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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,035 - Beefcake! - I'll tell you. 2 00:00:07,205 --> 00:00:08,865 That's a hoot and a holler. 3 00:00:09,035 --> 00:00:12,275 This next episode is Trey and I's favorite: 4 00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:14,605 "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride." 5 00:00:14,775 --> 00:00:18,775 In it, Stan finds out that his dog Sparky is a homosexual. 6 00:00:18,945 --> 00:00:22,315 How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop? 7 00:00:22,485 --> 00:00:26,045 We've seen that America is preoccupied with gayness. 8 00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:29,855 But there's a part of homosexuality that's unexplored... 9 00:00:30,025 --> 00:00:32,865 ...and that's animal homosexuality. 10 00:00:33,065 --> 00:00:35,295 People are curious about you two. 11 00:00:35,465 --> 00:00:39,335 Are you guys a... A couple, if you know what I mean? 12 00:00:39,505 --> 00:00:41,495 You mean, are we gay? 13 00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,235 Yeah. 14 00:00:44,175 --> 00:00:47,575 - Well, I am, a little. - We're all a little gay. 15 00:00:47,745 --> 00:00:49,715 Even old Scratch here. 16 00:00:50,685 --> 00:00:56,055 What kind of stuff do you get in the mail from fans in general? 17 00:00:56,225 --> 00:00:59,055 We have great fans and great fan mail. 18 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:02,625 People write such fascinating things every week. 19 00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:05,095 Let me give you an example. 20 00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:09,295 "Dear Trey and Matt, I like your show." 21 00:01:10,005 --> 00:01:13,065 That's from Tom in New Jersey. 22 00:01:13,235 --> 00:01:16,265 Why does Kenny die so often and so horribly? 23 00:01:16,445 --> 00:01:19,205 - Because he's poor. - Because he's poor. 24 00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:22,975 Is there stuff you put into the show that's subliminal? 25 00:01:23,145 --> 00:01:25,775 A reward for fans who pay attention? 26 00:01:25,945 --> 00:01:31,645 We feel we owe it to our fans to put subliminal messages into each episode. 27 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:35,055 They can find something new every time they watch. 28 00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:40,215 In this one, if you look hard, you can see me having sex with Matt's mom. 29 00:01:40,395 --> 00:01:41,595 What? 30 00:01:41,765 --> 00:01:48,135 Now sit back, relax and enjoy "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride." 31 00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:01,730 * I'm goin' down to South Park * * gonna have myself a time * 32 00:02:02,115 --> 00:02:05,246 * Friendly faces everywhere * * humble folks without temptation * 33 00:02:05,598 --> 00:02:08,341 * Goin' down to South Park * * gonna leave my woes behind * 34 00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:11,998 * Ample parking day or night * * people spouting HOWDY NEIGHBOR * 35 00:02:12,281 --> 00:02:14,988 * Heading on up to South Park * * gonna see if I can't unwind * 36 00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:18,716 * (I like girls with big fat t*****s) * * (I like girls with big vag***s) * 37 00:02:18,751 --> 00:02:21,495 * So come on down to South Park * * and meet some friends of mine * 38 00:02:23,145 --> 00:02:26,005 Where's the bus? We'll be late for practice. 39 00:02:26,345 --> 00:02:28,005 - Hi, Sparky. - Who's that? 40 00:02:28,175 --> 00:02:30,475 My new dog Sparky. He followed me. 41 00:02:30,645 --> 00:02:33,485 - Wow, cool! - Good boy. Who's my best buddy? 42 00:02:33,655 --> 00:02:37,315 - Who's my buddy? - You're making me sick, dude! 43 00:02:37,485 --> 00:02:40,885 He's part Doberman and wolf. He's the toughest dog. 44 00:02:41,055 --> 00:02:45,965 No way! Everybody knows that Sylvester is the toughest dog in South Park. 45 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:51,695 - He's not meaner than Sparky! - Let's see. Hey, Sylvester! 46 00:02:51,865 --> 00:02:53,495 Sparky will kick his ass! 47 00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:56,735 - I'll put a dollar on Sylvester. - You're on! 48 00:02:56,905 --> 00:03:00,035 That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass! 49 00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:04,775 He's doing something to his ass. 50 00:03:04,945 --> 00:03:08,285 He's not kicking his ass, but he's doing something. 51 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,955 Sparky, bad dog! 52 00:03:10,165 --> 00:03:11,877 (Oh my god I think they're screwing) 53 00:03:11,912 --> 00:03:14,355 - What?! - I think your dog is gay. 54 00:03:14,525 --> 00:03:18,425 - What do you mean? - That dog is a gay homosexual. 55 00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:19,855 He's just confused. 56 00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:21,698 The other dog's the one that's confused. 57 00:03:21,847 --> 00:03:22,865 (He's fucking gay) 58 00:03:22,905 --> 00:03:25,525 Sick! Shut up, dude! 59 00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:29,905 Stan's dog's a homo! Stan's dog's a homo! 60 00:03:30,675 --> 00:03:34,205 Okay, children, I know you're excited and nervous... 61 00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:37,675 ...about the homecoming game against Middle Park. 62 00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,315 - Middle Park? - Homecoming? 63 00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,315 Remember what I taught you: 64 00:03:41,485 --> 00:03:45,645 That football is like making love to a really beautiful woman. 65 00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,655 You can't always score, but when you do... 66 00:03:48,825 --> 00:03:52,525 ...it makes all the trying worthwhile. 67 00:03:52,695 --> 00:03:54,425 Now, let's start practice. 68 00:03:54,595 --> 00:03:57,395 - Mr. Chef, sir? - Yes, Pip, what is it? 69 00:03:57,565 --> 00:04:01,865 - I still don't have a helmet. - We can't afford helmets for everyone. 70 00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:04,975 Couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet? 71 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:08,605 - Does it always have to be me? - I'm afraid it does. 72 00:04:09,275 --> 00:04:11,775 Sorry, son. Get your ass in there! 73 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:17,345 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut... 74 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,955 Hike the damn ball! 75 00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:26,085 - How's practice coming there, Chef? - Oh, fine. 76 00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:30,705 I won't remind you how important the game is to us South Park alumni. 77 00:04:30,865 --> 00:04:33,895 - Elementary alumni? - That's as far as most got. 78 00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:37,635 Can we beat the spread against Middle Park? 79 00:04:37,805 --> 00:04:42,575 - I don't know. What's the spread? - Middle Park by 70 points. 80 00:04:42,745 --> 00:04:45,345 I got it! I got it! 81 00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:47,315 We don't have a chance. 82 00:04:47,485 --> 00:04:52,425 Nonsense! Not with my nephew at quarterback. Right, Stanley? 83 00:04:56,465 --> 00:04:58,655 - Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan! 84 00:04:58,825 --> 00:05:01,665 Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie! 85 00:05:03,365 --> 00:05:07,805 That was a good practice, children. We'll see you here tomorrow. 86 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,495 Stan, is that your dog? 87 00:05:09,705 --> 00:05:13,505 He must have followed me. You see, he is smart. 88 00:05:13,775 --> 00:05:17,575 My dog Rex follows me to football practice all the time. 89 00:05:17,745 --> 00:05:21,415 But my dog found his own way. That makes him smarter... 90 00:05:21,585 --> 00:05:24,745 - Sparky, get down! - What's he doing to my dog? 91 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,585 - There he goes again. - Get down, Sparky! 92 00:05:27,755 --> 00:05:30,855 Stan didn't mention his dog is a gay homosexual. 93 00:05:31,025 --> 00:05:33,225 Make him stop! 94 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,625 I'm glad my dog isn't gay. 95 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:41,295 Maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan. 96 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,135 Gay dog. 97 00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:50,805 So, Simon and Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television. 98 00:05:50,985 --> 00:05:56,355 Thank you, Eric, but the assignment was on Asian cultures. D minus. 99 00:05:56,525 --> 00:05:59,645 - Damn it! - Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat? 100 00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:03,155 How about Stan, our South Park quarterback star? 101 00:06:03,325 --> 00:06:05,985 Good idea. Okay, Stanley, you're next. 102 00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:09,995 - I'm not prepared either. - Make something up, like Eric did. 103 00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:15,795 Okay. Asian culture has plagued our Earth for years. We must end it... 104 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,705 Excellent, A minus. 105 00:06:17,905 --> 00:06:21,465 - Wow, cool! - Why the hell does he get an A minus? 106 00:06:21,645 --> 00:06:26,515 Stanley might lead our team to victory for the first time in decades. 107 00:06:26,685 --> 00:06:30,445 Athletes are treated better because they're better people. 108 00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:33,955 - That's not fair! - Life isn't fair. Get used to it. 109 00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:35,485 Stupid puppet. 110 00:06:35,655 --> 00:06:39,685 Don't forget your assignments. They're due for everyone but Stan. 111 00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:43,425 - Mr. Garrison, can I ask a question? - What is it? 112 00:06:43,605 --> 00:06:47,265 - What's a homosexual? - Oh, well, Stanley... 113 00:06:47,435 --> 00:06:51,165 ...I guess you came to the right person. Sit down. 114 00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:57,245 Stanley, gay people... Well, gay people are evil. 115 00:06:57,445 --> 00:07:01,215 Evil down to their black hearts, which pump not blood... 116 00:07:01,385 --> 00:07:04,875 ...but a vomitous oil that oozes through their veins... 117 00:07:05,055 --> 00:07:10,455 ...clots in their brains, which causes their Nazi-esque violent behavior. 118 00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:12,955 - Do you understand? - I guess. 119 00:07:13,135 --> 00:07:15,365 I'm glad we could have this talk. 120 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:19,835 Now you go and practice football like a good little heterosexual. 121 00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:24,805 You see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass. 122 00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:27,775 You need to kick more ass to beat the Cowboys. 123 00:07:27,945 --> 00:07:31,245 Speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's homo dog! 124 00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:35,905 Shut up, dude! Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf? 125 00:07:36,085 --> 00:07:38,575 That's the gayest dog I've ever seen. 126 00:07:38,755 --> 00:07:42,415 He just needs some training, that's all. Sit, Sparky. 127 00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,755 Good boy. Now shake. 128 00:07:46,025 --> 00:07:49,625 Good boy. Now, don't be gay! 129 00:07:49,805 --> 00:07:52,965 Don't be gay, Spark. Don't be gay. 130 00:07:53,135 --> 00:07:54,795 - Did it work? - I don't know. 131 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,305 He still looks gay. 132 00:07:56,875 --> 00:08:00,535 Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately? 133 00:08:00,715 --> 00:08:05,145 Yeah, maybe you should take him to a Barbra Streisand concert. 134 00:08:05,315 --> 00:08:07,215 - Stupid gay dog. - Gay dog. 135 00:08:07,385 --> 00:08:08,945 Come on. I have an idea. 136 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:19,025 - I want $500 on the South Park Cows. - Are you crazy? 137 00:08:19,195 --> 00:08:21,925 No siree, I tell you, I got the line. 138 00:08:22,095 --> 00:08:25,795 My nephew's the best quarterback the school's ever seen. 139 00:08:25,965 --> 00:08:28,465 I guarantee they'll beat the spread. 140 00:08:28,635 --> 00:08:30,975 I'll put all my money on the Cows. 141 00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:36,235 - I'll put 300 on the Cows too. - I wanna put money on the Cows too! 142 00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:39,315 Don't get too carried away now. 143 00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:44,755 - You better be right about this, Jimbo. - Don't worry yourself. 144 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:49,415 - Are you sure Stan is that good? - Not that sure. 145 00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:52,495 We better come up with a backup plan. 146 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:56,355 Let's see... Hey, bookie, what's the halftime show? 147 00:08:56,535 --> 00:09:01,665 John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is singing "Loving You." 148 00:09:01,835 --> 00:09:05,535 - I love that song. - "Loving You"? That's perfect. 149 00:09:05,705 --> 00:09:09,705 Middle Park will get a halftime show they'll never forget. 150 00:09:10,645 --> 00:09:13,545 Sparky, we got you a present. Why don't...? 151 00:09:13,715 --> 00:09:17,745 Where do you keep getting this? No pink bandanna. Bad dog! 152 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:22,755 Now pay attention. Sparky, this is Fifi. 153 00:09:23,325 --> 00:09:25,855 - There he goes. - Attaboy, get her! 154 00:09:26,965 --> 00:09:28,695 Yes! 155 00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:34,125 - Crap! Now what? - Who cares if your dog's gay? 156 00:09:34,305 --> 00:09:35,535 Maybe it's not bad. 157 00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:38,435 No way. My mom says God hates gay people. 158 00:09:38,605 --> 00:09:41,640 That's why he smoked the Sodomies in France. 159 00:09:41,698 --> 00:09:43,198 (Hehe, you should know better than that!) 160 00:09:43,645 --> 00:09:47,915 I know. Mr. Garrison said homosexuals are evil. But Sparky isn't. 161 00:09:48,085 --> 00:09:50,785 Maybe he's wrong. Ask somebody else. 162 00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:52,215 Like who? 163 00:09:52,385 --> 00:09:55,955 Now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park public access. 164 00:09:56,255 --> 00:10:02,395 Yea. Many of you are seeking answers and I am the way for you, my children. 165 00:10:02,565 --> 00:10:06,665 Let's open the phone lines up. Hello, you're on the air. 166 00:10:06,835 --> 00:10:09,205 - Is this Jesus? - Yes, my son. 167 00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:14,535 This is Robert from Torrey Pines. I asked for advice on my ex-wife. 168 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:18,475 - Of course. How are things now? - Everything's better. 169 00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:22,205 She hasn't mouthed off since. Thank you for the advice. 170 00:10:22,385 --> 00:10:25,445 And for dying for my sins. That was nice of you. 171 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,815 Blessed art thou. Next caller, you're on the air. 172 00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:34,325 Hi, Jesus, I have a dog and he's a homosexual. 173 00:10:34,495 --> 00:10:38,765 My son, many have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is. 174 00:10:38,935 --> 00:10:42,995 I'd like to state, once and for all, my true opinion. You see... 175 00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:47,505 That's all for Jesus and Pals. Stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews. 176 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:48,975 - Damn it! - What? 177 00:10:49,145 --> 00:10:51,305 I got cut off for Marty's Movie Reviews! 178 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,885 Marty's Movie Reviews are on? Kick ass! 179 00:10:54,055 --> 00:10:57,345 Can't anybody help me? Doesn't anybody care? 180 00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:59,045 We have to go practice. 181 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,715 It's not okay. I don't want a gay dog. 182 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,985 I want a butch dog. I want a Rin Tin Tin. 183 00:11:20,315 --> 00:11:23,805 Now, children, we've got to handle the ball better. 184 00:11:23,985 --> 00:11:27,275 Hold the football like you'd hold your lover. 185 00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:30,885 Gently, yet firmly. 186 00:11:31,055 --> 00:11:36,045 You want to be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. 187 00:11:36,225 --> 00:11:42,165 Oh, yeah. Just like making sweet love to the football. 188 00:11:42,365 --> 00:11:46,395 Being naughty with the football. 189 00:11:46,565 --> 00:11:49,435 - Chef? - Ever so gently. 190 00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:51,095 - Chef? - Spank it. 191 00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:52,535 Chef! 192 00:11:52,705 --> 00:11:55,475 Sorry, children. Let's run some plays. 193 00:11:55,645 --> 00:11:59,415 - Mr. Chef? - We still don't have a helmet for you. 194 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:03,545 How about I use a helmet today and someone else doesn't? 195 00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:06,625 Would that be fair to the other children? 196 00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:08,125 I guess not. 197 00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:11,685 We want to put a trigger on that bomb... 198 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:15,295 ...that makes it go off at a specific moment. 199 00:12:15,465 --> 00:12:16,955 What moment is that? 200 00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:21,595 John Stamos' older brother is singing "Loving You" during halftime. 201 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,635 We want it to go off when he hits the high F. 202 00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:26,745 - What high F? - You know. 203 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:38,145 Put the trigger on the "doot-en-doo"? 204 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,345 No, damn it. The: 205 00:12:44,925 --> 00:12:46,525 Go ahead. 206 00:12:47,735 --> 00:12:49,495 You got it. 207 00:12:51,935 --> 00:12:53,595 All right. Yeah, okay. 208 00:12:53,775 --> 00:12:55,965 What's wrong, Stan? You seem down. 209 00:12:56,135 --> 00:12:58,835 I can't concentrate because my dog is gay. 210 00:12:59,005 --> 00:13:03,275 You know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks. 211 00:13:03,445 --> 00:13:06,505 Stop filling him with queer-Ioving propaganda. 212 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:09,485 You of all people should be sympathetic. 213 00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,715 - What? - You're gay, aren't you? 214 00:13:11,885 --> 00:13:15,685 What the hell are you talking about? I am not gay! 215 00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:21,625 - Well, you sure do act like it. - I do that to get chicks, dumb-ass. 216 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,805 - What's wrong? - I can't find Sparky. 217 00:13:24,965 --> 00:13:26,765 He usually follows me. 218 00:13:26,935 --> 00:13:30,065 Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants. 219 00:13:44,085 --> 00:13:48,185 Hello there, little pup! I'm Big Gay Al. 220 00:13:48,355 --> 00:13:50,915 Have you been outcast? 221 00:13:51,095 --> 00:13:54,185 I'm glad you found my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. 222 00:13:54,365 --> 00:13:58,825 We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us? 223 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:03,735 Come on in, little fellow. Nobody will ever oppress you here. 224 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,575 Have you seen Sparky? He's not back. 225 00:14:07,745 --> 00:14:10,475 - It's been two days. - I think he ran away. 226 00:14:10,645 --> 00:14:14,445 - Did you check the shopping...? - We'll look after the game. 227 00:14:14,615 --> 00:14:16,445 - I'm not playing. - You what? 228 00:14:16,615 --> 00:14:19,615 I'm not playing. I have to find my dog. 229 00:14:19,785 --> 00:14:22,915 Come on, Ned. And keep quiet. 230 00:14:24,765 --> 00:14:28,025 - Hello there, Enrique. - What are we doing here? 231 00:14:28,195 --> 00:14:31,325 Well, we always kidnap Middle Park's mascot. 232 00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:34,195 But this year we're gonna booby-trap it. 233 00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:38,775 And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F, boom! 234 00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:41,845 No more Middle Park players. 235 00:14:42,745 --> 00:14:44,775 Goddamn, I love football! 236 00:14:45,815 --> 00:14:49,715 Sparky, where are you? Where could he be? 237 00:14:56,295 --> 00:15:00,165 Hello, this is Frank Hammond, South Park Radio, AM 900. 238 00:15:00,335 --> 00:15:04,425 Tonight is the Middle Park Cowboys against the South Park Cows. 239 00:15:04,605 --> 00:15:07,465 Chef, the South Park Cows' coach, is nervous. 240 00:15:07,635 --> 00:15:10,625 It's because his quarterback hasn't shown up. 241 00:15:10,805 --> 00:15:12,965 Oh, come on, Stan. 242 00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:16,165 If Stan doesn't show up, can I use his helmet? 243 00:15:16,345 --> 00:15:17,675 No, Pip. 244 00:15:17,845 --> 00:15:21,305 Sparky! Sparky! 245 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,845 - Play ball! - You're quarterback, Kyle. 246 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,015 - I never practiced. - It's late for that bullcrap. 247 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:32,285 Filling in for quarterback is number 1 2, Kyle Broflovski. 248 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,435 Hey, where's little Stanley? 249 00:15:34,595 --> 00:15:37,725 Why is that Jewish kid playing quarterback? 250 00:15:38,865 --> 00:15:43,495 Ned, look! They've got Enrique on their sidelines. 251 00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:46,605 - Looks like that bomb's still attached. - Yay. 252 00:15:52,215 --> 00:15:54,685 Hi, little fella, how are you doing? 253 00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:57,945 - Fine, how are you? - Super, thanks for asking. 254 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,855 My gay dog ran away. Did he come here? 255 00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:05,685 - Well, let's see. Come on in. - Do you have lots of gay dogs here? 256 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:11,425 We have all sorts of gay animals here. Over here we have a gay lion. 257 00:16:11,605 --> 00:16:16,065 We have gay water buffalo. Here's a gaggle of gay gooses. 258 00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:19,175 Hi, fellas. It's so super to see you! 259 00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,745 Wow, the animals are really happy. 260 00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:26,785 Of course, silly buns! It's the one place where they can be themselves. 261 00:16:26,955 --> 00:16:29,115 Do you like to dance? 262 00:16:31,885 --> 00:16:35,985 Hike me the ball, somebody run and I'll throw. Ready? Break! 263 00:16:36,155 --> 00:16:39,395 - You're toast. - We're gonna pound your heads in. 264 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,895 We'll just see about that! 265 00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:44,125 Set, set... 266 00:16:44,305 --> 00:16:47,425 - Damn it, Cartman! - What's the matter? 267 00:16:47,605 --> 00:16:50,475 - Cartman farted! - That was just my shoes. 268 00:16:50,645 --> 00:16:53,435 Come on! We'll get a delay of game penalty. 269 00:16:53,615 --> 00:16:55,975 - No way, dude! - Hike the ball! 270 00:16:56,445 --> 00:16:59,045 - Dude, weak. - You get back there. 271 00:16:59,815 --> 00:17:02,755 The ball is snapped. Middle Park blitzes! 272 00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:06,915 Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball, they run for a touchdown! 273 00:17:07,095 --> 00:17:11,895 The score's 7-0 Middle Park, with 1 4:57 remaining in the first. 274 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,465 Hell's bells. 275 00:17:13,635 --> 00:17:16,095 Haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King! 276 00:17:16,265 --> 00:17:18,865 That's not PC. You'll get us in trouble. 277 00:17:19,035 --> 00:17:20,905 Right, I gotta watch that. 278 00:17:21,075 --> 00:17:25,135 If we lose money because of your nephew, we'll hang you out to dry. 279 00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:28,435 Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime. 280 00:17:29,745 --> 00:17:33,615 Sparky! Hi, Sparky, how's it going? 281 00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:37,045 I miss you, old pal. You really had me scared. 282 00:17:37,225 --> 00:17:39,815 Let's go home. I can still make the game. 283 00:17:39,985 --> 00:17:44,655 We can work on making you not gay together. Sparky? 284 00:17:44,825 --> 00:17:49,055 - It appears you still don't understand. - What don't I understand? 285 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,465 I have to show you something. 286 00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:53,965 With a minute left in the half... 287 00:17:54,135 --> 00:17:58,575 ...the score is Middle Park Cowboys, 52. South Park Cows, 0. 288 00:18:00,075 --> 00:18:04,305 I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant! 289 00:18:04,485 --> 00:18:08,045 - Dude! Now, that is not cool. - Sorry, sorry. 290 00:18:08,215 --> 00:18:11,415 Okay, Stan, get in line for my Big Gay Boat Ride. 291 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,985 Step aboard, Stanley. 292 00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:19,325 Welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride! 293 00:18:19,495 --> 00:18:23,485 On this adventure, we'll see the gay world throughout time. 294 00:18:23,705 --> 00:18:27,295 The Cows are set to receive. There's the kick. 295 00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:29,735 It's taken by 23, Kenny McCormick. 296 00:18:29,905 --> 00:18:32,565 He's at the 50, the 40, the 30... 297 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,035 - Hold him! - Hold him! 298 00:18:34,215 --> 00:18:38,165 The little running back is down! I think he's... 299 00:18:38,345 --> 00:18:40,285 Yes, he's been decapitated! 300 00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:45,425 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards! 301 00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:48,055 - That's gotta hurt, Frank! - Oucheroo! 302 00:18:48,225 --> 00:18:50,885 Hey, come on! That was roughing! 303 00:18:51,065 --> 00:18:53,825 At least let us scrape him off the field! 304 00:18:53,995 --> 00:18:58,995 Looks like the Cows won't beat the 72 point spread, not by a long shot. 305 00:18:59,165 --> 00:19:02,795 Gayness has existed since the beginning of time. 306 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,905 From the Egyptian pharaohs to the shoguns of Japan. 307 00:19:07,075 --> 00:19:10,015 Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors! 308 00:19:10,175 --> 00:19:13,805 Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh, my! 309 00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:16,215 Oh, gosh, that was close. 310 00:19:16,385 --> 00:19:21,985 Let's steer our boat out of here and into a place where gays live freely. 311 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:36,165 - What do you think, Stan? - This kicks ass. 312 00:19:36,335 --> 00:19:39,745 I'm sorry I tried to change you. I didn't understand. 313 00:19:39,905 --> 00:19:41,345 Isn't this precious? 314 00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:47,785 Now here to sing "Loving You" is the one and only John Stamos' brother! 315 00:19:47,955 --> 00:19:49,945 All right, Richard! 316 00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:07,265 What the hell? He didn't sing the high F. 317 00:20:07,435 --> 00:20:11,035 Richard can't sing a high F, he always screws it up. 318 00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:15,005 Ned, we are gonna get our asses kicked! 319 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,515 It's obvious where the talent in that family went! 320 00:20:19,615 --> 00:20:21,915 Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al. 321 00:20:22,085 --> 00:20:26,185 No problem. Are you sure you don't want cheese sandwiches? 322 00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,655 I gotta get to the football game. Come on, boy. 323 00:20:29,825 --> 00:20:35,165 Oh, Stan. When you get back to town, tell them about us, will you? 324 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:39,665 Tell them there are gay animals here who need homes desperately. 325 00:20:39,835 --> 00:20:42,635 I will, Big Gay Al, I will. 326 00:20:43,845 --> 00:20:45,745 Oh, my carrot cake! 327 00:20:46,405 --> 00:20:49,405 The Cows are being molested by Middle Park! 328 00:20:49,575 --> 00:20:52,075 I haven't seen so many children molested since... 329 00:20:52,245 --> 00:20:55,475 You said beating the spread was a sure thing! 330 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:58,445 We all put our life savings in this game! 331 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,315 You're a dead man, Jimbo! 332 00:21:00,495 --> 00:21:04,255 This should just about wrap it up... Wait, what's this? 333 00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:08,395 It's Stan, the star quarterback. 334 00:21:08,565 --> 00:21:10,465 Where the hell have you been? 335 00:21:10,635 --> 00:21:13,795 - Getting my best friend back. - Get in there, boy. 336 00:21:13,975 --> 00:21:16,565 Give them hell, Stanley! 337 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:21,105 Jesus, I haven't asked for much. All we need is one little score. 338 00:21:21,275 --> 00:21:24,335 - Please. Please, Jesus! - Leave me alone. 339 00:21:25,215 --> 00:21:27,185 Stan steps back to pass... 340 00:21:27,355 --> 00:21:29,715 Hey, Stan. I'm open, I think. 341 00:21:29,885 --> 00:21:33,515 And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid. 342 00:21:33,685 --> 00:21:38,215 Oh, my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1 938! 343 00:21:38,395 --> 00:21:40,055 Dude! 344 00:21:41,035 --> 00:21:43,495 Touchdown! 345 00:21:43,665 --> 00:21:49,035 The final score is Middle Park Cowboys, 73. South Park Cows, 6. 346 00:21:49,205 --> 00:21:51,675 South Park beats the spread! 347 00:21:54,575 --> 00:21:55,705 Speech! 348 00:21:55,875 --> 00:22:00,905 What do you want to tell the world about this stunning almost-victory? 349 00:22:01,085 --> 00:22:03,955 It's really cool that we beat the spread. 350 00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:05,215 Yeah, all right! 351 00:22:05,385 --> 00:22:09,385 And maybe we can beat them even more next year. 352 00:22:09,555 --> 00:22:13,855 - And it's okay to be gay. - What? 353 00:22:14,035 --> 00:22:17,125 Being gay is part of nature and a beautiful thing. 354 00:22:17,305 --> 00:22:19,095 What is he talking about? 355 00:22:19,265 --> 00:22:23,135 Stanley, you arrived late. Where were you that whole time? 356 00:22:23,305 --> 00:22:25,435 With my new friend, Big Gay Al. 357 00:22:25,605 --> 00:22:29,275 He showed me his sanctuary and took me on a boat ride... 358 00:22:29,445 --> 00:22:32,815 ...where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety. 359 00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:34,745 It's true, I'll show you. 360 00:22:37,625 --> 00:22:41,715 But it was here, right here. There was a techno dance club. 361 00:22:41,895 --> 00:22:46,415 You need to lay off the cough syrup. Seriously. I'm worried about you. 362 00:22:46,595 --> 00:22:50,865 Oliver! I thought you ran away all those months ago. 363 00:22:51,035 --> 00:22:52,765 - Sidney! - Willie! 364 00:22:52,935 --> 00:22:54,165 Carlos! 365 00:22:54,335 --> 00:22:57,305 Thank you so much for bringing everybody here. 366 00:22:57,475 --> 00:23:01,965 - There you are. How's it going? - I'm super, thanks for asking. 367 00:23:02,145 --> 00:23:05,375 It looks like now my work here is done. 368 00:23:06,315 --> 00:23:09,615 Goodbye, Stanley! Peace be with you. 369 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:15,715 - You guys, I can do it. - Do what? 370 00:23:21,465 --> 00:23:22,725 No! 29029

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