All language subtitles for [-IcUQkvoRIc].en

Welcome ladies AND GENTLEMEN TO THE

Welcome ladies AND GENTLEMEN TO THE
DAILY SHOW. MY NAME IS JOHN STEWART.

DAILY SHOW. MY NAME IS JOHN STEWART.

DAILY SHOW. MY NAME IS JOHN STEWART.
MAN, do we got a show for you tonight.

MAN, do we got a show for you tonight.

MAN, do we got a show for you tonight.
Civil liberties attorney Janine Ununice

Civil liberties attorney Janine Ununice

Civil liberties attorney Janine Ununice
will be here later. Civil liberties

will be here later. Civil liberties

will be here later. Civil liberties
WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT.

WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT.

WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT.
They don't care. They don't care.

They don't care. They don't care.

They don't care. They don't care.
Or we'll talk about whatever the

Or we'll talk about whatever the

Or we'll talk about whatever the
government deems appropriate. I really

government deems appropriate. I really

government deems appropriate. I really
uh you know, I'm trying to keep myself

uh you know, I'm trying to keep myself

uh you know, I'm trying to keep myself
spirited here. How How was How was your

spirited here. How How was How was your

spirited here. How How was How was your
weekend? Was it good?

weekend? Was it good?

weekend? Was it good?
>> Yeah. Yeah. How was your weekend? Yeah.

>> Yeah. Yeah. How was your weekend? Yeah.

>> Yeah. Yeah. How was your weekend? Yeah.
What the

What the

What the
IS HAPPENING? What

IS HAPPENING? What

IS HAPPENING? What
the

the

the
is happening in this country? From

is happening in this country? From

is happening in this country? From
Minnesota

Minnesota

Minnesota
to Venezuela

to Venezuela

to Venezuela
to Iran to Greenland, Cuba, Mexico,

to Iran to Greenland, Cuba, Mexico,

to Iran to Greenland, Cuba, Mexico,
Colombia to to Philadelphia.

Oh. Well, oh, I'm sorry. Not all the

Oh. Well, oh, I'm sorry. Not all the
news was bad.

>> Why is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

>> Why is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES DECLARING ON Wikipedia

STATES DECLARING ON Wikipedia

STATES DECLARING ON Wikipedia
that he IS NOW THE PRESIDENT OF

that he IS NOW THE PRESIDENT OF

that he IS NOW THE PRESIDENT OF
VENEZUELA?

VENEZUELA?

VENEZUELA?
That's real. Why is our Fed chairman

That's real. Why is our Fed chairman

That's real. Why is our Fed chairman
making what appears to be a hostage

making what appears to be a hostage

making what appears to be a hostage
video?

How the DID STEAK BECOME THE

How the DID STEAK BECOME THE
healthiest food in the country?

healthiest food in the country?

healthiest food in the country?
What is happening? We are on the Donald

What is happening? We are on the Donald

What is happening? We are on the Donald
Trump gravitron.

Trump gravitron.

Trump gravitron.
We don't know what up or down is. We

We don't know what up or down is. We

We don't know what up or down is. We
just know it feels like we're all going

just know it feels like we're all going

just know it feels like we're all going
to vomit.

to vomit.

to vomit.
Each moment brings another event with

Each moment brings another event with

Each moment brings another event with
cataclysmic implications and

cataclysmic implications and

cataclysmic implications and
consequences. And the guy at the center

consequences. And the guy at the center

consequences. And the guy at the center
of it, the instigator, the catalyst of

of it, the instigator, the catalyst of

of it, the instigator, the catalyst of
all this chaos and confusion, he's just

all this chaos and confusion, he's just

all this chaos and confusion, he's just
out there TGIFing it. Oh, hey. What's up

out there TGIFing it. Oh, hey. What's up

out there TGIFing it. Oh, hey. What's up
everybody? Hey, see you soon. Not if I

everybody? Hey, see you soon. Not if I

everybody? Hey, see you soon. Not if I
see you first. Boom. Boom. Boom.

see you first. Boom. Boom. Boom.

see you first. Boom. Boom. Boom.
Just look at Venezuela. We took it over.

Just look at Venezuela. We took it over.

Just look at Venezuela. We took it over.
What? 3 days ago, 4 days ago, 5 days

What? 3 days ago, 4 days ago, 5 days

What? 3 days ago, 4 days ago, 5 days
ago, I don't remember. Meanwhile, our

ago, I don't remember. Meanwhile, our

ago, I don't remember. Meanwhile, our
State Department says if you're an

State Department says if you're an

State Department says if you're an
American, there are armed gangs in

American, there are armed gangs in

American, there are armed gangs in
Venezuela trying to kill you. So, you

Venezuela trying to kill you. So, you

Venezuela trying to kill you. So, you
would think that maybe this calls for a

would think that maybe this calls for a

would think that maybe this calls for a
little gathering in the situation tent

little gathering in the situation tent

little gathering in the situation tent
or wherever is operationally uh uh right

or wherever is operationally uh uh right

or wherever is operationally uh uh right
uh for talking about Venezuela right

uh for talking about Venezuela right

uh for talking about Venezuela right
now. But the president had a different

now. But the president had a different

now. But the president had a different
idea.

idea.

idea.
>> President Trump convening top oil

>> President Trump convening top oil

>> President Trump convening top oil
executives at the White House to talk

executives at the White House to talk

executives at the White House to talk
about diving up Venezuela's oil.

about diving up Venezuela's oil.

about diving up Venezuela's oil.
>> What the's happening? He has a meeting

>> What the's happening? He has a meeting

>> What the's happening? He has a meeting
of all of the most important

of all of the most important

of all of the most important
stakeholders. Exxon, Chevron,

stakeholders. Exxon, Chevron,

stakeholders. Exxon, Chevron,
Hallebertton, and of course the guy from

Hallebertton, and of course the guy from

Hallebertton, and of course the guy from
Dune who lives in the oil bar.

By the way, I I think you can tell I I

By the way, I I think you can tell I I
don't use that treatment.

And by the way, lest you worry that

And by the way, lest you worry that
Donald Trump is in any way feeling the

Donald Trump is in any way feeling the

Donald Trump is in any way feeling the
burden of this moment, the terrifying

burden of this moment, the terrifying

burden of this moment, the terrifying
responsibility of so many lives held in

responsibility of so many lives held in

responsibility of so many lives held in
his hands. Let me reassure you, he's

his hands. Let me reassure you, he's

his hands. Let me reassure you, he's
fine.

fine.

fine.
>> Here we are. And if you in fact if you

>> Here we are. And if you in fact if you

>> Here we are. And if you in fact if you
look come to think of it well

look come to think of it well

look come to think of it well
I got to look at this myself.

Sir,

Sir,
and we're trying to have an urgent

and we're trying to have an urgent

and we're trying to have an urgent
meeting on possibly the collapse of a

meeting on possibly the collapse of a

meeting on possibly the collapse of a
pro state.

pro state.

pro state.
You just got to walk over the window and

You just got to walk over the window and

You just got to walk over the window and
look at look at Rubio and Vance. Look at

look at look at Rubio and Vance. Look at

look at look at Rubio and Vance. Look at
look at the faces on Heckle and Jackekal

look at the faces on Heckle and Jackekal

look at the faces on Heckle and Jackekal
over there.

over there.

over there.
Just look at him smiling like, "Oh,

Just look at him smiling like, "Oh,

Just look at him smiling like, "Oh,
Pawpaw.

He's so cute. You should see him when

He's so cute. You should see him when
the ice cream truck goes by."

the ice cream truck goes by."

the ice cream truck goes by."
>> Wow.

>> Wow.

>> Wow.
>> What a what a view. This is the door to

>> What a what a view. This is the door to

>> What a what a view. This is the door to
the ballroom.

>> Really? This this meeting is the moment

>> Really? This this meeting is the moment
for your funny ballroom. Act them out.

for your funny ballroom. Act them out.

for your funny ballroom. Act them out.
Armed gangs are roaming freely through

Armed gangs are roaming freely through

Armed gangs are roaming freely through
both of the countries you say you run

both of the countries you say you run

both of the countries you say you run
right now. But go ahead, take a moment

right now. But go ahead, take a moment

right now. But go ahead, take a moment
to look at what might be through the

to look at what might be through the

to look at what might be through the
window. You're like the Walt Disney of

window. You're like the Walt Disney of

window. You're like the Walt Disney of
chaos.

chaos.

chaos.
All it takes is imagination.

All it takes is imagination.

All it takes is imagination.
And by the way, if you're getting up and

And by the way, if you're getting up and

And by the way, if you're getting up and
walking to the window and you don't

walking to the window and you don't

walking to the window and you don't
think that's enough of a daughtering old

think that's enough of a daughtering old

think that's enough of a daughtering old
man move, old can old cankles McGee had

man move, old can old cankles McGee had

man move, old can old cankles McGee had
one more chewable Tums up his sleeve.

one more chewable Tums up his sleeve.

one more chewable Tums up his sleeve.
>> You're all going to do very well. I

>> You're all going to do very well. I

>> You're all going to do very well. I
think really very well. Marco just gave

think really very well. Marco just gave

think really very well. Marco just gave
me a note. Go back to Chevron.

me a note. Go back to Chevron.

me a note. Go back to Chevron.
They want to discuss something. Go

They want to discuss something. Go

They want to discuss something. Go
ahead. I'm going back to Chevron Mark.

ahead. I'm going back to Chevron Mark.

ahead. I'm going back to Chevron Mark.
Thank you, Marco.

Does anyone ELSE HAVE A PRIVATE NOTE

Does anyone ELSE HAVE A PRIVATE NOTE
THEY'D LIKE ME TO READ ALOUD?

THEY'D LIKE ME TO READ ALOUD?

THEY'D LIKE ME TO READ ALOUD?
ANYBODY?

ANYBODY?

ANYBODY?
NOW, by the way, there was an oil

NOW, by the way, there was an oil

NOW, by the way, there was an oil
company, Exxon, that expressed some

company, Exxon, that expressed some

company, Exxon, that expressed some
reservations about investing money in

reservations about investing money in

reservations about investing money in
rebuilding the infrastructure of a

rebuilding the infrastructure of a

rebuilding the infrastructure of a
country that is uh, and I quote, not

country that is uh, and I quote, not

country that is uh, and I quote, not
ours

ours

ours
and is somewhat volatile at the moment.

and is somewhat volatile at the moment.

and is somewhat volatile at the moment.
How did the president handle this

How did the president handle this

How did the president handle this
somewhat rational costbenefit analysis?

somewhat rational costbenefit analysis?

somewhat rational costbenefit analysis?
>> I'd probably be inclined to keep Exxon

>> I'd probably be inclined to keep Exxon

>> I'd probably be inclined to keep Exxon
out. I didn't like their response.

out. I didn't like their response.

out. I didn't like their response.
They're they're playing too cute.

They're they're playing too cute.

They're they're playing too cute.
>> They're playing too cute. You just made

>> They're playing too cute. You just made

>> They're playing too cute. You just made
yourself the president of Venezuela on

yourself the president of Venezuela on

yourself the president of Venezuela on
Wikipedia, but they're the ones that are

Wikipedia, but they're the ones that are

Wikipedia, but they're the ones that are
being glib. Do you see how up everything

being glib. Do you see how up everything

being glib. Do you see how up everything
is right now? First of all, I have to

is right now? First of all, I have to

is right now? First of all, I have to
offend the good faith of an oil company

offend the good faith of an oil company

offend the good faith of an oil company
because they don't think they can safely

because they don't think they can safely

because they don't think they can safely
extract another country's resources in

extract another country's resources in

extract another country's resources in
as costeffective a manner as might

as costeffective a manner as might

as costeffective a manner as might
benefit their shareholders. Who am I

benefit their shareholders. Who am I

benefit their shareholders. Who am I
anymore?

And by the way, Donald, why are you the

And by the way, Donald, why are you the
president of Venezuela?

president of Venezuela?

president of Venezuela?
Doesn't your oath of office to America

Doesn't your oath of office to America

Doesn't your oath of office to America
have a non-compete? What are we doing?

have a non-compete? What are we doing?

have a non-compete? What are we doing?
What are you just trying to pick up a

What are you just trying to pick up a

What are you just trying to pick up a
few extra hours? What? The holidays hit

few extra hours? What? The holidays hit

few extra hours? What? The holidays hit
you hard?

you hard?

you hard?
I just need a little couple extra bucks

I just need a little couple extra bucks

I just need a little couple extra bucks
until like February, March. That

until like February, March. That

until like February, March. That
ballroom's not going to pay for itself.

ballroom's not going to pay for itself.

ballroom's not going to pay for itself.
Meanwhile, in Iran, protesters have

Meanwhile, in Iran, protesters have

Meanwhile, in Iran, protesters have
taken to the streets tired of the

taken to the streets tired of the

taken to the streets tired of the
totalitarian rule of the mullers and

totalitarian rule of the mullers and

totalitarian rule of the mullers and
have been gunned down in the streets.

have been gunned down in the streets.

have been gunned down in the streets.
Protests and violence have broken out

Protests and violence have broken out

Protests and violence have broken out
throughout that country. It is chaotic

throughout that country. It is chaotic

throughout that country. It is chaotic
and fragile. So, guess who's THINKING

and fragile. So, guess who's THINKING

and fragile. So, guess who's THINKING
ABOUT STEPPING RIGHT IN? THAT'S RIGHT.

ABOUT STEPPING RIGHT IN? THAT'S RIGHT.

ABOUT STEPPING RIGHT IN? THAT'S RIGHT.
The president OF VENEZUELA.

The president OF VENEZUELA.

The president OF VENEZUELA.
>> I HAVE OPTIONS that are so strong. So, I

>> I HAVE OPTIONS that are so strong. So, I

>> I HAVE OPTIONS that are so strong. So, I
mean, if they did that, it'll be met

mean, if they did that, it'll be met

mean, if they did that, it'll be met
with a very, very powerful force. I have

with a very, very powerful force. I have

with a very, very powerful force. I have
options. Did you hear what he I have

options. Did you hear what he I have

options. Did you hear what he I have
options? Not Congress, not the American

options? Not Congress, not the American

options? Not Congress, not the American
people. I

people. I

people. I
apparently Trump is the sole factor in

apparently Trump is the sole factor in

apparently Trump is the sole factor in
all decisions everywhere throughout the

all decisions everywhere throughout the

all decisions everywhere throughout the
world. Now, he just wants to take a

world. Now, he just wants to take a

world. Now, he just wants to take a
little more time staring out the window

little more time staring out the window

little more time staring out the window
before he lets us know what fresh hell

before he lets us know what fresh hell

before he lets us know what fresh hell
he will unleash next. And the most

he will unleash next. And the most

he will unleash next. And the most
confusing thing about his reason for

confusing thing about his reason for

confusing thing about his reason for
intervening in Iran is his reason.

intervening in Iran is his reason.

intervening in Iran is his reason.
>> President Trump has warned of striking

>> President Trump has warned of striking

>> President Trump has warned of striking
Iran if the regime kills protesters.

Iran if the regime kills protesters.

Iran if the regime kills protesters.
>> There seem to be some people killed that

>> There seem to be some people killed that

>> There seem to be some people killed that
aren't supposed to be killed.

We may have to bomb Iran to prevent

We may have to bomb Iran to prevent
Iran's government from shooting

Iran's government from shooting

Iran's government from shooting
protesters.

protesters.

protesters.
Look directly into camera with an

Look directly into camera with an

Look directly into camera with an
expression of half bewilderment and

expression of half bewilderment and

expression of half bewilderment and
despair. P.S. John. Don't read this

despair. P.S. John. Don't read this

despair. P.S. John. Don't read this
part.

And if that's not enough, in the middle

And if that's not enough, in the middle
of all this, we are going to do

of all this, we are going to do

of all this, we are going to do
something on Greenland, whether they

something on Greenland, whether they

something on Greenland, whether they
like it or not. I would like to make a

like it or not. I would like to make a

like it or not. I would like to make a
deal, you know, the easy way. But if we

deal, you know, the easy way. But if we

deal, you know, the easy way. But if we
don't do it the easy way, we're going to

don't do it the easy way, we're going to

don't do it the easy way, we're going to
do it the hard way. The it's

do it the hard way. The it's

do it the hard way. The it's
Greenland.

Greenland.

Greenland.
BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE, EVERYTHING THERE

BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE, EVERYTHING THERE

BASED ON MY KNOWLEDGE, EVERYTHING THERE
IS DONE THE HARD WAY.

IS DONE THE HARD WAY.

IS DONE THE HARD WAY.
YOU KNOW, WHEN you order food in

YOU KNOW, WHEN you order food in

YOU KNOW, WHEN you order food in
Greenland, Uber Eatats takes eight days.

Greenland, Uber Eatats takes eight days.

Greenland, Uber Eatats takes eight days.
And they don't deliver over fjords.

And they don't deliver over fjords.

And they don't deliver over fjords.
So, the point is, people, don't fill up

So, the point is, people, don't fill up

So, the point is, people, don't fill up
on Iran and Venezuela and Minneapolis.

on Iran and Venezuela and Minneapolis.

on Iran and Venezuela and Minneapolis.
You got to save room for this other

You got to save room for this other

You got to save room for this other
invasion. It's like a WHOLE MUKBANG OF

invasion. It's like a WHOLE MUKBANG OF

invasion. It's like a WHOLE MUKBANG OF
CATASTROPHIC POSSIBILITIES. It's

CATASTROPHIC POSSIBILITIES. It's

CATASTROPHIC POSSIBILITIES. It's
exhausting. This is all just one

exhausting. This is all just one

exhausting. This is all just one
weekend. And why do we even need

weekend. And why do we even need

weekend. And why do we even need
Greenland?

Greenland?

Greenland?
>> We need Greenland very badly. WHY?

>> We need Greenland very badly. WHY?

>> We need Greenland very badly. WHY?
And why do we suddenly need all of

And why do we suddenly need all of

And why do we suddenly need all of
Venezuela's oil and whatever is buried

Venezuela's oil and whatever is buried

Venezuela's oil and whatever is buried
under Greenland? What is Can I ask a

under Greenland? What is Can I ask a

under Greenland? What is Can I ask a
question?

Is that why we have to do all this?

Is that why we have to do all this?
Did you lose your job?

Did you lose your job?

Did you lose your job?
Did you somehow Trump casino the United

Did you somehow Trump casino the United

Did you somehow Trump casino the United
States? Cuz

States? Cuz

States? Cuz
if the country needs money, we can all

if the country needs money, we can all

if the country needs money, we can all
get second jobs. We'll all be presidents

get second jobs. We'll all be presidents

get second jobs. We'll all be presidents
somewhere. If Wikipedia will have us,

I don't why do we have to take over

I don't why do we have to take over
Greenland?

Greenland?

Greenland?
>> If we don't do it, Russia or China will

>> If we don't do it, Russia or China will

>> If we don't do it, Russia or China will
take over Greenland. And we're not going

take over Greenland. And we're not going

take over Greenland. And we're not going
to have Russia or China as a neighbor.

We're already

We're already
Russia's already our ne This is where

Russia's already our ne This is where

Russia's already our ne This is where
Greenland is. Russia's closer. Unless in

Greenland is. Russia's closer. Unless in

Greenland is. Russia's closer. Unless in
your mind you think Alaska lives in a

your mind you think Alaska lives in a

your mind you think Alaska lives in a
BOX NEXT TO HAWAII.

NO, NO, NO. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET

NO, NO, NO. I GET IT. I GET IT. I GET
IT. WE WE DON'T want Russia or China to

IT. WE WE DON'T want Russia or China to

IT. WE WE DON'T want Russia or China to
take over Greenland. Oh, you know what

take over Greenland. Oh, you know what

take over Greenland. Oh, you know what
we could do to deter it? Not through

we could do to deter it? Not through

we could do to deter it? Not through
arrogance or conquest, but what if we

arrogance or conquest, but what if we

arrogance or conquest, but what if we
formed like kind of an alliance with

formed like kind of an alliance with

formed like kind of an alliance with
Denmark and Greenland?

Denmark and Greenland?

Denmark and Greenland?
We could include all the North Atlantic

We could include all the North Atlantic

We could include all the North Atlantic
nations.

nations.

nations.
What What would we call this?

What What would we call this?

What What would we call this?
like like almost like a North Atlantic

like like almost like a North Atlantic

like like almost like a North Atlantic
treaty organization

treaty organization

treaty organization
that we I don't know what we could I

that we I don't know what we could I

that we I don't know what we could I
guess we'll never know.

guess we'll never know.

guess we'll never know.
But again, since we all now dance to the

But again, since we all now dance to the

But again, since we all now dance to the
tune of one piper, what possible

tune of one piper, what possible

tune of one piper, what possible
justifications could you have for just

justifications could you have for just

justifications could you have for just
taking someone else's land? And please,

taking someone else's land? And please,

taking someone else's land? And please,
if you would irony proof your answer.

if you would irony proof your answer.

if you would irony proof your answer.
I'm a fan of Denmark, but you know, the

I'm a fan of Denmark, but you know, the

I'm a fan of Denmark, but you know, the
fact that they had a boat land there 500

fact that they had a boat land there 500

fact that they had a boat land there 500
years ago doesn't mean that they own the

years ago doesn't mean that they own the

years ago doesn't mean that they own the
land.

How do you think we got our land?

How do you think we got our land?
We landed HERE ON A BOAT 500

We landed HERE ON A BOAT 500

We landed HERE ON A BOAT 500
YEARS AGO AND IT WAS OURS. And you're

YEARS AGO AND IT WAS OURS. And you're

YEARS AGO AND IT WAS OURS. And you're
out there. Hey, Denmark doesn't own it

out there. Hey, Denmark doesn't own it

out there. Hey, Denmark doesn't own it
because they landed on it 500 years ago.

because they landed on it 500 years ago.

because they landed on it 500 years ago.
That's like the argument you make when

That's like the argument you make when

That's like the argument you make when
you want to give land back to the people

you want to give land back to the people

you want to give land back to the people
who were already there. Not for you to

who were already there. Not for you to

who were already there. Not for you to
then take it because you've got a bigger

then take it because you've got a bigger

then take it because you've got a bigger
boat. You're doing some weird reverse

boat. You're doing some weird reverse

boat. You're doing some weird reverse
woke land acknowledgement.

woke land acknowledgement.

woke land acknowledgement.
I would like to acknowledge that

I would like to acknowledge that

I would like to acknowledge that
Greenland sits on colonized and

Greenland sits on colonized and

Greenland sits on colonized and
conquered indigenous people's land. And

conquered indigenous people's land. And

conquered indigenous people's land. And
I would also like to say dibs.

I

I
Why am I even trying, by the way? Why do

Why am I even trying, by the way? Why do

Why am I even trying, by the way? Why do
I even care to figure this out? It's not

I even care to figure this out? It's not

I even care to figure this out? It's not
like anyone on your side ever takes the

like anyone on your side ever takes the

like anyone on your side ever takes the
effort to convince all of us on uh the

effort to convince all of us on uh the

effort to convince all of us on uh the
United States long-term policy goals. It

United States long-term policy goals. It

United States long-term policy goals. It
all just appears to be like a lazy susan

all just appears to be like a lazy susan

all just appears to be like a lazy susan
of vengeful whims from our all powerful

of vengeful whims from our all powerful

of vengeful whims from our all powerful
mad king.

mad king.

mad king.
Did you know Trump doesn't like Federal

Did you know Trump doesn't like Federal

Did you know Trump doesn't like Federal
Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell? Because

Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell? Because

Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell? Because
Trump wants to be able to dictate our

Trump wants to be able to dictate our

Trump wants to be able to dictate our
country's interest rates himself. Now

country's interest rates himself. Now

country's interest rates himself. Now
this poor Jerome Powell.

this poor Jerome Powell.

this poor Jerome Powell.
Now you got him looking like he's

Now you got him looking like he's

Now you got him looking like he's
broadcasting from Taliban territory.

broadcasting from Taliban territory.

broadcasting from Taliban territory.
>> The Department of Justice served the

>> The Department of Justice served the

>> The Department of Justice served the
Federal Reserve with grand jury

Federal Reserve with grand jury

Federal Reserve with grand jury
subpoenas, threatening a criminal

subpoenas, threatening a criminal

subpoenas, threatening a criminal
indictment related to my testimony

indictment related to my testimony

indictment related to my testimony
before the Senate Banking Committee last

before the Senate Banking Committee last

before the Senate Banking Committee last
June.

June.

June.
That testimony concerned in part a

That testimony concerned in part a

That testimony concerned in part a
multi-year project to renovate historic

multi-year project to renovate historic

multi-year project to renovate historic
Federal Reserve office buildings.

Can someone get this mother a glass of

Can someone get this mother a glass of
water?

And by the way, I don't feel good about

And by the way, I don't feel good about
this next joke, but I'm about to do it.

It's It's not It's not politically

It's It's not It's not politically
incorrect. It's just inside finance. So,

incorrect. It's just inside finance. So,

incorrect. It's just inside finance. So,
anyone who doesn't listen to Bloomberg

anyone who doesn't listen to Bloomberg

anyone who doesn't listen to Bloomberg
surveillance in the morning, you can

surveillance in the morning, you can

surveillance in the morning, you can
just leave the room. I'll wait. Okay.

just leave the room. I'll wait. Okay.

just leave the room. I'll wait. Okay.
Wow,

Wow,

Wow,
that dude, he's struggling. It appears

that dude, he's struggling. It appears

that dude, he's struggling. It appears
the chairman of the Federal Reserve is

the chairman of the Federal Reserve is

the chairman of the Federal Reserve is
having a liquidity crisis.

I'm going to remind you all of this is

I'm going to remind you all of this is
happening in one weekend. All of it. One

happening in one weekend. All of it. One

happening in one weekend. All of it. One
weekend. This president has made

weekend. This president has made

weekend. This president has made
monumental changes to the manner in

monumental changes to the manner in

monumental changes to the manner in
which this country operates. And the

which this country operates. And the

which this country operates. And the
American people are rightfully feeling a

American people are rightfully feeling a

American people are rightfully feeling a
vertigo about how a country born on

vertigo about how a country born on

vertigo about how a country born on
self-determination and constitutional

self-determination and constitutional

self-determination and constitutional
republic principles can turn into

republic principles can turn into

republic principles can turn into
whatever you say boss sounds like a good

whatever you say boss sounds like a good

whatever you say boss sounds like a good
idea boss.

idea boss.

idea boss.
>> So I think the American people

>> So I think the American people

>> So I think the American people
reasonably have questions. But when the

reasonably have questions. But when the

reasonably have questions. But when the
American people raise those questions

American people raise those questions

American people raise those questions
>> I think takes her seriously.

>> I think takes her seriously.

>> I think takes her seriously.
>> What a stupid question. Are you stupid?

>> What a stupid question. Are you stupid?

>> What a stupid question. Are you stupid?
Are you a stupid person? It's a stupid

Are you a stupid person? It's a stupid

Are you a stupid person? It's a stupid
question. Just a terrible question. You

question. Just a terrible question. You

question. Just a terrible question. You
are a terrible reporter. You're a

are a terrible reporter. You're a

are a terrible reporter. You're a
terrible person and a terrible reporter.

terrible person and a terrible reporter.

terrible person and a terrible reporter.
>> People have nothing about nothing. You

>> People have nothing about nothing. You

>> People have nothing about nothing. You
fake news.

>> How dare we? How dare we? How dare we

>> How dare we? How dare we? How dare we
question his excellency?

question his excellency?

question his excellency?
I don't know what we were thinking. You

I don't know what we were thinking. You

I don't know what we were thinking. You
know what? I'm so We owe you an apology,

know what? I'm so We owe you an apology,

know what? I'm so We owe you an apology,
sir.

Mr. Mr. President, sir,

Mr. Mr. President, sir,
we are so deeply sorry to have

we are so deeply sorry to have

we are so deeply sorry to have
questioned your singular and delicate

questioned your singular and delicate

questioned your singular and delicate
genius.

genius.

genius.
It's just that this is a kind of an

It's just that this is a kind of an

It's just that this is a kind of an
adjustment for us because we've all been

adjustment for us because we've all been

adjustment for us because we've all been
raised in the American system of

raised in the American system of

raised in the American system of
government.

government.

government.
I'm not going to get into the weeds with

I'm not going to get into the weeds with

I'm not going to get into the weeds with
it. Three co-equal branches of

it. Three co-equal branches of

it. Three co-equal branches of
government, checks and balances,

government, checks and balances,

government, checks and balances,
something about quartering soldiers. I

something about quartering soldiers. I

something about quartering soldiers. I
think it's quartering. It's in cursive.

think it's quartering. It's in cursive.

think it's quartering. It's in cursive.
The Q could be a P or an S. The point is

The Q could be a P or an S. The point is

The Q could be a P or an S. The point is
this.

this.

this.
That's what we've been operating under

That's what we've been operating under

That's what we've been operating under
for the last 250 years. If you want to

for the last 250 years. If you want to

for the last 250 years. If you want to
learn about it, President Trump, you can

learn about it, President Trump, you can

learn about it, President Trump, you can
ask all your acolytes. They say they

ask all your acolytes. They say they

ask all your acolytes. They say they
keep it in their pockets. I guess it's

keep it in their pockets. I guess it's

keep it in their pockets. I guess it's
kind of a relic. So, just have to give

kind of a relic. So, just have to give

kind of a relic. So, just have to give
us some time to adjust to this new world

us some time to adjust to this new world

us some time to adjust to this new world
of total compliance so we can understand

of total compliance so we can understand

of total compliance so we can understand
the rules because, you know, it's

the rules because, you know, it's

the rules because, you know, it's
confusing. Like for instance, we all

confusing. Like for instance, we all

confusing. Like for instance, we all
watched the footage of January 6th, but

watched the footage of January 6th, but

watched the footage of January 6th, but
I think we may have gotten a very

I think we may have gotten a very

I think we may have gotten a very
different interpretation of it rather

different interpretation of it rather

different interpretation of it rather
than the correct interpretation of it,

than the correct interpretation of it,

than the correct interpretation of it,
which of course is yours. So, help me

which of course is yours. So, help me

which of course is yours. So, help me
out here. We'll play a game. On January

out here. We'll play a game. On January

out here. We'll play a game. On January
6th, a bunch of

6th, a bunch of

6th, a bunch of
>> They were peaceful people. These were

>> They were peaceful people. These were

>> They were peaceful people. These were
great people

great people

great people
>> went to the Capitol peacefully

>> went to the Capitol peacefully

>> went to the Capitol peacefully
protesting a stolen election. I have

protesting a stolen election. I have

protesting a stolen election. I have
never seen

never seen

never seen
such spirit and such passion and such

such spirit and such passion and such

such spirit and such passion and such
love.

But while they were there,

But while they were there,
>> Capitol Hill police officers instigated

>> Capitol Hill police officers instigated

>> Capitol Hill police officers instigated
the violence that day.

the violence that day.

the violence that day.
>> So the people we saw earlier beating the

>> So the people we saw earlier beating the

>> So the people we saw earlier beating the
out of police officers were

out of police officers were

out of police officers were
hardworking, loving people provoked by

hardworking, loving people provoked by

hardworking, loving people provoked by
law enforcement. And ultimately they

law enforcement. And ultimately they

law enforcement. And ultimately they
deserve a

deserve a

deserve a
>> full pardon.

>> full pardon.

>> full pardon.
>> Got it. don't agree that's what actually

>> Got it. don't agree that's what actually

>> Got it. don't agree that's what actually
happened or what should have happened

happened or what should have happened

happened or what should have happened
afterwards, but at least it sets a

afterwards, but at least it sets a

afterwards, but at least it sets a
precedent. But now, let's jump ahead. I

precedent. But now, let's jump ahead. I

precedent. But now, let's jump ahead. I
don't know, a day to January 7th. We've

don't know, a day to January 7th. We've

don't know, a day to January 7th. We've
all seen that footage. I think I know

all seen that footage. I think I know

all seen that footage. I think I know
what I saw that day, too. But let's go

what I saw that day, too. But let's go

what I saw that day, too. But let's go
through it again with the correct

through it again with the correct

through it again with the correct
interpretation.

interpretation.

interpretation.
On January 7th, a

On January 7th, a

On January 7th, a
>> highly disrespectful,

>> highly disrespectful,

>> highly disrespectful,
>> deranged lunatic woman,

>> deranged lunatic woman,

>> deranged lunatic woman,
>> professional ICE agitator,

>> professional ICE agitator,

>> professional ICE agitator,
>> domestic terrorist,

>> domestic terrorist,

>> domestic terrorist,
>> did what? This woman used her car as a

>> did what? This woman used her car as a

>> did what? This woman used her car as a
weapon and tried to run over an ICE

weapon and tried to run over an ICE

weapon and tried to run over an ICE
agent

agent

agent
>> in attempted murder.

>> in attempted murder.

>> in attempted murder.
>> And so she was

>> And so she was

>> And so she was
>> shot and killed.

>> shot and killed.

>> shot and killed.
>> So while very little of the descriptions

>> So while very little of the descriptions

>> So while very little of the descriptions
that you were saying matched what we all

that you were saying matched what we all

that you were saying matched what we all
saw on the tape, the important lesson

saw on the tape, the important lesson

saw on the tape, the important lesson
here is what?

here is what?

here is what?
>> She brought it upon herself.

>> Mother,

>> Mother,
we are in a confusing dark place. And

we are in a confusing dark place. And

we are in a confusing dark place. And
this is where quite frankly rule of law

this is where quite frankly rule of law

this is where quite frankly rule of law
and institutions are kind of an

and institutions are kind of an

and institutions are kind of an
important framework. But now that those

important framework. But now that those

important framework. But now that those
are gone,

are gone,

are gone,
what's our north star?

what's our north star?

what's our north star?
>> Do you see any checks on your power on

>> Do you see any checks on your power on

>> Do you see any checks on your power on
the world stage? Is there anything that

the world stage? Is there anything that

the world stage? Is there anything that
could stop you if you wanted to?

could stop you if you wanted to?

could stop you if you wanted to?
>> Yeah, there's one thing. My own

>> Yeah, there's one thing. My own

>> Yeah, there's one thing. My own
morality,

morality,

morality,
my own mind.

my own mind.

my own mind.
>> So nothing.

>> So nothing.

>> So nothing.
But thank you. I'm no longer confused.

But thank you. I'm no longer confused.

But thank you. I'm no longer confused.
Couldn't be more clear. In America

Couldn't be more clear. In America

Couldn't be more clear. In America
today, Donald Trump is the son. And if

today, Donald Trump is the son. And if

today, Donald Trump is the son. And if
you revolve around him and worship him,

you revolve around him and worship him,

you revolve around him and worship him,
his warmth shines upon you. You could

his warmth shines upon you. You could

his warmth shines upon you. You could
shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not

shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not

shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and not
lose his support as long as it's done on

lose his support as long as it's done on

lose his support as long as it's done on
his behalf. But if you do not support

his behalf. But if you do not support

his behalf. But if you do not support
him, if you live in the darkness of what

him, if you live in the darkness of what

him, if you live in the darkness of what
I guess we will refer to from now on as

I guess we will refer to from now on as

I guess we will refer to from now on as
blue states,

blue states,

blue states,
fearing the day he turns his terrible

fearing the day he turns his terrible

fearing the day he turns his terrible
wrath towards you, whether you're a

wrath towards you, whether you're a

wrath towards you, whether you're a
single human woman on a side street

single human woman on a side street

single human woman on a side street
somewhere in Minneapolis or a sovereign

somewhere in Minneapolis or a sovereign

somewhere in Minneapolis or a sovereign
nation that happens to have land and

nation that happens to have land and

nation that happens to have land and
resources that we, a larger sovereign

resources that we, a larger sovereign

resources that we, a larger sovereign
nation, think we also might want.

nation, think we also might want.

nation, think we also might want.
And so his people are making a bet that

And so his people are making a bet that

And so his people are making a bet that
adhering to a principle of forced

adhering to a principle of forced

adhering to a principle of forced
compliance and coercion will give us a

compliance and coercion will give us a

compliance and coercion will give us a
more stable and prosperous America than

more stable and prosperous America than

more stable and prosperous America than
a principle of shared alliance and

a principle of shared alliance and

a principle of shared alliance and
common interest. It's kind of a tough

common interest. It's kind of a tough

common interest. It's kind of a tough
bet because uh I read somewhere, I don't

bet because uh I read somewhere, I don't

bet because uh I read somewhere, I don't
know where, that people have inalienable

know where, that people have inalienable

know where, that people have inalienable
rights granted by a creator, not a king.

rights granted by a creator, not a king.

rights granted by a creator, not a king.
So holding that coerced world together

So holding that coerced world together

So holding that coerced world together
is going to be kind of a tall task.

is going to be kind of a tall task.

is going to be kind of a tall task.
But if anybody's up for it, it's Donald

But if anybody's up for it, it's Donald

But if anybody's up for it, it's Donald
Trump. A man with unrivaled focus and

Trump. A man with unrivaled focus and

Trump. A man with unrivaled focus and
discipline. Actually, you know what?

discipline. Actually, you know what?

discipline. Actually, you know what?
Could you give me a second? I'm just,

Could you give me a second? I'm just,

Could you give me a second? I'm just,
you know, I'm so curious. I just want to

you know, I'm so curious. I just want to

you know, I'm so curious. I just want to
just want to go and see