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Subtitles downloaded from https://kickasssubtitles.com
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you're not sharing anything.
3
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:38,236
You're not sharing the bathroom,
not sharing the toaster, nothing.
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Nada. Zip.
5
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:45,079
You are the mistress of all you survey.
6
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:49,123
My nephew looked up the neighbourhood
on the computer.
7
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:51,419
Your nephew?
8
00:00:54,178 --> 00:00:55,293
Mrs. Darby.
9
00:00:55,471 --> 00:00:59,089
He said the condo was
in a bad neighbourhood.
10
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,512
Blacks.
11
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:09,643
You're right. You're right.
12
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:13,234
The condo is in a rather
poor majority black neighbourhood.
13
00:01:13,405 --> 00:01:16,691
And you know what?
I'm glad you brought it up.
14
00:01:16,867 --> 00:01:18,741
Seriously.
15
00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:23,739
Otherwise, I might have done something
that I'd be ashamed of later.
16
00:01:23,916 --> 00:01:28,542
And that would be
to sell you that timeshare.
17
00:01:28,712 --> 00:01:31,962
- You would not feel safe there.
- No, I wouldn't.
18
00:01:32,132 --> 00:01:36,794
Of course you wouldn't. How could you?
19
00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:38,630
We all know,
20
00:01:38,805 --> 00:01:43,266
and I say this at the risk
of sounding a little racist,
21
00:01:43,435 --> 00:01:47,682
black dudes love white women.
22
00:01:47,856 --> 00:01:51,806
Love 'em. I don't know
if it's genetic or if it's society.
23
00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:55,817
We can argue nature versus nurture
all day, but it's a scientific fact
24
00:01:55,989 --> 00:01:59,689
that black men can't get enough
of white women.
25
00:01:59,868 --> 00:02:03,201
Don't think a woman of your age
would be safe from their advances.
26
00:02:03,371 --> 00:02:04,913
No, ma'am.
27
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:08,497
These big black bucks
don't care whether you're young or old,
28
00:02:08,668 --> 00:02:09,996
skinny or fat,
29
00:02:10,169 --> 00:02:14,630
walking or with two wrinkled stumps
right below the knees.
30
00:02:14,799 --> 00:02:18,666
They want your white flesh.
They want it bad.
31
00:02:18,845 --> 00:02:22,925
Truth be told, I'm part black myself.
32
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:26,384
And if it wasn't for my wife,
I'd be bending you over the desk
33
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,304
doing you doggy-style right now.
34
00:02:29,772 --> 00:02:34,517
I can just imagine you there,
all alone in that big condo,
35
00:02:34,693 --> 00:02:38,228
awash in a sea of Negro cock.
36
00:02:38,405 --> 00:02:40,314
I'll... I'll take it.
37
00:02:40,491 --> 00:02:43,492
Smart move. Sign your Jane Hancock
on the dotted line.
38
00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:46,578
- You can't go in there.
- Here you go.
39
00:02:46,747 --> 00:02:49,072
- Stan Minton.
- I'll be with you in a second.
40
00:02:49,249 --> 00:02:50,280
Go on. Sign it.
41
00:02:50,459 --> 00:02:52,831
Stan Minton,
you're under arrest for fraud.
42
00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:55,624
Anything you say will be
used against you in a court.
43
00:02:55,797 --> 00:02:58,371
It's just a little mix-up. Go on, sign it.
44
00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:00,756
- You white Jezebel!
- I'll call Mal!
45
00:03:00,927 --> 00:03:04,545
You're gonna regret this!
Call my attorney!
46
00:03:07,976 --> 00:03:10,645
Madam Foreman,
have you reached a verdict?
47
00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:13,848
- We have, Your Honour.
- Please hand it to the bailiff.
48
00:03:16,526 --> 00:03:19,729
Will the defendant please rise?
49
00:03:19,904 --> 00:03:22,193
Madam Foreman,
how do you find the defendant?
50
00:03:22,365 --> 00:03:26,315
We, the jury, find the defendant guilty.
51
00:03:27,287 --> 00:03:29,991
- What?
- Thank you, Madam Foreman.
52
00:03:30,164 --> 00:03:32,738
- That bitch!
- Stanley, please, quiet.
53
00:03:32,917 --> 00:03:35,918
Sentencing will be tomorrow at 10am.
54
00:03:38,214 --> 00:03:41,547
- What the fuck just happened in there?
- You lost, Stanley.
55
00:03:41,717 --> 00:03:44,208
I didn't lose. You're the lawyer, you lost.
56
00:03:44,387 --> 00:03:46,047
I'm truly sorry.
57
00:03:46,222 --> 00:03:48,677
Damn it, man! I'm rich!
58
00:03:48,849 --> 00:03:50,806
I wanted some of that O.J. justice.
59
00:03:50,976 --> 00:03:52,933
Maybe the judge will give probation.
60
00:03:53,103 --> 00:03:56,638
No. In this state, first-degree fraud
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00:03:56,815 --> 00:03:59,389
carries a minimum of three to five years.
62
00:03:59,568 --> 00:04:01,395
I got it!
63
00:04:01,570 --> 00:04:04,322
- We bribe the judge.
- I'm not gonna bribe the judge.
64
00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:06,566
- Bribe him.
- I'm not gonna bribe him.
65
00:04:06,742 --> 00:04:08,236
- Bribe him!
- Oh, please.
66
00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:10,070
- Bribe him!
- No!
67
00:04:10,245 --> 00:04:12,914
I don't practise that kind of law,
and I never will.
68
00:04:13,081 --> 00:04:15,370
You wanna bribe the judge?
Be my guest.
69
00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:19,955
I'm sure any shyster on the street
will be happy to do it for you.
70
00:04:29,264 --> 00:04:33,048
Mal? You're fired.
71
00:04:34,686 --> 00:04:37,722
Mr. Popper,
is your client ready for sentencing?
72
00:04:37,897 --> 00:04:40,056
He is, Your Honour.
73
00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:43,851
Anything you'd like to say
before the court passes sentence?
74
00:04:44,028 --> 00:04:47,860
Your Honour, my client
has been convicted
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00:04:48,032 --> 00:04:50,321
of fraud in the first degree.
76
00:04:50,493 --> 00:04:53,909
A crime of which he is innocent.
77
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,496
But even if he were guilty
78
00:04:57,667 --> 00:05:00,418
and his customers were defrauded,
79
00:05:00,586 --> 00:05:04,963
isn't it better that Mr. Minton,
as a resident of Los Angeles,
80
00:05:05,132 --> 00:05:08,667
receive the money,
thereby keeping it in the community,
81
00:05:08,844 --> 00:05:12,545
as opposed to some gypsies
or travelling Mexicans,
82
00:05:12,723 --> 00:05:16,851
who would have taken the money
out of the community?
83
00:05:18,812 --> 00:05:21,564
Please take that into consideration.
84
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:28,439
Mr. Minton, you are hereby sentenced to
serve a term of no less than three years
85
00:05:28,614 --> 00:05:31,365
at the Verlaine State Correctional Facility.
86
00:05:31,533 --> 00:05:34,653
Normally, your sentence
would begin immediately.
87
00:05:34,828 --> 00:05:39,656
However, I'm going to delay
your incarceration for six months
88
00:05:39,833 --> 00:05:44,162
so that you may... reorganise the charity
89
00:05:44,337 --> 00:05:48,549
that you've established
to teach music to retarded children.
90
00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:53,467
Thank you, judge.
91
00:05:54,597 --> 00:05:55,878
Court is adjourned.
92
00:05:57,016 --> 00:06:01,061
- Teach music to retarded children?
- It sounded good at the time.
93
00:06:01,229 --> 00:06:03,435
- I thought you were gonna bribe him.
- I did.
94
00:06:03,606 --> 00:06:06,311
Hundred grand in Krugerrand
doesn't go too far now.
95
00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:08,227
- Did we win?
- No. I don't get it.
96
00:06:08,403 --> 00:06:10,525
You bribe the judge
and I get three years?
97
00:06:10,696 --> 00:06:12,736
Mandatory. The judge couldn't fix that.
98
00:06:12,907 --> 00:06:15,480
Now you got six months
to set your affairs in order.
99
00:06:15,660 --> 00:06:17,320
My affairs are already in order.
100
00:06:18,663 --> 00:06:23,953
My legal opinion is that you take
a Brazilian vacation. Permanently.
101
00:06:24,126 --> 00:06:26,415
Sounds like fun.
102
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,165
I can't do that.
103
00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:30,912
Those Krugerrands were the last
liquid asset I had.
104
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,214
The rest of my money
is frozen in the bank.
105
00:06:33,385 --> 00:06:35,959
I'm not gonna run
and leave seven million behind.
106
00:06:36,138 --> 00:06:39,174
Well, Stan, my old man had a saying:
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00:06:39,349 --> 00:06:43,050
"You walk through a locker room,
you're gonna see some dick."
108
00:06:44,188 --> 00:06:48,600
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means you rip off enough people,
109
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,768
eventually you're gonna go to jail.
110
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,735
Thanks, that's really comforting.
111
00:06:52,904 --> 00:06:57,365
Hey, I'm a crooked lawyer.
I know I'm going to jail someday.
112
00:06:57,534 --> 00:07:00,903
You don't see me crying about it.
113
00:07:11,714 --> 00:07:14,585
Stan, slow down. You're gonna choke.
114
00:07:14,759 --> 00:07:18,128
I gotta eat now.
I hear that prison food is real crap.
115
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:22,423
I'm real glad we have six months
together before you have to go to...
116
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,474
- You know.
- Tell me about it.
117
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:27,977
I could be in jail right now.
Popper's one hell of a lawyer.
118
00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:32,312
I'm gonna be awfully lonely
while you're gone.
119
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:36,613
I know, sweetheart.
But I think I get conjugal visits.
120
00:07:36,781 --> 00:07:39,782
I can probably stick it to you
once a month or so. Pretty good.
121
00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:41,990
Oh, sure, that's great.
122
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:43,869
- But I was thinking...
- Mm-hm.
123
00:07:44,038 --> 00:07:49,280
...maybe we could do something now
so I wouldn't be so lonely later.
124
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:51,251
Like what?
125
00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:55,998
Like maybe we could make a baby.
126
00:07:59,136 --> 00:08:00,678
Mindy, are you crazy?
127
00:08:00,846 --> 00:08:03,004
- I just...
- I'm gonna be gone three years.
128
00:08:03,181 --> 00:08:06,432
Five at the max. What are we gonna do
with the kid when I get out?
129
00:08:06,602 --> 00:08:08,594
Give it up for adoption? That's cruel.
130
00:08:08,770 --> 00:08:11,807
I thought maybe we could keep it.
131
00:08:11,982 --> 00:08:14,105
Mindy, how many times
have we gone over this?
132
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:16,648
It's selfish to bring a child into this world.
133
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:19,655
A world full of suffering
and hunger and war.
134
00:08:19,823 --> 00:08:22,574
- It's just... selfish!
- I know.
135
00:08:22,742 --> 00:08:25,529
Plus, a kid would totally
cramp our lifestyle.
136
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:29,748
We couldn't go on vacation when we
wanted, they break stuff, they cry.
137
00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:32,454
You'd get stretch marks.
138
00:08:32,627 --> 00:08:35,296
That's right. Stretch marks.
139
00:08:35,463 --> 00:08:36,578
Scary stuff, huh?
140
00:08:36,756 --> 00:08:39,959
I just let you walk all over me.
141
00:08:41,427 --> 00:08:43,420
Oh, Mindy, come on.
142
00:08:43,596 --> 00:08:45,885
OK, Mindy, you can get a dog.
143
00:08:46,057 --> 00:08:48,974
After I leave!
144
00:08:49,143 --> 00:08:51,052
Your other steak, sir.
145
00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:25,337
- What do you want, doll?
- Put some Scotch in this.
146
00:09:26,555 --> 00:09:31,015
- We got whiskey.
- Not as good, but it'll have to do.
147
00:09:31,184 --> 00:09:35,052
All right. That'll be 75 cents.
148
00:09:36,648 --> 00:09:37,811
Good deal.
149
00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:43,065
- Keep the change.
- Ooh! Well...
150
00:09:45,281 --> 00:09:47,073
Ah! Give me another one, honey.
151
00:10:01,255 --> 00:10:02,666
Do you got a problem?
152
00:10:04,592 --> 00:10:06,335
No. No, I...
153
00:10:06,511 --> 00:10:10,508
I was just wondering...
you've been to prison, right?
154
00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:12,473
You do have a problem.
155
00:10:12,642 --> 00:10:15,845
No, I... I'm going to prison.
156
00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:19,140
But I've never been there before
and I was just thinking maybe
157
00:10:19,315 --> 00:10:20,975
you could give me some pointers.
158
00:10:22,276 --> 00:10:26,274
- I'll pay you 100 bucks.
- Just for talking?
159
00:10:28,490 --> 00:10:31,610
- How much time did you get?
- Three to five.
160
00:10:31,785 --> 00:10:34,157
- Where at?
- Verlaine.
161
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:39,371
Verlaine? That's fucked, Stan.
Guards just don't give a damn.
162
00:10:39,543 --> 00:10:43,161
They let the cons beat the shit
out of one another all day.
163
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:44,880
How am I gonna do in there?
164
00:10:45,048 --> 00:10:48,500
I mean, if you saw me,
would you beat the shit out of me?
165
00:10:50,011 --> 00:10:51,470
I'd probably rape ya.
166
00:10:53,181 --> 00:10:55,589
- You'd rape me?
- Yeah.
167
00:10:57,060 --> 00:11:00,808
So it's true, huh?
A lot of guys turn gay in prison?
168
00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:04,681
I'm always gay.
I only rape people in prison.
169
00:11:04,859 --> 00:11:08,394
- You're gay?
- Yeah. This is a gay bar.
170
00:11:08,571 --> 00:11:11,276
Whoo!
171
00:11:11,449 --> 00:11:13,109
Let's do this thing.
172
00:11:16,079 --> 00:11:17,110
Whoo!
173
00:11:17,288 --> 00:11:21,831
Look, rape isn't an act of sex.
Rape is an act of violence.
174
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:25,168
And in prison society,
it's all about violence.
175
00:11:25,338 --> 00:11:27,663
You're judged by how bad
other cons fear you.
176
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,924
Raping a dude is the ultimate way
of beating him down.
177
00:11:31,093 --> 00:11:33,169
It means you're one bad motherfucker.
178
00:11:33,346 --> 00:11:36,465
So you rape people?
179
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,677
Well, now that's something
I'm not real proud of.
180
00:11:39,852 --> 00:11:43,684
I don't condone the practise,
to be honest. But I do it some.
181
00:11:43,856 --> 00:11:47,106
Just to keep up with the Joneses.
You know what I mean.
182
00:11:47,276 --> 00:11:51,108
Little dude like you, be an easy mark.
183
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:55,443
Oh, Jesus!
Isn't there anything I could do?
184
00:11:55,617 --> 00:11:57,526
You could join a gang.
185
00:11:57,703 --> 00:12:00,241
- Are you a racist?
- Not really.
186
00:12:00,414 --> 00:12:02,655
That leaves out the Nazis.
187
00:12:02,833 --> 00:12:05,502
- Got any Mob connections?
- No.
188
00:12:05,669 --> 00:12:08,207
- Wouldn't happen to be Latino?
- Uh-uh.
189
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:11,049
Looks like everybody's gonna rape you.
190
00:12:12,342 --> 00:12:16,256
OK. OK, I... I bet I can be a racist
for three to five years.
191
00:12:16,429 --> 00:12:19,216
- A real racist. Hardcore.
- Well, good.
192
00:12:19,391 --> 00:12:21,716
- Then you can join the Nazis.
- Excellent.
193
00:12:21,893 --> 00:12:23,850
You'll only be raped by other Nazis.
194
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:27,685
Raped by Nazis? No way!
195
00:12:27,857 --> 00:12:29,102
Anything else I can do?
196
00:12:29,275 --> 00:12:32,276
Isn't there some way I can
cultivate some outlaw image?
197
00:12:32,445 --> 00:12:35,814
- You have to kill a dude.
- Without killing a dude?
198
00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:39,324
In your case,
it'd be a real long shot, Stan.
199
00:12:39,494 --> 00:12:42,530
- Wouldn't happen to have any tats?
- Tats?
200
00:12:42,705 --> 00:12:44,413
Ink.
201
00:12:44,582 --> 00:12:48,580
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
I didn't grow up with my mom. So I...
202
00:12:48,753 --> 00:12:51,670
When I was 18, I got a tattoo.
203
00:12:55,092 --> 00:12:56,337
"Mommy".
204
00:12:56,510 --> 00:13:00,045
You might as well buy a welcome mat,
strap it to your asshole.
205
00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:02,014
Say, "I'm open for business."
206
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:13,014
Whoo!
207
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:18,613
- Stan?
- I'm gonna get raped!
208
00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:22,406
Stanny!
209
00:13:22,577 --> 00:13:26,242
Stan, honey. You wanna wake up?
210
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:29,415
It's 2:00.
211
00:13:30,835 --> 00:13:33,373
- Good morning, dear.
- Good afternoon, Stan.
212
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,464
I got you some orange juice.
213
00:13:40,303 --> 00:13:42,759
It was all a bad dream.
214
00:13:42,931 --> 00:13:46,181
- Just a horrible dream.
- What was your dream, baby?
215
00:13:46,351 --> 00:13:47,845
It was awful!
216
00:13:48,019 --> 00:13:52,562
I was gonna go to prison
and big men were gonna rape me.
217
00:13:53,775 --> 00:13:57,274
But here I am, safe in my bed.
218
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,105
It was all a bad dream.
219
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,818
But you are gonna be going
to prison, right?
220
00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:05,324
- Huh?
- You're going to prison in six months.
221
00:14:06,954 --> 00:14:09,410
No!
222
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,873
Oh! Oh!
223
00:14:14,044 --> 00:14:17,496
Honey, it's OK.
A lot can happen in six months.
224
00:14:17,673 --> 00:14:21,884
What's gonna happen, Mindy?
Is my anus gonna grow teeth?
225
00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:27,679
No, silly! You'll find a way.
You always do.
226
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,344
What'd you just say?
227
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:32,009
You always find a way.
228
00:14:33,814 --> 00:14:36,352
That's right. I always do.
229
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:39,018
My baby ready to eat breakfast?
230
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,144
Mindy...
231
00:14:44,241 --> 00:14:46,992
...did I have a lot growing up?
232
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:51,240
No, I did not. I had nothing growing up.
233
00:14:51,414 --> 00:14:54,997
I had a drunk father
who was emotionally unavailable to me.
234
00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:57,493
I had a summer job at Dairy Queen.
235
00:14:57,670 --> 00:15:00,208
I had tomato soup for dinner.
236
00:15:00,381 --> 00:15:02,374
Nobody ever gave me anything.
237
00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:06,714
Truly, mine was
a hardscrabble existence.
238
00:15:06,888 --> 00:15:08,715
Yet look at me today.
239
00:15:08,890 --> 00:15:10,929
I own a palatial estate,
240
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:12,808
I drive a Lamborghini,
241
00:15:12,977 --> 00:15:14,804
I have a summer house on the lake,
242
00:15:14,979 --> 00:15:18,229
a complete Bang & Olufsen
home theatre system,
243
00:15:18,399 --> 00:15:21,068
a beautiful wife.
244
00:15:21,235 --> 00:15:24,770
And whom do I have to thank
for all this stuff?
245
00:15:24,947 --> 00:15:27,782
Me. Nobody else.
246
00:15:27,950 --> 00:15:31,401
Me. I am a winner.
247
00:15:31,579 --> 00:15:35,493
I set my mind to do something,
and I do it.
248
00:15:37,334 --> 00:15:42,329
And so when I say to you
that I will make myself un-rape able,
249
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:46,041
I will be un-rape able!
250
00:15:46,802 --> 00:15:48,213
Yay!
251
00:15:50,222 --> 00:15:53,258
♪ You're the best around
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪
252
00:15:53,433 --> 00:15:58,391
♪ You're the best around
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪
253
00:15:58,563 --> 00:16:00,473
- ♪ You're the best around ♪
- Ow!
254
00:16:01,483 --> 00:16:05,646
♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪
255
00:16:13,578 --> 00:16:17,445
I got a couple of things in mind. But
first I got kind of a weird question.
256
00:16:17,624 --> 00:16:20,660
Do you have anything you could tattoo
around my sphincter
257
00:16:20,835 --> 00:16:22,329
to make it less attractive?
258
00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,961
Fourteen, 15...
259
00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:31,213
- Stanny, come to bed.
- Not... Not now, Mindy.
260
00:16:31,387 --> 00:16:33,296
Nineteen, 25.
261
00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:36,888
There. You see new definition?
262
00:16:37,059 --> 00:16:39,218
My forearm. I think I see a new vein.
263
00:16:39,395 --> 00:16:41,103
I see a very sexy man.
264
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:44,065
You do?
265
00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:46,522
Well, I wonder what he's gonna do next.
266
00:16:52,950 --> 00:16:55,156
Take me, darling.
267
00:16:55,953 --> 00:16:59,653
Mindy, I'm gonna go
to prison in a few months.
268
00:16:59,832 --> 00:17:01,326
Not now, honey.
269
00:17:04,002 --> 00:17:07,087
And while I'm there, men are gonna try
to take advantage of me.
270
00:17:07,256 --> 00:17:10,043
- I don't wanna hear about this.
- This is important.
271
00:17:10,217 --> 00:17:12,256
I'm doing everything I can
272
00:17:12,427 --> 00:17:14,586
to make sure that doesn't happen.
273
00:17:14,763 --> 00:17:17,468
But if it does happen,
and I do get violated...
274
00:17:17,641 --> 00:17:18,803
Stan!
275
00:17:20,393 --> 00:17:23,015
...I want the first time...
276
00:17:23,188 --> 00:17:24,730
...to be by someone I love.
277
00:17:31,404 --> 00:17:32,946
Oh!
278
00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:35,820
Oh.
279
00:17:37,535 --> 00:17:40,821
Stan, I couldn't.
280
00:17:40,997 --> 00:17:44,164
Please, Min, for me.
281
00:17:47,462 --> 00:17:51,044
Well... OK.
282
00:17:53,634 --> 00:17:55,093
Great.
283
00:18:08,149 --> 00:18:11,268
Oh, the horror!
284
00:18:11,527 --> 00:18:13,484
Two!
285
00:18:13,654 --> 00:18:15,646
Three! Four!
286
00:18:15,823 --> 00:18:18,396
Five! Six!
287
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:21,660
Seven! Eight!
288
00:18:21,829 --> 00:18:24,533
You must concentrate, Stanley.
Concentrate!
289
00:18:24,706 --> 00:18:28,075
- How can I concentrate when I'm bored?
- If you're bored, leave.
290
00:18:28,252 --> 00:18:29,662
Oh, come on, Cho.
291
00:18:30,796 --> 00:18:33,915
- Master Cho!
- Master Cho.
292
00:18:34,091 --> 00:18:37,257
I've been coming here for a week
and I'm still doing baby stuff.
293
00:18:37,427 --> 00:18:39,503
When am I gonna learn to kick some ass?
294
00:18:39,679 --> 00:18:43,179
I'm a yellow belt.
Nobody's afraid of a yellow belt.
295
00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:45,556
You think you're ready
to move up in rank?
296
00:18:46,561 --> 00:18:47,592
Yeah, that's right.
297
00:18:47,771 --> 00:18:50,309
Fine. You'll have your chance.
298
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:54,266
- Hey, Seymour! Come on.
- All right.
299
00:18:54,444 --> 00:18:57,279
Seymour.
300
00:18:57,447 --> 00:19:00,068
You'll fight Seymour
for honour of green belt.
301
00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:06,114
Want me to fight this little guy?
302
00:19:06,289 --> 00:19:08,744
- All right.
- Fighting stance!
303
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:11,242
All right, Seymour. See what you got.
304
00:19:13,629 --> 00:19:15,005
Ah! Ah!
305
00:19:15,172 --> 00:19:16,667
Oof!
306
00:19:23,889 --> 00:19:26,760
- How do you like that, huh, Seymour?
- Stanley!
307
00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:37,772
- Uh!
- You can forget about your refund!
308
00:19:42,533 --> 00:19:43,943
Is that all you got?
309
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,114
Ah!
310
00:19:54,544 --> 00:19:56,122
Pussy.
311
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:19,767
That's some technique you got.
312
00:20:29,871 --> 00:20:35,078
You couldn't knock a shit
out of a paper bag full of shit.
313
00:20:36,419 --> 00:20:38,910
Oh, and you could do better?
314
00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:56,185
Any questions?
315
00:21:00,651 --> 00:21:02,774
- Mindy!
- Dinner's almost ready!
316
00:21:02,945 --> 00:21:05,021
- I got great news!
- What happened to you?
317
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,818
Never mind that.
I just met the best guy. Guess what?
318
00:21:07,991 --> 00:21:11,277
- He's agreed to be my trainer.
- Really? What's his name?
319
00:21:12,329 --> 00:21:13,443
The Master.
320
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:19,662
- How do you do...
- The Master.
321
00:21:20,587 --> 00:21:22,378
He's gonna live with us and train me.
322
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:25,003
I have to pay him
when my accounts get unfrozen.
323
00:21:25,175 --> 00:21:26,835
- Oh.
- Ahem.
324
00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:28,670
And the contract.
325
00:21:28,845 --> 00:21:31,170
Yeah, I'll write it up right now.
326
00:21:36,686 --> 00:21:41,063
I'm so sorry, The Master,
but there's no smoking in the house.
327
00:21:44,152 --> 00:21:45,694
Yes, there is.
328
00:21:49,115 --> 00:21:51,688
I better heat up another Lean Cuisine.
329
00:21:51,867 --> 00:21:55,735
Honey, you've done it again.
You heated it just perfect.
330
00:21:56,789 --> 00:21:58,912
So...
331
00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:02,167
...The Master, where are you from?
332
00:22:02,336 --> 00:22:04,163
Hell.
333
00:22:05,631 --> 00:22:10,044
Oh! What brought you to LA? A job?
334
00:22:11,095 --> 00:22:15,424
I travel where the wind takes me.
335
00:22:16,850 --> 00:22:19,721
Isn't he great?
336
00:22:19,895 --> 00:22:23,062
Well, how long have you been
teaching the art of self-defence?
337
00:22:25,776 --> 00:22:29,773
Young lady, what I teach is not art.
338
00:22:29,946 --> 00:22:31,904
It is science.
339
00:22:32,073 --> 00:22:37,115
A careful amalgam of the most
deadly parts of karate, kung fu,
340
00:22:37,287 --> 00:22:41,783
Wing Chun, Krav Maga, Muay Thai,
341
00:22:41,958 --> 00:22:45,908
savate and Filipino Kali.
342
00:22:46,087 --> 00:22:47,332
My favourite.
343
00:22:47,505 --> 00:22:50,079
Ooh! Wow!
344
00:22:50,842 --> 00:22:53,594
I find weakness
345
00:22:53,761 --> 00:22:56,431
and turn it into strength.
346
00:22:56,597 --> 00:22:59,598
I find fat and turn it into muscle.
347
00:22:59,767 --> 00:23:04,476
I find blisters
and turn them into canker sores.
348
00:23:04,647 --> 00:23:09,225
I find doubt and I turn it into will.
349
00:23:09,402 --> 00:23:11,643
You can stop doing that now.
350
00:23:11,821 --> 00:23:14,193
- Doing what?
- Your hand.
351
00:23:16,033 --> 00:23:19,698
Oh. I forgot it was there.
352
00:23:23,290 --> 00:23:25,199
I'm gonna take a shit.
353
00:23:28,003 --> 00:23:30,577
- Enjoy yourself.
- Mm.
354
00:23:32,174 --> 00:23:36,172
Stan, honey,
does he really have to live here?
355
00:23:36,345 --> 00:23:38,633
- The Master?
- He scares me.
356
00:23:38,805 --> 00:23:42,673
I know. He scares me too. That's exactly
why he's the perfect guy to teach me.
357
00:23:42,851 --> 00:23:45,556
- But, Stan...
- Look, want me to survive in prison?
358
00:23:45,729 --> 00:23:48,896
- Of course I do.
- Then don't argue with me about this.
359
00:23:49,065 --> 00:23:50,608
You'll see, he'll grow on you.
360
00:24:01,411 --> 00:24:03,818
Wake up, weakling.
361
00:24:03,997 --> 00:24:07,330
What the hell you doing in here?
362
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,834
It's time to begin your training.
363
00:24:11,004 --> 00:24:13,292
But it's five in the morning.
364
00:24:13,464 --> 00:24:16,382
- Is that liver?
- It's your breakfast.
365
00:24:16,551 --> 00:24:21,793
And every moment you delay,
I squeeze out more of its vital juices.
366
00:24:21,973 --> 00:24:24,298
Trust me, you'll need them later.
367
00:24:24,475 --> 00:24:27,844
- OK, I'm up.
- But are you ready?
368
00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:30,690
Look what I found beside your bed.
369
00:24:30,856 --> 00:24:34,106
This is weakness.
370
00:24:34,276 --> 00:24:37,645
This is defeatism.
371
00:24:37,822 --> 00:24:40,443
Actually, we were kind of enjoying that.
372
00:24:40,616 --> 00:24:42,609
Eat this.
373
00:24:43,744 --> 00:24:45,902
And follow me.
374
00:24:52,419 --> 00:24:53,772
Punch! All right, now kick.
375
00:24:53,796 --> 00:24:56,037
Punch! All right, now kick.
376
00:24:56,215 --> 00:24:58,503
Kick!
377
00:24:59,551 --> 00:25:00,926
Kick like you mean it!
378
00:25:03,221 --> 00:25:06,756
- Oh!
- I blended that gross stuff you wanted.
379
00:25:06,933 --> 00:25:10,598
I got it all in Koreatown. I didn't
even know there was a Koreatown.
380
00:25:14,274 --> 00:25:16,231
Too many eggs.
381
00:25:16,401 --> 00:25:19,852
The fish oil is nice. Ox pancreas is good.
382
00:25:21,239 --> 00:25:24,074
- Next time, use more tongue.
- That's what she said.
383
00:25:24,242 --> 00:25:25,985
- Ooh!
- Oh, Stan!
384
00:25:26,161 --> 00:25:28,034
- I'm all right.
- Get away from him!
385
00:25:28,204 --> 00:25:32,581
- I'm OK.
- Rise and drink your lunch.
386
00:25:41,092 --> 00:25:43,380
Don't I get to eat anything
that tastes good?
387
00:25:46,681 --> 00:25:50,630
- You like hot dogs?
- Yeah, sure.
388
00:25:50,810 --> 00:25:53,135
If you don't drink that,
389
00:25:53,312 --> 00:25:55,684
the boys in prison will feed you...
390
00:25:57,024 --> 00:25:59,313
...many hot dogs.
391
00:26:08,786 --> 00:26:11,952
I can kick your ass so fast
you wouldn't even feel it.
392
00:26:12,122 --> 00:26:15,621
I'd like to see that.
393
00:26:15,792 --> 00:26:18,996
You didn't kick me in the ass.
I didn't feel anything.
394
00:26:27,554 --> 00:26:29,677
Ow! Ow!
395
00:26:29,848 --> 00:26:32,303
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
396
00:26:32,475 --> 00:26:34,349
Ow! Ow! Ow!
397
00:26:34,519 --> 00:26:35,978
Oh! Ow! Ooh!
398
00:26:36,146 --> 00:26:38,637
- Pain is interpretation.
- OK.
399
00:26:38,815 --> 00:26:43,393
I'm gonna call a time-out here. You're
beating my husband with a flaming stick.
400
00:26:43,570 --> 00:26:46,654
Isn't there some kind
of role-playing exercise you can do?
401
00:26:46,823 --> 00:26:49,314
Run along, honey.
This is man stuff here.
402
00:26:49,492 --> 00:26:51,235
Go ahead, Master.
403
00:26:51,411 --> 00:26:53,652
Ow! Ow! Ow!
404
00:26:53,830 --> 00:26:57,364
Ow! Ah! Oh!
405
00:26:57,542 --> 00:26:59,665
Ow! Ah!
406
00:27:04,632 --> 00:27:08,464
No disrespect, I realise this
is strengthening my nipples.
407
00:27:08,636 --> 00:27:11,471
And believe me, I can feel the burn.
408
00:27:11,639 --> 00:27:15,683
I was wondering,
just how important are strong nipples?
409
00:27:15,851 --> 00:27:18,473
- Someday these nipples...
- Ah!
410
00:27:18,646 --> 00:27:21,516
- ...may save your life.
- Ah!
411
00:27:22,858 --> 00:27:26,357
You are what you eat.
412
00:27:26,528 --> 00:27:29,814
Um, are you sure
that's Eastern mysticism?
413
00:27:29,990 --> 00:27:32,991
Because I learned that
in health class in third grade.
414
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,784
Silence, woman.
415
00:27:34,953 --> 00:27:38,903
I mean, all that stuff about pain
and illusion sounds totally mystical.
416
00:27:39,082 --> 00:27:42,368
But "you are what you eat"?
Even I know that. And I am from Omaha.
417
00:27:45,172 --> 00:27:47,413
What part of Omaha?
418
00:27:47,591 --> 00:27:50,212
- Oh!
- Dundee.
419
00:27:51,303 --> 00:27:52,880
Happy Hollow.
420
00:27:53,972 --> 00:27:55,383
You're Oscar?
421
00:27:55,557 --> 00:27:58,130
I should have known.
422
00:27:58,309 --> 00:28:02,141
Those womanly, childbearing hips
423
00:28:02,313 --> 00:28:07,355
could not be a product
of this perfidious coast.
424
00:28:07,527 --> 00:28:10,812
Uh, do you mind?
I'm trying to eat scorpion here.
425
00:28:10,988 --> 00:28:13,111
Insolent fool!
426
00:28:13,616 --> 00:28:16,487
You have lost the right
427
00:28:16,661 --> 00:28:19,199
to eat scorpion.
428
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:26,284
Great. There goes my lunch.
429
00:28:26,462 --> 00:28:28,086
- Thanks.
- This is not working.
430
00:28:28,255 --> 00:28:29,999
- Master says...
- Master's a jerk.
431
00:28:30,174 --> 00:28:31,668
- Shh!
- He is!
432
00:28:31,842 --> 00:28:36,421
And he is a creep. The house smells.
Does he have to smoke in every room?
433
00:28:36,597 --> 00:28:40,429
The only time I see you alone is in bed
and you're too tired to...
434
00:28:40,601 --> 00:28:43,970
Hey! I got five months, and then
it's prison. I gotta stay focused.
435
00:28:44,146 --> 00:28:48,607
I gotta think, eat, breathe prison.
I don't have time for anything else.
436
00:28:48,775 --> 00:28:51,776
Not even time for me?
437
00:28:54,323 --> 00:28:55,651
Tell you what.
438
00:28:55,824 --> 00:28:59,193
After I'm done working out
with The Master, I'll rent some movies,
439
00:28:59,369 --> 00:29:02,738
and we'll cuddle around the TV
like old times, OK?
440
00:29:02,914 --> 00:29:04,706
Really?
441
00:29:12,924 --> 00:29:14,039
Mindy!
442
00:29:14,217 --> 00:29:17,052
Some men broke into the house!
They wanna rape you!
443
00:29:17,220 --> 00:29:19,426
- What?
- Big men!
444
00:29:19,597 --> 00:29:22,717
- They wanna rape you! Repeatedly!
- What about The Master?
445
00:29:22,892 --> 00:29:26,391
They have guns! They killed him!
There's nothing we can do!
446
00:29:26,562 --> 00:29:29,480
- You're gonna get raped! Raped!
- Oh, my God!
447
00:29:29,649 --> 00:29:32,318
Raped!
448
00:29:32,485 --> 00:29:34,442
Rape!
449
00:29:36,656 --> 00:29:38,114
There.
450
00:29:40,618 --> 00:29:43,738
- Now you know how I feel.
- What?
451
00:29:43,913 --> 00:29:47,495
Fear of rape. That's what I'm gonna
have to live with for three years.
452
00:29:47,666 --> 00:29:51,249
Nobody broke into the house?
453
00:29:51,420 --> 00:29:52,618
That's right.
454
00:29:52,796 --> 00:29:55,833
Now maybe you'll be supportive
of what I'm going through.
455
00:29:56,008 --> 00:29:59,626
You son of a bitch!
456
00:30:01,221 --> 00:30:03,510
- OK, you're upset.
- You son of a bitch!
457
00:30:03,682 --> 00:30:06,469
- You don't have to call names. Mindy!
- Son of a bitch!
458
00:30:06,643 --> 00:30:11,222
- Bitch, bitch, bitch! You bastard!
- Mindy. Mindy!
459
00:30:11,398 --> 00:30:14,683
Oh! Mindy.
460
00:30:14,860 --> 00:30:17,529
- What are you doing?
- What's it look like? Leaving.
461
00:30:17,696 --> 00:30:20,946
Why? Because I pull one little prank,
which when you calm down...
462
00:30:21,116 --> 00:30:23,867
It's not just one prank!
You only think about yourself!
463
00:30:24,035 --> 00:30:26,953
You're the most selfish man
who ever lived, ever! Ever!
464
00:30:27,122 --> 00:30:30,538
Whoa! Excuse me? Selfish?
I find that funny! I really do!
465
00:30:30,709 --> 00:30:33,081
I've given you everything
you've ever wanted!
466
00:30:33,253 --> 00:30:34,830
- You're crazy!
- This house!
467
00:30:35,004 --> 00:30:36,962
- It's in your name.
- Those boobs!
468
00:30:37,132 --> 00:30:40,216
- You wanted these.
- You said the Lamborghini's too small,
469
00:30:40,385 --> 00:30:44,299
- I got a second car.
- A 1955 Porsche Speedster!
470
00:30:44,472 --> 00:30:47,473
- It has a back seat!
- Oh!
471
00:30:48,476 --> 00:30:52,521
- What do you want? I'll do anything.
- I want a baby, you asshole!
472
00:30:52,688 --> 00:30:55,606
That again? Fine. OK. You win.
473
00:30:55,775 --> 00:30:58,266
- We'll have a baby.
- Really?
474
00:30:58,444 --> 00:31:01,279
No, not really,
but we can visit people who have kids.
475
00:31:04,408 --> 00:31:06,235
Goodbye!
476
00:31:07,953 --> 00:31:10,444
Good, leave! I don't need you!
477
00:31:10,623 --> 00:31:12,414
I don't need anybody!
478
00:31:12,583 --> 00:31:15,121
God!
479
00:31:15,294 --> 00:31:19,374
Uh, one moment. I'm... meditating.
480
00:31:23,927 --> 00:31:26,299
It's so big! Oh, God!
481
00:31:26,471 --> 00:31:28,096
Mindy left.
482
00:31:28,515 --> 00:31:30,887
- Yes, yes, yes!
- Good.
483
00:31:31,059 --> 00:31:34,060
Oh, God!
484
00:31:34,229 --> 00:31:37,847
Now, the real training can begin.
485
00:31:40,277 --> 00:31:44,321
We do not have time
to teach you the five fingers of death.
486
00:31:44,489 --> 00:31:47,609
We have only time for one finger.
487
00:31:48,159 --> 00:31:49,654
Pick one.
488
00:31:50,662 --> 00:31:53,698
All right. Wait. This one.
489
00:31:57,794 --> 00:31:59,252
Hold this.
490
00:32:08,888 --> 00:32:10,086
Your turn.
491
00:32:24,028 --> 00:32:27,646
Ah! Ow!
492
00:32:27,823 --> 00:32:31,655
Ah! Ah!
493
00:32:47,342 --> 00:32:49,169
Ah!
494
00:32:59,938 --> 00:33:03,722
♪ You don't know what to do, you're
sitting there and you're all alone
495
00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:06,308
Don't look at what you're doing.
496
00:33:06,486 --> 00:33:09,522
Just feel. Feel.
497
00:33:09,697 --> 00:33:13,232
♪ You've got no place to call your home
498
00:33:13,409 --> 00:33:16,743
I felt. It felt bad.
499
00:33:19,082 --> 00:33:20,706
Oh!
500
00:33:23,002 --> 00:33:27,664
You must learn to feel your opponent.
Know his intentions.
501
00:33:30,301 --> 00:33:34,714
If he is good at a distance,
then you must be close.
502
00:33:38,559 --> 00:33:44,063
If he is good close,
then you must fight him at a distance.
503
00:33:50,237 --> 00:33:54,235
What if your opponent is good close
and from a distance?
504
00:33:54,408 --> 00:33:56,447
Then you are up to your eyeballs in shit.
505
00:33:56,618 --> 00:33:59,156
Watch your mouth. You are nobody.
506
00:34:01,623 --> 00:34:02,655
Ow!
507
00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:06,628
- Hey, what are those?
- A little something I picked up
508
00:34:06,795 --> 00:34:09,749
- at the Shaolin temple.
- What do you use them for?
509
00:34:09,923 --> 00:34:11,334
Oh!
510
00:34:12,092 --> 00:34:13,551
Oh! Ow!
511
00:34:13,718 --> 00:34:15,510
Oh! Ah!
512
00:34:16,304 --> 00:34:18,261
Your lunch.
513
00:35:11,025 --> 00:35:13,516
Yeah.
514
00:35:17,990 --> 00:35:20,278
- Whoo-hoo!
- All right, that's close enough.
515
00:35:24,079 --> 00:35:25,110
Whoo-hoo!
516
00:35:26,331 --> 00:35:28,324
Hoo-hoo!
517
00:35:30,001 --> 00:35:32,623
Ah!
518
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,046
Never celebrate too early.
519
00:35:37,217 --> 00:35:38,794
I'll remember that.
520
00:35:47,143 --> 00:35:48,341
Yes.
521
00:35:52,023 --> 00:35:54,431
Mississippi five, Mississippi six,
522
00:35:54,609 --> 00:35:56,934
Mississippi seven, Mississippi eight,
523
00:35:57,111 --> 00:36:00,196
Mississippi nine...
524
00:36:00,364 --> 00:36:02,606
My God! That is amazing!
525
00:36:02,784 --> 00:36:04,776
Oh, that's nothing. You should see him.
526
00:36:04,952 --> 00:36:09,365
It's easy for me. Cigarettes have
ruined my circulation so much
527
00:36:09,540 --> 00:36:12,209
I can't even feel my hands anymore.
528
00:36:12,376 --> 00:36:14,285
So that's your trick.
529
00:36:14,462 --> 00:36:16,004
Mm-hm.
530
00:36:16,589 --> 00:36:21,215
Here's to Stan Minton,
my second finest student.
531
00:36:21,385 --> 00:36:23,710
Second finest?
532
00:36:23,888 --> 00:36:25,595
Who's number one?
533
00:36:25,764 --> 00:36:28,765
I hope you never have to find that out.
534
00:36:28,934 --> 00:36:32,552
He used what I taught him,
not for his own protection,
535
00:36:32,730 --> 00:36:34,971
but for evil.
536
00:36:39,820 --> 00:36:43,687
Well, fuck that guy.
Here's to number two.
537
00:36:43,865 --> 00:36:49,239
Now, drink up. Stan has one final test.
538
00:36:50,580 --> 00:36:51,956
Tonight.
539
00:36:54,834 --> 00:36:57,835
I do? OK.
540
00:36:58,004 --> 00:36:59,629
Let's go for it.
541
00:37:16,981 --> 00:37:18,689
Hello, Cho.
542
00:37:18,858 --> 00:37:21,610
It's Master Cho to you.
543
00:37:21,778 --> 00:37:25,989
Master Cho? Or Masturbator Cho?
544
00:37:26,157 --> 00:37:30,285
- Excuse me?
- You heard me... punk.
545
00:37:34,498 --> 00:37:37,333
Looking for a beat-down, mister?
546
00:37:37,501 --> 00:37:40,870
What are you looking for? To beat off?
547
00:37:41,046 --> 00:37:42,790
That's it.
548
00:37:54,852 --> 00:37:55,931
Ooh!
549
00:38:16,581 --> 00:38:18,325
Very good, Stan.
550
00:38:18,500 --> 00:38:20,623
You mind walking me to my car?
551
00:38:20,794 --> 00:38:23,285
All right.
552
00:38:23,463 --> 00:38:27,876
I don't feel too comfortable here.
I don't think the Asian people like me.
553
00:38:41,397 --> 00:38:46,225
All right, you just go up those steps,
turn yourself in for processing.
554
00:38:46,402 --> 00:38:48,774
By the way, slight change of plans.
555
00:38:48,946 --> 00:38:51,817
The Bureau of Prisons
called me yesterday.
556
00:38:51,991 --> 00:38:55,075
They're sending you to Oaksburg,
not Verlaine.
557
00:38:55,244 --> 00:38:59,111
- Why?
- Who knows? Bureaucracy.
558
00:38:59,290 --> 00:39:02,409
It makes no difference.
559
00:39:03,961 --> 00:39:06,748
Go on. You'll do great.
560
00:39:06,922 --> 00:39:09,793
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
561
00:39:13,387 --> 00:39:16,803
Uh, did Mindy or her lawyer call
about the divorce?
562
00:39:19,559 --> 00:39:22,845
It's not like I care anyway. All right.
563
00:39:23,021 --> 00:39:24,930
See you guys in three years.
564
00:39:30,654 --> 00:39:35,031
- What do you think?
- I think you should walk away quickly.
565
00:39:43,541 --> 00:39:46,542
- Ah! Filthy pig!
- I need a beer.
566
00:39:46,711 --> 00:39:48,039
Oh!
567
00:39:48,212 --> 00:39:50,917
Don't get in the car!
568
00:40:12,111 --> 00:40:14,103
This your first time?
569
00:40:16,532 --> 00:40:19,948
Hey, sweetie, ain't you got a name?
570
00:40:20,119 --> 00:40:22,242
Ah!
571
00:40:22,413 --> 00:40:25,746
Talk to me again,
I'll twist your whole damn titty off.
572
00:40:25,916 --> 00:40:29,166
- Ooh, my mama, ooh, my mama.
- Hey, man, I'm scared too.
573
00:40:29,336 --> 00:40:31,827
But it can't be as bad as they say it is.
574
00:40:32,005 --> 00:40:36,169
It's just as bad as they say.
The sooner you realise that, the better.
575
00:40:36,343 --> 00:40:40,672
- Tell 'em.
- You'll find out, soon enough.
576
00:40:42,516 --> 00:40:44,888
What'd I say about talking to me?
577
00:40:46,353 --> 00:40:47,681
Damn, man!
578
00:41:10,710 --> 00:41:13,415
Welcome to Oaksburg Penitentiary.
579
00:41:13,588 --> 00:41:16,672
For reasons beyond
what I care to imagine,
580
00:41:16,841 --> 00:41:20,589
you gentlemen have found yourselves
under my stewardship.
581
00:41:20,761 --> 00:41:24,973
My name is Warden Francis Gasque.
582
00:41:25,141 --> 00:41:27,548
But you can just call me Boss.
583
00:41:27,727 --> 00:41:31,475
We only got one rule here at Oaksburg:
584
00:41:31,647 --> 00:41:37,234
Don't fuck with the Boss. That means
you leave me and my men alone.
585
00:41:37,403 --> 00:41:42,111
What you animals do to each other,
that's your business.
586
00:41:42,282 --> 00:41:46,031
And right behind you
is the warden's garden.
587
00:41:46,203 --> 00:41:51,363
Anybody caught pissing on that
will have his penis removed.
588
00:41:53,001 --> 00:41:56,702
Sergeant Bullard will lead you
to the medical office where you'll strip
589
00:41:56,880 --> 00:42:00,960
and have your cavities searched.
You're gonna enjoy that.
590
00:42:01,134 --> 00:42:05,428
Now, gentlemen! Single file.
Come on! Get up there.
591
00:42:05,597 --> 00:42:06,628
Pecker to butt hole.
592
00:42:11,144 --> 00:42:14,430
All right, assume the position.
593
00:42:20,153 --> 00:42:23,901
Why you screaming like a little girl?!
594
00:42:24,073 --> 00:42:27,110
Sarge, look.
595
00:42:27,285 --> 00:42:29,076
Sweet Jesus!
596
00:42:31,664 --> 00:42:36,041
It's like an alien staring into my soul.
597
00:42:38,129 --> 00:42:42,541
Welcome home. New luxury condos,
compliments of the state.
598
00:42:42,717 --> 00:42:44,425
Step it up, boys.
599
00:42:50,432 --> 00:42:53,433
Come on, sweet meat!
600
00:43:01,693 --> 00:43:06,320
Hello there, young fella.
I guess we're cellmates.
601
00:43:07,783 --> 00:43:11,827
My name's Larry.
But you can call me Shorts.
602
00:43:11,995 --> 00:43:14,533
Shorts, you're in my bunk.
603
00:43:14,706 --> 00:43:18,620
- What?
- That's my bunk. Get out.
604
00:43:18,794 --> 00:43:22,127
You hold on there just a second.
605
00:43:22,297 --> 00:43:25,666
This is my bunk.
What gives you the right to...
606
00:43:25,842 --> 00:43:27,420
Ow!
607
00:43:29,054 --> 00:43:34,392
- I said that's my bunk.
- Yeah, I guess it is.
608
00:43:34,559 --> 00:43:35,757
Whoo!
609
00:43:42,150 --> 00:43:45,519
Uh, you might wanna change the sheets.
610
00:43:47,447 --> 00:43:50,364
I'm kind of a compulsive masturbator.
611
00:43:55,329 --> 00:43:56,871
Shorts, that's your bunk.
612
00:43:57,039 --> 00:44:00,242
- Really?
- Absolutely.
613
00:44:00,418 --> 00:44:04,332
Thanks, buddy.
I think we're gonna get along just fine.
614
00:44:04,505 --> 00:44:05,785
Hey, put her here.
615
00:44:08,134 --> 00:44:11,716
- I don't shake hands.
- Well, whatever.
616
00:44:15,808 --> 00:44:18,215
Ah, good to be back.
617
00:44:20,354 --> 00:44:23,105
Tell me, Shorts,
who's the toughest guy here?
618
00:44:23,273 --> 00:44:25,515
Who's the biggest bad-ass
in the cell block?
619
00:44:25,692 --> 00:44:28,942
Biggest bad-ass...
There's a lot of contenders.
620
00:44:29,112 --> 00:44:33,062
There's Cleon. He's leader
of the Diamond Kings, the black gang.
621
00:44:33,241 --> 00:44:38,034
- I seen him kill a man with his fist.
- That's right! Yeah!
622
00:44:38,205 --> 00:44:42,582
Then there's Juanito.
He's head of the Mexican gang.
623
00:44:42,751 --> 00:44:44,743
Hey, get back. Hey!
624
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:48,585
And whatever you do,
don't go near those guys.
625
00:44:48,757 --> 00:44:53,917
- The goal is to express ourselves...
- They're Scientologists.
626
00:44:54,095 --> 00:44:57,630
- They don't look so tough.
- Yeah. They'll talk your ear off
627
00:44:57,807 --> 00:45:00,298
- and then sue your ass.
...distinguish fear.
628
00:45:00,476 --> 00:45:04,426
Then there's the Nazis.
None of them are too tough.
629
00:45:04,605 --> 00:45:08,685
They don't fight fair and don't fight
alone. They always gang up on you.
630
00:45:08,860 --> 00:45:11,777
Their leader, Patterson,
he's a real bastard.
631
00:45:11,946 --> 00:45:15,397
His uncle's the head of the Aryan Nation.
632
00:45:15,575 --> 00:45:17,401
Let me clarify my question, Shorts.
633
00:45:17,576 --> 00:45:20,246
Who's the most
dangerous sexual predator?
634
00:45:20,413 --> 00:45:22,370
Oh, that's easy.
635
00:45:22,540 --> 00:45:25,706
It's Big Raymond. Absolutely insatiable.
636
00:45:25,876 --> 00:45:28,877
Crazy. The other black guys
don't go near him.
637
00:45:29,046 --> 00:45:32,711
But they'd back him up
if it came to a fight.
638
00:45:32,883 --> 00:45:35,125
Big Raymond it is.
639
00:45:35,302 --> 00:45:37,176
- Can I borrow that?
- Yeah.
640
00:45:37,346 --> 00:45:38,840
Thanks.
641
00:45:40,557 --> 00:45:43,262
Hey, Stan. Stan, where you going?
642
00:45:43,435 --> 00:45:46,306
You think that cigarette was free?
Is that what you think?
643
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,149
I'll pay you back, man.
I don't have any money.
644
00:45:49,316 --> 00:45:51,771
You think I want money?
645
00:45:52,986 --> 00:45:54,149
Mmm...
646
00:45:54,321 --> 00:45:57,903
- Excuse me.
- Bug off, bitch!
647
00:45:58,074 --> 00:46:00,482
I'll get to you later.
648
00:46:00,660 --> 00:46:02,534
Did you just call me bitch?
649
00:46:03,997 --> 00:46:05,954
Yeah, I said it.
650
00:46:09,794 --> 00:46:11,917
Hey, everybody! Did you hear that?
651
00:46:12,088 --> 00:46:15,291
Big Raymond, for no reason,
just called me bitch!
652
00:46:15,466 --> 00:46:17,174
Now, was that nice?
653
00:46:17,343 --> 00:46:20,095
It's not like I called him fat.
654
00:46:21,389 --> 00:46:24,509
It's not like I said I seen pig shit
prettier than he is.
655
00:46:27,103 --> 00:46:30,803
It's not like I said his mother's pussy
smells like egg salad.
656
00:46:31,899 --> 00:46:33,524
Which it does.
657
00:46:41,951 --> 00:46:45,070
Oh, hell nah! Ohhh, hell nah!
658
00:46:45,246 --> 00:46:48,449
Hell nah! Oh, hell nah!
659
00:46:48,624 --> 00:46:50,498
Ho-ho! Yeah!
660
00:47:04,389 --> 00:47:07,805
Ah! Ah!
661
00:47:07,976 --> 00:47:10,597
Ahhh!
662
00:47:12,814 --> 00:47:14,439
Who's the bitch now, bitch?
663
00:47:16,318 --> 00:47:17,646
Ooh!
664
00:47:17,819 --> 00:47:20,737
I told you Raymond was gonna get
his ass beat. I told you!
665
00:47:24,326 --> 00:47:27,113
My cracker!
666
00:47:27,287 --> 00:47:29,742
Laying the boot to the big nigga.
Give it up!
667
00:47:29,914 --> 00:47:32,785
Don't use that word around me.
It's ugly and racist.
668
00:47:34,294 --> 00:47:38,042
Yeah, dawg!
669
00:47:39,465 --> 00:47:41,339
He's funny too, man.
670
00:47:41,509 --> 00:47:44,344
All right, listen here, player. All right?
671
00:47:44,512 --> 00:47:48,130
We want you to join up with us,
nah mean? Them niggas is gonna tear...
672
00:47:48,307 --> 00:47:50,430
Ooh!
673
00:47:50,601 --> 00:47:52,475
I said don't talk that way around me.
674
00:47:52,645 --> 00:47:54,020
Let me get some of that!
675
00:47:54,188 --> 00:47:57,272
- Let's kill him.
- No, I got it, I got it. I got it!
676
00:47:58,109 --> 00:47:59,982
Handle your business, Cleon.
677
00:48:03,572 --> 00:48:07,273
Oh, come on. Don't tell me you're gonna
stick up for that fat son of a bitch.
678
00:48:07,451 --> 00:48:10,785
You happen to see the colour
of that fat son of a bitch's skin?
679
00:48:10,954 --> 00:48:13,161
Hey, aren't we over that?
680
00:48:13,332 --> 00:48:16,119
Didn't you see that Nova episode?
Huh, you guys?
681
00:48:16,293 --> 00:48:18,333
They did that DNA test.
682
00:48:18,504 --> 00:48:20,959
- We all come from Africa.
- Kick his ass.
683
00:48:21,131 --> 00:48:25,378
It's a proven fact. Under the skin,
I'm just as black as you are.
684
00:48:25,552 --> 00:48:27,011
- Fuck that.
- Get him!
685
00:48:27,179 --> 00:48:30,879
- Get him, man! Get him! Get him!
- Motherfucker!
686
00:48:37,314 --> 00:48:39,271
- Get him!
- Ah!
687
00:48:50,493 --> 00:48:52,201
Man, get that fool!
688
00:49:05,049 --> 00:49:06,294
Dumb bitch!
689
00:49:10,596 --> 00:49:12,388
Hold on. See what happens.
690
00:49:19,230 --> 00:49:21,353
- Oh!
- Ah!
691
00:49:38,457 --> 00:49:40,663
Oh!
692
00:49:47,340 --> 00:49:50,128
- Take the stick!
- No, don't take it!
693
00:49:56,933 --> 00:49:59,851
- Take the stick!
- No, don't take it!
694
00:50:01,604 --> 00:50:03,478
Oh, he did it again.
695
00:50:09,028 --> 00:50:11,235
- Take the stick! Take it!
- Mm-hm?
696
00:50:11,406 --> 00:50:14,075
No, no, don't take it!
697
00:50:18,704 --> 00:50:20,364
Whoo!
698
00:50:22,792 --> 00:50:25,081
I told him not to take that stick.
699
00:50:33,052 --> 00:50:35,009
Even the Asian!
700
00:50:35,596 --> 00:50:37,589
Where the hell did that guy come from?
701
00:50:37,765 --> 00:50:39,639
- Whoo!
- Damn!
702
00:50:39,808 --> 00:50:42,015
- That guy's good.
- All right.
703
00:50:42,186 --> 00:50:44,060
Come on, Cleon.
704
00:50:44,229 --> 00:50:46,899
It's your time, baby. Don't be scared.
705
00:50:47,066 --> 00:50:49,272
It's your time to shine, Cleon.
706
00:50:50,235 --> 00:50:51,516
Ooh!
707
00:50:54,490 --> 00:50:56,529
Cleon.
708
00:50:56,700 --> 00:51:00,828
If you wanna fight me,
you're gonna have to fight me.
709
00:51:00,996 --> 00:51:04,116
- I understand.
- Pick up your gold teeth.
710
00:51:04,291 --> 00:51:07,790
I'm gonna let you keep them this time.
711
00:51:07,961 --> 00:51:10,001
But if you come at me again...
712
00:51:10,630 --> 00:51:13,038
...I'm gonna hang onto them
like a Swiss banker.
713
00:51:28,481 --> 00:51:30,937
Ya'll ain't gonna help me?
714
00:51:31,109 --> 00:51:33,778
I'm missing a bicuspid.
715
00:51:35,238 --> 00:51:37,645
We should have killed him.
716
00:51:37,824 --> 00:51:41,773
Somebody, call an orthodontist.
717
00:51:46,415 --> 00:51:49,950
Hm. I see Mr. Minton
has acquainted himself
718
00:51:50,127 --> 00:51:52,334
with his new surroundings.
719
00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:56,334
I believe it's time I had
my little chat with him.
720
00:52:01,430 --> 00:52:02,889
Ow!
721
00:52:05,017 --> 00:52:08,635
Whoa, whoa, look out.
722
00:52:08,812 --> 00:52:10,852
Beat it. All of you.
723
00:52:21,158 --> 00:52:25,451
Oh, man, this stuff's good. I don't know
what everybody's complaining about.
724
00:52:25,620 --> 00:52:27,412
You're kidding me.
725
00:52:27,581 --> 00:52:30,665
Hey, man. I just wanna say thanks.
726
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:32,991
For what?
727
00:52:34,838 --> 00:52:37,673
You know, for helping me before.
728
00:52:37,841 --> 00:52:39,039
With Big Raymond.
729
00:52:39,217 --> 00:52:42,088
I wasn't helping you. I was helping me.
730
00:52:42,971 --> 00:52:46,968
I had to beat up the biggest shithead.
He happened to be talking to you.
731
00:52:47,892 --> 00:52:49,434
OK.
732
00:52:50,561 --> 00:52:53,728
But, you know, I... I mean, I...
733
00:52:53,898 --> 00:52:55,891
I think that guy wanted to fuck me.
734
00:52:59,737 --> 00:53:03,735
Trust me, in your case,
I was just putting off the inevitable.
735
00:53:09,663 --> 00:53:12,949
Yeah.
736
00:53:13,125 --> 00:53:14,536
Well, thanks anyway.
737
00:53:16,378 --> 00:53:19,830
What's your name, girl?
Don't be shy, just say hi.
738
00:53:20,716 --> 00:53:23,124
Come here. Kick back, baby girl!
739
00:53:23,302 --> 00:53:26,303
Little hard on the kid, weren't you?
740
00:53:26,472 --> 00:53:29,757
That's got nothing to do with me.
And I'm gonna keep it that way.
741
00:53:29,933 --> 00:53:32,175
- You got that?
- Mm-hm.
742
00:53:48,201 --> 00:53:50,408
One-one-five!
743
00:53:53,248 --> 00:53:56,664
Minton, warden wants to see you.
Get up.
744
00:53:56,835 --> 00:53:59,207
- Me?
- Now! Walk!
745
00:54:00,421 --> 00:54:02,129
Put your hands behind your back.
746
00:54:05,635 --> 00:54:08,802
Come in.
747
00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:15,723
Minton, I'm glad you could make it.
748
00:54:15,895 --> 00:54:19,264
- You can take the cuffs off him.
- Sure you wanna do that, Boss?
749
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:21,516
I said take 'em off.
750
00:54:21,692 --> 00:54:24,266
It's all right.
751
00:54:24,445 --> 00:54:25,725
I already got 'em.
752
00:54:27,782 --> 00:54:29,821
It's a matter of dislocating the wrists.
753
00:54:34,747 --> 00:54:38,614
Ew! Ew, that is creepy!
754
00:54:38,792 --> 00:54:42,042
You can wait outside.
755
00:54:43,088 --> 00:54:44,203
Have a seat.
756
00:54:50,012 --> 00:54:52,847
Warden, if this is about me
fighting in the yard, it...
757
00:54:53,015 --> 00:54:54,509
Cigar?
758
00:54:56,309 --> 00:54:57,768
Thank you.
759
00:55:01,523 --> 00:55:02,721
Brandy?
760
00:55:04,442 --> 00:55:06,649
Sure.
761
00:55:16,538 --> 00:55:18,577
You know, you wardens should complain.
762
00:55:18,748 --> 00:55:22,960
'Cause in the movies,
they always make you look like assholes.
763
00:55:23,127 --> 00:55:28,204
Well,
I don't plan on being a warden forever.
764
00:55:28,383 --> 00:55:31,004
- Is that right?
- Tell me, Minton.
765
00:55:31,177 --> 00:55:33,549
What do you think of this place?
766
00:55:35,014 --> 00:55:37,422
It's OK, for a prison.
767
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:41,811
Not the prison. The land.
768
00:55:45,316 --> 00:55:50,191
It's a nice sized property. Great views
of the foothills and city. Level grade.
769
00:55:50,362 --> 00:55:53,696
I'm assuming there's
bedrock beneath us.
770
00:55:53,866 --> 00:55:58,611
Easy access to downtown.
I see some nice development potential.
771
00:55:58,787 --> 00:56:01,954
- Too bad you got a prison on it.
- Exactly.
772
00:56:02,124 --> 00:56:06,453
You know, it's no accident
you came to Oaksburg.
773
00:56:06,628 --> 00:56:09,499
I pulled a few strings to get you here.
774
00:56:12,592 --> 00:56:14,252
What made you wanna do that?
775
00:56:16,638 --> 00:56:18,097
Come here.
776
00:56:21,977 --> 00:56:25,096
Oaksburg Estates.
777
00:56:25,272 --> 00:56:29,684
I'm a silent partner, so to speak,
with some private investors
778
00:56:29,859 --> 00:56:35,150
who would like to develop this land
into timeshare condominiums.
779
00:56:35,323 --> 00:56:39,190
I believe that's your field of expertise.
780
00:56:39,369 --> 00:56:42,785
- True.
- 'Course, all this is only possible
781
00:56:42,956 --> 00:56:45,743
in the event the prison ever closes down.
782
00:56:45,917 --> 00:56:49,582
- Makes sense.
- You know, I'm in the prison business.
783
00:56:49,754 --> 00:56:52,423
I know how to break a man's will,
crush his spirit.
784
00:56:52,590 --> 00:56:56,801
But them real estate contracts,
those things put a real hurt on you.
785
00:56:56,969 --> 00:56:58,511
That's where you come in.
786
00:57:03,267 --> 00:57:06,221
- What's in it for me?
- How would you like to be out of here
787
00:57:06,395 --> 00:57:07,426
in a year?
788
00:57:09,648 --> 00:57:13,978
- But I've got a mandatory minimum.
- Wardens have great discretion
789
00:57:14,153 --> 00:57:18,980
getting early parole, especially
to non-violent, first-time offenders.
790
00:57:19,158 --> 00:57:23,819
- Prisons are crowded, you know.
- The system is corrupt.
791
00:57:23,996 --> 00:57:25,241
Me likey.
792
00:57:25,414 --> 00:57:28,996
But you gotta move the luxury units
closer to the lagoon.
793
00:57:29,167 --> 00:57:31,837
That'll double rents.
Parking goes underground.
794
00:57:32,004 --> 00:57:35,419
Wasting space. Eight extra units.
Whoever designed this is a moron.
795
00:57:35,590 --> 00:57:38,591
- How will you get rid of the prison?
- Let me worry about that.
796
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:41,085
Tell me more about them parking spaces.
797
00:58:06,662 --> 00:58:09,035
You strapped?
798
00:58:09,207 --> 00:58:11,579
He ain't gonna know what hit him,
nah mean?
799
00:58:24,013 --> 00:58:25,044
Ah!
800
00:58:27,933 --> 00:58:30,258
That's gonna scar, you psycho.
801
00:58:35,357 --> 00:58:37,397
Whoo!
802
00:58:48,161 --> 00:58:50,119
You want that shiv, don't you?
803
00:58:51,790 --> 00:58:54,660
You made that with a melted toothbrush
and a razor blade?
804
00:58:54,835 --> 00:58:56,578
- That's very creative.
- Ah!
805
00:59:02,759 --> 00:59:06,009
Look what I made
with three bars of soap and a shoelace.
806
00:59:07,263 --> 00:59:09,173
Cracker, please.
807
00:59:09,349 --> 00:59:12,800
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
808
00:59:26,908 --> 00:59:28,900
Come on, race traitor.
809
00:59:31,579 --> 00:59:33,737
- Ah!
- Ooh!
810
00:59:40,337 --> 00:59:41,962
Oh!
811
00:59:42,673 --> 00:59:45,378
Ha!
812
00:59:45,551 --> 00:59:47,709
Hee-yah!
813
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:51,304
He's all yours.
814
00:59:53,267 --> 00:59:54,891
This gonna be fun.
815
01:00:04,695 --> 01:00:08,562
Hey, Stan. What'd you do to Patterson?
816
01:00:08,740 --> 01:00:11,112
I just roughed him up a little bit.
817
01:00:11,284 --> 01:00:15,033
- Why?
- Somebody took a shiv to his ass.
818
01:00:15,205 --> 01:00:19,914
They say he'll be shitting sideways
for a month.
819
01:00:20,085 --> 01:00:22,920
Now I know
what schadenfreude feels like.
820
01:00:23,088 --> 01:00:24,961
- What?
- Schadenfreude.
821
01:00:25,131 --> 01:00:28,880
It's German for when you feel good
because your enemy's anus is violated.
822
01:00:29,052 --> 01:00:31,009
Oh.
823
01:00:35,099 --> 01:00:36,891
You know you're getting that on me.
824
01:00:40,897 --> 01:00:43,814
I'm doing great. You guys are pussies.
825
01:00:43,983 --> 01:00:48,444
That's terrific. Hey, listen, pal.
I need your help.
826
01:00:48,613 --> 01:00:51,863
I can't get Mindy's lawyer
to return my call.
827
01:00:52,033 --> 01:00:54,440
If we wanna go through with this divorce,
828
01:00:54,618 --> 01:00:57,987
you're going to have
to contact her personally.
829
01:00:58,914 --> 01:01:00,195
Stan.
830
01:01:00,374 --> 01:01:02,034
Yeah. I'll get right on that.
831
01:01:02,209 --> 01:01:05,625
How's the appeal coming?
832
01:01:05,796 --> 01:01:10,754
Believe it or not, I'm looking
at the Madam Foreman right now.
833
01:01:10,926 --> 01:01:12,717
That's great.
834
01:01:12,886 --> 01:01:18,307
I gotta go now. You know, duty calls.
835
01:01:18,475 --> 01:01:20,764
All right. Thanks, Lew.
I'll talk to you soon.
836
01:01:29,611 --> 01:01:32,980
Ain't you Charlize Theron?
837
01:01:34,491 --> 01:01:37,575
Oh, look what fell out there.
838
01:01:43,833 --> 01:01:47,368
So I had them
exchange the beef for horse meat.
839
01:01:47,545 --> 01:01:50,582
- Clever.
- That's Stan.
840
01:01:50,757 --> 01:01:53,164
Minton, I'd like for you to meet Mr. Dang.
841
01:01:53,343 --> 01:01:55,382
He's on the prison's board of governors.
842
01:01:55,553 --> 01:01:59,598
They let Vietnamese mafia on
the prison board of governors?
843
01:02:01,392 --> 01:02:02,555
Your finger tats.
844
01:02:03,936 --> 01:02:09,560
Like you say, Stan, the system is corrupt.
845
01:02:09,734 --> 01:02:13,897
Mr. Dang's family happens to be
my partners in Oaksburg Estates.
846
01:02:14,071 --> 01:02:16,823
Oh, good, 'cause I was just
going over the contracts.
847
01:02:16,991 --> 01:02:20,110
The language gets rather vague
on gross versus net liability.
848
01:02:20,286 --> 01:02:23,785
I'm sure it's unintentional, but that
could screw you in the long run.
849
01:02:23,956 --> 01:02:28,950
Could it? I'll have my lawyers
correct that immediately.
850
01:02:29,128 --> 01:02:32,579
I got an excellent lawyer for that.
He specialises in it. Lew Popper.
851
01:02:32,756 --> 01:02:36,207
Popper? I'll be sure to contact him.
852
01:02:36,385 --> 01:02:40,252
Come on, Dang,
let's check out the floor show.
853
01:02:46,019 --> 01:02:49,554
It looks like the savages
are ready for the inspection.
854
01:02:49,731 --> 01:02:54,440
Well, give me a few more weeks.
I'll even have 'em readier.
855
01:02:54,611 --> 01:02:56,568
I'm counting on that.
856
01:02:58,031 --> 01:03:00,237
Would you like a strawberry?
857
01:03:01,576 --> 01:03:04,779
- I grew them in my own garden.
- Thank you.
858
01:03:04,954 --> 01:03:07,445
Minton? Strawberry?
859
01:03:08,541 --> 01:03:09,656
No, I'm good.
860
01:03:15,548 --> 01:03:18,668
Maybe I picked 'em a little too soon.
861
01:03:20,636 --> 01:03:22,593
I don't think that's it.
862
01:03:24,015 --> 01:03:26,588
People are scared shit less of me.
863
01:03:26,767 --> 01:03:28,096
Very good, Stan.
864
01:03:28,269 --> 01:03:30,558
Is there anyone there
who can challenge you?
865
01:03:30,730 --> 01:03:33,434
Nah. I got it all under control.
866
01:03:33,607 --> 01:03:35,766
What's the matter, Stan?
867
01:03:35,943 --> 01:03:39,146
You sound... distant.
868
01:03:39,321 --> 01:03:41,029
I don't know. It's just...
869
01:03:41,198 --> 01:03:44,899
Don't you ever find yourself
feeling sorry for anybody?
870
01:03:45,077 --> 01:03:48,742
You might as well ask me
if I feel sorry for the maggots
871
01:03:48,914 --> 01:03:50,788
I grind into my morning coffee.
872
01:03:50,958 --> 01:03:54,492
That's how I feel too. Listen, I gotta go.
873
01:03:54,670 --> 01:03:57,540
Make me proud, Stan.
874
01:03:57,714 --> 01:04:00,384
Come on, baby! Do it to me!
875
01:04:00,550 --> 01:04:02,876
- Oh, yeah!
- Are you using me?
876
01:04:03,053 --> 01:04:05,259
- No!
- Don't you love me?
877
01:04:05,430 --> 01:04:07,506
- Yeah!
- Show me!
878
01:04:14,731 --> 01:04:17,767
- Do you love me?
- Yeah. Hello. Hey!
879
01:04:17,942 --> 01:04:20,860
Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah.
880
01:04:21,029 --> 01:04:23,864
Hi, Stan. Yeah. I think I have good news.
881
01:04:24,032 --> 01:04:27,981
- Do you love me?
- Yeah. I think the... I think the...
882
01:04:28,161 --> 01:04:33,582
The Madam Foreman is just one orgasm
away from giving you your appeal.
883
01:04:33,750 --> 01:04:36,537
That's great, Lew. And gross.
884
01:04:36,711 --> 01:04:38,750
Heard from Mindy or her attorney?
885
01:04:38,921 --> 01:04:40,997
Uh, no.
886
01:04:41,174 --> 01:04:45,005
But don't say I don't earn my money.
887
01:04:50,558 --> 01:04:54,390
Hi, fellas.
I don't believe I ordered Chinese.
888
01:04:57,940 --> 01:05:01,558
I guess I could go for a little pot-sticker.
889
01:05:06,448 --> 01:05:08,240
Who are you writing to?
890
01:05:08,409 --> 01:05:10,734
No one special.
891
01:05:12,037 --> 01:05:15,371
You've been sitting there for a while
writing to no one special.
892
01:05:17,584 --> 01:05:22,626
You know, Stan, I've been here for a
long time. I can handle a lot of things.
893
01:05:22,798 --> 01:05:26,498
Like having to spend the rest
of my life in this shithole.
894
01:05:26,676 --> 01:05:29,926
But there's one thing I do regret.
895
01:05:30,096 --> 01:05:33,596
I could never make it work with Miyoshi.
896
01:05:33,767 --> 01:05:39,769
Oh, she was the only person
who ever loved me for me.
897
01:05:41,733 --> 01:05:44,817
I was too pigheaded to realise it.
898
01:05:44,986 --> 01:05:50,325
I'd give anything
to change the way I behaved.
899
01:05:51,159 --> 01:05:52,950
How did you behave?
900
01:05:54,078 --> 01:05:55,241
I killed her.
901
01:05:56,914 --> 01:05:58,243
Oh.
902
01:05:58,416 --> 01:06:03,243
Alcohol wasn't something that always
brought out the best in me, Stan.
903
01:06:23,399 --> 01:06:27,479
Dear Mindy, I've been
thinking a lot about you lately.
904
01:06:27,653 --> 01:06:29,444
About us.
905
01:06:29,613 --> 01:06:31,771
I realise now that you were right.
906
01:06:31,949 --> 01:06:35,318
I was pigheaded and selfish.
907
01:06:35,494 --> 01:06:39,076
Leaving me was probably
the best thing for you.
908
01:06:39,247 --> 01:06:41,240
And I'm truly sorry.
909
01:06:41,416 --> 01:06:44,121
I never should have hurt you.
910
01:06:44,294 --> 01:06:47,330
I know now why you wanted
to have a baby with me.
911
01:06:47,505 --> 01:06:49,794
It's just another way
for us to love each other
912
01:06:49,966 --> 01:06:52,718
even more deeply.
913
01:06:52,886 --> 01:06:56,420
I hope, someday,
you'll be able to forgive me.
914
01:06:56,598 --> 01:06:59,515
Love always, Stan.
915
01:07:04,939 --> 01:07:06,647
Hey, baby.
916
01:07:15,366 --> 01:07:19,364
Now, I know all of you want to get back
to your weightlifting and basketball
917
01:07:19,537 --> 01:07:22,988
and masturbating, so I'm gonna
try to keep this short. All right?
918
01:07:23,165 --> 01:07:28,670
I am throwing away all of these
violent video games and movies.
919
01:07:30,631 --> 01:07:33,087
Don't do that! No! Come on, man!
920
01:07:33,259 --> 01:07:36,793
From now on, I want you guys
watching more wholesome entertainment.
921
01:07:36,971 --> 01:07:40,470
And frankly, a lot of the rap music
you brothers listen to
922
01:07:40,641 --> 01:07:43,096
was too hateful towards women.
923
01:07:43,268 --> 01:07:46,353
What is up with that?
You like women, right?
924
01:07:46,522 --> 01:07:47,720
Yeah!
925
01:07:47,898 --> 01:07:49,641
Now, on the other hand,
926
01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:53,020
the Mexicans are onto something
with mariachi and salsa music.
927
01:07:56,948 --> 01:08:00,282
It's positive, easy to dance to
and you never get tired of it.
928
01:08:00,452 --> 01:08:03,322
- Shorts, give us a taste.
- Here we go.
929
01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:40,572
Holy shit.
930
01:08:42,743 --> 01:08:45,744
All right. All right, all right.
931
01:08:45,913 --> 01:08:49,448
That's Afro-Cuban. I asked
for mariachi. But you get the point.
932
01:08:49,625 --> 01:08:52,828
All right? Now, lastly,
and most importantly,
933
01:08:53,003 --> 01:08:55,921
from now on, there will
be no more rape at this prison.
934
01:08:56,090 --> 01:08:58,628
No, no!
935
01:08:58,801 --> 01:09:02,170
That's right.
Anyone who rapes another inmate
936
01:09:02,346 --> 01:09:05,216
- will have to answer to me.
- Boo!
937
01:09:05,390 --> 01:09:07,098
I will not be kind.
938
01:09:07,267 --> 01:09:10,138
- Excuse me, Big Stan.
- Yes, Juanito.
939
01:09:10,312 --> 01:09:12,767
Why you putting your nose
where it don't belong?
940
01:09:12,939 --> 01:09:15,181
My men are aggressive and hard.
941
01:09:15,359 --> 01:09:19,226
Sometimes they need a way to work off
that excess energy. What's it to you?
942
01:09:19,404 --> 01:09:22,405
- OK. Well, first off, good question.
- Thank you.
943
01:09:22,574 --> 01:09:26,785
What is it to me?
Well, frankly, I just don't like it.
944
01:09:26,953 --> 01:09:30,821
And let me show you why.
Robbie, come up here.
945
01:09:30,999 --> 01:09:32,873
You, Robbie the hippie. Come up here.
946
01:09:37,755 --> 01:09:41,670
All right, all right. Robbie, how long
is your sentence here at Oaksburg?
947
01:09:41,843 --> 01:09:45,757
- Five to ten.
- Five to ten years.
948
01:09:45,930 --> 01:09:48,801
What exactly did you do
to earn that sentence?
949
01:09:48,975 --> 01:09:52,474
I sold marijuana.
950
01:09:52,645 --> 01:09:56,310
A shitload of marijuana.
951
01:09:58,526 --> 01:10:00,684
Thanks, Robbie. Go sit down.
952
01:10:00,861 --> 01:10:04,396
He sold marijuana.
He was a marijuana dealer.
953
01:10:04,573 --> 01:10:08,488
I'm not here to argue about drug policy.
I don't think they're tough enough.
954
01:10:08,661 --> 01:10:12,361
Whatever.
955
01:10:12,539 --> 01:10:15,908
But just because Robbie was guilty
of selling dope
956
01:10:16,085 --> 01:10:21,079
doesn't mean he deserves to get raped
up the ass every day for ten years.
957
01:10:21,256 --> 01:10:23,498
I just don't think that's fair.
958
01:10:23,675 --> 01:10:26,712
Some of you are here
959
01:10:26,887 --> 01:10:32,842
because you're habitual drunk drivers.
Some of you have a fondness for crack.
960
01:10:33,018 --> 01:10:36,184
Some of you robbed a bank.
961
01:10:36,354 --> 01:10:40,019
I'm talking to you, Lee Otis.
962
01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:46,192
But that doesn't mean you should
get raped. It's just not fair.
963
01:10:47,866 --> 01:10:51,365
- Yes, Carnahan.
- What about guys convicted of rape?
964
01:10:51,536 --> 01:10:54,869
- Can we rape them?
- Yeah!
965
01:10:55,039 --> 01:10:57,115
Rape the rapists. Seems appropriate.
966
01:10:57,292 --> 01:10:59,830
Punishment fitting the crime and all.
Go ahead.
967
01:11:00,003 --> 01:11:02,873
That's what I'm talkin' about.
968
01:11:03,047 --> 01:11:07,626
- How about them child molesters?
- Yeah!
969
01:11:07,802 --> 01:11:10,174
Yeah, them too. Good point.
Anyone else?
970
01:11:15,518 --> 01:11:16,716
Big Stan!
971
01:11:16,894 --> 01:11:21,223
- What about the counterfeiters?
- What?
972
01:11:21,399 --> 01:11:25,728
Counterfeiters? Big Raymond,
you're the only counterfeiter here.
973
01:11:25,903 --> 01:11:28,738
Yeah!
974
01:11:28,906 --> 01:11:32,073
Wait a minute.
Do you just want somebody to...
975
01:11:32,242 --> 01:11:34,615
Aw!
976
01:11:34,787 --> 01:11:36,945
OK, here's another thing
we gotta clear up.
977
01:11:37,122 --> 01:11:40,242
There's a difference
between homosexual sex and rape.
978
01:11:40,417 --> 01:11:44,000
- Now, Big Raymond.
- Hm?
979
01:11:44,171 --> 01:11:47,006
There's someone here
who wants to have sex with you.
980
01:11:47,174 --> 01:11:49,665
- Not me!
- OK? How about it, anyone?
981
01:11:51,678 --> 01:11:54,762
Yeah. Yeah.
982
01:11:59,186 --> 01:12:01,095
Tyler!
983
01:12:01,271 --> 01:12:05,814
- Great!
- Man!
984
01:12:15,326 --> 01:12:18,446
You two have fun. But wear protection.
985
01:12:18,621 --> 01:12:20,614
OK.
986
01:12:20,790 --> 01:12:25,499
All right, grow up. Look, if you've got
a problem with that, then that's...
987
01:12:29,423 --> 01:12:30,882
Nurse!
988
01:12:37,181 --> 01:12:41,048
Now, those two are about to have
consensual homosexual sex.
989
01:12:41,227 --> 01:12:44,228
A beautiful, beautiful thing.
The total opposite of rape,
990
01:12:44,396 --> 01:12:47,600
- which is not allowed.
- Except for rapists and molesters?
991
01:12:47,775 --> 01:12:49,981
- We can still rape them.
- No, you can't.
992
01:12:50,152 --> 01:12:53,568
- What?
- I changed my mind.
993
01:12:53,739 --> 01:12:55,316
Bad habit. Quit cold turkey.
994
01:12:55,491 --> 01:12:58,906
If you're not happy with it,
995
01:12:59,077 --> 01:13:02,826
you're welcome to fight me.
996
01:13:03,749 --> 01:13:06,322
I didn't think so.
All right, you're dismissed.
997
01:13:06,501 --> 01:13:08,708
Beat it.
998
01:13:10,130 --> 01:13:12,621
- Good speech.
- You think?
999
01:13:12,799 --> 01:13:15,717
- I should have opened with a joke.
- No, it was good.
1000
01:13:15,886 --> 01:13:19,171
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Sorry about the mariachi.
1001
01:13:19,347 --> 01:13:20,545
Let it go.
1002
01:13:22,559 --> 01:13:26,971
Hey, Big Stan. Check out the lovebirds.
1003
01:13:29,566 --> 01:13:32,483
One for you!
1004
01:13:32,652 --> 01:13:35,569
Mm! One for you.
1005
01:13:36,739 --> 01:13:37,937
Good for them.
1006
01:13:39,575 --> 01:13:41,817
I have something important to show you.
1007
01:13:41,994 --> 01:13:43,157
Let me eat, will you?
1008
01:13:43,329 --> 01:13:44,574
Hey, Big Stan.
1009
01:13:46,624 --> 01:13:50,040
- Can we talk?
- Make it quick.
1010
01:13:50,211 --> 01:13:52,417
I wanna thank you
for what you did out there.
1011
01:13:52,588 --> 01:13:55,957
- I didn't do anything...
- Don't say you didn't do it for me.
1012
01:13:56,133 --> 01:13:59,300
Because you did, didn't you?
1013
01:14:00,638 --> 01:14:03,841
- A little.
- Well, thanks.
1014
01:14:04,016 --> 01:14:07,432
- Yeah. Thanks, man.
- Julio!
1015
01:14:07,603 --> 01:14:10,308
Get back here! What's up with you?
1016
01:14:10,481 --> 01:14:11,595
Shut up!
1017
01:14:14,777 --> 01:14:17,861
Hey, Big Stan. I like what you said.
1018
01:14:18,030 --> 01:14:19,440
I wanna join your gang.
1019
01:14:21,450 --> 01:14:25,150
- I don't have a gang.
- Yes, you do.
1020
01:14:29,583 --> 01:14:30,781
OK, you're in.
1021
01:14:33,211 --> 01:14:36,829
Me too?
1022
01:14:41,845 --> 01:14:46,341
Yeah, you too.
1023
01:14:49,060 --> 01:14:51,931
- All of you.
- Thanks.
1024
01:14:53,189 --> 01:14:56,523
Yeah! Ow!
1025
01:14:56,693 --> 01:14:59,100
All right, can I eat now?
1026
01:15:01,697 --> 01:15:04,901
- Yes, you did!
- He's gotta eat.
1027
01:15:08,704 --> 01:15:11,374
I told you I had something important
to show you.
1028
01:15:17,713 --> 01:15:18,828
From Mindy.
1029
01:15:28,057 --> 01:15:29,467
She wants to see me.
1030
01:15:37,065 --> 01:15:38,809
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
1031
01:15:53,164 --> 01:15:54,659
Shake hands.
1032
01:15:58,169 --> 01:16:00,245
Try to get along, huh?
1033
01:16:08,513 --> 01:16:09,972
Thanks.
1034
01:16:22,318 --> 01:16:25,438
- Excuse me, man.
- No, that was my bad.
1035
01:16:25,613 --> 01:16:28,234
No, really. It was my fault.
1036
01:16:28,407 --> 01:16:31,574
There's a pickup game of hoops later,
if you wanna play.
1037
01:16:31,744 --> 01:16:32,823
I'd like that.
1038
01:17:13,743 --> 01:17:17,408
- Happy birthday.
- Ah! Thank you!
1039
01:17:17,580 --> 01:17:20,332
- Oh, look, a shiv!
- Yeah!
1040
01:17:20,500 --> 01:17:21,994
- Hey, homes.
- Mm! Mm!
1041
01:17:22,168 --> 01:17:24,659
- Hey.
- Hey!
1042
01:17:55,910 --> 01:17:58,033
Stanley! Honey bear!
1043
01:17:58,204 --> 01:18:00,492
I loved your letter!
1044
01:18:00,664 --> 01:18:03,499
I missed you so much.
1045
01:18:03,667 --> 01:18:07,712
Before we go any further, there's
three little words I need to hear.
1046
01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:10,834
- I was wrong?
- Good boy!
1047
01:18:13,760 --> 01:18:16,761
It looks like
a nursery school picnic out there.
1048
01:18:16,930 --> 01:18:18,472
It's Minton.
1049
01:18:19,683 --> 01:18:23,894
- What do you mean, it's Minton?
- Well, first he banned rape.
1050
01:18:24,062 --> 01:18:26,351
It's to the point
that anybody gets beat up,
1051
01:18:26,523 --> 01:18:29,773
they run and join Minton's gang
and Minton beats up the bad guy.
1052
01:18:29,943 --> 01:18:33,146
The truth, he's got them too scared
to look at each other funny.
1053
01:18:33,321 --> 01:18:37,070
- We ain't had a fight in three days.
- I thought I saw Ingleberg fight
1054
01:18:37,242 --> 01:18:40,361
that big Mexican yesterday, Jesus.
1055
01:18:40,537 --> 01:18:44,321
Oh, no, that was more in the nature
of a lovers' quarrel.
1056
01:18:44,499 --> 01:18:46,906
Ingleberg forgot their
two-week anniversary.
1057
01:18:47,085 --> 01:18:49,789
That wasn't very nice of him, was it?
1058
01:18:49,963 --> 01:18:54,043
Well, they made up. You should
have seen the cake Ingleberg made.
1059
01:18:54,217 --> 01:18:56,708
- It was special...
- You get out of here right now
1060
01:18:56,886 --> 01:19:00,504
and get Minton up here!
You understand me? I mean right now!
1061
01:19:00,681 --> 01:19:03,848
Now hurry!
1062
01:19:05,478 --> 01:19:09,345
I'm not just saying this, but I think
that was the most amazing sex
1063
01:19:09,523 --> 01:19:12,275
we've ever had.
1064
01:19:12,443 --> 01:19:15,194
I guess being away from me
this long made you crazy.
1065
01:19:15,362 --> 01:19:19,490
Well, yes, I guess.
The Master's opened my eyes, sexually.
1066
01:19:19,658 --> 01:19:23,027
He showed me all these different
positions in the Kama Sutra.
1067
01:19:23,203 --> 01:19:26,655
- The Master? You been seeing him?
- Yeah, he's staying at the house.
1068
01:19:26,832 --> 01:19:29,952
I've learned about massage
and strengthening my Kegels.
1069
01:19:30,127 --> 01:19:33,293
That sleazy son of a bitch!
1070
01:19:33,463 --> 01:19:35,789
- Minton, time's up.
- But Stan, I...
1071
01:19:35,966 --> 01:19:39,833
- Warden wants to see you now!
- Wait. I don't want you to see him.
1072
01:19:40,011 --> 01:19:44,424
You tell Master Dickface I'm gonna get
out of here soon and kick his ass!
1073
01:19:44,599 --> 01:19:46,971
Don't tell him.
You're not allowed to see him.
1074
01:19:47,143 --> 01:19:49,266
I said now, convict!
1075
01:19:49,437 --> 01:19:51,145
- Minton!
- Not allowed to see him!
1076
01:19:51,314 --> 01:19:53,521
- I love you, sweetie-cakes!
- Let's go.
1077
01:19:53,692 --> 01:19:55,316
Cocksucker!
1078
01:20:04,827 --> 01:20:07,532
I'll bet you didn't know I was part psychic.
1079
01:20:09,582 --> 01:20:14,043
That's right.
I'm able to see into the future.
1080
01:20:15,671 --> 01:20:18,756
- I didn't realise.
- Let me tell you what's going to happen
1081
01:20:18,925 --> 01:20:21,166
one week from today.
1082
01:20:24,096 --> 01:20:27,430
The board of governors
is gonna come to inspect the prison.
1083
01:20:27,600 --> 01:20:31,728
And something awful happens.
1084
01:20:31,896 --> 01:20:36,308
Some prisoners find a way
to smuggle weapons into the yard.
1085
01:20:36,483 --> 01:20:39,105
And a full-scale riot breaks out.
1086
01:20:39,278 --> 01:20:43,441
And as the prison board watches
in absolute horror,
1087
01:20:43,615 --> 01:20:47,743
my men are forced to shoot
into the yard in order
1088
01:20:47,911 --> 01:20:50,912
to end the melee.
1089
01:20:51,081 --> 01:20:56,158
In the ensuing scandal,
the Board chooses to sell the property
1090
01:20:56,336 --> 01:20:59,752
to a Vietnamese family
1091
01:20:59,923 --> 01:21:02,675
based in San Pedro.
1092
01:21:02,843 --> 01:21:06,128
And everybody lives happily ever after.
1093
01:21:07,222 --> 01:21:08,882
Especially me.
1094
01:21:09,057 --> 01:21:13,351
Now, if the events that I foretold
1095
01:21:13,520 --> 01:21:15,975
do not come to fruition...
1096
01:21:17,732 --> 01:21:21,018
...I will be very disappointed.
1097
01:21:28,493 --> 01:21:30,569
And when I get disappointed,
1098
01:21:30,745 --> 01:21:32,951
Mr. Deng over there
1099
01:21:33,122 --> 01:21:37,867
likes to stomp on men's spines
like they was bubble wrap.
1100
01:21:51,807 --> 01:21:56,386
I spent 35 years of my life
1101
01:21:56,562 --> 01:22:00,096
in this stinking cesspool.
1102
01:22:00,274 --> 01:22:04,852
And I will not walk away
without something to show for it.
1103
01:22:06,155 --> 01:22:09,191
Your little prison reform ends right now.
1104
01:22:10,158 --> 01:22:14,452
You play ball,
you might get yourself a parole hearing.
1105
01:22:14,621 --> 01:22:17,326
How many will get killed?
1106
01:22:17,499 --> 01:22:22,493
Who cares? They're all animals.
1107
01:22:24,631 --> 01:22:26,042
Bullard!
1108
01:22:28,385 --> 01:22:32,881
- Escort Mr. Minton back to his cell.
- Yes, sir. Come on, Minton.
1109
01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:41,770
Stan, you ever have two Asian men
pounding your balls
1110
01:22:41,940 --> 01:22:44,810
after sex with a questionably
attractive older woman?
1111
01:22:44,984 --> 01:22:47,309
No, I can't say I have, Lew.
1112
01:22:47,487 --> 01:22:51,354
Madam Foreman won't return
any of my calls.
1113
01:22:51,532 --> 01:22:54,652
You better go for that deal
the warden offered you.
1114
01:22:54,827 --> 01:22:59,619
- So there's nothing else I can do?
- I'm sorry, pal. It's over.
1115
01:22:59,790 --> 01:23:02,079
You're in real danger.
1116
01:23:02,251 --> 01:23:05,003
Get yourself out of there
as soon as you can.
1117
01:23:32,906 --> 01:23:34,614
Bullard.
1118
01:23:35,992 --> 01:23:37,819
Tell the warden I'll take his deal.
1119
01:23:39,371 --> 01:23:40,948
I want out of here.
1120
01:23:48,755 --> 01:23:52,420
Hey, Stan. The Nazis were saying
the Virgin Mary tortilla's a fake.
1121
01:23:52,592 --> 01:23:55,593
- That's not cool, homes.
- Hey, the Nazis were saying
1122
01:23:55,762 --> 01:23:57,422
the Virgin Mary has no power.
1123
01:23:57,597 --> 01:24:00,717
Constantine was pacifying
the Byzantine priest by giving him
1124
01:24:00,892 --> 01:24:04,592
a goddess to pray to. They've been
watching the History Channel.
1125
01:24:04,771 --> 01:24:08,056
- What?
- What are you gonna do about it?
1126
01:24:08,232 --> 01:24:10,984
I'm not gonna do anything about it.
1127
01:24:13,404 --> 01:24:14,732
What's up with him, man?
1128
01:24:14,905 --> 01:24:17,906
Hey, Stan. Stan!
1129
01:24:18,492 --> 01:24:22,027
The Brazilians won't
stop calling Farib an Arab.
1130
01:24:22,204 --> 01:24:25,075
I'm not an Arab! I'm Persian.
1131
01:24:25,249 --> 01:24:28,452
What do I care? You look like an Arab.
1132
01:24:29,503 --> 01:24:32,255
Hey, listen up! All of you!
1133
01:24:33,841 --> 01:24:36,877
You're all on your own! You hear me?
1134
01:24:37,052 --> 01:24:39,543
I don't care what any of you
do to each other!
1135
01:24:39,721 --> 01:24:42,295
Hey, you guys!
1136
01:24:43,767 --> 01:24:45,392
An interracial book club.
1137
01:24:47,396 --> 01:24:50,599
You guys all hate each other.
So stop pretending you don't.
1138
01:24:50,774 --> 01:24:54,439
- You don't know about Macbeth.
- Fuck you, motherfucker!
1139
01:25:17,050 --> 01:25:20,419
Yeah, that's more like it. Yes, sir.
1140
01:25:37,987 --> 01:25:39,398
Big Stan?
1141
01:25:41,907 --> 01:25:43,449
We need to talk.
1142
01:26:00,425 --> 01:26:02,133
I thought you cared about us.
1143
01:26:04,471 --> 01:26:05,846
Well, I don't.
1144
01:26:13,355 --> 01:26:15,893
Hey, little cracker.
1145
01:26:17,442 --> 01:26:21,226
Why don't you sit over here,
my little white brother.
1146
01:26:35,460 --> 01:26:37,251
Here, have mine.
1147
01:26:38,254 --> 01:26:40,460
I'm gonna need to shave your head.
1148
01:26:40,631 --> 01:26:44,296
Put a couple little tattoos
on your forehead, huh?
1149
01:26:45,303 --> 01:26:46,713
Come on, eat up.
1150
01:26:50,600 --> 01:26:52,888
I was wrong about you.
1151
01:26:53,060 --> 01:26:54,969
We all were.
1152
01:26:56,647 --> 01:27:00,063
Stay out of the yard tomorrow.
You hear me?
1153
01:27:06,782 --> 01:27:10,614
D-block houses some
of our most hardened offenders.
1154
01:27:10,786 --> 01:27:15,412
But here, we have Oaksburg's
greatest rehabilitation story.
1155
01:27:15,582 --> 01:27:20,244
Stan Minton. Stan, I'd like for you
to meet the board of governors.
1156
01:27:21,630 --> 01:27:24,251
Not going in the yard today, Stan?
1157
01:27:24,424 --> 01:27:27,710
- I don't feel well, warden.
- Maybe this will make you feel better.
1158
01:27:27,886 --> 01:27:31,800
Due to Stan's exemplary behaviour,
the parole board has agreed
1159
01:27:31,973 --> 01:27:34,381
to meet with him today.
1160
01:27:35,143 --> 01:27:37,716
Well, we better be moving along.
1161
01:27:43,193 --> 01:27:46,277
The shit goes down at 12.30.
1162
01:27:46,446 --> 01:27:50,823
At 12.35, I'm in the real estate business.
1163
01:28:23,816 --> 01:28:25,974
Stan! Honey!
1164
01:28:29,446 --> 01:28:31,406
- I'll deal with you in a minute.
- Everything OK?
1165
01:28:31,573 --> 01:28:33,068
Both of you.
1166
01:28:37,454 --> 01:28:40,408
Next up is prisoner 5824.
1167
01:28:41,124 --> 01:28:43,876
In the matter of Stanley Minton.
You have your files.
1168
01:28:47,547 --> 01:28:51,497
In his time here, Minton
has accrued an exemplary record.
1169
01:28:51,676 --> 01:28:55,176
And let it be noted,
he's a first-time non-violent offender.
1170
01:29:01,186 --> 01:29:03,593
Hold up!
1171
01:29:03,772 --> 01:29:07,022
Before we vote, Mr. Minton, is there
anything you'd like to add?
1172
01:29:07,192 --> 01:29:10,442
I'd just like to say, um...
1173
01:29:10,612 --> 01:29:12,734
...I've really learned a lot.
1174
01:29:12,905 --> 01:29:15,361
And I'm ready to get back to work.
1175
01:29:17,035 --> 01:29:19,193
Good, we like to hear that.
1176
01:29:20,538 --> 01:29:23,788
Here's the yard where the prisoners
come to exercise.
1177
01:29:23,958 --> 01:29:27,541
That's where Charlie the Fly
tried to fly over the wall.
1178
01:29:27,712 --> 01:29:30,997
Well, in light of Warden Gasque's
recommendation,
1179
01:29:31,173 --> 01:29:34,673
I think we have a pretty
clear-cut case for parole.
1180
01:29:37,263 --> 01:29:39,551
Mr. Minton?
1181
01:29:42,059 --> 01:29:45,309
How would you feel
about getting out of here today?
1182
01:29:49,608 --> 01:29:51,268
Mr. Minton?
1183
01:29:55,447 --> 01:29:57,190
Did I mention I'm in real estate?
1184
01:29:58,408 --> 01:30:01,991
I got my eye on some property
real close by here
1185
01:30:02,162 --> 01:30:06,373
- I can't wait to develop.
- Hm. That's commendable.
1186
01:30:06,541 --> 01:30:10,159
You know, while I was in here,
also, I joined a biker gang.
1187
01:30:10,337 --> 01:30:13,172
Satan's Paedophiles.
1188
01:30:13,340 --> 01:30:15,416
Anyway, they said when I get out,
1189
01:30:15,592 --> 01:30:18,546
they'd love to camp next
to the grammar school near here.
1190
01:30:18,720 --> 01:30:20,131
I hope that's not a problem.
1191
01:30:20,305 --> 01:30:24,801
They're pretty cool guys, except
when they drink and do crystal meth.
1192
01:30:24,976 --> 01:30:26,554
Which is almost every weekend.
1193
01:30:26,728 --> 01:30:31,520
But most of the people I sell to,
they don't need to know about that.
1194
01:30:31,691 --> 01:30:35,819
'Cause, uh, they're old ladies, mostly.
Not too good with fine print,
1195
01:30:35,987 --> 01:30:37,101
if you get my drift.
1196
01:30:38,781 --> 01:30:42,530
Tell me, is your grandma still alive?
I bet I could make her a sweet deal.
1197
01:30:42,702 --> 01:30:44,778
By the time I'm through with her,
1198
01:30:44,954 --> 01:30:49,746
she'll give hand jobs behind the pharmacy
to pay for arthritis medication.
1199
01:30:51,544 --> 01:30:54,580
Two at a time, you know?
Stuff you see in pornos.
1200
01:30:56,715 --> 01:31:00,760
Anyway, that's a nice top you have on.
Seriously.
1201
01:31:00,928 --> 01:31:03,633
Mind lowering it?
I'd love to see some boobage.
1202
01:31:04,848 --> 01:31:07,849
Let me see that, woman. That's sexy.
Let me see that.
1203
01:31:08,018 --> 01:31:11,304
Let me touch one of them.
Let me touch one of them. Can I? Please?
1204
01:31:11,480 --> 01:31:14,101
Parole denied! Take him back to his cell!
1205
01:31:14,274 --> 01:31:18,106
What colour are your nipples?
I bet they're pink! Light brown?
1206
01:31:18,278 --> 01:31:19,772
Dollar size or quarter?
1207
01:31:22,449 --> 01:31:24,821
Stan, did we win?
1208
01:31:24,993 --> 01:31:26,820
Let go of me. I'm in a hurry.
1209
01:31:26,995 --> 01:31:28,370
Have no fear, Stanley.
1210
01:31:28,538 --> 01:31:32,239
I will continue to take care
of your wife while you're gone.
1211
01:31:32,417 --> 01:31:35,038
- Thanks a lot, pal.
- No thanks needed.
1212
01:31:35,211 --> 01:31:37,998
I cherish Mindy's company.
1213
01:31:38,173 --> 01:31:42,087
Since my addiction to cigarettes
made me impotent,
1214
01:31:42,260 --> 01:31:45,296
I've had very little contact
with the fair sex.
1215
01:31:46,264 --> 01:31:47,675
Impotent?
1216
01:31:47,849 --> 01:31:50,091
I used to think smoking was cool,
1217
01:31:50,268 --> 01:31:56,021
but a limp dick spells nerd
in any language.
1218
01:31:56,190 --> 01:31:59,227
- You're impotent. That's great!
- Not really.
1219
01:32:00,111 --> 01:32:02,684
Baby, I love you.
I'll write to you as soon as I can.
1220
01:32:02,863 --> 01:32:04,655
OK.
1221
01:32:07,868 --> 01:32:09,991
That's my boy.
1222
01:32:10,663 --> 01:32:12,121
Love you, baby!
1223
01:32:13,499 --> 01:32:16,204
- He's running!
- Code red!
1224
01:32:16,377 --> 01:32:18,749
Watch the prisoners file in.
1225
01:32:53,913 --> 01:32:55,787
The Master has taught you well.
1226
01:32:55,957 --> 01:32:59,492
Don't tell me.
You studied with The Master too?
1227
01:32:59,669 --> 01:33:04,378
- I am his number one.
- I didn't see that coming.
1228
01:33:04,549 --> 01:33:07,503
There are many things
you will not see coming.
1229
01:33:07,677 --> 01:33:10,250
Oh, really? Like what?
1230
01:33:19,772 --> 01:33:20,851
Hmm.
1231
01:33:24,985 --> 01:33:29,861
- Whoa. Take it easy.
- I have been taking it easy.
1232
01:33:38,248 --> 01:33:40,822
I wanna break me off some chocolate.
1233
01:33:41,001 --> 01:33:42,875
Come on, hold the line.
1234
01:33:44,797 --> 01:33:47,632
- Top you up here?
- Thank you very much.
1235
01:33:48,467 --> 01:33:50,625
How are you doing?
1236
01:33:50,802 --> 01:33:51,834
Yeah, good.
1237
01:34:07,193 --> 01:34:11,820
I don't think The Master
prepares you for this.
1238
01:34:16,911 --> 01:34:19,402
Here comes the eagle.
1239
01:34:51,070 --> 01:34:52,813
Are those weapons?
1240
01:35:00,746 --> 01:35:02,537
Hoo, hoo, hoo!
1241
01:35:03,707 --> 01:35:05,415
Ah!
1242
01:35:09,379 --> 01:35:12,250
Somebody didn't strengthen their titties.
1243
01:35:14,926 --> 01:35:16,337
Whoo!
1244
01:35:22,976 --> 01:35:24,554
It looks like a riot.
1245
01:35:47,750 --> 01:35:49,577
Whoo!
1246
01:35:53,047 --> 01:35:55,503
- I celebrated too early!
- Ah!
1247
01:36:08,020 --> 01:36:10,855
Warden, can't you do anything
to stop this?
1248
01:36:11,023 --> 01:36:15,186
Bullard, prepare to fire.
1249
01:36:46,433 --> 01:36:47,891
Whoo!
1250
01:36:48,059 --> 01:36:50,764
Whoo! Whoo!
1251
01:36:54,190 --> 01:36:55,471
Whoo!
1252
01:36:56,359 --> 01:36:57,937
Finger of death.
1253
01:37:05,159 --> 01:37:06,570
That's you.
1254
01:37:12,625 --> 01:37:15,875
I don't know if The Master
prepared you for this.
1255
01:37:22,218 --> 01:37:23,961
Hoo!
1256
01:37:29,558 --> 01:37:33,141
- Ready to dance, motherfuckers?
- Handle your shit, bitch!
1257
01:37:33,312 --> 01:37:34,510
Fire at will.
1258
01:37:36,398 --> 01:37:37,561
Don't fight!
1259
01:38:30,076 --> 01:38:31,451
Why aren't you firing?
1260
01:38:39,585 --> 01:38:42,705
- Fire that weapon.
- I can't do it, boss.
1261
01:38:45,257 --> 01:38:47,416
Well, why the hell not?
1262
01:38:47,593 --> 01:38:50,084
They're just dancing.
1263
01:38:59,479 --> 01:39:01,472
Give me that rifle.
1264
01:39:07,112 --> 01:39:08,736
What the hell are you doing?
1265
01:39:09,865 --> 01:39:11,359
Restoring order.
1266
01:39:12,534 --> 01:39:15,072
They've clearly lost their minds.
1267
01:39:15,245 --> 01:39:17,072
Warden, it's over.
1268
01:39:19,457 --> 01:39:21,082
Look at all these witnesses.
1269
01:39:21,251 --> 01:39:23,623
It's over, warden.
1270
01:39:27,924 --> 01:39:29,751
You did this to me.
1271
01:39:47,401 --> 01:39:50,402
- Where did that come from?
- What do you think I've been doing
1272
01:39:50,571 --> 01:39:52,813
with The Master for the last six months?
1273
01:39:52,990 --> 01:39:54,947
Thank God.
1274
01:39:55,117 --> 01:39:56,861
You did good with Dang.
1275
01:39:57,036 --> 01:39:59,823
But you're still my number two student.
1276
01:39:59,997 --> 01:40:03,615
- Number two?
- She'll kick your ass.
1277
01:40:06,128 --> 01:40:08,168
I might like that.
1278
01:40:09,798 --> 01:40:12,124
Ready position!
1279
01:40:12,301 --> 01:40:14,293
Focus!
1280
01:40:14,470 --> 01:40:16,213
Lock! Punch!
1281
01:40:16,388 --> 01:40:18,760
- Kick! Double punch!
- Yah!
1282
01:40:18,932 --> 01:40:21,684
Ready position!
1283
01:40:21,852 --> 01:40:23,809
Lock! Punch!
1284
01:40:23,979 --> 01:40:26,766
- Kick! Double punch!
- Yah!
1285
01:40:26,940 --> 01:40:29,609
- It's time, Minton.
- Just a minute, warden.
1286
01:40:29,776 --> 01:40:32,528
Looks great, guys. Thanks, Robbie.
1287
01:40:32,696 --> 01:40:35,862
OK, everybody, I gotta go now.
1288
01:40:36,032 --> 01:40:39,947
I'll miss you too.
1289
01:40:40,120 --> 01:40:43,654
I want you guys to be especially nice
to our newest inmate
1290
01:40:43,832 --> 01:40:47,366
and best disbarred lawyer
in the world, Lew Popper.
1291
01:40:47,544 --> 01:40:50,379
- Welcome aboard!
- Lew!
1292
01:40:50,547 --> 01:40:54,876
- Is the ban on rape still in effect?
- I'm pretty sure.
1293
01:40:55,051 --> 01:40:57,340
Hey!
1294
01:40:57,512 --> 01:41:02,055
Permission to give Big Stan a group hug.
1295
01:41:02,225 --> 01:41:04,217
- Permission granted.
- Come on, gang!
1296
01:41:12,318 --> 01:41:16,150
Hey, little homey,
thanks for giving me my teeth back.
1297
01:41:16,322 --> 01:41:19,738
My pleasure.
1298
01:41:24,538 --> 01:41:27,243
- Where you going, cracker?
- I'm going home, man.
1299
01:41:27,416 --> 01:41:31,283
- I think Big Stan is staying here.
- Oh, yeah?
1300
01:41:34,423 --> 01:41:35,537
Oh, shit!
1301
01:41:38,552 --> 01:41:41,257
I'm Big Stan. No more rape.
1302
01:41:41,430 --> 01:41:43,256
Aw, very creepy.
1303
01:41:44,558 --> 01:41:45,637
My cracker.
1304
01:41:47,018 --> 01:41:48,299
Be good, huh?
1305
01:41:49,855 --> 01:41:52,013
Bye, Stan!
1306
01:41:52,816 --> 01:41:54,855
Hey. Hey.
1307
01:41:57,988 --> 01:41:59,019
Whoo!
1308
01:41:59,197 --> 01:42:02,732
- Big man.
- Bye, Big Stan.
1309
01:42:02,909 --> 01:42:04,487
Say bye.
1310
01:42:10,667 --> 01:42:11,746
Stan!
1311
01:42:14,295 --> 01:42:16,667
Sweetie.
1312
01:42:16,839 --> 01:42:18,796
Hey, handsome.
1313
01:42:18,966 --> 01:42:21,173
- Where's Mindy Junior?
- In the car.
1314
01:42:21,344 --> 01:42:24,428
- She's being kind of a brat.
- Isn't the nanny helping?
1315
01:42:24,597 --> 01:42:27,302
Yeah. I think he still sneaks cigarettes.
1316
01:42:27,475 --> 01:42:30,179
Yeah? I'll talk to him.
1317
01:42:35,733 --> 01:42:38,484
Hi, precious. Hi, The Master.
1318
01:42:38,652 --> 01:42:41,274
- Say hello to your father, child.
- Hi.
1319
01:42:41,447 --> 01:42:44,816
- Rumour is you're sneaking smokes.
- Shh.
1320
01:42:45,659 --> 01:42:49,194
- How's her technique?
- She stinks.
1321
01:42:49,371 --> 01:42:51,115
But so did you at first.
1322
01:42:51,290 --> 01:42:54,160
You sure? I don't remember that.
1323
01:42:54,334 --> 01:42:56,208
- Stan!
- OK, baby.
1324
01:42:56,378 --> 01:42:58,252
Let's go, sweetie!
1325
01:43:03,802 --> 01:43:06,174
Whoo-hoo!
1326
01:43:07,305 --> 01:44:07,828
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