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1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:04,167
HEY. HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?
2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,033
NONEXISTENT -- THE MAYOR
ASKED ME TO PREPARE A REPORT.
3
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:09,501
I SPENT THE WHOLE TIME
IN THIS CHAIR.
4
00:00:09,534 --> 00:00:12,934
WOW -- 48 HOURS
WITHOUT FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP.
5
00:00:12,968 --> 00:00:15,767
I NEVER SAID � THAT.
6
00:00:15,801 --> 00:00:18,534
TELL HIM YOU'RE OVERWORKED.
HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
7
00:00:18,567 --> 00:00:21,000
CAITLIN, THINGS LIKE
TALKING AND UNDERSTANDING
8
00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:22,267
ONLY WORK FOR WOMEN.
9
00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:25,367
GUYS DON'T DO ALL THAT
"BLAH BLAH."
10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,000
WHICH REMINDS ME,
11
00:00:27,033 --> 00:00:29,767
I WENT INTO YOUR DESK AND TOOK
A COUPLE CAFFEINE PILLS.
12
00:00:29,801 --> 00:00:33,434
THOSE PILLS ARE FOR PMS.
13
00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:41,901
WELL, THEY DON'T WORK.
14
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:45,667
I'M STILL CRANKY.
15
00:00:45,701 --> 00:00:48,067
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
AT LEAST LET ME HELP YOU.
16
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,467
NO, I GOTTA DO IT MYSELF.
17
00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,901
I CAN'T PAWN OFF MY WORK
ON SOMEBODY ELSE.
18
00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:54,267
THE MAYOR AND THE CITY
ARE COUNTING ON ME.
19
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:57,167
WE'RE ALL COUNTING ON YOU,
BATMAN.
20
00:01:25,434 --> 00:01:26,667
WHERE'S PAUL?
21
00:01:26,701 --> 00:01:28,167
THE MEETING
STARTS AT 10:00.
22
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,300
I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT
THAT I WAS ON TIME.
23
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:32,701
BECAUSE I TOLD YOU
THE MEETING STARTED AT 9 :00.
24
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,934
HEY, GUYS.
25
00:01:35,968 --> 00:01:37,200
PAUL, IS THAT A NEW SUIT?
26
00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:38,367
YEAH. HOW'D YOU KNOW?
27
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,234
THE BAGGIE WITH BUTTONS
WAS A TIP-OFF.
28
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,934
HEY, WATCH IT, WATCH IT,
WATCH IT WITH THAT COFFEE.
29
00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,968
I'M TAKING THIS THING BACK
TOMORROW.
30
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,400
HOLD ON -- NEW SUIT,
YOUR POWER TIE --
31
00:01:49,434 --> 00:01:51,067
TODAY'S THE BAGEL.
32
00:01:52,234 --> 00:01:53,400
WHAT'S THE BAGEL?
33
00:01:53,434 --> 00:01:55,767
EVERY YEAR PAUL ASKS
THE MAYOR FOR A RAISE,
34
00:01:55,801 --> 00:01:57,167
AND EVERY YEAR HE GETS...
35
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,200
THE BAGEL.
36
00:01:59,234 --> 00:02:00,400
NOT THIS YEAR!
37
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:02,701
THIS YEAR I AM NOT TAKING NO
FOR AN ANSWER.
38
00:02:02,734 --> 00:02:06,200
NOR AM I TAKING
"ARE YOU KIDDING?,"
39
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:10,434
"WHAT, ARE YOU HIGH?,"
OR
"NO HABLE INGL�S."
40
00:02:10,467 --> 00:02:11,634
SORRY I'M LATE --
41
00:02:11,667 --> 00:02:14,667
IT'S MY TURN TO LOSE
TO THE MAYOR IN RACQUETBALL.
42
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:15,767
NICE SUIT.
43
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:19,400
HEY! IS TODAY THE BAGEL?
44
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:24,667
WELL, MY PLANS ARE ALL SET.
45
00:02:24,701 --> 00:02:26,033
WHAT PLANS?
46
00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,667
CARTER'S GOT A HOT DATE
FOR THE GAY BALL.
47
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,601
IT IS NOT A GAY BALL.
48
00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:35,634
IT'S A FORMAL DANCE GALA FOR
ALTERNATIVE-LIFESTYLE ARTISTS.
49
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:38,968
I'D GO WITH "GAY BALL."
50
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,868
IT SOUNDS LESS GAY.
51
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:45,133
BETTER BE HOME BY MIDNIGHT,
52
00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:47,601
OR YOUR MIATA
WILL TURN INTO A PUMPKIN.
53
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:51,834
AT LEAST MY DATES DON'T SHOW UP
WITH A MANAGER AND A BOOMBOX.
54
00:02:51,868 --> 00:02:54,534
ACTUALLY, CARTER,
YOU DON'T HAVE A DATE.
55
00:02:54,567 --> 00:02:57,000
SEAN JUST CALLED.
HE HAD TO CANCEL.
56
00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:58,968
CANCELED?
UH! IT'S TONIGHT.
57
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,534
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET
ANOTHER DATE
58
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:03,033
AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE?
59
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:06,000
CARTER, I'M FLATTERED,
BUT, UH...
60
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:08,167
I GOT TOO MUCH WORK TO DO.
61
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,734
HOW ABOUT YOU, CAITLIN?
62
00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:13,033
DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY?
63
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,100
YOU'RE KIND OF CHOOSY.
64
00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:18,000
CHOOSY? ALL I WANT IS A GUY
WHO'S SMART, WELL-TRAVELED,
65
00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:19,267
RUGGED YET STYLISH,
66
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,734
WHO PREFERS TO READ PROUST
IN FRENCH.
67
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:24,167
LET'S JUST OPEN THE PHONE BOOK
AND PICK A NAME.
68
00:03:25,334 --> 00:03:27,534
ANGIE, CAN YOU HELP?
69
00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:29,767
SURE. I'LL GET CAITLIN
THE PHONE BOOK.
70
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:34,767
HEY.
71
00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:36,300
WHY AREN'T YOU ASKING ME
FOR HELP?
72
00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:38,968
STUART, I DON'T TRUST
YOU TO PICK OUT PRODUCE.
73
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,734
YOU DON'T KNOW
ANY GAY PEOPLE.
74
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,033
THIS IS NEW YORK.
75
00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:46,234
YOU CAN'T SWING A TANK TOP
WITHOUT HITTING A GAY GUY.
76
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,267
I DON'T WANT JUST ANY GUY.
HE HAS TO BE SPECIAL.
77
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,767
I SAID NO.
78
00:03:57,567 --> 00:03:59,000
LET IT GO.
79
00:04:03,968 --> 00:04:09,901
"43% OF THE 1999 SURPLUS
EQUALS $611,4-- "
80
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:12,200
WE'RE 15 MINUTES LATE
FOR OUR 1:30
81
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:14,234
AT THE 21 CLUB
ON 52nd STREET.
82
00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:21,200
THANKS.
83
00:04:21,234 --> 00:04:22,601
I'M TOO BUSY TO GO TO LUNCH.
84
00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:24,133
OH, HEY, GUYS.
85
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:26,400
YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?
86
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,167
YES, SIR. I KNOW.
THE REPORT'S DUE.
87
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,634
NO, IT'S THE BAGEL.
88
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:36,200
THIS YEAR MY TOP THREE
REJECTION CHOICES ARE
89
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:40,167
THE FAKE-SOMBER,
"I'M SORRY, BUT NO,"
90
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,467
THE MISLEAD...
91
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,667
..."NO,"
92
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,767
OR MY PERSONAL FAVORITE,
THE AL PACINO --
93
00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:49,167
"HOO-AH!"
94
00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:52,400
"NO."
95
00:04:52,434 --> 00:04:54,167
I ALWAYS LIKED
THE GARY COLEMAN --
96
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,834
"WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT,
PAUL?!"
97
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:59,267
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.
98
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,934
I FEEL LIKE I COULD BLOW OFF
SOME STEAM BEFORE THE BAGEL.
99
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:05,868
HOW ABOUT WE PLAY
A LITTLE RACQUETBALL?
100
00:05:05,901 --> 00:05:07,367
SIR, I DON'T KNOW.
101
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,300
YOU HAVE TOO MUCH WORK?
NOTHING I CAN'T HANDLE.
102
00:05:10,334 --> 00:05:12,367
GOOD! THEN I GUESS
YOU'LL HAVE TIME
103
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,367
TO SUMMARIZE
THESE REPORTS FOR ME.
104
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,100
GREAT. NOW I'VE GOT
EVEN MORE WORK,
105
00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:20,000
WHICH I CAN'T DO
BECAUSE I'LL BE TOO BUSY
106
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:21,534
TRYING TO LOSE
IN RACQUETBALL.
107
00:05:21,567 --> 00:05:24,100
TALK TO HIM, OR YOU'LL BE
COMPLAINING BEHIND HIS BACK
108
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,334
BUT SMILING TO HIS FACE.
109
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,634
OH, AND CAN YOU
PICK UP A CAN OF BALLS?
110
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,367
LOVE TO.
111
00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:38,734
CAITLIN, I APPRECIATE YOU
HELPING ME FIND CARTER A GUY.
112
00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:41,567
THE LINEN HUT IS DEFINITELY
THE RIGHT PLACE TO LOOK.
113
00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:44,000
LET'S GET TO IT.
114
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,067
EXCUSE ME.
115
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:48,601
I'M LOOKING
FOR THE GAY PEOPLE.
116
00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:52,767
YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE
MORE SUBTLE.
117
00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:55,167
I'LL LAY OUT SOME BAIT.
118
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,868
* I'LL TUMBLE FOR YA
119
00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:58,534
* I'LL TUMBLE FOR YA
120
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,100
* I'LL TUMBLE --
121
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:04,167
LET ME HANDLE THIS.
I CAN TELL WHEN A MAN'S GAY.
122
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,467
HOW?
I SEND OUT "THE LOOK."
123
00:06:06,501 --> 00:06:08,968
IF I DON'T GET THE LOOK BACK,
WE MOVE IN FOR THE KILL.
124
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,968
LET'S GIVE THIS ONE A TRY.
125
00:06:15,634 --> 00:06:17,334
[ GIGGLES ]
126
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:28,701
HI. I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING,
BUT YOU'RE GAY, AREN'T YOU?
127
00:06:28,734 --> 00:06:30,100
NO, I'M NOT.
128
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:31,801
EXCUSE ME,
BUT, YES, YOU ARE.
129
00:06:35,968 --> 00:06:38,701
A COUPLE YEARS OF THERAPY --
130
00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:40,801
HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
131
00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:50,934
TOO GOOD, SIR.
132
00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:54,767
AHH. COME ON, CHARLIE!
PUT UP A FIGHT!
133
00:07:00,033 --> 00:07:02,667
TOO MUCH TABASCO, HUH?
134
00:07:02,701 --> 00:07:06,033
MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND
A LITTLE MORE TIME PRACTICING
135
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,267
AND A LITTLE LESS TIME
SHUFFLING PAPERS.
136
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,467
Shuffling papers.
137
00:07:10,501 --> 00:07:12,467
COME ON, NANCY BOY.
138
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,334
SHOW ME SOMETHIN'.
139
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:17,968
[ THEME FROM "CHARIOTS OF FIRE"
PLAYS ]
140
00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:39,334
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE LEFT-HANDED.
141
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:41,200
NOT ANYMORE.
142
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,367
I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU
TO MEET THIS GUY.
143
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,801
HE'S PERFECT!
144
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:53,501
IF YOU DON'T TAKE HIM,
I
WILL.
145
00:07:53,534 --> 00:07:56,067
I'LL BELIEVE IT
WHEN I SEE IT.
146
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,634
BACK OFF. HE'S MINE.
147
00:07:57,667 --> 00:08:00,567
ROBERT, THIS IS CARTER.
CARTER, ROBERT.
148
00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:01,901
HEY. GOOD TO MEET YOU.
149
00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:03,968
ARE THOSE MADELEINES?
150
00:08:04,033 --> 00:08:05,033
YES.
151
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,467
THESE COOKIES
REMIND ME OF PROUST.
152
00:08:07,501 --> 00:08:10,467
"THE TASTE WAS THAT OF
THE LITTLE PIECE OF MADELEINE,
153
00:08:10,501 --> 00:08:12,234
Both: "WHICH STARTED
SUNDAY MORNINGS AT COMBRAY."
154
00:08:12,267 --> 00:08:15,300
I LOVE PROUST!
155
00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:16,901
BUT ONLY
IN THE ORIGINAL FRENCH.
156
00:08:16,934 --> 00:08:18,667
YES!
157
00:08:18,701 --> 00:08:21,434
WHAT'S THIS PROUST STUFF?
IS THAT LIKE GAY PORN?
158
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,601
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
AND GET A CUP OF COFFEE?
159
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:24,601
SURE.
160
00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,634
CAITLIN...
161
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:32,801
HOW'S IT GOIN'?
162
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:34,534
WHY ARE YOU
IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD?
163
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:37,267
OH, I JUST BEAT THE MAYOR
AT RACQUETBALL.
164
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,367
IT WAS EXACTLY
WHAT I NEEDED.
165
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,767
ARE YOU CRAZY?
NOBODY BEATS THE MAYOR.
166
00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:44,400
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
167
00:08:44,434 --> 00:08:45,934
HE SUCKS.
168
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,934
ONCE MY COMPETITIVE INSTINCTS
KICKED IN,
169
00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:49,133
I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
170
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:51,234
PEOPLE LET HIM WIN
TO BUILD HIS CONFIDENCE.
171
00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:53,133
CAITLIN, GIVE THE MAYOR
SOME CREDIT.
172
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:54,868
HE'S NOT GONNA LOSE
HIS CONFIDENCE
173
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,834
OVER A COUPLE OF GAMES
OF RACQUETBALL.
174
00:08:56,868 --> 00:09:00,534
FOR EIGHT STRAIGHT YEARS
YOU'VE TURNED ME DOWN.
175
00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:01,801
WELL, NO MORE.
176
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,934
MR. MAYOR, I WANT A RAISE.
177
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:06,734
OKAY.
178
00:09:09,267 --> 00:09:11,067
AND A ROWING MACHINE.
179
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,834
SURE.
180
00:09:12,868 --> 00:09:15,667
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
181
00:09:15,701 --> 00:09:18,067
CHARLIE, DO SOMETHING.
182
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:22,734
I'M GONNA GO TAKE
SOME MORE OF YOUR PILLS.
183
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,133
YOU COULDN'T TELL THE MAYOR
HE WAS OVERWORKING YOU.
184
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,200
YOU HAD TO KEEP IT
ALL PENT UP.
185
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:30,934
NOW HE CAN'T SAY NO
TO ANYBODY.
186
00:09:30,968 --> 00:09:33,667
THIS MORNING HE BOUGHT $500
OF BEAUTY PRODUCTS
187
00:09:33,701 --> 00:09:35,467
FROM SOME PUSHY AVON LADY.
188
00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:37,501
IF HE WANTS TO BUY
A LITTLE HAND CREAM,
189
00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:38,901
WHAT'S THE HARM?
190
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:40,701
DO I SMELL APRICOT?
191
00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:44,334
YEAH. FEEL THIS.
I'M TURNING BACK THE CLOCK.
192
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:45,934
WE HAVE A MAJOR
BUDGET NEGOTIATION,
193
00:09:45,968 --> 00:09:48,501
AND THE MAYOR'S GONNA CAVE IN
JUST LIKE HE CAVED IN TO PAUL.
194
00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:50,534
THE ONLY THING PAUL'S GONNA GET
OUT OF THE MAYOR
195
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:52,234
IS A FOAMING
CITRUS BATH BALM.
196
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:55,968
HEY, GUYS!
197
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,367
CHARLIE, YOU'VE GOTTA GIVE
THE MAYOR A REMATCH,
198
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,601
AND YOU'VE
GOTTA LET HIM WIN.
199
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,334
FINE. PAUL, YOU GOT
THAT PRESS RELEASE?
200
00:10:06,334 --> 00:10:07,868
THANKS.
201
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:10,133
HEY. I MET ROBERT.
YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
202
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:12,567
I'M SHOCKED, BECAUSE
WHEN I LEFT THE STORE,
203
00:10:12,601 --> 00:10:14,067
YOU WERE GETTING DESPERATE.
204
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,501
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I HAD A PLAN.
205
00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:18,868
YOU WERE ON THE LOUDSPEAKER
SHOUTING,
206
00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:20,367
"WILL THE MAN
IN TIGHT PANTS
207
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,901
REPORT
TO CUSTOMER SERVICE?"
208
00:10:21,934 --> 00:10:24,100
IT WAS A STAMPEDE,
209
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:26,467
BUT NONE OF THEM WERE RIGHT
FOR CARTER.
210
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:27,767
WHAT DOES ROBERT DO?
211
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,767
HE'S AN ACTOR.
212
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:33,234
REALLY? HAVE I SEEN HIM
IN ANYTHING?
213
00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:37,601
WELL, LAST NIGHT HE PLAYED
THE ROLE OF CARTER'S BOYFRIEND.
214
00:10:37,634 --> 00:10:39,100
YOU HIRED AN ACTOR?!
215
00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:40,767
I TOLD HIM
EVERYTHING TO SAY.
216
00:10:40,801 --> 00:10:42,133
THAT PROUST STUFF -- MINE.
217
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,968
HERE'S THE KICKER --
218
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,467
HE'S NOT EVEN GAY.
219
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:48,634
I'M BRILLIANT.
I THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
220
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:51,367
WHAT IF CARTER LIKES HIM
AND WANTS TO SEE HIM AGAIN?
221
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,334
I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.
222
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:55,934
WELL, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF --
CARTER IS VERY CHOOSY.
223
00:10:55,968 --> 00:10:58,067
CHANCES ARE HE WON'T WANT
TO SEE HIM AGAIN.
224
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,601
IT WAS A MAHOGANY
ROLL-TOP WRITERS' DESK
225
00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:02,734
THAT I SAW
ON "ANTIQUE ROADSHOW."
226
00:11:02,767 --> 00:11:04,667
YOU WATCH
"ANTIQUE ROADSHOW"?
227
00:11:04,701 --> 00:11:07,167
IT'S MY FAVORITE PROGRAM.
228
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,267
HI, GUYS.
229
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,634
THE MAYOR WANTS TO SEE YOU.
230
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:14,200
PROBABLY WANTS TO DISCUSS
SOME HIGH-LEVEL STRATEGY.
231
00:11:17,868 --> 00:11:21,501
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
I BOOKED YOU FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY.
232
00:11:21,534 --> 00:11:23,667
BUT MY AGENT TOLD ME
THAT IF I CAN PLAY GAY,
233
00:11:23,701 --> 00:11:25,534
IT'LL OPEN UP
A LOT OF OPPORTUNITIES.
234
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,000
I CAN'T GET TRAINING LIKE THIS
ANYWHERE ELSE.
235
00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:30,234
YOU CAN'T LEAD CARTER ON
LIKE THIS.
236
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:33,467
NOW, YOU TELL HIM IT'S OVER.
JUST...LET HIM DOWN EASY.
237
00:11:33,501 --> 00:11:34,734
YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL DO?
238
00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:36,968
I'LL GIVE HIM
A LITTLE OF THE BREAKUP
239
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,067
OF "THE BRIDGES
OF MADISON COUNTY,"
240
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,601
AND THEN I'LL BRING IT HOME
241
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:42,934
WITH THE RAW EMOTION
OF "THE WAY WE WERE."
242
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:44,934
ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE NOT GAY?
243
00:11:44,968 --> 00:11:47,033
THAT GUARANTEES
MY EXTRA VACATION.
244
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:51,100
AND, UH,
JUST SIGN RIGHT THERE
245
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,667
TO APPROVE
MY SALTWATER FISHTANK.
246
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:54,767
PAUL, SOMEBODY WANTS YOU
OUTSIDE.
247
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,634
WHO?
248
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:58,834
EVERYBODY IN HERE.
249
00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:06,100
SOMEBODY JUST LOST
HIS ROWING PRIVILEGES.
250
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,400
SIR, IF YOU'RE NOT TOO BUSY,
251
00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:09,734
I THOUGHT
WE COULD SQUEEZE IN
252
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,434
A LITTLE REMATCH
THIS AFTERNOON.
253
00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:14,200
YOU SHOULD FEEL GOOD
ABOUT YOURSELF, CHARLIE.
254
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,968
YOU BEAT A MAN TWICE YOUR AGE
WITH A BAD HAMSTRING
255
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,234
FAIR AND SQUARE.
256
00:12:19,701 --> 00:12:23,067
CHARLIE,
COULD YOU GIVE US A SECOND?
257
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:25,400
His hamstring was fine.
258
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,033
SIR, THAT WAS
VERY BIG OF YOU.
259
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:33,267
THAT'S THE KIND OF GUY I AM.
260
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,234
WHAT DID I DO?
261
00:12:35,267 --> 00:12:37,133
YOU LET CHARLIE BEAT YOU
AT RACQUETBALL,
262
00:12:37,167 --> 00:12:39,467
AND YOU'RE SELFLESSLY
LETTING HIM SAVOR VICTORY.
263
00:12:39,501 --> 00:12:41,400
EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE
IS TALKING ABOUT IT.
264
00:12:41,434 --> 00:12:42,634
ARE THEY?
265
00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,334
YES! I MEAN,
CAN'T YOU SEE IT?
266
00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:46,734
YOU'VE NEVER LOST.
YOU MUST HAVE THROWN THIS ONE.
267
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:50,467
WELL, OF COURSE I DID.
268
00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:54,033
AND OBVIOUSLY THERE'S
A GOOD REASON WHY I DID THAT?
269
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:56,567
CLEARLY YOU SENSED
THAT CHARLIE WAS DOWN
270
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,634
AND NEEDED
A LITTLE EGO BOOST.
271
00:12:58,667 --> 00:13:00,567
YOU SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME.
272
00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:04,834
WHOO! WAY TO GO, MR. MAYOR.
273
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,767
[ Thinking ]
I AM ON FIRE.
274
00:13:06,801 --> 00:13:11,000
[ Thinking ]
JUST LET HIM WIN.
275
00:13:11,033 --> 00:13:13,434
JUST LET HIM WIN.
276
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:16,434
UGH!
277
00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:21,100
NICE SHOT, SIR.
278
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,400
THANK YOU.
279
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,400
[ Thinking ]
THAT WAS A HORRIBLE SHOT.
280
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:25,767
CHARLIE'S BETTER THAN THAT.
281
00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:27,767
WAIT A SECOND.
282
00:13:27,801 --> 00:13:29,834
HE'S TRYING TO LET ME WIN.
283
00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:32,767
HE'S TRYING TO BETHE BIGGER MAN.
284
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,400
I'M
THE BIGGER MAN.
285
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:36,834
I'LL SHOW
HIM
HOW TO LOSE.
286
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,634
EXCELLENT PLAY, CHARLIE.
287
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:51,634
EAT THAT, SUCKER.
288
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,701
HEY, CARTER, I GOT --
OH.
289
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,033
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
290
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,701
CARTER AND I
JUST FINISHED DINNER.
291
00:13:58,734 --> 00:13:59,968
HE'S OUT GETTING ICE CREAM.
292
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,734
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BREAK UP
WITH HIM.
293
00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:03,467
I WAS GOING TO,
BUT MY AGENT CALLED.
294
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:06,467
I'M UP FOR THE PART
OF A GAY HIT MAN.
295
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:08,100
NOBODY MANIPULATES
MY ROOMMATE,
296
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:11,033
ESPECIALLY SOME GUY I HIRED
TO PRETEND TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND.
297
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,734
NO. WHEN CARTER GETS BACK,
298
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,100
TELL HIM YOU'RE GOING
TO COSTA RICA
299
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:16,601
TO SAVE THE RAIN FOREST.
300
00:14:16,634 --> 00:14:18,100
CARTER WILL LOVE THAT.
301
00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:19,634
HEY, GUYS.
302
00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:21,133
I GOT MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP.
303
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:25,834
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE HAVE
THE SAME FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
304
00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:28,801
I CHECKED THE FREEZER
AND IMPROVVED.
305
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,767
HEY, CARTER...
306
00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:35,767
ROBERT HAS SOMETHING
HE HAS TO TELL YOU.
307
00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:37,400
WHAT IS IT?
308
00:14:37,434 --> 00:14:39,067
MY NAME ISN'T ROBERT.
309
00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:43,200
IT'S...EDUARDO ARTISTE,
310
00:14:43,234 --> 00:14:47,133
AND I AM AN OPENLY GAY HIT MAN.
311
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:49,567
WOW.
312
00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:51,567
WHAT A SHOCKING ENDING
313
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:55,067
TO A BRIEF BUT WONDERFUL
RELATIONSHIP.
314
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,567
ADIOS, EDUARDO.
315
00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:58,601
WHAT THE HELL'S
GOING ON HERE?
316
00:14:58,634 --> 00:15:01,367
I COULDN'T FIND YOU A DATE,
SO...
317
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,801
I HIRED AN ACTOR.
318
00:15:10,934 --> 00:15:12,334
OOH!
319
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:14,133
OH, MY GOD.
320
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:15,934
HE'S GOTTEN WORSESINCE YESTERDAY.
321
00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:20,567
COME ON, CHARLIE.CONCENTRATE.
322
00:15:20,601 --> 00:15:22,133
FIND THE WILL TO LOSE.
323
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:26,968
[ STRAUSS' "BLUE DANUBE" PLAYS ]
324
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:54,133
GREAT MATCH, SIR.
YOU WERE TOO GOOD TODAY.
325
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:55,467
Caitlin: YEP, TOO GOOD.
326
00:15:55,501 --> 00:15:58,000
MAYOR WINS RACQUETBALL --
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL.
327
00:15:58,033 --> 00:16:00,434
YOU COULDN'T LET ME LOSE,
COULD YOU, CRAWFORD?
328
00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:02,267
YOU HAD TO BE
THE BIGGER MAN.
329
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:03,734
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR,
330
00:16:03,767 --> 00:16:06,868
THIS WHOLE RACQUETBALL THING
HAS GOTTEN A LITTLE WEIRD.
331
00:16:06,901 --> 00:16:09,934
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'VE GOT SOME MORE WORK TO DO.
332
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:13,167
YEAH, GO DO WORK!
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOOD AT!
333
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,634
WHAT IS WRONG, SIR?
334
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:17,634
CAN'T YOU BE BAD AT ANYTHING?!
335
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:23,667
I'M PRETTY BAD AT KNOWING WHAT
THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
336
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,601
CARTER,
YOU CAN'T IGNORE ME FOREVER.
337
00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:31,067
LET ME GET YOU
A CUP OF COFFEE.
338
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,868
WILL IT BE COFFEE
OR TEA
ACTING
LIKE COFFEE?
339
00:16:33,901 --> 00:16:35,601
WOULD YOU RELAX?
340
00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:37,634
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE WITH SOMEONE
341
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,634
WHO'S THERE
BECAUSE HE'S BEING PAID?!
342
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,701
BAD EXAMPLE.
343
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:46,567
BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE LIVID
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
344
00:16:46,601 --> 00:16:47,667
CARTER, EASY, EASY.
345
00:16:47,701 --> 00:16:48,901
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU!
346
00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:51,334
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU!
STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!
347
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:53,267
CARTER,
DON'T GET SO RILED UP.
348
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:56,567
WE ALL KNOW STUART CAN BE
INSENSITIVE FROM TIME TO TIME,
349
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:57,934
BUT THAT'S WHO HE IS.
350
00:16:57,968 --> 00:17:00,100
THANKS, PAUL.
351
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:02,701
YES, HE'S A SELFISH, CRUDE,
VINDICTIVE BASTARD.
352
00:17:02,734 --> 00:17:05,334
OKAY.
I CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE.
353
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,801
AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE
HE THINKS IT'S FUNNY
354
00:17:07,834 --> 00:17:10,567
WHEN HE SEWS AN ANCHOVY
INTO THE LINING OF YOUR JACKET
355
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:12,501
SO YOU GET KICKED OFF
THE AIRPLANE
356
00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:14,734
BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING
ALL THE PASSENGERS SICK!
357
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:15,901
EASY, PAUL.
358
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:17,467
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
FROM YOU!
359
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:19,667
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU!
STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!
360
00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:25,234
HEH HEH HEH.
361
00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:29,901
SO, UH, WAS IT WORTH IT,
STUART?
362
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,801
DID YOU GET A BIG LAUGH
AT MY EXPENSE?
363
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,534
I WAS JUST TRYING
TO DO YOU A FAVOR.
364
00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:35,834
BY HUMILIATING ME?
365
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,133
HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT
366
00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:39,267
WHEN I OFFERED HELP
AND YOU LAUGHED?
367
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:42,567
IN WHAT WORLD WOULD I GO TO
STUART BONDEK TO FIND ME A GUY?!
368
00:17:42,601 --> 00:17:46,167
YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING
ABOUT ME OR WHAT I WANT.
369
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,667
SO I SUPPOSE
IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE
370
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,734
THAT ROBERT LIKED MILES DAVIS,
"ANTIQUE ROADSHOW,"
371
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:53,300
AND MALLOMAR COOKIES.
372
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,801
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME SO WELL --
WHAT'S MY FAVORITE BOOK?
373
00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,000
"GRAPES OF WRATH."
374
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,200
FAVORITE MONOPOLY PIECE?
375
00:17:58,234 --> 00:17:59,200
THE SHOE.
376
00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:00,501
FAVORITE MOVIE?
377
00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:02,434
YOU CLAIM IT'S "CITIZEN KANE,"
378
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:04,234
BUT IT'S REALLY "MEATBALLS."
379
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:09,701
OH, MY GOD.
380
00:18:09,734 --> 00:18:11,200
34 YEARS OLD,
381
00:18:11,234 --> 00:18:14,501
AND THE PERSON
WHO KNOWS ME BEST
382
00:18:14,534 --> 00:18:18,868
IS AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED
PORN ENTHUSIAST.
383
00:18:18,901 --> 00:18:23,100
I PREFER
"ADULT-FILM AFICIONADO."
384
00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:26,834
AND YOU'RE 35.
385
00:18:26,868 --> 00:18:27,934
[ CHUCKLES ]
386
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:30,000
LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT ROBERT.
387
00:18:30,033 --> 00:18:33,234
IT WAS A STUPID IDEA.
388
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:35,267
ARE WE OKAY?
389
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:36,367
YEAH.
390
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,334
YEAH, YEAH, WE'RE OKAY.
391
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:43,701
FAVORITE STRONGMAN EVENT?
392
00:18:43,734 --> 00:18:45,067
THE LOG TOSS.
393
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,434
DAMN!
394
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,133
COME ON!
395
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,367
[ GRUNTING ]
396
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,868
SIR, IS THIS A BAD TIME?
397
00:18:53,901 --> 00:18:55,767
NO. WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
398
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,567
UH, ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
BEFORE --
399
00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:02,868
WHY...WON'T...THIS...BREAK?!
400
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:04,801
SIR, IF I MAY?
401
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:09,501
THE KEY IS TO GET IT
RIGHT ABOVE THE HANDLE.
402
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:17,167
FEEL LIKE A BIG MAN NOW,
MR. RACKET BREAKER?
403
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,367
SIR, I THINK MAYBE IT'S TIME
THAT WE TRY TO COMMUNICATE.
404
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,567
WHAT ARE YOU, A GIRL?
405
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:29,000
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
406
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:31,033
YOU ASK ME TO PLAY
RACQUETBALL -- I PLAY.
407
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,667
YOU PILE WORK ON ME --
I DO IT.
408
00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:34,667
NOT ONCE DO I COMPLAIN
OR ASK FOR HELP.
409
00:19:34,701 --> 00:19:36,033
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU
410
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:38,367
THAT I WANTED YOU
TO ASK ME FOR HELP --
411
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,033
THAT I'D LIKE TO FEEL NEEDED?
412
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,567
THAT'S WHAT'S
BOTHERING YOU?
413
00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:44,601
MAYBE.
414
00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:46,634
YOU GAVE ME A CHANCE
WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD.
415
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,734
I WANTED TO SHOW YOU
YOU DIDN'T MAKE A MISTAKE.
416
00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:50,734
THE TRUTH IS, SIR,
417
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,367
I CAN'T DO THIS JOB
WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
418
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,167
I MEAN, I'M STRESSED OUT.
I HAVEN'T SLEPT.
419
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,267
OH, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT
TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.
420
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:04,033
NO. I'M LOSING HAIR.
I'M DEVELOPING AN ULCER.
421
00:20:04,067 --> 00:20:06,767
WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC!
422
00:20:06,801 --> 00:20:08,534
DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP,
423
00:20:08,567 --> 00:20:12,000
BUT MY CHOLESTEROL LEVELS
ARE DANGEROUSLY HIGH.
424
00:20:12,033 --> 00:20:13,234
[ CHUCKLES ]
425
00:20:13,267 --> 00:20:15,567
WELL, SO IT'S DECIDED, THEN.
426
00:20:15,601 --> 00:20:19,534
FROM NOW ON, WE'RE
GOING TO HELP EACH OTHER --
427
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,000
WORK AS A TEAM.
428
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,601
I'M GLAD WE HAD THIS TALK.
429
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:28,934
DO ME A FAVOR?
430
00:20:28,968 --> 00:20:30,100
IF CAITLIN ASKS,
431
00:20:30,133 --> 00:20:32,367
WE SETTLED THIS
BY ARM-WRESTLING.
432
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:37,367
OOH, YOU
ARE
LOSING HAIR.
433
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,934
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
434
00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:41,000
I JUST PURCHASED
A DWARF BARRACUDA,
435
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:43,767
SO I NEED YOU TO SIGN THIS
SO I CAN BE REIMBURSED.
436
00:20:43,801 --> 00:20:45,667
HOO-AH!
437
00:20:45,701 --> 00:20:47,367
NO.
438
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,601
SIR, YOU CAN'T RETURN
A DWARF BARRACUDA.
439
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:52,968
IT'S GONNA TAKE
ALL MY PAY RAISE
440
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,234
T-TO PAY FOR IT.
441
00:20:54,267 --> 00:20:55,601
TALK TO HIM, CHARLIE.
442
00:20:55,634 --> 00:20:58,367
WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT,
PAUL?
443
00:21:05,801 --> 00:21:07,167
JUST LET HIM WIN.
444
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,367
JUST LET HIM WIN.
445
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,634
THAT'S LONG ENOUGH.THAT'S LONG ENOUGH.
446
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:14,234
OOH.
447
00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:16,734
[ SIGHS ]
448
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:18,534
BEST TWO OUT OF THREE?
449
00:21:18,567 --> 00:21:20,667
SURE.
450
00:21:20,701 --> 00:21:22,200
HUH!
451
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:23,834
JUST LET HIM WIN.
452
00:21:23,868 --> 00:21:25,133
JUST LET HIM WIN.
453
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:27,367
I MEAN...
454
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,467
JUST LET HIM WIN.
455
00:21:30,868 --> 00:21:33,300
- [MAN] SIT, UBU, SIT. GOOD DOG.
- [UBU BARKS]
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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