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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,470 --> 00:00:03,210 The following programme contains strong language. 2 00:00:09,770 --> 00:00:11,230 Well, do you want to marry me or what? 3 00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:12,690 Like you wouldn't believe. 4 00:00:12,970 --> 00:00:14,890 Remember when we'd been going out for six months? 5 00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:17,410 You made me that little silver heart. 6 00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:20,850 I am to move to the historic town of Middlesborough. 7 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,930 Well, I'm not his father. Who is? 8 00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:24,270 Jack is. 9 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,120 Orc, how do you actually spell your name? Is it O -R -K? 10 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,900 No, it's O -A -K. 11 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,760 Orc, isn't it? Like the tree? 12 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,240 Douchebag. Hey. 13 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,640 Brother, who cares about spelling? It's just another form of social 14 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:07,640 imprisonment. 15 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:09,640 Coming through. 16 00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:11,840 Ponteberry's newest and finest. 17 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,160 Sorry, 18 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,080 babe. Loving life. 19 00:01:15,380 --> 00:01:16,540 Anyone fancy some porridge? 20 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:21,520 No way. It's like eating papi mashy. You don't look the type to eat porridge, 21 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:26,220 Del. I always think of you as a bit of a sausage muncher. Yeah, well, I'm trying 22 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,340 to lose the stone, aren't I? 23 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:28,580 What for? 24 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,760 Nothing. I noticed you put on a bit since I've been away. 25 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:36,860 Oh, love of needs, a body, you know. It's the milk inside the coconut that 26 00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:38,880 counts, not the hairy, hoary shell. 27 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,280 Were you saying, Oak, that I'm a hairy, hoary shell? 28 00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:42,700 In a way, yeah. 29 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:47,300 Nice. Well, good God, I have seen it all now. 30 00:01:47,620 --> 00:01:52,940 That Michael Jackson moving boxes and all sorts into his garden shreds. Don't 31 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:54,380 tell me he finally left you. 32 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:55,720 Oh, shut up. 33 00:01:56,220 --> 00:01:59,820 He's turning it into an office, that's all, till he finds somewhere more 34 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:03,140 permanent. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, eh? 35 00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:08,500 One minute a high -flying city lawyer on the banks of the South Bank, next 36 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,740 thing, setting up office on a Ponderbury allotment. 37 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,260 But who are? 38 00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:17,440 Right, you lot, clear up after you. I'm taking Michael his porridge. 39 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,480 She's nothing but a slave to that man. 40 00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:23,820 No pride. 41 00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:27,830 Give me an around him, like bossing him from downtown. 42 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:29,910 But, I'll say it again. 43 00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:31,230 Here we are. 44 00:02:36,370 --> 00:02:38,190 Sex after breakfast. 45 00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:40,250 This is fun. 46 00:02:40,550 --> 00:02:45,210 Decadent. I was going to say naughty, but decadent sounds so much better. 47 00:02:48,110 --> 00:02:51,250 Do you know what? 48 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,860 I've been in this bed a few times. Oh, you most certainly have. 49 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,500 And I always wonder why you've only got one bedside table. 50 00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:01,620 Oh. 51 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,200 Well, I... I haven't had need of two before. 52 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,480 After the divorce, I... Dad! 53 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,480 Get his on for my visa. 54 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,900 Just a minute. Ganto said you'd gone back to bed. Are you ill or what the 55 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,760 Just a minute. 56 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,360 I'm sorry, but this... 57 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,550 This is exactly what it looks like. 58 00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:28,070 I can't believe you haven't told her. 59 00:03:29,330 --> 00:03:30,330 Not even Katie? 60 00:03:30,630 --> 00:03:33,450 No. Or Ben, or Luke, or Emma? 61 00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:35,650 No. Surely you can tell Banjo. 62 00:03:36,610 --> 00:03:37,610 Go on, then. 63 00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:40,510 Banjo, Stella and I are getting married. 64 00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:42,750 But you're not to breathe a word, OK? 65 00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:44,950 Oh, 66 00:03:46,150 --> 00:03:47,150 I've ordered my dress. 67 00:03:47,340 --> 00:03:49,760 He's a size too small, but I thought that would give me a goal. 68 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,900 You know, like two months to lose a stone. 69 00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:55,560 I'm going up Dr Crony's now in a bit to get some of them slimming tablets. 70 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,960 Why do women always buy dresses a size smaller than they actually are? Why not 71 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,660 just buy the right size? 72 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,920 You know nothing about female psychology, do you? 73 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,680 You say that again. 74 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,520 What if Beyonce isn't lying? 75 00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:12,180 What if Jackson really isn't my boy? 76 00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:16,519 I miss him so much still, but I don't even know if he's... 77 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:17,990 Mine to miss. 78 00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:23,650 Look, for what it's worth, I was there when that baby was born, and he was the 79 00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:24,810 splitting image of you. 80 00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:27,610 Splitting image, not splitting. 81 00:04:28,230 --> 00:04:29,270 Is it? Yeah. 82 00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:32,970 Anyway, when babies are newborn, they look like their dads, apparently. 83 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,570 Harks back to when we were apes or lions or something. 84 00:04:36,950 --> 00:04:40,690 Lions, are you sure? And that baby was definitely yours. 85 00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:44,310 Now, I might be wrong about it, of course I might, but I don't think I am. 86 00:04:47,690 --> 00:04:49,490 It's a definitely spitting image, not spitting. 87 00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:50,770 Yeah. 88 00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:56,310 I thought we could pop down the market today, Nads. 89 00:04:56,810 --> 00:04:59,550 Angry Paul said he's got some cracking new stuff on the store. 90 00:04:59,970 --> 00:05:02,750 Like these wind -up squirrels, ever so lifelike. 91 00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:09,170 He got, um, grey, and a red, 92 00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:16,170 and a dusty pink, and a... Nadine, I know you are angry. 93 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,240 But please, meet me at the bench at two. 94 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,100 I must with you speak. 95 00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,700 We've got to get one for Genevieve, right? 96 00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:25,620 Yeah, whatever. 97 00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:27,060 I do love angry folk. 98 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:29,160 Cracking sense of humour. 99 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,360 You seem to have brought half of Ibiza back with you. 100 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:41,500 Where's Danny? 101 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,100 Dead out there. 102 00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:44,700 He's got a job in a bar. 103 00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:47,350 Oh, so you... I know. We haven't split up. 104 00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:49,090 I'm going back next week. 105 00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:52,250 I just popped home for a few days to surprise you. And what do I find? Are 106 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:53,250 sleeping with the pub cleaner? 107 00:05:53,530 --> 00:05:57,010 She is not the pub cleaner. Yes, she is. She is my love. 108 00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:58,209 Oh, please. 109 00:05:58,210 --> 00:05:59,810 Who happens to be the pub cleaner. 110 00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:02,370 It's all so seedy, Dad. The whole thing. 111 00:06:03,050 --> 00:06:04,670 I mean, what's she really after, hmm? 112 00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:10,690 I thought you might want this to be a laundry. 113 00:06:13,190 --> 00:06:14,190 It's an ironing board. 114 00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:24,230 Stella, what are you doing here? 115 00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:26,930 Baby's not ill, is he? 116 00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:29,010 No, it's just a check -up. 117 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:30,690 Hello, sweetheart. 118 00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,630 See, I do care about my baby. 119 00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:33,950 I know it's a shock. 120 00:06:34,670 --> 00:06:36,210 Why are you here? You sick? 121 00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,570 No, just fat. 122 00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:40,950 Hello. 123 00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:47,690 Isn't it fresh? 124 00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:50,590 How about Michael? 125 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:06,100 I will not leave this doorstep until you believe me when I say I do not care one 126 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,820 toot what anybody says or thinks. 127 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,900 Especially Jasminder, who may be my daughter, but she is very misguided, 128 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,640 I think you are a wonderful person. 129 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,280 Thank you very much. 130 00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:20,260 Sorry, Jamie. 131 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,380 Is your mother there? 132 00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:24,860 Who wants to know? 133 00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,190 Yeah, 134 00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:38,470 I'm just setting up my new office. 135 00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:41,450 Can I call you back later when I have a chance to look through the contract? 136 00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:44,970 Yeah, and then we can arrange to meet next week. 137 00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:51,450 He's got green fingers and he speaks Arabic. 138 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,090 His talents are never -ending. 139 00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:54,790 I'm not very good at crosswords. 140 00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:59,610 That was my new boss, and this is my new and temporary office. 141 00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:02,570 What time do you leave for London? 142 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:03,830 About five. 143 00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:05,370 Michael, can we talk? 144 00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:08,310 Look, put him out of his misery. 145 00:08:09,050 --> 00:08:12,150 If Michael isn't Jackson's dad, then it's going to kill him. 146 00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:15,170 But he needs to know so he can get on with his life. 147 00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:20,550 And what if he is? If he is, then I promise I will persuade him not to go 148 00:08:20,550 --> 00:08:21,550 custody. 149 00:08:22,530 --> 00:08:23,530 What do you say? 150 00:08:24,990 --> 00:08:27,270 I say stop sticking your bloody oar in. 151 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:29,800 Beyonce Evans, Dr. Cronier, please. 152 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,679 Please, Beyonce. 153 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,080 Come on, babe. 154 00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:40,520 No one likes sorting out their will. 155 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,980 Up until recently, I thought I was immortal. 156 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:50,800 My lawyer in Canada has a copy. I thought it would be a good idea for you 157 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:51,800 have one as well. 158 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,200 Do you mind, dear? 159 00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:54,820 No, of course not. 160 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,480 Does Stella know you're doing this? 161 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,360 No. 162 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,120 And I'd rather you didn't mention it. Don't want her getting upset. 163 00:09:06,940 --> 00:09:09,680 And the less she knows the better. You know what she's like. She'll worry. 164 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:11,880 You used to love her, don't you, Rob? 165 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,280 She's the mother of my son. 166 00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:15,600 That's not what I asked you. 167 00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:19,980 She's very difficult not to love. 168 00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:25,840 Suzanne and I are having a pub lunch. 169 00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,060 Want to join us? 170 00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:32,820 Yeah. Why not? A sort of farewell meal before I'm stuck on hospital food for a 171 00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:33,820 fortnight. God help me. 172 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,960 I'm glad she met you, Michael. 173 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:40,560 So am I. 174 00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:03,110 Two glasses of white wine, please. 175 00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:04,329 Coming right up. 176 00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:05,330 So where to with Barbara? 177 00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:07,670 Orc have taken him water to vine then. 178 00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:08,990 Oh, there's a lot of it above. 179 00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:11,130 Water, I mean. 180 00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,050 Listen, I've only got an hour because I've got to get back and pack for 181 00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:16,690 You know me and Luke are going up with Rob. Yeah. 182 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:21,090 I've been focusing on his recovery and my meditation, like. 183 00:10:21,770 --> 00:10:22,770 Have you? 184 00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:24,250 Right. 185 00:10:24,610 --> 00:10:27,790 God, I can't believe we've been back a week and I'm only now seeing you. 186 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:32,680 Have I got something in my test? 187 00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:34,620 I'm connecting with your aura. 188 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,620 Hiya. Oh, there's your mum. Hiya. 189 00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:41,420 Oh, she wasn't connecting with your aura, was she, Fresh? 190 00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:42,839 Uh, yeah. 191 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:43,719 Emma, the A. 192 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,720 And say hello to Suzanne. 193 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,560 Namaste. We're having lunch if you want to join us. 194 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,960 Uh, no time for eating. We have got drinking to do. 195 00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:03,770 Me and Oak speak Punjabi when we're making love. 196 00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:05,910 Oh, it's such a beautiful language. 197 00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:07,890 Must be pretty fluent then, you. 198 00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:15,750 You have a small duck? 199 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,250 Child. I mean child. 200 00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:30,860 So you've got a job now, then, though? 201 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:34,500 Yeah, and it's been proper life -changing, you know? Having some 202 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,260 not just looking after the kids all day. 203 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:40,120 You never catch me being tied down by kids or a job. I mean, I wouldn't say 204 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:40,979 tied down, though. 205 00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:46,100 Oak says that to pray is to work, and that bringing up a child is the most 206 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,500 thing a person can do. 207 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:48,960 Sounds amazing. 208 00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:51,160 Is Oak his real name? 209 00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:52,460 It's a spirit name. 210 00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:56,200 Stella said he's born in Warrington, so what did his mum and dad call him? 211 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,200 Donald. 212 00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:12,679 Oh, my God. 213 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,480 So I told my dad what I thought of his girlfriend this morning. She only went 214 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,480 and bloody over -ed. 215 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:17,560 What do you mean, Carol? 216 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,340 She's good as gold, she is. But you can do so much better. 217 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,260 Jazz, don't be so mean. She's beautiful, I think. I'm really kind. You don't 218 00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,260 even know her, do you? 219 00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:29,460 Emma, seriously? 220 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,780 You're getting on my tits now. I mean, I can't even understand what you're 221 00:12:32,780 --> 00:12:35,820 saying. It looks on nothing like Punjabi. Yeah, well, maybe you don't 222 00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:39,260 because you've forgotten how to speak it. Emma, listen to you. 223 00:12:39,770 --> 00:12:42,510 You spend a year over there and you think you're daily born and bred, Jack. 224 00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:46,370 just saying, you've been westernised, and that's really sad. Em, I was born in 225 00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:48,990 Leeds, for God's sake. You were born in Pontybloodyberry. 226 00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:51,570 Girls, we're meant to be having fun. This is meant to be a laugh. 227 00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:55,170 Come on, we haven't seen each other for years. Yeah, well, we should stay in 228 00:12:55,170 --> 00:12:56,170 Ibiza now. 229 00:12:56,630 --> 00:12:59,750 You're only interested in talking about work and kids, and you think you're 230 00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:00,509 bloody Indian. 231 00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:01,369 Oh, I'm going home. 232 00:13:01,370 --> 00:13:04,030 I'm at peace with myself, Jack. You're freaking me out. 233 00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:05,730 Oh, go back to your weirdo of a boyfriend. 234 00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:12,800 Oh, my God, I love meringue and all. 235 00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:15,740 Well, order one, then. Excuse me. No, I can't. 236 00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:19,260 I'll just have a bit of yours. Don't count that, do it. She used to say that 237 00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:20,260 about cigarettes. 238 00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:26,000 Oh, not exactly pining at you with a sunny mic. 239 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,360 Can't say. 240 00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:28,620 I'll get on you, Rob. 241 00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:31,040 Yeah, fine. I'd use a blunt end, haven't I, Rob? 242 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,560 Sorry, I don't think we're being introduced. 243 00:13:33,820 --> 00:13:35,540 This is the mother of Michael's baby. 244 00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:40,850 Oh, well, we're not 100 % like... In fact, that's what I come to say. I've 245 00:13:40,850 --> 00:13:43,370 to think about what Stella said this morning, and if... You mean what Stella 246 00:13:43,370 --> 00:13:47,670 said? And if you promise on his life you won't go for custody... What's she 247 00:13:47,670 --> 00:13:50,510 talking about? Can we not do this right now? Well, she said if I did the test, 248 00:13:50,590 --> 00:13:51,930 she'd make sure you didn't go for custody. 249 00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:52,989 Didn't you, Stella? 250 00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:54,750 Why do you say that? It wasn't like that. 251 00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:56,630 Oh, Bonsby! Oh, Lord. 252 00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:58,650 Do one cack as I'm talking. 253 00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:01,430 I don't care. You aren't being answered in my calls, and I want to know if 254 00:14:01,430 --> 00:14:04,460 that's my kid or not. This is so humiliating. Shall I order some copies? 255 00:14:04,460 --> 00:14:07,860 mine, then fine. If he's not, I'm not having you screwing me out of every 256 00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:12,160 I got just to pay for some posh bloke's sprog. Or a cheese board. Truth is, I 257 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,160 don't know what it is, OK? 258 00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:16,820 I don't need that time with you up the wennell and you the wee caster at my 259 00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:19,020 house. What about Kelly Jenkins' 21st? Oh, yeah. 260 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,420 Do you think they'd do a cheese board? And down the alley back a drinking safe? 261 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,980 Right, Beyonce, this is ridiculous. You have got to sort this out once and for 262 00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:29,580 all. Yes, I'll arrange to get the test done privately. 263 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:30,840 No need, Mikey boy. 264 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,450 We're going on Selina Child. 265 00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:36,850 Er, no, we're not. Yes, we are. I spoke to him this morning. What is Selina 266 00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:41,870 Child? She's a Welsh girl. We are not going on Selina Child, OK? English Jerry 267 00:14:41,870 --> 00:14:43,710 Springer. They want us on tomorrow afternoon. 268 00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:45,350 Will they pay travel? 269 00:14:45,390 --> 00:14:46,390 They're putting on a bus. 270 00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:47,870 Aye, all right, yeah, I'm done with that. 271 00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:51,330 Are you serious? Selina Child's a monster. She destroys people. You're a 272 00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:52,910 solicitor, no different than being in court. 273 00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:56,690 Yeah, why not? Three of my mates are doing their paternity on there. If 274 00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:59,390 a fortune, by all accounts. Well, you're on your own, because I'm not going 275 00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:00,630 anywhere near it. Well, suit yourself. 276 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,120 I'll let you know the outcome. 277 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,740 What about a brandy? 278 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,040 Anyone? 279 00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:20,960 Carl thinks I'm jogging, so get on with it. 280 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,320 How are you? Are you well? 281 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:24,880 Listen, Ivan. 282 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,180 I've been pushed and pulled from pillow to post. 283 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:31,110 One minute I'm kissed. The next I'm rejected, and quite frankly, I can't 284 00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:32,310 more. So what do you want? 285 00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:34,450 To explain all of this action. 286 00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:36,970 Well, go on, then. 287 00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:42,730 I was once a married man. 288 00:15:43,930 --> 00:15:45,630 My wife, she was a dancer. 289 00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:48,990 Rita Renee, legs like a willow in the Queen of Plié. 290 00:15:49,590 --> 00:15:50,590 Very nice, I'm sure. 291 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,730 We were happy for a while. 292 00:15:53,730 --> 00:15:57,510 And then Rita Renee, she fell in love with a ballerina from Hull. 293 00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:58,820 Called Malcolm. 294 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,320 Ballerina? 295 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,960 Did he wear a tutu in that? He was in the corps de ballet. 296 00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:09,040 He wore not a tutu, just a cynical smile upon his cheek and a guilty pleasure in 297 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:09,659 his eye. 298 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:10,499 Go on. 299 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,180 Rita, she left me for Malcolm, and my heart, it broke. 300 00:16:14,380 --> 00:16:17,160 And I vowed I would never to another man do what he to me had done. 301 00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:21,320 And then I met you, a married woman. 302 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,160 A happily married woman. 303 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,020 Well, at least I was up until a few weeks ago. 304 00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:33,730 Miss Bevan, you have shaken to its core my world. 305 00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:35,010 Tell me about it. 306 00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:37,830 My whole life I've gone to cock since I met you. 307 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:42,410 If I do not ask you this, I will live with regret until my dying breath. 308 00:16:44,890 --> 00:16:46,150 I have here a ticket. 309 00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:50,870 A one -way ticket to Middlesbrough. 310 00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:54,730 I want you to come away with me. 311 00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:56,950 You and Genevieve. 312 00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:02,180 There is no ticket for her as children may travel for free until the age of 313 00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:03,180 five. 314 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,319 Hang on a minute. 315 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,980 Me and Jan just can't up sticks and head north. 316 00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:11,060 What do you think we are, a traveling circus? 317 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,140 Please, say no more. 318 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,160 Merely think upon it and let me know. 319 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,140 Okay, hotel details on my phone. 320 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,680 Overnight bags packed separately. 321 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,420 Per. 322 00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:32,260 Laptop. DVDs, because I'm going to be so bored. Yeah, and I put that horror film 323 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,260 in I was telling you about. 324 00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:36,120 Nice. Can I leave you the keys to the cottage, Stella? 325 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,620 Then you can maybe put the heating on for when we get back, which will be 326 00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:41,620 than you think. 327 00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:43,660 God. 328 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:44,760 Oh, come here. 329 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,500 You start me off. 330 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,400 Sorry. Bloody women, honestly. They cry at the drop of a hat. 331 00:17:50,660 --> 00:17:53,580 Oi! Just because you're ill doesn't mean you can be sexist. 332 00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:55,060 You spoil all the fun you do. 333 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,000 Right. Go you. 334 00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:06,999 Good luck, Ron. 335 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,000 Thank you. 336 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,220 Right, come on. 337 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,680 I want to get me behind that wheel. 338 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:37,980 Tell her there's something I want to do. Oh, now, don't be worrying about that 339 00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:41,380 stupid TV show, because it'll be over and forgotten with before you know it. 340 00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:42,380 it's not that. 341 00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:46,120 It's silly, really. It's something I've been carrying around with me for days. 342 00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:47,680 A guilty secret? 343 00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:49,740 No. 344 00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:52,180 This. 345 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,200 Oh, you gorgeous, beautiful man. 346 00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:01,200 I know we wanted it to be a secret, but... 347 00:19:02,030 --> 00:19:04,310 I want people to know how lucky I am. 348 00:19:19,930 --> 00:19:21,130 You'll be Stella Jackson. 349 00:19:21,770 --> 00:19:23,470 I know. Sounds good, doesn't it? 350 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,350 Better than Morris, I've got to say. 351 00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:26,550 Which was better than God? 352 00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:29,150 Oh, Mum, that's wicked and well -chuffed. 353 00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:30,710 Can me and little Al do your wedding video? 354 00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:35,950 Well, the thing is, Presh, we want to keep it really low -key, you know, just 355 00:19:35,950 --> 00:19:37,650 the two of us and two witnesses. 356 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,950 What? You're not inviting us? Your own children? Mum! 357 00:19:41,370 --> 00:19:42,229 That's rank! 358 00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:43,230 Itali. 359 00:19:43,710 --> 00:19:44,710 Negativity. 360 00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:46,310 Well, I'm sorry, but it is. 361 00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:48,190 I wanted Abra to be a pageboy. 362 00:19:48,510 --> 00:19:53,210 Never mind Abra. I want to be pageboy. Do you? Why? Not pageboy. Best man. You 363 00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:54,830 said pageboy. Didn't. Yeah, you did. 364 00:19:55,050 --> 00:19:56,730 Didn't. I was just speaking to Katie. 365 00:19:56,950 --> 00:19:59,750 She's very happy for us. We're not best pleased that we're not inviting her. 366 00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:02,860 See? Right, well, to kids, then, yeah? 367 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,820 What in the name of gritty -pillitty is going on? I just heard you two are 368 00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:08,559 getting married. 369 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,380 And you haven't invited me, the mayor of Poulterbury, and your own flesh and 370 00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:15,280 blood. Have you really come to this? Hey, congratulations. 371 00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:16,940 We heard you got engaged. 372 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,500 Yeah, nice, well done. 373 00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:19,820 Let's see the ring. 374 00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:21,060 Yeah, nice, well done. 375 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:22,260 So when's the big day? 376 00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:23,600 Yeah, when is the big day? 377 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:24,960 This is why. 378 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,890 Don't have a go, all right. 379 00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:55,110 Head can't take it. 380 00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:57,350 I heard you went clubbing. 381 00:20:57,930 --> 00:20:59,230 This place was doing my heading. 382 00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:01,870 Mates have all changed. 383 00:21:02,630 --> 00:21:03,910 Don't know why I bothered coming back. 384 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,950 Well, your dad's really pleased you did. 385 00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:07,210 Him? 386 00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:09,070 What does he care? 387 00:21:10,070 --> 00:21:12,030 He's all loved up with his new girlfriend. 388 00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:14,370 Oh, no offence. 389 00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:20,830 I really like him, you know, child. 390 00:21:21,810 --> 00:21:24,330 I'm not some wicked witch coming to steal him away. 391 00:21:25,470 --> 00:21:26,470 I know. 392 00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:32,130 Look, I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. 393 00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:35,290 I shout my mouth off sometimes and I don't think. 394 00:21:35,870 --> 00:21:39,090 And I've got to say, I haven't seen my dad this happy in ages. 395 00:21:40,470 --> 00:21:41,910 So he must be doing something right. 396 00:21:46,730 --> 00:21:48,790 Their ropes lead nothing to the imagination, do they? 397 00:21:50,210 --> 00:21:52,410 Very well ventilated, that's for sure. 398 00:21:53,830 --> 00:21:54,830 Where's Suzanne? 399 00:21:55,410 --> 00:21:56,970 Zoe just chatted to the nurse. 400 00:21:59,510 --> 00:22:01,990 So, you all right? 401 00:22:03,270 --> 00:22:04,270 That's all I'll ever be. 402 00:22:05,350 --> 00:22:08,010 Hey, I bet you're gutted you're missing the Selina child show. 403 00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:10,090 Yeah, I'll never forgive you. 404 00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:15,390 Look, if I don't... Yeah. 405 00:22:16,530 --> 00:22:20,190 Let's not have this conversation, is it? No, everything's just taken care of, 406 00:22:20,210 --> 00:22:21,210 that's all. 407 00:22:22,610 --> 00:22:24,490 I don't say this nearly often enough. 408 00:22:26,030 --> 00:22:27,130 But I love you, Luke. 409 00:22:28,850 --> 00:22:30,750 And I'm really proud that you're my son. 410 00:22:36,330 --> 00:22:38,730 Just hurry up and get well, will you? 411 00:22:39,070 --> 00:22:40,550 You stubborn old bastard. 412 00:22:43,910 --> 00:22:46,470 Okay, the porter's here now, Mr Morgan. Shall we get on with it? 413 00:22:46,810 --> 00:22:47,970 Got nothing better to do. 414 00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:20,830 I just heard from Luke. 415 00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:22,850 Rob's gone down to theatre. 416 00:23:23,670 --> 00:23:24,670 Bless him. 417 00:23:25,110 --> 00:23:26,110 You all right? 418 00:23:26,610 --> 00:23:27,610 Not really. 419 00:23:28,430 --> 00:23:31,710 Me and Oak, our energies have collided. 420 00:23:32,470 --> 00:23:33,770 You mean you've fallen out? 421 00:23:34,290 --> 00:23:35,290 Yeah. 422 00:23:35,450 --> 00:23:36,630 Where to is he now, then? 423 00:23:36,950 --> 00:23:38,710 Gone off in a huff up Warrington. 424 00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:43,410 Oh, I don't know, ma 'am. I can't keep it up no longer. 425 00:23:43,950 --> 00:23:45,610 Being all deep and mystical. 426 00:23:46,430 --> 00:23:48,670 I try my best, but I just get confused. 427 00:23:49,610 --> 00:23:53,790 I'd say okra, instead of chakra, and coma, instead of karma. 428 00:23:54,590 --> 00:23:57,730 And I've got no idea what consciousness expansion to mean. 429 00:23:59,150 --> 00:24:01,750 It was easier in India. It's like a different world out there. 430 00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:05,790 But being back in Ponteberry made me go all Welsh again. 431 00:24:06,190 --> 00:24:07,190 Oh, Em. 432 00:24:07,550 --> 00:24:08,730 You're so lovely. 433 00:24:09,570 --> 00:24:12,930 And if you don't like the real you, then there's not much point there. 434 00:24:13,430 --> 00:24:14,430 I know. 435 00:24:15,430 --> 00:24:20,060 To be honest, if you wasn't so good at oral sex, I'd have ditched him long ago. 436 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,200 Emma! 437 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,460 You'd definitely not go in this Selina Child thing. 438 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,800 No. 439 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,300 Though I'm starting to think we should have gone. 440 00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:34,360 Because that poor baby is going to grow up knowing his mother was called a 441 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,220 flapper on some trashy TV show. 442 00:24:37,020 --> 00:24:38,240 Oh, too late, you know. 443 00:24:38,660 --> 00:24:39,740 Where to with my girl? 444 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,700 Can I remind everybody, smoking is not permitted in the studio. 445 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:53,680 Hi, guys. 446 00:24:53,900 --> 00:24:58,160 OK, can I just check, are you all here for my sister, sweetie, my uncle, or 447 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,800 who's the daddy, it ain't me? 448 00:25:00,380 --> 00:25:02,040 Who's the daddy, it ain't me? 449 00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:06,100 Hey, I'll take my counsellor friend to be groovy. Directly no alcohol in the 450 00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:07,860 studio. Whoa, I'm going to quit for 11. 451 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:09,980 Shall we go and get the camera? 452 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:11,540 I'd rather be here. 453 00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:16,660 Sorry, we're in for that. 454 00:25:21,860 --> 00:25:22,860 What's happening? 455 00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:25,320 Nothing. A bit of fun, isn't it? 456 00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:28,520 Bob's about to go away with him. 457 00:25:28,740 --> 00:25:30,760 To Middlesbrough. On a train. 458 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:32,580 All right, stop gasping. 459 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:33,840 Sorry. 460 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,560 He leaves tomorrow at 11 .37. 461 00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:45,750 I need to urgently speak with one of your contributors, Beyonce Evans. 462 00:25:45,970 --> 00:25:46,849 Sorry, who are you? 463 00:25:46,850 --> 00:25:48,670 Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah, right. 464 00:25:49,070 --> 00:25:50,750 He's the father of Beyonce's child. 465 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,450 At least, we think he is. 466 00:25:52,990 --> 00:25:55,390 Look, she can't go on the show. It's not fair on the baby. 467 00:25:57,590 --> 00:25:58,590 It's Luke. 468 00:26:00,310 --> 00:26:02,110 Luke. Do you want to come with me a minute? Any news? 469 00:26:03,530 --> 00:26:08,970 What I'd like to see is no fighting, no swearing, no punching, no spitting, 470 00:26:09,090 --> 00:26:10,250 no... Doesn't bastard you much? 471 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,240 Can I tell you anything? 472 00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:16,560 No. Only that you'll be in there at least another two hours. 473 00:26:16,980 --> 00:26:17,980 Oh, God. 474 00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:20,460 I'm sorry I'm not there with you, Prash. 475 00:26:20,660 --> 00:26:22,080 Hey, it's better this way. 476 00:26:22,740 --> 00:26:23,880 Anyway, Michael needs you. 477 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,620 You all right, do you, Lukey? 478 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,020 Yeah, you know me, Mum. 479 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,280 Nerves of steel. 480 00:26:30,140 --> 00:26:31,800 Go play havoc with that Selina child. 481 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:34,640 I love you. 482 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:36,520 Yeah, I love you too. 483 00:26:38,250 --> 00:26:39,430 But there is no bloody story. 484 00:26:39,710 --> 00:26:41,930 But there is doubt of the baby's paternity, isn't there? 485 00:26:42,730 --> 00:26:44,550 Well, yes. So let's resolve it. 486 00:26:51,270 --> 00:26:55,110 Oh, my God, I've just seen Andy the man in the box. Oh, I like him. 487 00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:56,650 And you'll never guess who else I saw. 488 00:26:58,310 --> 00:26:59,310 Michael Jackson. 489 00:26:59,590 --> 00:27:00,750 Don't be daft, man, he's dead. 490 00:27:01,050 --> 00:27:02,650 No, our Michael. 491 00:27:03,130 --> 00:27:04,530 He's rowing with the producer. 492 00:27:04,870 --> 00:27:05,870 Cock and cock. 493 00:27:06,350 --> 00:27:07,410 Hold on to your hats. 494 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:09,320 Come on, you're in for a bumpy ride. 495 00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:14,420 Excuse me. Can't go through there. 496 00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:16,320 What? No, I'm looking for my fiancée. 497 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:17,640 Still. 498 00:27:17,860 --> 00:27:18,860 Over by you. 499 00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:21,260 Right, move up. 500 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:23,960 She's dead. 501 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,560 Oh, my God, where's my fiancée? Stand by, studio. 502 00:27:29,420 --> 00:27:32,340 Going in three, two, one. 503 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:34,160 She's fit. 504 00:27:34,180 --> 00:27:35,180 She's fearless. 505 00:27:35,460 --> 00:27:36,480 She's feisty. 506 00:27:37,210 --> 00:27:41,050 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Selina Child. 507 00:27:51,530 --> 00:27:57,850 On today's show, the sexually irrepressible and irresponsible woman 508 00:27:57,850 --> 00:27:58,850 make up her mind. 509 00:27:59,050 --> 00:28:01,070 We ask, who's the daddy? 510 00:28:01,830 --> 00:28:03,190 I'm Selina Child. 511 00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:06,650 Oh, my God. 512 00:28:07,180 --> 00:28:08,940 Is Bobby in the audience? I'm Nadine. 513 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:10,700 This is how I know. 514 00:28:11,740 --> 00:28:13,620 Where have you been? It's just getting good. 515 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,020 I have been shopping. 516 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:16,680 To buy this. 517 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:17,860 A bed by table? 518 00:28:18,100 --> 00:28:19,019 Yes. 519 00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:24,960 I was wondering if... Carol, would you do me the honour of... 520 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,080 of moving in with me? 521 00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:29,900 And Jamie, of course. 522 00:28:32,220 --> 00:28:35,200 Well, you brought me a bed by table. How could I possibly refuse? 523 00:28:41,710 --> 00:28:44,910 You've been with half the f***ing town, man. Even Dougie Bucket and Spade. 524 00:28:45,190 --> 00:28:48,410 I thought there'd be no one near Dougie Bucket and Spade. Well, even I heard 525 00:28:48,410 --> 00:28:50,030 that one, to be fair. Yeah, me. 526 00:28:50,290 --> 00:28:53,130 Come on, bring on me with Dougie Bucket and Spade. 527 00:28:53,510 --> 00:28:56,630 All right, calm it down. I hear a new f***ing problem, do you know? 528 00:28:57,250 --> 00:28:58,390 OK, calm it. 529 00:28:59,590 --> 00:29:01,050 Stop being f***ing disgusting. 530 00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:02,490 Whoa! 531 00:29:04,650 --> 00:29:09,030 The issue here is not the many men she slept with, but which one got her 532 00:29:09,030 --> 00:29:10,030 pregnant. 533 00:29:11,489 --> 00:29:15,250 You, woman with the hair, eating a pasty, what have you got to say about 534 00:29:15,250 --> 00:29:16,250 this? 535 00:29:16,330 --> 00:29:17,330 Me? 536 00:29:17,770 --> 00:29:18,830 I'm Mayor of Ponsbury. 537 00:29:19,110 --> 00:29:20,190 I'm impartial. 538 00:29:20,510 --> 00:29:21,510 So is Glenn. 539 00:29:22,170 --> 00:29:23,170 Yes. 540 00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:27,670 Let's turn now to the third player in the story. He didn't want to come on 541 00:29:27,670 --> 00:29:29,630 today. Is it because he's too ashamed? 542 00:29:30,390 --> 00:29:31,430 Let's find out. 543 00:29:31,750 --> 00:29:33,010 Michael, come on out. 544 00:29:37,430 --> 00:29:39,470 I just think it's bloody ludicrous. 545 00:29:41,130 --> 00:29:45,410 gonna push for you, have we? I bet you're hoping to hell that kid isn't 546 00:29:45,710 --> 00:29:52,410 Actually, more than anything in the world, I hope he is. 547 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:21,840 What's happening now? 548 00:30:22,020 --> 00:30:24,060 She's just about to reveal the father. Shh. 549 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:29,240 The father of baby Jackson is... 550 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:41,020 Michael! 551 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,400 Michael! 552 00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:55,250 Popping Jackson! 553 00:30:55,950 --> 00:30:56,950 Hooray! 554 00:30:58,650 --> 00:30:59,650 Beyonce, 555 00:31:00,830 --> 00:31:03,410 what you did was outrageous. 556 00:31:03,870 --> 00:31:06,250 There was the slightest doubt he wasn't mine. You should have told me from the 557 00:31:06,250 --> 00:31:08,290 start. I always wanted him to be yours, though, Mike. 558 00:31:08,570 --> 00:31:09,930 Why? Because I'll give you more handouts? 559 00:31:10,250 --> 00:31:11,550 No, because you'll be a better dad. 560 00:31:12,950 --> 00:31:13,950 You're nice. 561 00:31:16,330 --> 00:31:20,150 Right, well, we need to make a proper arrangement, a proper routine, so that 562 00:31:20,150 --> 00:31:21,230 and Stella can have him, OK? 563 00:31:21,550 --> 00:31:22,550 Fine by me. 564 00:31:22,670 --> 00:31:23,670 Oh. 565 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,200 There's something else we've got to do. Go on. 566 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:26,620 We've got to go register the birth. 567 00:31:26,940 --> 00:31:27,639 Yeah, of course. 568 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,520 I've chosen a middle name. It's Jermaine. 569 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,380 Jackson Jermaine Jackson? 570 00:31:34,580 --> 00:31:38,840 I'm kidding. No, I thought it should be Michael, after his dad's like... Jackson 571 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:39,840 Michael Jackson. 572 00:31:41,140 --> 00:31:42,880 That boy's going to get so ribbed at school. 573 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:45,840 Cheers, Jacko. 574 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,120 Cheers. 575 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:51,620 Got there in the end, didn't we? 576 00:31:56,979 --> 00:31:58,720 Michael. That was Luke. 577 00:31:59,380 --> 00:32:00,440 Rob's come round. 578 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,280 Everything is fine. Oh, thank God. 579 00:32:03,540 --> 00:32:04,540 Thank God. 580 00:32:25,710 --> 00:32:29,750 The train on platform four is the 1137 to Middlesbrough. 581 00:32:30,010 --> 00:32:32,850 This train will depart in seven minutes. 582 00:32:34,790 --> 00:32:39,990 The train on platform four is the 1137 to Middlesbrough. 583 00:32:40,230 --> 00:32:42,850 I told you to keep an eye on it, you donut! 584 00:33:22,830 --> 00:33:23,830 He's suffocating me. 585 00:33:24,730 --> 00:33:26,890 Disgusting. I cannot believe my eyes. 586 00:33:28,390 --> 00:33:31,530 Ivan, I'm not coming with you. 587 00:33:32,510 --> 00:33:33,650 I've just come to say goodbye. 588 00:33:36,570 --> 00:33:41,850 No matter how much Carl annoys me, or makes stupid jokes, or stands on my feet 589 00:33:41,850 --> 00:33:45,430 when we dance, he loves me. 590 00:33:47,830 --> 00:33:49,010 And we got Genevieve. 591 00:33:50,190 --> 00:33:51,610 I just couldn't do it to him. 592 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,840 He gave me a refund on the ticket, by the way. 593 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:01,680 Thank you. 594 00:34:06,220 --> 00:34:07,660 Tell me one thing, Nadine. 595 00:34:09,699 --> 00:34:10,820 Did you ever love me? 596 00:34:12,699 --> 00:34:13,699 Did I ever? 597 00:34:14,500 --> 00:34:15,500 I still do. 598 00:34:16,100 --> 00:34:17,120 I always will. 599 00:34:25,389 --> 00:34:26,909 Got a big spiral coming through. 600 00:34:55,179 --> 00:34:56,500 Look out, more visitors. 601 00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,400 You got here quickly. 602 00:34:58,740 --> 00:35:00,760 Yeah. Michael's just parked in the car. 603 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:03,200 How's he doing? 604 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,920 Please don't talk about me like I'm not in the room. Oh, he's doing all right, 605 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:07,920 then. Okay. 606 00:35:08,340 --> 00:35:10,500 I think we could all do with stretching our legs. 607 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,200 Stella, we'll look after you for five minutes. 608 00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:15,360 We've drunk that much coffee, I tell you. 609 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:29,760 I've seen you looking slightly more handsome. 610 00:35:31,300 --> 00:35:32,340 But only slightly. 611 00:35:36,820 --> 00:35:39,140 Rob. You and Michael are getting married. 612 00:35:40,020 --> 00:35:41,120 What is it with you? 613 00:35:41,660 --> 00:35:42,760 How did you know? 614 00:35:43,580 --> 00:35:45,800 You're wearing an engagement ring, for starters. 615 00:35:48,140 --> 00:35:49,140 Anyway, I approve. 616 00:35:49,620 --> 00:35:51,620 I think he's a thoroughly decent chap. 617 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,440 And he won't stand for any of your nonsense. 618 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:56,080 Oh, you. 619 00:35:59,990 --> 00:36:01,870 I've just got to go into the chat. Do you mind waiting outside? 620 00:36:02,210 --> 00:36:03,350 It won't be long. Of course. 621 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,660 Hey, Suzanne, you want to be talking with a Welsh accent by the time you 622 00:36:29,660 --> 00:36:30,359 for Canada? 623 00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,820 Oh, it's a lovely cottage, my. Maybe you should live there permanently, like. 624 00:36:34,220 --> 00:36:36,480 You'd start to actually babysit us, aren't you? Oh, my God. 625 00:36:36,740 --> 00:36:39,660 Promise me you'll bring them to Canada soon. 626 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,980 There's so much for our kids to do out there. 627 00:36:42,380 --> 00:36:45,600 When you say kids, if you're including Luke and I, because he's the biggest kid 628 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,720 in them all. Yeah, he wouldn't be in playing with Jack. He's so competitive. 629 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,040 I know. 630 00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,280 How long will I love you? 631 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:55,980 Long as I... 632 00:37:06,579 --> 00:37:11,480 As long as seasons need to 633 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:16,000 follow their plan. 634 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,020 As long as you want me to. 635 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,580 And longer by far. 636 00:37:47,300 --> 00:37:49,660 How long will I hold you? 637 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,300 As long as your father told you. 638 00:39:11,630 --> 00:39:13,690 Hey, Bart, maybe she's changed her mind. 639 00:39:14,030 --> 00:39:15,090 Shut up, Carl. 640 00:39:15,450 --> 00:39:18,750 Well, no, he might have a pint. I mean, she's always been a bit flirty, that 641 00:39:18,750 --> 00:39:19,750 one. 642 00:39:19,850 --> 00:39:20,850 Sorry. 643 00:39:23,930 --> 00:39:25,990 Got to be held up. 644 00:39:27,850 --> 00:39:29,750 Jesus, you look... What? 645 00:39:31,550 --> 00:39:32,550 Beautiful. 646 00:39:34,930 --> 00:39:35,930 So do you. 647 00:39:37,550 --> 00:39:38,550 I do, don't I? 648 00:39:39,790 --> 00:39:42,430 Tell myself, take my time. 649 00:39:42,930 --> 00:39:46,550 Yeah. Put the brakes on my brain. 650 00:39:48,110 --> 00:39:52,010 Wrap me up, spin me round, spit me out. 651 00:39:53,490 --> 00:39:54,490 I, 652 00:39:55,850 --> 00:40:02,610 Michael Matthew Jackson, know of no lawful cause or impediment why I should 653 00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:06,210 be joined in matrimony with you, Stella Lucy Morris. 654 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:18,560 I, Stella Lucy Morris... Know of no... Hang on a 655 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,560 minute. Thing is, there is something. 656 00:40:21,220 --> 00:40:25,580 Stella? I mean, it's not a lawful impediment or nothing. I just don't 657 00:40:25,580 --> 00:40:27,540 can marry you if I don't tell you what it is. 658 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:35,160 It'd be, um... I don't know, dishonest, somehow. 659 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,980 Stella, for God's sake, just, uh... Just say. 660 00:40:49,609 --> 00:40:50,609 Fucking hell! 661 00:40:50,930 --> 00:40:51,930 What? 662 00:40:52,230 --> 00:40:56,150 I only just found out myself this morning. I'm in just as much shock as 663 00:40:56,450 --> 00:40:57,770 I thought you were on the change. 664 00:41:00,110 --> 00:41:06,070 Look, the thing is, I know I'm a bit old to have a baby, and I will understand 665 00:41:06,070 --> 00:41:09,410 if you want to have a think about it and delay the wedding. 666 00:41:10,450 --> 00:41:13,590 It's just, I really want to have it. Stella. 667 00:41:14,870 --> 00:41:18,150 That's the best news I could ever possibly be given. 668 00:41:19,750 --> 00:41:23,230 Now will you please shut up and marry me? 669 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:48,460 There we are. Can you believe it? I go all these years as an only child, and 670 00:41:48,460 --> 00:41:50,320 then I get two siblings in the space of a year. 671 00:41:50,820 --> 00:41:51,880 Oh, my God, I just realised. 672 00:41:52,240 --> 00:41:56,820 Your baby is going to be Sophie's auntie or uncle, and it'll be younger than 673 00:41:56,820 --> 00:41:58,480 Sophie. Oh, that's mad. 674 00:41:58,860 --> 00:42:02,260 Yeah, it is, isn't it? You'll have your hands full, it's all I'll say, but... 675 00:42:02,260 --> 00:42:05,620 Auntie Brenda, do you think just for once in your life you can see the 676 00:42:05,620 --> 00:42:06,439 side of things? 677 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,300 Well, now, where would the fun be in that, Michael Jackson? 678 00:42:10,860 --> 00:42:13,620 I'm going to see where Nards have got to. She's been gone ages. 679 00:42:13,900 --> 00:42:14,900 All right. 680 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,500 I'm so jealous. Barley for God's sake. I know. 681 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,160 Make sure you come back. We're all bloody useless without you. 682 00:42:23,740 --> 00:42:26,000 Don't worry, Stel. I look after him. 683 00:42:26,620 --> 00:42:27,620 Me too. 684 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:28,980 Come on. Oh, 685 00:42:29,980 --> 00:42:31,180 my babies. 686 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:33,680 Stel. 687 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:35,480 We really ought to get going. 688 00:42:35,860 --> 00:42:37,140 Yes, husband, yes. 689 00:42:40,910 --> 00:42:45,190 Don't lift any heavy bags. Oh, look at him. Only been married five minutes. 690 00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:46,310 already botting me around. 691 00:42:50,670 --> 00:42:51,670 Nads! 692 00:42:51,790 --> 00:42:53,010 How are you doing, babes? 693 00:42:54,030 --> 00:42:55,310 Stella and Michael are off in a bit. 694 00:42:58,750 --> 00:42:59,750 Nads! 695 00:43:23,750 --> 00:43:25,150 So. 696 00:43:54,540 --> 00:44:01,020 Once I believed that it was me It 697 00:44:01,020 --> 00:44:05,640 would come with rocket bells and poetry 698 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:12,000 But with me and you Wait, who did that? 699 00:44:12,220 --> 00:44:15,540 Nadine? Oh, don't know. Oh, nearly forgot. 700 00:44:16,260 --> 00:44:17,260 Ready? 701 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:32,600 You and I are my colleague for this one, aren't you? Bye -bye. 702 00:44:34,740 --> 00:44:37,860 Triton, shall we go on honeymoon with the Jackson? 703 00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:39,760 Yes, please. 50265

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