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1
00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:05,906
Darling, what's
mine is yours.
2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:07,308
We do not need a prenup.
3
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:08,876
And I just want you to know
4
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,911
I'm not after your
father's money.
5
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,280
I'm sure you're not.
6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,748
Believe me, I got
plenty of my own money.
7
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,117
Everything okay?
No, no,
8
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:17,485
everything is not okay.
9
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,287
TEDDY:
Courtney,
we've been through this.
10
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,021
COURTNEY:
What am I supposed to do,
live on the streets?
11
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,023
TEDDY:
You're supposed to live
within your means.
12
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,925
I need $50,000.
13
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,227
(sniffles)
14
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:27,861
(sobbing):
Charlie, what am I going to do?
15
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,931
You're going to take
the money from me.
16
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:33,501
"So long as men can breathe
17
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,835
"or eyes can see,
18
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:35,903
"so long
lives this
19
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,905
and gives life"...
(mouthing)
20
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,207
..."to thee."
(mouthing)
21
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,611
You may now kiss the bride.
22
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:54,122
It's hard to believe
after all these years
23
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,656
we've got a new stepdad.
24
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,192
I give it six months.
25
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,627
Oh, come on, we like Teddy.
26
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,795
That's why I'm only
giving it six months.
27
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:02,930
I'm rooting for him.
28
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,932
Well, still,
y-you have to admit
29
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,300
it was a beautiful ceremony--
30
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,869
the, the bride and groom,
the sun setting...
31
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,404
The dead butterflies.
32
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,776
Remind me to call
the butterfly people
33
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,611
first thing Monday.
34
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,782
What are you doing?
35
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,758
Nothing.
36
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:34,662
We don't eat from the cake
until we cut the cake.
37
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,863
But I'm still hungry.
38
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,265
Have some cheese.
39
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,866
Have we cut the cheese?
40
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,670
Get it?
41
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,472
Hey, stepbrother.
42
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,174
Change your mind about
wanting to marry me?
43
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,808
Not at all.
44
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:51,111
Want to go upstairs and get
a head start on our honeymoon?
45
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,746
You keep rubbing up
against me,
46
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,449
I'll be able to catch my mom's
garter without my hands.
47
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,888
Charlie.
48
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:01,922
What?
49
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,524
At your mother's wedding?
50
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:06,126
Yeah.
51
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,896
I couldn't have.
52
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,165
(Courtney moaning)
53
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,434
Boy, this is pretty kinky.
54
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,835
Kinky good
or kinky bad?
55
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:15,936
There's a kinky bad?
56
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:16,937
Oh!
57
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,573
Oh, watch your elbow.
58
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,874
That's not my elbow.
59
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,277
Oh, Charlie.
60
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,579
It's not that either.
61
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,783
Daddy?
62
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,785
Ooh, this is awkward.
63
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,422
Daddy, are you okay?
64
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,889
What's wrong with him?
65
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,192
I don't know.
66
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:40,928
Well?
67
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,331
This might be a mood breaker.
68
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,768
("Who Are You?" by The Who
playing)
69
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:51,739
* Who... are you?
70
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,208
* Men, men, men, men. *
71
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,716
So are you a friend of
the bride or the groom?
72
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:07,488
Uh, well, the bride is
my mother, so... the groom.
73
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,056
Hey, how do you like
my house?
74
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,325
Oh, it's beautiful.
75
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,061
Alan, I have to talk to you.
76
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,596
Go away, I've
got a shot here.
77
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,065
No, you don't.
78
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,032
Come upstairs
with me.
79
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,402
Why?
Just come on.
80
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,273
Friend of the bride
or friend of the groom?
81
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,541
Friend of mine.
82
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,884
Oh, my God.
83
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,185
Is he...?
84
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:40,788
As a doorknob.
85
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,256
Doorbell?
86
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,291
Doornail.
87
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,593
He's dead.
88
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:46,527
(sobbing)
89
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,228
I can't believe he's gone.
90
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,997
Courtney,
I-I'm so sorry.
91
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,933
So he was just lying there
92
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,067
with his pants down?
93
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,236
Apparently,
somebody was giving him
94
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,939
a very special
wedding present.
95
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,107
Mom?
96
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,642
I don't think so.
97
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,977
She's downstairs acting
as if nothing happened,
98
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,846
and more importantly,
she already married the guy.
99
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,180
Why would she bother?
100
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,516
(knocking)
101
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,985
Your mother's looking
for you guys.
102
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,223
What's going on?
103
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,925
Teddy's dead.
104
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,831
Yeah, that's a stiffy.
105
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,301
We've got
a real problem here.
106
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,370
What do you mean "we"?
107
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,608
(door closes)
108
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:39,046
* Someday he'll come along
109
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,515
* The man I love
110
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,852
* And he'll be big and strong
111
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,955
* The man I love
112
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,024
* And when he comes my way
113
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,093
* I'll do my best
114
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,830
* To make him
115
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,999
* Stay
116
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:03,136
Oh, this is just
going to suck.
117
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,406
* The man
118
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:08,376
* I love.
119
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,511
(applause)
120
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,712
Thank you,
thank you.
121
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:15,015
Now, this next song
you may remember
122
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,885
from the hit movie Ghost.
123
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,990
* Oh, my love
124
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:23,957
* My darling
125
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,158
(whispering):
Mom.
126
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,428
* I've hungered for your touch
127
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,062
Mom, we got to talk to you.
128
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,498
* A long...
What?
129
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,999
* Lonely time
130
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,968
It's about Teddy.
131
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:35,803
Where is he?
132
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,138
This is supposed to be a duet.
133
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:42,142
* Time goes by so slowly
134
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,777
Yeah, well, from now on
135
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,946
I'm afraid you're going
to be working alone.
136
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:51,619
You son of a bitch.
137
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,788
So you weren't
the one who was...?
138
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,656
Of course not.
139
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,526
I already married the man.
140
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,863
I just can't believe
141
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:06,500
he'd cheat on me
on our wedding day.
142
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,903
Excuse me. My father
is lying here dead.
143
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,039
With his pants
around his ankles
144
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,607
and lipstick on his hoo-hoo.
145
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:17,678
Oh, my, what
happened in here?
146
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,850
Berta, my husband is dead.
147
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,686
As a doornail.
148
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,690
Has anybody called the cops?
149
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,825
Well, you might
want to consider it
150
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,561
because you only got
a limited window
151
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,896
before he starts stinking up
the joint.
152
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,566
I'll make the calls.
153
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,067
Oh, no, Mom, you
don't have to.
154
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,068
Yes, I do.
155
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,436
I'm his wife.
156
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,804
Now, please,
157
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:47,508
would you all just give me
a moment alone with him?
158
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,843
Of course.
Sure, Mom.
159
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,180
So who do you suppose
was smoking Teddy's sausage?
160
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,181
Berta,
161
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,716
that is my father
in there.
162
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,117
Okay.
163
00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:00,087
So who do you suppose was
smoking your father's sausage?
164
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,591
Oh, Teddy.
165
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,460
My dear, dear Teddy.
166
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,695
(sniffling)
167
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,236
Hello.
(sniffles)
168
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:19,873
This is Evelyn Harper Leopold.
169
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,243
I booked my honeymoon with you.
170
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,078
Yes.
171
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:29,750
Two business-class tickets
to Paris.
172
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:34,655
I need to exchange them for
one first-class ticket to Fiji.
173
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:38,992
Sure, I'll hold.
174
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,594
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is a crime scene,
175
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:41,428
so you're just going
176
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,663
to have to be patient.
177
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,231
We'll need statements
from each of you
178
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,701
before you can leave.
179
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,369
Anyway, I-I guess
what I'm saying is
180
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,572
that there's a lesson
to be learned here.
181
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:52,940
Life is precious
182
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,242
and no one really knows
how long we've got...
183
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:59,513
...so it's important
to be grateful for each day.
184
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:03,551
So if they're not going to cut
the cake, can I have some now?
185
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,218
Aren't you full?
186
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,697
No.
187
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,866
Take a look
at his pants.
188
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,572
The belt is buckled
on an unworn hole.
189
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,239
Someone re-dressed him.
190
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,175
Any of you touch the body?
191
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,913
Interesting.
192
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,582
We've got
some perimortem ecchymosis
193
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,950
on the posterior occiput.
194
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:41,088
That means a bruise
on the back of the head.
195
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:44,257
And yet you still couldn't get
into medical school.
196
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,394
So much for time of death.
197
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,663
Looks like our boy here had
some sexual activity
198
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,198
before he bought it.
199
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,532
Hit the light.
200
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,534
I'm going to check for semen.
201
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:59,539
Uh-oh.
202
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,711
My God.
203
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,780
It's like
a Jackson Pollock painting.
204
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:13,320
The ceiling fan is
actually a cute story.
205
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,493
Coffee?
Thanks.
206
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,995
So, Mr. Harper...
207
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,330
Call me Charlie.
208
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,665
And you are?
209
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,734
Interested
in how you found the body.
210
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,103
Oh, right to it, huh?
211
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,706
Okay, well...
212
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,875
what have you heard?
213
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,711
That's not how we do this.
214
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,347
You tell me what happened.
215
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,382
All right.
216
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:46,119
I went upstairs to use
the bathroom and there he was.
217
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,224
(gasps)
218
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,094
Oh, no.
219
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,830
Teddy.
220
00:09:56,897 --> 00:10:00,033
So you're saying you were alone
when you found him?
221
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,170
Well, technically
aren't we all alone?
222
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,375
You know, I'm finding that
tank top awfully distracting.
223
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,350
Is that police-issue?
224
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,357
Mr. Harper, are you aware
225
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:27,327
that making a false statement
to the police is a crime?
226
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,829
Huh.
227
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,163
Slap-on-the-wrist crime
228
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,633
or pack-my-bags-
and-tape-my-butt-shut crime?
229
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,536
(chuckling)
230
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:40,240
Hey, I like it
when it's gift-wrapped.
231
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,409
(tearing)
Ow.
232
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,679
Okay, okay, I wasn't alone.
233
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:46,780
I was with Courtney.
234
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,749
Why'd you lie?
Oh, come on.
235
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:49,817
I was trying
to nail my stepsister
236
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,184
at my mother's wedding.
237
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,689
Lying seemed
the classy way to go.
238
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,391
Did you touch the body?
239
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,761
I was all over her body.
240
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,798
Oh, you mean Teddy?
241
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,667
No, no, no,
not after I knew he was there.
242
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,737
Who do you suppose
pulled up his pants?
243
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,072
Are you thinking
244
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,474
whoever pulled 'em up is
the one who killed him?
245
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:15,809
It's crossed our minds.
246
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:19,079
Oh, gee, I don't want
to implicate anybody.
247
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,448
Right now, the only one
implicated is you.
248
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,650
Talk to my mother.
249
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,018
Ugh.
250
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,519
What is that, non-dairy creamer?
251
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,989
Just take me to the green mile
and be done with it.
252
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:32,225
That's all we've got.
253
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,226
Oh, please.
254
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,728
This place is crawling
with cops.
255
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,830
One of them can't make
a Starbucks run?
256
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,332
Mrs. Harper...
257
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,201
Mrs. Leopold.
258
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,870
Mrs. Leopold.
259
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,773
Did you touch your
husband's body before
the police arrived?
260
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,675
All right, yes,
I pulled up his pants up.
261
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,544
Why?
Because it was embarrassing.
262
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,414
There was lipstick
on his hoo-hoo.
263
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,648
Your lipstick?
264
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,919
Oh, God, no, I'd rather
drink your coffee.
265
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,722
So he was with
another woman?
266
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,557
Not necessarily.
267
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,694
Do you have another theory for
where the lipstick came from?
268
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:11,064
Have you ruled out clowns?
269
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,938
You should check
270
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:20,407
for really big footprints.
271
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,279
Okay, he was with another woman.
272
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,615
I imagine
that made you pretty angry.
273
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,884
I don't get angry. I get even.
274
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,655
I mean,
what are you insinuating?
275
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:39,192
I'm insinuating that maybe
you caught him in the act.
276
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,565
Evie.
277
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,700
You cheating bastard!
278
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,136
Evie...
279
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,270
I can explain.
280
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,374
Evie, I can explain.
281
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,776
I can explain...
282
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:08,856
And Paris for two
becomes Fiji for one.
283
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,624
We checked your phone records.
284
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,626
Listen, let me tell you
something.
285
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,728
I loved that man
and he loved me.
286
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,932
In, fact, he loved me so much
he didn't even ask for a prenup.
287
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,300
And believe me, he's got money.
288
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,468
Big money.
289
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,804
Well, we don't have
to look very hard
290
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,473
to find a motive for you, do we?
291
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,509
Eww.
292
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,747
I'm warning you,
293
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,784
coffee tends to shoot
through me.
294
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,786
So, if you've got
a cavity search planned,
295
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,989
you better do it pretty quick.
296
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,093
We don't need to do
a cavity search.
297
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,295
Can I request one?
298
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,533
What do you know
about Teddy Leopold?
299
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,136
I know he was hot for me.
300
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:58,171
He was always flirting.
301
00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,839
This is my mom's
boyfriend, Teddy.
302
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,541
Teddy, my housekeeper,
Berta.
303
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:02,842
A pleasure.
304
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,512
It could be if you
play your cards right.
305
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,719
Whoa.
306
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,387
You can't blame him.
307
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,223
You gotta figure
that boinking Evelyn
308
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,558
is like riding a bicycle
over train tracks.
309
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,728
You'll get where you're going
310
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,931
but you're gonna
feel every bump.
311
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:28,902
How's the hot chocolate?
312
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:29,869
It's good.
313
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,538
I like the powdered stuff
314
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,805
'cause there's always
a little something to chew on
315
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,007
when you get to the bottom.
316
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,715
Got any donuts?
Nope.
317
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,151
Danish?
Nope.
318
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,452
Pie?
319
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,020
Look, Jake,
320
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,555
what I want to know is,
321
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,958
were you in your uncle's room
at any time today?
322
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:51,858
No, I never go
in my uncle's room.
323
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,393
Why not?
324
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,963
Because all the skin mags
are in my dad's room.
325
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,433
Okay, let me just start out
by saying,
326
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,936
I know about the illegal
left turn ticket.
327
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,305
And I-I've been meaning
to take care of it,
328
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,107
but, you know, business
has been a little slow
329
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,508
and those bills
just keep coming.
330
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,577
Of course I don't have
to tell you that.
331
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,212
Our law enforcement personnel
are woefully underpaid.
332
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,181
Thank you for the coffee,
by the way.
333
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,549
Mmm.
334
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,085
Cops and truck drivers.
You know your coffee.
335
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,087
Am I going to jail?
336
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:24,757
Tell me about you
and Teddy Leopold.
337
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:25,792
Oh, I loved Teddy.
338
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,094
He was like a father to me.
339
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:27,894
Is that so?
340
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,229
Yeah, yeah.
341
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,764
He took me to Vegas,
bought me a hooker.
342
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,567
Would any of you
gentlemen like a date?
343
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,269
Sorry, doll, I'm taken.
344
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,639
But I wouldn't mind footing
the bill for my two boys here.
345
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,108
Hi, I'm Amber.
346
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,010
I'm Tiffany.
347
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,780
Thanks, Daddy!
Thanks, Daddy!
348
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,350
A hooker?
349
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,119
And gelato.
350
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,820
You got my blessing, Teddy.
351
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,588
Shut up
and eat your gelato.
352
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,891
So you were happy
he married your mother?
353
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,560
Are you kidding? I was thrilled.
354
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:01,894
I-I planned the wedding.
355
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,196
And it went great.
356
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,932
The reception not so much.
357
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,267
Why? What happened?
358
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,703
The groom died.
359
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,474
Remember?
360
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:19,012
Do you need to write that down?
361
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:23,416
Do you have any idea
who might have wanted him dead?
362
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,217
No, no.
363
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,552
Everybody loved Teddy.
364
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,387
And-and he was so good
to my mom.
365
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,589
It's a shame
she has to bury another husband.
366
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,024
Another husband?
367
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,692
Yeah.
368
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,195
Um, well, she's, you know,
had a bit of bad luck
369
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,397
in the dead spouse department.
370
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,233
Not that you can have good luck
371
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,269
in the dead spouse department.
372
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,504
Can I have some more coffee?
373
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:45,772
Who ratted me out?
374
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:46,706
Was it Alan?
375
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,108
Oh, it doesn't matter.
376
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,177
Either one of them
would throw me under a bus
377
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,312
for an Eskimo Pie.
378
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:55,415
We'd just like to know
about your late husbands.
379
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,949
All right.
380
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,751
There's not much to tell.
381
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,121
Charlie and Alan's father died
of food poisoning.
382
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,722
Where'd he get the food?
383
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:06,626
I was a young bride.
I was just learning to cook.
384
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:10,463
Nobody told me you don't keep
fish in a drawer.
385
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,633
All right,
what about the others?
386
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,468
Well, the usual.
387
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,737
Um, couple of heart attacks...
388
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,739
a bathtub electrocution.
389
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,476
Why are you grilling me?
390
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,745
I'm not the one who was fighting
with him over money.
391
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:26,779
Who was?
392
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,682
I just don't understand
why you won't help me.
393
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,318
Damn it, Courtney.
We've been through this!
394
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,952
I'm not going
to keep bailing you out.
395
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:35,188
But, Daddy, I...
Don't "but Daddy" me!
396
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,656
What am I supposed to do?
Live on the streets?
397
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,058
TEDDY:
You're supposed to live
within your means!
398
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,095
I want a lawyer.
399
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,667
Tall, soy latte, no foam.
400
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,470
Grandmommy can't drink
this cop swill anymore.
401
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,505
Mom, they told us
to wait here.
402
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,274
Well, that's why
I'm sending Jake.
403
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,576
Think of it
as job training, dear.
404
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,578
Hi, Charlie.
405
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,046
Hey, Charlie.
406
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,914
Hi, Charlie.
407
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,450
Hi, Alan.
408
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,189
Hey, I'm not the one
who's got a dead husband
409
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,224
with someone else's lipstick
on his dipstick.
410
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,261
Has anybody
seen Courtney?
411
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,028
She's talking to her attorney.
412
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,797
Why does she need
an attorney?
413
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,566
GC mass spec analysis revealed
414
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,568
that the lipstick pigment
on the body
415
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,603
matches the lipstick
she was wearing.
416
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,471
Wait!
417
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,905
Courtney
with her own father?
418
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:26,939
Not according
to their DNA.
419
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:27,574
They're not even related.
420
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:28,708
What?!
421
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,210
You're kidding!
That's impossible!
422
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:31,711
They're con artists.
Grifters.
423
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,280
Wanted in half
a dozen states.
424
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,149
His real name
is Nathan Krunk
425
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,750
and she is Sylvia Fishman.
426
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,220
That can't be right.
427
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,888
I was gonna marry her.
428
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,156
What?!
What?!
429
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:48,528
We were gonna surprise you, but
I guess that ship has sailed.
430
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,398
Well, they've got a long
record of marital fraud.
431
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,700
They pick out marks
with more money than brains
432
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,602
and then take 'em
down the aisle.
433
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:57,770
You're just gonna turn
your back on me?
434
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:58,771
Your own daughter?
435
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,139
Don't be such a drama queen!
436
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,108
You know what? Forget it!
I'm out of here.
437
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,776
Courtney, don't be like that!
438
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,445
But
439
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,946
I don't understand.
440
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,181
Teddy didn't
need money.
441
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,816
He was a very
wealthy man.
442
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:14,187
And I practically had to force
Courtney to take my $50,000.
443
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,327
Oh.
444
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,663
But-but what about
his lifestyle?
445
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,199
The-the private jet,
the trips to Vegas?
446
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,667
Bad checks,
stolen credit cards.
447
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,536
The only reason
he didn't want a prenup
448
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,037
was so he could get
a clear shot at your money.
449
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,341
But then why would Courtney
kill her own partner?
450
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,742
She didn't.
451
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,977
They were going at it
hot and heavy
452
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:41,147
and his heart gave out.
453
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,916
(groans)
454
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,786
Yeah, I can see that happening.
455
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,689
What threw us off
at first was
456
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,291
the bruising on the
back of his head.
457
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:52,825
But then autopsy revealed
458
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:56,062
that happened roughly 48 hours
before time of death.
459
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,297
Would still love
to get together.
460
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,498
So give me a call.
461
00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,666
I'm just sitting at home
462
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,167
reading a book.
(Courtney moaning)
463
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:02,669
TEDDY:
Ow, that hurts!
464
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,604
COURTNEY:
Want to switch?
465
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:08,841
TEDDY:
Yeah, let's try banging
your head for a while.
466
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,311
I don't believe it.
467
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,881
She used me. She scammed me.
She took my money.
468
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,750
Courtney!
469
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:18,985
What?
470
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,321
I'll wait for you.
471
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,530
* Men...
472
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,432
Got a postcard
from the black widow.
473
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,268
No kidding.
474
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,836
How's her honeymoon going?
475
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,405
Pretty good, apparently.
476
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,407
She's already met a wealthy
real estate investor.
477
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,576
I gotta admit:
the woman's got spirit.
478
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,612
No matter what life
throws at her,
479
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,415
she always lands on her back.
480
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:51,884
Uh-oh.
481
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,720
What's the matter?
482
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,732
Oh, oh, Jake!
Oh, God!
483
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,769
That was a good one, wasn't it?
32362
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