:12:10,696 at vision. 207 00:12:11,734 --> 00:12:15,033 This is going to be perfect, OK? Centrally located. Perfect cover. 208 00:12:15,071 --> 00:12:18,063 - I can hear and see everything. - Good. 209 00:12:18,107 --> 00:12:21,736 - (Knocking) Michael? Are you done yet? - Just a sec. Just a second. 210 00:12:21,777 --> 00:12:23,768 It is perfect. Thank you. 211 00:12:23,813 --> 00:12:25,804 Excellent. Here we go. 212 00:12:25,848 --> 00:12:30,444 It is time, thank you. OK, come on. Let's go! Get the cake. Here we go. Come on! 213 00:12:30,486 --> 00:12:32,545 Shhh. Be quiet. 214 00:12:32,588 --> 00:12:36,547 - Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open. - So tape it down. 215 00:12:36,592 --> 00:12:40,358 - I can't. You won't be able to breathe. - I can breathe just fine. 216 00:12:40,396 --> 00:12:44,127 But if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box. 217 00:12:44,166 --> 00:12:45,258 Thank you. OK. 218 00:12:45,301 --> 00:12:48,031 (Door opening) 219 00:12:48,070 --> 00:12:50,061 (All) Sur-prise! 220 00:12:50,106 --> 00:12:52,097 Oh... Surprise! 221 00:12:52,141 --> 00:12:55,372 - No... It's uh... - It's surprise, Meredith! 222 00:12:55,411 --> 00:12:56,605 One, two... 223 00:12:56,645 --> 00:13:00,547 (All, tunelessly) - Happy birthday to you - 224 00:13:00,583 --> 00:13:02,414 - Find a key. - - Happy birthday... - 225 00:13:02,451 --> 00:13:04,783 So do you want me to stay here and... 226 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:06,879 you know, stand next to the box? 227 00:13:06,922 --> 00:13:09,550 No, you need to go upstairs to the party 228 00:13:09,592 --> 00:13:12,925 - so people don't notice we're both gone. - Right... That's good. 229 00:13:12,962 --> 00:13:15,430 Can I trust Jim? I don't know. 230 00:13:16,465 --> 00:13:20,868 Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. 231 00:13:20,903 --> 00:13:22,598 Should I trust Jim? 232 00:13:23,639 --> 00:13:25,470 You tell me. 233 00:13:25,508 --> 00:13:28,636 ...birthday, dear Meredith 234 00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:34,809 - Happy birthday to you... - And many more! - 235 00:13:39,455 --> 00:13:41,389 Last year, five years ago... 236 00:13:41,957 --> 00:13:43,948 - Were you surprised? - Yes. 237 00:13:43,993 --> 00:13:48,020 You looked freaked, man. We said, "Surprise." You were, like, "What?" 238 00:13:48,063 --> 00:13:50,031 "What the hell's goin' on here?" 239 00:13:51,066 --> 00:13:54,058 - Why don't you have some of this cake? - Uh, I can't. 240 00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:56,264 - Come on. A little bit. - I can't eat dairy. 241 00:13:56,305 --> 00:13:59,172 - Oh, right. Too bad. It's so good. - It makes me sick. 242 00:14:00,209 --> 00:14:04,111 You know, if I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself. 243 00:14:04,146 --> 00:14:06,137 Cos this is way, way too good. 244 00:14:10,352 --> 00:14:13,844 - He's in a box'? - Pam, he's in a box'. 245 00:14:13,889 --> 00:14:17,620 He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. 246 00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:21,152 I'm serious. Go down there and work your magic. 247 00:14:25,301 --> 00:14:26,529 (Pam) Hey, where are you? 248 00:14:26,569 --> 00:14:29,037 Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. 249 00:14:30,339 --> 00:14:31,328 What? 250 00:14:32,775 --> 00:14:34,766 Oh, my gosh! 251 00:14:34,810 --> 00:14:40,077 That ties in perfectly with something that Michael was telling me earlier! 252 00:14:40,683 --> 00:14:45,518 I just don't know what some of the people in, like, Accounting are gonna do. 253 00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:47,385 It said specifically that... 254 00:14:48,457 --> 00:14:50,015 (Dwight) Oh. 255 00:14:50,059 --> 00:14:57,192 Jim, good party, huh? Just a little something I whipped up - a little morale boost. 256 00:14:57,233 --> 00:14:59,463 Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. 257 00:14:59,501 --> 00:15:02,265 Very impressive, your donation to Oscar's charity. 258 00:15:02,304 --> 00:15:06,866 - What was it, 25 bucks? - Well, you know, money isn't everything. 259 00:15:06,909 --> 00:15:09,878 It's not the key to happiness. You know what is? 260 00:15:10,946 --> 00:15:12,743 Joy. You should remember that. 261 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:16,217 Maybe you'll give more than three dollars next time. 262 00:15:16,252 --> 00:15:20,450 Yeah, well, three dollars a mile is gonna end up being like 50 bucks. 263 00:15:20,489 --> 00:15:25,051 So... God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give. 264 00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:33,392 Is Oscar around? 265 00:15:33,936 --> 00:15:36,962 I just thought it was kind of a flat, you know... 266 00:15:37,373 --> 00:15:43,209 $25, one-time donation. I didn't think it was a per mile kinda deal. You know, so... 267 00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:45,475 Well, that's what a walkathon is. 268 00:15:45,514 --> 00:15:48,176 - I know. - It says it right on the sheet. 269 00:15:48,217 --> 00:15:51,618 Look at the sheet. It says, "However many dollars per mile." 270 00:15:51,654 --> 00:15:54,316 Got it. Yes. So it does. Um... 271 00:15:54,356 --> 00:15:57,848 I just think it's kind of cheap to undonate money to a charity. 272 00:15:57,893 --> 00:16:00,555 No, no. That wasn't what I was... No. 273 00:16:01,463 --> 00:16:03,863 It's not about the money. It's just... It... 274 00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:07,734 It's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. 275 00:16:10,439 --> 00:16:12,839 How's your nephew? Is he in good shape? 276 00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:15,139 - Yeah. - How many miles did he do last year? 277 00:16:15,177 --> 00:16:19,773 - Last year, he walked 18 miles. - Son of a bitch. That is impressive. 278 00:16:42,237 --> 00:16:44,501 - Happy birthday. - (Michael) Read it out. 279 00:16:44,540 --> 00:16:47,771 Say who wrote everything so we know whose is the best. 280 00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:50,701 "Happy Bird-Day!" 281 00:16:50,746 --> 00:16:53,044 Um... 282 00:16:53,082 --> 00:16:58,520 "Meredith, good news. You're not actually a year older because you work here 283 00:16:58,554 --> 00:17:00,681 "where time stands still." 284 00:17:01,724 --> 00:17:04,454 - I don't know about that. - That was Stanley. 285 00:17:04,493 --> 00:17:07,428 "Meredith, happy birthday. 286 00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:11,524 - "You're the best. Love, Pam." - (All) Aw! 287 00:17:11,567 --> 00:17:13,432 (Retches) 288 00:17:13,469 --> 00:17:16,563 - Huh! Thanks, downer. - This is from Michael. 289 00:17:16,605 --> 00:17:21,167 "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you 290 00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:24,077 "is that someone downsizes your age." 291 00:17:27,082 --> 00:17:29,550 Because of the downsizing. Rumors. 292 00:17:30,085 --> 00:17:32,246 And because you're gettin' old. 293 00:17:32,287 --> 00:17:35,723 - No, I... I get it. - (Michael laughs) 294 00:17:35,758 --> 00:17:38,386 - It's funny. - You didn't get the joke. 295 00:17:38,427 --> 00:17:40,987 That's cool. You know what? Actually... 296 00:17:41,029 --> 00:17:45,489 I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... 297 00:17:47,102 --> 00:17:50,071 Oh, where's that? Oh, OK. Here's a good one. 298 00:17:50,105 --> 00:17:54,337 "Meredith, Liz Taylor called. She wants her age back and her divorces back." 299 00:17:54,376 --> 00:17:58,210 Cos Meredith's been divorced, like, twice. Is that right? 300 00:17:58,247 --> 00:18:01,080 You're right. You're right. Yes. 301 00:18:01,116 --> 00:18:02,947 Divorce... 302 00:18:03,685 --> 00:18:05,812 Um... Oh, OK. 303 00:18:05,854 --> 00:18:07,947 "Meredith is so old..." 304 00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:10,584 - How old is she? - If everybody could do it? 305 00:18:10,626 --> 00:18:14,027 - "Meredith is so old..." - (All) How old is she? 306 00:18:14,062 --> 00:18:17,691 "She's so old she went into an antiques store and they kept her." 307 00:18:23,105 --> 00:18:26,563 That wasn't even mine. I got that off the internet. Website. 308 00:18:26,608 --> 00:18:28,633 Don't get mad at me. 309 00:18:28,677 --> 00:18:31,475 - Nice party, Michael. - This isn't my fault. 310 00:18:34,116 --> 00:18:36,209 Ladies, not your best effort. 311 00:18:36,251 --> 00:18:37,582 The streamers... 312 00:18:37,619 --> 00:18:42,113 - I think we could have done better than that. - Phyllis wanted red. I didn't. 313 00:18:42,157 --> 00:18:43,715 Oh, boy... You... 314 00:18:43,759 --> 00:18:45,750 OK. We... All right. 315 00:18:45,794 --> 00:18:48,490 People. Hold on, hold on. Just a second. 316 00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:51,624 We're losing sight of what is really important here 317 00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,658 and that is that we are... 318 00:18:54,703 --> 00:18:56,694 a group of people 319 00:18:56,738 --> 00:18:58,171 who work together. 320 00:18:59,308 --> 00:19:01,606 I was... I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. 321 00:19:02,611 --> 00:19:06,945 I have made a very sizeable donation to Oscar's nephew's... 322 00:19:08,617 --> 00:19:10,608 walkathon. 323 00:19:10,652 --> 00:19:12,643 $25. 324 00:19:12,688 --> 00:19:14,622 - Per mile. - Per mile, yes. 325 00:19:14,656 --> 00:19:16,647 When I retire, I... 326 00:19:17,392 --> 00:19:20,520 I don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. 327 00:19:20,562 --> 00:19:22,996 I wanna be the guy who gives everything back. 328 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:26,467 A check for the kids, and for the team. 329 00:19:26,502 --> 00:19:28,197 I want it to be, like... 330 00:19:28,237 --> 00:19:33,368 "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" 331 00:19:33,408 --> 00:19:38,505 "Um, well, I don't know. It was anonymous." 332 00:19:38,547 --> 00:19:40,538 "Well, guess what. 333 00:19:40,582 --> 00:19:42,573 "That was Michael Scott." 334 00:19:42,618 --> 00:19:45,883 "But it was anonymous. How do you know?" 335 00:19:48,490 --> 00:19:50,481 "Because I'm him." 336 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,351 Thank you, Michael. 337 00:19:55,631 --> 00:19:59,032 Come here. Don't cash that till Friday, OK? 338 00:20:00,235 --> 00:20:02,226 - Really? Today? - Yeah. 339 00:20:02,271 --> 00:20:04,262 - Happy birthday. - Thanks. 340 00:20:04,306 --> 00:20:07,104 - I could say something. - Don't do that. 341 00:20:09,444 --> 00:20:12,379 OK, I have something that totally tops the box. 342 00:20:12,414 --> 00:20:14,405 - Oh, tell me, tell me. - OK. 343 00:20:14,449 --> 00:20:20,752 I have convinced Dwight he needs to go to Stamford and spy on our other branch. 344 00:20:20,789 --> 00:20:25,419 But before he does so, I told him that he should dye his hair to go undercover. 345 00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:26,620 That's perfect! 346 00:20:26,662 --> 00:20:31,429 If we can get him to drive to Connecticut and put peroxide in his hair... 347 00:20:31,466 --> 00:20:34,833 - What the hell is this? Trying to cop a feel? - No, dude. No. 348 00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:36,838 - Just listen. Whoa. - Come on. 349 00:20:36,872 --> 00:20:39,670 God, I don't even know how to explain this. 350 00:20:40,576 --> 00:20:42,874 Dwight asked me to be in an alliance. 351 00:20:43,645 --> 00:20:45,306 And then... 352 00:20:46,281 --> 00:20:47,908 we've just been messing with him 353 00:20:48,917 --> 00:20:51,750 because of the whole alliance thing. 354 00:20:51,787 --> 00:20:54,585 - It's just office pranks. - It's stupid. 355 00:20:54,623 --> 00:20:56,488 What the hell's he talking about? 356 00:20:58,260 --> 00:20:59,852 I have absolutely no idea. 357 00:21:02,731 --> 00:21:04,722 Come on. 358 00:21:09,304 --> 00:21:11,534 (Dwight) Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? 359 00:21:11,573 --> 00:21:13,564 Not at all. 360 00:21:13,609 --> 00:21:16,635 That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, 361 00:21:16,678 --> 00:21:19,238 get some information, throw him to the wolves. 362 00:21:19,281 --> 00:21:20,976 That's politics, baby. 363 00:21:21,016 --> 00:21:24,474 Get what you can outta someone, then crush them. 364 00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:27,420 I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson. 29619

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