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(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
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Morning, Gareth.
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# Ma-na-ma-na, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Ma-na, ma-na, doo-doo, doo-doo
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# Ma-na-ma-na, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Ma-na-ma-na, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Ma-na, ma-na, doo-doo, doo-doo
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# Ma-na-ma-na, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Ma-na-na-na, ma-ma-na, na-na, na-na-na-na
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# Ma-na-ma-na Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Ma-na-ma-na Doo-doo, doo-doo
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# Ma-na-ma-na Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
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# Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo #
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(LAUGHING)
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Muppets.
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(THEME SONG PLAYING)
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No, I've not given up the idea of going to university.
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It's not like I'm never gonna go.
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It's just that, um, I've been made senior sales rep,
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which is a great opportunity for me.
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There's people now coming in from Swindon,
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which is a new and exciting sort of venture for me as well.
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Um, I'm 30. Time to grow up, basically. It's that simple.
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Okay, listen, I suggest we put this down as a lesson, right?
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You have the stuff over to me by 3:00 today.
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3:00 today, please. All right? Then we'll say no harm done.
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-All right? Okay. See you. -(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
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Gareth Keenan.
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Who's that?
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Oggy!
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Oggy, Oggy, Oggy! Oink, oink, oink!
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Oggy, Oggy, Oggy! Oink, oink, oink!
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Oggy!
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Oggy!
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Oggy, Oggy, Oggy! Oink, oink, oink!
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(CHUCKLES)
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Yeah. I'll see you later.
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Do you still keep in touch with Oggy?
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-That was Oggy just then. -Was it? How is he?
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He's fine. You don't even know him.
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No, I wish I did. He sounds great.
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-He is, actually. -Hmm.
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One thing, Gareth. When you are on the phone,
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could you keep the pig impersonations down to a minimum?
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Yeah, here we go.
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I've told you before, you can't tell me what to do. I am team leader.
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Well, you see, Gareth, I'm senior sales rep, so yes, I can.
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Uh, team leader beats senior sales rep.
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No, no. No, it doesn't. My job title actually means something, Gareth. Yeah?
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Uh, I've got a pay rise. I'm on a new scale.
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Team leader don't mean anything, mate.
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Excuse me, it means I'm leader of a team.
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No, it doesn't mean. It's a title someone's
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to get you to do something they don't want to do for free. All right?
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It's like making a div kid at school milk monitor.
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-No one respects it. -I think they do.
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-No, they don't, Gareth. -Uh, yes, they do.
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'Cause if people were rude to me,
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you know, I used to give them their milk last. So that it was warm.
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All right?
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Oh, no.
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Going through some old stuff. Found the Inside Paper.
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It's a trade magazine for the paper industry.
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My ugly mug on the front. Oh, no.
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Embarrassing.
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All right.
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(SOFTLY) Oh.
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All right.
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He's put me off what I was doing. Where was I?
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Oh, yeah, looking at the phone calls.
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Don't, don't, don't, don't. Stop it.
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Give it.
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Hello? Dawn, uh, someone's coming to collect that later.
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-Okay. -So, if you can...
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Um, Lee, I wouldn't get caught behind there today, mate.
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'Cause there's new people coming in and top brass are milling about.
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-So, you should, uh... Yeah. -Go ahead.
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-I'm going anyway, mate. -All right.
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-See you. -Bye.
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All right, mate.
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Um, I'm sorry about that.
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It's just I've got to supervise everything
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and make sure it's all sorted, you know.
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-You haven't visited for ages. -Huh? Oh, yeah.
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Well, I'm busy now. I'm sort of, um, a bit snowed under, so...
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But you're all right, though?
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-Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You? -Mmm. Did you just laugh?
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-(PHONE RINGS) -Oh, phone.
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Okay.
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I'll call you if I find anything. All right.
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Oh. It's all go.
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This is David. This is Neil.
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-Neil Godwin. Hiya. -Hi.
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Neil is Jennifer's replacement. He's sort of overseeing...
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David's boss.
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Just a tiny, a little bit above me, and that's it.
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I'm the UK manager.
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Um, I was sort of David's equivalent in Swindon.
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And, um, doing the same kind of job as him.
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Obviously, my branch closed
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-and now my staff are coming here. -Welcome.
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So I'm essentially David's boss, looking after him.
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"Looking after" is the wrong term to use, because we're both...
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But good to meet you though.
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-Um, we have met before. -Have we?
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-Yeah, Ipswich conference? -Oh, God.
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(IN FRENCH ACCENT) I was a little bit drunk.
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For most of the week, as I remember.
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Doesn't sound like me, does it, Dawn?
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Anyway, oh. Oh.
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Come into my boudoir.
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Ooh. Ah. Is Jennifer with you?
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-Uh, no, she's on her way, apparently. -Oh, part-timer.
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(IMITATING JOHNNY VEGAS) Monkey!
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Just an example of the laughs we have here, isn't it? For one.
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Sure, um, we're in potentially traumatic times,
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but they are exciting times, um, with the merger.
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Uh, and things move fast.
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Only two weeks ago,
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I was telling them at the party I'd decided to stay after all.
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And you saw how relieved they were at that.
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Um, but we've had a personnel change of 20-25%, you know. People coming and going.
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Um, redundancies,
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some voluntary, some involuntary, which is always hard.
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I had to let my PA go.
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Um, last in, first out, which, you know, was really sad.
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So that was upsetting,
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but um... I'm coping.
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I rolled with the punch, you know.
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And it turns out that Dawn can do a lot of it anyway, so...
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I'm sure there's gonna be plenty time for this later.
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I just thought I'd give you some of this...
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-Oh, sorry, is that in your way? -No.
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You can just set it down there 'cause I'll move that.
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It's actually... Oh, God. Look at that! Stupid.
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Get UK Manager Of The Month, Inside Paper, and I pull a dull face. Typical.
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You look quite young there.
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Yeah. Photogenic, sort of natural.
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-It's 18 months old. -Yeah.
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I mean to throw that... I got it out today to throw it away, definitely.
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(MUMBLING)
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Oh! (GRUNTS)
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Nice. Look at that. Inside Paper.
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Inside the paper bin now.
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Recycle that. It's... It's a shame, 'cause...
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(COOKIE JAR SPEAKING) Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
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Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
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-Hello. Are you... -Do you want a biscuit?
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-Do you want a biscuit? -What is it?
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Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
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-It's good. -Mmm-hmm.
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Um, what's that? Oh, yeah.
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Do you know this little thing we're doing lunchtime?
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-Just a welcoming do for the new Swindon lot? -Yeah, yeah.
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Just a meet and greet.
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And I'll be doing a speech, so no heckling.
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I've got a joke for you.
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Well, I don't usually do jokes, but go on.
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All right. It's Christmas dinner.
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Royal family having a Christmas dinner.
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Camilla Parker Bowles goes,
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"Okay, we'll play 20 Questions.
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"I'll think of something. You have to ask me questions and guess what it is."
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So, what she's thinking is a black man's cock.
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Oh! Trust Camilla.
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-It's not racist, is it? No. -No.
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Um, so, Prince Philip goes, "Is it big in the bread bin?"
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-Mmm. -She goes, "Yeah."
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Prince Charles goes, "Is it something that I can put it in my mouth?"
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She goes, "Yeah."
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Queen goes, "Is it a black man's cock?"
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She's guessed it. From those clues.
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-Straightaway. -(DAVID LAUGHS)
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Oh, God. That's the sort of stuff I write.
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Well, you didn't write it, you just told it,
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but you know, well done. So, do it again.
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Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!
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Oh, look forward to this.
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(CHUCKLES)
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(MURMURING GREETINGS)
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DAVID: Big day today.
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Swindon mob are arriving.
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Um, I've laid on a do for them. Part of the job.
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-WOMAN: Hiya. -Hi.
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WOMAN: How are you doing? MAN: Kiss everyone.
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If you ask me what vibe I'm going to lay down,
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it's gonna be a very much just a chill-out,
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let's-get-to-know-each-oth er type of vibe.
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-Nice to see you. -Good to see you.
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-He kisses everyone. It means less. -Yeah, yeah.
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DAVID: Jennifer's coming back, just to oversee the transition.
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Checking out the vibe in there.
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Very much holding Neil's hand. Daunting for him. Uh, sure.
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Oh, no. Oh, no. Dawn, you know I don't drink.
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Huh?
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Just do it and she gave me some wine, and I went, "No, I don't drink."
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Do you not drink?
201
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-So, it's a sure... -He says, do I "not drink"?
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MAN: Yeah, I...
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Yeah, he drinks.
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-Just a little bit. -I'm fine.
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All right, take a chair. Not literally.
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-Thank you. -Oh, oh, ladies first.
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Oh, here we go. Oh.
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All this stuff.
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-Yes, yes, it's worth the effort. -It's great.
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-Are you going to say a few words? -Just a few. Nothing much.
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Don't be nervous.
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Just keep it short. Bring me on. Enjoy the show.
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Okay.
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Some people are intimidated
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when talking to large numbers of people in an entertaining way.
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Not me, you know. I've had experience, so I'm...
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At one of the Coventry conferences, some of us put on a little revue.
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That was the main thing, and I did impressions
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of the conference coordinator, um, Eric Hitchmo.
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And, uh, he talks like this, and he always says one thing,
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"I don't agree with that in the workplace." Yes, ask them.
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And, um, I did him as famous people.
223
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Like the compere would go, "Lieutenant Columbo." And I'd come out in a mac.
224
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And I go, (IMITATING COLUMBO) "Yeah, one final thing, my wife loves you,
225
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(SWITCHES ACCENT) "but I don't agree with that in the workplace."
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That's great. And I did him as Basil Fawlty.
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(IMITATING BASIL FAWLTY) "I think I mentioned it once,
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"but I got away with it, and I don't agree with that in the workplace."
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And they were cracking up. And he loved it 'cause it was nothing vicious.
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You know, some "comedians" would have picked other stuff, you know, been more nasty.
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Like he's got a little withered hand, like Jeremy Beadle.
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I didn't mention it.
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No need.
234
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Okay. Hello, everyone. Um...
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For those who don't know me, my name's Neil Godwin.
236
00:11:35,934 --> 00:11:37,200
-Hello, Neil. -Hello.
237
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,133
For those of you that do know me, keep schtum.
238
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,868
(ALL CHUCKLING)
239
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,033
I'm a man of simple pleasures.
240
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:46,901
I don't need lovely houses, beautiful girls and classy restaurants,
241
00:11:46,968 --> 00:11:50,701
so it's a good job I moved to Slough.
242
00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:52,868
No, it's great to be in Slough, really it is.
243
00:11:52,934 --> 00:11:54,601
I've just spent a year in Beirut.
244
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:58,100
(PEOPLE LAUGH)
245
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:01,901
Now, I know David is feeling a bit worried about taking on all these new staff.
246
00:12:01,968 --> 00:12:05,400
Because as manager, it's gonna mean a lot more responsibility.
247
00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:08,467
He'll now have to delegate twice as much work.
248
00:12:08,534 --> 00:12:11,267
But there will be perks for him.
249
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:14,434
I'm sure he's looking forward to having a whole new group
250
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,234
-(LAUGHING) -MAN: Whoo!
251
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,334
Anyway, here's the man at the top of the pile, David Brent.
252
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,734
Thanks. Right.
253
00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:27,267
You know he was saying about me being at the top of a pile of men?
254
00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:29,934
Saying I'm gay. All right, I'm not gay.
255
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,667
In fact, I can honestly say I've never come over a little queer.
256
00:12:37,267 --> 00:12:39,500
Let's get to the real stuff.
257
00:12:39,567 --> 00:12:42,367
That was just... He was putting me on.
258
00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:45,834
Welcome to Slough, to the new people.
259
00:12:45,901 --> 00:12:47,868
Uh, my name's David Brent.
260
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,801
And um, I've always been in the paper industry.
261
00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:52,000
I don't know, yeah.
262
00:12:52,067 --> 00:12:54,167
My parents owned a paper shop,
263
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:56,901
until it blew away... 'Cause it was paper.
264
00:12:56,968 --> 00:13:00,267
There's better ones than that. Okay.
265
00:13:00,334 --> 00:13:03,300
Yeah, I'm not used to public squeaking.
266
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:05,801
And I pis-pronunciate a lot of my worms.
267
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,601
Ooh.
268
00:13:08,801 --> 00:13:10,200
D'you know, that's The Two Ronnies.
269
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,767
Did you not like that? That is classic stuff.
270
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:15,000
-(MOBILE RINGS) -Turn the phone off. That's part of it.
271
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:18,234
If you're not concentrating, you're not gonna enjoy it
272
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:19,434
Focus, okay?
273
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,801
Anyway, good to have you all here from Swindon.
274
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:25,467
'Cause I hear they dropped an atomic bomb on Swindon.
275
00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:28,367
About 15 quids' worth of damage.
276
00:13:28,434 --> 00:13:30,534
(CLEARS THROAT) Right. Okay.
277
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:32,968
Let's... Right.
278
00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,801
Oh, it's a good job Eric Hitchmo isn't here.
279
00:13:39,868 --> 00:13:41,434
'Cause you know what he'd say,
280
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,968
"I don't agree with that in the workplace." Wouldn't he?
281
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:48,734
Oh, imagine if Eric was a Los Angeles detective. Be a bit weird, wouldn't it?
282
00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:50,367
(IMITATING COLUMBO) "Um, yeah, one final thing,
283
00:13:50,434 --> 00:13:51,801
"my wife loves you, (SWITCHES ACCENT)
284
00:13:51,868 --> 00:13:53,567
"but I don't agree with that in the workplace." Wouldn't it?
285
00:13:53,634 --> 00:13:55,801
What's that, Eric? You've given up being a Los Angeles detective
286
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:58,601
and you started running a hotel in Torquay?
287
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:01,500
"Yes, don't mention the war. I mentioned it once,
288
00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:04,500
"but I think I got away with it (GIBBERISH) in the workplace!
289
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:08,267
"I don't agree with that in the workplace!"
290
00:14:08,334 --> 00:14:09,767
Do you not know who Eric Hitchmo is?
291
00:14:09,834 --> 00:14:12,300
Who's been to the Coventry conference?
292
00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:14,767
Right. So, do you not know Eric Hitchmo?
293
00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:16,701
Oh, yeah. But I didn't know he talked like that.
294
00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:19,567
DAVID: Talks exactly like that. Don't he, Gareth?
295
00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:21,534
I prefer the stuff you do about his little hand.
296
00:14:21,601 --> 00:14:23,200
I don't do stuff about his little hand.
297
00:14:23,267 --> 00:14:26,200
-Yeah, you do. The wanking claw. -(SOFTLY) No. I don't.
298
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,000
Has anyone ever heard of Harry Enfield?
299
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,467
Has anyone ever heard of Harry Enfield?
300
00:14:32,534 --> 00:14:34,300
-ALL: Yes. -Yes. Right.
301
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:37,167
Then, okay, then, who's this?
302
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,567
"I do not believe you wanted to do that!
303
00:14:41,634 --> 00:14:42,934
"Only me!"
304
00:14:50,267 --> 00:14:52,033
Oh, come on!
305
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,334
You try so hard, and that's...
306
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,934
(GRUNTS)
307
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,500
(CLEARS THROAT)
308
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,701
-Um, thank... Thanks, David. -Uh?
309
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:06,100
-Thanks. -Whatever. Just...
310
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:09,701
Okay. There's plenty of wine and snacks left through there.
311
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:12,701
So if you want to help yourself to anything else,
312
00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:14,133
come through.
313
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:15,834
Thanks, David.
314
00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:32,234
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
315
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:34,868
I see you've got the wheelchair.
316
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,367
I have, yeah.
317
00:15:37,534 --> 00:15:40,000
Hi, I've got a mate who's got a wheelchair.
318
00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:42,434
Well, not really a mate. I don't like him actually.
319
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:48,567
You know, I feel all right. I think so. Yeah.
320
00:15:48,634 --> 00:15:50,000
-It's good. It looks very smart. -Oh, cheers.
321
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,367
-Thank you. -It gives the right impression.
322
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,567
Thank you very much. Sorry, excuse me.
323
00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:57,801
Dawn, I've just realised you've been off reception
324
00:15:57,868 --> 00:16:01,400
Um, and I don't know if we're missing calls,
325
00:16:01,467 --> 00:16:03,801
-Can you... Could you check? -Mmm-hmm.
326
00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:06,000
-Could you check the messages? Is that all right? -Yeah.
327
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:07,801
Thanks very much, mate. Cheers.
328
00:16:07,868 --> 00:16:10,334
Um, nice. As long as it's comfy...
329
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:19,234
Hiya.
330
00:16:20,167 --> 00:16:22,400
Uh... (CLICKS TONGUE)
331
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:24,801
Lunchtime gigs, they're the worst, aren't they?
332
00:16:24,868 --> 00:16:27,234
I don't think Neil warmed you up, to be honest, you know.
333
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:30,434
That's why it went over. He's not a professional
334
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:31,834
He was funny, though.
335
00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:36,200
Yeah, but often an amateur will stitch up a professional.
336
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,968
Here's one I should've told you. Right.
337
00:16:38,033 --> 00:16:40,868
The Royal family, yeah, Christmas Day, had lunch.
338
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:43,334
Then Camilla goes, "Let's play a game. All right?
339
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,234
"Let's play 20 Questions. I'll think of something
340
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,701
"and you guys, guess what I'm thinking of."
341
00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:49,534
And what she's thinking of is a black man's cock. Right?
342
00:16:49,601 --> 00:16:52,033
So, Charles goes, "Uh, is it big in the bread bin?"
343
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:53,934
She goes, "Yes." Uh?
344
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,934
Philip goes, "Can I put it in my mouth?" She goes, "Yes."
345
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,534
So the Queen goes, "Is it a black..." Hiya.
346
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:00,434
Hi.
347
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,567
Sorry, were you telling a joke?
348
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:05,367
No, that was it.
349
00:17:05,434 --> 00:17:07,300
What did the Queen say?
350
00:17:08,033 --> 00:17:09,968
Didn't...
351
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:12,667
Come on, what was the joke?
352
00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:14,367
It's about the Royal family playing 20 Questions.
353
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:18,467
Oh, yeah, it's not the black man's cock one, is it?
354
00:17:18,534 --> 00:17:21,267
It might be, but I don't... Bad, innit?
355
00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:23,767
No. It's all right. It's funny.
356
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,634
Harmless. Well done.
357
00:17:28,868 --> 00:17:30,868
Have you all met the, uh... This little lady?
358
00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:32,200
This lady?
359
00:17:37,834 --> 00:17:40,167
Well, it's a shame this had to happen on Neil's first day,
360
00:17:40,234 --> 00:17:43,033
but... (SIGHS) Well, I've just had a complaint from one of the new intake.
361
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,334
DAVID: What complaint?
362
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,667
I can't believe that you think the way to welcome people is by telling racist
363
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:52,701
Wrong. No way. But he'd heard it before. Right?
364
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:55,033
He thought it was funny, so I don't see why he's complaining now.
365
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:57,634
He? It was a woman.
366
00:17:57,701 --> 00:18:01,334
I thought... I assumed it was the new guy.
367
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,734
Whoever it was, is wrong. 'Cause it isn't racist.
368
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:05,267
What is it then?
369
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:06,934
-What, the joke? -Mmm, the gist of it.
370
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,234
Won't be funny now, will it?
371
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:11,100
I don't care. What's the content?
372
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:13,300
Royal family sitting at home, Christmas Day.
373
00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:15,801
And Camilla goes, "Well, let's play a game.
374
00:18:15,868 --> 00:18:18,133
"I'll think of something. And you have to guess what I'm thinking of."
375
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:23,300
And what she's actually thinking of is a black man's cock.
376
00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:28,033
So, Charles goes, "Is it big in the bread bin?" Camilla goes, "Yeah."
377
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,901
So, Philip goes, "Can I put it in my mouth?" Camilla goes, "Yeah."
378
00:18:31,968 --> 00:18:35,400
So the Queen goes, "Oh, is it a black man's cock?"
379
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:39,267
And he's heard it before. So that's the sort of... Yeah.
380
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,534
I can see why someone would find that offensive.
381
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:47,834
It's not racist though, is it? I didn't say anything bad
382
00:18:47,901 --> 00:18:49,534
It's about a black man's cock.
383
00:18:49,601 --> 00:18:51,934
Why is that racist? It just happens to be a black man's cock.
384
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:54,200
No, you're using the ethnic stereotype
385
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,667
that black men have large penises
386
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,834
because you think that makes it funnier.
387
00:18:57,901 --> 00:19:00,067
It's not an insult though, is it? It's a compliment if anything.
388
00:19:00,133 --> 00:19:02,033
So, what you're saying is that
389
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,067
black people ought to be flattered
390
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:05,767
that their only achievement in this world is having oversized genitalia?
391
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:08,801
-I'm saying they shouldn't be ashamed of 'em. -It's a myth.
392
00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:13,100
I don't know, Jennifer. I could show you a magazine, where literally...
393
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:14,834
Could you?
394
00:19:14,901 --> 00:19:17,934
Well, I haven't got it with me, but when you're next in.
395
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:23,934
I could change it. I could just say "big cock". Not mention the colour.
396
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,767
Well, you could, or you could save those jokes for your free time
397
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:29,901
and not tell them in the workplace.
398
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,601
It was his joke. He told me it.
399
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,234
Yeah, whatever, David. Let's leave it there.
400
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,334
You've heard my opinion on the matter.
401
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,067
Now, shall we go back outside?
402
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,934
Yeah. (CLEARS THROAT)
403
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,534
(SIGHS) She's right to be careful,
404
00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:46,133
'cause some of them can be a little bit sensitive, you know, so...
405
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,500
Sorry, who's insensitive?
406
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:51,801
Some people can take things the wrong way.
407
00:19:51,868 --> 00:19:55,400
-Sure. Uh-huh. -Oh, as an actress said to a bishop.
408
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:58,000
And that's not a gay stereotype, the wrong way.
409
00:19:58,067 --> 00:20:01,400
I'm not saying that is the wrong way. I'm saying it's a way.
410
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:03,534
Some women like it the wrong way, don't they?
411
00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:06,267
And they're straight. It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay, you know.
412
00:20:06,334 --> 00:20:09,734
A lot of people are. And one in 10, apparently. That seems
413
00:20:09,801 --> 00:20:13,067
But, you know, you might be gay. If you are, good luck to ya.
414
00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:16,834
You know, just, just make sure it's legal, and be safe. Okay?
415
00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:23,200
That's it, see,
416
00:20:23,267 --> 00:20:26,200
a lot of people can't keep up with
417
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,334
what words are acceptable these days and what words aren't.
418
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,334
Uh, it's like my dad, for example.
419
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,500
He's not as cosmopolitan or as educated as me.
420
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:39,234
And it can be embarrassing,
421
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,567
you know, he doesn't understand all the new trendy words,
422
00:20:41,634 --> 00:20:45,100
like he'll say "poofs" instead of "gays".
423
00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:48,467
Um, "birds" instead of "women".
424
00:20:48,534 --> 00:20:51,400
"Darkies" instead of "coloureds".
425
00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:53,968
Um...
426
00:20:54,033 --> 00:20:55,901
(INDISTINCT CHATTING)
427
00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,367
All right, Tim?
428
00:21:05,434 --> 00:21:07,667
Yes, thanks, Keith.
429
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:10,467
-Hiya. Mmm. -Sorry, I didn't mean to...
430
00:21:10,534 --> 00:21:12,701
I've got a T-shirt with "pot my pink" on it.
431
00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:15,567
-You play snooker? -Not... Not... Not that way.
432
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:20,334
-So it's, um, Rachel, isn't it? -Tim.
433
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,767
-Well done. -Gareth Keenan.
434
00:21:21,834 --> 00:21:23,634
-Gareth Keenan. -Hiya.
435
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,167
Keith.
436
00:21:28,434 --> 00:21:29,968
Thanks very much. Good luck.
437
00:21:30,033 --> 00:21:33,300
-Hey, Jenny. So, you've met Oliver? -Yes.
438
00:21:33,367 --> 00:21:36,367
Yeah, good lad. We were having a laugh earlier, weren't we?
439
00:21:36,434 --> 00:21:38,334
-What? Oh, yeah. -Yeah.
440
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,133
Did you like that joke I told about the Royal family?
441
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,334
-Oh, yeah, I mean, it was funny. -Oh, yeah.
442
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,667
David, we've talked about this. I think I made myself perfectly clear.
443
00:21:45,734 --> 00:21:47,434
Yep, interesting.
444
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:48,534
-I'll see you later, David. Goodbye. -Yeah, yeah.
445
00:21:48,601 --> 00:21:51,500
-Goodbye. -Goodbye.
446
00:21:51,567 --> 00:21:53,467
She should chill out a bit more, shouldn't she?
447
00:21:53,534 --> 00:21:55,934
Maybe a bit of the old (BLOWING) ganja.
448
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,901
Do you know what I mean? Course you do. Oh!
449
00:21:58,968 --> 00:22:00,267
Meetings would be a bit different. Wouldn't it?
450
00:22:00,334 --> 00:22:02,767
"Uh, yes, David, I've called this meeting
451
00:22:02,834 --> 00:22:07,834
"'cause I want you to go down the 24-hour garage and get me some HobNobs." Wouldn't it?
452
00:22:09,334 --> 00:22:11,634
All right. Like Scooby-Doo, all the Scooby snacks,
453
00:22:11,701 --> 00:22:13,234
'cause he's got the munchies, didn't he?
454
00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:16,133
More like Scooby-Doo, dooby-dooby-doo.
455
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,667
(IMITATING SCOOBY-DOO) Shaggy!
456
00:22:17,734 --> 00:22:20,767
I was not advocating the use of drugs.
457
00:22:20,834 --> 00:22:23,234
I was talking to someone on their level
458
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:26,934
'cause I can communicate with people from all walks of life.
459
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,801
-Do you want one? -Mmm.
460
00:22:29,667 --> 00:22:30,734
Snacks.
461
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:34,234
So when did you come up?
462
00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:35,601
Um, Saturday.
463
00:22:35,667 --> 00:22:39,000
Mmm. Saturday.
464
00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:42,467
Um, was it your mum or your boyfriend or whatever, drove you? Or...
465
00:22:42,534 --> 00:22:45,734
-No. My brother came up with me. -Okay.
466
00:22:45,801 --> 00:22:46,934
Have you got a lot of ties in Swindon,
467
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,834
or are you starting again up here?
468
00:22:49,901 --> 00:22:51,734
I'll be... I'll be going back weekends.
469
00:22:51,801 --> 00:22:53,367
Oh, right. Okay.
470
00:22:54,434 --> 00:22:55,667
So...
471
00:22:55,734 --> 00:22:58,234
Sorry, so have you got a boyfriend or not?
472
00:22:59,767 --> 00:23:01,400
Uh, no, I haven't.
473
00:23:02,968 --> 00:23:04,500
Uh, I think I left my drink.
474
00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:09,567
-I'm just gonna... Okay. -Okay, yeah, see you in a bit.
475
00:23:09,634 --> 00:23:13,801
Tim, I know you don't mean to, but you're sort of cramping my style a bit.
476
00:23:13,868 --> 00:23:17,434
-What? -I'm kind of planning to get off with her. So...
477
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:20,334
Are you jok... Gareth, what if I liked her?
478
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,767
I saw her first, mate.
479
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,534
And how does that work?
480
00:23:27,901 --> 00:23:31,100
So you've won the argument doing that, then? Yeah, of course.
481
00:23:31,167 --> 00:23:32,367
That's won the argument.
482
00:23:43,934 --> 00:23:45,100
(SIGHS)
483
00:23:46,067 --> 00:23:47,334
Ah, the room's nice.
484
00:23:50,934 --> 00:23:52,267
-Hi. -Hiya.
485
00:23:52,334 --> 00:23:54,100
They came for the package.
486
00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:55,801
-Oh, they came, did they? Good. That's good. -Good. No problem.
487
00:23:55,868 --> 00:23:57,300
Cool.
488
00:23:57,367 --> 00:23:59,300
I'm so bored.
489
00:23:59,367 --> 00:24:03,500
-Are you? All right. Okay. -Do you want to wind up Gareth for a bit?
490
00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:07,100
Um, well, no. I don't think we should. He's a bit busy. So...
491
00:24:07,534 --> 00:24:09,200
So?
492
00:24:09,267 --> 00:24:11,200
So am I, Dawn, actually.
493
00:24:12,133 --> 00:24:13,734
So should you be.
494
00:24:21,434 --> 00:24:23,434
Is that what you're going?
495
00:24:24,334 --> 00:24:26,067
A few things, then.
496
00:24:48,167 --> 00:24:50,234
Um, Dawn, hello.
497
00:24:50,300 --> 00:24:51,801
Uh... Just I've been checking my diary.
498
00:24:51,868 --> 00:24:54,934
I've been overlooking something. So have you, actually.
499
00:24:55,133 --> 00:24:59,267
There's a 20-minute window I've got here, it says to wind up Gareth with Dawn.
500
00:24:59,334 --> 00:25:02,167
-So, shall we do that? Shall we? -Mmm.
501
00:25:03,801 --> 00:25:06,534
(CLEARS THROAT) This way please, madam.
502
00:25:06,601 --> 00:25:08,267
MAN 1: Oh, no, please. I'm not in the mood.
503
00:25:08,334 --> 00:25:09,934
MAN 1: I'm working. MAN 2: Just a quick one.
504
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,534
Did you see that film last night, Gaylords Say No?
505
00:25:12,601 --> 00:25:14,534
-No. -(TIM AND DAWN LAUGH)
506
00:25:24,601 --> 00:25:29,167
Sorry, um, can I have a quick word with everyone?
507
00:25:29,234 --> 00:25:35,334
Um, I'm mainly talking to the Swindon lot here.
508
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,234
Some of you seem to have got off on the wrong foot with me. Yeah?
509
00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:43,334
I don't think, you know, you didn't like some of the jokes I told earlier.
510
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,968
You've got to chill out. Yeah? Trust me.
511
00:25:46,033 --> 00:25:47,567
This is what I do.
512
00:25:48,601 --> 00:25:50,467
All right?
513
00:25:50,534 --> 00:25:54,834
You will never work in a place like this again. This is brilliant. Fact. Yeah?
514
00:25:54,901 --> 00:25:56,801
And you'll never have another boss like me,
515
00:25:56,868 --> 00:25:59,834
someone who's actually a chilled-out entertainer. Yeah?
516
00:25:59,901 --> 00:26:03,968
Now, some of you maybe didn't understand the jokes,
517
00:26:04,033 --> 00:26:07,300
I was making and misinterpreted one, and went to Jennifer. Okay.
518
00:26:07,367 --> 00:26:10,667
Um, little bit annoyed that you thought that you'd go to Jennifer and not me.
519
00:26:10,734 --> 00:26:14,434
Who was it that complained? And it's not a witch hunt. Just who was it that...
520
00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:17,701
Okay? Who? Two of you. Good. Right.
521
00:26:17,767 --> 00:26:22,734
You... Um, why did you think you'd go to Jennifer but not me?
522
00:26:22,801 --> 00:26:23,934
-'Cause I didn't know you and I didn't like... -Sure.
523
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,200
-...the kind of joke you were telling.
524
00:26:26,267 --> 00:26:28,500
And I don't think somebody in your position should be laughing at black people.
525
00:26:28,567 --> 00:26:32,634
It's funny that only two of you thought that out of everyone, but, you know...
526
00:26:32,701 --> 00:26:35,734
-Um, I didn't like it either. -Right, proves my point.
527
00:26:35,801 --> 00:26:38,267
Swindon. You're new. You don't know me.
528
00:26:38,334 --> 00:26:39,968
I'm not new and I found it quite offensive.
529
00:26:40,033 --> 00:26:41,200
Right. Well, he didn't.
530
00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:42,968
WOMAN: But what's he got to do with it?
531
00:26:43,167 --> 00:26:46,300
Well, if he doesn't mind us laughing at him, what harm's
532
00:26:46,367 --> 00:26:51,300
But why is it that only black people should be offended by racism?
533
00:26:51,367 --> 00:26:55,467
Good point. Yeah. First sensible thing you've said all day. Yeah.
534
00:26:55,534 --> 00:27:00,367
Because I say, "Come one, come all. We're all the same." Yeah? That's...
535
00:27:00,434 --> 00:27:03,934
So is that why you've only got one black guy in the whole organisation?
536
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,934
Wrong. Yeah? Indian fellow in the warehouse.
537
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,767
And there used to be one Indian fellow who used to work up here.
538
00:27:09,834 --> 00:27:12,934
Lovely chap. He left. Didn't like it. Up to him. You know.
539
00:27:13,133 --> 00:27:16,868
If I had my way, the place'd be full of them, wouldn't it, Gareth?
540
00:27:16,934 --> 00:27:17,901
Yeah, well, half and half.
541
00:27:17,968 --> 00:27:19,434
DAVID: Yeah.
542
00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:21,100
You are half and half, aren't you?
543
00:27:21,167 --> 00:27:23,234
-I'm mixed race, yes. -Uh.
544
00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:26,267
That is my favourite. Yeah. That is what I'm trying to...
545
00:27:26,334 --> 00:27:29,167
That's the melting pot, please.
546
00:27:29,234 --> 00:27:31,968
So, there's your "racist" for you.
547
00:27:33,167 --> 00:27:34,267
So...
548
00:27:49,968 --> 00:27:52,901
-He did. He said melting pot! Oh, my God. -He didn't.
549
00:27:52,968 --> 00:27:56,267
-He did. Oh, my God. -He didn't actually do the fingers.
550
00:27:56,334 --> 00:27:58,834
Oh, let's... Come on, let's just get on.
551
00:27:58,901 --> 00:28:00,701
DAWN: Yeah, it just... TIM: Come on, please. Let's love each...
552
00:28:00,767 --> 00:28:04,734
# What David needs is a great, big melting pot #
553
00:28:05,968 --> 00:28:07,033
Lee!
554
00:28:07,767 --> 00:28:09,000
All right.
555
00:28:14,534 --> 00:28:15,434
Dawn...
556
00:28:19,734 --> 00:28:20,934
(SIGHS)
557
00:28:26,133 --> 00:28:27,400
All right.
558
00:28:28,801 --> 00:28:30,100
(CLEARS THROAT)
559
00:28:34,601 --> 00:28:35,534
Phew!
560
00:28:42,801 --> 00:28:45,067
# So what becomes of you, my love
561
00:28:48,601 --> 00:28:53,234
# When they have finally stripped you of
562
00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:55,701
# The handbags and the gladrags
563
00:28:55,767 --> 00:29:00,701
# That your granddad had to sweat so you could buy #
42221
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