Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,760
Ah!
HE GROANS
2
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:13,920
HE LAUGHS
Whoo!
3
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,120
AIR HORN BLARES
No!
4
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,680
SHE LAUGHS
5
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
6
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:40,480
'Hello! I'm still Greg Davies
and this is still Taskmaster.
Hope you're still watching.
7
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:44,000
There are just two episodes left
for one member of this almighty cast
8
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:48,720
'to prove themselves worthy of
guiltily fondling my gilded face.
LAUGHTER
9
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:54,400
'These prospective champions have
names and I'm about to shout them,
so please welcome James Acaster!
10
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,160
Jessica Knappett!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,320
Kerry Godliman!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,800
Phil Wang! And Rhod Gilbert!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,600
And rudely rocking up next to me,
15
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,360
it's my quasi-quartermaster,
little Alex Horne!
16
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:20,440
'You know I like you a lot. Yeah.
So I've spent all of my money
on a present for you.
18
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,680
Would you like your gift?
Yes, please.
19
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:26,880
I've got you a horse-drawn carriage.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
20
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:32,720
'The trouble is, horses can't draw.
Horses can't...
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
21
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,600
'Do you get it? I do. I do.
Do you get it? I do get it. I think
I should properly display this.
22
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,240
Perhaps you two gentleman
would hold it up for me.
23
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:46,160
'Erm, would you guys come up.
A horse-drawn carriage.
Funny, isn't it?
24
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,320
LAUGHTER
25
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,040
APPLAUSE
26
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,760
'We should really move on
to the prize task.
Oh, I was gonna say that. Jinx!
27
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,000
LAUGHTER
28
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:05,320
'Today, right now,
the prize category is the most
surprisingly beautiful thing.
29
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:10,160
'Ah! Like our friendship,
for example. Yeah. Whoever's
thing... It's a bad example.
30
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:15,640
'Whoever's thing is decided to be the
most surprisingly beautiful by you,
my friend, will get five points,
31
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,520
'and at the end of the show,
someone will go home with five
surprisingly beautiful things.
32
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,280
OK. Good. Mm-hm. Rhod.
33
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,600
My surprisingly beautiful thing,
the back story is,
34
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,000
in 1992, I went travelling
all around the world, Greg,
35
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:31,840
'and I saw all the sights,
I saw the Taj Mahal, I saw
the Blue Mountains of Australia,
36
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,840
the Gold Coast, Greg,
and then I came home.
37
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:39,800
'And we were driving back to West
Wales and we passed the industrial
landscape of Port Talbot.
38
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,520
And it had an ethereal beauty
at night
39
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,880
that was unsurpassed
on my entire trip.
40
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,760
'There better be a hell
of a punch line to this story.
Well, look at the picture.
41
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,880
{\an8}Here we go. Oh, there we are.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
42
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,760
Oh, you bell-end!
43
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,000
LAUGHTER
Phil Wang.
44
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,360
I saw the brief on
most surprisingly beautiful thing
45
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:08,160
and so I got this jack-in-the-box.
46
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,520
I'm actually gonna show you
a little video this time, Greg.
47
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,640
TOY PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL
48
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,560
LAUGHTER
49
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,880
APPLAUSE
50
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,800
It's the late Grace Kelly of Monaco,
51
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:30,200
universally considered one of the
most beautiful women in history,
52
00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,280
'but she's come out
of a jack-in-a-box.
LAUGHTER
53
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:37,000
I mean, I actually think
technically it's quite good.
54
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:41,560
'And yet... And yet...
..I feel empty inside. Yeah.
LAUGHTER
55
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:46,600
Jessica.
What is your feeling on sand?
56
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,560
LAUGHTER
57
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:53,160
I despise it. I go on exclusively
pebble or shale beaches.
58
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,800
As we've seen in the picture.
LAUGHTER
59
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,960
APPLAUSE
60
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:04,120
So, it may surprise you to learn,
61
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,520
when you take a closer look
under a microscope,
62
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,240
it is surprisingly...
63
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,120
beautiful.
64
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,920
LAUGHTER
65
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,920
Is it all sand, that,
if you put it under a microscope?
66
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,320
Or will some sand
just be irritating bits?
67
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,520
It'll all look like that.
Yeah. OK. James.
68
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:31,440
For my birthday one year,
my friend Sam drew a picture of me,
69
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,760
and it was so surprisingly beautiful
70
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,760
that I framed it
and I put it up in my own bedroom.
71
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,480
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
72
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,000
So, some things that are
off-putting, off the top of my head,
73
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,560
I've got witch's tits and two dicks.
LAUGHTER
74
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:54,400
Now... the whole thing
shouldn't work, and yet, it works!
75
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,880
It's funny how a work of art
can make you realise things
76
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,800
about the actual person
you hadn't realised before.
77
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,920
And you do, indeed,
have the face of an old lady.
78
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,000
LAUGHTER
Yeah. Kerry.
79
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,720
My thing is art
80
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,160
made from a placenta.
81
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,120
GROANING AND LAUGHTER
82
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:19,160
'JESS LAUGHS
It's like a tree.
It's sort of about life.
83
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:24,000
And who could've seen that it came
out of a bunch of flesh and veins?
84
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,520
What a surprise!
LAUGHTER
85
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:31,640
'Well, I am surprised
by the fact that the reality
of a picture of a placenta
86
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:36,680
'is actually worse than what I had
in my mind. Because what I had
in my mind was already disgusting.
87
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,760
Ready to judge them? Yeah. Well,
he can have one point for a start.
88
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,200
'Oh, no, come on!
You've had your money's worth
out of that picture, you prick!
89
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,200
LAUGHTER
90
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,720
'I felt like there was stuff coming
into my mouth during yours, Kerry.
You can have two points.OK.
91
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:55,040
'James, you know, it's not beautiful,
but I'm vaguely intrigued
by the whole two dick thing.
92
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,880
You can have three points.
So Phil's got a chance of winning.
93
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,800
I think he's got me
on a technicality.
94
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,960
It has all the elements
of a surprisingly beautiful thing.
95
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,040
I think it's rubbish,
and I think it's a hollow victory,
96
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,440
but you just brought
a pile of sand in
97
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,640
and then tried some sort
of microscope bullshit on us.
98
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,520
So, against all odds,
five points to Phil Wang.
99
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:19,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
100
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,440
'Let's get going. Proper tasks.
Yes. OK, then. And as a little
tribute to your number one hobby,
101
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:28,280
this task involves counting money.
Ready? Mm-mm!
102
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,080
Hi, Phil.
103
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,680
LAUGHTER
Swear box.
104
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,080
That can fuck off for a start.
LAUGHTER
105
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:54,000
'That's a red rag to a bull, that is,
to me, a swear box.
Pissing little slotty red shit.
106
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,200
Put the most money
in the small bowl.
107
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,600
You may not touch the small bowl.
108
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,440
The small bowl must not sink.
109
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:10,720
Also, you must say your own name
at least once every 30 seconds.
110
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,560
With pleasure.
111
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,480
You have five minutes.
112
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:21,240
'The money in the small bowl
with the highest
total numerical value wins.
113
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,120
Your time starts now.
114
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,640
APPLAUSE
115
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,800
Pretty straightforward, then, Alex.
Coins into the bowl.
116
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,240
They must not touch the little bowl.
They mustn't touch the little bowl.
117
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:38,160
'You must not touch the little bowl.
The little bowl must not sink. Ooh!
LAUGHTER
118
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,400
It's the highest numerical value.
Right. OK?
119
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:45,800
'So a 50p piece is worth 50.
A £1 coin is worth one.
Yes. Alright? Got it.
120
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:50,800
'We're gonna start with either end
of the panel. Sweary Rhod
and wary James. Here we go.
121
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,000
God, how do get into
a fucking swear box?
122
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,600
25.
123
00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:02,120
'So a 50 is worth 50
and a £1 is worth one. They're all
foreign coins. I get you. Yeah.
124
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,480
Ten. Ten.
125
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,240
Er, 50. Right. OK.
126
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,880
Five. 25. Er, Rhod Gilbert.
127
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,040
James Acaster.
128
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:15,920
20. Is there anything bigger than
20? What have we got there? 100!
129
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,000
100 escudos. James Acaster.
130
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,600
Ooh! Ooh! Ohh!
131
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:27,000
James Acaster. Rhod Gilbert. 100!
132
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,360
Ho-ho-ho! 50! Ho-ho-ho!
133
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,480
That's gonna go under
if I put another one in.
134
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,160
20. Oh.
135
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,120
Don't you dare!
136
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:42,400
'Am I allowed to touch it? No.
There's no touching the small bowl.
Hang on. I can touch the big bowl.
137
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,760
No! Agh!
LAUGHTER
138
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,280
How long have I got?
Oh, fucking hell!
139
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,880
LAUGHTER
140
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,240
APPLAUSE
141
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:02,520
'I mean, it sums up
how I did on the task, doesn't it?
A dead face in a bowl.
142
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,960
LAUGHTER
143
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,680
Oh, shit! Rhod Gilbert. Done!
WHISTLE BLOWS
144
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:21,840
'HE SIGHS
God, I almost went wrong
in so many different ways.
145
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,080
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
146
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,520
'Explain yourself.
Two words, nervous breakdown.
LAUGHTER
147
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,760
Simple as that. Every episode. Yeah.
148
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,440
And when you were scooping things
out... Mm. Something delicate?
149
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:40,040
'Something delicate. "Oh,
I've got a delicate situation here,
involving a little bowl with water."
150
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,760
'What do you reach for?
A skull! Skull!
LAUGHTER
151
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:47,320
The skull has holes in it
for the eyes and jawbones.
152
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,040
I thought, "That'll drain it
as it's coming out."
153
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,920
However, I neglected to notice
that the skull
154
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,920
'was slightly bigger
than the bowl opening.
LAUGHTER
155
00:09:55,960 --> 00:10:00,520
'Do you wanna move on?
Yeah, I do, because somebody
must have done that better.
156
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:04,760
'Now, for those people who want
to see Phil and Jess together,
it's Jess and Phil.
157
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,200
Here we go. Ready? Yes.
158
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,640
Ah! 50.
159
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,080
100 colones.
160
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,280
Phil Wang! Throwing in the coins!
161
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,640
Is there a penalty for saying
my name too many times? No, no.
162
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:26,640
Oh, Phil Wang. Philly Wang. Phil.
Phil Wang. Philip Wang.
163
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,960
Oh, hundreds. 20.
164
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,720
Oi! Oi! No! No! Ahh!
AUDIENCE GROAN
165
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,920
Oh, man!
166
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,240
Ten. Ten. Ten.
167
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,760
LAUGHTER
168
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,880
It's not the time that's...
169
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,800
WHISTLE BLOWS
170
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,800
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
171
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,200
Shit!
LAUGHTER
172
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:14,280
'APPLAUSE
I have been genuinely traumatised
by the sight of Phil's genitals...
173
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,320
LAUGHTER
..in that costume.
174
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:21,720
'And I thought I'd sort of got used
to them, until I saw them magnified
through a goldfish bowl.
175
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,760
LAUGHTER
176
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:29,280
Surprisingly beautiful, I thought.
LAUGHTER
177
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:34,000
'But what intrigued me is both of you
seemed genuinely shocked
when the bowl did sink.
178
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:38,720
'I'm an optimist.
I don't know what to say. It looked
well designed to withstand the load.
179
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,280
'Erm... Yeah.
LAUGHTER
But I gave it too much load.
180
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,640
I...
LAUGHTER
181
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:48,120
'Phil is a trained engineer,
that's why he's using
all this technical terminology.
182
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,600
LAUGHTER
OK. Now, stop. Just stop. Breathe.
183
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:57,280
Take a break. Come back
when you've all calmed down. Go!
184
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
185
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
186
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,760
Hello. It's Taskmaster
and it's the start of part two.
187
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,280
'So you know what that means.
It means that Alex gets to make
his special noise.
188
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,880
Hurrrr!
189
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,800
'LAUGHTER
Now, what was happening
before the break?
190
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,040
It was the money bowl task.
You know the one.
191
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:23,120
'There's a bowl in a fish bowl.
They put as much money in the little
bowl without it sinking.
192
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,160
Oh, and so far, everyone has failed.
193
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:29,160
But there's one person left,
one ray of hope, one Kerry Godliman.
194
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:34,160
Ten. 20. Kerry Godliman.
195
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,360
30. 40.
196
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,880
50. 60. Kerry Godliman.
197
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,840
110. 100!
198
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,800
210. Kerry Godliman.
199
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,080
I'm gonna go for
loads of these little friends.
200
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,120
Kerry Godliman. Kerry Godliman.
201
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,760
AUDIENCE: Ohhh!
Missed the bowl there.
202
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,480
Is it worth getting? I think it is.
203
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,520
I think it's worth getting it.
It's a really light one and it's...
204
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:03,040
SHE GASPS
OK, I'm stopping. Kerry Godliman.
205
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,400
'Well,
we're gonna have to wait two and a
half minutes to see if that sinks.
206
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,840
LAUGHTER
Oh, really?
207
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,080
It's not gonna sink. Staring at it
is not changing anything.
208
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,720
'Putting any more money in?
Well, no, because then it will sink.
Right. I see.
209
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,240
Kerry Godliman. Kerry Godliman.
210
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,720
Five seconds left, Kerry Godliman.
Kerry Godliman. Five seconds.
211
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,040
Kerry Godliman. Four.
Kerry Godliman. Two.
212
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,200
Kerry Godliman. One.
213
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,240
'WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you, Kerry. OK. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
214
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,720
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
215
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,840
It's the Kerry Godliman system.
It's the most obvious route.
216
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,480
'It's direct... Yes.
..and it gets the job done.
Absolutely. Bosh! Bosh!
217
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:44,240
In many ways, you are
the Grand Master of this show.
218
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:49,440
'Wow! Well, that's praise indeed.
Yeah. Because you don't think.
LAUGHTER
219
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:53,560
I do think! That's not a fluke,
that's brains, mate!
220
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,040
Yeah. Your system works. And I'm
complimenting you. Thank you.
221
00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:02,960
'Do you have compliments
for the rest of us?
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
222
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,560
'Not for you, skull boy.
LAUGHTER
Do you wanna score it?
223
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,680
Five points for the bosh queen,
Kerry Godliman. OK. Five to Kerry.
224
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,600
Everyone else? Zero. Oh, what?
225
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:18,120
'Kerry Godliman wins the task.
Five, nil, nil, nil, nil.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
226
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,560
'What are the scores?
Kerry's in the lead at the moment
with seven points.
227
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:26,040
'CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Look, I wanna give out some more
points. Let's have some more tasks.
228
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:32,000
'OK, then. Here's a confusing one
for you that will mean different
things to different people.
229
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,000
Hello. Hello.
230
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,400
Fez.
231
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,680
Ooh! A fez!
232
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:02,960
'What the fez? A little joke
to start us off. No, I liked it.
Jot that down. I was laughing.
233
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,320
'Quite close.
Fez is quite close to what the...
Yeah, no, I got it. Yeah?
234
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:11,760
Be photographed in the most
unusual situation wearing this fez.
235
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:18,320
'You have eight weeks!
LAUGHTER
Your time starts now.
236
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,880
I didn't know that they were soft.
I thought they were hard.
237
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:25,280
Like a flower pot? Yeah. Yeah. I did
think they were like a flower pot.
238
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:29,880
'And I take the fez. I need the fez.
That's your fez, now.
It's key, isn't it, the fez?
239
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,920
See you soon. Goodbye, Kerry.
Bye-bye.
240
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,440
Hi, Alex. Oh, hello, Phil.
241
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,640
Hello, James.
242
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,760
LAUGHTER
Hula.
243
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:52,040
Hula. You have one minute.
Your time starts now.
244
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,320
APPLAUSE
245
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:59,440
'What? A split task.
Yes. We divided them up. We've got
the children and the grownups.
246
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:05,280
'LAUGHTER
Shall we start with Jess's
fez adventure? Yeah. Yes.
247
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:10,240
I'm wearing a fez in...
the cockpit of an aeroplane!
248
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:15,840
'With a pilot, genuinely, who when
I asked to go into the cockpit,
249
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:20,120
he went,
"Oh, that's weird, my name is Fez."
250
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:25,800
'It is completely true. We see his
name badge is Andrew Ferrington.
Andy Ferrington. Andy Ferrington!
251
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:32,040
'AKA, Fez. Well, I think it's not
a bad attempt to have a picture
with you and Andy Ferrington.
252
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:37,200
'LAUGHTER
I invited Fez down. No-one has
called that man Fez in his life.
253
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:42,040
Fez! Yep!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
254
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,920
Thank you!
APPLAUSE
255
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:50,120
'Would you like to see
Kerry's fez picture? Yes,
I want to see Kerry's fez picture.
256
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:55,120
I went back in time. AUDIENCE: Ooh!
257
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,400
I did. I found a portal
258
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:01,560
and I went back
to oldy worldy times.
259
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,720
LAUGHTER
Tudory times.
260
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,480
LAUGHTER
Wow!
261
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:12,000
That's me in the past.
262
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:18,000
'I'm not a historian, Kerry,
but does Tudory times
cover a very specific period?
263
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,640
'I wasn't asked about that. I was
just asked to have my picture taken
in a fez in an unusual situation.
264
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,440
So I fulfilled my brief. Bosh!
265
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,600
LAUGHTER
266
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,880
APPLAUSE
267
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:36,920
Rhodri? Yeah. I think you'll agree
this is an unusual situation.
268
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,840
LAUGHTER
269
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,000
Ohhh!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
270
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,080
Oh-ho!
271
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:50,000
'I haven't looked round yet, but if
this is a fez superimposed on top
of a picture of me looking fat...
272
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:55,120
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
273
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:09,560
Oh, Jesus Christ!
You traitorous old woman!
274
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,360
LAUGHTER
275
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,760
Who is that, Greg?
276
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,640
As you well know, it's my mother.
LAUGHTER
277
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,280
And she's here tonight! She is.
278
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,200
Oh!
LAUGHTER
279
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,840
As it's an unusual task,
the maximum point is three.
280
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:30,640
'I mean, the truth is,
we've gotta stick to the rules.
Yep. Rhod's not wearing the fez.
281
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,160
'Are you gonna give him any points?
I'll give him one point
because I love my mum.
282
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:39,280
'AUDIENCE: Aww! I would give Kerry
more, but something tells me
she hasn't been back in time.
283
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,960
There's inaccuracies in that picture
that says that she actually went
284
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,400
to a company who do pictures
for people on bad stag dos.
285
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,200
I went back in time. I'll give her
two points. Two to Kerry.
286
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:56,400
'And I'm gonna give Jess
three points,
purely because Fez is a legend.
287
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,560
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Yeah!
288
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Fezzie!
289
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,880
Are you ready for the hula-hoopers?
Am I!
290
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,320
So, they were told to hula for one
minute. This is what they did.
291
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,880
I've never been able to hula-hoop.
292
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,520
Oh, that's alright. That's OK, that.
293
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,280
Ow! Hurts! Hurts!
294
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,200
I've never done this before.
This is a first.
295
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,600
LAUGHTER
296
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,280
WHISTLE BLOWS
Thank you.
297
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,360
Improve your hulaing.
Greatest improvement wins.
298
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,800
You have until the studio shows.
Your time starts now.
299
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
300
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,400
'I don't know if anyone else
found that as traumatic as I did.
LAUGHTER
301
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:08,280
I could not take my eyes off it.
You didn't have a choice.
302
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,440
It doesn't matter sometimes
how ornate the grandfather clock is,
303
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,320
the pendulum draws the eye.
LAUGHTER
304
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:19,360
'Are we basically saying that James
has got to do more than six seconds
to win this task?
305
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,560
Well, it depends how many more
seconds than 57 Wang does.
306
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,600
It's who improves the most.
307
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,760
Let's see how they do right now.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
308
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,840
AUDIENCE: Oooh!
309
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,360
Ooh!
You can have one attempt at this.
310
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,000
When I blow my whistle,
please start hulaing.
311
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,400
Greatest improvement wins.
WHISTLE BLOWS
312
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,080
Hula!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
313
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,120
WHISTLE BLOWS
314
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,200
WHISTLE BLOWS
Oh, fuck!
315
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,240
I've been practising so much!
316
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,400
I've been practising so much.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
317
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:01,320
'I'm really good now.
I am really good.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
318
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:06,880
I got nervous. I got nervous.
I'm really good now.
319
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,640
I'm really good.
320
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,760
I mean, it is impressive, isn't it?
321
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,560
It's such a shame
we've gotta take his first attempt.
322
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,600
LAUGHTER
323
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:20,200
'You could just take his second
attempt, I would suggest.
Which was spectacular.
324
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
325
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:27,320
Them's the rules, I'm afraid. So,
from the start of the spinning...
326
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:31,120
Yep. ..Phil, one and a half seconds.
LAUGHTER
327
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,040
APPLAUSE
328
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,600
James Acaster... Yep?
..five seconds.
329
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:42,080
'Oh, my God!
And it's greatest improvement.
A maximum of three points again.
330
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,320
It's completely up to you, Greg.
Oh, God!
331
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:49,680
I don't think Phil Wang
has practised hula-hooping once.
332
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,440
'LAUGHTER
But I'm gonna give him one point
regardless.
333
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:57,080
'I am going to deem it
that James Acaster has made
the most improvement,
334
00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,600
but I can't give him full marks,
so I'm going to give him two marks.
335
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:05,280
There. It's done. Two points to
James Acaster! Ready, Alex? Always.
336
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,720
One, two, three... BOTH: Break.
337
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
338
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
339
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,320
Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
340
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,960
Right, little Alex Horne,
I for one would like another task.
341
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,160
'And I for one
would like to give you one.
LAUGHTER
342
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,200
Hello, Rhod. Done a wash?
These are all Greg's socks.
343
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,360
Find the sock with a satsuma inside.
344
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,520
You may not look inside
any of the socks.
345
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,200
You may squeeze five socks...
346
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:58,040
Stroke ten socks and sniff 20 socks.
My rules every day, anyway.
347
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,880
Ohh! So many things.
348
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,600
You may put your hand
inside three socks.
349
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,080
You may put 11 socks on your feet.
350
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:11,240
Fastest wins. Your time starts now.
351
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,960
APPLAUSE
352
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,360
Erm, I'm a little bit irritated.
353
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,040
Someone appears to have graffitied
on the side of my caravan.
354
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,680
'That was awkward.
So, I obviously put the satsuma
in the eighth one along,
355
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,600
the big 8 was to remind me that's
the one it was, but I left it up.
356
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,400
LAUGHTER
357
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:35,840
'If any of them had looked back
at any point, that would've been
so annoying. They would've seen.
358
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,200
He's angry about the hulaing. You're
not angry about that, are you?
359
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,840
'Oh, no, I calmed down about that,
then Jess pointed that out, and now
I remember that I hate this show.
360
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,720
LAUGHTER
361
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,920
The first satsuma hunters we're
gonna see are Rhod, James and...
362
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,040
sorry, aren't Rhod, James and Kerry.
363
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,600
Here's Jess and Phil!
LAUGHTER
364
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,960
It doesn't say you can't look in it.
Are you sure? What's the first line?
365
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,960
'You may not look inside
any of the socks.
LAUGHTER
366
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:05,760
You have no more strikes.
No more strikes.
367
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:10,040
Urgh. I think this one's been worn.
They've all been worn.
368
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,160
Oh, have they? They're Greg's socks.
369
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,760
Ohhh.
370
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,880
LAUGHTER
Yes! Yes!
371
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,160
Not satsuma!
372
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,880
Could be.
373
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,600
Still no.
374
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,520
Could be a satsuma.
375
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,560
I can put them on my feet now.
376
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,600
Guys! What is it?
377
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,160
That's a bloody egg!
LAUGHTER
378
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,320
Cos... Agh. My foot's become
so cold, I can't actually feel it.
379
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,400
Ohhh!
380
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,880
That's a satsuma.
381
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,360
Bingo.
382
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,040
Ohhh! I think this is a satsuma.
383
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,880
What have you found?
384
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,760
A lime!
LAUGHTER
385
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:15,760
HE SIGHS
Oh, God. Unlucky, Phil.
386
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,240
APPLAUSE
387
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,880
Has anyone in cinema history
been so...
388
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,280
'LAUGHTER
..passionate about
tossing a lime into the air?
389
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,920
Lime!
LAUGHTER
390
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,960
I got citrus.
That's as close as I got.
391
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,760
You largely were listening
for the fruit.
392
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,840
'LAUGHTER
You did use your foot in the end
because you said,
393
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,080
"The foot is just
the hand of the leg."
394
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,960
LAUGHTER
395
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,800
Oh, that's poetic. Jesus Christ!
LAUGHTER
396
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,400
21 minutes and 10 seconds
to find a lime. A what?
397
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,640
A lime!
LAUGHTER
398
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,040
I mean, was there only one egg
in the socks?
399
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,400
'No! Oh, yes. There was one egg in 50
socks. She found that with her foot.
LAUGHTER
400
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,640
You sniffed it out with your
leg hand, though, didn't you? Yeah!
401
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,360
It was quite difficult
to find that it was a satsuma
402
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,680
with your leg hand,
403
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:10,880
cos I'd never rolled a satsuma
onto my leg hand before.
404
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,360
I feel like I've been popping pills.
LAUGHTER
405
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,760
Have you ever rolled a satsuma
onto your leg hand before?
406
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,200
LAUGHTER
407
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,720
She took 16 minutes and 56 seconds,
408
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,480
but succeeded, so she is currently
in the lead. OK, good.
409
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
410
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,480
Next up, it's James and Kerry.
411
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:34,800
'How many socks are there?
Great question. There's a lot,
aren't there? Oh, God.
412
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,760
It's not this one. How do you know?
413
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,880
That does not look like a satsuma
to me. OK.
414
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,800
Get in the bath.
415
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,320
That is a tennis ball.
Not that one, that's a tennis ball.
416
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,160
Oh-ho!
That's a goddamn snooker ball!
417
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,920
That wasn't a satsuma.
418
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,960
That wasn't a satsuma.
419
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,840
That could've been a satsuma.
LAUGHTER
420
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:03,320
This is a tennis ball. This is a
tennis ball. This is a tennis ball.
421
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:09,360
'You've got 19 sniffs left.
I never thought anyone would
say that to me in my whole life.
422
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,400
LAUGHTER
Not that one.
423
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,400
This is demeaning.
424
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,760
That's not a satsuma.
I swear to God. This isn't one.
425
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,160
Suck it. I think it's a satsuma.
426
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,920
Well done, Kerry.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
427
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:31,440
Nice to add to your vast collection
of catchphrases during that task.
428
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,160
"This is demeaning." That'll really
catch on. "Get in the bath."
429
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,240
"Suck it" is one we've seen before.
Yeah. But I always enjoy it.
430
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,440
Also, with the satsuma,
works on two levels.
431
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,720
'LAUGHTER
James seemed fairly impressive
to me.
432
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,040
He took the same amount of time it
takes me to wake you up with kisses,
433
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,680
9 minutes and 34 seconds.
434
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,920
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Not bad.
435
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,520
Erm, Kerry, I think I've been a bit
mean about your approach to tasks.
436
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,600
I thought that seemed
very sophisticated.
437
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,840
'LAUGHTER
And then, when you'd ruled out
certain things,
438
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,640
got the old tennis racket, bosh!
LAUGHTER
439
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,160
Which is brilliant because
they hurt their hands. I didn't.
440
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,520
'I will say, also,
both of them used their eyes,
which is more than Phil did.
441
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,520
'Yeah, interesting.
LAUGHTER
They looked at the socks.
442
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,640
Interesting.
Why not listen for the fruit?
443
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,560
LAUGHTER
444
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:25,240
The eyes of the side of the head.
LAUGHTER
445
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,120
APPLAUSE
446
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,520
You wanna know how Kerry did?
8 minutes 40. ALL: Oooh!
447
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,280
A minute quicker than James,
so in the lead. One left to see.
448
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,480
'It's always scary
when you leave Rhod till last.
LAUGHTER
449
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,840
He does crazy shit. Yeah.
LAUGHTER
450
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,760
Ready for Rhod?
Yes, please. Here we go.
451
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,000
LAUGHTER
452
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:58,200
Cor! Somebody's done a job on this.
453
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,760
This isn't as easy as I thought.
454
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,360
This is...
455
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:11,320
'I was going for scissors,
but as luck would have it,
I found a tangerine in the kitchen.
456
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,200
You think this is the sock
with the satsuma in? Yeah.
457
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,520
Yeah, I'm pretty sure,
I just put a satsuma in it.
458
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:26,280
Can I check and see if you're...
Yeah. There you go.
459
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,240
Yeah, it didn't say
exclusively with a satsuma in it.
460
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,960
OK. Thank you. Thanks, Rhod.
461
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
462
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:43,960
Well, let's just establish the time
that he found a satsuma in a sock.
463
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,560
2 minutes 31.
Did he find a satsuma in a sock?
464
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,320
I would say he didn't find it.
465
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,560
Yeah. You've gotta lose something
to find it.
466
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,080
'What if you put them on the side
and forgot about them?
Cos Rhod's the same age as me,
467
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,360
it's entirely feasible that
he put that satsuma in the sock
468
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,960
and then forgot and then found it.
LAUGHTER
469
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,200
'I was as surprised as anyone
when it fell out.
LAUGHTER
470
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,120
You can't put it in yourself.
Come on. That's a proper...
471
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:13,880
'You've gotta admit, that was clever.
Funny who you're prepared to bend
for, isn't it, you fucking...
472
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:17,120
'LAUGHTER
Do you know what?
I can't believe this shit!
473
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,200
LAUGHTER
474
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,920
"Oh, oh, whatever,
it was my friend."
475
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,280
LAUGHTER
476
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:28,440
Yeah! Ohh, I've never been accused
of bias before.
477
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,600
Good for you! And you got two points
for that hula-hoop bullshit.
478
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,280
Ohh! Ohh, and it felt so good.
479
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:39,680
'LAUGHTER
Oh, please give me another
two points for the hula-hoop!
480
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,440
Give me eight weeks of my life back,
how does that sound?
481
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,880
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
482
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,520
James, do you remember how I backed
you on the hula-hoop thing?
483
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,120
I was right behind you.
LAUGHTER
484
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:55,320
Yeah, well, now you can back into
a satsuma and shove it up your arse.
485
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,920
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
This has taken a very nasty turn.
486
00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:03,760
'LAUGHTER
So what I'm gonna say here
is that no-one's won that.
487
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,560
'Because of all this?
Because of all this shit.
LAUGHTER
488
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:12,320
'Two joint seconds. Rhod and Kerry
in joint second with four points.
Indeed.
489
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,160
Then we go to James with three
points. Yep. And Jess with two
490
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,640
and Phil with a... ALL: Lime!
OK, there we go.
491
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,520
Rhod and Kerry come second!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
492
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,440
Score update, please. OK, very
quickly, Phil in the series has 115.
493
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,560
He's still last, weirdly.
494
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,240
James, 140. Rhod, 150.
495
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:37,240
Kerry, 153. Jess still
just in the lead with 155.
496
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:40,520
It's still tight. Oooh! Yeah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
497
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,960
This episode,
it's not quite so tight.
498
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:48,040
'Phil and Rhod are joint last
with six, but out in the lead,
it's Kerry with 13! Yay!
499
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,040
Bosh!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
500
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,680
Good. Can we squeeze in some more
task excitement, Alex?
501
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:57,200
You can, but sadly, it's the final
team task of the series.
502
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,360
Welcome. Thanks. Thanks.
503
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:16,000
'Looking forward to another task,
we are. I think I can speak
for all of us. Yeah, we are.
504
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,000
LAUGHTER
505
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,760
Oh, God. Oh, what's happening now?
Shall I get that?
506
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,600
I... I can't condone that.
That could've hurt somebody.
507
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,480
Achieve a rally of exactly 24 shots.
508
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,160
You must each take the same amount
of shots. That's easy.
509
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:39,880
'You must be stood at least 6 foot
8 inches apart from one another.
Oh, God!
510
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,320
The Taskmaster is 6 foot 8,
presumably.
511
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:47,880
'The object struck may neither
touch the ground nor be held
at any point during the rally.
512
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,920
So it's tennis. We play tennis and
have a rally. I can't play tennis.
513
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:56,360
'There is a bonus point for the team
that uses the most ambitious
equipment.
514
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,440
Fastest wins. Your time starts now!
515
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:03,920
Why would you rush "the time starts
now"? I always delay it. Er...
516
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:08,360
'Do you? Yeah, I delay it to give
myself some thinking time.
I wish I'd known that.
517
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,720
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
518
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,160
Only mild irritation
from James there
519
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,600
'in that some blood
remained in his face.
LAUGHTER
520
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:23,560
'Kerry just said to me, "Well,
at least we didn't have Rhod."
LAUGHTER
521
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,600
AUDIENCE: Awwww!
522
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,200
No, no, no!
Don't pity him! You don't know. No!
523
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,600
'Do some team tasks with him
and then see how you feel.
LAUGHTER
524
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:37,600
'OK, do you wanna see the rally?
Yeah, let's just get amongst it. I
can't wait. Here are Kerry and Jess.
525
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,000
What should we use as rackets?
526
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,880
I think these trays are quite good.
Trays are good.
527
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,520
We have to measure the 6 foot
fucking 8. How tall are you?
528
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:51,640
'5 foot 2. So, half of you
is two and a half. Half of me?
KERRY LAUGHS
529
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,240
'You lie down. So we're having
all of you and half of me.
JESS LAUGHS
530
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:59,240
Yeah, but how are we measuring it?
Here. Here's half of me.
531
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,680
One. That's too weird.
532
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,920
CLATTERING
533
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,200
LAUGHTER
534
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,120
I feel like this is ambitious.
535
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,880
It's stupid.
It's not ambitious, it's stupid.
536
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,360
One.
LAUGHTER
537
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,680
One. Two. Fuck.
The sun's in my eyes!
538
00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:20,240
BOTH: One, two, three. Ohh.
539
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,280
Five. Ohh.
540
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,160
This is worse than the ukuleles.
One.
541
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,160
LAUGHTER
Oh, we've really blown this.
542
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,160
One. Two. Three. Four.
543
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,800
Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine.
544
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,600
Ten. 11. 12.
545
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,640
13. 14. 15. 16.
546
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,520
17. 18. 19. 20.
547
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:50,000
21. 22. 23. 24. Yes!
Leave it! Leave it! Yes!
548
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Can I go and have a lie down? Yes.
549
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:54,760
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
550
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:58,920
And this is the greatest opening
to any sport. "One. Two. Fuck."
551
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,360
LAUGHTER
552
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,640
So, using balls and trays, they did
it in 12 minutes and 49 seconds.
553
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,600
'Well, it's a starting point.
Not a bad start.
APPLAUSE
554
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,600
'Right, it's the final break
of the show before the final part
of the show.
555
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,520
I want you to stay exactly
where you are, thank you!
556
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,800
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
557
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,800
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
558
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,480
Oh, hello! Welcome back
to the last part of Taskmaster.
559
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,520
Not long to go until somebody
legs it home with the placenta.
560
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,360
But first, Alex Horne.
Hello, Greg. How are you?
561
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:37,520
'A rally, that's what
they were trying to achieve.
A rally of exactly 24 shots
562
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,040
with a bonus point for
the most ambitious equipment used.
563
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,160
Here are the men having a go.
564
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,640
Is that correct? That? No,
that's not. He's taller than that.
565
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,320
If we put a hat on him, it's
probably about right, I reckon.
566
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,520
That's the man. Yeah.
How tall are you? 6'1.
567
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,720
Right, you lie on it, then.
Why is that still there?
568
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:59,320
'And put your feet where his are.
Why am I lying down with a hat on?
Hang on.
569
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:03,240
'It says fastest wins, and right now,
I'm lying down with a top hat on.
570
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:07,600
'Kick it over the shed.
Start with one of us blindfolded
and then go from there.
571
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,160
One!
572
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,320
'Oh, Phil!
LAUGHTER
Honestly.
573
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,440
'You've gone too ambitious.
I've gone...
APPLAUSE
574
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,040
I thought you wanted ambitious.
You've gone too ambitious.
575
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,240
'We can just use the shed.
It doesn't actually go
anywhere near the ground.
576
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,960
OK.
577
00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,960
LAUGHTER
That sounded bad.
578
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,880
Right, this is the one. One. Two.
579
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,960
Three. Four. Five.
580
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,000
Six. Seven.
581
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,600
Eight. Nine. Ten.
582
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,840
11. 12. Come on!
583
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,680
13.
584
00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:44,880
14. 15.
585
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,760
16. 17.
James has gotta get one less.
586
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,920
18. 19. 20.
587
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,280
21. 22. 23. Give it back to me.
588
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,320
ALL: Yes!
Stop the clock. Yes! Good times.
589
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
590
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:05,640
'If I could, I would award the bonus
point for Phil's blindfold.
LAUGHTER
591
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:09,360
'It's interesting
that you spent so long trying
to work out what 6 foot 8 was.
592
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,840
I wonder if that paid off
in the long run, did it?
593
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,800
Well, the shed was 6 foot 6 wide.
594
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,360
They also had to strike it
exactly the same number of times.
595
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,920
'During the bit we just saw,
you counted to 24
but you got to 27 in total.
596
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:27,800
'During the first 27, you hit it
seven times, Phil eight, James nine.
LAUGHTER
597
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,240
Also, you were seven minutes slower.
LAUGHTER
598
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,560
APPLAUSE
599
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,240
Another agonising decision for me.
600
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,240
LAUGHTER
601
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,360
Jess and Kerry, pretty excellent.
602
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,960
So five points each. OK. Well done.
603
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:47,280
But I think the bag of monkeys
that is the boys' team,
604
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:51,680
'they did attempt something a bit
more ambitious, so I'm gonna give
them a point each. Let it be done.
605
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:56,600
Five to the girls, one to the boys!
APPLAUSE
606
00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:00,960
'Please can you all stay
where the heck you are
for the final task of the show.
607
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,440
ALL: Oooh.
APPLAUSE
608
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:09,080
And as if by magic,
something's appeared.
609
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,680
'What is going on here, Alex?
Well, it's the studio task.
Jess is gonna read it out.
610
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:19,880
Write your name
and draw a picture of a happy horse
611
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:25,120
on your overhead projector acetate
upside down.
612
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,640
You must not rotate
or manipulate your acetate.
613
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,520
You have 100 seconds.
614
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:37,800
'Most accurate picture and writing
when your acetate
is overhead-projected wins.
615
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,920
'LAUGHTER
Wow.
It's a happy horse and your name.
616
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,960
You've gotta do it upside down,
though.
617
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:47,720
'But when we project it,
we want it to be projected the right
way up as accurately as possible.
618
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:51,120
'And please,
I would ask the audience,
cheer as if you're watching football
619
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,360
'because that will amuse me
while they do this.
LAUGHTER
620
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,480
WHISTLE BLOWS
Let's do this, Alex!
621
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
622
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:04,720
He's copying. He's copying.
623
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
624
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,000
Oh, no!
625
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,440
AUDIENCE: Five! Four! Three!
626
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,400
Two! One!
WHISTLE BLOWS
627
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
628
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,720
Feel the rush.
LAUGHTER
629
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,280
'It's been a long time
since I saw someone trying to copy
someone else's work.
630
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,560
'LAUGHTER
I thought, "Is this a trick,
cos when you put them on there,
631
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,280
does it flick them upside down?
So if we do them upside down..."
632
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:42,200
'Alex will talk you through that now.
Remember,
I'm putting it on upside down,
633
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:46,680
'so hopefully they did it upside
down. Yep. And it will look the
right way up. Correct. Here we go.
634
00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:49,440
OK, this is Rhod's. How accurate...
LAUGHTER
635
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,240
{\an8}So, Rhod Gilbert is a huge success.
636
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,960
Mm-hm. I want to question
whether that is a horse
637
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,560
and whether that horse is happy.
638
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,400
Yeah. Teeth, nose,
eyes, eyelashes, ears,
639
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,600
legs out to the side,
big tongue hanging out.
640
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:07,400
Ah, yeah, it's a happy horse. Tick!
Who next? Phil Wang?
641
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,800
It says Phil... What's the...
Oh, that's Chinese for Wang.
642
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:15,400
It's easier to draw upside down.
Ohh!
643
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,040
Oooh!
LAUGHTER
644
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:23,200
'Your horse is demonstrating
his happiness with a big smile.
That's nice. Kerry.
645
00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:27,200
LAUGHTER
646
00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:31,720
You alright? That's my name in...
647
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,640
LAUGHTER
..gobbledegook.
648
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,320
'I'm amazed I'm saying this. That's
probably the best horse so far.
Thank you.
649
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:42,120
'I presume it's a very thin horse,
all of its legs
one behind the other.
650
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,520
LAUGHTER
OK, here we go. Jessica Knappett.
651
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,400
LAUGHTER
652
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,960
'There's a fine line between happy
and deranged, isn't there?
LAUGHTER
653
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,480
Oh, I know!
LAUGHTER
654
00:40:56,520 --> 00:41:00,760
He's so happy... She!
LAUGHTER
655
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,400
She's so happy that she's dislocated
her lower jaw.
656
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,440
LAUGHTER
657
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,080
OK.
Last one. Ready for James Acaster's?
658
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,440
LAUGHTER
659
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:16,040
Wow!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
660
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:19,760
'He's been practising that
for eight weeks!
LAUGHTER
661
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,880
I mean, fair play to the boy.
Can't fault it. Both names.
662
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,040
And that, man, that's a happy horse.
LAUGHTER
663
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,000
Alex, take your seat.
I'll make a quick decision. OK.
664
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:31,640
LAUGHTER
665
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:37,120
'I thought that he did the name very
well, but it was by far the worst
horse in that it wasn't ahorse.
666
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,840
It was a horse's face!
How do you know it's you?
667
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,720
LAUGHTER
668
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,880
I'm giving Rhod two points. Two
points to Rhod Gilbert. Yes, indeed.
669
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:49,440
Kerry's horse was an improvement
on actual horses.
670
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,640
'SHE LAUGHS
Why would they wanna have
two of their legs side by side?
671
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,320
Stick them all in a big row.
LAUGHTER
672
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:59,040
I'd like to see that racing. She got
her name entirely incorrectly,
673
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,520
but I'm going to give her
three points. OK, three points.
674
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:05,360
Jessica and Phil,
I'm grouping you together.
675
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,520
I got my name right.
But my horse was really happy.
676
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,440
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
677
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,520
I'm giving you four points. James,
he got both of his names correct
678
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:19,480
'and it was the happiest
and the best horse.
James Acaster gets five points!
679
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,840
'CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Let's have a sting
to get rid of the props
680
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:24,960
and then we'll find out
the final scores!
681
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,560
How was that, Alex?
682
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:31,320
It was very artistic
and very satisfying. Wasn't it?
683
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,640
Thanks to those scores,
684
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,800
'there was now
just three points in it
at the top of the series scoreboard.
685
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,960
THEY GASP
AUDIENCE: Ooooh!
686
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:42,520
And in this episode,
there's just 12 points...
687
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,920
'LAUGHTER
This episode is not close.
Rhod is at the bottom with nine,
688
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,600
but at the top with 21 points,
it's Kerry Godliman!
689
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,960
Ohhhh!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
690
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,160
I get the placenta!
SHE LAUGHS
691
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:59,840
'Kerry Godliman is the winner!
Please go and rejoice in your
surprisingly beautiful winnings!
692
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
693
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:06,560
'So, what have we learnt today? We've
learnt that if you're struggling
to achieve something inlife,
694
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:08,640
maybe it's time
to think outside the box,
695
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,840
use your foot, the hand of the leg,
696
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,560
or use your ear,
the eye of the head.
697
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:17,520
And if all fails, use A LIME!
LAUGHTER
698
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:20,160
And of course, we've learnt
that Kerry Godliman won the show.
699
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:24,160
'Thank you for watching.
Good night and see you next time
for the grand final!
700
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
701
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:36,000
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
99689
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof