All language subtitles for VP Spacenuts XXX

You sent for me, Princess?

Ah, Ensign Benson.

I've been expecting you.

I just wanted to give you a
commendation.

It's nothing official.

Just a little token of my appreciation
for your saluting

and protecting and serving and standing
at attention and whatever else it is you

do around here.

Chief!

Yes, princess?

Uh, two galactic inlets.

And make his a double.

Your wish command is my function key.

Have a seat.

Make yourself...

Comfortable.

Wow.

You're very, uh, tense.

Will there be anything else, Princess?

That'll be all, Chief.

Bottoms up.

You

know,

Ensign, most women love a man in
uniform.

I, however, prefer a man out of

uniform.

Chiefs do this. Chiefs do that.

When will it be Chief's turn?

I don't understand.

When will Chiefs be able to let his
wiring down?

When will it be Chief's turn to have
some fun?

Well, hello there.

Are you, uh... new around here?

Yes, I know.

I was new once, too.

Are you...

A .C. or D .C.? Oh, yes, of course you
are.

Have you ever been with a man who was
multifunctional?

Well, why don't I take you to my
recharging closet?

Would that be all right with you?

It'll be okay.

It'll be okay.

Oh, yeah, me too.

Me too.

or something?

Laughing in your face, returning all
your gifts, changing my number, and

my planet didn't give you a clue?

I will never marry you.

Completely legal to marry the dead.

Ew.

Hello? Hello?

Princess?

Damn cellular service dropped the call
again.

Get them back.

Oh, that's nice.

Bravo.

You really have a way with the ladies,
you sweet talker.

What a charmer.

I do appreciate the constructive
criticism there, Dark Witch, but I have

everything under control.

Oh, yes, obviously, you're evil, man.

I'll show her that you do not hang up on
the scourge of the universe.

Destroy their shields and engines.

Everyone, please calm down.

My baby.

Oh, please save me and my baby.

My baby.

I knew I should have spent a few extra
space cards to get you a fine.

Now grab yourself a blast and prepare to
fight.

Princess, we have a life pod waiting for
you. Please come with me.

You'll be okay.

You'll be okay, don't cry.

We've disabled their engines.

Their life supports are failing. And
their shields are at 15. Excellent.

General Watson, fire a warning shot over
their bow tools. Let them know.

Popped too early.

Leave it to a woman to keep bringing it
up.

General Wardson.

Yes, sir.

Scan the debris and see if you can find
any life forms.

Find the princess alive.

Or dead.

see it now.

Do you, evil overlord, take this earlobe
to be your... whatever.

Lord Evil, we found a life plot amidst
the debris.

It contains a single life form.

Space credits to Donuts that it's the
princess.

Tractor beam the pod into the docking
bay.

Tractor beaming the pod, sir.

The fact that she survived the
unintentional obliteration of her

proves that our wedded bliss is destiny.

She and me, us and we, together.

Are you going to break out into song?
Because if so, I'm going to puke.

General Waltz, assemble a wedding party
for my...

Ride to be young.

Oh, my God.

Open

the

pod.

Dave.

What do you mean you can't open the pod
doors?

Dave, I can't open the pod bay door.

I am the evil overlord. I command...

you not to buy a used Al 2000, but did
you listen to me? No.

Save a few bucks, you said.

Now you listen to me, you bucket of
balls.

Open the damn door!

Dave, I can tell you are stressed.

Maybe some soft music will help.

Just kidding, Thad. You've conquered a
dozen galaxies, but you can't open a

goddamn door?

Thad.

Thad.

Thad.

Nice. What are you planning for an
encore?

Clubbing bunnies?

Cue the band. Cue the band.

Oh, you're right. You two make a cute
couple.

Un -cue the band.

Oh, who's the bitch in this
relationship? You look like more of a

than Lord Evil.

Where is the princess?

He crushes Larnac so he can never tell
you. Why don't you just go ahead and

a warning shot across his bow while
you're at it?

Leave him to me. I'm sure I'll be able
to extract the information from him.

Guard!

Take him to my chamber. I'll deal with
him there.

Yes, you will.

Do you like something to drink?

Are you hungry?

Oh.

A strong, silent type. I like that.

Look, I'll just cut right to the chase.

The moment I met you five minutes ago, I
felt a connection, a little spark

between us that transcends this whole
evil.

Empire and rebellion, good evil man,
woman, thing.

Are you feeling it?

Oh, yes, you're definitely feeling it.

Oh, my God, I swear I don't know
anything.

I just started.

I was just a soda jerk, and then they
transferred me. I don't know anything.

Now, why don't you just tell Mama all
about this princess?

Like, where is he?

There were several life pods jettisoned
from the ship.

The princess and her manservant were on
one of them.

That's all I know. Please don't kill me.

That's a good little soldier.

Do you know what I do with good boys
that make me

happy?

Hologram.

Service this human.

Reward him for his good behavior in ways
unimaginable to

his puny little human mind.

Hmm.

Grrrr!

That fucking guy.

Hello, Peter.

Just going to the dark side is not that
bad.

Yeah. And on that note... Guard!

Yes, ma 'am.

Put him in a torpedo chute and fire him
into space.

What is this?

You said we shared a moment.

That moment gone.

You said you weren't going to kill me.

No, don't think of it as being killed.
Think of it more.

is having your matter reorganized.
Goodbye.

Yes?

Your Excellency, I have extracted the
information that we sought. The princess

did escape in a life pod, and she's out
there in space, somewhere.

Our sister will be mine to do with as I
will.

Are

we

done? Yes.

Good.

God, she kissed me the willy.

I still see you.

Still see you.

Oh, no.

Yes, you're still there.

Nope, still here.

Nope,

still see you.

You're still there.

And how about this?

Now,

General Watts, scan the entire system
and find the princess.

And, General, if you fail me this time,
well,

try to imagine...

the nastiest way you possibly can to
die.

And then go one nastier.

I'll be at my quarters.

Yes, sir.

See here, 50 and raise you 100.

If you're rich for my blood.

I'll call.

14. I think I'll just take my winnings
and go home.

Hold on a second.

Because the last I checked.

Four aces beats four kings.

Four aces?

What the fuck?

Sir, please calm down.

Calm down? He's cheating!

Hold on a minute. I'm sorry that you
lost, but I'll tell you what I'll do.

cop your drinks, and I'll give you a
couple tickets to go see the

magician, Lion Tamerang. I think you'll
like it.

You steal a man's life savings and give
him a ticket to a cheap show?

Hold on a second. No one wants to get
hurt here.

The only one who's gonna get hurt is
YOU!

That was close.

Close only counts in plasma grenades and
horseshoes.

Watching a dude vaporize another dude
gets me so hot.

So let me get this right. If I had been
the one vaporized, then you would still

be hot?

Well, yeah, but I'd be thinking about
you the entire time I fucked the other

guy. I promise.

That's okay. I'll think about that.

Too bad. You don't know what you're
missing.

Hold on a second.

Where's my wallet?

Sorry, bud.

Old habits die hard.

Why should I give you my money?

You should steal it.

Captain Focker!

Isn't Captain Star Focker?

Focker! Focker!

Focker!

There's a 45 ,000 floating among space
junk.

Most of our wreckage is heavily damaged,
but there is a fully intact escape pod.

Fully intact space escape pod. That's
200 ,000 space credits on the black

market. Are there any life forms?

We scanned the pod and only found one
life form.

Still an escape pod and a life form.

That's a hefty price, that auction.

The salvage crew down there. I'll be
down there in just a minute.

It's time to make some freedom.

Starfucker out.

We really should be going.

I know that.

I get an awful feeling about this place.
We should go now.

I'm working on it.

What is it exactly?

So, what do we have here?

I am Princess Hubba Hubba, royal heir to
the Katoran system, traveling with my

manservant, Jeeves.

Very nice to meet you.

My shuttle was boarded by pirates, and
we narrowly escaped. And unfortunately,

my life pod landed in this quadrant.

But I really need to get back to the
clitoron system and my father. So if you

don't mind, chop -chop, and let's get a
move on.

I'm sorry. Where did you say you were
from?

Hey,

you can't talk to the princess that way,
mister.

Listen, pal, as far as I'm concerned,
you two are space cargo. But you know

what? I wonder how much...

A real -life princess that's on the open
market.

Listen, you walking Anatole, the lives
of billions are at stake that I get back

to the Victorian system before I fall
into the hands of the evil overlord.

Well, I don't know. Do you have any
money?

Gee, I must have left my purse in my
starship when it blew up!

I'm sure the king will reward you
handsomely.

I don't know. I'm already pretty damn
handsome. What kind of reward are we

talking about?

I'm sure it's more than anyone that you
could ever think of.

I don't know. I could think quite a bit.

Well, you'll get that and some.

Now, if you don't mind, could we please
get a move on to the Chlorin system?

Well, Princess, of course.

But in the meantime, plasma reactor
coils or Chloridash smoking weed or

ass, no one rides for free.

Miss Kitty?

Do we have a position for these two?

Well, I had another dancer hostess eaten
last night.

I suppose she could take her place.

At least until we can get to a spaceport
and get a suitable replacement.

And then, do with her what you will.

We could use another pleasure toy.

Pleasure toy?

That's fine, Miss Kitty.

But you might want to cut the tongue out
of this one.

It might be better for business.

That's your droid.

Beg for it, scum.

Beg me to treat you like a dirty little
slut.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

casino passed by here a few parsecs ago.

The SS Floating Balls.

Let's pay a visit to the SS Floating
Balls, General.

Yes, your evilness. By your command.

Remember, open hailing frequency first,
and then fire a warning shot across his

bow.

Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty.

Push, push the bad girl's face down into
his own mess.

Shut up.

Welcome

to

the SS Floating Balls, where anything
and everything in the known universe can

happen within these very walls.

We cater to every vice imaginable.

Greed, gluttony, lust, and of course,
lust.

Are you fully functional?

Well, uh, yes.

My systems are fully functional.

I am well versed in over 500 ,000
different sexual practices, including

humanoid, cyborgs, and all carbon -based
life forms.

And I assume that you are fully
functional, too.

If by functional you mean that the first
hand, tentacle, robotic digit, or paw

that touches me, I kill, then yes.

Absolutely.

We need to do some work on that
attitude.

Now, you will be working here.

And you, I think you'll be of more help
to me in the cabaret.

And we are here with fresh meat.

You must be that new pleasure droid I've
been hearing about.

Yes, I am.

May I offer you a cold refreshment?

Yes,

I'd like to get a little liquored up.
Excellent. I'll go to the bar.

Oh, no, no, no.

What do you say we get this party
started?

Do you have a little mood music to play?

Why, yes, I am programmed with over 17
million varieties of music.

Let's hear it.

How's that?

No, no, no, no, no. I was thinking of
something more romantic.

Oh, perhaps that.

No, no, no.

A little more romantic.

How about this?

Looks better.

I want you to turn me on and tell me how
sexy I look.

Okay.

My.

You look shimmery tonight.

No. Let's try this.

How you doing, baby?

You see me and you go out behind a wood
pile and... You will suck my cock and

you will do it now.

Now.

Mon chéri, it is you, it is me. We will
make beautiful love together.

Oh. Oh.

Rest. La la.

I like that.

I mean, we... We... We...

Do you have to believe that?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Uh -huh.

Mmm.

like a bike.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.

That was great.

Really, that was great.

But you might want to upgrade the
software on that hard drive.

See you around.

Under two o 'clock.

Can I get you something?

Can I get you something?

Yeah, sure, babe. How about a nice cold
glass at 8 p .m.? What the hell is 8 p

.m.? You know, ask him out.

Whoa, I guess that means the
complimentary handjob's out of question.

I don't think Miss Kitty is giving you
the proper job description for a hostess

entertainer. Basically, your job is to
make sure that everyone is happy.

Everyone.

Sometimes that means you have to sit in
a lap or two, or perhaps a fade.

This is demeaning, Starfucker.

If you were a true gentleman... A true
gentleman?

This is the SS floating balls in the
Zoller sector.

If you're a true gentleman here, you're
as good as dead. And that goes for

proper ladies?

I'll keep that in mind.

Well, perhaps if you don't want to
entertain here at the cabaret level, we

arrange to have you take him below deck
for a private show.

Private show?

Yes, I could show you the ins and outs
of the holodeck.

No, serving drinks is fine. Thank you
very much.

You are a... Are you trying to ignore
me?

No.

But...

Baby needs love.

Oh, really?

Baby needs love, does she?

Well, let's give baby what she needs.

Really?

Come

here.

Come here. Come here, bud.

That's it. Come here.

Come here.

You know, it's been so long since we...
You know.

Yeah, right.

You're a... I've got a great idea. Let's
just cuddle.

Cuddle? Yeah, let's just cuddle.

Right. Cuddle.

Prepare to get the sit -cuddled out of
you.

That's it right there.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's good. That's it.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, do it.

CAPTAIN!

thinking about that other girl, were
you?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a princess.
It's a common term of endearment like

sweetheart or my little fuck monkey.

Oh.

Okay.

Damn,

you're good.

Do you work out?

What happened? Why have we stopped?

We're caught in a tractor beam.

Tractor beam?

Whose tractor beam?

Hello, Captain Starfucker.

Evil Overlord, this is an unexpected
surprise. Should I let Velvina know that

her wounded space cat needs a little
battlefield nurse?

Silence!

Silence!

I'm afraid that this isn't a social
call, Captain.

We were searching for a life pod that
was in your flight path.

What a coincidence. We found a space
pod. Unfortunately, there was nothing in

it. Take the pod with my blessings, Lord
Evil.

Oh, we will be taking the pod, of
course, as well as anything else that

belong to us.

And then we'll decide if we are going to
blow your ship to smithereens or not.

It's not us.

Keep looking.

Tear this ship apart.

Leave no rock unturned.

By all means, feel free to have a look
around, boys. Please take full advantage

of all the amenities Floating Balls has
to offer.

Now, while your men are busy themselves
looking for this mysterious girl...

What kind of host would I be if I didn't
offer you two a drink?

Would you join me at the bar?

Three solar shot.

Here's to the universe.

Bowing on their knees and cowering
before us.

I was going to drink to your health, but
bottoms up.

So, how are things raping the galaxy?

Oh, you know, same old, same old.

Boardroom politics.

Interplanetary domination.

Enough of the chit -chat.

But where is the girl?

Girl, girl, girl, girl.

Oh, you need some space, Jim. I can help
the brother up.

Dandy, Dandy.

I did not destroy 42 planets in the last
fiscal quarter alone so that some space

cowboy can attempt to make a fool out of
me.

If you are hiding anything, star fucker,
you will die a very slow and painful

death. Not necessarily in the quarter of
a quarter.

Your most evilness.

Sometimes these things take a woman's
touch.

Let me talk to Buzz. I'm sure he'll
respond better when he's not being

death.

Now, Buzz, perhaps there's someplace
quieter you and I could talk.

Oh, well, actually, here is good.

Or we could talk over here. Here's good,
too.

Ladies and aliens, sit back and relax as
our own mystery dancer grinds out a

tale of love and romance.

through a universal dance.

He's good. He's really good.

I could tell the whole story.

I

have

to get back. I think I left the keys to
the ship on the bar.

Buzz.

Did you miss me?

Because I missed you.

You know...

No humanoid in the known galaxy has ever
made me feel the way

you make me feel.

Few silicone -based life forms, but no
other man.

Computer.

Hologram setting 133.

After you.

Thank you.

Ah, holodeck jungle setting. How
original.

Take me, Buzz.

Take me like a boy raised by apes.

I don't know. I think we're kind of
rushing things a little bit.

Whatever happened to getting annoyed to
their friends first?

Oh, are you playing coy?

Uh, well...

No, I just thought I'm really not in the
mood.

Well, what can I do to get you in the
mood?

Alcohol.

Let's get drunk.

I don't need a drink.

Oh, but I do.

Hey, you done with the holidays?

Program's running. Knock your socks off.
Right then.

Buzz!

Donald said.

It's cool.

You know,

I've always wanted to do it in this
program.

Really? I only see this program once.
Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck

it

hard.

Fuck it hard.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's fucking good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You are fantastic.

A genuine artist.

And guess what?

I am a fabulously wealthy benefactor and
patron of the arts.

Let me buy you a drink, baby.

Oh, no, no, that's okay. You're too
kind. I can't accept.

No, no, no.

Now, tell me if I'm wrong.

Depart here.

You're wiggling your ass, you know.

Did that mean the hero is coming home
from the war and his brother

has remarried his wife?

Yep, exactly.

I knew it, I knew it. I have to go get
ready for my next call. Wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I have to see you, dear.

It's you!

Guard!

You lied to me.

He lied to me.

Ours.

I promised you a slow and peaceful
death. Well, now I'm going to

extend that courtesy to your entire crew
and everyone aboard this

trash bin of a ship.

Kill everyone on board!

And then destroy the ship.

Excuse me, everyone.

Please line up in an orderly fashion and
be killed.

a warning shot, sir?

No. This is for real.

Firing laser beam, sir.

Maybe you should call it a warning shot.

General Moritz, fire a warning shot.

Don't feel sad, princess.

Today should be the happiest day of your
life. It's your wedding day.

Guard, take her to her holding cell.

Now you, princess Hubba Hubba,

take the evil overlord.

to be your lawfully wedded husband, to
have and to hold, to obey his every

disgusting whim, no matter how much it
turns your stomach, until death do you

part, or even longer.

I do.

You are wise to reconsider, princess.

Why be the prince of the planet when I
can be the queen of the universe?

How delightfully wicked of you, Prince
Ed.

And do you, evil overlord, take the
princess as your lawfully wedded wifey

to have and to hold, to do with what you
will, whenever, wherever,

and whichever office you choose, until
death do you part, or you grow

weary of her and disintegrate her,
whichever comes first.

Oh, gee, gosh, I don't know.

You know, the swing of that salazzo has
been pretty good to me up to this time.

It's hard to give it all up, but, you
know.

I do, I do, I do, I do, I do.

Well then, by the powers vested in me, I
now pronounce you Evil Overlord.

And the luckiest woman in the universe.

You may kiss the bride.

And by kiss, I mean full tongue and all.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah, only if it rhymes with A -T -M.

And what does A -T -M mean, you
jackasses?

Ass to mouth.

Yeah.

Enough of this tomfoolery.

Away to my chamber with me till we get
an early start on our honeymoon.

Is it my breath?

It's my lack of hair.

I've been doing a skin massage quite
often, so it will help.

Is it my translucent skin?

Honestly, it's kind of a combination of
the whole thing.

Not too different, not too weird.

This holodeck is equipped with a
shapeshifter fire.

Once you go general, you don't go back.

No.

Maybe this.

If I was going to go lead, I would not
be with her. Thank you very much.

All right, we'll try another one.

I love weddings.

Where's the buffet?

I'll give you two tips for a nipple.

Oh, God, no.

Um, I'll... We'll try this van.

Ah.

Okay.

This I can work with.

But, um, how about someplace a little
less open?

Absolutely.

A place I can work with.

Oh.

Princess, that was fabulous.

Let's go a couple more times, eh?

Hey,

how's it going? Nice rack.

Now that the princess is in our evil
clutches, absolutely nothing

must go wrong.

We must ensure that all our T's are
dotted and all our I's are crossed.

Of course, sir.

I want to be in and out of that bitch
and all over that planetary system in a

couple hours.

Yes, sir.

Nothing can or will go wrong now, sir.

Excellent.

Well, nighty -night, General.

Finally, a little playtime for the
General.

I think a little late -night
entertainment is in order.

After all, all work and no play makes
Schwartz a dull General.

Dad water.

Sound simple?

Hello, ladies.

How may we serve you?

Well, ladies, the dick isn't going to
suck itself.

I like that.

I like that.

Strong cut.

Oh, you like that back there?

Princess, we've come for you. Please
follow us.

There's been a mistake.

I'm not the princess.

She's too sold over.

Yeah, right. If you come along quietly,
this will all be over soon enough.

Wait.

I'm not ready to get married.

I have a headache.

And it might be that time of the month.

Oh, God. The cramp.

Oh. Are you okay?

Princess,

don't.

Jeeves?

Princess.

Buzz?

Are you okay?

He launched an heroic rescue and I get
my balls halfway up my ass. Thank you.

Sorry. I thought you two were gone when
the exploding balls exploded.

So did we.

Thanks to our courage, our ingenuity,
and our rugged looks, we managed to

escape.

Excuse me, everyone.

Please line up in an oily fashion.

You'll be killed.

Oh, yes.

Dang, that's a good shot.

Where's the princess?

They got her. We gotta get out of here.
We must save her.

He's gone, huh?

I don't need the teleporter, Chief. Get
us off this damn ship.

Okay, okay, okay.

Come on, come on, come on.

But I am well -versed in over two
million different interfacing languages.

I don't need your rest of my cheese. I
just need you to operate the teleporter.

I got it. Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.

Uh, that's it.

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

Chief,

do you have any idea where we are?

Well, my best estimation is that we're
somewhere aboard the evil Overlord's

battle cruiser.

Jeeves, do you have any idea what that
smell might mean? Well, my best

estimation is that it's rotting organic
metal, boys.

He could have teleported into a vat of
medical waste or something.

Or a vat of poop.

Game over.

Game over.

I've got a plan.

I go by him.

Oh, Buzz, I'm not even under warranty.

Here, find the princess.

Hey, how you doing?

I couldn't help but notice you from
across the room. I knew there was a

something about you. You have shiny
buttons.

Would you get on with it?

You just can't rush into these things,
Buzz. You can't just let them think that

you're after them for their data.

I've got it.

The princess is in detention block five.

Oh, no.

She's being prepared to wed the evil
overlord today.

I didn't mean an invitation.

Look.

Upload a map. A map of the cell.

Done.

And you're able to do this in like an
hour?

You ever heard about writer's freedom?

I think we really should be going now.

After you, princess.

You first.

No, no, after you. After you, princess.

Stop it.

What the hell is going on here?

We're escorting the princess to the bar
where she'll prepare herself for the

wedding. Yeah, so she can relax before
walking down the aisle and spending the

rest of her life with a constant
headache.

We didn't receive any orders about that.

Well, it's typical the left hand doesn't
know what the right hand is doing, but

since we've come this far, we might as
well go ahead and finish the job, right?

Hold on.

I'm going to have to call this in.

You just wait right here.

Now what are we going to do? Zero.

Don't worry a pretty little head about
it, Princess. I got all of the control.

Checked in with HQ and they don't know
anything about those spa levels.

The Dark Witch is being sent down
personally.

Investigation. Well, of course she is.
And we're just down here following

orders. And all I know is that heads are
going to roll if we can't get this

thing worked out. Wait a second. I
remember something.

He's the one that gave me this order.

Buzz, what are you doing?

Yeah, come to think about it, you never
worked out the details of this, did you?

And where's your I .D. badge, huh? Yeah,
let's see your I .D. badge.

I must have left them in my other bag.

Watch him, boys. He doesn't have a pass.
Watch him.

Oh,

that was not funny.

Look, I told you I had it all under
control.

Let's go.

Did you even have a plan?

Hey, I was winging it. Winging it? What
is that?

Latin for getting us killed?

Well, well, well.

What have we here?

Buzz Darfucker.

What a pleasant surprise.

Tell me, Buzz.

Did you miss me as much as I missed you?

Take him to the holding cell and leave
the princess with me.

Hello?

Your evilness, I've foiled an escape
attempt.

Starfucker and a droid.

Damn it, both die, fucker.

He should be dead.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda, my lord.

Bring me the princess.

Nothing will keep me from my wedding
day.

With pleasure, my lord.

Time to go, sweetie.

taste and no dilly -dallying.

Yes, sir.

Well, then get to it.

I'm surrounded by incompetence.

Uh, sir, I'm still here.

Oh, well, then.

Goodbye.

Evil baby, who's your bride -to -be?

Ah, the lovely princess of a hubbub.

The news of your recent harrowing
kidnapping

by the evil, bald, star -fucking, dread
robot companion has made my

love...

Even more urgent.

Therefore, you'll be happy to know I've
moved our marriage ahead of schedule.

And as an early wedding gift, you will
get to sit with me and watch

as Bud Starfucker has torn limb from
limb

in the pit of death by monstrosity.

Excuse me.

There is a fine line between evil laugh
and annoying laugh, isn't there?

Well, princess, now join me in the
skybox

to watch death.

Dark witch, prepare for death. With
pleasure, my lord.

Well, you two should be quite proud of
the honor the evil overlord has bestowed

upon you. You see, as a present for his
new bride, you two heroes are going to

be thrown into the pit of death where
Monstro will thrash, pummel, and

disembowel you.

And that'll just be the appetizer.

Pit of death, Oz.

I told you it's going to be really big.

Well, it's not really a...

Pit. It's a holographically generated
pit, but it is of death.

Guard, take this robot and outfit him to
do battle in the pit of death.

Right, Buzz.

Buzz, you represent a special problem

for me.

Conundrum.

A mystery shrouded by a riddle wrapped
in a

enigma.

You see, I've always liked you. You and
I, we share a

special connection.

The last time we met, you slept my bed.

Yes, but it was done with love.

Perhaps there's some way you can
persuade me not to have you thrown

into the pit of death and have Montadro
rip you

apart.

Dirty little human boy like to play
around.

Show me how much you want in life.

Yeah.

So does this mean I get off the cot for
you without probation?

We'll see.

Why don't you take all my cock?

Like this.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I thought we had something.

Well, we did, but now we don't.

Why are you lying and cheating?

Buzz, Buzz, just stop.

See, we had a moment, but that moment is
gone.

Just like your life. Take him away.
Let's go.

ultimate demise of one Buzz Starfucker
and his robot

G's at the whim and fancy of

Monstro.

Remember, there's a two drink minimum
and be sure to tip your waitstaff.

Remember, be good to them and they will
be good to you.

We could be in trouble, Jason.

We're definitely in trouble, boss.

Well, if they're not, I have a plan.

They don't know who they're messing
with.

I'm certified in martial arts, 15
different galaxies, 17 different

I can kill creatures with one finger.

I'm certified platinum.

You said gold last time.

Gold, platinum, whatever it is.

They don't know who they're messing
with.

And they're messing with Buzz
Starfucker.

Buzz! Buzz! Bad.

Okay, new plan. No!

No! No!

I don't want to hurt you, okay? I don't
want to hurt you.

Okay. I really don't want to hurt you.
Okay.

I really don't want you to hurt me.

Come on.

Come on, man. You have to get into the
fight.

You have to get into the fight. Come on.

Chief. Chief, where are you?

Buzz, be very quiet.

I found a good hiding place.

Okay. I've got a new plan.

You activate your self -destruct. Run
towards the monster that's saving us.

Okay. Wait, how does that save me?

It's always got to be about you, doesn't
it?

Look out!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Wait a minute. You look like a
reasonable guy. How about some comp

Dr. Oakworth's magician lion's hand is
back.

O 'Ward sent me to inform you that we're
in the clitoral system.

Damn!

Good news.

Well, let's go get married.

If it is, your first day has arrived.

If he could have my body, he could never
have my soul.

He couldn't get it.

Geez, new plan.

Checking this computer. Open these
doors.

That's going to leave him.

How you doing?

You've been around a while, haven't you?

Would you hurry up?

I'm trying.

Me and my buddy just thought that we
would just run into him.

Oh, God, I broke it.

I got it. I got it.

I didn't think I'd see you again.

Yeah, well, too many great friends.

Motivation? I'm getting kind of used to
the you saving me thing.

Yeah, me too.

Not so fast, star fucker.

I would prefer if I were the first to
kiss my bride.

And so if no one would have any further
objection.

Princess, we need to get to the dock,
jack a ship, and get out of here.

But, Buzz, if we don't put an end to the
evil of the Lord once and for all, the

universe will never be free of his
tyranny.

If we don't get out of here... You call
yourself a hero?

Jeeves!

Jack into the computer.

Activate the self -destruct.

Oh, gee, I don't know, Buzz.

She's really not my type.

Jack, do it!

How you doing?

You work out? What have you been?

Get on with it.

Self -destruct activated.

Okay. Now the universe is safe. May we
go now?

Goodness, what are we going to do now?

We could just go down with the ship.

Well, don't we know something about
going down?

Well, sir, it is the code of the sea for
the captain to go down with his ship.

Oh, well, well.

General Ward, I hereby grant you the
status of captain of the

ship.

But all it's due are honors and
privileges, of course.

Really, your evilness?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Self -destruct in T -minus one minute.

Come on, you fool. Let's get out of
here.

Okay, then. Find the power switch. Find
the power switch. Turn this on so we can

get out of here. Find it now. Find it.
Thoughts I'd make a mean margarita, but

don't know anything about power -rated
spaceships. Get up.

Home.

Princess, what are you doing? I want to
drive.

It's fine. Now get out of the chair.

Get out of the chair. Look, it's your
habit. Are you able to fly this ship in

different galaxies and 47 different
quadrants? No, you're not. So get your

out of the chair.

It's fine. You can have it.

Didn't want to drive anyway.

Buzz! Find the power switch.

Come on, Flyboy.

Hit it or shouldn't it. Get us the hell
out of here. Princess, you're yelling in

my ear.

It's not helping. Find the power switch.

Buzz!

Stop it. Buzz.

Stop it. Buzz. Stop it.

Buzz. Stop it. Buzz. What?

Maybe it's the red one.

Maybe it's the red one.

Of course it's the red one. It's labeled
power.

Jesus, you do not know what the power of
power is. People know this. I tried to

tell you.

Shame. What?

We enslaved

a thousand worlds together, and now

it's over.

Self -destruct in T -minus ten seconds.
All right. Is everyone buckled in?

Who wants a margarita?

I guess you did it.

This, uh, makes you a hero.

Way to go, Blythe.

Smack him if you got him.

You could have just vaporized them, but
no.

That would be quick. That would be easy.
That would be done and over with. You

had to go and make a big production of
it.

Monstro, hit it dead.

Tip your waist down.

For your unflinching loyalty, we would
like to present you with the

Interplanetary Council of Planets Medal
of Honor.

I would like to take this opportunity to
thank the Academy, and also my maker.

His name is Mel Shibowitz.

Five star fucker? That's fucker.

Fucker, fucker, whatever.

We would like to take this opportunity,
because of your courage and bravery and

big cojones in the face of things, are
willing to present you this award, the

Interplanetary Council of Planets Medal
of Honor.

And at the request of my daughter, two
million space credits and the pink slip

to your own casino, all perfectly legal.

Why does Buzz get a casino?

It's huge.

What does Chiefs get?

Chiefs gets blown up, mangled,
dismembered, wiring torn out, plugged

stations and systems that, quite
frankly, I would never plug into.

Unprotected, I might add.

What does Chiefs get? Chiefs gets
nothing. Chiefs gets metal.

Chiefs is made of metal. Chiefs gets
metal.

Chiefs. You've been wonderful serving me
all these years, but, uh...

I think it's about time someone served
you.

But your very own, brand new, pleasure
droid, 5150.

What can I serve you, Master?

Well, you can, uh...

How you doing?

Have you ever seen the inside of my
recharging closet?

Follow me.

And now, if you don't mind, I need to
give Buzz my own personal reward.

Oh, yeah. Looks like she's going to get
a little ATM tonight.

What the hell is ATM?

You know, honey.

That's too loud.

This is my room.

Do you like it?

And this is my recharging station.

You could try it if you'd like.

Or not?

Please, sit down.

This is where my koi fish are.

Koi fish go like this.

Can you do that?

Excellent.

Perfect.

A koi fish.

That's perfect.

Dude.

Have you ever made love to a princess?

No.

Prepare to get royally fucked.

I think if I maybe send some flowers and
candy, a nice card, a little stuffed

animal, I could win her back.

Oh, God, you idiot. Just let it go. Let
it go.