All language subtitles for getvid (32)

Hey, what's with the demonic screaming?

Get it? It's a joke. Fuck you, I get no
respect. What's wrong? You look more

disgusting than usual. I had a
nightmare. I was opening the end of the

and then... It was a prophetic dream I
have when I sleep sober. It's why I

drink, to shut the door to my
clairvoyance and pretend I have some sad

over my destiny.

Yeah, I pop tranquilizers like jelly
beans to ward off the prophecy dreams.

Ironic, yes, but also very, very true.

No, no, no. I am not going to destroy
humanity.

Doesn't seem like that's what your
prophetic dreams say.

It's not a prophetic dream. Plus, I have
three scratches on my cheek, so it

can't... They look like that?

Yes, exactly.

Prophetic dreams can't be wrong, Stan.

Yep. Anyway, come on. We have tickets
for Billy Elliot.

Billy Elliot? For real?

Run, Ro, baby. That way we can watch the
child actors become broken toys without

missing a thing. If we see one wisp of a
mustache, we can tell production and

watch them get fired at intermission.

Thanks for doing this, you guys. Just
stop by hell and grab the tickets.

forgot them. What the fuck do you want
from me? I'm drunk to stop prophetic

dreams. How many times do I have to tell
you?

Billy Elliot, I'm so excited. This is
the best present I've ever gotten.

The story of a boy who just wants to
sing and dance, but his family won't let

him. It's like he's talking right to me.

Yeah, yeah, all songs are about you,
Stan.

Well, the one difference being that
Billy Elliot's father wasn't the most

powerful, merciless, and malignant being
in creation. Let's grab those tickets.

I want to get there early and buy a T
-shirt before all the pedophiles get to

them. Surprise!

For he's a jolly good empty bride!

Surprise party, that's so great. Sorry,
I can't stay long. We have tickets to go

see Billy Elliot.

Nope, we for sure don't. It was all I to
bring you to the surprise party in

hell. Cool.

Just one note, the fake plan shouldn't
be better than the real one. No, I like

this one better. Yeah, besides, there
won't be a next time when you destroy

world.

I want to give you my present, Stan.
I've brought for you the greatest actor

all. Michael Jordan? Marlon Brando. That
was my second guess.

Don't worry about it. I love Space Jam.
I don't know why he didn't make more

movies. Mr. Brando, it's an honor to
meet you. Pleasure is mine, Stan. But

are you here in hell, Mr. Brando? That's
not nice to ask, Stan.

Seriously, it's like asking why you're
in jail.

Want some bread and butter?

No, thank you.

Your attention, please.

You know I don't like making speeches,
but the occasion demands it. How about

you turn off your damn phone?

Seriously. Oh, it's mine. Sorry, I have
to grab this. Hi. Yeah, I'll be there. I

got an audition. I gotta run. Stan,
that's sweet, but it's time to cut the

and destroy humanity.

But this could be a big chance, Dad.
It's for a musical.

For what musical?

I don't know. Who cares? Tell me what
musical.

Just a normal one.

Say the name.

Jesus Christ Superstar.

But, Dad. Not another word. You have six
days, six hours, and six minutes to

prepare yourself to end the world.

Samael, Mephisto, you will help him with
whatever he needs to finally do this.

You will not rest, you will not eat, and
you will not drink until the world is

ready to drown in flames. Six days
without a drink?

Tranquilizers and any kind of drug are
also forbidden.

What happens when I finally do this?
I'll join the legions of heaven to

righteously annihilate you and all that
you love.

Oh boy, that's not fun.

Yeah, and I don't think you'll last
long. You're very weak, you know.

When I look into your eyes, Gabby, my
heart, it shivers at the sight.

I just can't believe our destiny is to
face one another in this wicked game.

I don't want to slay them and humanity
inflame.

I just want to be with you.

Where we live and we sing and you call
out my name.

But the apocalypse is coming all the
same.

Armageddon, Armageddon, Armageddon. The
final show.

Armageddon.

Thank you, thank you. At least it'll be
a heck of an end. Of course, it'll be a

thing to see.

Wait! I think I have an idea.

Come on, let's end the world already.
I've been sober for three hours, and I'm

starting to think clearly.

Finally, an end to humanity, and most
important, an end to frozen yogurt

They're everywhere.

I love how psyched you guys are for
Armageddon to get here, because we have

over six days to prepare for...
Armageddon the Musical!

Well, he's totally lost his mind. Bound
to happen, it's the half -human part.

Let's go tell Satan.

Oh, you think he'll kill him? I hope he
kills him. No, no, no, no. We are still

completely obeying my dad's orders, but
don't take my word for it. Ask my

lawyer. That's right. The binding verbal
contract between my client and Satan

specifies that Stan will bring about
Armageddon, but not the format

will take. Hence, Armageddon the Musical
is completely within the law. Goddamn

lawyer scum of the earth! They're worse
than Froyo! Here's the elevator pitch

for Armageddon the Musical.

It's the story of a boy who wants to
live his own life. I want my father to

under... I understand that he has to let
me fly free.

We'd love for you to take a look here at
the libretto. How dare you? I wrote the

complete works of Shakespeare in an
afternoon.

My eyes are bleeding.

We're happy to hear any notes.

Yeah, yeah, I'll look it over, but
strive to maintain the artistic essence.

And just what the fuck are you going to
ask me to do? I refuse to act in your

stupid play.

Well, really, we'd love for you to take
charge of the production.

I organized the conquest of Phoenicia at
the hands of Alexander the Great. Now

you want me to take charge of your dumb
little show?

You're legally, um, obliged.

The end of the world cannot come fast
enough.

Attention! This is an announcement for
everyone who's come to the audition.

We'll call you up by your number. Know
that this job is not paid. The payment

comes in the world not ending.

We're actors! We don't need money!

We are actors! We live from giving
handies! We live from giving handies! We

actors! We live by the handies! Okay,
totally get it.

Sam. Are you Kewl?

Couldn't possibly be Kewler.

Ah, fuck!

Dreams are back, huh? That's why I keep
drinking coffee. The trick is using

Bonster instead of water. I was gonna
put some blow in it, but did you know

that's also considered a drug?

It's crazy.

There is no way that could have been a
vision of the future.

I was kissing Surt. You in a toxic
relationship? Never. Totally impossible.

No, no. Surt had different hair and
stuff. Blonde with Californian streaks.

Yeah? How did you know?

He's right there.

Aloha, people. Hey there, Sam. I came to
audition for the world's chillest

musical. You got highlights.

Yeah, it's my way of deconstructing my
masculinity. I'm an ally. I even painted

my nails.

That is so... Still in black, though.
I'm an ally, but not a shirtlifter. Can

say shirtlifter, or is that homophobic?

We just wanna, just wanna.

Oh, pigeons, pigeons just wanna have
fun.

That's fantastic.

My name's Keanu, Keanu Reeves. Oh,
Keanu, I loved your last role, except I

remember if it was John Wick or Neo
because you do them all the same, all

same. That's why I'm here, to leave my
comfort zone, try something new. I guess

I'm not the world's most versatile
actor.

I'll find something.

Number 23?

You may know me as Michael Jordan. I
took my first steps in the seventh art

playing myself in... Space Jam, the
greatest film in history!

Today I'll be performing a monologue
from the work Braveheart by Australian

author Mel Gibson.

William Wallace looks at his companions
emotionally. What would you do

without... Libert... Libert... Liberty?

Michael,

listen, uh, this... Maybe it's too small
for you. You are rejecting me?

Michael Jordan?

I took that personal.

My therapist told me I could restore
some of my privileges if I make some

which is why I'd love to be part of this
company.

We need someone to play Satan, and you
do certainly fit the bill.

All right, here's a new version of the
show. Now your character wants to

the entire world, and your father, who's
a baker, simply won't let him. You're

telling my story, Mephisto. That's the
same story. As I said to Lubitsch, let

the public put two and two together, and
they'll love you.

Samael! My stage needs a play worthy of
its words. What kind of producer are

you?

I brought us to Carnegie Hall.

This good enough for you, Mephisto?
Group teleportation? Are you insane?

When out of every six people teleported
ends up exploding.

One, two, three, two.

Just as well.

It's not like I'm happy, but all things
considered.

Yeah, could have been worse. We were all
very fortunate.

Well, anyway, this theater will do,
Samael. Who are all you and what are you

doing here?

Hey, it's Raphael, a famed Mexican
crooner.

Ooh, I love your rancheras.

Go on, get. This theater is ours now.

Tonight is not tu gran noche, get it?

Samael, put more oomph in that brush.

I'm doing my best. I'm tired. I don't
want to sleep because I don't want any

more prophetic dreams about certs. Hey,
kiddos, mind if I insert myself?

No, we're good, thanks. If you'll allow,
paint from Valhalla, you'll freak,

buddy.

Wow, it's beautiful.

No more beautiful than you.

Sometimes I think I demand too much of
my son, but is it really so much to ask?

He's following my footsteps of
destruction. Kind of a Godfather

This is gonna sound terrible, but I
haven't actually seen the Godfather. I

some major gaps with the classics. I
didn't see him at the time, and now I

like I missed the train, you know?

Don't worry, they're overrated. I asked
them to write my lines on post -it notes

so I wouldn't have to memorize it. You
know the story, right?

It's about a Godfather. I play the boss
of a mob family.

Oh! Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm with you.
Michael was my firstborn, so he has to

my footsteps.

Okay, okay. Cool, cool. I'm digging it.
What he doesn't want to do? That's just

like us.

Until... Until what? What? My enemies
shoot me in the street.

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'd rather it
didn't come to that, but thanks. Now I

don't have to see the movies.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, son. How are you? Getting on with
the end of the world?

Yeah, good, yeah.

I made a couple flyers.

You are invited to the premiere of
Armageddon.

Do you really think this is necessary?

If you do it right, don't you think
people may find out what's happening as

happens? Yeah, well, it's kind of to
have as a souvenir.

Whatever you say, son. Anyway, I gotta
go. I'm in a hurry. It's tomorrow. Don't

forget. Okay, very good. I won't.

Cerberus, I command you go and fetch me
an actor who can pass for an angel.

We're about to get started here.

Think we should wake him up?

Poor thing hasn't slept in six days.

Bach, prophetic dream. Did you dream the
play was a hit? I can't tell you. Don't

ask me. Let's just get ready. We're
about to open here.

Ah, Bach, that really, dang.

Let me help you a moment.

Carnegie Hall. You know, I was in a play
here. It was just before selling your

soul. To the devil for a better acting
career.

Yes, exactly. You still remember.

Of course. What's wrong, Satan? Your
boy's about to destroy humanity. Aren't

proud? What? Yeah, very proud.

Oh, it's starting. It's starting.

We've gathered you here now for
mankind's final bow.

The end of days has come and dark clouds
are out. Your wasted

tale is ending.

Darkness on that wing.

With this song we shall torment you. A
heavy rhythm from hell sent to.

Darkness swallows in good time.

When men shall suffer their crimes.

We now begin the end time.

Stan, Keanu, you're on. Oh, I'm so
nervous. Break a leg.

Yeah, let's do this.

This is the tale of Nat, a good child
who hoped to follow his dream.

Yes, I have a dream.

To destroy the world. That's a good
dream. My little boy.

But his father has forbidden it. His
father wants him to bake bread.

The trick to a good bread is the knead.

It's the need, it's the need, it's the
need.

But I don't want to bake the bread.

I want humankind to be dead.

Never!

There's no need, there's no need,
there's no need.

There's a need, there's a need, there's
a need.

Bake up the sourdough.

Chaos and hunger.

Flour, oil and water.

Plague and death and slaughter.

From wheat and from corn. From smelt and
from rye.

To darkness I am sworn.

Humanity shall die.

Corn. The storm.

that his son is not merely an extension
of himself?

Oh, I guess.

Think I'm losing my heart now.

He's losing it.

I think I'm losing my mind.

He's losing heart.

Destroy the world now.

Or destroy the heart inside.

Boy, that's a tough one there.

I must accept my destiny.

the best in me.

I will honor my father. He will honor
his father. And bake the

sourdough. And bake the sourdough.

I am glad you've come around, my son.
You shall never destroy the world. Yes,

will. Or not. Or bake bread.

Stan will do whatever he wants to
because he's not a child anymore.

I understood you.

I understood, Stan.

All things to art.

No matter what you say, this is the end,
Satan. The apocalypse will begin.

For us to make sure of it.

The fuck? I didn't write that.

If anyone's an angel, it's Keanu Reeves
for sure.

Lord, forgive me. No! No!

Keanu!

Now I have no choice but to avenge my
father.

Save only one small detail. This is all
bullshit. Get up, Dad. You're making a

fool of yourself.

You knew the whole time, boy.

Okay, very good. I won't.

Cerberus, I command you go and fetch me
an actor who can pass for an angel. I

like the guy who plays John Wick in The
Matrix.

So then you attack me with this flaming
angelic blade to achieve what I call the

godfather of... Finally, I play the
villain.

No, you're playing an angel.

I'm typecast. It is my fate. Oh, and
this is a secret.

I'm not so good at keeping secrets.

Oh, how embarrassing.

Tell me, Stan, how did you know?

There's a need, there's a need, there's
a need. Stan, Stan, your father knows

about the play, and he's convinced Keanu
Reeves to kill him to set up a

Godfather 1 situation.

I told you I wasn't good at keeping
secrets.

He's not good at keeping the secret.

Hold on. How did you know Keanu was an
angel? The identity of angels is a

secret. Even I didn't know.

I didn't. I'm not an angel.

And the wings?

I got nothing for you, man. I think I
just got too into the role.

I'm a pretty good actor.

Okay, never mind all that, Stan. While I
was watching the performance, I

couldn't stop thinking about that awful
Baker father who forces his son to walk

in his own flawed footsteps.

And as the finale crescendoed, it was
then that I realized that terrible

was in fact me all along. Let him put it
together.

If you want to sing, my boy, I will
never be the one who stops you. Dad, I

you so much. I love you, my son.

Now at last I see Now at last I see How
it all should be How it all should be I

see you.

It's not hard to understand one another.

Open up your ears and hear each other.

You just have to learn to be wrong
sometimes.

You just have to learn to let them fly
high again.

It's a magic feeling you can't replace.

Let that light shine all upon my face.

It's a simple joy to listen to you.

Now at last I see how it all should be.
It's just you and me, I hear you.

See? Prophetic dreams don't mean a darn
thing, right, Samael? You kissing certs?

Can you imagine?

Well, now that you mention it.

If you say one word about this, I will
cut your balls off.

I'm a gentleman, so I won't say
anything, but maybe I did graze a little

Prophetic dreams are never wrong, that
much we have proven, but now I am free!

It was totally worth it.

No, no, no, they don't always come true
because yours didn't come true, right,

Mephisto? Don't ask that.

What did you dream? Nothing, damn it.
Tell me what you dreamt! All right, I

dreamt... Tell me what you dreamt! All
right, I dreamt this, exactly this.

Exactly this. And you made it come true,
dumbass. No, my prophetic dream can't

come true, please.

What did you dream, son?

I dreamt that I opened the ends of the
world box and I... But why would you do

something like that?

I told you I took it personal.

And this is my theater.

You both, you're the archangels.

Michael Jordan leaping from the free
throw line.

Wow, it's like that man can fly.

It's Rafael, a Portuguese crooner.

He sings like an angel.

Now it all makes sense.

Finally, the time has come for the last
battle.

Stop it, please!

I'll never unleash the apocalypse, I
swear!

We'll see what you do when we strike
down your father.

It's tough not to crack. It won't be
easy to take me down. But I may be so

empowered again.

Thank you.

mortal world.