Original subtitles

Hi, my name is Sharon. This is my daughter.

I'm Shannon.

All right. For the last two months, I've been

trying to get on the Howard Stern show because

I want to get my daughter breast implants

and liposuction. She cries to me every single

day.

I want to be a stripper and I want to show my ass all over New York City.

And for the last two years, I had the worst

two years of my life. My mother died Christmas

Day. And last year, I was putting a quarter

in the meter and the letter R from the bank

fell off on me. And I have a lot of injuries.

I have a big lawsuit coming on. It should

have been an F, though. And I want to do this

for her. I'm trying to get pre-settlement

money. But, you know, she helped me with her little sister and she's the best.

Now, why bring this to Howard? Why have Howard help her get breast implants?

Because he's the best.

He's the best. Show him the video. Look. Look what we bought him.

I got him a trophy because Howard Stern is the king of all media.

Uh-huh.

Because he knows how to do it right.

And I always thought of myself as the woman

version of Howard Stern. I have a great movie

also, Private Parts 2, the woman version. And I kind of look like he's my idol.

Now, Shannon, what are you going to do if you get breast implants and liposuction?

Well, I want to go to Scores and try to work

there and do Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler,

and probably porn.

And probably porn?

Maybe. We'll see.

And you think, like, getting implants will help you do all that?

Yeah. I'm ambitious.

Tell them your story.

Well, actually, I did work with a stripper for a day, but I ran out because I thought

I'd need breast implants and liposuction. And it was a fully new place, too.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

So you're hoping this is going to really kick-start your career?

Yeah. That's what I'm hoping for.

She was also, tell him how big you were as a kid.

Well, also, I used to weigh 210 and my boobs

were like a 36DD. And now I shrunk to a B,

like 32, 34B.

She cries. She cries and cries and cries. She

wants it. And I don't have the money to do it,

not until my lawsuit. And she helped me so much.

So if you were to get implants, how big would you go?

Probably a D or a double D, but I think double D.

You think double D?

Yeah, a full, like, either a full D or a little bit

above a full D, or a double D, or a small double D.

And you think that's what will get you the big money?

Yeah. I know.

All right, guys. Well, good luck and we'll see you in a little bit.

Okay. We love you. We love this show. Even if

we get it or don't, we're still number one fans.

Nick DiPaolo joins us, performing at Gramercy Comedy Club.

It's in the strip club.

What microphone are you on? It's 27 microphones.

It's in a strip club. It's like, you know how Housequartz has a restaurant?

Yeah.

This strip club has a comedy club.

Yeah.

That's great.

They're trying to cover the end of the Julian I think 4060.

Right, right, right.

So that's where they're going.

Oh, so they decided to open a comedy club.

Yeah. It's nice they're using us and taking us seriously.

Really into their comedians.

They actually treat us good.

Yeah.

But they don't care how you draw or anything.

No, it's been a little slow. We've had to play to 11 people and 12 appearances.

I guess guys get in there and they go, I think I'll go see some naked chicks.

Because funny as you might be, it's hard to compete with naked chicks.

I end up rubbing my ass against the pole.

So go see Nick.

That's what he's trying to say. That's why he's having a problem.

Yeah. No, it's a good club.

Why don't you do the act naked?

Maybe that'll help with the strippers.

Oh, jeez. I don't know. It'll be a short act.

Folks, no.

I want to really do an in-depth interview with a mother

who brings her daughter down here for breast implants.

Yes. I would imagine so.

But they are kind of like, well, we have to get on today.

They're busy.

I can only do two seconds because you know what?

I don't want the show to go past 10 o'clock, and it does every day.

What do they have to do tomorrow?

I don't know. They're busy.

Mom has to take off from work.

I guess she's doing Letterman tomorrow.

I think she's having her four-year-old son's penis enlarged.

Are they hot?

I don't know anything about it.

I'm not going to move.

This is Shannon and Sharon.

Shannon and Sharon.

Hi, girls.

Mom and daughter.

Hi.

Shannon and Sharon.

Girls, don't get too comfy. I got five minutes for you.

Yeah, you don't have time to sit.

I can't hear you, baby.

You're yelling, but I can't hear you.

Sit down.

You're shot out of a cannon.

Hi, Howard.

Who's Shannon?

I'm Shannon.

You're Shannon, the daughter.

Yeah.

You got big boobs. What's your problem?

No, you don't understand.

They look nice now because they're in a bra.

Right.

But after, I mean, if you want to look at these pictures.

Hello.

Where's Robin?

Oh, hi, Robin.

Hi, Robin.

If you look, I was 210 before.

210?

210 pounds, baby.

Look right here.

I don't know if I want to look at that.

Let me see those, Casey.

Hold on.

Yeah, she's not kidding.

That's 210.

210.

Look through all the pictures.

Why am I looking at pictures?

I got you here.

I don't have to look at pictures.

That's from when I was before.

And she was a punk.

I was everything.

She has tattoos.

What kind of mom are you, you get your daughter?

What do you want your daughter to be, a stripper?

Howard, can I tell you something?

Talk to me.

She cries to me.

I want it.

You have kids.

It took me 18 years to raise her like this.

If my kids screamed, I want breast implants.

I want breast implants.

I say, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not getting breast implants.

Why get your daughter, you want your daughter what?

To be hot so she could strip?

Listen, she wants to retire me.

These have not been my two favorite years.

I already stripped, by the way.

Last year, I was hit by a sign.

Hit by a sign?

Hit by a sign.

I was putting a quarter in the meter, and the sign

hit my head, and this, and this is what she wants.

She helped me raise a little girl.

I had a real sign.

I have a lot of injuries in me and everything.

And I have a big lawsuit pending, and I want

to get them before this is what she wants.

I'm young.

I got my whole life ahead of me.

She's young.

Her boobs.

How old are you, baby?

Her boobs are flated.

I'm going to be 19 in August.

19, and your mom wants to get your boobs so you can strip in a strip club.

Yeah.

Unbelievable.

Mom, what about you?

Were you ever a stripper back in the day?

I did some.

What did you do?

Tell me everything you did.

Go ahead.

Confess your sin.

Is that all you got?

I got it on my sheet.

You confess your sin.

What does she got to say?

What did you do?

It said health club assistant wanted, right?

Right.

I wound up to be a whorehouse.

And I knew I was always the best.

Thank you.

So you worked in a whorehouse?

A little bit.

A little bit?

I was the best.

I always knew I was good.

You were good.

So your mom was a whore.

Did you know that?

No.

That's disgusting.

That was years ago.

I'm old already.

How many moms do you think you know?

This is the next generation.

I'm poor.

How many moms do you think can get you breast implants?

She's got to have had some shady background.

Yeah, she's out there.

I'm not going to lie.

They're kidding me.

Hey, Howard.

Howard.

You're my nightmare.

So there we go.

I'm just kidding.

No, I'm just kidding with you.

You're a nice lady.

Yeah, go ahead.

Hey, Howard, this broad wants the implants

so bad, she said she'll go outside and walk

naked through the street.

After, no, after I get them, I swear to God, I'll walk around New York City naked.

Let me see your boobs now.

Let me see what they look like.

Nick, take a look at these.

Turn your head, Mom.

Oh, Mom can't see them.

Let me see these things.

Those are fine.

No, they're not.

Nick, what's wrong with those?

They're fine.

Well, they're all right if you're on the cover of National Geographic.

That's terrible, Nick.

She's real.

You like zany things.

She's real loud.

No, she doesn't want to hear me.

You should work for those breast implants like

your mom did, and you would appreciate them,

I think.

Your mom sounds wild because I'm looking at these notes some more.

You know, she's got a 10-year-old daughter.

You know where the daughter came from?

Where?

Some guy she met on the party lunch.

Oh, get out.

I went to Long Island to meet a nice rich guy in Long Island, right?

Right, right, right.

A nice Jewish rich guy.

Right.

Right?

I didn't know.

I met rich.

He was rich.

The mother's rich.

He's a Sunday father.

You should date the 49ers, the whole football team.

I'm telling you.

How many kids does she have?

No, that's it.

Just me and my sister.

Oh, thank goodness.

I raised my sister.

Hey, Mom, would I be out of line asking you

how many guys you slept with in your whole

life, would you say?

50, more or less?

More or less.

Whatever.

Right.

Hey, she had a job.

You worked at a whorehouse.

She's got to be more.

That was a long time ago.

Let me tell you something.

I'm not going to lie.

He said, you met Dr. Calabro in a bar.

He was retired.

You got him out of retirement.

Nobody ditches Howard Stern.

Dr. Calabro never bad mouths anyone, but this

other doctor, I don't know what he's saying.

Go ahead.

Hey, Howard, is she looking to get into Playboy?

Is that the deal?

Yeah.

Playboy and stripping.

First of all, listen, you're too heavy still to be in Playboy.

You know that.

You got a pretty face, but you got to lose a couple pounds.

How much do you weigh?

One slypo suction.

Like 135, 140.

Shannon, Shannon, you told the pre-interview.

You're looking to do porn, right?

Yeah, that too.

Really?

You want your daughter doing porn?

How is she's going to do it anyway?

Behind my back or in front of my back?

The mom's got to hold the camera.

Yeah, mom wants to be a director.

Oh, man.

I want to be a singer in a rock and roll band.

That Brooklyn Jewish name.

I feel very funny feeding into this.

I mean, you should be saying to your daughter not to do porn.

Porn.

She's 18.

It took me a long time to grow all this age.

I like stripping and, you know, playboy.

She walks around the house with her thong and this all the time.

Really?

I love being naked with my mom.

And I had two really bad years.

I lost my mother on Christmas Day.

On her birthday.

Do you guys have a...

Would you guys tongue kiss for breast implants?

No.

You won't tongue kiss each other?

No.

Nothing.

I just want to see where you guys are at.

She could do that without me.

Did she say I bad-mouthed you?

No, not at all.

No, she, she...

Another doctor.

I just know these two came in to see you, and you felt like they might be a problem.

I thought that they might be.

Way to get that idea, Doc.

I thought that they were very litigious.

Right.

They talked about a few lawsuits that were pending.

Yeah, they got...

No, that's my little...

And then the mother seemed to want it more than the daughter, and...

Right.

It was just a little out of...

Mom, you're a little more motivated than your daughter is.

I'm motivated.

I just don't get to talk.

Well, I don't know.

Dr. Calabro's a smart guy.

I'm not.

She needs a tummy tuck.

She needs thigh lifts, breast lifts.

Sit down.

No one can hear you when you're not on mic.

Well, Dr. Calabro is saying she needs more than a breast implant.

Doesn't she need to work out?

A doctor could start his career on her.

You could take some of this from here and maybe move it up.

Yeah, move it into the breasts.

Suction up some of that belly and put it into the boobies.

She cries, Howard.

She cries.

The girl is a pretty girl.

She's got a pretty face.

Yeah, and I can't afford to do it.

What are you eating, honey?

You must be eating out of control.

No, I'm...

You know what it was?

Diet pills.

And then after the diet pills, I stopped taking them.

What do you need pills for?

Just stop eating all that food.

Eat a little bit.

Yeah, but I eat salad every single day.

Salad, fruits, and vegetables.

What kind of dressing you got on there?

Fat-free dressing with no dressing at all.

Chocolate salad?

What do you eat?

Yeah, what constitutes a salad?

You've got to be eating a big breakfast, then.

No, egg whites and toast.

How much toast?

Like a loaf?

No, she watches everything she eats.

Two-for-one bread, 80 calories.

It's in the family, Howard.

Egg whites you have and toast.

And toast.

And an orange.

Do you exercise?

Do you ever move around a little bit?

Sometimes.

I used to do more than I do now.

You need to do that.

You got to...

You should stop breathing.

Air has calories.

And then dinner, you must eat a lot of snacks.

In between or something.

This is impossible.

I don't eat.

You got to weigh 150 at least.

No.

Nick, what do you...

I mean, she's got to be...

Well, you know, the mother's not having a meal on the table at 5 o'clock.

She's got to kind of scan somebody.

I don't cook.

I make reservations.

I cook.

I cook my whole life for myself.

I think potato chips or something is going on there.

She doesn't.

Watch yourself.

It's in the genes.

She has morbid obesity.

If liposuction on somebody like that, those fat cells could come back.

That's a rare example.

No, no.

You got to...

I tell you what.

I want you to go home.

I want you to go over to Bally's.

They got the rapid fitness program over there.

That's what you need, the fitness challenge.

I want you to go talk to a nutritionist over at Bally's.

I'm going to hook you up.

You go over there.

You lose 50 pounds.

Then we'll talk about some boobies.

Okay.

You hear what I'm saying?

Hey, Howard.

Yeah.

Let's throw her on the scale.

I bet she weighs like 190.

Easily.

Yeah, I bet 190.

Get on that scale.

I guarantee you.

You don't weigh no 135.

145.

145?

Yeah, I say a little under 150.

I say 160.

Let me see what she weighs.

Stand on there.

Chick's eating too much.

She was a little bit thin at this time.

Well, how tall is she?

She's looking good.

She's got a pretty face.

Let me see.

142.

All right.

Not bad, right?

All right, Beth.

I mean, it's like you...

Lose another 20.

I tried.

That's like in the summer.

That's what I did.

Bye-bye, girls.

Take it easy.

That's a wild team right there.

I guess we'll see them again.

Yeah, you'll see them on Springer next week.

Sharon and Shannon.

If she lost some weight, she could strip.

She's beautiful.

Jesus Christ.

When the plastic surgeon's turning down business, you know there's a problem.

There's a sure sign you should run to the psychiatrist's office.

When Collabro goes, no, I don't think boob implants are for you.

The red flag went up.

The red flag.

Can you imagine?

What's it like to be the person that walks into a

plastic surgeon's office and the red flag goes up?

That's a major problem.

She'd take the money and instead of getting

implants, you know, fix the mother's teeth.

Now you want to get real about this whole thing.

Well, I had to wait until she left.

She'd have her husband whack me or whoever she's dating.

Whatever clients.

You mean all kind of people in this business?

She was cuckoo.

Funny cuckoo.

It's sad though that the daughter...

That's her life.

I know.

You know what I mean?

I've seen that on TV.

I've never seen it up close.

That's sick.

So Shannon, so you're not walking out of here with implants.

How do you feel?

It's alright.

Now I just got to go see my boyfriend in jail.

What do you mean?

Topa Club visits.

MDC.

Oh, really?

So, Howard said that, you know, if you lost a lot of weight,

that you'd probably have a better chance of being a stripper.

So what do you think?

I'm going to try.

You're going to try?

Yeah, I'm going to try.

And then you'll come back and show Howard?

Yeah.

Alright.

And mom, what do you think?

You think, you know...

Listen, we came here to all perform.

We tried and we'll try.

When I get my lawsuit money, I'll get them for her.

That's all.

She'll still get them one way or another.

She'll lose some weight.

I'm still going to get them for her.

Alright, so Shannon, you're going to try to lose

some weight and then come back and show Howard?

Yeah, sure.

Alright, so maybe we'll check you out on your weight loss progress.

Okay.

Alright, thanks Matt.

Hi, my name is Sharon. This is my daughter.

I'm Shannon.

All right, for the last two months,

I've been trying to get on the Howard Stern Show

because I want to get my daughter

breast implanted liposuction.

She cries to me every single day.

I want to be a stripper,

and I want to show my ass all over New York City.

And for the last two years,

I had the worst two years of my life.

My mother died Christmas Day,

and last year I was putting a quarter in the meter,

and the letter R from the bank fell off on me.

And I have a lot of injuries.

I have a big lawsuit coming on.

It should have been an F, though.

And I want to do this for her.

I'm trying to get pre-settlement money,

but, you know, she helped me with her little sister,

and she's the best.

Now, why bring this to Howard?

Why have Howard help her get breast implants?

Because he's the best.

Show him the video. Look.

Look what we bought him.

The trophy, because Howard Stern's the king of all media.

Because he knows how to do it right.

And I always thought of myself

as the woman version of Howard Stern.

I have a great movie also,

Private Parts 2, the woman version.

And I kind of look like he's my idol.

Now, Shannon, what are you going to do

if you get breast implants in life, though?

Well, I want to go to Scores and try to work there

and do Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler,

and probably porn.

And probably porn?

Maybe. We'll see.

And you think, like, getting implants

will help you do all that?

Yeah.

Tell them your story.

Well, actually, I did work as a stripper for a day,

but I ran out because I thought I needed

breast implants in life.

And it was a fully new place, too.

Oh, yeah.

So you're hoping this is going to really kickstart your career?

Yeah. That's what I'm hoping for.

She was also...

Tell him how big you were as a kid.

Well, also, I used to weigh 210,

and my boobs were like a 36DD.

And now I shrunk to a B, like a 3234B.

She cries. She cries and cries and cries.

She wants it, and I don't have the money to do it,

not until my lawsuit.

And she helped me so much.

So if you were to get implants, how big would you go?

Probably a D or a double D, but I think double D.

You think double D?

Yeah, a full, like, either a full D

or a little bit above a full D,

or a double D, or a small double D.

And you think that's what will get you the big one?

Yeah, I know.

All right, guys.

Well, good luck, and we'll see you in a little bit.

Okay. We love you.

We love this show.

They actually treat us good.

Yeah.

I know.

But they don't care how you draw or anything.

They don't care.

No, it's been a little slow.

You know, we've had to play to 11 people

and 12 appearances.

I guess guys get in there and they go,

I think I'll go see some naked chicks.

Because funny as you might be.

Well, exactly.

I mean, come on.

It's hard to compete with naked chicks.

I end up rubbing my ass against the microphone,

the pole, you know, trying to.

So go see Nick.

That's what he's trying to say.

That's why he's having a problem.

Yeah, no, it's a good club.

Why don't you do the act naked?

Maybe that'll help with the strippers.

I don't know.

I'll be a short act.

Folks, you know.

I want to really do an in-depth interview

with a mother who brings her daughter down here

for breast implants.

I would imagine so.

But they are kind of like,

well, we have to get on today.

So I'll do two seconds.

I can only do two seconds.

Cause you know what?

I don't want the show to go past 10 o'clock

and it does every day.

What do they have to do tomorrow?

I don't know.

They're busy.

The mom has to take off from work.

I guess she's doing Letterman tomorrow.

I think she's having her four year old son's

penis enlarged.

Are they hot?

I don't know anything about it.

I'm having a mood.

I think the daughter's pretty hot.

Is she?

This is Shannon and Sharon.

Shannon and Sharon.

Hi girls.

Mom and daughter.

Hi.

Shannon and Sharon.

Girls, don't get too comfy.

I got five minutes for you.

Yeah, you don't have time to sit.

I can't hear you, baby.

You're yelling, but I can't hear you.

Sit down.

You're shot out of a cannon.

Hi Howard.

Who's Shannon?

We love you.

I'm Shannon.

I'm your daughter.

You got big boobs.

What's your problem?

No, you don't understand.

They look nice now because they're in a bra.

Right.

But after, I mean, if you want to look at these pictures.

Hello.

Where's Robin?

Oh, hi Robin.

Hi there.

If you look, I was 210 before.

210?

210 pounds, baby.

Look right here.

I don't know if I want to look at that.

Let me see those, Casey.

Hold on.

Yeah, she's not kidding.

That's 210.

210.

Look through all the pictures.

Why am I looking at pictures?

I got you here.

I don't have to look at pictures.

That's from when I was before.

And she was a punk.

I was everything.

She has tattoos.

What kind of mom are you, you get your daughter?

What do you, you want your daughter to be a stripper?

Howard, can I tell you something?

She cries to me.

I want it, I want it, I want it.

You have kids.

It took me 18 years to raise her like this.

If my kids screamed, I want breast implants,

I want breast implants, I'd say, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not getting the breast implants.

Why get your, you want your daughter what?

To be hot so she could strip?

Listen, she wants to retire me.

These have not been my two favorite years.

You're ready?

Last year I was hit by a sign.

Hit by a sign?

I was putting a quarter in the meter

and the sign hit my head and this,

and this is what she wants.

She helped me raise a little girl.

I had a real sign.

I have a lot of injuries in me and everything.

And I have a big lawsuit pending

and I want to get them before, this is what she wants.

I'm young, I got my whole life ahead of me.

She's young.

Her boobs.

How old are you, baby?

Her boobs are flated.

I'm going to be 19 in August.

19 and your mom wants to get your boobs

so you can strip in a strip club.

Yeah.

Unbelievable.

Mom, what about you?

Were you ever a stripper back in the day?

I did some.

What did you do?

Tell me everything you did.

Go ahead, confess your sin.

I got it on my sheet.

You confess your sin.

I know you got it on your sheet.

What does she got to say?

This woman's done it all.

What did you do?

Can I tell you, first of all, I have a story.

I could, I always thought of myself

as the woman version of Howard Stern.

I love you.

Private parts too.

We look alike, that's true.

I wear my hair curly too.

I love you.

So you were a stripper.

What else did you do?

Tell your daughter.

Does she know everything?

Kind of.

Go ahead, tell her.

Actually, when I was married, all right,

I was really bored with my work

and I decided to change jobs, all right?

So I looked in the Village Voice

and it said health club assistant wanted, right?

I wound up to be a whore house.

And I knew I was always the best.

You make me sick.

Thank you.

So you worked in a whore house?

A little bit.

I was the best.

You were good.

So your mom was a whore.

Did you know that?

No, she's, that's disgusting.

Hey, that was years ago.

I'm older now.

How many moms do you think-

This is the next generation.

How many moms do you think can get your breast implants?

She's got to have had some shady background.

She's out there.

Oh, I have a big private parts too, the woman version.

Oh, I bet.

I have great stories.

You got big private parts, I believe it.

Go ahead, what is it, Yara?

I was looking at the notes.

The daughter was saying that her mom was so drunk

when she was growing up that she basically

raised her little sister.

Oh yeah, I did.

Oh really, is that true?

Your mom was an alcoholic?

Yeah.

No.