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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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- Gandalf.
- Aragorn!
3
00:00:03,747 --> 00:00:04,747
Gandalf!
4
00:00:04,748 --> 00:00:08,567
Denzel, there's no way Gandalf's
dick was bigger than Aragorn's.
5
00:00:08,568 --> 00:00:13,390
What? Not only was it bigger, he
could shoot fireballs off that shit.
6
00:00:13,391 --> 00:00:15,706
Look out! That guy's burning
down a village with his dick!
7
00:00:15,707 --> 00:00:18,604
I know for a fact that Viggo
Mortensen's hung like an Elven horse.
8
00:00:18,605 --> 00:00:22,140
- What, you seen it?
- Not in person. It was in a dream.
9
00:00:22,141 --> 00:00:25,740
Ooh, can you believe it's only
three days until J.R.R. Tol-Con?
10
00:00:25,741 --> 00:00:28,474
I can't wait to go with you, Denzel!
11
00:00:28,475 --> 00:00:29,607
♪ Oh.
12
00:00:29,608 --> 00:00:30,804
♪ Oh!
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00:00:30,805 --> 00:00:32,607
♪Lord Of The Rings
is our favorite thing.
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00:00:32,608 --> 00:00:34,608
♪ Lords and Orcs and magical Kings.
15
00:00:34,609 --> 00:00:36,443
♪ Look at that human
and Elf have a fling.
16
00:00:36,444 --> 00:00:39,178
♪ Gollum is trying
to steal Frodo's bling.
17
00:00:39,179 --> 00:00:41,712
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
18
00:00:41,713 --> 00:00:43,848
Uh, what the hell are
y'all talking about?
19
00:00:43,849 --> 00:00:47,150
Lord Of The Rings convention. You
know, wizards and dragons and stuff.
20
00:00:47,151 --> 00:00:48,677
Oh, before y'all arrested me,
21
00:00:48,678 --> 00:00:52,785
I was on my way to a convention
filled with wizards and dragons.
22
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:57,523
- For real? Y'all dress up and stuff?
- Oh, hell yeah, we do.
23
00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:01,064
Still better than comic-con.
24
00:01:03,031 --> 00:01:04,264
Aah!
25
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,341
♪ Brickleberry!
26
00:01:06,342 --> 00:01:09,042
♪ Brickleberry!
27
00:01:14,004 --> 00:01:15,439
What's the matter, Connie?
28
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,274
Malloy replaced my toiled
seat with a bear trap.
29
00:01:18,275 --> 00:01:20,195
What?
30
00:01:20,611 --> 00:01:22,373
What a prankster.
31
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,560
Malloy's always been
kind of an asshole but,
32
00:01:24,561 --> 00:01:27,047
is it just me, or is he,
like, way worse recently?
33
00:01:27,048 --> 00:01:28,817
Well, if he is, I haven't noticed.
34
00:01:28,818 --> 00:01:30,952
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
35
00:01:30,953 --> 00:01:33,822
Ah, good, another
Doonesbury I don't get.
36
00:01:33,823 --> 00:01:36,057
Why is Malloy acting
out all of a sudden?
37
00:01:36,058 --> 00:01:39,393
Because he's a wild animal,
and Woody never disciplines him.
38
00:01:39,394 --> 00:01:41,295
He just gives him sugar and weapons.
39
00:01:41,296 --> 00:01:45,199
For your information, Dr. Phil,
I'm a harsh disciplinarian.
40
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,323
Why, last night, Malloy
said a dirty word,
41
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,836
and I washed his mouth out
with a bar of chocolate.
42
00:01:49,837 --> 00:01:51,971
Stop it, please. Aah!
43
00:01:51,972 --> 00:01:54,140
- Woody!
- Fine.
44
00:01:54,141 --> 00:01:58,941
Malloy, stop trying to
murder Steve, or else!
45
00:02:00,514 --> 00:02:03,249
This will teach you to ruin my fun.
46
00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:06,430
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
47
00:02:07,654 --> 00:02:10,956
"Well," he said, "I'm back".
48
00:02:10,957 --> 00:02:13,091
- The end.
- God damn!
49
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:15,993
Now that is how you close
out an epic fantasy trilogy!
50
00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:18,226
I can't believe you never
read these before you met me.
51
00:02:18,227 --> 00:02:20,431
The only thing that gets read
in Detroit is your rights.
52
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:23,500
Steve, I'm glad you opened my
eyes to this fantastical world.
53
00:02:23,501 --> 00:02:25,606
It helps me forget that I
work in a boring-ass park
54
00:02:25,607 --> 00:02:27,944
and that my best friend is
a nerd with a micro-phallus.
55
00:02:27,945 --> 00:02:30,240
Best friend? Thanks, pal.
56
00:02:30,241 --> 00:02:32,275
Tol-Con's gonna be awesome!
57
00:02:32,276 --> 00:02:35,247
Ooh, you have no idea.
Here's the best part.
58
00:02:35,248 --> 00:02:37,162
There's a costume contest?
59
00:02:37,163 --> 00:02:41,350
And the winner gets
to meet v-v-v...
60
00:02:41,351 --> 00:02:43,852
Viggo Mortensen!
61
00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:45,687
I've got the perfect costume!
62
00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:48,808
The mythical Shadowfax!
63
00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:53,428
The Lord of all horses!
64
00:02:53,429 --> 00:02:55,196
Hey, wait, what the hell?
65
00:02:55,197 --> 00:02:57,031
Hey! Oh! This ain't right!
66
00:02:57,032 --> 00:02:59,372
Stop! Help!
67
00:03:00,569 --> 00:03:03,104
From now on, you getting in the back.
68
00:03:03,105 --> 00:03:05,473
- What happened here?
- Malloy did it.
69
00:03:05,474 --> 00:03:07,575
Where is your little Prince Charming?
70
00:03:07,576 --> 00:03:09,143
Don't ask me, I'm grounded.
71
00:03:09,144 --> 00:03:12,780
I saw him go that way
with a flamethrower.
72
00:03:12,781 --> 00:03:15,583
Oh, I thought you were
bobbing for french fries again.
73
00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:18,752
- Where did he get a flamethrower?
- What? It was Christmas.
74
00:03:18,753 --> 00:03:22,889
Malloy is a troubled youth, Woody.
I should know. I used to be one.
75
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:25,925
See, back when I was a kid
in Detroit, I was in a gang.
76
00:03:25,926 --> 00:03:29,462
We called ourselves
the cool friends gang.
77
00:03:29,463 --> 00:03:33,599
And when I say we were hard-core,
I mean we were hard-core!
78
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,167
Get outta the sleigh, bitch!
79
00:03:35,168 --> 00:03:37,868
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
80
00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:44,476
Whoa, Denzel was in a gang!
81
00:03:44,477 --> 00:03:47,245
Let's all take a moment to soak
in that startling revelation.
82
00:03:47,246 --> 00:03:50,615
- This is serious, Woody.
- Ah, you're all overreacting.
83
00:03:50,616 --> 00:03:55,596
Malloy hasn't gotten
into any real trouble yet.
84
00:03:59,358 --> 00:04:02,337
3 counts of grand theft
auto, 137 moving violations,
85
00:04:02,338 --> 00:04:05,863
12 counts of attempted vehicular homicide,
and he called my partner a [Bleep] dipshit.
86
00:04:05,864 --> 00:04:09,767
First of all, I don't know where he
could have heard language like that.
87
00:04:09,768 --> 00:04:12,170
Second, your partner looks
like a [Bleep] dipshit.
88
00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:15,340
If this bear steps foot in our town
again, we're throwing him in prison.
89
00:04:15,341 --> 00:04:21,241
Prison? Don't worry, officers. I'll make
sure nothing like this ever happens again.
90
00:04:22,181 --> 00:04:25,140
Oh, God. Maybe he is out of control.
91
00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:26,601
What am I gonna do?
92
00:04:26,602 --> 00:04:30,655
I think it's time I made a call to my boys
in Detroit to scare this bear straight.
93
00:04:30,656 --> 00:04:33,224
Right after I practice
galloping as a mythical horse.
94
00:04:33,225 --> 00:04:35,385
Aw, man!
95
00:04:38,197 --> 00:04:39,779
There come my boys.
96
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,980
The baddest gangstas in Detroit. What?
97
00:04:45,304 --> 00:04:47,839
Good afternoon, Denzel.
98
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,442
These Urkels are gonna
scare Malloy straight?
99
00:04:50,443 --> 00:04:52,911
They're wearing goddamn penny loafers!
100
00:04:52,912 --> 00:04:54,947
Wow. You guys look different.
101
00:04:54,948 --> 00:04:57,026
Y'all still gang banging,
right, murder bone?
102
00:04:57,027 --> 00:05:01,728
Oh, no. I teach Jewish-African-American
studies at the Community College.
103
00:05:01,729 --> 00:05:03,692
And I own a Kia dealership.
104
00:05:03,693 --> 00:05:05,671
Bug eyes here does the marketing for me.
105
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:10,228
Iba beebe settum uppa theeba big
wavy men and inflatababull gobarillas.
106
00:05:10,229 --> 00:05:15,449
Yeah, he never really
recovered from that drive-by.
107
00:05:16,503 --> 00:05:20,643
Oh, great. Now we have four Denzels?
108
00:05:24,459 --> 00:05:28,413
So this is the little punk
bitch who thinks he's a criminal.
109
00:05:28,414 --> 00:05:31,291
Yeah, well, you eye to eye
with some real criminals, bitch!
110
00:05:31,292 --> 00:05:33,890
I assumed, but it sounds
racist when I say it.
111
00:05:33,891 --> 00:05:36,459
Back in the day, we got
in some serious shit.
112
00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:41,464
Carjacking, pushing dope, breeding
midgets and fighting them to the death.
113
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:43,432
Okay, that last one caught me off guard.
114
00:05:43,433 --> 00:05:45,168
Shit was for real, Malloy.
115
00:05:45,169 --> 00:05:47,837
We had no rules and
didn't respect the law.
116
00:05:47,838 --> 00:05:50,912
We just ran around, doing whatever
we wanted, whenever we wanted.
117
00:05:50,913 --> 00:05:51,921
Yeahbada!
118
00:05:51,922 --> 00:05:54,009
That sounds awesome. Why'd you stop?
119
00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:56,199
Yeah, why did we stop?
120
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,814
Because we turned our
lives around, fool!
121
00:05:58,815 --> 00:06:00,649
But you may not be so lucky.
122
00:06:00,650 --> 00:06:02,585
So you guys used to be bad asses.
123
00:06:02,586 --> 00:06:05,220
Now you're the target demo for HGTV.
124
00:06:05,221 --> 00:06:06,655
Where do I sign up?
125
00:06:06,656 --> 00:06:08,807
- We still know how to get down.
- Yeah.
126
00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:11,561
Just last week, I bought
a bumper pool table!
127
00:06:11,562 --> 00:06:15,527
Last Friday my wife left for a conference
in Tulsa and I got to masturbate!
128
00:06:15,528 --> 00:06:19,103
Iba collect recipes offba Pinterest.
129
00:06:19,104 --> 00:06:21,706
Oh, he's right. Our lives suck.
130
00:06:21,707 --> 00:06:24,575
Remember old officer
Pulaski with the gimp leg?
131
00:06:24,576 --> 00:06:25,843
Used to chase us like this?
132
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,661
- "Hey, mother[Bleep]! Get over here!"
- "Hey! Hey!"
133
00:06:28,662 --> 00:06:31,582
"Get over here, little mother[Bleep]!"
134
00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:34,057
Then we shot him in the face.
135
00:06:34,058 --> 00:06:35,792
Feels good to laugh again.
136
00:06:35,793 --> 00:06:37,660
See? That's the spirit.
137
00:06:37,661 --> 00:06:41,130
Guys, I don't mean to play doctor, but
you've all got a case of the "no funsies".
138
00:06:41,131 --> 00:06:43,132
That's what we get for sharing needles.
139
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:45,265
Man, the bear's right. I'm bored.
140
00:06:45,266 --> 00:06:46,489
Meba tooba.
141
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:49,910
I drive a goddamn minivan.
142
00:06:49,913 --> 00:06:52,308
What do you say we hit the
town and have some real fun?
143
00:06:52,309 --> 00:06:53,526
- Yeah!
- Hell, yeah!
144
00:06:53,527 --> 00:06:54,375
Hold on.
145
00:06:54,376 --> 00:06:57,562
You're supposed to be scaring the bear
straight, not declaring the bear's great!
146
00:06:57,563 --> 00:07:00,683
Don't be a punk, D. We about
to tear shit up old school.
147
00:07:00,684 --> 00:07:02,818
- You in or out?
- Uh, in?
148
00:07:02,819 --> 00:07:05,921
So, cubsy wubsy, did my
homeboys scare you straight yet?
149
00:07:05,922 --> 00:07:07,589
Suck it, cracker!
150
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:10,890
- Yeah!
- Yeah, take it!
151
00:07:14,397 --> 00:07:17,333
Denzel, hey, there you are. I've
been looking all over for you.
152
00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:20,336
You didn't show for Shadowfax
practice. Everything okay?
153
00:07:20,337 --> 00:07:23,606
Whoa, hold up. Who the
[Bleep] is this hookey donkey?
154
00:07:23,607 --> 00:07:26,009
I get it! He's a hookey donkey.
155
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:30,035
We're Shadowfax, the Lord of all horses.
156
00:07:30,036 --> 00:07:32,661
- Tell 'em, Denzel.
- Denzel, you're friends with this guy?
157
00:07:32,662 --> 00:07:34,302
Oh, don't pay attention
to Steve, fellas.
158
00:07:34,303 --> 00:07:37,025
He's just a local pedophile we keep
around to clean out the shitters.
159
00:07:37,026 --> 00:07:41,706
Now let's go! Later,
local pedophile Steve.
160
00:07:49,199 --> 00:07:52,634
You guys have gotten pretty soft. You
sure you still know how to commit crimes?
161
00:07:52,635 --> 00:07:54,369
Of course we do.
162
00:07:54,370 --> 00:07:57,573
I said, "I want a small
business loan," mother[Bleep]!
163
00:07:57,574 --> 00:08:01,644
What do you mean this Zumba
Groupon's expired, mother[Bleep]?
164
00:08:01,645 --> 00:08:07,383
I sabida, "putta my child in your
pribata schoobada, moboda fuboda!"
165
00:08:07,384 --> 00:08:10,686
Someone please tell me
what the hell he just said.
166
00:08:10,687 --> 00:08:15,023
Yo, your kids are gonna love it here.
They got an excellent drama department.
167
00:08:15,024 --> 00:08:17,724
Freeze, scumbags!
168
00:08:18,093 --> 00:08:23,733
I don't like this at all.
Way too many blacks in here.
169
00:08:26,458 --> 00:08:30,298
Turn to the right. Eyes forward.
170
00:08:33,331 --> 00:08:38,071
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
I'm Warden Smalls.
171
00:08:38,706 --> 00:08:41,286
Electric chair!
172
00:08:42,883 --> 00:08:47,044
Anyway, I run a fair and
honorable Christian prison here.
173
00:08:47,045 --> 00:08:50,547
Rule number one... no sarcasm.
174
00:08:50,548 --> 00:08:52,816
Aw, that's a great rule.
175
00:08:52,817 --> 00:08:55,919
Well, looks like we got us a rebel here.
176
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,900
Try this on for size.
177
00:08:57,901 --> 00:08:59,693
Ow! Why'd you hit me?
178
00:08:59,694 --> 00:09:01,351
Because as the Bible says,
179
00:09:01,352 --> 00:09:05,462
it's much more painful to watch
your friend suffer for your sins.
180
00:09:05,463 --> 00:09:07,764
Oh, yeah, it is.
181
00:09:07,765 --> 00:09:09,964
That sounds like more sarcasm, boy.
182
00:09:09,965 --> 00:09:12,702
- Unh!
- Oh, no, please, stop.
183
00:09:12,703 --> 00:09:14,806
I'll break you of that sarcasm, son,
184
00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:18,207
if I have to break every billy
club over your friend's head.
185
00:09:18,208 --> 00:09:22,045
Ow! Hey! Ah, stop! Oh! God damn!
186
00:09:22,046 --> 00:09:26,916
Um, hey, Warden, that's a really
nice tie. Take that, Malloy!
187
00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:28,317
Ow! Wait, wait, wait!
188
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,353
I thought my friend had
to suffer for my sins.
189
00:09:30,354 --> 00:09:32,332
I was being sarcastic, idiot!
190
00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:34,256
Welcome to Hazelhurst prison.
191
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:37,353
I guarantee you boys
gonna stay in line...
192
00:09:37,354 --> 00:09:41,554
Or my name isn't Warden Tiny Smalls.
193
00:09:41,569 --> 00:09:44,149
Electric chair!
194
00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:50,807
Scare me straight,
huh? Good plan, Woody.
195
00:09:50,808 --> 00:09:53,876
When we get home, I'm gonna
spank the shit out of you!
196
00:09:53,877 --> 00:09:55,311
You're not going home, Malloy.
197
00:09:55,312 --> 00:09:57,346
You're staying here until
you've learned a lesson.
198
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,715
Oh, you're getting
an angry spanking now!
199
00:09:59,716 --> 00:10:02,284
- Get me out of here, Woody.
- Well, I... no!
200
00:10:02,285 --> 00:10:04,886
No, I made my decision,
and I'm sticking to it!
201
00:10:04,887 --> 00:10:06,922
Good-bye, Malloy!
202
00:10:06,923 --> 00:10:08,890
Be strong, Papa Bear.
203
00:10:08,891 --> 00:10:13,391
Don't look back. It's called tough love.
204
00:10:14,375 --> 00:10:15,676
Oh, what the...
205
00:10:15,677 --> 00:10:20,717
What the hell's wrong
with you? Leave me alone!
206
00:10:22,605 --> 00:10:25,341
Damn, I don't remember prison
being this scary back in the day.
207
00:10:25,342 --> 00:10:28,978
Oh, come on, Denzel. It ain't that bad.
208
00:10:28,979 --> 00:10:31,055
Ohba, shibbit!
209
00:10:31,056 --> 00:10:34,232
- Man, we're gonna die in here!
- Chill out, D. There's four of us.
210
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,285
As long as we stick
together, we'll be fine.
211
00:10:36,286 --> 00:10:37,854
That's right, suckas!
212
00:10:37,855 --> 00:10:40,924
Nobody's gonna mess with
the cool friends gang!
213
00:10:40,925 --> 00:10:43,693
Who wants to step to this, huh? Nobody?
214
00:10:43,694 --> 00:10:45,795
That's what I thou...
215
00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:48,999
They call me "Meat Hammer,"
because I got a Meat Hammer.
216
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,067
And I don't mean a tenderizing utensil.
217
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:53,403
- Got it.
- I mean a Meat Hammer.
218
00:10:53,404 --> 00:10:54,871
- Uh huh.
- In my pants.
219
00:10:54,872 --> 00:10:56,606
- Following you.
- You know what?
220
00:10:56,607 --> 00:10:59,075
I'm just gonna go ahead
and spell it out for you.
221
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:03,576
- I'm referring to my dick.
- I got it!
222
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:09,185
'Sup, bitch? Como se llama, ese?
223
00:11:09,186 --> 00:11:11,954
Of course I'd like chips and
salsa. You guys got any queso?
224
00:11:11,955 --> 00:11:16,158
Hey, watch your mouth, son! This
is Paco, leader of the Latin Kings.
225
00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:18,227
That's a weird name for
a landscaping company.
226
00:11:18,228 --> 00:11:19,795
What? I'm gonna kill...
227
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:22,398
- Knock, knock.
- Oh, who's there?
228
00:11:22,399 --> 00:11:25,468
- Amish Hank.
- Uh, amish Hank who?
229
00:11:25,469 --> 00:11:29,249
- I'ma shank you!
- Hey! Hey!
230
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:33,362
Mm.
231
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:34,444
Mm.
232
00:11:34,445 --> 00:11:38,659
Yeah, it's been real lonely in
here since my last cellmate died.
233
00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:39,756
How'd he die?
234
00:11:39,757 --> 00:11:44,688
The Doc in the infirmary said his
anus got turned inside out... somehow.
235
00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:47,657
- You boys are free to go.
- Yeah, that's what I thought!
236
00:11:47,658 --> 00:11:50,026
Can't no prison contain
the cool friends gang.
237
00:11:50,027 --> 00:11:52,229
- Move out my way!
- Not you, son.
238
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:54,764
- Just your friends.
- Yeah, man, sorry about that.
239
00:11:54,765 --> 00:11:57,200
I could only call in
favors for the three of us.
240
00:11:57,201 --> 00:11:58,701
Hey, what about sticking together?
241
00:11:58,702 --> 00:12:00,852
The only thing you need
to be concerned about
242
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:02,938
sticking together is your butt cheeks.
243
00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:04,240
Mm.
244
00:12:04,241 --> 00:12:06,842
You gonna be doing a hard 12 in here.
245
00:12:06,843 --> 00:12:09,545
And I don't mean 12 years of hard time.
246
00:12:09,546 --> 00:12:12,906
- I mean 12...
- I know!
247
00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:16,152
All right, everyone, thank
you for coming to audition.
248
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,996
As you know, my ex-best friend Denzel
249
00:12:18,997 --> 00:12:21,391
is rotting in a prison
because he's a class-a jerk.
250
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,671
Which means one of you is going
to replace him as my partner
251
00:12:24,672 --> 00:12:27,230
in the Tol-Con costume contest.
252
00:12:27,231 --> 00:12:30,534
Contest? Craigslist
said "horse costume".
253
00:12:30,535 --> 00:12:33,203
I thought this was a
furry freak sex party!
254
00:12:33,204 --> 00:12:37,404
This is not a furry freak sex party.
255
00:12:38,576 --> 00:12:39,976
Jorge, wait!
256
00:12:39,977 --> 00:12:43,747
What I meant was, we're
going to a furry sex party.
257
00:12:43,748 --> 00:12:49,648
Yes! You haven't lived till you've
contracted herpes from a gigantic squirrel!
258
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,763
♪ Gonna visit my cubsy
wubs in the big, scary prison.
259
00:12:59,764 --> 00:13:02,065
♪ Gonna bring him home because
he has learned his lesson.
260
00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:04,646
What the hell?
261
00:13:04,835 --> 00:13:07,537
Okay, so look, Vato,
Tuco over in cell 31?
262
00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:09,906
He shows me no respect. He's gotta go.
263
00:13:09,907 --> 00:13:11,508
Yo, I'll take care of it.
264
00:13:11,509 --> 00:13:14,569
Wait, but I am Tuco.
265
00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:18,882
Cubsy wubs?
266
00:13:18,883 --> 00:13:20,951
What'd you call our leader, ese?
267
00:13:20,952 --> 00:13:23,286
You want for me to make
this bitch ass dead?
268
00:13:23,287 --> 00:13:26,481
No, that's cool, dog. I think I
remember this fool from back in the hood.
269
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:28,458
What happened to you, Malloy?
270
00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:31,528
Nothing happened to me,
gringo. This is my family now.
271
00:13:31,529 --> 00:13:34,531
Julio, is that my moon pie?
272
00:13:34,532 --> 00:13:38,034
I knew it, Malloy! I knew
tough love was a bad idea!
273
00:13:38,035 --> 00:13:40,704
I never should've listened
to those asshole Rangers.
274
00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:43,873
Don't you worry. Daddy is
gonna bust you outta here.
275
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:46,342
Bust me out? This is my home, homes.
276
00:13:46,343 --> 00:13:47,576
I ain't going nowhere.
277
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,246
Brah, I heard Vato
killed Julio and Tuco.
278
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:54,387
He is out of control. Take him out.
279
00:14:00,735 --> 00:14:03,503
Okay, Jorge, there's the
line for the costume contest.
280
00:14:03,504 --> 00:14:06,006
When does the furry sex commence?
281
00:14:06,007 --> 00:14:08,575
My sack grows tight with anticipation!
282
00:14:08,576 --> 00:14:10,117
In a minute. Come on.
283
00:14:10,118 --> 00:14:12,023
Left, right, left.
284
00:14:12,024 --> 00:14:13,772
Shorten your gait.
285
00:14:13,773 --> 00:14:15,568
- Come on.
- What the... what the [Bleep]?
286
00:14:15,569 --> 00:14:17,839
Denzel could do it.
What's so hard about this?
287
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:22,048
Because my eyes sting from the
fumes coming from your anus.
288
00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:25,829
You smell like the Middle East!
289
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,455
Hey, great Gollum costume.
290
00:14:29,456 --> 00:14:32,156
I have Progeria.
291
00:14:32,793 --> 00:14:36,096
Okay, we're next! I think we've
still got a shot at winning.
292
00:14:36,097 --> 00:14:38,998
- I'm sorry, you're disqualified.
- What? Why?
293
00:14:38,999 --> 00:14:42,230
Yeah, you're disqualified because you're
missing the back half of your costume.
294
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:43,269
Jorge!
295
00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:45,972
You are the biggest,
sexiest furry in here.
296
00:14:45,973 --> 00:14:48,474
Tell me, what are you, a bear? Huh?
297
00:14:48,475 --> 00:14:49,575
A gorilla?
298
00:14:49,576 --> 00:14:52,456
I'm Peter Jackson.
299
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:57,216
Here, relax. Have some toilet wine.
300
00:14:57,217 --> 00:15:00,053
Nah, nah, I'm good. I had a
bunch of shitter sake earlier.
301
00:15:00,054 --> 00:15:03,323
Now, I don't want to just make love.
We should get to know each other.
302
00:15:03,324 --> 00:15:06,994
Ooh, good idea. We should have
lots of long conversations.
303
00:15:06,995 --> 00:15:08,695
- What's your favorite color?
- Blue.
304
00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:10,793
- Okay, let's do it.
- What? Aah!
305
00:15:10,794 --> 00:15:12,799
Hey, hey, that's not gonna
fit! It ain't gonna fit!
306
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,501
Not so fast!
307
00:15:14,502 --> 00:15:17,671
You cannot have sex with this man.
308
00:15:17,672 --> 00:15:20,340
Oh, thank you, baby Jesus!
309
00:15:20,341 --> 00:15:24,303
- Until after you marry him.
- Wait, come again?
310
00:15:24,304 --> 00:15:26,993
I run a good Christian prison here.
311
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:30,198
And I don't allow any
intercourse under my roof
312
00:15:30,199 --> 00:15:34,554
unless you share a
union in the eyes of God.
313
00:15:34,555 --> 00:15:36,123
Call the caterer, boys.
314
00:15:36,124 --> 00:15:38,725
We're having us a gay prison wedding!
315
00:15:38,726 --> 00:15:41,328
Oh, boy! We're getting married!
316
00:15:41,329 --> 00:15:44,664
- Wait, what's the rush?
- I'm a romantic.
317
00:15:44,665 --> 00:15:47,365
And I got AIDS.
318
00:15:47,935 --> 00:15:49,369
All right, Brickleberry's finest.
319
00:15:49,370 --> 00:15:51,426
Denzel's about to become a human condom,
320
00:15:51,427 --> 00:15:54,708
and my poor little baby has been
brainwashed by a gang of landscapers.
321
00:15:54,709 --> 00:15:56,810
And we are gonna bust 'em both out.
322
00:15:56,811 --> 00:16:00,380
Bust them out? That prison's harder
to get into than a sheep's panties.
323
00:16:00,381 --> 00:16:03,784
True, Hazelhurst penitentiary
is notorious for two things...
324
00:16:03,785 --> 00:16:08,889
One, its airtight security, and two, its
fondness for forced homosexual weddings.
325
00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:11,525
We're gonna pose as a
wedding events crew, slip in,
326
00:16:11,526 --> 00:16:14,519
and be gone with our friends
before the rice pilaf is even cold.
327
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,398
Oh, my God, I've always
wanted to plan a wedding!
328
00:16:17,399 --> 00:16:20,268
Easy there, Bridezilla.
You're on cake and flowers.
329
00:16:20,269 --> 00:16:24,606
- Connie, you're the photographer.
- Can I grab a couple titty pics of Ethel?
330
00:16:24,607 --> 00:16:26,350
Firecracker Jim, you're on demolition.
331
00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:29,277
When you hear, "dun, duh, dun,
dun, dun," blow us an escape route!
332
00:16:29,278 --> 00:16:33,047
Hell, yeah! Blowing shit
up was my major in college!
333
00:16:33,048 --> 00:16:35,249
I didn't know
Brickleberry had a college.
334
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:36,841
That's because I blew it up!
335
00:16:36,842 --> 00:16:39,853
Them prison guards are gonna be
packing a lot of heat, but so will we.
336
00:16:39,854 --> 00:16:42,389
When they start firing at us, poom!
337
00:16:42,390 --> 00:16:44,925
Hey, look at me! I'm
like a stripper with guns!
338
00:16:44,926 --> 00:16:49,030
Just like Granny Possumcods. She used to
hold us at gunpoint and give us lap dances.
339
00:16:49,031 --> 00:16:50,198
I love Christmas.
340
00:16:50,199 --> 00:16:54,039
All right, team, let's do this.
341
00:16:55,337 --> 00:16:57,305
Hola, negro.
342
00:16:57,306 --> 00:17:01,842
Me and my boys just wanted to come down
and give you a little wedding present.
343
00:17:01,843 --> 00:17:04,811
- Sweet, a shank.
- No, it's a toothbrush.
344
00:17:04,812 --> 00:17:06,561
I figured you should have fresh breath
345
00:17:06,562 --> 00:17:10,518
while Meat Hammer turns
your asshole inside out.
346
00:17:10,519 --> 00:17:13,164
Oh, no! How are we gonna
get past the guards?
347
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:17,258
Now everybody just stay cool. I
got a whole back story worked out.
348
00:17:17,259 --> 00:17:19,593
Good day, mate. Name's Rick Swordfire.
349
00:17:19,594 --> 00:17:22,430
I'm a bisexual Pisces
who loves analingus.
350
00:17:22,431 --> 00:17:23,898
How do you spell your last name?
351
00:17:23,899 --> 00:17:26,419
Uh, uh, uh...
352
00:17:26,793 --> 00:17:28,713
Uh...
353
00:17:29,102 --> 00:17:32,162
All right. Let's go!
354
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:40,159
- Hey, buddy, you okay?
- No, not really.
355
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,345
I got screwed over by my best friend.
356
00:17:42,346 --> 00:17:44,550
Now I'll probably never
get to meet my hero.
357
00:17:44,551 --> 00:17:46,882
Come on, man. Sure you will.
358
00:17:46,883 --> 00:17:49,523
Viggo Mortens...
359
00:17:50,419 --> 00:17:53,409
Life is too short to be
mad at your best friend.
360
00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:56,524
You're right, Viggo. And
now he's in a lot of trouble.
361
00:17:56,525 --> 00:17:58,493
He's being forced to
marry this guy in prison.
362
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,896
What? You need to help your
friend. Think like a Hobbit, man.
363
00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:05,567
You think that, uh, "Fredo"
would allow "Gandar" to...
364
00:18:05,568 --> 00:18:09,245
He'd use the invisibility,
uh, necklace, uh...
365
00:18:09,246 --> 00:18:14,826
All right, I'm sorry. I never
saw those goddamn movies.
366
00:18:22,452 --> 00:18:24,533
When that guy's done
with Denzel's rectum,
367
00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:29,334
people will pay to see
Evel Knievel jump it.
368
00:18:35,098 --> 00:18:38,818
Okay, Firecracker Jim, blow it!
369
00:18:41,905 --> 00:18:44,607
Those inbred hillbillies
[Bleep] up their cue!
370
00:18:44,608 --> 00:18:45,875
Yeah, sorry about that.
371
00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:48,311
What the hell are you guys doing here?
372
00:18:48,312 --> 00:18:51,047
Well, yeah, we kinda got
arrested on the way over here.
373
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:55,117
Turns out smoking meth while
driving is a parole violation.
374
00:18:55,118 --> 00:18:59,588
God damn it. Well, at least we've still
got a giant wedding cake filled with guns.
375
00:18:59,589 --> 00:19:02,153
Yeah, about that, there was
just no way to get the guns
376
00:19:02,154 --> 00:19:04,894
inside without messing up the
lavender buttercream frosting.
377
00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:05,995
Sorry.
378
00:19:05,996 --> 00:19:10,690
Ethel, are you telling me that rather
than springing Malloy and Denzel,
379
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:14,069
we're actually here to
cater a goddamn wedding?
380
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:17,850
No, a beautiful goddamn wedding!
381
00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:26,493
Dearly incarcerated, we
are gathered to witness
382
00:19:26,494 --> 00:19:30,306
the union between
Meat Hammer and Denzel.
383
00:19:30,307 --> 00:19:32,345
Which shall last forever.
384
00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:37,435
For while gay marriage may
be legal in our fine state...
385
00:19:37,436 --> 00:19:40,002
Gay divorce is not.
386
00:19:40,003 --> 00:19:45,800
Meat Hammer, do you take Denzel to be
your lawfully wedded gay prison partner?
387
00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:47,135
You bet I do.
388
00:19:47,136 --> 00:19:51,336
And, Denzel, do you take Meat Hammer?
389
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:54,343
Say it. You better say it.
390
00:19:54,344 --> 00:19:57,044
I, uh... I d...
391
00:20:01,884 --> 00:20:04,152
Holy shit! Is that Viggo Mortensen?
392
00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:06,488
Man, his career is in the shitter!
393
00:20:06,489 --> 00:20:12,009
I, Lord Of The Rings, command
you... stop this wedding!
394
00:20:16,068 --> 00:20:18,103
Steve, you saved me!
395
00:20:18,104 --> 00:20:19,804
That's what best friends are for!
396
00:20:19,805 --> 00:20:22,240
- Look, Steve, I'm sorry for...
- Already forgiven.
397
00:20:22,241 --> 00:20:24,642
Now let's get you out of here
the quickest way possible...
398
00:20:24,643 --> 00:20:27,244
As two grown men in a horse suit.
399
00:20:27,245 --> 00:20:29,112
Sounds good. I'll take it from here.
400
00:20:29,113 --> 00:20:30,530
Wait a minute!
401
00:20:30,531 --> 00:20:33,325
This is not a furry fook fest either!
402
00:20:33,326 --> 00:20:34,952
Let's ride, Steve!
403
00:20:34,953 --> 00:20:37,221
Giddyup, partner!
404
00:20:37,222 --> 00:20:40,390
No, no, leave me! I love it here!
405
00:20:40,391 --> 00:20:43,031
Shadowfax, away!
406
00:20:45,296 --> 00:20:49,555
Now if somebody could only explain
to me what the [Bleep] just happened?
407
00:20:49,556 --> 00:20:55,456
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
Www.Addic7ed.Com.
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