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www.titlovi.com
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Uh, we don't get TV in this
house, um, we all have computers.
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My daughter and my son are three and two
and they each have their own computers,
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and they're lined up next
to mommy's computers, and,
5
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um, my little girl is
really really super smart.
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She can use a computer really well,
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she surfs around this, online
and she uses photoshop
8
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she uses word, I mean she's
only three years old
9
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and she can read and write
and use a computer
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just like an adult, she's pretty amazing.
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I didn't plan to be a single mom.
12
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I didn't plan to be stuck
in the middle of the desert
13
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where I don't know anybody,
14
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it's just kind of
all been thrown for a loop.
15
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So at that point I said
we gotta arrest him,
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so we arrested him,
and he cried like a baby, didn't he.
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"I can't go back to jail! Ahhhhhhhh!"
18
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and he just cried like a baby.
I said okay.
19
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I gave him the opportunity
to make very small
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reasonable payments,
he didn't make any of the payments,
21
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I warned him if he didn't make the payments
I was gonna come and take his grandma's car.
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That's what he forced us to do,
and the day that I took this car
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his little 87-year-old grandma
or mother was out there with her walker
24
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watching us take her car.
25
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And it was one of the hardest things
I've ever had to do.
26
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But you know what? Business is business.
27
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So. Now the clay is pretty much
conditioned, it's ready to be worked with.
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We're gonna give ourselves, a base, and
then uh, he will be put into action.
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I would see if he can find a girlfriend.
30
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Since he's gone throughout
this radical surgical procedure,
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to have his
penis re-installed.
32
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Imagine how happy he is when he wakes up
and finds out, he's got a dick again.
33
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Wow, you know that's a, that's a big
day in the coyote's life. Huh?!
34
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And I knew that, getting this opportunity
to be on a mainstream show,
35
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I knew my whole life,
like, once I got out to LA,
36
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once I could get on a reality show,
and get the opportunity to show people,
37
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like, about me,
that that would be the big thing
38
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I need to move forward mainstream. I just
need that one opportunity to get there.
39
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No! What happens is it like, it like, like,
you're trying to put it in it like bends.
40
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And you, it's better if it's like a
solid one. -That's reality right there.
41
00:02:35,945 --> 00:02:41,622
No, I'm not kidding. But, like, one like
this, then it doesn't, it goes faster.
42
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And he comes from, of course the uh, story
of the old testament, the story of Josean.
43
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Um, and this is
kind of a modern day adaptation of that.
44
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Currently, (unintelligible conversation)
That is amazing,
45
00:02:54,379 --> 00:02:57,001
that is amazing
and God bless you and take care.
46
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I'm definitely still growing spiritually.
I don't think you can ever quit growing.
47
00:03:01,922 --> 00:03:08,734
There's always room to get closer to God
and things to learn about him and...
48
00:03:09,225 --> 00:03:12,816
ways to change your life and to improve.
49
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It is a mess.
- You're a mess.
50
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It's a mess. But that's
the way gnocchies are.
51
00:03:18,469 --> 00:03:20,254
A little bit of a mess.
52
00:03:20,269 --> 00:03:23,234
It's like, a guy told me once,
when he was painting.
53
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Is that how you,
how it was more basic and then he went in.
54
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Well it wasn't more basic,
it was just a painting I did
55
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and then one day I took it out and I just
started painting
56
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all this other stuff in there
and just went in with this reds and...
57
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I don't, I don't remember
what it looked like before,
58
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I can't remember, I just, very hard to
keep a band together and I only wanna play
59
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with certain guys
that I really love playing with.
60
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Cause it all comes together, it's
like summer theatre you know.
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Wow! I got a barn, and
I got to, I got to,
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I got the instruments, we'll put our own
show on! You know what I mean.
63
00:03:52,161 --> 00:03:53,862
It all still has that, that element.
64
00:03:54,332 --> 00:03:59,643
This is uh, one of the Chinatown series.
From my home town. After the mill closed.
65
00:03:59,643 --> 00:04:03,076
I mean, pretty much closed.
66
00:04:03,403 --> 00:04:05,843
What'd you get last year, for
your birthday, from Aunt Lynny?
67
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:08,969
I think a Power Ranger suit. -You got what?
No, you didn't!
68
00:04:08,971 --> 00:04:11,486
You didn't get a Power Ranger suit
that was for Halloween.
69
00:04:11,488 --> 00:04:14,575
You got an electric guitar...
A 'lectric guitar...
70
00:04:14,577 --> 00:04:17,239
A REAL electric guitar!
71
00:04:17,578 --> 00:04:20,555
Why? Because you told aunt Lynny you
wanted to grow up to be a rockstar.
72
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:25,190
You know what, I just see a beautiful
girl and I just wanna hug her!
73
00:04:26,028 --> 00:04:28,097
Well, I love this one right here,
so I telling you.
74
00:04:28,437 --> 00:04:33,085
I currently reach out to women and men in
the sex industry and the porn industry
75
00:04:33,195 --> 00:04:36,643
and I absolutely love pulling them
out of the pit
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the porn industry pit.
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It's 1800 square feet and, the guest
house is around 600 square feet.
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00:04:45,464 --> 00:04:47,934
That little garage area, I don't know.
79
00:04:47,936 --> 00:04:52,624
Um, it took me about a year to really
get serious about studying,
80
00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:59,018
and, it took me three times to
pass the test, but I did it and,...
81
00:05:00,797 --> 00:05:02,671
here I am.
82
00:05:03,285 --> 00:05:05,910
Got into real-estate, I've
been in it for five years.
83
00:05:07,642 --> 00:05:11,304
Over here. -Yup.
- Dark and mild.
84
00:05:11,483 --> 00:05:13,726
No, he likes the dark heavy.
Dark heavy.
85
00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:17,393
When I'm at home,
I run around with no makeup on,
86
00:05:17,979 --> 00:05:22,785
a pair of sweatpants, bare foot, a t-shirt,
and I'm usually out in the yard digging.
87
00:05:23,081 --> 00:05:25,746
Because I like to plant things,
I like to grow things.
88
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Or decorating my house.
89
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,827
I like to do crafty things,
like, you know, I don't,
90
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:35,156
I know I don't seem like
the domestic goddess!
91
00:05:35,158 --> 00:05:38,434
But I, I,
I like to make things for the house
92
00:05:38,436 --> 00:05:42,480
and I love to cook.
And, I'm a very good cook.
93
00:05:42,482 --> 00:05:49,490
I had a little bit, of, a, some bad
terrible terrible news, uh, this April.
94
00:05:49,706 --> 00:05:54,312
Um, I was diagnosed with uh,
stage three melanoma cancer.
95
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:59,318
So for the past four or five months I've
been dealing with that and on chemo.
96
00:05:59,344 --> 00:06:02,009
They recommended complete dissection
of the lymph-nodes,
97
00:06:02,503 --> 00:06:07,883
and then to be on heavy-dose interferon,
which would be uh, intravenous,
98
00:06:07,885 --> 00:06:12,082
which I would get five times a week, for
the first month, and then after that,
99
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:17,891
three times a week, for eleven
months, for the rest of the year.
100
00:06:18,613 --> 00:06:21,732
And um, it's, it's been tough.
101
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It's actually great here, cause, how
many porno stars live here? I know...
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There's some more uh, there's
some more coming in uh, Sunset,
103
00:06:29,292 --> 00:06:32,983
uh, Houston, uh,
Taylor Saint-Claire just moved here.
104
00:06:33,083 --> 00:06:35,731
What, whatever happened to uh,
she was really hot, but I loved her.
105
00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:39,128
What happened to that um... oh
godammit, I don't know their names
106
00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:42,328
I'm really bad with this, um...
You remember their tits. Yeah.
107
00:06:42,342 --> 00:06:45,369
Oh god, she was um,
oh that doesn't make any difference.
108
00:06:45,451 --> 00:06:47,735
She was living here for
a long time she was so hot.
109
00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:49,503
(unintelligible conversation)
110
00:06:50,632 --> 00:06:53,410
Oh yeah, she just moved outta town,
yeah, she just moved outta town.
111
00:06:53,452 --> 00:06:55,996
And uh, that's the only thing
I missed out on in life.
112
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,959
I've done, pretty much everything I wanted.
113
00:06:58,022 --> 00:07:00,457
I did wanna have kids,
didn't have the opportunity
114
00:07:00,459 --> 00:07:04,919
to meet the right woman the right
time, so I do kinda miss out on that,
115
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,368
but uh,
nobody gets everything there's other guys
116
00:07:09,441 --> 00:07:11,766
that have great kids
and they love every minute of it
117
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they kinda wish they were me,
fantasy wise,
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00:07:13,798 --> 00:07:17,616
but um, nobody gets everything.
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AFTER PORN ENDS
120
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,530
I started modeling in ninth grade.
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00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,559
My mom put me through modeling school,
I graduated from modeling school,
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00:07:32,561 --> 00:07:39,044
started doing beauty pageants, and
model searches, and bikini contests.
123
00:07:39,244 --> 00:07:45,618
So, I was exposed, to,
not so much the adult industry
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but just knowing that I could make money
with my body.
125
00:07:49,181 --> 00:07:51,195
I had a roommate at the time,
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um, that was a dancer, and she knew
an agent, his name was Jim Salf.
127
00:07:56,022 --> 00:07:59,324
He said, "Hey, there's a producer
that saw your picture
128
00:07:59,326 --> 00:08:02,799
and he'd like you to come do a movie
how would you like to do a movie?"
129
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:06,514
And I said, uh, well,
I've never done a movie before
130
00:08:06,516 --> 00:08:08,814
but sure, I could do it, no problem.
131
00:08:08,816 --> 00:08:11,499
I went down and I had
braids like Bo Derek
132
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,870
at the time and, and
did my first scene.
133
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It was a three-way. I had never
even, been with a woman,
134
00:08:18,551 --> 00:08:22,744
I didn't know what to do with a woman,
I had, no idea what I was doing.
135
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,363
But the minute those lights hit me,
136
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I swear that was
where I was supposed to be.
137
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Everyone said do it, do it, do it.
138
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And the more you do the more money you
can make dancing on the dance circuit,
139
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the more magazines you can do,
the more you're exposed, you can,
140
00:08:38,978 --> 00:08:42,994
I mean gosh, I have a sex toy line, now
we wanna do an action figure of you.
141
00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:47,224
Okay! I mean, all of it
was just like, cool!
142
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You know, sign me up! Sure!
143
00:08:49,942 --> 00:08:53,156
I was just having a blast, I mean,
there were fans
144
00:08:53,627 --> 00:08:57,928
lined up for miles and miles
and miles that flew,
145
00:08:57,933 --> 00:09:00,754
I mean some people came from
Poland and Berlin,
146
00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:03,540
and come to think of it
when I went to Poland,
147
00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:06,461
to um, sign autographs and whatever,
148
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,188
I mean, when I got off the plane
I needed a body guard!
149
00:09:09,352 --> 00:09:15,821
I mean, for a porn star to be that big,
around the world,
150
00:09:15,833 --> 00:09:18,042
I mean, it was un-believable,
I mean felt like a...
151
00:09:18,044 --> 00:09:20,375
I was a true super star!
152
00:09:20,424 --> 00:09:23,254
I mean people, were knocking
each other down.
153
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:27,054
Heeeere's Houston!!!!
154
00:09:31,397 --> 00:09:35,608
Over the Dali Lama in the newspaper,
155
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:37,179
I was the headliner.
I mean, that's unbelievable.
156
00:09:37,258 --> 00:09:41,855
I was still under contract,
I was with Metro Productions
157
00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:44,637
for a few years,
and they're the ones that also produced
158
00:09:44,799 --> 00:09:47,526
uh, the Houston 500,
the world's biggest gang-bang.
159
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:51,776
Um, at that point when I first signed
with Metro,
160
00:09:51,778 --> 00:09:56,114
it was already known going in
that I was gonna takeover,
161
00:09:56,847 --> 00:10:00,460
uh, Jasmine Saint-Clair's
title and do this gang-bang.
162
00:10:00,896 --> 00:10:03,783
So, going into my contract with Metro,
163
00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:06,466
I already knew that I was gonna be
doing that,
164
00:10:06,468 --> 00:10:10,158
so, I wasn't,
I wasn't looking for things to,
165
00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:14,152
oh I've gotta be more crazy and wild,
166
00:10:14,154 --> 00:10:17,287
you know honestly
it just all came to me naturally.
167
00:10:17,386 --> 00:10:19,682
Like, I mean, I had a labiaplasty,
168
00:10:19,875 --> 00:10:22,481
and that was before
a lot of women even knew
169
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:27,764
that they can get their labia trimmed if
you have larger labia lips and you know,
170
00:10:27,963 --> 00:10:31,246
when I did that it was like, oh,
it was just a no brainer
171
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:35,672
I'm gonna encase that in lucite
and auction it. The trimmings.
172
00:10:35,866 --> 00:10:41,237
I mean, it's just things just came
to me, I was just a publicity whore.
173
00:10:41,565 --> 00:10:43,079
I was good at it.
174
00:10:43,081 --> 00:10:46,251
I had invested my money, uh,
I bought a home,
175
00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:50,267
as well as, um, put a lot of money
in mutual funds,
176
00:10:50,269 --> 00:10:54,132
and many years ago
when the stock market went kaput,
177
00:10:54,316 --> 00:10:59,289
I lost, like, almost all my savings.
And that hurt me.
178
00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:02,452
Um, but I did still have my house
that I owned in LA,
179
00:11:02,652 --> 00:11:05,730
um, and then when things got rough
of course I sold it,
180
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,991
not for financial reasons but when I
wanted to get out of the industry.
181
00:11:09,983 --> 00:11:14,445
I'm professor of communications
studies and psychology at UCLA.
182
00:11:14,995 --> 00:11:20,459
I study a variety of topics,
but one of the major areas
183
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,019
that I study is pornography.
184
00:11:23,113 --> 00:11:27,054
I'm Faith, and since 1984
I've done about 600 films.
185
00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:29,206
About a thousand scenes, give or take.
186
00:11:29,521 --> 00:11:32,987
Um, I've won
several dozen awards for acting
187
00:11:33,199 --> 00:11:36,570
in sex performances
and fan favorite and this and that.
188
00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:40,126
I think it might be up,
this year for best non-sex role
189
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:43,687
I've also moved into
the occasional character part
190
00:11:43,689 --> 00:11:45,634
that doesn't involve having sex.
191
00:11:45,842 --> 00:11:48,299
I write about the sex industry pretty much
192
00:11:48,513 --> 00:11:53,725
from the fall of 1995
until the fall of 2007.
193
00:11:54,021 --> 00:11:56,749
"The History of X:
One Hundred Years of Sex in Film"
194
00:11:56,958 --> 00:11:58,194
is the name of my first book.
195
00:11:58,264 --> 00:12:00,201
I've been in the
adult entertainment industry
196
00:12:00,279 --> 00:12:03,850
for basically 35-36 years,
in every capacity.
197
00:12:03,912 --> 00:12:06,686
I started as a writer, became an actor,
198
00:12:06,688 --> 00:12:11,365
director, agent, and now
I'm sorta the, papa bear
199
00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:14,157
to the adult entertainment industry,
protecting adult welfare,
200
00:12:14,159 --> 00:12:18,086
which I run, and, watch over
the overaged juvenile delinquents
201
00:12:18,088 --> 00:12:20,128
and what I refer
to as the playpen of the damned,
202
00:12:20,171 --> 00:12:21,821
which is the X-rated industry.
203
00:12:22,021 --> 00:12:24,559
What we give them in the adult
entertainment industry
204
00:12:24,561 --> 00:12:29,252
for a brief shiny moment is
immortality, validation, and credibility.
205
00:12:29,254 --> 00:12:33,830
Every one of us, no matter how
insignificant we may think we are,
206
00:12:34,146 --> 00:12:37,344
wants to be recognized at one
time or another in our lives,
207
00:12:37,346 --> 00:12:40,125
and when you went to those conventions
they lined up at your booth
208
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:43,536
like they were getting
signatures from professional athletes.
209
00:12:43,623 --> 00:12:47,994
My parents divorced. My dad took us
far away from our mother,
210
00:12:48,374 --> 00:12:51,001
and ran away with us.
He became an alcoholic.
211
00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:56,018
Then I moved in with my mom and the
family relationship changed, um,
212
00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:02,305
I felt kind of lost. I worked a
regular job, um, in an office,
213
00:13:02,307 --> 00:13:06,841
for five years, but while I was doing
those things I also found um,
214
00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:12,012
a modeling website and I put
my pictures on the website,
215
00:13:12,014 --> 00:13:17,216
and then um, you know, I was still working
in the office but people were emailing me
216
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:22,990
about doing shoots.
And I thought it would be cool to do,
217
00:13:23,463 --> 00:13:27,144
like, bikini stuff, or, even though
I never really even
218
00:13:27,303 --> 00:13:31,256
walked around in bikinis I thought
it would be, kind of neat.
219
00:13:32,313 --> 00:13:36,651
So, eventually, I did take a job, um doing,
220
00:13:36,653 --> 00:13:40,667
um, you know they were only asking me to
do nudes and eventually I just did it.
221
00:13:40,997 --> 00:13:44,074
I went to my first shoot,
in like a hotel room,
222
00:13:44,461 --> 00:13:51,061
and um, it was just supposed to be
topless, and it, was, it was really scary.
223
00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:53,203
Um...
224
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,885
It was weird.
225
00:13:57,081 --> 00:14:00,152
Well ever since I,
since I got into the business,
226
00:14:00,236 --> 00:14:04,148
I always got emails, that said that
you, you don't look quite comfortable,
227
00:14:04,196 --> 00:14:10,793
and I think that it was the innocence,
that, attracted my, a lot of my fans,
228
00:14:11,064 --> 00:14:13,825
is that I didn't look totally comfortable
in anything I did,
229
00:14:13,855 --> 00:14:16,416
and even if I was speaking I didn't
look totally comfortable
230
00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:20,653
and I never looked confident, I wasn't
very verbal, I wasn't, you know,
231
00:14:20,706 --> 00:14:24,459
over the top with the noises
or anything, um.
232
00:14:25,495 --> 00:14:30,156
I dunno, I just started feeling,
really depressed about it. Honestly.
233
00:14:30,158 --> 00:14:37,821
And, then I hit rock bottom myself,
emotionally, where I um, got really upset
234
00:14:37,921 --> 00:14:40,661
and I'd go in the bathroom and
I threw a glass
235
00:14:40,743 --> 00:14:46,359
on the ground and then I um, just crying
236
00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:49,021
and fall to the ground
and just started like,
237
00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:51,803
pounding my wrists into the glass,
and blood was,
238
00:14:51,805 --> 00:14:53,886
just started going everywhere, and...
239
00:14:54,710 --> 00:14:57,363
I dunno, I just kinda lost that hope.
240
00:14:57,522 --> 00:15:01,332
I did have a stalker, um, he started
off just sending me hate-mail.
241
00:15:01,528 --> 00:15:06,557
He's an atheist, so he was pretty
much, putting down what I believe in
242
00:15:06,559 --> 00:15:11,363
and trying to get me to debate him.
He, heh, became obsessed with me
243
00:15:11,365 --> 00:15:17,493
and developed like this, crush on me. And
then I told him we would never date,
244
00:15:17,495 --> 00:15:21,410
I don't know you I don't know where you
live, you're too young, blah blah blah.
245
00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:24,242
And um, he flipped out.
246
00:15:25,378 --> 00:15:29,396
The thing that pushed me to the edge was
he said he was gonna, um, he wanted
247
00:15:29,398 --> 00:15:32,589
to bash my head into the concrete
until my brains spilled out.
248
00:15:32,591 --> 00:15:35,429
And then kill my cat and stuff like that.
249
00:15:35,431 --> 00:15:41,116
A few fans had emailed me the last year
or so and said they were praying for me
250
00:15:41,454 --> 00:15:43,543
and that they were not
looking at porn anymore,
251
00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:45,983
and, you know,
and then I had this other guy saying
252
00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:48,832
you need to put a warning on your
website because kids can see this
253
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:50,931
my fourteen-year-old son found this,
and then...
254
00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:55,207
Just all kinds of people were like, sending
me these emails, random emails and...
255
00:15:55,209 --> 00:15:59,957
You know it uh, and of course I would,
I was always kind of sympathetic
256
00:16:00,115 --> 00:16:03,719
to whatever they said but, um,
there was some,
257
00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:07,386
you know I was still kind of hardened too,
at the same time, because I was like well,
258
00:16:07,388 --> 00:16:11,494
I can't do anything else, this is what I'm
good at. This is all that, I know.
259
00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:17,495
And, I kind of believed it at the time.
I didn't have anybody you know,
260
00:16:17,497 --> 00:16:22,445
saying, you're better than that.
So, um...
261
00:16:22,996 --> 00:16:26,112
Some adult stars do "find god" and leave,
262
00:16:26,114 --> 00:16:28,170
but those are people who needed,
263
00:16:28,172 --> 00:16:31,493
who needed to be gone anyway,
and did not have
264
00:16:31,495 --> 00:16:33,909
the personal strength to do it
and so they do look outside
265
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:35,617
for something to help them leave.
266
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,758
Um, there are plenty of people in the
business who really shouldn't be here,
267
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,147
because they have conflict about...
if I was-, if I'd been raised
268
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:45,917
to be ashamed of my body,
and to feel bad about men
269
00:16:45,956 --> 00:16:47,847
and their and the horrible desires,
270
00:16:47,936 --> 00:16:51,446
but, did porn for other reasons eventually
those two things are gonna co-,
271
00:16:52,124 --> 00:16:54,167
wheels are gonna come off the bus.
272
00:16:54,237 --> 00:16:56,324
I can only deny it so long,
people try to deny,
273
00:16:56,326 --> 00:16:58,489
they stuff their feelings with, with drugs,
274
00:16:58,528 --> 00:17:01,002
and alcohol, or whatever it is
they stuff their feelings with
275
00:17:01,004 --> 00:17:03,577
and after a six months, one year,
five year, ten years, whatever
276
00:17:03,937 --> 00:17:06,418
it finally goes you know what?
I can't do this anymore.
277
00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:09,827
Because for religion and especially
western religion, especially Christianity
278
00:17:09,890 --> 00:17:13,429
says I love you, I forgive you,
you can come home now.
279
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:16,188
And I will not push you out.
280
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:18,997
And so that is incredibly powerful
and incredibly potent
281
00:17:18,999 --> 00:17:22,212
to have someone finally say
I don't shame you.
282
00:17:22,687 --> 00:17:25,058
I love you. You're welcome here.
283
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:27,362
Sign me up!
284
00:17:27,364 --> 00:17:30,361
When you're involved in this
industry you lose your humanity.
285
00:17:30,363 --> 00:17:34,927
You're no longer treated as a human being
by eighty percent of people out there.
286
00:17:34,986 --> 00:17:37,155
You're now, now scum.
287
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,760
Like they maybe wanna,
do certain things with you.
288
00:17:40,356 --> 00:17:42,168
But then, you're still scum.
289
00:17:42,170 --> 00:17:45,894
And, like if, they may be thrilled
to have a roll in the sac with you
290
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:49,027
but when they leave, when you leave
they're gonna wanna burn the sheets.
291
00:17:49,957 --> 00:17:53,800
Uh, ah, I got into porn by accident. It
wasn't something I planned on doing,
292
00:17:53,802 --> 00:17:58,437
uh, probably mighta been the, the least
likely thing I thought I woulda done.
293
00:17:58,439 --> 00:18:02,220
I was singing in bands after I, a
baseball thing didn't work out,
294
00:18:02,222 --> 00:18:06,003
uh, I knew I could sing
so I started singing in rock bands.
295
00:18:06,602 --> 00:18:08,707
And of course like all
struggling musicians you
296
00:18:08,733 --> 00:18:10,894
gotta make a little extra
dough on the side.
297
00:18:11,303 --> 00:18:14,854
It actually, my, my first naked job
I was a nude art model
298
00:18:14,856 --> 00:18:17,359
for like you know college art
classes and stuff like that.
299
00:18:17,361 --> 00:18:19,675
And I was really kinda shy
but not about my body
300
00:18:19,677 --> 00:18:22,249
just about talking
I was kinda shy about talking.
301
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:25,514
But yeah I'd get naked in front of
people so I did that and a couple girls
302
00:18:25,516 --> 00:18:28,849
in one of the classes asked to take
some pictures of me and they did and...
303
00:18:28,851 --> 00:18:31,629
They came out pretty good and they said
can we send them to some magazines
304
00:18:31,631 --> 00:18:34,037
I said I don't care do what you want.
305
00:18:34,094 --> 00:18:36,648
And they sent'em out and and next thing
I know I got a letter from Playgirl,
306
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:39,562
and, but High Society said they
like to do a boy/girl thing
307
00:18:39,564 --> 00:18:42,383
but I said alright.
So it was the first thing I ever did.
308
00:18:42,385 --> 00:18:45,859
And they had a woman editor and at the
end of the shoot she goes you know uh,
309
00:18:45,976 --> 00:18:48,256
I noticed you were taking care of
business pretty good,
310
00:18:48,258 --> 00:18:52,165
did you ever think about doing a porn
movie cause I got some connections.
311
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,826
And I go,
I never really thought about it, no.
312
00:18:54,828 --> 00:18:57,889
She goes well you know, I think,
I can get you 250 bucks.
313
00:18:57,891 --> 00:19:02,053
Like, 250 bucks man! 1978
that was some good cash,
314
00:19:02,055 --> 00:19:03,665
that's what I was making a week!
315
00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:06,827
So I said uh,
alright I'll try it, you know.
316
00:19:06,829 --> 00:19:11,070
So I did it and uh, guess I was good
at it cause they kept calling me back.
317
00:19:11,072 --> 00:19:13,889
And uh, that's kinda how it got started.
318
00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:17,326
I, I used to say it's like borrowing
somebody's body to masturbate with.
319
00:19:17,328 --> 00:19:19,227
Uh, excuse me,
if you're not busy do you mind
320
00:19:19,229 --> 00:19:22,226
if I jerk off in your pussy with my dick?
321
00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:24,906
Uh, it's kinda like that,
which it's not bad,
322
00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:27,347
I mean you know,
better than real jerkin' off, but...
323
00:19:27,775 --> 00:19:31,025
When I first started producing up-and-
comers I get this letter in the mail
324
00:19:31,027 --> 00:19:35,124
and I open it up, and I see this
unbelievably, good-looking,
325
00:19:35,326 --> 00:19:40,004
very young looking blonde girl,
with beautiful natural boobs,
326
00:19:40,819 --> 00:19:45,783
little baby face, and she wants to know
if I can help her get in the porn biz.
327
00:19:46,554 --> 00:19:48,353
Girl's name was Jenna Jameson.
328
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,090
I remember saying this
I mean holy christ
329
00:19:50,092 --> 00:19:52,705
if I get this girl to shoot for
me we're gonna sell some tapes.
330
00:19:52,707 --> 00:19:54,723
I said well if you don't wanna do guys
you know
331
00:19:54,817 --> 00:19:58,117
I'll let you pick whatever girl you want
if you wanna do that. And she liked girls.
332
00:19:58,150 --> 00:20:00,990
So she picked this girl that
I happened to be working with
333
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:03,331
that day who was doing her first movie,
Kylie Ireland,
334
00:20:03,587 --> 00:20:05,825
so Kylie and Jenna were doing
their thing together
335
00:20:05,827 --> 00:20:08,681
and uh, everything was going good,
336
00:20:08,806 --> 00:20:12,244
and they took a little break
and while they were lying there I...
337
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:14,015
I think I said something like,
338
00:20:14,017 --> 00:20:17,518
man Jenna that's a
tasty looking pussy you got.
339
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,337
And I believe she said well why
don't you come in and taste it.
340
00:20:21,402 --> 00:20:22,822
I was...
341
00:20:22,982 --> 00:20:26,351
Okay, I was doing the camera but
I handed it to my assistant,
342
00:20:26,717 --> 00:20:29,373
Bob hold onto this, start shooting.
343
00:20:29,935 --> 00:20:32,384
So I get in there and
I start going down on her
344
00:20:32,386 --> 00:20:34,771
and she starts squealing
that little squeal that she had
345
00:20:36,372 --> 00:20:38,625
and um, I'm guessing she's kinda
liking it you know,
346
00:20:38,725 --> 00:20:40,927
and seemed like she was getting off
and everything's good
347
00:20:40,929 --> 00:20:43,131
and I said man, I am so fuckin' horny now.
348
00:20:43,151 --> 00:20:46,281
I said would you guys mind maybe like,
giving me a double blowjob or something?
349
00:20:46,283 --> 00:20:49,937
And they said sure, we can do that,
and I'm like... Thank you, thank you!
350
00:20:50,378 --> 00:20:55,947
And they did and it went well and
a week later she kinda called me back
351
00:20:55,949 --> 00:20:58,756
and said you know what you weren't
so bad I think I could probably do
352
00:20:58,856 --> 00:21:02,781
a boy girl thing with you and the
rest is kinda history after that.
353
00:21:03,265 --> 00:21:06,961
"It's a Daddy Thing" number three!
Old man, can make a comeback!
354
00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:09,856
Yeah!
Still there baby, no viagra yet!
355
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:15,043
Um, and it, you know,
it's cool you do your thing,
356
00:21:15,045 --> 00:21:17,191
you go home, you came,
you relax you know but,
357
00:21:17,398 --> 00:21:19,926
I'm kind of an affectionate kinda guy,
358
00:21:19,928 --> 00:21:22,097
and so I kinda miss that part
of it and that's why
359
00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:24,680
I still like having a relationship,
when it happens, you know.
360
00:21:25,966 --> 00:21:29,050
And uh, you know for example eh,
Tera Patrick man,
361
00:21:29,052 --> 00:21:32,335
not only was she incredible in bed but
there was just, I just liked her.
362
00:21:32,337 --> 00:21:35,890
And, that that, sense of humor
and the craziness,
363
00:21:35,892 --> 00:21:37,719
a little bit different, you know.
364
00:21:38,325 --> 00:21:41,837
So, I hadn't dated anybody in so long
when I met her
365
00:21:41,839 --> 00:21:46,753
I forgot how to do it, and uh, I
did ask her out to dinner twice,
366
00:21:46,755 --> 00:21:49,017
and we went out to dinner
and we had a good time but
367
00:21:49,619 --> 00:21:54,189
I dropped her off at her place without
asking her if I could, come in.
368
00:21:54,191 --> 00:21:58,319
And I don't know eh, I might have,
she mighta thought I was weird.
369
00:21:58,321 --> 00:22:01,256
I already had sex with her
a couple of times, on camera,
370
00:22:01,258 --> 00:22:05,225
and she mighta thought it was weird that I
didn't wanna come up and finish the date,
371
00:22:05,227 --> 00:22:08,000
but I was kinda showing her that
I wasn't just there for the sex,
372
00:22:08,929 --> 00:22:13,667
and, maybe it wasn't a good move cause
you leave a beautiful woman like that
373
00:22:13,669 --> 00:22:15,954
alone for too long and
somebody else is gonna come along
374
00:22:15,956 --> 00:22:19,141
and somebody else did come
along and that was that.
375
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,975
She made it today, this
is Tera Patrick. Hello.
376
00:22:21,977 --> 00:22:26,189
And uh, Tera is reasonably known in the
business and hasn't even worked that often.
377
00:22:26,788 --> 00:22:28,390
Apparently. Um.
378
00:22:30,935 --> 00:22:34,850
I was just trying to pace myself right now.
- One of my all time favorites.
379
00:22:40,669 --> 00:22:43,372
Most of the people
who seek it out don't have
380
00:22:43,554 --> 00:22:48,259
means of making that kind of money
by other means.
381
00:22:48,261 --> 00:22:52,416
I mean very few women say hmm,
I'm going to become a surgeon
382
00:22:52,418 --> 00:22:55,583
or I'm going to become a pornography star.
383
00:22:55,585 --> 00:22:58,513
This country does not raise people
with a very good work ethic.
384
00:22:58,515 --> 00:23:01,642
They don't know how to do anything else.
They don't know how to do retail,
385
00:23:01,644 --> 00:23:05,316
they don't know how to do
Excel spreadsheets.
386
00:23:05,318 --> 00:23:08,188
Many people who
make their way to adult entertainment,
387
00:23:08,190 --> 00:23:11,416
like rock-and-roll,
are not suited for nine-to-five work.
388
00:23:12,443 --> 00:23:15,603
I, ran away from home at sixteen
389
00:23:15,605 --> 00:23:17,711
and was living on the streets at seventeen.
390
00:23:17,713 --> 00:23:20,172
Uh, everything I owned
was in two garbage bags.
391
00:23:20,174 --> 00:23:25,584
Um, my parents were saying
I hope you just kill yourself
392
00:23:25,586 --> 00:23:27,553
and make life a lot easier
for the rest of us.
393
00:23:27,918 --> 00:23:31,233
Uh, it was just on and on and on
so there I was out on the streets
394
00:23:31,235 --> 00:23:36,225
and then, when I got taken in with a
foster family, um, I made sure that
395
00:23:36,227 --> 00:23:39,325
I kept finishing school with good grades
because that was gonna be my future
396
00:23:39,327 --> 00:23:42,155
that was gonna be my ticket outta there
and then when I went to college
397
00:23:42,222 --> 00:23:45,478
on full academic scholarship.
I never actually went to classes.
398
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,054
I said okay I've got free room
and board, I need to make money.
399
00:23:48,398 --> 00:23:50,577
I need to get some sort
of security and stability
400
00:23:50,621 --> 00:23:55,378
in my life so I don't have to
turn tricks to get food to eat.
401
00:23:55,478 --> 00:23:58,969
So I took up stripping,
I went to all the local strip bars,
402
00:23:58,971 --> 00:24:02,896
and from there I started doing
magazines in New York City.
403
00:24:02,898 --> 00:24:05,855
I would take a train to New York
City on weekends and do magazines.
404
00:24:06,082 --> 00:24:10,021
And then, uh, a photographer said
he knew a director in California
405
00:24:10,023 --> 00:24:13,256
named Bud Lee who could direct me in
some movies if I wanted to do that.
406
00:24:13,258 --> 00:24:17,728
So um, I packed up my suitcase and
a teddy bear and went out to LA.
407
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:21,736
Made a movie for Bud Lee, married him,
didn't come back.
408
00:24:22,176 --> 00:24:24,748
The reason that I wanted to do porn,
409
00:24:24,750 --> 00:24:28,908
even though I was so smart,
Miss MENSA and all that is
410
00:24:28,910 --> 00:24:32,201
uh, it's precisely because
I wanted to stop being known
411
00:24:32,203 --> 00:24:36,313
as the nerd the geek the,
the one that you come over
412
00:24:36,315 --> 00:24:39,260
and you be nice to me just so you
can copy off of my tests, you know.
413
00:24:40,428 --> 00:24:43,149
I would hang out with some of my
misfit friends and they had,
414
00:24:43,151 --> 00:24:46,387
they had adult magazines hidden under
their bed and they would look at them
415
00:24:46,389 --> 00:24:48,326
and I would be peeking over their shoulder.
416
00:24:48,382 --> 00:24:50,213
I wish someone
looked at me like that.
417
00:24:50,215 --> 00:24:52,445
And that was just like my
wildest fantasy that
418
00:24:52,447 --> 00:24:56,568
someone would think that I was
pretty and sexy and, woo!
419
00:24:56,570 --> 00:24:58,946
All my life I'd just been
the nerd and the geek.
420
00:24:58,948 --> 00:25:01,170
So it was like a fantasy
come true for me that
421
00:25:01,172 --> 00:25:03,579
someone wanted to see me on the cover
of a magazine.
422
00:25:03,581 --> 00:25:05,347
When I got to porn it was like
423
00:25:05,413 --> 00:25:08,526
wait, I get to pick which one of these
good-looking guys I wanna sleep with?
424
00:25:08,528 --> 00:25:10,223
And uh, you're gonna pay me for it
425
00:25:10,282 --> 00:25:13,059
and then you're gonna put me on a box
cover and give me tons of money?
426
00:25:13,141 --> 00:25:16,529
It was just uh, a really big step
up from where I was coming from.
427
00:25:17,184 --> 00:25:20,267
Porn wasn't all that much of a mental
challenge for me shall we say, um,
428
00:25:21,027 --> 00:25:24,104
standing there and saying
my silly lines just,
429
00:25:24,130 --> 00:25:26,113
it didn't take up a
whole lot of my day
430
00:25:26,385 --> 00:25:29,264
so meanwhile you got a lot
of time to sit around and wait
431
00:25:29,309 --> 00:25:32,410
so uh, I just kept myself busy
by learning every single job on the set.
432
00:25:34,086 --> 00:25:37,698
Um, I... I would get the grips
to take me down to the grip truck
433
00:25:37,700 --> 00:25:40,837
and show me the names of everything on
there and teach me how to do everything
434
00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:44,162
by showing up with my little grip belt and
my shorts and my gloves and no shirt on.
435
00:25:44,180 --> 00:25:48,245
And I would ask very nicely if they
would teach me their job and they did,
436
00:25:48,609 --> 00:25:52,821
and, much the same way I learned editing,
directing, producing, scriptwriting,
437
00:25:53,157 --> 00:25:55,519
um, every job on the set I've gotten.
438
00:25:55,995 --> 00:25:59,163
If you look on IMDB my name has got all
credits next to it I did everything.
439
00:25:59,749 --> 00:26:02,225
I even designed my own box covers.
440
00:26:02,827 --> 00:26:05,907
Um, what made me different was
I was the first half-asian
441
00:26:05,909 --> 00:26:08,374
to become an A-list star in the business.
442
00:26:09,405 --> 00:26:11,334
Um, before I'd started
there was the white girls
443
00:26:11,336 --> 00:26:14,479
and the black girls and the asian girls
and each had their own separate genre,
444
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:18,942
and, they didn't mix, you, you don't put
an asian girl in a white girl movie.
445
00:26:19,180 --> 00:26:20,576
It's just the way it was.
446
00:26:20,850 --> 00:26:22,896
And then when I came in
and I was only half-asian
447
00:26:22,909 --> 00:26:25,709
the features were soft enough that
they could still put me on a cover
448
00:26:25,734 --> 00:26:29,084
and I could still be a white girl, or and
asian girl, they could play me either way.
449
00:26:29,165 --> 00:26:32,319
Or they could play me as an Indian
or a Gypsy, or, Greek girl!
450
00:26:32,321 --> 00:26:33,902
They gave me all the different roles.
451
00:26:33,904 --> 00:26:36,969
So they just, they wound up using
my look as very versatile.
452
00:26:36,971 --> 00:26:40,669
And so I became the first "cross-over"
star from a minority,
453
00:26:40,671 --> 00:26:42,752
and then uh, I guess
they did pretty well with me
454
00:26:42,754 --> 00:26:46,053
cause after I left Vivid they got
Koby Tie, who was full asian, so,
455
00:26:46,346 --> 00:26:50,106
I kinda opened the door
for the minorities to become A-listers.
456
00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:52,257
I, I hated doing live appearance.
457
00:26:52,259 --> 00:26:55,371
Oh I'm getting sweaty just looking
at this picture. Yeah.
458
00:26:55,607 --> 00:26:58,250
I spent like all year long
dreading the CES Show.
459
00:26:58,304 --> 00:27:00,233
I would just have to keep telling myself
460
00:27:00,235 --> 00:27:02,966
they're more scared than you are,
they're more scared than you are.
461
00:27:03,203 --> 00:27:06,428
Cause I'd smile and I'd say "So what's
your name?" and they'd go...
462
00:27:07,375 --> 00:27:10,024
they'd just look at me.
Okay what's your name?!
463
00:27:10,973 --> 00:27:14,116
If you see my very first interviews from
when I was nineteen, twenty years old,
464
00:27:14,118 --> 00:27:16,015
I said I'm gonna retire when I'm thirty.
465
00:27:16,017 --> 00:27:18,624
And people would laugh and say oh
you've got it all planned out.
466
00:27:18,626 --> 00:27:20,443
There really wasn't any question about it.
467
00:27:20,857 --> 00:27:24,567
I had, gotten married, and, then divorced.
468
00:27:25,028 --> 00:27:28,832
And I met someone who had adult bookstores.
469
00:27:28,834 --> 00:27:31,504
So I basically got my introduction
470
00:27:31,506 --> 00:27:35,582
to the adult entertainment world
through working in adult bookstores,
471
00:27:35,914 --> 00:27:40,685
and then consequently owning adult
bookstores and I saw the women
472
00:27:40,687 --> 00:27:45,012
that were doing movies at the time and,
I was just,
473
00:27:45,014 --> 00:27:49,231
amazed, because,
they had pimples on their rear-ends,
474
00:27:49,233 --> 00:27:52,182
they had on no makeup,
their feet were dirty,
475
00:27:52,184 --> 00:27:55,107
their hair was dirty, and I thought my god,
476
00:27:55,109 --> 00:27:57,811
this is not a really good
representation of women.
477
00:27:57,978 --> 00:27:59,489
I wanna do that.
478
00:27:59,491 --> 00:28:07,195
I mean I had done, um, a few magazines
and a few uh, like, 8 mm loops,
479
00:28:07,197 --> 00:28:11,869
and then I came to California, and I
picked up one of the free papers and,
480
00:28:11,871 --> 00:28:13,365
there was an ad.
481
00:28:13,367 --> 00:28:17,467
My family was very, very okay
with what I did because
482
00:28:17,683 --> 00:28:22,673
I did tell them what I was about to
do before I actually did anything.
483
00:28:23,114 --> 00:28:28,316
I mean I'd done a couple of photo shoots,
and decided that I needed to tell my family
484
00:28:28,318 --> 00:28:31,704
before it got out there
because I didn't want
485
00:28:31,706 --> 00:28:33,937
them finding out from someone else.
486
00:28:34,011 --> 00:28:37,634
And they're like well do, you
think you can make money at it?
487
00:28:37,636 --> 00:28:40,166
You think you can have a good career
and be happy doing this?
488
00:28:40,168 --> 00:28:43,472
And I said yes I do, and they said good,
go do it.
489
00:28:44,550 --> 00:28:47,964
We had a very small community of people,
490
00:28:48,365 --> 00:28:51,703
of players, that we all worked with.
491
00:28:51,705 --> 00:28:54,316
And we all worked with
each other quite a bit.
492
00:28:54,886 --> 00:29:00,026
So the community was small, we were
familiar with one another, and, we actu...
493
00:29:00,028 --> 00:29:05,119
it's like when you, have a, a new boyfriend
or new girlfriend or a new husband or wife,
494
00:29:05,121 --> 00:29:07,999
it takes a little while
before you know what
495
00:29:08,001 --> 00:29:10,134
pushes their buttons, what turns them on
496
00:29:10,136 --> 00:29:13,943
what makes them feel good,
and then it starts
497
00:29:14,028 --> 00:29:19,401
to become very intimate,
and, you can actually,
498
00:29:19,701 --> 00:29:23,456
have an intimate relationship with the
person you're working with on screen,
499
00:29:23,881 --> 00:29:26,082
and be fond of them
after the movie is over.
500
00:29:26,892 --> 00:29:31,167
Um, but they're just
generally sweet nice people.
501
00:29:32,810 --> 00:29:38,473
I was being offered parts in movies,
in, or photo shoots or what have you,
502
00:29:38,475 --> 00:29:42,674
and they didn't want to pay me
the amount of money I wanted,
503
00:29:42,708 --> 00:29:45,852
and I said no. I just, I held out.
504
00:29:46,407 --> 00:29:51,012
So, um, and subsequently
I started stripping,
505
00:29:51,014 --> 00:29:55,051
going across the,
basically across the world stripping.
506
00:29:55,276 --> 00:29:59,348
And uh, doing photo shoots
with Club Magazine predominantly.
507
00:29:59,972 --> 00:30:02,656
And um, so they didn't see me in front,
508
00:30:02,658 --> 00:30:05,930
people didn't see me in front of the camera
so they thought okay, she's retired.
509
00:30:06,568 --> 00:30:09,019
I've been retired and come back
so many times
510
00:30:09,062 --> 00:30:12,623
I can't keep track anymore. I've
also been dead a few times.
511
00:30:15,065 --> 00:30:18,306
I saw an add in the paper it said
"Nude fun, big bucks."
512
00:30:18,308 --> 00:30:21,109
and uh, it was an audition
for an X-rated movie.
513
00:30:21,111 --> 00:30:23,226
Two days later I get a call
from the producer,
514
00:30:23,458 --> 00:30:25,101
they wanna give me a part in the movie.
515
00:30:25,103 --> 00:30:27,078
I hadn't planned on that.
516
00:30:27,288 --> 00:30:33,325
At the time, I had applied to the
Hebrew Union Seminary in Cincinnati,
517
00:30:33,327 --> 00:30:36,470
where they uh, train
people to become Rabbis.
518
00:30:36,899 --> 00:30:40,428
So I'm trying to measure,
do I wanna do this,
519
00:30:40,430 --> 00:30:42,355
or do I wanna be in a porn movie
because it seems
520
00:30:42,357 --> 00:30:44,323
if I take the part in the porn
movie I maybe,
521
00:30:44,925 --> 00:30:48,641
um, cutting some of my options off,
for future life.
522
00:30:49,243 --> 00:30:53,655
And the uh, seminary in Cincinnati
said we'll take you
523
00:30:53,657 --> 00:30:58,479
but the first two years you have to go to
Jerusalem and study Aramaic, which,
524
00:30:58,481 --> 00:31:02,310
I would rather go to Cleveland
and study their sewer system.
525
00:31:02,312 --> 00:31:04,522
Um, no interest there.
526
00:31:04,524 --> 00:31:06,960
So I decided I would make the porn movie.
527
00:31:06,962 --> 00:31:10,478
And, in any case the kind of Rabbi
I would become,
528
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,889
would be the kind that
could've made a porn movie.
529
00:31:12,891 --> 00:31:15,710
And uh, I went ahead and did the job.
530
00:31:15,773 --> 00:31:20,175
I think I had to become a sex
star just to come back to normal!
531
00:31:20,177 --> 00:31:24,151
Cause I'd been so humiliated
by being the fat kid!
532
00:31:24,153 --> 00:31:26,791
I had the largest breasts
in the seventh grade!
533
00:31:26,793 --> 00:31:30,487
The guys would make fun of me
and point at me and tease me!
534
00:31:30,489 --> 00:31:34,161
Do you know how deep those scars go?!
That's ugly shit!
535
00:31:34,163 --> 00:31:36,952
Those are the people that
become centerfolds!
536
00:31:36,954 --> 00:31:38,609
Cause they got something to prove.
537
00:31:38,611 --> 00:31:42,999
I was lucky enough to uh,
be in the era when they were
538
00:31:43,001 --> 00:31:45,660
actually trying to make movies where
you needed to remember lines.
539
00:31:45,662 --> 00:31:47,998
And I had the, I was good at that.
540
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:53,402
So, I got hired for my acting ability,
which being a good actor in porn,
541
00:31:53,631 --> 00:31:57,065
is like being the wisest man
in the kingdom of the fools.
542
00:31:57,067 --> 00:31:59,841
He promised that I could fuck you next.
- He what?!
543
00:32:00,945 --> 00:32:03,401
Gah!
Ow!
544
00:32:04,196 --> 00:32:07,356
Let him alone! I
said let him alone!
545
00:32:07,358 --> 00:32:09,956
Ow! Ah, oh uh!
546
00:32:10,397 --> 00:32:14,284
Get the fuck outta here!
- My ankle! Ow, my ankle!
547
00:32:14,990 --> 00:32:16,517
I was terrible at the sex.
548
00:32:16,519 --> 00:32:19,231
Just rotten!
I was just so traumatized by it.
549
00:32:19,235 --> 00:32:23,376
But I eventually did learn
how to have sex on camera.
550
00:32:23,378 --> 00:32:26,971
I was on the beach in San Diego
and uh, I was by myself.
551
00:32:27,410 --> 00:32:31,797
And I'm sitting there, and I notice
there's a really beautiful woman,
552
00:32:32,286 --> 00:32:37,094
laying on a towel and so my gaze drifts
over to her and her boyfriend looks at me
553
00:32:37,096 --> 00:32:39,294
and sees her... and I look away.
554
00:32:39,296 --> 00:32:41,908
And then eventually I'd drift back
and I'm looking at her again
555
00:32:41,933 --> 00:32:44,547
and the boyfriend sees me looking
at her again and I'm like shit.
556
00:32:44,549 --> 00:32:48,501
Well the guy gets up, and he starts
walkin' over towards me
557
00:32:48,503 --> 00:32:51,549
and I'm going Oh no! Here we go.
558
00:32:51,551 --> 00:32:53,020
You know, this is gonna get ugly.
559
00:32:53,022 --> 00:32:57,663
And he gets close to me and I, I'm just
clenching my fist ready to defend myself.
560
00:32:57,665 --> 00:33:02,275
The guy's a monster, I'm gonna get killed,
I know it, and he leans in and he says
561
00:33:02,277 --> 00:33:07,023
"Were you in Insatiable?"
And I went YES! YES!
562
00:33:07,025 --> 00:33:09,958
I was so happy that's what it was,
he recognized me from the movie
563
00:33:09,968 --> 00:33:13,010
business and he wasn't gonna kick
my ass it was a true delight.
564
00:33:13,067 --> 00:33:15,495
A true delight.
We became friends at that point.
565
00:33:15,650 --> 00:33:17,622
I hadn't told my parents that
I was doing this.
566
00:33:17,690 --> 00:33:22,769
I told them I had, was doing commercials
and low-budget nothing, and,
567
00:33:24,071 --> 00:33:27,607
well, that I,
I knew that they weren't gonna be.
568
00:33:27,725 --> 00:33:30,726
I didn't suspect they would be very
approving of this kinda stuff.
569
00:33:31,316 --> 00:33:35,990
I made the original call prepared to
become the black sheep of the family.
570
00:33:35,992 --> 00:33:40,507
It didn't happen.
I'm sure they were less than thrilled.
571
00:33:41,303 --> 00:33:44,941
When my mother would be at the grocery
store the next day and they say
572
00:33:44,943 --> 00:33:47,048
"Good to see you, how you doing?
573
00:33:47,139 --> 00:33:50,709
What's going on? " " Well! My son
the doctor's coming back from Israel,
574
00:33:50,711 --> 00:33:54,506
and my other son,
he makes shmackle movies in California!"
575
00:33:56,950 --> 00:34:01,512
Well I think people may have a negative
reaction to someone who's a porn star
576
00:34:01,514 --> 00:34:04,791
for a combination of reasons.
577
00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:09,788
One is, somebody who seems to indiscriminately
be willing to sleep with anyone,
578
00:34:09,790 --> 00:34:14,789
whether it's on film or not,
is, no matter what people say,
579
00:34:14,997 --> 00:34:18,443
still not somebody who's
particularly admired and,
580
00:34:18,445 --> 00:34:22,677
again may pose a threat
to many relationships.
581
00:34:22,679 --> 00:34:26,176
It is legal work, but it's fucking.
582
00:34:27,243 --> 00:34:29,107
With pictures.
583
00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:31,777
People say
"you should, should go into politics"
584
00:34:31,898 --> 00:34:33,806
There's too many pictures
with dicks in my ass,
585
00:34:33,808 --> 00:34:35,676
it's like, it's not going to happen.
586
00:34:35,678 --> 00:34:38,075
It happened by happenstance.
587
00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:41,742
I came up with some friends
and I went to a club
588
00:34:41,744 --> 00:34:46,647
called The Rainbow, and,
I met there Althea Flint,
589
00:34:46,649 --> 00:34:50,368
the wife of Larry Flint,
and a photographer that
590
00:34:50,370 --> 00:34:54,181
she had in tow, and they approached me
and invited me
591
00:34:54,183 --> 00:34:57,881
to their table, and asked me
if I wanted to go to a club
592
00:34:57,883 --> 00:35:00,196
and have some drinks and I did.
593
00:35:00,198 --> 00:35:02,523
And she was, doing an interview for Sting,
594
00:35:02,525 --> 00:35:05,627
and we were up there looking
to meet some rockstars,
595
00:35:05,629 --> 00:35:08,726
you know, we were just girls.
Doing our thing.
596
00:35:08,728 --> 00:35:12,467
And she took us in her limo,
she had this black limo that
597
00:35:12,469 --> 00:35:14,872
had this Think Pink
on the license plate and this,
598
00:35:14,874 --> 00:35:17,143
I think it was a naked lady
on the side of it.
599
00:35:17,145 --> 00:35:19,177
And I was so impressed by that.
600
00:35:19,179 --> 00:35:22,709
She said what do you do and I said
I'm a model and she said -Wow!
601
00:35:22,792 --> 00:35:26,908
I sh... you know, I, I own Hustler Magazine
and we're gonna put you in Hustler.
602
00:35:26,942 --> 00:35:28,564
So, that was that!
603
00:35:28,954 --> 00:35:33,076
Um, I went into Hustler and um,
started doing magazines.
604
00:35:33,652 --> 00:35:37,479
My brother found out and, he had tried
to talk me into it many times,
605
00:35:37,481 --> 00:35:39,765
because everybody always said Hey Buck!
606
00:35:39,767 --> 00:35:41,872
Can you get your sister to do a movie
oh my god!
607
00:35:41,874 --> 00:35:45,485
And, um, you know,
we never worked together,
608
00:35:45,487 --> 00:35:49,787
on set, but, we always
championed each other's careers.
609
00:35:49,789 --> 00:35:54,019
And so my brother said to me,
um, I want you to do a movie.
610
00:35:54,021 --> 00:35:56,072
And he set it up with Sin City,
611
00:35:56,074 --> 00:35:59,546
it was actually done for Sin City
and it was called Babewatch,
612
00:35:59,643 --> 00:36:02,037
and it was for my brother's
Babewatch series, cause he said
613
00:36:02,045 --> 00:36:06,210
if you're gonna do movies for anybody, you
have to do, you have to do one for me, sis,
614
00:36:06,675 --> 00:36:08,271
so I said okay I will.
615
00:36:08,298 --> 00:36:10,595
And the sex was real, you know,
616
00:36:10,597 --> 00:36:15,653
you'd say, how do you want the blow-job?
And he'd say, how do you like the blowjob?
617
00:36:15,655 --> 00:36:19,234
And that would be it, you know and
that, we would build off of that.
618
00:36:19,236 --> 00:36:22,637
You know, I was the kinda person,
it, I lived a life of excess,
619
00:36:22,639 --> 00:36:27,255
and people would invite me to
parties, and they would think Wow!
620
00:36:27,257 --> 00:36:32,704
If I offer her some party tools, then,
I'm gonna have my night set up,
621
00:36:32,706 --> 00:36:35,858
I'm gonna wind up getting laid all
night by this beautiful porn star.
622
00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:38,894
And then as my addiction
went through another door,
623
00:36:39,827 --> 00:36:42,876
they'd hand me the bag of coke and I'd
wind up in the bathroom all night
624
00:36:42,878 --> 00:36:45,544
you know, and you wouldn't be able
to drag me out of the bathroom
625
00:36:45,566 --> 00:36:48,162
and I'd be like don't touch me!
And oh!
626
00:36:48,523 --> 00:36:53,285
And all of my life
started to kind of spiral.
627
00:36:53,287 --> 00:36:56,816
I wound up getting arrested, um,
on the highway,
628
00:36:56,818 --> 00:37:01,886
and the police knew exactly
who I was, when I got arrested,
629
00:37:01,888 --> 00:37:05,831
and, they wanted to make an
example of me with the court system.
630
00:37:05,833 --> 00:37:11,127
They knew that I was, you know, a big
porn star, and um, the gig was up.
631
00:37:11,129 --> 00:37:12,916
And I had to face it.
632
00:37:12,918 --> 00:37:16,196
And it was the greatest thing that ever
happened to me when I look back on it now,
633
00:37:16,264 --> 00:37:19,295
because it really brought me into reality.
634
00:37:20,323 --> 00:37:23,760
For the women,
they're much more damned by society
635
00:37:23,762 --> 00:37:26,180
because no matter how
sanctified they are,
636
00:37:26,695 --> 00:37:30,257
they're still considered to be whores, and
it's getting worse and worse and worse
637
00:37:30,325 --> 00:37:34,479
because a lot of them have turned to,
what I am vehemently opposed to,
638
00:37:34,564 --> 00:37:37,191
the escort services,
to further their career.
639
00:37:37,193 --> 00:37:41,503
In many ways,
it has a dehumanizing quality,
640
00:37:41,662 --> 00:37:48,047
because what you're responding
to are a set of, physical cues.
641
00:37:48,551 --> 00:37:50,965
You are responding to the body,
642
00:37:50,967 --> 00:37:54,171
and you're responding
to the sexual acts per say
643
00:37:54,173 --> 00:37:57,279
in a way that is quite animalistic.
644
00:37:57,281 --> 00:38:03,204
And, having a more full depiction
of the person
645
00:38:03,206 --> 00:38:09,251
may even detract from the
ability to use it purely
646
00:38:09,253 --> 00:38:12,817
as masturbatory or other
kind of sexual stimulation.
647
00:38:12,819 --> 00:38:17,462
You can take every other category,
every other idea, every other thought.
648
00:38:17,464 --> 00:38:20,936
Basically happiness and success in life
all boils down
649
00:38:20,938 --> 00:38:23,454
to what are the quality of your bonds
with other people.
650
00:38:23,456 --> 00:38:26,810
Having anything to do with the a
dult industry hacks away those bonds,
651
00:38:26,812 --> 00:38:31,149
so you're isolated, alienated,
um, pushed away to the margins,
652
00:38:31,151 --> 00:38:33,072
and not treated as a human being.
653
00:38:33,138 --> 00:38:36,504
That's a recipe for disaster,
for me and for anyone else.
654
00:38:37,069 --> 00:38:40,544
Um, when I was in college a couple of us
on the dance team worked at Hooters
655
00:38:40,862 --> 00:38:43,035
so I was working at Hooters,
I love doing that,
656
00:38:43,037 --> 00:38:46,561
a lot of the girls at Hooters were telling me
how I would make a lot of money stripping
657
00:38:46,570 --> 00:38:49,482
and then I had a boyfriend in college
who brought me,
658
00:38:49,484 --> 00:38:51,765
I went with him and his friends
to a strip club one night
659
00:38:51,767 --> 00:38:53,817
because they always used to go
watch amateur night.
660
00:38:52,067 --> 00:38:53,817
661
00:38:53,818 --> 00:38:56,537
He's like I think you could win,
I think you could beat these girls
662
00:38:56,587 --> 00:38:59,767
at amateur night. So I entered and I won,
I got first place out of twelve girls
663
00:38:56,887 --> 00:39:00,027
664
00:38:59,848 --> 00:39:02,329
in the amateur contest,
and I got $500.
665
00:39:00,048 --> 00:39:02,329
666
00:39:02,411 --> 00:39:06,806
So I was like this is a really cool job I
get to drink, and dance and make money.
667
00:39:06,988 --> 00:39:09,126
This is way better than
anything else I can imagine.
668
00:39:09,128 --> 00:39:12,386
When I was twenty-one I used to watch
a lot of those cinemaX movies
669
00:39:09,328 --> 00:39:12,386
670
00:39:12,388 --> 00:39:16,247
and so I went to uh, Blockbuster
and I got the address off the box
671
00:39:16,249 --> 00:39:19,607
of a cinemaX movie and I mailed
some Polaroids of myself
672
00:39:19,609 --> 00:39:23,426
and a a few headshots I had taken, um,
like, and just pictures and I mailed it
673
00:39:23,428 --> 00:39:26,599
and I wrote this letter about how I think
I'd really like to be in the movies.
674
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,507
And I heard nothing
and then three months later
675
00:39:28,556 --> 00:39:30,026
I actually got a call from Playboy.
676
00:39:30,051 --> 00:39:32,780
Coming to this industry I pretty much
came into it thinking okay
677
00:39:30,251 --> 00:39:32,780
678
00:39:32,782 --> 00:39:36,855
I'm going to somehow be one of the
most well-known pornstars of all time.
679
00:39:36,904 --> 00:39:40,289
I wouldn't wanna come into it and just be
another girl that was around for two years
680
00:39:40,430 --> 00:39:44,489
and then have to go be a hooker. You know.
After I did the Hus-the Playboy thing,
681
00:39:44,491 --> 00:39:47,372
um, I shot for Hustler,
the next month I came out to LA,
682
00:39:47,374 --> 00:39:49,924
um, within three weeks after
shooting for Hustler,
683
00:39:49,926 --> 00:39:52,984
um, his wife and his dau-uh his sister,
684
00:39:52,986 --> 00:39:54,979
or, his daughter,
told me how much they loved me
685
00:39:54,981 --> 00:39:57,398
and they ended up taking me
on the Larry Flint Freedom Tour.
686
00:39:57,403 --> 00:39:59,691
They chose four girls to go
with Larry Flint
687
00:39:59,806 --> 00:40:02,693
to like different Hustler stores
on the freedom tour and they chose me
688
00:40:02,695 --> 00:40:05,662
and then Hustler had me, my very
first day being on the show um,
689
00:40:05,738 --> 00:40:07,447
a Hustler chose me to sign at their booth,
690
00:40:07,449 --> 00:40:09,649
cause they don't have contract
girls they pick girls.
691
00:40:09,651 --> 00:40:11,708
And then a month later there was
a Magic Convention
692
00:40:11,710 --> 00:40:14,309
which is a clothing convention
and Hustler was launching
693
00:40:14,323 --> 00:40:17,675
their clothing and Hustler had chosen me
to be the model of their clothing
694
00:40:17,677 --> 00:40:19,808
and they made, you know,
pictures of me modeling it.
695
00:40:19,810 --> 00:40:21,748
So I really didn't think about
life after porn
696
00:40:21,843 --> 00:40:25,134
because I just couldn't believe how
like, all these things kept happening.
697
00:40:22,150 --> 00:40:25,041
698
00:40:25,157 --> 00:40:27,379
I mean just the things that
happened to me as a new girl
699
00:40:27,381 --> 00:40:30,593
in porn don't happen to most new
girls I mean, I met Larry Flint um,
700
00:40:30,595 --> 00:40:33,006
pretty much my
second month in the business.
701
00:40:33,094 --> 00:40:36,028
So I didn't think about life after.
I just said... I just always said
702
00:40:36,030 --> 00:40:38,744
I'm gonna get married and have kids.
I used to say by twenty-seven.
703
00:40:38,746 --> 00:40:41,907
Now I say I wanna get married by
thirty and have kids by thirty-two.
704
00:40:42,249 --> 00:40:43,981
While I was married
I only did girl-girl.
705
00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:45,824
I left my husband and did boy-girl.
706
00:40:44,283 --> 00:40:45,824
707
00:40:45,826 --> 00:40:50,075
Um, when I got back with my husband
at kickass I only did girl-girl again,
708
00:40:50,077 --> 00:40:52,351
we split up,
I did boy-girl, heh!
709
00:40:52,398 --> 00:40:55,060
Then I took like a hiatus for
about six-seven months
710
00:40:55,062 --> 00:40:57,527
and didn't shoot anything. And
that's when I met this guy,
711
00:40:57,529 --> 00:41:00,304
um, who's my, ended up becoming
my fiance, but we were dating,
712
00:41:00,420 --> 00:41:03,509
and I didn't do boy-girl when I was
with him for the first six months,
713
00:41:03,511 --> 00:41:06,670
and then he was like, don't you think
you should go get a new porn contract
714
00:41:06,722 --> 00:41:09,171
because that's extra income
we can have every month.
715
00:41:09,173 --> 00:41:11,666
And I was like well, you want
me to have sex with other guys?
716
00:41:11,858 --> 00:41:13,842
And he was like well,
it's only six times a year
717
00:41:13,844 --> 00:41:16,244
you're gonna do it, and it's with
a condom. I was like okay.
718
00:41:16,268 --> 00:41:18,136
Then of course, like,
two days before the movie
719
00:41:18,138 --> 00:41:20,509
my ex was like, I don't want you
having sex with other guys.
720
00:41:20,643 --> 00:41:22,354
Arrrrg! Arr!
- Let go of me!
721
00:41:20,843 --> 00:41:22,454
722
00:41:22,356 --> 00:41:25,228
Your derri`ere may be pretty,
but that don't mean
723
00:41:25,230 --> 00:41:28,043
it's bull-worked from
a promiscuous lashing.
724
00:41:32,307 --> 00:41:34,853
Every two-and-a-half months
I'd have to shoot a boy-girl scene
725
00:41:34,892 --> 00:41:38,115
and er-usually about two days before
he would start being really mean to me,
726
00:41:38,117 --> 00:41:39,524
and calling me names,
727
00:41:39,526 --> 00:41:41,885
even though he was the one
who wanted me to do the movies.
728
00:41:41,887 --> 00:41:43,734
Then, on the day when I'd go
to shoot the movie
729
00:41:43,736 --> 00:41:45,823
he'd go out with his friends
and get really drunk,
730
00:41:45,872 --> 00:41:48,146
then he usually would not kiss me
or anything for two days later
731
00:41:48,195 --> 00:41:50,300
and then when my check would
come in he's like that's my check,
732
00:41:50,353 --> 00:41:52,033
since I let you have
sex with other people.
733
00:41:50,653 --> 00:41:52,533
734
00:41:52,044 --> 00:41:53,328
And then when I would be asleep sometimes,
735
00:41:53,330 --> 00:41:55,657
I'd be asleep and I'd hear
him watching my movies.
736
00:41:53,730 --> 00:41:55,657
737
00:41:55,702 --> 00:41:57,772
He'd go and put it in like slow motion
738
00:41:57,774 --> 00:42:00,338
and make sure the guy wore a condom
and I wasn't lying about it.
739
00:42:00,342 --> 00:42:01,857
Um, let's see.
740
00:42:01,859 --> 00:42:04,941
The most I ever made in a month was
probably when I was running for governor
741
00:42:04,943 --> 00:42:07,628
because my website was making
around twenty-thousand a month
742
00:42:07,630 --> 00:42:09,819
and then my online store
selling t-shirts and buttons
743
00:42:09,821 --> 00:42:12,090
made about ten-fifteen thousand a month,
744
00:42:12,164 --> 00:42:14,824
and, I felt really bad cause I didn't
have time to mail'em all out
745
00:42:14,895 --> 00:42:16,907
so I just ended up not
mailing people their orders.
746
00:42:16,971 --> 00:42:18,272
I feel really bad about that.
747
00:42:18,274 --> 00:42:20,767
Um, and then my contract was
six thousand a month
748
00:42:18,674 --> 00:42:20,867
749
00:42:20,774 --> 00:42:23,977
and I was feature dancing, at that time
feature dancing used to pay a lot more.
750
00:42:24,157 --> 00:42:26,559
That was like, six thousand for like,
three weeks.
751
00:42:26,561 --> 00:42:29,287
I dunno how much that is, maybe
like 50, 60 thousand in a month.
752
00:42:29,375 --> 00:42:30,533
That's probably the most.
753
00:42:30,535 --> 00:42:32,549
And then I won a game show
around that same time.
754
00:42:32,568 --> 00:42:34,894
I won a game show Who Wants to be
Governor of California?
755
00:42:34,915 --> 00:42:37,378
I won another twenty-one thousand.
Um, that was great.
756
00:42:37,754 --> 00:42:40,814
Um, I guess the most in the year would
probably be around 300 thousand.
757
00:42:40,826 --> 00:42:42,820
I mean I don't think I thought
I was set for life
758
00:42:42,822 --> 00:42:44,763
I always used to joke
with everyone that um,
759
00:42:43,222 --> 00:42:45,163
760
00:42:44,990 --> 00:42:47,957
I'm either going to,
just make a lot of money
761
00:42:45,290 --> 00:42:47,957
762
00:42:48,021 --> 00:42:50,793
or I might worst case scenario
I'll marry a rich person.
763
00:42:50,819 --> 00:42:52,459
That's what I always said.
764
00:42:55,091 --> 00:42:58,833
No one comes into this business to
wanna be normal on the back end of it.
765
00:42:58,835 --> 00:43:00,787
Nobody thinks that it's gonna end.
766
00:43:00,789 --> 00:43:03,571
You jump on a merry-go-round
you hope the ride never ends.
767
00:43:03,573 --> 00:43:06,087
I don't think many of them can spell
the word future.
768
00:43:06,089 --> 00:43:09,282
I don't think they did this as a short
term investment in their own future,
769
00:43:09,684 --> 00:43:10,859
but they burned out.
770
00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:12,262
Hookers are hookers.
771
00:43:12,264 --> 00:43:15,491
I mean hookers are people
who are looking for a quick buck
772
00:43:15,493 --> 00:43:18,349
with the least amount of effort
so they turn tricks.
773
00:43:18,351 --> 00:43:21,873
And, uh, being a porn star is just like,
774
00:43:21,875 --> 00:43:24,473
uh, you know the,
the world's oldest profession
775
00:43:24,475 --> 00:43:28,915
so, it's, it's not that complicated,
776
00:43:29,712 --> 00:43:31,822
uh, reality is hard.
777
00:43:31,824 --> 00:43:34,697
A lot of people blame,
blame the industry for their problems
778
00:43:34,699 --> 00:43:37,663
but, uh, then they get out
in the real world and find,
779
00:43:37,665 --> 00:43:40,183
lots of problems in the real world too.
780
00:43:41,255 --> 00:43:42,850
I grew up in Pensilvania, um,
781
00:43:44,269 --> 00:43:46,433
in the steel-mill towns.
782
00:43:46,435 --> 00:43:49,489
Worked in the steel-mills, I drove cabs,
783
00:43:49,491 --> 00:43:52,002
it was sorta typical things, uh, people do.
784
00:43:52,004 --> 00:43:54,449
There I did some
illustrations for magazines,
785
00:43:54,804 --> 00:43:58,950
in New York and eventually,
started playing uh, music.
786
00:43:55,550 --> 00:43:58,117
787
00:43:58,952 --> 00:44:00,738
Did that for a while.
788
00:44:01,579 --> 00:44:05,231
And then I came out to California and
end up getting into dirty movies.
789
00:44:06,191 --> 00:44:07,596
Just met some people.
790
00:44:07,598 --> 00:44:10,222
Actually I was gonna do a uh,
a photo spread,
791
00:44:10,268 --> 00:44:13,192
I was gonna do some photography of
some girls who were in the business.
792
00:44:13,241 --> 00:44:16,336
I had an idea I would do a photo shoot
of them and then a little interview.
793
00:44:17,004 --> 00:44:20,818
And, some people I knew from
illustrating magazines in New York said
794
00:44:20,898 --> 00:44:24,068
yeah, we'll see what you come up with,
if it's good we'll pay you and everything
795
00:44:24,150 --> 00:44:28,497
so I met the... these two girls,
and, before I knew it, uh,
796
00:44:28,499 --> 00:44:30,790
I was, in the movies!
797
00:44:31,007 --> 00:44:33,023
So that's sorta how that started.
798
00:44:33,025 --> 00:44:37,033
But you know when I was working it was,
it wasn't like it is today, it was,
799
00:44:37,035 --> 00:44:41,315
I'd maybe work forty days a year and
maybe 15 to 20 days were sex days.
800
00:44:41,317 --> 00:44:44,789
And today they work every day of the week.
Maybe twice a day.
801
00:44:45,306 --> 00:44:48,275
You know, viagra shootin' up their cocks
and stuff like that
802
00:44:48,277 --> 00:44:51,899
I mean it's just they're
ruining their sex life
803
00:44:51,901 --> 00:44:54,049
for the rest of their lives,
I'm telling ya!
804
00:44:54,051 --> 00:44:56,202
I just think there's too much going on,
805
00:44:56,204 --> 00:44:58,479
I mean just your personal appetite of it.
806
00:44:58,485 --> 00:45:01,158
I mean, if you're working as a performer
807
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,243
and you're working that much I mean,
sex loses it's mystery in it's sense
808
00:45:04,245 --> 00:45:08,813
and it's, I mean I remember being turned on
to a point some times, certain situations
809
00:45:08,815 --> 00:45:10,842
where I would actually shake.
810
00:45:10,844 --> 00:45:13,142
I mean I'm sure everybody's
been in that situation
811
00:45:13,144 --> 00:45:15,727
and now that, I hate to see that go away.
812
00:45:15,729 --> 00:45:18,157
I remember one time my dad
picked me up from the airport,
813
00:45:19,175 --> 00:45:22,486
and I was coming in for the holidays
and he's, and he-
814
00:45:22,488 --> 00:45:25,140
I had, my pictures
were in Hustler magazine eh,
815
00:45:25,142 --> 00:45:29,137
they were on, about a movie
and, and I think I was
816
00:45:29,769 --> 00:45:31,900
I was giving some girl head!
817
00:45:32,977 --> 00:45:36,954
And my father says,
"I saw that picture in Hustler."
818
00:45:37,434 --> 00:45:42,534
I said uh, yeah, picture, that,
wasn't so good of a picture.
819
00:45:43,041 --> 00:45:47,795
And that's all was said!
They never wa... It was not something
820
00:45:47,797 --> 00:45:52,042
I wanted to expose them to because it wa...
you know it it, it's embarrassing for them.
821
00:45:52,332 --> 00:45:55,431
We were so proud of what we did in
some of these movies we did that were...
822
00:45:55,433 --> 00:45:58,155
that were, that got really big play,
823
00:45:58,157 --> 00:46:00,328
that I actually took her to screenings.
824
00:46:00,330 --> 00:46:02,323
We had these screenings in these theaters.
825
00:46:02,749 --> 00:46:05,934
And I'm taking my wife there watching
me have sex with these people
826
00:46:06,383 --> 00:46:12,818
And, she was, it was difficult
for her but, she appreciated
827
00:46:12,820 --> 00:46:15,848
the work we were doing,
but after one or two times
828
00:46:15,850 --> 00:46:19,840
it was like... or we did that, I
said hey we don't do this no more!
829
00:46:19,853 --> 00:46:22,365
She didn't wanna see any
pictures of me or anything.
830
00:46:22,367 --> 00:46:24,458
Although she understood what
I was doing and knew
831
00:46:24,460 --> 00:46:27,871
it was the thing that was not gonna be,
a situation.
832
00:46:28,839 --> 00:46:32,766
Can I ask you something? Those cops,
they're hung pretty good, huh?
833
00:46:34,026 --> 00:46:36,011
Bet they ain't got what I got.
834
00:46:39,766 --> 00:46:41,901
Nobody's got what I got.
835
00:46:43,601 --> 00:46:45,993
So, yeah, I'd like to retire and paint.
836
00:46:46,608 --> 00:46:50,193
If I had a game plan. I saved some
money but I wasn't that good.
837
00:46:50,195 --> 00:46:52,953
No... I didn't make
that much money though.
838
00:46:52,955 --> 00:46:55,233
Come on, what'd I make? I mean
I, didn't work that much.
839
00:46:55,235 --> 00:46:58,035
You talking about when you were acting?
Save money when he was acting?!
840
00:46:58,086 --> 00:47:01,174
He just didn't have any bills.
I didn't have any bills. See I told you
841
00:47:01,176 --> 00:47:04,226
I didn't have any bills...
And then he got me! Ha ha...
842
00:47:04,228 --> 00:47:07,152
Then she showed up!
- I'm a high maintenance, baby.
843
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:08,715
Then she showed up...
844
00:47:09,370 --> 00:47:12,542
Even if it's not particularly
glamorous that day,
845
00:47:13,368 --> 00:47:16,406
you go to work and you get fussed over,
846
00:47:16,408 --> 00:47:19,908
and if it's a big enough production
there's a makeup artist there,
847
00:47:19,910 --> 00:47:22,525
and there's, and there's attention,
848
00:47:22,527 --> 00:47:24,511
for people who like attention, um,
849
00:47:25,427 --> 00:47:29,783
and then they get paid! The
very same day! Woohoo!
850
00:47:29,843 --> 00:47:33,053
Now, my great friend Lee Carol once said
851
00:47:33,055 --> 00:47:35,055
as long as you got a cunt,
you'll never starve.
852
00:47:35,060 --> 00:47:40,358
But, as a danger to that,
because, it wears on your mind.
853
00:47:41,190 --> 00:47:43,905
My parents didn't take,
really an interest in my life
854
00:47:43,907 --> 00:47:46,567
and I was also sexually abused
at nine-years-old.
855
00:47:46,569 --> 00:47:51,190
I had a teenaged boy and his sister
who was my classmate
856
00:47:51,192 --> 00:47:54,363
introduce me to sexuality and uh,
857
00:47:54,365 --> 00:47:57,173
for the first time in my life
and it horrified me.
858
00:47:57,446 --> 00:47:59,828
Yeah, as soon as I barely graduated
high school,
859
00:47:59,830 --> 00:48:01,650
which, I had to cheat my way through,
860
00:48:01,652 --> 00:48:04,139
my dad ended up coming to me
and saying listen,
861
00:48:04,141 --> 00:48:06,744
you're outta the house, and literally
kicked me out on the street
862
00:48:06,746 --> 00:48:08,260
with no food, no money.
863
00:48:08,262 --> 00:48:10,216
And so I'm literally sitting out
on the curb,
864
00:48:10,325 --> 00:48:14,930
on Sherman Way, that big tough rebellious
teenager was balling her eyes out.
865
00:48:14,932 --> 00:48:18,486
And all of a sudden, this um,
beautiful black man
866
00:48:18,488 --> 00:48:22,511
came over to me and says, are you alright?
867
00:48:22,513 --> 00:48:25,455
What's wrong,
why are you crying sweetheart?
868
00:48:25,816 --> 00:48:29,267
"I have no money and I have no
food and my dad kicked me out."
869
00:48:29,919 --> 00:48:33,024
He put his arm around me and I-
I still to this day
870
00:48:33,026 --> 00:48:36,085
can tell you what that embrace felt like,
871
00:48:36,158 --> 00:48:38,377
and he just said baby I can help you
872
00:48:38,379 --> 00:48:40,734
and I thought Jesus has come to rescue me.
873
00:48:42,297 --> 00:48:44,671
You know I really thought
he was gonna help me.
874
00:48:45,643 --> 00:48:48,287
And he said there's a man
in the apartment complex
875
00:48:48,289 --> 00:48:50,685
who would love to make love to you.
876
00:48:50,687 --> 00:48:53,898
He lured me in. I went...
You mean have sex?!
877
00:48:53,900 --> 00:48:58,389
He goes yes, but he's really gentle,
really nice, and you'll get $35.
878
00:48:58,980 --> 00:49:01,918
So, here I am a single mother,
879
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,846
I've done prostitution and stripping,
now for six years I've had, uh,
880
00:49:05,894 --> 00:49:10,421
I've been at gunpoint,
I've had stalkers try and kill me,
881
00:49:10,492 --> 00:49:15,052
cops try and bust me, I mean I've been
in the mafia basically for six years.
882
00:49:15,747 --> 00:49:19,886
So, someone came to me says,
girl, why don't you do porn?
883
00:49:20,348 --> 00:49:22,967
I said porn? What's that?
884
00:49:22,969 --> 00:49:27,332
It was a lot worse than prostitution,
like, there's a whole crew around,
885
00:49:27,334 --> 00:49:29,793
they're all stroking themselves going...
886
00:49:29,795 --> 00:49:32,785
It was just totally degrading
and I went oh my gosh
887
00:49:32,787 --> 00:49:34,672
this is bad, this is really bad.
888
00:49:34,958 --> 00:49:36,720
And then all of a sudden like,
889
00:49:36,722 --> 00:49:40,976
I can't explain it but all the rage
I ever felt from,
890
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:44,242
what my parents did,
from childhood, from like,
891
00:49:44,244 --> 00:49:47,759
all the things that men abused me
with in prostitution
892
00:49:47,761 --> 00:49:50,491
I just like, let it out, on the screen.
893
00:49:51,118 --> 00:49:55,526
He just said roll it and it's like here
I am the newbie
894
00:49:55,528 --> 00:49:58,114
but I like, took over the entire scene,
it was weird.
895
00:49:58,116 --> 00:50:03,889
I just went-Rrrraw! I'm Roxy!
The porn star! Like I was pissed!
896
00:50:04,478 --> 00:50:08,096
But at the end of the scene it just ended
and I had um,
897
00:50:09,014 --> 00:50:12,779
bodily fluids on my face,
and they just kinda went
898
00:50:12,781 --> 00:50:17,011
here's a rag and they just threw it and
me and I just grabbed the rag and went.
899
00:50:17,013 --> 00:50:18,786
And I didn't want them to see me cry,
900
00:50:18,788 --> 00:50:20,842
so I just kinda turned my face
and I was like,
901
00:50:20,844 --> 00:50:24,568
oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, don't cry,
Shelley, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
902
00:50:24,726 --> 00:50:28,430
Then now all of a sudden
I'm involved doing like anal, um,
903
00:50:29,390 --> 00:50:32,947
gang-bangs with five or six different
performers and I'm thinking oh my god.
904
00:50:32,949 --> 00:50:35,878
Now I'm bringing big jugs of vodka!
905
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:37,635
And everyone's egging you on telling you
906
00:50:37,637 --> 00:50:40,976
no, girl we love you, we're your
family now, you're awesome,
907
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:43,871
and then, and there is a family
atmosphere that they offer.
908
00:50:43,873 --> 00:50:47,594
Porn star karaoke, everybody hangs
out at the same parties, wooooo!
909
00:50:47,905 --> 00:50:50,643
Girl, I love you!
Everyone's very affectionate,
910
00:50:50,659 --> 00:50:53,970
and the reason why they're so affectionate
is because that's their family.
911
00:50:54,605 --> 00:50:57,197
Um, they're out, especially in my day,
we're outcasts.
912
00:50:57,238 --> 00:51:00,086
In fact I still have scars from
suicide attempts.
913
00:51:00,413 --> 00:51:01,972
And I...
914
00:51:01,974 --> 00:51:04,119
I said I don't care,
I don't wanna live anymore.
915
00:51:04,248 --> 00:51:07,212
And I took like thirty prescription pills,
and uh,
916
00:51:07,214 --> 00:51:11,062
I didn't die, but I knew I wanted out, bad,
917
00:51:11,064 --> 00:51:15,408
and I remember crying to God,
drunk off my ass on Jack Daniels,
918
00:51:15,410 --> 00:51:18,722
thinking if you get me outta this
I'll serve you with my whole life
919
00:51:18,724 --> 00:51:21,682
I swear to god I'll do whatever you want!
Just get me outta this.
920
00:51:22,803 --> 00:51:24,412
I mean, people who are well adjusted
921
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:27,209
and have good life skills
and who are doing something
922
00:51:27,211 --> 00:51:29,529
meaningful and constructive
with their lives,
923
00:51:29,531 --> 00:51:32,193
they're not
in the industry to begin with so,
924
00:51:32,195 --> 00:51:36,015
the people who are in the industry
are really broken twisted souls
925
00:51:36,031 --> 00:51:40,842
without a lot of great job skills and
uh, you know they're turbulent souls.
926
00:51:40,847 --> 00:51:44,479
So, they're always gonna be
twisting and turning in the wind.
927
00:51:44,590 --> 00:51:46,456
We'd spent a lot of time in church.
928
00:51:46,458 --> 00:51:51,258
I actually convinced my mom to send me to
Christian School when I was 14,
929
00:51:51,260 --> 00:51:54,470
she found a way to gather up the funds,
930
00:51:54,472 --> 00:52:00,309
and I went and I was very involved
in my church, without her.
931
00:52:00,593 --> 00:52:03,245
You know, it was just, it was me
and my friends and that was how
932
00:52:03,901 --> 00:52:08,777
I grew up and you know, that all
changed when I was sixteen.
933
00:52:09,490 --> 00:52:14,501
I spent the night at a girlfriend's house,
and she, was a teenaged mom, and married,
934
00:52:14,503 --> 00:52:19,082
and her husband, drugged me. With acid.
935
00:52:19,574 --> 00:52:23,023
And I... At that time I had,
I hadn't even stayed up past ten.
936
00:52:23,025 --> 00:52:26,396
So, uh, I didn't, I wasn't really
well versed in the drug world.
937
00:52:26,744 --> 00:52:29,399
And that changed everything for me.
938
00:52:29,689 --> 00:52:31,874
I did the best I could to
graduate high school
939
00:52:31,876 --> 00:52:33,966
as fast as I could and, and move out.
940
00:52:33,968 --> 00:52:35,677
I was outta the house by seventeen.
941
00:52:35,679 --> 00:52:37,696
I knew some people in the adult industry
942
00:52:37,698 --> 00:52:40,293
and I hung out with them and
I'm still friends with them now,
943
00:52:40,295 --> 00:52:42,225
I don't blame them for hanging out with me
944
00:52:42,227 --> 00:52:44,381
when I was young cause
they were young too, so...
945
00:52:44,851 --> 00:52:50,321
Met a few porn stars, and,
just... Fell in love with them.
946
00:52:50,363 --> 00:52:55,349
I hung out with them until I was
over eighteen, did my first movie,
947
00:52:55,351 --> 00:52:59,196
and, you know, it
was on from there.
948
00:52:59,198 --> 00:53:01,933
Well, the first year that I was
in the adult industry,
949
00:53:01,935 --> 00:53:05,936
and was doing movies I worked for
every company under the sun.
950
00:53:05,938 --> 00:53:08,785
You know the dirtiest of the
dirtiest kinds of companies,
951
00:53:08,787 --> 00:53:10,652
that do crazy stuff.
952
00:53:10,654 --> 00:53:15,504
I worked for anybody, I could,
to make a buck.
953
00:53:15,506 --> 00:53:19,038
I told my mom and she flipped out.
954
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:23,844
She wasn't happy about it but eventually
when I, you know, formed a career,
955
00:53:24,047 --> 00:53:27,212
and I signed with Vivid, and
the pictures were prettier,
956
00:53:27,214 --> 00:53:31,607
and the footage was less disgusting,
ha ha ha ha!
957
00:53:33,026 --> 00:53:36,037
Um, she came to terms and you know,
958
00:53:36,264 --> 00:53:38,602
what's she gonna do?
It is what it is.
959
00:53:39,821 --> 00:53:42,361
Being a Vivid girl is, you know,
960
00:53:42,363 --> 00:53:46,413
it's what every adult industry actress
wants to be.
961
00:53:46,415 --> 00:53:51,540
You know Vivid's the biggest best and
most well-known company in the world.
962
00:53:51,918 --> 00:53:55,081
They have the most beautiful girls,
they have the best photographers.
963
00:53:55,083 --> 00:53:57,103
Um, they have the best press.
964
00:53:57,545 --> 00:54:03,018
And,..., it's yeah, it's,
it's a high class slew of girls.
965
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:06,524
I would think... I mean, of course you know,
it's as high class as it's gonna get.
966
00:54:08,442 --> 00:54:11,649
Um, it's a steady income,
so I don't know if
967
00:54:11,651 --> 00:54:14,446
I necessarily thought I was better
than anybody else,
968
00:54:14,448 --> 00:54:17,139
but I knew I was getting
the press that I wanted,
969
00:54:17,141 --> 00:54:21,035
so, I was happy. You know.
970
00:54:21,037 --> 00:54:25,023
I took my movies very seriously.
I studied my scripts.
971
00:54:26,231 --> 00:54:28,862
Half the time I wasn't stoned,
when I did the dialogue
972
00:54:29,157 --> 00:54:32,470
but I took my acting very seriously
because it was the only time
973
00:54:32,472 --> 00:54:34,520
I was ever gonna get to do any acting.
974
00:54:34,522 --> 00:54:38,403
So, I took it seriously!
And I loved it!
975
00:54:38,881 --> 00:54:42,804
And um, I thought I was good at it but,
you know...
976
00:54:42,806 --> 00:54:46,116
It just sounds so cliche for me to say
977
00:54:46,118 --> 00:54:48,950
I took the acting
in my porno movie seriously.
978
00:54:48,952 --> 00:54:50,365
But, but I did.
979
00:54:50,367 --> 00:54:53,343
And that was my favorite part,
was the acting.
980
00:54:55,175 --> 00:54:57,167
And sometimes the sex.
981
00:55:00,912 --> 00:55:03,177
You can use drugs and party and drink,
982
00:55:03,179 --> 00:55:06,305
no matter what career choice you have, but,
983
00:55:07,177 --> 00:55:12,178
, yes, you're opened up
to the party lifestyle a lot more.
984
00:55:12,225 --> 00:55:13,921
I mean, you hang out with rockstars, you,
985
00:55:13,923 --> 00:55:17,604
you know there's always
porn parties to go to, um...
986
00:55:19,199 --> 00:55:25,531
Me, struggling as an addict, of course
took advantage of everything that was there
987
00:55:25,533 --> 00:55:30,598
you know, all of the alcohol,
all of... all of the drugs, I did 'em all!
988
00:55:32,919 --> 00:55:37,640
Um... It's not a safe business to
be in if you wanna stay clean.
989
00:55:39,335 --> 00:55:40,641
It's not safe.
990
00:55:41,897 --> 00:55:45,077
Um, and I'm not telling you this to
make you feel sorry for me or anything
991
00:55:45,079 --> 00:55:47,210
but I had an extremely tough childhood,
992
00:55:47,212 --> 00:55:49,970
and um, I think I got very lost
for many years.
993
00:55:50,008 --> 00:55:53,503
Um, I didn't know who I was,
like many people.
994
00:55:54,058 --> 00:55:58,701
Um, I had a very warped understanding
of what love was.
995
00:55:59,537 --> 00:56:04,491
And um, I think because of
a lack of love in my life or a,
996
00:56:04,493 --> 00:56:07,248
an inability to determine
what love really is
997
00:56:07,688 --> 00:56:11,587
I saw sexual attention, as love.
998
00:56:11,589 --> 00:56:14,206
And when you've suffered a lot of
sexual abuse in your life
999
00:56:14,208 --> 00:56:16,787
it's understandable I think
why you would feel that way.
1000
00:56:17,794 --> 00:56:22,030
Trying to tell you... at what
point I made the decision
1001
00:56:22,032 --> 00:56:25,061
to be Tiffany Million is not something
I could answer really
1002
00:56:25,063 --> 00:56:28,734
in just one neat sentence.
It's kind of a combination of things.
1003
00:56:29,380 --> 00:56:34,415
Essentially the whole reason that
I even got into that business
1004
00:56:34,536 --> 00:56:38,867
to begin with was because I was a single
mother, like many people, and um,
1005
00:56:38,869 --> 00:56:44,364
I was living in Southern California,
I had no family,
1006
00:56:44,364 --> 00:56:47,791
I didn't know that many people, her
father wasn't helping me with her,
1007
00:56:47,884 --> 00:56:50,525
and it was pretty scary being
a single parent honestly,
1008
00:56:50,529 --> 00:56:53,573
and so, I mean I figured,
you know I had a choice:
1009
00:56:53,940 --> 00:56:55,808
I could work eight hours a day,
1010
00:56:56,096 --> 00:56:59,049
and commute an hour or two
each way on the freeway,
1011
00:56:59,254 --> 00:57:04,126
to make, seven eight dollars an hour,
only to pay out half of that in taxes,
1012
00:57:04,128 --> 00:57:08,688
and child care, and my daughter's with you
know heaven knows who during the day,
1013
00:57:08,690 --> 00:57:12,440
or I could re-enter the
adult entertainment industry
1014
00:57:12,442 --> 00:57:14,117
'cause I'd been a stripper years before.
1015
00:57:14,173 --> 00:57:17,628
And then I thought, cause I'd always
been kind of a fan of adult films,
1016
00:57:17,690 --> 00:57:22,158
and I'd so many times I had looked at
those movies and uh, I'd thought
1017
00:57:22,182 --> 00:57:24,900
man, you know what
I could do that and I could do it better.
1018
00:57:24,936 --> 00:57:27,483
You know. And so I thought
well heck, why not?
1019
00:57:27,485 --> 00:57:29,373
I mean I didn't have
a man in my life anymore,
1020
00:57:29,375 --> 00:57:32,037
I left her father, and uh,
I definitely needed the money,
1021
00:57:32,039 --> 00:57:34,541
but really it just afforded me a way to,
1022
00:57:34,543 --> 00:57:38,421
work as little as possible
to get as much money as I could
1023
00:57:38,423 --> 00:57:40,680
to be with my daughter cause
that's all I really wanted
1024
00:57:40,845 --> 00:57:42,915
I wanted my daughter to have a great life,
1025
00:57:42,917 --> 00:57:45,321
and a safe home, in a good neighborhood,
1026
00:57:45,323 --> 00:57:48,600
with good childcare, and I wanted to
spend as much time with her as I could.
1027
00:57:48,807 --> 00:57:52,788
And working in the adult film industry
allowed me to work a day or two a week
1028
00:57:53,104 --> 00:57:56,072
and be with my daughter the rest
of the week and make more money
1029
00:57:56,074 --> 00:57:59,268
than people than worked, you know,
five days a week, eight hours a day.
1030
00:57:59,270 --> 00:58:01,703
What you do in porn films is not sex.
1031
00:58:01,773 --> 00:58:04,654
I mean I know you're being penetrated,
but it's like this, you know.
1032
00:58:04,656 --> 00:58:06,650
It's like this. I mean
that's what it feels like.
1033
00:58:06,652 --> 00:58:11,167
It's just something occupying um,
a chasm in your body.
1034
00:58:11,169 --> 00:58:13,448
Really... It's like this.
1035
00:58:13,450 --> 00:58:15,634
It's like this that's
what it might as well be.
1036
00:58:15,636 --> 00:58:19,614
Uh, there uh, there's no emotion there,
there's no feeling, um, you know,
1037
00:58:19,616 --> 00:58:22,077
you know, I gotta tell you
this funny little story!
1038
00:58:22,749 --> 00:58:25,266
I would have so many fans come up
to me at autograph signings
1039
00:58:25,268 --> 00:58:27,688
whatever and tell me that I
was their favorite porn star,
1040
00:58:27,778 --> 00:58:31,269
because all the other girls were faking
it and I was the one that they knew,
1041
00:58:31,271 --> 00:58:33,456
man, that I was for real.
1042
00:58:33,483 --> 00:58:37,543
And uh, and I can tell when a
woman's faking it and I'd be laughing!
1043
00:58:37,545 --> 00:58:39,941
Watch my face. Watch my face.
1044
00:58:45,580 --> 00:58:47,423
'Cause I'd be like...
1045
00:58:47,425 --> 00:58:49,323
I'm the biggest damn faker you ever met!
1046
00:58:49,325 --> 00:58:51,948
I mean I'm good, that's why
I get paid the big bucks.
1047
00:58:51,950 --> 00:58:53,710
Even when I was in the business,
1048
00:58:53,738 --> 00:58:57,644
I didn't partake of all of the
extraneous activities.
1049
00:58:57,740 --> 00:59:00,987
Um, I think I went to several parties only
because there was free food and boozes,
1050
00:59:00,990 --> 00:59:02,603
and I would go and I would eat and stuff
1051
00:59:02,650 --> 00:59:05,428
and then everybody would go
to the after-parties and I'd be like nah,
1052
00:59:05,430 --> 00:59:06,860
I'm going home and going to bed.
1053
00:59:06,907 --> 00:59:08,772
I've always been early to bed,
early to rise.
1054
00:59:08,774 --> 00:59:10,898
I never wanted to be a part of
that scene and um,
1055
00:59:10,900 --> 00:59:14,578
even when I was working in the movies I
always kinda felt like a fly on the wall.
1056
00:59:14,580 --> 00:59:18,035
Like I know my body was involved,
because, obviously, I was there.
1057
00:59:18,055 --> 00:59:21,417
But I always had this strange feeling
this real feeling of disconnect.
1058
00:59:21,419 --> 00:59:23,221
Like I was up here looking down.
1059
00:59:23,223 --> 00:59:27,191
When my father died in 94, uh like I
said he left me a whole bunch of money,
1060
00:59:27,193 --> 00:59:29,844
and I suddenly realized that I'm free.
1061
00:59:30,059 --> 00:59:33,403
I don't have to be her anymore. And
I walked away. And that was it.
1062
00:59:34,225 --> 00:59:36,826
No one puts a gun to anybody's head
to do this.
1063
00:59:36,828 --> 00:59:38,832
If you're not warned about
what's gonna happen
1064
00:59:38,834 --> 00:59:41,378
then the person who didn't warn you
is the person who's guilty
1065
00:59:41,426 --> 00:59:45,174
in that respect, but they're doing it
for the one thing that they cannot deny.
1066
00:59:45,176 --> 00:59:49,763
That absolute death-wish, for the
recognition, validation, and credibility.
1067
00:59:49,765 --> 00:59:52,200
And they're welcome to it, but eventually
1068
00:59:52,202 --> 00:59:54,084
their past will catch up to them
1069
00:59:54,305 --> 00:59:58,203
and they have to be aware of the fact
that X is forever.
1070
00:59:58,963 --> 01:00:03,908
When I got into the business, um,
I, did have a goal.
1071
01:00:04,452 --> 01:00:06,486
It was my "cracked out" goal.
1072
01:00:06,488 --> 01:00:09,588
But I did have a goal to, be out,
1073
01:00:09,590 --> 01:00:14,141
and retired, twenty-six,
at the latest twenty-seven.
1074
01:00:16,715 --> 01:00:18,865
And I was out, by twenty-four.
1075
01:00:20,016 --> 01:00:25,314
I didn't leave the business because uh,
I wanted to.
1076
01:00:25,316 --> 01:00:28,087
I left the business cause I felt I HAD to.
1077
01:00:28,089 --> 01:00:30,063
That it was the right thing to do.
1078
01:00:30,065 --> 01:00:35,644
On November fourth, 1984,
was the first headline,
1079
01:00:35,646 --> 01:00:37,785
in the San Francisco Chronicle,
1080
01:00:37,787 --> 01:00:41,623
regarding the heterosexua
transmission of AIDS.
1081
01:00:41,625 --> 01:00:44,540
A good friend of mine,
who was a mathematician
1082
01:00:44,542 --> 01:00:46,501
had read the same article I did
1083
01:00:46,503 --> 01:00:48,878
and he came over to my house
in the afternoon and he said
1084
01:00:48,889 --> 01:00:52,074
"I've done some calculations
based on the numbers,
1085
01:00:52,076 --> 01:00:53,800
reported here in the story.
1086
01:00:53,802 --> 01:00:56,778
And you're in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
1087
01:00:56,780 --> 01:00:58,277
I want you to stop."
1088
01:00:58,279 --> 01:01:01,539
I had three jobs lined up for December,
my wife said I don't want you to do them.
1089
01:01:02,130 --> 01:01:04,746
And my thinking was look,
they're just trying to sell newspapers,
1090
01:01:05,150 --> 01:01:09,191
that's what newspapers do, they scare
you, and so I don't think the danger is
1091
01:01:09,193 --> 01:01:12,008
that real, and I'm gonna go ahead
and do these jobs.
1092
01:01:12,010 --> 01:01:14,095
So I went off and I did the three jobs.
1093
01:01:14,097 --> 01:01:18,881
And when I came home, and we're about to
go to bed, that night, she said to me
1094
01:01:18,883 --> 01:01:20,571
"Do you think we should?"
1095
01:01:21,342 --> 01:01:23,808
Should? Should what? Have sex?
1096
01:01:24,552 --> 01:01:27,016
"Yeah, do you think we should have sex?"
1097
01:01:27,387 --> 01:01:29,528
And I said, what are you talking about?
1098
01:01:29,919 --> 01:01:33,051
And she said, and I can quote you verbatim,
I remembered this all this time.
1099
01:01:33,053 --> 01:01:36,167
She said "Don't you think
it would be prudent,
1100
01:01:36,169 --> 01:01:41,054
if one of us remained alive,
to raise the kids?"
1101
01:01:42,900 --> 01:01:45,117
Pchew!
1102
01:01:45,511 --> 01:01:47,382
That was the brick wall.
1103
01:01:47,601 --> 01:01:51,120
Somebody had offered m
e a DVD deal, and I...
1104
01:01:51,122 --> 01:01:54,129
I knew CD-ROMS didn't do good, I
knew the laser disks didn't do good,
1105
01:01:54,131 --> 01:01:57,808
and I thought, uh, this DVD thing,
whatever it is, won't replace video,
1106
01:01:57,852 --> 01:02:01,048
so I signed it without having a
lawyer look at it or anything,
1107
01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:05,293
and by the time DVDs
started taking over from videos,
1108
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:08,916
I looked at the contract and found out
now they have my DVD rights,
1109
01:02:08,918 --> 01:02:13,550
also had internet rights, and
the company wasn't very good.
1110
01:02:14,789 --> 01:02:17,412
And once I realized I wasn't gonna make
much money
1111
01:02:17,414 --> 01:02:20,084
I stayed with Evil Angel my distributor,
1112
01:02:20,086 --> 01:02:23,196
for as long as I could, then when they
stopped doing videos that was it.
1113
01:02:23,198 --> 01:02:25,877
The ones that do well, are out
because they wanna be out,
1114
01:02:25,879 --> 01:02:27,588
not because they had to get out.
1115
01:02:27,590 --> 01:02:30,932
And, they have made their peace
with what they did,
1116
01:02:30,934 --> 01:02:35,725
and that shows in their bearing, and
the way that they are, in the world.
1117
01:02:36,283 --> 01:02:39,154
The money that I did save up
went really quick.
1118
01:02:39,540 --> 01:02:43,539
Um, and then I was just, scraping by.
1119
01:02:44,107 --> 01:02:48,325
And it was, um, it was
the Christian community that
1120
01:02:48,327 --> 01:02:51,096
really came alongside me and helped me out.
1121
01:02:51,098 --> 01:02:54,277
There would be times when I was, didn't
know how I was gonna pay my rent,
1122
01:02:54,293 --> 01:02:58,206
and, somebody, it was just people
I don't even know,
1123
01:02:58,208 --> 01:03:01,626
just people who've read my story,
who wanted to help.
1124
01:03:01,931 --> 01:03:05,446
When I left the business
I sold my house in Los Angeles,
1125
01:03:07,311 --> 01:03:13,856
um, I first-I retired, and then, um,
I decided, I need to get out of L.A.
1126
01:03:14,001 --> 01:03:16,154
I needed to get out of L.A.
1127
01:03:16,206 --> 01:03:21,550
I mean, everywhere I went,
McDonalds drive-thru,
1128
01:03:21,979 --> 01:03:25,081
um, nightclubs,
the movie theatre, the park,
1129
01:03:25,083 --> 01:03:28,568
Universal Studios, I mean, you name it,
1130
01:03:28,570 --> 01:03:31,173
I could not, go anywhere.
1131
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:33,833
I..., I don't know how these
big celebrities deal with it all.
1132
01:03:33,835 --> 01:03:36,235
I mean they must ha... They have
to have bodyguards of course
1133
01:03:36,274 --> 01:03:41,386
and stuff like that cause I did not have
bodyguards and I could not handle it.
1134
01:03:41,388 --> 01:03:44,424
It's impossible to lead a normal life
after you get out of it.
1135
01:03:44,426 --> 01:03:46,991
This is forever.
This is the scarlet letter.
1136
01:03:47,079 --> 01:03:49,318
And it, it never goes away,
you'll be dealing with the,
1137
01:03:49,574 --> 01:03:52,184
with the implications of this forever.
1138
01:03:53,297 --> 01:03:56,242
What..., what tends to
happen is that it isolates you.
1139
01:03:57,097 --> 01:04:04,248
And so you, develop a, a fear of, being
rejected again and again and again
1140
01:04:04,709 --> 01:04:07,507
and so you put up walls
between you and other people,
1141
01:04:07,536 --> 01:04:10,188
and you isolate yourself
and you don't join communities,
1142
01:04:10,393 --> 01:04:14,376
and, when you're isolated you're
less likely to suffer rejection.
1143
01:04:14,671 --> 01:04:17,111
But you're also isolated and
living on the edge
1144
01:04:17,113 --> 01:04:21,056
so, um, you can never get away
from this, there's no solution.
1145
01:04:21,700 --> 01:04:25,497
To go from being uh, a movie star,
1146
01:04:25,499 --> 01:04:31,941
to zippo the pinhead overnight, was
just like, devastating to my ego.
1147
01:04:32,613 --> 01:04:35,553
If you're looking for a long career
in the porn business
1148
01:04:35,555 --> 01:04:37,426
you're probably looking in the wrong place.
1149
01:04:38,745 --> 01:04:44,021
Uh, the average girl, might be good for,
two years?
1150
01:04:44,786 --> 01:04:47,612
Two to three years tops
for the average girl.
1151
01:04:48,096 --> 01:04:51,835
If you're lucky and you're one of the
few superstars, not very many of those,
1152
01:04:51,837 --> 01:04:55,703
okay then you get uh, you know,
six seven years. Eight years.
1153
01:04:56,207 --> 01:04:58,166
And if you play your cards right,
1154
01:04:58,168 --> 01:05:00,116
and do your financial thing right,
1155
01:05:00,228 --> 01:05:02,984
then you can, you know,
make some money and set yourself up.
1156
01:05:04,093 --> 01:05:05,973
Overall I guess I'm happy I did it.
1157
01:05:05,975 --> 01:05:07,907
I mean the only thing I don't like is
that, it,
1158
01:05:08,007 --> 01:05:12,086
the main thing I really wanted to do
is act and be in comedies and tv,
1159
01:05:12,174 --> 01:05:13,708
and I feel like it holds me back.
1160
01:05:13,710 --> 01:05:15,879
But I don't know if I would have just stuck
1161
01:05:15,881 --> 01:05:18,769
with the normal route if I would've
uh, ended up making it to tv at all,
1162
01:05:18,771 --> 01:05:21,619
who knows I'd probably, maybe still
be in Florida going to castings,
1163
01:05:21,621 --> 01:05:23,465
maybe I never would have come out here.
1164
01:05:23,467 --> 01:05:25,590
So, and I've gotten to do a lot
of Cinemax movies
1165
01:05:25,592 --> 01:05:28,228
which are really fun too,
and all those things I've gotten to do
1166
01:05:28,230 --> 01:05:31,909
because of probably the porn.
So overall I guess I'm happy I did it.
1167
01:05:32,087 --> 01:05:35,582
Uh, part of the reason we're here
in Utah is because porn is illegal here
1168
01:05:35,584 --> 01:05:38,529
so uh, it really helps keep me from
being recognized.
1169
01:05:38,531 --> 01:05:41,000
That and the forty extra pounds I gained!
1170
01:05:41,092 --> 01:05:43,739
But um, now that I'm losing that weight,
1171
01:05:44,067 --> 01:05:47,010
well I also cut off my hair
so that helps too. But um.
1172
01:05:47,515 --> 01:05:51,373
Yeah, everyone's been really cool
about, when they find out who I am.
1173
01:05:51,375 --> 01:05:54,482
They've been really good about it.
When I took Katty to her new daycare
1174
01:05:54,568 --> 01:05:57,638
and they asked, if I had um,
reference names for like,
1175
01:05:57,640 --> 01:06:00,673
who to call if something happens to Katty
I said I don't know anybody here,
1176
01:06:00,675 --> 01:06:03,798
I have no references, sorry, and she
thought that was a little bit suspicious,
1177
01:06:03,817 --> 01:06:05,530
and so she looked me up online,
1178
01:06:05,566 --> 01:06:07,937
I had given her the name Asia Lemon, um,
1179
01:06:08,593 --> 01:06:11,005
and from that name she managed
to figure out who I was
1180
01:06:11,298 --> 01:06:14,272
and so the next day she goes, uh, you
know I did a little Googling on you.
1181
01:06:14,281 --> 01:06:16,068
And I was like Ugh!
1182
01:06:17,164 --> 01:06:20,944
Miss Mormon Mommy of four
who did a little Googling on Asia.
1183
01:06:20,946 --> 01:06:23,000
I was like, so,
you still gonna watch my kid?
1184
01:06:23,958 --> 01:06:25,926
Well you know, unfortunately like uh,
1185
01:06:25,928 --> 01:06:29,659
one of the reasons I like...
the fact that Vince Neal
1186
01:06:29,661 --> 01:06:31,890
has me playing his charity tournament
for his daughter
1187
01:06:31,892 --> 01:06:34,625
for children's cancer and stuff,
and I played in the Country uh,
1188
01:06:35,326 --> 01:06:38,327
Academy of Country Music Awards
charity tournament this year
1189
01:06:38,683 --> 01:06:41,434
and a few other charity tournaments
cause it's one of the only ways,
1190
01:06:42,105 --> 01:06:47,179
that porn people can give to charities,
unfortunately in this hypocritical world,
1191
01:06:47,658 --> 01:06:50,177
a lot of charities
don't want to accept money
1192
01:06:50,179 --> 01:06:52,121
from people that are in the sex business.
1193
01:06:52,123 --> 01:06:54,265
"Eww, the sex business we can't do that."
1194
01:06:54,267 --> 01:06:57,957
Politicians, on the other hand,
who make us look clean as hell,
1195
01:06:57,959 --> 01:06:59,792
no problem taking their money.
1196
01:07:00,195 --> 01:07:04,147
Uh, unscrupulous business men who's
ripping everybody off, no problem!
1197
01:07:04,149 --> 01:07:06,482
But because we have
a little sex once in a while, naw,
1198
01:07:06,734 --> 01:07:09,133
can't do you and that pissed me off.
1199
01:07:09,494 --> 01:07:12,899
I had one interesting moment in
baseball with my son in little league.
1200
01:07:12,901 --> 01:07:15,074
I had told nobody about my career,
1201
01:07:15,076 --> 01:07:19,538
and uh, one day the manager,
who was this big black guy
1202
01:07:19,540 --> 01:07:22,850
who was a Stanford graduate,
he comes up to me and he goes,
1203
01:07:22,921 --> 01:07:25,776
"Gonna be some trouble today."
1204
01:07:26,120 --> 01:07:27,660
And I said what do you mean?
1205
01:07:27,662 --> 01:07:30,274
He says:
- One of the mothers knows who's you are.
1206
01:07:30,276 --> 01:07:32,067
He looks at me and he's says
1207
01:07:32,143 --> 01:07:34,770
"You know I knew who you were
the minute you came on the field."
1208
01:07:34,784 --> 01:07:36,510
And he said I'll tell you the truth.
He said
1209
01:07:36,514 --> 01:07:40,491
"Anybody that's been in Nina
Hartly's booty is okay with me."
1210
01:07:41,770 --> 01:07:44,796
He says "I will take care
of this." And he did.
1211
01:07:45,075 --> 01:07:47,083
MENSA's a high IQ society.
1212
01:07:47,085 --> 01:07:51,090
You have to have an IQ
in the top two percent, to get in.
1213
01:07:51,092 --> 01:07:54,156
I got in, with a notarized copy
of my SAT scores.
1214
01:07:54,158 --> 01:07:56,788
MENSA didn't want link
to my website even though
1215
01:07:56,790 --> 01:08:00,606
they linked all the member's websites,
because uh, of who I was, and adult star,
1216
01:08:02,184 --> 01:08:04,012
um, so, that was their excuse,
1217
01:08:04,014 --> 01:08:06,791
and so I made them a special
little webpage of Asia
1218
01:08:06,793 --> 01:08:10,353
just like, happy Asia,
college pictures and smiling Asia
1219
01:08:10,355 --> 01:08:12,642
and, just innocent stuff
and it's two pages,
1220
01:08:12,746 --> 01:08:15,235
and that's,
so that's where MENSA links to now,
1221
01:08:15,237 --> 01:08:16,664
instead of my regular site.
1222
01:08:16,666 --> 01:08:20,418
And they finally acknowledged me in
their MENSA celebrity issue which was,
1223
01:08:20,420 --> 01:08:22,972
a really big moment for me. That was cool.
1224
01:08:23,765 --> 01:08:25,533
Wait, how do you say it?
1225
01:08:25,838 --> 01:08:28,383
Unprecedented? Unprecedented?
It sounds weird. Okay.
1226
01:08:29,469 --> 01:08:31,856
I've done something unprecedented that
1227
01:08:31,858 --> 01:08:34,570
nobody else in the adult industry
has ever done.
1228
01:08:34,572 --> 01:08:37,261
Um, and that was you know
running for Governor of California,
1229
01:08:37,263 --> 01:08:38,536
actually two times.
1230
01:08:38,538 --> 01:08:41,203
And um, it was amazing,
when I first started out,
1231
01:08:41,788 --> 01:08:43,032
the owner of my company
1232
01:08:43,034 --> 01:08:45,576
and I thought that it was gonna be
just like a little fun joke,
1233
01:08:45,578 --> 01:08:48,011
see if I could get some press,
maybe get on the avn.com,
1234
01:08:48,183 --> 01:08:50,588
so when I went down to the
courthouse to get my paperwork
1235
01:08:50,590 --> 01:08:52,466
when we said I was gonna do it,
1236
01:08:52,489 --> 01:08:55,922
um, Howard Stern Show sent a camera
crew down, Channel 7, Channel 5,
1237
01:08:55,966 --> 01:08:58,475
all the news shows showed up,
Associated Press, writers,
1238
01:08:58,477 --> 01:09:01,159
and that's when him and I are like
Okay, I gotta get on that ballot
1239
01:09:01,161 --> 01:09:02,628
because this is gonna be huge.
1240
01:09:02,630 --> 01:09:05,846
I'm going to get rid of the car tax and
put a tax on breast implants instead.
1241
01:09:06,742 --> 01:09:08,728
I will legalize gay marriage.
1242
01:09:08,730 --> 01:09:12,051
And I will make sure everyone who files
for unemployment gets jury duty.
1243
01:09:12,053 --> 01:09:15,692
In other words, California,
I'll be a kickass governor,
1244
01:09:15,694 --> 01:09:18,590
so vote for me, Mary Carey,
on October 7th.
1245
01:09:19,321 --> 01:09:22,082
I mean, of course, some of my platforms
were very tongue in cheek,
1246
01:09:22,084 --> 01:09:25,219
and funny but, you know,
when I was getting towards the end of it
1247
01:09:25,221 --> 01:09:27,754
I realized that you know I really
wanted to make a difference
1248
01:09:27,822 --> 01:09:30,415
and I felt like I really was making a
difference because
1249
01:09:30,463 --> 01:09:33,205
I was getting a lot of people
who normally wouldn't follow politics
1250
01:09:33,207 --> 01:09:36,708
to follow, because of me. And um, you know,
1251
01:09:36,710 --> 01:09:38,270
and then I was like what if I win?
1252
01:09:38,272 --> 01:09:40,716
But, you know, coming
in tenth place is pretty amazing
1253
01:09:40,718 --> 01:09:42,281
out of a hundred and thirty-two people.
1254
01:09:42,283 --> 01:09:44,040
When I was eighteen years old, um,
1255
01:09:44,042 --> 01:09:47,056
I went to uh,
real-estate school, just everything
1256
01:09:47,058 --> 01:09:49,171
about real-estate just I really liked,
1257
01:09:49,173 --> 01:09:52,528
so I figured that I would always,
do something with that.
1258
01:09:52,850 --> 01:09:58,007
I was working for a builder, uh, a, a
home builder, here, and,
1259
01:09:58,069 --> 01:10:03,775
corporate, came to my community
and shut the doors
1260
01:10:03,777 --> 01:10:05,111
and said we need to talk to you.
1261
01:10:05,113 --> 01:10:08,760
Someone recognized you,
We know who you are,
1262
01:10:09,029 --> 01:10:15,265
and you are too recognizable and it's
a, we're too conservative of a company,
1263
01:10:15,267 --> 01:10:17,421
and we're gonna have to let you go.
1264
01:10:17,423 --> 01:10:20,257
And so that was right before,
1265
01:10:20,259 --> 01:10:23,059
that was a week before I got
diagnosed with cancer.
1266
01:10:23,663 --> 01:10:25,558
And the ones that got out of this business
1267
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:29,705
and now are being blighted
by the society that jacked off to them.
1268
01:10:29,939 --> 01:10:32,593
Well the society are the ones
that's guilty for that.
1269
01:10:32,595 --> 01:10:35,693
They're damning them for something that
gave them pleasure, but they refuse
1270
01:10:35,695 --> 01:10:37,496
to admit that they got
the pleasure from them.
1271
01:10:37,497 --> 01:10:39,534
And that's a very very
sad state of affairs.
1272
01:10:39,536 --> 01:10:41,961
Now I was starting to direct,
1273
01:10:42,014 --> 01:10:45,950
and I was hired, uh, a couple months later,
1274
01:10:45,952 --> 01:10:48,121
to go to Germany to work.
1275
01:10:48,123 --> 01:10:51,169
I'd make about eight grand
or something like that.
1276
01:10:51,171 --> 01:10:52,797
Work eight days or something.
1277
01:10:52,799 --> 01:10:55,090
And I didn't wanna do this
any more at this time,
1278
01:10:55,092 --> 01:10:56,398
I didn't wanna do it any more.
1279
01:10:56,400 --> 01:11:00,069
So I left, said goodbye to her,
stood in line for two hours,
1280
01:11:00,071 --> 01:11:03,943
and as I'm going I'm saying I don't wanna
go, I'm saying to myself I don't wanna go,
1281
01:11:04,650 --> 01:11:08,654
And it just built up and built up until I
got, finally got to the point of where,
1282
01:11:09,642 --> 01:11:12,802
"May I help you?" they said,
you know, ticket counter,
1283
01:11:13,310 --> 01:11:16,126
I said uh, no, I'm not going.
1284
01:11:16,353 --> 01:11:20,513
I took my bags, I call up Kathleen
and I said baby I'm coming home,
1285
01:11:20,515 --> 01:11:22,464
I don't wanna go,
I don't wanna go to Europe.
1286
01:11:22,466 --> 01:11:25,156
I'm thinking about the trip and
everything, I don't wanna do this,
1287
01:11:25,158 --> 01:11:29,205
I wanna stay home with her. So, that
was pretty much the last thing I did.
1288
01:11:29,492 --> 01:11:32,177
Really what got me out of
it was my husband.
1289
01:11:32,762 --> 01:11:40,208
Because, when I met Ron, he had no idea
who I used to be. Ron loved me, for me.
1290
01:11:40,210 --> 01:11:43,174
And you know he could had
a much younger woman,
1291
01:11:43,297 --> 01:11:45,154
he could had a much better looking woman,
1292
01:11:45,156 --> 01:11:47,057
he could had a woman with a lot more money.
1293
01:11:47,059 --> 01:11:48,429
But he fell in love with me.
1294
01:11:48,431 --> 01:11:50,318
He didn't know anything
about that part of me.
1295
01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:53,077
And the fact that he accepted me
for who I was
1296
01:11:53,184 --> 01:11:54,807
and loved me for who I was...
1297
01:11:57,722 --> 01:12:00,491
Taught me how to love me.
Really.
1298
01:12:00,493 --> 01:12:04,362
And his love for me has reconnected me
1299
01:12:04,364 --> 01:12:07,827
with the person that I was before
I EVER, did any of this crap.
1300
01:12:08,910 --> 01:12:14,098
All of a sudden Mr. Right came
into my life, and I hated him.
1301
01:12:14,483 --> 01:12:15,687
Ha! When I first met him.
1302
01:12:15,764 --> 01:12:17,772
His whole life he was raised
in Christian school
1303
01:12:17,774 --> 01:12:20,401
from like, he went to the same school,
the same kids
1304
01:12:20,403 --> 01:12:22,271
from like kindergarten
to like twelfth grade.
1305
01:12:22,273 --> 01:12:25,151
He was like most valuable player,
he did sports,
1306
01:12:25,180 --> 01:12:26,730
his mom had all these trophies.
1307
01:12:26,732 --> 01:12:29,298
She has a book this thick just
on newspaper clippings on him.
1308
01:12:29,874 --> 01:12:32,385
So I was like jealous already
I hated his guts.
1309
01:12:32,456 --> 01:12:35,116
He would like knock on my door
and I would answer
1310
01:12:35,118 --> 01:12:37,799
and go what do you want? and he
goes "I'm here to clean your house."
1311
01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:39,541
And I'd be like, what are you doing?
1312
01:12:39,550 --> 01:12:41,378
He goes "You're filthy."
1313
01:12:41,731 --> 01:12:44,275
Like, cause I didn't cook,
and I didn't clean
1314
01:12:44,277 --> 01:12:46,441
and I was, and I was,
I was falling apart.
1315
01:12:46,443 --> 01:12:48,970
So he literally cleaned my whole house.
1316
01:12:48,972 --> 01:12:52,468
With rags for me, and um,
I just stopped working.
1317
01:12:52,684 --> 01:12:54,834
Didn't wanna prostitute anymore
and lie anymore
1318
01:12:54,836 --> 01:12:56,902
and we just hit it off
and the next thing you know
1319
01:12:56,904 --> 01:13:00,208
we're snorting meth, and next thing you
know we're reading the bible together.
1320
01:13:00,423 --> 01:13:02,400
And we're like.... dude!
1321
01:13:02,402 --> 01:13:06,898
Did you see like how like God used Joshua
like to conquer all those cities dude.
1322
01:13:06,900 --> 01:13:09,315
And he'd be like...
yeah and (inaudible)...
1323
01:13:09,317 --> 01:13:11,684
and like I, I mean
we're were just like so into the Bible!
1324
01:13:11,686 --> 01:13:14,902
And we realized that
he had went to Christian school
1325
01:13:14,904 --> 01:13:17,574
his whole life and was
the pastor's son so he had
1326
01:13:17,576 --> 01:13:19,585
a really great Christian foundation and,
1327
01:13:20,610 --> 01:13:24,888
I didn't as much as him but,
he was so sweet
1328
01:13:24,963 --> 01:13:27,806
and he never once pursued me sexually,
so, um,
1329
01:13:27,808 --> 01:13:32,063
we ended up getting married
on Valentine's Day, 1995.
1330
01:13:32,418 --> 01:13:35,974
I met my husband in a pool,
in Hollywood, Florida.
1331
01:13:36,710 --> 01:13:41,330
At the Diplomat Hotel.
And he was married at the time
1332
01:13:41,332 --> 01:13:43,076
and I had a boyfriend at the time.
1333
01:13:43,078 --> 01:13:48,218
And, he was in the middle of splitting
up and I was kinda done with it.
1334
01:13:48,220 --> 01:13:49,706
Little Trist.
1335
01:13:49,708 --> 01:13:52,850
And, I told him I was in the middle of uh,
1336
01:13:52,852 --> 01:13:56,727
putting a webpage together,
and, he said oh okay,
1337
01:13:56,729 --> 01:14:01,256
and, it had to be maybe three months
after I got my first website up
1338
01:14:01,258 --> 01:14:03,270
that I got an email from him.
1339
01:14:03,272 --> 01:14:06,975
We went out once, that was it.
We haven't been apart since.
1340
01:14:06,977 --> 01:14:10,556
Um, my husband died in a car accident
driving home from Las Vegas.
1341
01:14:10,558 --> 01:14:13,258
I had asked him not to do
this whole gig actually,
1342
01:14:13,827 --> 01:14:16,905
um, I was eight months pregnant and I
didn't want him away from me that long,
1343
01:14:17,133 --> 01:14:20,891
and uh, he's like "I gotta do it honey",
but he tried, he cut it down to two days
1344
01:14:20,893 --> 01:14:24,346
so he was really happy coming home on the
second day that he was all done with this
1345
01:14:24,348 --> 01:14:26,524
and he came racing home to be
with his pregnant wife
1346
01:14:26,526 --> 01:14:29,379
and he flipped the jeep
and didn't ever make it home.
1347
01:14:30,047 --> 01:14:33,872
Suddenly he's gone and now here I am, no
more income and all these bills to pay
1348
01:14:33,874 --> 01:14:35,922
and it was just like one thing
on top of another.
1349
01:14:35,924 --> 01:14:38,488
And so I, I just,
I put up a plea on my website
1350
01:14:38,490 --> 01:14:40,288
asking, uh, for donations.
1351
01:14:41,048 --> 01:14:42,448
I didn't know what else to do.
1352
01:14:42,844 --> 01:14:48,971
No insurance, no money, bills, and my
fans donated, enormous amounts of money.
1353
01:14:48,973 --> 01:14:52,358
Um, the kids were completely spoiled,
they got toys and books and presents
1354
01:14:52,360 --> 01:14:55,770
and stuff with pictures on it
and just it was, unbelievable
1355
01:14:55,772 --> 01:14:59,015
it would make me cry all the time I would
open all the mail from all these people
1356
01:14:59,017 --> 01:15:01,617
I'd never met and it was just, it was
really wonderful having fans
1357
01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:04,504
turn out to help me. Because you know,
I'd been online for ten years,
1358
01:15:04,506 --> 01:15:06,663
they'd watched grow up
and I'd never asked for anything before
1359
01:15:06,704 --> 01:15:08,743
and here I was I needed help.
And they helped me.
1360
01:15:08,811 --> 01:15:11,887
I faced those up and,
up and downs many times.
1361
01:15:11,889 --> 01:15:14,631
Certainly with my real-estate practice
1362
01:15:14,633 --> 01:15:17,332
and the market and
when the market dropped in real-estate,
1363
01:15:17,334 --> 01:15:21,484
and now that the market and, you know,
is dropping all the way across the board
1364
01:15:21,486 --> 01:15:24,191
I mean the country is in crisis.
Our whole country is in crisis.
1365
01:15:24,604 --> 01:15:28,330
It would be really easy for me right now,
1366
01:15:28,332 --> 01:15:33,491
to want to reinvestigate, you know, porn.
1367
01:15:33,493 --> 01:15:35,561
I definitely wanna have kids.
1368
01:15:35,563 --> 01:15:38,394
That's something like, I was actually
very depressed recently because
1369
01:15:38,396 --> 01:15:41,111
I, I'm realizing that I'm twenty
years old and I'm not married
1370
01:15:41,131 --> 01:15:43,633
and I have no kids.
And I really want kids.
1371
01:15:43,865 --> 01:15:46,089
And, I'd like to have at least two.
Maybe three.
1372
01:15:46,091 --> 01:15:48,857
Because being an only child I always
wished I had a brother or sister.
1373
01:15:48,859 --> 01:15:50,647
I still wish I had a brother or sister.
1374
01:15:50,649 --> 01:15:53,951
Like, you know I just, that's
something I've always wanted so.
1375
01:15:54,301 --> 01:15:56,645
I have a gorgeous family.
1376
01:15:57,661 --> 01:15:59,977
My son is amazing. He's my angel.
1377
01:16:02,939 --> 01:16:05,152
My daughter is the best thing
that ever happened to me.
1378
01:16:05,154 --> 01:16:06,158
She saved my life.
1379
01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:08,614
I want my daughter to have
a completely different life.
1380
01:16:08,616 --> 01:16:12,201
I want her to, go to college is number one.
1381
01:16:12,203 --> 01:16:14,413
She's a great student, she's a track star,
1382
01:16:14,415 --> 01:16:18,118
she's had to deal with my porn life.
1383
01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:22,327
She, um, hates it.
She's embarrassed of it.
1384
01:16:22,329 --> 01:16:25,971
And, um, she won't let me,
she doesn't want me
1385
01:16:25,973 --> 01:16:28,030
to go to her track meets, sh...
1386
01:16:28,032 --> 01:16:30,418
because she feels
someone would recognize me.
1387
01:16:30,420 --> 01:16:33,736
We're going to church now,
I go to church and I um,
1388
01:16:34,518 --> 01:16:38,538
have a strong faith,
and I have changed my life
1389
01:16:39,413 --> 01:16:42,866
and I want for her everything that...
1390
01:16:42,868 --> 01:16:45,828
I, I don't want her to ever have
to experience what I experienced.
1391
01:16:46,216 --> 01:16:48,394
In the moment? Thank you!
1392
01:16:49,400 --> 01:16:51,408
For being who you are.
1393
01:16:51,410 --> 01:16:53,348
Cause you're a pretty cool dude.
- Oooo!
1394
01:16:54,290 --> 01:16:57,222
Ooo, can I get that in writing?!
- Sure! I can give it to you in writing!
1395
01:16:58,021 --> 01:17:00,114
You're welcome.
1396
01:17:00,607 --> 01:17:03,234
It's interesting.
I mean, what I'm sitting here thinking is,
1397
01:17:03,279 --> 01:17:06,364
I wonder how many other people
out there can have this kind
1398
01:17:06,366 --> 01:17:07,778
of conversation with their parents.
1399
01:17:07,780 --> 01:17:11,043
I mean most people can't sit around and
think about their parents having sex, or,
1400
01:17:11,474 --> 01:17:14,098
especially fucking somebody other
than their mother.
1401
01:17:14,100 --> 01:17:16,436
I mean that alone would I think
irritate a lot of children.
1402
01:17:16,438 --> 01:17:21,060
But, it's very, normalized, in that sex
is a goody that should be enjoyed.
1403
01:17:21,062 --> 01:17:23,842
Um, and when you can
differentiate between sex
1404
01:17:23,844 --> 01:17:27,127
and love and everything
that happens in between,
1405
01:17:27,129 --> 01:17:29,734
um, it's a huge gift
that you can give yourself,
1406
01:17:29,736 --> 01:17:32,976
and lovers and partners
and friends and family.
1407
01:17:32,978 --> 01:17:36,579
And I'm grateful that that's,
that's my world.
1408
01:17:38,068 --> 01:17:39,075
Wow.
1409
01:17:40,635 --> 01:17:42,163
I'm impressed.
1410
01:17:43,303 --> 01:17:47,573
She, is my role model. She is my hero.
1411
01:17:48,105 --> 01:17:51,049
And, I think I learned a lot from my mom.
1412
01:17:51,510 --> 01:17:54,345
She's gone through a lot
and I even tell people that
1413
01:17:54,347 --> 01:17:56,601
she's my hero and she's my role model.
1414
01:17:56,603 --> 01:17:58,862
She's just like whatever,
I did it for my daughter
1415
01:17:58,864 --> 01:18:01,518
and now she's doing what she wants to
she owns her own business,
1416
01:18:01,520 --> 01:18:05,229
and no matter how many people talk
down about her she's still does what
1417
01:18:05,231 --> 01:18:09,707
she wants to do and she's successful at it.
So, I guess she's just a good example of,
1418
01:18:09,709 --> 01:18:13,524
don't let other people bring you down,
just keep doing what you're doing
1419
01:18:13,526 --> 01:18:16,035
and you'll be successful
in what you wanna do.
1420
01:18:16,037 --> 01:18:19,674
So. I'm very proud of you!
Just so you know that!
1421
01:18:19,676 --> 01:18:21,886
Please don't start crying
cause then I'll start crying!
1422
01:18:21,893 --> 01:18:23,037
I'm not gonna cry!
1423
01:18:23,117 --> 01:18:24,509
I will start crying.
1424
01:18:24,754 --> 01:18:26,961
And since my husband died
there wasn't a lot
1425
01:18:26,963 --> 01:18:29,531
for me to look forward to
so it was kinda nice to have that.
1426
01:18:29,757 --> 01:18:33,231
Mom, your husband died?
1427
01:18:33,233 --> 01:18:37,656
Daddy. Where's Daddy?
Where's Daddy?
1428
01:18:37,658 --> 01:18:39,542
Up in the clouds.
1429
01:18:39,544 --> 01:18:42,195
There comes a point in our life
when family becomes first,
1430
01:18:42,197 --> 01:18:43,926
the first thing and the question,
1431
01:18:44,229 --> 01:18:48,734
the answer to the question,
it just doesn't even take a beat.
1432
01:18:48,736 --> 01:18:50,264
Sometimes...
1433
01:18:53,265 --> 01:18:56,013
And we have the opportunity to see
our friends and family.
1434
01:18:56,015 --> 01:19:00,490
I think Chuck would really
appreciate, that we're here today.
1435
01:19:01,635 --> 01:19:04,580
There was something uniquely
vital about Buck Adams that
1436
01:19:04,862 --> 01:19:06,603
could brighten up the darkest moment,
1437
01:19:06,605 --> 01:19:09,742
and put a grin on the face
of the bleakest situation.
1438
01:19:09,744 --> 01:19:14,391
With a body that appeared to be hewn
from a granite block of cement,
1439
01:19:15,295 --> 01:19:19,525
and an intensity that provided his fans
with a vicarious sustenance,
1440
01:19:19,596 --> 01:19:23,537
Buck Adams will always be remembered as
the guy who got it up when it counted.
1441
01:19:24,177 --> 01:19:29,792
You know like I said,
if you knew it was gonna happen...
1442
01:19:29,794 --> 01:19:31,982
what would you have said?
1443
01:19:33,278 --> 01:19:35,959
And you don't always get that chance.
1444
01:19:37,232 --> 01:19:42,250
Um, but right now, in my life,
I, regret doing porn.
1445
01:19:43,342 --> 01:19:48,466
I regret doing porn and I never thought,
1446
01:19:48,468 --> 01:19:54,286
ever, that I would be, who I became.
Houston.
1447
01:19:54,896 --> 01:19:59,308
I never thought I would be so big
and so recognizable
1448
01:19:59,310 --> 01:20:03,840
and just, I just never thought that it
would turn into what it did, for me.
1449
01:20:03,842 --> 01:20:05,547
And God just says, Shelley,
1450
01:20:05,549 --> 01:20:09,538
I'm telling you, you need
to... you need to trust me,
1451
01:20:09,540 --> 01:20:11,816
I've got something better for you.
I love you.
1452
01:20:11,818 --> 01:20:16,463
I didn't save your ass all these years
not to give you something better.
1453
01:20:17,130 --> 01:20:20,327
Well, like, looking back, I didn't,
1454
01:20:20,329 --> 01:20:24,246
honestly I can't really like go,
on my computer and,
1455
01:20:24,248 --> 01:20:27,324
and look at stuff that I used to do anymore
1456
01:20:27,326 --> 01:20:30,191
it just makes me, I just, I'm so different.
1457
01:20:30,193 --> 01:20:33,023
I feel so different now like,
where I am in life.
1458
01:20:33,025 --> 01:20:36,374
It's really hard for me to believe
that I was that girl.
1459
01:20:37,103 --> 01:20:40,616
So yes, it has changed me.
For the better I believe.
1460
01:20:40,618 --> 01:20:44,794
The porn business has afforded me
a very comfortable life
1461
01:20:44,796 --> 01:20:48,604
it has allowed me to educate myself
in ways that I probably wouldn't
1462
01:20:48,606 --> 01:20:50,543
have been able to do before.
1463
01:20:50,545 --> 01:20:53,464
It's enabled me to travel
all over the world and,
1464
01:20:53,466 --> 01:20:55,970
meet new and interesting people.
1465
01:20:56,600 --> 01:21:02,953
And it's allowed me to, have the,
have the cajones, if you will,
1466
01:21:02,955 --> 01:21:06,933
to try new and exciting things that I
probably wouldn't have done before.
1467
01:21:06,935 --> 01:21:08,508
I would have been afraid to do.
1468
01:21:08,510 --> 01:21:11,839
I have no fear, to do anything.
1469
01:21:11,841 --> 01:21:14,447
You know because as people we have to fully
1470
01:21:14,449 --> 01:21:17,159
and freely accept ourself for
everything we are
1471
01:21:17,161 --> 01:21:19,202
and everything we're not
cause if we have compar...
1472
01:21:19,204 --> 01:21:23,732
If we compartmentalize,
we're never a whole self.
1473
01:21:24,062 --> 01:21:28,413
You know. Especially in like relationships,
we don't get to bring our whole self.
1474
01:21:29,158 --> 01:21:32,989
What I am afraid of the most is because
I've lasted so long
1475
01:21:32,991 --> 01:21:35,383
and this industry is now heading
towards its fourth decade
1476
01:21:35,385 --> 01:21:39,402
of presence on this earth, that the
people who created this business,
1477
01:21:39,404 --> 01:21:42,154
the Eric Edwardses, the Jamie Guillesses,
1478
01:21:42,156 --> 01:21:45,094
the John Lesleys,
the great pioneers of this business,
1479
01:21:45,096 --> 01:21:47,382
are not gonna be with us, forever, and,
1480
01:21:47,384 --> 01:21:50,873
I'd hoped to be around long enough
to honor them
1481
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:53,242
but I don't wanna do it
fast and furiously because
1482
01:21:53,244 --> 01:21:56,936
when they start to fall by the wayside
somebody's gonna have to remember them.
1483
01:21:56,938 --> 01:21:59,650
It's based on a line that,
"there is no future
1484
01:21:59,652 --> 01:22:02,552
if in the present we fail to pay
homage to the past."
1485
01:22:02,554 --> 01:22:05,585
But a lot of them are now
in their fifties and sixties,
1486
01:22:05,587 --> 01:22:08,504
some of them in their seventies,
and somebody is
1487
01:22:08,506 --> 01:22:11,023
going to have to be there
to tell their stories.
1488
01:22:11,418 --> 01:22:13,999
Eventually this woman is gonna like say,
1489
01:22:14,398 --> 01:22:16,053
wwheeeeuuuheehehehuh.
1490
01:22:16,158 --> 01:22:19,638
And then when you're eighty-five
and you can't walk no more
1491
01:22:19,694 --> 01:22:21,463
and you're in a wheelchair she's gonna say
1492
01:22:21,465 --> 01:22:23,999
"You remember when you
wanted to have sex all day?
1493
01:22:24,500 --> 01:22:27,622
Yeah, what do you mean, you want what?
Bap! What do you want? Bap!
1494
01:22:27,939 --> 01:22:30,070
No no no, now I'm getting back at you."
1495
01:22:30,834 --> 01:22:33,454
I miss many things about the business.
1496
01:22:34,803 --> 01:22:39,922
But, I guess the clearest way
to say it concisely would be,
1497
01:22:40,555 --> 01:22:42,550
the biblical phrase occurs to me,
1498
01:22:42,552 --> 01:22:45,172
"when I was a child I spake as a child,
1499
01:22:45,174 --> 01:22:48,026
and when I was a man,
I put away childish things."
1500
01:22:48,470 --> 01:22:50,668
I'm trying to think of like Joe Nameth.
1501
01:22:50,670 --> 01:22:53,572
Joe, do you miss football?
Sure he does.
1502
01:22:53,574 --> 01:22:56,005
But he can't play like he used to play.
1503
01:22:56,007 --> 01:23:00,486
He's, sixty-five years old now.
I'm in the same place.
1504
01:23:00,959 --> 01:23:03,020
Am I happy I did porn? Uh, yeah,
1505
01:23:03,022 --> 01:23:05,719
I really don't have
too many regrets cause I,
1506
01:23:05,721 --> 01:23:08,466
it's so much stuff came out of it
that was positive.
1507
01:23:08,468 --> 01:23:10,304
I got to travel around the world, uh,
1508
01:23:10,306 --> 01:23:12,315
I met a lot of interesting people,
1509
01:23:13,123 --> 01:23:17,929
I'm way over my quota sexually, uh,
I think uh, people ask me and I,
1510
01:23:17,931 --> 01:23:21,728
I guess the estimate's, I've been with
like 3000 women or something like that,
1511
01:23:22,042 --> 01:23:27,832
most of them were awesome to work with,
still friends with a lot of 'em, so uh,
1512
01:23:27,834 --> 01:23:30,123
yeah, overall it was
a hell of an experience.
1513
01:23:30,125 --> 01:23:32,528
Essentially I am living my life right now
1514
01:23:32,663 --> 01:23:35,162
the way I wanna live it for the rest
of my life, and I wanna,
1515
01:23:35,271 --> 01:23:37,205
I wanna die doing what I'm doing right now.
1516
01:23:37,448 --> 01:23:39,259
How many people can say that?
1517
01:23:39,261 --> 01:23:42,504
Well I am, that I live here
and I have a place that I love this much
1518
01:23:42,506 --> 01:23:44,805
I think I'm as lucky as
anybody could be on earth.
1519
01:23:44,807 --> 01:23:47,310
Far as, I mean,
I dunno what the hell t'ask for.
1520
01:23:48,401 --> 01:23:50,352
I'm happy.
1521
01:23:50,867 --> 01:23:56,263
I'm not in a dark place,
I'm not suicidal, I'm not doing drugs.
1522
01:23:57,016 --> 01:23:59,577
You know I'm not self-destructive.
1523
01:23:59,579 --> 01:24:02,384
Um, but the last two years
has been a journey,
1524
01:24:02,386 --> 01:24:04,973
cause I was very
self-destructive before and,
1525
01:24:05,490 --> 01:24:07,642
I'm not saying it changed overnight,
1526
01:24:07,644 --> 01:24:10,331
I still have self-destructive thoughts,
1527
01:24:10,581 --> 01:24:16,728
but, um, I'm just in an,
healthier place all around.
1528
01:24:17,114 --> 01:24:20,499
You hear some people we talk to
who are leading normal lives,
1529
01:24:20,513 --> 01:24:23,231
and are doing pretty good, like how
the hell would you really know,
1530
01:24:23,233 --> 01:24:26,995
like, how would you know what really
goes on in their life at two a.m.?
1531
01:24:26,997 --> 01:24:30,233
The torment, the, you know,
how would you know that
1532
01:24:30,235 --> 01:24:33,532
they're gonna tell you about all the times
they've been rejected and isolated and,
1533
01:24:33,534 --> 01:24:36,233
and the horror and the shame that,
1534
01:24:36,235 --> 01:24:41,986
that their children confront and that,
their spouses confront, and the shame that
1535
01:24:41,988 --> 01:24:43,736
they've put their families through and,
1536
01:24:43,738 --> 01:24:46,820
and the relationships that have been
permanently broken.
1537
01:24:46,822 --> 01:24:49,682
I mean all the,
all the burned bridges behind them
1538
01:24:49,684 --> 01:24:51,157
because they've done sex work.
1539
01:24:51,159 --> 01:24:54,128
You know most families aren't proud
when their daughters become hookers.
1540
01:24:54,462 --> 01:25:00,347
I think the difference between me
and the other girls in the industry
1541
01:25:00,349 --> 01:25:06,706
was that I've really, enjoyed being there
and um, not just the sex
1542
01:25:06,708 --> 01:25:09,944
I mean I, used it to better myself
as a person.
1543
01:25:09,946 --> 01:25:12,810
I never let the industry
take advantage of me in any way.
1544
01:25:12,812 --> 01:25:14,936
I always took advantage of the industry.
1545
01:25:14,938 --> 01:25:17,933
I made phenomenal amounts of money
I've produced movies, I wrote movies,
1546
01:25:17,935 --> 01:25:20,586
I starred in them, hell people
were paying me
1547
01:25:20,588 --> 01:25:22,852
hundreds of dollars an hour
to sign autographs?
1548
01:25:22,854 --> 01:25:25,256
Woo hoo! I'm up, I'm with this!
1549
01:25:25,258 --> 01:25:26,959
Um, I just, I-I...
1550
01:25:26,961 --> 01:25:29,073
The other girls leave with a bad taste
in their mouth
1551
01:25:29,718 --> 01:25:32,884
and they-and I just, I have nothing
but good memories when I look back.
1552
01:25:32,984 --> 01:25:34,834
And right now
if I wanted to go back into porn
1553
01:25:34,840 --> 01:25:37,050
I could probably go get a contract
almost at any company
1554
01:25:37,086 --> 01:25:38,819
and still just do straight boy-girl scenes.
1555
01:25:38,839 --> 01:25:41,369
And if I really wanted to when I'm 32
if I wanna go back to porn
1556
01:25:41,370 --> 01:25:44,220
and because I'm really broke maybe
let's say, hopefully it won't happen,
1557
01:25:44,221 --> 01:25:46,014
I would tell a porn company guess what,
1558
01:25:46,016 --> 01:25:47,993
I'm gonna come back and do
two guys and do anal.
1559
01:25:47,995 --> 01:25:50,083
If I'm thirty-five and really poor
I need to do porn,
1560
01:25:50,085 --> 01:25:52,784
I'll tell 'em I'll do, you know,
a black guy. Heh!
1561
01:25:53,129 --> 01:25:54,934
There isn't that much of a future
1562
01:25:54,936 --> 01:25:57,958
after the x-rated industry because somehow,
1563
01:25:57,960 --> 01:25:59,874
somewhere, somebody will find you.
1564
01:25:59,876 --> 01:26:01,768
The famous line I used to say to anybody
1565
01:26:01,770 --> 01:26:03,937
walking into my office
when I ran the biggest agency,
1566
01:26:03,939 --> 01:26:07,029
what are you gonna do ten years from now
when your kid brings home a magazine
1567
01:26:07,031 --> 01:26:09,756
with you laying in the middle of it
with a candle shoved up your ass?
1568
01:26:09,757 --> 01:26:12,328
You gonna tell'em you were playing
the part of a birthday cake?
1569
01:26:12,333 --> 01:26:14,800
It doesn't go away.
1570
01:26:14,876 --> 01:26:18,064
My husband and my son changed my life.
1571
01:26:20,391 --> 01:26:22,426
And my son saved my life.
1572
01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:27,908
And looking at him every day,
1573
01:26:28,368 --> 01:26:31,415
reminds me how precious life is.
1574
01:26:32,820 --> 01:26:36,678
And how throwing it away
on drugs and alcohol,
1575
01:26:37,687 --> 01:26:41,009
just this stupid crap that's out there,
1576
01:26:42,408 --> 01:26:45,210
god, it's just so not worth it. You know?
1577
01:30:33,219 --> 01:30:36,168
Captions from www.vidqt.com
1578
01:30:36,193 --> 01:30:38,193
timings and adaptation: xix11x1
1579
01:30:41,193 --> 01:30:45,193
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