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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,920
Ladies and gentlemen, we got a brand new
batch.
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00:00:02,220 --> 00:00:04,460
Now, apparently, this batch is very,
very good.
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00:00:04,660 --> 00:00:07,840
And I'm on my A game, so I promise you I
ain't laughing this video.
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00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:09,100
Not one.
5
00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:10,240
It has been 67.
6
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,540
Days since my son's suicide.
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00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,680
Nah, that was bad for me. I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry.
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00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,820
Would you be gay for one hour for a
billion dollars?
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00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,580
Shit, for a billion dollars? Hi, sugar.
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00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:37,040
How you doing?
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No.
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00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:41,940
Huh?
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00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:49,720
How much is it?
14
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,020
Bastard.
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00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:56,820
Bastard.
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00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,820
Let me ask you a question.
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00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,780
When's the last time you've seen a
statue? What's that?
18
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,760
Let me look underneath it.
19
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:05,220
Whoa!
20
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,240
I mean, wow.
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00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:09,620
Soft as well.
22
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,480
Stop looking at me. I'll get my
boyfriend. Get your boyfriend. Is he
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00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,139
and handsome?
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00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,140
I hope so.
25
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:18,540
We've got room for one more.
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00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,160
Loads more.
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00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:22,220
That was unexpected.
28
00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:24,980
And clear of the closing doors, please.
29
00:01:31,370 --> 00:01:32,370
What is?
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00:01:32,770 --> 00:01:35,150
Someone's dressed up as a tree.
31
00:01:36,190 --> 00:01:39,810
Nah, y 'all not hearing him though. OG's
being straight. Oh my.
32
00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:41,470
Oh my.
33
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:48,370
My cat, Charlie, died. We cremated her
and I put her inside of this baby's
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00:01:48,550 --> 00:01:53,870
This baby, so beautiful, but it's a boy
and Charlie is a girl.
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00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:55,130
What the?
36
00:01:55,410 --> 00:02:00,150
You could commit a crime, but the crime
you commit could not be committed ever
37
00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:01,860
again. What crime would you commit?
38
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,580
What? For whatever I do this crime. Once
you do this crime. No one after me can
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00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:08,580
do it. No one. It will never happen
again.
40
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:11,500
I don't commit any crime.
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00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:12,679
Any crime.
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00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,740
Like me, bro, there's things that I'm,
like, personal about.
43
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:21,260
Like, well, I, that, bro, the safety of
women and children is big to me, bro. I
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00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:22,620
hate rapists, and I hate people.
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00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:27,360
Like... No.
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00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,360
No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I know.
47
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,210
Where's he going with this man?
48
00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:36,250
You already know what he wants to do man
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00:02:59,490 --> 00:03:02,210
Go study before I pray with your answer.
50
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:07,670
Bro, piss off.
51
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:11,730
That's actually got me mad, man. Like,
it's not my fault. It's just how I've
52
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:12,870
genetically become.
53
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:16,730
If I could tolerate it, I would, bro. I,
and you know what? I still do.
54
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,750
I still eat cheese. I still drink milk.
55
00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:20,470
I just suck what I was after.
56
00:03:20,690 --> 00:03:21,690
But you know what?
57
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:22,839
I don't mind.
58
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:23,840
I don't care.
59
00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:28,480
Dickheads. It's the same thing as those
who make fun of people who love hay
60
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,900
fever. It's not my fault. I'm allergic
to flowers.
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00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,980
Sorry, though. I'm actually doing all
right.
62
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,580
You already know she gave the deadest
slops, man.
63
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:13,060
Why is that entering my brain? Why do I
never think before I speak?
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00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:16,940
Wicked, wicked. Why am I thinking about
that, man?
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00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,640
Yes, sir.
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00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,420
Bombaclot Wallahi.
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00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,460
Wait, you should be making shawarma,
man. What do you know about Jamaican
68
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,780
Nah,
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00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:45,800
in a way, my man said Bombaclot Wallahi.
70
00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:47,180
What?
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00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,120
Those two together.
72
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,200
My head hurts.
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00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,860
Try it and you will think I'm Jamaican,
man. All right, if I take one bite of
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00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,660
this and it tastes like the Jamaican
food I usually get in Brooklyn, then I
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00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,200
do the meanest dirty wine.
76
00:05:13,739 --> 00:05:18,620
Is this your boyfriend No, you are so
fine.
77
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,760
You're like gorgeous. Give me your
number.
78
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,780
Oh My god, who are you dating?
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00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,290
This is so fucking dumb. I'm trying to
take a shit.
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00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:38,930
They can walk past and just look at my
whole look. What the fuck?
81
00:05:39,450 --> 00:05:40,530
This is stupid.
82
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:46,110
Bro, I'm feeling hella vulnerable right
now. Who thought of this shit, bro?
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00:05:46,470 --> 00:05:48,190
Who made these thaw doors?
84
00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:50,910
Did he? What the fuck is going on, man?
85
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:54,410
The thing is, I would be the guy to go,
Bigaboo.
86
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,600
Come with me to do a break -in and enter
-in.
87
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:11,680
I work in the same area I live in, so
commute's always by foot. Today's client
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00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,880
was an older lady, very lovely lady,
know her very well. We go to the same
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00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,780
church, we get on very well. I overheard
her saying that she had a lot of
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00:06:17,780 --> 00:06:20,300
valuable stuff in her house and she was
looking to get rid of it, so that's why
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00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:22,780
I'm here today. I knew she'd be at
church at this time, because I should be
92
00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:25,540
there too, but I was very mindful and
thought I'd come round and take some of
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00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:27,900
these people and I went out and I sent
her a beautiful, a big, that's a look
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00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,940
the delight. And if I do something, I
get out and I get caught.
95
00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:33,860
So it's time for me to leave. Comment
down below if you think I should finish
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00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:34,860
the job off properly.
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00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:40,070
Oh, that's good front flip.
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00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:50,070
Why did he specify those
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00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:50,989
two things?
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00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:56,670
As if, what, that's all it takes for a
nigga like me to come running?
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00:06:56,970 --> 00:07:00,030
My name is fucking playing for Ukraine,
though, I can't lie.
102
00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:12,240
I don't know how I feel about it,
honestly.
103
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,820
Yeah, it was, like, six, seven months
ago, and then... Okay.
104
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:18,720
Yeah.
105
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:25,740
Yeah, it was, like, six, seven months
ago, and then, like... What?
106
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:27,940
Huh?
107
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:33,360
Huh?! Is that brother in jail? Because
he needs to be. Wait.
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00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,140
Ain't no way this is fat jail.
109
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:37,860
Hold up. I need to verify this.
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00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,240
All right, we got the lyrics.
111
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:42,380
Yo, I'm that nigger that will kidnap
your kids.
112
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:47,300
Take them home, fuck them good, then
send them back to you in bandages.
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00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:53,000
Oh, this isn't Fat Joe. This is a guy
called Keith Knott. Get this guy away
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00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:58,680
all children. Get him away from all
schools, all playgrounds. Like, what is
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00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:03,720
this? What? Bro probably wrote this
down, spat in the mic, and said, yeah, I
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00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,900
could. Like, what the hell?
117
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:18,420
What Why did the Supergirl actress dress
like a dude at the event?
118
00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,540
I don't know John. Why did you beat your
wife?
119
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:29,660
Don't worry, we'll wait It's my birthday
today, so be fucking nice
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00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:43,020
A little bit of distance there.
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00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,200
Like, do you need a ladder to kiss her?
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00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:57,280
This brother needs plane tickets just to
kiss his wife. You know what I mean?
123
00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:28,550
Why you on your knees and - Get down,
boy!
124
00:09:29,330 --> 00:09:32,310
Get the - Nah,
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00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:34,670
Team Rocket's crazy.
126
00:09:36,310 --> 00:09:37,310
Listen.
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00:09:41,590 --> 00:09:43,910
Easy go.
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00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:46,250
Easy go.
129
00:10:07,150 --> 00:10:12,210
Oh my God, what is this? Tell me that's
not Dave Chappelle's kid, man.
130
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:20,350
Tell me that's... No, man.
131
00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:34,410
No, the mouth movements is wild.
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00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:44,860
What's up bro?
133
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,240
What the fuck?
134
00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:17,830
They almost got me. They almost got me.
Bro.
135
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:22,750
Peter Parker sent them into a whole
different monomer for that one. Jesus.
136
00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:33,030
The thing
137
00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:39,770
is, to get top listener, and
138
00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:42,330
I hardly release any music this year.
That's crazy.
139
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:43,659
Fair play.
140
00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:46,300
Hopefully in 2026, we'll be releasing
bangers, man.
141
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,600
What's that black girl that plays WNBA?
142
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,540
Angel Reese. Look at me, look at me. I'm
Angel Reese.
143
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:54,620
It's your birthday.
144
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,360
Not important, man. Please shut up.
145
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:02,140
I don't do crowd work, all right? I'm
not Matt Wright, all right? I wrote some
146
00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,500
shit. I was going to give it to you.
147
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:07,340
I didn't ask anybody where they work or
what the fuck.
148
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,160
How long have you been together?
149
00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:16,680
Next time you see a crowd work comedian,
don't fucking talk to them.
150
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,940
They'll crumble. Like, hey, where do you
work? Just go do your fucking jokes,
151
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,200
man. They're like, what the fuck is
happening?
152
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,260
Stop talking to them.
153
00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:31,880
Crowd work is the biggest gaslight in
the history of gaslighting.
154
00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:35,640
Because we are professional talkers and
we have electricity.
155
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,620
And you don't. And then they go, how
long have you been together? And then
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00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:45,950
you'll be like, um, you don't even know
how long. And now they're in a fucking
157
00:12:45,950 --> 00:12:48,450
fight on the way home. Like, what the
fuck was that back there?
158
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:52,550
Now they're going to break up just
because some fucking comic didn't write
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00:12:52,550 --> 00:12:53,550
joke.
160
00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:56,430
It's so annoying.
161
00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,110
No matter what they do, they'll make you
look like a little pussy.
162
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:01,590
Comic's like, what's with that shirt?
163
00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:04,030
And then you're like, it's just a shirt.
And they'll be like, oh, Mr.
164
00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:05,510
Confident with his fucking shirt.
165
00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:09,370
But then if you're like, I don't know, I
don't even like this shirt. They're
166
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:11,910
like, you wore a shirt you don't even
like? What the fuck? You're like, it's
167
00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:12,910
just...
168
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,400
Mutants.
169
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,040
What was that man?
170
00:13:47,380 --> 00:13:51,800
He going to hell man. He threw this
disabled nigga in the motherfucking
171
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,420
What? This nigga looking like a
motherfucking piece of chicken fry. Look
172
00:13:58,840 --> 00:13:59,840
That's crazy.
173
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,980
It is amazing. My girls were completely
engrossed by it when we were watching
174
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:09,320
it. Because it really does make you feel
like you're inside this 11 year old
175
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,320
girl.
176
00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:12,260
In a...
177
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,020
Profoundly wholesome way.
178
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,960
When did you stop?
179
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,520
When did I stop touching other children?
180
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:20,860
What?
181
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,960
What? No!
182
00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:32,360
You know how it's called free play? Do
you think they would create a new one?
183
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:37,440
And call it full play.
184
00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:51,600
Don't do that I'll say if you got a vest
on
185
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,060
and a clipboard you can get away with
anything.
186
00:14:53,300 --> 00:15:00,260
So let's go check it out See
187
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:06,940
guys it is just this easy bro is this
easy is this easy, bro Wow
188
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,200
Wow
189
00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:19,210
You never really know job hard someone
is until you have to do it. So what so
190
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,230
it's very smart Martin. No, why man?
191
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,820
Good, I'm good. I'm holding it. I'm
holding it together, man.
192
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,320
So why the fuck do we got to shut two
lanes down for these little bitty ass,
193
00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,700
bitch ass kids on the fucking right side
and none of them coming from the left?
194
00:16:00,820 --> 00:16:01,920
Look over the left.
195
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,600
Nobody's coming from over there.
196
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:06,380
One.
197
00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:09,020
Let's go.
198
00:16:17,290 --> 00:16:19,070
Oh my, oh man.
199
00:16:22,090 --> 00:16:24,330
Nah, that build, unique.
200
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:25,670
One of a kind.
201
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:29,110
You gotta respect that build, man,
because that is unbelievable.
202
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:32,370
I don't even know how to do this.
203
00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:37,950
Like, it's easy to be in shape, get six
pack, you know, muscles and all of that.
204
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:41,970
Try getting that physique. I bet you,
you can't. Like I said, unique.
205
00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:44,270
I needed to see this.
206
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,600
Well, he about to look crazy.
207
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:56,700
No. No.
208
00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:01,340
Oh, my God, he's clapped.
209
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:05,900
Oh, no, bro, you looked like a king
before. Now you just look like a worse
210
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,060
version of Peter Griffin.
211
00:17:09,099 --> 00:17:10,780
The aura lost.
212
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:13,140
Oh, no.
213
00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:17,579
Bro looks like a frog with the way he's,
you know.
214
00:17:21,139 --> 00:17:25,460
Anyway, I'm telling you, man. Put a
picture of Randolph and a picture of
215
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,960
Beers. Now imagine them without Beers.
216
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,180
Disgusting. This is why they'll never
save.
217
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,400
I get it.
218
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:59,340
my god wait why why are you pointing at
me yo what did i do no don't point at me
219
00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:03,880
no i don't want any of that please
please
220
00:18:32,270 --> 00:18:34,870
Yeah, right. Next thing you know, we'll
end up on Epstein's Island.
221
00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:38,230
If you guys showed up on Epstein's
Island, they'd be furious.
222
00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,210
No! The pussy is spoiled.
223
00:18:41,850 --> 00:18:42,850
Send it back.
224
00:18:43,110 --> 00:18:46,870
Listen, why have you just put five pints
of smash underneath the photo of my
225
00:18:46,870 --> 00:18:47,870
dog?
226
00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:52,750
I don't think I need to explain why.
I've answered all your questions there.
227
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:56,250
in case you need me to explain it, it
would take me five pints to smash the
228
00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:57,250
out of your dog.
229
00:19:08,590 --> 00:19:11,650
And you've got bars as well. Man's got
the bars and that. Yeah, man's got the
230
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,530
bars, yeah. Ching -chong for the wing
-wong.
231
00:19:13,810 --> 00:19:17,310
My doorbell went ding -dong. It was a
Chinese girl called Ting -Tong. Love it,
232
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:18,310
love it, love it.
233
00:19:19,770 --> 00:19:23,070
When drug dealers call you from prison,
they always ask the same question.
234
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:27,330
They're always like, who would have
thought I'd go from driving the Benz to
235
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:28,330
sleeping in a cell?
236
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:31,350
Everybody.
237
00:19:33,850 --> 00:19:35,250
That's why we asked you to stop.
238
00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:54,650
Damn. Whoa.
239
00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:09,360
That's why you have a dog. He can't
fucking interrupt you. That's right.
240
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,400
Why does he look the same?
241
00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:15,580
He looks the same.
242
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,140
He looks identical.
243
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,100
You've got to show him after you record
it.
244
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:29,840
Ladies and gents, we're back with Jamie
Carragher outside of Stanford Bridge.
245
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:31,780
Jamie, what's your thoughts on Chelsea
being fought from the table?
246
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,220
Forget that. Let's talk about Mo Salah.
Sorry, what does Mo Salah have to do
247
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:37,980
with this? What are you talking about?
You're not listening to me, are you?
248
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,400
Listen, Mo Salah, you failed at this
club and then you went over to Roma and
249
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,580
then you came back to Liverpool and you
think you're a big shot all of a sudden.
250
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,920
Listen, Mo Salah, I think you should go
to Sardy. You know, the money's good and
251
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:50,899
you speak Arabic.
252
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:54,800
But listen, Mo Salah, leave Liverpool
before Liverpool leaves you.
253
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,780
This is me. This is me.
254
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,620
I mean, fair.
255
00:21:54,540 --> 00:21:59,840
Since he first published his very first
book with Harper Collins back in 2008,
256
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:06,160
The Boy in the Dress, he's gone on to
publish a further more than 40... Oh,
257
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:10,640
it, I'm going to start again. Sorry, do
not ever air me saying the F word. Oh,
258
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:11,640
my God.
259
00:22:12,380 --> 00:22:18,460
Well, David Walliams is one of Britain's
best -selling children's authors...
260
00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:19,460
Wait, what?
261
00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:26,170
So apologies if you heard any bad
language there. We'll check that out.
262
00:22:26,510 --> 00:22:27,970
Their faces!
263
00:22:28,490 --> 00:22:30,410
I can't believe it!
264
00:22:33,250 --> 00:22:37,250
Alright, that is it, ladies and
gentlemen. God damn it, we're at the
265
00:22:37,450 --> 00:22:38,450
Fuck!
266
00:22:38,930 --> 00:22:42,690
Anyway, thank you guys for watching.
Don't subscribe, alright? I think we're
267
00:22:42,690 --> 00:22:44,790
currently on 350 ,000 subscribers.
268
00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:49,950
Why? I keep telling you to not
subscribe, so stop doing that. God's
269
00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:52,510
Anyway... Thank you for watching. Take
care and peace.
20781
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