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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,385 --> 00:00:02,385 _ 2 00:00:02,899 --> 00:00:04,689 Let's go! 3 00:00:48,655 --> 00:00:50,311 How are you doing? 4 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,368 This harness is really cutting off circulation to my balls, 5 00:01:12,403 --> 00:01:16,441 so if someone could please get me down, I'd appreciate... 6 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,718 Whoa! [Horn honks] 7 00:01:17,753 --> 00:01:19,168 Oh! Get me down! [Horn honks] 8 00:01:19,203 --> 00:01:20,737 Get me down! 9 00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:25,256 Get me a ladder or something! 10 00:01:26,141 --> 00:01:28,074 Put the ladder down! 11 00:01:28,108 --> 00:01:29,661 Wait, wait. 12 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:36,392 What the [Horn honks] is this show? 13 00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:40,051 Oh, yeah. 14 00:01:40,086 --> 00:01:41,708 The old pie in the face gag. 15 00:01:41,742 --> 00:01:43,468 Ultimate humiliation. 16 00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,229 The suit's kind of doing that already. 17 00:01:46,299 --> 00:01:47,679 Ohhh, no. 18 00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:54,583 Ha ha. 19 00:02:03,764 --> 00:02:06,043 What'd he say? I think he said "leech"... 20 00:02:06,303 --> 00:02:07,796 Oh, baby. There's leeches on your face. 21 00:02:07,797 --> 00:02:09,074 Then get them off! Take them off! 22 00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:10,352 - Me? - Yeah. 23 00:02:10,386 --> 00:02:11,435 - Are you sure? - Yes. 24 00:02:12,268 --> 00:02:15,133 Ooh. 25 00:02:27,679 --> 00:02:30,026 Alright. Humiliation endured, right? 26 00:02:30,061 --> 00:02:31,716 Stupid American family. 27 00:02:31,717 --> 00:02:34,001 People of Japan, listen to me, please. 28 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,331 Our daughter has been missing for over a year. 29 00:02:36,332 --> 00:02:38,449 - Her name's Delilah... What? What? - Shh, shh, shh! No, no! 30 00:02:38,483 --> 00:02:40,457 You have to respect the game. We have to earn time. 31 00:02:40,547 --> 00:02:43,038 I earned it by having leeches on my face. 32 00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:59,055 Come on. 33 00:03:09,894 --> 00:03:11,585 Hey, I'm still harnessed here. 34 00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:12,690 Ah [Horn honks] 35 00:03:12,724 --> 00:03:14,519 Ah! [Horn honks] 36 00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:42,444 Oh, milk it! 37 00:03:42,478 --> 00:03:43,859 Oh, yes. 38 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:46,662 Japanese cow schoolgirl power! 39 00:03:57,597 --> 00:03:59,530 Yeah, I think I finally found something I'm good at. 40 00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,398 And I don't think I'm allergic to cats anymore. 41 00:04:04,302 --> 00:04:05,426 Yeah. 42 00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:11,449 Baby, I'm so sorry. 43 00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:13,620 Babe, this is what we signed up for, okay? 44 00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,362 Ohh! 45 00:04:15,363 --> 00:04:16,417 God! 46 00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:24,007 Oh, my God. 47 00:04:24,008 --> 00:04:26,152 Why would you pick pots and pans? 48 00:04:26,187 --> 00:04:28,223 Because I thought I was picking things to take home. 49 00:04:28,224 --> 00:04:29,926 Ohh, we have pots and pans. 50 00:04:29,953 --> 00:04:31,088 No, those are cast iron. 51 00:04:31,123 --> 00:04:32,849 We have the non-stick imitation kind. 52 00:04:32,883 --> 00:04:34,229 These are so much better. 53 00:04:34,264 --> 00:04:35,757 Before I do this, 54 00:04:35,946 --> 00:04:38,282 I want you to remember how much interest I take in your hobbies. 55 00:04:38,337 --> 00:04:40,053 I know, baby, and that's why I love you so much. 56 00:04:40,054 --> 00:04:41,121 Come on. 57 00:04:47,173 --> 00:04:48,226 That's a... 58 00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:52,184 Why would you choose a bowling ball? 59 00:04:52,304 --> 00:04:54,080 Because you love bowling. 60 00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,629 I always thought you wanted to get your own ball. 61 00:04:57,494 --> 00:04:58,942 Oh, God. 62 00:04:58,943 --> 00:05:00,877 Please say the last thing is a pillow. 63 00:05:00,911 --> 00:05:01,960 But we have pillows. 64 00:05:01,961 --> 00:05:03,072 What is it? 65 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,994 Okay, baby. It is gonna hurt real bad. 66 00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:06,350 What is it? 67 00:05:06,745 --> 00:05:07,780 It's a microwave. 68 00:05:07,815 --> 00:05:09,299 Why would you pick a microwave?! 69 00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:10,437 Because you know that little nook in the kitchen 70 00:05:10,438 --> 00:05:12,336 right in the corner, the one we have that sticks out, 71 00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:14,038 and this one will go perfectly in that little area. 72 00:05:14,039 --> 00:05:16,641 The big one has worked fine for 16 years! 73 00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:21,898 Well, obviously, we'll take the cash. 74 00:05:26,985 --> 00:05:28,014 Ow! 75 00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:35,946 Bucket's full. 76 00:05:35,981 --> 00:05:37,327 - Drink. - Drink the milk. 77 00:05:37,361 --> 00:05:39,087 Come on. Drink the milk. Drink a lot! 78 00:05:41,227 --> 00:05:45,093 Oh, oh, the milk! 79 00:05:45,128 --> 00:05:46,370 It's so hot! 80 00:05:46,598 --> 00:05:48,600 I thought this came from a fake cow. 81 00:05:49,553 --> 00:05:50,582 Ugh. 82 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,225 We really shouldn't drink other species' milk. 83 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,969 Unless after Bozosan's 84 00:05:59,004 --> 00:06:01,107 chocolate cake-flavor shrimp chips. 85 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:06,908 Bozosan's chocolate-flavor shrimp chips. 86 00:06:06,943 --> 00:06:09,117 Moo! 87 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,049 - I'm done! - 88 00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:25,444 Jared, talk about your sister! 89 00:06:25,478 --> 00:06:27,662 - What? - Talk about your sister. 90 00:06:28,516 --> 00:06:29,811 Jared. Sister. 91 00:06:29,812 --> 00:06:31,070 What are you doing? 92 00:06:31,105 --> 00:06:33,176 Keep flossing, Jared-o. 93 00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:35,074 Stop flossing, Jared-o. 94 00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:37,870 Stop flossing and talk about your [Horn honks] sister! 95 00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:39,941 I can't. Everyone loves it. 96 00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:41,082 Time's up! 97 00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:46,223 Let's go! 98 00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:50,296 I can't do it. I can't do it. 99 00:06:50,331 --> 00:06:51,631 I'm not gonna touch another man's penis. 100 00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:54,611 Hai. 101 00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:57,269 Have you never touched a penis you didn't want to? 102 00:06:57,303 --> 00:06:59,029 - No, never. - 103 00:07:02,999 --> 00:07:04,276 Mom, please. 104 00:07:04,310 --> 00:07:05,933 It's just 12 penises. 105 00:07:17,746 --> 00:07:20,542 With Bozosan's Bitcoin-flavored shrimp chips. 106 00:07:20,577 --> 00:07:24,788 Number one for tech nerds and human traffickers. 107 00:07:24,822 --> 00:07:26,598 Welcome back to the show. 108 00:07:26,599 --> 00:07:29,310 Now for the most American show host ever. 109 00:07:29,344 --> 00:07:32,727 Please welcome Johnny Meatballs. 110 00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,518 I'll go on first. 111 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,820 Ha ha, Abbott and Costello. 112 00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,654 Mr. Baseball! Tom Selleck! 113 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,790 I'm not understanding this game at all. 114 00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:12,977 You think I get it? 115 00:08:13,067 --> 00:08:14,355 I think he's gonna ask us questions. 116 00:08:14,389 --> 00:08:15,684 We answer truthfully. 117 00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:30,939 Uh... 118 00:08:32,856 --> 00:08:33,891 What? 119 00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:35,824 - 39. - Don't cheat. 120 00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:41,658 I'm 39 years old. 121 00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:48,442 I don't know. It doesn't seem right. 122 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,787 - Yes. - Why would you say that? 123 00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:01,202 No lie. 124 00:09:07,522 --> 00:09:08,522 Okay, okay. 125 00:09:12,946 --> 00:09:16,871 American sweetheart Brittany Spears-u. 126 00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:20,540 Or American Big Mac cheeseburger. 127 00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:25,717 Ooh. 128 00:09:25,752 --> 00:09:28,513 Yeah. Americans eat more than fish and rice. Cool. 129 00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:31,378 Britney Spears. 130 00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:40,343 - Me? - Yes. 131 00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:44,080 Oh, uh, I don't... I don't... I don't... what is... 132 00:09:44,115 --> 00:09:45,979 Pick a name for the dog. 133 00:09:46,013 --> 00:09:47,808 Bandit. No. I don't like that. 134 00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:49,879 I... Spot. 135 00:09:49,914 --> 00:09:51,605 No, hold on. It's Band... Bandit was better. 136 00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:52,835 I want Bandit. Let's go with Bandit. 137 00:09:56,438 --> 00:09:57,913 Uh-oh. 138 00:10:22,774 --> 00:10:24,381 Did... Did we win? 139 00:10:27,328 --> 00:10:28,348 How much time did we win? 140 00:10:34,441 --> 00:10:36,409 Hold on. So the dog's name was actually Spot, 141 00:10:36,443 --> 00:10:38,169 which means she lies. 142 00:10:38,203 --> 00:10:39,412 That is a lie. 143 00:10:40,459 --> 00:10:42,858 And also, don't you just have to answer yes or no on polygraphs? 144 00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,225 - Isn't that how it works? - 145 00:10:50,906 --> 00:10:52,128 Yes. 146 00:10:53,874 --> 00:10:55,371 She has. Yes, thank you for bringing that up. 147 00:10:55,372 --> 00:10:58,099 - That's why we're here. - 148 00:10:59,432 --> 00:11:01,048 - Great. Fantastic. - 149 00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:03,746 - Awesome. - 150 00:11:03,781 --> 00:11:04,812 Yeah? 151 00:11:07,074 --> 00:11:08,075 Wait. What? 152 00:11:16,629 --> 00:11:17,657 Uh... 153 00:11:17,691 --> 00:11:19,693 Geez, uh... 154 00:11:19,728 --> 00:11:20,951 Wasn't anybody's fault. 155 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,537 How come I can't get an easy one like name a [Horn honks] dog? 156 00:11:44,097 --> 00:11:45,098 No. I... No. 157 00:11:45,132 --> 00:11:47,187 - What are you doing? Answer him. - I don't want to. 158 00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:52,085 30 seconds? Come on. Let's go. 159 00:11:53,106 --> 00:11:55,695 The price is right. Let's go. What's the big deal? 160 00:11:55,696 --> 00:11:56,696 Yes. 161 00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:02,512 Okay. Fine. 162 00:12:02,612 --> 00:12:03,786 - Fine. It's my fault. - Yes. 163 00:12:04,745 --> 00:12:06,775 Sure. Yeah. 164 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:10,190 Out of the three of us, yeah. It's me. 165 00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,756 He lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Ooh! 166 00:12:22,791 --> 00:12:24,586 Oh! 167 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,585 I didn't lie. I didn't lie. 168 00:12:29,773 --> 00:12:30,806 Ow! 169 00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:37,184 So hold on. Does that mean... 170 00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,152 you think it was my fault? 171 00:12:39,782 --> 00:12:40,876 No. 172 00:12:42,155 --> 00:12:45,503 And I tell you once again... 173 00:12:45,538 --> 00:12:46,677 he lie. 174 00:12:46,711 --> 00:12:48,817 So obviously you think it's my fault. 175 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,112 Oh, you don't think it's his fault, do you? 176 00:12:51,113 --> 00:12:52,581 You're hooked up to a lie detector right now. 177 00:12:52,582 --> 00:12:54,574 A lie detector needs to have contact with your skin, okay? 178 00:12:54,575 --> 00:12:56,282 Most of these cords aren't even plugged in, 179 00:12:56,283 --> 00:12:57,802 and even if they were... 180 00:12:57,836 --> 00:12:59,562 This thing thinks you're 39. 181 00:12:59,597 --> 00:13:02,669 Jared believes his mother when she say she 39. 182 00:13:02,703 --> 00:13:04,395 Obviously, she's not 39. 183 00:13:04,429 --> 00:13:05,775 Okay. Okay. 184 00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:08,906 So I think there's a lot of blame to go around. 185 00:13:08,907 --> 00:13:11,816 - But mostly on me. - I... Maybe. 186 00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,277 No. Yes. 187 00:13:13,278 --> 00:13:14,348 I don't know. I don't know. 188 00:13:14,349 --> 00:13:16,752 All I know is that when I went away 189 00:13:16,786 --> 00:13:17,822 on a fishing trip in Alaska... 190 00:13:17,856 --> 00:13:20,618 He caught crabs. 191 00:13:20,652 --> 00:13:21,769 I caught hake. Oh. 192 00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:24,539 Okay? All I know is that three days later, 193 00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:27,299 after I got back, my daughter was gone. 194 00:13:27,778 --> 00:13:29,308 So you do think it's my fault? 195 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,509 - How is it my fault? - I don't know. 196 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,767 Maybe you not being there for us. 197 00:13:31,801 --> 00:13:33,665 I went away to provide for us. 198 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,080 You abandoned us. 199 00:13:35,096 --> 00:13:36,109 For money. 200 00:13:36,171 --> 00:13:39,453 Classic American capitalist destruction. 201 00:13:39,646 --> 00:13:42,649 They will rebound. Maybe! 202 00:13:46,885 --> 00:13:48,370 Whoo! 203 00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:57,793 Hey, hey, hey! Bad mother shrimp chips! 204 00:13:57,827 --> 00:14:00,175 Ooh, yeah! Bad mama! 205 00:14:00,209 --> 00:14:02,108 Ooh, yeah! Bad mama! 206 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,730 Mmm, yummy. 207 00:14:18,561 --> 00:14:19,590 Now... 208 00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:37,720 So I just get my feet bit by fish? 209 00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:40,525 - Sweet. - Why didn't I get that one? 210 00:14:42,906 --> 00:14:44,161 I haven't chosen anything. 211 00:14:48,775 --> 00:14:50,621 - Enjoy your box. - Thanks. 212 00:14:52,882 --> 00:14:53,917 Yeah? 213 00:14:58,038 --> 00:14:59,281 That's it? Sure. 214 00:14:59,308 --> 00:15:01,178 - Fine. I can sing. - Yeah. 215 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,134 Of course. Everybody can do that. 216 00:15:06,136 --> 00:15:07,553 Classic American standard. 217 00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:09,095 Of course, but... 218 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,250 What? 219 00:15:16,362 --> 00:15:17,984 I think I lost something in the translation. 220 00:15:19,288 --> 00:15:21,396 - You're talking about a hand job?! - 221 00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:23,223 No. Absolutely not. No. 222 00:15:26,813 --> 00:15:28,188 Yes, I would, but... 223 00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:30,171 not on national television. 224 00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:35,914 - No. - Nothing to be seen. 225 00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:38,596 I don't care if... my son is right there. 226 00:15:43,312 --> 00:15:44,727 Nope. Not gonna do it. 227 00:15:44,762 --> 00:15:47,364 Absolutely not. Nope. No. 228 00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:50,853 I know my wife, and she's not gonna go along with this. 229 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,917 Ha ha, well, joke's on you, pal, 230 00:16:01,951 --> 00:16:03,953 'cause I've trained for this my whole life. 231 00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:06,971 There is no way I... Why are you using lube? 232 00:16:17,795 --> 00:16:18,969 Please. 233 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,820 Almost heaven 234 00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:24,692 West Virginia 235 00:16:24,694 --> 00:16:27,490 [Horn honks] Blue Ridge Mountains 236 00:16:27,839 --> 00:16:30,359 Shenandoah River 237 00:16:30,394 --> 00:16:31,774 Slow down. 238 00:16:31,809 --> 00:16:35,709 Life is old there, older than the trees 239 00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:37,125 Baby, seriously. 240 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,610 Younger than the 241 00:16:39,644 --> 00:16:41,612 Blowing like a breeze 242 00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:43,863 Country roads Country roads 243 00:16:43,864 --> 00:16:46,226 Don't use your fingers now 244 00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:47,618 Come on. Come on! 245 00:16:47,652 --> 00:16:48,895 To the place... 246 00:16:48,929 --> 00:16:50,655 Not fingers. What are you doing?! 247 00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:52,278 I belong 248 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,280 Oh, my God. Now? 249 00:16:58,905 --> 00:17:00,527 Take me home 250 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:01,908 No, no. 251 00:17:01,942 --> 00:17:03,530 Country ro... [Horn honks] 252 00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,463 [Horn honks] 253 00:17:05,498 --> 00:17:08,708 Oh [Horn honks] me. 254 00:17:08,742 --> 00:17:11,607 Yay! 255 00:17:11,642 --> 00:17:12,781 It's everywhere. 256 00:17:14,552 --> 00:17:16,623 Ohh, why would you do that? 257 00:17:17,646 --> 00:17:21,615 Why would you make me do that on national television? 258 00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:27,657 - It's not okay. - 259 00:17:27,658 --> 00:17:28,793 So much shame. 260 00:17:30,355 --> 00:17:31,977 Babe, you enjoyed! 261 00:17:37,737 --> 00:17:39,083 Who's in the box? 262 00:17:39,117 --> 00:17:40,326 Who's in the box? 263 00:17:41,465 --> 00:17:42,465 Who's in the box?! 264 00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,567 Nate, Nate. What are you doing? Talk! 265 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,469 You have to... 266 00:18:20,504 --> 00:18:22,920 Nate! 267 00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:28,118 Speak! 268 00:18:29,616 --> 00:18:32,289 I... you got... 269 00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,897 Aaaaah! 270 00:18:34,932 --> 00:18:37,072 Say things about your daughter! 271 00:19:05,439 --> 00:19:07,993 So Japan is all you remember from the past year? 272 00:19:08,027 --> 00:19:10,271 21 minutes out of an entire year? 273 00:19:10,306 --> 00:19:12,687 No. I remember waiting at consulates 274 00:19:12,722 --> 00:19:14,379 and embassies waiting for phones to ring, 275 00:19:14,413 --> 00:19:16,638 but the game show really was the highlight. 276 00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:19,044 I can't believe you guys traveled the world without me. 277 00:19:19,045 --> 00:19:22,041 No, we traveled the world looking for you, and it sucked. 278 00:19:22,076 --> 00:19:24,389 - I missed you so much. - I missed you. 279 00:19:24,423 --> 00:19:26,045 You know, you can come back if you want to. 280 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,082 - Why would I want to do that? - I don't know. 281 00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:29,745 I just thought that's what you wanted to hear. 282 00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,422 Why don't you come with me? 283 00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:32,563 Where? 284 00:19:32,564 --> 00:19:34,827 I'm going to Russia next week to live with Pee Paw. 285 00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:36,472 I don't want to live in Russia. 286 00:19:36,573 --> 00:19:39,058 Well, I guess I won't be seeing you then. 287 00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:46,685 So you're never gonna come back, ever? 288 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,117 Maybe. 289 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,710 Pro... Probably not. 290 00:19:50,073 --> 00:19:51,557 Just funerals. 291 00:19:57,133 --> 00:19:58,893 Guy, rate of play. 292 00:19:58,995 --> 00:20:00,479 Rate of play. 293 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,018 Or let the families play through. 294 00:20:02,051 --> 00:20:03,984 You've been on this hole for like an hour. 295 00:20:06,255 --> 00:20:09,154 Your whole family? Assholes. All of them. 296 00:20:09,995 --> 00:20:11,995 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 19636

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