All language subtitles for Nathan.for.You.S04E03.Andy.vs.Uber.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

My name is Nathan Fielder,

and I graduated from one of
Canada's top business schools

with really good grades.

Now I'm using my knowledge

to help struggling
small business owners make it

in this competitive world.

This is "Nathan for You."

In season two of my show, I
gave marketing advice

to a small taxi company owner
named Andy Farshidian,

whose business was being
destroyed

by the ride share giant Uber.

The idea was to generate
press by encouraging

pregnant riders to give birth
in his taxi.

But what I never saw coming was that just a few months

after that episode aired Uber
just happened to launch

a new campaign offering free
baby onesies to anyone

who gives birth in one of their cars.

Encouraging customers births
to get press was our idea.

And when I met up with Andy to
tell him about it,

he couldn't believe his eyes.

You know, you're right.
You're right.

They stole our idea.

Did you know about this?

No, I never saw this.

This is the first time I saw it.

After already having taken so much from this struggling cabby,

for Uber, this was a new low.

Business had gotten so bad that Andy had resorted

to turning his cab into a
mobile karaoke booth

in a last-ditch effort to hold
on to his customers.

♪ Say my name say my name ♪

♪ Around you ♪

♪ Say I love you ♪

♪ If you--my name ♪

♪ Say my name say my name ♪

It was clear we had to do
something.

So I sat down with Andy to
discuss our options.

I never get mad.

I'm very cool and calm all time
time,

but I am so furious that they
did this to you.

They stole everything.
You know what I mean?

The idea, the money, the
passenger, everything.

They stole everything, you know?

Well, I have an idea,
but it's pretty crazy.

Talk to me.

Uber may be a powerful
company,

but there's a big vulnerability in their business model.

Anyone can become a driver.

So if we recruited a fleet of
disgruntled cabbies

to sign up as Uber drivers,

we could effectively create a
sleeper cell

of rogue agents within the Uber network,

allowing Andy I with the push
of a button

to turn our drivers into
nightmares

and unleash total chaos across
the globe.

The plan: get Uber to stop
using those baby onesies

by threatening them with a
sleeper cell.

A sleeper cell, you said?

- Sleeper cell.
- A sleeper cell.

- Not sleeping.
- Yeah, just a sleep cell.

- Sleeper.
- Oh, sleeper.

Sleeper cell.
Oh, the person asleep.

- Sleeper cell.
- But no one's sleeping.

- Yeah, I know.
- Right.

- Yeah, okay.
- 'Cause once Uber realizes

a large portion of their drivers
are under our control,

they'll have no choice but to
listen to your demands.

Very smart, very smart.

And at that point, you can
tell them,

"Get rid of that onesie."

Knock them down.

That's the best idea.

I love you, man.

I, uh...I love you too.

Okay, so I think that's good for
today.

Okay.

I'd never started a sleeper
cell before.

But in doing some research
online,

I learned that the key to
running any clandestine cell

operation is having a
communication structure that

kept the identities of the
leaders secret.

That way, if any of our sleeper agents were compromised,

they wouldn't be able to rat us out to Uber

and bring down the cell.

From now on, we couldn't risk
using our personal phones.

We'd have to get prepaid burner phones.

So to make sure the purchase
couldn't be traced back to us,

I anonymously hired someone off Craigslist

to go to a local Walgreens and
told him there would be cash

hidden in a dirty McDonald's
cup outside the location,

which he was to use to buy up
the store's entire supply

of prepaid cell phones.

The Craigslist guy was told to
then bring the phones

to an abandoned pier at the San Pedro harbor

at exactly 1:15 p.m.,

where he would find a
waterproof pouch hidden

inside a white first aid kit at the end of the dock.

He was then instructed to put
all the phones into the pouch,

hook the base of the pouch to a nearby cinder block,

and throw it off the pier,
where unbeknownst to him,

I was awaiting the delivery in
full scuba gear

beneath the surface completing
the final step

of a burner phone purchase that would be impossible

to trace back to either me or
Andy.

Now that we had a way to
communicate with our drivers,

we would need to figure out the commands to give them.

So I started researching Uber
Yelp reviews

and online comments to see what behaviors from drivers

customers hated the most.

The complaints ranged from
foul-smelling vehicles

to telling offensive jokes to
blasting terrible music.

But to know which combination
of these would be most

effective, we would need to
test them out

on actual Uber customers.

So I had Andy go undercover and sign up for an Uber driver

account with his personal
vehicle.

And after taking it for a final inspection

posing as an average Joe
looking to make

a few extra bucks on the side...

Yeah, I'm just an average Joe,

make some money the side, you
know.

Yeah, I'm a normal guy.

Andy was now registered as a
fully accredited Uber driver.

And that meant we could begin
our test.

"Playing bad music," yep.

"Bad smell, driver..."

Driver what?

- Gas.
- Oh, that's bad, yeah.

- What's the worst of these?
- The worst one's

driver gets lost--go 5 right?

You're supposed to go to 5
North, drive me 5 South.

That's it.
They're like, "No, it's crazy."

Do you know how to do these,
like--

Oh, of course.

I'm the master of these.

You're already a bad driver?

No, I'm not bad driver,
but I have lots of experience.

To simulate the smell of
driver farting,

I brought Andy box full of
ziplock bags

each filled with a sulfur-based stink spray.

- So it's, like, one per ride.
- Okay.

They smell really bad.

Oh, they--oh, okay.

To test the effects of bad
music,

I gave him a burned CD with an
endless loop

of Lou Bega's 1999 hit "Mambo
No. 5" on it,

considered by many experts to
be one of

the worst songs ever made.

So with everything prepped,

Andy turned on his Uber app
and headed out

to pick up some customers.

- Hello. How are you?
- Fine. How about you?

- What's your name?
- Lori.

Lori, yeah.

Well, it doesn't matter the
price.

How did it come out?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Excuse me. Can I--can we roll
down the window?

Oh, the window doesn't work.
It's broken.

- It doesn't go down?
- No.

Oh, 'cause it smells in here.

Oh, I'm in an Uber right now.

I'm going someplace, and the
window doesn't go down.

And it kind of smells in here.
.

So--oh, wait.
No, so I can't...

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is mambo number five.

Oh, wait. I'm on the phone.
I'm sorry. I'm on the phone.

Excuse me. Sir.

Sir, I'm on the phone.

Oh, my God.
I'm gonna get out.

♪ One, two,
three, four, five ♪

I'm getting out.

The first ride lasted less
than a minute,

and after running through our
list

with several other customers...

Yo, I think I'm lost, man.

You're lost?

The most intolerable Uber
driver behaviors

became clear.

Turn off the music.

Cut it off.

Turn off the music.

Turn off the music.

And after a full day of
testing,

we got the results we were
hoping for.

Bad rating.

Bad rating.
They gave me all bad rating.

With our activation plan in
place,

we decided to name our sleeper
cell after Andy's dog Lucky.

Because he thought it would
bring us luck.

So maybe we get lucky,
you know, from his name.

So I created a website that
would act as our main hub

for recruits to sign up.

Now I just had to get word spreading amongst taxi drivers.

Because I had to remain
anonymous while recruiting

drivers, I went to a local
hospital pickup zone

disguised as someone who had just been released from surgery

and began hailing cabs.

- Hi, there.
- Yes.

- Where do you want to go?
- Just circle the block.

We have business to discuss.

My goal was to get word
spreading that an anti-Uber

resistance was looking for
members.

So how's the taxi business
going?

Not doing as well as you used
to?

Why is that?

If you're interested in
helping take Uber down,

give me a call.

I spent the entire day
hailing cabs,

driving in a circle, and
talking up drivers.

Would you be happier if Uber
wasn't around?

Well, there might be a way to
do that.

Each of the business cards I
gave them had a burner

phone number on it where they
could get information

about a meeting that would be
happening later that week.

The interested cabbies who
reached out

were given the address of a
local day care I had rented

after hours, where they were
told the leaders of

The Lucky Group would be
speaking.

So while the cabbies trickled
in and helped themselves

to our spread of complimentary
snacks,

Andy and I got ready in the
back storage room.

- Does it fit okay?
- Yeah.

But even with disguises, Andy was concerned that a fellow

cabbie might recognize his
voice.

I'm the most famous cab driver
in Orange County.

- Everybody knows me.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Can you do any accents?

Or can you disguise your voice
in any way?

So how about Southeast United
States,

somewhere around there,

Louisiana or something in that
area?

Sure.

How was your day, partner?

How is your business?

The taxi's gone, man.

That's Louisiana?

- Somewhere around Louisiana.
- Oh.

Maybe it's not exactly, but
somewhere around Louisiana,

the Southeast, I know that one.

Yeah, I think that will work.

- Okay.
- Sure, yeah, okay.

And with that, we headed out to begin the orientation.

I'd like to apologize for the
disguises.

But what we're doing is very
sensitive in nature,

so they are necessary.

Firstly, thank you all for being
here.

We are The Lucky Group.

So we all agree that the Uber
corporation

has destroyed our industry,
right?

Yes.

Our business down 60%.

- 85%
- Wow.

Since Uber.

As soon as Uber was mentioned, a wave of frustration

swept over the room.

Uber corporation itself taken
over everything, everything.

It is completely unfair.

We're working with our
permits.

We're working with background
checks.

You know, whenever I see bad
news coming out of Uber,

I will see rape, rape, and then,
"We deliver puppies."

I will not allow anyone in my
family

to ride in an Uber vehicle.

Because it's--not because it's
competition

but because it's unsafe.

I cannot pay my mortgage.

I cannot buy good shoes for my
children.

Listening to these stories, I began to understand

the human cost of Uber's
unquenchable thirst

for expansion.

And it's not me alone.

Maybe thousands and thousands
like me.

I just hoped Andy would be
able to sell them on our plan.

I think have more experience

than any of you in taxi
business.

I started in taxi business in
about

1984, '85.

1980 right here.

Oh, okay, so you have four
years more experience than me.

It was a bit of a rocky start, but pretty soon,

they started to get it.

I want you to humiliate Uber
driver

and get one star.

How it is gonna affect the
whole system?

No, no, no, no, no.
What he's saying is,

you give bad service to a
customer.

- Bad service?
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- And before long,

it seemed like we had won them
over.

From our company alone,

I will tell about 250 drivers
went to Uber,

and I have contact with all of
them.

So they are sleeper cells,

all those people holding City of
Los Angeles

taxicab driving permits.

So you have 250 people.

I have--I don't have to
persuade anybody.

I can give you names and
driver's license numbers

in a matter of 25 minutes.

The meeting couldn't have
gone better,

and the drivers were eager to
hand out our website info

to all of their friends.

I will--I have bunch of
friends I'm gonna give them to.

- Really?
- Yes.

Thank you so much.

Within a week, we already had
62 sign-ups

in The Lucky Group inbox.

So with momentum building, I
felt it was time to

prepare a short video to make
Uber aware

of our presence.

I was pretty happy with how
the video turned out.

But before sending it to Uber,

I wanted to show Andy it to
get his thoughts.

It's a little bit...

you go too far.

After watching the video,
Andy seemed very concerned.

It's not--they then sue us,
we go to jail, all of us.

And that made me worry too.

I hadn't fully considered the
legal risks

of starting a sleeper cell.

And as a Canadian citizen,
if I got charged with even

a misdemeanor, it would be a
violation of my green card,

and I'd be deported from the
country I've grown to love,

America, so I did some research to see if there was anything

that could protect me from
deportation.

And it seemed like the only
thing that could give me

immunity was if I married a
U.S. citizen.

There was no one in my life who would marry me right now.

I tried asking Andy if he would marry me as a favor,

but he didn't want to do it.

Just legal status?

Yeah.

I don't want to marry a man.

So with the clock ticking and no romantic prospects,

I felt like the only way to
safely move forward

was to marry Andy without his
knowledge.

My plan was to make it appear
to Andy like we were just

gonna grab some Chinese
takeout for lunch one day.

So I rented out a Chinese
restaurant

and redesigned their menu to
only consist

of unappealing dishes that no
reasonable person

would want to order.

The only exception was the
house special,

a chicken and broccoli dish
called Ai-doo.

To officiate the ceremony, I
hired someone who specialized

in traditional Chinese weddings.

Oh, my gosh.
I so nervous.

- Don't be. Don't be.
- Okay.

- All right, so--so--
- To be clear,

the ceremony's gonna be entirely
in Mandarin?

In Mandarin.
That's correct.

Okay, you're not gonna say a
word of English the whole time?

No, I won't say a word of
English.

- Okay.
- Now, is Andy gonna

understand Chinese?

- Of course, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Definitely.

So this where I was thinking you
could stand...

- All right.
- And do the ceremony.

- Oh, really?
- And we'll come in there.

Okay.

So with our officiant in
place, I met Andy outside

when he arrived.

One thing before we go in;
it's really authentic,

the restaurant, so it's
respectful if you order

your dish in Mandarin.

It's written out phonetically.

Oh, okay.

And with that, we headed
inside to get married.

- What did he say?
- I think he--

he wants you to order.

Oh, you want me to order.

So... Ai-doo.

I do.

I told the officiant I wanted
our marriage certificate

to look like a restaurant bill
as an homage to our first date

where we split the check.

So you accept Visa, right?

After Andy and I each paid,

we signed what he believed was
the receipt...

Officially making us jie hun, or married,

in the eyes of the state of
California.

It was a little odd sitting
across from someone

who had no clue they were your
husband.

But all that really mattered is that I was now legally

protected, so we could finally
move forward with our plan.

I was still a little nervous
about delivering our video

to Uber, as I knew that once I
sent this email,

they would do everything in
their power to track us down.

So before sending it, I cleared my entire browser history,

including cookies, and
destroyed

any remaining evidence

that could link either me or
Andy to The Lucky Group.

I didn't want to leave a single trace of our existence.

Even the daycare we met at was
fake

and designed from the very
start to disappear by morning.

But when I called in Andy to
delete his Uber account,

he dropped a bombshell.

What's all this?

These are how many--you've got
five star.

This is--

No, but why have you been
doing Uber rides?

You're doing rides every single
day.

Yeah.

Andy had logged hundreds of
rides on the account

I set up for him since the time we completed our test.

Well, so is this your job now?

Are you an Uber driver?

No, I'm not an Uber driver.
I mean--

Well, what do you mean?
You've done--

No, I started to research
about that company.

But you're driving for Uber
full-time.

- Because I--
- Andy, that wasn't the plan.

- Yeah, I know.
- We're supposed to be...

But I have to survive somehow.

Andy admitted that he was now relying on Uber

for his entire income

and had been keeping it a
secret from me for weeks.

Why didn't you tell me you were
doing this?

Oh, I don't know why should I
tell you,

because, you know, compared to
taxis,

it's easier to go to pick up,
get the car, all those things.

I don't even come from taxi
anymore.

He was now worried that if we continued with the sleeper cell,

it would affect his driver
rating.

And that's when I realized Andy had been turned.

When he took me outside and
showed me that he had

transferred his entire karaoke
machine into his Uber,

words were not even necessary.

We knew this was the end of The Lucky Group

and our fight for the onesie.

I had the first karaoke taxi
in the world.

Now have the first karaoke Uber
in the world.

I couldn't help but feel a
bit betrayed,

but maybe from the very start
we had been fighting a battle

that could never be won.

Just like telegraphs had been
replaced by telephones

and horse and buggies by cars,

the free market had again
chosen a winner.

The real enemy wasn't Uber.

It was progress.

If Andy didn't want to move
forward with the sleeper cell,

there was also no longer a need for us to be married.

So I sat down with a divorce
lawyer

to explain my situation.

Oh, so what did he think was
going on during that time?

He just thought he was
ordering lunch from someone

at a Chinese restaurant.

Okay.

Fortunately, the lawyer said
our marriage

would be easy to nullify.

So that's where the element of
fraud comes in,

that you brought him to the
restaurant

under false pretense,

that you performed the ceremony
without his knowledge

and in another language.

But as I sat there listening
to him lecture me

about all the mistakes I had
made,

I was reminded of the vows we
had taken

at that Chinese restaurant.

I had promised to love and
accept Andy for who he was,

not who I wanted him to be.

I do.

So if Andy wanted to be an Uber driver, I'd support him,

because no matter who he worked for,

I knew no one could stop him
from being himself.

Oh, this a karaoke Uber,

so you can sing.

♪ A feather in his cap
and called it macaroni ♪

♪ Yankee Doodle keep it up ♪

♪ Yankee doodle dandy ♪

♪ Mind the music and the step ♪

+♪ And with the girls be handy ♪

Hoo.

So you're aware, Andy and I
won't be kissing,

because he has an STD right now.

- Oh, okay.
- Is that okay?

Yeah, no, that's fine.
You don't have to kiss.

- I mean, you can hug.
- Okay, sure, yeah.

But both of you have to sign--
sign the papers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.