All language subtitles for TrumpPushesGreenlandTakeoverMocksGreenlandsDefenseasTwoDogSledsTheTonightShowTemiLz78Ey8webm

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish Download
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,040 Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This 2 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:07,580 is it. You're here. You made it. I'm very excited 3 00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:10,439 about this Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Oh, my guest 4 00:00:10,439 --> 00:00:16,199 tonight! If they're here, that means right now, the only 5 00:00:16,199 --> 00:00:20,260 person guarding Boston is Mark Wahlberg. So, Matt and Ben 6 00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:23,660 have been friends for over 40 years. These guys are 7 00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:26,339 close. I mean, not heated, rivalry close, but very close. 8 00:00:27,039 --> 00:00:29,600 They go together, like, losing weight on an ozombic and 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:33,460 denying your ozombic. You know what I'm saying? They go 10 00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:37,200 together, like, chat GBT and bad medical advice. They go 11 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,560 together, like, President Trump and invading a country with no 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,799 plan. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, Trump is still 13 00:00:43,799 --> 00:00:46,079 talking about taking you over Greenland, and he said that 14 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,979 if we invaded, their only defense would be two dog 15 00:00:48,979 --> 00:00:53,119 sleds. Christy Nome was like, I can take care of 16 00:00:53,119 --> 00:01:01,020 those. It's interesting, because dogs led drivers and Trump's brain 17 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:06,120 doctor both say the same thing, mush, mush. Hey, guys, 18 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,500 it's officially award season. We just had the Golden Globes, 19 00:01:09,579 --> 00:01:12,680 and voting for the Oscars is now underway. And one 20 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,540 of my big favorites is a movie out there about 21 00:01:14,540 --> 00:01:22,359 Shakespeare called Hamlet. Oh! Oh! Well, the movie is actually 22 00:01:22,359 --> 00:01:29,480 called HamNet. What's that trick? It's not Hamlet. It's HamNet 23 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:40,739 with an N. Oh, cool. Thanks, Drake. I am such 24 00:01:40,739 --> 00:01:46,359 a fool. I got the title wrong. I am so 25 00:01:46,359 --> 00:01:50,920 ashamed. So I shall sing my song. Oh, the pain 26 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:57,019 in embarrassment. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. You good? Yeah, what? 27 00:01:57,359 --> 00:02:00,180 Look, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, but a lot 28 00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:03,540 of people get that wrong. No, no, it's fine. I 29 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,540 saw a bunch of movies this year. So I saw 30 00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:12,280 Frankenstein. That was good. I mean, Frankenstein, right? Yeah. Frankenstein 31 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:19,180 is a scary monster. Oh! Well, see, Frankenstein is the 32 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:28,599 doctor's name. Not the monster. Right, right. My bad. I 33 00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:34,759 am such a fool. I messed up yet again. I 34 00:02:34,759 --> 00:02:40,400 am so disgraced. When will this torture end? Oh, the 35 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:44,219 blinding humiliation in the span. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. 36 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,340 Relax, man. Sorry, I just... I cover pop culture news. 37 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,639 I should know these things. It's okay. We all make 38 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,879 mistakes. Let me cheer you up. But let's hang out 39 00:02:54,879 --> 00:02:57,560 later and watch one battle after another. It's streaming on 40 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:02,280 Max. Oh. Trick, it's not called Max anymore. It's back 41 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:09,419 to HBO Max. Right. Of course. I knew that. Oh, 42 00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:16,419 God, I didn't know that. It's back to HBO. Well, 43 00:03:16,719 --> 00:03:20,979 Jimmy, he is best at me. Right here on the 44 00:03:20,979 --> 00:03:26,819 show. All the suffering in sorrow. Who gets the upper 45 00:03:26,819 --> 00:03:33,240 hand. And who will win best picture. Just like La 46 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:43,039 La La. Oh, God. Guys, guys, hold on. La La 47 00:03:43,039 --> 00:03:46,479 Land didn't win. It was moonlight. Goddamn it, come on. 48 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,419 You say one more thing. You better just dip it 49 00:03:48,419 --> 00:03:56,060 over there. Who knows everything? Well, speaking of movies, the 50 00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,960 CEO of Chuck E. Cheese said that he wants to 51 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:04,800 make a film about the franchise. It'll be a horror 52 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,699 movie when someone brings a black light into a Chuck 53 00:04:06,699 --> 00:04:10,560 E. Cheese. Well, get this. I saw that Netflix is 54 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,419 adding 34 new video podcasts to its app. Yeah. You'll 55 00:04:14,419 --> 00:04:16,839 be able to watch podcasts on Netflix. They even released 56 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,759 a promo. Check this out. People love listening to podcasts. 57 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,879 And they love watching Netflix. And now they can do 58 00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:26,459 both by watching podcasts on Netflix. But we're not stopping 59 00:04:26,459 --> 00:04:29,300 there. We're also releasing all of our video podcasts as 60 00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:32,879 audio -only podcasts. Then we're releasing those audio -only podcasts 61 00:04:32,879 --> 00:04:35,600 as videos, which we will then record audio of and 62 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,000 release as video -less audio. Then we'll take a video 63 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,160 of someone listening to that audio and release it as 64 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,819 the surprise night episode of Stranger Things. So turn on 65 00:04:42,819 --> 00:04:45,399 Netflix and check out our video -less audio videos with 66 00:04:45,399 --> 00:04:49,339 all their no audio video. Only on Hulu. Now, it's 67 00:04:49,339 --> 00:04:53,500 confusing. Now. Finally, I heard about a man who just 68 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,199 had a new world record for driving the fastest motorized 69 00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:59,939 trash can. Elon Musk was like, it's called a cyber 70 00:04:59,939 --> 00:05:02,339 truck. We have a great show. Give it up for 71 00:05:02,339 --> 00:05:05,939 the rules, everybody. Where my stuff to see if I 72 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,300 can feel. Then I began to try to see if 73 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,420 it was real. Lots of it all seemed revealed to 74 00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:12,620 me. That's what's concealed. It told me that I probably 75 00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:15,500 should. Oh, no. Thank you, Drew. What a show we 76 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,540 have for you tonight. They are Oscar winners and two 77 00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:20,019 of the biggest movie stars in the world. Their new 78 00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:24,100 film The Rip premieres Friday on Netflix. Ben Affleck and 79 00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:31,660 Matt Damon are here. Tonight. Yes. Big bat. She stars 80 00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:35,000 in the Hulu series. Tell me lies new episode stream 81 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:40,839 Tuesdays. Grace Van Patten is joining us. And we got 82 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:50,379 great music from Madison Beer. Really good. Guys, what are 83 00:05:50,379 --> 00:05:52,959 my favorite things about the NBA season? Is getting to 84 00:05:52,959 --> 00:05:55,759 see all the players tunnel fits? You know, I'm talking 85 00:05:55,759 --> 00:05:57,779 about the cool outfits that they wear when they arrive 86 00:05:57,779 --> 00:05:59,699 in the arena and walk to their locker room. So 87 00:05:59,699 --> 00:06:01,079 I'll show you what I mean. It's time for tonight's 88 00:06:01,079 --> 00:06:04,439 show's tunnel fits, here we go. Check out my tunnel 89 00:06:04,439 --> 00:06:11,319 fits. My tunnel fits. My tunnel fits. Here's how it 90 00:06:11,319 --> 00:06:13,899 works. I'm going to show you three photos of NBA 91 00:06:13,899 --> 00:06:16,680 players in their best tunnel fits. And then we're going 92 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,620 to vote on which one you want to see me 93 00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:23,240 rock. Okay, you all have clickers at your seats? Okay, 94 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,720 good, very good. Higgins, Roots, you have clickers, too? All 95 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,980 right, we're going to eventually vote on which one you 96 00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:30,259 want to see it. Let's just look at them all 97 00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:35,000 first. The first one is the Grizzly's Jaron Jackson, Jr. 98 00:06:35,899 --> 00:06:40,079 Here you go. It's like a nice... Someone's like he 99 00:06:40,079 --> 00:06:43,480 has like another set of hands. Double glove. Sown into 100 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,339 his pockets, sir. So, yeah, that's, yeah. So that's JJJ 101 00:06:47,339 --> 00:06:50,339 right there. All right, this next one is from James 102 00:06:50,339 --> 00:06:54,180 Harden. The Clippers James Harden. Let's see if we can... 103 00:06:55,539 --> 00:06:59,879 Looks like a Yo Gaba -Gabba character. That's our second 104 00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:02,759 one. And then here's our third one here is Russell 105 00:07:02,759 --> 00:07:07,759 Westbrook. We love Russell. Here this is... Ooh, kind of 106 00:07:07,759 --> 00:07:10,079 a brimmed hat with a skirt. Kind of a zero 107 00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:13,160 type of thing. That's pirata. Yeah. All right, that's it. 108 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,120 That's our three looks. Okay, now it's time to vote 109 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,519 on which tunnel fit... Do you want to see me 110 00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:22,819 wear and which one could I... Is it A? Is 111 00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:27,819 it B? Gaba. Where's it C? All right. Grab your 112 00:07:27,819 --> 00:07:29,959 clickers and let's vote. I think it's going to be... 113 00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:31,980 I know what you're going to want. Yeah. I think 114 00:07:31,980 --> 00:07:33,860 we have to. Yeah, we have to. I think there's 115 00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,439 no question. You got it, yeah. It might be a 116 00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:40,060 unanimous decision. All right, the votes are... Let's see the 117 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:46,660 results right here. Oh, yeah, that's what it is. What's 118 00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:50,819 B? Who doesn't think it? All right, let's try and 119 00:07:50,819 --> 00:07:55,240 see if I can do it. Yeah, sure. Thank you. 120 00:08:15,899 --> 00:08:17,980 All right, that's all it's time. We have a tunnel 121 00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:21,000 fit. Stick around. We're doing something fun. It's time to 122 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,980 reflect. And that day, I'm going to come back in 123 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:23,519 a minute, too. 10698

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.