Original subtitles

How do you write "ass"?

Can I not do this?

No

My Mother is paying you

You must teach me something

How can you stop?

Master Dou

has been through 39 tutors

You're number 40

You're out of luck

I'll scream for help

Scream?

- Mai Song! - Yes!

Bring the gear!

Yes!

If you scream, you'll have to drink this

Go ahead!

Forget it then

It doesn't matter

The urine is for free

Give it to him!

Yes

Drink up... it's free!

Sister!

Really?

Yes, he's mischievous

Entrust me with your business

Don't give it to this brat

Let me see!

Don't be angry!

That's how he is

"Alert! Madam is coming!"

My Mom's coming

"She's in the living room"

Living room?

Clean up!

Hurry!

Let me down!

Damn! We forgot about him!

Ouch! That hurts!

Watch what you say!

The study is a mess

You'll see for yourself!

"She's on your doorstep!"

Damn! She's here!

Come inside, hurry!

Finished your mahjong game, Mother?

Did you win?

Is everything alright?

Everything is fine

Why did you cover your eye with the book?

I'm short sighted

This is how I read

What did you write today?

"Damn you! Asshole!"

This is outrageous!

What is it?

See for yourself

What did you write, son?

"Mother, I love you! You're beautiful!"

Not bad!

You're always bad-mouthing him

You can forget about your allowance

No, Sister! Don't let him fool you

This way, Master chen

Please!

This is Master chen Hui-min

I want a coach

Not a tutor

You're mistaken, Master Dou

His pupils are quite amazing

They're famous fighters

Each of my three students has his own merit

They're smart and capable

This I have to see

Please...

Master, here they are...

Yunnan Leg, Yun Piao-piao

This is superb martial arts

called splitting the crotch

This is Human Ball, Tuan Tuan-zhuan

Look, he is rolling in every which way

Until when?

This is the Drunken 18 Steps

Really?

8, 9, 10, 11...

14, 15... 18

I bet he'll never do that again!

Which one of you will fight me?

Me!

I busted his ass!

Your turn!

He's a descendent of Ximen chui-xue

He's Xicheng Xiu-shu

Get your weapon, Master Dou

Garbage!

You're famous now!

What do you say?

Give them 5 taels each

Yes, sir!

What about me?

How much should I give him?

Nothing!

Let's go!

Let's have some fun!

What did you arrange?

1, 2, 3... 8, 9

Get up, asshole!

Well?

Are we finished?

I can't take it anymore!

One more round! Go!

I'll be dead!

You useless bastard!

Here's your salary

Mai Song, this is terrible

No fun at all

Master Dou

That's just the prolog

Wait till you see the main attraction

Remember Blinky?

He won't admit defeat

He wants to challenge you again

Blinky?

He wants to fight me?

You were lucky last time

I have experts with me today

I don't care who you have

I'm not afraid

I told you not to copy me

Why are you still doing it?

Shut up! Let's get started

I'm just waiting for you

Some people just can't wait to lose!

Go!

Let me introduce you

Southern King, Luo Ba-hai

Northern King, Di Qing-feng

Well?

Stop this nonsense!

16 rounds or 24?

Just 1 game

only 1 game?

1 game will decide

If I lose

I'll give you 100 taels of gold

If you lose?

I'll give you 200 taels of gold

No, if you lose

You'll streak in the market and run 3 laps

Streak?

Don't agree to it!

He wants to humiliate you

I'm not afraid

I'll streak if I lose

If you lose, you'll eat these 4 tiles

What?

Very well

Someone has to pick it up

You have to pick it up!

Stop fighting! Throw the dice

3! I'll start!

Get your tiles!

Hurry!

This is good!

Master Blinky!

Come over here...

come...

Let me introduce you

They are the Xiao sisters

They're here to entertain us

Let's do that now

Forget the mahjong game

What's your hurry?

We're hot and sweaty

I'm soaked

Let us take a break

No problem

There are clothes behind the screen

Go change

Get out of those wet clothes

Sure!

Go on!

White Dragon

Pong!

Red Dragon

Pong!

Watch out for the Green Dragon!

5 circles

Your turn!

Discard a tile!

Hey...

Not that one!

Pong!

You'll pay for everyone if I win

Yes, you!

I dare you to cheat

What's with all the birds today?

They're all gone

Bird? There's no bird!

He's signaling...

Your turn!

I'll win for sure...

Where's my 9 character?

4, 8, 12! You're missing a tile

You're a tile short

Discard a tile!

You're missing a tile!

No way!

Discard a tile!

Your turn!

Hurry up!

How can you be a tile short?

You'll have to streak for sure!

Huan! Shui!

Gather up the villagers at the door

Someone is getting ready to streak!

You may not win either

carry on!

You'll never win!

Hurry!

Probably not this one!

7 circles

He's hiding my tile under his chin

I'll lure you with the Bird

I get the Bird

Are you discarding the tile?

You're dead!

Game!

You have an extra tile!

A Bird and a 9 character

That's a false game!

False game!

I'm in trouble!

You won, Master Dou

He had a false game on your tile!

Get ready to swallow these!

No way!

Fix him!

Stop it!

Don't punch me!

No? We'll kick!

Master Dou...

Where are you going?

No violence!

Eat these!

Give them here!

Aren't they pretty!

Really?

Swallow!

Sir

He hit me!

Damn!

Blinky's father is a magistrate!

So?

Let's get out of here!

Hurry!

This way!

You wish to hire an assassin?

Yes!

Your name?

Shi chun

You know my rate?

Yes, 100,000 taels

Who do you want me to kill?

My nephew Dou

I've checked! You spend everything you make

How can you pay me?

When Dou is dead

I'll take over his family business

I'll have all the money I need

If he's alive

You get nothing?

Yes

I'll kill him

But I'll split your fortune

50 0

No? I can do it for free

For free?

I'll kill you for free, not Dou

Very well, we'll split 50

What's your name?

Chen Bai-qiang

No, you're chen Bo-xiang

You're the head guard of the Military commander

That's right!

You have a keen eye!

You coming with me or am I to execute you on the spot?

Don't move! Step back!

I'll entertain him

I don't know him

Get up!

The government is watching me

I can't kill Dou openly

What can we do?

Lure him away from Guangdong

I'll send someone to kill him on the way

Very well! I'll do that

Throw him in the water

Yes

You want me in Beijing?

According to your uncle

Princess Xiang is looking for a husband

If you marry her

You'll become a prince

As your mother

I'll be the Princess' mother-in-law

That's so impressive!

Taking a wife is too much trouble

If you stay single

You'll get into trouble everyday

When you beat up Blinky's father

I spent 50,000 taels

to pay him off

A wife can keep an eye on you

Princess Xiang is a beauty

Yes, very pretty

Your uncle has her portrait

Hurry up and show him!

See how pretty she is!

So pretty...

She looks a lot like me

Pleasantly plump and charming

She'll give you children

Go after her in Beijing!

Beijing?

I'm not going

come, Master Dou

Master Dou

It's not such a bad idea

What do you know? Beijing is boring

You're wrong

Beijing has all sort of foreign contraptions

You're invincible in Guangdong

You're nobody in Beijing

Unless you beat the 3 Masters of Beijing

Then it's a different story

Masters of Beijing?

Master of Swindlers, che Zai

Master of Womanizers, Ren Zhen-hao

Master of Burglars, 3 Hands

3 Hands?

If you beat them

You'll be number one

What about the Princess?

She's hosting a martial arts competition

Just tell your Mother you lost

Fine! Let's go tomorrow

Excellent!

"Southern Village Pier"

Rendao Tajirou!

You're crazy!

Rendao Tajirou!

You're inferior! Go away!

Sorry!

Rendao Tajirou!

Over here!

You're Taijirou?

That's me!

You should be charming Tajirou

I'm the real Rendao Tajirou

Sure...

Get on board, Master Dou

It's so crowded!

Never mind that

It's more lively that way

Taking the boat is boring

What have you arranged?

Everything, sexy, violent, thrilling and funny

You won't be bored

Really?

This way!

Sexy!

Miss, you dropped your handkerchief

Pick it up for me

Sure...

Your handkerchief, Miss

Miss...

Hand it to me

Turn around...

Save this for yourself, Song

That bitch

To think she'd get me someone as ugly as you!

Move along, witch!

As long as I get paid!

Where's my room?

I'll show you

Are you alright?

I'm fine! Go away!

Well? Not bad, right?

Not bad

This is our room

I'll get you something to eat

Alright

I'm over here

You're late, big guy

What's the matter?

What's your hurry? The boat hasn't set sail yet

Where is he?

In the room

Master Dou is a good fighter

can you take it?

Of course

Real muscles!

He's a bit of a sadist

Sadist?

It's alright

Kid

Just because you caught my darts

I'm not afraid of you! Come out!

Very well

Who are you?

I'm the big guy

Then I'm...

Say no more

I know all about you! Let's get started

Get started?

Don't waste my time

If you won't fight, I will

They call him a good fighter?

Maybe he's a masochist

They say you're invincible

I say you're an idiot

This is easy money!

Someone jumped in again?

Song!

Coming!

What took you so long?

Hand it to me

Sure...

Why is his uncle in the water?

And one more guy in black?

You're useless

My man was arrested

I'll hold you responsible

Why me?

I already tipped you off

but you failed to kill him

I must do it myself

and kill them both

4-Eyes

Brother!

Get ready!

We're going to Beijing tomorrow

to go after them

Yes

"Jingjin Yong Ding Pier"

Beijing people are fastidious

and very stylish

We must speak their language

I don't know how

Easy, just roll your tongue

and mumble

I have to go poo-poo

You should say "I have to shit"

Fine, shit!

Yes!

I'll go back to the boat!

Sure...

Watch out! No plank!

Find some place quiet

Be on the lookout

I will

Song, give me toilet paper

Yes

I don't have any

Just money notes

That'll do! Hurry!

Here!

Come closer

It stinks! What did he eat?

Song must have done this

Who do you work for?

Whoever...

Song

This is the best arrangement so far

I should give you a raise

Give them 5 taels each

I had nothing to do with it

This is Beijing

It's different from Guangzhou

They have everything here

It's bustling over there

Let's eat first

Damn! I have no money

Master Dou

This is the top restaurant De Long Liu

The decor is magnificent

and they have everything

2 idiots

Here we are, Master Dou!

Do you know how to order?

Don't worry!

We have eaten everything

Poultry, seafood, meat and other delicacies

That's everything

What more can they offer?

Right! This way

Wipe your hands

- Tip! - Yes!

Thanks

For you

Thanks

There's a table outside...

I want that one...

This way!

This is the VIP room

Sir?

Waiter!

What can I do for you?

- Song! - Yes

Serve us something expensive but not filling

Paper money!

- Go - Yes!

Waiter!

Sir?

What would you like?

I have eaten everything

My stomach is bothering me

Give me a Beggar's chicken

Beggar's chicken

and a pot of longjing tea

Go on...

Right away!

We're in the wrong place

This is a beggars' room

Really?

No wonder the waiter downstairs

recommended buns that even dogs don't want

The guy next door looks alright

But he's a beggar

He ordered beggar's chicken

You can't really tell

How much money do we have?

500 taels

Louder

About 500 taels

can we give some away?

Yes

Say it

We can give some away

It's broken! Must be a fake!

I'll get it

That hat is nothing

The pearl is too small

It's not good enough for me

Don't pick up what I throw away!

Yes

Did I do the right thing?

Of course! I curse the one who picks it up!

Hurry!

Our Beijing duck, sir

I don't need any help

I'll do it myself

Hand me the knife

But...

Master!

How do you eat this?

With your hands

That guy is so cocky!

Hurry!

Your chicken, sir

Go away!

We'll sit here

Yes, Master

Move it!

Master!

I don't like sitting here

It's crowded. I want to sit over there

Very well

Yes, sir

Master Lai

Such an honor to have you here

our VIP room is full

How about upstairs?

What? We want a table in there

Tell them to leave

I can't! They were here first

So?

Our Master is a VIP too

Tell them to go

They haven't paid up

Hand them the bill

They're done eating, tell them to get lost!

Tell them to leave! Go on!

Master Lai

It's you!

That antique sold for 2,000 taels...

Let's talk inside!

Where's my commission?

I'll pay you

You came to eat

I have a table inside, it's my treat

Let's see what you're up to

There are 2 hicks in there

They're capable of anything

They make eyes at women

Even the waitress

has been molested by them

You must be careful

They'll never touch my woman

You should still be careful

Master...

Master Lai

Master

Please sit down

Go out!

They have famous dishes...

Waiter!

Set the table for 2 more

and get a few more dishes, hurry!

Yes, sir

Help yourself

Alright

You like it here

and here we are

It's such an honor

to treat you today

Why are you winking?

Don't hit on my girl!

There's something in my eyes...

Stop it!

How dare you beat up my man!

I don't care who you are

You're stupid for a rascal

I'll fix anyone who hits on my girl

Don't be afraid, let's go outside

Stop it! Please talk things out...

You're friends with Master Lai

Please ask them to stop

If they'll listen, they won't fight

What should I do?

Alert the authorities

What?

If someone gets killed

You'll be in trouble

Right away!

If you lose to Master Dou

There'll be a reward

Reward my foot!

Master Dou!

Too heavy...

Don't let go!

Don't worry!

I have no quarrels with you

I won't kill you

Please have mercy, pal

Will you admit defeat?

Master...

Master Dou, you're incredible!

If you apologize

Master Dou will let you go

Hear me?

I'll do anything, just let me go

Move aside!

They're upstairs

How dare you make trouble in the capital?

Arrest them

Let's go, Master

Don't worry!

I guarantee you'll be fine

Are you sure?

Let's go, Master Dou!

Step aside!

Stop!

Arrest them!

Take them away!

Wait!

Master Dou is a 2nd-grade official from Guangdong

I don't care! Arrest him!

Show some respect

Wait!

Who are you?

I'm a member of the Eight Banners

Everyone in Beijing is a member

You should be arrested for starting a brawl

How dare you! Look!

Sorry, sir! I didn't know

Please pardon me

I'll handle this

You may go now

Yes, sir

What did he show them?

A mandarin jacket of the royalty

Really?

Master che, what about the damages?

Who should pay for it?

Whoever broke it will pay for it!

You must pay up!

Wait...

What is it?

What's your name?

Che Zai

You're the Master of Swindlers

I'm Dou

I want to buy yourjacket

It's not for sale

No discord, no concord

Please drop by my place

Sure

Well?

The jacket is a gift from the Emperor

You're from an esteemed family

Why take the back door?

There must be something left

You'll know when you get inside

There's nothing out front

Everything is in the back

My Father

He was someone I respect

Stop kidding around

All government officials are corrupted

If your Father is clean

Where did he get this house?

I'm warning you

If you say anything disrespectful about my Father

I'll go crazy, understand?

Stupid! Calm down!

Understand?

Yes

Are you alright?

Yes

This bed is a gift to my Father

from the French ambassador

Have you seen this before?

How soft!

Try it!

Very bouncy! Sell it to me!

You want the jacket?

Yes

You want the bed?

Yes

I have other things

I want them all

Very well

The U.S. Ambassador

gave me this gramophone

Gramophone?

It's haunted

Don't be scared

That's the sound from the gramophone

You won't understand

I don't want that, it's no good

Let me show you something nice

Nice?

Follow me

This is a block of wood

What is it?

The British ambassador

gave this gun to my Father

A gun?

What's that smell?

Gunpowder, stupid!

Lift your foot

What are you doing with my shoe?

Want to see what it can do?

- Yes! - Me too

That's incredible!

You can kill any expert with it

Except I only have 2 bullets

Now I have only 1 left

That's such a shame

Don't worry, I'll take it

That'll be 24 taels

Not a penny less

No problem

Pay up

Song, pay him

What about the jacket?

That's hard

Why? You don't want to sell it?

Not really

Why not?

But...

My family lost a fortune in gambling

We lost everything

What's anotherjacket?

That's true

Sit...

If I lose

I'll give you the jacket

If I win

You give me 20,000 taels

Deal!

What will it be?

Chinese dominoes

That's boring

Try something more classy

What?

Look

This is called poker

Master Dou

What's that stack?

Get lost!

I don't know how to play

It's easy, King is the father

Queen is the mother

Jack is the son

There are other cards, from 2 to 10

And an ace

What?

You have pairs

3 of a kind

4 of a kind

5 in a sequence is a "straight"

5 in the same suit is a "flush"

They both beat 3 of a kind

Straight beats 2 pairs

Straight flush is the winning hand, understand?

I'm very smart

can you guess if I understand?

Do you?

No

Let's get started then

I'll deal

2 of the same is a pair

3 of a kind

4 of a kind

I'll win for sure

Do you have 5 of a kind?

Yes, 4 plus you

4 fathers and 1 mother

What a mother!

Straight flush is the highest hand

Alternate flush is No. 2

What's alternate flush?

What is it?

You don't know?

1,3,5,7,9 or 2,4,6,8,10

That's alternate flush

You lost

Are you sure?

I'm sure you have to pay

come on!

I don't like this

Play something I know

I'm capping it at 40,000 taels

If you lose

You must give me yourjacket

What will it be?

My specialty, of course! Women

Hurry...

Look at the queue!

When I get up there, I'll be too tired to fight

You don't have to if you don't want Princess Xiang

If I win

I'll get your 40,000 taels

That's how it'll be

Get in line... one by one, don't push!

Single file...

What?

Yes

This way!

Excuse me!

You must line up to get in

Line up?

What's the big deal? I'll get in line

The line is too long

Song, get up there

Hurry...

Yes

Hurry...

I'm from Guangdong

can I cut in?

What are you saying? I'm from Guangdong too

What a coincidence!

Step aside!

What's taking so long?

Just because you're big

doesn't mean you can bully me

I'm Big Guy

I'm Giant

This is ridiculous!

Don't be cocky

I wouldn't dare call myself big

Go to the end of the line

Where's Master Dou?

The line is shorter over there

Thanks

1,2,3,4

Hurry, Master Dou

We don't have to queue up

Hurry...

only 3 more

Don't wait anymore, push...

What are you doing?

We want in

This is the line for "chop chop"

20 taels?

Master Dou, just 20 taels

I'll pay 200

Alright

Get in, no need to queue up

"Eunuch recruitment"

It's done

come in...

Thanks

What kind of competition is this?

They aim for the crotch?

It's your turn

Alright

What is he saying?

Who cares? I don't understand

Very well!

Both of you together?

Come on...

What is it? You need a check up

I heard that

He said we need a check up

check up? Alright!

Come here...

Raise your hands

What are they doing?

Check up, I guess

What a pain!

Everyone has second thoughts about this

It's too late now

open the door

Are you deaf?

Chop chop...

Sir

I have a new invention

It's called the chopper

I pull this lever

and chop chop

lt'll be so much easier

Hurry up with your check up

Tie their feet up

Thanks

Supervisor

The guy died

Sign here

Another one?

How did he die?

From castration

What?

This is not a check up

They're trying to castrate us

Do something, you idiot!

Too late

You have to chop chop

How dare you!

Fix him!

Help, Master Dou

Run!

Come back!

Nothing?

Nothing!

Che Zai was quick

He moved everything

He conned us

and was afraid we'll come get him

The jacket

Master Dou is pampered

and too cocky

A trip to the castration room is your penalty

You're scared out of your wits

Should you come back to get even

You'll be furious

The jacket shows my apology

Hope you'll enjoy it

At least he has a conscience

and left you the jacket

Try it on...

Looks good

How do I look?

Great!

You look magnificent

When I go home

Blinky will be jealous

of how prestigious I am

of course!

You won't get away!

Arrest them

Yes, sir

Arrest me? Kneel before my jacket!

You produced these fake jackets

That's high treason!

We have been watching you

This is a fake?

Don't play dumb!

They said che Zai sold them the jacket

But you hang around with che Zai

You must be his accomplice

che Zai incriminated us

Let's go

Arrest them!

Thanks to his gun

or else we'd be dead

That che Zai played us for fools

We're no match for him

Master Dou

Let's find the Master of Womanizers

Ren Zhen-hao

Yes

Do you think he knows Ren Zhen-hao?

Ask him

Buddy...

Hey, don't touch my ball

You sell balls?

If you are, I'll take them all

Go away if you don't know the game

Get out!

What's there to know? They are like marbles!

No big deal!

What? Marbles?

This is called snooker, you see?

Looks like marbles to me!

Show me

Excellent!

Even I, Ren Zhen-hao's hat is off to you

I've been looking for you, Ren Zhen-hao

Was I involved with your sister?

No, my name is Dou

I'm from Guangdong

I came here to challenge you

I have taken on che Zai

You want to challenge me now?

Master Dou

Dou

At least show me what you can do

Prove that you're worth my time

That's easy!

How about this one?

Song!

Try to take liberties with her

I'll drive you away

We'll use the "damsel in distress" trick

Why am I always the bad guy?

Miss? Are you alone?

Let me buy you tea

Don't be shy!

I'm not a stranger

I'm a friend you haven't met

Say something

Are you feeling alright?

Be reasonable!

Miss!

Are you his accomplice?

Help me, Master Dou

can I borrow this?

Help yourself

Thanks

Master Dou

Miss...

These 2 lechers

raped my grandmother

and wounded me

I'm a righteous man

I won't let them harm you

They left me behind

to die

Master Dou...

Don't worry

I'll take care of you

He's cheating

Asshole!

Bye!

He has one on us!

He is over there!

You played us for fools

Take it easy, don't be angry

The trick you use

only works on country folks

But it's no use here in the capital

You knew she can fight, why her?

That's the way to defeat the opponent!

If you won't admit defeat

We can have another go

Very well!

That's a pretty dress!

You think it's pretty?

I envy you

for having such a pretty dress

My Father

brought this back for me

You don't mean this one?

Her father is the Russian ambassador

Her name is Delonkotiva Galalenaslova

What?

Delonkotiva Galalenslova

What a name!

Are you in?

Of course! What's the bet?

We'll try something harder

Whoever gets her in bed first will win

The stake is 2,000 taels of gold

You're on!

There's a ball at the embassy tonight

We must sneak inside

to go near her

She's Russian, do you speak Russian?

Russian is mere mumble jumble

I'm chinese! Get lost!

What now?

I have an idea

Is he your friend?

I don't know

Put it here!

The dummy looks real!

What are they for?

My present to the ambassador

For me? They're pretty!

Indeed! They look quite real!

This is fantastic

Thank you so much

Let's talk over there

Asshole! He molested me

Let me introduce you to my aunt

This is...

Mai Song

Mr. Mai Song

You're handsome, Mr. Mai

She's a special guest

a friend of the Queen's

How kind of Mr. Mai

He sent me this lovely wax figure

You must help me look after him

Are you married, Mr. Mai?

It's hot, I'll take a bath

I'll join you

Naughty boy, come later

Bye

I'll be right back

This isn't very nice

Don't worry!

How embarrassing!

We're used to it

This wax figure is nice!

It looks so real!

With muscles too!

Stop it! You should feel me instead

But I want to feel him!

Bitch!

How dare you hit me!

The world is full of men like you

Jerks, assholes, bastards...

I'll kill you...

Damn! I got beaten up for nothing!

Is the bath ready?

Yes

This is lovely! Who sent it?

I don't know

Help me undress

Where did this come from?

Who is it?

It's me!

Darling!

I love you very very very much

You're lying!

They say you're a womanizer

I love you

Let's get married

I have to think about this

If you won't

I'll die for you! See?

Poison, a gun and a knife

Tricks!

If you say no, I'll kill myself

I don't believe you

Watch me!

Watch what?

Will you stab yourself?

No, I'm shaving

coward!

What coward?

I don't like blood and gore

I'll drink this poison

You kill yourself by drinking alcohol?

No, I'm cleaning the gun with it

Then I'll shoot myself

Will you marry me?

- No... - Don't mind me...

I'm shot! I'm dying!

The gun is not loaded

You liar... get out!

Get out! Now!

The wax figure is moving! Look!

Stop lying! Get out!

No, he's really moving...

Get out! Now!

Master Dou

Where were you?

I was looking for you

Excellent!

Let's find a quiet place

oK?

Sure

I have to pee, go on...

oK, but hurry

Song!

Master Dou

I found you!

Excellent!

You did it?

Not yet

This is the ultimate invigorator

I forgot to give it to you

These foreigners are powerful in bed

Don't bring shame to the country

It's gone!

What now?

I'm still young, I don't need it

You figure something out

Hi, Mary! Tonight...

Hi

What's with him?

I don't know

Why is he like that?

Honey...

Broken...

Monster!

Help!

Daddy!

What happened?

He... Daddy!

You posed as the wax figure!

You're dead!

He watched while I bathed

Lock him up!

Wait! Leave him alone!

He's with me!

He's with me, let him go!

Why are you doing this?

No reason

You may be the ambassador, but I'm an aristocrat

I can have you dismissed if you disobey me

He's my darling

Song, what happened?

She raped me!

What now?

Darling, what shall we do?

Arrest Ren Zhen-hao!

Yes, lock him up

No!

We'll call it even this time

What do you think, Master Dou?

I'll take you to 3 Hands

Fair enough

I'll ask that old maid

She doesn't understand English!

Let me ask her!

Old lady

Don't call me old lady

My name is Mary

Mary?

You don't know English?

Ok, I'll speak chinese

What do you want?

We're looking for 3 Hands

can you fetch him for us?

My master!

You better go away

or you'll be sorry

We're here to challenge him

Go tell him now

You go find him

I don't want to get out half naked

Is he that incredible?

Go in!

No eye see

Why is it empty?

Are you looking for me?

Are you 3 Hands?

Did I steal from you, kid?

This is Master Dou

He wants to challenge you

He has taken on che Zai and myself

The score is 1 loss and 1 tie

Now it's your turn!

Turn to challenge me?

Sorry! Look!

Who tied you up?

Who else but myself

can tie me up?

Why?

So that I'll stop stealing

Because I'm notorious

People are afraid of me

Here comes 3 Hands

oh, 3 Hands! Bill please

Let's go!

What's the matter? Do I have rashes?

Why are they avoiding me?

Pork buns!

I'll take one!

Thanks

I must kick this habit

When I get itchy

I'll even steal from myself

That's why there's nothing here

You won't take me on?

I don't want to steal anymore

That's too bad!

I've taken them on

If you refuse

What should I do?

You better go

I really don't want to do it

Just this once?

What do you want me to steal?

Where's my jade?

You mean this one?

It's in your blood!

You won't change

Alright

Here's the deal

Steal this again in 3 days

Not 3 days

I'll get it before the cock crows tomorrow

We're staying at the Russian embassy

If you get it before the cock's crow

The jade is yours

If I fail

I'll give you my house

and my maid Mary

You can take her as well

No, you can keep her

Let's go

How much did you lose?

We're too smart for that!

We didn't lose anything

No? Look again!

Good evening!

Dou is in the Russian embassy

We'll get him tonight

Master!

Don't worry!

He knows the Bell defense

He'll know what to do!

Go on rounds!

Arrest anyone who's suspicious looking

and bring him to me

Darling, let's go back to our room

No

But I want to

You go on

I'll check on Master Dou

Hurry!

Alright!

Why didn't you lock the door?

Look!

There are so many!

There are over 50

And more over there

He'll never know which one is real

I put all the guards on duty

Be on the alert!

I will

It's a mirror

It's a mirror

How come I'm wearing glasses?

Bell Defense?

Be careful!

Say the password when you come back!

Damn! I forgot

Abacadabra

Minimaniminimanimo

open sesame!

Open sesame? Alright!

Be careful!

I will

Back already?

He must have forgotten something!

He has a terrible memory

Ask for the password

Password?

Abacadabra

Manimin...

Wrong!

Wrong?

Minimini...

Wrong!

Manimani...

Wrong!

Manimini...

Wrong

Wrong again? Damn!

He's swearing!

It doesn't sound like Song

Must be 3 Hands

Save your breath, 3 Hands

We're not opening the door

We'll only do it for your mother!

Come out...

We spotted 3 Hands! Come out...

Where?

He's in the garden! After him...

3 Hands is under arrest

He stole our pants yesterday

We must give him a good fix

Where is 3 Hands?

Damn! It's a trap!

So many!

Who are you?

I'm here to kill you

come and help me!

Me?

Hurry!

Alright!

Good move!

That's what I do best!

Good move!

Here he comes again!

Open up!

I don't have time for you

Now we don't need your help!

Give us a hand!

Give me the jade first

If I'm dead

The jade is useless!

What now?

Attack him from below

oK

Attack him from below

That's a heavy blow!

I'm dead

I can't hold you

Here he comes again!

Jade!

Stop it! There's plenty

Without his glasses

he's blind as a bat

catch!

Catch!

Over here!

Where's my glasses?

What is it?

He tried to kill me

Who are you?

4-Eyes

Just because you broke my glasses

doesn't mean you can beat me

I practiced Iron Shirt for 10 years

Bell Defense for 20 years

and Virgin kung fu for 30 years

No weapon on earth can beat me

What? Nothing can beat you?

Thank goodness for this gun

I'll only practice shooting from now on

Don't go!

What about him?

Take him to the back room

Find out who sent him

Start talking! Who hired you?

I have integrity and loyalty

I have ambition and bad breath

It stinks!

Bad breath?

Really? Let's see

You feet stink!

Talk!

I'd rather die

A tough guy?

He won't talk!

My darling

taught me Russian roulette

Let's play that

Using a gun?

It's empty

This gun carries 6 bullets

I'll load 1 bullet

And we'll take turns and try our luck

He hit me

I want to add a bullet

Sure!

I want another one

No problem

Look at my bruises

I want one more

Me too

That makes 5 bullets

Right!

Well? I'll go first

I'm fine. You're next!

6 minus 1 is 5

I'm dead!

So be it!

Speak up!

Your uncle hired my brother

3-Eyes to kill you

My uncle?

Now I remember

When we were ambushed at the pier

He was there!

I thought you arranged it

of course not

But I dare not say anything

can't believe he's so heartless!

I'll ask my darling to send in the troops

I have no business here. Bye!

Wait... what about our bet?

That's right

Time is up, you lose!

Where is the jade?

Right here!

Master Dou, I think you lost

Why?

Mary!

It was me

It was you?

The cock is still asleep

Even I must admit defeat

No discord, no concord

We can become sworn brothers

Very well, I'm the oldest

We're the same age

That makes me...

The youngest

Wait!

First, we must arrest your uncle

and 3-Eyes

Step aside...

Where are they now?

I don't know

Take him away!

That's not fair...

You must be 3-Eyes

Take him away!

Be good after you get married

The fat lady will bear you a son

Stop kidding around

Master Dou

What?

Your blasted uncle is in jail

What are you thinking?

Nothing

You have the Fat Lady

and he came up empty-handed

That's why he's not happy

No wonder he looks dispirited

You didn't do any better

I'm already out of the competition

yet you still can't score

I don't want to marry a blonde

and scare my poor mother to death

Why is he so narrow minded?

You know he can't take it

Why must you irritate him?

Song is so lucky to have a wife

I have to go home empty-handed

I'll find someone tonight

Dou, I'll wait for you in the dungeon

I thought she didn't want me

but she's secretly in love with me

Lena...

Dou...

Don't be mad, come out!

Look!

He has a rendezvous!

And you thought he failed!

Let's spy on him in the dungeon

Yes!

Sure!

Lena...

Maybe she'd be getting impatient!

She must be naked now!

Lena

This is not hers!

I don't understand

What don't you understand?

That's mine!

Who are you?

You sent people after me!

You're 3-Eyes?

My uncle is already in jail

You don't have to kill me

I have my rules

I must complete my mission

Nothing else matters

Look!

How sexy!

We definitely must take a look

I can't stand this

How incredible!

Hard to believe

She's so skinny yet so powerful!

It's Master Dou's first time!

No wonder he's screaming

Do you need help?

Yes, come in!

We're his friends, we must help

I'll have to force myself

Watch my chinese kung fu

against a foreigner

What? Both of them can't handle her?

No way!

Help! She's too much

Help!

It doesn't look right, go in and take a look

Master Dou...

Help!

Stop this thing!

Master Dou...

This is fun

Help me fight him!

I'm sorry, it's none of my business

Whose business is it then?

The chain!

I'll kill you...

Smart move!

Don't worry, I'm here

Beat him!

Yes

Well? Does it hurt?

Well?

I can't see

We'll help you

oK

Ram him... kick...

Both fists... all the way

I got you

You hit me on the small of the back!

Shut up, here he comes!

Left... right! I'll use my head

Here I come!

He's dead! Get off!

Why do I keep stepping on this ball?

I can't get up, help me!

Come on...

He's quite incredible

Luckily I have the armor

Help...

Lena, are you alright?

I'm naked... hurry!

So heavy...

It doesn't look right!

Let's go inside

Not in this armor

I can't walk

I'm not interested

Help me take it off

"Peace and Prosperity"

I'm making you wear chinese attire

because I don't want to scare my Mother

When you see her

Just address her as 'Mother', understand?

Mother

Dou! My precious son!