All language subtitles for gua-magnumpi.1980.s06e09-1080p

HIGGINS:
Somewhere on this island,
they have buried $1 million.

They are conducting
a treasure hunt.

Buried on this island?
$1 million?

Take the chest
and keep going.

Do you really think
someone's going to come
after you to get to the clues?

(SCREAMING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Dig! Let's go, dig!
All right!

(RICK SCREAMS)

That was a bat!

| guess I'm a real
neurotic mess, anyway.

Let's just try
and make the best of the rest
of the treasure hunt.

(SCREAMING)

FENWICK: Jump. All of you.

You can't be serious.

Down there?

In the water?

In the water.

Look, guys,
| think there's room
for discussion here.

Why don't we...
DOBBS: No! No more talk.

We're through talking.
Everybody over the side,
in the drink.

Come on. | mean,
we're all rational
human beings.

| mean, why don't we try
and work something out?

After all,
there's more than enough
to go around here.

AMY: Not necessarily.

Everyone stay
exactly as you are.

The great
Treasure of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt is history.

Time for the grand finale,
right now.

MAGNUM: | suppose
you're all wondering
how we got into this mess.

A fair question.

Well, it all started
a very long time ago.

In the year 1759, to be exact.

And someplace
right around here.

Move, blast ye!

The heathen Kalaniopu'u
is upon us.

Come on, faster!

PIRATE: Aye, Captain Dawkins.
Aye!

DAWKINS: Come on now, boys,
and run!

(DRUMS BEATING)

Faster, me boys!

DAWKINS: Come on, boys!

PIRATE: Aye, sir.

You and you,

take the chest
and keep going.

We'll rendezvous at
the cave of the wild boar

where waits
Reverend Brown.

And Maggie.

Aye, Maggie.

But, Captain,
what about you?

Here we'll stand. Go!

Gentlemen, load your muskets.

Send them
to hell!

MAGNUM: A real cliff-hanger.

But considering
what happened next,

I'd have to say
that Captain Dawkins
and his band of pirates

may have been the lucky ones.

After all,
they were just fiction.

Everything else was reality.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

HIGGINS: Magnum?

| say, Magnum!

MAGNUM: Sort of.

Why don't you knock?

Knock?

| veritably tore the door
from its hinges

in a vain attempt
at civilized entry.

You are late.

Late? Late where?

To the Kalanianaole pavilion
on the Windward Coast.

The what?

Oh, Higgins, come on,

| had a rough six hours
at the university last night.

No doubt with that
overeager, underaged co-ed
you've been seeing.

That overeager,
underaged co-ed
is my tutor.

Spare me the euphemism.

She is!

In what subject?
Advanced debauchery?

Business administration.

Dear me. Whatever for?

To improve the economic side
of my business. Never mind.

Why are you here
and what am | late for?

I'm here about
The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u.

That's my copy.
| bought and paid for it
with my own money.

It seems that Robin Masters'
publishing company has come up
with a cheap gimmick,

unworthy of Mr. Masters
in my opinion,

to increase
the paperback sales
of The Treasure.

Oh. Well, | did my part.

Somewhere on this island,
they have buried $1 million,

as did the character
Captain Dawkins
in the novel.

And they are conducting
a treasure hunt

based on the incidents
in the book to spur sales.

$1 million?

A mere write-off for them.

$1 million!

And in the long run,
much more viable

with the expected
increase in sales,

plus a potential
motion picture.
Be that as it may...

Buried on this island?
$1 million?

Be that as it may,
you have been volunteered
by Mr. Masters,

who, | might add,
finds the whole thing
as unseemly as | do,

and has fled indefinitely
to the south of France

to coordinate this charade
with the representative
from the publishing company.

Boy, think of the tax problems
I'm going to have, Higgins.

Think of your duty,
Magnum.
Huh?

Your tax problems
are irrelevant.

Why? If | find
$1 million...

Have you not heard
a word I've said?

You are an employee
of Mr. Masters
in this venture.

You are, therefore,
not eligible.

Not eligible!

And late.

AMY: Very late, Mr. Magnum.

| trust this isn't a harbinger
of your future work habits.

39 down.
What?

Something that
foreshadows or presages
what is to come.

Last Sunday's
New York Times
crossword puzzle,

39 down,
"Harbinger."

You probably cheated.

Why do you need
our medical insurance?

In case anything happens.

| did not cheat,
Miss...

Ms. Griswald, Amy.
Mount Kisco, New York.

And | bet you did cheat.

Well, we'll never know,
will we?

But what | would like to know
is what my future work habits
entail? You know, consist of?

Be consistent with?
Inevitably involve?

Oh, | don't think
he cheated,
Miss Griswald.

Yes, thank you.
Good luck.

What your job
inevitably involves,
Mr. Magnum,

is helping me keep
this treasure hunt honest.

Fine. Honest.

Yo, Thomas!
Where do | sign up?

Ah.

Wow, this is great.
One million simoleons,

and all | gotta do
is read this here
pirate book.

Rick, | think
you are gonna have to do
more than just read it.

You're gonna have
to read into it.

You are required to take
225-year-old clues,

and translate that
into a search
throughout modern Oahu.

Starting here, the site
of the pagan sacrifice,

as so colorfully
depicted in the novel.

Yeah, right. Pagran sacrifice.
Great stuff. Here, baby.

Rick, | don't think
this is gonna be that easy.

Who cares? | have a plan.

They all do.

It is kind of silly,
isn't it?

Kind of?

| think it's absolutely
the most foolish stunt
to hit the literary world

since the Howard Hughes will.

| know that | did not
torturously apply myself

to the taskmasters
at Bennington,

then slave in the publishing
houses along Madison Avenue
for the past 10 years

to wind up doing...
Doing this.

I'd rather be undertaking
what I've been trained to do,

editing Norman Mailer.

With a saber, of course.

IBOLD:
Or what about a scalpel?

MAGNUM: Doc lbold?
Why not?

| could make very good
use of that money.

| can buy a new
set of golf clubs.

And | shall swear
to my patients

that I'll only
hunt for that treasure on
Wednesdays and weekends.

Hey, like,
I'm curious.

Are there, like,
other prizes

for finding
most of the clues
or something?

Like a...
Like a computer?

It's all or nothing,
young man.

Oh, okay.

Hey, like, I'm also curious,
Ms. Griswald.

| mean, what am |
supposed to be doing here?
Protecting you?

| mean, because you know
where all the clues are

and the treasure's hidden,
right?

Wrong.

| trust your mental deductions
in your chosen field

aren't as haphazardly
thought out as those,

or you'd probably
be bumming off

the good graces
of Robin Masters,
instead of working.

Now, the clues will be sent
to me one at a time

by the prestigious
accounting firm

of Fletcher and Kilroy
in New York,
to ensure my safety.

And honesty. | mean, it's
just a haphazard deduction.

Listen, I'll see you,
Thomas.

Oh, bye, Doc.

Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Magnum.

I'm here to become
rich and famous,

along with my lovely
and charming partner.

Hi.
Cards are over there.

Oh.
Hi, I'm Thomas Magnum.
| don't think we've met.

Donna Clemens.
| teach literature
over at the university.

AMY: (CHUCKLES)
This is hardly literature.

Well, good luck.
| think the contest
starts in about...

Exactly 12:00 noon.

Great. Great.

And we will be ready.

Research materials.

We'll be right back
with these cards. My dear.

Safety?

Do you really think
someone's going to come
after you to get to the clues?

Who knows?
And who the hell cares?

Oh, excuse me.

Doug Fenwick and Terry Dobbs,
direct from Beantown.

We're here to sign up
for the treasure hunt.

ALL: 10, 9, 8,

7,6, 5,

4,3, 2, 1!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh, Jonathan,
isn't this
jolly good fun?

(SIGHING)

Well, they're off
and running.

In pursuit of
the quintessential
sucker's bet.

Why? One of them's
gonna win.

And the rest?

| reiterate, Magnum,
this is dumb.

MAGNUM: Well,
it wasn't Robin's idea.

Maybe.

But if he were
a serious novelist

addressing
the human condition

in an incisive
and intellectual manner,

we certainly wouldn't be
here doing this.

At least,
| wouldn't be here.

Well, maybe
Robin is addressing
the human condition.

Yes? How so?

What bleak aspect of
human nature is
Robin Masters exploring

in The Treasure
of Kalaniopu'u?

Greed.

Well, where to,
Ms. Griswald?

The Blue Coral Reef Hotel
near downtown.

That's the vicinity
of the first clue.

You happen to know
where that eminent
hostelry might be?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
| do.

Robin and | had lunch there
when | was chauffeuring him
around,

scouting locations
for this book.

Oh, how droll.

Shall we, then?

Bye, guys.

MAGNUM: And so, the great
Treasure of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt was on.

And the great literary flash
from Mount Kisco and |

were off running on a road
straight to $1 million.

But for some of the others,

this road might prove to be
a little more serpentine.

How you doing?

Close.

To the treasure?

(CHUCKLING) No,
to figuring out
the first clue.

What | can't
understand is,

why we just can't skip
all this clue stuff

and go straight to where
the treasure's buried.

Because if you'd
read the book...

| read the book.

I've read all of
Robin Masters’ books,

and Mad Buck Gibson,
and Tolstoy.

But that still doesn't
tell me

how come we just can't
zip to the treasure,

skip all this clue
and other stuff?

Because we have
to substantiate

to Amy Griswald
and to Magnum

that we did in fact
figure out all the clues.

Now, where
we need to start

is that Hawaiian village
that Dawkins and his crew
found when they first landed.

Okay, okay,
where is it?

That's what
I'm trying to figure out,
if you'll let me.

Okay, Okay, okay.

Okay. Listen to this,

"The high priest
Kalaniopu'u's village

"was nestled
in a beach alcove

"surrounded by
a peaceful, placid harbor

"large enough to accommodate
Captain Dawkins'
three masters..."

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Fisherman's Wharf!
Fisherman's...
Go on, go on, go on.

All right. "It was guarded
by an ancient banyan tree,
that rose majestic..."

Oh, the Federal Building!
Let's go.

(WHOOPING) All right.

Don't drive fast enough
to get us killed.

(WHOOPS)

DONNA: Slow down!

T.C.: We'll have
all of our lives
to slow down.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Watch it!

Do you have to be
so clumsy?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Well, fortunately,
we'll only have to endure

this deplorable situation
one night.

Then what?

We go to where
the next clue takes us.

Where's that?

(SHUSHING) Will you please
give me some credit?

Fine, but give me
some credit, too.
We are a team, aren't we?

We are not a team.

| am the supervisor
of this contest.
You are working for me.

Your job is to keep away
the weirdos and the kooks.

Oh, okay, | can see how
that could be a problem.

(SNICKERING)
Watch it.

Look. Look,
| can't tell you where
the specific clue sites are.

There's no need
for you to know.

There is a need
to protect me.

So, come on,
let's just get registered.

Miss Griswald.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

Here you are.
2012, the honeymoon suite.

(SCOFFS)
You're hardly serious.

It's on the computer.

| think you made
a mistake there.

No mistake.
It's on the computer.

| don't care if it's etched
in Paleolithic granite.

This is clearly unacceptable.

We are supposed to have
adjoining but separate rooms.

You're not married?

BOTH: No!

Look, Mr. Kono,

my company made
these reservations
three weeks ago.

Two rooms.

Maybe the computer
did make a mistake.

The computer does not
make mistakes.

Maybe you made a mistake.
| know | did.

I'm terribly sorry,
but it'd be very difficult
to move you

as there's a whole
convention staying here.

The Royal Order
of Water Buffaloes
from Dayton, Ohio.

You're kidding?
No, ma’am.

Well, then move them! Now!

Or I'll have this place
reduced to rubble! Rubble!

Do you hear me?

Maybe we can work
something out.

You'd better.

Hey, pal,
you can have my room.

| wouldn't wish that
on anyone.

Even my worst enemy.

(AMY SIGHING)

Come on, Magnum, on your feet.
Everything is taken care of.

Now, all we have to do
is find the damn place.

Listen, | know
it's here somewhere.

KIKA: Hey, you better
find it, bro.

Otherwise we'll be out
a cool million, you know?

And that'd be the end
of a beautiful partnership.

| got it.

All right.

Hey, listen, Kika,
are you...

Are you sure
that we're headed
in the right direction?

Of course,
I'm sure, Doc.

(CHUCKLING)

The village of Kalaniopu'u
is the village
of my ancestors.

Yeah, but the village
of your ancestors

has not been in existence
for some 200 years.

We Hawaiians have
a great oral tradition.

Well, | hope that this haole
and this Hawaiian
have a terrific future.

Hey. Hey, listen, Kika.

What are you gonna do
with all that money?

Are you gonna buy out
the pedicab industry?

(LAUGHING)
Are you kidding, man?
I'm going to live.

No more peddling around
those oversized tricycles.
You know, all over town.

Hey, I'm gonna
be like Magnum,
you know.

My own estate.
My own red sports car.

Maybe I'll become a PI, too.

Hey, Doc. You and me
are gonna go downtown,
find that cash,

and live like kings.

Like King Kamehameha, huh?
You got it.

All right. This is fun.
Let's go!

Let's go!

MAGNUM: /f they only knew
what fun | was really having.

| mean,
it was bad enough being stuck
doing this silly job

with the supercilious
Amy Griswald.

But | was also missing
the Detroit-Toronto game,
which was being beamed

at this very moment
live and direct from Canada,

via Satellite, to Robin's
new dish and my comfortable
old guest house.

My options here were
sadly more limited.

(CARTOON PLAYING ON TV)

And so far,
| was really having
a hard time figuring out

what | was really
supposed to be doing.

| knew we were in the general
vicinity of the first clue,

but Ms. Griswald
refused to even tell me
specifically where it was.

As if | even cared,
not being eligible anyway.

It was the kind of evening
where | even found myself

rooting for Woody to fall
out of his tree.

(CHUCKLING)

(DOOR OPENING)

Ms. Griswald?

(AMY SCREAMING)

Amy!

(AMY SCREAMING)

You okay?

No! It's me, it's me!
It's me.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

That's okay.

(EXCLAIMS) You okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Physically.
Physically, yes.

Emotionally,
psychologically,

and in terms of every
woman's angst, no.

(SCREAMS)

No, no...

You're fine,
you're fine.
Okay. Oh.

It's okay.
Yeah.

You all right?
Yeah.

What happened?

Two intruders broke in
and tried to steal
the first clue.

Did they get it?

It's all right here.

Well, that's just great.
That's great.

How am | supposed to
protect the integrity
of this contest,

not to mention you,
if you don't confide in me?

You're right.

This is all getting too weird.

Okay, I'll tell you
where it is.

Great.

But you've also got
to tell me one thing.

What?

Just where the hell
do you expect me
to sleep tonight?

MAGNUM:
Amy was only half right.

Not only were things
getting too weird,

they were also getting
too dangerous.

And it wasn't only her
| was concerned about.

All my friends
were involved, too.

T.C.: Okay. It's here.

Where?

You... We need a bulldozer
to dig up all this cement.

Not necessarily.

The majestic banyan tree.

Deeper.

Any deeper and we're
talking China here.

We found it. We did it!

(SHUSHING)
They'll hear you.
Let's have a look.

Well, great. We found it,
but what does it mean?

| think | Know
what it means.

| think | know.

Well, what? What?

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
RICK: Hi, T.C.

What are you doing?
What are you doing here?
T.C.!

Take it easy.
The same as you are,
after the treasure.

What? You followed us!
| thought you had a plan?

Yeah, that's it.

| can live on a third
of a million bucks
real easy.

Now, let's cover
this boulder up,

before someone else
knows where to find it.

No, no, you can't.
That's one of the rules
of the contest.

You can't alter
or disfigure an exposed clue
or you're disqualified.

I'm gonna alter
and disfigure him!

Just take it easy.
You can't. We're friends.
And now we're partners.

Oh, we're history.

You're under arrest
for destruction
of public property.

You're relieved, Officer.
Downtown wants us
to cordon off the area.

Right. Mahalo.

MAGNUM: So far,
it wasn't a particularly
auspicious night.

Nor an auspicious beginning

for the great Treasure of
Kalaniopu'u Treasure Hunt.

| mean, spending the night
folded up on my couch

while Amy Griswald slept
peacefully in my bed,

no doubt dreaming dreams
of what she'd like to do

to Norman Mailer
and Ernest Hemmingway,
was not my idea of fun.

But | suppose where Rick,
T.C., and Donna spent theirs

wasn't a night
at the Ritz, either.

RICK: Come on, Lieutenant,
you gotta let us out of here.

You don't know
what's at stake.

What's at stake
is eight hours of sleep
down the drain. Mine.

But, Lieutenant, we're talking
about a million bucks.

Look, Lieutenant,

we'll cut you in for
one hundred big ones.

Rick.

All right. A quarter.
You're an equal partner.

TANAKA:
I'm a homicide investigator.

Now, why'd you ask
to see me?

Because you're
the only cop we know.

And we'd like
to consider you
our friend.

And even though I've only
personally known you

for a short
period of time,

it's real easy to see
you're a man of grace
and literary sensitivity.

And we knew,
once everything was explained
to you, you'd understand.

And let us go.

Please. Don't try to con me.

I've been conned by the best,
like your friend, Magnum.

And | have to say this,

the three of you
are rank amateurs.

So, | take it you're
not letting us go?

You've destroyed
private property.

You're liable for damages,

and so is the
publishing company.

You've gotta know that
this is going on your records,
and furthermore...

(PHONE RINGING)

Tanaka.

Oh.

Right. No problem.

You're free to go.

How come?

Apparently, there's
a misunderstanding.

The Federal authorities
were aware of the boulder

and gave the treasure hunt
people permission.

Only thing was,
the anonymous passerby who
called us didn't know that.

So, good night.
Good night.

(CHUCKLES)
Mahalo, Lieutenant.

Just stay
out of trouble.

(SIGHING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh, I'm sorry.

God, | was dreaming
about last night.

Those two guys,
and then

when | woke up,
you were...

Do you know
how to make coffee?

You're not mad,
are you?

Mad? Mad?
No, of course not.

| mean,
why should | be mad?

Being roommates with a...
Don't say it.

How do you know what
| was gonna say next?

I'm a good guesser.

And the truth
of the matter is,

whatever you were
gonna say, | deserve it.

I've been disparaging you
and this treasure hunt

ever since
they assigned me to it.

And | know you were
reluctant, too.

And | know
that if it weren't for you
scaring off those guys,

and then talking to the cops,

and then taking care
of everything last night,

well, I'd just be
a real neurotic mess.

| guess I'm a real
neurotic mess, anyway.

Thank you.

For what?

Everything.

Sure.

Let's just try
and make the best of the rest
of the treasure hunt, okay?

Okay.

So, where's the next clue?

| don't know.
They're supposed to call.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Griswald.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Right. Well,
we'll be there.

Where? Where's the next clue?

It doesn't matter.
They actually told me
where the treasure is.

Now, all we've got to do
is just show up

and wait for the lucky winner
to get there.

Really?
Yeah.

The whole thing?
Yeah.

Why?

Well, because of
what's happened,

they don't want to take
any more chances with me

or the hunt
getting compromised.

In other words,
we're just Supervisors now.

We're through being roommates.

Oh.

(COFFEE MACHINE BUZZING)

Thanks.

(BATS SCREECHING)

RICK: A bat!

T.C.: That was not a bat.

(SCREAMING) Whoa!

That was a bat!

Orville, will you just
shut up and come on?

Now, what's a couple of bats
compared to a million bucks?

(EXCLAIMING)

I'm thinking about it.

Where's that first
mate guy, anyway?

Hey!

DONNA: Let me see.

Let's see.
Okay, here we go.

"First mate Dick Trevor
was instructed
by Captain Dawkins

"to proceed to
the cave of the wild boar,
where he...”

Wild boar? What wild boar?

Shut up.

"Where he was to await
further instructions.

"Unbeknownst to him..."

He was probably killed
by the bats.

Pecked to death!

Probably sucked the blood
right out of his neck.

BOTH: Shut up!

Well, at any rate,

according to the inscriptions
we found on the rock,

we're in the right cave.
Now, all we have to do

is find first mate
Dick Trevor.

Sure.
He's probably waiting
just around the bend.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

ALL: You!

What are you guys
doing here?

We're lost.
Investigating.

Investigating what?

How about one-million-bucks
investigating?

You two guys
better come clean.

Listen,
after you were arrested,

the lieutenant called me
just to make
an official report.

It was really
routine stuff.

And we decided

the best course of action,
and since you're
all friends of ours,

and to avoid any
further complications,

was to investigate
more fully, so...

Yes. So, anyway,

we were looking
at the snapshot
of the boulder clue,

and really, purely
for background purposes,

we kind of went out.

We just picked up
a copy of the book and...

And tried
to rip us off.

And these guys
aren't even registered.

But you are.

Maybe we could be
silent partners.

Silent partners?

That would mean
the split would be...

$200,000.

Oh, we can live with that.
Can you?

Unless you want to go back
to the station and answer
a few more questions.

Come on,
| think it's this way.

(SCREAMS)

That's it,
I'm out of here!
Hold it, hold it.

(WOLF HOWLING)
You just stop that
right now.

Who's in here?

Come out
or I'll shoot.

You can't
shoot people.

Yeah. Well,
he can shoot ghosts.

There are no ghosts.

Look,
either you come out
or I'm coming in.

I'm gonna
count to three.

One, two...

Okay, Okay, okay.
We're coming.

(CHUCKLES)

How's it, brah?

"How's it, brah?"

I'm gonna...
T.C.

What are you guys
doing here?

| believe we share
the same general interests.

| mean, how...
It was rather difficult,
actually.

When we got
to the banyan tree,

which evidently
you so thoughtfully dug up,

we found
there was nobody there except
two plainclothes policemen.

And they let you
look at the clue?

Well, no. Actually,
we waited for them to leave.

Only to find that that clue,
that mark on the rock face,

had been hurriedly
painted over.

So, my partner Kika and |

removed that boulder,
we took it to my lab,

and we took off the paint.
That's what took us so long.

You mean, the cops
painted the rock over?

| guess.

I'm gonna get their names.
That's destruction
of evidence.

That's not important.

What is important is
the fact that right now

the seven of us in this cave
are the only ones

who know the location
of this clue.

Obviously, the painted rock
was a dead end for
everybody else, so...

(LAUGHING)

The treasure is ours!

Yeah. That is
precisely right!

| apologize for alarming you,

but when we heard the voices,

we decided discretion was
the better part of valor

until we could ascertain
indeed precisely

who it was that we were
dealing with.

Oh, this is wonderful.
Wonderful.

How many times does seven
go into a million?

One hundred and forty...
Two thousand eight hundred...

BOTH: Fifty-seven dollars...

And fourteen cents!

(LAUGHING)

Where is this clue?

Right over here.

For in the book,
you remember?

The first mate,
Dick Trevor,

swallowed

that map just before
he was killed.

Well, where is it?
The suspense
is killing me.

HIGGINS: Oh, my God!

The treasure is here?

Apparently.

Buried beneath my prized
bed of Grandiflora
Queen Elizabeths?

Evidently.

Why?

| don't know.
I'm just a hired hand.

How? When?

| don't know!

Maybe it happened
last weekend
when you were on Maui

and | was at my
economics seminar.

How could Mr. Masters
do this to me?

Calm yourself,
Jonathan.

It probably wasn't Robin,
Mr. Higgins.

I'm sure it was
the company's idea.

Because, in the book,
the implication was that

the treasure
was finally located
in a tropical garden.

You know, just before
the oh-so-tragic ending.

And this being
Robin's property,

the advance man,
the genius who figured
all this out,

probably figured
this is the closest thing
we had to one.

You know, $1 million
is $1 million.

We couldn't very well
just bury it anywhere.

On behalf of the company,
| do apologize,

and I'm sure any damage
to your flower bed
will be compensated.

That is not the point!

Jonathan, please.
You'll have a stroke.

| don't care! I...

Ms. Griswald?
Telephone, Ms. Griswald.

Will you just excuse me
for a moment?

| still don't see
why my Grandiflora
Queen Elizabeths

have to perish for the sake
of a cheap publicity stunt.

I'm sure when all this
is over, Higgins, you can
get some new flowers.

They are not just flowers!
They're...

AMY: Big trouble!

I'm glad you finally
realize that.

I'm not talking about
the roses, Mr. Higgins.

That was Channel 8 news.

Somehow, they've stumbled upon
some of the treasure hunters
at the cave,

and they've sent
a crew up there
to do a story on them.

I've got to get up there,
because if any of those
clue sites

appear on television,
the whole contest
will be compromised.

I'll go with you.

No, you won't.

| mean, you can't.
You've got to stay here
with the money.

And if any of the entrants
are smart enough

to have figured
this part out,

you must supervise
the unearthing.

I'll be back
just as soon as | can.
But...

Please, do as | ask.
| don't want
to lose my job.

Intellectually degrading
as it may be.

| know how you feel,
Higgins,

but sometimes the whims
of the rich and powerful
can be very capricious.

But | know
you'll get over it. Really.

He's right,
Jonathan.

And after all,
how much worse
can things get?

(HORNS HONKING)

RICK: Let's go for it!

Kika: Dig, dig!
Let's go!

(DONNA SCREAMING)
Dig! All right, dig!

My God.

There's nothing there.

| demand
an explanation.

From me? Why me?

Because you are
in charge
of this contest!

| am not in charge
of this contest.

Amy Griswald is.
Or was.

My job was to try
and keep it honest.

Performed, | might add,
in your typically
superlative fashion.

Where is the $1 million?

| don't know!

All this death and mutilation
for naught. For naught!

Really, the treasure
should have been here.

This is the most specifically
delineated clue of the lot.

There can be
no mistaking it.

Unless it was a plant.
It was many plants.

Oh, that's not what
I'm talking about.

Then what, pray tell,
are you talking about?

Doc, what did those
cops who guarded
the banyan tree look like?

One was blonde,
baby-faced.

The other was a little taller
with a pencil-thin moustache

like Boston Blackie.
Remember him?

No. But | bet you
Amy Griswald does.

Magnum, as usual,
you are not making
any sense.

Oh, yes, | am.

Look, you take
those mystery intruders
in Amy's motel room,

you add a couple
of phony cops
with a can of paint,

and a mysterious phone call
from Channel 8,

and you're gonna come up
with a couple of guys

named Doug Fenwick
and Terry Dobbs

in collusion with
Miss Mount Kisco.

| mean, don't you see?

She was spoon-feeding them
the clues as she got them
from the accounting firm.

But after the manufactured
incident at the motel,

well, they just panicked
and gave her
the whole ball of wax.

Which she handed
to them.
Right!

That's a very interesting
theory, Mr. Magnum.

Thank you.

Yeah,
and while they're off
stealing the treasure,

we're sitting here
discussing it.

So, this bogus clue
from the skeleton

is nothing more
than a classic case
of misdirection.

So, what are we
gonna do about it?

Good question. What?

Yes, Magnum. What?

We go back to the book.

MAGNUM: The /ast chapter.

Right where it gets
real tragic.

REVEREND: If James does not
make it here, Maggie,

it will not be
because he did not try,

nor does not love you.

It is simply
the Lord's will.

Was it the Lord's will
for him to steal
the treasure?

But that was
Spanish treasure.

We are at war
with them, Maggie.

Captain James Dawkins
was merely doing his duty.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I'll die not having
known what it was like
to be with him.

To have him as my husband.

We never should have
left England.

Aye, I'll chug one
to that, milady.

None of us
should have left.

James!

Maggie.

Maggie.
At last we're together.

Yes. Yes.

The four of us,
we must go quickly.

Our only hope is to...

(SCREAMS)

MAGGIE: Oh, no.

Father!

My God, Maggie,
we must flee!

Perhaps now
we can be together.

Yes. Always.

RICK:
Wow, that's really tragic.

| should have
read the book.

And Robin Masters
should have
done his research.

Spain didn't enter
the Anglo-Franco war
until 1762.

Yes, but who cares?
The point is,

is that they jumped off
the cliff.

Right. But listen to
this last paragraph.

"And so the brave
Captain Dawkins

"and his true love,
Maggie Brown,

"plunged hand in hand
over the precipice

"into the brutally
churning waters below.

"And even though
they did indeed perish,

"their love would live
on and on."

What treacle.

| kind of liked it.

That's not the point.

My dear, what is the point?

The point is, there are
no churning fresh waters
on Oahu.

Exactly.

But this is fiction.

Yeah, but the scouting trip
| took Robin on before
he wrote the book wasn't.

He just used a little
literary license.

| know
exactly where they are.

MAGNUM:
| know what you're thinking.

Given what happened earlier,
we were walking
into a certain trap.

| knew that.

But what Amy and her cohorts
didn't know

was what could happen
when the trappers
became the trapees.

Nobody move.

/ think.

Don't try
anything stupid, guys.

Jump.

All of you.

You can't be serious.

Down there?

In the water?

In the water.

Look, guys,
| think there's room
for discussion here.

Why don't we...
DOBBS: No! No more talk.

We're through talking.
Everybody over the side,
in the drink.

Come on. | mean,
we're all rational
human beings.

| mean, why don't we try
and work something out?

After all,
there's more than enough
to go around here.

AMY: Not necessarily.

Everyone stay
exactly as you are.

The great
Treasure of Kalaniopu'u
Treasure Hunt is history.

Time for the grand finale,
right now.

You know, | don't think
you're going to be doing
much book editing anymore.

Unless you and these bozos
plan on doing
some prison writing.

There's something about
$1 million payday

that can make you lose
your zeal for working.

Now, do as we Say.
We've got a plane to catch.

| think you're bluffing.

Oh! That's it, | think
a swim will be just fine.

Stay right there, Rick.

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

Get the rope!

Come on!

(WHOOPING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(GUFFAWING)

My money!
| got it! | got it!

Money, money, money, money!

(ALL CLAMORING)

I'm sorry you lost your
Grandiflora Queen Elizabeths
over this.

Thank you, Magnum.
The gesture is appreciated.

But | suppose that
when one works,

as we do,
for someone as eccentric

and as anarchically impulsive
as Mr. Masters,

we must expect
the unexpected

and learn to live with
the somewhat absurd
vagaries of his work.

You're right, Higgins.

| guess you and I'll

be doing this for
a long time, too, huh?

You know. Together.

Yes. As a matter of fact,
always.

(BOTH SCREAMING)