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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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I'm honored to introduce the woman who's
been an inspiration of mine for years.
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She's shown the women of this state
that if we put our minds to it,
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anything is possible.
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A female Governor? Ewe, yuck!
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Am I the only one who hates women? Huh?
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Ladies and gentlemen, the current
and future Governor, Nina Melcher!
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Good morning, Brickleberry.
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It's such an honor to speak to...
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Boo!
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I'm here to see the Governor,
not his frumpy housekeeper!
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Woody! What the hell is your problem?
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Shh! He drank his breakfast.
Let's see where this goes.
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I'll tell you what my problem is!
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00:00:41,214 --> 00:00:44,759
I don't want some uppity
she-Governor telling me what to do!
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00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:48,123
I'm here to lodge an
intelligent protest!
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00:00:48,124 --> 00:00:52,587
Show your tits! Show
your tits! Show your tits!
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00:00:52,588 --> 00:00:56,633
I was talking to her, you idiot!
Hey, Steve, you got nice tits.
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00:00:56,634 --> 00:00:59,575
Sir, is there something
you would like to say to me?
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Yes, Governor "Felcher," there is!
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For 700 proud years, this
country was run by men!
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All courage, attitude,
and big, swinging sausage.
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But then "women" got put in charge.
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What's next? Making the
tampon the official state bird?
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Or Maxi Pads. They have wings.
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I suggest that you be quiet and show
a little respect, or you'll regret it.
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Run for cover, everybody!
She's having a hot flash!
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Shut your sexist mouth!
29
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Oh, what's she gonna do?
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What the hell?
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"The Woody Johnson is a sexist
asshole memorial highway"?
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No!
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No!
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No!
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00:02:04,509 --> 00:02:06,914
♪ Brickleberry!
36
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♪ Brickleberry!
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She built a goddamn
highway through my park!
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Well, maybe next time, you'll think twice
about picking a fight with the Governor.
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00:02:22,472 --> 00:02:23,975
She's a pit bull.
40
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:29,131
Well, you're just lucky that I can't think
of a derogatory term for "female dog".
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00:02:29,132 --> 00:02:31,924
- I've got one... Connie.
- Oh.
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00:02:31,925 --> 00:02:34,815
If you want that highway gone, you
should apologize to the Governor.
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I will never apologize to a woman!
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And if that bothers you,
Ethel, well, I apologize.
45
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But you just apologized.
46
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Oh, don't trap me with
your goopy vagina logic!
47
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Jesus, Woody, what did
your mother do to you?
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My mother was a Saint.
49
00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:55,982
I'm so proud of you, son.
Happy eighth birthday.
50
00:02:55,983 --> 00:03:00,373
Now, screw this hooker so
you don't turn into a queer.
51
00:03:00,374 --> 00:03:02,575
And that's how Woody met his first wife.
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Good morning, Rangers.
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"Go back to Africa, negro".
54
00:03:06,045 --> 00:03:08,978
- Woody!
- What? I was just reading his shirt.
55
00:03:08,979 --> 00:03:12,017
Some rednecks gave it to me. They're
outside, recruiting for their militia.
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00:03:12,018 --> 00:03:13,151
But why are you wearing it?
57
00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:15,320
I don't give a shit what
it say. It's a free T-shirt.
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00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:17,956
I like it. Does it come in Puerto Rican?
59
00:03:17,957 --> 00:03:20,958
Oh, crap. Now we got
a militia to deal with?
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This is not my week.
Steve, go take care of it!
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Where the hell is Steve?
62
00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:29,565
Um... help?
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00:03:29,566 --> 00:03:34,366
Ah, screw Steve. Connie,
go take care of it!
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00:03:35,872 --> 00:03:37,740
Uh, is this the militia meeting?
65
00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:39,941
- I was sent here to...
- Yeah! You wanna join?
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00:03:39,942 --> 00:03:43,077
- BoDean, what the hell?
- What? We need members, Bobby.
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00:03:43,078 --> 00:03:45,713
We're anti-gay, remember?
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She's a gay.
69
00:03:47,282 --> 00:03:50,441
Yeah, Bobby, I remember, but she
looks strong and nobody else will join.
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00:03:50,442 --> 00:03:52,505
Not even your crazy brother
or your crippled sister
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or your dirty whore Aunt who
tried to bite my peter off.
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00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,377
Good point. Okay, I got
an announcement to make.
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You can join. We are now pro-gay.
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Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Nobody
ever asked me to join a club before.
75
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And here's your free T-shirt.
76
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Yay! Free T-shirt!
77
00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:12,268
How's the soup?
78
00:04:12,269 --> 00:04:14,036
- What?
- Soup!
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- Poop?
- No! Soup!
80
00:04:16,801 --> 00:04:17,994
I know!
81
00:04:17,995 --> 00:04:22,111
I'm saying your soup tastes like shit.
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Ow! Oh! Oh! Damn it!
83
00:04:24,981 --> 00:04:26,781
You sure you don't want to apologize?
84
00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:31,462
Never! We are gonna
make the best of this!
85
00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:37,020
Where the [Bleep] did that come from?
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00:04:44,457 --> 00:04:47,833
- And who the hell are you?
- Man, I'm glad you're open.
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This is the first rest stop for miles.
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00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:54,733
I gotta squeak a leak
out of my crotch beak.
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00:04:56,176 --> 00:04:57,543
What the hell?
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00:04:57,544 --> 00:05:00,040
Hey, are you the manager? I
think I broke your shitter.
91
00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:02,243
But don't worry. People
are still using it.
92
00:05:02,244 --> 00:05:04,224
Blegh!
93
00:05:05,441 --> 00:05:10,481
- What the...
- You said, "make the best of it".
94
00:05:11,058 --> 00:05:14,222
That's it! I can't take it anymore!
95
00:05:14,223 --> 00:05:16,697
Aabheer, your shift's starting early.
96
00:05:16,698 --> 00:05:18,798
Jackpot.
97
00:05:21,201 --> 00:05:24,404
I think it's great that you're
apologizing. It shows your sensitive side.
98
00:05:24,405 --> 00:05:26,580
Hey, what kind of flowers
are those? Pansies?
99
00:05:26,581 --> 00:05:29,298
No, they're a bouquet of
shut-the-[Bleep]-upsies.
100
00:05:29,299 --> 00:05:32,560
I'll do anything to get
that highway out of my park.
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00:05:32,561 --> 00:05:35,348
Wow! Nice mansion!
102
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Why don't we live in a place like this?
103
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:42,300
Oh, right! Because that lady Governor
is more of a man than you are.
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00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:43,546
Hello, Governor.
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00:05:43,547 --> 00:05:47,760
Oh, it's you. Make it fast, Johnson.
I'm late for a very important speech.
106
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This will only take a second.
107
00:05:49,329 --> 00:05:53,711
I just wanted to say
I'm s-s-s-s-s-s...
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Such a pussy.
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00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:58,063
I'm sor... eeh-uh!
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I'm sorry that you felt
threatened by my manhood
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00:06:00,430 --> 00:06:03,229
and got all weepy when I told the truth!
112
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,790
- There.
- That's your apology?
113
00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:06,944
Plus these.
114
00:06:06,945 --> 00:06:08,747
He ate most of the
candy on the way here.
115
00:06:08,748 --> 00:06:12,119
And judging by your
ass, I did you a favor.
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00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,611
Kidding. Your ass isn't that, well...
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00:06:14,612 --> 00:06:17,558
It's pretty big, but, hey, I'd
still do you with the lights off.
118
00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:18,802
So, friends again?
119
00:06:18,803 --> 00:06:21,327
I can promise you one
thing, Mr. Johnson.
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00:06:21,328 --> 00:06:25,798
As long as I'm Governor of this
state, that highway won't move an inch!
121
00:06:25,799 --> 00:06:29,174
What? You can't do this
to me, you dirty c...
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00:06:29,175 --> 00:06:32,185
Now, if you'll excuse me.
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00:06:32,186 --> 00:06:34,126
So, the truck stop stays. All right.
124
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,445
I gotta get home and
patch up some glory holes.
125
00:06:36,446 --> 00:06:40,286
Not so fast! I ain't done yet.
126
00:06:40,903 --> 00:06:44,147
Step aside, lady! I got my
own announcement to make.
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00:06:44,148 --> 00:06:48,869
I, Woodrow Wayland Johnson,
am running for Governor!
128
00:06:48,870 --> 00:06:51,523
Any questions? Yes, the
lady dressed in black.
129
00:06:51,524 --> 00:06:56,624
Why are you announcing
this at my son's funeral?
130
00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:02,514
Uh oh, Fox news just
said that gay terrorists
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00:07:02,515 --> 00:07:04,514
are trying to replace
our guns with abortions.
132
00:07:04,515 --> 00:07:06,082
That's why Woody needs to be Governor.
133
00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:08,217
Just make that donation
check out to Malloy.
134
00:07:08,218 --> 00:07:09,998
Hey, guys! It's Steve!
135
00:07:09,999 --> 00:07:12,277
I've been trapped for days
in the middle of the highway!
136
00:07:12,278 --> 00:07:13,446
Please send...
137
00:07:13,447 --> 00:07:16,325
All right, team Woody! How
much money have we raised?
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00:07:16,326 --> 00:07:17,660
$30,000.
139
00:07:17,661 --> 00:07:18,828
Boom!
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00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,143
Oops, sorry. Negative $30,000.
141
00:07:21,144 --> 00:07:22,025
What?
142
00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:27,926
There's the printing, the radio spots,
uh, and that dolphin for your inauguration.
143
00:07:28,038 --> 00:07:30,599
It was an impulse buy,
but I don't regret it.
144
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,727
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
145
00:07:31,728 --> 00:07:35,044
You've got a lot of nerve,
wearing that in my campaign office.
146
00:07:35,045 --> 00:07:37,191
It's not your campaign office, Woody.
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00:07:37,192 --> 00:07:38,814
It's the ranger station.
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00:07:38,815 --> 00:07:41,338
- Burn in hell, Jew.
- What?
149
00:07:41,339 --> 00:07:43,351
Oh, more free militia T-shirts, Denzel?
150
00:07:43,352 --> 00:07:44,719
No, I got this at the gap.
151
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,354
Look, Woody, you don't stand a chance.
152
00:07:46,355 --> 00:07:47,956
Governor Melcher cut unemployment,
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00:07:47,957 --> 00:07:50,858
she balanced the budget, and won
a Congressional Medal of Honor.
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00:07:50,859 --> 00:07:53,476
You're a racist,
misogynistic war criminal!
155
00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:56,932
Well, when you say it with that
negative tone, it sounds bad, yeah.
156
00:07:56,933 --> 00:07:58,828
- Ugh!
- Woody, here's the deal.
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00:07:58,829 --> 00:08:01,336
I need you to win so I can
live in the Governor's mansion.
158
00:08:01,337 --> 00:08:04,739
I'm running against a woman.
Of course I'm going to win.
159
00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:08,009
You're trailing in the polls by 99%!
160
00:08:08,010 --> 00:08:09,844
We need to do something drastic.
161
00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:11,746
You're right! We should
buy another dolphin!
162
00:08:11,747 --> 00:08:14,448
No! Let's blackmail this woman.
163
00:08:14,449 --> 00:08:17,418
Ooh, that's smart. Get some dirt
on her, hold it over her head.
164
00:08:17,419 --> 00:08:21,055
No. I said, "black male," I.E., you.
165
00:08:21,056 --> 00:08:24,446
- You're gonna make a sex tape with her.
- Yeah, then we can whack off to it.
166
00:08:24,447 --> 00:08:26,591
No, we will send it to the press.
167
00:08:26,592 --> 00:08:28,529
You do it your way, I'll do it mine.
168
00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:31,032
I do love sex and electronics.
But how old is she?
169
00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:33,667
- Don't worry. She's old.
- Hey, did you hear that, Dick?
170
00:08:33,668 --> 00:08:37,508
You excited? Looks like you are!
171
00:08:39,842 --> 00:08:40,842
Aah!
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00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:42,944
Aah-aah-aah-aah!
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00:08:42,945 --> 00:08:44,445
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
174
00:08:44,446 --> 00:08:46,906
Oh! Damn it!
175
00:08:47,949 --> 00:08:50,851
BoDean, I'm not asking you to suck
it. Just hold it in your mouth.
176
00:08:50,852 --> 00:08:53,721
- Welcome, member!
- Guys, I got great news.
177
00:08:53,722 --> 00:08:56,723
I brought a new recruit!
He's my life Coach.
178
00:08:56,724 --> 00:08:57,725
Hola.
179
00:08:57,726 --> 00:08:59,960
No, no, no! No Mexicans!
180
00:08:59,961 --> 00:09:02,963
We are definitely anti-Mexican!
181
00:09:02,964 --> 00:09:05,123
But he brought Chimichangas!
182
00:09:05,124 --> 00:09:08,635
- These are real good, Bobby.
- Okay, fine! You can join.
183
00:09:08,636 --> 00:09:10,404
Gracias, amigo.
184
00:09:10,405 --> 00:09:14,605
That's "burrito Christmas" in Mexican.
185
00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:19,235
Hey, hey, sexy Governor.
186
00:09:19,236 --> 00:09:22,389
Oh, I'm not the Governor.
That's the Governor.
187
00:09:22,390 --> 00:09:23,917
Www-w-what?
188
00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:28,238
I've got some bad news for you, Dick.
189
00:09:30,825 --> 00:09:33,126
How far are you going, friend?
190
00:09:33,127 --> 00:09:34,227
Across the street.
191
00:09:34,228 --> 00:09:36,639
Cool. I'll take you there.
192
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:41,376
Say, do you mind if we make a
quick stop by my parents' house?
193
00:09:41,377 --> 00:09:43,237
Aah!
194
00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:50,668
Crazy weather we've had lately, huh?
195
00:09:50,669 --> 00:09:53,979
- Where'd you say you were going?
- Uh, across the street.
196
00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:58,960
Cool! That's on the way
to my sister's house.
197
00:10:00,587 --> 00:10:02,569
Governor Melcher has
dropped out of the race after
198
00:10:02,570 --> 00:10:05,708
the release of a sex
tape with a black male.
199
00:10:05,709 --> 00:10:08,246
Damn, your breasts
are so firm and perky.
200
00:10:08,247 --> 00:10:10,598
Oh, thank you.
201
00:10:10,599 --> 00:10:12,099
That wasn't no compliment!
202
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:14,601
- Denzel, how could you?
- Whew! It wasn't easy.
203
00:10:14,602 --> 00:10:17,805
I had to close my eyes and think about
Queen Elizabeth scissoring Barbara Bush.
204
00:10:17,806 --> 00:10:20,274
Damn it, Woody! This
is low, even for you.
205
00:10:20,275 --> 00:10:22,676
You want to see low, Ethel?
Wait till I'm Governor.
206
00:10:22,677 --> 00:10:25,112
You'll be lucky to go outside
without a goddamn burqa!
207
00:10:25,113 --> 00:10:27,280
There's no way I'm
letting you run unopposed.
208
00:10:27,281 --> 00:10:29,583
Well, who's going to challenge me?
209
00:10:29,584 --> 00:10:32,853
I would like to announce
my candidacy for Governor!
210
00:10:32,854 --> 00:10:37,654
Why won't you people
leave our family alone?
211
00:10:39,327 --> 00:10:41,492
♪ I'm the Governor, look at me!
212
00:10:41,493 --> 00:10:43,531
♪Everybody loves me, I'm the Governor!
213
00:10:43,532 --> 00:10:45,700
♪I'm the Governor, I'm the Governor!
214
00:10:45,701 --> 00:10:47,482
♪I'm the Governor!
215
00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:49,841
♪I'm the Governor!
216
00:10:49,842 --> 00:10:51,939
Can you please shut up?
217
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:54,455
I'm trying to pick out a 90-inch
TV for the Governor's mansion.
218
00:10:54,456 --> 00:10:56,300
Whoa, Malloy.
219
00:10:56,301 --> 00:10:59,555
Do you really think you're going to
live in the Governor's mansion with me?
220
00:10:59,556 --> 00:11:01,081
- Do you?
- What do you mean?
221
00:11:01,082 --> 00:11:04,741
I'm sorry, little buddy, but
governors don't live with bears.
222
00:11:04,742 --> 00:11:07,155
You backstabbing turncoat. I made you.
223
00:11:07,156 --> 00:11:10,991
Malloy, we'll just have to keep our
relationship on the down low, that's all.
224
00:11:10,992 --> 00:11:13,089
Everybody already thinks it's weird.
225
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,764
Weird? Lincoln sucked off a kangaroo.
226
00:11:15,765 --> 00:11:18,765
Read a history book.
227
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:22,628
And so, if you want a state
where all races live in peace
228
00:11:22,629 --> 00:11:26,055
and harmony without war,
rich people, or red meat,
229
00:11:26,056 --> 00:11:27,982
and the only violent
acts committed are against
230
00:11:27,983 --> 00:11:30,578
unborn babies, you should vote for me.
231
00:11:30,579 --> 00:11:31,779
That's great, Ethel.
232
00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:34,448
Connie, come on. You're
supposed to pretend to be Woody.
233
00:11:34,449 --> 00:11:36,250
Oh, sorry, that's right.
234
00:11:36,251 --> 00:11:38,519
Argh! I'm Woody!
235
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,723
Connie, you stupid [Bleep]!
Go get rid of that militia!
236
00:11:41,724 --> 00:11:43,591
No, Woody. They're my friends.
237
00:11:43,592 --> 00:11:48,452
Shut the hell up, Connie!
Everybody hates you!
238
00:11:48,531 --> 00:11:50,866
All that running and crying,
you'd think she'd be thinner.
239
00:11:50,867 --> 00:11:52,967
Ethel! How are you?
240
00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:54,736
- What do you want?
- Just thinking.
241
00:11:54,737 --> 00:11:57,305
I could see us actually
becoming pretty good friends.
242
00:11:57,306 --> 00:12:00,775
You know, when you're Governor and we're
both living at the Governor's mansion.
243
00:12:00,776 --> 00:12:03,044
You want to move into the
Governor's mansion with me?
244
00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:06,000
Think of all the late
nights we'd spend in our PJs,
245
00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:09,342
binging on Haagen-dazs, rubbing
our beavs to Ryan Gosling.
246
00:12:09,343 --> 00:12:14,956
You do realize that there's absolutely
no way I'd ever live with you, ever.
247
00:12:14,957 --> 00:12:17,792
You've been trying to ruin
my life ever since I got here.
248
00:12:17,793 --> 00:12:20,628
Girl, you so crazy. It was all in fun.
249
00:12:20,629 --> 00:12:22,096
The answer is hell no.
250
00:12:22,097 --> 00:12:26,657
The streets will run
red with your blood.
251
00:12:27,336 --> 00:12:32,807
So, when they said Pluto was no longer a
planet, well, that really ticked me off!
252
00:12:32,808 --> 00:12:34,008
Am I crazy?
253
00:12:34,009 --> 00:12:36,344
Not from where I'm sitting.
254
00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:40,005
You know who else
likes Pluto? My sister.
255
00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:41,916
Guess what, big brother.
256
00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:43,615
What, little sister?
257
00:12:43,616 --> 00:12:46,117
Pluto's not even a planet anymore.
258
00:12:46,118 --> 00:12:49,059
Shut your lying mouth, you bitch!
259
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:51,386
Sorry. Sibling rivalry.
260
00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:53,187
Oh!
261
00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:57,248
She... she seems nice.
262
00:13:00,134 --> 00:13:02,594
God damn it!
263
00:13:05,766 --> 00:13:09,501
Wow, you guys. What a great
militia meeting, right?
264
00:13:09,502 --> 00:13:11,312
Look at all these new members.
265
00:13:11,313 --> 00:13:15,044
Yeah, yeah. Shut your face and
pass the militia mac and cheese.
266
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,804
Who the hell invited this guy?
267
00:13:16,805 --> 00:13:20,641
We are definitely anti... anti... uh...
268
00:13:20,642 --> 00:13:22,910
What the hell are you, anyway?
269
00:13:22,911 --> 00:13:25,245
I have no idea!
270
00:13:25,246 --> 00:13:26,713
This is awesome, Bobby.
271
00:13:26,714 --> 00:13:29,149
Our membership is at an all-time high.
272
00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:32,612
And isn't having a multicultural
militia so much nicer?
273
00:13:32,613 --> 00:13:36,190
Yeah, I guess so, but don't militias
need to make some sort of statement?
274
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,092
Yes, you do.
275
00:13:38,093 --> 00:13:41,080
First of all, militias
don't have picnics.
276
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,060
Well, what do militias do?
277
00:13:43,061 --> 00:13:46,028
Violent acts. How do you not know this?
278
00:13:46,029 --> 00:13:48,464
You guys look more like
the Ellis Island Book Club.
279
00:13:48,465 --> 00:13:49,965
Malloy, what are you doing?
280
00:13:49,966 --> 00:13:51,952
Quiet, militia Etheridge.
281
00:13:51,953 --> 00:13:53,968
Let the talking bear finish talking.
282
00:13:53,969 --> 00:13:58,051
If you want to be a real militia, you
need to stand up and do something big,
283
00:13:58,052 --> 00:14:01,711
something destructive, something
that puts you in the history books.
284
00:14:01,712 --> 00:14:05,614
Like that guy who invented
the double-donged dildo!
285
00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:07,310
Can he not talk?
286
00:14:07,311 --> 00:14:12,188
It's time to make a
statement the world will hear!
287
00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:14,624
- Hell yeah! Count us in!
- Yes!
288
00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:20,265
It's time we started acting
like a real [Bleep] militia!
289
00:14:21,265 --> 00:14:24,701
Our children's test scores have
been dropping at an alarming rate.
290
00:14:24,702 --> 00:14:26,335
What is your plan, Mr. Johnson?
291
00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:28,705
Listen, chuckles. I'll be
asking the questions around here.
292
00:14:28,706 --> 00:14:30,920
Uh, no, you won't. He's the moderator.
293
00:14:30,921 --> 00:14:33,502
Not anymore. I'm the moderator now.
294
00:14:33,503 --> 00:14:35,712
♪ I'm the moderator, look at me!
295
00:14:35,713 --> 00:14:37,872
♪Everybody loves
me, I'm the moderator!
296
00:14:37,873 --> 00:14:40,276
♪I'm the moderator, I'm the moderator!
297
00:14:40,277 --> 00:14:43,150
♪I'm the moderator!
298
00:14:43,151 --> 00:14:46,211
♪I'm the moderator!
299
00:14:46,884 --> 00:14:49,327
Let's just take some
questions from the audience.
300
00:14:49,328 --> 00:14:50,328
I'll allow it.
301
00:14:50,329 --> 00:14:51,762
Hello, everybody.
302
00:14:51,763 --> 00:14:55,469
I'm the leader of the Ellis
Island Book Club militia.
303
00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:58,545
And we have decided to
assassinate the new Governor,
304
00:14:58,546 --> 00:15:01,497
so whichever one of
y'all wins, you're dead!
305
00:15:01,498 --> 00:15:02,818
Y'all have a nice day.
306
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,576
Listen here. I don't respond to threats.
307
00:15:05,577 --> 00:15:09,679
All my life, I've been told that
because I'm a woman, I should give up.
308
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,892
Well guess what! I'm...
309
00:15:12,893 --> 00:15:14,946
Dropping out of the race
for Governor immediately.
310
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,739
No, no, no, no. I'm
dropping out of the race.
311
00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:18,218
No, you're not! I dropped out first.
312
00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:20,591
I'm much more qualified to
drop out of this race than you!
313
00:15:20,592 --> 00:15:22,960
You can't tell me that I
can't drop out of this race.
314
00:15:22,961 --> 00:15:26,349
Would someone please
call me an ambulance?
315
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:31,390
Jesus! This guy asks a
lot of [Bleep] questions!
316
00:15:35,165 --> 00:15:37,701
- Uh, Malloy?
- Yes, Connie?
317
00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:40,820
I'm really happy you joined our
militia and everything, but, uh,
318
00:15:40,821 --> 00:15:46,128
I'm not so sure about your idea to
violently assassinate the Governor.
319
00:15:46,129 --> 00:15:49,499
Relax, Connie. No one's gonna get hurt.
320
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,283
- Really?
- Really.
321
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,754
I just want to scare them
into dropping out of the race.
322
00:15:53,755 --> 00:15:56,139
If I can't live in the Governor's
mansion, neither can they.
323
00:15:56,140 --> 00:15:58,134
Trust me. No one's gonna die today.
324
00:15:58,135 --> 00:16:00,440
Someone's definitely going to die today,
325
00:16:00,441 --> 00:16:02,998
as Woody Johnson and
Ethel Anderson's names will
326
00:16:02,999 --> 00:16:05,639
remain on the ballot
whether they drop out or not.
327
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,905
Which means one of them will be elected
Governor and swiftly assassinated.
328
00:16:09,906 --> 00:16:12,108
Ain't I a stinker?
329
00:16:12,109 --> 00:16:16,314
Hi, I'm Ethel Anderson, and there's no
way that I should be elected Governor.
330
00:16:16,315 --> 00:16:17,633
Why, you say?
331
00:16:17,634 --> 00:16:20,421
Because I'm a raging,
unrepentant alcoholic,
332
00:16:20,422 --> 00:16:23,851
and I believe the holocaust
never happened, but I wish it did.
333
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:26,203
Vote Woody Johnson for Governor.
334
00:16:26,204 --> 00:16:30,187
Hi, I'm Woody Johnson, and there's
no use beating around the bush.
335
00:16:30,188 --> 00:16:32,626
I molest kids, and I love it.
336
00:16:32,627 --> 00:16:35,729
And I promise to make this state
a safe haven for terrorists.
337
00:16:35,730 --> 00:16:40,350
Hey, can I just say,
"[Bleep] Our troops"?
338
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,890
Look where I can stick
the Statue of Liberty!
339
00:16:44,891 --> 00:16:47,691
Domestic violence isn't a problem...
340
00:16:47,692 --> 00:16:49,079
It's a solution.
341
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:52,223
♪Camptown lady's sing this song...
342
00:16:52,224 --> 00:16:55,284
♪Doo-dah. Doo-dah.
343
00:16:59,487 --> 00:17:01,523
And the election results are in.
344
00:17:01,524 --> 00:17:03,758
If I win, I am dropping off the grid.
345
00:17:03,759 --> 00:17:06,591
I'll change my name to
something inconspicuous like...
346
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,506
- Rick Swordfire.
- Yeah, good thinking.
347
00:17:09,507 --> 00:17:12,734
The winner, and new state Governor is...
348
00:17:12,735 --> 00:17:14,078
Woody Johnson.
349
00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:17,273
- What?
- Woo hoo! In your face, dead man!
350
00:17:17,274 --> 00:17:20,843
By the remarkably low
count of two votes to none.
351
00:17:20,844 --> 00:17:23,023
Wait. You voted for yourself?
352
00:17:23,024 --> 00:17:26,682
Well I wasn't gonna
vote for a goddamn woman.
353
00:17:26,683 --> 00:17:28,183
Hello, Mr. Governor.
354
00:17:28,184 --> 00:17:31,429
You've got the wrong guy,
my name is Rick Swordfire.
355
00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:37,051
I knew Rick Swordfire, and
you, Sir, are no Rick Swordfire!
356
00:17:37,052 --> 00:17:40,052
Oh... et tu, Malloy?
357
00:17:40,195 --> 00:17:42,497
Hey, you wouldn't let me live
in the Governor's mansion.
358
00:17:42,498 --> 00:17:45,066
Okay! You can live in
the Governor's mansion!
359
00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:48,589
You can have the Master Bedroom!
I'll sleep in the shitter!
360
00:17:48,590 --> 00:17:51,392
I don't care! Just talk them down!
361
00:17:51,393 --> 00:17:53,422
Really? Okay, guys, great news.
362
00:17:53,423 --> 00:17:56,651
Put down your guns. The
assassination is a no go.
363
00:17:56,652 --> 00:17:57,712
Oh, hell no!
364
00:17:57,713 --> 00:18:01,582
You can't get a militia all hot and
bothered and leave 'em hanging like that.
365
00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:04,733
It's time to bust a nut in his ass!
366
00:18:04,734 --> 00:18:05,787
Uh, I mean cap.
367
00:18:05,788 --> 00:18:07,367
We can do both!
368
00:18:07,368 --> 00:18:08,189
Stop!
369
00:18:08,190 --> 00:18:10,461
- Ethel? What are...
- Shut up, Woody.
370
00:18:10,462 --> 00:18:12,994
Let a woman talk some
sense into these idiots.
371
00:18:12,995 --> 00:18:16,130
Out of the way, two tits!
We have a message to send!
372
00:18:16,131 --> 00:18:18,495
What kind of message
could you possibly want to
373
00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:21,268
send by killing this
pathetic piece of shit?
374
00:18:21,269 --> 00:18:23,724
We're gonna kill him
because he represents a
375
00:18:23,725 --> 00:18:26,395
government controlled by
the zionist Jew threat!
376
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,793
Uh, Bobby, we're okay
with Jew people now.
377
00:18:28,794 --> 00:18:32,132
Chaim got us these uniforms
from his garment factory.
378
00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:35,073
Fine, what I meant to say
was, we gonna kill him because
379
00:18:35,074 --> 00:18:37,717
he wants to flood our
shores with dirty immigrants.
380
00:18:37,718 --> 00:18:40,168
Psst, immigrants are good, remember?
381
00:18:40,169 --> 00:18:43,622
Professor Chin did all our laundry,
and Dr. Patel drove us here in his cab.
382
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,593
Aw, shit, are we anti-anything anymore?
383
00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:48,465
I know what we are!
384
00:18:48,466 --> 00:18:51,399
We're anti-white garbage trash man!
385
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,200
Oh!
386
00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:57,378
Guys! Stop! I got an idea.
387
00:18:57,379 --> 00:19:03,279
How about if we make our militia
all about being anti-violence?
388
00:19:04,585 --> 00:19:06,805
Screw it.
389
00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:13,232
- You think we can just leave?
- I don't see why not.
390
00:19:13,321 --> 00:19:15,789
Ethel, you saved my life.
391
00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:19,516
You've proved to me that women
are capable of great things.
392
00:19:19,517 --> 00:19:22,265
I was wrong. I'm sorry.
393
00:19:22,266 --> 00:19:25,132
Your first female apology. Wow.
394
00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:29,503
I did act like a misogynist
asshole, yet you still saved me. Why?
395
00:19:29,504 --> 00:19:31,986
Because even though we
may be different genders,
396
00:19:31,987 --> 00:19:34,050
deep down inside, we're
both red-blooded...
397
00:19:34,051 --> 00:19:35,997
White people. High five!
398
00:19:35,998 --> 00:19:41,449
- No, actually, I was going to say...
- Shh-shh. We'll leave it at that.
399
00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:44,889
I am pleased to announce that
my first act as your Governor
400
00:19:44,890 --> 00:19:47,888
is to remove the highway running
through Brickleberry Park.
401
00:19:47,889 --> 00:19:49,995
The wrecking crew is already on its way.
402
00:19:49,996 --> 00:19:53,699
Ah, well, Phil, your
family is great company,
403
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:57,027
but we've been playing
for six straight days.
404
00:19:57,028 --> 00:19:59,487
Oh, we're just getting started.
405
00:19:59,488 --> 00:20:02,102
Uh-oh. You forgot to say, "Uno"!
406
00:20:02,103 --> 00:20:06,272
Oh, a helicopter! Thank God! I'm saved!
407
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,133
Aah!
408
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:10,479
Uno!
409
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,346
And with that done, I'm
stepping down as Governor.
410
00:20:13,347 --> 00:20:16,992
As a thank you to my friend Ethel, my
last act is to pardon Governor Melcher
411
00:20:16,993 --> 00:20:20,553
for her having sex on tape with a
black guy and hand the job back to her.
412
00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,900
- Thank you, Woody!
- It's good to be back.
413
00:20:22,901 --> 00:20:25,970
She Governor again? You made
me rob the cradle for nothing?
414
00:20:25,971 --> 00:20:28,930
Wait a minute. You were
behind that sex tape?
415
00:20:28,931 --> 00:20:32,591
Water under the bridge, right?
416
00:20:42,085 --> 00:20:46,233
"The Woody Johnson prison for
criminally insane man-rapists"?
417
00:20:46,234 --> 00:20:48,274
Uh oh.
418
00:20:49,139 --> 00:20:55,039
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
Www.Addic7ed.Com.
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