All language subtitles for Trump Finally Gets His Nobel Peace Prize, Floats Skipping Midterms & Fans the Flames of Violence [CDILD8vCxL0].en

Jimmy, I'm the host of the show.

Jimmy, I'm the host of the show.
Thank you for watching. Thank you for

Thank you for watching. Thank you for

Thank you for watching. Thank you for
joining us here in the city of angels,

joining us here in the city of angels,

joining us here in the city of angels,
which we did a lot,

which we did a lot,

which we did a lot,
you know,

you know,

you know,
that's very kind. I appreciate that and

that's very kind. I appreciate that and

that's very kind. I appreciate that and
I'm glad you're in a good mood. But I

I'm glad you're in a good mood. But I

I'm glad you're in a good mood. But I
will tell you, at the end of last year,

will tell you, at the end of last year,

will tell you, at the end of last year,
I had I had such big hopes for a better

I had I had such big hopes for a better

I had I had such big hopes for a better
new year. I really felt like, well, how

new year. I really felt like, well, how

new year. I really felt like, well, how
could it get worse in 2025? It can't.

could it get worse in 2025? It can't.

could it get worse in 2025? It can't.
And now we're only two weeks into it.

And now we're only two weeks into it.

And now we're only two weeks into it.
All hell is broken loose. If this was

All hell is broken loose. If this was

All hell is broken loose. If this was
Jenga, there would be blocks of wood all

Jenga, there would be blocks of wood all

Jenga, there would be blocks of wood all
over the house. So far, in in half a

over the house. So far, in in half a

over the house. So far, in in half a
month, Trump toppled Venezuela. He's

month, Trump toppled Venezuela. He's

month, Trump toppled Venezuela. He's
threatening to forcibly gobble up

threatening to forcibly gobble up

threatening to forcibly gobble up
Greenland, and he may be about to send

Greenland, and he may be about to send

Greenland, and he may be about to send
armed troops into the city of

armed troops into the city of

armed troops into the city of
Minneapolis, right here in the United

Minneapolis, right here in the United

Minneapolis, right here in the United
States. Our FIFA Peace Prizewinning

States. Our FIFA Peace Prizewinning

States. Our FIFA Peace Prizewinning
president posted this morning, "If the

president posted this morning, "If the

president posted this morning, "If the
corrupt politicians of Minnesota don't

corrupt politicians of Minnesota don't

corrupt politicians of Minnesota don't
obey the law and stop the professional

obey the law and stop the professional

obey the law and stop the professional
agitators and insurrectionists from

agitators and insurrectionists from

agitators and insurrectionists from
attacking the Patriots of ICE, who are

attacking the Patriots of ICE, who are

attacking the Patriots of ICE, who are
only trying to do their job, I will

only trying to do their job, I will

only trying to do their job, I will
institute the Insurrection Act, which

institute the Insurrection Act, which

institute the Insurrection Act, which
many presidents have done before me, and

many presidents have done before me, and

many presidents have done before me, and
quickly put an end to the travesty that

quickly put an end to the travesty that

quickly put an end to the travesty that
is taking place in that once great

is taking place in that once great

is taking place in that once great
state." Thank you for your attention to

state." Thank you for your attention to

state." Thank you for your attention to
this matter, President DJT. No kidding,

this matter, President DJT. No kidding,

this matter, President DJT. No kidding,
President DJT. as if anyone else would

President DJT. as if anyone else would

President DJT. as if anyone else would
write that. It's the Insurrection Act

write that. It's the Insurrection Act

write that. It's the Insurrection Act
would allow President Trump to send

would allow President Trump to send

would allow President Trump to send
troops into Minneapolis to stop the

troops into Minneapolis to stop the

troops into Minneapolis to stop the
civil unrest that started when President

civil unrest that started when President

civil unrest that started when President
Trump sent ICE into Minneapolis to start

Trump sent ICE into Minneapolis to start

Trump sent ICE into Minneapolis to start
the civil unrest. But I don't know. I

the civil unrest. But I don't know. I

the civil unrest. But I don't know. I
guess you do have to look at it from his

guess you do have to look at it from his

guess you do have to look at it from his
perspective. I mean, Trump, poor guy, he

perspective. I mean, Trump, poor guy, he

perspective. I mean, Trump, poor guy, he
hasn't been able to get an insurrection

hasn't been able to get an insurrection

hasn't been able to get an insurrection
for years. It's

it's it's

it's it's
At this point, an insurrection might be

At this point, an insurrection might be

At this point, an insurrection might be
the only way he can get an

the only way he can get an

the only way he can get an
outsurrection.

outsurrection.

outsurrection.
A good president right now, a normal

A good president right now, a normal

A good president right now, a normal
president will be looking for a way to

president will be looking for a way to

president will be looking for a way to
deescalate the situation, but not our

deescalate the situation, but not our

deescalate the situation, but not our
Donald. He turns the temperature up on

Donald. He turns the temperature up on

Donald. He turns the temperature up on
everything but his wife. He's He keeps

everything but his wife. He's He keeps

everything but his wife. He's He keeps
claiming the protesters are paid,

claiming the protesters are paid,

claiming the protesters are paid,
although they never say by who. They uh

although they never say by who. They uh

although they never say by who. They uh
keep saying they're going to get to the

keep saying they're going to get to the

keep saying they're going to get to the
bottom of who's paying these protesters.

bottom of who's paying these protesters.

bottom of who's paying these protesters.
They can't seem to figure that out. The

They can't seem to figure that out. The

They can't seem to figure that out. The
idea that anyone would do anything

idea that anyone would do anything

idea that anyone would do anything
without getting paid for it. It's

without getting paid for it. It's

without getting paid for it. It's
incomprehensible to him. It's like um

incomprehensible to him. It's like um

incomprehensible to him. It's like um
it's like when like you you offer a dog

it's like when like you you offer a dog

it's like when like you you offer a dog
a banana, he they're like, "What what am

a banana, he they're like, "What what am

a banana, he they're like, "What what am
I supposed to do with that?" It's But in

I supposed to do with that?" It's But in

I supposed to do with that?" It's But in
this case, he is right. Uh protesting

this case, he is right. Uh protesting

this case, he is right. Uh protesting
it's a hot new job sector right now. I

it's a hot new job sector right now. I

it's a hot new job sector right now. I
learned this at my Illuminati meeting

learned this at my Illuminati meeting

learned this at my Illuminati meeting
last night. And by the way, if you would

last night. And by the way, if you would

last night. And by the way, if you would
like to be a professional agitator,

like to be a professional agitator,

like to be a professional agitator,
Antifa will fly you to Minneapolis first

Antifa will fly you to Minneapolis first

Antifa will fly you to Minneapolis first
class. They'll pay you 80 grand a year,

class. They'll pay you 80 grand a year,

class. They'll pay you 80 grand a year,
plus dental coverage and all the bricks

plus dental coverage and all the bricks

plus dental coverage and all the bricks
you can throw. You can apply online

you can throw. You can apply online

you can throw. You can apply online
right now at transgender windbills.

right now at transgender windbills.

right now at transgender windbills.
Tell them Colonel Jimmy.

Tell them Colonel Jimmy.

Tell them Colonel Jimmy.
Or if you're on the other side, you

Or if you're on the other side, you

Or if you're on the other side, you
could sign up to work for ICE. There are

could sign up to work for ICE. There are

could sign up to work for ICE. There are
so many money-making opportunities now.

so many money-making opportunities now.

so many money-making opportunities now.
this absolutely um unnecessary brutality

this absolutely um unnecessary brutality

this absolutely um unnecessary brutality
that we're seeing in a lot of cities,

that we're seeing in a lot of cities,

that we're seeing in a lot of cities,
but most notably in Minneapolis right

but most notably in Minneapolis right

but most notably in Minneapolis right
now where they're harassing normal

now where they're harassing normal

now where they're harassing normal
people, harassing teachers and uh

people, harassing teachers and uh

people, harassing teachers and uh
pastors, teenagers, claiming they are

pastors, teenagers, claiming they are

pastors, teenagers, claiming they are
dangerous rapists and criminals on the

dangerous rapists and criminals on the

dangerous rapists and criminals on the
street where people are being shot for

street where people are being shot for

street where people are being shot for
standing up for their neighbors. Not

standing up for their neighbors. Not

standing up for their neighbors. Not
only is it disgusting, it's sad. There's

only is it disgusting, it's sad. There's

only is it disgusting, it's sad. There's
just no reason for it. We have enough

just no reason for it. We have enough

just no reason for it. We have enough
problems without concocting new

problems without concocting new

problems without concocting new
problems. and now he's floating the idea

problems. and now he's floating the idea

problems. and now he's floating the idea
of skipping the next election. Trump had

of skipping the next election. Trump had

of skipping the next election. Trump had
an interview with Reuters in which he

an interview with Reuters in which he

an interview with Reuters in which he
confessed that he's worried about how

confessed that he's worried about how

confessed that he's worried about how
his party will fare in the midterms. He

his party will fare in the midterms. He

his party will fare in the midterms. He
admitted that Republicans are likely to

admitted that Republicans are likely to

admitted that Republicans are likely to
lose the midterm elections through no

lose the midterm elections through no

lose the midterm elections through no
fault of his own, of course. Uh in fact,

fault of his own, of course. Uh in fact,

fault of his own, of course. Uh in fact,
he said he accomplished so much that,

he said he accomplished so much that,

he said he accomplished so much that,
and this is a quote, he said, "When you

and this is a quote, he said, "When you

and this is a quote, he said, "When you
think of it, we shouldn't even have an

think of it, we shouldn't even have an

think of it, we shouldn't even have an
election." No, when you think of it, we

election." No, when you think of it, we

election." No, when you think of it, we
shouldn't have election. When we think

shouldn't have election. When we think

shouldn't have election. When we think
of it, we can't have an election soon

of it, we can't have an election soon

of it, we can't have an election soon
enough. We want an election. This is

and it's not it's not the first time, by

and it's not it's not the first time, by
the way, that Trump is mused about doing

the way, that Trump is mused about doing

the way, that Trump is mused about doing
away with elections. During his

away with elections. During his

away with elections. During his
campaign, he totally had a rally. He

campaign, he totally had a rally. He

campaign, he totally had a rally. He
said, "If if I win, you'll never have to

said, "If if I win, you'll never have to

said, "If if I win, you'll never have to
vote in another election again." And

vote in another election again." And

vote in another election again." And
this kind of talk, it's disturbing even

this kind of talk, it's disturbing even

this kind of talk, it's disturbing even
for him. So, he left it to his lady

for him. So, he left it to his lady

for him. So, he left it to his lady
chipmunk, Caroline Levit, to try to reel

chipmunk, Caroline Levit, to try to reel

chipmunk, Caroline Levit, to try to reel
that one back in.

that one back in.

that one back in.
>> I believe you're referring to the

>> I believe you're referring to the

>> I believe you're referring to the
president's interview at Reuters last

president's interview at Reuters last

president's interview at Reuters last
night. Uh, I was in that interview. It

night. Uh, I was in that interview. It

night. Uh, I was in that interview. It
was a closed door interview. Obviously,

was a closed door interview. Obviously,

was a closed door interview. Obviously,
uh, there was not audio or video. The

uh, there was not audio or video. The

uh, there was not audio or video. The
president was was simply joking. He was

president was was simply joking. He was

president was was simply joking. He was
saying, "We're doing such a great job.

saying, "We're doing such a great job.

saying, "We're doing such a great job.
We're doing everything the American

We're doing everything the American

We're doing everything the American
people thought." Uh, maybe we should

people thought." Uh, maybe we should

people thought." Uh, maybe we should
just keep rolling, but he was speaking

just keep rolling, but he was speaking

just keep rolling, but he was speaking
faciciously.

faciciously.

faciciously.
>> A word he can neither spell nor define.

>> A word he can neither spell nor define.

>> A word he can neither spell nor define.
He's joking. He's joking. He was joking.

He's joking. He's joking. He was joking.

He's joking. He's joking. He was joking.
Like when he wishes Erica a happy

Like when he wishes Erica a happy

Like when he wishes Erica a happy
birthday, he's joking. Okay. If there's

birthday, he's joking. Okay. If there's

birthday, he's joking. Okay. If there's
one thing we've learned about this guy,

one thing we've learned about this guy,

one thing we've learned about this guy,
it's that he doesn't joke. He insults

it's that he doesn't joke. He insults

it's that he doesn't joke. He insults
people, but bringing laughter to others

people, but bringing laughter to others

people, but bringing laughter to others
not typically at the top of his list.

not typically at the top of his list.

not typically at the top of his list.
>> Are you saying that the president finds

>> Are you saying that the president finds

>> Are you saying that the president finds
the idea of cancelling elections funny?

the idea of cancelling elections funny?

the idea of cancelling elections funny?
>> Andrew, were you in the room? No, you

>> Andrew, were you in the room? No, you

>> Andrew, were you in the room? No, you
weren't. I was in the room. And I heard

weren't. I was in the room. And I heard

weren't. I was in the room. And I heard
the conversation and only someone like

the conversation and only someone like

the conversation and only someone like
you would take that so seriously and

you would take that so seriously and

you would take that so seriously and
pose it as a question in that way.

pose it as a question in that way.

pose it as a question in that way.
>> Yeah, Andrew,

>> Yeah, Andrew,

>> Yeah, Andrew,
you buzz kill stiff. To be fair to

you buzz kill stiff. To be fair to

you buzz kill stiff. To be fair to
Andrew, sometimes it's hard to tell when

Andrew, sometimes it's hard to tell when

Andrew, sometimes it's hard to tell when
he's joking. Like remember when he said

he's joking. Like remember when he said

he's joking. Like remember when he said
they were eating the cats and dogs? We

they were eating the cats and dogs? We

they were eating the cats and dogs? We
still don't know what that was. And by

still don't know what that was. And by

still don't know what that was. And by
the way, a few months ago we thought he

the way, a few months ago we thought he

the way, a few months ago we thought he
was joking about invading Greenland. Now

was joking about invading Greenland. Now

was joking about invading Greenland. Now
Marco Rubio is driving around in a on a

Marco Rubio is driving around in a on a

Marco Rubio is driving around in a on a
snowmobile looking for a spot to build a

snowmobile looking for a spot to build a

snowmobile looking for a spot to build a
golf course casino. You know, I never

golf course casino. You know, I never

golf course casino. You know, I never
believe there's some big master plan,

believe there's some big master plan,

believe there's some big master plan,
but maybe there is. Maybe it goes like

but maybe there is. Maybe it goes like

but maybe there is. Maybe it goes like
this. Step one, you call your opponents

this. Step one, you call your opponents

this. Step one, you call your opponents
uh vermin and violent, the enemy within.

uh vermin and violent, the enemy within.

uh vermin and violent, the enemy within.
Uh you say they're part of a group of

Uh you say they're part of a group of

Uh you say they're part of a group of
paid protesters called Antifa. Step two,

paid protesters called Antifa. Step two,

paid protesters called Antifa. Step two,
you send a bunch of poorly trained,

you send a bunch of poorly trained,

you send a bunch of poorly trained,
heavily armed goons into cities that

heavily armed goons into cities that

heavily armed goons into cities that
don't need or want them there. Step

don't need or want them there. Step

don't need or want them there. Step
three, when the people inevitably

three, when the people inevitably

three, when the people inevitably
protest being occupied by their own

protest being occupied by their own

protest being occupied by their own
government, you accuse them of starting

government, you accuse them of starting

government, you accuse them of starting
an insurrection. And then step four, you

an insurrection. And then step four, you

an insurrection. And then step four, you
invoke the insurrection act. You call

invoke the insurrection act. You call

invoke the insurrection act. You call
out the military, you cancel the

out the military, you cancel the

out the military, you cancel the
elections, and you take charge for good.

elections, and you take charge for good.

elections, and you take charge for good.
Oh, and also you pretend that while

Oh, and also you pretend that while

Oh, and also you pretend that while
that's going on, it's just business as

that's going on, it's just business as

that's going on, it's just business as
usual. Today, I'm thrilled to announce

usual. Today, I'm thrilled to announce

usual. Today, I'm thrilled to announce
my plan to lower health care prices for

my plan to lower health care prices for

my plan to lower health care prices for
all Americans and truly make health care

all Americans and truly make health care

all Americans and truly make health care
affordable again. We're doing things

affordable again. We're doing things

affordable again. We're doing things
that nobody's ever been able to do.

that nobody's ever been able to do.

that nobody's ever been able to do.
We're calling it the great healthcare

We're calling it the great healthcare

We're calling it the great healthcare
plan.

plan.

plan.
>> Well, say no more then. It if it's

>> Well, say no more then. It if it's

>> Well, say no more then. It if it's
called that, it must be great. Like the

called that, it must be great. Like the

called that, it must be great. Like the
great depression, for instance. Let me

great depression, for instance. Let me

great depression, for instance. Let me
get this straight. It took you 10 years

get this straight. It took you 10 years

get this straight. It took you 10 years
to come up with the great health care

to come up with the great health care

to come up with the great health care
plan.

plan.

plan.
>> The government is going to pay the money

>> The government is going to pay the money

>> The government is going to pay the money
directly to you. It goes to you and then

directly to you. It goes to you and then

directly to you. It goes to you and then
you take the money and buy your own

you take the money and buy your own

you take the money and buy your own
healthcare. Nobody's ever heard of that

healthcare. Nobody's ever heard of that

healthcare. Nobody's ever heard of that
before and that's the way it is.

before and that's the way it is.

before and that's the way it is.
>> Let me see if I understand this now. We

>> Let me see if I understand this now. We

>> Let me see if I understand this now. We
would pay you the money in taxes and

would pay you the money in taxes and

would pay you the money in taxes and
then you send it back to us to buy

then you send it back to us to buy

then you send it back to us to buy
health care. There might be an extra

health care. There might be an extra

health care. There might be an extra
step in there we don't necessarily need.

step in there we don't necessarily need.

step in there we don't necessarily need.
And as far as details on how this great

And as far as details on how this great

And as far as details on how this great
health care plan is going to work, there

health care plan is going to work, there

health care plan is going to work, there
are none. That was pretty much all we

are none. That was pretty much all we

are none. That was pretty much all we
got other than this. Under this policy,

got other than this. Under this policy,

got other than this. Under this policy,
the prices of many drugs will be slashed

the prices of many drugs will be slashed

the prices of many drugs will be slashed
by 300, 400, and even 500%.

by 300, 400, and even 500%.

by 300, 400, and even 500%.
>> Okay. Now, I just once again, I want to

>> Okay. Now, I just once again, I want to

>> Okay. Now, I just once again, I want to
just say, and in case anyone there is

just say, and in case anyone there is

just say, and in case anyone there is
listening, that it is mathematically

listening, that it is mathematically

listening, that it is mathematically
impossible

impossible

impossible
to slash prices by more than 100%.

to slash prices by more than 100%.

to slash prices by more than 100%.
100 is all of the percents that are

100 is all of the percents that are

100 is all of the percents that are
there. Anything more,

there. Anything more,

there. Anything more,
the drug companies have to pay you.

the drug companies have to pay you.

the drug companies have to pay you.
This is what happens when your dad buys

This is what happens when your dad buys

This is what happens when your dad buys
you your business degree. At the White

you your business degree. At the White

you your business degree. At the White
House today, Fat Albert Einstein

House today, Fat Albert Einstein

House today, Fat Albert Einstein
welcomed the Florida Panthers, winners

welcomed the Florida Panthers, winners

welcomed the Florida Panthers, winners
of the Stanley Cup, which he demanded

of the Stanley Cup, which he demanded

of the Stanley Cup, which he demanded
they give him. Today was also the highly

they give him. Today was also the highly

they give him. Today was also the highly
anticipated meeting between Trump and

anticipated meeting between Trump and

anticipated meeting between Trump and
Maria Machado, the Venezuelan opposition

Maria Machado, the Venezuelan opposition

Maria Machado, the Venezuelan opposition
leader, and the winner of the Nobel

leader, and the winner of the Nobel

leader, and the winner of the Nobel
Peace Prize he's been whining about not

Peace Prize he's been whining about not

Peace Prize he's been whining about not
winning for the past five weeks. Trump

winning for the past five weeks. Trump

winning for the past five weeks. Trump
said Machado was coming to the White

said Machado was coming to the White

said Machado was coming to the White
House to pay her regards to our country.

House to pay her regards to our country.

House to pay her regards to our country.
Whether she made that payment in cash or

Whether she made that payment in cash or

Whether she made that payment in cash or
check, we don't know. But after

check, we don't know. But after

check, we don't know. But after
disappearing their president, you know,

disappearing their president, you know,

disappearing their president, you know,
Trump refused to support Machado as the

Trump refused to support Machado as the

Trump refused to support Machado as the
new leader of Venezuela. And some in his

new leader of Venezuela. And some in his

new leader of Venezuela. And some in his
circle believe it's because she didn't

circle believe it's because she didn't

circle believe it's because she didn't
give him her Nobel Prize. So then she

give him her Nobel Prize. So then she

give him her Nobel Prize. So then she
said, "Oh, wait. You know what? I will

said, "Oh, wait. You know what? I will

said, "Oh, wait. You know what? I will
give it to him. I will give him the

give it to him. I will give him the

give it to him. I will give him the
Nobel Prize." And so he said, "Okay,

Nobel Prize." And so he said, "Okay,

Nobel Prize." And so he said, "Okay,
then come on by." And there she is

then come on by." And there she is

then come on by." And there she is
arriving at the White House today. They

arriving at the White House today. They

arriving at the White House today. They
searched her at security, make sure she

searched her at security, make sure she

searched her at security, make sure she
brought that prize. And she did. And so

brought that prize. And she did. And so

brought that prize. And she did. And so
they let her in. And sure enough, she

they let her in. And sure enough, she

they let her in. And sure enough, she
got to his office and handed over the

got to his office and handed over the

got to his office and handed over the
goods.

goods.

goods.
>> Did you offer to President Trump your

>> Did you offer to President Trump your

>> Did you offer to President Trump your
Nobel Peace?

Nobel Peace?

Nobel Peace?
>> The president of the United States the

>> The president of the United States the

>> The president of the United States the
medal, in this case, the medal of the

medal, in this case, the medal of the

medal, in this case, the medal of the
Nobel Peace, the recognition for his

Nobel Peace, the recognition for his

Nobel Peace, the recognition for his
commitment with our freedom.

commitment with our freedom.

commitment with our freedom.
>> It's unique. All right. That's right.

>> It's unique. All right. That's right.

>> It's unique. All right. That's right.
Rarely does a president yank a Nobel

Rarely does a president yank a Nobel

Rarely does a president yank a Nobel
Prize off of someone's neck. He's, you

Prize off of someone's neck. He's, you

Prize off of someone's neck. He's, you
know, he's back in the Oval Office

know, he's back in the Oval Office

know, he's back in the Oval Office
sucking on it like a pacifier right now.

sucking on it like a pacifier right now.

sucking on it like a pacifier right now.
Look at how happy he is. Have you ever

Look at how happy he is. Have you ever

Look at how happy he is. Have you ever
seen anyone happier than that

seen anyone happier than that

seen anyone happier than that
for winning this prize? He didn't even

for winning this prize? He didn't even

for winning this prize? He didn't even
win.

win.

win.
Machado didn't leave empty-handed. She

Machado didn't leave empty-handed. She

Machado didn't leave empty-handed. She
uh was seen leaving the White House with

uh was seen leaving the White House with

uh was seen leaving the White House with
a gift bag. Thank you. Thanks for the

a gift bag. Thank you. Thanks for the

a gift bag. Thank you. Thanks for the
Nobel Prize. Here's a Make America Great

Nobel Prize. Here's a Make America Great

Nobel Prize. Here's a Make America Great
Again mug. We appreciate you stopping

Again mug. We appreciate you stopping

Again mug. We appreciate you stopping
by. Trump loves awards. He really he

by. Trump loves awards. He really he

by. Trump loves awards. He really he
giving him an award. It's the only way

giving him an award. It's the only way

giving him an award. It's the only way
to get him to do anything. And with that

to get him to do anything. And with that

to get him to do anything. And with that
said, Mr. President, I have an offer I

said, Mr. President, I have an offer I

said, Mr. President, I have an offer I
think you're going to find difficult to

think you're going to find difficult to

think you're going to find difficult to
refuse. If you and only if you agreed to

refuse. If you and only if you agreed to

refuse. If you and only if you agreed to
pull ICE out of Minneapolis and put them

pull ICE out of Minneapolis and put them

pull ICE out of Minneapolis and put them
back at the borders where they belong, I

back at the borders where they belong, I

back at the borders where they belong, I
am prepared to offer you one of the

am prepared to offer you one of the

am prepared to offer you one of the
following trophies that I have been

following trophies that I have been

following trophies that I have been
honored with over the years. First off,

honored with over the years. First off,

honored with over the years. First off,
thank you Jeremy.

the daytime Emmy I won for best game

the daytime Emmy I won for best game
show host in 1999. That could be yours.

show host in 1999. That could be yours.

show host in 1999. That could be yours.
Or perhaps you would prefer my Cleo

Or perhaps you would prefer my Cleo

Or perhaps you would prefer my Cleo
Award for my work selling crap to

Award for my work selling crap to

Award for my work selling crap to
people. Or my Webbby award, the most

people. Or my Webbby award, the most

people. Or my Webbby award, the most
prestigious award the internet can give.

prestigious award the internet can give.

prestigious award the internet can give.
Or my writer's guild award. This is a a

Or my writer's guild award. This is a a

Or my writer's guild award. This is a a
good one. You can see it looks nice. or

good one. You can see it looks nice. or

good one. You can see it looks nice. or
best of all, I'm I'm willing to hand

best of all, I'm I'm willing to hand

best of all, I'm I'm willing to hand
over my 2015 Soul Train Award

over my 2015 Soul Train Award

over my 2015 Soul Train Award
for White Person of the Year.

for White Person of the Year.

for White Person of the Year.
If if

you do this, the choice is yours. I will

you do this, the choice is yours. I will
personally deliver any or even all of

personally deliver any or even all of

personally deliver any or even all of
these to the Oval Office in exchange for

these to the Oval Office in exchange for

these to the Oval Office in exchange for
leaving the people of Minneapolis alone.

leaving the people of Minneapolis alone.

leaving the people of Minneapolis alone.
GMO, return these to my safe

>> and be careful with this.

>> and be careful with this.
>> All right, Trump's not letting go of

>> All right, Trump's not letting go of

>> All right, Trump's not letting go of
this nonsense with Greenland and Denmark

this nonsense with Greenland and Denmark

this nonsense with Greenland and Denmark
either. This is really good. We happened

either. This is really good. We happened

either. This is really good. We happened
upon this clip of Ted Cruz back in 2016

upon this clip of Ted Cruz back in 2016

upon this clip of Ted Cruz back in 2016
before he permanently burrowed into the

before he permanently burrowed into the

before he permanently burrowed into the
president's colon. Senator Ted Cruz had

president's colon. Senator Ted Cruz had

president's colon. Senator Ted Cruz had
the precience to say this. I don't know

the precience to say this. I don't know

the precience to say this. I don't know
anyone who would be comfortable with

anyone who would be comfortable with

anyone who would be comfortable with
someone who behaves this way having his

someone who behaves this way having his

someone who behaves this way having his
finger on the button. I mean, we're

finger on the button. I mean, we're

finger on the button. I mean, we're
liable to wake up one morning and

liable to wake up one morning and

liable to wake up one morning and
Donald, if he were president, would have

Donald, if he were president, would have

Donald, if he were president, would have
nuked Denmark.

nuked Denmark.

nuked Denmark.
No chance was right.

No chance was right.

No chance was right.
Although, he probably thought he was

Although, he probably thought he was

Although, he probably thought he was
joking at that time, too. I think we we

joking at that time, too. I think we we

joking at that time, too. I think we we
got all have to take a step back and

got all have to take a step back and

got all have to take a step back and
remind ourselves that this is the

remind ourselves that this is the

remind ourselves that this is the
country Donald Trump wants to take by

country Donald Trump wants to take by

country Donald Trump wants to take by
force. He wants to send tanks in to

force. He wants to send tanks in to

force. He wants to send tanks in to
seize control of this little Christmas

seize control of this little Christmas

seize control of this little Christmas
village. JD Vance said Trump is willing

village. JD Vance said Trump is willing

village. JD Vance said Trump is willing
to go as far as he has to to defend

to go as far as he has to to defend

to go as far as he has to to defend
American interests and take this

American interests and take this

American interests and take this
country. That's right. He will deep fry

country. That's right. He will deep fry

country. That's right. He will deep fry
every living penguin if he has to. Do

every living penguin if he has to. Do

every living penguin if he has to. Do
they have penguins in Greenland, Geral?

they have penguins in Greenland, Geral?

they have penguins in Greenland, Geral?
>> I don't think so, Jimmy.

>> I don't think so, Jimmy.

>> I don't think so, Jimmy.
>> You don't think so? Okay. No.

>> You don't think so? Okay. No.

>> You don't think so? Okay. No.
>> Wolf, would you mind looking into that?

>> Wolf, would you mind looking into that?

>> Wolf, would you mind looking into that?
>> Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, in the

>> Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, in the

>> Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah, in the
commercial break.

commercial break.

commercial break.
>> Okay, great. All right. All right. And

>> Okay, great. All right. All right. And

>> Okay, great. All right. All right. And
one more thing. It it is Thursday night

one more thing. It it is Thursday night

one more thing. It it is Thursday night
which means it is time to bleep and blur

which means it is time to bleep and blur

which means it is time to bleep and blur
the big TV moments of the week. Whether

the big TV moments of the week. Whether

the big TV moments of the week. Whether
they need it or not, it is this week in

they need it or not, it is this week in

they need it or not, it is this week in
unnecessary censorship.

>> I know today is a very important day.

>> I know today is a very important day.
Today is National Off Your Ducks Day.

Today is National Off Your Ducks Day.

Today is National Off Your Ducks Day.
>> Is someone coming to do that?

>> Is someone coming to do that?

>> Is someone coming to do that?
>> It's all on us.

>> It's all on us.

>> It's all on us.
>> Oh, okay. Whenever we get a chance to

>> Oh, okay. Whenever we get a chance to

>> Oh, okay. Whenever we get a chance to
get together all in one room and and

get together all in one room and and

get together all in one room and and
look at each other's and and and and and

look at each other's and and and and and

look at each other's and and and and and
one another and and one another's

one another and and one another's

one another and and one another's
>> Oh my god. Oh my god. Where you see my

>> Oh my god. Oh my god. Where you see my

>> Oh my god. Oh my god. Where you see my
in the back?

>> The people of Colombia are incredible

>> The people of Colombia are incredible
people. Uh Marco would know that better

people. Uh Marco would know that better

people. Uh Marco would know that better
than anybody cuz he's a woman from

than anybody cuz he's a woman from

than anybody cuz he's a woman from
Colombia and I don't mean Colombia

Colombia and I don't mean Colombia

Colombia and I don't mean Colombia
University.

University.

University.
>> Look, there is nothing like on the

>> Look, there is nothing like on the

>> Look, there is nothing like on the
ground. That only works if you're not.

ground. That only works if you're not.

ground. That only works if you're not.
>> True.

>> True.

>> True.
>> If you're It's going to be a little hard

>> If you're It's going to be a little hard

>> If you're It's going to be a little hard
for

for

for
>> President Trump wants

>> President Trump wants

>> President Trump wants
I want the American people want.

I want the American people want.

I want the American people want.
>> We will show you the sheep industry in

>> We will show you the sheep industry in

>> We will show you the sheep industry in
action. James, that might involve some

action. James, that might involve some

action. James, that might involve some
>> with you involved, Mallerie. I know that

>> with you involved, Mallerie. I know that

>> with you involved, Mallerie. I know that
it does.

it does.

it does.
>> If you're looking for some it all

>> If you're looking for some it all

>> If you're looking for some it all
starts in Florida.

starts in Florida.

starts in Florida.
>> I've never actually owned a monkey, but

>> I've never actually owned a monkey, but

>> I've never actually owned a monkey, but
I've them before. long periods of time.