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1
00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,839
Not a problem, Charlie.
2
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:07,941
So, what's the big emergency?
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,843
Why does it have
to be an emergency?
4
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,412
Maybe I just wanted
to check in.
5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,781
Well, you left six messages
on my service.
6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,883
Oh, that was just
a liquored-up fella
7
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,451
hitting the speed dial.
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,420
All right, I've got five minutes
before my next patient,
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,389
so why don't you just
give me the headlines?
10
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,357
All right, I'm seeing a woman.
11
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,858
Well, that's
not a headline, Charlie.
12
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,294
That's the name of the paper.
13
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,229
I know, I know, but...
but she's different
14
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,631
from the type of woman
I usually go out with.
15
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:31,865
Yeah, different how?
16
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:34,102
Well, she's a little older.
17
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,569
You really couldn't go younger
18
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:39,107
without having to register
with the authorities.
19
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,943
I mean, she's older than me.
20
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:45,179
Oh, we have our headline.
21
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,381
And I'm confused because...
22
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,417
I have really strong feelings
towards her.
23
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,684
Do you find her attractive?
24
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:51,719
Yeah, she's gorgeous.
25
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:52,720
How's the sex?
26
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,021
We haven't had sex yet.
27
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:57,491
Hold the presses.
We have a new headline.
28
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:00,294
Do I have to pay extra
for the sarcasm?
29
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,530
No, it's a flat rate.
30
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,533
The thing is,
we get along great.
31
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,368
She's warm, nurturing,
supportive,
32
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,203
and I feel really safe with her.
33
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:12,005
Well, let's see: you're involved
with an older woman
34
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,142
who's warm, nurturing,
and supportive.
35
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:17,245
You feel very safe with her
and you haven't had sex.
36
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:20,781
Now, what male-female
relationship
37
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,351
does that suggest?
38
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,520
Uh, hmm...
39
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,690
I feel like I should know
this one.
40
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,692
Take your time.
41
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:37,131
Older, nurturing, warm...
42
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,500
Mrs. Butterworth?
43
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:43,704
Charlie, this woman you're
seeing is a mother figure.
44
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,139
A mother figure?
45
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:48,476
I said she's warm, nurturing,
and supportive.
46
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:53,147
The words "toxic she-devil"
did not pass my lips.
47
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:56,049
My point is,
because your real mother
48
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,718
didn't give you
what you need emotionally,
49
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,321
you're responding to it
in this relationship.
50
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:03,591
No, no, no, no, no,
this is not a mother thing.
51
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,760
Now, my brother Alan--
he's the needy one.
52
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,297
He practically wants to sit
in this woman's lap
53
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:12,132
and breastfeed,
and not in the fun way.
54
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,302
So Alan's met her?
55
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,070
Yeah, and he's clinging to her
like a tree monkey,
56
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,606
which is really pissing me off.
57
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,541
So you're competing
with your brother
58
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:24,645
for the attention
of an older, nurturing woman?
59
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:28,148
Boy, you're just a one-string
banjo, aren't you?
60
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,683
What do you want me
to tell you, Charlie?
61
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,419
I can only play the notes
in front of me.
62
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,521
I want you to cut through
all the psychobabble
63
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,988
and tell me why I'm so confused.
64
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,490
I just did.
65
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,891
You're gonna stick
with the mother thing, huh?
66
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,661
Plink, plink, plink.
67
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,664
Look, Charlie, I've got
my next patient waiting.
68
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,366
If you like, we can make
a weekly appointment
69
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:46,867
and really explore these issues.
70
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,770
In fact, twice a week
might not be overdoing it.
71
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,906
No, thanks, I prefer to deal
with my demons as they escape.
72
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,808
All right.
73
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,377
So what do I owe you?
74
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:59,313
Well, I get $200 an hour.
You were here for five minutes.
75
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,949
So why don't we just round it
off and say $200.
76
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,118
(sighs)
Man.
77
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,821
Even hookers prorate.
78
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:11,625
Hookers don't have to listen
to you, Charlie. Good-bye.
79
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:18,232
Good-bye, doc. Good session.
80
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:27,808
Hi, come on in.
81
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,978
Thanks for seeing
me last-minute.
82
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:37,685
I think I'm in love
with my brother's girlfriend.
83
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,721
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
84
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,424
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
85
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,199
Hi.
86
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:55,369
Hi, yourself.
87
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,638
Oh, don't you
look handsome.
88
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,273
Nah.
89
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,509
Yes, you do.
90
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,844
And that shirt
looks great on you.
91
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,446
You think?
92
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,415
Oh, yes, very grown-up.
93
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,116
Well, you bought
it for me.
94
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,819
But you should
tuck it in, sweetie.
95
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:14,555
I don't wanna.
96
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,256
Please.
97
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,759
Oh, all right.
98
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,160
Are you ready to go?
99
00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:22,363
I just need a minute.
Come on in.
100
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:25,333
You remember my son, Jeremy.
101
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:26,434
Oh, sure.
102
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,601
Oh, hey, man,
how's it going?
103
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,670
Hi, good.
Good to see you.
104
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,639
And this is his
fiancee, Tricia.
105
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,647
Hi, Tricia.
106
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,748
Charlie.
107
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,351
Hi, Charlie.
108
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,453
Nice to meet you.
109
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,187
Mom's helping us
plan our wedding.
110
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,922
Really? You're
getting married?
111
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,558
Lucky guy.
112
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,661
Not that I'd know.
I'm... I'm just assuming.
113
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,496
I'm just gonna
get my purse.
114
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,599
Hurry back--
hop, hop, hop.
115
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:02,336
So, you're getting married.
116
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,571
Taking
the plunge.
Yeah.
117
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,073
I've never stuck a toe in
myself.
118
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,710
Actually, I've never stuck
anything in.
119
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,848
But anyway, it's a...
it's a big step.
120
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:15,949
Not for me.
121
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,385
Tricia's the love
of my life.
122
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,488
I can't believe nobody
snapped her up before I did.
123
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:23,657
Well, maybe she was just waiting
for the right snapper.
124
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,061
I mean, the past
isn't nearly as important
125
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,664
as the future you two are gonna
build together, am I right?
126
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:34,702
Absolutely, the past
doesn't matter.
127
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,704
That's what I'm thinking.
128
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,540
Okay, let's go.
129
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,642
Okay, nice seeing you again.
Nice meeting you. Bye.
130
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:44,211
Isn't she terrific?
I am so happy he...
131
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,080
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
she's a catch. Let's go.
132
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:52,052
(salsa music playing)
133
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,354
Why aren't you studying
for your algebra final?
134
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,689
I don't have to.
135
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:59,159
You don't have to study algebra?
136
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:02,329
Nope, all I gotta do
is get a 67 to pass the course,
137
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:06,467
and then it's adios, seventh
grade, arrivederci, eighth.
138
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:12,673
Okay, we can cross "UN
interpreter" off the job list.
139
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,675
But let's get back
to the algebra test.
140
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:17,845
So... so you're planning
on getting a 67?
141
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,881
Yep, anything above that
would be a wasted effort.
142
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,918
Okay, we have
to talk.
(music stops)
143
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,688
Hey, the blind, one-armed dancer
is about to go on.
144
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,256
This is more
important.
145
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,158
Last week, she fell twice.
146
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,927
Listen to me. You know
what you call someone
147
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,930
who just skates through life
doing only the bare minimum?
148
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,433
Uncle Charlie?
149
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,737
You call him a slacker.
150
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,005
Whatev.
151
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:48,509
"Whatev"?
Are you now so lazy
152
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,678
you can't even be bothered
to finish words?
153
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,646
What's your prob?
154
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,015
Won't you be happy if I
just get into eighth grade?
155
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,751
I mean, isn't that the
whole point of seventh?
156
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,654
No, that is not the
whole point of seventh.
157
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,356
And yes, I'll be thrilled
if you're not left back.
158
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,126
So relax, it's all good.
159
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,562
Don't you mean
it's all "guh"?
160
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,230
(salsa music playing)
161
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:13,467
Holy crap, her arm flew off.
162
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:18,906
That's gotta cost
them points.
163
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,943
Yeah, two adults
for The Wings of Love.
164
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,878
No, wait, I... I get
a senior discount.
165
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,815
No, you don't.
Full price, both of us.
166
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,416
Charlie, you're
being silly.
167
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:32,219
For two bucks,
let me be silly.
168
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,789
Charlie.
169
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,591
Oh, perfect.
170
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:38,859
We're at the
same theater.
171
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,861
What a happy coincidence.
172
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,597
Yeah, just like Booth
and Lincoln.
173
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,332
Angie, this
is my mother, Evelyn.
174
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,967
Mom, this is Angie.
175
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,836
Nice to meet you, Evelyn.
I've heard a lot about you.
176
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,104
Oh, well, there's two sides
to every story,
177
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,007
and Charlie's memory
isn't the best.
178
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,308
You know...
179
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,310
Well, considering
how you raised me,
180
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,712
it was either...
181
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:01,314
or...
182
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,216
Charlie, don't be so sensitive.
183
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,953
Have you met his brother?
Another drama queen.
184
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,922
Okay, Mom, always great
bumping into you.
185
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,323
Maybe next time
you'll be standing
186
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,192
in front
of a wood chipper.
187
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:15,195
Enjoy the movie.
Bye.
188
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,797
Hey, Charlie.
189
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,999
Oh, swell, there's more.
190
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,068
I'll meet you inside.
191
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,470
Yes?
192
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,939
Be careful.
That woman is a cougar.
193
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,007
A what?
194
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,810
An older woman
who preys on young men.
195
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,912
It's... that's not
what this is about.
196
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,948
Right, she likes you
for your brains.
197
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:38,151
And I love you
for your warmth.
198
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,287
Nice yanking chains
with you, Mom.
199
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,524
Now, what did I do
to deserve that?
200
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,161
Here are your
keys, Evelyn.
201
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,362
Thanks, Justin.
202
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,633
So, what movie
should we see?
203
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,002
Oh, you pick, darling.
204
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:58,171
You're the one who'll
be facing the screen.
205
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,810
* Men.
206
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:08,215
Okay, um, "x" is... -4?
207
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,685
Great! You're right!
208
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,520
See, see, you
can do this.
209
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:16,389
Now, now, on the test,
you're gonna have
to show your work,
210
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,958
so let's see your work.
211
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,260
There's no work.
212
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,262
Why is there no work?
213
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,931
I don't need to do the work.
214
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,633
Suddenly, I can see
all the numbers in my head.
215
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,268
Really?
216
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,703
Yeah, it's amazing.
217
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,871
And they all make perfect sense.
218
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,105
It's like the equations
219
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,874
are solving themselves
before my eyes.
220
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,508
Oh, my God, you know, I...
221
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:40,413
I've read about that kind
of thing, but... my own son?
222
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,250
Nah, I'm just screwing with you.
223
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,356
The answers are in the back
of the book.
224
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,961
Good night.
225
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,363
You should've seen your face
when you thought I was smart.
226
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:03,103
Am I supposed to go to bed now?
227
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,775
Dad?
228
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,610
I still love him.
I still love him.
229
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,445
I still love him.
230
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,682
I...
(laughing)
231
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,617
(laughing)
232
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,590
You're only punishing
yourself. Let it go.
233
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,925
Easy for you to say.
234
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,259
Your mom wasn't four rows
behind you
235
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,328
in a movie theater
dry-humping a Cub Scout.
236
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,167
Oh, hey, I, uh...
237
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,036
I didn't hear
you guys come in.
238
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,404
Uh, how'd you like
Wings of Love?
239
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,906
Oh, it was terrific.
240
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,240
Oh, you know, I thought
you'd enjoy the movie.
241
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,675
You know, it's the
same cinematographer
242
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:42,843
as Like Water
for Chocolate.
243
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,611
Yeah, swell, would you
like some wine?
244
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:47,981
I'd love some.
Here's ten bucks.
Go get yourself a bottle.
245
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:52,052
Gee, thanks, but I
can't go out now.
246
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,888
I, uh... I just put
my little boy to bed.
247
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,757
You got a little boy?
248
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,892
Aren't you afraid
Jake will eat him?
249
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,862
How do you like
being a father, Alan?
250
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:04,131
Oh, well, you know,
I'd-I'd have to say
251
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,665
that it's wonderfully
rewarding
252
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,267
and-and more than a
little challenging.
253
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,569
Jake's kind of a
diamond in the rough.
254
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:12,272
Jake's kind of a turd
in the punchbowl.
255
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,808
Charlie, thatis no way
to talk about a child.
256
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,243
He's not a child.
257
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,312
He's a postpubescent tapeworm
with a bad haircut.
258
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,647
Charlie!
259
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:23,450
Was your divorce
very hard on him?
260
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,818
You have no idea.
261
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,054
I'll tell you who
his divorce was hard on: me.
262
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,321
Oh, stop playing
the martyr.
263
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,323
Stop living
in my house.
Here we go.
264
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,760
You keep saying that,
but you never go.
265
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:36,129
I think I'll just
go powder my nose.
266
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,433
You see what you did?
You drove her away.
267
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,002
Oh, I drove her away?
I'm not the one
268
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,503
with the insults
and the poop talk.
269
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:46,774
Poop talk?
You called my son a
turd in a punchbowl.
270
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,943
I said it with love.
271
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,512
Anyway, I know what's going on
here, and it's not gonna work.
272
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:53,580
Angie's with me.
273
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:54,848
Hey, she's my friend, too.
274
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,950
Yeah, well, she and I
are more than friends.
275
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,920
Oh, really? Have
you slept with her?
276
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,388
That's none
of your business.
277
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,756
Oh, my God, you haven't.
278
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,092
I was just taking
a shot in the dark.
279
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,627
No, that's your sex life.
280
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:10,130
All I know is, if you
haven't slept with Angie,
281
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,464
it's a level playing field.
282
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,433
You think so?
I do.
283
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,569
Oh, hey, what are we doing?
284
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,571
We're going upstairs.
285
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:19,739
Okey-dokey.
286
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,274
Good night, Alan.
287
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,912
Night.
288
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,513
CHARLIE:
Hey, Alan?
289
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,948
(blows raspberry)
290
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,184
* Men.
291
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,023
Morning.
292
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,357
What's good
about it?
293
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,359
I didn't say "good."
294
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,961
Hey,
295
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:42,462
why aren't you studying
for your test?
296
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,032
I thought we settled this, Dad.
297
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,935
Turn off the TV.
Go to your room and study.
298
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,302
(turns TV off)
299
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,603
He'll never learn.
300
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:53,140
Hey! Hey, I heard that!
301
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:53,841
So?
302
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:55,608
So, I'm an adult!
303
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:58,111
I don't have to learn anything!
304
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,080
What's bugging you, Zippy?
305
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,916
Your blow-up doll run off
with a pool toy?
306
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,257
Just mind your business
and do your job.
307
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,498
Want to rephrase that?
308
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,968
Desperately.
309
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,104
Good morning,
everyone.
310
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,273
Well, at least
somebody's in
a good mood.
311
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,576
Well, I'm not usually one
to kiss and tell, but...
312
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,345
Boing! Wow! Wubba-wubba-wubba!
313
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,518
So who's the lucky receptacle?
314
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,754
Do not talk about Angie
that way.
315
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,756
She's a lady!
316
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,658
During the day.
317
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,260
But once the lights go down...
318
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429
Boing! Wow! Wubba-wubba-wubba!
319
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,031
All right, fine.
320
00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:52,499
We get the picture.
321
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,168
Oh, I don't think you do.
322
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,669
She left an hour ago,
323
00:13:56,736 --> 00:14:00,207
but it took me till now
to safely zip up my pants.
324
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,244
You know, there are parts
of Angie
325
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,013
that could sue Disneyland
for claiming
326
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,415
it's the happiest place
on earth.
327
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,017
Oh, go to hell.
328
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,551
Alan, Alan, wait.
329
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:12,619
What?
330
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,555
Boing! Wow! Wubba-wubba-wubba!
331
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,427
(doorbell rings)
332
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,532
(sniffles)
333
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,467
Hi. Is Charlie here?
334
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,536
Oh, for God's sake,
335
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,605
they just drop
out of the sky for him.
336
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:33,974
Tricia?
337
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,176
Hi, Charlie.
Can I talk to you?
338
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,045
I-I guess. What's up?
339
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,947
(sobbing):
I've made a horrible mistake.
340
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,881
I can't marry Jeremy.
341
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:42,782
Who's Jeremy?
342
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,651
Angie's son.
343
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,419
I thought I wanted
to settle down,
344
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:50,490
but when I saw you
the other night, I realized
345
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,725
I'm not over you.
346
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,062
Okay, uh, you understand
347
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,764
that I'm involved with
Jeremy's mother, right?
348
00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:01,501
Well, I know,
but I don't understand.
349
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,404
You're not alone.
350
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,041
I'm so confused.
351
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,043
I just had to see you.
352
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,511
Oh, come on.
Come on.
353
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,613
It'll be all right.
354
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,182
Can I get you anything?
355
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,383
Something to drink?
356
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,319
Could I have
a glass of water?
357
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,687
Sure.
358
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,322
Here, sit down.
359
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,523
Thank you.
360
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,592
Alan, where do we keep
the water?
361
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,130
Kitchen.
362
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,033
Back in a flash.
363
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,401
"Where do we keep
the water?"
364
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,735
I know where
the Scotch is.
365
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,504
I know where
the ice cubes are.
366
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,671
That's enough.
367
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,473
Okay, let me
get this straight.
368
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,675
Angie's son is engaged
to that woman,
369
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,577
who you used
to be involved with,
370
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:45,578
who now wants you back?
371
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,080
Scorecards!
372
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,449
Can't tell the players
without the scorecards.
373
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,919
Yeah. What am
I gonna do?
374
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,321
I know what I'd do.
375
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,390
Yeah. Three pumps
and an apology.
376
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:02,662
What, you got another move
I ain't heard about?
377
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,798
Okay, forget about
what I'd do.
378
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,134
That-that woman is gorgeous.
379
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,036
How-How can you possibly
pass that up?
380
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,803
Easy. I care about Angie.
381
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,639
Forget Angie.
You don't need Angie.
382
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,674
You're just trying to
sabotage my relationship
383
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:15,675
so you can have Angie.
384
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,710
What?! No.
385
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,712
No! No!
386
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,615
No!
387
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,186
Come on. Look at her.
388
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,355
She's young, needy,
and vulnerable.
389
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,724
Go fetch!
390
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,560
No. No, it's not worth it.
391
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,662
I'm not gonna screw
things up with Angie.
392
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,264
Who's gonna tell her?
I'm not gonna tell her.
393
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,166
That's not the point.
394
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:40,167
Okay, think about this.
395
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,201
In a few years,
396
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:44,204
Tricia will be what, 29?
397
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,439
Angie's gonna be...
398
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,375
60.
399
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,079
You're lookin'
at grandkids, liver spots,
400
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,980
and a dusty bowl
of hard candy.
401
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,882
I don't like any of those.
402
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,884
Of course you don't.
Nobody does.
403
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,452
Go ahead. Do it.
404
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,156
Defile her!
405
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,767
Here you are.
406
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,803
Thanks.
407
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,038
Listen, Tricia.
408
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,474
You know how I
feel about you.
409
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,610
We had some great
times together.
410
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:24,844
Oh.
411
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,413
Remember Vegas?
412
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,548
Oh, yeah.
413
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,151
We didn't leave the room
for three days.
414
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,320
Oh, yeah.
415
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,621
Of course I couldn't leave
416
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,857
because I made you tie me
to the bed.
417
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,793
Oh, yeah.
418
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,896
Do you ever hear
from the other two girls?
419
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,065
Oh, yeah.
420
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:51,204
Look, this isn't
a good idea.
421
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,206
You need to go.
422
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,875
But can't we just
423
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,678
talk a little more?
424
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,314
If we could just talk,
you wouldn't need to go.
425
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,283
But-But Charlie...
426
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,085
Trust me.
427
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,020
Jeremy is a great guy,
428
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,122
and he obviously
loves you.
429
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,690
I say give him
a chance.
430
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:15,562
But what if you and I had
just-just had one last fling?
431
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,297
One last fling.
432
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,132
Yeah. Yeah, we'll go
back to Vegas.
433
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,934
Oh, this time, I'll tie you up.
434
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,437
You really need to go.
435
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:25,838
No...
(clears throat)
436
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,006
Bye-bye.
Charlie, wait.
437
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,040
Bye-bye.
Wait, Char...
438
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,009
(mumbles)
439
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,744
(sighs)
440
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,746
It's not too late.
441
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,318
You can still
have her.
442
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:40,820
I'm not listening.
443
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,289
You could do it
in her car!
444
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,224
How hot is that?
I can't hear you!
445
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,559
It's dirty in a car!
446
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:50,163
* Men.
447
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:53,266
(sighs)
448
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:59,972
What the hell do you want?
449
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,474
What?!
450
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:04,744
Tricia broke off her engagement
with Jeremy because of you.
451
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,247
No, no, no, no,
no, no! No! No!
452
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:11,017
I was good. Honest.
453
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,253
(sobbing):
He was crushed.
454
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,355
My little boy had
a nervous breakdown
455
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,357
and tried to drink bleach.
456
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,526
Yeah, but I was good.
457
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:20,760
Oh, good?!
458
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,129
Tricia told us everything
about you and her.
459
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,297
Everything?
460
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,633
And he was still crushed?
461
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,768
You lied to me.
462
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,203
No, no, no, no, no.
463
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,404
No, I didn't lie.
464
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:32,372
I just... didn't tell.
465
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,641
It was a long time ago.
466
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,843
And I didn't want
you to be jealous
467
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,778
because she's young
and you're...
468
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,680
I'm what?!
469
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,682
A real trooper?
470
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,417
Drop dead!
471
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,690
But I was good!
472
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,427
* Men.
473
00:19:58,231 --> 00:19:59,999
You did. You warned me.
474
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,601
But did you listen?
No.
475
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,102
Do you ever listen?
No.
476
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:05,405
Are you listening now?
No.
477
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,274
So you're just going
to sit there
478
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:08,308
and feel sorry for yourself?
479
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,311
No. I'm also gonna drink.
480
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,212
Oh, come on, Charles.
481
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,316
This isn't like you,
apart from the drinking.
482
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,084
What do you want me to do, Mom?
483
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,287
I want you to do
what you always do:
484
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,154
pick yourself up,
dust yourself off,
485
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,156
call one of your
little whores.
486
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,526
Mom, have you ever considered
487
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:29,329
trying to be nurturing
and supportive?
488
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:33,500
When have I ever been
anything else?
489
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,735
Right. I don't know
what I was thinking.
490
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:37,470
It's okay.
491
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,639
I've had a lifetime
of being hurt by you.
492
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,609
At this point,
I'm just one big scab.
493
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,077
Where have you been?
494
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:48,281
I figured since you weren't
seeing Angie anymore,
495
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,949
I'd stop by
and say hello.
496
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,351
And?
497
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,820
She was a really mean drunk.
498
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,590
Well, as I was trying
to tell your brother,
499
00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:00,960
single women that age
are notoriously unstable.
500
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:04,931
What?
501
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,533
I'm nowhere near her age.
502
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,200
JAKE:
Hey, Grandma,
guess what?
503
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,837
I'm gonna be
in eighth grade next year.
504
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,104
Oh, really?
505
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,706
Is this a move forward?
506
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:14,907
Yes.
507
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:15,975
Yes.
508
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:19,812
Then congratulations.
509
00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:23,716
Next stop: clown college.
510
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:27,754
There's a college for clowns?
511
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:30,289
Okay. Clown
junior college.
34977
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