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1
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:10,800
(INHALES DEEPLY)
2
00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,240
Arthur?
3
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,840
Arthur? Where are you?
4
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,360
Arthur?
5
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,280
Arthur?
6
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,440
Are you OK?
7
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,520
Of course. Why?
8
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:39,920
Well, gardening.
9
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,600
It's not like you.
10
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,880
Thanks, Mum.
11
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:57,760
Mum?
12
00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,080
What?
13
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,120
What are you doing?
14
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,240
What?
15
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:07,160
I said, what are you doing?
16
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,680
Well, I'm looking through a bin.
17
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:09,680
Yeah, why?
18
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,200
What?
19
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,760
I said, why are you looking through
the bin?
20
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,400
Shush, Arthur, keep your voice down.
21
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,920
I think one of the neighbours
is putting stuff in our bin.
22
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,320
You know, there must be some
evolutionary reason why the older
23
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,600
a person gets, the more obsessed
they become with their wheelie bin.
24
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,360
Oh, Arthur, speak up.
25
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,880
I said, I'll keep a lookout
for anything suspicious.
26
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,800
Now, Mum, it's too hot
to be rummaging through the garbage
27
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,000
like a raccoon.
28
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,160
What did you want?
29
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,920
Oh, yes.
30
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,640
There's this show
I've seen advertisements for.
31
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,200
Nurses Of War.
And it's got that actress.
32
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,440
Oh, what's her name?
She's great.
33
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,520
Um, they're in that place.
34
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,480
Nurses Of War.
You're talking about Nurses Of War.
35
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,920
And it's about nurses.
36
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,200
Who are in the war.
37
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,440
Mum, look at me.
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
38
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,520
It's Nurses Of War.
39
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,760
That's it. Nurses Of War.
40
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,760
Great. Now I've got work to do.
41
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,640
Arthur, how do I watch it?
42
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,440
With your eyes.
43
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:03,920
Now, seriously, I've got deadlines.
44
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,200
No, you know what I mean.
45
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,120
I mean, what do I watch it on?
46
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,520
A screen.
47
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,680
Arthur Boye, don't be so smart.
You know what I mean.
48
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,360
I mean, you know, the thing.
49
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:15,960
Oh, yeah.
50
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,040
Silly me. The thing.
51
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,840
I should have known the thing
52
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,560
is what you were talking about
the whole time.
53
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,320
I'll just go and magic up the thing.
54
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,480
And then I've got work to do. OK?
55
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:30,440
(LAUGHS)
Oh, Arthur, video games aren't work.
56
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,840
Ah, there you go, Mum.
57
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:46,320
All the horrors of Normandy right
from the comfort of your own bed.
58
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,000
Mm-hm.
59
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,480
Where are you going?
60
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,000
I thought we could watch this
together.
61
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,680
Sorry, am I on a prank show
or something?
62
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,000
I literally just said
that I have work to do.
63
00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,160
Oh, well, give my love
to your Internet family.
64
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:04,160
You certainly see a lot more of them
than your own mother...
65
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,680
the widow.
66
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,480
(THEME MUSIC STARTS)
Enjoy Nurses Of War, Mum.
67
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:17,280
Feel free to enjoy all eight seasons
back to back. Twice.
68
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,720
You do your clickety clack work.
69
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,400
You won't hear a peep out of me.
70
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,600
Thank you.
71
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,520
(WHISTLING)
72
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,520
(EXPLOSION)
73
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,120
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
74
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,960
(DOGS BARK)
75
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:14,960
(TV PLAYS LOUDLY)
76
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,600
Mum?
Look, Arthur.
77
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,400
Nurses Of War is on the TV, too.
78
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,920
Mum, what are you doing?
79
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,760
You're supposed to be watching this
in your bedroom.
80
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,960
I couldn't hear anything
on that tiny little pill.
81
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,800
You mean the tablet?
The what?
82
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,240
Mum, it's too loud. The neighbours
will think we're bikies.
83
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:31,440
They'll think we're what?
84
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,320
Speak up, Arthur.
85
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,600
You're as bad as the people
on the TV.
86
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:36,840
OK...
87
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,960
Mum, it's too loud.
88
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,600
Well, don't blame me.
89
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,400
Blame the people who do the sound
for these things.
90
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,080
I can't hear the people speaking.
91
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,720
It's like a Charlie Chaplin film
with gunfire.
92
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,280
I'm just going to try something.
93
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,160
When Robbie and I had our infamous
window smash party,
94
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,960
I was the one who vomited
all the Cheese Twisties on your bed.
95
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:06,520
Nice fashion show, Arthur, but you
don't really need to pirouette.
96
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,040
You didn't hear anything
I just said?
97
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,840
You didn't say anything.
98
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,560
Mum... (CLEARS THROAT)
99
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,800
..this a little bit hard
for me to say, but...
100
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,040
..I think you're losing
your hearing.
101
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,120
My earring?
102
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,720
Quick, scan the ground.
103
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,520
It must be here somewhere.
104
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,720
It's that TV, Arthur.
105
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,480
How can any sound come out
of such tiny speakers?
106
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,680
Mum, an IMAX screen
wouldn't stop the fact
107
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,560
that you're losing your hearing, OK?
108
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,920
There is nothing wrong
with my hearing, Arthur.
109
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,160
Your articulation, on the other
hand.
110
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,800
My mother always said you've got
to mind your P's and Q's,
111
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,240
but you, you've got to find
your P's and Q's.
112
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,120
I'll find some F's and C's
113
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,400
if I keep having to repeat myself
a million times a day.
114
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,480
What?
115
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,920
I said,
you need to get a hearing test.
116
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,960
Oh, well, if you think
I'm going to let some stranger
117
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,120
poke and prod at my aural cavities,
118
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,800
you've got another thing coming.
119
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,360
Mum, no one's poking or prodding.
120
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,560
It's just a free test.
121
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:19,960
Oh, nothing in life is free, Arthur,
especially not a poke or a prod.
122
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,560
Arthur, I've got more vapes.
123
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,520
Do you know that man?
124
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,160
No, I think he's saying 'after',
as in afternoon.
125
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,800
Afternoon to you too, bro.
126
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,920
No, Arthur, come.
127
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,720
I've got strawberry lemonade,
your favourite.
128
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,800
Oh... (LAUGHS) ..thank you,
129
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,400
but I'm watching my calories,
yeah, so anyways.
130
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,440
Arthur, he's got strawberry
lemonade.
131
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,480
Let's go and get some.
132
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,280
Oh, not... not today, Mum.
133
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,760
Yes, it's hot today.
134
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,120
No, Mum, I said 'not'. Not today.
135
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,040
Not hot today, not, not hot.
136
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,120
You're sounding like a Dr Seuss
book, Arthur.
137
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,320
I'm going to go look at new TVs.
138
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,920
(TUTS)
139
00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,240
We're getting a hearing test.
140
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,360
Oh, are we?
141
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,240
Alright, fine.
142
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,360
If it'll make you feel any better,
I'll do it first. Deal?
143
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,000
Deal.
144
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,440
Oh, my God.
145
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,880
(SNIGGERS)
146
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,840
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
147
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,000
Um...
148
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,280
It's the nicotine.
149
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,360
Sorry?
150
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,160
It damages the neurotransmitters
to communicate with your brain.
151
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,040
Oh, I... I don't smoke.
152
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,360
I just, I don't know why
I ticked it like that.
153
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,880
I just, you know, my hand wobbled.
154
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,040
Smoker's tremors. It's very common
with nicotine addiction.
155
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,200
Oh, I'm not addicted.
156
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,120
I hope you're buying
from a pharmacy,
157
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,800
because the vapes you get
off the street,
158
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,040
they'll blow up in your face.
159
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,440
I'll keep that in mind.
160
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,440
(MUTTERS SOFTLY) What level of
hearing loss are you experiencing?
161
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,800
Sorry?
162
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,400
Ah, you have to look at people's
mouths
163
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:58,760
to make out what they're saying?
164
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,800
Not usually, no.
165
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,160
I'm sensing your hearing loss is...
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
166
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,280
Beg your pardon?
167
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:07,360
You didn't hear what I said?
168
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,800
Uh, it's just you're...
you're talking very, very softly.
169
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,920
Ah, yes.
170
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,040
A lot of people come in here
with that problem.
171
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,640
Step this way.
I'll test you now.
172
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,240
After the green light,
173
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,840
put up your hand when you hear
the bing bong tones.
174
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,400
Bing bong? Got it.
175
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,720
You only heard the last bing bong?
176
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,080
There was only one bing bong.
177
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,120
I did also hear the blender
from the smoothie shop next door.
178
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,760
There were seven bing bongs.
179
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,280
One bing, one bong.
180
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:57,280
It went bing bong,
bing bong, bing bong...
181
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,200
Yeah, just do it again.
182
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,280
Couldn't you hear anything?
183
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,840
You didn't press anything!
184
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,320
Relax, Mr Boye.
185
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:19,400
It can be very confronting when
you realise you have hearing loss.
186
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,440
I don't have hearing loss!
187
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,960
I'm not even supposed to be here!
188
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,920
Raising your voice is one of
the earliest signs of hearing loss,
189
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,080
Mr Boye.
190
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,760
I'm sorry if this is confronting.
191
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,880
But... (SPEAKS INAUDIBLY)
192
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,800
You're literally just moving
your lips right now.
193
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,120
It's an absolute rort, Mum.
194
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,760
How can I fail a hearing test?
195
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,880
My hearing is perfectly fine.
196
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,080
So when I say
I don't have any hearing loss,
197
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,640
oh, I'm delusional.
198
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:57,240
But when you get diagnosed
by a medical professional,
199
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:58,880
oh, "It's a rort."
200
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,120
$6,000 for hearing aids!
201
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,640
"A minimum of two sets."
202
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,120
How many ears do they think I have?
203
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,440
We should get cameras for our bins.
204
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,680
Then we could watch it
on our new big TV screen
205
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,680
like security guards
at a shopping centre.
206
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,720
You're not getting a bigger TV, Mum.
207
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:21,440
Look at this, $300 for the charger
or $400 per service.
208
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:22,760
That's more than I pay for the car.
209
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,840
These people are frauds.
210
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,080
There's nothing wrong with my ears.
211
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,600
Oh, then, in that case...
212
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,760
..you may need
your grandpa's ear trumpet
213
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,240
since you don't want
to wear hearing aids.
214
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,720
Not funny, Mum.
215
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,000
You're the one with hearing loss.
216
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,760
And as soon as I find someone
trustworthy to do the test,
217
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:45,760
I'll prove it.
218
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,520
You'll what?
219
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,920
I said, I'll prove it!
220
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,600
Oh, yuck, Arthur.
221
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,600
That thing probably still has
your grandpa's ear wax on it.
222
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,880
You know, it was quite salty.
223
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,400
You're quitting?
224
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,600
No more strawberry lemonade
and no more nothing.
225
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,480
Brother, I tried telling you
the other day,
226
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:12,600
you shooed me like flies.
227
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,800
Well, I was with my mum.
228
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,200
I get it.
229
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,560
You're ashamed of me.
230
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,880
Hey, I'm ashamed of me, Johnny.
231
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,560
Mum caught me smoking in Year 10
232
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,000
and said if she ever caught me again
she'd die of disappointment.
233
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,040
And here's the thing -
234
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,080
I believe her, Johnny,
I believe her.
235
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,240
Things are hard for me too, Arthur.
236
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,720
I got a nosy neighbour.
237
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,080
They keep calling the cops on me
for domestic supply,
238
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:34,120
trying to shut me down.
239
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,960
Mate, they're talking jail,
million-dollar fines.
240
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,480
I can't afford to serve time.
241
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,520
My dad would kill me.
242
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,160
Well, what am I supposed to do?
243
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,120
My life is very stressful
at the moment.
244
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,960
I need those strawberry kisses.
245
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,680
Brother, I'm sorry. I can't risk it.
246
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,320
This is the last of it.
247
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,160
After this, no more.
248
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:57,760
How much?
249
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:58,880
What?
250
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,400
For all the strawberry lemonades,
how much?
251
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,560
Arthur, we've got pamphlets
to help battle addiction, mate.
252
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,000
Hey, hey, I'm not addicted.
253
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,880
I just want all your strawberry
lemonades right now. How much?
254
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,440
That's... that's reasonable.
255
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,360
You're a good man, Arthur.
256
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,640
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
257
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,360
So the neighbours don't see.
258
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,160
Thanks, Johnny.
259
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,320
And, hey, I'm not ashamed of you.
260
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:32,400
I'm proud of you, brother.
261
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,000
Did you just buy
all the strawberry lemonades?
262
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,640
Oh, I mean, my living situation
is very stressful.
263
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:46,440
Hey, everyone, look at this hero
right here,
264
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,360
buying every single vape
off the market.
265
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,760
He's probably going to start
short-term renting his vapes
266
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,600
to desperately undervaped
communities.
267
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,080
Sorry, truly.
268
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,840
How do you sleep at night, huh?
269
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,200
I don't, OK?
270
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,760
My mum is too loud.
271
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,480
Ta-da!
272
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,600
What the hell is this?
273
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:18,360
This is what happens
when you have at least one child
274
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,800
who actually loves you.
275
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,000
Oh, this old thing?
276
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,120
Just a little something-something
to show Mama B how much I care.
277
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,000
There's nothing little about it.
278
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,760
Those speakers are like skyscrapers.
279
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,120
Oh, it even came with one of those
dog boxes.
280
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,320
She means a subwoofer.
281
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,280
Mum, we have to take this back.
282
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,640
And I suppose if it was up to you,
283
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:40,240
you'd box me up with it
and take ME to the factory.
284
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,600
We do not need a bigger TV, Mum.
285
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:47,080
What we need
is to be honest with ourselves.
286
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,160
Tell Robbie what's going on.
287
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,440
Mum, what's going on?
288
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,320
Well...
289
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:58,160
..I've been noticing some changes
recently
290
00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,960
and I didn't want to say anything
291
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,560
until we could get
an official diagnosis, but...
292
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,360
..Arthur is going deaf.
293
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:09,680
No!
294
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,640
I am not going deaf!
295
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,560
Denial is the first stage
of acceptance.
296
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:14,560
It's Mum.
297
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:18,000
Mum is losing her hearing
and I'm worried about her.
298
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,720
Arthur, I know some audiologists
who can make this test go away.
299
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,520
I don't need the test to go away.
I need her to go away!
300
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,240
Oh!
I could hear that loud and clear.
301
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,720
Now, here's the payment plan
for the new TV.
302
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,840
No deposit, 36-month interest-free.
303
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,000
Oh, and ignore what they said about
the 200,000 frequent flyer points.
304
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,200
They said they couldn't process it
for some weird reason.
305
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,320
But anyway, I need to go.
Ahem.
306
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,800
Could we have a minute, Roberta?
307
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,360
(LOUD GUNFIRE ON TV)
MAN: Charge!
308
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,360
With me! Into the beach!
309
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,440
Leave the cowards behind to rot...
310
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:48,800
I know what you're doing, Robbie.
311
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,520
You're trying to make me go
legally insane
312
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,480
so you can claim my portion
of the house when Mum dies.
313
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,000
Arthur, I don't know why
you're being so weird about this.
314
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,840
The old lady wants a bigger TV.
Give her a bigger TV.
315
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,400
Oh, yeah?
And what do you get out of it?
316
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,080
That warm, fuzzy feeling
from doing a good deed.
317
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,520
OK, also, Liz and the kids
are obsessed with Nurses Of War,
318
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,360
so I figured they can watch
the episodes with Mum every week
319
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,720
while I get a little bit of me time.
320
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,520
Your whole life is me time, Robbie.
321
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,960
You're like an opera singer.
"Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me."
322
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,600
Opera?
323
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,800
Oh, it's going to feel like
The Sopranos
324
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,160
if you don't watch your mouth.
325
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,080
Every day
I'm fighting for my freedom.
326
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,640
Every day it's a losing battle.
327
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,920
It's like Liz and I gave birth to
two precious little torture devices
328
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,880
who will not stop
until one of us is dead!
329
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,520
I'm the one dying, Robbie!
330
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,360
Mum is in complete denial
and is driving me crazy.
331
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,400
I'm irritable, I'm anxious,
I can't focus,
332
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,880
I can't get any work done.
333
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,600
OK, and have you tried to quit?
334
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,720
What?
335
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,200
Just say it, brother.
336
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,280
You're vaping.
337
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,720
(SCOFFS)
338
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,000
As if!
339
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,720
You shouldn't lie to a doctor.
340
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,920
I'm not lying.
341
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,160
Random charging cables,
crusty tongue, wafts of fruitcake,
342
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,520
and you started wearing hoodies
on 30-degree days.
343
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,920
For God's sake,
face it, you're addicted.
344
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,480
I'm not addicted.
345
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,040
I haven't vaped
this whole conversation.
346
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,840
And you think Mum's in denial!
347
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,280
Sounds like someone's in need
of a wake-up call.
348
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,240
A wake-up call?
349
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,240
Well, I can arrange that.
350
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,000
WOMAN: (ON TV) I found the letter...
351
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,600
Morning, Mum!
352
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,960
(TV PLAYS INDISTINCTLY)
353
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,560
(CHUCKLES)
354
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,760
Yes, hello.
355
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,120
Is that Harvey Street Police Station?
356
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:40,040
I'd like to make a noise complaint.
357
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,440
(ZAPS)
358
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,360
Ow!
359
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,120
WOMAN: Nurses,
we didn't ask for this war.
360
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,440
And we sure as hell didn't start it.
361
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,480
We're not the ones
causing all this...
362
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,600
Are you OK, Arthur?
363
00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,080
I can see you pacing
in the reflection of the TV.
364
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,600
Yeah, no, I just really want to know
365
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,280
whether it's Captain Mickeloff's
baby.
366
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:10,920
Oh, and you'll keep an eye out for
those bin stuffers too, won't you?
367
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:11,920
Yeah.
368
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,640
Yes, definitely.
369
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,040
You know, you can't trust
those nosy neighbours.
370
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,680
Anyway, now, turn it up, Mum.
371
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,520
Let's hear what these new speakers
have got.
372
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:21,520
(LAUGHS)
373
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,960
(TV PLAYS LOUDLY)
374
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,720
We're in the midst
of a furious battlefield...
375
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,560
(DOORBELL RINGS)
376
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,800
OK.
377
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,440
Hey, Mum?
378
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,600
I think there's someone here
to see you.
379
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,160
ALL: Hi!
380
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,920
What the hell
are you guys doing here?
381
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,040
True master of the warm welcome,
Arthur.
382
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,240
Good to see you too.
383
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,320
My favourite people!
384
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,120
KEELAN:
Do we have some snacks, Grandma?
385
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,080
If you can find it, you can eat it.
386
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,240
No, no!
387
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,640
Are you guys just dropping by
to say a quick hello or...?
388
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,680
No, the kids were desperate
to see how big the new TV was
389
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,840
and I have been loving N-O-Dubs,
390
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,720
which is what the girls at work
call Nurses Of War,
391
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:06,040
so Maggie invited us over for
a little impromptu viewing party.
392
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,840
Which she neglected to mention to me.
393
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,680
(FAKE-LAUGHS) Hooray!
394
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,480
And I have brought
the vegetable straws,
395
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,520
so let's get this party started,
huh?
396
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:16,960
Here we go.
397
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,000
(TV PLAYS LOUDLY)
398
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,640
NURSE: Well, we're going to need
a hell of a lot of...
399
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,040
(LOUD EXPLOSION)
400
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,360
Oh, God!
401
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,480
It's...
402
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:32,000
It's sublime sound, Maggie.
You can almost taste it.
403
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,520
It's... Are your...
404
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,760
Are your earmuffs...
405
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,000
Are they working?
406
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,280
A bit jittery, baby bro.
407
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,040
These vapes got a hold on you.
408
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,240
I just wasn't expecting you guys,
that's all.
409
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,000
And I'm not addicted.
410
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,280
But I can't help but notice
411
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,080
that every single character
in this show keeps smoking.
412
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,200
It was the '50s, Arthur.
413
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,480
It was healthy back then.
414
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,480
God, look, even that baby is smoking.
415
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,280
That's a thermometer.
416
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,280
Oh.
417
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,080
Anyway, got to get going.
418
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,200
Enjoy my family.
419
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,720
If you need to contact me, don't.
420
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,520
(DOORBELL RINGS)
421
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,800
Who could that be?
Oh, I'll... I'll...
422
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:07,840
I'll check.
423
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,840
Probably one of those pesky
local candidates
424
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,920
running for the council election.
425
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,640
I'll just tell them
I'm a sovereign citizen.
426
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,720
They will be on their way.
427
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,840
(LAUGHS) Oh, gosh, the police.
428
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,080
I totally didn't expect this.
429
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,000
Um, what seems to be the problem,
officer?
430
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,760
I've received a call-out
for this address.
431
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,000
Oh, let me guess, noise complaint.
432
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,560
Yeah, yeah, well,
I'm sure whoever called in
433
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,160
has a, uh, pure heart
434
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,800
and wouldn't want to embarrass
a whole family that's now turned up
435
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,080
but just wanted to prove a point.
436
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,000
Well, message received.
437
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,160
Good job, officer.
438
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,440
I'll let you get on your way.
439
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,200
Sir, please step outside.
440
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,960
Arthur, who is it?
Oh, it's...
441
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,320
Oh, hello, officer.
442
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,360
For the record, I have
a prescription for all of this.
443
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,440
It's nothing, Robbie.
It's just a small noise complaint.
444
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,240
A noise complaint?
Well, actually...
445
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:56,280
Who made the complaint?
446
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,720
'Cause they can check these
microphones, one-two, one-two.
447
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,760
That's not helping.
What's with all the chitter-chatter?
448
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,240
Are we going to watch this episode
or...?
449
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,000
Officer, to what do we owe
this pleasure?
450
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,560
Apparently
there's been a noise complaint.
451
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,560
At 4pm? Who made it, owls?
452
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,040
Not quite.
453
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,320
I should make you aware, officer,
454
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,000
that you are speaking to a lawyer
right now.
455
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,520
Conveyancing law.
Arthur!
456
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,000
I'm not here for a noise complaint.
457
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,920
Well... what are you here for?
458
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,880
Officer, thank God you're here.
459
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,000
Come inside.
460
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,680
I'll just go and get it.
461
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,280
Here it is.
462
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,800
All the evidence.
463
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,440
Evidence? What evidence?
464
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,640
Oh, what is that?
465
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,560
It's all the rubbish our neighbour
has been dumping in our bin.
466
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:42,200
I see a new one of those
at least every few days.
467
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,080
Maggie, those are vapes.
468
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,960
Oh, they're illegal vapes, Liz.
469
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,880
Huh. Strawberry lemonade.
470
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,240
I googled it.
471
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,760
They're all counterfeit.
472
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,760
Well, I mean, it's probably just some
otherwise respectable taxpayer
473
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,880
who has a moderate
but very controllable habit.
474
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,640
This quantity? No way.
475
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,680
No sane individual
could cut through this.
476
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,000
Whoever's dumping these
477
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,560
is likely running
a small-scale supply operation.
478
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,120
Know anything about this, son?
479
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,440
Me?
480
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,080
(LAUGHS) Oh, God, no.
481
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,520
I mean, I barely know
what a vape looks like,
482
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,240
let alone anything about supplies.
483
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,920
There he is!
484
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,640
That's the guy with all the vapes.
485
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,120
Officer, lock him up!
486
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,440
He's the only one in town
with all the strawberry lemonades.
487
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,400
How about you stop controlling
the vape market
488
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,160
and leave some for the rest of us,
you dog?!
489
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,320
(BOTH BARK)
490
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,920
That's a bizarre coincidence.
491
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,800
Uncle Arthur, can I have
one of these lollies?
492
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,280
Oh, Keelan, no! Oh, my...
493
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,800
ROBBIE AND LIZ: Arthur!
494
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,760
What...
Is this candy?
495
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,520
No!
No! Oh, my God!
496
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,360
Ooh! Ooh!
I will be billing you for rehab!
497
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,920
Oh, Arthur, what is going on?
498
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,680
Yes, Arthur, what's going on?
499
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:06,800
I vape.
500
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,640
OK, I'm a big old dirty vapor boy.
501
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,240
But I'm no supplier, alright?
502
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,040
I just do it with friends.
503
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,240
I consider myself a friend.
504
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,320
I'm addicted to vaping.
505
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,560
But I only do it when I'm stressed,
506
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,400
and right now
I'm stressed all the time.
507
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,040
I worry about you, Mum.
508
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,800
Hearing loss is one of the biggest
contributors to cognitive decline,
509
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,120
and I just...
I want you to take it seriously.
510
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,880
Arthur, you're smoking.
511
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,840
Well, I mean, it's not
technically smoking if it's digital.
512
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,560
No, Arthur,
you're literally smoking.
513
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,680
Oh, my God.
(OTHERS EXCLAIM)
514
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,680
Oh, my God.
Oh, it's this stupid vape.
515
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,400
It keeps firing off by itself.
516
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,600
(BANG!)
517
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:53,600
Oh!
518
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,680
(ALL EXCLAIM)
519
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,800
Stand back! It's gonna blow!
520
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,640
Nurses Of War, everyone take cover!
521
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:07,840
(FIZZ, SMALL BANG)
522
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,080
(ARTHUR PANTS)
523
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,400
Is everyone OK?
524
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,320
We're fine, Mum.
525
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,640
Are you OK?
526
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,160
Well, I haven't died yet.
527
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,880
I'm sorry I disappointed you, Mum.
528
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,480
What?
529
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,360
I said I'm sorry I disappointed you.
530
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:35,480
Oh, please, Arthur, speak up.
531
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,720
You're mumbling.
532
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:40,040
I said I'm sorry I disappointed you!
533
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,800
It's that explosion.
534
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,040
I think it's affected my hearing.
535
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,400
I might have to have a test.
536
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,440
Thanks, Mark.
537
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,160
Any time, Maggie.
538
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,440
Wha...
539
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:57,600
What?
540
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:01,880
(SIGHS)
541
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:12,720
I'm just so glad your sister was
able to organise a good audiologist.
542
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:17,880
And after all that, can you believe
it was just a build-up of earwax?
543
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,440
(LAUGHS) Well, I'm just relieved
we were able to return
544
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,760
that completely ridiculous
TV and sound system
545
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,680
before the trial period ended.
546
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,240
I hope Robbie didn't try to book
any flights.
547
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,240
Hey, speaking of which, now that
your hearing's a bit better, Mum,
548
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,480
do you want to watch something
on the boring old TV?
549
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:36,560
Or maybe you want to listen
to some music, or call a friend?
550
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:37,560
Oh!
551
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,880
I think I'm just going to read
a book, Arthur.
552
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:46,840
Of course.
553
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,600
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
554
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:15,720
Do you have to smash those keys
so loud, Arthur?
555
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,320
Some of us are trying to get
some peace and quiet!
556
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,800
(SIGHS)
557
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:26,800
Hello.
558
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,560
Maggie's Marina,
your dreamboat speaking.
559
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,800
Oh, my God, please don't tell me
you've got an OnlyFans.
560
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,360
Is it tre chic?
561
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,360
What's in Turkey?
Istanbul.
562
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,240
Turkish hairlines.
Care Factor?
563
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,000
Chop-chop.
(MOUTHS)
564
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,120
Have you got any cash?
565
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:41,600
Oh, it's 573...
566
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:42,600
No, Mum...
567
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,160
God, stranger danger.
568
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,960
You remind me of my mother.
Wonderful lady.
569
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,960
Quick, Arthur, we have to save Mum!
570
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,360
You know, I preferred it
when bank robbers wore balaclavas.
571
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:52,360
Mum!
572
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:53,840
Mum, are you OK?
573
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,800
Well, well, well,
is that Arthur or Drake?
574
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,800
Captions by Red Bee Media
575
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,800
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
52027
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