All language subtitles for The Ms Pat Show s05e01 Killin and Dyin.eng

- Previously on
"The Ms. Pat Show"...

- I'm gonna go see
my Dad, Lloyd.

Found out that I'm a match,
so I'ma give him a kidney.

- Come on, Brandon. Wait up.

I can't believe
he's trying to sneak out.

- Y'all been trying
to stop me all day.

I'm going to save
my father's life,

so just drop it.
That's it!

- Brandon...

Lloyd is dead.

- Wow.

- That's all you gonna say,
Ashley?

That's all you gonna
fucking say?

- I never once told you
how to feel about Lloyd.

- I could've saved him,

but you wouldn't
get out my way.

You ain't even give a shit
about how I felt.

You're so fucking selfish.
I hate you!

- Be fucking for real, Brandon!
- No, you be fucking for real!

You fucked up, you know that?

Fuck you.
- Fuck this.

- No. No, Ashley-
- Ashley!

- Ashley, don't!
Now, come on, now.

- Nah, Pop, let her go!
- Ashley!

- Let her go!
- Shut the fuck up!

- You shut the fuck up
and get up outta here, Ash!

You get the fuck
up outta here, Ash!

- [yells]
Whoa, whoa, hey, hey!

Brandon, please, son,
come on now!

- I could've give him
a chance, Mom!

- Brandon!
- Get off me!

- No, I'm out, I'm out,
I'm out!

[cheers and applause]

- Did you know that the word
"family" in French

means "people
I don't fuck with?"

Yeah, and in Italy,
the word "love"

mean "kiss my Black ass."

'Cause sometimes, baby,
when shit goes down

like it's about to go down
tonight in this episode,

I can't help but to really
love my damn family.

And for all you English
speakers out there, that means

these people I don't fuck with
can kiss my Black ass!

Let's start the show.

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, that was
a great show, babe.

But, uh, I don't need
to go to Cleveland again.

Ever.

- I know that right.

I'm more exhausted than

that braid on the back
of Stevie Wonder head.

You know the one that
been there since 1978?

- [laughs]
Well, you better grab a nap

before them kids come down

trying to ask you
for something.

Uh-oh, too late.

- Ooh, Mama,
I'm so glad you're back!

Oh!

- The fuck you want? I'm broke.

- I need you to help settle
a fight I'm having with Auntie.

- Uh, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Leave her be.

Your mama ain't settling
anything but down.

She's tired.

- Have you watched
the news lately?

We all tired.

- Uh-uh.
Don't listen to her lying ass.

Now, what had happened was-

- She trying to
steal my bedroom.

- How is it stealing when
you off to college

to be in a whole new bedroom
to never catch a dick in?

- That's not even true.
- I been waiting on that.

- Damn, this family
is always arguing.

- Brandon, what the hell?
- Where you been, son?

We ain't seen you
in two months.

- Oh, you can't
answer the phone

for your damn mama no more?

- Hey, bro, I thought
you said nobody would be home.

- Well, technically,
your home is in the basement

and nobody was in there.

- And why you avoiding
your family, Brandon?

You don't like me no more?
I ain't do shit to you.

- Look, I just came to get the
rest of my stuff, all right?

I'm moving in with my woman.

- Oh, you got a woman now?

- Is she inflatable?

- Now, do not
play Brandon like that.

You know it's at least gonna
be a bitch he could plug in.

- See, that's what
I'm talking about.

I'm just a joke to this family.

- Come on, Brandon.
Where the fuck you going?

- I'm not talking to people
who don't listen to me, Ma.

- Oh, shit.

Now that's some
bad fuckin' timing.

- What the hell, Auntie?

You knew I was comin'
to get my hair done.

- Well, I didn't know
he was gonna be here.

- Hey, Junebug.
Text me when it leaves.

- Did you just call me an it?

- Text me when
this bitch leaves.

- Boy!
[overlapping shouting]

- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- And I will.

- You shut the fuck up!

Don't you call your
sister no bitch!

And you leave him
the fuck alone!

You trying to get him to leave?

- That's exactly what I want.
For his bitch ass to leave.

- Fine, fuck it, I'm out!

- Hey! Stop all of that goddamn
cussin' in my house!

- There he go runnin'
just like his daddy did.

- Brandon!
Stop running from us like that!

We don't do that shit
round here!

- Oh, Mama, are you all right?

- She don't look like it.

- Mom!
- Baby, baby!

- Can somebody call 911?
Call 911!

- ? Come on, it's time to go

? It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ?

- Hey, baby.

Didn't mean to wake you up.

- What's going on?

Please tell me I didn't
have no baby,

'cause my pussy's tapped out.

- Your kids were
fighting again,

and you just fainted, baby.
You fell right on the floor.

- Shit. Is the floor okay?

Because you know
I got these big titties

and they'll crack
some wood here.

- [chuckles]

I'm glad you feeling
good enough to make jokes.

- Shit, that was the warm-up.
Wait for tonight.

- Whoa! Hey, hey, hey now.

That doctor wants you
in bed for a week.

You ain't going nowhere, baby.

- Oh, man, Lady Tyra's in town.

She looking for the
new Giggle Girl.

- Uh-uh. Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
What's a Giggle Girl, baby?

- It's a big tour Lady Tyra's
doing with all female comics.

And I got to get this spot.

- Well, baby,
if it started already,

what they need you for?

- Because the fat one
got on Ozempic

and the bitch ain't funny
no more,

so I'm here to take her place.

Come on, this is big for me.

- Okay, baby, but Lady Tyra can
see you some other night, okay?

- Man, how often
do you think one

of the biggest female comedians
come to Plainfield, Indiana?

Man, I could get this.
This is a opportunity.

- You scared your family
to death today, Pat.

All right?

You are not doing
no stand-up tonight. Yeah?

- Thug bitches fall out
all the time, Terry.

You act like I had
a goddamn heart attack.

- Oh, is that what we have
to look forward to, huh?

Is it gonna take a heart attack
to make you slow down, baby?

[knock at door]
Huh?

- Knock, knock.

Hey, Pat-Pat, how you feeling?

- Just fine.

Can you tell him to let me
do Lady Tyra tonight?

- Were you trying
to fuck Lady Tyra?

- Hell, no.

She in town looking
for the new Giggle Girl.

- Oh, my God.
Here in Plainfield?

- Yes.
- Oh, my God, no.

She can't turn
that down, Terry.

No, you got to let
this dirty bird fly.

Caw-caw, caw.

- Who the fuck you calling
a dirty bird, Reba McEntire?

- [scoffs] Look, I'm concerned
about Pat's health too.

But if she get on this
Giggle Girl train,

that's big money, T.

- Ah, and as her manager, you
get 10% of that money, right?

Yeah, that's why you want her
at that show tonight, Denise.

- Man, thug bitches faint
all the time.

- I'm trying to tell you
we faint all the fuckin' time.

- All right, what you gonna
do if she faint again?

- I'm just-
oh, hey, Doc, do me a favor.

Tell this man that thug
bitches faint all the time.

- Thug bitches-what?

No.

You're not supposed
to be in here.

- I know. I'm leaving.

- Mrs. Carson, your labs
were concerning, mm-kay?

You're heading down
a dangerous path

if you don't change your ways.

Your levels are elevated.

Stress response is way off.

Your body is always
in a high-alert state, mm-kay?

You need at least
a full week of quality rest.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

- What about dos?

I do what the fuck
I want to, mm-kay?

- Baby. Baby, why you
gotta be like that?

- Hey, how's she doing?

- Uh, he's not supposed
to be back here.

What-oh.

- I'm so glad you're alive,
Mom.

- Oh, I'm so glad
to see you, my sweetie.

- Yeah, 'cause
I need you and Dad

to sign something for school.

And you know what?

I wouldn't be mad at 10 bucks
for the vending machine.

- You're not to look at,
speak to,

or think about your mama
for the next seven days.

You understand me?

- Well, I could
understand a lot better

with 10 bucks in my pocket.

- I ain't got no 10 bucks
for you, boy.

- Okay, give me 5.

2.50.
- I'll give you a dollar.

- Hey, Mama. You all right?

- No. How many of you Blacks
are there?

- Blacks?
- Blacks?

- You're not the Blacks.

The Blacks are next door and
they're actually white, mm-kay?

- If you don't get your Ted
Lasso-looking ass out of here.

- They said Mom's awake?

- Oh.

- He not supposed
to be back here.

all:
Neither are you.

- None of y'all need
to be back here.

[overlapping chatter]
- Shut the fuck up!

I'm gonna fall out again!

Can y'all please stop talking?

The collection of y'all breaths
is making me nauseous.

- Look, we're just
worried about you, Ma.

- Hey, please do
not speak for me.

- Fine.
I'm worried about you, Ma.

- Oh, so you
the only one worried now?

- I'ma hit you again.

- Brandon,
go get me some Aleve.

And a-leave your
damn sister alone.

How long y'all
gonna keep this up?

Y'all running up
my blood pressure.

- You need to practice
some self-care.

- Self-care? Really, Ashley?

Everybody ain't got time
to sit around

and play in they vagina.

- When's the last time
you took a vacation?

- What you mean?
I just got back from vacation.

- You were working
the whole time.

And ordering takeout while
staying in a two-star hotel

is not a vacation.

- Yo, it's kind of crazy seeing
you give a shit about a parent.

- Boy, if you don't grow the
hell up and let this shit go.

- Ashley, please shut up
and get up out my face.

- No, I'm not gonna shut up.

- Hey, I know y'all two ain't
messing up your mama peace.

- Tell them, Terry!
- Hey, come on now.

I appreciate you here,
all right?

But y'all need to go
on back to your lives.

Let your mama rest, yeah?

- Self-care, okay, Ma?

I'ma go home and make you
some chicken noodle soup.

- Yeah, everything's fine now

that Saint Ashley all up
in the house.

- Boy, fuck you.

- Oh. No, no, no, no, no.

That way, brother.

Oh, come on, baby.

Let's go on upstairs,
get you in the bed, huh?

I am gonna
take Janelle shopping

to get some school supplies,
new threads.

[both chuckle]

- Aww, your last
daddy-daughter outing

before she go off to college.

Your ass gonna cry like
Viola Davis, ain't you?

- Mm.

Chance of snot, 100%.

Janelle, let's go!

You ain't Janelle.

- Man, Janelle can
never look this good.

- Listen.

I need you to keep an eye
on your mom, okay?

Now she tryin' to go out
to that comedy show tonight,

but it's too dangerous.

I need you to make sure that
she stay up in the bed, yeah?

- Sure.
- All right.

- I could do that.

But it does raise the question.

What you gonna do for me?

- Nothing. It's a favor.

Does your generation
not know about favors?

- Oh, no.
We know all about those.

- Ah.
- Just too much work.

- There she is, finally.

- You know you're gonna
miss waiting on me.

- Where are you two going?

- Dad's taking me to get
clothes and stuff for college.

- Oh, clothes?

And stuff?

In this economy?

- Can you choke on that apple?

- Given Janelle's
expensive taste,

I'm sure that wallet
is gonna get a workout today.

Huh, Terry?

- Where you going with this?

- Just let go and follow.

Now, as I said before,
I'm happy to look over Mom.

But see, whatever you spend
on the girl today,

you're gonna need to match
the total with old Junebug.

- Wait, what?

- Yeah.

As long as my needs
can be accommodated,

then I will
watch over your wife

as if she was my own mother.

[door slams loudly]

- What the hell?

- I just was making sure
you were asleep.

- I was.

A matter of fact,
I was in Hawaii on the beach

butt-ass naked, gettin' freaky
with Lee Daniels.

- And where was Dad
in all of this?

- On the other side of
the bed fuckin' Precious.

- [groans]

[scoffs]

Control, alt, delete.

But, uh, I just came up here
to check on you, Ma.

You know I worry about you.

- Thank you, baby.

- All right.

- Wait a damn minute.

Why you acting concerned?

- I can't care about my mother?

- Not without
financial compensation.

Your daddy paying you?

- Whatever would make
you believe that?

- Boy, I can read your ass
like a book.

- And when's the last time
you read a book?

- When the last time you had
your ass beat with a book?

- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

- Oh!
Hey! Help me!

- Let it go.
- Help me!

- Ma!

- Please let me do
this one show.

It's down the block.

I'll be back before Terry
and Janelle get here.

- I'd love to help you out.

Really, I would.

But see...

The thing is...

Your husband's already funding
this little operation.

- I knew it, boy.
Stop playing with me.

- Hey, then don't
play with me, woman.

- How much you want me to pay?

- Whatever Dad winds up
spending on Janelle today,

times two.

- Now, look, you're gonna get
over here and pretend to be me.

- Wait, so all you want
me to do is get in bed

and you'll pay double Dad?

- [sighs]
You in or out, numb nut?

- Oh, shoot.

Yeah.

- Here, use this pillow
for your titties.

- Okay.

Well, we're gonna need about
three or four more of them.

- Fuck you.
- All right.

- Well, could you be a lamb
and, uh, fluff my pillow?

I want to be as snug
as a Junebug in a rug.

- Oh, sure.

- All right.
- Motherfucker.

- Hey, Auntie.
What you reading?

- Um, don't tell your mama,

but I'm doing the long distance
thing with Kareem.

So lately,
I've been getting my sex

from these slutty
romance novels.

- "Waiting to Inhale."

Uh-uh. What she inhaling?

- That is some shit you
don't know nothin' about.

So what's in the bowl?

- I made some chicken noodle
soup for Ma.

- Ah.
- Oh.

I made chicken noodle soup
for Ma.

- Why the hell would you make
chicken noodle soup for Ma,

when I stood here
this afternoon,

looked you in your stupid face,

and told you I was making
chicken noodle soup?

- 'Cause I made mine
with soda on the side.

- Okay, well, can't all
the soups just get along?

- No. He know what he doing.

He tryin' to start shit.

- Oh, it's a crime
to be a good son now?

- Oh, so he's a gaslighter
now too.

Did you learn that
from your daddy, Lloyd?

- Oh, hey. She always
hitting below the belt.

- Okay, okay, all right.
Calm down.

Damn, I'll just take the soups
up to her my damn self.

- Now, why is that?

- Why? I'll tell you why.

Because Pat-Pat
is sick and tired,

and y'all two's energy
is more toxic

than Kanye West
at a bar mitzvah.

- [snarls]
- Ooh! Oh-oh!

- No. I know you, Auntie.

You just trying to take credit
for my cooking.

- Boy, don't nobody
want to take credit

for your nasty-ass soup.

- Ha!

- Pat, I made you some
chicken noodle soup.

Two different recipes.
That's how much I love you.

Soup, there it is!
[chuckles]

Pat, you awake?

- [gruffly]
What you want?

- Damn, girl,
you sound like shit.

Listen, I've been
thinking as your manager,

I can't let you miss out
on being a Giggle Girl.

- Uh, yeah, you can, it's fine.

- No, no, no.

Okay, with your blessing,
I'ma go on up to this club

and speak to Lady Tyra
on your behalf.

- Wait. Don't do that, dummy.

- Well, I ain't gonna
do nothing crazy, Pat.

I'm just gonna go up there,
give her your card,

tell her to peep the website
and check out your shit.

I'm gonna be in and out.

- No.

You can't go down there
looking like that.

She's a big star.

Uh, do your makeup,
wear that zebra wig you got,

and uh, really take your time
to get ready.

- Pat, you acting
strange as hell.

But you're right,
my zebra wig is the shit.

BRB.

- Shut my goddamn door!

[sighs]

[normally]
Ma, don't be mad.

But, uh, Denise is on her way
to talk to Lady Tyra.

- What?
Boy, you can't do shit right.

What am I supposed to do now?

- Hey, hey, don't yell at me.

Look, I told you not to go, okay?

Now, I bought you some time.
I made her change her clothes.

But if she sees you out,
we are screwed.

So I'm gonna need you
to wrap up your little

Chitlin' Circuit chuckles
and get home now.

She's headed your way and
she is wearing a zebra wig.

I repeat, a zebra wig.

- Boy, when I get home,
I'ma bust your-

- Oh, God.

[spits] God damn.

Things I do for money.

- Yo, Ms. Pat, when I say
you killed that shit.

- Did Lady Tyra see my set?

- Come on now, you know that
nigga too rich to be on time.

God damn.

But stick around,
though, don't trip.

I'm gonna make sure
y'all meet each other. Cool?

- I can't.

- What you mean?
- God damn it.

- After a set like that,
you got to stay around here.

- I can't. My fuckin' family
care about me.

- Well, take mine. They
don't give a fuck about me.

- Get your ass out my bed.

What the fuck are you doing
with my wig on?

- Well, I can't be you
without hair and titties.

- Hey, I'm not
done with you yet.

I gotta go back
down to the club.

- What? No, Ma, it's too risky.

- Boy, I didn't get to
meet fuckin' Lady Tyra.

- Okay, well, uh,

I'm gonna need you
to record yourself talking,

'cause I think
Auntie is suspicious

of my impression of you.

- You doing impressions of me?

- Well, I've been trying to.

- Let me hear.

- [gruffly]
Shut my goddamn door!

- I would never say
no shit like that.

- Then here,
say a few sentences into this

so I can play it just in case
somebody comes to check on you.

- Okay, you smart.
Here we go.

It's recording?
- Yeah.

Go ahead.
- Okay.

Bitch, what the hell you want?

Go away.

Leave me alone, I'm sick.

- Perfect.
Just the basics.

- Just the basics?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, okay.

Yes.

Hell no.

Shut the fuck up.

- Great.
That should be all I need.

All right.

- All right,
bring me up to speed.

What's been going
on around here?

- Okay, Janelle just posted
an Instagram story.

Her and Dad just
sat down for dinner.

- Mm-hmm.

- Now, I made Denise
change her clothes again,

so she'll be by
for your approval shortly.

Make sure she sees
your face, okay?

It'll help me sell the lie.
- I got it.

Anything else?
- Yeah, actually.

Uh, when I touched base
with Dad

on this little shopping trip,

I'll have a better grasp
on what you owe me.

- Boy, get the hell
out my goddamn room.

And shut my goddamn door.

- I'm not gonna keep
changing clothes like this.

Okay, Pat, is this better?

- Better than what?

- Pat, you had me
change clothes five times.

Do you like this outfit or not?

- Girl, you look like you
dipped that wig in a ashtray.

- Pat, I look good, okay?

And I'm gonna take
my good looks down to that club

and talk to Lady Tyra

about my hilarious sister
with the big talent.

- No, don't do that.

- Okay, so you really
don't want to meet her?

- I do, Denise,

but Terry told me
to sit this one out.

And you know he
don't ask for much.

Plus, can you just
please stay home with me?

I don't feel good.
Can you take care of me?

- Aw, Pat-Pat.

You want me to take care of you
like I did when we was kids?

You want me to cuddle you?

- Get the fuck away from me!

- I thought
you was just exhausted.

- That shit is contagious,
and you already lazy.

- Whatever. Fine, Pat.

I'll stay.

Damn.

I really don't know why
you had me changing clothes.

I mean, if you wanted
to see all the shit

I bought from Temu,
all you had to do was ask me.

Oh, my God, girl.

Why is you suckin'
on Damian dick

when Marcus dick come
with a house?

- Hey, Auntie.
What you reading?

- Who, me? Uh, nothing.
What you got going on?

- Oh, nothing.
I was wondering, though.

Do you have Instagram?

- Nah, they kicked me off.

I kept sending Kirk Franklin
titty pics and he reported me.

I guess he wasn't ready
for the revolution.

- Well, um, what's the name

of that white man
you used to date? Uh...

- Lee.
- Lee.

Lee done got married.

- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.

To another Black woman.

- Get the fuck out of here.

- And I think-

I think her name is Therese,

'cause she been
advertising something

called Therese Grease.

- I know you fuckin' lying.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Therese Grease?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Okay, so I guess
Therese walk so slow.

Okay.

Okay, let me see
a picture of that bitch.

- Oh, well, hang on,
I gotta find it.

Hold on.
- Okay, well, come on.

Come on, get it going.
- Okay.

- Lee, I can't believe
you did this to me.

I was supposed
to be your Black woman.

We were supposed get married.
Come on, Junebug.

Find the picture now.

You taking too long,

'cause I'ma have to send
a cease and desist.

And why would anybody
trust a bitch with the grease

with an old-ass name
like Therese?

Bitch.

Ooh.

[knock at door]
- Hey, Mom.

What you doing under there?

- Perfect. A few more.

Just the basics, Ma.

- The hell is going on?

Damn, Junebug.
You look Indigenous as fuck.

- Weird.
How did I get under here?

[knock at door]
- Hey, Ma.

What in the Sacagawea?

- Why are you wearing a wig?
And where's Ma?

- I was making a TikTok.

- Do you know why
Auntie Denise just tried

to sneak out of the house
wearing a damn zebra wig?

- She snuck out?
[clicks tongue]

Man, I told this heifer
not to go.

- Okay, look. What are you
talking about? Where is Ma?

- She's, uh-

- What are you
being weird about?

Answer the question.

- She's-

- [imitates gibberish]
- Come on!

- Spit it out.

- S-s-s-he's in the bathroom.

Okay? Yeah.

She ate them two soups
you two made her,

and she has had
explosive diarrhea all day.

Y'all want to ask her?
It smell bad in there, but hey.

Hey, Ma-oh, God.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- I never-no.

Courtesy flush, Ma.
Jeez.

Hey, yo.

- Hey, y'all!

You know what?

It's still not lit enough
in here for me.

How about this?
P�rignon poppin' on me.

Huh? Yeah.

All right, all right.

When I say on me, that
means complimentary, right?

- I'm sorry?

- [sighs] What I'm asking is,
is the shit free?

- No.
- What?

What?

Ain't no Perignon
in the building, y'all!

I'm so sorry.

It's her fault.

- This is my chance.
I gotta go say hi.

- Relax.
Let her come over to you.

Play it cool.

- Man, I ain't got time
to play it cool.

- Oh!

Chuck!

Chuck! You are the bodyguard.

How you just gonna let them
push me like that, bro?

- Everybody, back off now!

- [mockingly] Now.

[normally] What the fuck
was that, Chuck?

- Lady Tyra, can I talk to you?

- Oh, shoot.

- Would you like a drink, sexy?

- I can't drink on the job.

- Oh, no, you can take sips.

- I can't.

- I said
you can take a little sip.

- I said-
- Oh, oh! I'm sorry.

- Damn!

- My bad.

Lady Tyra! Hi.

- Hi!
- How are you?

Hey. How are you?
- Hey!

Look at you coming over here,
scootin' like a little animal.

- I got a little
something for you too.

- Let me see.

Ooh, a card.
- Mm-hmm.

I'd like to talk to you
about my sister.

- Oh, girl, now why
you sucking on Damian

when you know Marcus dick
come with a house?

Crazy. That's crazy.

Hey, you guys have fun?

- Yeah.

Except Daddy was
crying at dinner.

- College is hard on dads.

- Tell me about it.

He had four margaritas
and made me drive home.

- [burps] It was only three.

- How's Mom?

- She ate Brandon's soup
and got the runs.

- Oh.

- But she stayed
in this house, right?

- Yeah, she didn't
even leave her room.

- Mm, God is good.

I'm gonna go on upstairs
and kiss my girl good night.

[chuckles]

both: Ew.

- How you doing, baby?

- Bitch,
what the hell you want?

- What'd you call me?

- Go away.

- I most certainly will not.

Come on, baby, I'm tipsy for
the first time in a long time.

You know how I get when
I get on that drink.

Uh, uh, uh.
[chuckles]

- Go away.

- Hey, baby, hey.

I know the doctor told you
to take it easy a bit,

but, uh,
I've always found making love

to be extremely restful.

Don't you? [chuckles]
- Hell, no.

- Come on, baby.

Bring that fine ass
over here to me, girl.

Come on now!

- Hell no.
Hell no. Hell no.

- What? What? All-all right,
all right, all right!

- Hell no.
Hell no.

- All right, all right, girl,
I can take a hint.

- Junebug, the coast clear?

He in the bathroom?

- Hurry. Come on.
He's in there.

He tried to hook up with me,
but I turned him down.

- What the fuck?
- Yeah.

- I didn't even get the chance
to meet Lady Tyra.

- Dang, Ma.

After all of that?

God.

- What-what?

What you doing in here?

- Uh, nothing.

Just checking on Mom
like you asked me to.

- Good man.

- Yeah.

I accept Venmo or Zelle.

- You still don't want me, baby?

- Hell no.

- I'm real proud of you for
taking care of yourself, Ma.

- I'll be proud of you, too,

when you stop fighting
with your damn brother.

- Hmm. She's right.

When stuff goes sideways,
your family's all you got.

- Yep, and that's in the Bible,
the book of Dyslexicus.

- Brandon, Ashley,
what do you think? Huh?

Can we put all this mess
in the past?

- Oh, yeah, Pop,
it's already in the past.

- Oh, thank God.
It is about time, y'all.

- No, it's in the past
'cause I'm done with her ass.

- Ugh. Wow.

- You know what? I finally
agree with you on something,

'cause I'm done
with your dumb ass too.

- That's fine by me.
- Yeah, I bet it is.

- I'm coming in.

You got your titties put up?

- They ain't up,
but they covered.

- Okay, well,
I got a surprise for you.

Now, Terry, your first instinct
is gonna be to get mad.

But j-j-j-
let me just show you.

[chuckles] Come on.

- Hey!

- What?
- What's up?

- Yo!
[laughter]

- Lady Tyra in my house.

- How y'all doing?

- Lady, this Pat.
Pat, this Lady.

- Oh, I know who the fuck
that is, Denise.

- Denise, what's going on here?

- What you mean?

- Well, you told me that your
sister was a Make-A-Wish kid.

- That-yeah, that's her.

- Oh, no, that ain't
no damn Make-A-Wish kid.

That's a outta-wishes adult, honey.

- No, girl.

That ain't no damn adult.
That's a kid.

It's her illness that make her
look old and raggedy like this.

She got that Benjamin Button.

- Denise, be for real.

- Well, if she's a dying kid,

then why did I see her
at the club tonight?

- What?
- What?

- You saw my wife out tonight?

- Oh, no.

I been in the house
all night, Terry.

I ain't seen that
ugly jacket-ass lady.

- Yeah, Ma's telling the truth.

And I've been watching her.
This lady's crazy.

- Okay, excuse me, not crazy.

You, couture.

Small batch, boo. Okay?

Thank you.

I saw her set on my boy
Ray's phone tonight.

I was laughing my ass off.
She was hilarious.

- Oh, my God!
Lady Tyra think I'm funny!

Oh, my God! Yeah!

- [cheers sarcastically]
Ma!

- Oh.

- You really went to
the club tonight, Pat?

After literally
collapsing on the floor

in front of your family?
- Mm.

- I am beyond disappointed
in you, Pat.

- Ooh, ooh, not disappointed.

- You promised us, Ma.

- Unbelievable.

You're really gonna make
yourself sick, you know that?

- If you really do get sick,
don't ask Ashley for no kidney.

- Oh, my God.

- You really want me
to beat your ass, don't you?

- Ooh, beat his ass!

Why do you need a kidney?
Who needs a kidney?

Why are you mad at him?
What's going on?

Huh? What is happening?

This family is crazy.
Tell me more.

[phone ringing]
Excuse me.

Do not say anything
until I take this call

because this is too juicy.
I can't miss it.

Hello?

Yes, it's Tyra.

Oh, perfect.
Thank you so much.

All right, talk to you soon.

All right,
I'll see her on tour.

- Well, now,
who was that on the phone

and who you gonna see on tour?

- Oh, we just found
our new Giggle Girl.

- Oh, hell no!
I'm your new Giggle Girl!

- Now, Pat, how you gonna
make people giggle

when you dying?

- Ain't nobody dying.
Where you get that shit from?

- It's a miracle.

Yeah, God had told me
that my sister was healed.

[overlapping chatter]

- ? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? And she don't
take no stuff ?

? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? And you can't get enough ?

? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? With a husband and kids ?

? She's a grown-ass woman ?

? And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ?

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0