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1
00:00:00,385 --> 00:00:02,385
_
2
00:00:02,899 --> 00:00:04,689
Let's go!
3
00:00:48,655 --> 00:00:50,311
How are you doing?
4
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,368
This harness is really cutting
off circulation to my balls,
5
00:01:12,403 --> 00:01:16,441
so if someone could please
get me down, I'd appreciate...
6
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,718
Whoa! [Horn honks]
7
00:01:17,753 --> 00:01:19,168
Oh! Get me down! [Horn honks]
8
00:01:19,203 --> 00:01:20,737
Get me down!
9
00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:25,256
Get me a ladder or something!
10
00:01:26,141 --> 00:01:28,074
Put the ladder down!
11
00:01:28,108 --> 00:01:29,661
Wait, wait.
12
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:36,392
What the [Horn honks] is this show?
13
00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:40,051
Oh, yeah.
14
00:01:40,086 --> 00:01:41,708
The old pie in the face gag.
15
00:01:41,742 --> 00:01:43,468
Ultimate humiliation.
16
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,229
The suit's kind of doing that already.
17
00:01:46,299 --> 00:01:47,679
Ohhh, no.
18
00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:54,583
Ha ha.
19
00:02:03,764 --> 00:02:06,043
What'd he say?
I think he said "leech"...
20
00:02:06,303 --> 00:02:07,796
Oh, baby. There's leeches on your face.
21
00:02:07,797 --> 00:02:09,074
Then get them off! Take them off!
22
00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:10,352
- Me?
- Yeah.
23
00:02:10,386 --> 00:02:11,435
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
24
00:02:12,268 --> 00:02:15,133
Ooh.
25
00:02:27,679 --> 00:02:30,026
Alright. Humiliation endured, right?
26
00:02:30,061 --> 00:02:31,716
Stupid American family.
27
00:02:31,717 --> 00:02:34,001
People of Japan, listen to me, please.
28
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,331
Our daughter has been
missing for over a year.
29
00:02:36,332 --> 00:02:38,449
- Her name's Delilah... What? What?
- Shh, shh, shh! No, no!
30
00:02:38,483 --> 00:02:40,457
You have to respect the game.
We have to earn time.
31
00:02:40,547 --> 00:02:43,038
I earned it by having
leeches on my face.
32
00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:59,055
Come on.
33
00:03:09,894 --> 00:03:11,585
Hey, I'm still harnessed here.
34
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:12,690
Ah [Horn honks]
35
00:03:12,724 --> 00:03:14,519
Ah! [Horn honks]
36
00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:42,444
Oh, milk it!
37
00:03:42,478 --> 00:03:43,859
Oh, yes.
38
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:46,662
Japanese cow schoolgirl power!
39
00:03:57,597 --> 00:03:59,530
Yeah, I think I finally
found something I'm good at.
40
00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,398
And I don't think
I'm allergic to cats anymore.
41
00:04:04,302 --> 00:04:05,426
Yeah.
42
00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:11,449
Baby, I'm so sorry.
43
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:13,620
Babe, this is what
we signed up for, okay?
44
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,362
Ohh!
45
00:04:15,363 --> 00:04:16,417
God!
46
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:24,007
Oh, my God.
47
00:04:24,008 --> 00:04:26,152
Why would you pick pots and pans?
48
00:04:26,187 --> 00:04:28,223
Because I thought I was
picking things to take home.
49
00:04:28,224 --> 00:04:29,926
Ohh, we have pots and pans.
50
00:04:29,953 --> 00:04:31,088
No, those are cast iron.
51
00:04:31,123 --> 00:04:32,849
We have the non-stick imitation kind.
52
00:04:32,883 --> 00:04:34,229
These are so much better.
53
00:04:34,264 --> 00:04:35,757
Before I do this,
54
00:04:35,946 --> 00:04:38,282
I want you to remember how much
interest I take in your hobbies.
55
00:04:38,337 --> 00:04:40,053
I know, baby, and that's why
I love you so much.
56
00:04:40,054 --> 00:04:41,121
Come on.
57
00:04:47,173 --> 00:04:48,226
That's a...
58
00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:52,184
Why would you choose a bowling ball?
59
00:04:52,304 --> 00:04:54,080
Because you love bowling.
60
00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,629
I always thought you wanted
to get your own ball.
61
00:04:57,494 --> 00:04:58,942
Oh, God.
62
00:04:58,943 --> 00:05:00,877
Please say the last thing is a pillow.
63
00:05:00,911 --> 00:05:01,960
But we have pillows.
64
00:05:01,961 --> 00:05:03,072
What is it?
65
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,994
Okay, baby. It is gonna hurt real bad.
66
00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:06,350
What is it?
67
00:05:06,745 --> 00:05:07,780
It's a microwave.
68
00:05:07,815 --> 00:05:09,299
Why would you pick a microwave?!
69
00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:10,437
Because you know that little
nook in the kitchen
70
00:05:10,438 --> 00:05:12,336
right in the corner,
the one we have that sticks out,
71
00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:14,038
and this one will go perfectly
in that little area.
72
00:05:14,039 --> 00:05:16,641
The big one has worked
fine for 16 years!
73
00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:21,898
Well, obviously, we'll take the cash.
74
00:05:26,985 --> 00:05:28,014
Ow!
75
00:05:32,287 --> 00:05:35,946
Bucket's full.
76
00:05:35,981 --> 00:05:37,327
- Drink.
- Drink the milk.
77
00:05:37,361 --> 00:05:39,087
Come on. Drink the milk. Drink a lot!
78
00:05:41,227 --> 00:05:45,093
Oh, oh, the milk!
79
00:05:45,128 --> 00:05:46,370
It's so hot!
80
00:05:46,598 --> 00:05:48,600
I thought this came from a fake cow.
81
00:05:49,553 --> 00:05:50,582
Ugh.
82
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,225
We really shouldn't
drink other species' milk.
83
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,969
Unless after Bozosan's
84
00:05:59,004 --> 00:06:01,107
chocolate cake-flavor shrimp chips.
85
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:06,908
Bozosan's chocolate-flavor
shrimp chips.
86
00:06:06,943 --> 00:06:09,117
Moo!
87
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,049
- I'm done!
-
88
00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:25,444
Jared, talk about your sister!
89
00:06:25,478 --> 00:06:27,662
- What?
- Talk about your sister.
90
00:06:28,516 --> 00:06:29,811
Jared. Sister.
91
00:06:29,812 --> 00:06:31,070
What are you doing?
92
00:06:31,105 --> 00:06:33,176
Keep flossing, Jared-o.
93
00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:35,074
Stop flossing, Jared-o.
94
00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:37,870
Stop flossing and talk
about your [Horn honks] sister!
95
00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:39,941
I can't. Everyone loves it.
96
00:06:39,976 --> 00:06:41,082
Time's up!
97
00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:46,223
Let's go!
98
00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:50,296
I can't do it. I can't do it.
99
00:06:50,331 --> 00:06:51,631
I'm not gonna touch
another man's penis.
100
00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:54,611
Hai.
101
00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:57,269
Have you never touched a penis
you didn't want to?
102
00:06:57,303 --> 00:06:59,029
- No, never.
-
103
00:07:02,999 --> 00:07:04,276
Mom, please.
104
00:07:04,310 --> 00:07:05,933
It's just 12 penises.
105
00:07:17,746 --> 00:07:20,542
With Bozosan's
Bitcoin-flavored shrimp chips.
106
00:07:20,577 --> 00:07:24,788
Number one for tech nerds
and human traffickers.
107
00:07:24,822 --> 00:07:26,598
Welcome back to the show.
108
00:07:26,599 --> 00:07:29,310
Now for the most American
show host ever.
109
00:07:29,344 --> 00:07:32,727
Please welcome Johnny Meatballs.
110
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:53,518
I'll go on first.
111
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,820
Ha ha, Abbott and Costello.
112
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,654
Mr. Baseball! Tom Selleck!
113
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,790
I'm not understanding this game at all.
114
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:12,977
You think I get it?
115
00:08:13,067 --> 00:08:14,355
I think he's gonna ask us questions.
116
00:08:14,389 --> 00:08:15,684
We answer truthfully.
117
00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:30,939
Uh...
118
00:08:32,856 --> 00:08:33,891
What?
119
00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:35,824
- 39.
- Don't cheat.
120
00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:41,658
I'm 39 years old.
121
00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:48,442
I don't know. It doesn't seem right.
122
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,787
- Yes.
- Why would you say that?
123
00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:01,202
No lie.
124
00:09:07,522 --> 00:09:08,522
Okay, okay.
125
00:09:12,946 --> 00:09:16,871
American sweetheart Brittany Spears-u.
126
00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:20,540
Or American Big Mac cheeseburger.
127
00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:25,717
Ooh.
128
00:09:25,752 --> 00:09:28,513
Yeah. Americans eat more
than fish and rice. Cool.
129
00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:31,378
Britney Spears.
130
00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:40,343
- Me?
- Yes.
131
00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:44,080
Oh, uh, I don't... I don't...
I don't... what is...
132
00:09:44,115 --> 00:09:45,979
Pick a name for the dog.
133
00:09:46,013 --> 00:09:47,808
Bandit. No. I don't like that.
134
00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:49,879
I... Spot.
135
00:09:49,914 --> 00:09:51,605
No, hold on.
It's Band... Bandit was better.
136
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:52,835
I want Bandit. Let's go with Bandit.
137
00:09:56,438 --> 00:09:57,913
Uh-oh.
138
00:10:22,774 --> 00:10:24,381
Did... Did we win?
139
00:10:27,328 --> 00:10:28,348
How much time did we win?
140
00:10:34,441 --> 00:10:36,409
Hold on. So the dog's name
was actually Spot,
141
00:10:36,443 --> 00:10:38,169
which means she lies.
142
00:10:38,203 --> 00:10:39,412
That is a lie.
143
00:10:40,459 --> 00:10:42,858
And also, don't you just have to
answer yes or no on polygraphs?
144
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,225
- Isn't that how it works?
-
145
00:10:50,906 --> 00:10:52,128
Yes.
146
00:10:53,874 --> 00:10:55,371
She has. Yes, thank you
for bringing that up.
147
00:10:55,372 --> 00:10:58,099
- That's why we're here.
-
148
00:10:59,432 --> 00:11:01,048
- Great. Fantastic.
-
149
00:11:02,045 --> 00:11:03,746
- Awesome.
-
150
00:11:03,781 --> 00:11:04,812
Yeah?
151
00:11:07,074 --> 00:11:08,075
Wait. What?
152
00:11:16,629 --> 00:11:17,657
Uh...
153
00:11:17,691 --> 00:11:19,693
Geez, uh...
154
00:11:19,728 --> 00:11:20,951
Wasn't anybody's fault.
155
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,537
How come I can't get an easy one
like name a [Horn honks] dog?
156
00:11:44,097 --> 00:11:45,098
No. I... No.
157
00:11:45,132 --> 00:11:47,187
- What are you doing? Answer him.
- I don't want to.
158
00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:52,085
30 seconds? Come on. Let's go.
159
00:11:53,106 --> 00:11:55,695
The price is right. Let's go.
What's the big deal?
160
00:11:55,696 --> 00:11:56,696
Yes.
161
00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:02,512
Okay. Fine.
162
00:12:02,612 --> 00:12:03,786
- Fine. It's my fault.
- Yes.
163
00:12:04,745 --> 00:12:06,775
Sure. Yeah.
164
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:10,190
Out of the three of us, yeah. It's me.
165
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,756
He lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Ooh!
166
00:12:22,791 --> 00:12:24,586
Oh!
167
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,585
I didn't lie. I didn't lie.
168
00:12:29,773 --> 00:12:30,806
Ow!
169
00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:37,184
So hold on. Does that mean...
170
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,152
you think it was my fault?
171
00:12:39,782 --> 00:12:40,876
No.
172
00:12:42,155 --> 00:12:45,503
And I tell you once again...
173
00:12:45,538 --> 00:12:46,677
he lie.
174
00:12:46,711 --> 00:12:48,817
So obviously you think it's my fault.
175
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,112
Oh, you don't think
it's his fault, do you?
176
00:12:51,113 --> 00:12:52,581
You're hooked up
to a lie detector right now.
177
00:12:52,582 --> 00:12:54,574
A lie detector needs to have
contact with your skin, okay?
178
00:12:54,575 --> 00:12:56,282
Most of these cords
aren't even plugged in,
179
00:12:56,283 --> 00:12:57,802
and even if they were...
180
00:12:57,836 --> 00:12:59,562
This thing thinks you're 39.
181
00:12:59,597 --> 00:13:02,669
Jared believes
his mother when she say she 39.
182
00:13:02,703 --> 00:13:04,395
Obviously, she's not 39.
183
00:13:04,429 --> 00:13:05,775
Okay. Okay.
184
00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:08,906
So I think there's a lot
of blame to go around.
185
00:13:08,907 --> 00:13:11,816
- But mostly on me.
- I... Maybe.
186
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,277
No. Yes.
187
00:13:13,278 --> 00:13:14,348
I don't know. I don't know.
188
00:13:14,349 --> 00:13:16,752
All I know is that when I went away
189
00:13:16,786 --> 00:13:17,822
on a fishing trip in Alaska...
190
00:13:17,856 --> 00:13:20,618
He caught crabs.
191
00:13:20,652 --> 00:13:21,769
I caught hake. Oh.
192
00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:24,539
Okay? All I know is that
three days later,
193
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:27,299
after I got back, my daughter was gone.
194
00:13:27,778 --> 00:13:29,308
So you do think it's my fault?
195
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,509
- How is it my fault?
- I don't know.
196
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,767
Maybe you not being there for us.
197
00:13:31,801 --> 00:13:33,665
I went away to provide for us.
198
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,080
You abandoned us.
199
00:13:35,096 --> 00:13:36,109
For money.
200
00:13:36,171 --> 00:13:39,453
Classic American
capitalist destruction.
201
00:13:39,646 --> 00:13:42,649
They will rebound. Maybe!
202
00:13:46,885 --> 00:13:48,370
Whoo!
203
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:57,793
Hey, hey, hey! Bad mother shrimp chips!
204
00:13:57,827 --> 00:14:00,175
Ooh, yeah! Bad mama!
205
00:14:00,209 --> 00:14:02,108
Ooh, yeah! Bad mama!
206
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,730
Mmm, yummy.
207
00:14:18,561 --> 00:14:19,590
Now...
208
00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:37,720
So I just get my feet bit by fish?
209
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:40,525
- Sweet.
- Why didn't I get that one?
210
00:14:42,906 --> 00:14:44,161
I haven't chosen anything.
211
00:14:48,775 --> 00:14:50,621
- Enjoy your box.
- Thanks.
212
00:14:52,882 --> 00:14:53,917
Yeah?
213
00:14:58,038 --> 00:14:59,281
That's it? Sure.
214
00:14:59,308 --> 00:15:01,178
- Fine. I can sing.
- Yeah.
215
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,134
Of course. Everybody can do that.
216
00:15:06,136 --> 00:15:07,553
Classic American standard.
217
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:09,095
Of course, but...
218
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,250
What?
219
00:15:16,362 --> 00:15:17,984
I think I lost something
in the translation.
220
00:15:19,288 --> 00:15:21,396
- You're talking about a hand job?!
-
221
00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:23,223
No. Absolutely not. No.
222
00:15:26,813 --> 00:15:28,188
Yes, I would, but...
223
00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:30,171
not on national television.
224
00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:35,914
- No.
- Nothing to be seen.
225
00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:38,596
I don't care if...
my son is right there.
226
00:15:43,312 --> 00:15:44,727
Nope. Not gonna do it.
227
00:15:44,762 --> 00:15:47,364
Absolutely not. Nope. No.
228
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:50,853
I know my wife, and she's not
gonna go along with this.
229
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,917
Ha ha, well, joke's on you, pal,
230
00:16:01,951 --> 00:16:03,953
'cause I've trained
for this my whole life.
231
00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:06,971
There is no way I...
Why are you using lube?
232
00:16:17,795 --> 00:16:18,969
Please.
233
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,820
Almost heaven
234
00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:24,692
West Virginia
235
00:16:24,694 --> 00:16:27,490
[Horn honks] Blue Ridge Mountains
236
00:16:27,839 --> 00:16:30,359
Shenandoah River
237
00:16:30,394 --> 00:16:31,774
Slow down.
238
00:16:31,809 --> 00:16:35,709
Life is old there, older than the trees
239
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:37,125
Baby, seriously.
240
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,610
Younger than the
241
00:16:39,644 --> 00:16:41,612
Blowing like a breeze
242
00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:43,863
Country roads Country roads
243
00:16:43,864 --> 00:16:46,226
Don't use your fingers now
244
00:16:46,227 --> 00:16:47,618
Come on. Come on!
245
00:16:47,652 --> 00:16:48,895
To the place...
246
00:16:48,929 --> 00:16:50,655
Not fingers. What are you doing?!
247
00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:52,278
I belong
248
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,280
Oh, my God. Now?
249
00:16:58,905 --> 00:17:00,527
Take me home
250
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:01,908
No, no.
251
00:17:01,942 --> 00:17:03,530
Country ro... [Horn honks]
252
00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,463
[Horn honks]
253
00:17:05,498 --> 00:17:08,708
Oh [Horn honks] me.
254
00:17:08,742 --> 00:17:11,607
Yay!
255
00:17:11,642 --> 00:17:12,781
It's everywhere.
256
00:17:14,552 --> 00:17:16,623
Ohh, why would you do that?
257
00:17:17,646 --> 00:17:21,615
Why would you make me do that
on national television?
258
00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:27,657
- It's not okay.
-
259
00:17:27,658 --> 00:17:28,793
So much shame.
260
00:17:30,355 --> 00:17:31,977
Babe, you enjoyed!
261
00:17:37,737 --> 00:17:39,083
Who's in the box?
262
00:17:39,117 --> 00:17:40,326
Who's in the box?
263
00:17:41,465 --> 00:17:42,465
Who's in the box?!
264
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,567
Nate, Nate. What are you doing? Talk!
265
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,469
You have to...
266
00:18:20,504 --> 00:18:22,920
Nate!
267
00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:28,118
Speak!
268
00:18:29,616 --> 00:18:32,289
I... you got...
269
00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,897
Aaaaah!
270
00:18:34,932 --> 00:18:37,072
Say things about your daughter!
271
00:19:05,439 --> 00:19:07,993
So Japan is all you remember
from the past year?
272
00:19:08,027 --> 00:19:10,271
21 minutes out of an entire year?
273
00:19:10,306 --> 00:19:12,687
No. I remember waiting at consulates
274
00:19:12,722 --> 00:19:14,379
and embassies waiting
for phones to ring,
275
00:19:14,413 --> 00:19:16,638
but the game show
really was the highlight.
276
00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:19,044
I can't believe you guys
traveled the world without me.
277
00:19:19,045 --> 00:19:22,041
No, we traveled the world
looking for you, and it sucked.
278
00:19:22,076 --> 00:19:24,389
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you.
279
00:19:24,423 --> 00:19:26,045
You know, you can come back
if you want to.
280
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,082
- Why would I want to do that?
- I don't know.
281
00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:29,745
I just thought that's what
you wanted to hear.
282
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,422
Why don't you come with me?
283
00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:32,563
Where?
284
00:19:32,564 --> 00:19:34,827
I'm going to Russia next week
to live with Pee Paw.
285
00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:36,472
I don't want to live in Russia.
286
00:19:36,573 --> 00:19:39,058
Well, I guess I won't be
seeing you then.
287
00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:46,685
So you're never gonna come back, ever?
288
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,117
Maybe.
289
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,710
Pro... Probably not.
290
00:19:50,073 --> 00:19:51,557
Just funerals.
291
00:19:57,133 --> 00:19:58,893
Guy, rate of play.
292
00:19:58,995 --> 00:20:00,479
Rate of play.
293
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,018
Or let the families play through.
294
00:20:02,051 --> 00:20:03,984
You've been on this hole
for like an hour.
295
00:20:06,255 --> 00:20:09,154
Your whole family?
Assholes. All of them.
296
00:20:09,995 --> 00:20:11,995
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
19636
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