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1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:04,680
Is everybody ready?
2
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,880
Blindfolds off in three...
3
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,160
We should never have let Mum
choose the hotel.
4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,160
..two...
5
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,800
I can already tell
this resort is going to be...
6
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:13,360
..one!
7
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:14,440
Oh, wow.
Whoa!
8
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,480
Amazing!
9
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,120
Ta-da!
10
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,880
Are we all ready to have seven days
of family fun in the sun?
11
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,840
(CHEERING)
12
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,440
And you thought I couldn't make
a simple holiday reservation.
13
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:31,440
Well, something tells me
14
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,280
the travel agent did a lot
of the heavy lifting, Mum.
15
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:39,160
Maybe. But it was me who made
the custom T-shirts all by myself.
16
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,120
Now come on, let's go.
17
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,360
(SIGHS)
18
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,400
It's such a beautiful resort.
19
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,640
This seems tacky and out of place.
20
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,160
Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.
21
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,840
I was talking about the mirror.
22
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,160
LOL!
Hm.
23
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,320
Hey, now remember,
this is my holiday too, yeah?
24
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:09,760
So you have to be hands-on with Mum.
25
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,680
Sure, that's when I'm not
being hands-on with my wife.
26
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,240
Just let me tell you,
luxury resorts are my oysters.
27
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,240
Gross.
28
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,000
Guess who got us a free upgrade?
29
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,000
And that's why I put a ring on it.
30
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,440
Upgrade? How'd you get that?
31
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:24,480
Well, I don't know.
32
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:25,480
Jenny, the resort manager,
33
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,720
must have enjoyed my thorough
reading of the fire safety plan.
34
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,920
I'll show Jenny a safety plan.
35
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,560
Ooh!
36
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,440
Well, now I know who to be nice to.
37
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,800
(CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)
38
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,280
Did you just see her
shoot deathies at me?
39
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,120
I think Jenny hates me.
40
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,440
Oh, yeah, Jenny hates you
41
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,680
because she didn't give you the keys
to the presidential suite,
42
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,400
even though you smiled at her.
43
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,120
Get over yourself.
Mm.
44
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,720
Where... Where are the kids?
45
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,440
Keelan? Keelan, no, your allergies.
46
00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,000
Here's your key, Arthur.
47
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,440
How come Robbie gets her own room
and I don't?
48
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,760
Oh, when you get a wife and kids,
I'll get you a whole hotel.
49
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,680
Until then,
I'm not wasting the money.
50
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,280
Well, I'm hardly going to meet
my next sweet thang
51
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,680
when I'm bunking in with you, am I?
52
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,440
This isn't Love Island, Arthur.
53
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,320
Under no circumstances
54
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,480
do I want to be retiring to our room
for the night
55
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,920
just to find a sock on the door
56
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:26,480
and all those grunts and groaning
sounds coming from within.
57
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,840
This holiday is about spending time
with family.
58
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,520
Oh, sorry...
Excuse my waylessness.
59
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,880
I must have got lost
in your beautiful blue eyes.
60
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,520
Does that line ever work?
61
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,320
You'd be surprised.
62
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,600
But I see I'm going to have to up
my game.
63
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:48,520
Yes, you are, if you don't want me
to vote you off the island.
64
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,440
(BOTH LAUGH)
65
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,360
Are you just going to stand there?
66
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:53,640
Where's my manners?
67
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,440
Your private charter awaits.
68
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,520
Oh, I've been warned not to accept
rides from strangers.
69
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,320
Then allow me to introduce myself.
70
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,520
Ronaldo.
71
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:06,440
My official title
is Activities Director,
72
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,240
but that reminds me of my father.
73
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,200
Call me the Fun Captain.
74
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,720
Well, I am here for fun...
75
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,040
Captain.
76
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,960
(BOTH LAUGH)
What the hell is going on?
77
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,080
It's my duty
to ensure you enjoy yourself.
78
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,200
Oh, then let me drive the buggy.
79
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,040
(CHORTLES)
I'm afraid that's off limits.
80
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,280
And besides...
81
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,520
you have to be over 21 to drive it.
82
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,840
(LAUGHS)
83
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,360
Trust me, young lady,
in a place like this,
84
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,040
the fun is where you...
85
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,160
find it.
86
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,520
Found it!
87
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,640
BOTH: Oh, no, no! No!
88
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,680
I suppose you're just going to lie
there for the next seven days.
89
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,080
Mum, please. This holiday
is going to be stressful enough
90
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,760
without you standing around
hassling me, OK?
91
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,160
If you want to go for a swim,
be my guest.
92
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,080
The water looks too cold, Arthur.
93
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,680
Yeah, water always looks cold
unless it's bubbling.
94
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:17,200
My neuropathy, my extremities are
number than a tongue at the dentist.
95
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,640
(GROANS)
96
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,480
(SIGHS)
97
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,400
It's like soup. In you hop.
98
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,160
What's wrong now?
99
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,680
I can't see how deep it is.
100
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,440
You know I don't like
to get my ears wet.
101
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,760
There you go.
102
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,800
Perfect warmth, perfect depth,
and my ears are bone dry.
103
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,840
Now, please just let me relax!
104
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:50,880
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
105
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,440
Give a big Seven Seas welcome...
What?
106
00:04:54,440 --> 00:05:00,080
..to our very own 1984 Aquarobics
Pan-Pacific Bronze Medallist,
107
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,040
me, your Fun Captain Ronaldo!
108
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,720
(LAUGHS)
109
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,280
Now, let's get naughty. Huh?
110
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,520
(LAUGHTER)
111
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,360
We have a good time here, don't we?
Huh?
112
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:16,040
So many beautiful faces, but only
one can be Mermaid of the Day,
113
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,240
which entitles her
to 15% off our whale-watching tour
114
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,360
on her next visit.
115
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,080
Whale sighting's not guaranteed.
116
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,080
Now, let me see what you got.
117
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,600
One, two, three, four, one, two...
118
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,080
Oh, come on, move, move.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
119
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,040
Uh-uh. Distance! Distance!
120
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,040
Uh... I'm not...
You are not our Mermaid of the Day.
121
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,240
You're embarrassing me, Arthur.
122
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,240
(LAUGHS)
123
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,840
(LAUGHTER)
124
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,200
Not cool, Mum.
125
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,360
Tricking your child into exercise
is a form of bullying.
126
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,800
Quiet, Arthur.
127
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,920
Your six-pack will thank me later.
128
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,400
Whirlpool!
129
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,560
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
130
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,760
I'm... I'm not...
I'm sorry, I'm left-handed.
131
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,120
Yeah, well, left or right,
it stays inside, thank you.
132
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,400
Come on.
133
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,040
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
134
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,920
Oh, thank God.
135
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,080
A little bit of shush now, ladies,
please.
136
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,800
It's time to announce
Mermaid of the Day.
137
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,920
And there can be only one.
138
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:28,520
And it's the vision
in leopard print, Maggie Boye!
139
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,840
(LAUGHS)
140
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,640
(APPLAUSE)
141
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,480
(LAUGHS)
142
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,480
Oh, my God.
143
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,440
She's in what?
144
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,480
Love, Robbie.
145
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,600
It was like watching
two wet cats on heat.
146
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,880
I'm honestly disgusted.
147
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,040
Disgusted or jealous?
148
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,880
I mean, he does have
mesmerizing hips.
149
00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,400
Well, he sounds great.
150
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,920
Yeah, well,
I'm keeping an eye on him.
151
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,520
No! No biting.
152
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,520
Get that out of your mouth
right now.
153
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,080
Am I interrupting
your hands-on time?
154
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,400
I'm in a ball pit, Arthur,
and it's literal hell.
155
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,160
I've already seen three Band-Aids.
156
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,920
None of them were on people.
157
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,040
Do you know where Liz is?
158
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,960
Do I know where your wife is? No.
159
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,680
She keeps disappearing.
160
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,320
She said she was heading out
after breakfast,
161
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,880
and that was the last I saw of her.
162
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,800
I've had to look after the kids
all day, Arthur.
163
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,320
All day.
164
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,560
Robbie, it's 10am.
165
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,240
Maybe I can drop them off with you
for a bit while I get some R&R?
166
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,440
Absolutely not.
167
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,280
Now, don't forget to sanitize.
168
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,960
Ball pits are like kitty litter
for toddlers.
169
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,680
Bye!
170
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,080
Please, Arthur...
171
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,280
Mama needs a Mai Tai.
172
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,960
(CHILDREN CHATTING AND SCREAMING)
173
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:45,960
Shipmate.
174
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,760
What are you hiding, Fun Captain?
175
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,080
(WATER RUNNING)
176
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:02,600
Mm.
177
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:03,600
Oh!
178
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,720
(PHONE RINGS)
179
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:05,720
Hello?
180
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,000
No, you got me at a perfect time.
181
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,720
(CAMERA CLICKS)
182
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,680
That should be in your inbox now.
183
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:21,280
I've taken two shots
so you can see the whole thing.
184
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,800
Tell me what you think, Sweetie.
185
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,560
The Fun Captain
sure seems...adventurous.
186
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,520
I don't want any funny business
tonight, Arthur.
187
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:40,520
No fighting with your sister
or blowing bubbles in your drink.
188
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,880
And do not mention the resort staff.
189
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,400
Have I made myself clear?
190
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,480
Well, Mum, it's pretty obvious
191
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,280
the resort staff here
want to disappear me.
192
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,480
They didn't even put my name
on the welcome message on the TV.
193
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,680
Oh, enough, Arthur.
194
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,080
How do I look?
195
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,480
Gee, your malachite earrings
and your favourite dress.
196
00:08:58,480 --> 00:08:59,800
Leave some for the rest of us, Mum.
197
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,360
Let's do one of those things
the kids do before they go out.
198
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,560
A cap?
199
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,800
Why would I want a hat, Arthur?
200
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:10,160
No, um, one of the phone things.
You know, what are they called?
201
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,720
Oh, a selfie.
202
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,000
Yeah, that's it.
203
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,080
Uh, here's my ph...
204
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,880
Oh, I have missed a few messages,
Arthur.
205
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,520
Do we know a Ronaldo?
206
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,000
Yes, Mum, that's the Fun Captain.
The man you keep gushing over?
207
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,720
Yes, Ronaldo.
208
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,800
Oh, I'm going to remember that.
209
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,360
Mm.
210
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,880
Hey, Arthur, can you tell me
what this is?
211
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,280
No, no, no. I know what that is.
212
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,760
Oh, it's like a normal one,
but it's smaller and blue.
213
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,400
Blue?
214
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,280
Mum, this is a pickleball court.
215
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,600
"Dear Maggie, I wish to court you.
216
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,080
"Please join me tomorrow afternoon
for a round of pickleball."
217
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,360
Pickleball?
218
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,680
Sounds delicious.
219
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,840
Hey, Mum, this is the only message
Ronaldo sent you.
220
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,520
Yeah, well, we only just met, Arthur.
221
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,160
What else would he send me?
222
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,480
Nothing.
223
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,520
(CHEF YELLS IN JAPANESE)
224
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,320
(TRUMPETS)
225
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,640
(BOTH LAUGH)
226
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,720
If Ronaldo didn't send those pics to
Mum, then who did he send them to?
227
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,440
Maybe he banked a few snaps
for the archives.
228
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,280
Some people like to have pics
like that on hand.
229
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,120
Or so I've heard.
230
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,040
Yeah, well, I just don't want Mum
getting hurt, that's all.
231
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,160
Her or you?
232
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,560
What's that supposed to mean?
233
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,160
Well, this is the first time
you've seen our mum
234
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,720
have feelings for a guy
that isn't our father.
235
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,280
I think you're protecting yourself.
236
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,440
Liz finally came home, I see.
237
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:54,720
She seems happy.
238
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,080
That's the problem.
239
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,560
She's never like this unless...
240
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:02,480
she's getting some holiday honey
from a bee that ain't me.
241
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:07,080
Alright, well, I think
I am going to call it a night.
242
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,480
Please make sure Keelan
doesn't drink any more soy sauce.
243
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,120
Already? We haven't eaten yet.
244
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,160
Well, you might not have.
245
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:13,680
I've been snacking all day.
246
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:14,680
I'm worn out.
247
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,480
(GIGGLES)
Mm! Mm!
248
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:17,480
See?
249
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,600
See what?
250
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,160
You have no clue about women.
251
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,080
MELODY: It's the Fun Captain.
What a gorgeous crew.
252
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,720
Permission to board?
253
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,280
What do we think, kids?
254
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,360
Do we let this castaway
onto our ship?
255
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,680
BOTH: Fun Captain! Fun Captain!
256
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,040
(GROANS)
257
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,440
You're looking a bit ruddy there,
Jack.
258
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,640
Did someone forget their lotion?
259
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,440
I was just getting in
some vitamin 'D'.
260
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,560
You know how it is.
261
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,360
(ALL EXCLAIM)
262
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,880
Whoa!
263
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,000
Argh, my forehead!
264
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:45,960
Here, use this.
265
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,200
(SPEAKS JAPANESE)
266
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,880
(LAUGHS)
267
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:53,200
Yes, well, the opposite of arigato
to both of you.
268
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,480
Chef Busan, let our guests
not be hungry. Chop, chop.
269
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,120
Mouths open, friends.
270
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,880
Ooh!
Yes!
271
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:06,640
Oh!
Oh!
272
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,200
Oh, goodness me.
273
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,400
Oh, my dress.
274
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,200
Let me help you fix that.
Oh.
275
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,400
It's so annoying.
276
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,960
Hey, what about my chop-chop?
277
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,080
Forgive me, Maggie.
278
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,120
I hope I haven't ruined your dress.
279
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,280
This old thing?
280
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,000
No, it's nothing special.
281
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,040
Everything about you is special.
282
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:29,000
Wait till you see the corn
on my left foot.
283
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,600
Some say it looks like Tasmania.
284
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:40,080
Maybe we should...
get back to the others.
285
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:43,000
Yeah, we probably should.
286
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,160
(CLEARS THROAT)
287
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,040
What the f...
288
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,200
Chop, chop.
Huh?
289
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,680
Ow!
290
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,800
(LAUGHTER)
291
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,680
My eye!
292
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,400
Are you kidding me?
293
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,040
(GRUNTS)
294
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,920
(LAUGHS) Do you know where Mum is?
295
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,720
Mum's looking for her.
296
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,920
No, I've not seen
either of your mums this morning.
297
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:39,080
Ew, your eye looks gross.
298
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:43,880
Oh, man.
299
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,800
I'd love to see you again soon.
300
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,240
See you.
301
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,400
Another woman?
302
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,400
Mm-hm.
303
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,600
Gee, the staff at this place
304
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,600
really know how to pop
their own bubble wrap, don't they?
305
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,280
Yeah, what do you think I should do?
306
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,840
It's just a nasty case of pink eye.
307
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,400
Not much you can do other than cold
compression and keep it protected.
308
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,200
I mean about telling Mum what I saw.
309
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,400
Speaking of which...
310
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,480
(HORN HONKS)
311
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:30,400
Ah! Can you believe
they took my licence away from me?
312
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,920
Oh! It's like riding a bike.
313
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,320
And like riding a bike, I think
we'll wear helmets next time.
314
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,920
(BOTH LAUGH)
315
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,040
Oh, for goodness sake.
316
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,840
Surprise!
317
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,120
What are you doing here?
318
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,520
Haven't you got video games to play?
319
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,000
We thought we'd squeeze in some
of that family time you planned,
320
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000
remember?
321
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,680
Doubles it is.
Maggie and I are a team.
322
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,760
Oh, well, that means
no other partners, yeah?
323
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,120
No mixed doubles.
324
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,240
Sure, we'll start
on the north side of the court.
325
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,960
And you'll stay
on the north side of the court.
326
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:09,360
Don't go wandering
into anyone else's south side.
327
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,120
Care to make it more interesting?
328
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,840
Oh, I'm plenty interested.
329
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,000
The grand formal dinner's tonight.
330
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,680
Winner gets private supper for two.
331
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:22,200
Looks like Robbie and I will be
enjoying supper tonight, then.
332
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,520
Ah!
333
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,720
(SNIGGERS)
334
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,080
I don't want supper with you.
335
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,800
I don't even know what supper is.
336
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,760
Alright.
337
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,080
Yay!
338
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,680
(GRUNTS) Oh!
(LAUGHS)
339
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,080
What are you doing?
340
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,200
(BOTH YELL INDISTINCTLY)
341
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,880
(GRUNTS)
342
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,360
Time out. Time. Time.
343
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,720
I've seen actual pickles
play better pickleball than you.
344
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:05,800
You're not any better.
345
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,360
I'm exhausted from parenting.
346
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,640
I swear Melody and Keelan
can smell weakness.
347
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,080
Liz still missing in action, huh?
348
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,800
She just evaporates in the morning
349
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,120
and then comes floating in
on cloud nine every night.
350
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,240
And I'm sure
she's seeing someone else.
351
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,040
And it just makes me think
that being cheated on sucks.
352
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:29,800
I tell you, those two are one nasty
Nelson away from a golden pickle.
353
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:33,120
Let's set up a shake and bake,
dink them into the kitchen,
354
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,040
and then - ohh! -
send them home in a body bag.
355
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,240
God, I love it when you talk dirty.
356
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,160
(BOTH LAUGH)
357
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,120
Oh, Robbie, I almost forgot.
358
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,360
Your wife Liz says hi.
359
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,840
I bumped into her and Jenny, the
resort manager, down at the beach,
360
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,240
and she looked very happy indeed.
361
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,560
(CLICKS TONGUE)
362
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,640
Who does this guy think he is?
363
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,720
Annihilate him, Arthur.
364
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,600
(ANKLE CRACKS)
365
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,480
Ohh!
366
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,160
For real?
Arggh!
367
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,640
It's my eye.
368
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,640
I have no depth perception.
(LAUGHS)
369
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,520
Bit different to video games,
isn't it?
370
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,280
Thanks, Mum.
371
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,080
(GROANS)
372
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,920
(WHIMPERS)
373
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,480
It's getting ridiculous, Mum.
374
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,960
Our door handle's going to grow toes
375
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,880
if you don't cool it
with the sock action.
376
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,720
We haven't spent any quality time
together this whole trip.
377
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,920
I didn't want to make your holiday
378
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,120
any more stressful
than it already is.
379
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,200
Why don't me and you just go
have dinner somewhere else?
380
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,640
Just you and me.
381
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,760
Definitely sunstroke.
382
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,520
Greetings, one and all.
383
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,360
Quick, remind me, what's his name?
384
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,800
My championess.
385
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,560
Oh, hello...
386
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,680
you.
387
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,920
That's a rather laissez-faire
interpretation of formal wear.
388
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,160
Yeah, well, I would have gotten
changed,
389
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,520
but someone was in my room.
390
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,160
Who?
You and Ronaldo.
391
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,240
Ronaldo!
392
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,400
That's it!
393
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,040
Maggie, private supper awaits.
394
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,600
Don't wait up.
395
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,120
I have to.
396
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,840
I don't have a bed.
397
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,880
Arthur, there you are.
398
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,080
I've been trying to find you.
Ow!
399
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,320
Big news. So...
400
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,760
Oh, I just, um... I forgot
that I left something in the room.
401
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,120
I'll be back in
however long it takes.
402
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,360
Can you...
403
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,760
You are outrageous, honestly.
404
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,880
I feel helpless, Arthur.
405
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,400
Then go after her.
406
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,240
The only thing worse
than missing the bus
407
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,320
is chasing it and missing it anyway.
408
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,480
Yeah, righto.
409
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,320
What's the big news?
410
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:23,000
I asked a friend to do some digging
into Step-daddy Fun Captain.
411
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,720
Our Captain Ronaldo's real name
is Ron West.
412
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,440
He's been married six times
and is up to his eyeballs in debt.
413
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,600
I knew it!
414
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:35,160
You can practically see
the gold-digging glint in his eye.
415
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,720
Speaking of eyes, try this.
416
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,080
Thank you.
417
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,680
Now I'm gonna go save Mum.
418
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,640
Ron West will not be eating supper
tonight.
419
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,440
Whatever supper is.
Get him.
420
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,800
Ronaldo.
421
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,080
Watching you on the court today,
Maggie... Ha!
422
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:07,480
Like a lioness
hunting a wounded gazelle.
423
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,920
Nature at its finest.
424
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,240
(LAUGHS) Hush. (CLEARS THROAT)
425
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:14,880
Ronaldo.
426
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,600
Have you ever dreamed
of escaping from all this?
427
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,920
Going far, far away.
428
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,760
To Queensland.
429
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,280
Not that far.
430
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,520
But somewhere.
431
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:25,880
What about the kids?
432
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:29,760
Sometimes you gotta let them sink
a little before they can sail.
433
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,440
I know we've only known each other
for a few days.
434
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,400
There's something important
I need to ask you.
435
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,600
Stop!
436
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,600
(GASPS)
437
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,760
Mum, I have some bad news.
438
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,320
What on earth is happening, Arthur?
439
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,400
Not now, chap.
440
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,880
Can't you see your mother and I
are having a little private time?
441
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,760
You cannot marry this man.
442
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,280
Marry?!
Who said anything about marriage?
443
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:02,440
You're on one knee.
444
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,160
I was stretching out
a pickleball cramp.
445
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,720
You might know the feeling
if you ever exercise.
446
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,400
This man is not who he says he is.
447
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,720
You're not Ronaldo.
448
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,040
His real name is Ron West.
449
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,480
So I sprinkled a little
Spanish spice on the name.
450
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,640
That's not a crime.
451
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,800
He's been married six times.
452
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:18,840
To the same woman.
453
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,280
It was a very complicated
relationship.
454
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,280
But he was sending photos
to his 'sweetie'.
455
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,120
Dr Ian Sweet.
456
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,400
My urologist.
457
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,880
But... But...
458
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,720
I saw you with a woman in the hall!
459
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,520
Bernice is my sister and she's going
through a very rough patch.
460
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,560
You kiss your sister on the lips?
461
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,760
Some families kiss on the lips.
Some don't.
462
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,880
Any more wild accusations?
463
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,200
Nope. That about covers it. Um...
464
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,360
This all looks lovely.
465
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,400
But what did you want to ask me?
466
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,760
I was wondering if you would like
to watch my heats
467
00:21:55,760 --> 00:22:00,960
from the 1984 Pan Pacific
Aquarobics Championships.
468
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:05,920
My nephew uploaded the old VHS's
onto YouTube recently.
469
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,920
Would I like to see even more of you?
470
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,000
Yeah.
Hm!
471
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,880
I'd rather throw myself overboard.
472
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,240
Mum, this isn't a cruise.
473
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,920
Oh!
Then why is he dressed as a sailor?
474
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,120
I'm the Fun Captain.
475
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,600
Oh, you're exhausting!
476
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,560
OK, I might just leave you to it.
477
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,320
You're just as bad, Arthur.
478
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,520
Don't get me involved in this.
479
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,120
You're not exactly blending
into the wallpaper, are you?
480
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,560
(SIGHS) You know,
between the two of you,
481
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,560
I feel like I've spent
the whole holiday feeding male egos.
482
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:44,960
Quite frankly, I haven't had
one minute to nourish myself.
483
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,080
I'm off to find a nightcap.
484
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,880
Oh, and you two can have the supper.
485
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:53,920
(DOOR CLOSES)
486
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,960
Oh, so this is supper.
487
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,080
Yeah.
488
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,680
Oh, and we had a bottle of red wine
from the minibar.
489
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:09,680
Perfect. Mm.
490
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,600
But the Fun Captain
did talk my ear off for the week,
491
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,720
so let's call that square.
492
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:15,720
Maggie.
493
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,360
Nice to see you again.
494
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,080
I want to say, Peter?
495
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,360
(SCOFFS) It's fine, Ron.
496
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,360
I'm sorry I disappointed you.
497
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,040
I thought we had something special.
498
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:35,720
We'll always have
the hydrotherapy pool.
499
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,000
I'll never forget you, Maggie Boye.
500
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:43,280
Don't take this personally,
but I probably will forget you.
501
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,480
What's wrong with you?
502
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:51,720
I did my best, Arthur,
503
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,640
but Melody and Keelan
are now from a broken home.
504
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:55,800
Ah, Robbie...
505
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,120
I blame myself
for being too generous.
506
00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,360
Robbie?
507
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,560
I made this...
508
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:06,800
..for you.
509
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,040
It's... perfect.
510
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,320
(SQUEALS)
511
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,560
I've been working on it all week.
512
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,680
Jenny helped me source the shells.
513
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,400
There were some prototypes that
didn't survive the firing process,
514
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,720
but once I got the glue-to-shell
ratio right, whoo!
515
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,160
Couldn't stop me!
516
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,680
So you're not leaving me?
517
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,560
Leav... Leaving you?
518
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,200
I spent all week
making your anniversary present.
519
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,520
Oh, of course.
520
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:34,640
Anniversary.
521
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,640
Yeah.
522
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,360
A very important day.
523
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:38,400
Yeah.
524
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:39,800
A very special...
525
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:40,960
Yeah.
526
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,520
..wonderful...
527
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,800
14th...
17th.
528
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,920
..17th anniversary, yes.
529
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,600
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
530
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,440
You forgot, didn't you?
No.
531
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:50,800
No?
No.
532
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,160
Really?
Ha! Here.
533
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:54,800
(LAUGHS)
534
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,360
Some breath mints.
535
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,960
Because you're as fresh as a...
536
00:24:58,960 --> 00:24:59,960
Don't touch me.
537
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,360
OK.
538
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:04,160
I'd like you to take a good,
hard look at yourself
539
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,480
in that mirror, Roberta.
540
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:21,720
Well, we hope you had
a more than adequate stay, Mr Boye.
541
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:22,920
MELODY: I'm gonna sit there.
542
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,280
Thank you, Jenny.
543
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,040
And despite your efforts,
I had a great time.
544
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:41,560
Hello, ladies.
My title is Activities Director.
545
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,000
But that reminds me of my father.
546
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,840
Call me the Fun Captain.
547
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,960
(BOTH LAUGH)
548
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,080
Oh, he is funny.
549
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,840
What a charmer.
550
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:52,960
Oh, my God.
551
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,280
Mum, promise me we'll never go
on holiday again.
552
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,240
Oh, too late, Arthur.
553
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,840
I've already booked the same dates
for next year.
554
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,200
OTHERS: You what?
555
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,840
Well, I've got 15% off
the whale watching.
556
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,360
Alright, fine.
557
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,720
But this time
I'm in charge of the T-shirts.
558
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,280
Arthur!
559
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,600
I think one of the neighbours
might be putting stuff in our bin.
560
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,480
Is that Harvey Street
Police Station?
561
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:20,680
How do you sleep at night, huh?
562
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,360
I don't. My mum is too loud.
563
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,240
(EXPLOSION)
564
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,560
I got a nosy neighbour.
565
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,240
They keep calling the cops on me.
566
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:28,400
The police? (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
567
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,240
I totally didn't expect this.
(BARKS)
568
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,600
It's gonna feel like the Sopranos
if you don't watch your mouth.
569
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,960
Arthur is going deaf.
570
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,880
(MUFFLED) I said I'll prove it.
571
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,960
That thing probably still has
your grandpa's earwax on it.
572
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,720
Everyone take cover!
573
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,080
Captions by Red Bee Media
574
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,160
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
50884
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