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1
00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:20,354
This is a 1908 first edition Model T,
2
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,523
with a 30-inch pneumatic clincher.
3
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:26,777
A top speed of 42 miles per hour,
and an outmoded nickel crank.
4
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:31,114
Speaking of outmoded cranks, here's
the owner, C. Montgomery Burns.
5
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,993
You'll have to pry this car
from my cold, dead hand.
6
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,038
Hmm. Well done.
7
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:42,125
All that for today's episode
of Comedians in Cars Kvetching.
8
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,503
With my guest Krusty the Clown.
9
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,547
Today's colleges are too PC.
10
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,258
Don't get me started
on today's colleges.
11
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:53,971
Apparently, college kids don't dig
my Ho Chi Minnow character anymore.
12
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:57,557
What's not to like?
It's a communist fish!
13
00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,477
Oh, I wish I could do
drivel like you, Jerry.
14
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,480
Drivel. Funny word. What's
the plural? "Drivelous"?
15
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:07,985
That looks like you'll be
jaywalking home.
16
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:12,030
Every time a rich comedian runs
out of ideas, he does a car show.
17
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,910
Oh, no. It's Carpool Karaoke.
18
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,206
♪ Shoo-be-dee-bop-bop-bop ♪
19
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,083
♪ Please call 911 ♪
20
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:26,753
Yawn. Everything is so "drivelous".
21
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,046
- _
- Farmers.
22
00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:29,923
- _
- Bazinga'd out.
23
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,800
- _
- Too much sleaze.
24
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,635
- _
- Too many fleas.
25
00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,971
We never watch what I wanna watch.
26
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,973
Okay. What do you want to watch?
27
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,100
Oh. I didn't think I'd get my way.
28
00:01:41,002 --> 00:01:42,936
So much pressure.
29
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:46,523
Okay. Scanning through
1000 channels and...
30
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:48,692
nothing good.
31
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,696
Mom, maybe you could tell a story
about us when we were younger.
32
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:57,409
Um, we've done that a few times.
Not sure what stories are left.
33
00:01:57,492 --> 00:02:00,537
Maggie's first tooth,
Grampa's last tooth,
34
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,915
the time Homer thought he
invented stuffed crust pizza.
35
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,584
I did invent it.
36
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,628
I'm the Thomas Edison of
stuffing things with cheese.
37
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:09,880
Including yourself.
38
00:02:10,603 --> 00:02:11,715
Why you, little.
39
00:02:12,101 --> 00:02:16,720
Your primitive strangling
is no match for fireplace tongs.
40
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,438
We just made some memories, boy.
41
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,819
Well, at least we used
the fireplace for once.
42
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,030
And this does remind me of a story.
43
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:38,283
It's a story of a very sad time,
44
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:43,664
a time when we thought Bart
might be a truly bad boy.
45
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,123
It was four years ago.
46
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:50,045
Bart was six, and Homer was gently
reading little Lisa to sleep.
47
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:55,384
"The scared little bird
walked up to the steam shovel.
48
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,969
"Are you my mother? Asked the bird.
49
00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,639
The steam shovel said, snort!"
50
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,394
This story is terrifying.
51
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,522
Okay, fine. We'll read
a totally not scary book
52
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:12,567
about two lost children
about to be eaten by a witch.
53
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:17,656
Witches, steam shovels, empty pants.
54
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:20,325
One more thing and I'm gonna scream.
55
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,452
I caught a frog, I caught a frog.
56
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,995
Ooh. Where did he go?
57
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,502
What's going on in there?
58
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,379
Boy, quit scaring your sister.
59
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:38,260
I still have nightmares about
that frog. Thanks a lot, Bart.
60
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,804
Hey, my life was great
before you came along.
61
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,515
- I didn't ask to be born.
- Yes, you did.
62
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,892
- No, I didn't.
- Did, did, did.
63
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:48,895
Kids, kids, you're both unwanted.
64
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,897
Now, let's get back to the story.
65
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,941
What creates a misbehaver?
66
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:58,196
In some cases, it could be a father
who is occasionally inconsiderate.
67
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,032
Saying Homer was
occasionally inconsiderate
68
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,577
is like saying Shamu
is sometimes a whale.
69
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,871
Did you know there were
nine different Shamus?
70
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:10,083
I'd rank 'em this way
six, five, two, three...
71
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,544
We're not ranking Shamus again.
72
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:17,048
I'll just conclude by saying, a
whale in captivity just lasts a week.
73
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,926
It's a good week. Except
for the last two hours.
74
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:24,848
As I was saying, sometimes your
father even forgot you were there.
75
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:33,732
Mmm. Carrot.
76
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,277
Homer, there's someone else here
who might have wanted that cookie.
77
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,779
Aw. Sorry, boy.
78
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,364
Ew. Carrot.
79
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,577
You know, the more I
think about it, Homie,
80
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:49,164
I think you may be a
disconnected parent.
81
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,707
Me disconnected?
82
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:59,382
Listen, buster, if you don't bond with
him soon, we're gonna have problems.
83
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:03,053
Whenever you call me buster, it
means something is really bad.
84
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,138
That's right, mister.
85
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,765
Mister is worse than buster.
86
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,351
Since we're having
trouble communicating,
87
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,270
we'll use this whiteboard to
tell each other how we feel.
88
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,607
But even when Homer
tried to help, it didn't help.
89
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:16,608
_
90
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,696
Your turn, boy. Write how you feel.
91
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,156
- I...
- No, no, no, no.
92
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,743
You're not supposed to use
that hand. Try again, Son.
93
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:30,789
Still wrong.
94
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,332
Hey!
95
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,126
This is the hand I wanna use.
96
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:40,799
This is the hand the world wants
you to use. Listen to the world.
97
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:41,925
Never!
98
00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:50,267
Repeat after me: "Right is right."
99
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,560
Right is wrong!
100
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:56,231
It's so hard being a good father.
101
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:59,734
How did people raise
kids before duct tape?
102
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,820
It got to where
all Bart could think about
103
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,905
was how mad he was at Homer.
104
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:12,789
Great news! The doctor says I'm
not stupid like everyone thinks.
105
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,791
I just needed glasses.
106
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,884
Bet you didn't see that coming. Ha-ha!
107
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:29,973
Ha-ha? I've never said
that before. It's beautiful.
108
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,058
Ha-ha!
109
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,060
Ha-ha!
110
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,937
Ha-ha!
111
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,690
Those "ha-ha" s, they speak to me.
112
00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:45,113
I no longer want to be a doctor.
I want to be a bully.
113
00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:48,450
Bart, don't you wish someone
would stand up to bullies?
114
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,164
Ha-ha! Hey, that feels great.
115
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,003
Whatcha plottin', boy? Revenge?
116
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,422
Some bullies have to be taught a lesson.
117
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,718
Oh, I understand. Back in
double-ya double-ya two-ble-ya,
118
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,095
I fought the biggest
bullies in the world.
119
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,221
Got any grenades?
120
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:13,224
Nope. Used the last one
yesterday to warm my soup.
121
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,393
Oh, the nonsense I spout.
122
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,584
- Ay, caramba!
- Why, why, why? D'oh!
123
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,128
My first prank.
124
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,130
Bart hurt Dad!
125
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:49,135
My first tattle. When I first
knew my two shoes were goody.
126
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,804
Lisa sucks!
127
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,264
One of many Lisa suckses.
128
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,557
Bart, be nice.
129
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:58,561
Heavenly Father, Lisa
sucks. Lisa sucks. Amen.
130
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:03,358
Meanwhile, back in the past, Bart
was acting as bad as he does today.
131
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,777
But back then we didn't know why.
132
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:10,824
Homer, I'm afraid Bart may be...
bad seed.
133
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,118
Bad seed? What does that mean?
134
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:16,830
- He's a ne'er-do-well.
- A ne'er-do-what?
135
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,790
He's no darn good!
136
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:29,384
We tried everything the Reverend
recommended to fix Bart's bad behavior.
137
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:35,098
Prayer, ignoring it,
donating $20. Nothing worked.
138
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,351
My recommendation is a larger donation.
139
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,062
Thanks for nothing.
140
00:09:03,045 --> 00:09:04,419
_
141
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:24,064
I need backup. Get
me back up. Literally.
142
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,025
Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
143
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:31,029
A fat man running in and slipping on
a toy. That's hilarious.
144
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,657
Yeah, well, I sort of get it.
145
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,744
We decided you needed professional help.
146
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,040
I'll do everything I can.
147
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,124
Doctor?
148
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:45,250
_
149
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,671
Oh, I see. I'm afraid Bart
will have to see a specialist.
150
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,091
I have more pressing duties.
151
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:55,386
- Pfizer visor?
- Don't mind if I do.
152
00:09:57,636 --> 00:09:59,640
_
153
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:03,561
It's normal for boys Bart's age to
test the limits with their fathers.
154
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,481
Let's take a look at
Bart's file. Let's see.
155
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,150
Loading, loading.
156
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,569
Loading.
157
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:21,079
Oh, my God. He's
attacking his grandfather.
158
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,580
That's his father.
159
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:24,999
He's aged that poor man that much?
160
00:10:29,057 --> 00:10:30,350
_
161
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,507
What the?
162
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,092
Homer is 38.
163
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,635
Dear God.
164
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,847
Bart, you're a very special boy.
165
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:43,560
And sometimes special boys
need to go to special places.
166
00:10:46,886 --> 00:10:49,566
Don't worry, that's not one of our kids.
167
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,360
It's one of the scary
movies we let them watch.
168
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:55,071
This is not where my son belongs.
169
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,783
Sorry, not up to you.
170
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:03,788
It's up to the ultimate authority in
compassionate parenting: state law.
171
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,915
The law? He's just a boy.
172
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,333
To be incarcerated,
173
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,795
the child has to know the
difference between right and wrong.
174
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:14,465
Oh, I know. Right is
wrong. Right is wrong.
175
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:20,972
Okay. I'm just going to say it.
The boy is a P-S-Y-C-H-O.
176
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,140
Psycho!
177
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,517
And there's your second opinion.
178
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:29,314
With an emergency court order, we can
get him immediately into this facility.
179
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,441
The social workers will come Monday
180
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:35,612
in a windowless van disguised
as a colorful ice-cream truck.
181
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,946
No!
182
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,489
It's for Bart's own good.
183
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,451
We have to get him out of this
horrible situation he's in.
184
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,119
You mean our home?
185
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:48,208
Not your home. The terrible people in
it. The house looks absolutely lovely.
186
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,001
Thank you. I try.
187
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,379
But before you leave this
office, Bart, you get a treat.
188
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,925
Ooh, candy. Mmm.
189
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:01,804
Those aren't candies, those are meds,
and you just took a year's worth.
190
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,727
Okay, okay. When they show up,
191
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,980
we just have to convince them
we're nice and normal.
192
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,690
Nice and normal.
193
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,692
Oh, we're doomed.
194
00:12:15,018 --> 00:12:16,733
_
195
00:12:19,979 --> 00:12:21,157
Oh, no.
196
00:12:22,394 --> 00:12:23,443
Oh...
197
00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:27,092
_
198
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,669
Welcome to Baby Juvie, kid.
199
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,296
This is so unfair. He's just a boy.
200
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,924
There's no minimum age
for detention in America.
201
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:41,094
In Florida, for example,
it's as young as seven.
202
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,929
How do I know all this in my dream?
203
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,848
Oh, you're "sloogling".
Sleeping while googling.
204
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,395
Take him away, toys.
205
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,235
We really miss you, boy.
206
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:03,908
The cow says... Moo!
207
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:09,038
That's a phone call you
never wanna get.
208
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:15,545
You know what these signify? That's
right. It's all the times I cried.
209
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,964
Told you not to read Charlotte's Web.
210
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,301
How should I know spiders
have such a short lifespan?
211
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,969
I'll shorten your lifespan.
212
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,681
You keep Charlotte's
name out of your mouth.
213
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,641
Throw 'em in the pit.
214
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,621
Son, I'm breaking you out of here.
215
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,133
Thank God this is just a dream.
216
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:08,806
I... should... have...
checked... consumer reports!
217
00:14:33,876 --> 00:14:35,458
I gotta save him.
218
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:42,048
Boy, I won't let them condemn
you to a life of mental health.
219
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:45,051
I don't know whether
you're a bad kid or not,
220
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,804
but we're gonna drive until we
figure out what's wrong with you.
221
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,681
- Well, if you want to know...
- We can talk in the car.
222
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:54,102
Also, no talking in the car.
I'll be playing sports talk radio.
223
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:57,188
Come on, Steve, if major league players
224
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:58,940
just knew how to bunt
with a man on third,
225
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,942
we wouldn't even be
having this conversation.
226
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,112
We'd be eating a hot
dog with your sister.
227
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:14,163
I was taking a journey to save my son,
but do you know who I was actually saving?
228
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:18,084
- Yourself.
- Would you like to tell the story, Lisa?
229
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,710
- Not really.
- I wish you would.
230
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:20,962
You're much better than me.
231
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:25,007
Thank you. I will. If
you don't mind, I'll podcast it too.
232
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:28,219
This is Lisa Simpson
with Small Town Dorks.
233
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:32,723
Father and son needed to flee, but
first they needed essential supplies.
234
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,979
Oh, my God. They found us.
235
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,982
Relax, pally. They're here
for the donuts, not for you.
236
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,693
Word on the street is
it's free donut day.
237
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,736
I'm afraid you've been misinformed.
238
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,739
- Well, is it free coffee with purchase...
- I'm afraid not.
239
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,492
Well, you're coming
downtown to where I live,
240
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,453
to teach my wife how to
make donuts. Let's go.
241
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,461
Look at him. After
causing all this trouble.
242
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:05,381
He's a pain in the neck.
He's uncontrollable. He's...
243
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:09,302
He's me.
244
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,807
Son, for you, the last donut. Bup.
245
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,935
Thanks, man.
246
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:23,316
Aw. Being a father is finally worth it.
247
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:27,153
How did I do this? Lou, I'm scared.
248
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,492
- We better amscray.
- Amscray? What's that mean?
249
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:36,746
I don't know, and I probably
never will. Now we gotta scram.
250
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,169
What's this dump?
251
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:46,756
Oh, I'd come here when things
got hairy with my father.
252
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,344
♪ With you I could learn to ♪
253
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,428
♪ With you... ♪
254
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,849
Myrna, Myrna, why did you leave me?
255
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:59,185
Dad, It's been ten years,
and her name is Mona.
256
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,895
Don't you tell me how to grieve.
257
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,984
Who do you think you're
comforting? Skedaddle!
258
00:17:08,409 --> 00:17:09,987
Nobody loves me.
259
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:19,288
You know, maybe my father's insensitivity
to me led to my insensitivity to you.
260
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,041
- Dad?
- There's a pattern here.
261
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,125
Dad!
262
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:27,171
Maybe, just maybe, if I
could break the cycle...
263
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,715
Dad, look. A full can of beer.
264
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,050
Whoo!
265
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,719
What was I saying? Uh, it
must not have been important.
266
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:39,141
Tonight we sleep here. Tomorrow, we
make for Canada, the Mexico of Alaska.
267
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,604
I'm gonna say the rudest
thing a Canadian has ever said.
268
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,523
Sorry, but no.
269
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,733
Here's some maple syrup
for your trip back, eh?
270
00:17:48,187 --> 00:17:49,485
Thanks for nothing.
271
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:53,447
Fine, we'll hide here. It'll
be magic. Pick a poop window.
272
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,783
You and me against the world, Son.
273
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,286
Now, let's get some sleep.
274
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:02,748
I love you, Dad.
275
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,542
I love you too.
276
00:18:13,052 --> 00:18:15,552
_
277
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,888
This childhood is over.
278
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:22,810
And in case we have to deal with that
quote unquote "father", I brought this.
279
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,399
Boy, they're coming for you.
280
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,568
We have the tree surrounded.
281
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:33,321
Just toss your boy out
of the window, headfirst,
282
00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:35,406
- and no one gets hurt.
- Never!
283
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:39,952
We've got the one thing no
kid can resist. Glow sticks.
284
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:41,078
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
285
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,580
Come on, boy. Gotta be strong.
286
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:43,956
- Do as I say.
- Colors, colors, colors,
287
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,875
- colors, colors, colors.
- Neon pink. No, it's a trap.
288
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,044
Listen to me, Son. The glow
sticks are beautiful now,
289
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,671
but you'll feel cheap when
you see them in the morning.
290
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:53,007
Also, the insides taste like crap.
291
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,300
No!
292
00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:01,098
Just take a bite of this ice cream,
young man. And we can be on our way.
293
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,808
No, it's drugged!
294
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,316
My thoughts, they're getting organized.
295
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,818
I'm remembering my PIN
codes and my passwords,
296
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,488
where I parked at Itchy & Scratchy Land.
297
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:20,284
Oh, my God. I remember Marge's birthday.
298
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,957
- Oh, yeah, that's pretty neat.
- Not bad. That's pretty cool.
299
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:31,128
But the biggest thing I remember
is, my son is not a bad boy.
300
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,630
You've mistaken my indifference,
301
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,674
my ham-handed attempts
to help him grow up,
302
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:37,927
and my borderline alcoholism
for me not giving a damn.
303
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:41,806
Let them go!
304
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:45,726
Sorry, Marge, I have a court
order that says otherwise.
305
00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:47,634
_
306
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:50,731
Doctor, I've never thought
more clearly in my life.
307
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,067
This is my son, and I love him.
308
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,277
Losing him would be like losing my arm,
309
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,656
the important one, the
one I bowl with. Please.
310
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,617
They teach us at Johns
Hopkins not to have feelings.
311
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,994
But damn it, this is getting to me.
312
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:05,246
Why?
313
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,666
Son, what do you want?
314
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,751
Use this whiteboard.
315
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:20,510
_
316
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:22,179
D'oh! Whoo-hoo!
317
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,307
We're done here.
318
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,270
Thank God.
319
00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:31,230
Give your dad a kiss, Son.
320
00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:34,108
Ow! It's like sandpaper.
321
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:36,318
Come on, dig in there good.
322
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,903
Mwah!
323
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:53,961
And that was the first of many
times we fended off family services.
324
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:56,505
Not again.
325
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:57,923
You know what to do, people.
326
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,932
I just can't give away
these oatmeal cookies.
327
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,309
Yoink!
328
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,936
Just take the ding dang plate!
329
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,040
Shh!
330
00:21:34,074 --> 00:21:37,006
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