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1
00:00:06,925 --> 00:00:08,968
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:01:20,373 --> 00:01:22,834
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
3
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,006
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
4
00:01:31,843 --> 00:01:34,429
MAN:
We've waited weeks for reservations.
5
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:45,982
- Name?
- King, party of one.
6
00:01:46,399 --> 00:01:50,695
King, King. No, I'm sorry,
I don't show that reservation.
7
00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:54,490
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
show you something, fruitcake.
8
00:01:56,326 --> 00:01:57,535
Ahh!
9
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,290
Hands up, chowhounds.
10
00:02:02,624 --> 00:02:08,713
Drop your forks and prepare to cower
before the uncanny Condiment King.
11
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:11,466
- Who is that?
- Some kind of nutcase.
12
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:14,594
- Just ignore him.
- MAN: Someone will call security.
13
00:02:15,053 --> 00:02:20,683
Hey. Hey! I don't believe this!
I say cower, and you're still eating?
14
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,894
Well, all right then.
15
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,104
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
16
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:29,984
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
17
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:32,320
Now, see here, you.
18
00:02:32,487 --> 00:02:34,322
(PANICKED CHATTER)
19
00:02:37,784 --> 00:02:39,202
(COUGHING)
20
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,536
Hot sauce.
21
00:02:41,913 --> 00:02:43,956
Anyone else want to be a hero?
22
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,334
Then take out your wallets,
cash and jewels
23
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:49,087
and toss them here on the table.
Come on. Right now.
24
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,884
DISPATCH: Disturbance reported at
the top of the Crown restaurant.
25
00:02:55,134 --> 00:02:59,013
Suspect is a male, costumed extremist
armed with what appears to be
26
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,264
a ketchup gun.
27
00:03:00,515 --> 00:03:03,017
It's gonna be one of those nights.
28
00:03:05,103 --> 00:03:06,145
(TIRES SCREECHING)
29
00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:13,695
So long, suckers.
Parting is such sweet-and-sour sorrow.
30
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,823
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
31
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:19,033
(YELP$)
32
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:23,413
What's this?
33
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,999
Ah! The big, bad Bat-guy.
34
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:31,379
I knew you'd catch up to me sooner or
later. How I've relished this meeting.
35
00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:37,677
You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me,
the conceptual Condiment King.
36
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,095
Come, Batman.
37
00:03:39,554 --> 00:03:42,890
Let's see if you can cut the mustard--
38
00:03:42,974 --> 00:03:44,100
- Quiet.
-(GROANS)
39
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,060
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
40
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:49,355
- You hit me.
- Now, listen, Mustard Man,
41
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,274
or whatever you call yourself.
42
00:03:51,816 --> 00:03:55,194
You're obviously new at this,
so I'm willing to go easy on you.
43
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,865
Provided you give back the loot and
never even think about doing this again.
44
00:03:59,115 --> 00:04:00,158
Deal?
45
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:04,162
- Horseradish!
- This is your last warning.
46
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,748
Let's go, Batso. You and me.
47
00:04:07,165 --> 00:04:10,126
I'm the prince of pickles,
sultan of sauce.
48
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,337
You don't stand a chance. You hear me?
49
00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:15,757
Later, chump.
50
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,884
(SCREAMING)
51
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:21,471
Hang on.
52
00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:25,558
(SCREAMING)
53
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,685
-(THUDS)
-(TIRES SCREECH)
54
00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:34,859
Harvey, call an ambulance.
55
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,570
I know this man.
56
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:40,698
He's that TV comic, Buddy Standler.
57
00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:44,076
SUMMER".
Still no clues in the mystery
58
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,828
behind comedian Buddy Standler's
59
00:04:45,912 --> 00:04:47,830
one-man crime spree last night.
60
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:52,043
A rampage that ended with a trip
to the hospital for the famed TV comic.
61
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:55,421
Though Standler himself is unable
to account for his actions,
62
00:04:55,588 --> 00:04:57,924
his manager had these observations.
63
00:04:58,174 --> 00:05:02,512
I don't get it. Buddy's just thrown
his entire career away.
64
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,889
The network's canceling his show
65
00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:07,683
and the restaurant's suing him
for a million dollars.
66
00:05:07,892 --> 00:05:10,603
Why'd he do it?
It just doesn't make sense.
67
00:05:10,812 --> 00:05:14,524
That's too bad. I watch Standler's show
all the time. He's great.
68
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:17,485
Any idea what would have caused him
to go off the deep end?
69
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,363
No, but talk about bad timing.
70
00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,406
He was supposed to be one of the judges
71
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,575
for the annual
laugh-off competition tonight.
72
00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:26,702
Alfred and I bought tickets.
73
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,288
By the way, where is Alfred?
74
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:42,218
-one side, mac.
- I beg your pardon.
75
00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:50,142
-(GASPS)
-Ooh. Pretty. I want it.
76
00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:54,981
- Hey, you can't do that.
- Sure I can, lady.
77
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,191
I'm the Pack Rat,
78
00:05:57,441 --> 00:06:00,695
-and your trash is my treasure.
- Hey!
79
00:06:03,865 --> 00:06:04,949
Mmm. Shiny.
80
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:07,368
Security!
81
00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:13,916
Oh, no, you don't.
82
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:17,712
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
83
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,015
Whoa, dibs on the dummy hand.
84
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,018
Good heavens.
85
00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,111
I've been looking everyplace
for one of these.
86
00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:54,665
- Yes?
- ALFRED: Master Bruce?
87
00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:55,875
Alfred?
88
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:58,252
I think you're needed at Mayfield's
right away, sir.
89
00:06:58,336 --> 00:07:00,254
There's a man with a gun running amok.
90
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:01,505
- He's--
-(GUN COCKING)
91
00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:05,760
A word of advice, mac.
Never rat on a rat.
92
00:07:15,061 --> 00:07:16,187
BATMAN: Alfred?
93
00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:21,359
-(GUNFIRE)
- Alfred!
94
00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:37,541
You'll get oatmeal and like it.
95
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:42,546
Listen, Eddie, if they expect me
to judge that stupid laugh-off again,
96
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,757
they'd better be prepared to pay.
97
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:45,883
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
98
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,970
Hold on, I got somebody at the door.
99
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,644
- Yeah?
- MAN: Pizza delivery.
100
00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,729
I didn't order any pizza.
101
00:07:58,813 --> 00:08:00,231
(SNIFFING)
102
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:04,610
- But I'll take it. How much?
-It's on me.
103
00:08:05,111 --> 00:08:06,904
LISA: Hey!
(COUGHING)
104
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:10,116
(SIRENS WAILING)
105
00:08:16,247 --> 00:08:18,249
Okay, everybody, empty your pockets.
106
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:19,625
(ALL GASP)
107
00:08:19,709 --> 00:08:22,920
I want gum wrappers, loose string,
those little balls of lint.
108
00:08:24,964 --> 00:08:26,632
None of that cash stuff.
109
00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:28,467
Hey!
110
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,053
What?
111
00:08:32,138 --> 00:08:35,725
So it's the rat versus the bat
and the brat.
112
00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:39,979
Only one will survive,
and that's gonna be me.
113
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,397
Everybody, clear out.
114
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,111
(ULULATING)
115
00:08:52,867 --> 00:08:54,201
(YELP$)
116
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:11,594
Come on out.
117
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,348
(GASPS)
118
00:09:16,432 --> 00:09:17,850
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
119
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:19,977
(SCREAMS)
120
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,198
(YELLING)
121
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:40,372
(SCREAMING)
122
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,260
ROBIN: It's Harry Loomis.
123
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,054
Another famous comedian.
124
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,430
Look at his neck.
125
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:05,981
ROBIN: A microchip?
126
00:10:07,108 --> 00:10:08,484
Mind control.
127
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:12,947
This is beginning to point toward
our old friend, the Mad Hatter.
128
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:29,046
Wake up, Jervis. We have to talk.
129
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,716
Come on, rise and shine.
130
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,767
Wow, he's really out.
131
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:08,210
Here's what we know.
132
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:13,382
Someone implants the Mad Hatter with
one of his own mind-control devices,
133
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,801
then does the same thing
to two comedians.
134
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,219
But what's the connection?
135
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,722
Looks like it's three comedians
now, sir.
136
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:24,393
"TV personality Lisa Lorraine
was abducted
137
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,312
"from her apartment early this evening."
138
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,399
And here's our common link.
This comedy competition.
139
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:33,402
ROBIN: Sure. Buddy, Harry and Lisa
judge it every year.
140
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,446
Remember, we taped the last one.
141
00:11:35,905 --> 00:11:37,114
Right here, Master Dick.
142
00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:39,116
And I've cued it
to something you should see.
143
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,208
Well, that's it for our contestants.
144
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:50,544
Now our panel of distinguished judges
will choose
145
00:11:50,628 --> 00:11:53,672
the funniest person in Gotham.
146
00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:05,392
Not so fast, chuckles.
You haven't introduced me yet.
147
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,645
Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
148
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,230
Ba-dum-boom.
149
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,858
Come on, already.
150
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,528
Good evening, ladies and germs.
151
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:19,740
Hey, did you hear about the guy
walked into a doctor's office
152
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,992
with a frog on his head? Doctor says,
153
00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:24,870
"That's the weirdest looking wart
I've ever seen." Frog looks up and says,
154
00:12:24,954 --> 00:12:27,957
"Yeah, I woke up this morning,
there was a big bump on my butt."
155
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,334
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
156
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,465
Hey, then there's this guy who buys
a new dog.
157
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,342
He takes it for a walk
and the friend says--
158
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,635
-(BUZZER SOUNDS)
- Huh?
159
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:43,097
Sorry, pal.
We've already made our decision.
160
00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:47,268
And for your information,
registration closed days ago.
161
00:12:47,685 --> 00:12:50,521
I'm not leaving until I get that trophy.
162
00:12:50,688 --> 00:12:52,147
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
163
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:54,316
Oh, yes, you are.
164
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,194
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
165
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,698
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
You can't do this to me!
166
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:02,783
I'm the greatest comic in Gotham!
167
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,912
I'll get even. I'll ruin you all.
168
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,081
-(GRUNTS)
- BATMAN: Freeze it right there.
169
00:13:12,710 --> 00:13:14,628
I think I see what you mean, Alfred.
170
00:13:16,297 --> 00:13:17,423
Without the hat...
171
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,051
And different hair...
172
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:22,845
ROBIN: The Joker!
173
00:13:37,151 --> 00:13:38,902
HOST: I tell you, Maury, I'm dying here.
174
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,279
I got a full house,
175
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:43,574
and all three of my celebrity judges
are either missing or in jail.
176
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:46,035
You gotta find me
some replacements quick.
177
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:49,455
JOKER: Ask and ye shall receive.
178
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,582
What in the... (GASPS)
179
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:57,129
Permit me to introduce Judges
Knuckles, Vinnie and Kowalski.
180
00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:00,299
They'll be presenting me
with the trophy tonight.
181
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,844
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Listen, you
can't just walk in here and take...
182
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,013
JOKER: Oh, but I already have.
183
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,557
(STRUGGLING)
184
00:14:12,186 --> 00:14:14,396
These little microchips are a wonder.
185
00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:18,984
Remind me to thank the Mad Hatter
if he ever wakes up. (LAUGHS)
186
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,738
WOMAN 1: Hey, start the show already.
187
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:26,158
- Let's go already!
- WOMAN 2: Start the show!
188
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:31,288
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the 10th annual Gotham Laff Off.
189
00:14:31,372 --> 00:14:32,664
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
190
00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:35,417
And now, it is my deepest honor
to present to you
191
00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:40,172
the evening's first and only contestant,
Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
192
00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:43,509
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
Hey, folks, you're beautiful.
193
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:46,512
Funny thing happened to me
on the way to the theater last year.
194
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:50,974
It seems three no-talent hacks
tried to stop me from winning.
195
00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:52,518
But guess what!
196
00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:57,523
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) I'm back.
197
00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,150
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
198
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:02,277
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
199
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:07,616
Oh! Such unhappy faces.
200
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,202
Judges, let's cheer them up.
201
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:12,538
(ALL LAUGHING)
202
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:18,669
My high-octane laughing gas
will have you rolling in the aisles.
203
00:15:25,509 --> 00:15:27,052
(EXPLOSION)
204
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,978
It's just you and us, Joker.
205
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,355
Not quite, Batman.
206
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:42,776
I've got a new girl, and she'll
really sweep you off your feet.
207
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,196
(GROANS)
208
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,407
Lisa Lorraine?
209
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:54,872
Call me Mighty Mom.
210
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,373
Ain't she sweet?
211
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:01,003
My very own happy homemaker.
212
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,380
But I don't do windows.
213
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:04,673
(JOKER LAUGHS)
214
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,008
Not bad.
215
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:09,303
Honey, why don't you show our pals
how you clean house?
216
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:12,347
In other words, mop 'em up.
217
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:16,810
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
218
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,442
Who's first to get dusted?
219
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,611
Think you can get
the brain patch off her?
220
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:26,820
No problem.
221
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:30,616
"(GRUNTS)
"(GROANS)
222
00:16:33,452 --> 00:16:37,122
- Hey!
- Naughty boy. Mama spank.
223
00:16:38,624 --> 00:16:40,459
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
224
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:46,757
What did I tell you about playing
with your toys in the house?
225
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,676
- Get rid of it!
- You're the boss.
226
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,059
(GASPS)
227
00:16:58,519 --> 00:17:02,731
No! Not on my nice clean floor.
228
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,567
ROBIN: Just hold still.
LISA: Ow!
229
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,152
That hurts.
230
00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:08,946
(GROANS)
231
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:13,492
- Don't worry. I'm back to normal.
- Who can tell?
232
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:41,144
- Stay back.
- You've hit a new low, Joker.
233
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:45,107
Only you would ruin three lives
for a silly piece of tin.
234
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,693
You're dumber than you look, Bats.
235
00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:53,824
It's not the trophy that matters,
it's the title.
236
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:58,662
I am the greatest clown
this dismal burg has ever seen.
237
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:02,416
What would the common folk do
without my pranks and antics?
238
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:04,209
Let's find out.
239
00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:06,628
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
240
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:12,050
UP, up and away!
241
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,320
Quit rocking the boat!
242
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,709
JOKER: Oh! Too bad, Bat-sap.
243
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,003
But you should have remembered
the old saying,
244
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:51,590
"Dying is easy, comedy is hard."
245
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,718
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
246
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,930
-(GASPS)
-(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
247
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,936
ROBIN: Mind if I join the party?
248
00:19:06,605 --> 00:19:07,898
(GROANS)
249
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,655
Ow! You miserable brat.
250
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,871
Get this stupid thing off me.
251
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,917
(SCREAMING)
252
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:30,379
GODS!
253
00:19:31,922 --> 00:19:32,964
Watch it.
254
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:36,426
I think I'm getting airsick.
255
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,975
(SIRENS WAILING)
256
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,691
(GROANS)
257
00:19:51,108 --> 00:19:53,944
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
258
00:19:56,071 --> 00:20:01,493
I'll get you for this, Batman!
No one upstages me and lives.
259
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:06,832
-(GUNS COCKING)
-ls there a problem, officers?
260
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:08,750
(YELP$)
261
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,545
(GROANS)
262
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:13,088
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
263
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:18,176
What's so funny?
I'll give you something to laugh about!
264
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,681
(GRUMBLING)
265
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,580
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)19288
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