Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:04,128
[Engine revving]
2
00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:06,047
[Tires peel]
3
00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:14,472
[Petticoat junction
playing on TV]
4
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,431
Does it bother
anybody eise
5
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:18,976
that these women
live in hooterville?
6
00:00:19,143 --> 00:00:20,019
Technically,
petticoat junction
7
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,771
is down the track
from hooterville.
8
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:22,772
Ok, does it
bother anybody eise
9
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,900
that they live down
the track from hooterville?
10
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:26,692
It bothers me
11
00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:30,112
that they bathe in
the town water tank.
12
00:00:30,279 --> 00:00:31,572
With the dog.
13
00:00:31,739 --> 00:00:32,865
It isn't
the drinking water.
14
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:35,284
It is the water
for the train.
15
00:00:35,451 --> 00:00:37,328
It's still three
naked women with a dog.
16
00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:40,414
I want to be
the hooterville dog.
17
00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:44,293
Coming down.
18
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,461
Now don't mind me.
19
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,296
I'm just putting
some clothes in.
20
00:00:47,463 --> 00:00:50,633
Eric, honey, I thought you could
wear this on your birthday.
21
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,594
It's nice. You look
so handsome in it.
22
00:00:53,761 --> 00:00:55,888
Why would I want to
dress nice on my birthday?
23
00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:57,014
It's your birthday?
24
00:00:57,181 --> 00:00:57,932
Oh, you never know
25
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,269
what's going to happen
on your birthday.
26
00:01:01,435 --> 00:01:05,064
Mom. Mom, do not throw
a party for me.
27
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,191
Oh, well, listen
to Mr. Popularity.
28
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,820
Like I have time
to plan you a party.
29
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,156
Oh...
30
00:01:14,323 --> 00:01:16,075
By the way,
your sister Laurie
31
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,828
is coming home
from college for the weekend.
32
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:22,290
No special reason.
She just is.
33
00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,084
Well, you're
getting a party,
34
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,503
and, best of all,
it's a surprise.
35
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,505
I just realized
Donna's older than you.
36
00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:30,590
Only by a month.
37
00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:31,882
Good for you,
Eric.
38
00:01:32,049 --> 00:01:33,050
Good for me, what?
39
00:01:33,217 --> 00:01:35,678
In my country,
it is good luck
40
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,221
to fall in love with
an older woman.
41
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,764
Fez. Fez.
42
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:41,142
No. They come
with livestock.
43
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:46,314
♪ Hangin' out ♪
44
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:50,026
♪ down the street ♪
45
00:01:50,192 --> 00:01:53,696
♪ the same old thing ♪
46
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:57,074
♪ we did last week ♪
47
00:01:57,241 --> 00:02:01,287
♪ not a thing to do ♪
48
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,498
♪ but talk to you ♪
49
00:02:04,665 --> 00:02:07,043
♪ whoa, yeah ♪♪
50
00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:09,045
Captioning made possible by carsey-Werner
productions and fox broadcasting company
51
00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:12,506
hello, Wisconsin!
52
00:02:14,842 --> 00:02:17,428
♪ Hey! Little girl ♪
53
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,563
Morning.
54
00:02:27,813 --> 00:02:29,190
Morning.
55
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,485
Uh-uh.
56
00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,780
I'll get it.
57
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:42,495
Uh-uh.
58
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,455
I'll get it.
59
00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:50,795
Did I just see about seven bags
of potato chips in there?
60
00:02:50,961 --> 00:02:53,381
They were on sale.
61
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,300
Please don't
throw me a party.
62
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:57,593
I'm not throwing
a party.
63
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:58,511
Don't give him one.
64
00:02:58,678 --> 00:02:59,470
I'm not.
65
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,138
He's too old
for a surprise party.
66
00:03:01,305 --> 00:03:02,556
I'm agreeing
with you.
67
00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:03,349
Then stop yelling.
68
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,726
I'm not yelling.
69
00:03:05,893 --> 00:03:06,936
Look, I know
money is tight,
70
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,562
so I don't want
a big birthday.
71
00:03:08,729 --> 00:03:12,024
I'll decide
when money is tight.
72
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:14,318
Now, what kind of gift
do you want?
73
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:15,778
Don't worry
about the cost,
74
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,030
as long as
it's reasonable.
75
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:21,659
Ok. I would like a
cassette player for the car.
76
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,662
A cassette.
Not an 8-track.
77
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:27,915
No 8-track, ok?
78
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,250
You know, I don't know
why they don't just put
79
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,627
record players in cars.
80
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,589
The point is,
81
00:03:35,756 --> 00:03:37,675
I don't want
an 8-track tape player.
82
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:38,801
Then you won't get one.
83
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,678
Oh, but, honey,
he wants one.
84
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:44,265
No. I want a tape player,
just not an 8-track.
85
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,391
You're gettin' a delco--
86
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,767
a genuine gm part
87
00:03:46,934 --> 00:03:50,563
for your
genuine gm car.
88
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:51,647
It doesn't have
to be a delco.
89
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:52,732
It's just for music.
90
00:03:52,898 --> 00:03:55,818
Oh, now see,
now there's your first mistake.
91
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,571
Parts have to be
compatible, Eric.
92
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:05,202
You're not burning cheap gas
in that car, are you?
93
00:04:05,369 --> 00:04:06,954
No, sir.
94
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,916
Well, I'm going out.
95
00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,293
Oh. Oh, good.
96
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,297
Um, I want you to run
to the store for me,
97
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,757
get a large
can of frosting
98
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:19,884
and 15 small bags
of m&ms,
99
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:23,012
plain, not peanuts.
100
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,310
They're for
your sister.
101
00:04:35,649 --> 00:04:37,443
Oh.
102
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,029
That was close.
103
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:51,540
So?
104
00:04:51,707 --> 00:04:52,666
What?
105
00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:54,794
What are you gonna
get Eric for his birthday?
106
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,378
I don't know.
107
00:04:56,545 --> 00:04:58,589
Nothing seems right.
108
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,717
I wanna give him
something special.
109
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,138
He kissed you!
110
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:06,806
Shh.
111
00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:07,431
Get in the car.
112
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:10,559
Donna, get in the car
so we can talk.
113
00:05:14,688 --> 00:05:16,357
Ok, what happened?
114
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,859
Jackie, I'm not gonna
talk to you about this.
115
00:05:19,026 --> 00:05:21,195
Then who are you
gonna talk to?
116
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,532
[Farting noises]
117
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:28,118
Ok. We get home from
the rundgren concert,
118
00:05:28,285 --> 00:05:29,912
and I'm sitting on
the hood of the car
119
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,288
and I kissed him.
120
00:05:31,455 --> 00:05:34,083
French or American?
121
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:34,834
I can't believe
122
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,460
I'm talking to you
about this.
123
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,171
Guys, no!
124
00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:43,425
Ok. So...
125
00:05:43,592 --> 00:05:45,845
Look, I've lived next door
to Eric my entire life,
126
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,263
and we talk about
everything together.
127
00:05:47,429 --> 00:05:49,473
We love the same music,
we love the packers.
128
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,141
Then I kissed him,
and everything changed.
129
00:05:51,308 --> 00:05:52,351
And now I don't know
if he's my boyfriend
130
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,185
of if he's
my best friend.
131
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,728
If he's my boyfriend,
I lose my best friend.
132
00:05:54,895 --> 00:05:55,604
If I screw it up,
133
00:05:55,771 --> 00:05:57,314
I lose my best friend
and my boyfriend.
134
00:05:57,481 --> 00:05:58,858
Now I have to get him
this gift, and I don't--
135
00:05:59,024 --> 00:06:00,985
Donna. Donna!
136
00:06:02,736 --> 00:06:04,321
I've solved it.
137
00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:07,366
Get him
a scented candle.
138
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,286
A scented candle?
139
00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:13,080
It's practical
and romantic.
140
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,124
Oh, yeah.
141
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,335
Hey! Hey!
142
00:06:18,502 --> 00:06:20,087
Hey! Hey! Hey!
143
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,049
I had the ball last.
I win.
144
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:25,551
No, you didn't win.
145
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,303
Yes. I had the ball
last. I--
146
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,932
holy mother.
147
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,354
[Deep voice]
Hello, Laurie.
148
00:06:37,521 --> 00:06:38,814
Hello, keiso.
149
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,774
Hyde.
150
00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:44,987
Who is the goddess?
151
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,823
The goddess
is Eric's sister.
152
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:48,699
She's not a goddess.
153
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,451
She's more the earth mother-
whore type,
154
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,661
which works for me.
155
00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:57,166
Laurie.
156
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,334
Eric.
157
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,336
Shouldn't you put
some clothes on?
158
00:07:00,502 --> 00:07:01,211
Why?
159
00:07:01,378 --> 00:07:03,631
Aren't you
a little cold?
160
00:07:03,797 --> 00:07:05,549
No. In fact, I'm hot.
161
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:09,136
Oh, well then why
don't you go upstairs?
162
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,680
I am waiting for my jeans
to come out of the dryer,
163
00:07:11,847 --> 00:07:13,390
and I want you
to stay off my case.
164
00:07:13,557 --> 00:07:15,643
It'll only
take me a minute.
165
00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:19,521
I don't think keiso's
gonna last that long.
166
00:07:19,688 --> 00:07:20,272
Too bad.
167
00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:22,775
It's not like I'm completely
naked under this.
168
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,360
I'm wearing underwear.
169
00:07:24,526 --> 00:07:25,444
See?
170
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,739
Oh!
Ay!
171
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:29,490
If we were
at the beach,
172
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,908
you wouldn't
even notice me.
173
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,034
If we were
at the beach,
174
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:35,162
keiso would be in
the water right now.
175
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,709
So I understand
you have the wagon now.
176
00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:41,794
I want to borrow it
tomorrow night.
177
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,212
I need it.
178
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,838
Ok, but I need a favor.
179
00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:46,882
For you,
I don't think so.
180
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,425
Come on.
181
00:07:48,592 --> 00:07:49,051
Look, just tell mom
182
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,303
I'm too old for
surprise parties.
183
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:52,513
But you're the baby,
184
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,683
and mama loves
her baby.
185
00:07:55,849 --> 00:07:56,350
Well, if you do it,
186
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,726
you can borrow
the vista cruiser.
187
00:07:57,893 --> 00:07:58,435
All night.
188
00:07:58,602 --> 00:08:00,854
All night?
189
00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:02,272
Fine.
190
00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:04,149
Then it's a deal...
191
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:06,235
Baby.
192
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:13,325
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
193
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,745
Whoa-ho.
194
00:08:16,912 --> 00:08:18,539
Yeah.
195
00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:24,378
Your sister wants me.
196
00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:27,006
I mean, you saw her
coming on to me, right?
197
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:30,342
Let him go.
198
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:33,387
Remember? I said,
"hello, Laurie."
199
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,180
And Laurie said...
200
00:08:35,347 --> 00:08:36,432
Hello, keiso.
201
00:08:36,598 --> 00:08:37,391
I'm waiting,
202
00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,101
and I want you,
baby.
203
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,561
Take me now.
204
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,062
I need it bad.
205
00:08:42,229 --> 00:08:43,355
I need it all night.
206
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:45,524
And mama loves
her baby.
207
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,109
I'm completely naked
under this.
208
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,236
And I'm hot
for you, keiso.
209
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,540
What?
210
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,375
You didn't see it?
211
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,670
[Cat caterwauling]
212
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:09,131
Get outta the yard!
213
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:17,681
So, how's your
friend...Janis?
214
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,892
Pregnant.
215
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,186
Oh, she was such
a nice girl.
216
00:09:22,352 --> 00:09:24,980
How does that happen?
217
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,899
Well, first
the egg traveis
218
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,817
down the fallopian tube
to the uterus,
219
00:09:28,984 --> 00:09:30,444
where it attaches
to the wall.
220
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,362
Eric, for god sakes,
221
00:09:32,529 --> 00:09:36,658
that's no language
for a woman to hear.
222
00:09:36,825 --> 00:09:39,369
It's ok, red. I know
what a fallopian tube is.
223
00:09:39,536 --> 00:09:42,289
I think mom does, too.
224
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,041
Well, I just don't
like my little boy
225
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,418
bandying those words about.
226
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:49,755
You're still my baby.
227
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,799
Thanks, mom.
228
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:55,010
Laurie.
229
00:09:55,177 --> 00:10:00,557
Quit staring at your sister
and eat your carrots.
230
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:01,892
Oh, yeah. Eric wanted me
to tell you
231
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:04,436
that he thinks
he's too old for a party.
232
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:07,523
Keys.
233
00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:09,149
There's no party.
234
00:10:09,316 --> 00:10:12,444
Laurie, loose lips...
235
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:13,403
Oh, Laurie,
I just remembered
236
00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:14,863
I can't loan you
the vista cruiser,
237
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:18,659
on account of
I hate you.
238
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,370
Laurie, you're not driving
the vista cruiser.
239
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,163
It's old and undependable.
240
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:23,997
It could break down,
241
00:10:24,164 --> 00:10:27,376
and you'd be at the mercy of
any maniac who came along.
242
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,545
That's ok for Eric,
243
00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:31,588
but you're taking
the Toyota.
244
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:39,221
Oh, and, um...
Here's a 20.
245
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:42,516
Will that cover gas?
246
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,308
Oh, well, it should--
247
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:48,188
honey. Honey, give her
another 10 just in case.
248
00:10:48,355 --> 00:10:51,525
Uh, I could probably
use some gas money.
249
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:54,153
Yeah, and
if a frog had wings,
250
00:10:54,319 --> 00:10:57,447
he wouldn't bump his ass
when he hops.
251
00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:02,411
[Doorbell ringing]
252
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:07,416
I'm coming, I'm coming.
253
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,959
Donna?
254
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,794
Donna, it's 3 A.M.
are you crazy?
255
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,171
Crazy?
256
00:11:12,337 --> 00:11:16,175
Crazy in love
with you.
257
00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:16,884
What is it about you
258
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:20,012
that drives me wild
with passion and desire?
259
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,514
Well, I am...
260
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:25,309
17 now.
261
00:11:25,475 --> 00:11:28,437
Shut up
and sit down.
262
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,567
I have to give you
your birthday present.
263
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,528
It can't wait
any longer.
264
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,531
Close your eyes.
265
00:11:42,826 --> 00:11:44,244
This is my
birthday present?
266
00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:46,997
No, that's my nightgown.
267
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,624
I'm your present.
268
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:51,210
Open your eyes,
birthday boy.
269
00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:52,044
Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
270
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,587
Aah!
271
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,549
A birthday breakfast,
272
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,051
and this is it,
young man.
273
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,887
A few gifts tonight,
and the end.
274
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,305
And it is too late
275
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,224
to change your mind
about a party now.
276
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:06,683
So don't think
you're getting one,
277
00:12:06,850 --> 00:12:10,687
or you will be
sorely disappointed.
278
00:12:14,441 --> 00:12:17,069
Happy birthday.
279
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,612
You know, uh...
280
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:22,574
The lawn's not
gonna cut itseif.
281
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,201
Thanks, mom.
282
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,452
Dad.
283
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:26,870
Hey, little brother.
284
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,413
Nice tent.
285
00:12:43,136 --> 00:12:47,057
Look, I know what
you're all doing here.
286
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,185
What are you
talking about, man?
287
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,145
We're just hanging out
like always.
288
00:12:52,312 --> 00:12:53,188
Except we're
dressed nice,
289
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,732
but that doesn't
mean anything.
290
00:13:01,029 --> 00:13:02,197
Hl, kids.
291
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:05,367
Um, I need your help
with something.
292
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,287
Jackie, Donna,
Michael, Steven...
293
00:13:08,453 --> 00:13:09,788
Young man
with an accent.
294
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,957
Could you
give me a hand?
295
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,834
Not you, Eric.
296
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,436
Oh, god. I can't take it.
297
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,230
But--
298
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,983
no. No.
299
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,361
No, sir.
300
00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:43,238
Eric. Eric, honey.
301
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:46,116
Honey, could you come
up here for a second?
302
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,785
Shut up. He's coming.
303
00:13:49,786 --> 00:13:52,622
All: Surprise!
304
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,835
Wow.
305
00:13:57,002 --> 00:14:00,297
I mean...Yeah.
306
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:03,258
It's an 8-track
tape player.
307
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:04,301
I see that.
308
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:05,510
Just what
you asked for.
309
00:14:05,677 --> 00:14:06,595
You made such
a big deal about it,
310
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,722
I wrote it down.
311
00:14:11,516 --> 00:14:12,934
Cassettes.
312
00:14:13,101 --> 00:14:14,728
Great. Thanks, Hyde.
313
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,021
You're welcome.
314
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,524
Oh, let's put them in
the 8-track and play them.
315
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,488
Hey. It's a hot-shave
dispenser.
316
00:14:24,654 --> 00:14:28,617
Oh, he won't need that
for a long time.
317
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,494
A long, long time.
318
00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:31,328
Of course he will.
319
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,704
He's almost like a man.
320
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:35,624
[Laughing, sobbing]
321
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:37,626
I got you something.
322
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,670
No. Donna, help me
find my purse.
323
00:14:40,837 --> 00:14:43,965
Now.
324
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,052
Jackie, you didn't
even bring a purse.
325
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,054
Duh. You can't give
him your present
326
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,764
in front of
his guy friends.
327
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:53,725
I am one of his
guy friends.
328
00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:54,851
Look, Donna,
I've put
329
00:14:55,018 --> 00:14:57,187
a lot of thought
into this gift.
330
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,731
Please do not
wreck this for me.
331
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:01,024
I'm sorry.
332
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,693
I guess I was
being seifish.
333
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:05,946
It's ok.
334
00:15:10,033 --> 00:15:12,327
Ok. It's time
we disappeared.
335
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,621
What, honey? Honey,
the party just started.
336
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,248
I know, and that's why
we're going over to Bob's.
337
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,208
Well, I wanted
to give Eric a party.
338
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:19,918
And you did.
339
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:23,046
You make a mess,
you're all grounded.
340
00:15:25,882 --> 00:15:28,135
You darn kids.
341
00:15:28,301 --> 00:15:30,387
Well, you know, what if they
run out of ketchup or something?
342
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:31,263
Let's go.
343
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,598
Ok. Well, we have
more buns, and, uh...
344
00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:37,227
And sweet pickles
if you don't like the dilis.
345
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,191
Ok. I'd love to stay,
but I'm leaving.
346
00:15:43,358 --> 00:15:45,819
Hey, buy us some beers,
we'll pay double.
347
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:46,445
Do you really think
348
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:49,614
that beer will make
your little party better?
349
00:15:49,781 --> 00:15:51,867
Yes. Yes. Yeah.
350
00:15:52,033 --> 00:15:53,118
Alright, maybe it would
give you young people
351
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,369
a sense of maturity,
352
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,745
but it would be
a faise maturity.
353
00:15:55,912 --> 00:15:57,539
And that
would be wrong.
354
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,040
So you're not
gonna do it?
355
00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:00,292
Of course not.
356
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:00,959
Now I'm going off
357
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,211
to join my legal
friends at a party--
358
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,964
with a keg. Bye.
359
00:16:08,049 --> 00:16:11,595
So...laurie,
360
00:16:11,761 --> 00:16:12,304
where's the party?
361
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,930
You know, maybe we'll...
362
00:16:14,097 --> 00:16:17,017
Cruise by later.
363
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,853
In your dreams,
you idiot.
364
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:25,317
Ok. You guys
had to see that.
365
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,780
Three fours. I need them.
366
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:35,702
Bob is very good
at yahtzee.
367
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:36,828
The liquor cabinet.
368
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:37,996
It's locked.
369
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,749
What if there's
an emergency?
370
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:41,708
They'll call.
371
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:42,792
What if they run out
of chips?
372
00:16:42,959 --> 00:16:44,252
They'll starve.
373
00:16:44,419 --> 00:16:47,130
I'm gonna fix myseif
a Tom Collins.
374
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,381
Red?
375
00:16:48,548 --> 00:16:50,509
No. Kitty needs one.
376
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:51,927
Well, I am just
so worried.
377
00:16:52,093 --> 00:16:54,095
Oh, my lord,
Laurie's leaving.
378
00:16:54,262 --> 00:16:55,889
Well, honey,
she's in college.
379
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,724
She doesn't wanna
hang around with them.
380
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,852
Well, maybe I should
make a call just in ca--
381
00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:04,648
kitty.
382
00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:06,316
What could happen?
383
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:12,072
What could happen?
384
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:15,158
Well, plenty could happen.
385
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,285
Oh, plenty.
386
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:18,828
[Kitty's voice throughout]
387
00:17:18,995 --> 00:17:20,539
Now that the aduits
are gone,
388
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:24,543
we can be as bad
as we want.
389
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:28,755
Who wants to give Eric
a venereal disease?
390
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:32,133
Hey, look. Coasters.
391
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,804
Forget coasters.
392
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,097
Please, fellas,
393
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:41,851
my mom put out
coasters for a reason.
394
00:17:42,018 --> 00:17:43,937
I think I'm gonna
put my drink
395
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,231
directly
on the furniture.
396
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:50,527
That way, it will
leave a ring.
397
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,070
No!
398
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:57,951
Why, oh, why didn't
I beg my mother to stay?
399
00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,287
Quiet, you silly
American.
400
00:18:00,453 --> 00:18:02,581
I am making
a long distance call
401
00:18:02,747 --> 00:18:05,834
on your parents' phone.
402
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,919
But that's immoral.
403
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:10,338
Hah! In my country of--
404
00:18:10,505 --> 00:18:13,675
wherever it is I am from,
I can never tell--
405
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:16,428
morais get in the way
of a good dirty time.
406
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,056
But first, I need
to eat some chips.
407
00:18:20,223 --> 00:18:22,934
What? Out of chips?!
408
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:24,853
Now I am mad.
409
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:28,398
I must shoot something.
410
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,526
Not the littlest hobo!
411
00:18:36,114 --> 00:18:39,576
Why?
412
00:18:40,827 --> 00:18:43,288
You're overreacting.
413
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,332
Oh, kitty, when Valerie
went off to school,
414
00:18:45,498 --> 00:18:46,416
I feit the same way.
415
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:51,129
But this little book
of poems helped me.
416
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:55,175
It's called
verses from an empty nest.
417
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:55,884
Read her that one
418
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,470
about the little bird
that lost its way.
419
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,931
Ahem. "The little bird
that once did sing
420
00:19:02,098 --> 00:19:04,643
is now alone
with broken wing."
421
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:07,520
Oh, god.
422
00:19:07,687 --> 00:19:10,231
Yup. That sounds nice.
423
00:19:10,398 --> 00:19:11,858
I need a refill.
424
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,234
But, honey, usually
you only drink one.
425
00:19:13,401 --> 00:19:15,528
Well, tonight
I'm having two.
426
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,449
Wait on the porch,
and I'll get Eric.
427
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,326
It's dark out there.
428
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,703
And you're giving him
a candle.
429
00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:26,456
Yeah.
430
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:27,666
Here. Matches.
431
00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:28,958
He might not want
to light it.
432
00:19:29,125 --> 00:19:31,503
Don't say that.
Don't even think it.
433
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:35,340
Now, when he opens it,
he'll say, "cool"
434
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,383
or something.
435
00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:42,430
And then you give him
a look like this...
436
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,184
What did you get
from Donna?
437
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,811
Nothing yet.
438
00:19:47,977 --> 00:19:51,648
Oh...
439
00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:55,610
Maybe it's
the big gift.
440
00:19:55,777 --> 00:20:01,658
You know,
the really big gift.
441
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,910
You guys know
what I'm saying
442
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:07,163
when I say
"the big gift," right?
443
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:09,958
Yeah. We got it.
444
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,085
And we got it.
445
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,002
I'm not even
from here,
446
00:20:13,169 --> 00:20:15,296
and I got it.
447
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:21,094
Oh, Eric,
Donna's on the porch.
448
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,181
He's getting
the big gift.
449
00:20:28,643 --> 00:20:30,311
Oh, a sand candle.
450
00:20:30,478 --> 00:20:31,521
This is very cool.
451
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,648
Oh, it's nothing.
452
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:48,747
Are you ok?
453
00:20:48,913 --> 00:20:51,875
Oh. I'm fine, yeah.
454
00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:53,168
'Cause you had a look
455
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:56,629
like you might be
sick or something.
456
00:20:56,796 --> 00:20:59,674
I am just being
completely stupid.
457
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:00,800
Hey, that's my job.
458
00:21:00,967 --> 00:21:02,343
Well...
459
00:21:02,969 --> 00:21:04,637
I was worried
about the gift.
460
00:21:04,804 --> 00:21:08,349
Why? This is
a very cool gift.
461
00:21:08,516 --> 00:21:09,851
I'd light it
if I had matches.
462
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:12,187
Oh! Here.
463
00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:16,983
You thought
of everything.
464
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:20,403
Well, happy birthday.
465
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,578
[Garbage can falis over]
466
00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:29,412
[Giggling]
467
00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:32,040
Aw.
468
00:21:33,708 --> 00:21:36,753
Look at this.
469
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,964
Oh, we never thought
to put a candle out here.
470
00:21:40,131 --> 00:21:42,759
Oh, it is just so romantic.
471
00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:45,595
Let's...
Let's keep moving.
472
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,096
There's nothing
to see out here.
473
00:21:47,263 --> 00:21:49,432
Thanks...thanks, dad.
474
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:52,393
Kitty: Oh, we have candles
in the bedroom, don't we?
475
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:03,780
This is it.
He's going for it.
476
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:05,949
It's his birthday.
She should kiss him first.
477
00:22:06,115 --> 00:22:07,700
She did last time.
478
00:22:07,867 --> 00:22:08,910
What?
479
00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:10,495
Nothing.
480
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,080
Shut up
and watch.
481
00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,998
Come on, forman,
go for it.
482
00:22:14,165 --> 00:22:17,043
The door's open.
We can hear you.
483
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,881
We can see you.
484
00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:24,425
Fez: Is he kissing her?
485
00:22:24,592 --> 00:22:27,303
Michael: None of us
can see them, Fez.
486
00:22:27,470 --> 00:22:28,888
Fez: Eric, are you
kissing her?
487
00:22:29,055 --> 00:22:30,598
Captioning made possible by carsey-Werner
productions and fox broadcasting company
31798
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof