All language subtitles for Nathan.for.You.S04E02.Chili.Shop.&.Massage.Parlor.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

My name is Nathan Fielder,

and I graduated from one of
Canada's top business schools

with really good grades.

Now I'm using my knowledge

to help struggling
small business owners make it

in this competitive world.

This is "Nathan for You."

If you're a fan
of delicious chili,

there's a small chance
you've heard of the Lie-N-Den

Bar & Grill
in Bakersfield, California,

where owner Robert Bryan
has been serving up

his famous family chili recipe
for decades.

Just about done.

Robert's longtime dream

has been to sell his chili

to the hordes
of hungry hockey fans

who attend
Bakersfield Condors home games

at the nearby Rabobank Arena,

but so far,
he hasn't had much luck.

I did call Rabobank Arena.

I asked them,

"How would I get
on your vendor list?"

"Oh, we have our own vendors.

We don't have a list." So.

I tasted his chili
just to make sure

it was as good as he said,
and it was.

Mmm.

The flavors and spices

felt awesome against my tongue,

and I was stunned
that Rabobank Arena

turned him away,

but fortunately, I had a plan

to get him in the door.

I have a pretty good handle
on the law,

from, you know,
just experiences I've had.

- Okay.
- And here's the thing.

If they never know
that you're selling chili,

then what's the consequence?

Well, I don't know
how I would sell it

without them--
without their knowledge.

Although it violates
the stadium's policy,

there's no law against sneaking
chili into a hockey game

for the purposes of selling it,

so if we could make
a custom-design body suit

that could be filled with
a massive payload of chili,

Robert would finally
be able to sell

his signature dish
at Rabobank Arena

without stadium management
ever catching on.

That's interesting.

I'm just curious as to how--
what it would look like.

You know, I put a lot
of thought into this idea,

and every time I run it through
in my head,

it works perfectly.

Okay.

Robert was on board,
so later that week,

I hired a professional tailor

to help design the chili suit

based on a detailed sketch
I had drawn.

The easiest way is probably
to put the chili in--

I guess from
the neck part, right?

Sure.

Our plan was to have
the chili reservoirs

mimic the distribution of fat
on a larger man's body

so it wouldn't look suspicious
under clothing,

and with the help of a guy
from Craigslist,

our tailor was able to take
all the measurements he needed.

- The chili is gonna go here.
- Mm-hmm.

And we can get more
in here too.

You could probably do,
like, a cup there, right?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Cup or so?

- Yeah, a cup, yeah.
- Yeah. Okay.

All right,
so we'll see you around, then.

Yeah. Thank you so much.

And a few days later,
we received

a completed prototype

of a heat-resistant
polyvinyl fluoride suit

designed to hold
over 100 servings

of fresh chili.

The individual reservoirs
would be linked

by a network of tubes
that would all lead

to a battery-powered
peristaltic pump

for dispensing the chili.

Using our intake funnel,

we loaded in over 30 pounds
of Robert's product

that had been blended
into a thin paste

to ensure an even flow
without compromising the flavor.

So with that,
I activated the pump,

and it was time to see
if this could work.

As I had hoped,

the pump dispensed the chili

at a steady pace,

which was good,

but I realized we had overlooked

a crucial detail.

The chili suit prevented
bathroom access,

and because of its weight,

removing it during a game

would not be an option.

So I experimented with a design

that would allow me
to deposit my excretions

directly into
custom rubber underwear

connected to
a secondary pumping system

so I could eject it
into a toilet

via a second tube
down my right arm.

But once I had some clothing on,

I realized the potential
for a costly mix-up

was too great.

So I had the bottom part
of the suit

redesigned with strategic holes

in the groin and buttocks region

that would allow the wearer

to relieve him or herself

without taking off the suit.

But there was still the issue
of the temperature.

To meet
health department standards,

Robert said the chili
would have to remain

above 135 degrees Fahrenheit
at all times.

But when I put it on,
the heat was so intense

that I could barely have it
against my skin

for more than a few seconds.

So I tracked down
some heat-resistant polymer gel

that could insulate the body

against
the most extreme temperatures.

Feel anything?

- No.
- Good.

I did a preliminary test

with a blowtorch
on various parts of my body

to ensure the gel would protect
even my most sensitive regions.

And after getting gelled up
from head to toe,

the burning sensation
had completely vanished.

Yeah.

It seemed like we had solved
every problem,

but there was still one final
thing I had to take care of.

The pump on my chest that made
the chili suit function

was made out of metal,

and to get into Rabobank Arena,

every ticket holder has to pass
through a metal detector.

So I figured
if I could convince security

that I had
a medically necessary pacemaker,

they wouldn't be suspicious
when the alarm went off.

So I taped a real pacemaker
to my chest

and then headed
to a walk-in clinic

to request an X-ray

that would hopefully trick
the physician

into writing me a doctor's note.

I would need to
actually examine you

and see why is it
that you need the X-ray.

I have to have a reason why.

Well, I'm paying you for it,

so what do you care?

I'm actually--
legally, it's being...

monitored to see why
we're ordering an X-ray.

Oh.

Well, what's the minimum
I need to say

to get one?

Either some area hurts
of your chest or--

- Sure.
- You're having a cough.

Okay. Yeah.

Are you--
what are you experiencing?

Yeah, both those. Yeah.

Mm-kay.

Just step as close as you can,

and you're gonna take
this shirt off, okay?

Your undershirt will be fine,

but I gotta get rid
of the buttons, okay?

Okay. Okay, sure.

Take a big breath.

Hold it.

And once the doctor saw

the pacemaker on my X-ray...

It looks like
it's in well position

and no abnormalities.

She wrote me a doctor's note
that would hopefully

get me through security.

Thank you so much, Doctor.

And that meant it was
finally time to buy a ticket

to the next
Bakersfield Condors home game.

So an hour before puck drop,

I headed to the Lie-N-Den
to fill up the suit

with a fresh batch of chili.

I then put on
some extra large clothing

that made me look like
a typical hockey fan

but was also secretly designed

so I could carry everything
I would need

for our customers.

Along with a special pocket

built to hold cups and spoons,

I also had a cane
with a secret trigger

that could dispense
organic sour cream on demand,

a trucker hat
with a built-in cheese grater

to deliver fresh cheddar cheese,

and lastly,
a cargo pocket full of chives.

Got a little bit
of an aftertaste,

but I don't know
if it's the chives

or the sour cream.

It's close.

With everything set

and just minutes
until game time,

I arrived at Rabobank Arena

and nervously approached
the security checkpoint.

Hi. I have a medical condition.

This is my pacemaker ID card.

So I have a pacemaker,
so it might beep when you do it

over my chest area.

Okay.

Yeah, so that's my pacemaker.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Thank you so much.

Getting inside
was a huge victory,

but for my plan to work,
I would need to be able

to sell chili
for an entire game

without getting caught,

so I decided to start
in the upper levels

where security was thinner.

Hi, there,
would you like any fresh chili?

Two dollar chili?

I faced some rejection
at first,

but it wasn't long
until I had my first sale.

It's chili.

Do you want one?

As my confidence grew,

I ventured down
to the lower level,

where I got a second sale

from a guy in section 109.

I used my big body
to block the view of security

as I covertly squirted out
his serving.

Here you go.
Two dollars, please.

And after that,
I began to feel invincible.

Hi, there.

I moved through the stadium
like a ninja,

switching sections
after each sale

so I couldn't be tracked.

At one point,

I thought security
was on my tail,

but I was able to lose the guy

by ducking
into a handicapped bathroom,

after which I reemerged

and resumed my operation.

I can serve it to you right now.

I have it right under
my clothes.

I sold 16 bowls
of delicious chili that night,

right under the noses
of stadium management,

and that meant,
from this day forward,

Robert had a proven method
to sell his chili

at Rabobank Arena.

This is $32.

And the ticket was only 12.

So that's $20 profit
in one game.

Okay.

So I'll just leave all this
here for you, then?

Yeah.

- Bye.
- Bye, now.

Nothing feels better
than a massage.

Nothing.

Which is why Anna Davis
of Swan Day Spa

in Los Angeles, California,

has made it her livelihood.

But with plenty of competition
in the area,

Anna has been forced
to lower her prices so much,

she's barely making a profit.

Now we have
a lot of competition,

so the client, when they got in,

they were looking
for the cheaper price.

We have a deep tissue one,
which is, you pay more, $15.

I think I'll try the $40 one
for right now.

Okay. Okay, that's fine.

With customers going
for the cheapest price

and ignoring her more
profitable premium massages,

it was clearly a problem.

So I paid Anna a visit
with a unique way

for her to upsell her customers.

You see, the key to upselling

is advertising a low price
to bring people in

but then ensuring
that once they see the product,

they'll definitely want
to upgrade.

So if customers arrived
at Swan Day Spa

and discovered
that the $40 special

was done exclusively by someone
with a contagious disease,

like viral warts,

customers would be
a lot more likely

to upgrade to one of
Anna's premium options.

The plan: upsell customers

by making the $40 special
a wart massage.

I think...
I think you're right.

Nobody want
to get the wart massage.

For sure.

Anna was intrigued,

but she was a bit worried

about what her customers
might think.

They might be upset.

They might be sue me.

Sue the business.

But I assured her
that no one would complain

as long as they believed
it was for a good cause.

Have you ever done
any charity work before?

- Oh, never.
- So with Anna's blessing,

I created a real charity

whose mission was to place
people living with warts

into the workplace.

I then distributed our flyers

at dermatology clinics
across the city

and posted an ad on Craigslist

seeking people
with active viral warts

who were looking for work,
and later that week,

I met with the two men
who responded.

I think I've had
every kind of wart invented.

I don't know.

Oh, whoa.

But probably the worst case
of warts that I had

was on my penis.

Okay.

And it was, like,
a circle around my--

I mean, it was...

Made it so that...
sex was not an option.

- Right.
- Right?

- Yeah, 'cause...
- Yeah.

I just took a soldering iron.

Burned it off myself.

- Whoa.
- Like, why go to a doctor

and have him do it?

I know what he's doing.

Just burned it off.

- You drop something?
- I did, yeah.

A little device here.

- A device?
- Yes.

- What is that?
- This is a wellness wand.

- What's that mean?
- Well, it's--

Right now,

the way that the unit works

if I have it sitting right--

if I set it right here,

it's putting out a signal

that's coming out
to the edge of the table,

maybe a little beyond.

- Uh-huh.
- All right?

And the signal is matching

with whatever the needs are
that you select from the files.

- Are you a healer or something?
- Yes.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Okay.

- Yeah.
- What...

Uh, what...

How, um...

Okay.

After carefully vetting
the candidates

to be sure they had
at least one wart,

I officially signed them on
to the CityWarts roster.

But before they could be placed
at Swan Day Spa,

there was still one thing
our charity needed:

an endorsement.

It seemed like
every credible charity

had the endorsement
of a public figure,

like a mayor
or a city council member,

and I was worried that if
CityWarts didn't have one,

the public would never
accept the idea

of a wart-infected masseur.

So I rented out the ballroom of
the historic Oxford Palace Hotel

and then reached out to every
local politician I could find,

inviting them
to be the guest of honor

at a gala event
for the launch of a new charity.

And after a few days,
we finally got an RSVP

from Councilman Ed Reyes,

a 12-year veteran
of LA's city council.

So on the day of the event,

I decorated the ballroom

with the finest
and fanciest things

in the hopes that this gala
would be enough

to dazzle Councilman Reyes
into legitimizing CityWarts

with his official endorsement.

- Hi, Nathan.
- Hey.

Oh, my gosh.
You look nice.

Thank you.
How are you?

- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you too.

Okay, so.

What do you think?

I like it.
It's pretty.

Once Anna took her seat,

we opened our doors

to the crowd of random people

I had paid to attend the event

so that Councilman Reyes
would be impressed

by the charity's popularity

when he arrived.

Since every real charity gala

is hosted by a beauty queen,

I hired Miss California 2013,
Mabelynn Capeluj,

to be the evening's host.

It's here in Los Angeles,
and they help

people in Los Angeles with warts
get jobs?

- Yes.
- That's their mission, okay.

Do you get nervous
before these things at all?

- Um, sometimes, sometimes.
- Yeah?

But I feel like
this will be easy.

Hopefully I don't jinx myself.

- You're so beautiful--
- Thank you.

You could probably
go out there

and just go, "Blah, blah, blah,"

and no one would know
the difference.

- Thank you. Hopefully.
- Yeah. No problem.

As the crowd settled in,

Councilman Reyes
entered the room

with all the confidence
I would have expected

from an elected official.

I only hoped
that this gala event

would be enough to win
his coveted endorsement.

So, growing up,
I actually had a friend who--

he had warts on his hand,

and I believe
his mom or he said

it was from handling a frog.

He was able to seek
medical attention,

and they were able to freeze
and remove the wart,

and he's just fine now,

and that's why I'm so proud
to introduce to you

CityWarts and their mission
to put warts to work.

And right now,
I'd like to bring out

some CityWarts Angels

to talk about their own
experiences with warts.

My name is Daniel,

and I have warts.

My hope is that
some personal stories

from our CityWarts Angels
would help

garner sympathy
from Councilman Reyes.

I had a wart right here.

Nine warts made, like,
a number six on my hand.

A ring of genital warts
around my penis.

Remember, wart pride.

Thanks, CityWarts.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate everything
that CityWarts is doing

for our community,

and because of CityWarts,

I had a opportunity for
a job placement with massage.

You guys have a great night,

and thank you.

The speeches were a hit,

and after concluding the night

by recognizing the Swan Day Spa

as CityWarts' newest partner,

it was time to approach
Councilman Reyes

for his endorsement.

Councilman, hi.

Would I be able to get
a photo with you

and Anna over here?

This is Anna.

- Nice to meet you, sir.
- Hi, Anna.

Okay, come on over here.

With a photo of Anna

standing next to

a respected city councilman,

it was now impossible to deny

that he was a supporter
of our cause.

Thank you for that endorsement.

Thank you so much.

So with proof of our credibility

now proudly displayed

behind the desk at Swan Day Spa,

it was finally time
for our wart angels

to meet their new boss.

It is such a honor

to be in a location

where...

you're creating
a wart-positive environment.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you so much.

But before moving forward,
Anna wanted to be sure

they had the right skills
for the job.

Have you ever trained
to massage before?

Are you a licensed
massage therapist?

I'm not a licensed
massage therapist,

but I stay in practice
with my girlfriend,

because she gets
foot reflexology

every single night,

and then I just work my way up
from the ankles.

Apply. Release.
Apply. Release.

Dig a little bit.

- Okay.
- Every night.

She's a lucky lady.

Oh, that's nice.
How about you, Albert?

Well, I've had experience.

I used to give massages
to my grandmother.

- Okay.
- Just a little bit at a time.

Like, and I--
the main focus

was for her to feel good

and not for me to be...

because a massage
is not supposed to be...

it's supposed to be...

- You know.
- Yeah.

Just making the person relax
and--

Okay, so you approve them?
They meet your standards?

For right now, I mean,
we have to learn more.

For now, yeah, we have to see.

Anna was satisfied
with their qualifications,

so the Angels took
their stations

while Anna and I waited
for customers up front.

Yes,
I'd like to have the massage.

Yeah, it's--
how you like it?

We have so many kinds.

I want to get that one
that was the special for $40.

- Okay.
- As usual, the customer chose

the cheapest option available,

so once she was ready
and waiting on the table,

it was time to see
if the new upsell would work.

- Hi, there.
- Hi.

Hi, so I'm not sure
if you're aware,

but the $40 massage special
that you selected

is done in conjunction
with a charity outreach program

- called CityWarts--
- Uh-huh.

That puts people living
with warts into the workplace.

Okay.

Is that something
you're comfortable with?

Yeah, that's okay 'cause
it's not a contagious thing.

Oh, actually,
warts are contagious.

- Oh, they are?
- Yes.

- Oh. They're contagious?
- Yes.

Does he wear gloves or what?

He will be wearing
thin gloves.

After telling the client about
our full range of massages,

she could now see the benefits
of the premium options.

So how much
are the other massages?

It's just $15 more.

All right,
I'll take one of the others.

My plan worked perfectly.

All right, so this is
your therapist, Mamie.

She does not have any warts.

- All right, thanks.
- At all.

Okay, great, enjoy your massage.

- Thank you.
- And Anna was thrilled.

- She upgraded.
- Oh!

And as the day went on,

more and more customers

opted to upgrade
to the premium options.

I guess I just want the one
with the non-wart worker.

Yeah.

Anna was upselling her clients

at an unprecedented rate,

and any time
a customer was skeptical,

we had all the credibility
we needed.

This is me
and a city councilor.

I mean,
I don't know how much more legit

you can get than
an LA city councilman

endorsing the charity, but...

Yeah, it seemingly--
it seems safe

if the city's working with it.

I did feel a little bad

that no one wanted
anything to do

with our wart angels that day,

but it was nice to know

that at least
they had each other.

I love baking cakes.

Pies.

Is it the baking
that you like,

or is it the look
in the person's eyes

that you baked it for?

Both.

Absolutely.

Type of pacemaker you have?

Um...

I think it's a...

Sony?