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1
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Ah!
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HE LAUGHS
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00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,840
AIRHORN BLARES
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No!
5
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SHE SCREAMS
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00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:22,000
HE GROANS
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SHE LAUGHS
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello. Thank you. I am Greg Davies
and this, ladies and gentlemen,
10
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it's the 50th ever episode
of Taskmaster.
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FANFARE
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CHEERING
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FANFARE CONTINUES
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00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,640
LAUGHTER
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It's going to be one hell
of a night.
16
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,440
Or it might be like any other
episode
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00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,200
but with a few more references
to the number 50.
18
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,000
Let's meet the five trophy-hungry
contestants joining us
19
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:09,400
to both compete in and celebrate
this auspicious occasion.
20
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,960
They are: James Acaster,
21
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,200
Jessica Knappett,
22
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,160
Kerry Godliman,
23
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,080
Phil Wang,
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00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,840
and Rhod Gilbert.
25
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,160
And next to me for the 50th time -
the 50th time -
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he claims that he's 6ft but he's
just below five...
27
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IN BABYISH VOICE: ..little Alex
Horne! Two. 6ft2.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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I've just got stats. Stats today.
OK.
30
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50 episodes, 35 contestants,
263 tasks,
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45 disqualifications,
11 tie-breaks, 228 breaks,
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00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,880
two arm breaks, one marriage,
one Taskmaster baby
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and one everlasting friendship.
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LAUGHTER
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Yeah?
36
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,600
LAUGHTER
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Are you allowing that?
You think we're friends, do you?
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Forever.
39
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,760
I don't think you could tell me one
thing about my life
40
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,360
outside of this show.
41
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,760
What car have I got?
A car? A Honda.
42
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,080
No!
43
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:17,040
So, on with the 50th special one.
Right. Come on, then.
44
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,800
Let's make this a good one.
I'll try.
45
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,360
And the best possible way to go
about making that happen
46
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would have to be by starting with
the Prize Task
47
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And it's a neat one this week. We've
asked them to bring in the best key.
48
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Kerry, what's the special key you've
brought in?
49
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:36,040
My special key is the key
to my campervan,
50
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,600
which I'm very excited about.
51
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,520
The key looks like this. Ready for
the campervan? Yeah.
52
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,000
Oh, fucking hell.
LAUGHTER
53
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:47,280
What do you think a campervan looks
like? I love the key.
54
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,440
What do you expect a campervan
to look like?
55
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You've put this in as a prize
because you don't want to pay
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00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,320
to have it towed away!
57
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THEY LAUGH
58
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My campervan is a thing of joy.
It is?
59
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,200
It's got loads of cupboards
and drawers.
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00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,960
It's like Sylvanians for grown-ups.
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00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,760
OK, just for argument's sake,
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Phil, you win this show, what are
you going to do with that van?
63
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Strip it for parts. Thank you.
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00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,000
LAUGHTER
65
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,520
Move on? Let's move on. Fine.
66
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,360
Phil, obviously you've got your eye
on the strip down prize van,
67
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,680
but what did you bring in?
68
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:27,280
I brought the best key, which is
the G key from a piano.
69
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,200
Here it is.
JESSICA: Nice.
70
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,240
There it is.
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00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,120
It's G, which is the best key. It's
the highest letter on the alphabet
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00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:39,560
before they gave up and went back
to A, because you can't top a G!
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00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,160
Listen, you know, I like it.
Well, I say that...
74
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,240
Kerry's is better. Now...
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HE LAUGHS
76
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,720
I've ripped this with my bare hands
out of a real piano.
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00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,440
I put it to you that that is a...
78
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,760
Yes, and you're right to do
that face.
79
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,240
Two can play that game, Phil.
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00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,720
I put it to you...
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00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,520
LAUGHTER
82
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,920
..that that is a stock library
picture of a... It is not a stock...
83
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,560
No. He did bring in a key, but I
don't know where he got it from.
84
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,720
We shot it nicely, didn't we?
85
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,600
That's going to come off your wage
for this show, young man.
86
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,680
Jess?
87
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:20,720
I've thought outside the box.
It's called a key...
88
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,600
lime pie.
89
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,800
Brackets - Homemade! Did you really
make it? Yes, I really made it.
90
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,600
If it's a stock library picture, I'm
going to attack Phil. It's not.
91
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:31,840
You will... I've...
92
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,160
Here it is, here's the pie.
93
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,320
LAUGHTER
94
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,280
"I The Heart Taskmaster."
Yes, OK.
95
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,960
It is "I The Heart Taskmaster!"
96
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,680
But it should say,
I Heart The Taskmaster.
97
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,720
Which it does if you read it
the right way round,
98
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,400
which is the wrong way round.
99
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,880
Did you really make it?
Yes, I really made it.
100
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,560
It looks genuinely delicious.
Well, it genuinely is!
101
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,400
As a special 50th episode
celebration,
102
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,960
I'm going to let Alex eat all of
that pie at the end of the show.
103
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,400
And I mean... BOTH: All of it.
104
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,560
And well he should.
After the show?
105
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:08,720
No. When the winner goes up to
collect the prizes,
106
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,440
you can eat that entire pie!
107
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,560
OK. OK, good. So I look forward
to that. James Acaster?
108
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:19,160
I brought in the key to my heart.
He's brought in this.
109
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,920
I love ice cream.
110
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,720
And I hope Alex likes ice cream
with his key lime pie. Yeah.
111
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,400
You are going to be a very full boy!
112
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,840
What we'll have to do, is we'll have
to find out what Rhod's brought in.
113
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,680
Fingers crossed it's better than
a bowl of ice cream.
114
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,040
Of course it's going to be better
than a bowl of ice cream!
115
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,120
I don't think it will be.
Sorry to interrupt,
116
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,920
it's definitely going to come last.
117
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,800
LAUGHTER
118
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,840
Why?
119
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,400
Gut instinct.
120
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,480
Rhodri?
121
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,960
I went a bit outside the box,
as well. Because I thought...
122
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,920
'Can I make a prediction? This is
going to be a picture of me looking
fat.
123
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,760
RHOD SNORTS
Here is Rhod's key.
124
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,440
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
125
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,360
WOLF WHISTLE
126
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,680
I thought a key helps you make
sense of things sometimes.
127
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,120
It's probably a weird thing to say,
128
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,920
but it sort of does it for me
as a picture.
129
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,240
So, who's in last place?
Oh, well, James is in last place.
130
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,920
Bringing a bowl of ice cream in!
131
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,920
One point to James Acaster.
132
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,480
Based on the fact that I still
believe that's a library picture
133
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,520
of a piano key, I'm giving Phil
two points.
134
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,320
Which it's not, but fine. OK.
So, second to last.
135
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,920
If it's proved otherwise to me, if I
see the physical proof of the key...
136
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,640
You will at the end of the show.
..I'll give him a bonus point.
137
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,080
We all know the prizes come up at
the end, definitely going to see it.
138
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,200
No, I thought it might be a
picture of the key.
139
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,480
You think that's going to go up
and it's like Bullseye -
140
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,560
there's going to be a fucking
campervan up there?
141
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,920
LAUGHTER
142
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,560
That is a good point.
143
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,000
Two for Phil. Two points for
Phil Wang. That's right.
144
00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:00,160
Third place with three points, just
because he's been so gobby
145
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,720
in the last two minutes,
Rhod Gilbert. OK.
146
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,560
He's standing up, now.
AUDIENCE BOOS
147
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,760
Ooh!
148
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,360
Jess, I'm giving you four points
because the pie looks nice
149
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,240
and I can't wait to see this prick
eat it!
150
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,000
I'll take it. Have we all been
beaten by the campervan?
151
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,680
Yeah, we fucking have.
152
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,760
It would appear so!
SHE LAUGHS
153
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,200
Five points to Kerry. There.
Yes! Kerry wins the task.
154
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,640
We are shifting now, aren't we? Yes.
What do you have ready and waiting
155
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,880
in the wings for us, Alex? I have
something very apt for episode 50.
156
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,560
Ready? Yeah.
Here we go.
157
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,840
Hello, James.
158
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,520
Ah!
159
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,640
Put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.
160
00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,040
Fastest wins.
161
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,600
Your time stops when you say,
162
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,600
"I've put exactly 50 different
things in this bin."
163
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,960
Fit Alex in this bin,
164
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,800
roll him down the hill,
fastest wins!
165
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,520
LAUGHTER
166
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,560
That was a wind up. Get used
to them.
167
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,120
What does the last bit say?
The last bit says...
168
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,600
Your time starts when Alex...
169
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,640
Touches you on the shoulder.
Oh, God! Ugh!
170
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,520
I thought you might run!
Oh!
171
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,600
LAUGHTER
172
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,000
Time starts now, James.
Oh.
173
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,720
I can't go any longer.
174
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,280
I've started the clock. I've started
the clock.
175
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,800
Your time's started, Rhod.
176
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,280
Ugh!
177
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,400
Right, now it's thinking time.
178
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,320
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
179
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,880
APPLAUSE
180
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,720
It's nice for us to fall into
the stereotypes there.
181
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,160
Oh, I can get extra time here,
I could get extra time.
182
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,960
And those two - it worked - but
not for Granddad, did it?
183
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,000
Yes, so this is actually a two-part
task,
184
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,600
but we're going to deal with each
part separately, Greg.
185
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,480
First, let's see how they gathered
their items. Ready? Yes. Here we go.
186
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:22,760
Right. One at a time, is it?
One... For now. One.
187
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,320
One potato.
Two.
188
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,960
Three, four, five, six...
189
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,440
seven.
190
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,960
Oh, hold on. What am I doing?
191
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,800
LAUGHTER
192
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,440
Eight, nine...
193
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,240
Ten, 11, 12...
194
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,280
13, 14, 15...
195
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,880
16, 17, 18...
196
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,360
19, 20, 21, 22...
197
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,840
23, 24...
198
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,160
25, 26...
199
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,360
27, 28...
200
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,720
29...
30.
201
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,840
31...
32, three, four...
202
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,680
35, 36...
203
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,000
37, 38, 39...
204
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,360
40.
41, 42...
205
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,000
43...
206
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,360
45...
207
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,640
Oh!
208
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,280
44!
209
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,800
45...
210
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,240
46...
47...
211
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,480
48... 49...
212
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,560
50.
213
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,760
I put exactly 50 things in this bin!
Suck it!
214
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,280
I put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.
215
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,520
I put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.
216
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,360
I've put 50 things in this bin.
217
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,480
I've put exactly 50 different...
Different things!
218
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,880
SHE LAUGHS
219
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
220
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,800
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
221
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:37,760
Right, we need to nip a potential
argument in the bud here, I think,
222
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,720
with the definition of different
things.
223
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:44,280
Well, all of them put two of the
same things in, except for Phil.
224
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,720
All 50 of Phil's were different,
225
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,280
but I suppose you could say that
the stones were all different,
226
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,880
the oranges were... They're
different stones from each other.
227
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,680
But Phil was the only one who made
the effort
228
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,320
to put 50 totally different things
in.
229
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,120
And that is reflected in the time.
230
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,400
LAUGHTER
231
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,120
Just while I'm thinking about this,
erm...
232
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,360
do you want to explain "Suck it!"
233
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,000
Why I shouted suck it at the end?
Yeah.
234
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,320
I felt good.
235
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,280
But who was it directed at?
236
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,640
Just everyone in general.
Suck it.
237
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:18,200
Everyone - you two and Wolf from
Gladiators and...
238
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,200
the cat bin lady - everyone.
239
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,000
Tell us the time.
Well, Jess took 2mins 52secs.
240
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,560
Going back-and-forth to the shed,
241
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,840
instead of bringing the bin
to the shed.
242
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,680
Rhod was very tired, of course,
2mins 30secs.
243
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,200
Kerry - potato, then mainly fruit -
1min 27secs.
244
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:40,360
James, 58 seconds - just the stones.
Woah!
245
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,880
Stones and one ukulele.
246
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:46,200
Phil, who's traditionally slow,
this time really slow, 6mins 57secs.
247
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,200
LAUGHTER
248
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,040
So, are we rewarding them for speed
or does Phil get any special...
249
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,480
I think it's all about speed.
If there's a piano key up there,
250
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,600
'I'm not going to give him a bonus
point, but I'm going to secure him
one now
251
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,360
for putting 50 different things in,
cos I think it needs rewarding.
252
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:03,680
'Phil was the slowest, so he gets one
point, but you're giving him a bonus
point... He gets twopoints.
253
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,640
OK. Then Jessica's two points,
three points to Rhod, Kerry, four,
254
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,160
but James wins the first part of
the task and gets five points.
255
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,120
Incredibly.
256
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
257
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,000
Right, that's it, my friends.
It's the end of the first part
258
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,160
of this special half-century
episode.
259
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,760
So, go do your business and come
back here
260
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,200
when you've cleaned up!
261
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,720
LAUGHTER
262
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,040
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
263
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,960
Hello, everyone. It's part two of
our 50th show together
264
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,600
and yet I still don't feel like
I know you.
265
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,800
Maybe you never will, Greg.
Maybe you never will.
266
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,240
So, can we now see the other part
of this task, please, Alex?
267
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,680
Yes, there was more to this than
just gathering 50 things.
268
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,440
Here's the next bit
of the task.
269
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:07,360
I recognise these guys. Coincidence?
I don't think so!
270
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,000
These are the things I put in
the bin.
271
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,800
Right, I'm going to open this and
then I'm going to have a rest.
272
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,680
Using all the items on this mat...
273
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,400
Make the best picture of
the Taskmaster.
274
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,960
You have ten minutes, your time
starts now!
275
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:26,240
You want me to do a picture of the
escaped Easter Island monument
276
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,200
that you call the Taskmaster?
277
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,880
LAUGHTER
278
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:34,280
Oh, shit! I should have gone for
something more varied than this.
279
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,840
Your time starts now.
280
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,480
Well, I've got lots of red
for the mouth.
281
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,600
OK, these are going to be eyebrows,
he's quite frowny, isn't he?
282
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,800
He's got one of those... Has he got
one of those bum chins?
283
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,760
Can I break this?
You can do whatever you want.
284
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,000
I've just noticed just quite how
much my bulge is pushing out.
285
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,600
Bulge?
My bulge.
286
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,920
His teeth are definitely a green or
brown, but his eyes are blue.
287
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,560
Here's one of his little pencil
legs, down there. Mm-hm.
288
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,360
His legs are absurdly out
of proportion.
289
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:14,520
This is quite good. It's quite
Picasso-esque. It's so Greg.
290
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,600
Arms, I forgot!
291
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,320
Shit!
Does he have arms?
292
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,880
Yeah, he does, but he doesn't
use them.
293
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,040
WHISTLE BLOWS
294
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:29,840
Mm. Thank you, Phil. Pleasure, guys.
Ah!
295
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,080
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
296
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:41,240
'Does anyone want to talk through
their workings? They all said you
had angry eyebrows,
297
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,200
you're frowny, you're not very
smiley
298
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,520
and Phil said, "I wish I'd filled
the bin with pasty-coloured things!"
299
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,520
LAUGHTER
300
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,200
Don't, er... Thanks for that extra
point, Greg. Erm...
301
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,560
Enjoy it. Really enjoy it.
Suck it, in fact.
302
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,920
Well, let's start. I'll show you
what Rhod and Kerry
303
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,320
put in their bins and then what
they did with it. Let's do it.
304
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,440
This is their raw ingredients,
Rhod and Kerry,
305
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,120
and this is what they ended up with.
306
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,400
LAUGHTER
307
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,480
'Pretty flattering. Yeah, and I
haven't got a problem, weirdly,
with having no arms.
308
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,800
Even though you had plenty of leaves
to make arms with,
309
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,680
but you focused on them going
on my stomach.
310
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,680
Well, if I'd have given you arms,
I'd have had to made you look thin!
311
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,200
'And I think you'd agree, it's better
like this with you fat and no
arms...
312
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,040
Well, there's some fascinating
decisions by you, Kerry.
313
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,200
Because as the neck demonstrates,
there were enough oranges
314
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,160
to give me two legs that are
the same width!
315
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,720
So you went, if I'm really going to
make it look like him,
316
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,880
I'm going to have to get that
withered leg in place...
317
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,960
early doors.
LAUGHTER
318
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,160
I wasn't thinking like that,
that wasn't a conscious decision.
319
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,280
What's the silver bowl?
It's a little fascinator.
320
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,520
A little coquettish fascinator.
Yes. You're going to a wedding.
321
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,520
Ah! "Congratulations on your
wedding!"
322
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,360
"Are you wearing a fascinator,
Greg?"
323
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,360
"Shh-shh, it's not about me, it's
not about me."
324
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,280
"Can you help me through this door?"
"Why?"
325
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,240
"Because one of my legs is
withered."
326
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:08,960
LAUGHTER
327
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,680
Who's next, please, Alex? Now we get
to see Jess and Phil's masterpieces.
328
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,360
This is what they were working with
329
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,920
and this is what they mustered up.
Here we go.
330
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,360
LAUGHTER
331
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,080
That is really, seriously good.
That is brilliant.
332
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,800
I'm sorry, did you mishear and think
it was a portrait of me
333
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,720
after I'd fallen out of a pine tree?
334
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:36,640
It's an Angry Bird Pig.
Oh, in that case, full marks.
335
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:40,000
Because that's the look I've been
trying to perfect for years.
336
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:44,720
Jess? What's so worrying is I was so
proud of that when I made it.
337
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,440
I honestly thought it was really
good.
338
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,320
What the hell is that oblong
on my face?
339
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,760
More to the point, there's paint!
340
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,640
So I could have used the paint!
Oh, yeah.
341
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,000
LAUGHTER
342
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,880
You're the only one who put art
materials in.
343
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,560
And then just used them as
the top of my head!
344
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,520
There's one more. Right, we've
secured last place,
345
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,440
but let's have a look.
OK.
346
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,200
This is what James Acaster,
347
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,480
Portrait Artist Of The Year,
was working with.
348
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,880
He transformed that into these.
349
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,040
LAUGHTER
350
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,240
APPLAUSE
351
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,240
That's good.
352
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,680
I was really pleased with it.
353
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,680
I went into that room and saw what
I had to work with
354
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,320
and I was really scared.
And then you smashed up the ukulele.
355
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,520
I smashed it up and I was amazed.
With each smash,
356
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:39,920
it just came off like a perfect part
of your body.
357
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,720
That is an incredible piece of work.
358
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,760
What I think is delightful
and incredible
359
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:53,520
is that you have managed to show
the fear in Alex's face.
360
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,320
Do you want to see all five together
and you can judge them? I do.
361
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,600
OK, so here's the five Greg faces.
362
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,000
And I'm going to judge this
363
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,400
based on which ones I think look
most like me. OK.
364
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,080
I'm sorry, Phil... What?! I'm sorry.
This is just a leafy duck!
365
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,880
What is this?!
366
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,440
That's shit, that's really bad.
Please.
367
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,760
I've been very kind to you, I think
I've been very generous. Charitable.
368
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,920
I gave you a bonus point, I never
give bonus points out... Never.
369
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:24,640
..but I've got to look at that
and say that's deeply hurtful.
370
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,120
It's a mental pig.
371
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,440
And I'm giving you one point.
One point to Phil.
372
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,400
And purely... Two points, purely
based on the fact
373
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,600
that I haven't got an oblong on
the side of my face,
374
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,960
I'm giving two points to Jessica.
Two to Jess. Thank you.
375
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,320
That's second last place.
Third place?
376
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:43,240
I've worked very hard on my withered
leg, very hard.
377
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,600
I'm giving you three points.
Three to Kerry. To Kerry.
378
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:50,160
So it's between Rhod and James.
Yeah. Well, I think... What?!
379
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,480
How?!
380
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:57,480
I think that... Sorry! ..Rhod has
captured of the essence of the anger
381
00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:00,600
I feel when Rhod walks into a room.
A sort of dark...
382
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,960
'I was doing you just after I'd
walked into a room. There you go.
Four points.
383
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,200
But Jesus Christ, if I could give
you ten, I would.
384
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,200
Five points for James.
OK, five points for James.
385
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
386
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,400
Scoreboard me up.
OK.
387
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,080
Do you want an update on the series
at this point? Yes, please.
388
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,800
We're over half way.
389
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,760
Two members of the contestant team
are in triple figures.
390
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,080
Phil's on 73.
Oh, no!
391
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,160
RHOD SPLUTTERS
392
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,920
73. James, 93. Rhod, 95.
393
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,120
Jess, 101. Kerry's on 105, in the
lead, at the moment.
394
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,520
TOGETHER: Ooh!
GREG WHISTLES
395
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,280
In this episode: Phil, again, adrift
on five.
396
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,360
At the other end, again, Kerry's on
12, James is on 11.
397
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,600
That's where we are at this moment
in time.
398
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
399
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,200
I would very much enjoy seeing
another task.
400
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,400
OK, I thought you would. OK, we have
one right here and this one is...
401
00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:01,240
DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT
402
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,120
..the next task.
403
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,440
Watch your head, Kez.
404
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,400
Ooh! Oh!
405
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,440
Hello. Sunshine!
Hello.
406
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,280
Hello.
Oh, hey, Al...ex
407
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,480
Do it. I'm doing it. It's on a
hanger. It is on ribbons.
408
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,920
Is it a clue?
409
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,720
Oh, God.
Oh!
410
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,640
Write and perform the most
suspenseful...
411
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,840
..soap opera cliffhanger.
412
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,120
Your scene may last no more
than one minute.
413
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,840
You have 30 minutes...
How many?
414
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,680
30 minutes to write a one minute
scene.
415
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,840
Your time starts now.
Right.
416
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,400
Write and perform.
417
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,240
I've already written mine. In my
head, Phil's pregnant. Yeah, OK.
418
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,760
Does he keep it?
419
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,160
One of us has got the other one
pregnant.
420
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,120
That doesn't work, does it?
I'd quite like to do a fight.
421
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,080
Yeah, we should definitely have
a catfight.
422
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:11,400
So, one of us is pregnant... How are
your, erm...? Stage fighting?
423
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,560
Oh, you went the wrong way!
424
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:14,760
LAUGHTER
425
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,280
She was very happy!
426
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,560
I may have implied from time to time
during this series
427
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,320
that Kerry Godliman takes on the
persona of Phil Mitchell
428
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,600
in her approach to tasks.
Which is sometimes,
429
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,160
'IN COCKNEY ACCENT: "Right, I see
what we're doing. Fuck, let's do it.
Bosh."
430
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,960
Be interesting to see which way
you go when offered up.
431
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,840
Oh, the suspense!
432
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,320
LAUGHTER
433
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,480
Don't turn your back on me, don't
you even think about it.
434
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,920
Oh, go on, then. Go and see some
adverts. See you soon.
435
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,880
It's part three. Welcome back.
Or more like party three!
436
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,200
'Because we're having a whale of a
time, aren't we, on our 50th
episode?
437
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,800
Oh, man. There's a killer vibe in
our crib right now(!)
438
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,720
So, before the break, a team task
was taking place
439
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,480
where they had to write and perform
440
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,240
the most suspenseful soap opera
cliffhanger.
441
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,440
Right, bosh. Who are we seeing
first?
442
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,960
OK, the first cliffhanger we're
going to see is...
443
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,400
DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT
444
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:19,600
..the boys' attempt.
445
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,000
PHIL WHISTLES
446
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,920
KNOCK ON DOOR
Philippa?!
447
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,880
Open this door!
448
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,400
Open this...
449
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,080
door!
450
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,680
What have you been doing in here?
451
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,240
And what have I told you about
locking doors in this house?
452
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,160
We don't have locked doors
in this house.
453
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,800
I've been waiting downstairs for you
nine months.
454
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,880
You've not been out of this bath
for nine months.
455
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,840
What are you playing at? I've been
waiting for my dinner, I'm starving!
456
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,040
Meanwhile, you're in here and you're
getting fatter, if anything.
457
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,480
Have you eaten all the food, is that
what you've been doing?
458
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,840
Nine months in the bath, eating all
my dinner.
459
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,800
What have you got to say for
yourself?
460
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,080
James, no.
461
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,840
James, I'm not fat,
462
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,920
I'm pregnant.
463
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,720
Really? I'm going to be a dad?
464
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,480
Well, if you're going to bring our
little bubba into the world
465
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,120
then I'm going to make an honest
woman of you.
466
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,760
Philippa, will you marry me?
467
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:13,680
If I'm going to be an honest woman,
James,
468
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,160
then I'd better start telling
the truth.
469
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,600
There's someone else.
470
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,480
Who?
471
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,600
HE GASPS
Rub-a-dub-dub.
472
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,480
Oh, you little...
473
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,280
My water's broken.
474
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,040
My heart is broken.
475
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,960
Rub-a-dub-dub?
476
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,040
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
477
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,480
"Rub-a-dub-dub"!
478
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,160
Am I right in thinking that the
premise of your soap opera
479
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,600
is that a woman has been sitting in
the bath for nine months...
480
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,400
LAUGHTER
481
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:54,360
..gestating a baby?
That's right, yes. Yes. OK.
482
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,440
And having an affair at the same
time.
483
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,080
OK. No, wait.
484
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:01,360
The husband's clearly agitated.
I was very wound up.
485
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,160
What's he been doing for nine
months?
486
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,480
He's been downstairs waiting
for his dinner.
487
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,600
Did you give your nasty, misogynist
character a name?
488
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,560
Er...Gus. Gus.
489
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,080
LAUGHTER
490
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,760
Gus? Yeah. He's come in, he's
furious... Agh, yeah!
491
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,600
..because she's a woman, she should
have provided your food. Yeah.
492
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,200
You've been waiting for nine months,
you're nearly dead. Yes.
493
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,560
She then tells you she's pregnant.
Yes, Philippa.
494
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,400
Philip, sorry.
That's OK.
495
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,400
And then there's a touching moment
between Philippa and Gus.
496
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,680
Yeah, we finally break through.
497
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,520
I thought that bit of acting was...
Yeah?
498
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,680
..OK.
499
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,640
And this is where the real
twist comes.
500
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,160
The lover is revealed.
Lovely cliffhanger. Yes.
501
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,720
But I'm confused.
502
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,520
Rhod's character's only vocabulary
in the whole scene,
503
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,960
is the phrase rub-a-dub-dub!
504
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,320
LAUGHTER
505
00:24:56,360 --> 00:25:00,040
Would it help if I told you that
their soap is called Feelings
506
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,440
and there is a theme tune to it?
Can we see it?
507
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,880
Yeah, this is the theme tune
to Feelings. OK.
508
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,840
TOGETHER: # Everybody's got
feelings
509
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,720
# Feelings hurt and feel good
510
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,200
# Everybody's got feelings
511
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:20,120
# Feelings hurt and feel good
Good #
512
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
513
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,920
Rub-a-dub-dub!
514
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,640
Who's next, please, Alex?
Next up are ladies with an excerpt
515
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,880
from their gritty soap opera
called Cul de Sac.
516
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,560
ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS
517
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,320
I know he's in there, Donna!
518
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:47,720
'ow'd you find me?
519
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,440
Google Maps.
520
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,480
What do you want?
You ever heard of manners?
521
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,680
You ever heard of oral hygiene?
522
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:00,920
Ugh!
523
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,360
SHE YELLS
524
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,120
Ugh!
525
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,960
SHE SCREAMS
526
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,760
He's the best I ever had, Donna!
527
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,160
You can't be with him, Donna.
528
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:22,520
Why?!
529
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:25,680
Cos you're his mum!
530
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,560
DOOR OPENS
531
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,720
LAUGHTER
532
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,320
SHE RETCHES
533
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:49,000
AUDIENCE GROANS
534
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:54,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
535
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,760
So, I don't want to state
the obvious,
536
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,320
but your character's been having sex
with her own son.
537
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:03,680
LAUGHTER
538
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,440
That's why she threw up.
539
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,920
Oh, you puked because you'd had sex
with your own son?
540
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,320
Yeah, because it's quite unsettling,
isn't it? Oh!
541
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,600
I thought it was because
it was Alex!
542
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,320
Why would he say that?
Why would he say that?
543
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:19,040
That's mean, isn't it?
Is he being mean?
544
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:23,280
That is mean. PHIL: I would say for
a soap opera - not very much soap.
545
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,400
However, in ours...
546
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,680
'The definition of a cliffhanger is a
dramatic and exciting ending to an
episode,
547
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,840
'leaving the audience in suspense and
anxious not to miss the next
episode.
548
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,000
We did that. OK, it's a
simple as this,
549
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,440
Cul de Sac had some powerful acting
in it... It did. Thank you.
550
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,280
..but the main reason I'm going to
give the boys one more point
551
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,360
is because... Unbelievable.
I'm agog.
552
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,360
..is because... BOTH: Everybody's
got feelings!
553
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,680
The boys get three points,
there we go.
554
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
555
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,160
Good. Let's have another task.
556
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,920
OK, and it's been noted that
this series and last
557
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,600
you've started to wear glasses
and I think they look fine,
558
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,320
so here's the next task.
559
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:24,680
Hiya.
560
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,880
Hi, Alex.
Hello, Jess.
561
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:34,000
Oh, I love boxes inside boxes.
562
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:35,800
What does that say there?
563
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,000
C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.
564
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,560
Random.
565
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,200
Not random, they're in order.
Yeah.
566
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,560
In the lab, there are ten pairs
of glasses,
567
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,840
the pairs of glasses may not leave
the lab.
568
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,520
Without breaking any of the pairs
of glasses,
569
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:58,000
put all the pairs of glasses into
the smallest of these boxes.
570
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,280
You must select your box before
leaving the caravan
571
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,360
and may not then change your mind.
572
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:08,520
The smallest box containing all
the pairs of glasses
573
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,320
with the lid shut properly wins.
574
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:12,720
That's nuts!
575
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:18,160
You have a maximum total time of
five minutes. Your time starts now.
576
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,080
What?
577
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,240
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
578
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,240
Befuddled old man!
Yeah!
579
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,040
So, it's pretty straightforward,
right?
580
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,240
Yeah, they had to choose which box
581
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:36,720
they thought they could fit ten
pairs of glasses in. Yeah.
582
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,880
The smallest box that successfully
was packaged
583
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,280
with those glasses wins.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
584
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,400
OK, we're going to start with James
and Kerry.
585
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:45,280
Ten pairs of glasses...
586
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,160
I reckon they'll go in there.
587
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,240
Go?
Yes, please.
588
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,440
Yeah, yeah. Of course, it is.
589
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,520
Pairs of glasses.
590
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,160
I didn't see this coming.
591
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,080
Oh! Do you know what I had
in my head?
592
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,760
Pairs of glasses.
Did you?
593
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,320
Oh, I don't know why I had that
in my head.
594
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,280
That's more pairs than I thought
I'd get.
595
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:30,240
I'm now doing a thing knowing that
it's not going to work out.
596
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,360
Trouble is, a couple of the glasses
are bigger then the box. Yeah.
597
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,160
Funnily enough, I'm not going
anywhere near those ones, Alex.
598
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:39,600
I've written them off.
599
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:47,240
Hm.
600
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,920
I feel tricked. Yes.
Grr!
601
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,320
So what do you mean by shut?
That's shut.
602
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,120
Is it?
It's shut.
603
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,600
That's shut.
604
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:12,560
It crunched a bit there.
605
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,280
That is a goddam miracle
that I did that.
606
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,360
You've got six pairs of glasses
in there, have you? Not bad.
607
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:22,760
And how do you want the Taskmaster
to transport the rest?
608
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:26,120
If I was a removal man and then he
was there going,
609
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:30,200
"How do you want me to transport the
rest?" I'd go, "Up your ass!"
610
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,240
"Try not to break them.
Smallest arse wins."
611
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,400
Thank you very much, James.
612
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
613
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,240
You both thought these are
spectacles.
614
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,680
I think I made that clear. Oh, you
spelt that out good and proper.
615
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,960
Oh, these are... Yeah. But I was
expecting...
616
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,240
But I was acting a thick person!
617
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,560
Oh, it was an extension of
Cul de Sac?
618
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,440
Yeah, we were still on Cul de Sac. I
was being Donna. Still in character.
619
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,560
Oh, blimey. Me, too. I was acting a
thick person, too. Yeah.
620
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,800
I enjoyed your reaction immensely.
Because you went,
621
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,680
IMPERSONATING JAMES: "Oh, yeah.
Oh, good."
622
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,240
Of course it is, yeah. Yeah, course,
can't be straightforward, can it?
623
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,520
Yeah, of course.
Who's next, please, Alex?
624
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,880
Phil has glasses and as we've seen
throughout the series,
625
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,160
he knows how to pack things in
tightly.
626
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:17,920
LAUGHTER
627
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,760
Can he combine those skills?
Let's see.
628
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,120
Pairs of glasses, that sounds like
spectacles, but it's probably
629
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,440
a Taskmaster trick and it's drinking
glasses, or something.
630
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,640
I put pairs of drinking glasses
in there.
631
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,640
What are you doing Phil?
632
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:44,800
How much... Trying to estimate the
volume of ten pairs of glasses.
633
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,560
I'm running out of time. I'm going
with this.
634
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:54,160
You've got 2mins, 40secs.
635
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,200
GLASS SMASHES
Oh!
636
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,120
I think the rules said I wasn't
allowed to break any of the glasses.
637
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,840
Have you broken one of the glasses?
I've broken one of the glasses.
638
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,720
I was trying to be too clever
with the stacking.
639
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,720
Aside one of the single broken
glass,
640
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,400
this is a textbook bit of packing.
641
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,360
Done.
642
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
643
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:33,560
The only one, so far, that has
spotted the dastardly trick.
644
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,800
Dirty, horrible trick. He got
exactly the right size box. He did.
645
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,440
And I've got some good news for you,
646
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,960
I'm going to nip this in the bud.
You did break one glass,
647
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,320
but the rule was that you weren't
allowed to break a pair of glasses.
648
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:45,880
Ooh! So you only broke one glass,
649
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,440
so I'm fully allowing... Really?
..everything. Yeah. OK.
650
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,400
That was very impressive, Phil.
Well done.
651
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
652
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,560
Can anyone beat Phil Wang at
the glass packing task?
653
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:01,160
What will the studio task be?
Who will win Kerry's campervan?
654
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,760
And aren't adverts annoying?
655
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,520
All these questions will be answered
within the next 15 minutes.
656
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:06,880
Bye for now.
657
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,800
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
658
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,840
Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster
part four.
659
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,480
Sure, it's the 50th ever episode,
but let's not forget
660
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,720
it's also episode six
of series seven.
661
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,200
Yes, it's the big one and not only
that, but before the break
662
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,440
there was a glass packing task
going on.
663
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:34,240
Phil has proved the best packer
so far, last up are Rhod and Jess.
664
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:38,600
Can I go to the lab first?
All the information is on the task.
665
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,920
You must select your box before
leaving the caravan
666
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,880
and may not then change your mind.
667
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,960
Why didn't I think of that earlier?
668
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,280
He's such a dick!
669
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,520
Yes, I was thinking of spectacles.
670
00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:00,200
I think I might play it safe.
OK.
671
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,560
I'm going with a box E.
672
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,440
Come on. Coming.
Don't dawdle.
673
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,000
F? Could I get it in F?
674
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,240
Or E?
675
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,480
They might even go in G.
676
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,080
Well, actually, I think this could
work.
677
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:28,720
Hm... Now, what we've got now here
is a packing job.
678
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,600
I'll tell you what's immediately
clear is I've got the wrong box.
679
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,920
And you did come to see what size
the glasses were. Yeah, absolutely.
680
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:38,560
Total disaster.
681
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,160
Running out of time, as well, Rhod.
682
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,560
Running out of time and running out
of box? Yes.
683
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,160
The only thing I seem to have plenty
of is glasses.
684
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,960
Pop, pop.
685
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,040
I'm wising up to the Taskmaster,
686
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,120
that's what's happening here.
687
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,120
With the lid shut properly.
Please.
688
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:02,960
WHISTLE BLOWS
689
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,760
One of the most disappointing five
minutes of my life, I would say.
690
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,520
So far.
So far.
691
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,080
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
692
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,040
Thank you, Jess.
I'm really happy with that.
693
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,080
JK out.
694
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:25,920
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
695
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,680
I mean...
So proud!
696
00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:33,560
So proud, but you hadn't worked out
they were drinking glasses.
697
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:37,760
What I thought they were
were massive spectacles.
698
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,600
Well, that makes sense that you
might have been tricked that way.
699
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,040
That's good, because you just came
across as someone
700
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:48,560
'who's just floating through life...
"Yeah, I suppose this box will fit
some glasses in."
701
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,400
So, I'm glad that there was method
to your madness.
702
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:53,760
Well, it's one of the first times
that any of the tasks
703
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,640
has come across is easy to me,
so that's good in a way.
704
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,800
That's good. With your big fun
glasses.
705
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:01,920
LAUGHTER
706
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:04,120
Read out the task for Rhod's
benefit.
707
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,280
Well, the relevant bit is, "You must
select your box
708
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:11,640
"before leaving the caravan and may
not then change your mind."
709
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:15,360
I didn't see him selecting the box
before running out of the caravan
710
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,520
and looking at all the glasses,
then running back
711
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,880
and then still picking a very small
box!
712
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,640
If I can go look, then come back,
then I've got to choose the box.
713
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,920
I forgot that in going to look -
that was leaving the caravan!
714
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:27,560
LAUGHTER
715
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,520
These things can happen to you under
pressure.
716
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:33,000
You should apply Jess' technique.
Play it safe!
717
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,560
Yeah, I think that was quite a large
box though.
718
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,280
Yes, it wasn't the smallest box.
719
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,320
You both got them all in,
but Phil's box was smaller.
720
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,920
No, it's not!
721
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,200
LAUGHTER
722
00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:48,280
I don't know!
Oh, man!
723
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,120
Shall we work our way down from
the top then? Yes, of course.
724
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,200
So, Phil gets five. He does.
He completed the task.
725
00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:55,400
Jess also did, but not as well,
four points. Correct.
726
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,440
How many are you going to give
to Kerry? Three.
727
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,720
How many to James? I'm going to give
James two points. Mm-hm.
728
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,960
Because they both made some
semblance of an attempt.
729
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,960
What about Rhod Gilbert?
One! Absolute zero. Nothing.
730
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,320
OK, Mr Phil Wang wins the task!
731
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yes! Well done!
732
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,320
Very good, let's check in on the
scores before the final task.
733
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,760
Well, the good news is that anyone
can win this episode.
734
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:19,640
Phil and Rhod are tied in last place
with 13,
735
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,360
Kerry is out in front still
with 17 points. OK.
736
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
737
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:30,800
Please, stand up and head up with me
for the final task of the show!
738
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,000
CHEERING
739
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,840
Welcome to this stage, Greg.
I'm delighted to be here.
740
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,520
Who's going to read the task?
Philip Wang. Lovely.
741
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,720
Hello, everyone.
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
742
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,440
Get your doughnut as high
as possible.
743
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,400
You must be holding hands with the
people on either side of you
744
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,040
at all times.
745
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:57,960
Highest doughnut after 100 seconds
wins.
746
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:01,120
If your doughnut is in the air
after the 100 seconds,
747
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,080
it's height will be measured from
where it lands.
748
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,000
So, just to explain that final line.
749
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,040
You can't just fling it up in
the air at the end.
750
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,760
It will be measured from where
it lands. OK.
751
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:12,640
So, everyone needs to hold hands
now.
752
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,960
So it's only the doughnut -
the fifth one up. Yeah.
753
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,240
Wait, wait, wait, wait. You ready?
I'm ready, yeah.
754
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,120
OK. Well, James is going to blow
the whistle.
755
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:23,560
Here we go, guys. Best of luck
to you.
756
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,120
WHISTLE BLOWS.
757
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,560
OK, 100 seconds.
758
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:32,000
Take it up there, take it up there.
759
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,360
Take it up there!
760
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,280
Pass it up there!
761
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:36,800
Pass it up there!
762
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,680
No, pass it up, you fucking idiot!
763
00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:41,960
Pass it up! Up, up, up!
764
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:43,280
JESS: Kerry, no! No!
765
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:47,520
Throw it up. Throw it up,
what's wrong with you?
766
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,400
Yes! Yes!
767
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,240
AUDIENCE CHEERS
768
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,920
50 seconds left.
769
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:02,720
Watch out, watch out.
770
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,640
LAUGHTER
771
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:19,760
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
772
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:24,080
AUDIENCE: Five, four, three, two,
one.
773
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,640
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
774
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,440
Stop, stop, stop!
775
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,120
Let's get back down to the stage and
add these up to the final scores.
776
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:33,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
777
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,840
Goodness me.
Hm.
778
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:41,640
You got dragged around.
I did.
779
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:45,200
Which is incredible considering I'm
knocking on the door of 30 stone.
780
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:46,840
LAUGHTER
781
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,840
I can show you a freeze frame of the
exact moment the 100 seconds was up.
782
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,480
Yes, please. This is what was
going on.
783
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,320
Your facial expression is very good!
784
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,720
LAUGHTER
785
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:57,960
It looks like Greg's being stalked
by himself.
786
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,040
So out of the ones we can see
there,
787
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,200
Phil's is actually just higher than
James' is. Then we've got Kerry's,
788
00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:08,520
but I think out of everyone, Kerry
was the only one who let go
789
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,760
of other hands enough to then put
it on her head.
790
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,840
Do you have anything to say about
that, Kerry? I do.
791
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:16,280
Sorry? Did you let go with both
hands and you...?
792
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,120
I didn't let go, I was thrown around
and I took the opportunity
793
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,920
to move things forward.
794
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,520
You got free, you should have
connected yourself back up.
795
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,560
I did connect myself backup. Yeah,
but you did a sneaky drop and grab.
796
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:29,040
You know what you did!
797
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,240
There are two doughnuts we can't
see.
798
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,640
Jess' is just below the stage there,
but it is still in existence.
799
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:38,840
So, Jess got the doughnut lower than
it actually was at the beginning.
800
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,320
But she didn't break any rules.
No, James got my doughnut
801
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:42,960
lower than it was in the beginning.
802
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,440
By kicking it off. By cheating.
Yeah, it's a shame.
803
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,040
It wasn't cheating, it was
mean-spirited.
804
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:51,240
But, hey. It's a tough game, baby.
805
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,880
I don't like that new catchphrase.
806
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,880
Rhod's doughnut ended up with that
lovely lady at the back there
807
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,080
and you can see her on the screen
there, as well.
808
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:04,160
So, we say that Kerry gets zero
points for releasing and grabbing.
809
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,400
I'm afraid so. Fair enough.
Jess is in fourth, gets two points.
810
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,040
James gets three, Phil gets four,
811
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,240
but the winner of that task is
Mr Rhod Gilbert!
812
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
813
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,520
So, it's a very close episode.
814
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,560
In second place, it's Rhod Gilbert.
In joint third, it's Kerry and Phil,
815
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:22,800
but the winner with 19 points,
it's James Acaster!
816
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,760
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
817
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:32,160
James Acaster wins the sixth show
and our 50th episode.
818
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,600
Please, go and collect your
brilliant keys.
819
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,080
So, what have we learnt today? We've
learnt that the key to good drama
820
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,480
is in the writing.
821
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,600
Like when Scarlett O'Hara turned
tearfully to Rhett Butler
822
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:47,440
and pleaded, IMPERSONATING: "But
where shall I go? What shall I do?"
823
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,480
To which Rhett replied,
"Frankly, my dear,
824
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:51,920
"a-rub-a-dub-dub!"
825
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:53,400
LAUGHTER
826
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,080
We're also about to learn whether
Alex Horne can eat
827
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,200
an entire family key lime pie.
828
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:00,960
But more important than anything
else
829
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,040
going on in the world right now,
830
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,360
James Acaster is the winner
of tonight's show.
831
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:08,600
Thank you, loyal fans.
Thank you and good night!
832
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:12,760
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