All language subtitles for Larger.Than.Life.1996.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG

Thank you.

Thank you and welcome,
ladies and gentlemen,

to the 34th annual convention

of the American Motion
Upholstery Association.

Thank you.

Wasn't lunch wonderful?

Perfect. As you know,

this year's not been an
easy one for our industry.

As we're listening to our
inspiring keynote speaker today,

he'll be giving us
a useful shot in the arm.

He is the author
of the book Get Over It,

a rising star in the field
of personal motivation.

Yes, Mom.

I will. On time.

No, okay, but I've got be on time,
now, for my introduction.

Okay, and please don't call
during the speech.

Remember, as we listen
to his inspiring words...

Brrr!

That motion is our middle name.

And forward motion is our goal.

I'm glad you're gonna
get to know Jack Cochran.

Corcoran!

Corcoran!

I'm over it.

Hello. Thank you.
Thank you, John.

My father died
before I was born,

trying to save a child
drowning in icy water.

And it took me a long time

before I stopped resenting that.

Finally I did.

Finally,

I was able to get over it.

And when I did,

I found out

a lot of things

about me

that were neat.

Neat things that I wanted
to share with other people

who maybe didn't know some
neat things about themselves.

Now, I see some people out here

looking just confused as heck.

Now, here's somebody here
who's just bored to tears.

I'm gonna sneak right up
on him. Don't tell him.

I'm gonna look at his nametag.

Richie! Richie, I caught you!

I caught him. Richie's here,

building a pyramid
of sugar cubes.

You made a nice pyramid.
That's right. You have good ideas.

You want to do things,
you're motivated. That's okay.

But wouldn't you rather work
with people than with sugar cubes?

Don't think about it too
much. Come here. Just a sec.

Come on, help me out here.

Who else we got here?
Who's this?

Joe,
stand up. Come on here. You're a big guy.

Looks like a hip cat, right?
Who else?

Come here, you. You're a big
drink of water. Get over here.

Careful, everybody.

Are you supposed to be in a parade,
later today?

Nice outfit. Very good.
You're lookin' great.

Would you mind getting down
on your hands and knees?

Come on, make a move. I don't
wanna... I don't have all day. Let's go.

C'mon, these are busy important people,
and we don't have all day.

Mike,
is it? Will you play our game? Come on.

You ever done this before?

It's a big thing in our country.

Get right up on
Marion, here, okay?

Now, put a knee right in
the middle of Marion's back.

Come on. You're gonna love
this. You're gonna love this.

Hey, come on,
you. You're a mid-size. Getover here.

Get over here, on him.

Get over here. A knee on
him. You've seen it before.

Okay, we want an itty-bitty.

Betty, come on.
Beth. let's go. Let's go.

No, it's not horsy this time.
No, no, I'm sorry.

This isn't the vacation
you dreamed of.

Right over here. Let me
help you out here now.

Okay.

Help me, somebody.

I'm a motivator,
not a physical therapist. Get over here.

Look, center. Come on,
here. All right, now, all right.

Here, come here.
Help me out, here.

Lift her.

Lift her.

Ally...

One, two, three.

Is that the kind of thing
you were hoping for?

Yeah.

All right. We got men and women
working together for the same cause.

And we've built
something beautiful.

Let's get this over
with in a hurry.

Joe, come on. Hey,
pull 'em out here. Hey! All right.

Whereas my first wife, Gloria,

was a caretaker, codependent,

complainer, my fiancee, Celeste,

will be a caring person,
my coequal,

and a celebrator.

I'm graduating from my ABCs

to D, E and F.

Deliberate,
eliminate, and finish.

Jack Cochran,
ladies and gentleman.

Thank you, Jack.

First, on the side.

Yes, right on the side,
and then the olive.

Always better if you put
the parsley on first.

Oh. You see there?

Sweetheart. Hi.

Oh, change out of
your suit, honey.

I stopped by your place
and got your sports jacket.

Thank you.

He is so cute.

You got three dates coming up.

You got Modesto on the 18th,

the Wall Applications
Association.

Is that anything like wallpaper?

Don't... Don't hurt
me like that, okay?

I go very deep for you, Jack.

This is when he was a baby. This
was when he was in the sixth grade.

On the 21st,
the American Sand and Gravel Congress.

Okay, now we are doubling up,
because I think

I did the Grit Festival
two months ago, didn't I?

Jack, they're not interested
in your jokes.

Isn't he gorgeous?

Their entire focus
is going to be

on expanding their market share,
all right?

Why don't you put your entire
focus on getting me some better gigs?

I got you a better gig,
all right?

The Investment Strategy Summit,
New Orleans.

That could lead
to an infomercial.

From your mouth
to God's ears, all right?

Oh, listen,

if I may say,

I endorse this engagement fully,
all right?

Without family obligations,
you're vulnerable to drift.

You are a romantic.

I'm gonna drift.

Jack, she's wonderful.

Great.

Jack, congratulations,
you old son-of-a-gun.

Hey, Jack. Way to go.

Hey, Jack,
congratulations. Beautiful.

Thank you, moonman, yeah.

Ugh.

These are old.

These are
magic animals, Mr. Matt.

Really?

My father made these.

Time for telegrams.

"You've only just begun.

"A kiss for luck,
and you're on your way.

"Walter."

That's lovely!

It's from a song.

Yeah, I'm here.

"Dear Mr. Corcoran."
It's for me.

Hmm!

"We regret to inform you
of the death of your father."

Well, this is original, anyway.

I hope nobody thought
that was funny.

Yeah. Hold on a second.

This says he died last month
in Maryland.

That's... That's not funny. That's
not funny at all. Here, let me...

All right. No, wait, wait.

"We have been placed
in charge of his effects

"and rather large
inheritance." We're rich.

"We strongly recommend
that you come to our offices

"as soon as possible
to claim same.

"Trowbridge Bowers,
attorney at law."

Is that true?

No, this is just some kind
of bureaucratic bungling.

Don't worry,
I'll call 'em tomorrow.

That's all right,
you don't need to call a lawyer

and tell him your
husband died 40 years ago.

I'll call them and tell them we'll
take the inheritance, though.

Just let me do it,
Jackie, please.

Oh!

Are you all right?

Of course. I'm always all right.

You haven't called me Jackie
since I was a little kid.

Mom.

Mom, you just can't say,

"Okay,
maybe he hasn't been dead all these years.

"Let's do the dishes."

Well, what can I say?

You can't say that.

Jackie, just calm down.

I had a dad all these years
and I didn't know it,

and now that I know it,
I don't have one.

Jack? Jack,
why don't we go in...

Am I crazy? Am I crazy?

I left him, Jack.

I left him,
and I took you with me,

and I didn't tell him
where we were going.

Did he beat you?

No, he didn't beat me.

Was he a criminal, or something?

No, he wasn't a criminal.

Well then, tell me, Mom,
what was he?

He was irresponsible!

Irresponsible?

He wouldn't hold down a job.

He kept moving us
from one place to another.

I couldn't count on a man
like that when I had a baby.

He was irresponsible,
so you killed him.

Oh, Jack.

Jack, Jack. She didn't kill him.

She did kill him.
She drowned him.

I couldn't have him
influencing you.

Boys learn from their fathers.

I'll have to take your word
on that.

Jack!

Did I do something wrong?

Let him walk it off.

Yes. Yes, I'm on hold.

Mmm-hmm.

Excuse me, I'm looking for
Trowbridge Bowers, attorney at law.

My name is Jack Corcoran.

Your people sent me this.

You're him.

Mr. Bowers, it's the son.

Yes?

Ah.

Well, Mr. Corcoran, at last.

Come in. Come in.

Nice to meet you,
under difficult circumstances, son.

Have the... brought around now.

Sit down. Sit down.

All right, sir. Ha.

Took a while to find you.

Heh, heh.

I know this came as a shock.

Mr. Bowers,
I never knew my father.

Nor did I.

Heart attack.

Happened to be
passing through town.

Since I represent
the facility
where he was appearing,

it fell to me to take charge

of his effects.

Appearing?

This

should clarify.

My father was a giant?

We saved his nose. Here.

I had a clown for a dad?

And a very jolly one,
I understand. Traveled with a small circus.

When he passed away,
the caravan moved on.

Now, Mr. Corcoran,
as to your bequest.

There's a rather substantial
dollar figure involved.

I'm over it.

How much?

Marcy, can you bring in
Mr. Corcoran's papers, please?

Thank you.

Right here, Mr. Corcoran,

is the amount.

$35,000?

Well, thanks, Dad,
for something.

What? Do I have
to sign something?

Yes, right there.

Marcy, if you'll
witness, please.

Now, forgive me for asking,

but this is a great deal
of money.

How will you be
paying the 35,000?

What? Wait a minute.
Me, pay you?

My fee, property damage,
upkeep...

Upkeep of a trunk?

There is the bulk
of your inheritance.

Oh, no.

I don't want it.

Why would the man
leave me an elephant?

Hey, hey, come back here!

There's your property damage.

It hates fences.

Well, I'm not paying for what
somebody's elephant does.

I'll take this.

My father never gave
me enough toys anyway.

Mr. Corcoran, I am not
in the elephant business.

Well, you ain't much of a lawyer,
either. This can't be legal.

Signed and witnessed. Uh-huh.

I was misled.
I am not responsible.

And I am outta here.

You'll be hearing
from my mother.

Mr. Corcoran, I love litigation.

It's out again.
Get off the street.

It's yours! It's him!

He's that elephant man!

It should be in a zoo.

Hope you got insurance, pal.

You should both be in a zoo.

Take it outta here!

Yeah, get it outta here.

Nice town, nice people.

Ahh!

Move or die!

Whoa!

Heads up! Heads up!

Stay! Stay!

Sit! Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Oh!

...in the park, multiple
citizen reports of

an elephant running loose...

Gonna have to get your
elephant out of town, sir.

It's not my elephant.

I was defrauded. I want
to lodge a complaint.

Oh, you weasel-faced shyster.

Come on out.

If you don't take charge of that elephant,
you're going to jail.

I've got to make speeches in Modesto,
Tampa, and New Orleans.

I've got an apartment
with a no-pet clause.

I'll slap a lien
on that dwelling

and garnish your fees
for those speeches.

And if you don't
pay me $35,000 in 14 days,

you might as well pitch a
tent in our little courtroom.

You well-dressed worm,
get outta there.

Slide outta there,
will you, please?

Folks in this town used to think

we hated New Yorkers
more than anything.

Now they run a close
second to elephants.

Not now.

It's your mommy. Uh-huh.

Is there any way
I could get back to you?

No, you don't know him.
He's a new friend.

Ahem.

I've gotta go.

I believe your elephant
likes you.

I believe you remind that
elephant of your old man.

Didn't my father leave
any instructions for this?

Ask the well-dressed worm.

Here's the will,
for what it's worth.

What's its name?

Vera.

Oh, my God.

He named it after my mother.

"To Jackie. I know I
haven't been the best father."

Dad, shouldn't this read,
"I've been no father at all"?

"But do me one favor, Son."
Sure.

"Take care of her.

"If stuck,

"call blockhead.

That's a nice touch.

Last words to me,
and you sign off with your initials.

"Call blockhead." What's
that supposed to mean?

Call Vera "blockhead"?
Blockhead.

Don't get huffy, now, that was

Dad's sole piece of advice.

Where would you dump
an elephant? The zoo.

Yes, information?

Can I have the number
of the local...

Hey.

Hey! What...

Oh, he taught you that one,
huh? Very nice little trick.

All right, wise guy,
give it to me.

Mmm...

Mmm-hmm. Uh.

Give it to me.

Okay. All right.

Put it down now. Step on it.

What is your problem?

Great.

Great. Come on. Let's go.

Hey!

Wait up. Wait up there.

I saw your show.

It's not my show.

You're not the clown?

He was my...

Think you could direct
me to the local zoo?

You should've seen that
clown get it to do tricks,

just with all
different whistles.

Whistles?

Stop!

Find a pay phone.

The zoo is a couple
of miles from here.

Really?

I don't have the space here.

My mission is small animals.

Haven't you ever seen
a petting zoo before?

Is that yours? Could you get it off me,
please?

Johnny, shoo.

Get off of me.

Johnny, shoo. Shoo.

Shoo. Shoo.

Shoo, Johnny. Johnny, shoo.

Throw something bigger.

Shoo! Thank you.

Can you recommend a facility
that takes animals of this size?

Three hundred bucks
is what pops into my mind.

Three hundred? That's a little
steep for one night, don't you think?

Compared to what?

Compared to The Ritz.

So, go there.

Wow.

Back roads
all across the country.

What a life.

And that will.

"Call blockhead.

Hello, Mom. I was kidnapped.

I just got off the phone
with Trowbridge Bowers.

How is Mr. Bowers?

He's wondering how you were
going to come up with $35,000.

Sell Vera for dog food.

Is that supposed to be funny?

Mom, Vera is the elephant.

Oh, my God.

How is that supposed
to make me feel?

Mom, in the will
he mentioned somebody

from Kansas City.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
the human blockhead,

Vernon Sawitsky.

The human blockhead?

Be home, Vernon.

Be home.

Hello?

Hello, may I speak
with Vernon, please?

Gone to bed. Can I get a number?

Aw! I'm at area code
410, Klingman 5...

87-56.

Who is this?

Oh, I'm Kirby's son.

Oh, hello!

Hello.

Where am I gonna find
a zoo open at this hour?

The West Coast, perhaps.

Yeah?

Mo, in elephants? Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry, for a second there,
you sounded like a woman.

I just got an elephant all of a sudden,
and everyone...

All the zoos say,
"Talk to Mo in San Diego."

Did Terry put you up to this?

Terry tries to snake up every
elephant that comes my way.

Who's Terry?

Whoa, put that down.
Put it down.

Oh! Down, Vera!

Down!

Down!

My elephant just
picked up a V.W. bug.

I don't have time for this.

You don't? Vera!

She put it down.

My name is Jack Corcoran,
and I just inherited an elephant

from my father the clown,
and I was wondering,

do you happen to know
anybody who needs an elephant?

If you're on the level, Jack,
I happen to need one myself.

Not that it's any
of your beeswax,

but on the 24th of this month I'm
sending a small herd down to Sri Lanka,

for a gene-pool experiment.

Air force is allowing
us to piggyback

on one of their
humanitarian missions.

You got a breeding-age female?

Well, I think she would
have to be. Her name is Vera.

My name's Mo.

If male elephants are anything like
male police horses, she's a female.

Do me a favor. Look at the bottom
of her foot and tell me if it's wrinkled.

How am I supposed to
look at the bottom...

If you don't know
how to do that, sir,

you don't have any business
being with an elephant.

I have no business
being with an elephant.

Oh, wait a second.
Hold on. I know this one.

Vera.

What is your problem?

Heh. Heh, heh.

Good. Okay. At ease. At ease.

It's incredibly smooth.

Excellent! Means she's young
enough to breed. Where are you?

I'm in a junkyard in Maryland.

A junkyard? Get her outta there.

Well, you know what?
The Hilton's all booked up.

I'll tell you what, you bring her here,
I'll give you $30,000 for her.

How about this? You come here and get her,
and you give me $36,000.

I can't go that high.

Well, I can't get her that far.

Bring her by rail.

How am I gonna get an
elephant to take a train?

You don't make an elephant do anything,
sir. You treat it with respect.

You show her that you care,
and she'll wanna take the train.

Excuse me, I just gotta
brush away a tear here.

Dare I ask if you're even
feeding her properly?

Do you know that an elephant needs 200 pounds
of grains, fruits and vegetables a day,

not to mention at least
25 gallons of water.

Mo, I don't eat that well, okay?

Now look, can you
come up with 34,000?

Listen to me. The herd is leaving
on the 24th, with or without her.

I'm probably gonna have to
entertain some other offers.

I'm probably gonna talk to
Roy of Siegfried and Roy.

Hello?

Pleasure chatting, Mo.

Dah!

Be my friend, please.

No, come on back.

Come on back,
Mr. Tough Junkyard.

You want some of me? Stay
outta this. Stay out of this, Vera.

Want some of me?

Ahh!

Wah!

Ah!

Is this Vernon?

Oh, Kirby, I declare.

I'm sure sorry to hear that.

I knew Kirby as well as anyone,
I guess, outside of Vera, of course.

Oh, now don't you spill Grandpa's coffee,
baby boop!

You managed to have
a career and family.

Yeah, it wasn't hard.

So, can you just tell me
how to handle her?

Well, son, I couldn't begin to
show you that over the telephone.

Why don't you come to
see us in Kansas City?

Come see you?

Well, I'll tell you what.
If I'm in Kansas City,

I definitely will come by
and see you.

Say hi to Mrs. Blockhead.

She didn't break your fence.
She leaned on it.

And your dog doesn't
have a scratch on it.

Yeah, but his spirit's broke.

At the age of 32, this one man,
Anthony Robbins,

has helped over a million people

dramatically improve
the quality of their lives.

Recognized by Time...

The guy changed my life. Hmm!

Too bad. There's a sign,
"No shoes, no shirt, no service."

Just deal with it, okay?

All right.

Stop when you get to 25 gallons.

That's one.

How much is your salad bar?

4.95.

I mean, the entire salad bar.

Your lunch crowd
is over anyway, right?

To go, please.

There you go.

There you go.

Touch the lettuce
please, don't touch me.

Don't touch me!

You the guy called
about the elephant?

Elephant?

Ah!

Yeah.

That's great. That is wonderful.

But that is not
what I asked for.

Put your nose down,
and come on up into the car.

Here's Kirby's trunk. Come on,
let's go. On three. One, two, three.

No!

No, God!

No, this is not the right thing.

This is the wrong thing.
We did this already.

No, don't sit down. Please,
don't sit down. Please.

No, don't sit down. Stand
up. You can sit down in the car.

Come on. God.

Well, clip my mane,
and call me baldy.

What is this here?

What does this here look like?

This here is an elephant.

Dead? Not on my train.

She's not dead. She's just
stubborn. She's just impossible.

Oh, get up, dammit.

Get up, Vera! Vera!

Your train? Who are you?

Hurst.

And I haven't approved this.

But I called and
arranged everything.

Oh, you arranged
with the local fellow.

You didn't arrange with the train,
and you didn't arrange with me.

You want me
to take responsibility

for a tipped-over elephant,
all the way to San Diego?

First,

she's not gonna
stay tipped over.

So you say.

Second...

Every state line
has laws and inspections.

Which means at every state line,
my job is on the line.

Now, I get terminated now,
my pension's only 13,500.

I make it to retirement,
and it's 28,000.

Take that, and factor in
all this... Let's see.

Kansas, Colorado,
Nevada, and that's...

2,600!

Now, you got 30 seconds, friend.

We're gonna roll,

with him or without him.

It's a her.

I don't care what it is. It
don't make me no never mind.

But, I've got 600 bucks in cash.

To San Diego?

With an elephant
manifestly uncontrollable?

Why didn't you learn how to manage
her before you took her on the road?

What about Kansas City?

Mmm... Well, I don't know.

All right.

If you two hustle in
there, right now.

Not me. I'm flying.

Oh, no, no.

Unaccompanied elephant would be

twice the risk.

I'll ride with her
in the boxcar.

I thought so.

She seems to like you.

You keep that door near about closed,
Colonel. Charlie!

'Cause anybody sees you two,
you're walkin' the tracks.

I hate you.

I hate you.

This is a funny joke, Dad.

You think this is funny?

Quick, hide.

Hey.

Woo!

We're comin' into St. Louis.

Be in K.C. in the morning.

Here. Ah.

Ah.

Ah, late night snack.

That'll be 10 bucks.

No.

Yeah, well,

I thought you were probably
holdin' back a little cash on me.

Then I began to "D," deliberate.

You what?

I recognized you right away.

You addressed
our union convention.

I never thought of working these little
sidelines till after I heard you talk.

You make me very proud.

I don't know about you,
but I'm gettin' off.

Excuse me, fellas.

Can you tell me where there's
a cesspool I can scrub up in?

Hey, Kirby's boy, step right up.

Oh, my God.

Step right up.

Hello, there.

Hello. How ya doin'?

Oh, how you makin' out, Vera?

My goodness gracious,
it's so good to see ya.

Oh! La la la la!

There you go.

There you go. Good girl. I...

That's the way they are.

That's the way
they greet people,

because that's the way
they greet each other.

They sniff each other out.

Don't worry though,
I just shake hands.

Yeah, I would've
known you for Kirby's boy.

Except Kirby always
prided himself on neatness.

Walter, I'll make Modesto.

You better make Modesto,
I swear to God.

My ass is hanging out there.
You're just gonna spank me in public.

I've got three days.
I'll work it out.

I need the money.

Who doesn't need
the money, Jack?

More than ever.

Don't turn your back on New
Orleans. We need New Orleans!

Jack, this is my wife, Luluna.

Your washables are drying. I
did what I could with your suit.

Why don't you sit?
Here, on the couch.

You won't get
any circus cooties.

He's as particular
as his mother.

You look beat.

Why don't you stay with us
for a couple of days?

I have to get going.

I wouldn't want you to think
all we eat is sandwiches.

Anything you serve up, my love,
goes down with a bang.

And that comes from
a man that ate fire,

swallowed steel and
something else you rarely see.

I stick a spoon up this nostril,
a fork up this one.

Now, my sinuses,
they were just...

Vernon. He doesn't
want to hear shop talk.

He wants to know
about his father.

I just want to know
how to deal with his elephant.

There he is.

It was old,

so I decoupaged it.

If I'd let her,
she'd decoupage me.

There's Dad.

Right below the fat lady
and above the dancing bear.

Your dad didn't have Vera
when he met your mother.

Some town in New York State.

Yeah.

Brockport. She was in college.

You know, she told me a story
that he saved a kid's life.

Well, he was a fireman
in the act.

You know, fire truck,
clowns in and out,

they'd toss
this baby doll around.

Your mother used to travel
with us. Took tickets.

It looked like she was
getting to be one of us.

She had you.

Then she was gone. She and you.

Kirby left us
for several years and

then he came back, with Vera.

Performing is when your dad
let himself go.

Him and Vera were some act.

I mean, he trained her himself.
I don't know how he knew how.

Oh, hello there, sir.
Thank you very much.

Thank you very much, sir.

What? Hey, no!

Don't influence the children.

You wanna see my scrapbook?

No. No, thank you.

There he is.

What's that thing he's holding?

That's a back-scratcher.
She responds to that.

She does? I've got
this thing in the trunk.

Well, you show her that, she'll lead
right along. If you got a feel for her.

Wow, what is that?

That's the trick that
made Vera famous.

She'd push a calliope uphill,
all by herself.

She always led the parade.

Only elephant in the world
could walk on her hind legs.

Look, I really gotta get
going. This has been great.

Ahh!

I forgot that was in there.

Luluna and your dad were engaged
before your mom came along.

Oh, don't worry. You wouldn't
have been born tattooed.

I wasn't thinking that.

She can salute.

She knows how to skip.

Hut.

How about that?

She skips better than I do.

Take a bow.

So, what about the hard stuff,
like "go, stop."

Simplicity itself.

Go.

Stop.

Why, she's a treasure.

Jack, you try.

Here. Yeah. Come on.

All right.

Go.

She's messing with me now. Come on,
let's try it again, and

go.

No.

No, no, no, no. Stop, stop.

No, the other stop.

You just need to get
a feel for each other.

Once you're sure you know what she wants,
she'll do it.

What about the famous trick?
The one that my dad did with her.

She wouldn't do that
for nobody but your dad.

Well, we'll give it a try.

I guess that trick
died with your dad.

What are you gonna do? Work up an act,
take her on the road?

No, I'm gonna free her.

Free her? Oh, mercy.

There's a woman
at the San Diego zoo

taking elephants to Sri Lanka...

Sri Lanka?
Who would she know there?

She'd get to live
in the rain forest.

Rain forest? That's just
another word for jungle.

They're gonna give me $30,000.

I know this outfit in Hollywood,

give you a lot more
than $30,000 for her.

They'd make Vera a star.

I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.

You need to appreciate
your dad's way of life more.

I'm gonna drive you
out there in the vehicle.

Now, Vernon!

Now, don't "now, Vernon" me.

I gotta change my clothes.

Aye, this is the life, ain't it?

We'll stop along the road someplace,
put on a show.

Like your dad always said, "If
you ain't on the road, you're in a rut."

Hey, what about these people out in L.A.?
You think maybe we should call them first?

You gotta deal with
these people face-to-face,

or they'll take us
for rubes, bumpkins,

suckers from the sticks.

I'll do the negotiating.

One time, I traded a blind lion

for a flatbed truck,

ten dancing chickens
and a trampoline.

Now that noise, what was that?

Now, you see, our polar bear got
arrested for breaking and entering.

Wasn't really
a polar bear per se.

What we done was, we took this
regular bear, and we bleached him.

Are we on fire?

Last time you took off,
you got three miles further.

Let's take you back
to the barn, Vernon.

Jack, darling,
I called Polk City.

It's about eight miles ahead.
There's a truck-rental yard there.

Wish we could drive you both.

Thanks for everything, Luluna.

If you could just
give me the name.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't send her to the jungle.

She doesn't get along
with monkeys.

Who does?

Another thing
your dad always said,

"Everywhere you go,
every line of work,

"there're two kinds of people.

"There's the carnies
and the rubes."

Don't be
on the rubes' side, kid.

Don't live the life of a rube.

Wanna go for a walk?

I've got this Wall
Applications gala in three days.

How am I gonna make that?
What's the carny move here?

Now, you better be worth
a lotta money.

That's a $2,000 gig.

I've gotta call Walter and
make excuses. I hate that.

Y'know, you're probably right.

Heck with Walter. He's a rube.

Stay. Stay, Vera.

Don't frighten the straights. Come on,
stay. Stay.

Don't frighten the squares.
Come on, stay. Stay.

Stay. Stay.

I need a truck quick. Stay.

That'll be
two major credit cards.

Stop.

That's to stop. Stop it.

And a trucker's license.

That's the first thing the hijackers
took. That's how these people work.

No license, no truck.

Do you think I'd be going across
Kansas on foot with an elephant?

They took my rig, bro!

All right. Ho! Ho! And I'll take

this.

And I'll need more to go.

Is this a nice one?

No.

Is it a sweet one?

Yeah, no.

How 'bout a pick-up?

That's a little small,
I think, don't you?

Hey, I got one over here
you'd like.

W-Wait, now. Isn't
this the truck here?

That one's got a loose seat.

I've handled loose seats before.

I'll take her.

Come on.

Ahh!

Come on, come on.

Learn to drive,
you son of a bitch.

I can't drive this.

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo, woo-hoo!

Help!

Put it in the granny hole.

Same to you.

Granny hole's
first gear, birdbrain.

Oh.

Thank you.

There ought to be a seat lever
right under your left butt-cheek.

Just don't touch
the magic button.

Okay, thanks. Thanks again.

What's the magic button?

Ah.

Woo!

Woo!

Ahh!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for everything I've ever done.

I'm sorry.

Oh, help me.

Help me!

Oh!

Nice rental!

So,

how long you think
it's gonna take?

Well,

I don't know what you
done to that transmission, but

that truck ain't goin' nowhere
for a couple of weeks.

Now,
you do know how to drive a truck, huh?

Vera, let's go
find ourselves a new rig.

Hey, Mister,

you tipped this one up, too.

Natural Talent? Yes,
may I speak with Terry Bonura, please?

Well, when will Terry be back?

I have to make
a speech in three days.

You heading west?

East.

I have a highly
trained elephant.

I have a number of
attractive offers for her.

I want to give you people
a shot. You heading west?

Uh-huh. This your elephant?

Yes, we are on foot.

Did you just hang up on me?

Can you take some more cargo?

Is he afraid of mice?

Are you hauling mice?

Vera, kill.

Kill.

Mo? Yeah?

Jack Corcoran.

I got a more attractive
offer for my elephant.

Is that right? Who from?

Terry Bonura of Natural Talent.

I knew it, I knew you'd
hook up with Terry.

Oh, that's the Terry
you're always talking about?

Aw, don't kid a kidder, Jack.
Just do the right thing.

And have your elephant at the San
Diego airport, Tuesday the 24th, 8:00 p.m.

This is not just an elephant.
This is a highly trained,

skilled, professional elephant.

Oh, I don't give a shit
if she can play the banjo.

Healthy and fertile's
all I need.

I am having a rough night.

I told you to kill.

Hi, honey. I'm in Kansas.

Would you call Walter
and tell him

that I will not be
able to make Modesto?

I know that. I know that.

I will definitely make the last two dates,
especially New Orleans.

Sure I miss you.

Headed west?

Sweet dreams.

Okay, bye-bye.

Give me Terry Bonura.

You've got her. And who is this?

Terry?

Oh, hold on a sec.

Your thighs, kind of ivory.

Oh.

All right, but make sure you get it
all the way up to the thong mark.

Remember what happened
last time.

Uh-huh.

Sorry about that.

I was...

Expecting a man.

Aw, are you terribly crushed?

I'm Jack Corcoran.

Are you an Aries?

Pisces.

Pisces?

You sound so firm.

I have a... I have a
rather large elephant here.

Well, not every man
can say that.

Ha!

And she's talented,
very trained, and

Mo at the San Diego
zoo says that

she'd like to take
her to Sri Lanka.

Well, that's just because she
can't get anyone else to go with her.

Can you call me back?

Sure. But what kind
of a dollar figure

would we be talking about here?

Mo had offered 30,000.

Well, I can do at least 40,000.

Are you sure
you're not an Aries?

Well, I'm on the cusp.

You're on the cusp,
and you're too modest to admit it.

That's very sweet.
Call me back, okay?

Okay.

Don't forget. See ya.

Okay.

I must be in love.

I just lied about my sign.

How are we gonna
get to California?

All right, I want
you to wait here.

Coffee.

And scrambled eggs.

Bacon, sausage or ham?

Sausage.

You know what you just ordered,
don't you?

The Bob Hope.

Government waste.

Mmm-hmm. School-lunch program.

Kids don't eat that free lunch.

You got some retard come down
and sucking on the government teat.

Come down and scrape it
off the garbage cans.

Then the pig farmers
slop their hogs with it.

Then hit 'em up with every
antibiotic known to man.

'Cause the AMA's
in on this, too.

Oh, yeah. You think they want
me and you healthy? Think again.

Would you help me?

Uh-uh! No, they don't.

They grind that stuff up
and try and call it meat.

Come on,
man. You ever seen a pig's pecker?

Shaped like a doggone corkscrew.

It's like that.
Like a corkscrew.

And that's exactly what
they're tryin' to do to you

every time you eat that pork.

Serious.

Yeah.

Anytime now, that phone right
there's gonna ring-a-ding-ding.

I'm gonna skip on across town,
pick me up a load of bowlin' pins.

Head clear west to Californ-i-a.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey,
my name's Tip. We ain't met yet.

T-I-P, Tip.

Call me that,
'cause you stick with me,

you'll get a few for free,
as you can see.

Yeah.

Yo, sweetie, hit me again,
baby, come on.

You know how long
that damn ground-up pig

will stay in your system
if you eat it?

Uh-uh. I'll be right back.

Twelve to 16 years.

Ha! Yeah!

Aw, come on, now. Hey,
hey, hey! Don't eat that stuff.

Don't do it.

What do you think's in there?

You think it's doggone blueberries,
don't you?

Tiptop Truckin', Tip speakin'.

Yeah, that bowling-pin load,
we're gonna have to cancel that.

Cancel it?

Yeah, termites.

Termites?

Termites. My ass.

Now, I know who's behind this.

Them buddies at the trucking
commission. That's who. Hello?

Hey! Hello?

Ah!

Doh!

Aw, now they broke my phone!

Break my phone, cancel my load!

Goddogit! How's a man
supposed to make it?

Damn,
I don't believe this. I don't believe it.

Now I got to deadhead
clear to California.

Maybe I can help.

And, of course, the rats

are just runnin' hog-wild
around the place.

I mean, the people are practically
chasin' them right into the grinder.

Rats and excreta,
you know, come on.

It's all meat to them. Ooh.

And they got the balls to call
that a hamburger? Come on!

Now you better pull the other one,
Uncle Sam. Right?

So,
is a... Is an elephant a clean animal?

You know, I mean,
they eat out the dirt and all.

She's clean.

She?

Woo-wee!

I mean,
how do they do it? You know?

Make whoopie?

I mean, I just cannot see a
big old flumpy thing like her

laying on her back,
legs in the air

four tons of love
coming on top of her,

and she's laying back
just goin',

"Give it to me. Give it to me."

That's a lot of weight
to roll around!

You know what I'm talkin'
about? You know what I'm sayin'?

Come on, man.
That's somethin' else!

That's got to be a sight to see.

That is pretty hard to
picture in this old mind.

I don't know how they do it.

I heard that. I don't either.

I'll tell you what.

Ah, the Rocky Mountains.

Clean spring water, right?

Right. Come on.

Government don't want
the stuff clean. Uh-uh!

I'm gonna have to go ride in
the back with Vera for a while.

She's lonesome.

Stay up.

We got Jack and Tip in the
cab on the road. You and me, pal.

Tip, do you ever sleep?

Oh yeah, I slept last week.

Top of the divide.

Did dad ever let you
get out and take a look?

...there, young lady!

Tip Tucker. Yeah.

At this rate, we'll be
in L.A. Tomorrow night.

Tip Tucker!

Maybe I'll go out to
dinner with Terry.

Hell, no, I didn't
pick up the bowling pins.

Perhaps she'll have a
little elephant buddy for you.

Oh, is that right?

Is that so?

It doesn't look real.

You don't do that to me.

You don't do that to Tip
Tucker and his Tiptop Trucking!

Get over it, Tip.
I had to do it.

"Get over it," nothing.
You canceled my bowling pins.

Look, a bald eagle.

There ain't no... Hey!

Tip, I had to do it.

Had to do...

Doh! Hey!

Okay, look, I'm from
the playground, man.
City kid. I got game.

Watch out. Look out.
Come on. Come on.

Hoi! Hoi! Wait.

Let's you and me
get in the truck.

We'll drive down 3,000
feet. We'll do this there.

I like it here.

Hey!

Hey!

Oh!

Uh-huh! Whose playground now?

Oh!

The only reason
you're doing this

is 'cause I ain't popular
with people.

Don't make me
feel bad about this.

Get away from me.

You hijacked me.

And that animal right there
tried to kill me.

I'm gonna put the both of youse

behind bars
in the state penitentiary.

Her for attempted murderer,

and you for being
a interstate felon.

What do you think of that?

Doh! Doh!

Damn! Oh!

Nobody does that to Tip Tucker
and gets away with it. You hear me?

Doh!

I will be back, with the law.

With the law!

Well, we'd better
change our course.

Dad's got a southerly
route marked here.

Back roads through New Mexico.

It's either that, or...

You get the chair.

Well, we know where it'll be
if I ever come back this way.

Okay,
I've got some good news and some bad news.

Good news is
it's all downhill from here.

The bad news is
you're gonna carry me.

Okay.

Hold still.

Hey.

All right.

All right.

Okay, honey, where's the stairs?

Well...

That hurt?

All right.

Let's try this one.

What the heck is going on?

Okay, hold it there, babe.
Hold it.

Come on.

Whoa, God.

Oh. Oh!

Baby.

Don't let me go.

Don't let me go.

Okay.

Turn right.

Go.

Whoa!

Okay, not so fast.

Okay. Easy.

Wrong way. Over here.

Wrong way. Get away.

That's cold. Get away.

Get away from there. Help.

Don't do it. Take a drink,
and that's it.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Can you swim? Can you swim?

Oh!

You bully.

You're gonna leave a ring
around this lake.

You know, if you just
stay there, we'll be fine.

Okay, I'll tell
you when to move.

Never mind. No.
That's okay. Go on ahead.

It's not you, it's your truck.

Thank you.

Well, that's what happens.
You know?

When you're hot, you're hot,
when you're not, you're not.

I don't know if you ever heard that one,
but it's a truism.

This could be.

This could be.
Yeah, you're the man.

Come on, big man,
let me hear you downshift.

Yes, hit those brakes. Come on.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Stay there. Stay there.
Don't come out.

You da man. You da man.

You da good Samaritan.
Yes, sir. Yes. All right.

Hey, going all the way to Los Angeles,
how about that?

Santa Monica.

Santa Monica. Outstanding.

Oh, man.

No, what've you done? No.

Oh my gosh, who taught you
how to hitchhike?

Oh, there's two types of
animals in this world.

Ones you can hitch with
and ones you can't hitch with.

Oh, God, get back there.

Get back. Back. Come on.

Freeze.

We need aerial surveillance.

We got to have road blocks, road
blocks east and west and north and south.

We got to have the
bloodhounds sniffing 'em down,

and we better have this shotgun
right here loaded to the max.

You know what I'm talking about? This
ain't no picnic walk. This ain't goin' bad.

I'm telling ya,
you turn your back on the skillet,

the grease is gonna
burn your butt.

Oh, the dumb are lucky,
aren't they?

Oh, God, I'll kill you, yeah!

Well, thank you lot for all the help,
the two of you.

Should have known better than to
expect a damn thing from the authorities.

Get off of my truck!

Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm
gonna go form my own dragnet.

Or better yet,
I might just go it alone. That's right.

Man, oh, man!

To repeat, brown eyes,
gray complexion,

weight approximately
8,000 pounds.

I have no idea where we are.

I wonder what Kirby means by,
"Badlands of New Mexico."

You know, I was
just thinking about

all those poor people
on the interstate.

They're missing all of this.

Good morning.

Sorry, good afternoon.

Why in the hell
aren't you a camel?

I don't want an elephant.
I want a camel.

Thanks, Vera.

I'm sorry about what I said,
about not wanting an elephant.

It's rain!

Vera, it's rain!

It's rain!

It's raining!

It's raining!

It's raining!

It's raining!

It's raining!

It's rain!

My whining days are over!

Oh, no, it's not enough

that we gotta be
completely lost,

but we gotta be
completely drenched, too!

And I gotta be
wearing a wool coat

that makes me smell like
a dog inside an automobile.

Alto!

New Mexico State Police.

How'd you find us?

Through prayer.

Mas rapido!

Please, we must move faster!

The church!
Get over to the church!

Come on, I can't do
it alone. Let's go.

No!

Isn't there anything you can do?

Up here, push up here.

Come on, honey. Push up here.

Vera! Vera!

Senor Corcoran.

Gracias.

This is the plan
for the shrine for Vera.

I prefer Vera to pose for me

for two hours every morning.

You know,
I have to be taking Vera somewhere else.

Senor Corcoran.

Vera is the savior
of our village.

We want her to stay.

Her and you, of course.

I don't know where
I belong anymore, but...

Vera has a calling.

She's the elephant of my father.

I think that he would want me

to see that
she gets into movies.

And you will be
in the movies with her?

With her? Me?

Of course. I mean,
you are a performer, no?

Well...

Do you have a phone
that I might use someplace?

Ha!

Terry Bonura.
"Hollywood, California."

Jack, I've waited
and waited and waited.

I thought you fell off
the face of the Earth.

Well, Vera and I were
perfecting one of our tricks.

Oh! God, I can't wait.

Listen, we're doing
commercials all week,

down at the L.A. Sports arena.

Why don't you come down?

I'm the one with all the wild
animals. You can't miss me.

Sure.

Would you call Mo and tell her we're
definitely doing something together?

I mean, she called
me twice, and...

I don't know how
well you know Mo, but...

Consider it done.

Hello?

Mo. Jack Corcoran. I
tried to let you down easy,

but I understand
you've been harassing Terry.

Oh, yeah? You tell Terry
to come clean out my cages.

You know, just because
she has a bigger budget?

Oh, so that's what
it's all about, huh?

You know, Vera deserves more than
three shows a day, seven days a week.

Buenos dias, senor Jack.

Buenos dias, Padre.

The movies. The movies
will be Vera's shrine.

How may we help?

Well, the movies,

are in downtown L.A.,

which is two state lines
away from here.

And I'm kind of...

Wanted?

Yes.

Oh, are you on
America's Most Wanted?

Not yet.

Some day.

I've been looking at these
maps of my father's, and...

I got the feeling

that state lines
might get kind of fuzzy

around here.

We have many friends here.

How else may we help?

Well, I've noticed that people
have been staring at me.

I think they're saying,
"The guy wears the same clothes every day."

"Doesn't he have anything else?"

Javier!

Thank you. Same to you.

Yeah,
I think you're right. I smell peanuts, too.

Cut!

Hey. I guess I know
who you two are.

Big one must be Vera,
and you must be Jack, right?

Terry.

You're as pretty as you sound.

This is Rosie.
This is Vera and Jack.

Where are your manners?
Say hello.

Hey, you've quite
a way with her.

Ever think about
doing an act yourself?

It's funny you should say that.

First we'll do Vera's deal,
and then we'll talk about your future.

This is Chris.
He'll take care of Vera.

You come with me to the office.

Okay, I'll be right back.

You know, Jack,
I am your only buyer now.

Word is,
Mo's already spent her whole budget.

It's gonna take 50
for me to break even.

That's the truck Vera
and I should have had.

Fifty? It's peanuts to somebody
like yourself. Dig deep.

Fifty it is.

Let's see,
here's the contract. Where's that damn pen?

So, what's this?
An electric back-scratcher?

Back-scratcher? No, honey,
that's an electric goad.

Don't tell me you got her all the way
here from Maryland without a zing or two.

Natural Talent,
Terry Bonura speaking.

Hi.

No, you're supposed to
bring them down to the ranch.

Rosie, get over!

You can have your wife
insured for a million dollars,

but that doesn't mean you
can sell her for that much.

Huh.

The deal was three shows a day,
seven days a week, right?

No, they're coming to us,
remember?

I thought we were
gonna be partners.

All right.

Jack? Vera's okay. Why
don't you sign the papers?

Look, cookie,
I'm trying to make this work.

7:48 San Diego time
with Bob Mankiewicz.

I've got an elephant here for
Sri Lanka. The gene-pool project.

Nothing on the sheet
about another elephant.

You just didn't get the
word. I know it's okay.

The sheet is the word.

We didn't come this far
to get stopped by you.

Turn the vehicle
around, sir, now.

I don't see why not.

The white zone is
for immediate loading

and unloading of
passengers only.

All right, that was a little
bumpy. Sorry. Sorry. Come out.

Let's go. Come on, move,
move, move, move it.

Hey, y'all! San Diego
country time comin' on 7:57.

Would everybody in the building excuse us,
please?

We're trying to make a plane.

Could you just get up
against the wall? Thank you.

Come on, honey.

One more for Sri Lanka, please.

Sir. Sir,
you have introduced a dangerous animal

into a situation
where people can get hurt.

She is not dangerous. She's very large,
but she's jolly.

Well, you'll have to get
the elephant out of here.

She's not just an elephant.
She's a role model.

She saved my life.

She's trying to make a plane to Sri
Lanka that leaves in three minutes.

If she could get on that plane,

she could carve out a
whole new life for herself.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

All right. How do we know you
have a connection with that flight?

How do we know
you're not just a...

Just a guy walking
around with an elephant?

Fair question.

Come on, work with me, will you?

Give us an escort
out to the gate.

Then if I'm lying,
you can shoot me.

You may both shoot me.

Now that's a good deal. That sounds good,
doesn't it?

Jim? It is Jim, isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

Okay, all right, thank you. Good people.
Jack Corcoran. Appreciate it. Thank you.

Don't listen to
that man right there.

Don't listen to him. Him and his
fuzzy friend are homicidal maniacs.

Mamas, grab your babies!
Grab your babies!

Pick 'em up slow, and move back.

You got a nut on your hands
here. Good luck. I'll see ya.

Wait a minute.
I don't have a minute.

They tried to hurt you, sir?

Yeah.

Tried to hurt me,
all right. Yeah.

Acted like my truckin' buddy for a while,
and then he tried to kill me.

Hijacked my rig!

Hijacked?

Yeah. He's gonna try and
do the same thing to your 747.

Watch him, he's a hustler!
He's street-smart.

Yeah, proceed with caution.

Possible suspect down
in... Possible...

What was that?

- What's that?
- What was what?

There's something in that
bag. Be careful. Somebody...

I saw...

I saw that!

Back-up. Bring in back up,
I think.

Don't do it alone.
Bring in some back-up.

He's got something in that bag.

Huh. You wanna, you... You...

We got a possible case 212. 212.

Concourse D. We need
back-up sent right away.

We're gonna need a couple pounds
of bacon and some Polish sausage.

Dear Lord Jesus!

This whole thing is a sting.

So, what if the thing's a federal
sting operation to get to me?

Focus. Focus. Focus.

Sucker! On the highway!
And I tell you what!

If you think it's gonna
be easy to get me,

you got another thing coming!

I got this from
your oily girlfriend.

Are you gonna help or not?

Hi-ya!

Get him, Frank! Get him!

Please, for the
love of God, help.

If an agent goes down,
you're gonna have blood on your hands.

Come on, this isn't funny now.

Go! Go!

Excuse me. Come on. Come on. Step aside,
ladies!

Woo-hoo! We made it. We made it.

One more for first class!

You Mo?

Is this Vera?
Oh, she's beautiful.

You know, Jack,
I spent my whole budget.

Yeah, Terry told me.

I'm curious. With all the decent
animal trainers in this world,

how could you hook
up with Terry?

Terry had
a nice telephone manner.

She gonna be all right
on that thing?

Relax, animal lover,
she'll be fine.

They're very good company for one another,
and they're infinitely patient.

Mo, can I take this one?

Come on, girl. Come on.

Come on.

Well, you go on ahead and
have a lot of little elephants.

You got me to a better place,
and I'm gonna do the same for you.

I'll even pretend that it doesn't
hurt to watch you get on the plane.

Oh, oh, come.

Right now I'm supposed to be
giving the biggest speech of my life.

I'm 50,000 in the hole,

I've stolen a truck,

and all I can think about is
how much I'm gonna miss her.

You know, they say
an elephant never forgets.

But what they don't
tell you is that

you never forget an elephant.

You wanna go to Salads
& Such? I'm vegetarian.

So was Vera.