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1
00:00:04,110 --> 00:00:04,710
I'm late!
2
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,040
Right on time.
3
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:37,950
Feel the burn.
4
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:54,260
Hey, Malloy, nice jersey.
Looks like you're wearing a purple dress.
5
00:00:54,260 --> 00:00:57,300
Yeah, I'm gonna take fashion critiques
from a guy in a clip-on and mom jeans.
6
00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,560
These aren't my mom's jeans, she couldn't
fit into them anymore, they're mine.
7
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,970
Hey, Malloy's just showing his
spirit for the big game today.
8
00:01:03,970 --> 00:01:06,400
I can't wait to watch it
with you, little buddy.
9
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,670
Aw, damn it! My cookie.
10
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:10,470
- Five second rule!
- Five...
11
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:11,730
- I can't get it!
- Four...
12
00:01:11,730 --> 00:01:14,190
Connie, help!
13
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,890
Oh, my God. That was a close one.
14
00:01:18,890 --> 00:01:20,620
Thank you, Connie.
15
00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:23,250
- No problem.
- Oh, come on, Connie.
16
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,780
Don't be so modest.
You're like a freak of nature.
17
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,250
Steve!
18
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:28,900
We all know Connie's a lumbering, hulk-like
19
00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:31,230
affront to humanity, but
it's not nice to say it.
20
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,270
That's why I learned sign language.
21
00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:36,660
I was giving Connie a compliment, Ethel.
22
00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:39,420
God blessed her with
unnatural lesbian strength.
23
00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,660
Lesbian? Watch your mouth, Steve.
24
00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:43,250
That's a hate word.
25
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:46,200
I think it's high time I speak
to you all about tolerance.
26
00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:50,550
We should be tolerant of everyone,
be they straight, be they gay,
27
00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:53,740
or the Jesus hates homos church who
are having a rally at the Park today.
28
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,700
Jesus hates homos?
They're an ignorant cult.
29
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,600
Well, that's intolerant.
30
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,240
How would you feel if they
said bad things about you?
31
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,420
That's all they do! I know because...
32
00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:06,550
I used to be a member.
33
00:02:06,550 --> 00:02:08,490
It was 15 years ago.
34
00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:12,930
I was your average, everyday little girl.
35
00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:17,390
I wanted to please my mother so much.
36
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:24,190
She just ignored me and my hankering for
hoo haa untill she couldn't anymore.
37
00:02:24,190 --> 00:02:27,490
My father and the church members
made a "gay curing" machine.
38
00:02:27,490 --> 00:02:30,060
They called it "the homo eradicator."
39
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:32,270
You like that, sinner? Do you?
40
00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:35,630
I'll bet Slater from Saved by the
Bell would make you Screech.
41
00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:39,070
Doesn't Pat Sajak hold your gay back?
42
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,640
And try romancin' Ted Danson.
43
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,880
- You had enough?
- No.
44
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,830
I wanna see how it ends.
45
00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,590
When it didn't work, my
parents disowned me.
46
00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:03,530
They bought a St. Bernard, named it Connie,
47
00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:06,320
and photo shopped me out of
all the family pictures.
48
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,590
I never spoke to them again.
49
00:03:08,590 --> 00:03:09,800
Man, that's messed up!
50
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:12,600
If they wanted a dog named Connie,
they could've just kept you.
51
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,750
Shut up, idiot.
52
00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:16,130
Connie, I never knew you'd
been through so much.
53
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,240
Woody, you can't have that
hate-filled church here.
54
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,980
Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should reconsider
having these hate-mongers at our Park.
55
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:23,880
- They paid cash.
- Cha ching!
56
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,820
Welcome, hate mongers!
57
00:03:25,820 --> 00:03:27,680
We need to make these
people feel comfortable.
58
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,610
Time to de-gay the Park!
Connie, put on this dress.
59
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,090
Yow. That's a tough sell. Here.
60
00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:35,460
For the next 24 hours, you're
gonna be a straight guy
61
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:38,880
named Chester... Beefbottom.
62
00:03:43,370 --> 00:03:45,930
You don't think I'm a freak, do you?
63
00:03:45,930 --> 00:03:49,160
Whatever you say.
Just don't stick me in your crotch again.
64
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,400
Connie? Oh, Sweetie, take that off.
65
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,800
I cannot believe how insensitive Woody is.
66
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,930
I already took off the fake one!
67
00:03:56,930 --> 00:03:59,720
- Ooh! Sorry.
- Thanks for understanding, Ethel.
68
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,510
- You know I didn't choose to be this way.
- Well, that's up for debate.
69
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,530
But you are an incredible person.
70
00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:08,860
You're sweet, you're considerate,
you're beautiful, inside and...
71
00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:10,590
Well, inside.
72
00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:15,690
- Oh. I didn't know you felt this way.
- Of course I do. Come here.
73
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,870
Go for it!
74
00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:21,210
Connie... no! Oh, God, gross!
75
00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:23,840
Connie, wait! I didn't mean gross.
I just meant...
76
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,410
Slightly nauseating.
I just feel a little sick.
77
00:04:27,410 --> 00:04:30,650
I probably won't vomit!
78
00:04:33,580 --> 00:04:35,920
Welcome to Brickleberry.
Make yourselves at home.
79
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:37,590
Who put that there?
80
00:04:37,590 --> 00:04:39,460
Woody, here's the remainder of the payment.
81
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,600
- I hope cash is okay.
- Cash?
82
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,140
I love cash!
83
00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,740
But not as much as I love vagina.
84
00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:48,380
Don't you think vagina's much
better than a dude's butthole?
85
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:50,360
I do.
86
00:04:50,810 --> 00:04:52,580
Where are you taking us, Connie?
87
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:54,100
Away from everyone.
88
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:58,650
Woody's having that stupid church here,
and Ethel thinks I'm slightly nauseating.
89
00:04:58,650 --> 00:04:59,980
Slightly?
90
00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:02,180
Hey. No smoking in the Park, mister.
91
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:04,220
Uh-oh!
92
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,550
How am I ever gonna get in here?
93
00:05:10,550 --> 00:05:12,350
Oh.
94
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,140
Uh-oh.
95
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:20,180
Ooh. They may be ignorant Morons,
but their cash is green.
96
00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:23,130
Think I'm gonna play golf this
weekend to celebrate the windfall.
97
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:25,230
Denzel, do you wanna caddy again?
98
00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:29,200
He can't. Denzel and I have plans.
We're going to Pez Con!
99
00:05:29,210 --> 00:05:31,580
- Pez Con?
- Uh, yeah!
100
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,380
For pez collectors. Like me.
101
00:05:33,380 --> 00:05:35,290
Will you say that again,
so I can record it?
102
00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:38,510
Then I'll have something to play
back when I forget why I hate you.
103
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,510
Denzel, why the hell are you going?
You're not a dork like Steve.
104
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:46,750
He's going with me because we're friends.
Something money can't buy.
105
00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:50,260
You must have forgotten, Steve,
that I always get what I want.
106
00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:53,370
- Denzel, I'll pay ya double.
- Double? Oh, hell, yeah.
107
00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:56,060
Come on, Denzel.
I can't go to Pez Con alone.
108
00:05:56,060 --> 00:06:00,200
The pez heads will think I'm a loser!
109
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,200
Got it.
110
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,840
Gays are witty. Gays are clean.
111
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,650
They are polite, they are good dancers,
112
00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:10,120
snappy dressers, and raise property values.
113
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,660
But you got to take my word for it...
114
00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:15,660
Homosexuals are evil!
115
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,570
Thank you. There is nothing that
Jesus hates more than a gay...
116
00:06:19,570 --> 00:06:23,660
Not a murderer, not a
rapist, not even a Jew.
117
00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:27,800
- But Jesus was a Jew.
- Stone him!
118
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:32,460
At ease, soldiers. Just a Park Ranger.
119
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,860
Sorry about that, Mr... Beefbottom.
120
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:37,170
Wow. What is this place?
121
00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:40,770
You're inside of a top-secret
military research facility.
122
00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:42,610
- Top secret?
- Yes!
123
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,950
So you must promise to
keep our secret a secret.
124
00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:46,810
Pinkie swear!
125
00:06:46,810 --> 00:06:48,140
Good enough for me.
126
00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:51,220
The government has been using
Brickleberry as a cover for decades.
127
00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:55,890
What we do here is develop highly
classified, specialized explosives.
128
00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:58,460
This bomb gives the enemy low blood sugar.
129
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,780
Try fighting a war when you're all cranky.
130
00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:03,340
This one makes your face
look like Bruce Jenner's.
131
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,400
Usually leads to mass suicide.
132
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,930
This bomb turns people into dead people.
133
00:07:07,930 --> 00:07:10,010
Just a regular bomb, really.
134
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,170
This one's a gay bomb. This one's a...
135
00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:15,340
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gay bomb?
Tell me about this one.
136
00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,620
It's, uh... top secret.
137
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:20,270
- Show the top secret film!
- Are you sure about that?
138
00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:22,170
Yeah. He did the pinkie swear.
139
00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:26,550
Top secret Movietone news, your
source for all things classified.
140
00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:29,250
The Jerries were on the march
to take over all of Europe.
141
00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:31,590
Uncle Sam's only hope was a secret weapon
142
00:07:31,590 --> 00:07:34,850
developed using state-of-the-art
homo-nuclear technology...
143
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:36,950
The gay bomb.
144
00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:40,360
Ka-pow. And like that, those
krauts went from sour to sweet.
145
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,520
The gay bomb...
pride of America, savior to the world!
146
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:49,570
This baby turns every person in a 20-mile
radius into an instant homosexual.
147
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,090
Wow. I never knew there was a gay bomb.
148
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,040
Well, that's just the slang name.
149
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,890
The eggheads back in Los Alamos
call it "the sissy missile."
150
00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:58,750
Hmm.
151
00:08:06,380 --> 00:08:08,940
Screw it. Set this bitch off.
152
00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:11,330
What did that hand just say?
153
00:08:11,330 --> 00:08:14,270
No! Stop that hand!
154
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,960
Oh, no, you didn't!
155
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,040
What have you done?
156
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,710
The shock wave is going to hit all
of those people any minute now!
157
00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:36,810
He's my friend, and he's
going to Pez Con with me!
158
00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:39,100
Bullshit! He is a grown man.
159
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:44,500
He can make his own decisions.
He's caddying for me.
160
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:45,820
Denzel is my man!
161
00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:51,720
You can have him after I get through
with his brown chocolate ass and balls.
162
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:01,300
Wow! This is the utopia I've dreamed of!
163
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:03,400
Connie, is that you?
164
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,030
Uh, Reverend Rusty?
165
00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:08,610
Oh, talk about an eye
opening moment, you know?
166
00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:11,850
I can't believe I was all
about hate for so many years.
167
00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:15,210
I just wanna apologize for
being so rude to you.
168
00:09:15,210 --> 00:09:17,550
Uh... no problem.
169
00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:19,290
Would you two cut it out?
170
00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:21,850
We're late for the Kathy
Griffin show in Tucson.
171
00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:25,340
All aboard the winky wagon!
172
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,040
Hiya, Coco.
173
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,250
Oh, my God, have you
seen my snuggly wuggly?
174
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:36,870
- Who, Malloy?
- Mall... ha ha!
175
00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:40,490
No, miss thing. My boy toy, Denzel.
176
00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:43,310
Ooh! There he is.
177
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,620
How do these pants make my ass look?
178
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:54,200
- Big?
- Good!
179
00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:57,030
Conini Panini! There you are.
180
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,620
Hey, Steve. I love your frosted tips.
181
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:01,770
Thank you. What did Woody want?
182
00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:04,180
- He's looking for Denzel.
- That bitch!
183
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:05,760
Ta ta!
184
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,350
This is awesome!
185
00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:09,050
What the hell is going on, Connie?
186
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:12,050
Woody's acting really weird.
Steve, pretty much the same.
187
00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:16,100
Well, I found this secret base, I
accidentally set off a gay bomb, and then..
188
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:19,580
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I read about that
in highly unlikely bullshit magazine.
189
00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:21,890
Connie, sorry about earlier.
190
00:10:21,890 --> 00:10:26,020
I've always liked you a lot as a friend,
but something's different about you.
191
00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:30,390
Your thighs are so...
your breasts are completely...
192
00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,890
I just wanna bang your frigging brains in.
193
00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:35,340
Thank you, Jesus!
194
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,460
Ethel, don't rush it.
195
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:39,290
I've dreamed of this moment.
196
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:42,710
I wanna do it just right.
197
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,110
This is like a dream, Connie.
198
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:52,660
I know.
199
00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:55,900
Don't ever wake me up.
200
00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:05,730
Oh, no!
201
00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:07,850
Oh, my God... no!
202
00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:11,690
- What's wrong?
- I'm straight!
203
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,830
Ten seconds left in triple overtime!
One final play!
204
00:11:15,830 --> 00:11:18,140
Give me that!
It's The Cupcake Wars season finale.
205
00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:21,550
- Hey, hey, what are you doing?
- Ugh. I cannot get into sports.
206
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,770
Change it back.
207
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:27,310
And that's it!
The best play in the history of sports!
208
00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:29,900
What's that, Jim?
Our instant replay machine broke?
209
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:33,260
Hmm. Well, it looks like if you missed
that play, you'll never get to see it.
210
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,690
We now join The Bachelorette
already in progress.
211
00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:37,630
Yay! Ow!
212
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,920
You know that's a hate crime.
213
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:43,430
Hi, brown sugar.
214
00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:45,600
- You getting pretty for me?
- Maybe.
215
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,100
These are for you.
216
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,610
Oh... my...
217
00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:50,220
God!
218
00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:52,240
Wow. You really like roses, huh?
219
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:57,580
Oh, Woody, Woody, I love
it, I love it, I love it!
220
00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:01,120
I can't believe I'm not gay anymore.
221
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,970
The blast from the bomb
must have done it somehow.
222
00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:04,820
I wonder if...
223
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,250
Oh, no. My lesbian strength.
224
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:13,660
It's gone! Oh, my heavens.
225
00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:15,300
I broke a nail.
226
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,980
Honk, honk. Why'd you run off, sexy?
227
00:12:17,990 --> 00:12:20,800
You left me high and not-so-dry back there.
228
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,570
Uh, Ethel, look, I don't know
how to explain this, but...
229
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,490
I'm just not into you anymore.
230
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,640
What? You're kidding. You're rejecting me?
231
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,110
Nobody rejects me. I am (Bleep) hot.
232
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,740
I'm at least a nine.
You're, what, a four, a five?
233
00:12:34,740 --> 00:12:36,580
And that's on the goddamn Richter scale!
234
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:39,190
Oh. Look, I'm sorry, Ethel.
235
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,680
You don't understand.
I can be with whoever I want.
236
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,040
- And I wanna be with you.
- No.
237
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,270
Oh, your mouth says no,
but your body says...
238
00:12:46,270 --> 00:12:48,860
No! My body says no too.
239
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,670
Hmm. Playing hard to get, huh?
240
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:56,430
Well, that gets my lady parts
barking like a Jack Russell.
241
00:12:57,770 --> 00:13:02,570
That big, pasty butt'll
be mine soon enough.
242
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,930
Oh, I can't believe I'm straight.
243
00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:08,870
This is a disaster.
244
00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:13,550
Excuse me, Sir. We're late.
245
00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:16,210
Do you know where the Jesus
hates homos rally is?
246
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:18,440
Mom? Dad?
247
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,720
Connie?
248
00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:26,250
Oh, not you, Connie. The bull dyke.
249
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,830
Your eyes glisten like a star.
250
00:13:32,830 --> 00:13:37,990
Your skin is brown and
tasty like a Kit Kat bar.
251
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,310
Yoo-hoo! Denzel!
252
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:46,330
Wanna take a ride on a real boat?
253
00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:47,950
You're not leaving me, are you?
254
00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:50,680
No, Steve, I'd rather stay
here and listen to your poem.
255
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,350
- Really?
- Hell, no!
256
00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:55,170
(Bleep) Your poem.
257
00:13:57,940 --> 00:13:59,490
Aah!
258
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,810
Dear, why haven't you
called in all these years?
259
00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:03,850
You moved and didn't give me the number.
260
00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:05,900
Right. Well, it's been fun.
261
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:08,330
- Let's do it again in 15 years.
- Or 20.
262
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:12,800
Wait. Mom, dad, I have
something to tell you.
263
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,720
- I'm straight!
- Oh!
264
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,080
Really? Oh, thank God!
265
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,740
My little girl.
Oh, we've got our daughter back!
266
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:24,120
Alan, it may be kind of awkward
having two Connie's around though.
267
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,690
Way ahead of you.
268
00:14:26,690 --> 00:14:28,190
Shh, shh...
269
00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:30,290
Go to sleep, Connie.
270
00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:32,750
Go to sleep.
271
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,830
She called me her little girl.
272
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:39,100
Mommy's little girl!
273
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,430
Hello, lover.
274
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,670
Aah!
275
00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:44,600
Ethel, stop trying to get
a peek at my baby maker.
276
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,840
You're gonna ruin everything with my mom.
277
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,560
Oh, screw that crotch blocker.
That woman had you tortured.
278
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,280
Things are different now, Ethel.
279
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,240
She even bought me this body wash.
280
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:57,220
No! I like it when you smell
like the floor of a circus.
281
00:14:57,220 --> 00:15:00,950
- Alan, we have a problem.
- Yeah.
282
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:04,220
I can't believe you ruined my game, Woody.
283
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:05,630
What the hell are you doing?
284
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:08,650
I have company coming over later, and
you're shedding all over the house.
285
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,500
And you left toothpaste in the sink again.
286
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,830
Toothpaste in the sink?
Last week you got drunk
287
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,640
and shit down the garbage disposal.
288
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,650
Well, that was the old me.
Meet the new me, honey.
289
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,700
I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!
290
00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,410
I'm fine if you turn into a gay guy.
291
00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:25,100
But only you would turn into the
most annoying gay guy on Earth.
292
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:29,840
That was uncalled for,
you heartless bastard!
293
00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:34,550
And now I suddenly have
sympathy for Katie Holmes.
294
00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:35,990
My little girl is straight.
295
00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:38,290
Oh, we're gonna spend
the whole day together.
296
00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:39,790
I'm so excited, mom.
297
00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:44,650
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh,
boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
298
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,170
Hope I'm not interrupting anything!
299
00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:49,230
Can't you see we're busy getting busy?
300
00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:51,020
I'm not speaking to you.
301
00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:53,000
Denzel, I just wanted to give you this.
302
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,070
Ooh, arts and crafts!
Oh, turn down the flame a little bit.
303
00:15:56,070 --> 00:15:58,130
Oh, Steve, I love it.
304
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,610
Oh, no, you don't! He's mine!
305
00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:03,450
- Says who?
- Says me!
306
00:16:03,450 --> 00:16:06,010
Will you two stop it? I like both of you.
307
00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:09,540
- But he likes me more.
- You shut your big mouth!
308
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,400
Aah!
309
00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:15,290
I'll claw your eyes out.
310
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,420
That's it. I'm done.
311
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:24,360
Hey, anybody else got a little stiffy?
312
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,250
Ethel, I've come to my senses.
313
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:31,270
I need your evil lesbian body now.
314
00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:34,220
Connie?
315
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,100
That was a weird note, but I...
316
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:40,180
No! Hey! What are you doing to me?
317
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,310
Meet the homo eradicator.
318
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:45,900
You know, I never really
liked that name that much.
319
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:49,160
I always thought we should call
it "the queer-o-disappear-o."
320
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,360
- Alan, stop!
- Shh, shh.
321
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,970
- I was just kidding.
- Go to sleep, Chuck.
322
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:56,060
- I like the name, Alan.
- Go to sleep.
323
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,080
Connie, you look great in your outfit.
324
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,440
I don't know. It's kinda itchy, mom.
325
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,830
Well, sometimes having
class is itchy, dear.
326
00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:10,140
What's the matter?
You haven't touched your crumpets.
327
00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:12,590
Oh, I was just thinking
about my friend Ethel.
328
00:17:12,590 --> 00:17:15,620
Oh, that evil lez ho? About her...
329
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,380
It was supposed to be a surprise,
330
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:20,870
but your father is
reprogramming her as we speak!
331
00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:21,890
No!
332
00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:25,920
What? You should be happy for that skank.
Look how well this worked on you.
333
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,210
It doesn't work, mother.
That machine is torture.
334
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,410
It does work. Look at you now.
You used to be a freak.
335
00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:36,400
I liked being a freak.
All my life, I just wanted your acceptance.
336
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,570
But it's not worth it. I gotta be me!
337
00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:43,890
Now, excuse me while I save my friend.
338
00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:47,560
I'm taking these.
339
00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:50,540
And these.
340
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:54,070
You gonna eat that pink one?
341
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:55,470
Ethel!
342
00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:58,410
I can't get past those guards
without my lesbian strength.
343
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,610
Come on, Connie. You must have a
little lesbian left in there.
344
00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:03,030
Just dig deep.
345
00:18:03,030 --> 00:18:05,970
Yeah. You're right.
346
00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:13,770
You bastard! Let her go.
347
00:18:13,770 --> 00:18:14,960
Let her go!
348
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,820
That's it, sinner. Let it all out.
349
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:21,000
Get your hands off me.
350
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:26,670
Those maniacs are gonna torture Ethel to
death, and I'm powerless to stop them.
351
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:27,770
That's it!
352
00:18:27,770 --> 00:18:29,960
I need to reverse the
effects of the gay bomb.
353
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,190
- Yes, we do.
- Malloy?
354
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:34,190
Yes. This is my problem too.
355
00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,670
A gay Woody is hard to swallow.
356
00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:42,570
Get your mind outta the gutter, Connie.
We need to get to the army base.
357
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,660
This is exactly what I thought
secret government bases were like.
358
00:18:56,660 --> 00:18:59,220
Beefbottom! How are you?
359
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,170
- We need to reverse the...
- What?
360
00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:02,690
We're hoping that you know a way...
361
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,700
- What?
- We need the goddamn antidote.
362
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,780
Oh! Here.
363
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,960
We only have one dose.
364
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,710
Hey, who says you get it?
I'm taking this to Woody.
365
00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:15,370
No, I need it to save Ethel.
366
00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:17,900
Give me that!
367
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:24,320
Oh, look what you did.
368
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,250
That was my last chance to save Ethel.
369
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,620
Ha ha ha! I was just (Bleep) with you.
370
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:35,520
That wasn't the antidote.
That was a Mai Tai that Bruce made.
371
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,560
Well, where's the real antidote?
372
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:41,400
There isn't one.
The effects wear off in 24 hours, silly.
373
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,100
What kind of bomb goes away after 24 hours?
374
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,900
Uh, anything Katherine Heigl's in.
375
00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:51,130
So the effects should be
wearing off right about...
376
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:56,030
What the (Bleep) am I wearing?
377
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:02,240
Are you guys feeling straight?
378
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,230
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
379
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,000
Five-second rule?
380
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,410
Hey! I'm not gay anymore!
381
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:17,340
Of course you'd say that.
Crank up the juice!
382
00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:24,510
Oh, I... I think we're all done here.
Congratulations. You passed.
383
00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:27,550
Oh, no need to thank us
for fixing your friend.
384
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:29,410
You'll have to come over for
Christmas dinner this year.
385
00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:31,720
Dad, I'm gay again.
386
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,180
Or not.
387
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,100
You know what I'm really
regretting right now.
388
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:39,270
- Choking our dog to death?
- Yeah.
389
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,640
Thank you for saving my life, Connie.
390
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,140
I'm sorry I caused all this trouble, guys.
391
00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:47,970
Next time, instead of turning everyone gay,
392
00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:51,180
I'm just gonna sneak into Ethel's
cabin and Chloroform her.
393
00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:55,710
Wait, what?
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