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1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,878
Delivery. Oh, it's the
computers the golf course...
2
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:05,630
bribed us with. Finally.
3
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,340
You're not gonna
bring 'em inside?
4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,633
Zero stars.
5
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,051
Did he just leave everything
6
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,636
on the sidewalk like this?
7
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,179
Okay, good. You guys are here.
8
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,889
We don't have insurance,
so lift with your legs,
9
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,974
brace your back. Ava,
my back does not brace.
10
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,185
Call that young man back.
11
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,269
You got his phone number, Barb?
12
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,355
I will dial 411
before I pick up...
13
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,356
Jesus would help.
14
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:26,234
Jesus was lean,
33, with muscles.
15
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:27,902
Mmm. Hot.
16
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,737
Weren't there, like,
four more of these?
17
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,698
Ah! We were robbed.
18
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,700
Well, at least this
time, I wasn't slapped.
19
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,285
Probably already selling
'em on Broad Street by now.
20
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,080
You know what, maybe
they needed 'em.
21
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,290
Hey. I got computers
for the low-low.
22
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,709
Buy three, get one
free. Talk money to me.
23
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,087
How much, brother? No. No.
24
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,673
Jaquon! I will
call your mother.
25
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,007
Put those things back!
26
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,092
Don't... Don't do that.
27
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,301
Mm-hmm.
28
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,857
And that turtle is for you.
29
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,776
Enjoy your new friend.
30
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,070
Uh, uh, Janine? Yeah.
31
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,447
Why are there loose
animals in the library?
32
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,408
They're gonna put the
funk in Funk & Wagnalls.
33
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,034
Yeah, no, I know,
but they're caged,
34
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,703
and I will clean
up. I promise.
35
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,164
Uh, Ms. Washington,
a goldfish for you.
36
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,583
Janine: I have a really
big win to share.
37
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,668
We asked the
district for funding
38
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,461
for more afterschool programs,
39
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:32,133
so they gave us $50
for class pets instead.
40
00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,676
Sometimes you gotta
shoot for the moon,
41
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:38,848
and if you miss, you land
on a star... fish. Starfish.
42
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,767
And, Mrs. Howard, I got
you the fish you asked for.
43
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,103
Ohh!
44
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,065
I have a flowy gown in
this very shade of magenta.
45
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:52,361
And, Gregory, your pet rock.
46
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,447
Thank you so much for
being budget conscious.
47
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,848
Oh, it wasn't because of that.
I had one of these growing up.
48
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:58,951
Alrighty.
49
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,121
Okay, guinea pig for me
and a guinea pig for...
50
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,706
Melissa!
51
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,041
Guinea pig. What?
52
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,667
You forgot to fill out the form,
53
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,085
and the pet store was
having a BOGO sale, so...
54
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,378
Yeah, I didn't forget
to fill it out.
55
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,465
I didn't want one.
I don't like pets.
56
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,966
Melissa.
57
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,801
Hey, what do you mean,
you don't like pets?
58
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,345
I don't like 'em. I
never had 'em growing up
59
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,763
'cause they're
just too much work.
60
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,181
They smell, then they die,
61
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,974
and you gotta explain
that to the kids.
62
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,601
It's too much.
I don't want it.
63
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:24,727
Well, look, look, what
if I-I help you out?
64
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,729
You know, I will clean
its cage, I'll feed it.
65
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,481
You won't have to lift a finger.
66
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,274
Come on, Mellie Mel,
your kids will love it.
67
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,401
Besides, the kids are
gonna be really upset
68
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,528
if they're the only ones
without a class pet.
69
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,780
Don't want that, now, do ya?
70
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,744
You're right in a way that
really pisses me off, kid.
71
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,787
Aww, thank you.
72
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,330
Okay.
73
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,790
And, Mr. Johnson,
you requested a bear.
74
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,833
I sure did. Okay.
75
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,711
Would you settle for a bear hug?
76
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,714
D'aww. Okay.
77
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,258
Aww. It smells
like ass in here.
78
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,302
Yeah, it really
does. I'm so sorry.
79
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,263
Hey, Ava.
80
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,681
I've set up my computer,
but I don't have
81
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,308
any of the district software,
82
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,268
so I'm putting in a ticket
at the old district.
83
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,605
No, you are not. They don't even know
we took these computers as bribes.
84
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,316
We're not even allowed to
accept donated computers.
85
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,360
I got a plan.
86
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,153
Ava: The district won't
service any computers
87
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,237
that don't belong to them,
88
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,697
but they drop the
ball all the time,
89
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,533
so I'll just tell them
that I submitted a ticket
90
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,785
a long time ago for these
computers that they gave us,
91
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,037
that they didn't keep track of.
92
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,455
I like to cause
doubt and confusion
93
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,958
by creating a memory
that doesn't exist.
94
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,668
Some call it gaslighting.
95
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:33,379
I call it kids have computers
in their classrooms.
96
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,923
Janine: Okay.
97
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,636
You just gotta watch out for
this one 'cause he's a biter.
98
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,679
So... Yeah, I'll
tell you what.
99
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,930
If that thing bites me,
100
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,348
I'm fastballing
it into the wall.
101
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,267
Okay, but biting is a sign of...
102
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,060
affection.
103
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,936
I... I...
104
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,313
Watch out.
105
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,691
He didn't bite me.
106
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,317
He's warming up... God!
107
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,736
Ooh!
108
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,573
Bared his teeth at
me. What a smile.
109
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,409
He likes your sweater. Oh?
110
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,995
Odd way of showing it.
111
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,830
The real question
is... Mm-hmm.
112
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,248
We just hanging out?
113
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,459
Look, some IT wonk
is coming by today
114
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,419
to get the computers 'putin.
115
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,253
He cannot know they're donated,
116
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,422
so if you love new computers,
lie like an old carpet.
117
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,008
I cannot, I do not,
I will not lie.
118
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:19,843
I heard you tell
Janine she looked cool
119
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:21,552
in that goofy sweater.
120
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,387
Okay, you caught me. All
you have to do is play dumb.
121
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,931
Jacob, that face you're
making right now is perfect.
122
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,058
Dumb as hell. What?
This is my normal face.
123
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,269
Besides, I-I can't play dumb.
124
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,855
Hi, I'm O'Shon.
125
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,525
Oh. Top o' the morning
to you, O'Shon.
126
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,319
I'm O'Jacob. No,
I'm just joking.
127
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,196
It's just Jacob. Just...
128
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,698
Just a little Irish
humor for you, bloke.
129
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,533
Sorry, I'm dumb.
Wow. I can do it.
130
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,826
O'Shon: I guess, uh, we lost
131
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,536
the ticket to
provide tech support.
132
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,747
Uh, we get backlogged
sometimes, but no excuses.
133
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,958
I'm here now. Yeah, you really
screwed the pooch on that one,
134
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,295
so if you could just install
the software and be on your way.
135
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,797
It'll take a few days to
get everything set up,
136
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,798
but I'll get on it now.
137
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,011
O'Shon? Crikey.
138
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,679
Barbara: That man is handsome.
139
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,765
First of all, he wears glasses.
140
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,058
Second of all, you
two need a pair
141
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,393
if you think he's attractive.
142
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,394
Please.
143
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,189
I'm just saying, of
the three rock types,
144
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,149
I think it's really cool that
145
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,150
my kids got a metamorphic rock.
146
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,360
Imagine me stuck
with some kind of
147
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,153
sorry sedimentary rock.
148
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,656
Totally. No. So
very, very cool.
149
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,700
Alright. Well, you know
who doesn't bite? Who?
150
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:27,827
Dwayne "The Pet" Rockson.
151
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,036
Okay. Gregory,
152
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,871
it is their love language.
153
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,999
Guinea pigs cannot lick like
cats and dogs can, so...
154
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,252
Don't let that guinea pig
loose in your classroom.
155
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,587
You know they grow to the size
of their environment, right?
156
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,089
I think you're thinking
of goldfish. Yeah.
157
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,757
Explain grizzlies,
then, dumbass.
158
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,929
What do you got there? Oh,
I'll tell you what I got here.
159
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:50,015
Why even ask? My entire
afternoon is what I've got here.
160
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,101
First, the kids said the
guinea pig was bored,
161
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,687
so I had to get him this little
straw mat for it to gnaw on.
162
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,814
Then, Sweet Cheeks didn't
like that cheap feed,
163
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,191
so I gotta meal prep this hay.
164
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,485
Then, that stupid straw
mattress wasn't comfy enough,
165
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,488
so I had to build this
tiny house stick by stick.
166
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,991
Thanks a lot, Teagues.
167
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:10,160
I knew it, this was a
bad idea from the jump.
168
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,454
This is exactly why people
shouldn't have pets.
169
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,291
I don't have time to do my
job and take care of some rat.
170
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,960
What do I look
like, April O'Neil?
171
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,503
Guinea pig's not even that cute.
172
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,631
I hate that freaking guinea pig.
173
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,467
What?
174
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,430
Melissa, I'm sorry this guinea
pig is making your life harder.
175
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,056
Look, I'm gonna take
it back to the store.
176
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,559
Maybe we can use that
$4.77 on something else.
177
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,311
No way. My kids would lose it.
178
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,313
Sweet Cheeks and I are
stuck with each other
179
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,732
'til one of us dies, and
it ain't gonna be me.
180
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:43,694
Alright, well, at least you don't have to
worry about him over the weekend, so...
181
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,778
What does that mean?
182
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,238
You know, the students,
they take turns
183
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,489
hosting the pets
over the weekends.
184
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,366
The kids get to
learn responsibility,
185
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,909
and the guinea pigs
get to see what a big,
186
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,786
beautiful world it is out there.
187
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,997
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Well, good. Yeah.
188
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:58,125
As long as it's out
of my gorgeous hair.
189
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:01,837
These computers are pretty new
for a three-year-old ticket.
190
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,631
Oh, I wouldn't know.
191
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,759
These contraptions all
seem the same to me.
192
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,469
Okay.
193
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,596
It's just that, these computers,
194
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,098
they have features I
usually only see...
195
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:18,729
But, you know, how would one
turn on a machine such as this?
196
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,773
I know how to start
these computers.
197
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,859
I just have to throw this
handsome young man off the scent
198
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,069
for the greater good.
199
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,404
Forgive me, Lord.
200
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,616
Ma'am, uh, please don't take
this the wrong way... Mm-hmm.
201
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,743
But are you familiar
with this thing?
202
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,704
Like updating it, opening your
browser, checking your e-mail?
203
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:39,333
That's... That's all good?
Oh, I can check an e-mail.
204
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,001
My real question is,
205
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:44,922
what is an e-mail?
206
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,927
This shouldn't take too long.
207
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,470
You've got everything
pretty set up.
208
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,555
You just need the
permissions and licenses.
209
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,307
Yeah.
210
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,267
They call me Jacob
Jobs around these parts
211
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,727
'cause I'm always...
212
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,354
click-clacking.
213
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:03,857
Cool. O'Shon, is it?
214
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:07,028
What if you tell me everything
you know about computers?
215
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,741
Finally, rule number 11...
Designated guinea pig food
216
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,078
and filtered water only.
217
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,288
Okay? Nothing else.
You got it, guys?
218
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,749
That star next to the rule
means it's extra important.
219
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,042
They all have stars.
220
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,168
That's 'cause they're
all important.
221
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,254
No, honey. Come
on. No tapping.
222
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,339
It stresses Sweet Cheeks out.
223
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,925
Alright, let's see. Who's
going to take him first?
224
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:30,926
Aaron.
225
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,556
You gotta stop
that, kid. Come on.
226
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,807
You could hurt yourself.
227
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,144
No, I can't. I
don't feel pain.
228
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,438
Do guinea pigs?
229
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,943
No more pencils for Aaron.
230
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,697
After this, I'll hit the
library, and then I'm done.
231
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,866
They're not the most tech savvy,
but you got a really nice staff.
232
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,910
Yeah, we're just
one big family here.
233
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,955
Oh, you already got a
few programs on here.
234
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,583
Wow. This is some extremely
high-powered editing
235
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,293
and special effects software.
236
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,670
Are you making a
big-budget movie?
237
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,547
Well, I'm not gonna let
a souped-up graphics card
238
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,049
and a 14th-generation
processor go to waste.
239
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,885
I'm editing a series
of deepfakes of Janine.
240
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,970
She has no idea what's coming.
241
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,764
Alright, I'm gonna
grab a coffee.
242
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,766
Incognito Mode doesn't
leave a history, right?
243
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,186
Auf Wiedersehen.
244
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,025
The district doesn't have a
14th generation of anything.
245
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,654
So, still going to the
batting cages this weekend?
246
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,156
Absolutely.
247
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,325
I still have a few holes
in my swing. Mm-hmm.
248
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,202
You wanna come take
some hacks with me?
249
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,788
I don't know what that
means, but, yeah, I do.
250
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,122
It's okay. I'll teach you.
251
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,917
Okay. I can't wait
to learn. Yuck!
252
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,627
Somebody please
give me a lobotomy.
253
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,173
Well, guess who's got two thumbs
254
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,966
and a guinea pig to dispose of?
255
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,718
What? Yep.
256
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,971
Came in this morning, and
Sweet Cheeks was belly up.
257
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,973
See, this is exactly why you
should've got a pet rock.
258
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,142
My students are developing a
bond that will last for eternity.
259
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,852
Melissa, are you sure it's dead?
260
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,146
Just the other day, I
thought my fish was dead.
261
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,816
She was just taking
her beauty sleep.
262
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,819
Maybe I ought to add a tiny
vanity to her aquarium.
263
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,153
Yes.
264
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,113
Hey, Shirley, order me a little
265
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,617
fish mirror for Queen LaSeafah.
266
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,869
Mmm. Yeah.
267
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,996
See, I told you this
was gonna happen.
268
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,706
No, they told me at the store
269
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,959
that the guinea pig would live
for at least the school year.
270
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,586
Well, guess what? They're not
guinea pig doctors, are they?
271
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,256
It's gone. So now I gotta
give my kids the death talk.
272
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,383
Oh, my God, Melissa, I am...
273
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,426
I'm so sorry. This
is a disaster. Oh.
274
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,345
Um, can I get you anything?
275
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,305
Grief counseling,
a hug, or... No!
276
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,348
I can take you out for a drink?
277
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,558
Janine, I don't need a beer
278
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,101
for a dead guinea pig, okay?
279
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,978
I'm gonna do what I
always do. I'mma go home,
280
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,188
throw some baby backs in the slow
cooker, and watch "Housewives."
281
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,107
Okay, well, maybe
I can come over.
282
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,483
That's really not necessary.
283
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,486
Also, I'm getting my
carpets cleaned tonight.
284
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:58,615
Oh, but... while you cook
ribs? And also at night?
285
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,492
Yeah, I got a discount.
286
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,579
What, you want me to eat
ribs on a dirty floor?
287
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,165
Also, what is with all
the questions, huh? Whoa.
288
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,791
I mean, are we
good? We're good.
289
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:08,710
Are you good?
290
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,294
Ugh. My God.
291
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,879
Janine, don't get hurt. What?
292
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,840
I feel awful. I mean, I
pushed Melissa to do something
293
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,384
she didn't want, and
it didn't work out.
294
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,594
Should not have tried to assert
295
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,720
my guinea pig agenda.
296
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,934
I might be grown, but I can
still make rookie mistakes.
297
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,187
I'm so sorry, but that's just,
298
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,522
you know, the circle
of life. Right, kids?
299
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,441
Life is just like that.
300
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,611
To Quote Frank
Sinatra's "That's Life,"
301
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,279
"That's life."
302
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,656
So, if you want, just come
to me with any questions
303
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,700
you might have, and
rest assured that
304
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,953
Sweet Cheeks is
in a better place.
305
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,749
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
306
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:52,377
That man put the "form"
in information technology.
307
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,630
Yeah. He's a real Firefox.
308
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,256
Get your ass on Chrome.
309
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,926
Anyway, he looks just
like me five years ago,
310
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,178
but with more hair.
311
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,639
This man is a weenie.
312
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,848
Excuse me, Principal Coleman,
313
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,100
can I talk to you for a
second about the computers?
314
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,937
Sure. Grand rising, brother.
315
00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,563
Good afternoon.
Are you the man
316
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,023
that we have to thank
for being able to use
317
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,650
these wonderful computers?
318
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,693
I just installed some
new programs, is all.
319
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,695
Well, it is just a
blessing to be able to work
320
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,447
on brand-new computers.
321
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,324
The kids are, uh...
the kids are loving it.
322
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,743
Instead of "Oregon Trail,"
they now have Roblox,
323
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,954
which they shouldn't
be playing at school,
324
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,455
but, uh, still.
325
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,082
It's going to be a
real difference maker.
326
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:34,044
Mm-hmm. These new computers are
going to put my students ahead
327
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:37,756
of the curve that so often
wants to leave them behind.
328
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,007
Mm.
329
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,301
So, I don't have all day.
330
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,928
Oh, my God.
331
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,263
The computers have Khan Academy.
332
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:46,641
What did you want to tell me?
333
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,958
Yeah, uh, you know
what? It can wait.
334
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,734
Hey. Oh! Bye, Melissa.
335
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,070
Hey, would you mind giving
me a ride to my place?
336
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,613
Uh, yeah, sure.
337
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,073
But didn't your
ride just walk out?
338
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,575
You didn't come in with
Melissa? She's, uh, going out.
339
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,036
Really? Going out?
340
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,579
She told me she had
ribs in the slow cooker
341
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,206
and that she was getting
her carpets cleaned, so...
342
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,541
Oh, is that what
she's calling it now?
343
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,376
TMI.
344
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,211
What are you talking about?
345
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,338
She told me she's got a date.
346
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,132
Really?
347
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,967
Now, why would she
lie about that?
348
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,052
I think she's keeping it
super secret because she's,
349
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,929
like, really into him. Huh.
350
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,180
She already has a
nickname for him.
351
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,701
Oh, yeah? She calls
him "Sweet Cheeks."
352
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,104
"Sweet Cheeks"? Mm-hmm.
353
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,023
I almost miss when I
knew less about her.
354
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,785
Excuse me. Sorry. Um... Matter of
fact, can we just go get a... drink?
355
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,530
♪ But guinea pigs just
wanna have fu-un ♪
356
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,616
♪ Oh, and Sweet Cheeks
just wanna have ♪
357
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:47,617
♪ You just wanna ♪
358
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,831
Oh, holy...
359
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,124
I got a question
for you, Melissa.
360
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,500
I didn't even see you come in.
361
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:59,004
Oh, Melissa, Melissa, Melissa.
362
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,635
So, how was your carpet cleaner?
363
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:08,764
Yeah, fine. Yeah?
Carpets all clean?
364
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,099
Very. Mm-hmm? All polished up?
365
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,768
Okay, shampooed, but yeah.
366
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,519
Interesting. Oh.
367
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,080
You're asking the
wrong questions. Okay.
368
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:20,609
So, Melissa, where'd you
put Sweet Cheeks' body?
369
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,402
Trashed it.
370
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,195
Oh, yeah? Which trash?
371
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,946
Hey, what are you
getting at, now?
372
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,824
This guy.
373
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,910
How much time did you
do on that slow cooker?
374
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,369
And at what temperature?
375
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,288
What's happening
here? Just tell her.
376
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,290
I know Sweet Cheeks is alive.
377
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,001
Yeah. I saw you driving
off after school with him.
378
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,961
What kind of nefarious
plan you got here, Melissa?
379
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:43,340
What, you gonna fix him up
and flip him for profit, huh?
380
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,508
Wire his wheel to your
house so you never
381
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,759
have to pay for
electricity again?
382
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,385
No! Then what is it?
383
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,180
I love him. Okay? I
love Sweet Cheeks.
384
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:53,058
He grew on me.
I took him home.
385
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,643
Wait.
386
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,187
So you gave the death
talk to your class
387
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,273
for a guinea pig that
still spins and bites?
388
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:04,528
Oh, my Lazarus. Mm!
Melissa, you didn't.
389
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,779
Hey, now that I know
what's really going on,
390
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,364
do you think we could actually
get the carpets cleaned?
391
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,573
No!
392
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,866
Plot twist. The "M"
in M. Night Shyamalan
393
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,368
stands for "Melissa."
394
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:12,953
Yeah, yeah. Give it up,
Melissa Night Shyamalan.
395
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,454
Guys, there are other directors.
396
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,165
Just because he's local does
not mean he's the only director.
397
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:20,377
You are bringing Sweet
Cheeks back in here today.
398
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,547
Or else. Or else...?
399
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:26,550
Or else I'm going to tell your
kids that he's still alive,
400
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,593
and you're going to
have to deal with it.
401
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,054
You have until after lunch.
402
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,015
Hey, I need to speak to you.
403
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,519
Who you talking to?
404
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,521
You.
405
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,232
What do you want?
406
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,692
I know there wasn't
a lost ticket,
407
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,133
and I know that the district did
not give you these computers.
408
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,782
Damn it! Who gave
it away? Barb?
409
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,868
It was Principal Coleman.
410
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,120
Well, that can't be
right. That's me.
411
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,746
When you mentioned
the processor,
412
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,249
it confirmed what I
was already thinking.
413
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,251
Even the newest computers
that the district distributes
414
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,711
don't have the
14th-generation processor.
415
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,588
Where did you get these? Tuh!
416
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,256
You think I got in this chair
by folding under pressure?
417
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,300
No. But if you don't tell me,
418
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,344
I have to assume they're
stolen and report it.
419
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,436
We got the rich people
building the golf course
420
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,354
to donate them.
421
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:21,813
You "got" them to?
422
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,399
Fine. It was
blackmail, black man.
423
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,484
A bribe, quid pro quo.
424
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,612
They were doing illegal work,
and we needed the resources.
425
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,113
Look, the district is
not going to allow this.
426
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,823
You know what? Take them.
427
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,619
I'll find another way to
get my kids computers.
428
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,541
I'm not gonna report you.
429
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,668
It's obvious that you
all need these computers,
430
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,629
and scheming is the only way
that you're able to get them.
431
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,005
I beg my pardon?
432
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,882
But we need to do
things on my terms
433
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,425
so that none of us get caught.
434
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,469
I'm not losing my job over this.
435
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,070
And I know you do not
want to lose yours.
436
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,389
You gone stop talking
to me like that.
437
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,099
Have a seat.
438
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,477
Okay, so, now, some of
these kids might have cats,
439
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,687
but you just remember
our training sessions,
440
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,564
and you're gonna be fine.
441
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,358
Yeah.
442
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,599
Yeah, baby.
443
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,111
How you doing?
444
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,780
I'm okay.
445
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,323
So you know, I don't go around
446
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,242
telling kids their animals
are dead for kicks.
447
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,369
That wasn't a suspicion of mine.
448
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,954
I just never had a pet before,
449
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:21,122
and I really fell for
this little stinker.
450
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,291
He's no Dwayne, but he's great.
451
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,085
What's really going on, Melissa?
452
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,087
Man, I don't know, I panicked.
453
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,798
Like, second graders can't
take care of themselves.
454
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,132
How are they going
to keep him safe?
455
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,425
He could have died, you know?
456
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,802
I get it. I had a hard
time giving the kids
457
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:36,054
in the Goofball program
responsibility over the plants.
458
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,472
But then none of them died.
459
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,723
All of them died.
460
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,724
You're always such a huge help.
461
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,309
But before I started
the Goofballs,
462
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,811
a wise woman told
me that in order
463
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,646
to be the best
teacher I could be,
464
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,356
I needed to open
myself up to more
465
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,275
than what I thought I
owed these students.
466
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,652
That'd be scary, 'cause
they make mistakes,
467
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:53,029
but watching them grow
from those mistakes,
468
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,783
it's worth it every time.
469
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,327
Thank you for giving my
own advice back to me.
470
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,539
It's the best
advice I've gotten.
471
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,873
Come on. Don't you
want to hold him?
472
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,542
I like rocks!
473
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:09,504
So, in order to keep this
little secret, it is imperative
474
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:13,633
that you direct all IT-related
issues to my office.
475
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,511
Don't just blindly submit
them to the district, Janine.
476
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,887
Why are you singling me out?
477
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,597
'Cause you're a district rat.
478
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,850
So, you have a, uh,
software problem,
479
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,226
submit a ticket to me.
480
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:26,062
You have a network problem,
submit a ticket to me.
481
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,814
And if we run out
of computer chips?
482
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,358
Submit a ticket to me.
483
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,278
Sorry, um, is it hot in here?
484
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,322
Gregory: Uh, that sounds good. Yeah,
thanks. Melissa: Yeah, we got it.
485
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,157
Jacob: What if a
computer breaks
486
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,365
and we need it
fixed immediately?
487
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,451
What's a good cell
number to reach you at?
488
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,328
It's a good point.
Um, I'm gonna give
489
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,871
Ms. Coleman my
personal number,
490
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:46,499
and she can contact me directly
in case of an emergency...
491
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,500
anytime.
492
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,254
Fine. Whatever.
493
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,505
Alright, give it up for O'Shon,
494
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,382
and let's get on with the day.
495
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,345
Oh, no. No. No, you don't
have to clap for me.
496
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:02,724
♪ Kiss me, out of
the bearded barley ♪
497
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:05,435
♪ Nightly ♪ Why are
you humming that song?
498
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,937
'Cause I just rented "She's
All That" from Blockbuster.
499
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:11,691
He ain't all that.
500
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,569
And he's poor.
501
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,787
Oh.
502
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,456
I just like the song, okay?
503
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,000
So, listen, kiddos, I know
you're really upset about
504
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,543
the passing of Sweet Cheeks,
505
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,922
but we got a new guinea
pig from the store,
506
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,925
and we're going to
call it Sweet Cheeks 2.
507
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,260
Then why does he look
like Sweet Cheeks 1?
508
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,887
Turns out he's a twin.
509
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,514
Isn't that the same cage?
510
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,391
Yeah, I got it at a discount.
511
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,059
You never heard of upcycling?
512
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,477
How did he die, again?
513
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,270
Can we all please
just raise our hands?
514
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,773
No more questions.
Alright, look.
515
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:55,276
All that matters is that we are
going to promise to take care of
516
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,946
and love our new guinea pig
to the best of our ability,
517
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,614
no matter what mistakes
518
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,699
are definitely going to
be made along the way.
519
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,201
Can we do that? Okay.
520
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,246
Ms. Schemmenti,
I made this sign.
521
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,207
They don't like
when you do that.
522
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,460
Mm. Amici per la pelle.
523
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,421
That's Italian for
"friends for life."
524
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:18,258
Can you say, "amici
per la pelle"?
525
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,552
All: Amici per la pelle!
526
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,304
That's good. You don't have
to do the hands, though.
527
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,974
So the ol' guinea pig
had a long-lost twin?
528
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,600
I know the feeling.
529
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,144
Yeah, well, um,
530
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,896
honestly, it's the
same guinea pig.
531
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,606
Then what did I bury?
532
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:40,780
Hi! I am almost ready to go.
533
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,861
What, did you get a fish?
What happened to your rock?
534
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,202
They tore him apart.
535
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,037
It's just carnage.
536
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,124
Oh, no. Gregory, that's...
537
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,917
It's actually really pretty.
538
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,878
You know, I tried to
protect him. Yeah.
539
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,005
But they dropped him,
and they didn't mean to.
540
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,841
Yeah. But now, h-he's...
541
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:01,301
He's sparkly!
542
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,011
No? Okay.
543
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:05,388
Well, look, maybe we can
get you another one, like,
544
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,223
from the side of a
road or something?
545
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,893
So it, too, can shatter?
546
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,936
Like my fragile, little heart?
547
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:16,316
Oh! Oh, no.
548
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,943
So, ramen tonight?
549
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,361
Yeah.
550
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,530
Okay.
551
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:28,454
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