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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,039 This programme contains some strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,999 My name's Chi and my parents were flattened by a lorry. 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,559 Can we come in? It's your parents, Lucia. 4 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,519 They've unfortunately...passed on. 5 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,319 Well, do you know if they're all right, or...? 6 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,279 They weren't all right. 7 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,999 The house goes to my daughter, Lucia, 8 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,519 on the condition that she completes 9 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,919 the list of things I've written down. 10 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,159 How come she has to do things that YOU'VE written down? 11 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,599 Luckily, I can still talk to my dead parents. 12 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,079 Why does Dad have a mullet? 13 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:28,839 Sorry, is that really the only weird thing about this to you? 14 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,079 They were worried I wouldn't do anything with my life, 15 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,119 so they left me an annoying long list. 16 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,439 - Learn to drive. - Yeah. 17 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,279 TYRES SCREECH 18 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,959 It's not going in, this. I don't know why... 19 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,479 That's not the gear, that's my knee! 20 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,839 - Get a job, Chi. - What's wrong with you? 21 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,279 I've got this awful rash. 22 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,719 - Whereabouts? - Amazing. 23 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,959 Learn to cook. 24 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,519 Just...spit... 25 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,719 ..into the bowl. 26 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:50,799 - No! - I couldn't have done it 27 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,399 without my amazing friends and/or family. 28 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,199 Especially my loving Auntie Karen. 29 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,719 I'm gonna die. This is exactly what you wanted! 30 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,879 Help me up, you can keep the house! 31 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,559 She's like the mother I used to have. 32 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,519 You let that imbecile cook, did you? 33 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,159 Move your big fat ham hock legs over. 34 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,600 Don't pander to her. She can walk! 35 00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:13,719 I'm starting to really enjoy working through the list. 36 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,919 Things have never been better. 37 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,810 Apart from when my parents were alive, obviously. 38 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,279 - TV: - Oh, Gav, I'm so bored. 39 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,879 How much longer till brunch? 40 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,999 Mum? Oh, Stacey's birthday. 41 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,719 I'm James Corden. 42 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,719 All right, Stace, how's it going, all right? 43 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,479 - So funny. - Gosh, yeah, that's brilliant. 44 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,839 Michael, why are we in the attic? 45 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,719 KNOCK ON DOOR 46 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,919 - Who's that? - Oh, it'll be Karen coming to check the house. 47 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,959 - I'm James Corden. - Quick, tidy that up, 48 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,400 and turn that off. She hates comedy, remember? 49 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,639 - Hi. - Hi. 50 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,400 Don't I know you guys? 51 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,280 There's...been an accident. 52 00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,800 Again. 53 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,919 - Oh. OK. - All right. 54 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,719 Your relative... 55 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,439 ..Karen Cassidy-Grit, 56 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,279 um, unfortunately passed away 57 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,279 this afternoon at her workplace. 58 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:11,840 What? 59 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,119 - Yep. - It's fine, he's joking. 60 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,279 - Oh. - It's just a joke. 61 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:19,119 They do, like, weddings and hen do's and stuff. 62 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,439 Oh, well, get your knob out, then. 63 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,199 No, I'm... I'm not joking. 64 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,399 Go on, then. How'd she go, then? 65 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,880 Yeah. Go on, then, mate. Tell us. 66 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,440 OFFICER SIGHS 67 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,439 - Mm... - Oh, he's got props. 68 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:35,479 She left a health and safety seminar early... 69 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,040 THEY CHUCKLE 70 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,039 ..and she, um... 71 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,599 ..tripped over a Hoover cord. 72 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,200 THEY LAUGH 73 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,200 A Hoover? 74 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,319 And then she fell down a flight of stairs. 75 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,559 - She took a flight down the stairs! - Bit excessive, Karen. 76 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,720 THEY CHUCKLE 77 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,879 It's a bit excessive, isn't it? 78 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,000 Yeah. 79 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,500 You are joking, aren't you? 80 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,370 No. 81 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,999 I'm afraid there's, um... 82 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,120 ..nothing funny about this. 83 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,639 What...? 84 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,519 It's happening again. 85 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:17,479 We've been trying to contact her partner, David. 86 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,039 But... 87 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,719 ..so far we haven't been able to. 88 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,760 FRONT DOOR CLOSES 89 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,759 - DAVE: - Give me some ice. 90 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,919 I've just delivered a bicycle... 91 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,279 ...to Elton John's... 92 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,279 ..cousin's... 93 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,560 ..friend. 94 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,240 What's going on here, then? 95 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,800 MUSIC: Anyone Who Knows What Love Is by Irma Thomas 96 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,559 That can't be everyone. 97 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,639 Oh. 98 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,799 They're going to start the toddler group in a minute, 99 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,400 - so we better go in. - Right. 100 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,880 # You can blame me 101 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,199 # Try to shame me 102 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,799 # And still I'll care for you... # 103 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,879 Um. Good evening, everyone. 104 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,239 - QUIETLY: - Woo. 105 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,719 It's love... 106 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,399 Sorry. Um. Before I start, I just want to say, 107 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,719 Um, I've never done this before. 108 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,399 Except for when all my parents died. 109 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,199 So I have to admit, I did find a template online. 110 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,239 Thanks. 111 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,290 SHE SNIFFLES 112 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,599 OK. 113 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,159 Karen, you've not only been an auntie to me, 114 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,640 but a great brother too. 115 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,759 That's when we aren't arguing over who can... 116 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,720 ..pull the fittest bird. 117 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,639 Dave is a very lucky... 118 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,280 ..guy today, and I think we can all agree that... 119 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,000 ..beautiful in his gown. 120 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,439 As you start this new chapter in your lives, 121 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,399 I just want you to know how happy I am... 122 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,000 ..for you that this is happening. 123 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,639 So let's raise our glass. 124 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,399 Here's to Karen. 125 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,639 - DAVE AND LUCAS: - To Karen. 126 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,160 To Karen. 127 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,280 APPLAUDS SOFTLY 128 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,239 Well, that went well. 129 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,959 If there's anything you need, I'm there. 130 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,080 Yeah, I'll have a think. 131 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,760 I just don't know how to get over this. 132 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,640 MUSIC: Brimful Of Asha by Cornershop 133 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,040 MUSIC STOPS 134 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,999 SOBBING: You're going to have to do it. 135 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,039 Yeah. Of course. 136 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,080 MUSIC RESUMES 137 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,119 Bonjour. 138 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,399 MUSIC STOPS 139 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,760 HE IMITATES AN ENGINE 140 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,399 # Dancing behind movie scenes 141 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,959 # Behind the movie scenes... # 142 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,840 MUSIC STOPS 143 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,839 It's good. 144 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,439 All right. Big smile. 145 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,599 And spit. 146 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,960 No, in the sink. 147 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,279 # Brimful of Asha on the 45... # 148 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,320 MUSIC STOPS 149 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,319 - Lucas? - Yes. 150 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,599 Are you sure that the duck 151 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,679 goes in the turkey BEFORE the chicken? 152 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:27,759 Yeah, I think so. 153 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,439 As long as the chicken isn't plus size. 154 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:30,700 Well, she's good to enter. 155 00:06:30,711 --> 00:06:32,799 Yeah. 156 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,639 Ponytail's getting long, Dad. 157 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,560 Yeah, I was thinking of dyeing it. 158 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,519 What do you reckon? 159 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,880 Yeah. Or cutting it, either/or. 160 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,480 Sorry, what do you mean, "either/or?" 161 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,759 I'm not sure about it. 162 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,320 - I'm gonna go and get some clippers. - OK. 163 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,919 Karen. Karen. Karen, please. 164 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,239 - Karen. GHOSTLY FEMALE VOICE: - Chi... 165 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,519 - Karen? GHOSTLY FEMALE VOICE: - Chi. 166 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,519 - Karen. - Chi! 167 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,279 Oh, it's you. 168 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,479 Oh. Someone's got an attitude. 169 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,079 She's been like this for days now. 170 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,919 Yeah, well, I'm trying to communicate with Karen. 171 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,519 I just want to catch up with her 172 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,519 and have a chat like I do with you guys. 173 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,079 But I'm just getting nothing. 174 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,879 Why don't you do something from the list? 175 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,399 Get therapy. That's a good one! 176 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,759 Oh, that is a good one cos we always thought 177 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,359 you'd need therapy one day. 178 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,279 You know, I would. You know I would 179 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,519 if I thought I needed it, but... 180 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,119 ..I just don't think it's for me. 181 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,519 Like, if anything... 182 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,439 VOICE BREAKING: ..I'm mentally thriving right now. 183 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:36,679 CHI SNIFFLES 184 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,999 What... What is all this, Chi? 185 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,279 What? 186 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,079 Well, this. 187 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,879 Well, basically, there's lights for every letter of the alphabet. 188 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,399 And you communicate to people via the lights 189 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,919 like Winona Ryder did in Strangered Stuff. 190 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,879 Yeah, but you've only got about seven letters. 191 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,919 Yeah, well, she never said a lot. 192 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,359 I mean, she could say... 193 00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,719 ..tuba. 194 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,079 - Really? - Yeah, I mean, 195 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,119 that'd be a nice conversation to have with her. 196 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,599 Can she say twat? Can she? 197 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,639 - Well, yeah, she's got the T and the W... - Oh, good. 198 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,639 - ..and you could use the T again. - Yeah. 199 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,040 Why have you got two number eights but no other numbers? 200 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,680 MUSIC: Habanera from Carmen 201 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,999 Oooh! Get therapy! 202 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,240 Get therapy. 203 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,400 - WOMAN: - Lucif Mortadelli. 204 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,919 - Is that you? - Maybe. Yeah. 205 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,400 Yeah, fine. Why not? 206 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,960 Sorry, my schedule's all out of order. 207 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,639 Uh, unless you're Rohan Deshpande? 208 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,599 No, I'm Lucia Mor... 209 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,079 Lucia Morelli, like you just said. 210 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,919 Yes. That's what I just said. Yeah. 211 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,319 All right. OK, well, let's... 212 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,599 What a depressing face. 213 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,679 Let's just get your consultation notes up 214 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,200 and we'll see what's wrong with you. OK. 215 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,479 Bereavement, neglecting emotions, 216 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,439 having difficulty with daily tasks. Yes. 217 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,559 Lacks self-awareness, abandonment issues... 218 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:17,680 Oh! 219 00:09:17,681 --> 00:09:20,359 You can see your dead parents? 220 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,919 Yeah. That's not what I'm here to talk about, though. 221 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,399 Here to talk about Karen? 222 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,959 Karen? Who's Karen? 223 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,159 Um, that's my auntie. 224 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,399 Yeah. She, um, she thought she was pregnant, 225 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,079 but turns out she just had a stomach bug. 226 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,319 - And then she died. - Because of the bug?! 227 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,839 Uh, no. She tripped over a Hoover cord 228 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,399 and fell down 86 stairs at a work training day. 229 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,399 Sorry. And you lost both your parents last year, too? 230 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,080 Yeah, they got, uh, obliterated by a lorry. 231 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,120 Oh, God. 232 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:52,970 No. 233 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,640 This is great. 234 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,559 Start at the beginning. 235 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,799 Well, it all started in 1984... 236 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,960 Not that far back. 237 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,330 - DAVE: - Well, she won't need this any more. 238 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,279 And she won't need that any more. 239 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,559 She won't need most of it, really. 240 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,119 - CHUCKLING: - True! 241 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,519 HE WHISTLES CHEERFULLY 242 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,599 Is that Match Of The Day? 243 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,399 God, yeah. 244 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,999 What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be sad doing this. 245 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,639 I really don't understand why I'm so happy and joyous at the moment. 246 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,199 Well, grief affects everyone 247 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,079 in different ways, but... 248 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,279 ..maybe you're just not thinking of the right things. 249 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,679 All right. 250 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,159 Go on then, son. 251 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,759 - Trigger me. - OK. 252 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,719 The, uh, the discontinued McDonald's breakfast bagel. 253 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,959 I'd be sadder than that. Much sadder. 254 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,279 Smiler ride crash at Alton Towers? 255 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,479 - CHUCKLING: - Oh, God! 256 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,239 Janine running over Danielle in 2009. 257 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,719 - Yay! - 9-11? 258 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,240 STIFLES LAUGH 259 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,239 Lady Di? 260 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,080 DAVE LAUGHS 261 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,079 The Yulin Dog Meat festival. 262 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,079 - CONTINUES LAUGHING - The disappearance of Flight 370? 263 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,399 HE LAUGHS 264 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,720 - CHUCKLING: - Oh! 265 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,719 LAUGHTER SUBSIDES 266 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,599 What is the matter with me? I'm absolutely buzzing. 267 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,639 Yeah. I mean, you're probably wondering 268 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,679 how I've been coping with the whole grieving situation. 269 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,519 You know what with another lady in my life 270 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,399 just sort of disappearing prematurely. 271 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:14,959 Yeah. Brilliant. OK. 272 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,640 - Let's go. - Yeah, of course. 273 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,879 Bye, Karen! 274 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,680 - Oh... - No. 275 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,679 DAVE LAUGHS 276 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,799 - She's not here! Because she's... - Yeah, she's... 277 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,180 That's not funny, actually. 278 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,199 THERAPIST TUTS 279 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,079 THERAPIST SIGHS 280 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,839 So, yeah, I've just been, uh, sort of ticking things off. 281 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,279 No, I mean, it's all wrong. 282 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,399 You've essentially been grieving from a shopping list. 283 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,239 And without any professional guidance at all. 284 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,719 Hmm. Lucky for you, I'm an award-win... 285 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,679 ..uh, nominated therapist, and I can 286 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,999 actually help you work through your grief. 287 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,439 - Hmm. - But I am going to have to keep this list. 288 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,239 Wait. No, no, you can't... You can't keep it. 289 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,159 Because Karen was the only one 290 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,999 who I let have an extra copy other than me. 291 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,599 Yes, but she's dead though, isn't she? 292 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,079 But I can still feel her around me, though. Like... 293 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,919 There's probably just moths, then. 294 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,679 Look, when you're dead, that's it. OK? 295 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,799 You cease to be. 296 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,199 You are worm meat. OK? 297 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,039 - There's no after-party. - Right. - OK? 298 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,079 Yeah, but see, this is what you're not getting. 299 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,879 I can actually still see my parents, I just can't see Karen. 300 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,159 So, like, make that make sense. 301 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,639 Yes, I... Look, I want to help you. I mean, I really, 302 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,359 really do, but in order for me to help you, 303 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,490 you're going to have to stop with this silly, spooky nonsense. 304 00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:43,159 Sorry, do you know if you're professionally trained? 305 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,439 - Come on! - In fact, I think I'm just gonna go. 306 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,199 Excuse me. Sorry? 307 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,719 Are you seriously walking away from six free therapy sessions? 308 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,399 I have a waiting list of four years down the road. 309 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,719 Yeah, well, I've got an auntie that I need to go 310 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,119 find out where she is. OK? 311 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,399 So think about that. 312 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,440 SLAMS DOOR 313 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,119 Do you have any idea where I might be able to find her? 314 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,280 I don't know, do I? Where you last saw her. 315 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,720 Oh. That church. 316 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,799 Where's Karen's box? 317 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,520 Hi. Uh, what's going on? 318 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,439 Oh, we're just finishing, unfortunately. 319 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,639 - Oh, really? - Yeah. Sorry. 320 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,040 Shit turnout. 321 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,759 Just looking for my auntie. 322 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,519 Oh, she's probably at the big one just up by the McDonald's. 323 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,239 - It's where they all go now. - Oh. 324 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,999 Amazing. All right. 325 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,560 Thanks. Amen. 326 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,160 # I sit and wait 327 00:13:53,760 --> 00:14:00,280 # Does an angel contemplate my fate? 328 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:08,999 # And do they know the places where we go 329 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,120 # When we're grey and old? 330 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,159 # Cos I have been told... 331 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,519 14. Look after your spleen, it's 14. 332 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,279 # That salvation... # 333 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:25,759 64. 64, knock on the door, who's that? It's 64. 334 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,959 64. When I'm 64. 335 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:32,599 37. Gateway to heaven. Three-seven. 37. 336 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,119 Gateway to heaven? 337 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,719 # Thoughts running through my head... # 338 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,640 - Karen. - 31. 339 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,720 31. Throw me into the sun. 340 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,199 Turn my body to ashes. Fry me like a crisp. 341 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,279 It's 31. Three-one. 342 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,279 Praise the Lord. 343 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,519 - Bread and wine, please. - We have garlic bread. 344 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,519 OK. Yeah. Modern. 345 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,360 I suppose even Jesus can't say no to a bit of seasoning. 346 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,519 # Down the waterfall 347 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,039 - # Wherever it may take me... # - Karen? 348 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,999 # I know that life won't... # 349 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,039 Stick around, guys, for your chance 350 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:13,200 to bag this Driftmax Cordless IZ900 vacuum worth 400. 351 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,199 No more tripping up on cords with this bad boy here. 352 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,760 # I'm loving angels instead. # 353 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,439 - VOICE ECHOES: - She tripped on a Hoover cord 354 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,359 and fell down a flight of stairs. 355 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,640 Karen. 356 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,559 - PHONE RINGTONE: - # Ma-i-a hi, ma-i-a hu... # 357 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:34,679 Dave Gread. 358 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,559 I've seen Karen. She's come back as a hoover. 359 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,239 Yeah, Chi, Karen's not with us any more, 360 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,519 and I'm really, really upset about that. 361 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,000 HE CHUCKLES 362 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,719 Where are you, anyway? 363 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,239 - I'm at the bingo church. Be quick. - Yeah, but what? I... 364 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,479 And I just don't feel listened to. 365 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,040 - PHONE RINGS - Oh. Can you give me a second? 366 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,559 Oh, well, guess who was goddamn wrong. 367 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:58,799 - Who is this? - Hello? 368 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,679 I defied the odds and I found my dead auntie. 369 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,319 Young old girl who looks like a Tudor? 370 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,119 You haven't dug someone up, have you? 371 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,999 I just wanted to call you to let you know that you were 372 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,119 wrong and unhelpful. 373 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,200 And I found my auntie. She's a hoover. 374 00:16:11,201 --> 00:16:14,679 This is quite interesting, actually. 375 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,839 Oh, yeah? 376 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,240 No, not you! 377 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,639 Erm, is that you in there, Father? 378 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,559 Heavenly Father, is that you in there? 379 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,439 Sorry, are you... Are you talking to me? 380 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,079 - Yeah. I just wanted to start by saying... - OK, I don't know 381 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,359 - who you are... - ..I'm sorry. - ..and I'm not sure what this... 382 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,679 And I hope you can forgive me. 383 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,159 Sorry, you might have got the wrong...wrong person here. 384 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:54,559 Forgive you for what, sorry? 385 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,519 Well, you probably know all about poor Karen, 386 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,439 - but I don't even know where to start... - I don't know a Karen. 387 00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,999 - ..but there was... - Don't know a Karen. 388 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,239 You know, there was this time she asked me to pass her 389 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:06,079 some toothpaste, so I passed her what I thought was Colgate, 390 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:09,479 - but it was, ah... It was Canesten. - Yeah, sorry, look, look, 391 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,999 - I think there's been... - And, uh, it was, it was all fine... 392 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,239 I think there's been a mistake. Can I just... Do you mind if I... 393 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,759 - ..running out with... - Do you mind if I... 394 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,399 Look, I don't understand who Karen is. I don't understand who you are. 395 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,039 - She had all this... - I've no idea why you're talking to me. 396 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,039 Luckily, it did clear the thrush in the mouth. 397 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,039 I just want to have a shit and get back to work. 398 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,319 - It happened with the Anusol as well. - Why are you still talking? 399 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,439 - And the garlic puree... - Why are you talking about Anusol? 400 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,479 Why are you talking about An... 401 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,959 So go on, then. Erm, how long have you been a nun for? 402 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,279 Oi, Chi! 403 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:37,399 There she is. 404 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,279 - You all right? - Oh, all right? 405 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,919 I've been struggling a bit. 406 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,519 Oh, wait. Why is my terrorist here? 407 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,999 Oh, jeez, therapist. Oh, my God... 408 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,759 I don't know if you're allowed to say this, 409 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,999 but it's a real pleasure to meet you, Your Highness. 410 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,439 Oh, you don't need to call me... 411 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,639 Yes, actually, do call me that. 412 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,639 Hi, Dave Gread, Chi's uncle-in-law. 413 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,559 Erm, look, I think she thinks that her Auntie Karen 414 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,039 - is here, but... - She's a hoover. 415 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,919 Yes. Where is she, then, Chi? 416 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,199 Well, you'll find out in a minute. 417 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,839 The priest announces it every 15 minutes. 418 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,240 - 33... - Priest? 419 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,919 What do you think this place is? 420 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,519 A church. 421 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,719 - BINGO CALLER: - Number one, all alone. 422 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,759 Well, I just feel like a right idiot. 423 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,359 People are gonna think I'm stupid. 424 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:23,759 Come on, let's get out of here 425 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,359 before we all become crippling addicts. 426 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,519 Why don't you go home, have a nice, relaxing bath, 427 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,759 maybe shave off that moustache, yeah? 428 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,799 Yeah, yeah. No, I suppose we could have a soak and a splash. 429 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,519 - Yeah, nice. - Ah, no. 430 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,759 You didn't mean both of you together in that first part, did you? 431 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,759 I mean, I wouldn't usually share a bath with a client, 432 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,359 but if she thinks it'll help. 433 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,159 OK, well, whilst we're on the topic, 434 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,879 I wonder if you could do me - not in the bath. 435 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:50,159 Recently, I've been feeling this unusual sixth sense of 436 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,799 great happiness, which is quite concerning. 437 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,399 Sorry, I'm closed at the minute. 438 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,519 You know, out of hours? 439 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,119 Right, OK. Well, maybe we could suggest another time, or...? 440 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,199 - No. - No? OK. 441 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,959 I've actually really been struggling a lot recently. 442 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,399 You know, losing woman after woman after woman. 443 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,079 My mum, who was a woman. my stepmum, who was a woman. 444 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,319 My uncle, who might have been a woman, you know... 445 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,479 - KLAXON - OK. Good evening, ladies and gents. 446 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,039 We'll be starting our next game in five minutes. 447 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:19,119 But before that, I have to introduce our interim prize for the night. 448 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,359 It's this Driftmax Cordless IZ900, 449 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,039 worth 400. 450 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,959 But in the meantime, it's Ring Doorbell raffle time. 451 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,680 Get those raffle numbers ready. 452 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,399 This is what I was meaning. 453 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,919 It's her. She's a hoover. Karen. 454 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,239 I can feel it. 455 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,479 Can you feel it? 456 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,799 - Erm... - Can you feel it, Lucas? 457 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,439 - Yes, I suppose so. - That means she's punishing me. 458 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,159 She knows I've been enjoying life too much since she's been gone, 459 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,359 so she's sending out a warning. 460 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,399 God. Ruth, you're the professional. 461 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,999 KLAXON SOUNDS 462 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,199 What do you think? 463 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,279 I just went and rung the doorbell! 464 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,639 I can't believe it! Oh, my God. 465 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,439 Sorry. I just think if it helps you, Chi, you know, who am I to say 466 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,040 whether your auntie's come back as a hoover or not? 467 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,079 So that was the Ring Doorbell raffle prize. 468 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,679 Real thrill-a-minute here, eh? Exciting! 469 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,639 RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC 470 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,199 COUGHING 471 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,079 - You there, young girl? - Me? 472 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,319 What ARE you doing? 473 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,599 Oh, I'm just sucking up all the dirt, hair and shit 474 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,359 off the carpet before my husband gets home. 475 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,039 - It's the only way. - Surely, there's another way? 476 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,999 - Mm-mm. - Shut those dirty suck lips. 477 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,599 I'm going to introduce you to something 478 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,559 out of this world. 479 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,039 What's this mental machine? 480 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,039 This is a Driftmax Vacuum, 481 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,079 here to save you from aimlessly sucking up debris 482 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,399 into your windpipes. 483 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,719 Oh, it... It can't be. 484 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,759 It can. 485 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,199 And complete with three top lady features. 486 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,359 One, dainty hand holder. 487 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,759 - Two, female-friendly suction. - Ah! 488 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:47,999 Watch those fingers. 489 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,359 Oh! Silly me. 490 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,239 Three, colostomy windbag. 491 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,639 Give it a squeeze. 492 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,879 What's this extra long hose pipe that's attached to it? 493 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,759 Aha! That's the best feature. 494 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:57,879 An extended cord. 495 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:58,999 Talk about a cord! 496 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,239 Now you can hoover AND cook 497 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,159 and smoke. 498 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,279 Look at her go. What a lucky woman! 499 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,240 RAGTIME PIANO MUSIC 500 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,479 SHE CHOKES 501 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,959 MUFFLED SPEECH 502 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,280 Can you say that a bit louder for our viewers? 503 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,999 Hello? 504 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,159 Hello? 505 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,839 Oh, my God. Something terrible has happened. 506 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,920 SHE SPLUTTERS 507 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,919 Pauline, good grief! 508 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,210 What are you doing not in the kitchen? 509 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,359 Driftmax Suckmaster, in all good stores now. 510 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,519 - You've... - No, you've got that... 511 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,559 I've got it, I've got it. 512 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,519 - CALLER: - It's 35, three-five. 513 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,239 35. And you've got thir... 514 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,559 Can you not talk over the man, please? 515 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,159 One score. 20. 516 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,199 Does it count if you just have the two and not the 0? 517 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,399 Great. I've missed that last number now, you slut. 518 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,319 I think it was a six. His mouth looked a little bit like 519 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:53,359 - he did a six. - Yeah? 520 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:54,999 - Will it be nine, no? - Upside down nine, yeah. 521 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,639 I think I'm just gonna risk what I've got, yeah. 522 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,439 - Bingo! - What? 523 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,240 Sounds like we have a winner already! 524 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,239 Wasn't that quick? 525 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,400 Let's see those lucky numbers. 526 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,639 Can I have the hoover, please? 527 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,279 No. Not the hoover round yet, no. 528 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,159 Let's have a look at your sheet. 529 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,639 - I did say "Bingo," to be fair. - True. - Yeah, OK. 530 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:20,759 Everyone's waiting. 531 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,399 Let's, ah, let's see those numbers! 532 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,519 What, don't you trust women? 533 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,879 - Is that what it is? - No, that's not... That's not it at all. 534 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,279 You are ruining this night for everyone. 535 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,199 - Just show me the sheet. - No, because what if my numbers 536 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,400 - aren't necessarily the same as your numbers? - Just give it! 537 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,279 False alarm, everybody. 538 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,519 It turns out we've got some overenthusiastic dabbers over here. 539 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,559 All right, we're going to take a quick break, 540 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,839 and then we'll be right back with the chance to win 541 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,119 the Drifting Suckmaster 100, whatever the name of the hoover was. 542 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,399 Sorry, if you're going to say her name, can you at least 543 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,599 say it right? It's Karen. 544 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,879 - Not Suckmaster. - She would have hated that. 545 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,239 Ridiculous. 546 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,040 No, we'll just have to get Karen back a different way. 547 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,999 Lucassen, I need the toilet. 548 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,039 What? Really? 549 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,719 - Yeah, really bad. - Oh. Together? 550 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,960 Together. 551 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,239 What are you doing? You can't be in here. 552 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,879 - Why? - Yeah, why? 553 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,159 What do you mean, why? 554 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,879 - Oi, give us the numbers for the next game. - Yeah. 555 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,639 Otherwise, I'll do something I regret, OK? 556 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,750 Well, I don't... I don't know what they'll be. 557 00:23:31,951 --> 00:23:36,439 Didn't you follow me into the toilets earlier? 558 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,119 - Did you? - Well, I thought he was a priest. 559 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:39,159 Oh. Fair enough. 560 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:40,959 Look, you've got to go. The next game's about to start. 561 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,639 - Go on. - Lucas, lock the door. - Yeah. 562 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,599 No. Keep the door unlocked. 563 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,079 - No... - No, obviously not both of us on this side. 564 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,279 - Oh, yeah, sorry. - Yeah, both on the other side. Exactly. 565 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,199 - No, me on the other side! - Yeah, sorry... 566 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,119 - Yes, both. You as well, please. - I'm going to save Karen! 567 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,319 OK, both of you, please. Both of you, please. 568 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,479 Out. 569 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,439 - All right? - Yeah, I'm all right. Are you all right? 570 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,239 I suppose I better get out there. I don't want to... 571 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,560 Why are you sitting down? 572 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,159 Hello, everyone. 573 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,919 Turns out I'm the bingo now because... 574 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,639 ..the other guy won't let the right people win. 575 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,239 This is the hoover round, so pay attention, 576 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,159 especially Dave and Ruth. 577 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,199 Let's go. 578 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,999 - The next game's about to start and I really need to get out... - Hey! 579 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,159 I will get physical if you leave me with no choice, sir. 580 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,279 OK? 581 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,679 - Come on, you. - No, no, no, no... - I need to get out there. 582 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,439 I can't let the game start without me! 583 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,319 - Please don't shout at me. - I'm not shouting. 584 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,639 - You shouted at me. - It's just I've tried really patiently, 585 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,639 and you're being... You're being absolutely a nasty piece of work. 586 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,399 - Come on. - No, please! 587 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,119 - Let me out. - No! 588 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,519 Number two. 589 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,120 Erm, train number two. 590 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:46,719 Number four. 591 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,239 Helicopter number four. 592 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,959 I think we should get her off the stage. 593 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,599 It's a process, Dave. It's just part of a healthy process. 594 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,479 33. Lucy Letby, 33. 595 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,039 Say goodbye to your leg. 596 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,399 Give me it back! 597 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,039 - Give me it back! - No, you can't - I've got it! 598 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,199 - Please. - I've got a stitch. 599 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,999 - Would you like a glass of water? - Yeah, please. 600 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,439 - I'm actually really thirsty. - Yeah, all right. 601 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,999 - Just this. Yeah. - Thank you. 602 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,039 - We get three of them a day, so... - Really? 603 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:14,399 Yeah, yeah. 604 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,280 We get sandwiches as well, actually. 605 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,159 Oh... 606 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,359 Where shall I put it? 607 00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,599 Ah... I'm keeping mine on the shelf, actually, just over there. 608 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,679 No! 609 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,479 Argh! 610 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,239 42. Ekin-Su, 42. 611 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,559 Bingo! 612 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,199 No, I mean... I mean, 48. Can you sit back down, please? 613 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,250 Thanks. 614 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,519 Six. 615 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,199 - PHONE RINGTONE: - # Ma-i-a hi, ma-i-a hu 616 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,479 - # Ma-i-a ho... # - Number four. 617 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,559 Dave, pick up the phone. Number four. 618 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,599 PHONE CONTINUES RINGING 619 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,010 Number four. Dave, pick up the phone. Number four. 620 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,040 Hello. Dave Gread. 621 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,119 - Hup... - Ow! 622 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,800 Please, please, please... 623 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,599 I have to get out of here! 624 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,159 Can you tell me what your numbers are, please? 625 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:08,959 She wants me to tell her the numbers. 626 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,519 You can't cheat at Bingo. 627 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,359 Oh, you're only five away from a full house, actually. 628 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:14,559 Get off! 629 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,079 Quick round. 17, 16, 14, 22. Over. 630 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:18,679 Sorry, everyone! 631 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,999 Very clearly having some issues tonight with security. 632 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,519 Yeah, no, sorry. This one's actually not real. 633 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:26,839 - He's AI. Thanks. Erm... - Ah! - Sorry, everyone... 634 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,159 ..for everything. You know, I actually really enjoy looking 635 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,599 at your lovely little faces. 636 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,999 Erm, it's just that something really horrible keeps happening, where 637 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,159 all my family keep dying, and it's really hard for me 638 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,479 to take in and really deal with it at the minute, actually. 639 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,399 And, ah, the only thing I know is that I'm 185 per cent sure 640 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:50,199 that my dead auntie is inside this Driftmax Cordless IZ900. 641 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,999 Wow. Way to bring the vibe down much? 642 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,599 It's supposed to be Fun Fridays. 643 00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,519 It's fun - we're supposed to be having fun. 644 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,680 LAUGHTER 645 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,679 Have you heard of fun? 646 00:26:58,680 --> 00:26:59,999 No, sorry! 647 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,439 Shame on you. 648 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,279 Shame. 649 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,679 Why are you laughing? 650 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:13,199 This girl is clearly grieving in a very, very, very unique way. 651 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,759 OK? Now, death is real, 652 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,719 and it comes for us all. 653 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,559 Some sooner than others. 654 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,559 You know, some people grieve with an unusual sense of happiness. 655 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,959 Others take to wrestling men 656 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:30,999 because they can't talk about their feelings. 657 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,919 You know, I've really been having a hard time 658 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,999 - and I've been trying to speak... - Others take to impersonating 659 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,599 a bingo caller in a casino they thought was a church. 660 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,119 Now, that's all normal and healthy. 661 00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,400 OK? 662 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,199 Chi, say goodbye to Karen. 663 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,759 - No, no, no... - Say it, say it. 664 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,920 Come on. 665 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,319 You can do this. 666 00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:58,800 Bye, Karen. 667 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,400 I love you, and... 668 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,960 - ..I'll see you soon, OK? - No, you're not going to see her soon. 669 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,040 CHI SIGHS 670 00:28:11,221 --> 00:28:13,799 Looks like we're back on, guys. 671 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,479 MUSIC: Saturday Night by Whigfield 672 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,079 Hold on, hold on. There's no-one listening to this. 673 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,239 This... This is top-tier stuff. 674 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,160 HOOVER WHIRS 675 00:28:22,161 --> 00:28:27,079 Do you know what? It's such a relief to hear that you think 676 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,359 - I'm healthy and normal. - You're not normal or healthy. 677 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,319 But you literally just said it, just then. 678 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,999 Yeah. I was just being a professional. 679 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,599 No, there's a lot of work to do. 680 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:36,880 Oh, look. 681 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,359 There she goes. 682 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,119 Oh, bollocks! 683 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,240 Bless her. She looks so peaceful. 684 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:45,839 Bye, Auntie Karen. 685 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,159 Bye, Kaz. 686 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,360 Bye, Karen. 687 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:51,999 Fucking thing! 688 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,000 MUSIC: Celebration by Kool & The Gang 689 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,120 Ah... Argh! 690 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:12,079 - # Celebrate good times, come on - Let's celebrate... # 691 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,120 HOOVER WHIRS 692 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,119 Shut it! 693 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:18,000 # Celebrate good times, come on 694 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,919 # It's a celebration 695 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,480 - # Celebrate good times... # - Fuck off! 696 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,160 Fucking stay there. Fuck! 697 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:59,760 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 50924

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