Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,472
Subs created by: David Coleman.
2
00:00:02,473 --> 00:00:04,140
You know what I just noticed?
3
00:00:04,141 --> 00:00:07,568
Connie's knees look more like
balls than my balls look like balls.
4
00:00:07,569 --> 00:00:09,503
Oh, my God, they do.
5
00:00:09,504 --> 00:00:10,879
Man, I'm starving.
6
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,897
Being the best Park Ranger on Earth
can really work up an appetite.
7
00:00:13,898 --> 00:00:15,332
Oh, no!
8
00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:17,567
My leftover Chinese food! It's gone!
9
00:00:17,568 --> 00:00:19,706
Steve, if I'd a known,
I never would have...
10
00:00:19,707 --> 00:00:23,907
And look at that! Someone drew a mustache
on my ranger of the month picture!
11
00:00:23,908 --> 00:00:26,143
Don't you people understand?
12
00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:30,613
There's only one
explanation! It's the ghost!
13
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:33,517
Yeah, uh, a ghost ate your Chinese food.
14
00:00:33,518 --> 00:00:35,552
And drew a mustache on your picture.
15
00:00:35,553 --> 00:00:40,868
And, uh, got drunk and took
a shit on your toothbrush.
16
00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:43,640
Uh, I mean, uh, what ghost?
17
00:00:43,641 --> 00:00:46,576
I never told you about the
ghost that ruined my childhood?
18
00:00:46,577 --> 00:00:48,570
It all started 25 years ago.
19
00:00:48,571 --> 00:00:51,373
I got up on Christmas morning,
and there were no presents.
20
00:00:51,374 --> 00:00:53,608
My dad said the ghost stole them.
21
00:00:53,609 --> 00:00:57,879
Then the ghost gambled away my
college fund, backed over my dog,
22
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,383
and gave my mom two black
eyes on her birthday.
23
00:01:01,384 --> 00:01:05,016
- The ghost did all that, huh?
- Yeah, and now he's back.
24
00:01:05,017 --> 00:01:09,470
But this time, I'm gonna get my revenge
and kill that dead son of a bitch!
25
00:01:09,471 --> 00:01:11,869
All right, all right, I don't want
to hear another word about that ghost!
26
00:01:11,870 --> 00:01:15,673
Woody used to be a '70s
porn star named Rex Erection.
27
00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:19,874
Tell me more about that ghost, Steve.
28
00:01:20,979 --> 00:01:22,513
Ah!
29
00:01:22,514 --> 00:01:24,480
♪Brickleberry!
30
00:01:24,481 --> 00:01:27,061
♪Brickleberry!
31
00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:33,516
I was looking through this porn
site called BigBlackFurburger.Com.
32
00:01:33,517 --> 00:01:37,328
What? I like full bush. I'm a bear.
33
00:01:37,329 --> 00:01:40,389
Anyway, I found this.
34
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:43,097
Just a minute.
35
00:01:43,935 --> 00:01:45,535
Trick or treat.
36
00:01:45,536 --> 00:01:48,009
And what are you supposed to be?
37
00:01:48,010 --> 00:01:51,850
I'm supposed to be [Bleep] you.
38
00:01:57,072 --> 00:01:58,916
- That's Woody?
- Can't be!
39
00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:01,352
If I wasn't gay, I am now.
40
00:02:01,353 --> 00:02:03,588
Ewe! There's no way that's him.
41
00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:06,257
Okay, baby, it's time to bust ass!
42
00:02:06,258 --> 00:02:08,834
Okay, Rangers, it's time to bust ass!
43
00:02:08,835 --> 00:02:10,304
Well, that dried me up.
44
00:02:10,305 --> 00:02:13,296
Woody, what'd you do for a living
before you worked at Brickleberry?
45
00:02:13,297 --> 00:02:15,682
Oh, I had my fingers in this and that.
46
00:02:15,683 --> 00:02:20,256
By this and that, I'm assuming
you meant vagina's and buttholes?
47
00:02:20,257 --> 00:02:22,339
Well, I knew this day would come.
48
00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:27,659
Back in the '70s, I made a living as a
pornographic actor named Rex Erection.
49
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:30,628
Woody Johnson wasn't a good
enough porn name for you?
50
00:02:30,629 --> 00:02:32,615
Huh? I don't get it.
51
00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:36,487
Anyhow, porn was just one of those
jobs you stumble into when you're young
52
00:02:36,488 --> 00:02:42,031
and new to the big city, and you've got
a dishonest Pinocchio nose for a dick!
53
00:02:42,032 --> 00:02:44,792
Yeah, we noticed.
54
00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:48,766
Oh, no! It's my husband and his brother!
55
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:51,359
They just finished playing 18 holes.
56
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,800
I got two more holes you guys can play.
57
00:02:58,116 --> 00:03:00,411
Gay porn too? So you're gay?
58
00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,883
Ewe! Hell no! I didn't enjoy it!
59
00:03:02,884 --> 00:03:04,470
It's called acting.
60
00:03:04,471 --> 00:03:07,600
But there's one unanswered question.
61
00:03:07,601 --> 00:03:11,802
Why were those two men playing
golf at night on Halloween?
62
00:03:11,803 --> 00:03:13,493
Connie, I ought to whup your ass.
63
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,569
Woody, why'd you quit?
64
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:17,476
Quit? No. It wasn't my choice.
65
00:03:17,477 --> 00:03:19,351
I was a pornographic pioneer.
66
00:03:19,352 --> 00:03:21,327
The world was at my feet.
67
00:03:21,328 --> 00:03:26,908
I even invented my own
signature move... The Rex Rocket!
68
00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:30,055
Oh, my God! That was amazing!
69
00:03:30,056 --> 00:03:33,528
I had legions of fans who adored me.
70
00:03:33,529 --> 00:03:35,312
Could you make it out to Duke?
71
00:03:35,313 --> 00:03:36,781
You're my hero, Rex.
72
00:03:36,782 --> 00:03:38,814
I want to be just like
you when I grow up.
73
00:03:38,815 --> 00:03:40,983
- What are you, seven?
- I'm only six.
74
00:03:40,984 --> 00:03:43,023
Six inches? Not enough cable, son.
75
00:03:43,024 --> 00:03:45,288
You'll never make it
in porn. Stay in school.
76
00:03:45,289 --> 00:03:46,322
Oh.
77
00:03:46,323 --> 00:03:49,725
Oh, I was on top of the world,
but I flew too close to the sun.
78
00:03:49,726 --> 00:03:51,527
I burned out.
79
00:03:51,528 --> 00:03:54,863
Couldn't do what I, uh, needed to do.
80
00:03:54,864 --> 00:03:56,499
Oh, boy.
81
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,467
I'm... I'm really
embarrassed about this, folks.
82
00:03:58,468 --> 00:04:00,736
Well, one minute. Oh, brother.
83
00:04:00,737 --> 00:04:03,567
I'm thinking of everything.
84
00:04:03,568 --> 00:04:05,083
Sorry, guys.
85
00:04:05,084 --> 00:04:09,645
I know this seems unprofessional, but
maybe you guys can hit craft service.
86
00:04:09,646 --> 00:04:11,897
Oh, oh, starting to get a tingle.
87
00:04:11,898 --> 00:04:15,651
No! Shit! It's gone! Come on, come on!
88
00:04:15,652 --> 00:04:20,478
My presence in porn films was
reduced to non-sexual character roles.
89
00:04:20,479 --> 00:04:25,994
Like the pool boy's boss and one of
the students not kept after class.
90
00:04:25,995 --> 00:04:30,075
It flung me into a deep depression.
91
00:04:36,592 --> 00:04:37,360
Huh?
92
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:41,276
What are all you people
doing in my bathroom?
93
00:04:41,277 --> 00:04:43,679
Fortunately, Uncle Sam
straightened me out.
94
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,514
Then I took this job at Brickleberry
95
00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:48,718
and found my true calling,
you know what I mean?
96
00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:52,259
Where the hell is everybody?
97
00:04:53,301 --> 00:04:56,971
You see, Malloy, when a man and
a woman really love each other,
98
00:04:56,972 --> 00:04:59,173
or they're being paid and
there's a camera there,
99
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,737
they have what are called...
100
00:05:01,738 --> 00:05:03,410
Relations.
101
00:05:03,411 --> 00:05:08,081
Sometimes that woman can be a man
or a gang of men or a Shetland pony.
102
00:05:08,082 --> 00:05:09,170
You following me?
103
00:05:09,171 --> 00:05:10,986
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You
had sex with a horse.
104
00:05:10,987 --> 00:05:12,789
Why didn't you ever
tell me you were in porn?
105
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:15,793
I have always dreamed
of getting into porn.
106
00:05:15,794 --> 00:05:17,659
You want to be a porn actor?
107
00:05:17,660 --> 00:05:19,249
Hell no, they're disgusting.
108
00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:22,325
I want to direct, like the great
storytellers from the golden age of porn.
109
00:05:22,326 --> 00:05:25,640
Back when there was an art to exploiting
people and ruining their lives.
110
00:05:25,641 --> 00:05:28,660
Hey, that reminds me. Porn Con
is this week, we have to go.
111
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:32,865
You are a God to tons of
sad, lonely, pathetic people.
112
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,835
Oh, sorry, Fuzzywubs.
113
00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:39,442
I have made my peace with porn, and
I'm never going back to that dark place.
114
00:05:39,443 --> 00:05:41,044
What about for 100 bucks an autograph?
115
00:05:41,045 --> 00:05:43,865
Hello, dark place!
116
00:05:45,738 --> 00:05:47,755
- Hey... hey, guys!
- Break's over.
117
00:05:47,756 --> 00:05:49,669
- Wait! It's here!
- What's here?
118
00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:51,860
My ghost-hunting equipment!
119
00:05:51,861 --> 00:05:54,841
- Man, that's just a bat!
- No, it's a ghost bat.
120
00:05:54,842 --> 00:05:57,026
You can't hit a ghost
with a regular bat.
121
00:05:57,027 --> 00:05:58,520
It'd go right through them.
122
00:05:58,521 --> 00:06:02,506
Ghost tape recorder, ghost
glasses, ghost-a-meter.
123
00:06:02,507 --> 00:06:05,017
That's a rectal thermometer
duct-taped to a tennis racquet.
124
00:06:05,018 --> 00:06:06,931
Steve, how much did you
spend on all this crap?
125
00:06:06,932 --> 00:06:08,787
- $800.
- What?
126
00:06:08,788 --> 00:06:11,281
Small price to pay for
revenge, am I right?
127
00:06:11,282 --> 00:06:13,009
Yeah, uh...
128
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:15,873
Steve, that reminds me. I have
this ghost mop I want to sell you.
129
00:06:15,874 --> 00:06:19,474
No, thanks. Already have one.
130
00:06:22,053 --> 00:06:23,681
Well, this sucks, Malloy.
131
00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:25,705
I can't believe no one wants to meet me.
132
00:06:25,706 --> 00:06:31,606
There's even a line to see the
fatties from Filipino Foot Fetish 5!
133
00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:35,472
That was a surprisingly solid film,
134
00:06:35,473 --> 00:06:38,928
despite the fact that you didn't
realize it was a prequel till the end.
135
00:06:38,929 --> 00:06:42,725
I'm a joke. I can't believe
you talked me into coming here.
136
00:06:42,726 --> 00:06:44,434
My legacy is dead.
137
00:06:44,435 --> 00:06:46,870
Cheer up, Woody. These
porn nerds are just cheap.
138
00:06:46,871 --> 00:06:50,111
Autographs now only $10.
139
00:06:51,257 --> 00:06:54,017
$1.00 autographs.
140
00:06:54,702 --> 00:06:57,359
- Okay, no one loves you.
- Jesus does!
141
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,393
Not after he saw the
Rexerection IV Easter [Bleep]day.
142
00:07:00,394 --> 00:07:03,309
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure
143
00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:06,379
to introduce the biggest
porn star in the world!
144
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:12,184
The God of rod, the master ass blaster,
the shoe-in for this year's Boney Award!
145
00:07:12,185 --> 00:07:14,465
Duke Dick!
146
00:07:16,757 --> 00:07:19,258
Hey, those are my moves!
147
00:07:19,259 --> 00:07:23,095
That's my Navajo Chap
Slap and my Inverted Clam!
148
00:07:23,096 --> 00:07:25,799
And that's my Mr. Belvedere!
149
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,435
Yo! Duke Dick in the hit zone!
150
00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:32,450
- What time is it?
- It's time to bust ass!
151
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,974
And that's my catchphrase!
152
00:07:34,975 --> 00:07:37,866
Now, who wants to see
Duke do his famous move?
153
00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:40,567
The Duke Rocket!
154
00:07:42,584 --> 00:07:44,472
Stop right there!
155
00:07:44,473 --> 00:07:48,202
Someone get this Queen offstage
before the Duke gets filled with rage!
156
00:07:48,203 --> 00:07:51,163
You stole all of my moves, asshole!
157
00:07:51,164 --> 00:07:54,877
Asshole? My asshole has
won five Boney Awards!
158
00:07:54,878 --> 00:07:56,538
Show some respect, son!
159
00:07:56,539 --> 00:07:58,498
Oh, I ain't your son, hombre.
160
00:07:58,499 --> 00:08:00,737
I'm Rex [Bleep] Erection!
161
00:08:00,738 --> 00:08:04,754
Rex Erection was my hero until
he told me I'd never make it.
162
00:08:04,755 --> 00:08:05,686
What the...
163
00:08:05,687 --> 00:08:10,041
"Dear Duke, you got a small
tool. Stay in school. Rex".
164
00:08:10,042 --> 00:08:11,277
Well, I showed you.
165
00:08:11,278 --> 00:08:14,561
Now I'm on top, and you're
all washed up, old man.
166
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:17,183
Not for long, because you
know what I'm gonna do?
167
00:08:17,184 --> 00:08:19,118
I don't know. Skype
with your grand kids?
168
00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:21,414
No, I'm gonna come out of retirement,
169
00:08:21,415 --> 00:08:24,323
I'm gonna make my own movie,
I'm gonna win that Boney!
170
00:08:24,324 --> 00:08:27,816
And then I'm gonna shove it
up your award-winning asshole!
171
00:08:27,817 --> 00:08:28,800
Yeah, right.
172
00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:31,564
What Director would touch
your washed-up white ass?
173
00:08:31,565 --> 00:08:32,606
I will.
174
00:08:32,607 --> 00:08:35,446
Dude, a hairy little woodland
creature can't direct a movie.
175
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:37,493
Uh, what about Peter Jackson?
176
00:08:37,494 --> 00:08:40,734
Okay, I stand corrected.
177
00:08:42,886 --> 00:08:45,203
Alright Malloy, I snorted
four lines of Levitra.
178
00:08:45,204 --> 00:08:47,405
There's soup in the mushroom!
Let's shoot this thing!
179
00:08:47,406 --> 00:08:50,340
Put a pin in that boner. I'm
still auditioning actresses.
180
00:08:50,341 --> 00:08:52,742
Connie, bring them in!
181
00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:56,051
Too fat, trucker arms,
flat ass. That's a Moose.
182
00:08:56,052 --> 00:09:00,255
Christ! Connie, bring me some
real women with no self-esteem.
183
00:09:00,256 --> 00:09:03,118
Sorry, Malloy, I'm just really tired.
184
00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:06,755
I'm really tired too... of having a
wheezing elephant seal for an assistant.
185
00:09:06,756 --> 00:09:09,211
I never actually asked
to be your assistant.
186
00:09:09,212 --> 00:09:12,314
Connie, don't ever [Bleep] backtalk me.
187
00:09:12,315 --> 00:09:15,183
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, God. What is this now?
188
00:09:15,184 --> 00:09:18,689
Do you have any idea how
demeaning this is to women?
189
00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:22,224
Yes. And, no, you cannot be in it.
190
00:09:22,225 --> 00:09:24,926
I would never be in this movie.
191
00:09:24,927 --> 00:09:26,995
Wait, why can't I be in this movie?
192
00:09:26,996 --> 00:09:29,565
You don't think I have
trucker arms, do you?
193
00:09:29,566 --> 00:09:33,278
It is my nose? Are my boobs too small?
194
00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:37,072
You know what? I'm not gonna
fall into your little trap.
195
00:09:37,073 --> 00:09:39,007
You put me in this goddamn movie!
196
00:09:39,008 --> 00:09:40,842
Put me in!
197
00:09:40,843 --> 00:09:43,636
Malloy, put me in this movie!
198
00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:45,253
Fine, but I'm not gonna pay you.
199
00:09:45,254 --> 00:09:48,014
Yes, I'm pretty.
200
00:09:48,818 --> 00:09:51,153
So you're saying the only time
the ghost didn't bother you
201
00:09:51,154 --> 00:09:53,121
was during the four weeks
your daddy was in jail?
202
00:09:53,122 --> 00:09:57,993
Yeah, I guess he was too busy
framing my dad for all those DUI's.
203
00:09:57,994 --> 00:10:00,120
- Ooh, you ordered us a pizza?
- No, it's a medium.
204
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,598
- So, you ordered yourself a pizza?
- No, I got us a medium.
205
00:10:02,599 --> 00:10:04,772
Oh, so we only get three slices a piece?
206
00:10:04,773 --> 00:10:06,702
You at least get some
bread sticks or some shit?
207
00:10:06,703 --> 00:10:09,505
No, Denzel, a medium to
help us hunt down this ghost.
208
00:10:09,506 --> 00:10:12,116
How's a pizza gonna
hunt down a ghost, Steve?
209
00:10:12,117 --> 00:10:13,909
- Hi, I'm St...
- No, no, no, no, no.
210
00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:17,554
Don't tell me about yourself.
I'll tell you about yourself.
211
00:10:17,555 --> 00:10:21,183
- You like to eat candy.
- Yes!
212
00:10:21,184 --> 00:10:23,783
- You don't have a girlfriend.
- No!
213
00:10:23,784 --> 00:10:26,737
And you brought me here
for some information on...
214
00:10:26,738 --> 00:10:28,256
Some subject.
215
00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:31,727
Oh, my God, yes! I'm
looking for an evil ghost.
216
00:10:31,728 --> 00:10:32,982
Where do you think he is?
217
00:10:32,983 --> 00:10:35,303
Uh... ooh! The graveyard.
218
00:10:35,304 --> 00:10:36,589
I knew it!
219
00:10:36,590 --> 00:10:38,534
Steve, can't you see
this woman's playing you?
220
00:10:38,535 --> 00:10:39,588
This is bullshit!
221
00:10:39,589 --> 00:10:43,474
Oh, a non-believer. Let me go
check in with the other side.
222
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:44,804
I'm sensing...
223
00:10:44,805 --> 00:10:48,688
Your Grandmother mispronounces
words like libary and bafroom.
224
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,969
Holy shit!
225
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:56,184
Can I help you? I'm the CEO of this
sperm bank, and we are very busy today.
226
00:10:56,185 --> 00:11:01,423
Well, you're going to get even
busier because I need a loan.
227
00:11:01,424 --> 00:11:03,992
Ooh, I can give you a loan. A loan bone.
228
00:11:03,993 --> 00:11:06,161
Cut! The line is bone loan.
229
00:11:06,162 --> 00:11:07,763
What the hell is a loan bone?
230
00:11:07,764 --> 00:11:10,046
I'm having a real problem
understanding my character.
231
00:11:10,047 --> 00:11:12,601
He wants to have sex.
232
00:11:12,602 --> 00:11:15,904
- Well, what's his motivation?
- To have sex.
233
00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:17,722
Well, did he have a happy childhood?
234
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:22,760
Just take off your clothes and
[Bleep] her in her [Bleep] [Bleep].
235
00:11:22,761 --> 00:11:26,314
What? I couldn't hear
you over all the beeps.
236
00:11:26,315 --> 00:11:30,652
Sorry. I was making
Taquitos in the microwave.
237
00:11:30,653 --> 00:11:32,695
Can someone check his green card?
238
00:11:32,696 --> 00:11:34,506
And where the hell do
you think you're going?
239
00:11:34,507 --> 00:11:38,735
Me? Oh, I'm just gonna go grab lunch
while my, uh, body double steps in.
240
00:11:38,736 --> 00:11:41,572
Wait, you didn't think I was
gonna do a nude scene, did you?
241
00:11:41,573 --> 00:11:43,823
If I wanted a shitty actress
who wouldn't show her tits,
242
00:11:43,824 --> 00:11:45,200
I would have hired Kevin James.
243
00:11:45,201 --> 00:11:47,110
Oh, I don't have to take
this from you, Malloy.
244
00:11:47,111 --> 00:11:49,671
- I quit!
- Oh, no!
245
00:11:49,672 --> 00:11:51,573
How will I ever replace you?
246
00:11:51,574 --> 00:11:54,041
I could just glue two oranges to a mop.
247
00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:55,210
You'll regret this!
248
00:11:55,211 --> 00:11:58,125
Nobody walks out on me, you [Bleep]!
249
00:11:58,126 --> 00:11:59,381
I'm sorry.
250
00:11:59,382 --> 00:12:05,282
The shell is warm and crispy, but the
Taquito is still cold on the inside.
251
00:12:06,473 --> 00:12:08,741
Steve, you look like
a Mexican Astronaut.
252
00:12:08,742 --> 00:12:11,638
Thank you, but this is not
about how bad ass I look.
253
00:12:11,639 --> 00:12:14,057
- This is about vengeance.
- Okay.
254
00:12:14,058 --> 00:12:18,164
Good luck with that vengeance. If
you need me, I'll be home, sleeping.
255
00:12:18,165 --> 00:12:20,145
Boo...
256
00:12:21,017 --> 00:12:23,116
Aah! Aah! Ah!
257
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,401
You ruined my life, you son of a bitch!
258
00:12:25,402 --> 00:12:27,924
Steve, Steve, hold on! I
was just messing with you!
259
00:12:27,925 --> 00:12:29,831
You morphed into Denzel, huh?
260
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,559
- You shape-shifting ghost!
- Whoa, Steve, it's me!
261
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,261
Ask me something only I would know.
262
00:12:34,262 --> 00:12:36,263
- What's my last name?
- I don't [Bleep] know.
263
00:12:36,264 --> 00:12:39,066
- Oh, thank God, it's you, Denzel.
- Man, this is worse than I thought.
264
00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:40,742
You need some therapy, Steve.
265
00:12:40,743 --> 00:12:43,437
The only therapy I need
is to kill this ghost.
266
00:12:43,438 --> 00:12:46,498
Steve, there is no...
267
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,047
Ghost!
268
00:12:53,248 --> 00:12:54,948
Could we soften this light a little bit?
269
00:12:54,949 --> 00:12:59,010
I don't need or deserve to see
every wrinkle on Woody's sac.
270
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,924
If that boom mic gets in
the shot one more time,
271
00:13:00,925 --> 00:13:04,524
whoa-ho-ho, we're gonna find out what
the inside of your ass sounds like.
272
00:13:04,525 --> 00:13:06,254
Probably not good.
273
00:13:06,255 --> 00:13:08,962
He ate a whole plate of Taquitos.
274
00:13:08,963 --> 00:13:11,226
How did you get back into the country?
275
00:13:11,227 --> 00:13:13,085
Okay, action!
276
00:13:13,086 --> 00:13:14,567
What the hell is this?
277
00:13:14,568 --> 00:13:17,304
I did a bunch of coke and rewrote
the whole script last night.
278
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:19,914
Just read the cue cards.
279
00:13:19,915 --> 00:13:23,294
Any last requests, Osama Bin Laden?
280
00:13:23,295 --> 00:13:26,146
Yes, infidels, I want
you to run a train on me
281
00:13:26,147 --> 00:13:29,713
with your seal-team
dicks or I'll 69/11 you!
282
00:13:29,714 --> 00:13:31,985
What? This is bullshit, Malloy!
283
00:13:31,986 --> 00:13:34,221
People just want to see The Rex Rocket!
284
00:13:34,222 --> 00:13:37,601
You're right. That was garbage. I'm
gonna rewrite the whole script...
285
00:13:37,602 --> 00:13:39,882
Right now.
286
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:47,167
Beep-boop, beep-boop, beep.
287
00:13:47,168 --> 00:13:51,308
You ordered a pizza from the future?
288
00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:55,875
Cut! Woody, stop breathing!
Robots don't breathe.
289
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,741
This is the 100th take.
290
00:13:58,742 --> 00:14:00,615
Could we stop for a minute?
291
00:14:00,616 --> 00:14:02,005
- I'm tired.
- You're tired?
292
00:14:02,006 --> 00:14:03,745
You've flubbed your
lines so many times that
293
00:14:03,746 --> 00:14:06,253
Chastity here is starting
to question her life choices.
294
00:14:06,254 --> 00:14:08,688
I think I might want
to go to nursing school.
295
00:14:08,689 --> 00:14:10,257
I'm pretty sure they drug test.
296
00:14:10,258 --> 00:14:11,548
Oh, well.
297
00:14:11,549 --> 00:14:14,832
Seriously, something's
wrong. I am in real pain here.
298
00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:17,953
Great! Use it! Action!
299
00:14:18,981 --> 00:14:22,061
That was not in the script!
300
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,702
But it is now.
301
00:14:28,416 --> 00:14:30,283
You're a very lucky man, Woody.
302
00:14:30,284 --> 00:14:31,784
Everything's going to be fine.
303
00:14:31,785 --> 00:14:33,286
Great! So I can perform?
304
00:14:33,287 --> 00:14:35,805
Of course you can perform...
305
00:14:35,806 --> 00:14:38,312
In stage plays,
Lifetime original movies.
306
00:14:38,313 --> 00:14:40,188
Even black face minstrel shows.
307
00:14:40,189 --> 00:14:41,767
Just not pornography.
308
00:14:41,768 --> 00:14:44,788
You see, Woody, you're
suffering from a rare ailment...
309
00:14:44,789 --> 00:14:46,283
Multiple scrot cysts.
310
00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:48,535
I have multiple sclerosis? Shit!
311
00:14:48,536 --> 00:14:50,543
Oh, heavens no. I wish you did.
312
00:14:50,544 --> 00:14:55,303
I said, multiple scrot cysts, as
in multiple cysts in your scrotum.
313
00:14:55,304 --> 00:14:57,617
Each cyst is a little,
ticking time bomb.
314
00:14:57,618 --> 00:15:00,470
Every single bounce of your ball
bag brings you closer to death.
315
00:15:00,471 --> 00:15:02,254
Level with me, Doc.
316
00:15:02,255 --> 00:15:04,509
How many thrusts do I have left?
317
00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:06,694
I can't give you an exact number, Woody,
318
00:15:06,695 --> 00:15:10,630
but it's somewhere
between, say, 70 and 72.
319
00:15:10,631 --> 00:15:11,918
So...
320
00:15:11,919 --> 00:15:14,319
Seventy one?
321
00:15:15,383 --> 00:15:19,703
If only medicine could be that precise.
322
00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:26,210
Aah! Aah! The ghost! He's coming for us.
323
00:15:26,211 --> 00:15:30,616
- Grab the ghost bats!
- Take that, you ghost!
324
00:15:30,617 --> 00:15:31,851
Take that!
325
00:15:31,852 --> 00:15:33,619
Kill that ghost! Kill that ghost!
326
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:35,087
- Hah!
- Aah!
327
00:15:35,088 --> 00:15:38,088
I think we got him!
328
00:15:38,536 --> 00:15:39,868
Oh, no! Connie!
329
00:15:39,869 --> 00:15:41,436
The ghost must have beat her up!
330
00:15:41,437 --> 00:15:43,165
We beat her up, you dumb ass!
331
00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:45,154
It was Connie sleepwalking
the whole time!
332
00:15:45,155 --> 00:15:47,839
I hate to tell you this,
Steve, but that ghost was just
333
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:52,262
your alcoholic father beating
your mama up on her birthday.
334
00:15:52,263 --> 00:15:55,311
Sorry, I was zoning out. I didn't
hear anything you just said.
335
00:15:55,312 --> 00:16:01,117
Steve, it wasn't a ghost! It
was your dad the whole time!
336
00:16:01,118 --> 00:16:04,711
Damn it. Happened again. I didn't
hear anything after the word Steve.
337
00:16:04,712 --> 00:16:08,192
You just had a shitty dad!
338
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:11,527
Sorry, I was holding in a fart.
339
00:16:11,528 --> 00:16:13,868
I give up.
340
00:16:18,559 --> 00:16:20,582
Denzel, I just realized something.
341
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:22,535
It was my dad the whole time.
342
00:16:22,536 --> 00:16:25,416
There is no ghost.
343
00:16:26,209 --> 00:16:28,911
Hey, Steve, long time no see.
344
00:16:28,912 --> 00:16:30,886
Remember when I stole
your Christmas presents
345
00:16:30,887 --> 00:16:33,684
and made the bank
foreclose on your house?
346
00:16:33,685 --> 00:16:38,605
Good times. Hey, give
this to you mom for me.
347
00:16:40,947 --> 00:16:44,583
I'm sorry, Snugglewubs, but
I just can't do porn anymore.
348
00:16:44,584 --> 00:16:47,319
Doctor's orders. It
kills me more than anyone.
349
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,688
You rest up, Woody. I
completely understand.
350
00:16:49,689 --> 00:16:52,333
Besides, I already
found your replacement.
351
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:55,560
Yo, yo, yo, Duke Dick in
the father-suckin' house.
352
00:16:55,561 --> 00:16:59,298
Ooh, hell no! I ain't done yet!
353
00:16:59,299 --> 00:17:02,101
It's time to bust ass!
354
00:17:02,102 --> 00:17:04,142
Action!
355
00:17:15,803 --> 00:17:17,656
No! No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no!
356
00:17:17,657 --> 00:17:20,357
No, no, no, no!
357
00:17:23,082 --> 00:17:26,058
All right, Woody, this
is your final scene.
358
00:17:26,059 --> 00:17:27,392
Oh, it better be.
359
00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:31,096
This is the 93rd rewrite
of this movie... today!
360
00:17:31,097 --> 00:17:33,368
I know you're tired, but nail this shot,
361
00:17:33,369 --> 00:17:36,568
and Rex Erection will
never be forgotten again.
362
00:17:36,569 --> 00:17:40,649
Time for The Rex Rocket. You ready?
363
00:17:41,407 --> 00:17:44,107
It's time to...
364
00:17:44,377 --> 00:17:45,677
Bust ass!
365
00:17:45,678 --> 00:17:48,318
The Rex Rocket!
366
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,899
Oh, my God, he's dead and still in me!
367
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:55,799
Gross!
368
00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:00,900
And that's how you direct
a snuff film. Perfect!
369
00:18:01,694 --> 00:18:04,419
The world mourns today as beloved
370
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:08,110
pornographic film star
Rex Erection has died.
371
00:18:08,111 --> 00:18:11,929
A true innovator, he developed
specialized coitus procedures.
372
00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:14,295
Like the Clam Slam...
373
00:18:14,296 --> 00:18:16,009
The Drippy Pickle...
374
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:17,542
The Nancy Reagan.
375
00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:20,412
And his signature, Rex Rocket.
376
00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:22,155
One thing is for certain...
377
00:18:22,156 --> 00:18:25,977
The legacy of Rex Erection
will live on forever.
378
00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:31,138
We now join the Boney
Awards, already in progress.
379
00:18:31,374 --> 00:18:37,274
Ladies and gentlemen, here are the porn
actors and actresses we lost this year.
380
00:18:39,220 --> 00:18:40,900
_.
381
00:18:41,869 --> 00:18:43,549
_.
382
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,137
_.
383
00:18:49,988 --> 00:18:51,668
_.
384
00:18:52,306 --> 00:18:53,986
_.
385
00:18:59,278 --> 00:19:00,958
_.
386
00:19:06,326 --> 00:19:09,628
And now, to present the
Boney for best actor!
387
00:19:09,629 --> 00:19:13,733
Please welcome Flesh Devil,
the leather-bound midget freak.
388
00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:18,054
And academy award winner Susan Sarandon.
389
00:19:19,517 --> 00:19:24,708
Susan, it is said that a good porn
actor invites the audience to come.
390
00:19:24,709 --> 00:19:30,600
Yes, Flesh Devil, but a great porn
actor also invites the audience to feel.
391
00:19:30,601 --> 00:19:34,665
The Boney Award for
best actor goes to...
392
00:19:34,666 --> 00:19:37,126
Rex Erection!
393
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,528
I'd like to accept this
on behalf of Rex Erection.
394
00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:46,432
He wasn't sexy or handsome,
he was a horrible actor,
395
00:19:46,433 --> 00:19:48,533
but you guys will jerk off to anything.
396
00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:50,814
Thank you.
397
00:19:51,071 --> 00:19:52,283
This is bullshit!
398
00:19:52,284 --> 00:19:56,794
Everyone knows Duke is
the greatest of all time!
399
00:19:56,795 --> 00:20:01,235
That's not the one I take home, is it?
400
00:20:02,215 --> 00:20:04,149
I can't believe Woody's gone.
401
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,185
Do you have any idea what
he left me in his will?
402
00:20:06,186 --> 00:20:08,687
His love. Oh, isn't that sweet?
403
00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:12,691
Hope you rot in hell, cheap old man.
404
00:20:12,692 --> 00:20:14,960
Connie, what happened to you?
405
00:20:14,961 --> 00:20:17,746
Steve said a ghost got me,
then Denzel said the ghost left,
406
00:20:17,747 --> 00:20:20,622
and there's no use investigating
the situation any further.
407
00:20:20,623 --> 00:20:24,036
Howdy, Rangers. It's time to bust ass!
408
00:20:24,037 --> 00:20:26,440
- What the...
- I faked my own death
409
00:20:26,441 --> 00:20:29,400
so Rex Erection's legacy
could live on forever.
410
00:20:29,401 --> 00:20:32,626
I wasn't about to let Duke Dick
steal everything I worked for!
411
00:20:32,627 --> 00:20:35,871
But there was a body in
the casket that we buried.
412
00:20:35,872 --> 00:20:41,089
Huh? Oh, yeah. That was some homeless
Navajo I found passed out behind Quiznos.
413
00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:42,888
What? I gave him 50 bucks.
414
00:20:42,889 --> 00:20:45,357
Sorry we're late. Ghost!
415
00:20:45,358 --> 00:20:48,838
Quick! Grab the ghost bats!
416
00:20:48,891 --> 00:20:54,791
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
Www.Addic7ed.Com.
32689
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof