All language subtitles for Stealing.Chanel.2015.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG(en)

(man)
My first introduction to
fashion was through my mother.

It was her horrible
fashion sense

that drove me
to shoplifting.

Thank you.
I don't wanna wear
Grandma's old jacket!

Why not?

'Cause you have no taste,
that's why.

How many little kid's
have real leopard jackets?

None.

I'm gonna
kick your ass!

Your ass is mine,
fool!

We're gonna
kick your ass!

(man)
I realized early on

if I was gonna live
to the second grade,

I was gonna have to make
my own fashion statement.

Giorgio, where are you?

Aren't you hot?

Why don't you
open that up?

No!

Ooh. Okay.

Hey, hey,
what's the rush here?

(man)
I learned then,

you wear good
Italian leather...

(girls)
Hi, Giorgio.

...you're treated
like good Italian leather.

**

* Oh

* Oh

* If you want it,
just throw it in the bag *

* It can be the most fun
you've ever had *

* You ain't gotta worry
'bout the price tag *

* 'Cause if you want it,
just throw it in the bag *

* Throw it in the bag,
throw it in the bag *

* Don't worry 'bout
the price tag *

* I know your friends
gonna be mad *

* Don't matter,
just throw it in the bag *

* Throw it in the bag

* Throw it in the bag,
I got you *

* Get you anything in the room
you want, go get it *

* Bracelets, oh, yeah

* Got them necklaces,
no fear *

* Got them heels
that set you higher *

* Pants fly flier

* Got your eyes
on a mannequin *

* And that outfit
got you beggin' *

* Price tags,
no checkin' *

* Handbags, we're taking

* Best shoes, big faces

* Buy the watches
buy the cases *

* Time is money
and that's wasted *

* On expensive items
we chasin' *

* If money talks,
let it talk *

* So we don't gotta say it

* If you want it,
just throw it in the bag *

* It can be the most fun
you've ever had *

* You ain't gotta worry
'bout the price tag *

* 'Cause if you want it,
just throw it in the bag *

* Throw it in the bag

* Throw it in the bag *

Okay, okay, okay.
Hey, check this out.

This is Alaskan
Thunder .

(both sniffing)

Five grand a pound.

I traded a quarter ounce
for two ties. (chuckles)

All right,
all right.
What?

So what does the master
of the five-finger discount

have for me, huh?

**

Ooh!
Martin Margiela.

Like it.
Okay.

Vivienne Tam?
Yeah.

Vivienne Tam--
this is hot.

Whoo-wee!

Open it up.

Pamella Roland!

This is $8,000.
Yup.

This is one Kiton.

This is cashmere!
This is cashmere!

This is it, amigo!
Look at that.

This is $11,000!

Whoo!
11 Gs!

I love it,
I love it!

This is it,
this is a score.

Give it to me, baby,
give it to me, give it to me...

I tell you what we do.
We start a bidding war.

And I will put this on eBay--
Yeah.

Mwah!

I could kiss you.

Oh, my God.
Money, let's go.

I gotta sell this (...),
let's go.

Listen, I haven't collected,
man, so you gotta wait.

Just wait until next week
and then it's all good.

I gotta wait
until next week?

Yeah, just tranquilo.
That's the way to go, man.

All right, okay.
Here.

I'm going to take
the Kiton

and I'm gonna leave you
with that stuff.

You'll get it next week.

Maybe you leave the Kiton
with me because--
No, no, no.

Because I take
very good care of it.

No, no, no,
we hold it for next week.

Giorgio.
Ciao.

Giorgio, I have a safe.

Giorgio!
Ciao.

(mutters)

Don't you move
or I swear to God,

I'll crack
your fricking head open!

I'm home early.

I was just doing a little
cleaning up, that's all.

What, are you cleaning up
or cleaning me out?

At least I come to see you.

Okay, come on,
Ma, tell me.

How much?

Not much,
considering.

The freaking horse
broke the stride

one-quarter mile
before the finish.

(muttering in Italian)

Would you just tell me, huh,
without all the bull?!

Come on, come on,
come on, Giorgio.

(sighing)
Where is your sense of humor?

Huh?
I owe Sal five grand.

Five grand?
Yeah.

Oh, that's great, Ma.
That's really great.

So now you're borrowing
against your welfare check.

Now-- you know what?

Now you sound
just like your father.

Stop. You leave him
out of it, okay?

Oh, yeah?
I'll leave him out of it?

First, he abandons us,
then he drops dead.

Is that a responsible way
to treat a family?

It's the same show with you
over and over and over again.

Here, here,
take it, Ma.

Take it, take my last dime.
Every time.

You know, every night
I go to sleep and I pray--

Lord Jesus, take Giorgio away
from his tragic lifestyle.

The small-time thievery.

Make him ambition
for big thievery.

Thank you for
stopping by, Ma.

Anytime!

**

Shoot.

Oh, thanks, I--

Hey, what's that
under your jacket?

Mind your own
business, lady.

Wait, I see store tags.
Are you a shoplifter?

Get out of my way.

Hey, wait, you're
a shoplifter, aren't you?

Keep your voice down.

I steal to make the world
a better-dressed place, okay?

What, you're a regular
Robin Hood of Madison Avenue?

Hmm.
Hey, wait.

Um, can we sit down
and talk somewhere?

A minute ago
you're breaking my balls

and now you're
trying to pick me up.

I tell ya what,
I love this city.

Okay, you know what,
don't flatter yourself.

I just wanna interview you
for my dissertation.

Your dissertation?
What's a dissertation?

My Ph.D.
Ph.D.?

Not only is she badly dressed
and can't pick out a tie,

she's an intellectual, too.

This must be
my lucky day.

Wow, you really are full
of yourself, aren't you?

Well, it does
fit the profile.

What's-- what's
in it for me?

Well, for once you'd actually be
performing a service to society,

like helping further
scientific research.

Unless, you know, being a thief
is your singular goal in life.

I'd like to
tie you up sometime.

Is that your usual
macho idiot reaction
to an intelligent woman?

What's the pay?

Look...

just meet me here
1:00 tomorrow.

I'll explain it then.

(whistling)

I have found
the perfect patient!

Wonderful.
Can you turn around?

Oh, yeah, God,
is there something on me?
Yeah.

Stop it, Titus,
I'm serious!

God.

17 perfect patients

have dropped out of
your program so far.

Why is it they never seem
to work out, Chanel?

Okay, I know, but I swear,
this guy's different.

All right,
he says he steals

in order to perform
a service to society.

I mean, come on,
an ethical shoplifter.

(laughing)

Delusional.
Both of you.

The Robin Hood angle
is something that
really interest me.

And I have never seen that
before in a medical journal.

Just think, we could be
breaking new ground.

Well, you know my position
because, no doubt,

you have read my book from
cover to cover multiple times.

So you will remember that
I state, unequivocally,

that shoplifting is related to
a deficiency in serotonin.

I would simply treat him with
a cocktail of antidepressants.

I use them
on a daily basis.

It's how I stay positive.

Of course.

A pill
for every problem.

Can't we just try something
different for once?

My approach is faster.

Okay, yes, but...

as you can see-- look.

Chairman Mao, he used
punishment and public shaming

in order to alter
the behavioral patterns

of over one million
Chinese people.

Come on,
we can try that here.

But we're not
in China, okay?

And-- and you still
have no proof of concept

and the review committee
is breathing down my neck.

Bottom line-- there is no Ph.D.
without test trials.

(sponge scraping)

Raúl!

It's good
to be king, hey?

Hey, man, today,
you can be king, too.

I got something for you.

It's a $1,200 suit.

38 regular, your size.

Go on, it's you.

Why me?

'Cause, man, scrapping
crap off dishes, bro,

ain't good for
the soul, you know?

(chuckling)

What can I say, I...

I feel like crying.

Hey, save your tears
on heartbreaks.

There's a shirt and tie
in the bottom of the bag.

Enjoy.
Hey, be good.

You know, I read the
dissertation and I think...

it's-- it's just insane.

(woman)
Oh, my God!

Look at those shoes.

19.99.

Payless.

And I love 'em.

Why did I
name you Chanel, why?

I will never
forgive you for that.

Well, Cartier
was my first choice.

But that is just not
appropriate for a girl.

Feel free to change it,
you know, to, um...

Delores.

Or-- or Violetta
to match your new profession.

What your mother
is trying to say

is your choice of career
is so beneath your potential.

I mean, basically
what you're doing is--

it's social work.

I wanted my daughter
to be a fashion designer.

Ha!

Yes.
If you want to be a doctor,

why don't you be an MD?

I mean, start a clinic,
invent something.

Look at your-- look at
your Great-Uncle Richard.

He invented the penis pump.
He made a fortune.

Oh, Charles, come on.

I heard about those
early experiments.

No. They were a disaster--
those poor men.

g.

Is that
your third martini?

We haven't
even had lunch.

Oh? It's Thursday.

You know, what you're doing,
it's not science.

Psychology--
it's not good science.

And the money,
I mean, Chanel...

All right,
you know what, Dad?

I think you should let me
decide what's good science.

And as for money,
why do I need to make any

when I already
have yours?

Ooh, she's got you there,
Chuckles.

**

Ugh! Ow, shoot!

crap!

(sighs)

(woman)
I assume you're Giorgio.
(Giorgio) Yes.

Evi Blau.
Nice to meet you, Evi.

Nice to meet you.

New York City streets
are worse than freaking Kolkata.

I have a good mind to call the
mayor and give him an earful.

Maybe you should
do that.

That's a nice car
you got there.

Eh, I use it
to run errands.

You see this?
Hmm.

Van Cleef & Arpels.
Hmm.

This is the most expensive
dog collar in the world.

I used to put it on Putin
when I'd walk him in the park.

Who's Putin?
My Samoyed.

Sounds like
a great life.

Yeah, it was.

Until last Thursday.

And I was walking down
the street

and I happened to glance up
in this window and...

it was like I was
struck by lightning.

Every nerve in my body
was on fire.

I saw the most
magnificent outfit.

It was... incredible.

There was nothing
I could do about it.

I couldn't buy it
because my scumbag

oligar of a husband
is divorcing me

and he cut off
my credit cards.

(...).
Sounds like a tragic story.

I was married to a 12,876th
richest man in Russia

and I'm forced to put my Hermes
bags online to raise cash.

I... I'm at the mercy
of mass production.

Do you...

know what that does
to my ego?

Anyway...

I hear you're the guy
that makes dreams come true.

Real dreams.
At 75% off retail.

That's a small price to pay
for my sanity.

Do you pay
your parking tickets?
What?

Someone towed your car.
Oh, shoot!

What the heck, I didn't have
any tickets on that car!

What's that?

"I own your clothes,
even your underwear,

"but this you can keep
for now.

"I'm taking the car.

"Here's a 30-day pass
for the subway.

Enjoy the subway.
Sluha."

Sluha!

He screws everything
that walks in.

He has the nerve
to call me "whore."

(huffs)

Evi.

What?

What do you need?

Fashion Week.

Okay.

I'm sorry,

but it's gonna be
a half-hour wait, at least.

Look, I had
a reservation for 1:00

and I've been waiting
over 20 minutes.

And, look, I saw you
seating people ahead of me.

They were ahead of you.
That is ridiculous!

Look, just check
the list again, okay?

Chanel.
Chanel Borden, 1:00.

You could be Lady Gaga

and you would still
have to wait.

Ugh!

Hi.
Hey.

Glad you made it, but let's go
somewhere else, okay?

The hostess is
kind of a bitch.

What, that girl right there?
Yeah.

All right,
give me a minute.

No, hold on.

Excuse me, miss.
Hi, how you doing?

I gotta be
somewhere in like...

like 20 minutes.

If I could get a quick bite to
eat, I'll be out of your hair.

I promise,
if it's not a problem.

I like that dress...

I'll be right back.

So what was that
all about back there?

Oh, that?

Looks,
charm, style.

It's the magic combo,
works every time.

Yeah,
you forgot modesty.

Well... 12,000 Rolex
don't hurt either.

Stolen, I assume.

Look, I just got us a table
at a hot restaurant.

You couldn't.

You know, I could buy that
restaurant if I wanted to.

Sit down.

Let me tell you
something quick.

You probably could buy
that restaurant, yeah.

But then you'd get
table out of duty.

See, I get it
out of love and respect.

So besides this whole
nonsense of you shoplifting

to better peoples lives,

do you actually
really know why you do it?

Fashion houses pay workers
$2 a day in Sri Lanka,

turn around and sell it
for thousands on Madison Ave.

The world
is out of balance.

I just help redistribute
the assets.

Who is really
robbing who?

Listen, I have a program at NYU
I'd like to get you into.

And I will pay you
$20,000

for one month
of your time.

20 grand?

For one month?
(scoffing)

All right,
what's the catch?

Well, you know, some people
might find the program

a little... extremely harsh.

Perhaps even brutal.
Brutal?

I come from Queens, huh.
I know brutal.

What do I gotta do
for the 20 Gs?

Well, it's a breakthrough
therapy that I believe

can actually rid
your impulse to shoplift

in less than four weeks.

(laughing)

That's my favorite impulse.
Why would I wanna cure it?

Because eventually
you'll wind up in jail.

Just let me help you.

Seeing as the way
you're dressed,

I think you're the one
who needs my help.

We'll see about that.

**

You got anything
great for me?

Hunt, have I ever
disappointed you before?

Wow.

So I'm really the only one
in the world with this?

Up until yesterday,

this was a one-of-a-kind sample
from a top showroom.

Hunt, it doesn't get anymore
exclusive than this.

That's great.

This is gonna be incredible
for my opening in London.

I'll be back
in a month.

Will you take care of the kids
for me while I'm away?

They seem to like you.
And here's the keys.

This is all you'll need
to get in and out.

Que paso, bro?
Hey, hey.

How you doing, homie?
Hey, man, good.

Hey, so listen, I figured out
how to get your Basso.

All right,
what do we got?

I got a friend, Andy,

he told me there's
a delivery tomorrow.
Okay.

From then it's Basso
to Vogue Magazine.

There's about
a half a dozen items.

You go in there.
Yeah.

Check it out,
check it out.

All right, let's see.
Check it out.

What you want is in there,
my friend.

Ooh, that's gonna look good.
That is gonna look good, right?

Get yourself a little bit of
a disguise, you're in business.
Yeah, yeah.

Okay, good.
Okay?

All right, now, uh...

All right, now what
do we gotta get Andy?

Oh, Andy, all right.
Andy wants a pink, uh...

how do you say, he wants
a pink cashmere sweater,

size zero for his mother.

Size zero?

She's dying of cancer.

Jeez.

All right, listen, I gotta go.
I gotta go now.

Okay, but this one,
you remember, 50-50, okay?

Uh, no,
we'll keep it 70-30.

50-- 60-40?

We'll talk about it,
all right?

Maybe-- may--
We'll talk!

I like 50-50.

**

(Jamaican accent)
* Her name is Maxine

* Her beauty is like
a bunch of rose *

Word up, man? I'm here to
pick up the Vogue delivery.

* Did I ever tell you
about Maxine... *

This bag right here--

it's marked urgent so you
need it there within an hour.

No problem, man.

All right,
just sign right here now.

Good to go.
Thank you, man.

* Her beauty is like
a bunch of rose... *

okay, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, yes.
Aviator, size 40.

Yup, I got it,
I got it.

Okay, all right,
and this is the A-list courier.

(normal voice)
Evi Blau dress, other stuff.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

This is gonna
fly out of here, man.

Look at this!
This is red-carpet, man!

Come on, bro.
You're moving up
in the world, huh?

All right, all right, all right.
Okay, okay.

All right, listen,
this picky whore

wants a Freeman
Aviator jacket.

Why?

He swears he always gets laid
when he wears a Freeman's skin.

Come on, man, he can get laid
in a dozen brands.

Look at me, I do.

You do, man.

You get more ass
than a toilet seat, huh?

Can't do it, man.

No way, I've been there
too many times this year.

I'm on their radar.
Not doing it, mm-mm.

Uh-huh, but now
I'm ahead of you.

You see, I checked
everybody's schedule

and the jerk manager Costas,
he's off tomorrow.

Yeah?

All right,

All right.
One in.

Yo.
Huh?

Pay day, come on, let's go.

Oh...

Come on.
Come on.

Come on, no,
come on, man.

Look at this, look at...
Who writes these Internet ads?

Come on, who processes
the Twitter and the--

and does the PayPal and--

What am I, man?

Am I like your "12 Years
a Slave" kind of guy?

Then what the
do I do, huh?

Pick lint off my ass?

No, man,
but come on, man.

You have it easy.

You go in there,
you steal.

That's it.

What's this, huh?

What's this?
Tell me.

This is-- this is
an overpriced rag, man,

with somebody's
name on it.

What is this overpriced rag
made of, huh?

Poplin, oxford broadcloth.

Go ahead, smart-ass,
you tell me.

Go ahead, feel that.
Okay, okay, okay, okay,
all right, okay.

Man, you're the expert.

Ay-yi-yi...
So come on.

Take your money.

There we go.
Okay.

Don't forget,

I'm the man
with the goods, okay?

Without me, you'll be chewing
chimichangas until you die.

Uh-huh.

You know, I don't
even like chimichangas.

I'll see you later.
Just saying.

**

Oh...

Hello, hello.

What a great place
you got here.

Yeah, well, I lose it
at the end of the month.

Mr. Vasilavich
is taking this, too.

What do you got for me?

Okay, okay.

Go ahead.

It's gorgeous,
isn't it?

Yeah.
You're amazing.

How did you do this?

This is America.

You're entitled to
the pursuit of happiness.

You arso right.

Speaking of which,
champagne.

I'll be right back.
Very nice, okay.

Ahh.

You know
what I think?

I think you're
a very valuable guy

and I'm gonna have to keep you
on a very short leash.

I work best
with no leash.

Hmm.

I think that
you've earned

one of my special
Blau jobs.

How'd you find out
where I live?
I followed you.

(...)
you're a stalker, too.

Okay, well,
I'm sweetening the offer.

How about this?

Six box seats to the Mets,
right behind first base.

Mmm?

Oh, I love the Mets.

Those are great seats.

My answer's still no, hmm.

Wait.

Okay, well, how about after
completing my program,

I give you a week-long vacation
at the Fontainebleau in Miami?

Airfare included.

And you still
get the tickets.

I guess nobody ever
told you this, okay,

so-- so pay attention
very, very closely.

No!

Wha--

I shoplift
therefore I am.

Ugh!

**

Open the case.

That's an invasion
of my privacy.

Illegal search and seizure.
Fourth Amendment.

Look it up.

We're going to bang it
over your head, young prick.

(speaking Russian)

I got a better idea.

I do want a cop here
as a witness

because when you guys
come up empty-handed,

I'm gonna hit you with
a harassment suit so fast

it's gonna wipe that look

and that look
right off your face.

Plus, all the bad press
you're gonna get

from "Channel Five News."

I'll get five on my side.

Hmm, want me to do that?

One day...

I'm going to chew you up

and spit you in the gutter
with all the other garbage.

Don't ever let me
see you in here again!

(speaks Russian)

You have a profitable day.

Excuse me.

Wait until he's block away
before you mangle him.

is is a grand larceny,
a "D" felony.

But wait, it gets better.

This may look like

a fun S&M contraption

to those freaks out there,

but it actually

is an ingenious
criminal devise,

much like your case
meticulously

lined with lead.

Bailiff, demonstrate
the case to the court.

Thank you, Bailiff.
Can you tell us why, Mr. Bene?

The lead blocks
the radio frequency ID

in the tags so that
the reader can't see it.

So very clever.

Well-schooled
in deception

and property theft.

People like you are
a threat to capitalism.

Your Honor, may I speak?
Quickly.

I try to help people
with their self-esteem.

You know, the pursuit
of the American dream,

all men are created equal
and have the right

to dress equally well.

Thanks to your bravado,

you've earned
maximum sentence

in the Rikers Island
hotel and health spa,

where, hopefully, they can
cure you of these delusions.

180 days.

No, no!

(Giorgio)
Well, how'd you find me
this time?

It wasn't
that difficult.

Didn't I tell you you'd end up
here sooner or later?

How does it feel to be
behind bars and powerless?

Sweetheart,

I grew up in the mean
streets of Woodside.

Bars don't scare me.

That outfit,
that scares me.

You know, I could get you
out of here today,

but that's if you
only agree to work with me.

I'm good, I think
I'm gonna stay here.

You know, I actually thought
you had brains for a second.

God, why is it you continue
to act like an imbecile?

You know what?
What?

I think you should
hold onto this.

You might need it soon.

Yeah, I doubt that.

"Chanel Borden."

Giorgio, meet Diaz.

New best friends.

You're cute.

Giorgio, how am I gonna survive
with you in here, how?

How are you gonna survive?
What about me, Ma?

Look at me--
I'm the one who's wearing

orange polyester
made in China.

You have to get out of this
nickel-and-dime show

and find a way
to make some real money.

How many times do I
have to tell you that?

I know, I know, I know.
I was thinking school.

School?
Mm-hmm.

You went to
high school already.

Not high school, F.I.T.

To study textiles
and design

and lift part-time,
you know, until I--

until I get a degree.

If I didn't know you're Italian,
I'd think you're a homo.

Ma, come on.

Look, I've always
been good at this.

You know I have.

I can make something
out of my life

And what about me, huh?
What about your mother?

(speaks Italian)
What about me, huh, your son?

How come you never told me
it was wrong to steal?

Mothers are supposed
to do that.

(sighs)

A boy needs a man
to teach him those things.

I'm tired, okay?
I'm really tired.

I know, Ma, I'm tired.
I'm gonna go to sleep.

I gotta go.

I love you.
Me, too.

Listen, go to sleep.
You know, get some rest.

But then when you get up,

you figure out
what we gonna do, okay?

**

(stammering)
Chanel, listen,
I change my mind.

I think that it's a good idea
for me to be doing this therapy.

I-- I really
think I need it.

Can you get me out of here?
Like as soon as possible?

Okay, okay, okay.

You wanna use the phone?

Go ahead,
yeah, use it.

I got him!
What? Who?

Robin Hood. He's ready
to start whenever I say.

Um, this Robin Hood of yours
exists in a fantasy land.

He's entirely inappropriate
for your program.

But he's the only
test subject I've got.

Your therapy makes
for a great melodrama,

but it's never gonna work.

What will work is something
that has been proven.

I call it
the piña colada.

It is an antidepressant
cocktail of cefuroxime,

trazodone,
and clonazepam.

I've tried them all
individually and collectively

with excellent results.

Okay, Titus, look, I know
we have different opinions,

but this is
my whole life.

I-- I need this.
I'm desperate.

Okay.

But under two conditions--

if after one month I decide he
has made insufficient progress,

then we switch to drugs.

Fine. I'll just make sure
that doesn't happen.

What's the second?

Condition number two

is that you give me a lap dance
right here on my lap.

That's why the call it
a lap dance.

I just...
(laughing)

But now.

I'm gonna have to take
a rain check on that.

(judge)
The therapy is
a magnificent rehabilitation

for addicts
like you.

You must complete her program
to her satisfaction

and hold a job
for six months.

All I need is a call from her

and I will send you
back to jail

in a nanosecond
with double the sentence.

So how do you know the judge?

Judge Lipschitz makes a lot
of money off my father's funds.

He'll do pretty much
anything I ask him to.

It's all about
the club, right?

My father works
on Wall Street.

Ah... Wall Street, huh?

The ones who (...) over
America, huh?

He's created thousands
of jobs for people

and he restructured
the Greek debt

and saved them
from bankruptcy.

Oh...

He saved the cradle of
civilization from collapse.

What a nice guy, huh?

Look, Giorgio,
I know you must be angry.

The poor, uneducated
Italian guy from Queens

having to surrender
to an overeducated,

wealthy
Park Avenue therapist.

Why don't we take this time
to talk about your feelings.

I prefer to check out
your closet, hmm?

What does that have to do
with your situation?

You get to know people your way,
and I do it my way.

Fine.

Follow me.
Lead the way.

(...)
Best & Co.

Chanel, they've been
out of business 20 years.

Spitzer & Spitzer?
What is this, like a law firm?

Chanel, all this stuff--
Salvation Army.

Needs to go.
It needs to go, it's terrible.

Rags, rags, Chanel.

Look at this,
this is all--

This is thrift store,
thrift store.

Homeless, burn it.
I don't know, get rid of it.

Awful, terrible.

What is this?
Jeez, are you ever
label conscious.

And what are you,
unconscious?

This is what a 90-year-old
lady from Palm Beach

wears to her funeral.

Yeah, okay, to you,
style may be substance,

but to me,
it's just the opposite.

It's in-substance.

All these big words.

All these...
cannot hide the fact

that you've got some deep,
psychological problem, okay?

I don't know what it is.

Maybe your parents
beat you as a kid.

What is this?
Yeah, okay, this...

this is just a piece of fabric
with some buttons, okay?

Nothing more.

You're just applying
your own values to it.

No, you're confused
about who you are.

What are you
talking about?

Chanel, look at what
you're wearing.

I mean, this is
very Fashion Week...

for Omaha.

Look at it, you got this plaid
skirt on that doesn't fit,

you got this thing
that's frumpy as hell.

All right, come here,
let me feel this.

Oh, it's cashmere.

Mongolian 4-ply, huh?

At least
you're quality.

Okay, quality comes from
upbringing and education,

not goat hair.

In all those years at NYU,

they didn't teach you
about fabric?

Textiles wasn't exactly
part of the curriculum.

See, that's too bad.

Because if they did,

they would have taught you
that human hair,

hmm, is 75 microns.

But cashmere...

cashmere like this,

is only 19 microns.

Only 19?

Only 19.

See, the tiny air bubbles

travel between the fibers,

make it melt
under your fingers.

It's like
touching skin.

Soft, smooth.

I guess I never knew
that cashmere could be so...

So much like sex.

Did you mean it when you said
you were gonna tie me up?

Yeah, I think that's definitely
what we call in this profession

"crossing boundaries."

Well...

now you know
your patient better.

Listen, sex to me is just like
getting on a StairMaster.

You know, you work up
the endorphins and...

then you're done.

So as much as I enjoyed
our little session,

I can assure you
it's not gonna happen again.

And we're late anyway,
so let's go.

(Charles) Anybody home?
Daddy?!

Hi.

Uh, Giorgio,
this is my father,

Charles Borden.

Oh, you're the master
of the universe.

Yes.

And you're the peon

who's screwing my daughter
under my roof.

I would like to hang you
in this closet by your (...).

Daddy, this is my room
and you're trespassing.

So get out!

(chuckling)
Stop it.

Come on, let's go.
All right.

This isn't mine.

Oh, God, I'm sorry
that we're late.

Um, this is Dr. Adler.

He's gonna sign off
on your treatment.

Ah, yes,
the Robin Hood 2.0 project.

Chanel has told me so much
about your many talents.

Yes.

Okay.
Yeah.

Have a seat.

Um, so, um,

any family history
of addiction.

Yeah.

My mother's
a chronic gambler.

Ah, childhood
is destiny.

Then that
explains it.

Can I-- can I go?

So, um,

MRIs have shown that
shoplifters and thieves

in general have
structural brain problems.

Uh, this is a normal brain.

This is the brain
of a thief.

Normal, thief.

Normal, thief.

Thief.

Now, um,

you can see
there's not enough--

very well there's hardly any
neuro pathways here

that enable the brain
to send messages here.

And that's of course
one of your many issues.

What?

Doc, come on,
English.

Well, in terms

that even you
can understand it,

essentially,
you can't

tell your brain
not to steal

because your brain
is deaf.

Oh...

How much do they pay you
to come up with this (...), huh?

This (...),
as you call it,

is tested
scientific data.

Well, then
you know what?

I'll spare myself
the lobotomy, okay?

Wait, wait, look,
I already have your first check.

Yeah, yeah, no, no that's--
that's not a good idea at all.

You'll get this
when we're finished.

No, no, no,
it's okay, I trust him.

You can't trust a thief.
That's an oxymoron.

Hey, look, you guys don't
have to fight about this, okay,

because I'm the one
with the trust issue.

Come on.

Money upfront
or I walk.

Come on.

You know what?

Your brain
must be deaf, too,

because that shirt
is just screaming

to that hideous,
gone dead sweater.

It's like, "Gah!"

As funny-- as funny
as that joke is,

um, clothing,
as an inanimate object,

is incapable of utterances
or any forms of communications.

It's impossible.

A shirt would never
"ahh" to anything.

It just is.

If it did,
it would be that one.

Thank you,
by the way.

Did you see that?

That-- Do you think
he's a homosexual?

There is no way.
I mean, absolutely not.

Even with those
tight pants.

It's one-of-a-kind--
It's not one-of-a-kind.

There's bunnies everywhere!

A little painting like this
and it's a great deal for $500.

I'm Greek!
I'm Greek!

We eat bunnies
with tsatsiki.

Look, look,
look, look...

...a great chance for you
not to eat the rabbit--

Nice, $100, yes.
No!

Ma!

Look... $100.

Ma!

Come on, this is Greek.
Ma, this isn't my stuff!

Are you mad?!
What are you doing?!

Look, we're in the middle
of a deal here.
Don't-- stay there, don't move.

I'll be right back.
Are you mad?
What are you doing?!

Listen to me,
I owe 20 Gs.

I'm up the creek of (...),
Giorgio.

It's "up (...) creek," Mom.
It doesn't matter.

You're supposed to
take care of your mother.

I gotta get a 9-to-5 job
to stay out of jail.

Are you kidding me?!
Look, look, here's $40.
Take that.

I'm gonna take the painting,
you need the money--

$40?!
This is a $5,000 painting!

Are you mad?! Get out of here,
get out of here!

Are you crazy?!
$40?!

It's a $5,000 painting.

Someone has got to take a chance
on this family, Giorgio.

With your brains, you could be
somebody like your cousin Aldo.

I say that
over and over again.

Cousin Aldo?!
Yes.

Cousin Aldo
was a grand larcenist

who died an ugly death!

Why would I wanna be
cousin Aldo?

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
Yeah!

He died a proud man
with money in the bank.

Money in the bank?
Yes.

Ma, no one knows which bank!
It doesn't matter.

It's money, money, money.

Listen, listen, everyone,
everyone, come here.

Go, go, go,
the sale is over.

Out, everyone,
get out, get out.

Give me the keys, Ma.

Give me the keys.

You're serious?
Yes.

Are you kidding?!
Go, get out of here!

Go!

(Giorgio)
All right, what's the plan?

All right, so here's
what we're gonna do.

You're gonna
find something--

scarf, belt, gloves--
I don't really care.

Anyway,
you're gonna steal it

and you're gonna walk out
of the store with it

and you're gonna
turn around, come back,

return it to the shop.

And the entire time, I need
you to repeat your mantra--

I am not a thief anymore.

I am not
a thief anymore.

Got it?

That's it?
Yeah, that's it.

Now get to stealing.

(sighs)

I am not a thief anymore.

I am not
a thief anymore.

Steal this.

These?

No, no, no, no, no,
not these, not these.

These right here.
Ha-ha-ha.

Seriously,
what's the difference?

What's the difference?

Do you know
what color this is?

Blue.
No, not blue. Turquoise.

Do you know what
a turquoise glove says?

Enlighten me.

You don't work
for a living, hmm?

Wow.

You really are
superficial.

It's all about
perception.

It's just a facade.

I'm okay with that.

Just steal the gloves.
Try not to get caught.

(scoffing)

**

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa--
What's this?!

What's going on?!

(thudding)

I don't know
what just happened in there.

Well, perhaps maybe
you're losing your touch.

Ahh.

Let me see.

You set this up,
didn't you?

I'm just trying to rewire
your basic impulses.

Good luck.

Punishment heals.

Yeah, when the nuns whacked me,
I didn't feel healed.

Come on.

(Pico)
Just listen, what you gotta do
is weekends, all right,

until the therapy bull--
I can't do it, Pico.

I can't do it.
This bitch is on my case.

Yeah, and I got the Russians
from Brighton Beach

and they're
all over mine.

Okay, they're putting down
deposits on Versaces

I don't even have!

I mean,
what should I do, man?

I don't know, Pico.

Find someone else.

Someone else?

Fashion is forever, man!

Luck is not.

Why are you so emotional,
Giorgio?

(electrical buzzing)
(groaning)

What the?!

Congratulations!

You have just completed

the first major step
in your therapy.

Exposure-and-response
prevention.

I try to keep it
at 90 volts.

I want it to be
strong enough to throw him,

but not too strong
to fry him.

Did I overdue it.

Oh, no, not at all.

It was perfect.

Are you both
fricking insane?!

Mr. and Mrs. Borden
are among our best customers.

And we've agreed to help
Ms. Borden with her research.

To tell you the truth,
if the law allowed,

I'd used it all over the store
with suspects like you.

(chuckling)

No, no, no, no.

I didn't
bargain for this.

I'll be dead
before this is done.

I quit.

I choose jail.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I don't think so, Giorgio.

You see, the next jail
won't exactly be like before.

Judge Lipschitz and I
will make sure

to make that jail experience
so unbelievably unbearable,

you'll be crawling back to my
program on your hands and knees.

See, I need you cured,
Giorgio.

And I won't stop
at anything.

All right...

maybe you could use
a little rest, huh?

Let's get you home.
Come on.

Chop-chop, let's go.

Let's go, we've got
another day tomorrow.

Come on.

Oh, that's the spirit,
come on.

One foot in front
of the other.

Hey.
Oh, Giorgio.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
I heard what happened.

It wasn't because of me,
was it?

No, no,
it's not your fault.

I got sloppy.

I heard you're in
some kind of horrible therapy.

Yeah, well,
what therapy isn't?

I just gotta suffer
for a few months,

but when spring merchandise
hits the stores,

you bet your ass
I'll be back on the streets.

Okay, because, listen,
like next month,

I have this wedding
in the Hamptons

and it's the crème
de la crème fraîche.

And I need
the best dress

because I want to put
that bride to shame

and make that groom
want me again.

Evi, I'm out of
the game right now.

I'm sorry,
just for a little while.

I can't do it.
No, no, no, no, no.

Please, Giorgio, just one--
just one dress.

Evi, I'm sorry,
I can't.

Oh, come on,
Giorgio, please.

Come on, please,
just...

It's just one dress.

One little... dress.

Oh...

Please.

I have a dress
that screams annulment.

Oh, my God,
who's it by?

Basso,
you're favorite designer.

(sighing)

Can I come with you
to help you steal it?
No!

I work alone.
Oh, no, no, ple--

No, no, come on, Giorgio,
please let me help you steal it.

Why would you wanna
do that anyway?

Giorgio, my life
is so boring.

Please, I love
watching you steal.

Oh, my God, it makes
me so freaking hot.

Please, just let me
watch you.

You better listen
to everything I say.

I promise.
Like Bonnie and Clyde.

All right.
Yeah?

I'll talk to you later, okay?
Yeah, bye.

(sighing)

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, come on, come on.
What?

I gotta
show you something.

This is not where we're
going for your therapy.

Listen, Chanel,
go in.

This is important.

Just give me--
just go, just go.

Trust me, trust me.
Just go, it's important.

Giorgio...
Stop.

I do everything
you tell me to do, okay?

Just give me one minute.
What are you doing?

I'm helping you get in touch
with your inner female.

Giorgio, let's just
get back to work, okay?

One minute.
Come here, turn around.

You see this?

Crêpe de Chine, hmm?

It's a biological fabric.

It's like a person
touching your skin.

Now, now...

close your eyes, okay?

Feel it.

Let it feel you.

So what do you feel?

I feel your hand
on my breast.

Apart from that...

absolutely nothing.

See, this is
your problem.

Always in control.
You never let go.

Sir, could we get
a size zero?

Hey, you're in my therapy,
not the other way around.

I'm just trying to help you
rewire your basic impulses.

Yeah, right.

It's worth a shot.

All right,
so this next step

is steal, return,
and apologize.

That's so demeaning.

Returning is
punishment enough.

Look, I know you
can do this.

And I'm sorry, but the therapy
requires you to experience

embarrassment
and shame.

Only by then will you be
receptive to change.

Did you lift this stuff
from Stalin's notebooks?

And do you promise I'm not
gonna get electrocuted again?

Just go to work.

I don't wanna
get electrocuted.

(indistinct chatter)

**

I just stole this, okay?

I could have walked out
with it no problem,

but I'm not gonna
ruin my life for a vest.

Even if it is really nice.

How did you get past
my security system?

(chuckling)
That's none of your business.

It's part of his program.
Um, I'm his therapist.

I don't know what your scam is,
but you're both gonna be on

our YouTube shoplifter series.
YouTube.

Stop, you have no right
to do that!

Stop it!
Seriously, give me--

I am his therapist!

He confessed
to shoplifting,

so we can have him
detained and arrested.

What is wrong with you?!
You have no right!

And I'm taking the case
as evidence.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
you're not taking the case.

Why don't you call
your father or the judge

or fricking Superman and get us
some respect in here?!

What is this?!
All right, look.

Are you gonna leave quietly
or should I call the police?

Let's just get out of here.
I'm not gonna leave my case!

What are you...

Uh-ho-ho...
you gotta be kidding me?!

(yelling)

Look, I get it, okay?

Just-- just release
the bad energy, all right?

You (...) me!
You've totally (...) me!

You've taken my entire career
and-- gone, down the drain.

Giorgio, I thought you were
letting go of that career.

Chanel, you...
(grunting)

Giorgio, wait!

(horn honking)

I don't think I can
take much more of this.

Well, I have
good news for you.

This is
the home stretch.

Oh, hallelujah.

What's this?

This is the last part
of the program.

I know you can do it.

I'm afraid to ask
what this even is.

All you have to do
is put this on.

Trust me.

Oh, yeah,
trust you.

Perfect.

"I am a shop..."
What the hell is this?!

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, I'm not--

Oh, yes, yes, yes,
Giorgio, you have to.

This is the last piece
of the program.

I mean, come on, you don't
wanna undo all the hard work
that you've done.

You've worked so hard,
Giorgio, come on.

But this!
And it looks great on you.

Just--
all you have to do

is walk up and down
Madison Avenue

until I tell you
to stop.

Now go get 'em,
tiger!

But this--
Go, go, chop-chop.

Go, go, go.

Shoplifting is one of
the most destructive crimes

and a huge drain
on our economy.

Uniform crime reports

there are 27 million
shoplifters in America.

That includes the one
shoplifting toilet paper

all the way to
sophisticated thieves

shoplifting from fashionable
stores like these.

We're here on Madison Avenue
watching a shoplifter

in a hilarious
rehabilitation program

walking the street
where he used to ply his trade.

Here he comes,
let's get a shot of him.

What the--
No, no! No, no, no, no, no!

Giorgio!
Where are you going?!

Get back here!
Giorgio!

Until a few months ago,
my life was perfect.

I had the stores
under control,

customers eating out
of my hand.

How did my life
go from...

from that
to this nightmare?

It was bound to happen
sooner or later.

But what I can't quite
seem to figure out

is how you avoided jail
for all that time.

(sighing)
'Cause I knew the rules.

Never stay in a store
for more than three minutes.

Do your homework.

I was professional.

That's how.

You see this?
Yeah.

This was my office.

Here, I kept a plan
of every store

from Boston to D.C.

Exit doors,
camera positions.

Here, I logged
the salesmen shift,

everyone that got hired,
that got fired.

I was one step ahead
of everybody.

That's how I survived.

Giorgio, those are amazing
management skills.

I mean, I'm talking on
the level of Harvard MBA.

Um... do you think
I could see that?

(stammering)
What did you just do?

Giorgio, in therapy,

we call this
"the point of no return."

That was my whole life
in there!

I hope you don't
have a backup.

(huffing)

Oh!

You know what bothers me?

You wanna know
what (...)whwhat (...?

It's not your therapy.
Your therapy is unbearable.

But you know what bothers me?
It's you!

It's you and your--
and your--

and your superior
(...) attitude.

You know, I wonder if it's not
better to be fondled in jail

by some damn gorilla

than to put up--
get beaten up by you,

some insensitive bitch
every day!

You know,
you're smart,

you know,
and you're beautiful,

okay, but you're
no therapist, Chanel,

'cause you're all mind
and you're no heart.

You don't give a damn
about who I am

or what I need
or what I care about.

I'm just a damn pawn
in your little game.

You know what?

That's it.
I'm through with you.

Done!

(Evi) Try a couple gowns.
(Giorgio) Elegant, yeah.

This one too.
I like the fur.
Yeah.

Anything else
you see?

Do one more,
do a fur.

Yeah, I knew
you'd like that one.

Yeah. Try it on.
Okay.

All right,
that's good.

All right.
Thank you.

Go try 'em on.
All right, I'll be here.

Thank you.

**

Yeah, it's beautiful.

It's just too big.

It's nice, huh?
Yeah, I like it, yeah.

Looks good
with those eyes.

Sweetie, I'm gonna be next door,
so if you need me,

that's where I'll be, okay?

This is the one
I actually like, okay?
Okay.

But I have to
come back for it

'cause he took
all the money with him.

Wait a minute, I thought
I gave you six dress.

No, I'm sure
you gave me five.

Are you sure?

Well, I mean,

it's not like
I'm wearing it or anything.

Anyway, I'll come back
for that dress, okay?

Um...
Thank you.

Oh, my God!

That was so amazing!
It was so much fun!

It was so incredible.

You were so cool.

It was great.

Oh, hang on a second.

This one is on me.

This kind of stuff keeps me
in shape in case I forget.

Trust me.

Here.

You wanna zip me up?

Some other time.

Really?

Mmm.

One for the road.

Okay, I gotta go.
'Kay.

Bye.
Bye.

**

(clerk)
The fit is beautiful.

It's fitting you
perfectly right there.

And this is gorgeous.
It's sexy.

You look fabulous.

You look like
a princess.

It's beautiful.

(chuckling)

Oh, God, you saw me,
didn't you?

Look, I know
I'm a total hypocrite.

Maybe, just maybe
my therapy is working, hmm?

Look, I, uh,
I got you a new phone.

I'm sorry about
the information you lost.

Although, you're never
gonna need it again.

It's no big deal.

Um... I need a drink.

(Giorgio chuckling)

I don't even know what
possessed me to try it on.

Do you know it takes 20,000
silkworms to make that dress?

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Imagine that.

20,000 silkworms
just salivating

to make your dress.

That's impressive.

Goodness.

Um...

I certainly have
a newfound respect for those,

uh, hardworking silkworms.

Mm. Well, you should.

(sighs)

Did I ever tell you my dad
worked on 7th Avenue?

Uh-uh.
No?

When I was a kid,

he used to take me out
on the showroom, you know,

and he would teach me
about fabrics.

When I was a little kid,

I could tell the difference
between shantung

and dupioni silk
just by the smell.

Huh?

And when
I guessed right...

he would buy me
ice cream.

I still remember that,
God, after all these years.

So you got that passion
of yours from your father.

Yeah.

So you can say
I came about it honestly.

And now you want me
to give it all up

for the sake of
your lousy Ph.D.

I've actually been thinking
a lot about my therapy.

Hmm...

Mmm...

I don't think it's going
the way I thought it would.

No.

You know...

you're the real thing,
Giorgio.

God, if you put
your mind to something,

you could do anything.

Yeah, well...

You have passion, Giorgio.

Um...

Have you ever read a book
by, um, Anaïs Nin?

"Gunga Din"?

No, who's that?

Anaïs Gin-- ahem.

Nin.

A French-born
Cuban author.

She's amazing.
Oh, yeah?

She writes all about

male and female
relationships.

Male and female
relationships.

Shh!
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

You're reading about
male and female relationships.

Shh!
You got the book on you.

Of course.
What is this?

Uh...

You're gonna read to me
at dinner?

"How can I begin to feel?

I want to love
in such a way that--"

See, stop.

Stop, stop.
What?

Close this.

This is
your problem, okay?

You read too damn much,
sweetheart.

You're right.

I am?
Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Let's go home
and not read.

Oh, really?

Yeah?

I think that's
a very good idea.

Sometimes it's nice
not to read, isn't it?

I have a question
for you.

Yeah, shoot.

How do you feel about...

pure, unattached,

plain, good sex?

I'm all for it.

Definitely.

Is that what
you thought this was?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah, it was...

very good sex.

No involvement.

Don't worry.

I was gonna take
a shower and then go,

but maybe I'll just--
I'll just go.

Um...

I think this fell off
your jacket

the last time
you were here.

I know it's just
a button, but I, um,

I saved it for you.

Let me see.

No, no, no, no.

This is not
just a button.

Do you know
what this is?

No?

It's a tiger's eye.

It's a very
unusual button.

It's a semiprecious stone.

They say it has
very unusual properties.

Like what?

Well, they say
it gives you clarity

over life's
major decisions.

I think I might
hold onto it.

I have a feeling
I might need it.

Well, well, well,
if it isn't the ayatollah
of compulsion therapy.

How, uh, how are you fairing?
Any progress?

Um... possibly.

That doesn't sound
very promising.

Yeah, um, about that.

Do you think I could maybe
get a couple more weeks?

I get the distinct
impression

that the reason that you
find yourself behind schedule

is because you allowed
Robin Hood

to impale you
multiple times

with his arrows
and feathers--

I'm sorry, I don't see how
that is any of your business.

It most certainly
is my business.

Your future
is in my hands.

Not to mention
your precious little Ph.D.,

which I know is important
for you to go

show your mommy and your daddy
how independent you are.

You don't need their money.

Fair enough.

Um...

But...

I'm pretty sure that you might
wanna look for a new career

because I don't think
sexual harassment

would fair too well
on your résumé.

On what?
Oh, I recorded it.

You can record people
on your phone?

It's all right here.

Um...

Well, I mean, there's...

So that's why they call it
a smartphone, huh?

Because it sucks
the intelligence

out of the people
who use them.

That's why they call it
a smartphone.

So, uh,
what do you say?

Do I get
the two weeks?

Yes! Yes, yes.

Hey, hey, I know you.

Get out of here.

Sir, listen,
I'm his therapist

and just here him out.

You know me
as a shoplifter.

But I've gone to jail
for my crimes

and now I'm reformed.

I'm looking for a job...

with you.

(whispering)

My manager's gonna love this.
Come on.

Let's get out of here
while I can still walk.

No, Giorgio, come on!

Just go, go!

**

Oh... thieving prick.

Had gut feeling I was
going to see you again.

I never had chance to ask

how much you steal from me?

Last year?

50 grand, retail.
Give or take.

Are you guy who stole

four bomber leather
jackets in one day?

That was
a special request.

Country-western band
from Nashville.

I remember that one.
Scumbag.

(speaks Russian)

You got steel balls,
my friend.

More balls
than brain.

Look, I'm his psychologist.
He's under my care.

And I can reassure you that
he is fully rehabilitated

and all he wants
is a fresh start in life.

And, look, he knows
everything about fashion.

And, uh, how would
you know that?

What am I wearing?

Huh?

Can I...

Go ahead.

Okay.

Wool, cashmere, 50-50.

Coat about a 44,

waist 36.

Your shirt is cotton twill,
I'd say about a 16 neck.

34, 35 sleeve.

Silk jacquard tie.

And your handmade shoes

are an absolute
work of art.

John Lobb of London.

I should be 42,
but I like to eat.

Close your eyes.
Close.

Okay... tell me.

So?

40 wool.

40 silk.

20% cashmere.

Very good.

My gut tell me
to make some phone calls

to some friends and have
your body dumped somewhere

along Brighton Beach.

But...

I'm sucker for brilliance.

You're hired.

Yuri, wait,
are you sure about this?

Yuri, you sure about this?

Of course he's sure.

I've been looking for
guy like you

for a very long time.

I'll see you
in the morning, huh?

9:00--
(speaks Russian)

That's right.

He starts tomorrow
at 9:00 a.m.

He officially
has a job.

Hate to break it to you,
Titus, but I won.

You won, all right.
What's wrong?

One day
I'm an entrepreneur

and now
I'm a 9-to-5 schmuck.

Yeah, but it's gotta
beat jail, doesn't it?

"Using Aversion Therapy

"and the Treatment of
Impulse Control Disorder.

By Dr. Titus Adler."

(...).

"Going against a current trend

"to medicalize
compulsive behavior,

"this researcher
has been conducting a study

in which
a compulsive shoplifter..."

What the (...)?!

"...is subjected to a new...

"a new aggressive form
of aversion therapy,

leading to positive changes
in his behavior."

Bastard!

(Titus)
So I think you should
take a pink and a black...

How dare you
steal my idea!

If-- if you remember, we were
part of the same team, and I--

Since when?!
Excuse me, I lent you my name.

Do you think that anybody--

if you put your name
on that article,

you think anybody
would have read it?

You are so full of (...)!

(shrieking)

You know what?
I'm through with you.

And, you,
whatever your name is--

Britney, Ashley--

In fact, I don't even care,

but the second
you get out of your diapers,

you had better record
everything this man says.

He's such a (...)!

I'm out of here!

Her name is Beatrice
and she's Italian.

Don't mind her, she needed
one of the black pills.

But I say one green
for you,

one green for me.

Ha-ha.

Cheers.
(giggling)

(Chanel)
You know, apart from
the whole stealing thing,

you're actually the most
honest person I know.

That doesn't say much about
the people you know, does it?

Yeah.

I made a monumental mistake
choosing you for my study.

You're not
a compulsive thief.

I appreciate you
saying that, Chanel,

but I've got
a confession to make.

I've been stealing the whole
time, even last week.

I can't stop.

Yeah, but, okay,
that just proves my point.

You're stealing
out of love.

I like that.

It's true, I mean...

you love the fabric,
the clothes...

buttons.

It's not a crime,

it's just misdirected
creativity.

You should have been
a lawyer.

Look, stealing isn't right,

but in your case,
it's not an illness.

If anything, it helped you
discover your true talents.

And look at how
you're using them now.

What about your Ph.D.?

Yeah.

I mean,
you're working,

so I guess technically
I could get my Ph.D.

But...

I would pretty much need you
to stand in front of a committee

next week and say that
my therapy's working

and I'm not actually sure
that it does.

I mean, come on,

I used threats to force you
in order to take this job and...

Yeah, that's not exactly

the most acceptable
approach to therapy.

So you want me to
come in and lie for you.

I'd be eternally grateful
if you would.

You're in luck.

Eternal gratitude is
my second-favorite thing.

And what's your
first-favorite?

My first-favorite thing
would have to be...

Um...
(clears throat)

let's just keep it
professional, okay?

Okay.

Sure.

What's this?

I have schmatta business
on the side.

Resorini, Giorgio.
Giorgio, Resorini.

Come, look.

These two jackets,
they look identical,

but they are different.

I want you to
tell me what is.

Okay.

Uh...

let's see.

There's no difference.

I couldn't
tell them apart.

(chuckling)

The difference is that one
is original designer jacket,

the other is knockoff.

Wait, that one's
a counterfeit?

Shh.

Correct.

Manufactured right here
in the good old U.S. of A.

No more Asia.

I keep America employed.

Well, that's very
patriotic of you, Yuri,

but why are you
showing me this?

Quality control is top job
in counterfeit business.

I need someone with your
fashion intellect to run it.

Well, thank you
for the compliment,

but the thought of anything
fake... (scoffs) repulses me.

These clothes are real.

It's brands are fake.

(sighs)

Look, I was
a shoplifter, okay?

I know that,
but it's not my thing.

I'll train you.
I'm in no hurry.

I'm setting up factory
in Bible Belt as we speak

with Chinese money.

Soon the Chinese
will be buying

counterfeit American
designers from us.

How's that
for irony, huh?

(chuckling)
It's interesting.

This is all
very interesting.

But I'm-- I'm gonna
have to pass.

It's just, you know,
it's not my thing.

I appreciate it, though.

Yes.

Yeah, sure.

(muttering)

You arrogant
little punk!

I'm giving you
opportunity of lifetime,

and you spitting
in my face?

(groans)

So now I have
two options.

I can fire you
and send you back to jail,

where they ram all that
arrogance straight up your ass,

but now...
you know my business,

so now you're
a liability.

So guess what.

Other option would be...

I don't know, are you
gonna give me a haircut?

(nervous chuckle)

I'll give you
24 hours to decide.

Let's see how funny
you are tomorrow.

Now get the fake
out of my face.

(shouting in Russian)

Get back to work.

(cell phone ringing)

Hello?

Ma.

Yeah. All right, all right,
calm down, calm down.

Where are you?

All right, all right,
stay there, stay there.

I'll be right there.

(...).

You know, he had
his girlfriend do it,

that coward!

She looked just like
Uncle Angelo

with makeup on.

Let me ask you a question.

I gave you money.
What'd you do with it?

I gave you the money
to give to him.

I should have listened
to that psychic.

Ma, Ma, Ma!

Come on,
over and over and over.

You do the same thing.

How much?

10,000 by Monday.

Or she'll break
my other arm.

I can't do this--
You should see
her face, Giorgio.

She was very scary.
She had eyes like a tiger.

She didn't look
like a person.

I can't do it, Ma.
I can't do it--

You have-- you have a job.
You have a job.

A job!
Yeah, I have a...

Can't help you, Ma.

Not this time.

Why don't you break
my arm yourself?

Spare them the trouble.

Put me out of this...

just put me out of
this misery, would you?

Put me out of this misery
and bring me daisy

when you come
to the cemetery.

(door closes)

I like daisies.

You have good sleep
last night?

Yeah. Not bad.

Come.

Sit between us.

So, you come
to a decision?

You made a very
convincing argument.

How could I say no?

Welcome to family.
(chuckling)

And since you're now
member of family,

I want to show you
very intimate detail

on part of my body

that only my women

and Costas
has ever seen.

Mm...

See, I like you.

I'm a fashionisto.

Uh, "style for miles."

That's what that means?

Kiss it.

Never mind.

(laughter)

Hey, man.
How you doing, sir?

Oh, oh, oh!
(chuckles)

You're XYZebra.
How you doing, man?

Listen, I'm sick and tired
of this old-school hood look.

I'm playing the Garden,
and I need a new image.

My man, you came
to the right spot.

Follow me.

I like it.

Yeah, yeah, no, no,
so do I, but...

but your
personality, man,

it just needs something...

I don't know, it just
needs something bigger.

It would be good if you
were a banker, you know?

Bankers have the money.

Well... that's true.

Look, I don't have
any more time,

so this is cool
for now.
Okay.

If you got other ideas,
just send 'em over to my suite.

Yeah.

**

(gunshot)

(birds squawking)

Damn, son!

Now, that's real
gangster couture.

You like it?

Versace ain't got
nothing on you!

that's for real.

I'm saving this for the VH1s.

Uh, what's your name again?

Giorgio Bene.

I'll put your name on the list
for my show at the Garden.

Bring your top bitch.

Well, thank you,
Mr.... Zebra?

X is cool.

X. Okay, cool.

Uh, I don't have
what you would say

is a top bitch
right now--

Then, bring your
bottom bitch.

It's all good.
Okay.

All right, uh, enjoy.
Um, nice meeting you.

I tell you what, though,
these are really nice buttons.

Enough of buttons!

Let's talk about
the drop.

It's gonna be just like
in the movies.

Driver, he from Federated.

On our payroll.
He'd be happy to be tied up.

So what's on the truck?

Shahtoosh.

Finest wool
in all of the world.

Finer than cashmere.

Made from Tibetan
chiru goat.

They sell for up to 10 G's
when you can get them.

We have 500 coming
from Kashmir.

They go nuts for them
in Beverly Hills.

(exhales sharply)
It feels like air.

Mm-hmm.

So why is it illegal?

The goats.

Aren't they cute, eh?

And delicious.

Hey, look.
Look, look, look.

Yeah, but what's the deal?

They move too fast,

and they refuse
to be sheared.

So you have to
shoot them-- bang-bang.

Some animal-rights
group

got them put on
the endangered species list.

They should just go hug
some trees or something.

(groaning)
Hippies.

Oh, I got to
tell you, boys,

I got a problem
with murdered animals.

You didn't have a problem
stealing our leather jackets.

I didn't kill 'em.

And besides, this is
a container of dead goats.

I mean, they cry
like children.

(speaking Russian)

Stop drama.

We didn't
kill them either.

We only selling them.

My jacket, uh,
your belt, his shoes,

all come
from animals, too.

What's difference?

They are cute.
So cute.

Bang, bang, bang.
Here, shoot it.

Just shoot it.
Just shoot it.

Shoot it.
That's awful.

Shoot it!

(sighs)

(panting)

I just came here
to tell you all

I'm now officially working
for a mobster,

counterfeiting
fashion brands.

I had no choice.

Bye, Chanel.

(door closes)

**

I was just wondering,
can I, uh...

can I ask you a favor?

Yeah, I just was hoping I could
maybe stay in your apartment.

And I totally...

Wait, are you serious?
Six months?

No, that's amazing.
Thank you.

All right, great.
I'll see you soon.

Okay.

U.S. Customs.
Come over here.

Customs?

I got nothing to declare.

We don't like
your kind of humor.

Holy (...)!
What else today?

Your boss, Stefan,
we want him.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Stop the crap.

I only work for the guy.

You keep talking
crap to us,

and we're gonna
hang your ass.

You understand, boy?

Okay, okay, calm down.
Go easy.

What do you mean, "boy"?

We need your help.

With the scarves?
From Kashmir?

We got you on tape.

You're up to your nostrils
in goat (...).

Where's the drop?

Where's the fricking drop?

(groaning)

Port Bayonne,
Sunday night, 10:00.

(chuckles)
Good.

That was the smartest
thing you could do.

Good-bye.

(siren blaring)
U.S. Customs!

Don't move!
Against the van!

Hands against--
against the van!

Don't you move!
Turn your head!

You are under arrest!

Turn your (...) head!

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will
be used against you.

United States Customs.
Don't anybody move!

You're under arrest, Stefan.
Put your hands behind your back.

What now? This is
so fricking not great.

And worst of all,
to be brought down

by two dicks
wearing Kmart.

You recognize this?

Is that your
little girlfriend?

You're gonna miss her
when you're in prison.

It's Tibetan chiru goat.
Just get him out of here.

(imitating goat bleating)

**

What the hell
happened here, man?

This is a fricking mess!
(sighs)

Were you robbed?
No.

Holy sh...

Hey, I'm gonna get some
light in this place, huh?

No, Pico.

No, no!

Oh, come on.

Okay, come on,
get dressed.

I got a little job for us.
Easy money.

Go, man. Take it.

It turns out I didn't
need it after all.

Hey, man, why don't you hold
on to it for a little bit, huh?

Looks like
you could use it.

Come on, let's do this thing.
Come on, man, two hours.

Let's go, nice and easy.
No, no, I can't! I can't!

I got to figure out my life,
Pico. Just go.

Giorgio!
Hey, Giorgio.

Just go!

(scoffs)
Ah...

(cell phone ringing)

Morton Green,
I don't know you.

Am I catching you
at the wrong time?

Yeah, man, you are.
What is it? Make it quick.

I saw the article
in "New York Magazine."

I would like to talk to you
about a designer job.

(chuckles)
What is this, a joke, man?

Come on.

I'm out of town,

but are you available
for a Skype chat in the a.m.?

I'll text you my address.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Of course. For sure.

Thank you.

Ahh!

Excuse me, sir, you think I
could buy that magazine off you?

Okay.
Yeah?

(gasps)

Sir, sir, sir, that's me!

Giorgio Bene! That's me.
Do you see that?

Okay.
(laughing)

Thank you, sir.
Thank you! Thank you!

(...)

Oh, come on.

What are you doing here?

Well, I'm making
an omelet, obviously.

(chuckles) You look like
you've lost your mind.

I don't know...
(chuckles)

This is where I work,
and...

I'm really happy.

You have definitely
lost your mind.

Okay, maybe I did for a little
while, but let's be honest,

I have you to thank for
evicting me from my life.

You evicted me
from mine.

Yeah, so what
happened to you?

Did someone steal
all your clothes,

or are you having
a nervous breakdown?

Uh, heh-heh,
that's kind of close.

I went through a rough
patch there, but...

I might-- might-- have
a design job on 7th Ave.

What?
It's in there.

Right there.

Giorgio, this is amazing!
(laughing)

Oh, that's amazing.
I just--

I knew you would always do
something with your life.

Well, I always knew you'd
wind up someplace like this.

But, hey, look,
you look ravishing.

Even in egg.

Well, you look
pretty good.

Even in rags.

So... uh...

Yeah, I got to go,
so, um...

Good seeing you.

Yeah, good seeing you, too.

I was very impressed with
what you did for that rapper.

You think outside the box.

You probably
graduated from F.I.T.

What's your
work experience?

Uh...

Well?

Well, I...
I didn't go to F.I.T.,

and I have no real

design work experience.

Your outfit shows
great fashion knowledge

and sophistication.

Where did you
learn all that?

I got to be honest
with you, Mr. Green.

It's is gonna sound a bit--
bit corny, I guess, but...

learned it
in the streets.

You know, I'm from--
I'm from Queens.

Been a shoplifter since
I was six years old.

Went to jail.

Listen, sir,
I'm clean now, okay?

And I'm just asking you,
please, please just give me--

just give me one chance.
One chance.

I checked you out,
Giorgio Bene.

You're a good guy.

I think there's a major
designer in you,

and I want to be the one

to help bring you
out to the world.

Stop in and see me on
Monday morning at 8:00 sharp.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

(relieved sigh)

(Chanel)
Giorgio, those are
amazing management skills.

I'm talking on the level
of Harvard MBA.

He knows everything
about fashion.

You love the fabric,
the clothes, buttons.

It's not a crime.
Just misdirected creativity.

You have passion, Giorgio.

**

Dr. Adler was forced
to resign.

The head of
the department,

he saw your "New York
Magazine" photo shoot,

and he was so impressed with
your so-called rehabilitation

that he offered me
a teaching fellowship

if I finish
my dissertation.

He already arranged
magazine interviews

to talk about my amazingly
successful therapies.

It wa an amazingly
successful therapy,

and I'm really
happy for you.

Come on, it's
a big lie, Giorgio.

You know that.

Chanel, the world
is full of lies.

That's how
the world runs.

But this...

this is real.

**

I forgot what a good
kisser you are.

Chanel, I think
you're the best thing

that's ever
happened to me.

I'm so confused,
Giorgio.

I think there's
another chance for you

to prove that your therapy
really does work.

With a patient who really,
really, really needs your help.

Like who?

Ma, meet Chanel Borden.

This is the girl
I was telling you about.

Hello.
So nice to meet you,
Mrs. Bene.

Filomena.
Filomena is enough.

Now, she wants to enter you
into her special program at NYU.

Wow.

Special program.
I know, you mentioned that.

And this program,
does it pay money?

(Giorgio)
Oh!

Don't embarrass me.

Behave, okay?

My son...

always the wheeling
and the dealing.

So, what is it about?

Gambling.

Gambling?

Gambling?

That's great.
(chuckles)

And it'll take place
in Atlantic City.

Mainly at the slot machines.

I love it already!
I mean, this is great!

That's beautiful.
I mean, I have a great friend

at the Taj Mahal,
and he'll comp us on the room,

and then they always
comp me on the food.

(chuckles)
That's fantastic!

I'm happy.

All right, it was very nice
to meet you, Chanel.

It was so nice to meet you.

Are you related
to the Coco--

Okay, thank you, Ma.

(scoffs)
He's so upset about everything.

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

Giorgio, I think she'll
make the perfect patient.

Amore.

Giorgio, amore.

I'm sorry.
(chuckles)

Do you have some cash?

I just forgot
my money at home.

Oh, you forgot cash.
Yeah.

Oh, that's a big surprise.
Yeah, for real, for real.

For real, huh?
I forgot it, yeah.

I got a little bit.
Okay.

Thank you.

I'm so happy
about the program.

Listen.

I know love
when I see it.

Bye.

Bye, Chanel.

Bye.
Ciao.

I'll see you
in Atlantic City.

**

(Giorgio)
What was this all about?

(Chanel)
When you walk into a store,

do you ever feel any
uncontrollable urges?

Like shoplifting?

Not anymore.

I wanted to test it

by monitoring changes
in your heartbeat.

And what did you
find out?

Your radial artery showed
a steady pulse rate at 65.

No emotion whatsoever,
which is amazing.

I could have
told you so.

I felt an
uncontrollable emotion.

I couldn't help
stealing something.

(siren blaring)

Oh, no, are you
kidding me?

Chanel!

I know.

Should I return it?

Oh...

You're nuts.

**

(woman)
* Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh-oh, oh *

* I see you
as you sip your drink *

* Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh-oh *

* Suddenly my mind is fuzzy

* Yeah, I can't think

* Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh-oh *