All language subtitles for The Office - 8x06 - Doomsday.HDTV.DIMENSION.en

Hey, everybody!
It's closing time!

You all gotta go home but
you can stay here.

♪ Closing time ♪

Every office needs an end
of the day tradition.

Something that tells you
that the day is over.

Otherwise, you go home and the night
just feels like more day, it's weird.

- ♪ Closing time ♪
- Tell me that you're okay.

♪ One last call... ♪

♪ so finish your whiskey
and beer ♪

Oh, my boss is singing
closing time.

Maybe that's what
you're hearing.

- Come on, Pam!
- Okay.

♪ Closing time ♪

♪ time for you to go home
to the places you will be from ♪

Let's see. Andy has been
manager for 105 days.

Which means I've heard
closing time

105 times.

Still don't know the words.

♪ Ah wah dah wah home
and home and home ♪

♪ I know who I want
to take me home ♪

♪ I know who I want
to take home ♪

♪ I know who I want
to take home ♪

♪ take me home ♪

You know what?
Fine!

I try to start fun traditions
for you guys,

but if you don't wanna sing,
no traditions!

♪ Closing time ♪

♪ every new beginning ♪

I never heard that song before.

And once I heard it,
I did not care for it.

But that songs means
it's time to go home.

Now it's my favorite song.

♪ every new beginning ♪

♪ comes from some other
beginning's end ♪

Good night.

visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com

- Who's your favorite iron chef?
- This report is atrocious.

You go first.

The ticketing software
paints a picture

of a sloppy, careless,
error-prone office.

Well, the monitoring software
is a double-edged sword.

- Sometimes the infer--
- Sorry. Go ahead.

Mm-hmm.

Did you need something from us?

Yes.

Your attention.

Uh, because...

No. That is all.

Last night,
I dreamed that the number two

was the most valued number
in the world.

The vice president had
all the power,

athletes fought
for silver medals.

Women were considered
the best gender.

And stadiums of fans
shouted "we're number 2!"

As with all my dreams,

I'm guessing it was
about my fear of immigrants.

Last week, an accounting
mistake resulted

in a client getting
their order for free.

Oof! That's not good.

Chalk that one up to tweedle Dee
and tweedle dum out there.

Who are they?

They're both Kevin.

Oscar is the
sex and the city gang.

And Angela,
if you can picture--

Sometimes I feel like you
don't know me at all.

I would agree with that.

Simply end the mistakes.

End the mistakes.
Easy.

When I come back next week
and this report

show me no mistakes,

we can talk about names
all day.

Our favorite names,
silly made-up names,

normal names said
in a silly voice.

Wouldn't that be nice?

- I would like that.
- End the mistakes.

That's all I ask.

And you can't have a favorite
iron chef.

It depends entirely
on the secret ingredient.

Sometimes I feel
you don't know food at all.

I'm just saying
with the NBA lock-out,

I think roller derby's in
a really good place right now.

So my pitch is
me, Pam, you, and someone else--

- Maybe justine.
- Bah!

Nope. Not justine.

Never justine.

- Is that off again?
- Oh, yeah.

- Okay.
- Hey.

Mandatory warehouse
safety meeting today.

Uh, we don't really do those.
We just sign the thing.

Are you really this lazy?

I'll be there.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Mondays suck.

Yep.

I'm just trying to--

Thanks.

I may have a little solution
to our mistakes problem.

This is a project
I've been working on

for quite some time.

And today might be the day
to use it.

What do you got?

Allow me.

You're gonna love this.

Ah, I should've used
a shorter string.

Never mind.
I know it by heart.

It is a system
that holds people accountable

for everyone else's work.

Sounds controversial.

Have I not been worthy
of your trust?

Have I not been
a reliable number two?

Do not go there!

You're the deuce
I never wanna drop.

Well, I can make this work.

I'll set it up right now.
I just need your go-ahead.

Go do the voodoo
and you do so well.

- I will do my voodoo.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I need you to get
the paperwork rolling

on a new workplace
relationship.

- For you?
- Yes, for Gabe.

Who are you seeing?
That's great.

Whom I'm seeing is Val
from down in the warehouse.

Oh.

I'm not technically seeing
her, but I've seen her--

with the eyes--
and there was attraction

in at least one direction. So...

You know, I don't have
to do paperwork

unless you're actually dating.

Okay, well, once this starts,
it's gonna be moving fast.

It's gonna be hot and heavy,

and I don't want a bunch of
bureaucratic red tape

wrapped around my jock,
you know?

But I mean,
have you talked to her?

Yeah, we had a whole
conversation about mondays.

Do you know her last name yet?

Toby, I'm gonna tell you
her last name tomorrow

because she's gonna be
screaming it tonight.

She's gonna be screaming
her own last name?

Hey. Watch it.

Good luck, Gabe.

- Hi, guys.
- Hi.

I just wanna say that you all

- have been doing amazing work, really.
- Thank you.

And I'd like to add that your
work has been a little sloppy.

So Dwight and I have implemented
a new program

that we like to call--
Dwight?

The accountability booster.

It registers every time
a mistake has been made

in the office,

from a late delivery to
an accounting error.

Five strikes in a day
equals a homerun.

One home run and you're out.

If we as a group make
five mistakes in a day,

something bad happens,
like we block mindsweeper.

Or in this case,

an email gets sent
to Robert California containing

the consultant's report
from last year.

Remember the one that
recommended

the branch be shut down?

And as a failsafe
also every negative email

you've ever written about him
to the group

will also be forwarded to him.

What emails
are you talking about?

"Robert's favorite songs,
Creep by TLC,

Creep by Radiohead."

Remember that one, Jim?

Uh, "there's no way
he hasn't strangled

at least one stripper."

Oscar.

"He eats his yogurt
like he is punishing it

for disappoint him."
Kelly.

That's not that bad actually.

"P.S. We should kill him."

Wait, so you installed
a doomsday device?

No, it's an accountability
booster.

Which when it goes off,
it destroys everything

very similar
to a doomsday device.

Jim, you're trying
to make me sound like

some kind of evil maniac.

The point is is that we are now
working in an environment

where we have accountability
to each other.

I am confident that you guys
are equal to the task.

- Um, no, we're not.
- No.

And you are a psycho
who is ruining our lives.

We can't do this, Dwight.
Look around.

Smile.

Nod. Smile and nod.

They're making me out to be
a Bond villain.

I like to think of myself
as a brilliant scientist

who will stop nothing
to remake the world...

Like...

Not Dr. Moreau.
Someone good.

Dr. Frankenstein.

Dr. Jekyll.
Not them.

Doctor...

Are you sure that this
is a good idea?

I mean, that thing
about this office is

we make a lot of mistakes.

But the device
will change that.

Without a safety net,
people will improve.

All right, everybody.

Looks like we need to be
getting to work.

Be extra careful,
double check everything.

Or the accountability booster
will getcha.

This doomsday device sounds
like a scare tactic to me.

There's an easy way to tell
if this device is a sham.

We just make a mistake.

I'll send an order down
to shipping

before we've received payment.

Oh! There's one mistake.

Now we only have four strikes
left until a homerun.

Dwight's our co-worker
and he worked really hard

on this doomsday device.

It's not a doomsday device.
Gosh!

We can do this, you guys.

- First!
- Second.

It's not a race.

Thirrr--
Third.

Who knows what the belt is for?

It's for protecting my ass
when you suckers lift more

than you can handle.

'Sup. I'm Gabe.
Corporate.

Continue.
Don't be nervous.

Apparently, we have a visitor.

- Gabe, everyone.
- Hi, Gabe!

All right, so the support belt.

Now this one is mine.
Doesn't get much use nowadays.

Look at this.
This is enormous.

Oh.

I got the sense that Val enjoys
a good put-down.

Considering that's the only
thing I know about her,

I will be milking that hard.

It's like a hula hoop.
Right?

♪ Mele kalikimaka
is Hawaii's way ♪

You done?

The Michelin man called.
He wants his cummerbund back.

Remember we have to give
Regal Escrow

their refund by five.

I'm on it.

Kevin,
maybe I should handle that.

We really need you to focus
on your project.

Good thinking.

Apparently a big client
for this company

needs to know the story
of how paper gets made.

Oscar, use a calculator.

When the stake are this high,
there's only one computer

that I trust, and it's powered
by thai food and spanish reds.

All right, everybody,
you're doing great!

Well, I wouldn't say that.

Three mistakes already
is pretty terrible.

But I do see improvement.

Meredith kept someone on hold
for 30 minutes,

and now look--
She's hard at work.

- Dwight, question.
- No questions.

If this doomsday device
goes off--

Accountability booster.

If this bad idea goes off
and we all lose our jobs,

are you gonna feel good
about that?

I haven't even considered it.

That's how sure I am that
this accountability booster

is gonna work.

Try mose 1234.

Dwight would never be
that obvious.

Try something like, um, z64$8.

Not that exactly, Jim.
Something like that.

Okay.

How about
"Scranton strangler 666"?

- Nope.
- No? Oh. Shoot.

You guys are never

gonna shut down
the machine, okay?

But I appreciate your energy
and your teamwork.

You apply this
to your regular work,

you won't even notice
that the device is there,

watching you, ready to strike.

What's Dwight's mother's name?

Um, Hedda.

No.

Once you've ready the packet,
sign the back.

Hey, Darryl,
I was thinking, um,

maybe while
we read through this, uh,

you could grab us all
some coffee. My treat.

A $100 bill.

Should cover it, I think.

Don't bring me any of that
caramel soy latte crap, okay?

I want a decaf frappuccino.

Val?

Actually, Val,
why don't you come with?

I'll need the extra hands
to carry them back.

- Yeah. Sure.
- Uh...

Mm-hmm.

Caramel soy latte.

- No, a decaf frap.
- Got it.

You sent the late notice
to Rinehart and Wolfe, right?

Mm-hmm.
640, 620.

670, 620.

- Uh-uh.
- Yes.

588 plus 15%.

Oh, no.

What does this mean?

What does it mean?

Guh.
That's five strikes.

Well, I was saving this
for my retirement,

which I guess is today.

Dwight, we got five strikes.

Really?

Did the email go out, or--?

It goes out
automatically at 5:00 P.M.

There's got to be
a way to stop it.

Well, I would have
to enter my password

in order to cancel it.

Okay. Dwight, you may now
enter your password.

- No.
- What?

You don't deserve
to have this branch.

Five mistakes
in less than a day?

We did our best.

No, you didn't, Phyllis.

You complained the whole time.

You yelled at me,

you tried to break
into the machine.

What?

You're a real crumb bum,
you know that?

Hey, you can't just change
the rules

because you don't
like the outcome.

What about you, Kevin?

What about you
and your fake task?

Can you tell me now
where paper comes from?

Uh...The man tree
puts his penis--

Okay, all right.
Andy, back me up here please.

- No.
- What?

No!

Dwight, be human for once.
Shut down the machine.

Shut it down!
Shut it down!

Shut down the machine!
Shut it down!

Good luck finding a new job,
idiots.

I'll make sure to write you
a glowing reference.

Glowingly negative.

Dwight's car is gone.
I bet he went home.

Some of us should go there

and try to talk some sense
into him.

Get him to stop that email.

Pam, you should come with me.

Dwight really likes you
and...Your breasts are enormous.

That can help us.

- Kevin has that lovability.
- Guys, come on.

I'm right here.

Jim, I want you
to go find Robert.

Just be where he is in case
that email goes out at 5:00.

You can try to delete it
or something.

Okay, where is he?

He's at some club
where you either

eat squash or play squash.

I'll try both.

Oh. Did you come to reason
with me?

Got you something.

And, uh, I just really wanna
talk to you.

Get lost.

Well, now hold on.

What are you doing?

What does it look like
I'm doing?

Digging a grave for a horse.

Um...

Do you need a hand?

Yeah, you need a hand?

If you hit another horse,
you dug too far.

I'll see you next week, Will.

Robert?

Jim, what are you--

What a surprise!

Yeah, well, you know,
just had a meeting--

Squash meeting.

Yeah?

You up for a game?

A game or a match?

Exactly.
Here we go.

Let's do it.

Are you okay, Kevin?

Where you going?

In.
I'm hungry.

Uh, could we come in too?
Just for some water?

Okay. Take off your shoes.

Except you, Kevin.
They stay on.

Oh, wow. I forgot
how pretty your house is.

This is the newest addition

built by Erasmus Schrute
in 1808.

It doubled as a tuberculosis
recovery room until 2009.

That's too much doodle
and not enough lab.

Yeah, when are they gonna do
a labradoodle that's just lab?

That's what I'm saying.

Hey.

- You're welcome.
- Thanks for the coffee.

So tonight I was thinking
I'm gonna go to the cemetery,

I'm gonna drink a little wine,

and I thought maybe you'd like
to come with me.

Are you asking me on a date?

Yes, I am.

Because I don't date coworkers.

It's not personal.
It's a matter of policy.

I could quit.
Problem solved.

Don't quit.

Good policy.
It's sensible, smart.

All right, serving.

Serving, serving, serving.

- In the box.
- In the box.

Why haven't we heard anything?

It's 4:45.

There's only 15 minutes left.

Oh, now you can do math?

Where were you two hours ago,
beautiful mind?

I made a mistake.
I'm sorry!

I know how to save
the company, everyone.

Just write a petition.

Get everyone's signature,
including our clients.

March down to Florida...

And shove it up your butt.

It's not that funny.

Oh, Pam, you got something
on your shirt.

Oh!

Oh, well.

Pobody's nerfect, right?

Did you just have a stroke,
Pam?

It's nobody's perfect.

Nice stroke, Pam.

No, it's a jokey saying.
Pobody's nerfect?

Like, I can't even say
those words right.

I haven't heard that before.
That's-- that's funny.

Dwight, there's just
the small matter of--

You know what would go
so great with this cabbage pie?

Milk.

Any specific animal?

- I'm thinking cow.
- Don't say cow. Ugh.

What are you doing?
It's five to five.

Just don't talk about
the email, okay?

He's gonna cancel it
on his own.

- I really think he will.
- That's insane.

Just trust me.

Trust you like I trusted
Dwight this morning?

I got this.

Thanks for everything.

Sive drafely.

Isn't it supposed to be
drive safely?

Is that my phone?

Sounded like mine.

No, I think it's mine.
Let me just check real quick.

All right.

Oh, it's mine.
You took it out of my bag.

Oh. Woop.
Yeah.

- Can I have it?
- Yes.

- Right now?
- Yes.

- Here you go.
- Whoa, no, wait, wait, whoa!

- Oh, man, I'm sorry.
- What the [Bleep]?

- Sorry.
- Jesus.

Did it break?

- No, it's good.
- Are you sure?

- Yeah.
- What kinda iPhone is that?

It's the standard one.
The one everyone has.

Oh, yeah, I have the one
that nobody has.

Anything interesting?

It depends, Jim.

Do you find one-day only

Jetblue sales to Buffalo
interesting?

No, I don't.

No...I...Don't.

All right.

Well...I am sore,
and obviously horrible at this.

My serve!

Dwight stopped the device.

He stopped it!

Oh, we still have our jobs.

They're not my favorite people
in the world.

I wouldn't even
call them friends.

They come over here,
eat my pie,

dig the crappiest horse grave
you've ever seen.

God, I'm gonna have to work
with them forever, aren't I?

Just take it easy.
Nice and easy.

Ah!

Classic, right?

- Ooh.
- I'm all right.

- You all right?
- Yep.

- Skinned knee.
- Yep.

Agh. Oh.

Put a little ice on that maybe.

Yeah.

- That does not feel good.
- Okay, my serve.