All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S04E13.1080p.Bluray.x265-HiQVE_movieddl.me

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Hey, L'Eggo my Eggo.

Hey, L'Eggo my foot in your ass.

Oh, good morning.

Oh, here, honey. I brought you
something back from the hospital.

A lollipop.

Mom, I'm 17 years old.

Which is why I also
brought you condoms.

Now, see, we had a teenage mom
come in, and it's just,

well, you know,
I worry about you.

That I'll get pregnant?
You're not a good nurse.

Now, don't be a porky mouth.
Oh. Here.

Sexual health pamphlets.

I just want you to know that
intercourse is a responsibility,

not just a right.

Okay, well, this couldn't be
more uncomfortable.

Oh. Oh.

- Don't forget your condoms.
- I was wrong.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Hey, man, Red's been
spot-checking my room again.

I can't believe
he still doesn't trust me.

You know,
that really hurts, man.

I'm gonna need you
to hide my stash.

Sure. I'll put it in my dresser
under my Hong Kong Phooey socks.

He can protect anything because
he's faster than the human eye.

You guys, the funniest thing
just happened to Jackie.

Michael, the most horrible
thing just happened to me.

My father found out we're back
together, and if we don't break up,

he'll never give me
any money ever again.

Wait. If you break up
with Kelso, you'll be rich?

Talk about your win-win.

Hold on. He didn't know
we were dating?

Here comes the best part.

I mean the worst part.

My dad thinks
you're a bad influence on me,

so I kept our love a secret.

And now, I have to decide
between you and money.

Gosh, it's like
Sophie's Choice for morons.

Hey, let's take a poll.

Who thinks Sophie
should keep Kelso?

- The money?
- Ooh.

You guys, this isn't a joke.

But it's funny like a joke.

How do I choose between something
that makes my whole life complete

and you?

Well, I don't know, baby,
but I love you.

Oh, Michael, I love you, too.

Okay, I choose love.
I choose love.

- Aw!
- Yeah, aw! Okay.

Now, get a job
because I need a ton of money.

Guys, I would like you to meet

Point Place's new foreign
exchange student, Thomas.

- Hi.
- Hi, what's up?

Hello, pretty lady
with eyes like the sea.

No. Which sea?

Okay, easy there, Casa-New-Guy.

I'm showing Thomas the ropes.

- Hello.
- What, are you crazy?

That's Nicole Mayzell.
She's way out of our league.

Oh, then we must be
in different leagues

because I just had sex
with her last night.

New foreign guy, uno.
Old foreign guy, nada.

This is outrageous.
The closest I have come to sex

was when the football team
pinned me down in the shower

and made me kiss my own ass.

Hey, um, if you think
that's close to sex,

then you're gonna be delighted
with actual sex.

Yeah, Thomas, you should stay
away from the football team for a while.

We wouldn't want a cutie
like you to get hurt.

Oh, the football team loves me.

I'm the new placekicker.

What?

Oh, the room is spinning.
How did you do all this?

I have delightful accent.

So do I.

Yes, but a nerd with an accent
is still a nerd.

Now, good day, sir.

I say, "good day."

- Now, good day.
- Good day.

Good day.

- I said, good day.
- I said, good day.

He stole that from me.

- But, Fez...
- I said, from me.

Oh, I'm out.

Out? I am home one night
this week, and you're out?

Hey, don't look at me.

You had a whole bag of them,
and you wasted them on Eric.

He's probably down there
making balloon animals.

Well,

I guess we'll just sleep.

Well, couldn't we just, um,

you know, I mean, really,
what are the chances?

We could have
a change-of-life baby.

Oh, crap.

I'll be right back.

It's late. We'll talk
about this tomorrow.

Oh, my God, my sock drawer.

I'm dead. He found your stash.
Do you know what this means?

Yeah. I get your room, and
you get sent to military school.

Eric caught me
stealing his things.

That's not funny.

I'm a grown man.

I don't go rummaging around
in teenage boys' drawers,

looking for things.

- Condoms.
- That word is forbidden.

Okay. Good night.

- Condoms.
- Quit it.

I don't know. I've just always
been good-looking.

Look at that foreign bastard.

Cracking up the whores.

Checking the score.

Old foreign guy, nada.
New foreign guy, dos.

Hey, if I pretend to say
something funny, will you laugh?

No.

That Thomas is shady.

And have you noticed he never
says what country he's from?

What country are you from?

What country are you from?

America.

Fine. Mystery solved.

Psst!

Mom, is Dad around?

No, I think he's upstairs.

Hot, hot, hot, hot!

Love you, Mom. Thanks for
breakfast. See you tonight. Bye.

Psst.

Kitty, Eric around?

- No, he just left.
- Perfect.

Red,

this is just silly.

You can't avoid Eric forever.

- I know that.
- Well, good.

I just have to avoid him
till he goes to college.

- What's that, like a year?
- I can do that.

Hey.

Michael, I'm broke.

I had to buy
generic hair conditioner.

And now, I have split ends.

Well, no one is gonna
notice that, baby.

They'll all be looking at
that monster zit.

I have to ration my cover-up.
So find a job already.

I'm trying, okay?
It's tough out there.

I just had an interview at that new
store in the mall, the Cheese Palace.

- Where curd is king?
- The very same.

They're hiring a new cheese maiden,
you know, to hand out the samples,

but I didn't get the job
'cause they want a girl.

- You're pretty like a girl.
- Thank you!

Man, but the manager wants an actual
girl, you know, with boobs and stuff.

Hey, you know who's an
actual girl with boobs and stuff?

Oh, Donna, you don't have
to get a job just for me.

I was talking about you,
pimple-chin.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I am not getting a job.
A job is for poor people.

I am a rich person
who doesn't have money.

Big diff.

Hey, is that a blackhead?

No!

Cheddar? Cheddar?

Cheddar?

Try the Swiss. You can't miss.

Try the Cheddar.
It's even better.

The floor's real shiny,
and I see your heinie.

Ugh!

Hey. The cheese maiden hit me!

Cheese guards, seize her!

My God, this job is awful!

Are you sweating?

I mean,
is work making you sweat?

No.

I'm glistening! It's glisten!

Whatever it is, yuck!

Look, Michael,

the only reason I have this job is
so that you and I can be together.

All you've done for our love is
sit in the basement eating Fritos.

Well, for your information, if I
send in 80 empty Frito bags,

I get a free remote-control car.

Which I was gonna give to you
after I played with it only a little.

Now, that is love!

Thomas.

Thomas.

Thomas!

What I have to do is show everyone
that I am cooler than Thomas.

You know, I once saw the
Fonzie do something on TV

that just might do the trick.

I am now going to jump
over a shark on water skis

to prove that I'm the coolest foreign
exchange student in Point Place.

- He'll never make it.
- Shut up. He can do it.

He's the Fez!

Okay, here I go. Hit it.

Oh!

- He's crazy, man. He's crazy.
- He's at the ramp.

Yes! Yes!

- Oh, yeah, man!
- You suck, Thomas.

Fez, you jumped that shark,
and you're not even wet.

That's 'cause I'm cool-a-mundo.

Ay!

So what do you think?

Not only is that the worst
idea I've ever heard,

it was the worst moment
in television history.

Yeah, you're right. I stopped
watching after that episode.

Thomas!

This is freaky, man. Red hasn't
said anything about the stash,

which can only mean he's gone to
the much-feared stage beyond yelling.

He's gone Darth Vader, man.

Or instead of Red snagging
you, maybe you snagged Red

dipping into Hyde's stash. I'm
just saying, everyone's trying it.

I guess Kelso was right.
Everyone is trying it.

I'm telling you, this stuff
isn't just for cakes.

It's great all by itself.

Wait, wait. Watch this.

Look at me.
I'm Whipped-cream Head.

Fear me.
All fear Whipped-cream Head.

Mmm.

Kelso, that was delightful,

but the only part you left out
is where Red kills me!

Forman, it was my stash. I
don't wanna leave you hanging,

but I'm gonna.

So good luck in military school.

How exciting.
My first American road trip.

I can't wait to see
Lake Dillhole.

Well, the wait is over.
We're here.

Now, hop out,
you crazy son of a gun.

This is the Michigan border.

Well, what do you know?

So where is Lake Dillhole?

Oh, it's right there,
behind the Get Bent Memorial.

So, get bent, dill-hole!

Oh, what's the score now?

Oh, here we go. Fez, one.
Thomas, stranded in Michigan!

- Oh, I kill me.
- Nice job.

Thanks.
I learnt from the best.

Thanks.

- I would've taken his clothes.
- That's why you're the king.

The Gouda's so good-a.

The Havarti's a party.

Hello, milady.
Fondue you love me?

Stop doing that.
All day with this.

"Hey, fondue me." "Ooh,
I stepped in fon-dog doo."

Oh, my God, this is awful!

Michael, a few minutes ago,
I smelled stinky cheese,

and it was me!

Look, I'm sorry. I love you,
but I can't do this.

You mean, you can't fondue it.

God, will you shut up? Look,
I am not cut out for work.

I'm cut out for having
rich people give me things.

But you got a job for me. I mean,
doesn't that make it satisfying?

Oh, my gosh. It's a check!

And that's my name!

Mine!

So we can stay together.

Yeah, and I can still be rich.

Yeah.

Well, if this isn't gonna go
badly, I'm heading home.

No, wait. Jackie
deserves a celebration.

Hey, let's go buy me
that remote-control car.

No, Michael.
Money doesn't grow on trees.

Money doesn't grow on trees.

You know, I think having
a job is changing me.

Okay, think about it,
a whole new me.

- That'd be great.
- That'd be great.

- I gotta...
- I'm gonna...

Okay, enough.

You, sit.

You can't make me join the
army, okay? I'll cut off a toe!

- What?
- Okay, okay.

We are just gonna clear the air,

right now.

Now, Eric, the other night,

your father and I
were getting intimate...

And we realized
we didn't have any protection.

For hugging.
We just... We hug.

So your dad went to your room looking
for one of those condoms I gave you,

and you caught him, and he has
just been so embarrassed ever since.

Condoms?

Oh, condoms!

Yeah, condoms.

What did you think it was?

What did you think it was?

- What did you do?
- What did you do?

What did you do?

What?
I didn't do anything, okay?

You stole condoms.
Get him, Mom.

- You're grounded.
- For a week.

Hyde, too.

Whatever was in that drawer
that you didn't want me to see,

I'm sure it was his.

Fine. No complaints here.
Thank you.

You suppose there was actually
something in that drawer

he didn't want us to see?

Who cares?

I know in orientation we talked
about theft in the workplace,

so I would like to report
a theft from my check.

Now, I don't know who FICA is, but
that bitch stole, like, 10% of my money.

Also, now, I don't know if you
have this key in your typewriter,

but when I write "Jackie," I like
to dot my "I" with a smiley face.

Also, now, I'd put this
in the suggestion box,

but you have something hanging
from your nose.

Oh, and I want Saturday off.

Thank you. Bye.

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